Latest 7: No. 405

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t h e city magazine for brighton & h o v e www.thelatest.co.uk

★ jobs ★ news ★ food ★ listings ★ tv guide ★ 6 – 12 January 2008

FREE WEEKLY

fresh start new year resolutions to change your life

2009 forecast the cheeky boys gaze into their crystal ball

fighting fit get the body you want for 2009 with brighton health and racquets club page 9

wonderful wizard brighton’s brilliant show reviewed

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Contents

Welcome

★ latest jobs 4

Welcome to our first issue of 2009. It might be the quietest month for our local arts and nightlife, but Brighton and Hove still has more going on than most UK cities and towns at any time of year. In this as every issue, we have hundreds of listings of gigs, comedy nights, art exhibitions, club events and stage shows.

As we start the new year you might be thinking about how you can improve your life and achieve the things you’ve always wanted.

If you dream of getting fit, losing weight and gaining energy and a new social circle, you might want to think about joining Brighton Health and Racquets Club. Turn to page 9 to find out more about Esporta’s stunning refurbished Brighton sports centre.

We also have a five-page New Year’s Resolutions feature so you can plan how to start that diet, quit smoking, learn yoga and change your lifestyle. For our ‘new year, new you’ special, see page 10. It includes diet tips from Zara Baker, who explains how you can enjoy the foods you like while still shedding the pounds (p14).

Did you catch Theatre Royal Brighton’s Christmas show this year? Their choice to dump traditional panto for a live version of The Wizard of Oz was a daring one, but did they pull it off? See page 19 for Andrew Kay’s candid review.

Some of us might be a bit nervous about what the year ahead will bring, but in our news section we have a bit of reassurance. In her weekly column, city council leader Mary Mears explains what the council can offer you as a resident or business person to ease the effects of the recession (p7). On the same page, learn how VisitBrighton is working hard to attract European holidaymakers and their spending money to our city. And for some light relief, see Bare Cheek’s month-by-month account of what will happen in Brighton and Hove before the year is out (p8).

In art, Jeff Hemmings previews a photographic exhibition that looks in detail at Brighton’s slums – the substandard town centre housing that was demolished in the 1920s and 1930s when new homes were built in Whitehawk and Moulsecoomb (p18). Also on that page, read about Victoria Nangle’s New Year’s Resolution to stage a series of charity comedy gigs in Brighton.

Many estate agents are saying 2009 is the best year in a long time to buy a property.

In Latest Homes this week, we have a selection of the hottest homes on the market and an offer from Mishon Mackay to take you round all of their new developments in a single day (p11).

This is the last of our Christmas issues, so check out next week’s magazine for the return of the rest of our columnists after their festive break and for new columns, more listings and a packed magazine. Happy new year.

4 Find a new job or retrain at City College Brighton and Hove

★latest upfront 5-8 5 CelebCity’s Jo Brooks wonders what star treats 2009 will bring

6 Social diary: Tim popped down to the opening of new treatment room SPACE at Neo Hotel – why not spoil yourself?

6 Dani packs in her day job and doesn’t look back

★ latest listings 17–33 17 Reviews and listings index James, The Zutons, Brian Gittens and friends and Krater Comedy Club

18 Comedy Victoria makes a resolution to use her skills for good, not evil

05

18 Art The slums of Brighton revisited

19 Stage Andrew extols the achievements of Theatre Royal Brighton’s Wizard of Oz

20 Film

★ latest news 7-8

Given up booze/fags/dancing? Try the pictures instead

21 Music 7 European tourism boost for Brighton and Hove and a chance to make your mark on the Kemp Town community

7 Mary Mears explains how the council

Nick Aldwinckle chats with New York Doll biographer Nina Antonia Brighton Latest Download Chart

TOP

40

is working to help you in 2009

8 Bare Cheek predictions: what will make the headlines this year?

★ latest lifestyle 9–16

23 Club and music listings

09

Credit crunch? January blues? Music solves everything

25 Gay Seven days on the scene

9 On the cover: improve your life and join Brighton Health and Racquets Club

10 Make a fresh start: how to achieve your new year’s resolutions

26 Television The week ahead on the box, the best TV films and Dani mourns her favourite shows

14 Health: Zara’s diet tips 15 Hotlist: the best places to eat in town

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01273

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Editorial: editorial@thelatest.co.uk Advertising: lynne@thelatest.co.uk Managing Editor Bill Smith

Production Editor Victoria Nangle

Business Director Angi Mariani

Editor Rachel Pegg

Creative Director Andrew Kay

Assistant Editor Zara Baker

Production Director Fiona McTernan

Music Editor Jeff Hemmings

Finance Manager Sharon Caple

Chief Sub Editor Alison Swann

Art Director Stephen King

Listings Editor Nick Aldwinckle

Production Manager Neil Ive

Photography Tim Richardson Diana Frangi

Advertising Sales Lucy Kamper Sophie Longhurst

Staff Writers Craig Driver Dani Winch

Administration Claire Peerless

21 26

Designer Anand Day Peter Knight Advertising Director Lynne Edwards Advertising Manager Marie Viviani

Latest Homes Unit 1, Level 5 North New England House New England Street Brighton BN1 4GH

Rachel Pegg Latest 7 Editor latest 7 3

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jobs

Call Marie on 01273 818150 ext 102

latest

jobs Do you have Job Vacancies you need to fill?

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Latest 7 produces a successful job section every week, covering positions from admin roles to senior managers and account directors.

From only ÂŁ100 throughout January

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hundreds of jobs every week

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AROUNDTOWN

sponsored by

Celebcity with Jo Brooks

Star arrivals Huge names at the Brighton Centre and celeb-style weddings – it’s set to be a star studded 2009 Happy New Year from CelebCity! I have a feeling The Prodigy Brighton and Hove will remain one of the UK’s hottest places for celeb spotting in 2009.

So what are my predictions? I can already tell you that this will be the year that Keane, Lemar, Mick Hucknall, X Factor stars, The Prodigy and UB40 are seen in the city. How do I know? All of them are appearing at the Brighton Centre in Patsy Palmer the coming months. Let’s hope they manage to spend a bit of time enjoying some of our fabulous hotels, shops and restaurants just like Gok Wan, seen shopping in The Lanes at Area reception for up to 100 guests. The package in 2008, and Girls Aloud, who stayed at Myhotel will include an all-expenses paid luxurious on Jubilee Street. marquee reception at Slaugham Place near Former X Factor finalists Same Difference Haywards Heath – one of the most will also be back in Sussex on 17 March. This time they romantic and atmospheric venues in Marquee reception will be playing at the Brighton Centre rather than Monkey Sussex. The dramatic, 400-year-old, Grade II at Slaugham Place Bizness, the indoor play area on the Cliffe Industrial listed ruins of the Elizabethan manor house Estate, Lewes, where the perky brother and sister have been restored under the supervision performed in 2008! of English Heritage. The ruins are Love him or hate him, we are likely to hear a lot more surrounded by 12 acres of grounds including from Brighton resident and ex-Dollar singer David Van Day formal gardens, bridges, a river and trees. this year. He has already released his notorious I'm A The wedding guests will be treated to a Celebrity ditty ‘Biff Baff Boff’ as a single and you can Pimms reception on arrival, three course download it from iTunes. What next – a Eurovision entry? wedding breakfast and a hog roast buffet in Another Brighton resident Patsy Palmer had a fantastic the evening to complete a day to rival that of 2008, stunning EastEnders viewers with her involvement Posh and Becks. in one of the show’s most powerful and sensitively Listeners who want to enter the handled storylines. Evil Tony might be in prison but keep competition need to register at watching – a little bird tells me there are even more southernfm.com from 19 January. twists and turns to come.

Nominations are open for two weeks. Lynsey Will Young recently moved to Brighton and is in the process of doing Bartlett, one third of Southern FM Breakfast with Lynsey, Danny and up his new pad. Let’s hope he decides to stay here permanently and Jack said: “Girls, if you’re getting married, then this has got to be the that he’s looking forward to his first Brighton summer. best wedding present of all! With this prize, there’ll be no need to worry Fatboy Slim has talked of his ambition to create a Big Beach Boutique 5. about how you’ll be able to afford your dream day, as Southern FM is Fingers crossed that everything goes to plan and we get another chance to going to sort it all out for you!” enjoy one of the gigs that’s quickly becoming a Brighton institution.

If you’re thinking about entering, good luck and see you next week for If you've recently got engaged and you fantasise about having a more celebrity news! celebrity wedding like Katie Price and Peter Andre, your dreams could come true this year. Southern FM is offering couples the chance to win a fabulous star wedding, including ceremony, wedding dress, rings, Jo Brooks is director of Brighton-based PR company JBPR Ltd, cake, flowers and entertainment. The radio station has teamed up with 01273 622555, www.jb-pr.com Super Event – the Wedding Marquee Caterer –to provide a glitzy

To comment on any of these stories or send in any news stories email editorial@thelatest.co.uk

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DIARY

EMOTIONS

Dani’s diary Dani finds choosing between her job and self-respect an easy choice I never make New Year’s resolutions. I think the whole concept is a little weird and pointless as you can’t foretell what your year is going to bring and therefore can’t decide to resolve things that may become harder or imperative in the future. Although I don’t make resolutions, I try and think of the beginning of a new year as a benchmark and try and decide what I want to be, where I want to be and what I want to have gained by the end of that year.

The things I think of are never really all that outlandish or over the top.

I try my best to outwardly aim for realistic things, on the inside I dream a bit too far, but that can’t be helped.

This year I am not really sure what I am aiming for. I want to live more than anything. I want to love, learn, laugh and cry. But that never changes year from year, only this time round I would like to do slightly less of the crying bit.

I made a start on my 2009 action plan in December when I handed in my notice at the job I have stuck out for a year. I have nothing definite to head to from there but I am so happy with my choice.

A choice between a monthly pay cheque or my self-respect was an easy one to make.

“I have paid my debts for stealing penny sweets when I was little and can now move forward feeling a bit more wiser and free“ But where do I go from here? The world is my oyster and I don’t know which way to head in!

I am thinking of giving writing a proper crack. I have said before that my coming to write this column was an accident. Up until recently, I never really felt anything about writing. It was always something I did but never had any confidence in. Now, however, I am starting to think a little more positively.

Why not, eh? Why shouldn’t I at least try to do something that would make me proud of myself?

A new year, a new beginning, and I have so much faith that this year will bring me everything I need. And if it doesn’t, I will make it. I firmly believe that positive thought is the way to go. You have to when you have drawn the short straw as many times as I have. I am hoping that the hell which was 2008, 2007 and 2006 will have all been leading up to something amazing and that my life is now officially allowed to start.

No more nerves, no more heartbreak, no more drama. I really don’t think that is too much to ask. I have paid my debts for stealing penny sweets when I was little and can now move forward feeling a bit more wiser and free. There is so much I want to do and so much I am yet to feel. I have complete faith that the universe will arrange something extraordinary for me. I will be the first to admit that I have never had to really try for very much, there must be some reason for this.

All those bigger fish I have to fry will slowly start to appear, and if I am honest, I can’t wait.

For comments and chit chat email letters@thelatest.co.uk

To advertise here to over 100,000 people Call our sales team on

01273 818150 and find out how effective and inexpensive it is to promote your business 6 latest 7

latestdiary With Tim Richardson My space SPACE launched their new treatment and massage room at the beautiful boutique Neo Hotel Brighton last month, in association with Forward PR. Mouth watering canapés, nibbles and mojitos were served to guests, who were able to sample some of the treatments available. Emma Massingham from SPACE has been a therapist for nine years and started her training in Nepal learning Thai massage. She moved to Brighton and continued her training, which included a number of different styles of massage, reflexology, reiki, waxing and nails. In London Emma worked with some interesting clients including Elle Mcpherson and Claudia Schiffer. Emma said: “SPACE is an exciting new venture which accommodates the guest as well as non guests, creating a haven and a SPACE in the middle of a busy city to relax and restore mind, body and soul.

For more information, visit www.neohotel.com and click on ‘Wellbeing’.

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LATESTNEWS

7 days of headlines

Emergency workers enjoyed a free belated New Year’s Eve party thanks to a taxi firm boss.

Andy Cheesman, managing director of City Cabs and Buddies 24 restaurant, bought all 400 tickets to the party on 2 January at the Funkyfish club, Marine Parade, Brighton as a thank you for keeping the city safe. A pound from each ticket sale was donated by the club to the Trevor Mann baby unit at Royal Sussex County Hospital.

City on top

French publications. In the autumn tourism staff hosted representatives of German and French media, extolling the virtues of Brighon’s hotels, shops, bars, restaurants and nightlife.

A feature has appeared on German national radio showcasing Brighton as a great winter destination. VisitBrighton’s marketing manager John Carmichael said: “Marketing experts say that promotion is even more important in a recession. If you can get your voice across when others are going quiet, you’ll be among the best known when the slump ends.”

Brighton and Hove Mayor Garry Peltzer-Dunn visited the project

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Tourism bosses are trying to cash in on the strength of the Euro by attracting visitors from mainland Europe this year.

VisitBrighton estimates it has generated overseas media coverage worth £1.4million since March, including £700,000 in Germany.

There has been a wave of articles in European media including Germany’s edition of Vanity Fair and France’s Marie Claire. German national papers Welt Sonntag and NZZ have also run major features along with several regional

NEWS

Sara Payne was given an MBE in the New Year’s Honours List.

Sara, whose daughter Sarah, eight, was abducted from a field in East Preston in 2001 and murdered, was recognised for her work to change child protection laws. Fred Netley, 75, was also given an MBE, for decades of services to the Whitehawk community.

Taking down the decorations today? Don't forget to recycle your Christmas tree. Recycling points are available at about 30 sites around the city. Visit www.brighton-hove.gov.uk Pic: VisitBrighton/ Richard Enticknap

Touting tourism Brighton and Hove City Council leader Mary Mears on making the city one to visit For many people, the start of a new calendar year means making plans, New Year’s resolutions and, of course, starting the postChristmas diet.

I’m no different, but I’ve always thought that planning for a new year requires reflecting on the one just passed.

In 2008 nothing escaped the Credit Crunch. But it was important that the council took swift action to shield the city’s economy from the downturn – offering local businesses a ‘Recession Relief’ package and encouraging people to Buy Local by purchasing goods and services from within the city.

The administration also helped residents with their budgets by setting the lowest council tax increase in the city’s history. We plan to do even better this year!

We also helped lead the international debate on environmental sustainability by pushing to be the first United Nations ‘urban biosphere’, while working to create ‘green collar’ jobs. The council made some big changes to Cityclean service – there were a few problems initially and I’m sorry for any inconvenience. It’s a huge programme that will improve the service and will save taxpayers’ £1m every year.

After reflecting over the holidays, I think a huge amount was achieved last year – but I know there’s much more still to do, so I’ve come back to the council a whirlwind of energy and ideas.

I want to make Brighton and Hove a ‘City of Opportunity’, where all our residents can live, work and enjoy themselves.

The staggering progress of the council’s housing company should make

If you would like to comment on these stories please email news@thelatest.co.uk

Wall of art A community art wall is to be installed in Kemp Town. The ‘care wall’ in Dorset Gardens will be part of a development of environmentally flats being built above existing commercial premises at 25–28 St James’s Street.

Brighton and Hove City Council, Dorset Gardens Methodist Church and BohoGreen, the local sustainable development consultancy, have invited people to submit A4 artworks along the theme of ‘caring for our community and caring for the environment’. Works will be fixed temporarily to the site hoarding, then local residents and community groups will help choose a final selection to be fixed permanently to the wall.

Reverend Cynthia Park, minister for the church, said: “We are so looking forward to seeing how the community care wall develops.”

2009 an exciting time for the city. The newly named ‘Brighton and Hove Seaside Community Homes’ should start to release huge amounts of money for us to invest in improvements and refurbishments to our residents’ homes.

Housing is fundamental to people’s lives and when it’s right, everything else flows from it. So, with solid foundations in place, I want to continue to improve the prospects of everyone in the city, offering practical help to those looking for work and supporting them into jobs.

To do this, we must continue to support local firms and nurture already prospering industries, like our digital businesses, to further grow employment. But not everyone can be a cyber whiz-kid, so also selling Brighton and Hove as one of the country’s must-see cities is crucial to boosting jobs in all sectors.

Touting tourism also means that residents have a sensational platter of events and entertainment to sample; making Brighton and Hove a hugely enjoyable place to live this year, and in years to come.

Happy New Year!

Pic:www.britainonview.com

news summary

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ONLY JOKING!

See more at thelatest.co.uk

Bare cheek Brian Mitchell and Joseph Nixon’s thoroughly scurrilous Brighton column

Predictions for 2009 Yes – we at Bare Cheek have been gazing into our crystal balls until our corneas sting, to come up with our annual forecast for the year ahead JANUARY There is a spectacular fall of snow that lasts about fifteen minutes. Bus fares go up again. The roadworks at Churchill Square and North Street continue.

FEBRUARY Three new juice bars open in the Laine. The roadworks at Churchill Square and North Street continue.

Free party happens at the Woolies on London Road for nine months.

MARCH Two juice bars close. Another sex shop opens on Gardner Street.

APRIL Two sex shops close down. A new one opens. Someone finally has the brilliant idea of opening a combination sex shop/juice bar. Probably called ‘Love Juice’ or something like that.

The council approves a development to re-build the King Alfred Centre exactly how it was in 1988.

MAY The Brighton Festival continues to be the most important and influential arts festival in Britain. Apart from Edinburgh, obviously. And Bath. And

Cheltenham. And Bridlington. And Mansfield. The roadworks at Churchill Square and North Street continue.

JUNE Gardner Street now consists entirely of sex shops, with even Mrs. D’s doing a roaring trade in edible panties and butt plugs. ‘Love Juice’ Closes down. The West Pier manages to burn down somehow even more.

JULY The weather adopts a curiously fickle approach, choosing, each day, to be gloriously sunny for a couple of hours, before, without warning, raining like it’s the end of the world, thus confusing and infuriating everyone. The roadworks at Churchill Square and North Street continue.

Bus fares go up again.

Astral Angi

★Finding truth in the stars★ This week Astral starts 2009 helping others

AUGUST Brighton Pride is largely incident free, as always. The new buildings on Jubilee Square look even more tired and dilapidated than when they first went up. The giant plant pots outside Zizzi having doubled as oversized commodes for Brighton's itinerant vagabonds for many months. Bus fares go up again.

SEPTEMBER Fatboy Slim’s annual ego trip causes the entire seafront to be cordoned off so an audience consisting mainly of thirty- and forty-something parents in three quarter length combat trousers can relive the glory days of 1998. Jesus.

OCTOBER New “essential” roadworks spring up in St. James’s Street and Preston Circus, reducing Brighton traffic to a speed that would cause even a snail to guffaw contemptuously. Brighton Live programmes a line-up of bands no one (not even their own families) has heard of, and is thus proclaimed the most successful yet. Bus fares go up again.

NOVEMBER The bus company cunningly introduces a special fare that seems quite reasonable (£2.20 returns in

In & Out

central Brighton on Sundays or something) in order to distract attention away from the fact that their prices are shortly to soar to a level of expense that would make Aristotle Onassis vomit. The Italian Big Issue seller on Bartholomew Square is deported, resulting in a city-wide, three day street party.

DECEMBER Those wooden shacks outside the Churchill Square shopping centre continue to sell ever more increasingly bizarre and unappetising fare. The roadworks at Churchill Square and North Street continue.

Bus fares go up again.

SPECIAL NUCLEAR HOLOCAUST EDITION

IN

OUT

• World War Three

• The Nuclear Clock

• Protect and Survive

• The public outcry that followed Anthony Andrews’ full frontal on Z for Zachariah

• That Dave Allen sketch that goes on for far too long featuring the bloke with the ginger ’tache • War Games with Matthew Broderick • Whoops Apocalypse!

• The War Game that was banned on TV in the 60s • That Goodies Christmas Special when they made the globe that used to be the BBC1 ident blow up •Threads

Buy the CD Bardsley’s, country music with c-hip s-hop beats at Bardsley’s and Borders NOW!

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ARIES (MAR 21–APR 20)

CANCER (JUNE 22–JULY 22)

LIBRA (SEP 23–OCT 22)

Ariens should take a moment at the start of the year to look at ways in which they can make their lives and those of the people around them better. Maybe a vow of silence?

Cancerians should take a moment at the start of the year to look at ways in which they can make their lives and those of the people around them better. Maybe a long vacation?

Librans should take a moment at the start of the year to look at ways in which they can make their lives and those of the people around them better. Maybe a course of antibiotics?

CAPRICORN (DEC 21–JAN 19).

Capricorns should take a moment at the start of the year to look at ways in which they can make their lives and those of the people around them better. Maybe a nail file?

TAURUS (APR 21–MAY 21)

LEO (JULY 23–AUG 22)

SCORPIO (OCT 23–NOV 21)

AQUARIUS (JAN 20–FEB 19)

Taureans should take a moment at the start of the year to look at ways in which they can make their lives and those of the people around them better. Maybe a sedative?

Leos should take a moment at the start of the year to look at ways in which they can make their lives and those of the people around them better. Maybe a muzzle?

Scorpios should take a moment at the start of the year to look at ways in which they can make their lives and those of the people around them better. Maybe a spell of solitude?

Aquarians should take a moment at the start of the year to look at ways in which they can make their lives and those of the people around them better. Maybe a grasp on reality?

GEMINI (MAY 22–JUNE 21)

VIRGO (AUG 23–SEP 22)

SAGITTARIUS (NOV 22–DEC 20)

PISCES (FEB 20–MAR 20)

Geminis should take a moment at the start of the year to look at ways in which they can make their lives and those of the people around them better. Maybe a coin to toss?

Virgos should take a moment at the start of the year to look at ways in which they can make their lives and those of the people around them better. Maybe a new broom?

Sagis should take a moment at the start of the year to look at ways in which they can make their lives and those of the people around them better. Maybe a new deodorant?

Pisceans should take a moment at the start of the year to look at ways in which they can make their lives and those of the people around them better. Maybe a different kettle of fish?

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To talk to Astral Angi please email angi@thelatest.co.uk

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COVERSTORY

First-class fitness Head to the Brighton Health & Racquets Club for a life-changing Esporta health and fitness experience With first-class racquet facilities, state-of-the art gym equipment, luxurious swimming and spa areas, restaurant, classes of all types, crèche and children’s classes, specialist sport shop, health and beauty treatments and a wealth of social events, Esporta really does have the lot.

The club boasts a 25 metre indoor pool, a 20 metre outdoor heated pool (open all year round), children’s pool, spa, steam and sauna and newly refurbished changing facilities. Plus a state-of-the-art fitness arena and over 75 studio classes a week, from salsa to

spin. You can also try your hand at the extensive racquets facilities: eight indoor and three outdoors (covered throughout the winter) tennis courts, plus squash and badminton courts.

To help you change the way you look and feel they offer three personal fitness consultations with one of the fully qualified instructors. In the first session the instructor will give you a lifestyle consultation and set you up a programme to get you started in your exercise regime. The second session will follow your progress and amend your programme with a training plan. The final session will be to reassess your fitness goals and develop your training for the future and ongoing fitness.

You don't need to work up a sweat to make the most of Esporta.

The social aspect is second to none with regular quiz nights, tribute acts, comedy nights, fireworks and salsa nights. Or you can just catch up with friends in the bar, with all the live sports action.

If you would rather relax, then the newly refurbished treatment room will be perfect for you. Be pampered by the team of fully qualified beauty therapists with a range of beauty treatments, or use the in-house stylist Ricky Clarke. Then head to the restaurant to choose a welldeserved meal from the large menu, serving all day, plus a drink or two from the fully licensed bar.

Esporta offer a range of memberships for individuals or families of all ages. The Brighton Health and Racquets Club is one of Esporta’s premier clubs, membership of which gives you free access to all 55 clubs nationwide – perfect for the travelling business person or people who live between addresses.

Esporta aim to help you achieve your goals, meet new people and establish a place that is a home from home. So what are you waiting for? Why not make the change you have always thought about making in the welcoming and luxurious surroundings of an Esporta health club – start living the dream today.

Contact one of the membership consultants on 01273 667800 to arrange a tour of the fantastic facilities.

The Brighton Health and Racquets Club, Village Way, Falmer, Brighton, BN1 9SG. www.esporta.com

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NEWYEARNEWYOU

Alive and kicking Recover from festive indulgence and have fun with personal or group training from Alive It’s a new year which inevitably means new fitness resolutions.

Alive have all the tools needed to help you reach your goals.By establishing a regular exercise routine you will feel the many benefits of having a healthy mind and body, by boosting your self-esteem and your sense of wellbeing.

If you have trouble sticking to a workout programme or feel dissatisfaction with your current form of exercise then perhaps it’s time to try something new.

Let one of their Personal Trainers devise an individual plan that will invigorate you.

Or, if group exercise is what motivates you then why not try the wide range of studio classes Alive offer?

Whatever your personal preferences they’ll be able to find you the perfect exercise regime to suit your needs.

Once you start you’ll be able to see and feel the difference and wonder why you didn’t start sooner!

Alive, 25–27 Castle Street, Brighton.

Call 01273 739606

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NEWYEARNEWYOU

Power of the mind Make a positive change in 2009 and break the habits of a lifetime with hypnotherapy in Fiveways Hypnotherapy is a valuable tool for helping you stick to those resolutions.

Through the use of hypnosis new feelings and positive changes can take place quickly and effectively. Nearly everyone can enter the state of hypnosis which is a naturally occurring, deeply relaxed state, much like daydreaming. If your goal is to break the smoking habit then hypnotherapy can remove both the need and the desire to smoke, helping you to become a confident and happy non-smoker. According to the largest ever scientific comparison of ways to break the smoking habit by the University of Iowa, hypnosis proved the most effective way of giving up, five times more than willpower alone.

Hypnotherapy can also help with a weight-loss programme. Positive suggestions for healthy eating and increased activity, alongside work on self-esteem can all help to bring about permanent change. Whatever your goals are for 2009, if you are motivated to make long-lasting positive change, then hypnotherapy could help you.

Vicky Hemstedt, Fiveways Hypnotherapy, Florence Road, Brighton. Call 07775 700306, www.fivewayshypnotherapy.co.uk

A different kettle of fish Kickstart your fitness in 2009 with Kettlebells, a new and exciting class to get shifting excess pounds Brighton Kettlebells are offering an affordable alternative to expensive gym fees. Kettlebells are creating a major-hype in the US, with many celebrities, including Jennifer Lopez and Penelope Cruz using them to get in shape. Now, they’re taking the UK by storm.

“Kettlebell training is one of the most effective and exciting ways to train. It will burn fat; make you very fit, flexible and super-strong”, says Kettlebells personal trainer Christian Vila. “Furthermore, it will give you a six pack without doing any sit ups!”

In January, Christian is offering a money-back guarantee weight loss programme. The New Year, New You programme promises a weight loss of 15lbs within 25 days, or your money back! Programme begins Monday 19 January, with limited spaces!

Classes run Tuesdays, 7:30pm (Cheetahs Gym, Kingsway, Hove), Thursdays, 7.15pm (ZT Fitness,Unit 7 Hove Business Park, Fonthill Road, Hove) and Saturdays, 12pm (ZT Fitness). To enrol on any of the classes or the programme Contact Christian Vila on: 07876-558850 or visit www.brightonkettlebells.co.uk

Fiveways Hypnotherapy Vicky Hemstedt DHP(NC) MNRHP Member of the National Register of Hypnotherapists and Psychotherapists

For help with: • Stopping smoking • Weight loss • Anxiety, exam nerves, driving tests, job interviews • Confidence building • Overcoming phobias • Insomnia • Cancer support Call: 07775 700306 Vicky@fivewayshypnotherapy.co.uk www.fivewayshypnotherapy.co.uk latest 7 11

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Just for you Find out how the right nutrition can change your life Jacquie Lane became a nutritional therapist and naturopath four years ago. Based at the Brighton Laser Clinic on Marine Parade, Jacquie says: “Having previously had a highly stressful career I can really identify with clients who say that they just don’t have the time to look after themselves and stay healthy.

“My role is to provide my clients with a specific personal treatment plan that works for them. The areas I

cover range from weight loss, female hormonal issues, stress and fatigue, digestive complaints and more.

“I want to put the personal touch back into healthcare and help people avoid many of the preventable illnesses in our current lifestyles.”

Jacquie Lane, Sunshine Nutrition, at Brighton Laser Clinic, 56a Marine Parade, Brighton.

Call 01273 686869/07979 455528

Hunger control With a little help from Zotrim you can do it…

It’s all too easy to put weight on over Christmas, and come January that unwanted weight often seems impossible to shift! What’s more, strict diet plans often leave us feeling hungry and food obsessed. However, Zotrim – the completely natural weight loss aid – can help to control your hunger so you lose weight with ease.

Made from three plant extracts, Zotrim boosts satiety – the feeling of fullness - so you’ll eat small portions and snack less. Dietitian Jane Griffin says: “from my experience most users drop at least a dress size within a few weeks and can use Zotrim alongside other diets to fend off hunger pangs.” Zotrim comes backed by strong scientific evidence and is the perfect way to shift the pounds and kick-start your healthy weight loss programme in 2009.

Zotrim is available from your local Boots store or zotrim.co.uk.

Sunshine Nutrition Nutritional Therapy & Naturopathic medicine at Brighton Laser Clinic Treating all health conditions & weight loss special offer: £10 off with ad For an appointment call 01273 686869 or call/text 07979 455528 sunshinenutrition@hotmail.co.uk www.sunshinenutrition.biz latest 7 13

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HEALTH

See more health tips at www.thelatest.co.uk/wave

Starting over Suzy Miller, creator of the Starting Over Show, talks about making 2009 the year of change Our recent UK survey showed that over 80 percent of you have known someone going through a relationship break up or divorce during the last two years.

How can you help? Register quickly, for free, by the end of January 2009 at www.sos-village.org and we will email you a pair of tickets to share with a friend for the Starting Over Show on 15 March 2009. You may already have heard about it in the national press (www.startingovershow.co.uk).

At the Starting Over Show see Anna Pasternak from Daisy Dooley Does Divorce tells her own story and join Channel 5’s Divorce Doctor Francine Kaye for an inspirational relationship workshop. Enjoy relaxing holistic treatments in the ‘Indulgence’ and ‘Wellbeing’ area and discover new business opportunities, ideal for families and the newly single. You can also find out just how many ways there are to ‘start over’ by talking with inspirational mentors.

Oh, and don’t forget to enjoy a cup of tea and some cake!

Help a friend, family member, or just someone you know and tell them to register quickly, and for free, at www.startingovershow.co.uk

Zara Baker dishes up some sneaky dieting tips to make it easier to stick to those new year resolutions January is here – the month famed for making and breaking resolutions.

Our good intentions after a Christmas spent over-indulging in food and alcohol fall by the wayside in a bid for warm comfort food during the cold month ahead. The thought of swapping a hearty homemade meal for a cold salad is seriously difficult when layered up in jumpers and cardigans to keep warm.

The answer? Ease into your new year diet resolution. It’s all to easy to fall into eating habits over the festive season with tins of sweets and dinners with family circulating daily. If we suddenly cut back on the foods we enjoy, we’re all the more likely to fall back into the old routine and eat as soon as we are tired, have a bad day or simply feel too cold.

Cutting back on portion sizes is the way to ease into healthy eating, adjusting your diet gradually so your body doesn’t get a huge shock and urge you to pick up a pack of biscuits on your next shop.

Eat the foods you enjoy but in moderation. If you have one evening or day of over-indulgence, eat sensibly the following day. One key rule to eating better is never food shop when you’re hungry. As your body cries out for food, you will inevitably find yourself drawn to sweet treats.

Similarly, if you find yourself stopping for a takeaway on the way home becoming a regular occurrence, stop and ask yourself why. A treat every so often is one thing, but using it as an excuse not to cook is a bad habit that should be fixed. There are a number of healthy foods including vegetable stir-fry, pasta dishes and homemade soups that can be prepared in a matter of minutes.

Brush teeth and floss soon after eating so you will feel less inclined to snack later in the evening. Drink plenty of water, as we can often mistake thirst for hunger. Make it a new year’s resolution to cut down portion sizes and sides such as bread and butter. Introduce more disease-fighting fruit and vegetables to your meal time and fill up without the fats.

Before the summer beach wear diet starts, these are some easy ways to shed the pounds without relying on carrot sticks.

latest

The Brighton SOS event features Anna Pasternak, author of Daisy Dooley Does Divorce and a workshop with Channel 5’s Divorce Doctor Francine Kaye.

A new you

wave

Reach over 100,000 health-conscious readers across London and the Southeast with Wave, the region’s only free mind, body and soul monthly.

To advertise call Lucy Kamper on

01273 818160 14 latest 7

If you would like to comment on this story please email editorial@thelatest.co.uk

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See more at thelatest.co.uk The Chilli Pickle

latest hot

LIST RESTAURANTS & BARS

RESTAURANTS

INDIAN Chaula’s

BRITISH AND MODERN EUROPEAN Bardsley’s

“The food of India, not just Indian food.”

New on the scene in Lewes and unlike other Indian restaurants, Chaula’s is renowned for its signature dishes: bhindi kadhi, pista chicken, lamb rajasthani, and many more, and for its distinctive décor and friendly staff. All meals are made fresh to order and every curry has its own distinctively flavoured sauce. There is also a wide variety of vegetarian, vegan and gluten and wheat-free dishes. They have a buffet available 11am-3pm Mon-Sat, alongside a ‘light bites’ menu. It’s definitely a hot favourite with the people of Lewes!

Eastgate House, 6 Eastgate street, Lewes, BN7 2LP, 01273 476707, www.chaulas.co.uk

Probably Brighton’s most popular fish and chip shop and restaurant with a large loyal clientele. Totally traditional and family-run with all your favourites, but also an excellent blackboard of daily fish specials. They’re open for lunch and dinner Tuesday to Saturday and it’s also a great party venue.

There are massive fish platters and good seasonal seafood. Fish can be fried, grilled or poached, plus there are vegetarian choices.

22–23a Baker Street, Brighton, 01273 681256

The Coach House Friendly restaurant bar in the city centre serving an excellent range of hearty homecooked food, separate evening and lunch menus and always a selection of roasts on Sunday. Great mussels, steaks, soups and a good wine list. In the winter, a central open fire roars. In summer, people soak up the late sun on the pretty terrace.

The warm atmosphere and good value pricing make this a popular local haunt.

59 Middle Street, Brighton, 01273 719000 www.coachhousebrighton.com

The Gallery Restaurant Why not appreciate for yourself the brand new restaurant in the heart of Brighton’s lanes specialising in modern British food all within in a relaxed fine dining environment.

All the food is sourced locally, (where possible) homemade and designed for the seasons by our a la carte head chef who has lead at the Dorchester in London, amongst other leading London restaurants. The restaurant boasts a friendly yet casual environment that offers that little bit more all at very reasonable prices.

28 East Street, Brighton. 01273 773327 www.thegallerybrighton.co.uk

Sevendials Restaurant A smart restaurant in so many ways, excellent food and a sensible variety of menus in chic surroundings. Chef Sam runs a team of food-lovers who deliver time after time, from a simple lunch to a full à la carte dinner. Cooking reflects the seasons rather than fashion and quality is paramount, with great locally caught fish, game in season and desserts that are a delight, plus a wine list full of treats without being expensive. Make the most of the terrace when the weather is warm or the private dining room for a treat.

1 Buckingham Place, Brighton, 01273 885555, www.sevendialsrestaurant.co.uk

Sam’s of Brighton A brand new restaurant on the Kemp Town restaurant scene. Situated in the famous One Paston Place site, Sam’s offers a more relaxed dining experience. The dishes served are classic yet creative, with a

contemporary tastes. Offering a fantastic À la Carte menu Tuesday to Sunday together with daily specials like Saucisses de Toulouse, Boeuf Bourguignon and Côte de Bœuf for two. Locally sourced produce include freshly caught fish of the day and an extensive anglo-french farmhouse cheeseboard. There are also a selection of superb French desserts on offer such as Raspberry Millefeuille and Crème Brulée.

Whether enjoying our south facing sun terrace with the 2 course Express lunch menu, Tuesday-Saturday, 12-5pm at £11.95 or relaxing on a Sunday with our delicious French Sunday roast… this is true entente cordiale.

196 Church Road, Hove, 01273 220868, www.legliserestaurant.co.uk, info@legliserestaurant.co.uk

The Chilli Pickle

focus on seasonal ingredients. Examples are natural smoked haddock and salmon fish pie with a free-range poached egg or chargrilled Scotch rib-eye steak with proper chips, plum tomato and house butter.

1 Paston Place, Brighton, 01273 676222 www.samsofbrighton.co.uk

CHINESE Gars Restaurant Stunningly refurbished, this old Brighton favourite has attained a new lease of life.

An exciting menu with some great new ideas and a wholly different experience in terms of style and presentation. Smart service, beautiful interiors and a truly chic atmosphere make this one of the city’s top places to be seen. Start downstairs at the bar before rising to the upper dining room and enjoy the glamour of it all. Eat from £10.

19 Prince Albert Street, Brighton 01273 321321 www.gars.co.uk

FRENCH The Arrogant Frog Our January special offer is pay full price for one main course and get the second main course for half price! Available Monday to Thursday (excluding Special Event nights). Not as expensive as you might think! A tempting à la carte and Xpress lunch is also available all week. A ‘Plat du Jour’, at £9.45 including a drink, is the perfect way to treat yourself without breaking the bank. Children and families always welcome.

119 Church Road, Hove, 01273 721488, www.thearrogantfrog.com

Cocoa Cocoa is the cheeky new French patisserie found just down from Brighton train station on Queen’s Road. “A slice of Paris in the heart of Brighton”. All cakes, pastries, tartines and baguettes are lovingly prepared each morning on the premises by French gourmet pastry chef Julien Plumart.

Front of the house is run by Jana Solfronk serving coffee, cinnamon hot chocolate or homemade lime ice tea, amongst other beverages. Intimate seating overlooking a mural of the roofs of Paris sets an atmosphere both relaxing and bohemian.

For breakfast, lunch or an afternoon “tete a tete”, Cocoa is the choice for discerning Brightonians. As commented by a recent French visitor: ”Cocoa make the best croissant in Brighton, by far better than any I found in Paris.”

48 Queen’s Road, Brighton. 01273 777412

New Steine Bistro Cosy French bistro with regular art exhibitions, creating the perfect setting for the appreciation of traditional home-made French cuisine either with friends or for a romantic night out. A hidden gem in the heart of Kemp Town, and very reasonable too! Daily evening menu at two courses £10.50, three courses £12.50 on weekdays; and two courses £14.50, three courses £16.50 on Friday and Saturday (ONLY LIMITED SPACES AVAILABLE DAILY). À la carte menu Tuesday to Saturday 6-10pm for last orders.

10-11 New Steine, Brighton, 01273 681546 or 695415

L’Églisese L’Église is a traditional French restaurant in Hove offering classic cuisine prepared for

The Chilli Pickle is a family run Indian bistro in the famous old lanes serving stunning food. Fronted by Brighton chef Alun Sperring, who has recently returned from Jumeirah in Dubai and has spent the last twenty years learning his trade around the world. The restaurant has a relaxed and informal feel, with an emphasis on authentic Indian and Nepalese dishes using local and organic produce. The daytime menu offers Indian street food, Thalis and Masala Dosa, a selection of beautiful loose teas and cakes and sweetmeats. Dinner is a more refined affair. Feast on a Spiced Tandoor Baked Shoulder of Lamb, Moilly Seafood Pot or Duck Egg Masala to name a few. Paired with a carefully chosen selection of Belgian and micro brewery beers to include original India pale ale.

42 Meeting House Lane, 01273 323824 www.thechillipicklebistro.co.uk

ITALIAN Donatello The flagship venue of this local family-run business serving excellent value Italian food in stylish and spotless surroundings. It is popular with locals in the week but at the weekend it draws an audience from London.

There are brilliant-value meal deals on blackboards outside – two courses £6.95, three £8.95 – as well as à la carte. The haunt of celebs in season from soap stars to politicos. Fun, friendly and fabulous value.

Brighton Place, Brighton, 01273 775477, www.donatello.co.uk

Fat Leo Supposedly the budget branch of the Donatello stable but you’d be hard-pressed to see why. Once again, quality family dining in the Italian mould but a little less expensive. Popular with students and young families, Fat Leo has trendy interiors, including the toilets, and a menu which is utterly affordable with the signature setprice boards proclaiming any two courses

To have an entry in the latest hot list call Marie on 01273 818150 latest 7 15

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£5.95, any three courses £7.95.

16-17 Market Street, Brighton, 01273 325135

87 St James Street, Brighton BN2 1TP, 01273 624233

THAI Chokdee

COFFEE SHOPS

A premium takeaway and informal eaterie next to Hove Station where you can enjoy real Thai cooking. Chokdee serves a variety of popular Thai dishes, including tom yum soup, pad thai (stir-fried noodles) favourite red and green curries and a range of freshly stir-fried dishes, with vegetarian options.

There’s a selection of home-made starters priced from £3.95. A plate of mixed starters is good value at £8.95 and includes chicken satay, Thai fishcakes, mini spring rolls and mee krob noodles. Main courses include a good selection of vegetarian, duck and seafood dishes, and are made to each individual order using authentic Thai ingredients such as holy basil, kaffir lime leaves and galangal, coconut milk and chillis. Chokdee is licensed, with wines, saké and Thai beers. Open Monday to Saturday, for lunch and in the evening.

98 Goldstone Villas, Hove 01273 720370 www.chokdeethai.co.uk

Spinelli Coffee combines the best of modern Italian café culture with great-tasting, highquality specialty coffee and mouth-watering pastries and savouries. A place where customers are attended to by a dedicated team of the very best baristas, whose driving motivation is to provide the ultimate ‘coffee experience’. Beautiful oak sliding doors look onto a heated outdoor seating area with sea views. Everyone can find a place to sit and sip, get wrapped up in a good book, take advantage of the free Wi-Fi or just relax.

Spinelli Coffee is located in the heart of Kemp Town Village, just off the corner of St George’s Road and College Road. Mon-Fri 8am-6pm, Sat 8:30am-6pm, Sun 9am-5pm.

Spinelli Coffee, 24 Garnet House, College Road, Brighton, 01273 818819

Sabai The Thai word ‘sabai’ means comfortable, relaxed and chilled – precisely the way you’ll feel when you dine or have a drink with us. Filled with stylish, genuine Thai furnishings, Sabai transports you to the beach bars of Samui or the contemporary restaurants of Bangkok. Browse our extensive menu of unique Sabai dishes, while sampling a cocktail or a bottle of wine from our comprehensive wine list. Try our gastronomic Thai food made with fresh, authentic ingredients – many of which are grown by the family of the restaurant’s owners back in Thailand. Come and enjoy – or as they say in Thailand: “Sanuk”!

165-169 Princes House, Princes Place North St, Brighton, 01273 773030 www.sabai.uk.com, bookings@sabai.uk.com

Sawadee Cheer the spirit with a visit to this popular Thai restaurant in the heart of Kemp Town. At Sawadee you can expect a warm welcome and an informal atmosphere in which to enjoy traditional Thai food from an established team. Each dish is freshly made and the menu offers a range of fiery red and green curries, colourful stir fry dishes, and specialities such as local sea bass drenched in a warming ginger and yellow bean sauce.

Try large prawns in golden shredded coconut batter or fruity beancurd with pineapple and red tomatoes. You can choose a lovely crisp white or mellow red wine to accompany your Thai meal and there are three different popular Oriental beers on offer. Don’t miss the great value set menus starting at £14.95 for a four-course, authentic Thai meal.

Sawadee Thai Restaurant,

Spinelli Coffee

Moksha Caffe Brighton Moksha is Brighton’s ultimate independent café, with their own blend of locally roasted coffee made by highly trained baristas. They have an excellent range of homemade cakes and sandwiches all made on site with favourites like battenburg, quiches and gluten-free options like pistachio and orange biscotti. Moksha is not your usual high street coffee shop with its spacious interior and the works of local artists. They are child friendly, have disabled access and free WIFI. Free live music or comedy every Saturday night. Their opening hours are Mon–Fri 8am–7pm, Sat 8am–10pm, Sun 10am–6pm.

Located opposite St Peters Church and only a stone’s throw away from Brighton Station.

Moksha Caffe, 4-5 York Place, Brighton, 01273 248890, www.mokshacaffe.com

BARS Koba Bar and Club Koba hosts a happy hour in the front bar between 5-7pm all week. With three bars over three floors and a dedicated team of mixologists, this venue stands as a flagship of quality and has been nominated in the top ten bars/clubs in the UK by The Independent.

Good beers, a sensible wine list, and of course, champagne for special occasions (or just for the love of it). The perfect venue for a private party or an atmospheric night out. To book your private party, reserve your guest list or to run through some ideas contact: Koba, 135 Western Road, Brighton, 01273 720059, www.kobauk.com

To have an entry in the latest hot list call Marie on 01273 818150

52 Western Road, Hove (Near Palmeira Square) Metered parking on seafront

Tel: 01273 323046 brighton@perfectionbridalandmenswear.co.uk www.perfectionbridalandmenswear.co.uk

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latest listings Your weekly guide to what’s on

6 January – 12 January

Here’s our round up of recent local shows, plus there’s oodles of reviews online at www.thelatest.co.uk Headlining was Richard Herring, introduced with a rendition of the okey-kokey, who rose to the challenge, delivering a well received set, carpet-bombing us with highly articulate knob jokes. An utterly random and very unique evening.

Upstairs at Three And Ten, 11 December ✌✌✌✌ Victoria Nangle

Brian Gittens and Friends A tightly timed ramshackle hugely affectionate utterly unusual night of truly amusing comedy. From our host’s opening rendition of banter incorporating his own version of a Rogers and Hammerstein tune, ‘Gitten to Know You,’ this was almost gonzo comedy. Admitting from the start that his friends weren't so much buddies – more people he’d met on the circuit, Jo Enright did well after being introduced to huge applause in the first third only to be ushered offstage 30 seconds later for a break. Her act, allowed in the second third, was as strong as ever if a little quiet on this occasion.

The Wizard of Oz p19

long may it continue.

Brighton Dome, 6 December ✌✌✌✌

Under review

The Zutons Liverpudlians, The Zutons rock!

These guys (and gal) knocked out one class track after another with rootsy rawness from ‘Valerie,’ to ‘What’s Your Problem?’ and the bluesy ‘Confusion.’ This alternative band’s retro tunes have always been hard to pigeonhole but ‘psychedelic cartoon punk’ fits like a sweet wrapper, with bopping and hugs a guarantee at this gig.

From saxophone player, Abi Harding’s sexy smiles to lead singer, Dave McCabe’s endless energy, it’s clear this bunch love what they’re doing, which is always nice to see when you look at some melancholy, too-cool-for-school outfits. The Zuton’s experience:

HOT REVIEW OF THE WEEK James This was a brilliant, nostalgic reminder of how prolific and musically tight this adaptable band have been over the past three decades.

Appearing as a seven-piece line-up, they were energised, charismatic and full of beans – best of all, they really seemed to enjoy gigging and being back together after their five-year break-up.

As well as new material and tracks from Hey Ma, they were not too proud to deliver their biggest songs – if they are sick of ‘Say Something’ and their encores ‘Sit Down’ and ‘Laid,’ they didn’t show it.

They finished to three standing ovations. Great fun.

Brighton Dome, 9 December ✌✌✌✌✌ Rachel Pegg

Monica Perdoni

Bent Double Sometimes you see comedy acts you know are talented – maybe your friends like them – but they're not quite right for you. Pre-booked headline act Jo Caulfield was replaced by Barbara Nice, the silly, likeable, suburban housewife, who didn’t quite hit my funny bone. The good thing about Bent Double though is there are three eclectic performers so something should tickle your fancy. Compere Zoe Lyons miraculously manages to change her routine every time and is always hilarious. Jen Brister and Chris Neill delivered routines about being gay, coping with hen nights, overbearing mothers, coming out and being camp – just the right tone for the gay friendly remit.

Komedia, 7 December ✌✌✌ Rachel Pegg

Jesse Malin Being the old collaborator of Ryan Adams, Jesse Malin’s perhaps unfairly got a reputation as an alt. country performer. This show proved he’s more punk than anything. Playing covers of Replacements and Bad Brains’ songs and even wielding a guitar given to him by the late, great New York Doll Johnny Thunders, Jesse Malin live was a boisterous mix of his own accessible acoustic rock and glorious homage to his musical heritage. Witty, endearingly geeky between-song banter and nervous energy transformed through artistic alchemy into audience-entrancing gold; this veteran performer is as vital as ever.

Engine Room, 8 December ✌✌✌✌ Nick Aldwinckle

Krater Comedy Club Simon Evans opened well, with his trademark dry humour, poking fun at his own clipped diction and the class background. Christian Reilly dipped the tone somewhat, coming across as a wannabe Phil Nichol with a tad too much selfimportance and not enough honesty to be believed. Headliner Russell Kane rocked the room, utilising his cockney strut and intelligent humour for the everyman to the max. As ever, Stephen Grant delivered the goods as compere ensuring a fab night.

Komedia, 19 December ✌✌✌✌

18 Comedy Tickle your funny bone while raising money for a good cause; listings

18 Art Images of city slums; listings

19 Stage The Wizard of Oz; plus new shows in our listings

20 Film New Year, new films. The best of the big screen

21 Music Hot news and reviews on the music scene; listings

23 Clubs Carry on celebrating at the best clubs in the city

26 Television Christmas break got you wanting more TV? See Dani’s New Year highlight and seven-days of glorious listings

Victoria Nangle

For complete and comprehensive listings go to thelatest.co.uk latest 7 17

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A laughing matter Victoria Nangle sets a new year’s resolution to keep the laughs coming while raising money for a good cause Happy New Year! Whether it was a big night out that didn’t get you home ‘til daylight was blinking at you or a quiet but treasured night in with loved ones and a glass of champagne, here’s to you having had a good one. Now, down to the nitty gritty – what resolutions did you make? What? You’re perfect?

Alright, so you don’t have to make any resolutions but sometimes it’s a good idea to take an inventory and decide if anything needs changing, upgrading or maybe celebrating just as it is. If you don’t stop, sometimes you can’t always be sure you’re travelling in the right direction.

This year I plan to get back to putting on charity fundraiser comedy nights. I found it a simple way to draw in an audience that wouldn’t necessarily normally go to see comedy and so are not in any way saturated by the new act circuit. I could select from the best (yes, I know there are loads of brilliant comics out there that I didn’t get around to picking last time, but I will this year). And I got to give back something into the community, which in these struggling times has been hit quite hard in the pocket. It’s purely selfish on my part – a new audience when I want it combined with a spanking new heart machine in the hospital when I need it. How can I lose? Plus, this time I’ll be putting the nights on with a friend so it won’t be quite so solo-stressful.

A helpful factor.

“There’s been a lot going on with my personal stand-up but I surprised myself with my tenacity” I’m going to give some more thought to my well-being MOT. Last year I took a break from performing, panicked about coming back, wrote vastly more material than I needed to but in doing so found a new rhythm to being creative, and returned stronger than ever. There’s been a lot going on with my personal stand-up but I surprised myself with my tenacity. What now? More gigs? More material? One thing’s for sure, more me-friendly pressure. Less of the fright-inducing kind.

We should all start the new year as ready for good things as we possibly can be, and as sure-footed for the bad as any well-prepared lifeliver can truly manage without becoming a navel-gazing pessimist. If you’re a comic – this’ll be a good year for you! If you’re a comedy supporter – don’t miss out on all the special independent shows. The promoters are working hard for you, and whether it was Mark Steel at Hove’s Funny Farm last year or Robin Ince, Pappy’s Fun Club or Brian Gittens at Upstairs At Three And Ten, or any number of other out-of-theway little venues – don’t forget to check them out. Just because a comic’s made it to the telly. it doesn’t mean they want to start playing stadiums. Here’s a resolution – don’t miss a thing. What a great way to start 2009.

☺

Stand-up wisdom: “Nostalgia: How long’s that been around?” Bill Bailey

COMEDYLISTINGS Thursday 8 Tag Comedy Tag Comedy is back!

Featuring 4 top UK comedians, all headliners from the Krater Comedy Club with no running order, no set lists, and no idea as to what they will be doing or talking about. Komedia, 8pm, £8.50/6.50.

Friday 9 Krater Comedy Club Three top stand-up comedians are hosted by quick-fire MC Stephen Grant plus cold beer and tasty food available. Also playing an early and

18 latest 7

➧ For full listings go to thelatest.co.uk/7

Willow Cottages, 1935

City slums Away from its grand architecture and seaside crowds, Brighton’s working population often lived in appalling poverty. Lives Less Photographed reveals some rare images of local working class life: the people, and the lost areas of Brighton in which they lived.

Many of the photographs displayed are official survey images, taken to record areas of poor quality housing considered for demolition.

Regarded as ‘slums’, the poverty in these areas rivalled the poorest areas of the east end of London. But these ‘slums’ were also home to many working class families with strong roots in the town. Other photographs show Brighton’s working communities in the Victorian and Edwardian periods, including local fishermen at work, reflecting Brighton’s longest standing industry.

Lives Less Photographed, Brighton Museum & Art Gallery, until 26 April

ART LISTINGS North Laine Photography Gallery Snoopers Paradise, Kensington Gardens, Brighton 01273 628794 Brighton & Hove Calendar The annual calendar exhibition featuring work that depicts Brighton throughout the year, in all its colourful and vibrant glory. Calendar is also for sale at £5.

Mon–Sat 10.15am–5.45pm, Sun 11.15am–15.45pm

flows from the subconscious to the conscious mind. Dyke Road, Brighton Anna Platts Illustrative work. Second Avenue, Hove Elaine O’Connell Brighton-based Irish photographer whose spiritual work centres around her travels around the globe including South America and South East Asia. St James’s Street, Brighton Until 30 January, Mon–Wed 10am–11pm, Thurs–Sat 10am–1am, Sun 10am–10.30pm

Brighton Museum & Art Gallery

late show on Saturday and one show on Sunday. Komedia, 6.30pm, £12.50/10.

Sunday 11 Count Arthur Strong's Radio Show! – A Live Recording for BBC Radio 4 Showbiz legend Count Arthur Strong sets out to record two episodes for the fourth series of this Radio 4 hit.

Komedia, 7pm, Tickets are free but available through phone bookings only.

Call 0845 293 8480 to book or for more info. SOLD OUT

Royal Pavilion Gardens, 01273 292882 Lives Less Photographed: Working Class Life in Brighton, 1860–1935 Exhibition that reveals some rare images of local working class life: the people, and the lost areas of Brighton where they lived.

Until 26 April 2009 Paintings Unwrapped This exhibition takes 60 paintings and helps you look at them with a fresh eye. Many of them will be on display for the first time in many years and include modern, local, international and historical works.

Until 13 April 2009

Tin Drum Sam Hewitt Using an acute awareness of colour relationships, his abstracts are full of personal symbolism, and suggestive of

Lighthouse 28 Kensington Gardens, Brighton 01273 647197 Burrow Me: Laure Prouvost Inside an earth-lined burrow, Prouvost’s new film invites the viewer to take part in the story of the inhabitants of an underground lair.

Until 11 Jan, Wed–Sun 11am–5pm

Permanent Gallery 20 Bedford Place, Brighton 07730 065964 Aya Fukami: Reviving Isolation Returning to the playground of abstraction, Reviving Isolation re-imagines an avantegarde, conjoining geometry with the lightness of touch and humour.

10 Jan–8 Feb, Thurs, Fri & Sun 1–6pm, Sat 11am–6pm

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STAGE Tim Flavin made an impassioned case for it, and in a public presentation won many of us over – in theory. Of course the proof would be in this Christmas pudding, would it be a fluffy meringue or a plum duff?

Well I am delighted to be eating humble pie and say that The Wizard of Oz was a queen of puddings, a delightful confection that satisfied the audience on every level.

“It was a five-star show with a superb cast of five-star performers that added up to a 25-star rating”

It’s behind me!

Andrew Kay is delighted with the Theatre Royal’s break from the traditional Christmas pantomime

STAGELISTINGS

Pic: Kate Howell

I love pantomime, I like principal boys, dames, fairies, goodies and baddies – I even like the tiny tots from local stage schools. I grew up with panto, from local am drams to massive mainstream productions. I volunteered at a local theatre each year to do the make-up and when I finally left home for art school I did my final dissertation on pantomime. You could say I was obsessed.

So when I heard that Brighton’s Theatre Royal was producing a Christmas musical I was sad. That said, I was fast to air my views on the previous year’s pantomime, declaring it a disaster. Maybe I had played a part in nailing the lid on Sleeping Beauty’s coffin.

The announcement that this year’s show would be The Wizard Of Oz came as a shock to many but West End star and director

Tuesday 6 January to Monday 2 February Brighton Dome 01273 709709 www.brightondome.org London Philharmonic Orchestra Performing Tchaikovsky's emotionally engaging symphony.

• 10 Jan, 7.30pm, £10–£32.50 Brighton Philharmonic Orchestra Beethoven’s Symphony No.5 performed 200 years after Beethoven’s premiere.

• 18 Jan, 2.45pm, £8–£30 To Break a Man Compelling one-woman show. A man is caught between doing the right thing and doing the best thing for everyone.

• 28 Jan, 7.30pm, £7.50/5

Chichester Festival Theatre 01243 781312 www.cft.org.uk The Kiev Classical Ballet: Swan Lake The doomed love between Prince Siegfried and Odette, set to Tchaikovsky’s romantic score.

• 6–8 Jan, 7.30pm plus 2pm Thu. The Kiev Classical Ballet: The Nutcracker The story of the Nutcracker doll who comes alive on Christmas Eve.

Of course there were those members of the audience who were still expecting a ‘trad’ show, but they were certainly in the minority. The majority of the audience lapped up ‘Oz‘ with relish and quite rightly so.

Above all this Christmas offering was about production values and professionalism, it lacked neither. The cast were superb, from the chorus to the principals Tim Flavin gave us a very convincing piece of drama with classic songs, great dance and some hysterically funny tap routines. He was also utterly charming as the scarecrow. Jon Clairmonte’s Tin Man was a delight, tapping away with a permanent grin. Aimie Atkinson did the impossible and made the role of Dorothy and the songs her very own and Julia Nangle’s Glinda was dementedly funny.

But top marks have to go to Gareth Mark, who as the lion gave the most moving and hilarious performance. His preening feline buffoonery had the entire audience with him and his vocalisations were masterful. Bruce Montague as the wizard himself was touchingly sad and added exactly the right tone to the role. In fact there was not a weak member in the entire company, from the kiddies and the chorus upwards. And what an amazing mayor of Munchkin Land, quite brilliant at only 12-years-old.

The Wizard of Oz was a five-star show with a superb cast of five-star performers, that added up to at least a 25-star rating.

Lovers of the classic Wizard of Oz movie could not have been disappointed with the Theatre Royal’s Christmas production. It delivered the full package and so much more – an all singing, all dancing spectacle that had me laughing and crying. Their promise of West End by the sea is once again met with this brilliant realisation of a perennial classic.

• 9–11 Jan, 7.30pm Fri, 2pm & 7.30pm Sat, 3pm Sun, £10–£32 How long is a Piece of String? For ages 2–6. Interactive show combining live music and astounding visuals.Enter the woven wonderland!

• 27–31 Jan, £10/8/7.50 SOLD OUT Guys and Dolls 1950s New York – a smalltime hustler dodges the moment he has to say ‘I Do’ to his long suffering fiancée.

• 2–7 Feb, 7.15pm plus 2.15pm Wed. £15/13.50

ballrooms of the 19th century.

• 30 Jan, 7.30pm, £20–£26 Verdi AidaTragic love story of the doomed love between a Ethiopian slave girl, Aida, and the Egyptian hero, Radames. The splendour of Egypt set against the grandeur of the Colosseum.

• 2 Feb, 7.30pm, £18–£30

Eastbourne: Devonshire Park Theatre 01323 412000 www.eastbournetheatres.co.uk Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs Traditional family panto – Christmas may be over, but the festive spirit continues.

• 6–11 Jan, 7pm Tue–Sat, plus 2pm Wed & Thu, 11am & 2.30pm Sat, & 2pm Sun. £9–£18

daughter. Their sanity is questioned when they ‘see’ their daughter around the city and a woman comes forward, claiming she has a psychic connection to the deceased child.

• 19–24 Jan, 7.45pm plus 2.30pm Thu & Sat, £15–£25 Joseph and the Amazing Technicolour Dreamcoat Andrew Lloyd Webber’s famous musical retelling the biblical story of Joseph, his eleven brothers and the coat of many colours.

• 27 Jan–1 Feb, 7.45pm, plus 2.30pm Wed & Thu, 5pm Fri–Sun, 2pm Sat & Sun & 8pm Sat. £12–£25 Cabaret, Theatre Royal

Theatre Royal Eastbourne: Congress Theatre 01323 412000 www.eastbournetheatres.co.uk London Philharmonic Orchestra Performing Tchaikovsky's symphony. Number 4.

• 11 Jan, 3pm, £12–£24 Anton & Erin – Cheek to Cheek Anton du Beke and Eric Boag in a glamorous celebration of ballroom and latin song and dance.

• 29 Jan, 7.30pm, £25–£29.50 Strictly Strauss Enchanting dance and delightful songs from the Strauss family and friends – be transported to the Viennese

08700 606650 www.theambassadors.com/theatreroyal Tons of Money Adapted by Alan Ayckbourn, the hilarious farce following the life of an unsuccessful inventor who inherits a fortune.

• 6–10 Jan, 7.45pm plus 2.30pm Thu & Sat, £15–£25 Cabaret The popular West End musical featuring iconic songs from musical theatre.

• 13–17 Jan, 7.45pm plus 2.30pm Wed, Thu & Sat, £17–£31.50 Don’t Look Now The chilling tale of a couple who escape to Venice after the death of their

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FILM

L7

lowdown New releases reviewed

Eden Lake (18)

Dir: James Watkins This cracking little British horror slipped under the radar on its original release. Thankfully the Duke of York’s have seen the light and are offering it up as a late night special. The film follows teacher Jenny and her boyfriend Steve (played by Hunger star Michael Fassbender) as they head out of London for a camping weekend.

When the couple encounter a volatile group of teenagers, the romantic trip takes a sinister and deadly turn. Think Friday the 13th with added ASBOs. Showing at Duke of York’s

The Spirit (12A)

7 Selects

Che: Part One (15) Dir: Steven Soderbergh Young, idealistic, and systematically drained of worth by the student community, Che Guevara was a personification of the turbulent era in which he lived. Soderbergh has recreated the life of this cultural and political ideologue, not in epic terms, but as a tough and brutal journey through the various victories and

Bedtime Stories (PG)

Dir: Adam Shankman This festive family effort from Disney is a bloated little mess.

Adam Sandler stars as a hotel handyman whose life changes when the lavish bedtime stories he tells his niece and nephew start to magically

defeats he suffered in Cuba from 1955–1962. This first part of the twopart biopic tracks Che‘s rise from doctor to revolutionary hero in Castro’s army. Benicio del Toro is powerful and charismatic as the lead in a worthy and expansive effort.

Showing at Duke of york’s.

Craig Driver

come true. Helping fill in the narrative cracks with their cheerful gurning are Guy Pearce, Russell Brand, Courtney Cox and Carmen Electra. The effects are overblown while the acting on offer is more suited to the pantomime than the big screen.

Showing at Cineworld and Odeon

Also showing…

Changeling (15) Dir: Clint Eastwood Clint Eastwood continues his directorial career with yet another piece of Oscar-bait. Angelina

20 latest 7

Jolie plays a single mother in 1920s Los Angeles. After her child goes missing and is subsequently replaced with one she is certain isn’t hers, she faces a corrupt LAPD and social alienation. Shades of film noir, melodrama and a sterling performance from Jolie suggest Eastwood shows no sign of slowing down as he approaches eighty.

Showing at Odeon The Day the Earth Stood Still (12A) Dir: Scott Derrickson This remake of the 1951 sci-fi classic has been widely panned since release though may be worth a look if you don’t know the original. Keanu Reeves takes the role of Klaatu, an enigmatic alien messenger who arrives one fateful day on Earth.

Meanwhile, Jennifer Connolly, Kathy Bates and a very silly John Cleese look appropriately worried.

Showing at Odeon and Cineworld Four Christmases (12A) Dir: Seth Gordon Reese Witherspoon and Vince Vaughan star as an affluent couple whose plans for an exotic Christmas are thrown into disarray when the airport becomes fog-bound. Instead, they are forced to attend four family celebrations, a

Yes Man (12A)

Dir: Peyton Reed How would you fare if you promised to say ‘yes’ to everything for a whole year? This unlikely but enjoyable irreverent premise faces Jim Carey in this high-octane comic yarn. Adapted, some might say incredulously so, from Danny Wallace’s biographical novel, this cinematic effort is Carey’s baby from start to finish. She and Him indie crooner Zooey Deschanel stars as the love interest while Rhys Darby – Murray in Flight of the Conchords – adds a cheeky charm. An enjoyably daft mess.

Showing at Cineworld, Odeon and Worthing.

Craig Driver

The Spirit

tradition they dread and have avoided for years.

Showing at Cineworld and Odeon

A quick look at what’s on this week Australia (12A) Dir: Baz Luhrmann The director of the so-called ‘Red Curtain Trilogy’(camp classics Moulin Rouge, the 1996 version of Romeo and Juliet and Strictly Ballroom) returns to give his homeland the Gone With The Wind treatment. Nicole Kidman stars as a Brit in 1940s Oz who slowly falls for Hugh Jackman’s enigmatic cattle rancher, known only as ‘The Drover.’ With WWII as the dramatic backdrop and stunning landscapes, Luhrmann’s film looks to be a sweeping epic with obvious Oscar ambition.

Showing at Cineworld, Odeon and Worthing

Dir: Frank Miller Adapted from the cult comic strip, The Spirit is an expertly rendered effort.

Directed by graphic novel genius and serial misogynist Frank Miller (creator of 300 and Sin City) the film follows a former rookie cop who returns from the dead as The Spirit. Gabriel Macht takes the lead while Samuel L. Jackson plays arch nemesis the Octopus. Chuck in Scarlett Johansson’s hefty cleavage and the slick animated cinematography employed in Sin City and you have a puerile but intoxicating wet dream.

Showing at Cineworld and Odeon

Eden Lake

Inkheart (PG) Dir: Iain Softley Bearing an unfortunate resemblance to the similar-themed Disney production Bedtime Stories (not to mention the obvious: The Neverending Story), Inkheart stars Brendan Fraser as a father who finds he can bring stories literally to life just by reading them out loud. Fraser is a more likeable lead than the gurning Adam Sandler as a talented Brit cast including Helen Mirren, Paul Bettany and Andy Serkis lend formidable charm to proceedings.

Showing at Cineworld, Odeon and Worthing Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa (U) Dir: Eric Darnell and Tom McGrath Dreamworks’ sequel to the talking zoo animal caper should attract the families looking for escapism from a cold January. Hilarity ensues with the original gang travelling to Africa in this new cinematic outing. They’re well travelled, these New York zoo animals. Ben Stiller, David Schwimmer and Chris Rock head an all-star cast of vocal talent.

Showing at Cineworld and Odeon The Tale of Despereaux (PG) Dir: Sam Fell and Robert Stevenhagen This CGI animated fable stars Matthew Broderick as Despereaux, a speaking mouse who embarks

on a magical quest involving a princess. A quality cast including Dustin Hoffman, William H Macy and Christopher Lloyd as well as Harry Potter’s Hermione, Emma Watson, as the aforementioned princess help him on his way.

Showing at Cineworld and Odeon Twilight (12A) Dir: Catherine Hardwicke Billed as a teenage equivalent to the Harry Potter films, this first adaptation of the megasuccessful Stephenie Meyer books is more like Interview With The Vampire meets Dawson’s Creek, albeit with the gore toned down for the 12A certificate. Robert Pattinson’s being hailed as the new posh Brit heart-throb du jour as the blood-sucker Kristen Stewart’s Bella falls head over heels for.

Showing at Cineworld and Odeon Nick Aldwinckle For film times, contact the cinemas.

Odeon www.odeon.co.uk 0871 224 4007 Duke of York’s www.picturehouses.co.uk 01273 626261 Cineworld www.cineworld.co.uk 0871 200 2000 Connaught www.worthingtheatres.co.uk 01903 206206

021_LS405 Music_News

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latest music ★ artists ★ interviews ★ gigs ★ new releases ★ clubs ★ djs ★ chart ★

NEWS Breakthrough This week Breakthrough presents XYZ Unsigned finalists Son of Robot, a band causing a huge stir on the local scene.

Purveyors of hip hop rock, Son of Robot deliver a brilliantly fluid mix of robotic dance beats, rock’n’roll swagger and bizarre lyrics.

Support comes from London lads Hildamay, who play angsty rock with power-pop trimmings. Add in the hypnotic indie ambience of Appi, and the energy and musicality of Sheeva, Breakthrough looks like kick starting 2009 in fantastic fashion.

Breakthrough is on every Monday at Latest Music Bar featuring some of the best up and coming acts from Brighton and the UK. The 19 January Breakthrough event features the truly buzzing The Perils and Lyrebirds.

Breakthrough, 12 January, Latest Music Bar

Son of Robot

Access To Music The success of two local music students was celebrated at Access To Music’s annual awards ceremony in London on 3 December. Angie Magee received the national Student Enterprise award while Lloyd Hawkins received the Student of the Year award. Angie was invited to perform at the ceremony, which was presented by Lauren Laverne and featured special guests Nitin Sawhney, Goldie and a performance by Soweto Kinch. The awards ceremony celebrates the achievements of Access To Music students in areas including musicianship, composing and entrepreneurial pizzazz. www.accesstomusic.co.uk

Thunder strike Nina Antonia, author of In Cold Blood: The Johnny Thunders Story, chats to Nick Aldwinckle about the golden age of punk and the legendary Johnny Thunders Nina Antonia, the biographer of the former New York Doll and all round US punk legend, Johnny Thunders, gives a talk this week at Brighton's Latest Music Bar. The talk will cover her friendship with Johnny and the writing of her book about him, In Cold Blood: The Johnny Thunders Story. Nick Aldwinckle spoke to her ahead of her appearance.

Johnny Thunders was the original guitarist of the New York City band that have come to be known as ‘proto-punks,’ The New York Dolls.

Massively influential on the wave of bands that were to follow, Thunders left the band in ‘75 to front his own, Johnny Thunders and the Heartbreakers with Dolls drummer Jerry Nolan and Television bassist Richard Hell. The Heartbreakers were behind the seminal album L.A.M.F (standing for ‘like a mother-f**ker’) and the dancefloor anthem, ‘Chinese Rocks.’ After a long relationship with heroin, Thunders died, reportedly of an overdose, in New Orleans in ‘91.

Biographer Nina Antonia says otherwise.

“Things that are inaccurate become fact in the public’s eye. The fact is there weren’t enough drugs in his body for him to have overdosed.

There were traces of methodone and cocaine but not enough to have killed him. I’ve seen the autopsy report, and he was suffering from lymphatic leukemia and was in very poor health.”

Keen to reveal the man behind the myth, Antonia recalls two distinct Johnnys: the ‘gutter punk and arch, streetwise guitarist’ as she puts it, ‘and this normal, shy person, just like everybody else, but not like anybody else.’

Less enamoured with music journalism in the 21st century, Antonia feels fortunate to have forged a career before (as she says) ‘Thatcherism got a stranglehold on the media and the arts.’ “Celebrity and nepotism really does suck. Everything’s about being feel-good,

and this is really deleterious to the industry.”

She has a few simple words of irreverent advice for anyone starting out: “Be middle class. Have money. Have an influential parent. If it’s the music press, preferably don’t be female.”

Strong words, perhaps, but understandable when you compare Johnny Thunders and the heroes of punk’s golden age with today’s brand of mass-marketed rock mannequins.

Nina Antonia, Latest Music Bar, 9 January

Nina Antonia

UPCOMING GIGS

Emiliana Torrini Elegant and thoughtful laments from this luminous singer songwriter.

Saturday 14 March, St Georges Church

If you would like your event listed please email listings@thelatest.co.uk

Animal Collective 15 January, Concorde 2 Little Joy 15 January, Audio Denny Laine 24 January, Old Market Sebastien Tellier 21 January, Concorde 2 Teddy Thompson 22 January, Concorde 2 Eat Static 24 January, Concorde 2 Marillion 28 January, Concorde 2 The Streets 28 January, Dome Richard Thompson 31 January, Dome Sharleen Spiteri 5 February, Dome Keane 10 February, Brighton Centre Mongrel 13 February, Coalition Robyn Hitchcock 16 February, Komedia NME Awards Tour 16 February, Dome Secret Machines 17 February, Concorde 2 Candi Staton 25 February, Old Market

Elbow 28 February, Dome Emiliana Torrini 14 March, St Georges Lily Allen 20 March, Dome Hugh Cornwell 25 March, Concorde 2 The Beat 27 March, Concorde 2 Simply Red 31 March, Brighton Centre The Enemy 8 April, Dome The Prodigy 14 April, Brighton Centre David Byrne 14 April, Dome Gary Moore 17 April, Dome Australian Pink Floyd 28 April, Brighton Centre Counting Crows 24 May, Brighton Centre Katy Perry 2 June, Dome Jeff Beck 24 June, Dome

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MUSIC

MUSICHIGHLIGHTS To listen to the chart and submit your track, go to www.thelatest.co.uk/7

Brighton Latest Download Chart Top 10

★ 1 N-D-E – Incredible Machine. ★ 2 Tubba 3 Ply – Gerhard 3 No Sharp Objects – Home 4 Jaybee – Miles to Go 5 Amongst The Pigeons – Wings Wings Beat 6 Chaos Borne – Watching 7 Frunt, Bak & Nutz – The Rites Of Wolf 8 Jaybee – Sweet Savage 9 Mr Resonate – Say What You Mean 10 Mr Resonate – All That I’m Not The first number one of 2009 is heavy ambient DJ N-D-E’s ‘Incredible Machine’, followed by the similarly moody dance of Tubba 3 Ply’s ‘Gerhard.’ At three are countrynoir infused rockers No Sharp Objects, followed by electro-pop maverick Jaybee at four and rapper Amongst The Pigeons at five.

11 Chaos Borne The Moment 12 Stupid Kid Lost 13 Last Days of Lorca Big Green Parcel Machine 14 Monsters Build Mean Robots Chimes Breakthrough Light...

15 Stupid Kid With You 16 129 Die! In Jet Progression 17 Portslade Girls and Boys 18 The Beautiful Word Golden Box 19 The Mojo Fins Always Now 20 Pete Lambrou with Rhia Lock To Silence Our Little Hearts 21 Mr Resonate The Opposite Vibe 22 Amongst The Pigeons Deep Housey 23 Guerrilla Audio Another Life 24 Thunk Micromophone 25 R21 Proved You Wrong

In Cold Blood: The Johnny Thunders Story with Nina Antonia + My Name In Lights + DJ set by Jim ‘Sonic’ Smith (Born Bad) Johnny Thunders was the legendary guitarist of the New York Dolls, lead-singer of punk band The Heartbreakers and a solo artist of high regard, until his mysterious death in a New Orleans hotel room in 1991. Nina Antonia began writing a biography of her hero Thunders at the age of 22, and met and became friends with him during the process of writing the book that was first released – with Thunders blessing – in 1987, In Cold Blood (Cherry Red Books). Nina will also be doing a Q&A about her fascination with subversive rock music, the writing of the book, and her friendship with Thunders by Tight Lip writer and journalist Wolfy Jones.

Plus, there’s live music from My Name In Lights, a local seven-piece band inspired the same bands as the New York Dolls – the Shirelles, the Ronettes and the Shangri-Las, while also showing the influence of the adrenaline garage rock of The Seeds, The Ramones and The Dolls themselves. Copies of In Cold Blood will be available for purchase on the night.

Monday 12 January, Latest Music Bar

Chris T-T + Spiers & Boden + Emily Barker + Jim Bob Ten bands/performers will be at A Midwinter Picnic, an eclectic all-day acoustic music event raising money for Amnesty International. Confirmed acts include the highly acclaimed trad-folk duo Spiers & Boden, Carter USM frontman Jim Bob, Australian alt-country chanteuse Emily Barker and her band The Red Clay Hero, Irish poet Brendan Cleary, plus Tom Williams, Timothy Victor’s Folk Orchestra and more to be announced. The line-up has been curated by Brighton-based radical singer Chris T-T. Moreover, it’s a bring-your-ownfood’n’booze event, although hot drinks and snacks will be available on the day.

Sunday 11 January, West Hill Hall Ben Weaver + Jane Bartholomew Welcome return to this downbeat Americana lyricist in the tradition of Bob Dylan, Leonard Cohen and blues-folk artists of the USA. He likes to play on his wood-cutting, man-of-nature pesona, but it’s for real, man! Brighton based Bartholomew possesses an extremely childlike voice, but at her best is able to utterly captivate an audience with her subtle and often quite sublime songs.

A favourite amongst those who know…

Monday 12 January, Prince Albert

26 Jonny Loves House Care About Your Love 27 Caramel Jack Curtain 28 Guerrilla Audio Cry Wolf 29 sMs I’m Sorry Dave 30 Breakinbear Breeze 31 Dear Jon On Your Side 32 Caramel Jack We Could Build Skyscrapers 33 The Woo!worths Konichiwa 34 Glitters From Billy Holiday 35 Victoria Ferguson & Ben Ingall Every Time 36 Chrissy Fuel & The Flames The Motorway Song 37 Sweet Violentine Eva B 38 Millsy slug music Power 39 Taboo Duet 40 The Mystic Wizards The Vulture Song Chris T-T

The Laughing Onion Jean-Jacques Jordane “Sings Paris” for small parties

8 to 24 people 3 courses £17.95

01273 696555 22 latest 7

To advertise here costs only £20 Call Marie Viviani now!

01273 818150 ext 102

If you would like your event listed please email listings@thelatest.co.uk

023_LS405_music_listings

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MUSIC

For complete listings go to thelatest.co.uk/7

MUSIC& CLUBLISTINGS 6 – 12 Jan

Tuesday 6

Thursday 8

Live Music The Space: Michael Eavis The Glastonbury founder speaks at this monthly media talk.

Latest Music Bar, 7pm, £5/3 Tubelord + Calories + Colour Prince Albert, 8pm, £tbc

Live Music The Moulettes Barn-storming, stomping folk.

Bee's Mouth, 9pm, free Shauna Parker Quality Brighton singersongwriter. The Ranelagh, 8pm, £tbc The Sultans of Squeeze Folk with free reed instruments and a top English folk singer. The Royal Oak, 8pm, £7 Those Damn Owls + The Silence + Spitefire Prince Albert, 8pm, £tbc

Bars and clubs Audio Snide. Tight-trousered indie disco.

10pm–2am, £3/2 Brighton Coalition Latin Fever. Latin music to get your juices flowing. 10pm–2am, free.

Digital Glitterati. A classy night for student types. 11pm–3am, £5/3 Pavilion Tavern Guerrilla Rocks. Indie, rock, metal and emo mash-up. 10:30pm–2am, £1–£3 Po Na Na Sweet. Commercial R’n’B, Funky House and Baseline influenced tracks with Juice FM’s Mike Panteli. 10pm–3am, £5/3 Tru Bandwagon. Student night with club anthems, old school R’n’B and classic house plus loan-bending promos! 10pm–2:30am, £1–£3 Water Margin Sessions. Run by students and playing for the students. 11pm–4am, free–£2

Wednesday 7 Live Music The Legendary Bee’s Mouth Open Mic Bee’s Mouth, 8:30pm, free Open Mac Night Open mic for electronic music: bring your laptop! Sidewinder, 9pm, free Zandalee + Dear John Prince Albert,8pm,£tbc Bars and clubs Arc Life is Easy. A mid-week interlude of indie classic new and old, plus floorfillers a plenty.

10pm, free–£1 Audio Supercharged. Mid-week breaks session, line-up TBC. 11pm–2:30am, £7/6 Brighton Coalition Club NME. A beerfest for All Stars wearing rock/indie fans with live NME bands and Brighton DJs. 10:30pm–3:30am, free Funky Buddha Lounge Dubstep Night.

Fortnightly Dub bash with Mediate, Harmonist and Jorcun. 11pm–3am, £tba.

Honey Club Contagious. Southern FM’s Paul Hilyer plays house and dance anthems.

10:30pm–3am, £3/1 Water Margin Forgive Me Father For I Have Synth’d. Old school revival of 80s electro, breakdance, pop and rock. 11pm–3am, free–£2 Genetics. Playing a mixture of intelligent, liquid, neuro and darkside D’n’B. 3am–6am, free–£2

Bars and clubs Audio Shameless. Trashy pop anthems and indie classics. 11pm, £2 The Hope Brap FM. Thursdays are the new Fridays with everything from Downtempo to Techno! 8pm–2am, free.

Ocean Rooms Therapy. Official UBSU Socfed night with Stick it On and unadulterated pop.

10:30pm–3am, £3 Po Na Na Secret Discotheque. Return to the 80s. 10pm–3am, £3/2

Friday 9 Live Music Deadbeat Descendant Brighton garage rockers. Prince Albert, 8pm, £tbc In Cold Blood: The Johnny Thunders Story: Nina Antonia A talk with the New York Doll’s biographer with music from the NY punkinfluenced Brighton band My Name In Lights.

Latest Music Bar, 8pm, £6 Papa George London bluesman. The Neptune, 8:30pm, free Shindig: Vile Imbeciles + Cottonmouth Rocks + Restlesslist + Jack Cooper The Hope, 7:30pm, £tbc Sound Factory: Battle of the Bands Heat One The first stage of this year‘s local contest.

The Providence, 8pm, £1 Toni Kofi Quartet Brighton Jazz Club event.

Komedia, 8pm, £8-12 Bars and clubs Arc Some Kind of Wonderful. Sixties night.

11pm–3am, £3 Audio Square Roots. Ignite the weekend with Mighty Dubstep. Line-up TBA. 11pm–4am, £tbc.

Brighton Coalition Nice. 5 hours, 5 DJs, £5 entry. Best New House & Electro DJs all approved by your local National House Service (NHS). 10pm–3am, £5 Digital Stone Love. 101% maximum indie rock’n’roll with DJ and bands.11pm–3am, £4

Engine Rooms Deviant. Hard moshin’ rock alternative for eyeliner’d up boys and girls in PVC. 11pm–3am, £5/3 Funky Buddha Lounge Thank Funk Its Friday.

Sean Quinn’s party tunes. 10pm–3am, free–£8 Funky Fish The Funkyfish Club. Soul, funk, 60s and 70s tunes. 10pm–3am, £5/3.50 New Hero Somewhere in the Universe…

Alternative electro dance party. 10pm, £5/3 Ocean Rooms 12FU. Alternative electro dance floor party. 11pm–4am, £5/3 Pavilion Tavern Kick Out The Jams. Rock’n’Roll mayhem sploshed together with beer, indie anthems and punk. 10:30pm–3am, £5/3 Po Na Na Ice Box. Funky house night for a dressed up crowd. 10pm-3am, £5/4.

Sidewinder Go Bang! With Ali Broadcast.

Installing a rich soundtrack of Underground Disco, Electro Funk and more. 8pm-2am, free.

Tru Skint. Mainstream funky house, R’n’B and cheesy disco. 10pm-2am, £free b4 11/3 after.

Water Margin Twisted Disco Love. TDL gives you back the love to funk. 11pm, free.

Saturday 10 Live Music Furyon Rock. Freebutt, 8pm, £tbc London Philharmonic Orchestra Classical concert featuring music from Rossini, Rodrigo & Tchaikovsky. Brighton Dome, 7:30pm, £10–27 Soul Reality's 'Chelsea Hotel' Soul band.

Latest Music Bar, 9pm, £6 Sound Factory: Floors and Walls + Civilian + My Nightmare Brighton-based rap-rockers.

The Providence, 8pm, £1 Bars and clubs Arc Hold Up. Indie night. 10:30pm–4am, £5 Audio SoL’s Winter Sessions. The don of free parties brings some early winter love with guest, TBA. 10pm–4am, free Brighton Coalition Floorplay. Party house music, electro and tech with Brighton duo, Prok & Fitch TBA 11pm–4am, £6–£10 Digital Blah Blah Blah. Deck wisdom from Sinden and the BlahBlahBlah DJs.11pm-4am,£5.

Engine Rooms Punk Rock Karaoke. Sing your favourite rock and punk anthems with a live backing band. 11pm–3am, £5 Funky Buddha Lounge Buddha Soul. Disco, funk & house from Mike Panteli.10pm–3am,£10.

Funky Fish Soul, funk, old skool, 60s and 70s tunes. 10pm–3am, £5/3.50 Honey Club Sevensins. Big room electro, trance and house with guests. 10:30pm–5am, £12/5 La Tropicale Houseworks. Quality house music from all over the world. 8pm-4am, free–£6 .

New Hero It Is Still 1985. Alternative 80s night full of adventurous tunes! 10pm, £3 Pavilion Tavern Drop Zone. Dark, Heavy, Glam,

Alternative Dance 10:30pm–3am, £2–£4 Sidewinder Spinderella‘s Not a Fella. Eclectic female DJ night playing anything from Motown to techno. 8pm–2am, free.

Tru Glitterbaby. Thickly spreading your favourite chart tunes across 3 rooms. 9pm–3am, £10/8 Water Margin Logo. Future heroes to world famous DJs spin house til dawn. 3am–8am, £7/5

Sunday 11 Live Music Another Sunny Day Indie pop club. Prince Albert, 8pm, £tbc Jenny Stanley ‘Beautifully loopy’ singersongwriter. Sidewinder, 8pm, free Midwinter Picnic: Chris T-T + John Spiers & Jon Boden + Jim Bob + Emily Barker + Tom Williams + Brendan Cleary + Timothy Victor’s Folk Orchestra Strong line-up of acts including political pop-rcoker Chris T-T and Carter USM man Jim Bob. In aid of Amnesty.

West Hill Hall, 3pm, £12 Sacconi Quartet Classical concert featuring Haydn, Robin Holloway and Beethoven. The Old Market, 11am, £tbc Sanctuary Sunday Open mic. Cella (at Sanctuary Café), 7:30pm, free Sodden Rum Alternative Irish music. The Neptune, 8:30pm, free Sound Factory Stripped: Dear Jon + Robyn + Jessica Stripped down acoustic singersongwriters. The Providence, 8pm, £1 Bars and clubs Arc Irie. Ragga, R’n’B, hip hop and UK garage.

Sundays are the new Fridays! 10pm–3am, £5/3 Honey Club Sundelicious. Lee Garrett, Salerno play house/soulful beats. 10pm–3am, £2/1 The Open House We Change the Frequency.

All things diverse. 8pm, free.

Monday 12 Live Music The Bee's Mouth Jazz Forum A house band welcomes all comers.Bee's Mouth, 8:30pm, free Ben Weaver Prince Albert, 8pm, £tbc Bars and clubs Brighton Coalition Trash Mondays. Filthy student fun with all your fave tunes.

10:30pm–3am, free.

Funky Buddha Lounge Urban Lounge. Garage, R’n’B, hip hop etc. 10:30pm–3am, £3/2 Honey Club Disco Babe. Disco and indie.

10:30pm–2:30am, £3/1 Po Na Na Fat Poppadaddys. Student-friendly funk, reggae, indie & pop. 10pm–2:30am, £3/1 Music by Nick Aldwinckle Clubs and Bars by Jaime Pettit

latestcrossword Cryptic 175 ACROSS 5 Subdue cattle starting to stampede (5) 8 Early hit arranged with spirit (8) 9 Begin with a shilling on wicked lady (5) 10 Crazy Inca with a red glow (8) 11 Suit required for social places (5) 14 Payment due for poetry recital (3) 16 Sort out something to watch (6) 17 Here’s one, potentially (6) 18 Make a mistake or part of one (3) 20 Interrogate cook (5) 24 Put creature in stable number one backwards (8) 25 Sounds like a way in to love (5) 26 Being gregarious, one returns with company wrapped in fur (8) 27 A serious place for musical exercise (5)

➧ Please check with venue before travelling. See our venue directory at www.thelatest.co.uk/7

solutions on page 26

Quick 175 DOWN 1 It could be lucky to step out a new way (5) 2 Irishman’s rice (5) 3 Take away after time by arrangement up to a point (5) 4 Cut ends of sorrel, with a sugary coating (6) 6 Girl missing? Be single-minded (8) 7 Cleaner animal, wild in Australia (8) 12 Attribute cat with cider concoction (8) 13 End of innings announced (8) 14 Lonely hiding place for the solitary (3) 15 Organ found in grizzly creature's hind-parts (3) 19 Renegade gets one on allowance (6) 21 Killed by vice enveloping Los Angeles (5) 22 Dance of oblivion (5) 23 Show contempt for vegetables lifted without force (5)

ACROSS 5 Weapon (5) 8 Hungry (8) 9 Bird (5) 10 Fit to be chosen (8) 11 Astir (5) 14 Conjunction (3) 16 Water sport (6) 17 Inflated mattress (3-3) 18 Finish (3) 20 Grows languid (5) 24 Unmarried woman (8) 25 Musical note (5) 26 Neat order (8) 27 Edge (5)

DOWN 1 Cooked (5) 2 Female name (5) 3 Release (5) 4 Baleful (6) 6 Garment (8) 7 Sanctioned (8) 12 Medical application (8) 13 Laughter (8) 14 Grow old (3) 15 Father (3) 19 Table linen (6) 21 Blacksmith’s block (5) 22 Young ox (5) 23 Broom (5).

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latest

01273 687171

musicbar tues jan 6

the space unique arts and media event

7pm £5/£3

maxine peake (shameless)

wed jan 7

private party

thurs jan 8

catalyst club a speak-easy

7.30pm £4

fri jan 9 8pm £6

sat jan 10

with michael eavis (glastonbury) +

book your private party with ruth or angi on 687171

for the 21st Century in cold blood we got soul

myfirstdisco!

the johnny thunders story with nina antonia + my name in lights + jim sonic smith story

djs & dancing for parents & their toddlers

fnuk playing the best soul, funk and disco

presents

8pm £6

2.30pm-4.30pm adult & child £6

soul reality collective’s psychedelic circus

8pm £8/£6

a funky, soulful sound ride designed to move and groove feat sammy sarfas & terry wah wah lewis

sun jan 11

roast n’ jazz with johanna

12.30pm-3.30pm £10 inc lunch

mon jan 12 7.30pm £3/£2 nus

harman (vocals) & carl hudson breakthrough with rough trade feat son of robot + the morning orchestra + support the future of indie rock

thelatest.co.uk/musicbar 14 – 17 manchester street, brighton check our website bn2 1tf. 100 metres up from the pier for full programme

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GAYLISTINGS

GAYLISTINGS 6 – 12 January

Tuesday 6 Amsterdam Skint or Mint. Gay Bingo. 8pm, free.

Brighton Tavern Games Galore. 12pm, free.

Ghetto Twisted Karaoke. Hosted by Mistress Cat. 9:30pm, free.

Legends Relax – It’s Tuesday. Friendly bar with smoking/sun terrace. Bar open 11am–5am, free.

Marlborough Free poker night.

Queen’s Arms Skint. Unlimited drinks wristbands for £10 plus a guest DJ and karaoke.

A credit crunch gem. 8pm–11pm, free.

R-Bar Shoot Me Baby! FREE shot of Corky’s or Sourz with every alcoholic bevvy! 12pm–2am Revenge Payday Back2School. Dolling out dance anthems, funky house and pop to all the filthy pupils. 10:30pm–3am, £3/2 NUS. The Aquarium Theatre Bar Music and quiz night from 9pm. Bar open 12pm, free.

The Basement Scene Queen. New night for scene staff and students with DJ lil’ Alex.

11pm–4am, free.

Water Margin Sessions. Run by students and playing for the students. 11pm–4am, £2/1

Dave Lynn

Wednesday 7 Ghetto Miss-Shapes. Indie, R’n’B, electro and pop mash-up! 10pm, free b4 11.

Legends Super Karaoke. New karaoke & quiz night from 9pm. 11am–5am, free.

Marlborough Bar YouTube night. 8pm, free.

R-Bar Rush99. DJ Lil Alex spins on the decks plus a 99p rush bar! 12pm–2am, free.

Revenge Rush150. Commercial dance and house sounds served up by DJ Lil Alex plus a rush bar! 10:30pm–3am, £2/free.

Star Inn Charity Jukebox. Bar 12pm–11pm.

The Basement Play. With DJ Alex Baker spinning all things house. 11pm–4am, free.

Cheek2Cheek

Thursday 8 Charles Street Bar Mad Cow. Cheap as Primark Pants. 8pm–11pm, £1.

Charles Street Club Religion. Two floors of funky house. Hosted by Mother Superior Joan Bond with Tony B. 10pm–3am, £4/3 Ghetto Rack ‘Em Up. Join DJ Aquarius for blues, rock and country. 10pm, £tbc.

Legends Thursday Cabaret Lounge. 9:30pm.

Marlborough Bar & Theatre Open Mic. 8pm.

Queen’s Arms Skint. See Tuesday.

R-Bar I Can’t Wait For The Weekend To Begin!

Funked up, soulful and uplifting house from 9.30pm. Bar open 12pm–2am, free.

Revenge GirlsOnTop. Trashy trax and chart hits galore. 10:30pm–4am, £5/free.

The Basement Box. Juice FM’s Jonesy plays chart hit remixes, funky house and dance anthems. 11pm–4am, free.

Friday 9 Charles Street Bar Fairylea. Classic cheese, trash and oldies dished. Bar open 11am.

Charles Street Club Curiosity Lite. Pure unadulterated trashy disco pop, 10:30pm–3am, £5/4/3 NUS. Ghetto Popstarz. Playin’ indie recent and retro!

10pm, free b4 11.

Legends Pre-Celebration. Pure Pop. 7pm, free.

Marlborough Bar Girls’ Night. 2 floors of mayhem with guest DJs. 9pm–2am.

Queen’s Arms Pink. Definitive handbag, commercial and camp tunes. 9pm–2am, free.

R-Bar Tops & Bottoms. Trash, pop and party tunes from Girls on Top to R-Bar. 12pm, free.

Revenge Lollipop Vs Housexual. Top pop tunes and funky vocal house. 10:30pm–5am, £7/5 Star Inn Return of The Friday Bears Inc. Uplifting funky house and pop remixes.

8pm–1am, free.

The Basement Celebration with Dolly Rocket.

Girly pop & handbag tracks. 11pm–4am, free.

Saturday 10 Amsterdam Sun Downers. Enjoy the best beach house music in Brighton. 8pm–2am.

Charles Street Club Mardi Gras. A blend of Gogo Boys, Feathered Girls, HRH Queen Josephine and Lil Alex. 11pm–3am, £5/3.

Ghetto Wigout. A kitschy, cool night for the seriously unserious. 10pm, free b4 11pm.

Legends Pre-Ignition. Dance trax from 7pm.

Marlborough Bar & Theatre Party. Guest DJs and live music. 9pm–2am, free.

Queen’s Arms Karaoke Party with Kamp Kevin.

Vocalists, comedians and drag (3:30–5:30pm).

Then party with Kamp Kevin. Bar open 12pm–12:30am, free.

R-Bar Kinky Baby. A pre-clubbing crowd get ready for Kinky Dangerous from 9pm with Dulcie Danger. Bar Open 12pm–7am, free.

Revenge Kinky Dangerous. 4 top DJs, 2 floors, and 6.5 hours of fun. 10:30pm–4am, £7/3.

Star Inn Bear Essentials. DJ Charlie.

12pm–1am, free.

The Aquarium Theatre Bar Cabaret. 9pm, free.

The Basement Ignition. With the funky house and chart remix sounds of DJ Peter Castle.

11pm–4am, free all night!

The Old Market Cheek2Cheek New Year Ball.

Latin, ballroom and line dance, plus surprise performances. 7:30pm–12:30am, £15/12.

The PV at The Jury’s Out Saturday Madness.

The best in Brighton duets from 4:30pm, then PV’s house DJs take over! Bar open 12pm.

Sunday 11 Amsterdam Sunday Lunch. With a cabaret twist. Hosted by Connie Conway from 8pm.

Charles Street Bar Showtime. 7:15pm, free.

Ghetto Eurotrash. Pop Cabaret! 10pm, free.

Legends Sunday Cabaret & Chill Out. 3:15pm.

Marlborough Bar & Theatre Yummy Roasts.

Dishing up ‘til they’re gone! 12pm.

Queen’s Arms Top cabaret at 5.30pm & Betty Swollocks Karaoke Show. 12pm–3am.

The Basement Embrace. Charty tracks by DJ Nick Shepherdson from G-A-Y! 11pm–4am, free.

Monday 12 Amsterdam The Monday Musical. 11am, free.

Charles Street Club Studio 150. DJs Luke and Ali spin party tracks. 10pm–2am, £1.50.

Ghetto (Formerly Candy Bar) Shibby Shabblers. DJs Pookie and Crackwhore. £1.50 pints and vodka mix. 9pm–2am, £tbc.

Legends Dave Lynn & friends. 9:30pm.

11pm–5am.

Marlborough Trans night.

R-Bar Miss Jason's Mad House. Regular cabaret night plus a Wii Zone and free pool! 10pm, free.

The Basement Back to the 80s and 90s. nostalgic floor fillers. 11pm–4am, free. latest 7 25

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latestTV

Dani on TV

She says it how she sees it

Comic relief I thought, for a change, I would write about things that I miss seeing on TV. I spend more time watching DVDs of the programmes that are no longer gracing our TV screens then I do anything new, and I firmly believe that is because: 1) The best things only last a short while in fear of becoming repetitive or predictable. 2) The people who write them tend to admit to having very short attention spans. 3) Leave the party when you are still having fun...

Everything I miss watching is comedy. My list of most missed (in no particular order) is as follows: Coupling, Absolutely Fabulous, Gavin and Stacey, The Office, Green Wing, The Vicar of Dibley, I’m Alan Partridge, Some Mothers do ‘ave ‘em, Fawlty Towers, Garth Marenghi’s Darkplace, Big Train, Man About the House, Monty Python, Brass Eye. These are a few. Personally I don’t think there is any comedy on our screens now that can remotely even touch that list of comedy genius.

And it is a big shame. All we seem to have now are things like Sex and the City (which is sometimes funny but I boycotted when Carrie cheated on Aiden (and I know I am not the only one who feels that way). What made all those TV shows listed above great was the writers and actors.

I find Little Britain more offensive then the phone call made by Russell Brand and Jonathan Ross (which was very funny) and the shows above made real life funny, not some over the top repeated punch line in an outlandish costume.

Join my campaign to bring back funny comedy, real comedy, intelligent comedy, we sure as hell need it in these depressing times!

The thing about the shows I have mentioned is that, although I feel they all ended too early (all but Coupling – the difference with that is that the character Jeff left too early) but had they all run for years they would lose their ‘thing’ – the jokes that made them brilliant would become boring and repetitive. I purposely didn’t put Only Fools and Horses on the list because it seems to be the only comedy show that’s no longer made that you cant escape from. Garth Marenghi’s Darkplace is brilliant because it failed.

Channel 4 decided not to commission a second series – but now I bet they wished they did as it has a huge cult following and deservedly so.

Brass Eye was excellent because so many people thought it was real, the initial outrage and the gullibility of the ‘celebrities’ duped into promoting ridiculous causes hasn’t and should be re-done. Classic comedy is classic for many reasons, and maybe in 50 years people will find My Family funny, but right now, it’s got nothing on what has come before it.

Crossword solutions Solution to Cryptic 175 ACROSS: 5 Crush 8 Heartily 9 Start 10 Radiance 11 Clubs 14 Ode 16 Screen 17 Answer 18 Err 20 Grill 24 Stallion 25 Adore 26 Sociable 27 Study DOWN: 1 Charm 2 Paddy 3 Steal 4 Sliced 6 Ruthless 7 Scrubber 12 Accredit 13 Declared 14 One 15 Ear 19 Ration 21 Slain 22 Limbo 23 Sneer Solution to Quick 175 ACROSS: 5 Spear 8 Ravenous 9 Snipe 10 Eligible 11 Afoot 14 And 16 Rowing 17 Air-bed 18 End 20 Flags 24 Spinster 25 Minim 26 Tidiness 27 Verge.

DOWN: 1 Fried 2 Avril 3 Untie 4 Sullen 6 Pinafore 7 Approved 12 Poultice 13 Giggling 14 Age 15 Dad 19 Napkin 21 Anvil 22 Steer 23 Brush. © Crossword Shop

26 latest 7

Films on TV

6 – 12 Jan Top tips for your new year flicks

TUESDAY 6

SATURDAY 10

From Dusk Till Dawn ★★★✩✩ (1996, Channel 4, 11.40pm.

Dir Robert Rodriguez) Preacher man Harvey Keitel and his two kids get hijacked by bad boys on the run George Clooney and Quentin Tarantino. We know they’re bad because they’ve got guns and tattoos.

Ooh! The unlikely travelling buddies take a pit stop at a strip club which turns out to have a nasty vamp infestation. Lovely pulp horror.

Nanny McPhee ★★★★★ (2005, ITV1, 4.55pm. Dir Kirk Jones) Emma Thompson plays the title childminder, called in to tame the feral and many children of Colin Firth, bringing magic with sterner lessons than Mary Poppins ever delivered.

Charming and very British.

WEDNESDAY 7 The Descent ★★★★★ (2005, Channel 4, 11.05pm.

Dir Neil Marshall) When a group of lady adrenaline junkies get trapped in some caves they’ve been diving through they realise they may not be alone in the darkness. Classic horror, playing tricks with your mind and playing on every fear of the dark you ever thought was under the bedclothes.

THURSDAY 8 Proof Of Life ★★★✩✩ (2000, BBC1, 10.35pm.

Dir Taylor Hackford) Initially causing more of a buzz due to the off-screen relationship between the two leads – Meg Ryan and Russell Crowe – this is a more than passable thriller. Meg hires Russell to help her retrieve her husband, who has been taken captive by South American guerrillas. All very carefully for parts and big bangs for others.

FRIDAY 9 Duck Soup ★★★★★ (1933, Sky Movies Classics, 2.05pm.

Dir Leo McCarey) The Marx Brothers at their height, with Groucho playing the despotic leader of fictitious country Freedonia with mayhem provided by smart Alec Chico, silent Harpo and ‘other one’ Zeppo.

Freedonia needs money and Groucho believes a rich heiress is just the trick to sort out such woes. Brilliant.

Ruthless People ★★✩✩✩ (1986, BBC1, 11.55pm. Dir Jim Abrahams) Helen Slater and Judge Reinhold play pants kidnappers, taking Bette Midler hostage to extort money from seedy rich husband Danny DeVito. Except he’s not sure he wants her back at all.

Farcical comedy with a true 80s feel and dress sense.

The World Is Not Enough

★★★✩✩ (1999, ITV1, 9.30pm. Dir Michael Apted) Pierce Brosnan raises a well-shaped eyebrow at Robert Carlyle who scowls back and declares an intention to plunder the world’s oil.

Oh, and that he can feel no pain, as is only right as a Bond villain quirk. Many bangs, quite a few whizzes and more than a couple of beautiful ladies.

SUNDAY 11 Krull ★★★★✩ (1983, Five, 5.45pm. Dir Peter Yates) A fantasy tale of right battling evil, light versus darkness and a funny shaped throwing weapon that makes a shrill noise whenever it’s thrown in battle. Plus, more than a few cameos from future known faces, such as Liam Neeson and Todd Carty. A great afternoon odyssey.

MONDAY 12 America’s Sweethearts

★★★✩✩ (2001, E4, 9pm. Dir Joe Roth) A comedy of manners as a Hollywood pairing, played by John Cusack and Catherine Zeta Jones, part ways before the release of their latest shared movie. With Julia Roberts as Cath’s much overlooked PA sister and Billy Crystal heightening the panic, it’s zany and fun and American.

Duck Soup, Friday, 2.05pm, Sky Movies Classics

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tuesday 6 The Diary Of Anne Frank BBC1, 7pm An adaptation of diaries as emotive as Anne Frank’s wartime memoirs is a tricky feat. Luckily, it’s the Beeb tackling the task, guaranteeing a sensitive and talented performance. Tonight sees Anne in October 1942, and the two families are worried when a plumber is called to fix their broken toilet.

Claire Sweeney’s Big Fat Diet ITV1, 9pm Maybe we, as a nation, love guilt. Why else is it now so easy to get fat despite the government and the media’s fascination with weight, diet and health? Ms Sweeney decides to find out by eating whatever she wants whenever she wants and faces the repercussions. Yum!

Tubular Bells: Mike Oldfield BBC4, 8.30pm Do you remember? If so, then this is a classic live performance of the music that shook the critics back in 1974. If you don’t, never mind, you can’t help being born too late. This is your chance to make up for your parents’ late delivery mistake. True surround sound and emotive music of an album that defined a time.

terrestrial

sport

BBC1

BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Wanted Down Under 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 Buy It, Sell It, Bank It? 11.45 Cash In The Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Diagnosis Murder 3.00 BBC News 3.05 LazyTown 3.29 The Owl 3.30 Scoop 4.00 Thumb Wrestling Federation 4.05 Hotel Trubble 4.35 Best Of Friends 5.05 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link

6.00am Tikkabilla 6.30 Our Planet 6.40 Big Cook Little Cook 7.00 Arthur 7.10 Watch My Chops 7.25 Newsround 7.30 Sorry, I’ve Got No Head 8.00 Sam & Mark’s Guide To Dodging Disaster 8.30 Pinky Dinky Doo 8.45 LazyTown Extra 9.00 Nuzzle And Scratch 9.20 Harry & Toto 9.30 Nina & The Neurons 9.45 Me Too! 10.05 Mister Maker 10.30 In The Night Garden 11.00 FILM: Experiment Perilous (1944) 12.30pm Working Lunch 1.00 Out Of The Blue 1.25 Coast 1.30 World Darts 4.30 Murder, She Wrote 5.15 Flog It! 6.00 Animal Park Kate Humble and Ben Fogle look behind the scenes at Longleat Safari Park.

7.00 World Darts Ray Stubbs and Bobby George introduce coverage from the second round of the 2009 Lakeside World Professional Championships. Thud! Thud! Thud!

One hundred and eighty!

8.00 Oz And James Drink To Britain Oz Clarke and James May travel through Britain and Ireland to discover the amazing array of drinks that is on offer.

8.30 Masterchef John Torode and Gregg Wallace search for the country’s next star chef.

9.00 Nicholas Crane’s Britannia When William Camden’s Britannia was printed in 1586, it staggered its Elizabethan readers. For the first time, the entire British Isles had been described in astonishing detail: its mountains and rivers, its history and customs, the climate and the people of each and every county. Britian: up close and personal.

10.00 The Culture Show A Culture Show special marking the 50th anniversary of Motown Records.

Presented by Martin Freeman.

10.30 Newsnight 11.20 World Darts Highlights from day four of the Lakeside World Professional Darts Championships.

12.10am Darts Extra 2.10 BBC News BBC

6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.15 ITV News And Weather 11.20 Meridian News And Weather 11.25 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV Lunchtime News And Weather 2.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 3.00 Foyle’s War 5.00 Golden Balls

6.20am The Hoobs 6.45 Planet Cook 7.05 Everybody Loves Raymond 7.30 Celebrity Big Brother’s Little Brother 8.00 Celebrity Big Brother 9.00 Will And Grace 9.30 Will And Grace 9.55 ER 10.55 ER 11.50 Supporting Acts 12.00pm News At Noon 12.30 John And Karen 12.35 Supernanny US 1.35 FILM: Daleks - Invasion Earth 2150 AD (1965) 3.05 Come Dine With Me Extra Portions 3.40 Come Dine With Me Extra Portions 4.10 Deal Or No Deal 4.55 Come Dine With Me Extra Portions 5.25 Come Dine With Me Extra Portions 6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Justin is annoyed when Kris and Zak criticise the plans for his party. Guess he’s just a ‘toys out of pram’ kinda guy.

7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 3 Minute Wonder 8.00 Country House Rescue Businesswoman Ruth Watson advises the owners of British stately homes how to diversify and raise money to secure the future of their properties.

Let it out to students! No? 9.00 Celebrity Big Brother Highlights of the previous 24 hours.

10.00 Dead Set Horror drama series.

As a Big Brother eviction night looms, Britain is in the grip of an apocalyptic crisis. While the housemates remain oblivious, undead hoards invade the studio compound. Not the usual fans.

11.05 Celebrity Big Brother More highlights of the previous 24 hours.

11.40 FILM: From Dusk Till Dawn (1996) Starring Harvey Keitel, George Clooney, Quentin Tarantino, Juliette Lewis. Road movie horror in which two criminal brothers on the run kidnap a family and hide out in a Mexican nightclub, only to discover that the bar’s clientele are vampires.

1.35am Party Poker: Premier League Poker 2.35 Celebrity Big Brother: Live 4.20 Hill Street Blues 5.05 St Elsewhere 5.55 The Hoobs

6.00 – 9.00am Children’s television 9.00 Dream Holiday Home 9.30 Colin And Justin’s – How Not To Decorate 10.20 FILM: Barnum (1986) 12.20pm Zoo Days 12.30 Five News 12.45 Going For Gold 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 Going For Gold Extra 3.10 Five News Update 3.15 FILM: A Stranger’s Heart (2007) 5.00 Five News 5.30 Neighbours

6.00am LIVE Test Cricket 8.00 WWE Afterburn 9.00 Big League Weekend 10.00 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 11.00 Test Cricket 1.00pm H2O Sports International 1.30 Big League Weekend 2.30 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 3.30 H2O Sports International 4.00 Test Cricket 6.00 Football Asia 6.30 Revista De La Liga 7.30 LIVE Carling Cup Football 10.15 Revista De La Liga 11.15 LIVE Test Cricket 3.00 Through The Night

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The Diary Of Anne Frank See highlights.

7.30 EastEnders Dot discovers the truth behind Nick’s return when she throws a party to introduce her granddaughter to the Square.

7.57 BBC News; Regional News 8.00 Holby City Hospital drama.

Mark searches for Daisha and Joe, fearing for their safety, but soon finds himself coming under police suspicion. Meanwhile, shocked to hear from Faye that she and Joseph are no longer an item, Elliot tries to build bridges between them.

9.00 Crimewatch Solved The stories behind three police cases and how detectives solved them.

10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.33 BBC Weather 10.35 Repossessed Powerful documentary about three families battling to save their homes.

11.30 FILM: The Singing Detective (2003) Starring Robert Downey Jr, Robin Penn, Mel Gibson, Jeremy Northam, Katie Holmes. Musical fantasy based on Dennis Potter’s screenplay.

1.15am Weatherview 1.20 Sign Zone: Lark Rise To Candleford 2.20 Gardeners’ World 2.50 Helicopter Heroes 3.35 Joins BBC News

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale The Kings bury Matthew. Chas finds herself feeling close to Carl again. Does she just find the name ‘King’ an aphrodisiac or something?

8.00 Planning Wars Programme investigating the impact of increasing development on Britain’s green and pleasant land. Not about the intricacy involved before starting a game of Risk – as rediscovered at Christmas.

9.00 Claire Sweeney’s Big Fat Diet See highlights.

10.00 News At Ten; Weather 10.35 The Krypton Factor Ben Shephard hosts the return of the toughest competition on television.

Four contestants battle it out to win the first semi-final place and the chance to be crowned the Krypton Factor Champion 2009.

11.05 Harry Hill’s TV Burp First of four shows featuring classic clips from previous series.

11.35 No Heroics Sitcom about a group of four superhero friends who spend their off-duty hours in The Fortress, a superheroes-only bar.

Drinking Tennants Super? He, he.

12.05am Crossing Jordan 12.55 Nightwatch With Steve Scott 1.50 Loose Women 2.35 The Jeremy Kyle Show 3.30 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

Sky Sports 2 6.00 Home And Away Belle is wracked with guilt. Quite painful.

6.30 Monkey Life New orangutan Lingga meets her housemates.

7.00 Five News At 7 7.30 Jaguar Adventure With Nigel Marven In the first episode, Nigel tussles with a caiman; glimpses an elusive tapir; and interrupts a pair of mating anacondas. Major faux pas!

8.00 Secrets Of Egypt: Pyramids Historical documentary series probing the secrets of Ancient Egypt.

9.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation Grissom and Greg investigate a driveby shooting. Catherine tries to establish what happened to a young woman who was thrown out of a car and dragged along the street. Avoid cars!

10.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation Lab technician Hodges convinces his fellow techs that Grissom needs their help in cracking the miniature serial killer case.

11.00 Law And Order: Special Victims Unit The detectives go on the trail of a recently paroled rapist responsible for the murder of a prostitute. Not a trucker.

12.00am The FBI Files 1.00 NBA Basketball 3.30 Motocross Review Of The Year 4.20 FIM Supercross Review Of The Year 5.10 Neighbours 5.35 Home And Away

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 Snow Adventures 9.30 Wild Spirits 10.00 Poker 12.00pm Snow Adventures 12.30 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 1.30 Poker 3.30 Wild Spirits 4.00 Big League Weekend 5.00 America’s Game 6.00 Volvo Ocean Race 7.00 Cycling 8.00 Test Cricket 10.00 Poker 12.00am America’s Game 1.00 LIVE International Cricket

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Snow Adventures 7.00 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 8.00 Showjumping: Spruce Meadows Presents 9.00 International Pool Masters 11.00 Racing News 11.30 Aerobics: Oz Style 12.00pm Showjumping: Spruce Meadows Presents 1.00 La Lower Liga Extra Time 1.30 Wild Spirits 2.00 America’s Game 3.00 International Pool Masters 5.00 WWE Smackdown 7.00 Hopman Cup Tennis 10.00 Sports Unlimited 11.00 Volvo Ocean Race 12.00am Football Asia 12.30 Carling Cup Football 2.00 Hyundai A League 2.30 Volvo Ocean Race 3.30 Cycling

Victoria Nangle

extraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

E4

More4

Living

1.00pm Family Court: Judge Penny (x2) 2.00 Lost 3.00 Cold Case 4.00 Malcolm In The Middle (x2) 5.00 The Lion Man (x2) 6.00 Futurama (x2) 7.00 The Simpsons (x2) 8.00 Stargate Atlantis 9.00 Miami SWAT 10.00 Ross Kemp On Gangs: Liverpool 11.00 Football Funnies: It’s Only A Game 12.00am Ross Kemp On Gangs

7.00pm Most Annoying People 2008 8.00 FILM: Look Who’s Talking Too (1990) 9.15 Little Britain Abroad 9.45 The Wrong Door 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Kill It, Cook It, Eat It 11.30 Family Guy (x2) 12.20am Most Annoying People 2008 1.15 How Not To Live Your Life 1.45 How To Rob A Bank

7.00pm News 7.30 Science And Islam 8.30 Tubular Bells: Mike Oldfield. See highlights. 9.00 Prog Rock Brittania: An Observation In Three Movements 10.30 Mad Men 11.15 Prog At The BBC 12.15am Charlie Brooker’s Screenwipe 12.45 Science And Islam 1.45 Prog Rock Brittania

12.00pm Coronation Street (x2) 1.00 Emmerdale 1.30 The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.45 The Ricki Lake Show (x2) 5.15 Sally Jessy Raphael 6.00 Judge Judy (zx2) 7.00 Smallville 8.00 Britain’s Biggest Babies 9.00 FILM: The Mummy Returns (2001) 11.30 FILM: American Pie (1999) 1.20am Teleshopping

9.10am Quincy, ME 10.15 Maigret 11.25 Rising Damp 11.55 Jeeves And Wooster 1.00pm Heartbeat 2.10 Pie In The Sky 3.15 FILM: Carry On Jack (1963) 5.10 Rising Damp 5.35 Heartbeat 6.40 Pie In The Sky 7.45 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 10.00 Flood 12.00am Agatha Christie’s Poirot 1.55 The Wonder Years (x2)

1.05pm Celebrity Big Brother 3.30 Gilmore Girls 4.25 Hollyoaks 4.55 Friends (x2) 6.00 Celebrity Big Brother’s Little Brother 6.30 The Class 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 My Name Is Earl 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 FILM: Speed 2 (1997) 11.30 Celebrity Big Brother’s Big Mouth 12.00am Celebrity Big Brother Live

6.05pm Deal Or No Deal 6.55 Grand Designs 8.00 News 8.30 The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 9.00 Celebrity Come Dine With Me 10.00 True Stories: The Great Chinese Art Revolution 11.05 Stanley Kubrick’s Boxes 12.10am Come Dine With Me 1.15 True Stories: The Great Chinese Art Revolution

1.45pm The Fix 2.00 Nothing To Declare (x2) 3.00 Ghost Whisperer 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 America’s Next Top Model 7.00 Will And Grace (x2) 8.00 Paul McKenna: I Can Make You Thin 9.00 New Most Haunted 10.00 Ghost Whisperer 11.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (x2) 1.00am Will And Grace (x2)

G.O.L.D.

Paramount

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

5.00pm Whatever Happened To The Likely Lads? 5.40 Keeping Up Appearances 6.20 The Good Life 7.00 One Foot In The Grave 7.40 Last Of The Summer Wine (x2) 9.00 Fawlty Towers (x2) 10.20 Dinnerladies 11.00 Men Behaving Badly 11.40 I’m Alan Partridge 12.20am Fawlty Towers (x2)

1.00pm Frasier (x2) 2.00 Becker (x2) 3.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 4.00 The King Of Queens (x2) 5.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 6.00 Frasier (x2) 7.00 Scrubs (x2) 8.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 9.00 South Park 9.30 Scrubs 10.00 Sex And The City (x2) 11.00 Scrubs (x3) 12.30am Sex And The City (x2)

2.00pm Crime Scene USA (x2) 3.00 Deadliest Catch 4.00 Time Team 5.00 Mythbusters 6.00 American Chopper 7.00 How Do They Do It? 7.30 Kevin McCloud’s UK Superstructures 8.00 Deadliest Catch 9.00 Survivorman 10.00 Squid Invasion 11.00 Extreme Forensics 12.00am Crime Scene USA (x2)

11.00am 3rd Rock From The Sun (x2) 12.00pm Star Trek 1.00 Flash Gordon 2.00 Angel 3.00 FILM: Storm Cell (2008) 5.00 Quantum Leap 6.00 Flash Gordon 7.00 Angel 8.00 Eli Stone 9.00 Eli Stone 10.00 FILM: Post Impact (2004) 11.50 FILM: Alone In The Dark (2005) 2.00am 3rd Rock From The Sun (x2)

11.50am Shadow Of A Doubt (1943) 1.40pm The Top 10 Show 1.55 Road To Zanzibar (1941) 3.30 Road To Morocco (1942) 5.00 The Big Clock (1948) 6.40 Shadow Of A Doubt (1943) 8.30 The Blob (1958) 10.05 The High And The Mighty (1954) 12.35am Pimpernel Smith (1941)

12.20pm Gloria (1980) 2.30 Schultze Gets The Blues (2003) 4.25 The Proposition (2005) 6.20 Manhattan Murder Mystery (1993) 8.10 The Good German (2005) 10.00 The Passenger (1975) 12.05am Requiem For A Dream (2000) 1.50 The Counterfeiters (2007) 3.30 Tube Tales (1999)

1.00pm Blanche Fury (1948) 2.50 The Thief Of Bagdad (1940) 4.55 The Hot Rock (1972) 6.55 The Perfect Catch (2005) 9.00 The Full Monty (1997) Stripping in the North with Robert Carlysle. Chilly!

10.45 Once Upon A Time In The West (1968) 2.05am Never Die Alone (2004)

8.55am Meet Me In St Louis (1944) 11.00 The Great Waldo Pepper (1975) 1.00pm A Day At The Races (1937) 3.00 Easter Parade (1948) 4.55 The VIPs (1963) 7.25 Viva Las Vegas (1964) 9.00 Children Of A Lesser God (1986) 11.15 Pink Floyd - The Wall (1982) 1.00am Ice Station Zebra (1968)

Classics

Indie

028_LS405_TV_Wed

12/30/08

9:46 AM

Page 1

wednesday 7 Rick Stein’s Memoirs Of A Seafood Chef BBC2, 9pm Just how did Rick Stein get where he is today? This way. This isn’t just Rick being self-important, but a journey over 30 years of cooking, plus more than a couple of anecdotes from friends and family. And you thought he was an overnight success! No such thing.

On The Fiddle?

BBC1, 9.30pm It’s a thankless job, mostly attacked by Daily Mail readers as not being done properly, but searching out benefit fraudsters is probably the best way we can help that nice Mr Brown to find the money he’s promised to get us out of trouble. Shadowing the investigators, we discover frauds and genuine claimants.

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart More4, 8.30pm In the whirling dirvish of January, getting back to work and finishing the last of the Quality Street, current affairs know-how can slip.

Battle your slippage today with this daily dose of cutting satire.

Award-winning and maintaining a continuity of high quality jibes, it’s well worth watching.

terrestrial

sport

BBC1

BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Wanted Down Under 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 Buy It, Sell It, Bank It? 11.45 Cash In The Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Diagnosis Murder 3.00 BBC News 3.05 LazyTown 3.29 The Owl 3.30 Scoop 4.00 Thumb Wrestling Federation 4.05 Gastronuts 4.35 Best Of Friends 5.05 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link

6.00am Children’s television 9.00 Nuzzle And Scratch 9.20 Harry And Toto 9.30 Nina And The Neurons 9.45 Me Too! 10.05 Mister Maker 10.30 In The Night Garden 11.00 FILM: A Kiss Before Dying (1956) 12.30pm Open Gardens 1.00 See Hear 1.30 Working Lunch 2.00 World Darts 4.30 Murder, She Wrote 5.15 Flog It! Ten Of The Best

6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.15 ITV News And Weather 11.20 Meridian News And Weather 11.25 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV Lunchtime News And Weather 2.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 3.00 Foyle’s War 5.00 Golden Balls

6.00am Children’s television 9.00 Dream Holiday Home 9.30 Colin And Justin’s – How Not To Decorate 10.20 FILM: A Change Of Place (1994) 12.10pm Animal Rescue Squad 12.30 Five News 12.45 Going For Gold 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 Going For Gold Extra 3.10 Five News Update 3.15 FILM: Jane Doe: Ties That Bind (2007) 5.00 Five News 5.30 Neighbours

6.00am LIVE Test Cricket 8.00 Football Asia 8.30 Hyundai A League 9.00 Revista De La Liga 10.00 Football Asia 10.30 Carling Cup Football 12.00pm Test Cricket 2.00 Carling Cup Football 3.30 Revista De La Liga 4.30 Test Cricket 6.00 FIFA Futbol Mundial 7.30 LIVE Carling Cup Football 10.00 Spanish Football 12.00am Carling Cup Football 1.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 2.00 Trans World Sport 4.00 Through The Night

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The Diary Of Anne Frank Otto is shocked to discover that the building has had to be sold, and everyone worries that the new owner will demand access to the annex.

7.30 DIY SOS – Compilation 2 What do Nick and the DIY SOS team do in their week off? Join them in between jobs and find out as they show more of their favourite stories.

7.57 BBC News; Regional News 8.00 Waterloo Road Drama set in a school. Following the fire that nearly destroyed the school, Rachel is keen to start the new term with a clean slate and no more mistakes. Fool.

9.30 On The Fiddle? See highlights.

10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.33 BBC Weather 10.35 The National Lottery Draws 10.45 Movie Connections Documentary about the development of Britain’s biggest movies including Monty Python And The Holy Grail.

11.25 FILM: Another Stakeout (1993) Starring Richard Dreyfuss, Emilio Estevez, Rosie O’Donnell. Cop comedy sequel laced with suspense.

1.10am Weatherview 1.15 Sign Zone: Natural World 2.05 Indian Food Made Easy 2.35 Gardeners’ World Top Tips 3.05 Helicopter Heroes 3.50 Joins BBC News

6.00 Animal Park Dwn at the Bat Cave, Ben and Kate get hands-on with over 30 fruit bats. No marvellous toys though.

7.00 World Darts Coverage of the four remaining second round games from the Lakeside Country Club. But how good are they at Round The Clock? Eh? Eh! 8.00 It’s Not Easy Being Green Dick Strawbridge and son James team up with Lauren Laverne to find out more about living the green life.

We want a Kermit cameo!

8.30 Masterchef John Torode and Gregg Wallace search for the country’s next star chef. Today’s contestants are cooking at Wahaca.

Can they keep their cool and stand the pace of this frantic kitchen? Later, they will have to impress the judges with a two-course meal that shows they have flair, skill and the potential to make it as a great chef. Only one of them will go through to Thursday’s quarter-final and one step closer to becoming MasterChef.

9.00 Rick Stein’s Memoirs Of A Seafood Chef See highlights.

10.30 Newsnight 11.20 World Darts Highlights from day five of the 2009 Lakeside World Professional Darts Championships where the quarter-final line-up was completed earlier today.

12.10am Darts Extra 2.10 BBC News

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Jasmine decides she cannot let Ross take the blame for Shane’s murder. She’s a good girl really. Good-ish.

7.30 Coronation Street Steve is torn between Becky and Michelle. Just like Stretch Armstrong.

8.00 The Bill Nanny Anna Georgiou reports that the baby she has been looking after has gone missing from her bed, and Tony and Samantha have to break the news to the child’s parents. A favourite part of the job.

9.00 Taggart A mutilated body is discovered by some standing stones on a remote island. Ross and Reid travel to the island to investigate, but find the inhabitants to be wary of outsiders. Beware the wicker man!

Plus, stick to the paths and don’t wander onto the moors, too!

10.00 News At Ten; Weather 10.35 Superhuman: World’s Smallest People Series looking at extraordinary humans, with a focus on the shortest people on the planet.

11.35 Carling Cup Highlights When the ball went in the net.

12.35am Nightwatch With Steve Scott: Crime 1.25 Loose Women 2.15 The Jeremy Kyle Show 3.10 Living Without Money: Tonight 3.35 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

6.20am The Hoobs 6.45 Planet Cook 7.05 Celebrity Big Brother’s Little Brother 7.30 Celebrity Big Brother 8.30 Celebrity Big Brother 9.00 Will And Grace 9.30 Will And Grace 10.00 ER 10.50 ER 11.45 Science Scams 12.00pm News At Noon 12.30 Kitchen Pharmacy 12.45 FILM: Warlock (1959) 3.05 Come Dine With Me Extra Portions 3.35 Come Dine With Me Extra Portions 4.10 Deal Or No Deal 4.55 Come Dine With Me Extra Portions 5.25 Come Dine With Me Extra Portions 6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Sarah is sick of seeing Zoe and Mike together. Well, if you will live with them...

7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 3 Minute Wonder 8.00 Relocation, Relocation New parents Stephanie and Dominic are looking for a home in North Somerset and a holiday home to let in Devon or Cornwall. But Stephanie finds it difficult to compromise, and her expectations are far from reality.

9.00 Celebrity Big Brother Highlights of the previous 24 hours.

10.00 Dead Set Horror drama series.

Kelly’s boyfriend Riq fights to survive in the outside world. As the housemates come to terms with their horrifying predicament, producer Patrick finds himself trapped in a room with an idiot. So does the idiot.

11.05 FILM: The Descent (2005) Starring Shauna Macdonald, Natalie Mendoza, Alex Reid, Molly Kayll.

Horror thriller. A caving trip goes horribly wrong for a group of female adrenaline junkies when a rock fall leaves them trapped deep within an uncharted cave system. Proper hidebehind-the-sofa scary.

1.00am Celebrity Big Brother: Live 3.10 Unreported World 3.35 FILM: The Divorce Of Lady X (1938) 5.05 St Elsewhere 5.55 The Hoobs

Sky Sports 2 6.00 Home And Away Charlie drowns her sorrows. In a badly battered washing up bowl from Lidl.

6.30 Monkey Life Young orangutan Hsiao-Ning goes crazy on too much sugary fruit. Cra-azy, baby!

7.00 Five News At 7 7.30 Extraordinary Animals This instalment focuses on Nora, the magnificent piano-playing cat.

8.00 Ice Road Truckers Four veterans of the Yellowknife region – Alex, Hugh, Rick and Drew – travel over 100 miles north of the Arctic Circle to cut their teeth on a new ice road. This challenging route will take them over the frozen ocean for the first time. How will they measure up alongside truckers more familiar with the road? About five foot nine.

9.00 FILM: Murder At 1600 (1997) Starring Wesley Snipes, Diane Lane, Alan Alda. Thriller about a homicide cop who suspects a cover-up when the body of a young woman is found at the White House.

11.10 Shops, Robbers And Videotape Documentary series following police across Britain as they tackle shoplifters.

12.10am PartyPoker.com Women’s World Open II 1.40 NHL Ice Hockey 4.20 V8 Supercars Review Of The Year 5.10 Neighbours 5.35 Home And Away

6.00am LIVE International Cricket 10.00 Poker 12.00pm Hyundai A League 12.30 Football Asia 1.00 Revista De La Liga 2.00 Cycling 3.00 Poker 5.00 NFL: Total Access 6.00 UAE Motor Racing Champonship 6.30 Licence To Le Mans 7.00 Tenpin Bowling 8.00 Test Cricket 10.00 Trans World Sport 11.00 NFL: Total Access 12.00am Hopman Cup Tennis 3.00 Spanish Football: Copa Del Rey

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 International Pool Masters 10.30 Snow Adventures 11.00 Racing News 11.30 Aerobics: Oz Style 12.00pm Cycling 1.00 Snow Adventures 1.30 Mountain Bike World 2.00 NFL: Total Access 3.00 International Pool Masters 4.30 Mountain Bike World 5.00 WWE The Bottom Line 6.00 WWE Afterburn 7.00 Hopman Cup Tennis 10.00 Watersports World 11.00 Tenpin Bowling 12.00am Test Cricket 2.00 Max Power 3.00 Licence To Le Mans 3.30 UAE Motor Racing Champonship

Victoria Nangle

extraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

E4

More4

Living

12.00pm UK Border Force 1.00 Family Court: Judge Penny (x2) 2.00 Lost 3.00 Cold Case 4.00 Malcolm In The Middle (x2) 5.00 The Lion Man (x2) 6.00 Futurama (x2) 7.00 The Simpsons (x4) 9.00 FILM: Die Hard (1988) 11.35 UK Border Force 12.35am Road Wars 1.35 Ross Kemp On Gangs 2.30 Mile High

7.00pm Most Annoying People 2008 8.00 FILM: Lara Croft: Tomb Raider (2001) 9.30 Little Britain 10.00 Kill It, Cook It, Eat It 11.00 Family Guy (x2) 11.50 Most Annoying People 2008 12.45am How Not To Live Your Life 1.15 Filthy Rich And Famous 2.15 From WAGs To Riches 3.15 Kill It, Cook It, Eat It

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Ready To Wear 8.00 The Sky At Night 9.00 Hubble Telescope 10.00 Blast!: Storyville 11.20 Star Men 12.00am Charlie Brooker’s Screenwipe.

Sarcastic and fabulously scathing critique of what’s on your telly. 12.50 The Sky At Night 1.50 Blast!: Storyville 3.10 Star Men

12.00pm Emmerdale 1.00 Airline USA 1.30 The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.45 The Ricki Lake Show (x2) 5.15 Sally Jessy Raphael 6.00 Judge Judy (x2) 7.00 Smallville 8.00 Demons 9.00 FILM: Top Gun (1986) 11.20 Coronation Street 11.50 FILM: Bowfinger (1999) 1.50am Teleshopping

12.05pm Jeeves And Wooster 1.10 Heartbeat 2.15 Pie In The Sky 3.25 FILM: Carry On Cowboy (1965) 5.20 Rising Damp 5.50 Heartbeat 6.55 Pie In The Sky 8.00 Monarch Of The Glen 9.00 Forensic Casebook With Matthew Kelly (x2) 10.00 Cold Blood (x2) 1.00am Maigret 1.55 The Wonder Years (x2)

12.15pm Ugly Betty 1.05 Celebrity Big Brother (x2) 2.40 Celebrity Big Brother Live 4.25 Hollyoaks 4.55 Friends (x2) 6.00 Celebrity Big Brother’s Little Brother 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 My Name Is Earl 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 FILM: Van Wilder (2002) 11.00 Celebrity Big Brother’s Big Mouth 11.35 Celebrity Big Brother Live

5.05pm The Secret Millionaire 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 6.55 Grand Designs 8.00 News 8.30 The Daily Show. See highlights. 9.00 Bremner, Bird And Fortune: Silly Money 10.00 Father Ted 10.35 The IT Crowd 11.00 TV Heaven, Telly Hell (x2) 12.05am Dispatches: Britain’s Challenging Children 1.10 Father Ted

2.00pm Nothing To Declare (x2) 3.00 Ghost Whisperer 4.00 Charmed (X2) 6.00 America’s Next Top Model 7.00 Grey’s Anatomy 8.00 Paul McKenna: I Can Make You Thin 9.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 10.00 CSI: Miami 11.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (x2) 1.00am Will And Grace (x2) 2.00 Private Practice

G.O.L.D.

Paramount

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

4.20pm To The Manor Born 5.00 Whatever Happened To The Likely Lads? 5.40 Keeping Up Appearances 6.20 The Good Life 7.00 One Foot In The Grave 7.40 Last Of The Summer Wine (x2) 9.00 Fawlty Towers (x2) 10.25 Dinnerladies 11.05 Men Behaving Badly 11.40 I’m Alan Partridge 12.20am Fawlty Towers (x2)

1.00pm Frasier (x2) 2.00 Becker (x2) 3.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 4.00 The King Of Queens (x2) 5.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 6.00 Frasier (x2) 7.00 Scrubs (x2) 8.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 9.00 Scrubs (x2) 10.00 Sex And The City (x2) 11.05 Scrubs 11.35 Scrubs (x3) 1.05am Sex And The City (x2)

2.00pm Crime Scene USA (x2) 3.00 Deadliest Catch 4.00 Time Team 5.00 Mythbusters 6.00 American Chopper 7.00 How Do They Do It? 7.30 Kevin McCloud’s UK Superstructures 8.00 Survivorman 9.00 Solved 10.00 Couples Who Kill 11.00 Extreme Forensics 12.00am Crime Scene USA (x2) 1.00 A Haunting

12.00pm Star Trek 1.00 Flash Gordon 2.00 Angel 3.00 FILM: Dark Storm (2006) 5.00 Quantum Leap 6.00 Flash Gordon 7.00 Angel 8.00 Eli Stone 9.10 Eli Stone 10.00 FILM: Storm Cell (2008) 11.50 FILM: Emmanuelle 2000: Emmanuelle And The Art Of Love (2000) 1.30am Ghost Stories

11.10am Sullivan’s Travels (1941) 12.45pm The Movie Geek 1.15 The Apartment (1960) 3.30 A Medal For Benny (1945) 5.00 Panic In The Streets (1950) 6.40 The Night Of The Hunter (1955) 8.20 Rooster Cogburn (1975) 10.10 Sunset Boulevard (1950) 12.10am The Palm Beach Story (1942)

10.50am Kenny (2007) 12.40pm Neil Young: Heart Of Gold 2.30 Away From Her (2006) 4.30 The Top 10 Show 4.50 An Inconvenient Truth (2006) 6.30 A Fish Called Wanda (1988) 8.25 Notes On A Scandal (2006) 10.00 The Last Temptation Of Christ (1988) 12.45am The Big Lebowski (1998)

1.00pm Love Happy (1950) 2.40 Castle Of Cagliostro (1979) 4.45 The 39 Steps (1959) 6.45 Music Of The Heart (1999) 9.00 Independence Day (1996) 11.45 Saw II (2005) Horror sequel. 1.30am If... (1968) Harrowing tale of public school barbarism and rebellion starring Malcolm McDowell.

7.05am Ride The High Country (1962) 8.40 A Night At The Opera (1935) 10.20 Ice Station Zebra (1968) 1.00pm The Maltese Falcon (1941) 3.00 Grand Prix (1966) 5.55 Quo Vadis?

(1951) 9.00 Bronco Billy (1980) 11.05 The Night Of The Iguana (1964) 1.15am Bronco Billy (1980) 3.20 Murder Ahoy (1964)

Classics

Indie

029_LS405_TV_Thu

12/30/08

10:08 AM

Page 1

thursday 8 Cowboy Builders Five, 8pm In Eastbourne a widower and his three daughters are not happy.

Work has been done by a ‘shoddy builder’ on their home and it’s up to Melinda Messenger and Dominic Littlewood (what a team!) to put things right. As Dom lays down the law and Mel lays down the lino, can they make the family happy again?

Dexter ITV1, 10.35pm It’s the second series of the crime show with the USP of being told entirely from the perspective of serial killer Dexter. He is a vigilante serial killer though, so that might make things a bit better. However, he’s losing his knack and as his victims keep escaping so do his chances of remaining anonymous. Oops.

Britain’s Weirdest Phobias ITV2, 8pm If you’re feeling a tad eccentric after an excess of family time, fear not. You’re not terrified of windmills or knees. Yes people, Jacquie is terrified of tall towering objects, including windmills, and Sue can’t even hear the word ‘kneecap’ without flinching. Feeling a smidge more average and normal? Thought so.

terrestrial

sport

BBC1

BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Wanted Down Under 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 Buy It, Sell It, Bank It? 11.45 Cash In The Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Diagnosis Murder 3.00 BBC News 3.05 LazyTown 3.29 The Owl 3.30 Scoop 4.00 Thumb Wrestling Federation 4.05 Prank Patrol 4.35 Little Howard’s Big Question 5.05 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link

6.00 – 8.00am Children’s television 8.00 Sam And Mark’s Guide To Dodging Disaster 8.30 Pinky Dinky Doo 8.45 LazyTown Extra 9.00 Nuzzle And Scratch 9.20 Harry And Toto 9.30 Nina And The Neurons 9.45 Me Too! 10.05 Mister Maker 10.30 In The Night Garden 11.00 FILM: His Majesty O’Keefe (1953) 12.30pm Working Lunch 1.00 Out Of The Blue 1.25 Coast 1.30 World Darts 4.30 Murder, She Wrote 5.15 Flog It! Ten Of The Best

6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.15 ITV News And Weather 11.20 Meridian News And Weather 11.25 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV Lunchtime News And Weather 2.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 3.00 Foyle’s War 5.00 Golden Balls

6.20am The Hoobs 6.45 Planet Cook 7.00 Celebrity Big Brother’s Little Brother 8.00 Celebrity Big Brother 9.00 Will And Grace 9.30 Will And Grace 9.55 ER 10.50 ER 11.50 Science Scams 12.00pm News At Noon 12.30 Kitchen Pharmacy 12.40 Frasier 1.05 FILM: The Man In The Iron Mask (1977) 3.05 Come Dine With Me Extra Portions 3.35 Come Dine With Me Extra Portions 4.10 Deal Or No Deal 4.55 Come Dine With Me Extra Portions 5.25 Come Dine With Me Extra Portions

6.00 – 9.00am Children’s television 9.00 Dream Holiday Home 9.30 Colin And Justin’s - How Not To Decorate 10.20 FILM: Brian’s Song (2001) 12.10pm Animal Rescue Squad 12.30 Five News 12.45 Going For Gold 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 Going For Gold Extra 3.10 FILM: Murder 101: Locked Room Mystery (2008) 5.00 Five News 5.30 Neighbours

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The Diary Of Anne Frank Anne celebrates her 14th birthday.

7.30 EastEnders Janine shows Jay who is in control as her dirty work comes to light. Time to practise that panto witch laugh.

7.57 BBC News; Regional News 8.00 Life Of Riley Sitcom. When Maddy finds a pregnancy test, she is convinced it belongs to one of her stepchildren. Oh, what a lark.

8.30 The Green Green Grass Marlene becomes fed up with her husband’s inattention.

9.00 Hustle Drama. Mickey Bricks returns to London after a close brush with the law in Australia, and finds it a changed place. Won’t stop the con though, oh no. Watch the team gather like storm clouds.

10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.33 BBC Weather 10.35 FILM: Proof Of Life (2000) Starring Meg Ryan, Russell Crowe.

Thriller about a couple having marital problems and living in South America when the husband is kidnapped by anti-government guerrillas.

12.45am Weatherview 12.50 Sign Zone: Panorama 1.20 Around The World In 20 Years 2.20 Gardeners’ World Top Tips 2.50 Helicopter Heroes 3.35 Joins BBC News

6.00 Animal Park Kate Humble and Ben Fogle look behind the scenes at Longleat Safari Park.

7.00 World Darts Ray Stubbs and Bobby George guide us through the first evening of quarter-final action from the 2009 Lakeside World Professional Darts Championships.

8.00 Masterchef In today’s doublelength episode comprising a heat and quarter-final, contestants face three high-pressure tests.

9.00 Victorian Farm Historical observational documentary following a team who live the life of Victorian farmers for a year. Historian Ruth Goodman and archaeologists Alex Langlands and Peter Ginn move into a Victorian smallholding in Shropshire.

Their first task is the restoration of the cottage, including the installation of a new range. Either that or be very thin and hungry Victorians.

10.00 What The Victorians Did For Us Adam Hart-Davis investigates the Victorian innovations that left a lasting impression on British society.

This edition focuses on the Victorian obsession with speed, and the impact of steam power on farming.

10.30 Newsnight 11.20 World Darts Highlights from Frimley Green, where this evening saw the first two semi-final berths decided. Thud!

12.10am Darts Extra 2.10 BBC News

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale The Dingles decide that Marlon deserves his home back.

About time too!

7.30 The Krypton Factor It’s the toughest quiz on TV, and now four more contestants face five gruelling challenges that will push their mental and physical abilities to the limits.

Like being last in the obstacle race at school, this delivers little kudos and much humiliation.

8.00 The Bill After the discovery of Charlotte’s body, Anna Georgiou and her boyfriend are questioned further.

9.00 Total Emergency New series following all three major emergency services as they keep the streets of Sheffield safe. Police raid a flat for drugs, paramedics try to save the life of a man who has taken an overdose, and firefighters tackle a blaze in a flat. Blimmin’ good co-operation.

10.00 News At Ten; Weather 10.35 Dexter See highlights.

11.40 FILM: Freeze Frame (2004) Starring Lee Evans, Sean McGinley, Ian McNeice, Colin Salmon. Crime thriller which sees a murder suspect develop a paranoid tendency to film himself around the clock in order to ensure he always has an alibi.

1.25am Crossing Jordan 2.15 Loose Women 3.05 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Mike’s world has been torn apart by Kris’s revelation about Sarah and Zoe sleeping together. Josh plucks up the courage to propose to Amy. So both good and bad news for that family, then.

7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 3 Minute Wonder 8.00 River Cottage Spring Collection Cookery magazine presented by Hugh FearnleyWhittingstall. Highlights of last year’s successful series following the spring season at Hugh’s River Cottage food business.

9.00 Celebrity Big Brother Highlights of the previous 24 hours in the house. Prima dona strops galore.

10.00 Dead Set Horror drama series.

Patrick and Pippa make a desperate bid for freedom. Joplin thinks he has worked out what is happening. But the undead are still arriving.

11.10 FILM: Wolf Creek (2005) Starring Cassandra Magrath, Kestie Morassi and Nathan Phillips.

Australian horror. Three backpackers are exploring the Outback when they break down in remote Wolf Creek National Park. They soon regret accepting a local bushman’s offer of shelter. Bloody locals.

1.00am Celebrity Big Brother: Live 4.20 Hill Street Blues 5.10 St Elsewhere 5.55 The Hoobs

6.00 Home And Away Kirsty admits that she still has feelings for Miles.

Who wouldn’t? He’s a sweetie!

6.30 Monkey Life Series following the residents of Dorset’s Monkey World Ape Rescue Centre.

7.00 Five News At 7 7.30 Animal Rescue Squad Matt ventures into the wilds of Canada to meet a rare bear who is about to be freed from captivity.

8.00 Cowboy Builders See highlights.

9.00 FILM: Tightrope (1984) Starring Clint Eastwood, Genevieve Bujold, Dan Hedaya, Alison Eastwood, Jennifer Beck and Marco John. Tense thriller in which a New Orleans detective is forced to confront the dark side of his own personality when hunting down a vicious sex killer operating in the French Quarter.

The Jekyll-and-Hyde cop’s inner conflict only intensifies when he falls for the psychologist assigned to the case. Stupid boy.

11.20 Warzone Documentary series following the lives of British servicemen and women at Kandahar Airbase in Afghanistan. In this instalment, a Harrier jump jet is scrambled to fight the Taliban.

12.25am Quiz Call 4.00 Boxing USA 4.45 Wildlife SOS 5.10 Neighbours 5.35 Home And Away

6.00am UAE Motor Racing Champonship 6.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 7.00 European Tour Weekly 7.30 LIVE European Tour Golf: Joburg Open 9.30 Carling Cup Football 11.00 FIFA Futbol Mundial 11.30 Sailing 12.00pm Licence To Le Mans 12.30 Live European Tour Golf: Joburg Open 2.30 Trans World Sport 3.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 4.00 Carling Cup Football 5.30 The Rugby Club 7.00 Barclays Premier League World 7.30 LIVE: Live Spanish Football 10.00 Barclays Premier League World 10.30 Time Of Our Lives 11.30 The Rugby Club 1.00am Spanish Football 2.30 Barclays Premier League World 3.00 Through The Night

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 UAE Motor Racing Champonship 9.30 Licence To Le Mans 10.00 Tenpin Bowling 11.00 UAE Motor Racing Champonship 11.30 Spanish Football: Copa Del Rey 1.30pm Carling Cup Football 3.00 Watersports World 4.00 Tenpin Bowling 5.00 Airsports World 5.30 Golf Night 7.30 LIVE Netball: Super League 10.00 LIVE Sky Poker Five-OO 12.00am NFL: Total Access 1.00 Hopman Cup Tennis 4.00 Spanish Football: Copa Del Rey

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Watersports World 6.30 Snow Adventures 7.00 WWE Experience 8.00 Watersports World 9.00 International Pool Masters 10.30 Snow Adventures 11.00 Racing News 11.30 Aerobics: Oz Style 12.00pm Watersports World 1.00 Snow Adventures 1.30 UAE Motor Racing Champonship 2.00 NFL: Total Access 3.00 International Pool Masters 4.30 Licence To Le Mans 5.00 WWE Vintage Collection 6.00 The Dogs 6.30 Airsports World 7.00 Hopman Cup Tennis 10.00 WWE Late Night Raw 12.00am Extreme Championship Wrestling 1.00 Netball: Super League 3.30 Golf Night Victoria Nangle

extraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

E4

More4

Living

12.00pm UK Border Force 1.00 Family Court: Judge Penny (x2) 2.00 Lost 3.00 Cold Case 4.00 Malcolm In The Middle (x2) 5.00 The Lion Man (x2) 6.00 Futurama (x2) 7.00 The Simpsons (x4) 9.00 Bones 10.00 Cold Case 11.00 Serial Killers Uncovered 12.30am Road Wars 1.30 Ross Kemp On Gangs 2.25 Mile High

7.00pm Most Annoying People 2008 8.00 FILM: Lara Croft Tomb Raider: The Cradle Of Life (2003) 9.45 The Wrong Door 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Kill It, Cook It, Eat It 11.30 Family Guy (x2) 12.20am Most Annoying People 2008 1.15 How Not To Live Your Life 1.45 Almost Famous 2 2.45 Kill It, Cook It, Eat It

7.00pm World News Today 7.40 The New Avengers 8.30 The House Of Chanel 9.00 Ozwald Boateng: Why Style Matters 10.00 Style On Trial 11.00 Men, Women And Clothes 11.15 The Look 12.05am Charlie Brooker’s Screenwipe 12.35 Ozwald Boateng: Why Style Matters 1.35 The House Of Chanel 2.05 Style On Trial

12.30pm Emmerdale 1.00 Airline USA 1.30 The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.45 The Ricki Lake Show (x2) 5.15 Sally Jessy Raphael 6.00 Judge Judy (x2) 7.00 Smallville 8.00 Britain’s Weirdest Phobias.

See highlights. 9.00 FILM: Bowfinger (1999) 11.00 FILM: 48 Hrs (1982) 1.05am Airline USA

12.45pm Heartbeat 1.45 Pie In The Sky 2.50 FILM: Carry On Screaming (1966) 4.45 Monarch Of The Glen 5.55 Heartbeat 6.55 Pie In The Sky 8.00 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 10.00 David Suchet: Poirot And Me 10.05 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 12.10am Jeeves And Wooster 1.15 Maigret 2.40 The Wonder Years (x2)

12.15pm Ugly Betty 1.05 Celebrity Big Brother 4.25 Hollyoaks 4.55 Friends (x2) 6.00 Celebrity Big Brother’s Little Brother 6.30 The Class 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 My Name Is Earl 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 My Name Is Earl 9.30 Bring Back...

Fame 11.00 Celebrity Big Brother’s Big Mouth 11.35 Celebrity Big Brother Live

3.00pm A Place In The Sun (x2) 4.05 How Clean Is Your House? (x2) 5.05 Secret Millionaire 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 6.55 Grand Designs 8.00 News 8.30 The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 9.00 ER 10.00 Brothers And Sisters 11.00 The Closer 12.00am Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares USA 1.00 Secret Millionaire

11.55am Maury (x2) 1.45pm The Fix 2.00 Nothing To Declare (x2) 3.00 Ghost Whisperer 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 America’s Next Top Model 7.00 Private Practice 8.00 Paul McKenna: I Can Make You Thin 9.00 Grey’s Anatomy (x2) 11.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (x2) 1.00 Exposed: Jordan

G.O.L.D.

Paramount

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

5.00pm Whatever Happened To The Likely Lads? 5.35 Keeping Up Appearances 6.15 The Good Life 6.55 One Foot In The Grave 7.40 Last Of The Summer Wine (x2) 9.00 Fawlty Towers (x2) 10.30 Dinnerladies 11.10 Men Behaving Badly 11.50 I’m Alan Partridge 12.30am Fawlty Towers (x2)

3.00pm Two And A Half Men (x2) 4.00 The King Of Queens (x2) 5.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 6.00 Frasier (x2) 7.00 Scrubs (x2) 8.00 Two And A Half Men (x3) 9.30 Rules Of Engagement 10.00 Sex And The City (x2) 11.05 Scrubs (x2) 12.05am Two And A Half Men 12.35 Sex And The City (x2)

2.00pm Crime Scene USA (x2) 3.00 Deadliest Catch 4.00 Time Team 5.00 Mythbusters 6.00 American Chopper 7.00 How Do They Do It? 7.30 Kevin McCloud’s UK Superstructures 8.00 Deadliest Catch 9.00 Solved 10.00 Crime Scene Forensics 11.00 Extreme Forensics 12.00am Crime Scene USA (x2)

11.00am 3rd Rock From The Sun (x2) 12.00pm Star Trek 1.00 Flash Gordon 2.00 Angel 3.00 FILM: Countdown: The Sky’s On Fire (1998) 5.00 Quantum Leap 6.00 Flash Gordon 7.00 Angel 8.00 Eli Stone (x2) 10.00 FILM: Earthstorm (2006) 11.40 FILM: The Prophecy (1994) 2.00am 3rd Rock From The Sun (x2)

12.00pm Steptoe And Son Ride Again (1973) 1.40 Road To Utopia (1945) 3.15 Holiday Inn (1942) 5.00 Sorry, Wrong Number (1948) 6.35 The Blue Dahlia (1946) 8.20 I’ll Never Forget What’s ‘is Name (1969) 10.05 West Side Story (1961) 12.45am Louisiana Purchase (1941)

9.00am Little Miss Sunshine (2006) 10.45 Little Children (2006) 1.10pm The Walker (2007) 3.00 The Movie Geek 3.30 The General (1998) 5.35 Southland Tales (2006) 8.15 Little Miss Sunshine (2006) 10.00 Volver (2006) 12.00am The Movie Geek 12.30 Guy (1996)

1.00pm The Thief (1952) 2.45 Flame Of The Barbary Coast (1945) 4.35 Battle Of The River Plate (1956) 6.50 Explorers (1985) 9.00 Equilibrium (2002) Futuristic rebellion with Christian Bale.11.00 Thank You For Smoking (2005) 12.45am The Puffy Chair (2005) 2.30 Dance Party, USA (2006)

7.30amHow The West Was Won (1962) 10.00 The Screening Room 10.30 Anchors Aweigh (1945) 1.00pm The Philadelphia Story (1940) 3.00 Mogambo (1953) 5.05 The Women (1939) 7.55 Mark Of The Vampire (1935) 9.00 Shaft (1971) 11.00 How The West Was Won (1962) 1.50am Shaft (1971)

Classics

Indie

030_LS405_TV_Fri

12/30/08

12:20 PM

Page 1

friday 9 NCIS Five, 9pm There are subtle ways to find out your cover’s been blown when in deep. A not so subtle one is having your car blown up – with the assumption that you’re inside it. So finds Tony, dedicated worker for the Navy’s federal agency and all round smart Alec.

Surely this can’t be the end of DiNozzo! Who will Jethro smack?

Live At The Apollo BBC1, 10.35pm Lenny Henry goes way back to his roots tonight, presenting a live comedy show and demonstrating just what he’s made of in a standup arena. Following on from his tour a few years ago he’s treading the boards again, this time introducing comedy panelist Andy Parsons and stalwart of the circuit Ed Byrnes to join him.

Pie In The Sky ITV3, 6.55pm Isn’t it great when you have a detective who can tell you who the murderer is while rustling up a particularly lush crème brûlée?

Starring Richard Griffiths as the said detective and a fine supporting cast of Maggie Steed as the missus and Samantha Janus before she’d ever heard of a sister called Roxy; ‘tis lovely.

terrestrial

sport

BBC1

BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Wanted Down Under 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 Buy It, Sell It, Bank It? 11.45 Cash In The Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Diagnosis Murder 3.00 BBC News 3.05 LazyTown 3.29 The Owl 3.30 Scoop 4.00 Thumb Wrestling Federation 4.05 Outback 8 4.35 The Legend Of Dick And Dom 5.05 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link

6.00 – 9.00am Children’s television 9.00 Nuzzle And Scratch 9.20 Harry And Toto 9.30 Nina And The Neurons 9.45 Me Too! 10.05 Mister Maker 10.30 In The Night Garden 11.00 Coast 11.05 FILM: Tall In The Saddle (1944) 12.30pm Working Lunch 1.00 Out Of The Blue 1.25 Coast 1.30 World Darts 4.30 Murder, She Wrote 5.15 Flog It! Ten Of The Best

6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.15 ITV News And Weather 11.20 Meridian News And Weather 11.25 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV Lunchtime News And Weather 2.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 3.00 Foyle’s War 5.00 Golden Balls

6.00 – 9.00am Children’s television 9.00 Dream Holiday Home 9.30 Colin And Justin’s – How Not To Decorate 10.20 FILM: A Mother’s Gift (1995) 12.20pm Zoo Days 12.30 Five News 12.45 Going For Gold 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 Going For Gold Extra 3.10 FILM: A Place Called Home (2004) 5.00 Five News 5.30 Neighbours

6.00am Trans World Sport 7.00 Barclays Premier League World 7.30 Live European Tour Golf: Joburg Open 9.30 Royal Trophy 12.30pm LIVE European Tour Golf: Joburg Open 2.30 Royal Trophy 5.30 Big League Weekend 6.30 Off The Bar 7.00 Barclays Premier League Preview 7.30 LIVE Football League: Championship 10.00 Barclays Premier League Preview 10.30 Off The Bar 11.00 LIVE International Cricket 12.00am LIVE International Cricket

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The Diary Of Anne Frank Anne and her family are awakened by the sound of intruders downstairs.

7.30 A Question Of Sport Sue Barker hosts the sports quiz.

7.57 BBC News; Regional News 8.00 EastEnders Danielle tries to bond with Ronnie but keeps a big secret to herself. Parental joy.

8.30 Parents Of The Band Drama.

Phil is dismayed to learn from Jack’s headmaster that the band has entered the school talent contest.

9.00 QI Stephen Fry is joined by Charlie Higson, Andy Hamilton, Rob Brydon and Alan Davies.

9.30 The Vicar Of Dibley Sitcom.

Geraldine presents a Brain of Dibley competition. As you do.

10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.33 BBC Weather 10.35 Live At The Apollo See highlights.

11.20 National Lottery EuroMillions Draw 11.25 Not Going Out Sitcom.

11.55 FILM: Ruthless People (1986) Danny DeVito, Bette Midler, Judge Reinhold, Helen Slater. Comedy.

1.20am Weatherview 1.25 Sign Zone: Horizon: Where’s My Robot? 2.15 Gardeners’ World Top Tips 2.45 Helicopter Heroes 3.30 Joins BBC News

6.00 Animal Park Kate prepares a thorny treat for the giraffes; Ben is on the run with the pygmy goats, and a keeper’s worst nightmare unfolds as an animal escapes. Surreal, almost.

7.00 World Darts Ray Stubbs and Bobby George present action from the remaining quarter-final matches.

8.00 Natural World Behind the magical call of the cuckoo is a bird that is a cheat, a thief and a killer.

Just how does the cuckoo trick other birds into accepting its eggs and raising its young? Magic beans?

8.50 Coast Neil Oliver visits the Irish capital on the Liffey.

9.00 Around The World In 80 Faiths Pete Owen Jones presents the definitive guide to faith on earth, with eighty rituals across six continents in the space of a year.

10.00 All New Shooting Stars Vic Reeves, Bob Mortimer and Matt Lucas return for a special anniversary edition of the show starring team captains Ulrika Jonsson and Jack Dee, with special guests Peter Jones, Kate Garraway, Christine Walkden and Dizzee Rascal. Eranu!

10.30 Newsnight 11.00 Newsnight Review 11.35 The Culture Show Uncut Culture Show special marking the 50th anniversary of Motown Records.

12.20am World Darts 1.10 Darts Extra 3.10 FILM: Cherps (2005)

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Carl catches Aaron red-handed. Teach him to play with that red paint.

7.30 Coronation Street Peter’s drinking results in Simon being late for school. Drunk dad is so ‘80s.

8.00 Living Without Money (Part Two): Tonight Jonathan Maitland presents the ultimate guide to living through the credit crunch. Blimey!

8.30 Coronation Street Steve’s actions leave Becky broken-hearted. *&%^∆˜µ∆!#@!!!

9.00 Trial And Retribution First of a two-part story as Connor and the team investigate an audacious murder – an ambulance run off the road, and its patient shot in the head.

Some people just have to be sure.

10.00 Murder At Harvey Nicks: Real Crime An examination of the murder of beauty consultant Clare Bernal, who was shot dead in top London department store Harvey Nichols in September 2005 by the ex-boyfriend against whom she had lodged a police complaint.

11.00 The Late News; Weather 11.35 FILM: The Paper (1994) Starring Michael Keaton, Glenn Close, Marisa Tomei, Randy Quaid, Robert Duvall. Comedy drama.

1.35am FILM: On The Edge (2001) 3.00 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

6.20am The Hoobs 6.45 Planet Cook 7.05 Everybody Loves Raymond 7.30 Celebrity Big Brother’s Little Brother 8.00 Celebrity Big Brother 9.00 Will And Grace 9.30 Will And Grace 9.55 ER 10.50 ER 11.45 Science Scams 12.00pm News At Noon 12.30 Kitchen Pharmacy 12.50 FILM: Let’s Make Love (1960) 3.05 Come Dine With Me Extra Portions 3.35 Come Dine With Me Extra Portions 4.10 Deal Or No Deal 4.55 Come Dine With Me Extra Portions 5.25 Come Dine With Me Extra Portions 6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Amy is disgusted to hear of Sarah and Zoe’s fling.

Moralist floozy that she is.

7.00 Channel 4 News 7.35 The Hunt For Britain’s Tightest Person Doc about what happens when money-saving spirals into madness. Top tips, people.

8.00 A Place In The Sun: Down Under Series offering advice on buying property abroad. Shout!

9.00 Celebrity Big Brother The housemates discover which of them will be evicted. Book deals ready?

10.00 Plus One Comedy about Rob Black and his efforts to upstage exgirlfriend Linsey on her wedding day, who left him for Duncan from Blue.

10.35 Celebrity Big Brother: Live Live interview with the first celebrity housemate to be evicted.

11.00 Rude Tube 2009 Matt Kirsten celebrates the funniest and most notorious internet videos. Cheap telly.

11.40 Sunday Night Project Repeat. Obviously, from the name.

12.45am Shockwaves Album Chart Show: Sugababes Special 1.15 The JD Set Presents: Hours 1.25 4Play: White Lies 1.35 Betfair World Series Of Poker Europe 2.35 Celebrity Big Brother: Live 4.15 Trans World Sport 5.05 St Elsewhere 5.55 The Hoobs

Sky Sports 2 6.00 Home And Away Miles realises he is still in love with Kirsty. Like, duh.

6.30 Monkey Life Stump-tailed macaque Koko struggles with her living space. It’s a battle of wills.

7.00 Five News At 7 7.30 Rough Guide To Best Beach Holidays Toby journeys between Africa and the Caribbean to visit two very different beaches; and Julia dons her hiking boots for an adventure on the Cretan coast.

8.00 Police Interceptors Series profiling the work of a high-speed police interception unit in Essex.

9.00 NCIS See highlights.

10.00 Numb3rs American detective drama about a maths genius recruited by the FBI to solve complex criminal cases. Charlie gives up bureau work after he is stripped of his security clearance. However, it is not long before his expertise is called upon in a double murder case. Ya, boo, sucks.

11.00 Law And Order Crime drama series. Briscoe and Green investigate the murder of a successful stockbroker, who was conducting affairs with a mother and her daughter. Not clever.

12.00am Quiz Call 4.00 Great Ocean Adventures: The Giant Sunfish 4.45 Wildlife SOS 5.10 Neighbours 5.35 Home And Away

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 The Rugby Club 10.30 Netball: Super League 1.00pm Spanish Football: Copa Del Rey 2.30 The Dogs 3.00 The Rugby Club 4.30 Airsports World 5.00 NFL: Total Access 6.00 Snow Adventures 6.30 Volvo Ocean Race 7.00 Hopman Cup Tennis 10.00 Tight Lines 11.00 Big League Weekend 12.00am Off The Bar 12.30 Barclays Premier League Preview 1.00 NFL: Total Access 2.00 Big League Weekend 3.00 Off The Bar 3.30 Barclays Premier League Preview 4.00 NFL: Total Access 5.00 LIVE Royal Trophy

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Snow Adventures 7.00 WWE Raw 9.00 International Pool Masters 11.00 Racing News 11.30 Aerobics: Oz Style 12.00pm Airsports World 12.30 Barclays Premier League World 1.00 Snow Adventures 1.30 Airsports World 2.00 NFL: Total Access 3.00 International Pool Masters 5.00 WWE: Raw 7.00 Tight Lines 8.00 Golf Night 10.30 WWE Late Night Smackdown 12.30am WWE Late Night Bottom Line 1.30 Golf Night 4.00 Volvo Ocean Race 4.30 Tight Lines 5.30 Volvo Ocean Race

Victoria Nangle

extraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

E4

More4

Living

12.00pm UK Border Force 1.00 Family Court: Judge Penny (x2) 2.00 Lost 3.00 Cold Case 4.00 Malcolm In The Middle (x2) 5.00 The Lion Man (x2) 6.00 Futurama (x2) 7.00 The Simpsons (x4) 9.00 Ross Kemp On Gangs: Liverpool 10.00 Miami SWAT 11.00 Street Wars 12.00am Road Wars 1.00 Ross Kemp On Gangs

7.00pm Most Annoying People 2008 8.00 Top Gear 9.00 Doctor Who 9.50 Doctor Who Confidential 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Kill It, Cook It, Eat It 11.30 Family Guy (x2) 12.20am Most Annoying People 2008 1.15 How Not To Live Your Life (x2) 2.15 From WAGs To Riches 3.15 The Real Hustle Special: Best Ever Cons

7.00pm News 7.30 Anne Frank Remembered 9.30 Guitar Heroes At The BBC 10.30 Les Paul: Chasing Sound 11.55 Charlie Brooker’s Screenwipe 12.25am The New Avengers 1.20 Guitar Heroes On Later... 2.20 Jeff Beck At Ronnie Scott’s 3.20 Charlie Brooker’s Screenwipe 5.30 Close

12.00pm Emmerdale 12.30 Holiday Showdown Extreme 1.30 The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.45 The Ricki Lake Show (x2) 5.15 Sally Jessy Raphael 6.00 Judge Judy (x2) 7.00 Smallville 8.00 Sleep Walkers: Secrets Of The Night 9.00 FILM: 48 Hrs (1982) 11.05 Coronation Street (x2) 12.05am FILM: Top Gun (1986)

2.20pm Pie In The Sky 3.30 FILM: Carry On Cleo (1965) 5.20 Rising Damp 5.55 Heartbeat 6.55 Pie In The Sky. See highlights. 8.00 David Suchet: Poirot And Me 8.05 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 10.15 David Suchet: Poirot And Me 10.20 Agatha Christie’s Poirot (x2) 2.35 The Wonder Years 3.00 Cagney And Lacey

12.15pm Ugly Betty 1.05 Celebrity Big Brother 2.10 Celebrity Big Brother Live 4.25 Hollyoaks 4.55 Friends 5.30 Friends 6.00 Celebrity Big Brother’s Little Brother 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 My Name Is Earl 8.00 Friends (x2) 8.55 Wife Swap (x2) 11.00 Celebrity Big Brother’s Big Mouth 11.50 Celebrity Big Brother Live

3.00pm A Place In The Sun (x2) 4.05 How Clean Is Your House? (x2) 5.05 Secret Millionaire 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 6.55 Grand Designs 8.00 More4 News 8.30 The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 9.00 FILM: The Talented Mr Ripley (1999) 11.40 Neil Morrissey’s Risky Business 12.45am Secret Millionaire

1.45pm The Fix 2.00 Nothing To Declare (x2) 3.00 Ghost Whisperer 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 America’s Next Top Model 7.00 Will And Grace (x2) 8.00 Paul McKenna: I Can Make You Thin 9.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 10.00 Criminal Minds 11.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (x2) 1.00 Will And Grace (x2)

G.O.L.D.

Paramount

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

5.00pm Whatever Happened To The Likely Lads? 5.40 Keeping Up Appearances 6.20 The Good Life 7.00 One Foot In The Grave 7.40 Last Of The Summer Wine (x2) 9.00 Fawlty Towers (x2) 10.20 Dinnerladies 11.00 Men Behaving Badly 11.40 I’m Alan Partridge 12.15am Fawlty Towers (x2)

1.00pm Frasier (x2) 2.00 Becker (x2) 3.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 4.00 The King Of Queens (x2) 5.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 6.00 Frasier (x2) 7.00 Scrubs (x2) 8.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 9.00 South Park (x2) 10.00 Sex And The City (x2) 11.10 Scrubs (x2) 12.10am Celebrity Death Match 12.40 Jackass

2.00pm Crime Scene USA (x2) 3.00 Deadliest Catch 4.00 Time Team 5.00 Nextworld 6.00 American Chopper 7.00 How Do They Do It? 7.30 Kevin McCloud’s UK Superstructures 8.00 Deadliest Catch 9.00 Survivorman 10.00 NASA’s Greatest Missions 11.00 Extreme Forensics 12.00am Crime Scene USA (x2)

11.00am 3rd Rock From The Sun (x2) 12.00pm Star Trek 1.00 Flash Gordon 2.00 Angel 3.00 FILM: Earthstorm (2006) 5.00 Quantum Leap 6.00 Flash Gordon 7.00 Angel 8.00 Eli Stone (x2) 10.00 FILM: Ground Zero (2000) 11.50 FILM: Emmanuelle’s Private Collection: Sex Goddess (2004)

11.35am Anne Of The Thousand Days (1969) 2.05pm Duck Soup (1933) 3.25 Support Your Local Sheriff! (1969) 5.00 The Desperate Hours (1955) 7.00 House Of Bamboo (1955) 8.45 Flaming Star (1960) 10.20 Lover Come Back (1961) 12.15am Experiment In Terror (1962)

9.00am The Passenger (1975) 11.10 Love Me If You Dare (2003) 12.45pm Jindabyne (2006) 2.50 Schultze Gets The Blues (2003) 4.45 The Page Turner (2006) 6.15 Love Me If You Dare (2003) 7.50 The Passenger (1975) 10.00 Mulholland Drive (2001) 12.30am Happiness (1999)

1.00pm The Red Pony (1949) 2.45 Only The Valiant (1951) 4.55 Big Top Pee-wee (1988) 6.35 The Parent Trap (1998) 9.00 The Untouchables (1987) 11.25 Trainspotting (1996) rving Welsh’s breakthrough scumbag tale of addicts in Scotland, starring Ewan McGregor. 1.15am I Am Cuba (1964)

8.40am Anchors Aweigh (1945) 11.10 The Shop Around The Corner (1940) 1.00pm Key Largo (1948) 3.00 Marlowe (1969) 4.50 Mrs Soffel (1984) 6.50 Arsenic And Old Lace (1944) 9.00 That’ll Be The Day (1973) 10.45 Mutiny On The Bounty (1962) 1.50am That’ll Be The Day (1973)

Classics

Indie

031_LS405_TV_Sat

12/30/08

12:18 PM

Page 1

saturday 10 Eurovision: Your Country Needs You BBC1, 6.45pm Goodbye Tel, hello our Graham.

Since Terry Wogan has bowed out it’s fallen to fellow Irishman Graham Norton to help us pick the British entry to the traditional European contest. Makes sense – ish. Here the singers vie to be picked and Lord Lloyd Webber tells us how the song’s going.

Demons ITV1, 7.45pm The latest in the supernatural drama sees the last descendent of legendary vampire-hunter Van Helsing is given a stake and told to run with it. Luke faces his first proper challenge as children start to disappear and it looks like – yes, you guessed it – half lives are involved and a zombie priest isn’t far away. Darn it!

Style On Trial BBC4, 10pm Those great cultural commentators Stuart Maconie and Lauren Laverne put British style and fashion between the 1940s and 1990s in the dock. To kick off with the ‘40s, they draft in Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen, showgirl and author Immodesty Blaize and columnist Norman Hartnell. Big curls or flat whirls?

terrestrial

sport

BBC1

BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 10.00 Saturday Kitchen 11.30 MasterChef 12.00pm BBC News 12.10 Football Focus 1.00 Great Edinburgh International Cross Country 2.30 World Darts 4.30 Final Score 5.30 BBC News 5.45 Regional News And Weather 5.50 Total Wipeout

6.00am Tikkabilla 6.40 Big Cook Little Cook 7.00 Batfink 7.10 Animalia 7.30 Mortified 8.00 Skunk Fu 8.15 Sportsround 8.30 Richard Hammond’s Blast Lab 9.00 Who Wants To Be A Superhero?

10.00 Basil’s Swap Shop 11.00 Roar 12.00pm Malcolm In The Middle 12.20 The Almost Perfect Guide To Life 12.45 Myths 12.50 Sound 1.20 Trexx And Flipside 1.50 Revealed 2.05 The Sky At Night 2.45 Animal Park 3.30 Ski Sunday: The Alps 4.30 World Darts

6.00am GMTV 9.25 Planet’s Funniest Animals 9.40 The Cosby Mysteries 10.40 FILM: Murder, She Wrote: The Celtic Riddle (2003) 12.20pm ITV News And Weather 12.25 Meridian News And Weather 12.30 FILM: Beethoven’s 4th (2001) 2.20 FILM: Overboard (1987) 4.25 Meridian News And Weather 4.40 ITV News And Weather 4.55 FILM: Nanny McPhee (2005)

6.20am The Hoobs 6.45 Planet Cook 7.05 Volvo Ocean Race 8.00 The Morning Line 8.55 Orange UnsignedAct 10.00 Friends 10.30 Friends 11.00 Celebrity Big Brother: Eviction 12.00pm Celebrity Big Brother: Eviction 12.30 Friends 1.00 Scrubs 1.30 Scrubs 2.00 Channel 4 Racing 4.15 Supernanny US 5.15 John Adams

6.00am LIVE International Cricket 8.00 Off The Bar 8.30 Barclays Premier League Preview 9.00 Soccer AM 12.00pm Gillette Soccer Saturday 12.30 LIVE Ford Football Special 3.00 Gillette Soccer Saturday 5.15 LIVE Football League: Championship 7.30 You’re On Sky Sports 8.25 Football First: Game Of The Day 10.15 Football First: Match Choice 11.45 Football First: Match Choice 1.15am Football First: Match Choice 2.45 Football First: Match Choice 4.15 Spanish Football

6.45 Eurovision: Your Country Needs You See highlights.

7.45 The National Lottery: In It To Win It Dale Winton hosts the quiz show where five contestants compete to be in the right place at the right time in a bid to win a big money jackpot. All five could share it or just one of them could take the lot!

8.35 Casualty Zoe ignores Sharice’s pleas for help, with devastating consequences. Adam and Alex clash over Alex’s operation and things go from bad to worse for Jessica.

Always a difficult address to own.

9.25 Outtake TV Anne Robinson presents amusing outtakes from TV shows. See if she can laugh through the Botox.

9.55 BBC News 10.15 Match Of The Day Gary Lineker presents Premier League highlights. Liverpool’s title challenge continues against Stoke City. Arsenal play host to Bolton Wanderers. Roy Hodgson’s Fulham face Blackburn Rovers while Aston Villa host fellow Midlanders West Bromwich Albion.

11.35 FILM: Remember The Titans (2000) Starring Denzel Washington.

Drama telling the true story of a black American football coach who must overcome hostility from colleagues and players alike in order to lead his racially integrated team to glory.

1.20am Weatherview 1.25 Joins BBC News

6.30 What The Victorians Did For Us Adam Hart-Davis visits the home of an eccentric scientist who was reputed to have created life, goes fossil hunting at Lyme Regis, recreates a Victorian seance, and examines devices designed for waking the dead. Mega alarm clock.

7.00 Victorian Farm Historical observational documentary series following a team who live the life of Victorian farmers for a year. Repeat of Thursday’s programme.

8.00 Dad’s Army Mainwaring lets Frazer take over in a bid to end his grumbling. All panicking shall cease.

8.30 History Of Scotland Documentary series. Neil Oliver charts the 13th century story of the two ruthless men who helped transform the Gaelic kingdom of Alba into the Scotland we recognise today.

9.30 Three Men In More Than One Boat Griff Rhys-Jones, Dara O Briain and Rory McGrath return.

10.30 QI Quiz show in which contestants earn more points if their answers are ‘quite interesting’.

11.10 FILM: Snow Cake (2006) Starring Alan Rickman, Sigourney Weaver. Drama focused on the friendship between a high-functioning autistic woman and a man who is traumatised after a fatal car accident.

1.00am FILM: Tadpole (2002) 2.10 FILM: The Mystic Masseur (2001)

6.45 New You’ve Been Framed!

Harry Hill showcases more of the funniest footage filmed by viewers on their camcorders and mobile phones.

7.15 Harry Hill’s TV Burp A collection of more clips from previous series. Still funny but disappointing it’s not new.

7.45 Demons See highlights.

8.45 All Star Family Fortunes This week sees Boyzone’s Shane Lynch play against West End star and judge of Dancing on Ice, Ruthie Henshall. Vernon Kay sends up the cheesy host a little too well. Huzzah!

9.30 FILM: The World Is Not Enough (1999) Starring Pierce Brosnan, Sophie Marceau, Robert Carlyle, Denise Richards, Robbie Coltrane and Judi Dench. British secret agent James Bond is embroiled in an allaction race to defuse an international power struggle as the world’s oil supply hangs in the balance. Plus, get the girl and foil the evil baddie who feels no pain. Only disappointment and a compulsion to tell all to Bond.

10.45 ITV News And Weather 11.00 FILM: The World Is Not Enough (1999) Still not satisfied with just the world. Bah! Kids today...

12.05am FILM: Red Skies (2002) 1.40 Nightwatch With Steve Scott 2.30 Nightwatch With Steve Scott 3.20 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

6.30 Channel 4 News 7.00 Time Team The Time Team crew travel to a field in Hertfordshire in search of a Roman temple site, an archaeological find which has eluded the team throughout the years.

Generally they just find dinky walls and the odd fork. Will there be more this time? What d’you reckon?

8.00 The Real Dad’s Army Documentary series telling the full story of what life was like for the men in charge of Britain’s defences during World War II and debunking myths about the ramshackle nature of the Home Guard. No panicking.

9.00 Celebrity Big Brother Highlights from the previous 24 hours in the Big Brother house.

10.05 FILM: Final Destination 3 (2006) Starring Mary Winstead, Ryan Merriman, Kris Lemche, Alexz Johnson and Jesse Moss. Horror sequel as death once more tries to catch up with a group of young people who narrowly avoid a rollercoaster crash when one of their number foresees the accident.

Ridiculous oxymoron of a title.

11.50 Morrissey Video Exclusive 11.55 T-Mobile Transmission 12.25am T-Mobile Transmission 1.00 Celebrity Big Brother: Live 3.20 Hill Street Blues 4.10 St Elsewhere 4.55 Scrapheap Challenge 5.55 The Hoobs

6.00am Sunrise 7.00 Chiro 7.05 Milkshake! Music Box 7.15 Franklin 7.40 Harry And His Bucket Full Of Dinosaurs 7.55 Hana’s Helpline 8.10 The Adventures Of Bottle Top Bill And His Best Friend Corky 8.25 Play! 8.40 Bert And Ernie’s Great Adventures 8.50 Roobarb And Custard Too 9.00 The Mr. Men Show 9.15 Rupert Bear 9.30 Jane And The Dragon 10.00 Fifth Gear 11.00 Zoo Days 11.30 FILM: The 5,000 Fingers Of Dr T (1953) 1.15pm Dangerous Adventures For Boys 2.20 FILM: Paratrooper (1953) 4.05 FILM: Blood Alley (1955) 6.15 FILM: Brannigan (1975) Starring John Wayne, Richard Attenborough, Mel Ferrer and LesleyAnne Down. A tough Chicago cop arrives in London to apprehend a fugitive criminal, but his strong-arm tactics do not go down well in the more reserved British police environment. I say, old chap!

8.10 Five News And Sport 8.25 NCIS Tony’s undercover mission comes to an end when his car is blown up – seemingly with him inside it. Repeat of yesterday’s show.

9.25 CSI: NY New York-based spinoff of the crime drama series. The CSIs embark on a citywide hunt for a violent bank robber who has left a trail of destruction in his wake after fleeing the scene of an audacious heist. If he’s left a trail it shouldn’t be too big a feat. It’s not like bread crumbs or another consumable path.

10.25 Law And Order A female veteran of the second Gulf War is found murdered, and the evidence points to the sister of a former inmate of Abu Ghraib prison. Never going to be straightforward.

11.25 The FBI Files Documentary series charting the work of the FBI’s crime lab.

12.10am Quiz Call 4.00 Great Ocean Adventures: The Humpback Whale 4.45 Wildlife SOS 5.10 House Doctor (x2)

Sky Sports 2 6.00am LIVE Royal Trophy 9.00 America’s Game 10.00 Volvo Ocean Race 10.30 Live European Tour Golf: Joburg Open 2.30pm LIVE Premiership Rugby Union 5.00 LIVE Premiership Rugby Union 7.00 Golf Night 9.30 LIVE NFL 1.00am LIVE NFL 4.30 America’s Game 5.30 Volvo Ocean Race

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Sports Unlimited 7.00 Volvo Ocean Race 7.30 British Ice Hockey 10.00 WWE Smackdown 12.00pm WWE The Bottom Line 1.00 International Cricket 3.00 Max Power 4.00 Sports Unlimited 5.00 WWE Smackdown 7.00 WWE The Bottom Line 8.00 International Cricket 10.00 Extreme Championship Wrestling 11.00 WWE Smackdown 1.00am WWE Late Night Bottom Line 2.00 Golf Night 4.30 Gillette World Sport 5.00 LIVE Royal Trophy

Victoria Nangle

extraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

E4

More4

Living

12.00pm Stargate Atlantis 1.00 UK Border Force (x2) 3.00 All Star Don’t Forget The Lyrics (x2) 5.00 Futurama (x2) 6.00 Gladiators 7.00 Futurama (x2) 8.00 The Simpsons (x4) 10.00 Ross Kemp On Gangs: Liverpool 11.00 FILM: Shark Swarm (2008) 12.45am 24: Redemption 2.35 Reps In Ibiza

7.00pm The Real Hustle 7.15 The Real Hustle: High Stakes 7.45 Top Gear 8.45 FILM: Lara Croft: Tomb Raider (2001) 10.20 Family Guy (x2) 11.05 Pulling 11.35 Pulling (x12) 5.30an Close

7.00pm Little Dorrit (x3) 9.00 Ozwald Boateng: Why Style Matters 10.00 Style On Trial. See highlights.

11.00 Legends: Roy Orbison 12.00am Roy Orbison And Friends: A Black And White Night 1.05 Ozwald Boateng: Why Style Matters 2.05 Little Dorrit (x3) 5.30 Close

3.10pm All Star Family Fortunes 3.55 Planet’s Funniest Animals 4.25 Take That Come To Town 5.25 FILM: The Mummy (1999) 7.45 Superhuman: Super Strong 8.50 Girls Aloud: The Hot Desk 9.00 FILM: American Pie 2 (2001) 11.00 FILM: Mission: Impossible II (2000) 1.25am Smallville

2.45pm Agatha Christie’s Poirot 4.50 David Suchet: Poirot And Me 4.55 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 7.05 David Suchet: Poirot And Me 7.10 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 9.25 David Suchet: Poirot And Me 9.30 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 11.35 Behind The Scenes Of Poirot 12.35am Agatha Christie’s: Seven Dials Mystery

12.10pm Ugly Betty 1.00 Celebrity Big Brother Live 3.00 Hollyoaks Omnibus 5.30 Friends (x2) 6.25 Celebrity Big Brother 7.30 Celebrity Big Brother: Live 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 The 100 Greatest Kids’ TV Shows 10.40 Celebrity Big Brother Diary Room Uncut 11.45 Celebrity Big Brother Live

10.00am Time Team (x4) 2.10pm FILM: The Mark Of Zorro (1974) 3.40 Grand Designs (x3) 6.55 Grand Designs Revisited (x2) 9.00 Time Team Special 10.00 The Great Wall Of China 12.10am The West Wing 1.10 The Great Wall Of China 3.00 Time Team Special 4.00 Close

9.00am Dharma And Greg (x2) 10.00 Charmed 11.00 Blood Ties 12.00pm So You Think You Can Dance (x2) 2.00 Nothing To Declare (x8) 6.00 Will And Grace (x2) 7.00 Ghost Whisperer 8.00 Most Haunted Live: The Search For Evil 12.00am Ghost Hunters 1.00 Blood Ties 2.00 Home Video Heroes (x2)

G.O.L.D.

Paramount

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

2.20pm Ever Decreasing Circles (x2) 3.40 Last Of The Summer Wine (x2) 5.00 The Fall And Rise Of Reginald Perrin (x2) 6.20 The Good Life (x2) 7.40 Only Fools And Horses (x2) 8.20 Only Fools And Horses 9.00 Jonathan Creek (x2) 11.15 FILM: AI: Artificial Intelligence (2001) 2.05am Jonathan Creek

2.00pm Two And A Half Men (x2) 3.00 Frasier (x2) 4.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 5.00 Frasier (x2) 6.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 7.00 Frasier (x2) 8.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 9.00 South Park (x2) 10.00 Chris Rock: Bigger And Blacker 11.25 Dave Chappelle: Comedy Half Hour 12.00am South Park (x2)

2.00pm Egypt’s New Tomb Revealed 3.00 Crime Scene USA (x2) 4.00 Unsolved Murders (x2) 5.00 Nextworld 6.00 Kevin McCloud’s UK Superstructures (x2) 7.00 Survivorman 8.00 Squid Invasion 9.00 FILM: Red Planet (2000) 11.30 Crime Scene USA (x2) 1.00am A Haunting 2.00 Crime Scene Australia

6.00am FILM: Ground Zero (2000) 8.00 Teleshopping 11.00 Eli Stone (x6) 5.00pm The Flash Gordon Story 6.00 FILM: Storm Cell (2008) 8.00 Eli Stone (x2) 10.00 FILM: Countdown: The Sky’s On Fire (1998) 11.50 FILM: Emmanuelle 2000: Intimate Encounters (2000) 1.40am FILM: Dead & Deader (2006)

11.50am War Of The Worlds (1953) 1.20pm Bigger Than Life (1956) 3.00 The Lost Weekend (1945) 5.00 Call Northside 777 (1948) 7.00 Fourteen Hours (1951) 8.40 Tell Them Willie Boy Is Here (1969) 10.25 War Of The Worlds (1953) 12.00am Here Come The Waves (1944)

9.00am A Scanner Darkly (2006) 11.00 Mo’ Better Blues (1990) 1.15pm The Movie Geek 1.45 The Serpent (2006) 3.50 New Police Story (2004) 5.55 A Scanner Darkly (2006) 7.40 35mm 8.10 Sunshine (2007) 10.00 The Beach (2000) 12.00am Mo’ Better Blues (1990) 2.10 Ravenous (1999)

1.00pm Small Time Crooks (1999) 2.50 The Cassandra Crossing (1977) 5.20 The 39 Steps (1959) 7.10 Elf (2003) 9.00 The Full Monty (1997) 10.45 Rosemary’s Baby (1968) Classic horror starring Mia Farrow as Rosemary, whose baby gets the demon treatment.

1.25am I Am Cuba: The Siberian Mammoth (2005)

8.35am Village Of The Damned (1960) 10.05 The Shoes Of The Fisherman (1968) 1.00pm The Cincinnati Kid (1965) 3.00 The Champ (1979) 5.20 Murder Most Foul (1964) 7.00 Falling In Love (1984) 9.00 Scarecrow (1973) 11.15 The Prize (1963) 1.45am Scarecrow (1973) 3.50 The Golden Arrow (1936)

Classics

Indie

032_LS405_TV_Sun

12/30/08

2:14 PM

Page 1

sunday 11 Dancing On Ice ITV1, 7pm The heavy falls, the running about on razor-sharp knives, the celebs being gravity-embracing – it’s all here and back with Pip Schofield and lovely preggers Holly Willoughby. Celebs having a bash – some literally – include Todd Carty, Coleen Nolan, Jeremy Edwards, Melinda Messenger, Gemma Bissix and Ray Quinn.

The Real Sir Alan BBC2, 9pm From selling beetroot in the East End to telling toffs ‘you’re fired’, it’s been a journey and a half for Sir Alan Sugar. Fiona Bruce tells the tale, with unprecedented access to the man himself and his views, and further asides from Gordon Brown, Rupert Murdoch and – a television first – his other half, Lady Ann. Spill time.

Re: Joyce!

BBC4, 8pm Before Victoria Wood, there was Joyce Grenfell. Known for her humorous monologues and feted in radio and television circles, as well as a certain degree of film acting, she was a classic comedic actress. Here, Maureen Lipman recreates her acclaimed stage celebration of the work of Joyce. Lovely.

terrestrial

sport

BBC1

BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 7.40 Match Of The Day 9.00 The Andrew Marr Show 10.00 The Big Questions 11.00 Countryfile 12.00pm BBC News 12.05 ‘Allo ‘Allo!

12.35 Diagnosis Murder 1.20 EastEnders 3.20 FILM: The Horse Whisperer (1998)

6.00am Tikkabilla 6.40 Big Cook Little Cook 7.00 Batfink 7.10 Animalia 7.30 Mortified 7.55 Prank Patrol Pocketsize 8.00 The Revenge Files Of Alistair Fury 8.30 Only In America 9.00 Escape From Scorpion Island 10.00 Something For The Weekend 11.30 Rachel’s Favourite Food At Home 12.00pm Animal Park 1.00 Fred Dibnah’s Made In Britain 1.30 Masters Snooker 5.00 Natural World 5.50 World Darts

6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Championship 10.25 Coronation Street Omnibus 12.45pm ITV News And Weather 12.55 Meridian News And Weather 1.00 FILM: Big Fat Liar (2002) 2.40 FILM: The Secret Of My Success (1987) 4.45 Meridian News And Weather 5.00 ITV News And Weather 5.15 Creature Comforts 5.30 The Krypton Factor

6.00 The Best Of You’ve Been Framed! Animals Special Harry Hill delves into the archive to present an animal special. Woof, miaow, eek!

7.00 Dancing On Ice See highlights.

8.30 Wild At Heart Drama. It looks like Evan’s days are numbered at Leopard’s Den as Danny fails in his attempts to get custody of him.

The once affluent Mara has gone bust and asset-strippers have removed all the prey animals leaving the lions hungry and dangerous. It’s an accident waiting to happen, we tell you – practically a Casualty intro!

9.30 Dancing On Ice – The Skate Off As the phone lines close, Pip and Holly announce which of the famous faces have the least votes, and who will have to skate again. None of the funds raised go to Ant and Dec. 10.00 ITV News And Weather 10.15 FILM: On Deadly Ground (1994) Starring Steven Seagal, Michael Caine. Action-packed thriller about an oil-rig firefighter who opposes an ecologically unsound scheme proposed by his sometime employer. Great. Seagal saves the planet by blowing things up. Hmm. 12.05am Guinness Premiership Rugby 1.00 Raines 1.50 60 Minute Makeover 2.40 Coastal Kitchen 3.05 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

6.00 – 8.00am Children’s television 8.00 The Adventures Of Bottle Top Bill And His Best Friend Corky 8.20 Play! 8.30 Bert And Ernie’s Great Adventures 8.40 Roobarb And Custard Too 8.50 The Mr. Men Show 9.05 Rupert Bear 9.15 Mist: Sheepdog Tales 9.35 Jane And The Dragon 10.00 Secrets Of Egypt: Pyramids 11.00 Megastructures 12.00pm Numb3rs 1.00 Massive Speed 1.30 FILM: The Big Valley – The Road To Nowhere (1967) 3.30 FILM: Firecreek (1968) 5.30 Five News 5.45 FILM: Krull (1983) 8.00 Ice Road Truckers Documentary series examining the lucrative, but highly dangerous, job of driving trucks on Canada’s notorious ice highways. Skidding does not get you bonus points in this game.

9.00 FILM: Men In Black II (2002) Starring Will Smith, Tommy Lee Jones, Rip Torn, Lara Flynn Boyle and Rosario Dawson. Action-packed sequel to the sci-fi comedy about a top secret government task force set up to deal with unruly extraterrestrials. An MIB agent turns to the only man who can help him save the world from a rampaging, shape-shifting alien which has taken on the outward appearance of a sexy lingerie model. Trick so and so. How to attack without tearing the lace?

10.45 FILM: Blazing Saddles (1974) Starring Cleavon Little, Gene Wilder, Slim Pickens, Madeline Kahn, Harvey Korman and Liam Dunn. Irreverent spoof western about a black sheriff hired by a crooked speculator to drive citizens out of an all-white town which lies in the path of a railroad.

Bit of trivia for you, kids – this was the first time farting was ever allowed on film. Cowboys, beans – could anything else have happened?

12.35am Urban Legends 1.05 FIFA Club World Cup Finals 3.00 UEFA Cup Classics 4.30 A1 Grand Prix 5.10 House Doctor (x2)

6.00am FIFA Futbol Mundial 6.30 Football First: Match Choice (x2) 9.30 Sunday Supplement 11.00 Goals On Sunday 1.00pm Live Ford Super Sunday (x2) 6.30 Super Sunday: The Last Word 7.00 LIVE Spanish Football 10.00 Ford Football Special 11.30 Scottish Cup Football (x2) 2.00am Ford Football Special 3.30 Super Sunday: The Last Word 4.00 Spanish Football 5.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial

8.00 The Best Of Top Gear Jeremy, James and Richard travel to Belgium to do battle with the German presenters of D Motor – Top Gear’s German equivalent. Also in the show, Richard travels to the Alps where he races his Audi RS6 against two extreme speed skiers, and Jeremy travels to the countryside to go foxhunting in Daihatsu Terios. The star in the reasonably priced car is the Mayor of London Boris Johnson.

All perfectly fabulous entertainment whether you drive or not.

9.00 The Real Sir Alan See highlights.

10.00 Match Of The Day 2 Adrian Chiles presents the final word on the weekend’s Barclays Premier League action, including highlights from Manchester United v Chelsea and Wigan v Tottenham.

11.00 Ideal Sitcom about a smalltime dope dealer and his strange collection of acquaintances. When Moz is rushed to hospital with a suspected heart attack, his girlfriend Nicki reignites her affair with the police constable. Friendly like.

11.30 Ideal Moz reminisces about 1993, the year he first moved into the flat. We learn how he first met Nicki and Cartoonhead, almost got killed by Stemroach and started dealing.

12.00am Masters Snooker 12.50 Snooker Extra 2.50 Nero Wolfe Mysteries

6.20am The Hoobs 6.45 Planet Cook 7.05 Trans World Sport 8.00 Freesports On 4: Freeze 8.55 4Music Sessions: Alphabeat 9.15 Hollyoaks Omnibus 11.45 Celebrity Big Brother 12.45pm Celebrity Big Brother’s Little Brother 1.45 Orange UnsignedAct 2.50 Friends 3.25 Orange UnsignedAct: The Result 3.40 The Simpsons 4.10 The Simpsons 4.45 Deal Or No Deal 5.30 Time Team 6.30 Channel 4 News 7.00 Christianity: A History Howard Jacobson examines the origins and consequences of Christian belief, speaking to Christian and Jewish scholars and visiting Jerusalem, Bethlehem, Galilee and Rome to find out more about the life of Jesus.

The bloke with a few ideas.

8.00 Celebrity Wife Swap A special celebrity edition of the reality programme in which people swap their lives for a short period.

Food and wine critic Jilly Goolden exchanges lives with the wife of soul singer Alexander O’Neal.

9.00 Celebrity Big Brother Highlights of the previous 24 hours.

10.00 Sunday Night Project Justin Lee Collins and Alan Carr are joined by guest host James Corden for the usual mix of sketches, news and audience interaction.

11.10 FILM: In And Out (1997) Starring Kevin Kline, Tom Selleck, Joan Cusack, Matt Dillon. Engaging comedy in which a small-town schoolteacher is ‘outed’ at the Academy Awards by an ex-student who has won an Oscar.

12.55am Celebrity Big Brother: Live 3.25 Dispatches: Britain’s Challenging Children 4.15 Hill Street Blues 5.05 St Elsewhere 5.55 The Hoobs

6.00 Songs Of Praise Diane Louise Jordan explores Cornwall where she uncovers the secret life of seals, meets skateboarding surfers, walks in the footsteps of Cornwall’s patron saint and makes sure that her visit to a Cornish tin mine goes with a bang.

6.35 BBC News 6.45 Regional News; Weather 7.00 Antiques Roadshow Fiona Bruce and the team return for another busy day at the Titanic Drawing Offices in Belfast. First edition Bible?

8.00 Lark Rise To Candleford Dorcas Lane sets out to defeat the dashing property developer in the parish council elections.

9.00 Swarm: Nature’s Incredible Invasions Documentary series revealing the incredible swarm intelligence that lies behind animal invasions, narrated by David Tennant.

Millions of things to give you nightmares and fascinate small boys.

10.00 BBC News 10.20 FILM: Cast Away (2000) Starring Tom Hanks, Helen Hunt, Nick Searcy, Chris Noth. Adventure drama in which an obsessive executive for a worldwide delivery company finds himself stranded on a desert island after his flight home for Christmas.

12.35am Weatherview 12.40 Sign Zone: Commercial Breakdown With Jimmy Carr 1.20 Holby City 2.20 Joins BBC News

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Wild Spirits 7.00 Spanish Football 8.30 LIVE International Cricket: Twenty20 International 12.00pm LIVE Scottish Cup Football 2.45 NFL 5.30 NFL: Livewire 6.00 LIVE NFL 9.30 LIVE NFL 1.00am NFL: Top Ten 2.00 International Cricket: Twenty20 International 5.30 Close

Sky Sports 3 6.00am LIVE Royal Trophy 9.00 Gillette World Sport 9.30 WWE: Afterburn 10.30 LIVE European Tour Golf: Joburg Open 2.30pm Royal Trophy 6.30 WWE Experience 7.30 Golf Night 10.00 WWE Late Night Afterburn 11.00 WWE Vintage Collection 12.00am Golf Night

Victoria Nangle

extraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

E4

More4

Living

9.00am Road Wars 10.00 Gladiators 11.00 WWE: Experience 12.00pm Futurama (x4) 2.00 Cold Case (x2) 4.00 Futurama (x2) 5.00 The Simpsons (x2) 6.00 Gladiators 7.00 The Simpsons (x4) 9.00 FILM: City Of Angels (1998) 11.10 Golden Globes Red Carpet Live 2009 12.30am Street Wars 1.25 Miami SWAT

7.00pm FILM: Look Who’s Talking Now (1993) 8.35 FILM: High School Musical 2 (2007) 10.20 Family Guy (x2) 11.05 Pulling (x12)

7.00pm Stephen Fry In America 8.00 Re: Joyce!.

See highlights. 9.40 Mark Lawson Talks To Maureen Lipman 10.40 Eskimo Day 12.05am Funny Women 12.35 Stephen Fry In America 1.35 Mark Lawson Talks To Maureen Lipman 2.35 Re: Joyce!

9.45am Dancing On Ice: The Final 2008 11.50 Dancing On Ice: The Final Skate Off 2008 12.20pm FILM: The Mummy Returns (2001) 2.40 Emmerdale Omnibus 5.30 Coronation Street Omnibus 8.00 Demons 9.00 FILM: Mission: Impossible II (2000) 11.25 FILM: The Saint (1997) 1.45am Dancing On Ice

3.35pm David Suchet: Poirot And Me 3.40 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 5.50 David Suchet: Poirot And Me 5.55 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 8.00 Super Sleuths: Poirot 9.00 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 11.00 Sherlock Holmes: The Eligible Bachelor 1.15am FILM: Nora Roberts Collection: Blue Smoke (2007) 2.50 Quincy, ME

12.10pm Ugly Betty 1.05 FILM: Hercules (2004) 2.45 Celebrity Big Brother Live 5.00 Friends 5.30 Friends 5.55 Celebrity Big Brother 7.00 Celebrity Big Brother’s Little Brother 8.00 Friends 8.30 Friends 9.00 The 100 Greatest Kids’ TV Shows 11.10 Celebrity Big Brother Diary Room Uncut 12.15am Celebrity Big Brother Live

1.45pm Location, Location, Location (x5) 4.35 Come Dine With Me (x5) 7.25 Jamie At Home 7.55 The View From River Cottage (x2) 9.00 Gordon Ramsay’s F Word 10.00 Surviving Gazza 11.20 Father Ted 11.50 The IT Crowd 12.25am Curb Your Enthusiasm 1.05 The View From River Cottage (x2)

9.30am Dharma And Greg 10.00 Charmed 11.00 Blood Ties 12.00pm Extreme: Skinny Celebrities 3 1.00 Paul McKenna: I Can Make You Thin (x5) 6.00 RSPCA Animal Rescue (x2) 7.00 Nothing To Declare (x2) 8.00 Most Haunted Live: The Search For Evil 12.00am Ghost Hunters 1.00 Blood Ties

G.O.L.D.

Paramount

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

12.00pm The Two Ronnies 1.00 The Vicar Of Dibley (x2) 2.20 My Family (x2) 3.40 Last Of The Summer Wine (x2) 5.00 The Fall And Rise Of Reginald Perrin (x2) 6.20 Citizen Smith (x2) 7.40 The Vicar Of Dibley (x2) 9.00 Open All Hours (x2) 10.20 Porridge (x2) 11.40 Open All Hours (x2) 1.05am Porridge (x2)

2.00pm Two And A Half Men (x2) 3.00 Frasier (x2) 4.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 5.00 Frasier (x2) 6.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 7.00 Frasier (x2) 8.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 9.00 South Park (x2) 10.00 Richard Pryor Live In Concert 11.35 Bill Hicks: One Night Stand 12.05am South Park (x2) 1.00 Frasier (x2)

10.00am Chop Shop (x2) 12.00pm Hitler’s Generals (x2) 2.00 American Chopper (x5) 7.00 Why Ancient Egypt Fell 8.00 Survivorman 9.00 FILM: Red Planet (2000) 11.30 Crime Scene USA: Body Of Evidence 12.00am Solved 1.00 A Haunting 2.00 Crime Scene Australia 3.00 Why Ancient Egypt Fell

6.00am FILM: Nature Unleashed: Tornado (2004) 8.00 Teleshopping 11.00 Eli Stone (x6) 5.00 FILM: Earthstorm (2006) 7.00 FILM: Dark Storm (2006) 9.00 Eli Stone 10.00 FILM: Hell’s Rain (2007) 11.50 FILM: Vampire In Brooklyn (1995) 1.50am 3rd Rock From The Sun (x2) 3.00 Angel

9.55am The Guns Of Navarone (1961) 12.35pm The Movie Geek 1.05 Holiday Inn (1942) 2.50 Hellfighters (1969) 5.00 Kiss Of Death (1947) 6.45 Night And The City (1950) 8.25 The Guns Of Navarone (1961) 11.05 Hellfighters (1969) 1.10am Steptoe And Son Ride Again (1973)

9.00am Days Of Glory (2005) 11.10 Kenny (2007) 12.55pm The Singer (2006) 2.55 Paris, Je T’Aime (2006) 4.55 The Apostle (1997) 7.10 The Thin Red Line (1998) 10.00 Requiem For A Dream (2000) 11.50 Guy (1996) 1.30am I Want You (1998) 3.05 Kenny (2007) 5.00 Sky Movies Preview

1.00pm Elf (2003) 2.50 The Harder They Fall (1956) 4.55 Porco Rosso (1992) 6.50 Never Been Kissed (1999) Romcom with Drew Barrymore and David Arquette reliving their teenage years. 9.00 Equilibrium (2002) 11.00 Once Upon A Time In The West (1968)

9.20am Bonnie Scotland (1935) 10.55 An American In Paris (1951) 1.00pm Travels With My Aunt (1972) 3.00 Jailhouse Rock (1957) 4.50 The Glass Bottom Boat (1966) 6.50 The GoBetween (1970) 9.00 Beetlejuice (1988) 10.40 Serpico (1973) 1.10am Pink Floyd: The Wall (1982) 3.00 The Screening Room

Classics

Indie

033_LS405_TV_Mon

12/31/08

10:40 AM

Page 1

monday 12 Panorama BBC1, 8.30pm Last year at least 34 teenagers were stabbed to death, with the number sentenced for carrying a knife increasing tenfold in the past decade. Raphael Rowe goes inside prisons to talk to the young offenders caught carrying, and even using, these weapons of easy access to try and find an insight into how this occurred.

Unforgiven ITV1, 9pm Suranne Jones plays Ruth, a lady who’s just got out of the clink but not, it seems, out of the stink no matter how hard she tries. Having done her time she gravitates back to the house she once lived in with her estranged sister. Once there she is befriended by the current owners, a lawyer and his wife, who try to find her sister.

Make My Body Younger BBC3, 8pm George Lamb and Dr Andrew Curran do the whole spooky ’living autopsy’ thang with events co-ordinator Stewart Burton. He’s worried his socialising for work might be having an itsy bit of an effect on his health. Imagine his surprise then when he finds he has the brain of a pensioner and lacklustre sperm. Come on boys!

terrestrial

sport

BBC1

BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Wanted Down Under 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 To Buy Or Not To Buy 11.45 Cash In The Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Diagnosis Murder 3.00 BBC News 3.05 Kerwhizz 3.29 The Owl 3.30 Scoop 3.55 Frankenstein’s Cat 4.05 One Minute Wonders 4.35 Half Moon Investigations 5.05 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link

6.00 – 9.00am Children’s television 9.00 Nuzzle And Scratch 9.20 Harry And Toto 9.30 Nina And The Neurons 9.45 Me Too! 10.10 Mister Maker 10.30 In The Night Garden 11.00 Journeys From The Centre Of The Earth 12.00pm The Daily Politics 12.30 Working Lunch 1.00 Out Of The Blue 1.25 Coast 1.30 Masters Snooker 5.15 Flog It! Ten Of The Best

6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.15 ITV News And Weather 11.20 Meridian News And Weather 11.25 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV Lunchtime News And Weather 2.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 3.00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 4.00 Midsomer Murders 5.00 Golden Balls

6.00 – 9.00am Children’s television 9.00 The Wright Stuff 10.30 Trisha Goddard 11.30 House Doctor: Inside And Out 12.30pm Five News 12.45 Going For Gold 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 Going For Gold Extra 3.10 Five News Update 3.15 FILM: Desolation Canyon (2006) 5.00 Five News 5.30 Neighbours

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans (x4) 9.00 Ford Football Special 10.30 Super Sunday: The Last Word 11.00 Spanish Football 12.30pm Scottish Cup Football 1.30 Ford Football Special 3.00 Super Sunday: The Last Word 3.30 Spanish Football 5.00 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 6.00 Big League Weekend 7.30 LIVE Football League: League One 10.00 Time Of Our Lives 11.00 LIVE International Cricket

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 Watchdog The team looks ahead to what consumers can expect in 2009, and reveals a problem with one of Britain’s best known cars.

7.57 BBC News; Regional News 8.00 EastEnders Jean sinks further into depression on her birthday in spite of Stacey’s best efforts, and Danielle finds herself homeless when she moves out of the Slater household. Good old January blues.

Share and share alike.

8.30 Panorama See highlights.

9.00 Traffic Cops New technology and techniques are at the forefront of modern traffic policing, whether arresting car criminals, apprehending drivers on drugs or dealing with fatal accidents. But sometimes, it is good old-fashioned ‘sixth sense’ policing which gets the best results.

10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.33 BBC Weather 10.35 FILM: The Lake House (2006) Starring Keanu Reeves, Sandra Bullock, Christopher Plummer.

Fantasy romance.

12.10am Weatherview 12.15 Sign Zone: Antiques Roadshow 1.15 The Barristers 2.15 Gardeners’ World Top Tips 2.45 Wild About Your Garden 3.15 Joins BBC News

6.00 Eggheads It’s. Quiz. Time.

6.30 Extreme Dreams: The Ultimate Challenge Ben Fogle embarks on an epic South American adventure from the Equator to the Tropic of Capricorn.

7.00 Masters Snooker Hazel Irvine and Ray Stubbs introduce coverage from Wembley Arena.

8.00 University Challenge In the first of the quarter-finals, the University of Manchester fight it out against the London School of Economics. Jezza Paxman hosts.

8.30 MasterChef Made to make your mouth water. Lush food and mega stress for the chefs. Yum! 9.00 Million Dollar Traders Eight ordinary people are given a million dollars, a fortnight of intensive training and two months to run their own hedge fund. Go on then, if it’s so easy! You do it! And we wonder why the financial situation is as it is.

10.00 Charlie Brooker’s Screenwipe In an advertising special, there are reports from a mysterious insider dishing the dirt on all that is bad in the industry, plus a potted history of advertising. Lovingly cutting and surprisingly informative.

10.30 Newsnight 11.20 Masters Snooker Hazel Irvine and Ray Stubbs introduce highlights.

12.10am Snooker Extra 2.10 BBC News 4.00 KS3 Curriculum Bites (x2)

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Jimmy and Carl fail to see eye to eye on a name for their business. Historically, family business has not gone well for them.

Something to think on?

7.30 Coronation Street Pam’s latest scam ends up with Tyrone in hot water. Does the boy not learn. Pah! 8.00 Deals On Wheels: Tonight With the automotive industry in crisis and car prices plummeting, is this the time to pick up a bargain? Quentin Willson provides the ultimate guide to getting the most for your money.

8.30 Coronation Street Will Tyrone make it to the church on time?

Blimmin eco diesel!

9.00 Unforgiven See highlights.

10.00 News At Ten; Weather 10.35 FILM: Unbreakable (2000) Starring Bruce Willis, Samuel L Jackson, Robin Penn. Supernatural thriller about security guard David Dunn, who survives a fatal train crash without a single scratch. When news of the crash becomes public, he is contacted by fragile comic book specialist Elijah Price, who has a theory about David’s unique unbreakable nature. S’not fair.

12.35am Wanted 1.25 Loose Women 2.15 The Jeremy Kyle Show 3.10 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

6.20am The Hoobs 6.45 Planet Cook 7.00 Celebrity Big Brother’s Little Brother 8.00 Celebrity Big Brother 9.00 Will And Grace 9.30 Teen Tycoons 10.00 Vocation, Vocation, Vocation 10.35 My Crazy Media Life 11.05 Speed Machines 12.00pm News At Noon 12.30 3 Minute Wonder: Puppet Love 12.35 Supernanny US 1.35 FILM: Three Coins In The Fountain (1954) 3.25 Countdown 4.15 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Wogan’s Perfect Recall 5.30 Celebrity Come Dine With Me 6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Nancy is embarrassed when she wakes up next to Kris, and things go from bad to worse when Sarah walks in. Oops!

7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 3 Minute Wonder 8.00 Mum, Dad, Alzheimer’s And Me Current affairs documentary.

Fiona Phillips investigates the struggle of Alzheimer’s sufferers and their families to get adequate care and support, as she faces her own dilemmas about the care of her father.

9.00 Celebrity Big Brother Highlights from the last 24 hours.

10.00 Half Ton Son Documentary following 19-year-old Billy Robbins from Houston, Texas, who weighs 60 stone and is reported to be the world’s heaviest teenager. Billy has spent the past three years living in a chair as his mother cooks for, cleans and feeds him. Now he wants to leave home. Not the easiest plan.

11.05 FILM: Domestic Disturbance (2001) Starring John Travolta, Vince Vaughn, Teri Polo, Steve Buscemi.

Tense drama about a divorced father who struggles to convince his ex-wife that her new fiance is bad. Bad man.

12.45am 4 Music: 4Play: White Lies 1.00 Celebrity Big Brother: Live 4.00 More Adventures From The Writing House (x8)

Sky Sports 2 6.00 Home And Away Aden makes a disturbing discovery. Folks were asleep teacher-man!

6.30 Zoo Days Zoo director Anthony Tropeano steps in to save a newborn cheetah cub abandoned by its mother.

7.00 Five News At 7 7.30 How Do They Do It? Robert Llewellyn finds out how car airbags function and learns all about the afterlife of cars by visiting the largest car shredder in the world.

8.00 Fifth Gear Motoring show.

9.00 Warzone Documentary series following the lives of British servicemen and women at Kandahar Airbase in Afghanistan. This instalment gives an insight into two of the most popular attractions on the base - market day and meal times.

10.00 FILM: The Detonator (2006) Starring Wesley Snipes, Silvia Colloca, Tim Dutton. Action thriller in which an undercover CIA agent attempting to thwart the sale of a nuclear weapon is forced to do battle with a dangerous horde of murderous arms dealers. Loads’n’loads of ‘em!

12.00am USPGA Golf 12.50 Motorsport Mundial 1.15 Race And Rally UK 1.40 AMA Supercross 2.30 Boxing USA 3.55 Mountain X Race 4.20 Ironman Triathlon 5.10 Neighbours 5.35 Home And Away

6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Snow Adventures 7.00 WWE: The Bottom Line 8.00 Golf Night 10.30 Fishing: Thinking Tackle 11.30 Snow Adventures 12.00pm NFL Game Day 1.00 NFL: Top Ten 2.00 Snow Adventures 2.30 FEI Equestrian World 3.00 Fishing: Thinking Tackle 4.00 Golf Night 6.30 Asian Golf Boom 7.00 NFL Gameday 8.00 NFL: Top Ten 9.00 Snow Adventures 9.30 H2O Sports International 10.00 Fishing: Thinking Tackle 11.00 Big League Weekend 12.30am Soccer AM: The Best Bits 1.30 Time Of Our Lives 2.30 Big League Weekend 4.00 Soccer AM: The Best Bits

Sky Sports 3 7.00am Athletics 8.00 Scottish Cup Football 9.00 Sailing (x2) 10.00 Triathlon 11.00 Racing News 11.30 Aerobics: Oz Style 12.00pm Golf Night 2.30 Volvo Ocean Race 3.00 NFL Game Day 4.00 NFL: Top Ten 5.00 WWE Raw 7.00 Motor Racing: Mowlem’s Racing Travels 7.30 FEI Equestrian World 8.00 Max Power 9.00 Motor Racing: Mowlem’s Racing Travels 9.30 Wild Spirits 10.00 WWE Late Night Bottom Line 11.00 WWE Late Night Afterburn 12.00am Extreme Championship Wrestling 1.00 WWE: Vintage Collection 2.00 Live WWE: Late Night Raw

Victoria Nangle

extraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

E4

More4

Living

1.00pm Family Court: Judge Penny (x2) 2.00 Lost 3.00 Cold Case 4.00 Gladiators 5.00 Are You Smarter Than A Ten-Year-Old? 6.00 Futurama (x2) 7.00 The Simpsons (x2) 8.00 Golden Globes Highlights 2009 9.00 24 10.50 Ross Kemp On Gangs: Liverpool 11.50 Road Wars 1.20am Ross Kemp On Gangs

7.00pm Doctor Who 7.50 Doctor Who Confidential 8.00 Make My Body Younger. See highlights.

9.00 Gavin And Stacey (x2) 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Kizzy: Sex, Prams And Exams 11.30 Family Guy (x2) 12.20am Kill It, Cook It, Eat It 1.15 Kizzy: Sex, Prams And Exams 2.15 Make My Body Younger

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 The American Future: A History, By Simon Schama 8.30 An Islamic History Of Europe 9.00 Science And Islam 10.00 Gerry Robinson And The Money Makers 10.30 The Department Store: Milners 11.30 The Department Store: Peters 12.30am The Department Store: JT Morgan

1.00pm Emmerdale 1.30 The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.45 The Ricki Lake Show (x2) 5.15 Sally Jessy Raphael 6.00 Judge Judy (x2) 7.00 Smallville 8.00 Homes From Hell 9.00 FILM: The Saint (1997) 11.20 Coronation Street (x2) 12.20am FILM: A Few Good Men (1992) 2.55 Teleshopping

4.15pm Daily Cooks Challenge 5.15 Rising Damp 5.50 Heartbeat 6.50 Pie In The Sky 8.00 The Casebook Of Sherlock Holmes 9.00 Forensic Casebook With Matthew Kelly (x2) 10.00 Brides In The Bath 12.10am Agatha Christie’s Poirot 1.15 The Casebook Of Sherlock Holmes 2.05 Maigret

2.05pm Celebrity Big Brother Live 4.25 Hollyoaks 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Celebrity Big Brother’s Little Brother 6.30 The Class 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 My Name Is Earl 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 FILM: America’s Sweethearts (2001) 11.00 Celebrity Big Brother’s Big Mouth 11.30 Celebrity Big Brother Live

4.00pm How Clean Is Your House? (x2) 5.05 Secret Millionaire 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Grand Designs 8.00 More4 News 8.30 The Daily Show With Jon Stewart: Global Edition 9.00 Relocation, Relocation 10.00 Queen Victoria’s Men 11.40 ER 12.40am Brothers And Sisters 1.40 Secret Millionaire

11.00am The Jerry Springer Show (x2) 12.00pm Maury (x2) 1.50 The Fix 2.00 Nothing To Declare (x2) 3.00 Ghost Whisperer 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 America’s Next Top Model 7.00 Kyle XY 8.00 Most Haunted Live: The Search For Evil 12.00am Ghost Hunters 1.00 Charmed 2.00 America’s Next Top Model

G.O.L.D.

Paramount

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

5.00pm Whatever Happened To The Likely Lads? 5.40 Keeping Up Appearances 6.20 The Good Life 7.00 One Foot In The Grave 7.40 Last Of The Summer Wine (x2) 9.00 Only Fools And Horses (x2) 10.45 Absolutely Fabulous 11.20 Men Behaving Badly 12.00am I’m Alan Partridge 12.40 Absolutely Fabulous

4.00pm The King Of Queens (x2) 5.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 6.00 Frasier (x2) 7.00 Scrubs (x2) 8.00 Two And A Half Men (x3) 9.30 Rules Of Engagement 10.00 Sex And The City (x2) 11.10 Scrubs (x2) 12.10am Two And A Half Men 12.40 Sex And The City (x2) 1.50 Edinburgh And Beyond 2.50 Sexy Cam

2.00pm Crime Scene USA (x2) 3.00 Deadliest Catch 4.00 Time Team 5.00 Mythbusters 6.00 American Chopper 7.00 How Do They Do It? 7.30 Kevin McCloud’s UK Superstructures 8.00 American Chopper 9.00 Chop Shop (x2) 11.00 Extreme Forensics 12.00am Crime Scene USA (x2) 1.00 A Haunting

12.00pm Star Trek 1.00 Flash Gordon 2.00 Angel 3.00 FILM: Hell’s Rain (2007) 5.00 Quantum Leap 6.00 Flash Gordon 7.00 Angel 8.00 Haunted Homes 9.00 Eli Stone 10.00 Medium 11.00 Dead Like Me 12.05am FILM: Emmanuelle 2000: Intimate Encounters (2000) 1.55 3rd Rock From The Sun

10.25am Shane (1953) 12.25pm White Savage (1943) 1.45 Lover Come Back (1961) 3.35 The Great Man’s Lady (1942) 5.10 Louisiana Purchase (1941) 6.50 The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance (1962) 9.00 Shane (1953) 11.05 Psycho (1960) 1.05am Lover Come Back (1961)

11.35am Remnants Of Everest: The 1996 Tragedy (2007) 1.35pm Love Me If You Dare (2003) 3.15 Southland Tales (2006) 6.00 Away From Her (2006) 8.00 Infamous (2006) 10.00 Do The Right Thing (1989) 12.05am Perfume: The Story Of A Murderer (2006) 2.40 The Movie Geek

1.00pm The Thief (1952) 2.45 Sea Of Sand (1958) 4.40 Castle Of Cagliostro (1979) 6.55 The Perfect Catch (2005) 9.00 Patriot Games (1992) 11.15 Y Tu Mama Tambien (2001) 1.20am Personal Services (1987) Based on Cynthia Payne’s autobiography as a London madam, starring Julie Walters.

10.40am Lust For Life (1956) 1.00pm The Helicopter Spies (1968) 3.00 Now, Voyager (1942) 5.10 A Day At The Races (1937) 7.10 A Big Hand For The Little Lady (1966) 9.00 Midnight Cowboy (1969) 11.10 Soylent Green (1973) 12.55am Midnight Cowboy (1969) 3.00 Soylent Green (1973)

Classics

Indie