Latest Seven: Issue 403 16 - 29 Dec

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the city magazine for brighton & hove www.thelatest.co.uk

★ jobs ★ news ★ food ★ listings ★ tv guide ★ 16 – 29 December 2008

FREE WEEKLY

bumper christmas tv the most comprehensive guide in town to all your seasonal viewing

christmas classic it’s a wonderful life at the new venture theatre king of the hill michael eavis on a life moving mountains

happy holiday

potty mouth bad manners on their yuletide knees up

skates on for mystery, the ice spectacular at the brighton centre page 8

Enjoy a Sexy Christmas with Nua! Come and see our last minute gifts and enjoy a glass of complimentary homemade mulled wine.

BRIGHTON 59a Ship Street 01273 774001

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Contents

Welcome

★ latest christmas 4–9 ★ latest listings 23–43

Finally here it is – our Christmas edition. We hope you like it.

There’s a 12-page TV section so you can plan what to watch up to Boxing Day (p32).

We also have club and music listings up to New Year’s Eve (p29).

Sometimes when Christmas is over you can feel a bit deflated.

What better to cheer you up than seeing Holiday On Ice’s spectacular Mystery show at the Brighton Centre? See our interviews with past stars of the much-loved production, which has been going for 65 years (p8).

There’s plenty to look forward to in January – such as Michael Eavis, the farmer who gave us Glastonbury Festival, talking in Brighton at The Space. Read Andy Morton’s interview with him on page 17. Closer to home, music editor Jeff Hemmings has news that the marvellous Beachdown festival will be back next year, turn to page 27 to learn how you can buy tickets now.

We’ve got our last gift guide in this issue; if you’re still not sure what to get your loved ones (and time is running out) see our late present crib sheet over the page.

Many of us will be spending the festive period stuffing our faces with Christmas treats, including chocolate selection boxes.

You might have thought all that is bad for you, but health writer Zara Baker has other ideas.

See page 18 to find out when chocolate can be beneficial.

Along with some of our writers, the music chart is taking a break this week but check out our first edition of 2009 to see who was Christmas number one – or visit www.thelatest.co.uk/7/chart on the big day.

Social butterfly and photographer Tim Richardson has been out and about all month at the best parties. Turn to his social diary (p12) to see who was at the Snowman Ball in aid of Chestnut Tree House hospice and the Christmas Artists Open Houses launch.

Dani caused a splash recently with her comments on why single mums should be forced to get a job. We’ve posted some of the comments online and we’ll be following up the article in the new year or have your say at www.thelatest.co.uk where you can comment on many of our features.

For many people, including Dani (see her take on Christmas TV on page 32), watching the classic movie It’s A Wonderful Life on the box is part of the festive season. This year you can also attend the live version at the New Venture Theatre (p25).

In Latest Homes this week, read an interview with Mary Mears, Brighton and Hove City Council leader (p5), and find our final gift guide (p9).

This is our last Latest 7 magazine of 2008 but we will be back in January with your news, arts, listings, gossip and favourite columnists.

Have a great Christmas.

4 Left your shopping late? Don’t worry, use our gift guide to find out what to buy and where – fast

8 Cover feature It’s not Christmas without getting tickets for Holiday on Ice

★ latest jobs 10–11

23 Reviews and listings index Jools Holland, The Kooks, Kings of Leon and Alabama 3

24 Comedy Should you give stand-up a rest at this time of year?

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24 Art With a name like Chris Kettle, it has to be still life

10 New year, new job, why not?

★latest upfront 12–15 12 Social diary: Snowman Ball and Christmas Artists Open Houses

12 Dani loves Christmas…

13 …Alison hates it 14 Bare Cheek: Nick Cave’s Chrimbo list 15 CelebCity looks back at the year

★ latest news 16

25 Stage Isn’t life wonderful? If you need to be convinced, see this play

26 Film There might be films on the telly, but nothing beats the big screen

27 Music Nick Aldwinckle talks to Buster Bloodvessel of Bad Manners

29 Club and music listings Build up to the biggest party of the year and work out where to spend your NYE

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31 Gay 16 How to have a Victorian Christmas 16 Mary Mears on festive Brighton

★ latest lifestyle 17–22

The biggest parties in town, digested

32 Television All the Christmas telly at your disposal, 12 bumper pages and completely free

17 Michael Eavis, god of Glastonbury 18 Zara says choccie is good for you 19 Food: Andrew and the best eateries

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Editorial: editorial@thelatest.co.uk Advertising: lynne@thelatest.co.uk Managing Editor Bill Smith

Production Editor Victoria Nangle

Business Director Angi Mariani

Editor Rachel Pegg

Creative Director Andrew Kay

Photography Tim Richardson Diana Frangi

Advertising Sales Lucy Kamper Sophie Longhurst

Assistant Editor Zara Baker

Staff Writers Craig Driver Dani Winch

Administration Claire Peerless

Production Director Fiona McTernan

Music Editor Jeff Hemmings

Designer Peter Knight

Finance Manager Sharon Caple

Chief Sub Editor Alison Swann

Advertising Director Lynne Edwards

Art Director Stephen King

Listings Editor Nick Aldwinckle

Production Manager Neil Ive

Advertising Manager Marie Viviani

Latest Homes Unit 1, Level 5 North New England House New England Street Brighton BN1 4GH

26 32

Rachel Pegg Latest 7 Editor

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LASTMINUTEGIFTS

Grab a

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gift ❆

If you’ve left it to the last minute, don’t despair, our last minute gift guide will get you sorted and keep you sane

Jewels forever

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It’s getting dangerously close to Christmas, if you haven’t found a perfect gift for your loved one, this could be it.

New from Jeremy Hoye is the Kaleidoscope collection, which is fantastically bold and bright. The rings and pendants are set with beautiful semi-precious stones: dark purple amethyst, ice blue topaz, or smoky quartz as well as one-off stone that Jeremy has collected along the way. Available in silver and 18ct gold from £125.

Jeremy Hoye, 22a Ship St, Brighton, BN1 1AD. Call 0845 094 3175. www.jeremy-hoye.com

Perfect picture Perfect last-minute gifts for art lovers and stylish homes. Pop in to our Brighton gallery for last-minute gift ideas. Stanley Donwood’s Fleet Street Apocalypse is a beautifully printed silkscreen embossed in shimmering gold. Signed, unframed at £300 or framed at £458. artrepublic, 13 Bond Street, Brighton. Open 7 days a week Call 01273 724829, brighton@artrepublic.com, www.artrepublic.com

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Pamper present For a simple hassle-free Christmas and to avoid the queues, Beautique Brighton are here to help. For the ultimate pamper gift, give a beautiful boxed gift voucher or boxed products of your choice, to suit all budgets.

Beautique Brighton,14 Ship St, Brighton, BN1 1AD. Call 01273 711077 www.beautiquebrighton.com

Bag it up We have not seen a Chloe bag as exciting as the Paraty since the Paddington. The Paraty has been seen on everyone from Katie Holmes to Mary Kate. We love the shape and the minimal hardware. Shown here in black and python.

Area, 15 Brighton Place, Brighton, BN1 1HJ. Call 01273 732255. Cost £1,795

Beautiful gift

Shock of the new Brass Monkeys has quickly established a reputation for selling beautiful, unusual, affordable jewellery and metalwork by some of this country's best designer-makers. Colourful earrings from recycled bottle tops sit alongside gem-studded cufflinks and exquisite silversmithing. Glass and silver pendant by Kate Orton.

Brass Monkeys,109 Portland Road, Hove, BN3 5DP. Call 01273 725170. www.brassmonkeys.org.uk

Beautyworks are offering amazing discounts on St Tropez gift sets – perfect for the party season. The St Tropez Maxi set is available for £23 (worth £42.85).

Save £10 when you combine any St Tropez gift set with a Gift Voucher for a St Tropez Airtan (usually £35).

Gift Vouchers for any treatment or value from the new Beautyworks online shop. www.beautyworks.net/shop Beautyworks, 2 Burlington Parade, Portslade, Brighton. BN41 2DJ. Call 01273 420198

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Jewels for joy Silver and resin necklace by acclaimed designer Tina Lilienthal available along with other pieces from her collection. Tina’s inspired and unique jewellery has won numerous awards and gained a cult following among fashionistas; a perfect last minute gift to grace any stocking this Christmas.

Jewel Thief, 26 Dukes Lane, Brighton. www.jewelthiefgallery.com

Old treasures In the frame Gift vouchers, Ready Readers, Sunglasses, Cases and Accessories, Vintage, Many exclusive frames, All gift wrapped!

Frames in the Lanes, 12c Meeting House Lane, Brighton, BN1 1HB (just off North Street) wwww.framesinthelanes.com. Call 01273 747769

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Inspired by a love of collecting obscure and vintage objects, Grainne scours antique fairs, searching out items to transform into one off pieces. The eclectic mix of materials used range from old buttons, paper and trinkets to enamel work, miniature drawings and silver. Grainne’s talent for transforming the ‘everyday’ into unique, treasured jewellery has won her international acclaim.

Jewel Thief, 26 Dukes Lane, Brighton.www.jewelthiefgallery.com

Chill out time

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Whether it’s chilled out relaxation with a luxury hot stone massage or deep therapeutic work to sort out a painful back, a Natural Balance gift voucher makes an original and thoughtful Christmas gift. Gift vouchers are sent out by 1st class post in one to three days.

Buy online at www.anaturalbalance.co.uk or call 01273 771441.

Natural Balance Therapies, Suite 12, 30 The Drive, Hove, BN3 3JD

Run rabbit run The infamous rabbit is still the best female sex toy on the market!

How could you not want one this Christmas? Rabbit £45.99.

Nua, 59a Ship Street, Brighton. Call 01273 774001

City scenes

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Give a gift of the last calendar by North Laines Photography, the Brighton and Hove Calendar 2009. Classic images, fun-packed and something people actually want for Christmas. Fourteen photographers have images in the 2009 calendar, with over 60 great images at a farewell price of just £5 each. Simply a great present at a bargain price! North Laine Photography Gallery, Upstairs at Snoopers Paradise, 7-8 Kensington Gardens. www.brightonphotography.com

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LASTMINUTEGIFTS

Poke a present

Natural beauty

ParcelPoke is the place for instant gift giving.

Send real gifts to your Facebook friends and they get instant notification followed by the real gift in the post.

Most gifts under £5 including post and packing. You don’t even need your friend’s address to send. www.parcelpoke.com.

Introducing the Eve Taylor Professional Skincare Range exclusive to Powder Beauty Boutique.

Containing only ingredients of natural, plant based origin and the highest grade essential oils. Eve Taylor facials are very hands on and give great immediate results without the need for invasive machines. Receive a 20 percent discount when you mention Latest 7.

Powder, 5 Duke Street, Brighton, BN1 1AH. Call 01273 720055. www.powderbeauty.co.uk

Priceless presents A simple gift with a deeper meaning! Say it all with ‘Priceless’ (£19.99).

Uniquely packaged to reveal a hallmarked silver blank price tag for him or her to wear as a symbolic reminder. Tell someone…‘You’re Priceless to me!’ Senders can write their personal message in the card. Give one, send one… You may also receive one! www.loveandpatience.com store and online community or call 01273 411487

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❆ Man care

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New from Australian anti-ageing experts Dr LeWinn' is their men's range.

To celebrate this launch Dr LeWinn's Men have a great value seasonal gift set – perfect for every man this Christmas. With four highperformance anti-ageing products including: After Shave Fluid, Day Moisturiser with an SPF 15 and the latest ingredients, including Matrixyl 3000 proven to reduce wrinkles by 26 percent in just 50 days. Dr LeWinn's Men's Gift £45 (save £30). Exclusive at Spruce.

Spruce, 11 George Street, Kemp Town, Brighton. Call 01273 696893 www.sprucegrooming.com

❆❆❆ Only the best Spoil someone special this Christmas with a stunning Louis Roederer gift set, from the makers of the world renowned Cristal Champagne.

The Gold Gift box contains a 75cl bottle of Brut Premier and the choice of two or four branded flutes. With prices starting at £55 they make the perfect gift!

Available at The Toast of Brighton & Hove, 40 Church Road, Brighton. Call 01273 208180, www.toastchampagne.co.uk

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Patch up present

Patchwork Tools from £6.50.

Velvet, 27&29 Bond Street, Brighton + 66-68 Church Road, Hove. www.velvetstore.co.uk,

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COVERSTORY

Ice dreams

In a few weeks time Mystery the new Holiday On Ice show will open at the Brighton Centre. Latest 7 talked to fans and performers to find out what makes this the city’s most popular annual show

Holiday On Ice returns at the start of January with Mystery for a massive four-week season.

Proof indeed that The Brighton Centre is the UK home of the world’s most popular ice spectaculars. Each year they bring us a new, more exciting, more lavish and more demanding production. Co-director and choreographer Robin Cousins, Olympic Gold medalist and World Champion together with Anthony Van Laast pool their vast creative and technical resources to create an evening of spectacle, excitement, glamour and fun. Mystery has all of this – in spades!

But, rather than tell you what this year has in store, we caught up with a group of people who are real Holiday On Ice officionados: skaters, fans and the people behind the scenes.

8 latest 7

A family affair Former ice dancer and Brighton resident Jean Akers on her time with Holiday on Ice Jean Akers lives in Saltdean and from time to time works as an usher at the Brighton Centre, HOI’s south coast home and probably the company’s favourite venue. Jean started on roller skates at 13, but progressed to ice when she moved to London from Southend. At Queens she made lots of skating friends and one day one invited her to go along to an audition for an ice production of Rose Marie. ‘‘It was a massive affair at the Harringay Arena with a chorus of 80 skaters and off-the-ice actors and singers. I skated with HOI from 1953 off and on until 1963.

Back then HOI was a much smaller family show and a family business, but there was still the same commitment to providing a spectacular entertainment. I worked with choreographers Teddy Shuffle – who was Mr Showbiz and Stephanie Andross. Later on they introduced me to Robin Cousins who has become so much a part of Holiday On Ice. When he won gold at the Olympics he came back and did Holiday at Wembley Arena which was great for the company.’’ ‘‘Now I go to see the show each year and love to see that the standards are as high as ever, although the expectation is for the principals to perform ever more difficult jumps and lifts. Some people tell me they miss the comedy elements of the old-style show, but I prefer it now without the clowning.‘‘ I asked Jean about touring. ‘‘Touring was an amazing way to see the world and the company is like one big family so it was always fun. Last year a lot of us old timers met up in Prague for a reunion, which was wonderful. I would never miss a Holiday On Ice production. I will be there on the opening night in The Brighton Centre as usual.

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COVERSTORY

Fan-tastic Holiday On Ice fans are passionate, but none more passionate than Betty Hornsey

Love in a cold climate Ice dancer Natasha Sierra recalls how her love of skating led to her meeting the love of her life Natasha Sierra joined Holiday On Ice 11 years ago and stayed with the company until last year, when she married and decided to settle in Brighton – the company’s favourite touring destination. Natasha started to skate at the age of eight and both her coach and his wife had been principal dancers with the Holiday On Ice company. ‘‘They took me to see my first Holiday On Ice show when I was 14-years-old. By that point I was already skating competitively, at both a national and international level. I immediately fell in love with the show and when I decided it was time and I was no longer competing I went along and auditioned for the company, Within a very short time I had been offered a place on the team and after that I stayed with the company until I decided it was time for me to settle down.’’ ‘‘Being with HOI is very much like being a part of a big family. When I started I would stay in hotels when on tour, but once I had met my partner, now my husband, We moved into a caravan and toured in that way. It was for many years a part of the tradition, but now all that is changing.’’ ‘‘Over the years I saw a great deal of change in the style of the shows. There is certainly far more sophistication now but never at the expense of glamour and I am sure there will always be a fair amount of glitter, sequins and feathers involved – I loved all that. The company always has several shows touring at any one time so somewhere someone will be wearing a spectacular sparkling costume’’

I asked if Natasha had a favourite role from her time with the company – ‘‘I have loved all of the shows, but if I had to choose one it would almost certainly be Celebration. That was one of the shows that Robin Cousins choreographed and it was wonderful. In it I had to do Lady Marmalade with two of the other principals, a brilliant piece to skate.’’

So does Natasha miss skating? When she joins the audience at the Brighton Centre will she be craving to be out there on the ice? ‘‘Of course I will, I love to skate, but it was the right time for me to make a change.

Sitting in the audience is still strange for me, but ice dance is a very demanding discipline, I know how hard the whole team work to maintain the standard of excellence that is expected, not only by the company but also by the audiences around the world. Since leaving I have returned to the company on many occasions to dance for them, just not as part of a major tour. I was also lucky enough to work with Kyran Bracken, when he joined Holiday On Ice and I have worked with him since.’’

Do you think that your future lies in choreography? ‘‘No, I don’t think I have the right qualities for that. Ideally I would like to become a show director, watching each performance and making sure that we maintain the standards at every show. Right now though I am enjoying being settled down and married to the man I met in the company. Holiday On Ice gave me the best 11 years of my life and helped me find the man of my dreams.’’

The Brighton Centre 9 January – 1 February Box Office: 08448 471538 Tickets from £14 to £28 with all children at £10 (subject to a booking fee).

Group discounts available

Holiday On Ice provokes a passion that goes way beyond that of most other entertainments. And the age range of the fans is huge, from the tiny children to more recent converts, won over the by the brilliance of TV shows like Dancing On Ice. But the most passionate have been making their annual pilgrimage to see Holiday On Ice year after year for as long as they can remember.

Betty Hornsey lives in Hastings and each year she makes the trip to The Brighton Centre to see the show. She even remembers shows at Brighton’s much missed ice rink in West Street, behind what is now the Odeon.

Now she makes her visit with Clive Richardson Tours and last year she was declared their 5,000 customer. As a prize she had a presentation at the show and a meeting with Dancing On Ice champion, former International Rugby star Kyran Bracken.

Kyran took the UK by storm when he won the TV competition, but few would have guessed that he would develop a passion for ice dance that has continued since. That year he appeared in the UK Holiday On Ice Tour to huge acclaim and Betty met him after the show. ‘‘He was lovely. There was a journalist there and he asked if she had seen the show the night he had fallen. He said that he told the other skaters that if he fell again they were all to fall over so that it looked intentional. He asked me if I was ready to do a few turns and a couple of lifts. I said yes, I was ready, but not on the ice.’’

So what is it that brings Betty back year after year? ‘‘Well I love it from the moment I arrive, the atmosphere in the hall as the excitement builds, the beautiful costumes and I admire the talent and the sheer hard work that the skaters put into every performance, the way they make it all look so easy.

I also love the choreography and aerial acts.’’

Asked if she has any favourite moments, she struggles to choose. ‘‘I loved a sequence danced to music by Rondo Veneziana, music I love. The skaters danced towards us in black male costumes, very severe, and then as they turned the costumes were crimson and female. It was magical. I was also there when Robin Cousins made his final performance and he did his famous back flip. I have watched him since he started in competitions, won Olympic Gold and became World Champion – now he is a brilliant choreographer working for Holiday On Ice. He is such a charming and talented man.

And what has been Betty’s funniest memory? ‘‘Definitely the show where a press photographer was being a nuisance by the ice, flashing away and annoying the skaters. In the end a skater snatched him onto the ice and smashed his camera. It took a moment to see that the photographer was a plant and it was all part of the show.’’

When I mention that I have already seen the new show Mystery, Betty is clearly envious, but very quickly she makes it clear that she does not want to know anything about it. The surprise of a new show is all important and for that she is prepared to wait.

Betty expresses the same passions about Holiday On Ice that I enjoy, the exuberance, the professionalism, the beauty, the musicality and the humour. But above all it has to be that a Holiday On Ice show is simply brilliant entertainment. latest 7 9

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latest

jobs

Call Marie on 01273 818150 ext 102

brices brices www.brices.co.uk

brices sales & lettings ADMINISTRATION MANAGER Exciting, challenging and varied position working alongside the Director in this busy city centre office. Role involves management of the sales/lettings database, accounts and maintenance systems, sales team support and everyday office duties. Strong administration skills, attention to detail and good level of numeracy required along with a confident and outgoing attitude with excellent customer service skills. Full driving licence required.

TRAINEE HOME CONSULTANT Smart, ambitious, enthusiastic and confident person with excellent communication skills required to join our stylish city centre office. Role includes liaising with customers face to face and by telephone/email, accompanying viewings, negotiating offers and working as part of a busy sales and lettings team. Full training provided. Full driving licence essential.

Send CV and hand written covering letter to: Louise Brice, 30c Western Road, Hove, East Sussex BN3 1AF or email: louise@brices.co.uk

109 Western Road, Hove

724000 HARRINGTONS LETTINGS DO YOU THINK THAT YOU ARE THE BEST SALESPERSON? IF SO, THEN APPLY TO ME TODAY! LETTINGS NEGOTIATORS (6 REQUIRED) VARIETY, CHALLENGE, JOB SATISFACTION, RESULTS, REWARDS! OVER £25,000 OTE PER ANNUM (COMMISSION ONLY) Harringtons Lettings are currently looking for six full-time Lettings Negotiators on a commission only basis. You will ideally have some experience within the Letting industry but it is not essential. You will be someone who relishes a challenge, thrives under pressure, takes initiative, makes decisions and enjoys dealing with people both face to face and on the phone. You will be supplied with a substantial amount of property to let on a weekly basis and all of the tools to let them with. The position will be on a fully self-employed basis. You will be working 5 days a week 8.30am to 7pm every day. However, THERE ARE LARGE REWARDS AND MONEY TO BE EARNED.

PLEASE CONTACT MARK HARRINGTON AT MARK@HARRINGTONS-PROPERTY.CO.UK OR 01273 724000

10 latest jobs

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jobs Do you have Job Vacancies you need to fill?

Why not advertise your vacancies within Latest 7 and reach over 100,000 readers?

Latest 7 produces a successful job section every week, covering positions from admin roles to senior managers and account directors.

From only £100 throughout December/January

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latest

To advertise call 01273 818150 ext 102

jobs

Business aid Ian Wilson of local solicitors Dean Wilson Laing gives invaluable advice to the city’s thousands of small companies and employees This week: The revised Employment Act 2008 Ian Wilson is senior partner of six-partner Brighton solicitors Dean Wilson Laing and specialises in employment law.

He was a parttime chairman of the Employment Tribunals for nine years.

He is also a board member of The Prince’s Trust (Sussex) and a board member of The Martlets Hospice.

Q: I have heard the statutory disciplinary and grievance procedure is going to be repealed in the New Year and replaced with a different process. Is this true and, if so, what changes do I need to make to comply?

A: Yes, that is correct. The Employment Act 2008 received Royal Assent recently and the Act, amongst other things, will repeal the (highly

criticised) Statutory Dispute Resolution Procedure. It is expected the repeal of the statutory procedure will come into force in April 2009.

However, there is still a duty on both employers and employees to resolve workplace disputes at an early stage before bringing a claim in the tribunal.

There is (in draft) an ACAS Code of Practice and in any case before a tribunal, the Judge will have regard to whether the Code of Practice has been complied with.

Q: What does the Code of Practice say?

A: Bear in mind the Code is still in draft at the moment, but broadly speaking as regards grievances, it encourages informal resolution of any grievances prior to a formal meeting. If informal resolution is not possible, the employee must inform the employer of the nature of the grievance, after which the employer must hold a meeting at which the employee has

the right to be accompanied. You will note that this is relatively similar to the existing grievance procedure. As regards disciplinary matters, the Code sets out what many employers already consider to be good practice and you are probably already complying with the new Code. In any disciplinary case the Code states that an employer must establish the facts at issue, inform the employee of the problem and then hold a meeting, at which the employee can be accompanied. One difference between the existing procedure is that the new statutory procedure does not apply to redundancy dismissals.

Q: So what else is new in the Code?

A: Well, as stated above, the current statutory procedure applies to all dismissals, whereas the Code does not apply to redundancy dismissals.

The Code also sets out what to do when a grievance and disciplinary procedure overlap. Many employers find an employee will raise a

grievance once they have been threatened with a disciplinary investigation and good practice used to dictate that the disciplinary matter was put on hold while the grievance was investigated. However, the new Code suggests a disciplinary procedure need not necessarily be suspended and the disciplinary and grievance may be heard concurrently.

The Code also gives guidance to an employer about holding meetings without an employee present, if that employee is persistently unwilling or unable to attend without good cause.

This will help employers to deal with disciplinary matters that normally would have been delayed due to an employee’s alleged ill-health.

Q: When we will know when this code is coming in and have a final version of it?

A: Hopefully early 2009, but watch this space and consult a solicitor if you have any questions.

Do you have a question on employment law for Ian? Send it to Latest Homes at our usual address, or by email to editorial@thelatest.co.uk

DWL

SOUND ADVICE Dean Wilson Laing • Employment law • Personal injury • Family law • Wills & probate • Buying & selling your home

contact

Sue Deane sgd@dwl.uk.com 96 Church Street•Brighton•BN1 1UJ t: 01273 327241 f: 01273 770913 thelawyers@dwl.uk.com•www.dwl.uk.com

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012_LS403_diary/dani

12/12/08

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DIARY

EMOTIONS

Dani’s diary Dani can’t wait to get home for Christmas and celebrate with family What are you doing this Christmas? Going away to visit family?

Probably. Everyone who lives in Brighton leaves when it reaches a certain date in December and those of us who were actually born in this town (I know it is now a city but I prefer calling it a town) are left all on our lonesome!

I feel slightly let down by Brighton this Christmas. I don’t feel ‘we‘, as a town (city), got fully into the Christmas spirit this year. Perhaps the credit crunch got in the way of the celebrations, whatever it is, everyone just seems a lot less cheerful than in previous years.

I generally look forward to Christmas all year round. There are the obvious reasons why, presents, seeing family I haven’t seen for ages, having a few days off work, tonnes of food, decorations. But although I love all that it runs a little deeper for me. My mum would save up all year round for Christmas day. Me and my sister were never really brought loads of new stuff throughout the year so Christmas was always a big deal and a day to really look forward to. And that has never changed for me. Only now I can actually buy my parents presents, as opposed to making them something with my hand print, as you do when you are at primary school.

latestdiary With Tim Richardson

Snowman fundraiser On Friday 5 December 2008, the Hilton Metropole Brighton was transformed into a superb winter wonderland as Chestnut Tree House, the only children’s hospice in Sussex, celebrated its fifth birthday. To mark the occasion they hosted their first ever fundraising ball in Brighton, ‘The Snowman Spectacular‘ in association with friend and supporter Raymond Briggs. The evening was hosted by The Bill actor Ben Richards with a five-star cabaret show featuring artists from the sellout run at the prestigious Camden Roundhouse Variety Nightly, including stunning aerial trapeze and circus artists. An amazing £40,000 was raised on the night from the auction and fundraising entertainment, with a final figure still to be announced.

The rollercoaster night of non-stop fun and breathtaking variety entertainment was topped off with a performance from The Fat 45 a blistering eleven-piece jump jive swing band.

“I can’t imagine being an official grown up and spending Christmas anywhere but with my mum“ I can’t imagine being an official grown up and spending Christmas anywhere but with my mum. I love the idea of decorating my own house and my own tree and everything Christmassy, but the idea of waking up in a place of my own terrifies me. Because I don’t think anyone can make Christmas morning as perfect as my mum does.

Not that she does anything special, it’s just that she is there. I don’t fully understand those people who spend Christmas in another country, away from everyone. Christmas isn’t really Christmas unless you share it with people.

My mum makes Christmas special because her Mum always made Christmas special. Each year my sister and I get continually accused of sneaking looks at our Christmas presents early. We never have. This is because every year my mum, with her sister, would unwrap all of her Christmas presents early, then wrap them all back up again and on Christmas morning pretend to be surprised. I like the surprise. I have never snuck a look.

Mum always watches every Christmas film on the telly, even if it is rubbish. It is a tradition to watch everything of a Christmas nature (except The Snowman). It’s a Wonderful Life comes top on my personal favourite list. I love Christmas, I love the stupid cracker jokes, I love the dinner, the shopping for presents, getting presents, my nan’s Christmas santa mobile decoration. At the same time as being all happy I also feel a little sad because I know that in a blink of an eye it will all be over and there will be another disappointing 12 months to get through until the next Christmas.

For comments and chit chat email letters@thelatest.co.uk

Ben Richards (host for the evening)

Jonesy, Cheryl, Liz, Ryan (all Juice 107.2) and Dionne Elizabeth (second from right)

Open art On Friday 5 December I was invited to the preview of the Christmas Open Houses 2008, which ran for the first two weekends in December.

The artists Open Houses offer a wide selection of art and handmade goods, ideal for discovering unique gifts for all your friends and family.

This was the sixth year of the Christmas Open Houses and was the biggest yet, with 77 houses. With so many talented artists and makers in Brighton, there really was something for everyone. In many of the houses you could browse while sipping champagne, mulled wine and eating homemade festive fare, which was guaranteed to bring a little Christmas cheer.

To advertise here to over 100,000 people Call our sales team on

Andrew Kay (Latest magazines) and Rachel Pegg (Latest magazines)

01273 818150 and find out how effective and inexpensive it is to promote your business 12 latest 7

Daisy Yerrell, Rachael Edwards and Jasmine Drury

Ulrike Abend (Kleber PR Network), John Carmichael (Visit Brighton) and Nicolas Van Ryk (freelance journalist)

Prilly Lewis (design maker) and Annie Hewett (design maker)

013_LS403_Alison/xword

12/11/08

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See more at thelatest.co.uk

Swanning around Alison Swann is gritting her teeth and wishing you a very Merry Christmas

Bah, humbug!

do today. I do respect and enjoy the love and reunions between families – even my own. It is a good thing to visit the people who have dedicated their lives to making yours a good one, and continue to worry about you, even if you’ve been round the world three times and shared a peace pipe with a man on a mountain in the Himalayas. However, there are people who chose not to do that or do not have the opportunity to do so and that choice is rarely reflected in the big sell of Christmas.

I have long believed in doing Christmas under your own terms and not feeling bullied by whatever expectation society, friends or family put upon you. In doing that, we reach out to what we all should (in my opinion) believe to be important, that of a shared positive life experience. Not some fake big sell to show how much you ‘care.’

This Christmas is going to be much more challenging for many people, so getting together in the spirit of family and friendship is perhaps all the more important. Have a good one, whatever you decide to do and see you on the other side.

Okay, let’s get this out of the way straight off. I am not a fan of Christmas. I do not think it is “the most wonderful time of the year“ and I have even entertained the idea that I might be descended from Scrooge. I discounted that particular idea after a compare and contrast of my lack of ability to hold onto money; desire to work 365 days of the year; and the insurmountable fact that he was in fact a character created from fiction. Much like my own father – sorry Mum, but hey, it’s about time you ‘fessed up. I can’t keep telling people Clive James is my dad – my original childhood fantasy father.

Anyway, back to Scrooge. What I think really annoyed him was how Christmas gets scooped up and rammed in your face like an obligatory sickly sweet dessert after an over-stuffed menu of highs and lows. It naturally comes at the point in the year when I’d rather it was all over.

That is how I feel about Christmas; it drags out the year in an overly

“New Year is the black coffee at the end: hot, sexy, fun and full of promise“ sugared up and self-satisfied fashion. Unlike New Year, which is the black coffee at the end: hot, sexy, fun and full of promise. And with a sweet shot of brown sugar, it gets everything moving and you know you are going to be out of the restaurant a hell of a lot quicker. Compare that to fighting your way through a disgusting pile of creamed up, chocolate sludge that will take a week to work its way through your digestive system and not all of it will get out – no, that meal will stay with you forever like the lime green jumpsuit your nan has been knitting all year.

And no one looks good in that green.

Okay, if I’m to be clear, I don’t have completely negative feelings about Christmas. It is good in some respects. It gives us all some time off, space to contemplate and the opportunity to travel across the country and be reminded of the journey many of us have made to live where we

Comments? Get in touch: alison@thelatest.co.uk

latestcrossword Cryptic 174 ACROSS 1 Stereo item: “Things from space” (10) 8 Two ways to sing and captivate (7) 9 Drink containing very soft fruit (5) 10 Give William the story for gossip (4-4) 11 Points of convergence achieved by leaders of French or Canadian industry (4) 13 Be less severe about fasting period (6) 15 Despatched about 1.50 without a sound (6) 17 Turn over or join politician in frolic (4) 18 Huntsman has cures to order (8) 21 Pastime promoted by reformed French motor ace (5) 22 Consider carefully when salesman turns quiet before the conclusion (7) 23 Sun-lover interrupted by little Alan is a life expert (10)

solutions on page 28

Quick 174 DOWN 2 Do well among Sussex celebrities (5) 3 Former stage work so precise (8) 4 Creature twisting to permit noise (6) 5 Carriage caught in ambush (4) 6 Pretend to drink with assumed attitude (7) 7 Nurse, for instance, confusing ridge with trees (10) 8 Go in and force initiative (10) 12 Musician is a learner from ruined abbey (8) 14 Satire on a politician in low fellow's clutches (7) 16 One who forms her asp into contortions (6) 19 Gambling term for poetic nights (5) 20 Ignore deletion in haste, typist says (4)

ACROSS 1 Saleroom official (10) 8 Mode of transport (7) 9 Large farm (5) 10 Small monkey (8) 11 Ale (4) 13 Tree (6) 15 Shrewd (6) 17 Silent (4) 18 Landlord (8) 21 Mistake (5) 22 Victory (7) 23 Workroom (10)

DOWN 2 Open sore (5) 3 Structural (8) 4 Egg dish (6) 5 Nobleman (4) 6 Form of poem (7) 7 Unlucky Friday (10) 8 Army rank (10) 12 Biblical composer (8) 14 Naval rank (7) 16 Dairy product (6) 19 Female garment (5) 20 Dull (4)

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014_LS403_cheeky/stars

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ONLY JOKING!

See more at thelatest.co.uk

Bare cheek Brian Mitchell and Joseph Nixon’s thoroughly scurrilous Brighton column Brighton’s Top 10 “must have” gifts this Christmas 1) Crying Eubank doll.

2) Wireless iPod speaker bafflingly shaped like huge 80s boom box.

3) Affair voucher.

4) Japanese watch it‘s impossible to tell the time with.

5) ‘Everybody Knows I‘m Gay‘ Tshirt.

6) Thing you don't know what it is

that you buy for someone, and they don't know what it is either.

7) Cow for poor person in the third world.

8) Sheep for poor person in the third world.

9) Chickens for poor person in the third world.

10) Farting keyring.

In & Out IN

OUT

• Joylessly shoving dates into your mouth like a robot

• Joylessly shoving crystallised fruit into your mouth like a robot

• Thanking the Lord when it‘s the evening and something vaguely adult and cerebral you can watch (eg Sidney Lumet‘s Q&A) comes on the telly

• Suddenly realising that the big BBC1 Christmas movie is a film you thought had been released really recently, and that consequently you are getting old, time is speeding up, and you will be dead very soon

• Feeling grateful that nobody feels it necessary to go through the charade of attending Mass any more • Getting the cracker joke: “Why didn‘t the skeleton go to the party?“ • Giving up and going to bed at 10.15pm

• Getting the cracker joke: “How do footballers keep so cool?“

Nick Cave’s Christmas list Dear Sa nta, I wou Billy Ba ss singi ld like: New Buckaroo ng fish. (b Tenko box set. fit of rage w roke last one in hen lost game Pa nts ‘n‘ sock ).

Ne w black trew s (I‘ ‘em anyway, so m gonna get Toblerone of co s (28in wa ist).

I might as we ur put ‘em on th ll a 28 inch wa se. (I bloody am e list. Heh he ist). h).

Giant 1kg tin Su du ko loo roll.

Heroes chocola tes. Deal or No Deal computer ga me Wii .

Bottle Of grog . (Look I've be Nick last en a 28 inch wa ist since I wa Christmas after s 19, an d I still am toda someone got y. Of course, him the wrong there‘s a lot of variatio n with selection box measurements, so wi th these particular trew s you might ha ve to get me a 30. Or a 32 ).

Hilariou s ala rm clock that runs away.

Selection box (must be the one that ha s a C runchie in).

Astral Angi

★Finding truth in the stars★

This week Astral allocates your yuletide anthem

• Making a jovial reference to not being able to use a particular gift due to its lack of batteries, despite the fact that most products actually have them these days, and anyway there‘s a newsagent not three minutes from your house where the relevant batteries can be purchase at thrice the RRP

• Giving up and going to bed at 9.45pm

What was that?

Can’t remember the name of an obscure film, book, TV show, or whatever? Ask Mike Hunter, the man with all the answers Dear Mike, I‘d be extremely grateful if you could help me. I‘m sure this will sound silly, but I‘m convinced that the celebrations we have at this time of year are connected in some way with the birth of a particular person. I have a mental image of a tiny baby, lying in some kind of barn, surrounded by farm animals, doting parents, and a triumvirate of royalty of some description. Any ideas who this infant could be? I mentioned the matter to my wife, but she just rolled her eyes and continued doing the washing-up.

Please help a confused old man!

Buy the CD Bardsley’s, country music with c-hip s-hop beats at Bardsley’s and Borders NOW!

Have a happy Christmas, Donald R Petrie, Hove Dear Donald, Well, I must say I‘m with your wife on this one. Consider the Hunter eyeballs to have rolled!

The person you refer to is an enormously significant and influential figure, without whose birth the history of the world would have been very different indeed. He is, of course, Huey Lewis. Glad to have been of help.

Season‘s greetings, and keep those letters flooding in! Mike

BARDSLEY’S

WINNING FISH AND CHIPS 22/23/23A BAKER ST, BRIGHTON BN1 4JN

01273 681256

ARIES (MAR 21–APR 20)

CANCER (JUNE 22–JULY 22)

LIBRA (SEP 23–OCT 22)

CAPRICORN (DEC 21–JAN 19).

Bullish Ariens need to pull in their horns at this festive time and learn to chill out. Your yuletide anthem is ‘While Shepherds Watched Their Flocks’.

Shy Cancerians should brace themselves and make a bold move to assert themselves this Christmas. Your yuletide anthem is ‘Deck The Halls With Boughs of Holly‘.

Librans at the time of ‘Our Lord’ need to decide on which side of the fence they actually sit. Are you with God or not? If with, then your yuletide anthem is ‘In the Bleak Midwinter‘.

Capricorns will never believe that they will get the silver sixpence in the pudding. Why, I do not know.

Miserable gits. Your yuletide anthem is ‘Joy To The World‘.

TAURUS (APR 21–MAY 21)

LEO (JULY 23–AUG 22)

SCORPIO (OCT 23–NOV 21)

AQUARIUS (JAN 20–FEB 19)

Taureans are so often misunderstood.

Now is the time to insist forcefully that you are genuinely passive by nature.

Your yuletide anthem is ‘Away In A Manger‘.

Leo, Leo, Leo – now is the time to show that you do have a soft side. Withdraw the claws, Hide the fangs and lighten up baby. Your yuletide anthem is ‘O Little Town of Bethlehem‘.

Scorpios can be a bit of a pain over the festive holiday. Try to relax and join in more, organise some games.

Your yuletide anthem is ‘Here We Come A-Wassailing‘.

Aquarius will be what Aquarius will be, and there’s little point trying to change.

Celebrate something Pagan if you must but leave the rest of us alone. Your yuletide anthem is ‘Two Little Boys‘.

GEMINI (MAY 22–JUNE 21)

VIRGO (AUG 23–SEP 22)

SAGITTARIUS (NOV 22–DEC 20)

PISCES (FEB 20–MAR 20)

Flibberty-gibbet Geminis must get their heads together if they are to survive the festivities. Avoid antler headgear and bells. Your yuletide anthem is ‘Oh Christmas Tree‘.

Virgoans need to break down the stereotypes that they are prim and frigid. Lie back and open up Virgo.

Your yuletide anthem is ‘O Come All Ye Faithful‘.

For Sagittarians, Christmas is just a good excuse for an extended snooze.

Frankly I would cover them with a rug and leave them to it. Your yuletide anthem is ‘Silent Night‘.

In eastern Europe carp is the traditional Christmas dish. Here it is turkey. I would rather have skate at Bardsley’s.

Your yuletide anthem is ‘I Saw Three Ships‘, fishing ecologically I hope.

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To talk to Astral Angi please email angi@thelatest.co.uk

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AROUNDTOWN

sponsored by

Celebcity

Thankfully this year‘s extravaganza was held in the warmer month of September and not freezing cold New Year‘s Day! The weather was perfect and if you shut your eyes a tiny bit, while looking over the sea at all the bobbing boats you could just have been in Ibiza!

Comedy was big on the agenda also in 2008 with the really bit hitters during the Paramount Festival. Bill Bailey bought a world premiere to Brighton, performing with the BBC Philharmonic orchestra, Frankie Boyle made our sides hurt, as did Jimmy Carr, Michael McIntyre and Alan Carr to name just a few.

Who knows who will crop up in 2009? Keep reading Celeb City next year to find out!

Band of the moment, Kings of Leon, also delighted a sell-out crowd at the Brighton Centre. Tickets to the band’s gig at the O2 arena sold out faster than staff can remember. Watch this space to hear first which acts will be coming to Brighton over the next 12 months and which will be the biggest hot tickets of 2009.

James Morrison

with Jo Brooks

What a year!

The celebs have been flocking to our city and getting up to all sorts this year So another year is over and boy what a busy year it has been for celebrity activity in Brighton and Hove!

We had various celebs moving in and indeed moving out. Moving in were singers: James Morrison and Will Young, to Hove and Brighton respectively. Also celebrity chef Aldo Zilli, bought a home in Hove and also lent his name to the signature restaurant of the brand new MyHotel, which opened back in June. I still think the bar of said hotel really feels like being in London.

Gok Wan was spotted quite a lot in Brighton and Hove during 2008, sparking rumours that he too is desperate to make roots by the sea – watch this space.

Other celebrities did move out – firstly golden couple Katie Price and Peter André quit their Sussex mansion for another one just over the border in Surrey. Katie was quoted as saying that her house was “cursed“, after many incidents kept happening, including a large mirror falling on son Harvey.

Also out of Hove was Sir Paul McCartney, who after a muchpublicised divorce from former glamour model Heather Mills, left their Hove home that they shared together. Heather kept the seafront house and also bought a huge pile out in the Sussex countryside.

2008 saw a great year of entertainment. Fat Boy Slim made a welcome return with his Big Beach Boutique 4 gig on the seafront.

Fatboy Slim image kindly supplied by Andy Images www.andyimages.com

Fat Boy Slim

Alan Carr

Jo Brooks is director of Brighton-based PR company JBPR Ltd, 01273 622555, www.jb-pr.com

To comment on any of these stories or send in any news stories email editorial@thelatest.co.uk

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016_LS403_newssummary

12/12/08

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LATESTNEWS

news summary

7 days of headlines

Under-16s will be able to swim free at Brighton and Hove public pools from 1 April. King Alfred, Prince Regent and St Luke’s will open to children and teenagers during specific periods. The Government policy is backed by Brighton and Hove City Council.

Over-60s will also swim free.

A £17million redevelopment of the Open Market is expected to be approved. Brighton and Hove City Council’s cabinet will debate the proposal at a meeting on Thursday. There would be 46 new covered market stalls, 12 workshops for craftspeople and a covered central square.

Traditional Yule Father Christmas and his elf have moved into one of Brighton’s grandest residences – the Royal Pavilion.

Families can enjoy a genuine Victorian Christmas at the pavilion this year, with a chance to meet Victorian revellers and the cook in costume. There will also be a magic lantern show, a range of historical slides depicting Victorian Sussex and visitors can watch the Royal household preparing for Christmas in the Great Kitchen, where the cook will create a festive fare fit for a queen.

In the ornate Music Room, guests will be able to listen to a

NEWS

About 200 people rallied to prevent the BNP from holding a meeting in Brighton. Groups including the Labour Party and Socialist party met at Hove station last Wednesday. It is believed the BNP did not show.

Did you read Dani’s controversial column about single mums?

Comment about this and other Latest articles at www.thelatest.co.uk/7

Finding Neverland Brighton and Hove City Council leader Mary Mears on a vibrant, young city Our city has been named ‘Best UK Youth Destination’ at the British Youth Travel Awards. It’s easy see why – Brighton and Hove is a bright, exciting place with a thriving nightlife. It’s especially good at Christmas time when the place is abuzz with festive cheer and lit up by beautiful lights.

One of the reasons why our city is among the brightest stars in the galaxy of British cities is because we offer people something more.

Our city gives residents and visitors a vibrant range of entertainment and cultural events to enjoy, the like of which are unseen in other places.

We work hard to support the colourful range of shows, performances and activities in the city. At this time of year, the calendar is packed with exciting events that the council is helping fund, promote or organise; including the Dome’s Sleeping Beauty Ballet, The Wizard of Oz at the Theatre Royal Brighton and the Burning the Clocks parade.

Along with the big shows, it’s important that we continue to support smaller events that all the community can get involved in; such as the carol services by the children of St Peter’s Community School which

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series of traditional Victorian prose and poetry readings, including festive family favourites ‘A Christmas Carol,’ ‘The Miseltoe Boug’h and ‘T’Was The Night Before Christmas.’

Victorian Christmas at the Royal Pavilion, 20–23 December. Admission £8.30 adult, £5 child, £6.40 over 60s, unemployed, NUS. Brighton and Hove residents pay only £4.15 with up to four children free. Visits to Santa are £3 per child including a Victorian style toy. He will be in the Red Drawing Room on Sat, Mon and Tues 20, 22 and 23 December from 12–4pm and on Sun 21 December from 10am–2pm.

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Mike Weatherley, Kate McKenzie and Garry Peltzer-Dunn, Mayor of Brighton and Hove

Drug addict transformed Brighton mum Kate McKenzie held a private screening of a Ch4 documentary about her battle to help her heroin addict daughter.

The Pavilion Theatre and its staff donated their facilities and time to show Mum, Heroin and Me, presented by radio broadcaster Mike Mendoza with speeches from documentary maker, Jane Treays, and Danny Kushlick, director of drug policy foundation Transform.

Kate said the event aimed to raise awareness of how easily a young person can become addicted and to campaign to treat addiction as an illness rather than a crime.

Mike Weatherley, Conservative prospective parliamentary candidate for Hove and Portslade, said: “This is a major problem that needs new thinking and a fresh approach. It is a privilege to be able to support Kate's effort to make things happen.”

accompanied the Mayor’s switch-on of the Floral Clock Christmas tree lights.

For me, a culture of entertainment is part of the city’s spirit. For the council, entertainment is at the heart of our recent bid to be recognised as the best local authority in the country, or ‘beacon status’, for our management of the so-called night-time economy.

So far we’ve been short-listed and after our bid and assessment we’ve received very positive feedback from the judges. We won’t find out whether we’ve won until March next year, but if we do we could receive a share of the £3m prize fund.

It was appropriate that the assessment day took place at the award-winning Komedia club, which offers guests an evening of eating, drinking and entertainment, in a friendly atmosphere.

It’s this sort of night out the council wants to promote as it offers people a great time and an antidote to the ‘binge drinking’ culture. There’s so much going on over the festive period and you can find out more at www.visitbrighton.com because there is something for everyone.

Whatever you do over the holiday period, I hope you have a very Merry Christmas!

If you would like to comment on these stories please email news@thelatest.co.uk

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12/11/08

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INTERVIEW

king of the hill Michael Eavis takes time out from milking his cows in Glastonbury to talk to Andy Morton about life at the top of the festival tree The first thing I did after completing my interview with Britain’s – and perhaps the world’s – best-loved festival organiser, was to reset my watch to the correct, five minutes-earlier, time. Clearly a man of routine, he was anxious to get in the pool for his daily morning swim.

Apologies dispensed with, he dove into the interview with understated enthusiasm. Genial and quick to laughter, he spoke with a humility rare in one so successful – this, perhaps, a product of his still-firm Methodist faith. But there was pride too, for the iconic performances captured over the years, and not least for his daughter, Emily; who has made her mark on the festival with ‘The Park‘.

This 15 acre, quarter-million pound field has become established as a highlight, so much so that Eavis quips, ‘I’m worried now – she’s doing better than we are!’ His legacy, he declares, will be safe in her hands.

With a 39-year well-spring of Glastonbury memories to draw from, I could happily have listened to him for hours – but professional obligation behoved me to shoehorn in a few questions.

Any bands who you’d like to have had on the bill that never made it?

The Grateful Dead – they were always a favourite. I remember them playing five-hour sets at The Rainbow in Finsbury Park – such energy.

“I’m a sucker for success, really, I do enjoy winning. And we really love what we do” Besides Glastonbury’s worldwide cult status, you’ve been given many accolades over the years: ‘Outstanding contribution to (British) tourism‘; two honorary degrees, the CBE last year – are you touched by that recognition?

It is quite nice, I suppose – every little helps, doesn’t it? I think the industry really appreciates what we‘ve done for business – EMI, Parlophone, etc – improved profiles, certainly; probably the sales, too. The industry are very respectful of us, actually; they try and make things work for us. They’ll put forward some really good acts. We’ve won many awards – we’ve been to Los Angeles three times to collect the Gold Star Award for best international event; last time they phoned up at three days notice to invite me! Three days! I had cows to milk, it was harvest time… I made it, though, and this year we’ve been shortlisted again.

I am pleased – I’m a sucker for success, really, I do enjoy winning. And we really love what we do, I suppose; it’s a way of life, isn’t it? A part of growing up, really. And we’re on a bit of a roll at the moment; we’ve got a hell of a line-up for next year.

Photo: Ann Cook

I don’t suppose you can tell me who’s on it, then?

No, I can’t do that yet (he chuckles) – we’ll announce the main headliner on the first of February, I think.

Do the tickets still sell out in record time?

They used to – but I don’t like that. If people can’t get through they get fed up of trying.

We’ve introduced a new deposit system this time to try and make things fairer. If they trickled out at two-or-three hundred a day that’d be perfect – everybody gets a chance, then.

Michael Eavis will be a special guest, along with actress Maxine Peake, at The Space, Brighton’s unique monthly arts and media event – Latest MusicBar, Tuesday 6 January, 7pm for 7:30pm start, £5/£3 www.thespace.me.uk

Photo: Jason Bryant

You’ve famously an eclectic taste in, and passion for, music – not unlike the late John Peel. His name was almost synonymous with Glastonbury for a few years before his death.

John used to come down every year – he said he only did it to get free tickets for his kids, but I think he probably enjoyed it (laughs). He didn’t like the mud a lot, though. One year his tent was pitched on the flood plain and it floated away – not with John in it, luckily (more guffaws!). I was doing an interview with

Chris Moyles at the time, while John’s threepiece suite was sailing down the river.

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12/12/08

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HEALTH&BEAUTY

Starting over Seven Stages of Relationship Breakdown Recovery (last stage) by Suzy Miller 7 Acceptance and Hope I dreaded my first Christmas as a single parent. But the previous year had taught me many lessons.

A clear vision of the positive future you are creating for yourself is crucial, and a mature acceptance of your own vulnerability and weaknesses. This acceptance of who you are and what you have to give, will be the greatest source of strength you have ever experienced.

By taking responsibility for all that has happened in your life (without blame or shame) you will know that history need not repeat itself. You are in charge of your own future, and how you deal with what life brings you.

Register on www.sos-village.org by Monday 22 December for free tickets to the Starting Over Show and complete our quick survey to win some `healthy chocolate'!

The Brighton SOS event features Anna Pasternak, author of Daisy Dooley Does Divorce and a workshop with Channel Five's Divorce Doctor Francine Kaye. www.startingovershow.co.uk

See more health tips at www.thelatest.co.uk/wave/

Bittersweet Zara Baker finds a way to enjoy chocolate over the festive season without the added sugar and fats The chocoholic in all of us may rear its head over the festive period, as selection boxes and variety tins of sweet treats circulate among family. If you’re thinking of giving chocolate as a gift or even to buy to keep in your own household over Christmas, try choosing dark, organic and even raw chocolate, for a cocoa fix with a difference.

Since it emerged in the news a few years ago that eating chocolate is good for us – everyone with a sweet tooth rejoiced, not thinking twice about the sugar and added fats in their next Mars Bar. The news actually reported the health benefits of cocoa – chocolate in its raw, uncooked state, therefore, darker chocolate with a cocoa content of 75 percent being better for us. The news also led onto the idea that dark chocolate is rich and filling, being more bitter in taste than its sweeter, milk chocolate counterpart. As a result, you eat less of it, which is better news for the waistline.

Giving a dark, organic chocolate bar this Christmas such as Green & Blacks, may cost a little more, but it’s free of added chemicals, giving a greater taste.

In this season of goodwill, a fairtrade, organic option means you are supporting the fair chocolate trade, ensuring the lives of workers sourcing cocoa are not exploited.

One step further – but not to everyone’s taste – is chocolate in its raw form, available from most good health food shops and specialist raw chocolate companies. Raw food is cooked below 48°C. The raw food diet is a choice of life for many, while some of us just include raw food in a regular diet.

Raw chocolate is the bean uncooked and natural, so all the nutrients are still there. It’s said to be richer in antioxidants than green tea, so a great excuse for the detox-conscious to indulge. With minimal packaging and no fat, milk or sugar added, raw chocolate is a chance to enjoy cocoa in its purest form. Its rich flavour may take some getting used to, and like with dark chocolate, a small slab is enough to satisfy for a long while.

It’s chocolate, but with a difference, and well worth a try. If cooked chocolate is preferred, choose organic and with a high cocoa content – there’s a variety of hot chocolate drinks and seasonal treats out there.

Don’t skip out on indulging in chocolate – just choose a better option for your cocoa.

Win tickets to the Lewes Wellbeing Fest 2009 This January sees the return of the Wellbeing Fest – a two-day weekend festival of the best in alternative and holistic living. We have teamed up with Star Communities to offer five pairs of tickets (worth £5 each) to Latest 7 readers, and valid for the whole weekend of events.

Taking place from Saturday 10 to Sunday 11 January 2009, at The Corn Exchange (Town Hall) and Assembly Rooms, Lewes, East Sussex, the festival features workshops and talks from Professor Brian Bates, Philip Carr Gomm, Leo Rutherford, and many more, as well as live music and a children's area to keep young ones entertained. Taster treatments will be available along with natural organic products, demos and delicious organic food.

To win, simply email competitions@thelatest.co.uk with ‘Wellbeing’ in the subject box. Don’t forget to leave your name and contact details. Alternatively, write to us at the address at the front of the magazine. Hurry, as closing date for entries is Monday 7 January. £3 (two-day pass £5), concessions £2.50 (two-day pass £3.50). Children under 16 years free. (For full info, programme and to book tickets call 01273 488924 or visit www.starcommunities.com)

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If you would like to comment on this story please email editorial@thelatest.co.uk

019_LS403_food

12/11/08

3:12 PM

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ANDREW KAY’S FOOD&DRINK

Alex the great Andrew Kay finds plenty of taste, talent and technique at Alexander’s in Kemp Town When my best friends M&J recommended The Hanover in Queens Park Road I hotfooted it over and enjoyed an excellent Sunday roast. I went back too, not a luxury I often enjoy, as I am usually trying somewhere new each week.

When I discovered that chef Alex had opened a new restaurant in Kemp Town I was intrigued. But his promise of a return to nouvelle cuisine had me in two minds. I lived through nouvelle cuisine the first time around and it was ideal for foodies – foodies with an eating disorder. Exquisite food, but tiny portions. I bought an awful lot of sandwiches on my way back from business lunches in the ‘80s.

I need not have worried. Alex has taken the best of the concept and delivers it in meal-sized portions. I discovered this when I took M&J along to give it a try.

Alexander’s is small but not cramped and despite being a lower ground floor, as our estate agents like to call it, it has none of that cramped basement feel. The décor is smart, modern but homely – with elements of humour, which I liked.

The menu is short and sweet. The emphasis is on integrity. I use that word because I am sick of typing ‘locally sourced‘, especially when I am dubious about the veracity of the claim. However, I have no doubt Alex is utterly sincere in his quest for the best and the menu read like a list of the foods I recognise as being in season and available locally.

worked brilliantly too, as did the sauteed ruby chard. In fact it was a typical indication of this kitchen‘s eye for detail. I really could not fault it.

Dessert was a must and I had to have the soufflé which meant a 30minute wait. Not a problem, when you are having such a good time.

M was soon tucking into a big slice of Valrhona dark chocolate tart with white-chocolate truffle mini-doughnuts and raspberry shake. Who ever said that smart food could not be fun? It brought a very wide smile to her face.

J was equally delighted with a melon and nougatine mille feuille with a milk, lavender and honey glace. It was architectural, a monument to stickiness and one that J and I toasted with dessert wines.

My gooseberry soufflé arrived like a chef’s toque: perky, fluffy and surprisingly intense in flavour. A great idea carried of with both expertise and panache. The accompanying rose sorbet hit all my buttons, rose being my favourite flavour. It was perfectly textured, the crystals fine and soft, like melting snow; the colour delicate and the flavour perfectly balanced, there at exactly the right strength. It sat in a poppy seed tuille that defied physics, the lacy texture appeared to be 100 percent seeds and nothing else to hold them in place but hold they did, on the plate at least. Once in my mouth the seeds did what they always do and found lots of hideyholes to lurk in and annoy from. I put up with it because I do like the odd sweet nuttiness of poppy seeds.

Alexander’s is better than good, it’s blooming marvellous and we had a really smashing time. Great restaurants are about many things, food of course, service, wine, pricing… but collectively it must be about having a good time and we had a great one. I look forward to going back very soon.

Alexander’s, 19 New Steine, Brighton, BN2 1PD. Call 01273 673500

‘‘With envy I eyed a lamb shoulder and suet pudding on the side but not for long’’ The menu is priced sensibly: under £30 a head for three courses and the wine list is similarly reasonable.

First out was the bread – all homemade and all exciting. Yes, exciting bread with chocolate and chilli, lemon and dill, fennel and fennel pollen. I had to stop, but I did not want to.

Then a pre-starter of cheese soufflé tart, stunningly light and short on the outside, rich and tasty in, we loved them.

M moved on to a dish of scallops and black pudding with chanterelles and champagne foam. Unlike many scallop starters it was generous, big meaty shellfish, decent slices of blood sausage, fine idea in feisty portions.

J chose lobster bisque, a favourite of hers, and she was not disappointed. The brown shrimp dumpling was also excellent, she told us as it disappeared. She also loved the armagnac-flavour suffused in the broth.

I chose a parfait of foie gras and chicken liver. It came on a slice of toasted brioche, good brioche too and not the sweet vanilla ridden supermarket stuff. The whole was set on a wide plate with a thin layer of Madeira jelly, pretty and pretty tasty too. All in all an excellent start.

We moved on to mains with M tackling a rib of veal with a herb crust, dauphinoise potato cake and a pea and broad bean emulsion that had me looking on with envy. Once again, generous, but not at the cost of the eye appeal.

J had rack of South Downs lamb and waxed lyrical for some time as she ate away across a very generous portion of fine rosy pink meat.

Again, with envy, I eyed a lamb shoulder suet pudding, on the side, but not for long.

No, my attention was held by saddle of hare with wild mushrooms and polenta. I love hare, but you simply never see it, or seldom. It was superb, dark, mysterious almost, and sooooo tender. A cherry compote

If you would like to comment on this story please email andrew@thelatest.co.uk

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LIST RESTAURANTS & BARS

RESTAURANTS BRITISH AND MODERN EUROPEAN Bardsley’s Probably Brighton’s most popular fish and chip shop and restaurant with a large loyal clientele. Totally traditional and family-run with all your favourites, but also an excellent blackboard of daily fish specials. They’re open for lunch and dinner Tuesday to Saturday and it’s also a great party venue.

There are massive fish platters and good seasonal seafood. Fish can be fried, grilled or poached, plus there are vegetarian choices.

22–23a Baker Street, Brighton, 01273 681256

The Coach House Friendly restaurant bar in the city centre serving an excellent range of hearty homecooked food, separate evening and lunch menus and always a selection of roasts on Sunday. Great mussels, steaks, soups and a good wine list. In the winter, a central open fire roars. In summer, people soak up the late sun on the pretty terrace.

The warm atmosphere and good value pricing make this a popular local haunt.

59 Middle Street, Brighton, 01273 719000 www.coachhousebrighton.com

The Gallery Restaurant Why not appreciate for yourself the brand new restaurant in the heart of Brighton’s lanes specialising in modern British food all

See more at thelatest.co.uk within in a relaxed fine dining environment.

All the food is sourced locally, (where possible) homemade and designed for the seasons by our a la carte head chef who has lead at the Dorchester in London, amongst other leading London restaurants. The restaurant boasts a friendly yet casual environment that offers that little bit more all at very reasonable prices.

28 East Street, Brighton. 01273 773327 www.thegallerybrighton.co.uk

Purus Restaurant Purus is the award-winning 2 AA rosette restaurant, nestled in 40 acres of stunning landscaped gardens at the beautiful 16th century hotel, Ghyll Manor. Head chef, Alec Mackin, formerly of London’s renowned Savile Club, invites you, your friends and family or work colleagues to celebrate in style and make your festivities this season a sparkling success! Whether it be outstanding seasonal three-course lunches, private dining or festive party nights. Prices from £22.50pp.

High Street, Rusper, Horsham, 0845 345 3426, www.ghyllmanor.co.uk

Sevendials Restaurant A smart restaurant in so many ways, excellent food and a sensible variety of menus in chic surroundings. Chef Sam runs a team of food-lovers who deliver time after time, from a simple lunch to a full à la carte dinner. Cooking reflects the seasons rather than fashion and quality is paramount, with great locally caught fish, game in season and desserts that are a delight, plus a wine list full of treats without being expensive. Make the most of the terrace when the weather is warm or the private dining room for a treat.

1 Buckingham Place, Brighton, 01273 885555, www.sevendialsrestaurant.co.uk

Sam’s of Brighton A brand new restaurant on the Kemp Town restaurant scene. Situated in the famous One Paston Place site, Sam’s offers a more relaxed dining experience. The dishes served are classic yet creative, with a focus on seasonal ingredients. Examples are natural smoked haddock and salmon fish pie with a free-range poached egg or chargrilled Scotch rib-eye steak with proper chips, plum tomato and house butter.

1 Paston Place, Brighton, 01273 676222 www.samsofbrighton.co.uk

CHINESE Gars Restaurant Stunningly refurbished, this old Brighton favourite has attained a new lease of life.

An exciting menu with some great new ideas and a wholly different experience in terms of style and presentation. Smart service, beautiful interiors and a truly chic atmosphere make this one of the city’s top places to be seen. Start downstairs at the bar before rising to the upper dining room and enjoy the glamour of it all. Eat from £10.

19 Prince Albert Street, Brighton 01273 321321 www.gars.co.uk

FRENCH The Arrogant Frog Don’t miss out, hurry and book for Christmas Day lunch – last few tables available – seven courses only £45 – 12 noon and 3.30pm sittings, limited places available, families and children always welcome. Join us for New Year’s Eve, delight in our sumptuous five course dinner for £55 or relax and enjoy each course with a glass of individually selected wines, each especially chosen to complement the food for £85 all inclusive.

Don’t forget, it’s still not too late to book a Christmas Party, special Christmas lunch menu from £16 and evening menu from £22.A tempting à la carte and Xpress lunch is also available all week. A ‘Plat du Jour’, at £9.45 including a drink, is the perfect way to treat yourself without breaking the bank. Children and families always welcome.

119 Church Road, Hove, 01273 721488, www.thearrogantfrog.com

Cocoa Cocoa is the cheeky new French patisserie found just down from Brighton train station on Queen’s Road. “A slice of Paris in the heart of Brighton”. All cakes, pastries, tartines and baguettes are lovingly prepared each morning on the premises by French gourmet pastry chef Julien Plumart.

Front of the house is run by Jana Solfronk serving coffee, cinnamon hot chocolate or homemade lime ice tea, amongst other beverages. Intimate seating overlooking a mural of the roofs of Paris sets an atmosphere both relaxing and bohemian.

For breakfast, lunch or an afternoon “tete a tete”, Cocoa is the choice for discerning Brightonians. As commented by a recent French visitor: ”Cocoa make the best croissant in Brighton, by far better than any I found in Paris.”

48 Queen’s Road, Brighton. 01273 777412

New Steine Bistro Cosy French bistro with regular art exhibitions, creating the perfect setting for the appreciation of traditional home-made French cuisine either with friends or for a romantic night out. A hidden gem in the heart of Kemp Town, and very reasonable too!

Daily evening menu at two courses £10.50, three courses £12.50 on weekdays; and two courses £14.50, three courses £16.50 on Friday and Saturday (ONLY LIMITED SPACES AVAILABLE DAILY). À la carte menu Tuesday to Saturday 6-10pm for last orders.

10-11 New Steine, Brighton, 01273 681546 or 695415

L’Églisese

L’Église

L’Église is a traditional French restaurant in Hove offering classic cuisine prepared for contemporary tastes. Offering a fantastic À la Carte menu Tuesday to Sunday together with daily specials like Saucisses de Toulouse, Boeuf Bourguignon and Côte de Bœuf for two. Locally sourced produce include freshly caught fish of the day and an extensive anglo-french farmhouse cheeseboard. There are also a selection of superb French desserts on offer such as Raspberry Millefeuille and Crème Brulée.

Whether enjoying our south facing sun terrace with the 2 course Express lunch menu, Tuesday-Saturday, 12-5pm at £11.95 or relaxing on a Sunday with our delicious French Sunday roast… this is true entente cordiale.

196 Church Road, Hove, 01273 220868, www.legliserestaurant.co.uk, info@legliserestaurant.co.uk

INDIAN Chaula’s “The food of India, not just Indian food.”

New on the scene in Lewes and unlike other Indian restaurants, Chaula’s is renowned for its signature dishes: bhindi kadhi, pista chicken, lamb rajasthani, and many more, and for its distinctive décor and friendly staff. All meals are made fresh to order and every curry has its own distinctively flavoured sauce. There is also a wide variety of vegetarian, vegan and gluten and wheat-free dishes. They have a buffet available 11am-3pm Mon-Sat, alongside a ‘light bites’ menu. It’s definitely a hot favourite with the people of Lewes!

Eastgate House, 6 Eastgate street, Lewes, BN7 2LP, 01273 476707, www.chaulas.co.uk

The Chilli Pickle The Chilli Pickle is a family run Indian bistro in the famous old lanes serving stunning food. Fronted by Brighton chef Alun Sperring, who has recently returned from Jumeirah in Dubai and has spent the last twenty years learning his trade around the world. The restaurant has a relaxed and informal feel, with an emphasis on authentic Indian and Nepalese dishes using local and organic produce. The daytime menu offers Indian street food, Thalis and Masala Dosa, a selection of beautiful loose teas and cakes and sweetmeats. Dinner is a more refined affair. Feast on a Spiced Tandoor Baked Shoulder of Lamb, Moilly Seafood Pot or Duck Egg Masala to name a few.

Paired with a carefully chosen selection of Belgian and micro brewery beers to include original India pale ale.

42 Meeting House Lane, 01273 323824 www.thechillipicklebistro.co.uk

ITALIAN Donatello The flagship venue of this local family-run business serving excellent value Italian food in stylish and spotless surroundings. It is popular with locals in the week but at the weekend it draws an audience from London.

There are brilliant-value meal deals on blackboards outside – two courses £6.95, three £8.95 – as well as à la carte. The haunt of celebs in season from soap stars to politicos. Fun, friendly and fabulous value.

Brighton Place, Brighton, 01273 775477, www.donatello.co.uk

Fat Leo Supposedly the budget branch of the Donatello stable but you’d be hard-pressed to see why. Once again, quality family dining in the Italian mould but a little less expensive. Popular with students and young families, Fat Leo has trendy interiors, including the toilets, and a menu which is utterly affordable with the signature setprice boards proclaiming any two courses £5.95, any three courses £7.95.

16-17 Market Street, Brighton, 01273 325135

THAI Chokdee A premium takeaway and informal eaterie next to Hove Station where you can enjoy real Thai cooking. Chokdee serves a variety of popular Thai dishes, including tom yum

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Koba Bar and Club soup, pad thai (stir-fried noodles) favourite red and green curries and a range of freshly stir-fried dishes, with vegetarian options.

There’s a selection of home-made starters priced from £3.95. A plate of mixed starters is good value at £8.95 and includes chicken satay, Thai fishcakes, mini spring rolls and mee krob noodles. Main courses include a good selection of vegetarian, duck and seafood dishes, and are made to each individual order using authentic Thai ingredients such as holy basil, kaffir lime leaves and galangal, coconut milk and chillis. Chokdee is licensed, with wines, saké and Thai beers. Open Monday to Saturday, for lunch and in the evening.

98 Goldstone Villas, Hove 01273 720370 www.chokdeethai.co.uk

Sabai The Thai word ‘sabai’ means comfortable, relaxed and chilled – precisely the way you’ll feel when you dine or have a drink with us. Filled with stylish, genuine Thai furnishings, Sabai transports you to the beach bars of Samui or the contemporary restaurants of Bangkok. Browse our extensive menu of unique Sabai dishes, while sampling a cocktail or a bottle of wine from our comprehensive wine list. Try our gastronomic Thai food made with fresh, authentic ingredients – many of which are grown by the family of the restaurant’s owners back in Thailand. Come and enjoy – or as they say in Thailand: “Sanuk”!

165-169 Princes House, Princes Place North St, Brighton, 01273 773030 www.sabai.uk.com, bookings@sabai.uk.com

Sawadee Cheer the spirit with a visit to this popular Thai restaurant in the heart of Kemp Town. At Sawadee you can expect a warm welcome and an informal atmosphere in which to enjoy traditional Thai food from an established team. Each dish is freshly made and the menu offers a range of fiery red and green curries, colourful stir fry dishes, and specialities such as local sea bass drenched in a warming ginger and yellow bean sauce.

Try large prawns in golden shredded coconut batter or fruity beancurd with pineapple and red tomatoes. You can choose a lovely crisp white or mellow red wine to accompany your Thai meal and there are three different popular Oriental beers on offer. Don’t miss the great value set menus starting at £14.95 for a four-course, authentic Thai meal.

Sawadee Thai Restaurant, 87 St James Street, Brighton BN2 1TP, 01273 624233

COFFEE SHOPS Spinelli Coffee Spinelli Coffee combines the best of modern Italian café culture with great-tasting, highquality specialty coffee and mouth-watering pastries and savouries. A place where customers are attended to by a dedicated team of the very best baristas, whose driving motivation is to provide the ultimate ‘coffee experience’. Beautiful oak sliding doors look onto a heated outdoor seating area with sea views. Everyone can find a place to sit and sip, get wrapped up in a good book, take advantage of the free Wi-Fi or just relax.

Spinelli Coffee is located in the heart of Kemp Town Village, just off the corner of St George’s Road and College Road. Mon-Fri 8am-6pm, Sat 8:30am-6pm, Sun 9am-5pm.

Spinelli Coffee, 24 Garnet House, College Road, Brighton, 01273 818819

Moksha Caffe Brighton Moksha is Brighton’s ultimate independent café, with their own blend of locally roasted coffee made by highly trained baristas. They have an excellent range of homemade cakes and sandwiches all made on site with favourites like battenburg, quiches and gluten-free options like pistachio and orange biscotti. Moksha is not your usual high street coffee shop with its spacious interior and the works of local artists. They are child friendly, have disabled access and free WIFI. Free live music or comedy every Saturday night. Their opening hours are Mon–Fri 8am–7pm, Sat 8am–10pm, Sun 10am–6pm.

Located opposite St Peters Church and only a stone’s throw away from Brighton Station.

Moksha Caffe, 4-5 York Place, Brighton, 01273 248890, www.mokshacaffe.com

BARS Koba Bar and Club Koba hosts a happy hour in the front bar between 5-7pm all week. With three bars over three floors and a dedicated team of mixologists, this venue stands as a flagship of quality and has been nominated in the top ten bars/clubs in the UK by The Independent.

Good beers, a sensible wine list, and of course, champagne for special occasions (or just for the love of it). The perfect venue for a private party or an atmospheric night out. To book your private party, reserve your guest list or to run through some ideas contact: Koba, 135 Western Road, Brighton, 01273 720059, www.kobauk.com

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latest listings Your weekly guide to what’s on

16 December – 1 January

Under review Here’s our round up of recent local shows, plus there’s oodles of reviews online at www.thelatest.co.uk The Space The Space is a sometimes overlooked but valuably unique event, bringing leaders in the creative fields to an intimate arena.

This month saw renowned photojournalist Edmond Terakopian introduce himself with a montage of his work, from Armenian earthquake coverage to Obama's recent visit to Downing Street. A fascinating insight into the world of a serious journalist using images to convey more than words.

Following him was comedian Josie Long, winner of last year’s Best Newcomer If.comedy award, a performer of comedy since she was 15 years old, over 10 years ago, and a leading light in the current wave of ‘nice’ comics. She provided insights and quips with her mix of awkward and articulate delivery. A unique chance to learn from singular individuals.

Latest MusicBar, 2 December ✌✌✌✌ Victoria Nangle

Jools Holland Jools and his big band injected a massive slice of boogie into my wonderland. From the opening stride piano riffs to the massive encore, the audience were completely with him. The band is amazing, the backing singers superb and Ruby Turner is sensational. Marc Almond came on to rapturous applause and went on

to earn them with a short set that proved once again that he is a performer of immense talent and huge charisma. With at least two solos in every number there was a great deal of musical showing off, but when the players are this good, who cares?

Corn Exchange, 28 November ✌✌✌✌ Andrew Kay

Kings of Leon When they played Brighton last year, Kings of Leon were a big deal. Now, they’re one of the world’s biggest bands, and don’t we know it. Disappointed fans huddled outside clutching for punters’ spare tickets; massive, madly expensive-looking lighting grabbed the audiences’ collective throat; huge pop anthems, including classics ‘Molly’s Chambers’, ‘On Call’ and ‘My Party’ filled the arena. Unfortunately, new album Only By The Night is largely bland, vast-but-desolate filler material a la Snow Patrol and, as a result, the long (two hour) set felt longer. When the band switched to full rock-out mode, though, Kings of Leon were unstoppable.

Brighton Centre, 1 December ✌✌✌ Nick Aldwinckle

Steel City Tour Heaven 17 opened the night with a classy act and Glenn Gregory’s

HOT REVIEW OF THE WEEK

voice was as strong as ever. Their original sound was cleanly replicated but with added oomph that came to a peak in an amazing rendition of ‘Temptation.’ ABC followed and although good, they were less successful, the sound less authentic. Martin Fry’s vocal range has shrunk and was not helped by a pretty average backing singer. The songs however were still great and carried us happily along. Human League arrived in a technological package that was breathtaking. The sound was authentic but without sounding canned. The girls are what they are and I love ’em, but they can neither sing nor dance really. Phil Oakley ran around like a lunatic, a less cool character than in previous incarnations but as powerful as ever, although by the end he came over as a rather jolly uncle. In fact, all three had something of that about them, not a bad thing but certainly noticeable.

Brighton Centre, 5 December ✌✌✌✌ Andrew Kay

New Act Night Twelve good acts took to the stage with a confidence that never once gave away that this was, for many, their first time performing live comedy, never mind performing it to a packed room of hundreds of people downstairs at Komedia.

With a good mixture of styles that varied from an extremely likeable jaded children's entertainer to a charming off-duty drag queen, there wasn’t a weak link in the chain. Compere for the night was Rob Heeney, on truly excellent form, combining an endearing support for the new acts with wallto-wall laughs all of his own.

Komedia, 4 December ✌✌✌✌

Rab C Nesbitt, Christmas TV, p40

24 Comedy ‘Tis the season to be jolly – a funny Christmas is on the cards; listings

24 Art Chris Kettle’s Delusions of Grandeur; listings

25 Stage It’s A Wonderful Life; plus pantos in our listings

26 Film Movies hitting the big screen over the holidays

27 Music Hot news and reviews on the music scene; listings

Victoria Nangle

The Kooks What a journey it’s been for the Brighton four-piece led by the charismatic Luke Pritchard, a pin-up boy for the noughties. But he and the band are more than that; the songwriting of Pritchard and lead guitarist Hugh Harris is of the highest standard; their classic pop song structures seemingly effortless; and despite working within the constraints of an orthodox fourpiece line-up, it's amazing how diverse the songs are, but which gel into a satisfying whole, cemented by memorable melodies and lyrics. The Kooks are no fluke.

Brighton Centre, 29 November ✌✌✌✌✌ Jeff Hemmings

Alabama 3 This was definitely the most exciting gig I have been to all year, The MDMA tour brings back the acid house feeling with sweet rocking country music. With the dulcet tones of Larry Love and the sexy siren Devlin Love, there was a lot of love in the room and every one was feeling it. The Concorde 2 was the perfect venue for everyone to dance from beginning to end with the finale of ‘Woke up this morning’ bringing the house down. So good, I may take a trip to Ireland to follow the tour.

Concorde 2, 2 December ✌✌✌✌✌

29 Clubs Plan your Christmas Eve and New Year’s Eve bash

31 Gay Yuletide offerings at bars and clubs; listings

32 Television Dani’s Christmas highlights; plus our bumper Xmas TV listings!

Emma Burton

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A laughing matter Victoria Nangle looks at how stand-ups survive the seasonal downturn and why corporate might just save your skin Happy Christmas! This is a no man’s land of stand-up comedy, where the chasm between the haves and have-nots is all the more apparent.

The haves are being booked for corporate functions, preparing to be ignored in favour of Jane from accounts’ account of what happened last year, but making their agents work for their money nonetheless.

The have-nots are finding that the regular monthly show they have been booked to play ages in advance is falling through in favour of booked out rooms for Christmas parties with guaranteed massive booze sales. It’s an unsteady and unpredictable time and the shows available to watch are just as disparate – either one-off specials for charity or seasonally-priced comedy-banker line-ups. It’s a strange time in what is essentially a freelance comedy specialist’s life – for that is a stand-up comic. If you’re freelance and your bookings go doolally every year at a certain time, what are you to do?

“Comics get to work and the audience gets a warm feeling for being so good and giving” Well, as previously mentioned, there are the one-off charity gigs.

Fed up with travelling at Christmas and wanting to ensure they get some sort of work and exposure, a lot of comics set up their own oneoff shows, guaranteeing some of the money goes to a worthy cause.

Everyone gives a little something, comics get to work and the audience gets a warm fuzzy feeling in their tums for being so good and giving at a time of credit crunching chilliness.

The alternative is to savour having what everyone else around you so desperately craves – time off. If you can afford it, kicking your shoes off and just waiting out the silly season with a massive mug of cocoa and a bag or marshmallows could be just the ticket. I’m talking about people who are still breaking through into the mainstream comedy circuit, so they’ll have a day job making demands, anyway.

Why fight for the slippery bookings when there’s enough to do in civvy street anyway at this time of year?

Then there’s the massive comics who’ve done their TV Christmas special way back in May and who get the best of both worlds – making the seasonal funny and enjoying the squishy marshmallows too. Kudos to them, and may their numbers swell as more laughter is baggsied throughout the holiday schedule.

Whether you’re watching, performing, recording or simply smiling at it all, this jolly season is a great time to laugh and to get others to giggle alongside you. From a Christmas wrapper fight to a kids’ joke book, have a very happy Christmas finding the giggles. Santa’s already started.

☺

Stand-up wisdom: “Doctor Doctor! I feel like a pair of curtains. Pull yourself together.” Traditional cracker

COMEDYLISTINGS

Wednesday 17

Friday 19

Sitting On A Rug With Terry Saunders Gather round, get comfortable and prepare to be amused. Terry Saunders invites fellow comics to join him for a night of anti-comedy, lo-fi and fireside chat. Three And Ten, 8pm, £7/5

Rabbit In The Headlight Often hilarious, sometimes bizarre and occasionally mindblowing! A great night of stand-up comedy hosted by Katy Schutte (Funny Women Finalist). Three And Ten, 8pm, £6/5

Tuesday 30 Accidentally on / Christmas A brand new, completely improvised celebration of the festive season from Accidentally/On Purpose – no script, no plan, no cheating!

All Christmas themed. Marlborough Theatre, 9pm, £5

24 latest 7

➧ For full listings go to thelatest.co.uk/7

Comic Boom A special Christmas edition of the popular established headliner/quality newcomers night of comedy. With if.comedy nominee Zoe Lyons topping the bill and the evening compered by local funnyman Seann Walsh. Komedia, 7pm, £8.50/6.50

Chris Kettle Known for his lifelike quality aubergines and spellbinding chandeliers, Chris Kettle draws you into his oil paintings, which are executed with the technical finesses of an old Dutch master. This Brighton-based artist produces contemporary paintings with a classical touch, often coated with years of varnish and colourful graphic sidelines. This new show features a collection of distinctive pieces. Through his paintings, Kettle invites you to challenge the essence of the objects he personifies with faded grandeur, once symbols of success with haunting pasts. He has successfully given a new life and meaning to Nature Morte through embracing its realistic format and adding new layers.

Chris Kettle: Delusions of Grandeur, Ink_d Gallery, until Wed 24 December

ART LISTINGS NORTH LAINE PHOTOGRAPHY GALLERY Snoopers Paradise, Kensington Gardens, Brighton 01273 628794 Brighton & Hove Calendar The annual calendar exhibition featuring work that depicts Brighton throughout the year, in all its colourful and vibrant glory. Calendar is also for sale at £5.

Mon–Sat 10.15am–5.45pm, Sun 11.15am–15.45pm

BRIGHTON MUSEUM AND ART GALLERY Royal Pavilion Gardens, 01273 292882 Lives Less Photographed: working class life in Brighton, 1860-1935 Exhibition that reveals some rare images of local working class life: the people, and the lost areas of Brighton where they lived.

Until 26 April 2009 Paintings Unwrapped This exhibition takes 60 paintings and helps you look at them with a fresh eye. Many of them will be on display for the first time in many years, and include modern, local, international and historical works.

Until 13 April 2009

DE LA WARR PAVILION Bexhill-on-Sea 01424 229111 The Sublime Image of Destruction Battlefield ‘aftermath’ images with bleak, lyrical and painterly images by Simon Norfolk, Paul Seawright and Broomberg and Chanarin.

Until 4 Jan, Mon–Sun 10am–6pm

INDEPENDENT PHOTOGRAPHERS GALLERY 3 Old Brewery Yard, Battle, 01424 775650 Ray Kyte: From A Distance Images

from Kyte’s window, an unspoilt rural scene, but which features a distant billowing of smoke from a chimney, which he records from different (though close together) vantage points, day and night.

Until 20 Dec, Thurs–Sat, 11am–4pm

INK_D GALLERY 96 North Road, Brighton, 01273 645299 Chris Kettle: Delusions of Grandeur Brighton artist who produces contemporary paintings with a classical touch, often coated with years of varnish and colourful graphic sidelines.

Until 24 December, Mon–Sat 10am–6pm

LIGHTHOUSE 28 Kensington Gardens, Brighton 01273 647197 Burrow Me: Laure Provoust Inside an earth-lined burrow, Provoust’s new film invites the viewer to take part in the story of the inhabitants of an underground lair.

Until 11 Jan, Wed–Sun 11am–5pm

UNIVERSITY OF BRIGHTON Grand Parade, Brighton, 01273 643010 The Quay Brothers: Inventorium To coincide with CineCity, this exhibition is devoted to the poetic world of film animators The Quay Brothers.

Until 20 Dec, Tues–Sat 11am–5pm

CRANE KALMAN Kensington Gardens, Brighton 01273 697096 Tim Flach: Equus II Tim Flach’s beautiful studies of unusual horses.

Until 31 December, Mon–Sat 10am–6pm, Sun 10:30am–4:30pm

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STAGE

STAGELISTINGS Tuesday 16 Dec to Monday 5 January Brighton Dome 01273 709709 www.brightondome.org Peter and the Wolf/ Carnival of the Animals Kiev Classical Ballet present a double bill of enchanting children’s classics.

• 16 Dec, 7.30pm Sat & Mon, 2.30pm & 5.30pm Sun, 1.30pm Tues. £6.50–£24 The Nutcracker St Petersburg Ballet Theatre present Tchaikovsky’s timeless piece.

• 23–28 December, 7.30pm 23 Dec, 5pm 26 Dec, 2.30pm and 7.30pm 27 Dec, 2.30pm 28 Dec. No shows 24, 25 Dec. £8–£27 Sleeping Beauty St Petersburg Ballet Theatre perform the classic fairytale story.

• 29–30 December, 7.30pm, £8–£27

Swan Lake The spellbinding story of Odette, a swan princess set to Tchaikovsky’s score.

• 18–19 Dec, 7.30pm, £16–£30 The Nutcracker St Petersburg Ballet Theatre and a live orchestra present the Christmas story.

• 20–21 Dec, 2.30pm & 7.30pm, 3pm Sun, £16–£30

Eastbourne: Devonshire Park Theatre 01323 412000 www.eastbournetheatres.co.uk Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs Panto treat for all ages to enjoy.

• 16 Dec–11 Jan, except 19, 25 & 31 Dec & 5 Jan, various show times – please contact the venue directly. £9–£18

The Capitol, Horsham 01403 750220 www.thecapitolhorsham.com Elmer Songs and magic for ages 3–5, with Elmer the multi-coloured patchwork elephant.

• 16 Dec–4 Jan, daily except 25 Dec & 1 Jan. £10 adults, £7.50 children, £2.50 babies.

Peter Pan Wonder and excitement awaits in the classic tale featuring pirates and adventure.

• 16 Dec–4 Jan 09. Daily except 25 Dec & 1 Jan, various show times and prices – please contact venue directly.

Chichester Festival Theatre 01243 781312 www.cft.org.uk A Christmas Carol Chichester Festival Youth Theatre present Charles Dickens’s popular tale.

• 16–28 December, except 19 & 25 December, please contact venue for show times – various. £7.50–£23

Komedia 0845 293 8480 www.komedia.co.uk Shoe Baby Sing-a-long adventure for ages 2–5 • 22 Dec–4 Jan, except 25, 26 Dec, 1 Jan, various show times, please contact the venue directly, £8/6

It’s a wonderful play Latest 7 looks forward to a stage performance of one of the most popular films of all time

Marlborough Theatre 07782 278 521 www.marlboroughtheatre.co.uk Wild East Sapphic drama by April De Angelis, directed by Tinuke Craig.

• 17–18 & 20 Dec, 7pm, £6/5

New Venture Theatre 01273 746118 www.newventure.org.uk It’s A Wonderful Life Based on the uplifting film, presented as a ‘radio play.’

• 16–21 Dec, contacts venue for times/£

Eastbourne: Congress Theatre

Theatre Royal

01323 412000 www.eastbournetheatres.co.uk The Sleeping Beauty St Petersburg Ballet Theatre present the classic fairytale story.

• 17 Dec, 7.30pm, £16–£30

08700 606650 www.theambassadors.com/theatreroyal The Wizard of Oz The spectacular family musical on stage. Follow the yellow brick road!

• 16 Dec–4 Jan, 2.30pm, various show times and prices – please contact the venue for details. No shows 18 & 25 Dec, 1 Jan

Upstairs at Three and Ten 07786 984900 10 Steine Street, Brighton Lebenskuenstler Family ties are unravelled in this story of relationships and mathematics – the laws that bind the universe together.

• 16 Dec, 8pm, £8/5

Worthing: Connaught Theatre 01903 206206 www.worthingtheatres.co.uk Jack and the Beanstalk Panto season is here with a traditional show for all to enjoy.

• 16 Dec–4 Jan, various show times and prices – please contact the venue for info. Daily except 25 Dec and 1 Jan.

Worthing: Pavilion Theatre 01903 206206 www.worthingtheatres.co.uk Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs Traditional panto telling the popular fairytale story of Snow White. Starring TV’s Mark Little.

• 16 Dec–4 Jan, daily except 17, 25 and 31 Dec. Contact venue for show times/prices.

With all this talk of the ‘credit crunch Christmas’, you might think the last thing you’d want to see would be a play about greedy bankers and financial turmoil. It’s a Wonderful Life, however, is the perfect play to see this festive season, as the New Venture Theatre presents a stage version, adapted by Gerry McCrudden, of Frank Capra’s moving and heartwarming 1946 film, which is made all the more relevant by today’s troubled economic times.

“Hey, look mister – we serve hard drinks in here for men who want to get drunk fast, and we don’t need any characters around to give the joint ‘atmosphere‘. Is that clear? Or do I have to slip you my left for a convincer?” 1946 film script It’s a Wonderful Life is one of the most popular and uplifting films of all time, telling the tale of George Bailey, a kind and generous man who is driven to the point of suicide by the actions of Mr Potter, a rapacious local banker. As he ponders taking his life, George’s guardian angel shows him all the good he has done for the local community by demonstrating how much worse off the community would have been without his kindness.

Gerry McCrudden, director, said: “Although the film came out in 1946, it has many echoes in the current financial climate”.

It’s a Wonderful Life, New Venture Theatre, Tuesday 16 to Saturday 20 December 7.45pm & Sunday 21 December, 2.30pm Tickets: £7 (8.50 Friday and Saturday Nights) Box Office: 01273 746118 or www.newventure.org.uk

Audio escapades The Adventurists are a two part music and storytelling collective. Their multidimensional shows take their audience on a different and improvised journey in every performance. The show incorporates comedy, music and elements of a heavier tone.

The Adventurists are Daniel Clark, maverick storyteller and songwriter, from the band The Hat, and Sam Walker, multi-instrumentalist and member of the band Turning Green. Together they create modern-day fairytales, reacting to the audience and their surroundings to create one-off performances.

Daniel Clark, said: “The stories are of a fantastical bent, but it depends on the audience. We have really good fun doing it”.

Just back from their second national tour, their home town show is sure to be a unique spectacle.

The Adventurists, Komedia, Tuesday 16 December 8.30pm. Tickets: £5/4 (available on the door) Box Office: 0845 2938480 or www.komedia.co.uk/brighton

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FILM

L7 lowdown New releases reviewed

7 Selects

Australia (15) Dir: Baz Luhrmann This exclusive charity premiere is an enjoyably epic affair. Set down under on the brink of World War II the film follows an English aristocrat (Nicole Kidman) who meets a rough-hewn local (Hugh Jackman). Together, they embark upon a transforming journey across some of the world’s most

Bicycle Thieves (U)

Dir: Vittorio De Sica De Sica’s classic drama of desperation in post-war Italy was garnered with a special Oscar on its original release back in 1948. Shot in the streets of Rome, De Sica uses a real-life environment and non-

beautiful yet unforgiving terrain.

Following on from Moulin Rouge and the vastly superior Strictly Ballroom this sees Luhrmann painting on a vast and spectacular canvas. This is an oddly affecting film for a very worthy cause.

Showing at Odeon Brighton Craig Driver

A quick look at what’s on this week

Elf (PG) Dir: Jon Favreau Will Ferrell is on top form in his breakthrough mainstream role as a human raised by Santa as one of his elves. When Ferrell makes his way back to civilisation and the business of his real father, played by the great James Caan, familyfriendly laughs and classic surreal Ferrell moments ensue.

Showing at Duke of York’s The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian (PG) Dir: Andrew Adamson The first Narnia sequel is, by all accounts, a

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Dir: Alex Gibney Legendary counter-culture icon Hunter S. Thompson gets the full documentary treatment in this entertaining ditty.

Directed by Alex Gibney – responsible for the brilliant Enron: the Smartest Guys in the Room – this is a suitably excessive look at a man whose intellect was matched by his drink and drug intake. With Johnny Depp providing readings of Thompson’s work and featuring interviews with Tom Wolfe and Jimmy Carter this is a fitting epitaph to an American hero both brilliant and banal.

Showing at Duke of York’s

The Day the Earth Stood Still (12A) Dir: Scott Derrickson This is a big budget, lock-jawed remake of the 1951 sci-fi classic.

The story is simple enough - an alien visitor and his giant robot counterpart visit Earth before deciding to take it over and exterminate everyone.

Keanu Reeves does his best metronomic acting as the alien who arrives on Earth to warn its puny inhabitants. Jennifer Connelly and Kathy Bates do their best to add some emotional crux to proceedings. Epic but dull and clichéd throughout this is essentially a bloated sequel to Independence Day. Showing at Cineworld and Odeon

Madagascar – Escape 2 Africa (PG) Alex the Lion, Marty the Zebra, Melman the Giraffe and Gloria the Hippo return in this animated sequel. After managing to escape Madagascar the New York quartet find themselves stranded in Africa.

As a result many mediocre guffaws arise as wild and tame animals collide. Ben Stiller, David Schwimmer, Chris Rock, Jada Pinkett-Smith and Sacha Baron Cohen provide the voices and artistic vices. It’s not great but if they’d made something more acute then DreamWorks wouldn’t sell as many lunchboxes would they.

Showing at Cineworld and Odeon Craig Driver

professional actors to frame this moving drama. Following the theft of a bicycle the film unravels as a livelihood and family are threatened.

This landmark film defined the Italian neorealist approach and is screening in a newly remastered format – a big warm hug of a film.

Showing at Duke of York’s

Also showing…

Changeling (15) Dir: Clint Eastwood Clint Eastwood continues his directorial career with another piece of Oscar-bait. Angelina Jolie plays a single mother in 1920s Los Angeles.

After her child goes missing and is replaced with one she’s certain isn’t hers, she faces a corrupt LAPD and social alienation. Shades of film noir, melodrama and a sterling performance from Jolie suggest Eastwood shows no sign of slowing down as he approaches 80.

Showing at Odeon and Cineworld

Gonzo: the Life and Work of Dr. Hunter S. Thompson (15)

vast improvement on the critically underwhelming first filmic stab at CS Lewis.

Newcomer Ben Barnes takes the title role as the Prince the Pevensey children help reclaim his throne. A top cast including Eddie Izzard, Liam Neeson and Ken Stott return.

Showing at Odeon Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas (18) Dir: Terry Gilliam Former Python Gilliam’s psychedelic road movie adaptation of gonzo journalist Hunter S. Thompson’s drug-fuelled autobiography stars the perma-kook Johnny Depp as Thompson and a mad, memorable, Benicio Del Toro as psychotic sidekick Raoul Duke.

Showing at Duke of York’s Four Christmases (12A) Dir: Seth Gordon Reese Witherspoon and Vince Vaughan star as an affluent couple whose plans for an exotic Christmas are thrown into disarray when the airport becomes fog-bound. Instead, they are forced to attend four family celebrations, a tradition they dread and have avoided for years.

Showing at Cineworld and Odeon

It’s A Wonderful Life (U) Dir: Frank Capra Well, it’s Christmas, after all, so it’s time for that annual dose of syrupy Capra to warm your soul. The great James Stewart plays perhaps his best role as a debt-addled businessman contemplating suicide. Just before he throws himself off a bridge, a pitying angels shows him just how important he is to those who love him.

Showing at Duke of York’s Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa (U) Dir: Eric Darnell and Tom McGrath With only repeat screenings of Wall*E to keep the littl’uns happy, the animation world’s looking pretty bereft this Christmas. So, Dreamworks’ sequel to the talking zoo caper should mop up the family bucks. Ben Stiller, David Schwimmer and Chris Rock head an all-star cast.

Showing at Cineworld, Odeon and Worthing Mamma Mia! (PG) Dir: Phyllida Lloyd The UK’s biggest film of the year, trumping the likes of The Dark Knight and Indiana Jones, Mamma Mia! is testament to the eternal pulling power of Abba.

Showing at Odeon My Best Friend’s Girl (15) Dir: Howard Deutch When Dustin (Jason Biggs) is dumped by his girlfriend of five weeks (Kate Hudson), he’ll do

anything to get her back. Luckily best friend Tank (Dane Cook) is a rebound specialist hired by men to take ex-girlfriends out on bad dates to show their men weren’t so bad after all.

Showing at Cineworld and Odeon Quantum of Solace Dir: Marc Forster Daniel Craig’s Bond is on a quest for revenge after the death of his love, Vesper Lynd. The trail leads him to sinister environmentalist Dominic Greene, who is trying to control a country’s water supply. Judi Dench returns as M while Bond girls Gemma Arterton and Olga Kurylenko simmer.

Showing at Cineworld and Odeon Nick Aldwinckle

For film times, contact the cinemas.

Odeon www.odeon.co.uk 0871 224 4007 Duke of York’s www.picturehouses.co.uk 01273 626261 Cineworld www.cineworld.co.uk 0871 200 2000 Connaught www.worthingtheatres.co.uk 01903 206206

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latest music ★ artists ★ interviews ★ gigs ★ new releases ★ clubs ★ djs ★ chart ★

NEWS Oxjam Since 2006, regional teams have created over 2,000 Oxjam events all across the UK. They are put on by people with a passion for music and a desire for change, who give up their time and skills. All money raised has gone to Oxfam who can then help provide safe drinking water, build more classrooms and much else besides in the developing world.

Last year, £205,000 was raised and once again Oxjam are calling for people to organise and promote gigs in their areas, including Brighton and Sussex, up to March 2009.

Promoters, venues, unsigned and top acts are all welcome. In fact, any kind of music, from bell ringers to death metallers, are welcome.

To take part, contact the Sussex area manager Nansi-Louise MacLean on 01444 450491 or nansil.maclean83@gmail.com

Battle of the Bands The Providence are organising another Battle of the Bands competition with a £750 prize fund. Thirty-two bands will be picked and battle commences in January with the grand final in April. You can enter by dropping a demo into the box on the bar of the venue.

You have until Monday 5 January. Good luck!

Beachdown Beachdown Festival is set to come back next year for another four-day festival overlooking the sea and South Downs, next August bank holiday weekend. Acts such as Grandmaster Flash, Norman Jay, Gilles Peterson, The Blockheads, Sugarhill Gang and Jah Shaka have already been announced.

In the meantime you can visit their Christmas Market at the Marina every Saturday in the run-up to Christmas, where they’re selling local produce and providing musical treats. www.beachdownfestival.com

Buster’s moves Legendary ska band Bad Manners play their annual Brighton Christmas show next week. Nick Aldwinckle spoke to larger-thanlife vocalist Buster Bloodvessel

soul-ey way. It’s big brass, strings, stomping basslines, kicking drums. The working title is Northern Soul, Ska Girls, but Girls with Bollocks sounds good to me.” This side project was recorded with the band in typically anarchic style: swaying on moving tour buses and backstage as support acts play. This often meant brass players getting bloodied lips when the van came to a sudden halt, but Buster seems happy with the result.

Recording isn’t the only way Buster breaks the mould with his ‘many silly ideas’, as he puts it. In the nineties, he opened Margate hotel Fatty Towers, specifically catering for the obese. With oversized beds and gut-busting meals, its niche market wasn’t enough to survive, so it had to close its doors. Bad Manners’ own music festival, Badfest, featuring a mix of ska and punk, is set to return if Buster can convince the council to hand over a small island on

Turkey, the Queen‘s Speech and The Great Escape on TV. All regular Christmas ingredients, though a more enjoyable tradition is ska veterans Bad Manners’ annual Brighton gig. Fronted by heavyweight, slap-headed vocalist Buster Bloodvessel (aka Douglas Trendle), the only original member, Bad Manners have toured more than 30 years (playing Brighton every year). With two-tone classics such as ‘Special Brew’ and ‘Lip Up Fatty’ and, erm, the only frontman to have a tongue rivalling KISS singer Gene Simmons, their shows are as fun as their music.

Buster’s a busy man. Between buying a new tour bus, laying floorboards and recording a new album, he’s lost over half of his famous 32 stone bulk. In 2004, he underwent gastric bypass surgery and began a rigid exercise regime. A slip of the man he once was, Buster (in his own words, who was “someone who was destined for the death scrapheap”), has a new lease of life, translating to a leaner, more energetic show: “My performances weren’t bad before, but I feel I have to perform even bigger to make up for the lost weight.”

Having turned 50 this year, he shows no sign of slowing down; in fact, much the opposite. On top of putting together a self-released Best Of album and a new as-yet-unnamed album proper (featuring their standard mix of covers and new songs), there’s another project in the works. “It’s Bad Manners meets Amy Winehouse. It’s very northern soul and very Bad Manners and very ska-reggae. It’s 30 girl singers all sung in that

the Thames. Then there’s Buster’s new plan: to buy a ship holding 300 to 400 for themed weekend excursions (punk, ska, mod, rockabilly and other genres) with people boarding and alternative bands playing. Combining house-boat resident Buster’s lifelong love of boats and Fatty Towers’ menu, the ship, of course, will be named The Bloodvessel.

To launch The Bloodvessel, Buster has to sell everything he owns. Clearly his motivation isn’t money: “If it was, I definitely chose the wrong career!” You’d think this might be intimidating, though few people in music believe in what they do this much. “Just seeing young people coming through that I’ve never seen before just makes me think there’s so much life still in us. Touring is the best fun there is: it’s what we live for. If at the grand age of 50, you’re still this enthusiastic, you’re doing the right career.” Indeed.

Bad Manners, Concorde 2, 23 December

UPCOMING GIGS

Jeff Beck Up there with Page and Clapton as one of the most influential of rock guitarists; a rare opportunity to see one of the masters.

Wednesday 24 June Brighton Dome

If you would like your event listed please email listings@thelatest.co.uk

Bad Manners 23 December, Concorde 2 Animal Collective 15 January, Concorde 2 Little Joy 15 January, Audio Denny Laine 24 January, Old Market Sebastien Tellier 21 January, Concorde 2 Teddy Thompson 22 January, Concorde 2 Eat Static 24 January, Concorde 2 Marillion 28 January, Concorde 2 The Streets 28 January, Dome Richard Thompson 31 January, Dome Sharleen Spiteri 5 February, Dome Keane 10 February, Brighton Centre Mongrel 13 February, Coalition Robyn Hitchcock 16 February, Komedia NME Awards Tour 16 February, Dome

Secret Machines 17 February, Concorde 2 Candi Staton 25 February, Old Market Elbow 28 February, Dome Emiliana Torrini 14 March, St Georges Lily Allen 20 March, Dome Hugh Cornwell 25 March, Concorde 2 The Beat 27 March, Concorde 2 Simply Red 31 March, Brighton Centre The Enemy 8 April, Dome The Prodigy 14 April, Brighton Centre David Byrne 14 April, Dome Gary Moore 17 April, Dome Australian Pink Floyd 28 April, Brighton Centre Counting Crows 24 May, Brighton Centre Jeff Beck 24 June, Dome

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MUSIC

MUSIC REVIEWS

MUSICHIGHLIGHTS

A weekly review of local and national releases After the good times comes the bad… Credit crunches and economic downturns don’t just affect normal business, they also affect the business of music. This combined with the already peaked surge in music activity here in the UK will mean 2009 will be poor.

This actually presents a good opportunity to cut out the waste Mojo Fins and excess fat. Instead of every Tom, Dick and Harry forming a band and writing songs, maybe the quality quotient will rise and a lot of potential musicians will perhaps realise that: A) There’s hardly any money to be made in music and B) most of it is mediocre and derivative.

Crystal ball gazing over, let’s look at some ‘quality’ releases coming up pre-Xmas… Featuring ex-Bareskin Rugs Mickey Buccheri and former Brighton DJ Chris Coco (Chris Mellor), City Reverb are a mash-up of dreamy electro-acoustic sounds and electronics, with the feeling overwhelmingly melancholic yet uplifting. Lost City Folk is just that, not surprising really since Coco comes from a Balearic background.

Creeping up on you via songs that build incessantly while riding a chugging groove, Underground Railroad’s Sticks and Stones album sees 60s-style garage meeting Sonic Youth sonic atmospherics. There are only just the bare bones of a proper song within each of the ten tracks, but somehow it’s all held together with a prudent use of sound dynamics.

Hastings-based Simon Ham and Jo Brooks, along with a collective of musicians, DJs and vocalists, have concocted the the genre-defying Drawbar (named after a device on the Hammond organ, an instrument at the forefront of this outfit), fusing the disparate sounds of hip hop, jazz, funk and soul, and marrying this to their love of exotica, library music and 60s and 70s soundtracks. It’s an aural and visual homage to those times, which is OK as the music is for the most part, superb. But do we have to hark back so incessantly?

Brighton band Mojo Fins lost one of their number, Jon Chandler, last year in a road accident, and so their initial momentum was almost irredeemably curtailed. But after a great deal of soul searching and an extended period of mourning, the band are about to release their debut album, with ‘Always Now’ the lead single. A highlight from the album, this haunting tune employs a subtle dynamic that grooves along – a song that worms its way into my head, is always a good sign.

Now for some shouty greatness, and who better to provide it than The Bronx with their third self-titled album? Actually from LA, these intelligent hardcore bruisers eschew a lot of their hometown’s superficiality in favour of the grittier sound of New York punk. Strikingly prickly guitar hooks and swaggering balls-out rock go some way to explain why the band recently played the legendary Black Flag on film.

A somewhat sweeter pill than The Bronx is classy electro-pop quartet Ladytron. They’ve been doing their thing for nearly a decade now and easily put to shame the current batch of posturing pretenders. Fourth album Velocifero sees them reach their peak; a stunning mix of Black Cherry-era Goldfrapp glam and a heavy sheen from Nine Inch Nails man Alessandro Cortini on production duties.

Finally, a quick mention to Belfast rock’n’roll revivalist Brian Houston, and his latest album Three Feet From Gold. An accomplished mix of Elvis swinging, Americana twang and nods to more modern rock, this may not be fashionable, but it certainly shows a singer-songwriter at his best.

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The Fratellis The Stereophonics Often bland and soulless, the mega-selling Welsh outfit have the knack of knocking out big hits that positively sparkle with melody and infectiousness. Why they can’t produce this on their albums is a mystery.

Tuesday 16 December, Brighton Centre The Fratellis Hugely entertaining and often funny band who only played their first gig in March ‘05. A two-page spread in the NME the following year all but sealed their fate, although it helps that they’ve got the tunes and the personality to back up the hyperbole.

Wednesday 17 December, Brighton Dome Johnny Truant + Blackhole + Black Storm It’s always sad when a stalwart of Brighton’s independent music scene decides to call it a day; particularly so when it’s the city’s biggest and best metal export of recent years.

So, catch Johnny Truant at their very last gig this week.

Wednesday 17 December, Engine Room Stereolab Archetypal indie band, big on krautrock and hypnotic grooves that have stayed the course over the years, developing an extremely loyal fanbase. They’ve been quiet of late, but for any newcomers out there, they are a nice little antidote to all that indie rock and pop clogging up the airwaves.

Thursday 18 December, Concorde 2 The Perils New kids on the Brighton block, a high energy, big sounding rock’n’roll proposition with a hint of seedy desire. Getting a lot of exposure, and one to watch.

Saturday 20 December, The Hope

The Blockheads Lovable, eccentric, ocky, funny, schoolboy-rude and artful, that’s The Blockheads, with or without Ian Dury.

Combining punk, funk, and music hall, The Blockheads created some of the most enduring hits of the post-punk era, and this year are celebrating their 30th anniversary.

Sat 20 December, Assembly Hall, Worthing The Damned One of punk’s originals, Rat Scabies, Captain Sensible and co broke through in ‘76 with punk‘s first ever single, ‘New Rose’. They quickly broke out of the musical confines of the genre with a splash of gothic theatricality that has seen them get through the good and bad times.

Sunday 21 December, Komedia Sensational Alex Harvey Band Semi-legendary Scottish rock’n’roll band with a big dollop of glam, big in the 70s and one of the few survivors of the punk revolution. Alex Harvey himself died in 1982, but the band have re-formed recently. The gig is in aid of The Kenya Aid Foundation. Deborah Bonham (sister of John Bonham, ex-Led Zep drummer) is in support. Should be interesting.

Monday 22 December, Concorde 2 Soultown We Got Soul presents Soultown New Year‘s Eve Party. Five-piece soul band led

by Jan Jinkerson playing classic Motown, Soul, Disco and funk. Sets are packed with dancefloor filling songs and infectious grooves.

Playing numbers from the great Stevie Wonder and James Brown to the soulful Aretha Franklin and Marvin Gaye, Wednesday 31 December, Latest Music Bar

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28 latest 7

If you would like your event listed please email listings@thelatest.co.uk

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MUSIC

For complete listings go to thelatest.co.uk/7

MUSIC& CLUBLISTINGS 16 – 31 Dec Tuesday 16 Live Music Access to Music Live band showcase. Latest Music Bar, 8pm, free.

Bethlehem Slouch + The Hatters + Cue Class Prince Albert, 8pm, £tbc Praveen + Pog Cella Sanctuary Café, 8pm.

Stereophonics Welsh rocking indie kings get tidy. Brighton Centre, 8pm, £29.50 Bars and clubs Audio Snide. Indie disco. 10pm–2am, £3/2 Coalition Latin Fever. 10pm–2am, free.

Digital Glitterati. 11pm–3am, £5/3 Pavilion Tavern Guerilla Rocks. Indie, metal mash-up, 10:30pm–2am, £1-3 Po Na Na Sweet. Commercial R’n’B, Funky House,10pm–3am, £5/3 Tru Bandwagon. Student night, R’n’B & house.

10pm–2:30am, £1-3 Water Margin Sessions. Run by students and playing for the students. 11pm–4am, £1–2

Wednesday 17 Live Music The Beautiful Word Brightonian folk-pop kids.

Farm Tavern, 8pm, £tbc The Legendary Bee’s Mouth Open Mic, 8:30pm, free Experience Afghanistan Afghan-themed night Latest Music Bar, 6:30pm, £5 Jake and Elwood’s Christmas Party Brighton Centre, 8pm, £27.50 Johnny Truant + Blackhole + Black Storm Engine Rooms, 8pm, £6 Ocean Reid + Ben Griffith + Awesome Wells Prince Albert, 8pm, £4 Open Mac Night Open mic for electronic music. Sidewinder, 9pm, free Waterson Carthy: Frost and Fire – Singing the Season Ropetackle Centre, 7pm, £15/14 You Must Be Folkin’ Live music club featuring all things folk. Cella Sanctuary Café, 8pm, £4/3 Bars and clubs Arc Life is Easy. Indie classics, free-£1 Audio Supercharged. 11pm–2:30am, £5/3 Coalition Club NME. 10:30pm- 3:30am, free.

Funky Buddha Lounge We Luv 90s. Classic 90s anthems, 10pm–3am, 90p.

Honey Club Contagious. 10:30pm–3am, £3/1 Water Margin Forgive Me Father For I Have Synth’d. 11pm–3am, free-2 Genetics Darkside D’n’B. 3am–6am, free-2

Thursday 18 Live Music The Beautiful Word Bee’s Mouth, 9pm, free.

Benefit Culture: Faye Houston + The Woo!worths + Ayah Marar! Charity show for Cambodia Trust. Sanctuary Café, 8pm, £5 General Bovine and the Justice Force Five Xmas Party + Wanderdown Festive extravaganza. Prince Albert, 8pm, £tbc.

Herman Dune Franco-Swedish genre-benders.

Duke of York’s Picturehouse, £13/11 Music at Northbrook Exposure Acts from Northbrook College Latest Music Bar, 8pm, free Open Mic The Hub, Lewes Rd, 8pm, free.

Sound Factory Acoustic singer-songwriters’ night. The Providence, 8pm, £1 Stereolab Acclaimed nineties indie electro from France. Concorde 2, 7:30pm, £13.50 Bars and clubs Audio Shameless. Pop & indie. 11pm, £2 Digital Thursday Club. Residents Exel and Sandman’s festive knees-up. 10pm–3am, £6 Ocean Rooms Therapy. Official UBSU Socfed night with Stick It On. 10:30pm–3am, £3 Po Na Na Secret Discotheque. 10pm–3am, £3/2 The Hope Downtempo/techno, 8pm–2am, free.

Friday 19 Live Music 2nd Time Lucky + My Name In Lights + The Mighty Rivals Prince Albert, 8pm, £tbc Club Chat Noir: The Magic Number Gypsy and 20s/30s swing. Latest Music Bar, 7pm, £4-9 Magdalena Reising Nu-jazz lounge songstress. Latest Music Bar, 7:30pm, £5

Simon and Sleeze Loud, nasty R’n’B with slide guitar. The Neptune, 8:30pm, free.

Sonic Boom Six + Ny-Lon & Mouthwash.

Engine Rooms, 7pm, £8 Sound Factory: Escape To Sea + The HiSides Indie rock night. The Providence, 8pm, £1 Tight Lip Permanent Gallery, 7:45pm, £4 We Got Soul Oh yeah baby, get down for the smooth grooves. Latest Music Bar, 9pm, £8 Bars and clubs Arc Some Kind Of Wonderful. Sixties night.

11pm–3am, £3 Coalition The Fix. Experimental stylings from major D’n’B players, 10pm–4am, £10 Digital Stonelove. Indie, bands, 11pm–3am, £4 Engine Rooms Deviant. Hard moshin’ rock alternative, 11pm–3am, £5/3 Funky Buddha Lounge Thank Funk It’s Friday.

10pm–3am, free–£8 Funky Fish Soul, funk, old skool, 60s and 70s tunes. 10pm–3am, £5/3.50 Honey Club Time. Glam house night dashed with glitter. 10:30pm–4am, £5–£8 Komedia Brighton Rock. Classic rock and metal from the last four decades. 11pm, £8/6 New Hero Somewhere in the Universe....

Alternative electro dance party. 10pm, £5/3 Ocean Rooms 12FU. Alternative electro dance floor party. 11pm–4am, £5/3 Pavilion Tavern Kick Out The Jams. Rock’n’Roll & indie mayhem 10:30pm–3am, £5/3 Po Na Na Ice Box. Funky house night for a dressed up crowd. 10pm–3am, £5/4 Tru Skint. House, R’n’B and disco hits.

10pm–2:30am, free–£3 Water Margin B-Side. Electro . 2am, £5 Water Margin Twisted Disco. 7:30pm, £tbc.

Saturday 20 Live Music Brighton Rock School Christmas End of Term Gig Concorde 2, 10:30am–2pm, £3.50, 2:30pm–6pm, £3.50, 6:30pm–10pm, £3.50 The Fish Brothers: Annual Fishmas Party Horse and Groom, 8pm, free.

Leonard & Bubba’s Delicious Goo-Goo Cluster Vs The Bobby McGee’s Prince Albert, 8pm, £tbc.

The Magic of Christmas Festive show with The Sussex Chorus & Sussex Classical Players.

Olympos, Burgess Hill, 7:30pm, £10–20.

Rapunzel Gets Down Women only event with live acts & massage. Sanctuary Café, 8pm, free.

Sound Factory Xmas Electro Party: The Providence, 8pm, £1 Supper Club: Club Chat Noir Christmas Special. Jazz. Hanbury Club, 7pm, £4–9 We Got Soul presents Soul Reality All Stars Christmas Party Latest Music Bar, 8pm, £10/8 Bars and clubs Arc Hold Up. Indie night. 10:30pm–4am, £5 Audio SoL’s Winter Sessions. 10pm–4am, free.

Coalition Pop Musik. 10pm–3am, £6-10 Concorde 2 Ya Basta Xmas & Solstice Benefit Party. 11pm–5am, £6 The Damned Goth-punk legends return.

Komedia, 7:30pm, £15.

Digital Kinky Malinki. Electro and uplifting house by the Hoxton Whores. 11pm, £tbc.

Engine Rooms Classic rock.10pm–2am, free/£5 Funky Buddha Lounge Electric. 3am–8am, £5 Funky Buddha Lounge Buddha Soul. Disco, funk, house and rare groove, 10pm–3am, £10 Funky Fish Soul, funk, old skool, 60s & 70s tunes. 10pm–3am, £5/3.50 Honey Club Sevensins. 10:30pm–5am, £12/5 Komedia Super Dynamite Boogaloo: Christmas Ball. 10:30pm, £8/6 La Tropicale Houseworks House music from all over the world. 8pm–4am, free–£6 New Hero It is Still 1985. An alternative 80s night. 10pm, £3 Ocean Rooms Torture Garden. Sleazy electro, house, filthy breaks,10pm–5am, £20-14 Pavilion Tavern Drop Zone. Dark, heavy, glam, alternative dance, 10:30pm–3am, £2-4 Tru Glitterbaby. 9pm–3am, £10/8 Water Margin Extravaganza. R’n’B, Funky House, hip hop, 10pm–3am, free b4 11.

➧ Please check with venue before travelling. See our venue directory online at www.latest7.co.uk/venues

Sunday 21

Saturday 27

Live Music Adrian Harvey Alternative music night with acoustic rock. The Neptune, 8pm, free.

The Blues Brothers The original cast of the West End’s show. Latest Music Bar, 8pm, £15 Chairman Wow! Brilliant punk rockers play garage covers, from The Ramones to Johnny Cash! Horse and Groom, 8:30pm, free.

The Damned Komedia, 8pm, £15 Roast ‘n’ Jazz Sunday roast with jazz act, Latest Music Bar, 12:30pm, £10 inc lunch.

Live Music The Parlophones 60s tribute night, get down and groovy baby! Latest Music Bar, 8pm, £5 Bars and clubs Arc Hold Up.10:30pm–4am, £5 Audio SoL’s Sessions. 11pm–4am, free.

Digital Shades Rave. 11:pm–4am, £7/10 Engine Rooms Snake-eyed Mommas.

11pm–3am, £5 Funky Buddha Lounge Buddha Soul.

10pm–3am, £10.

Funky Fish Pop 9:30pm–2am, £5 b4 10:30 Honey Club Sevensins. 10:30pm–5am, £12/5 New Hero It is Still 1985.10pm, £3 Pavilion Tavern Drop Zone. 10:30pm–3am, £2 Tru Glitterbaby. 9pm–3am, £10/8 Water Margin Logo. 3am–8am, £7/5

Bars and clubs Arc Irie. Ragga, R’n’B, hip hop 10pm–3am, £5/3 Honey Club Sundelicious. 10pm–3am, £2/1 The Open House We Change The Frequency.

8pm, free.

Sunday 28 Monday 22 Live Music The Bee’s Mouth Jazz Forum Bee’s Mouth, 8:30pm, free.

The Damned Komedia, 8pm, £15 Itchy Fingers + Dominic Ferris Latest Music Bar, 8:30pm, £5 The Sensational Alex Harvey Band Concorde 2, 7:30pm, £20.

Bars and clubs Coalition Trash Mondays. 10:30pm–3am, free.

Po Na Na Poppadaddys. 10pm–2:30am, £3/1 Volks Strictly Reggae. 10pm, £4.50/3.50

Tuesday 23 Live Music Bad Manners Xmas Special The ska veterans play Xmas party. Engine Rooms, 7:30pm, £15 The Dance Floor Fillers Latest Music Bar, 9pm, £5 Bars and clubs Audio Snide. 10pm–2am, £3/2 Coalition Latin Fever. 10pm–2am, free.

Digital Glitterati. 11pm–3am, £5/3 Funky Buddha Lounge We Luv 90s.

10pm–3am, 90p Pavilion Tavern Guerilla Rocks. 10:30pm–2am, £1-3 Po Na Na Sweet. 10pm3am, £5/3 Tru Bandwagon. 10pm–2:30am, £1-3

Wednesday 24 Live Music Open Mac Night: Christmas Eve Festive edition Sidewinder, free.

The Legendary Bee’s Mouth Open Mic Bee’s Mouth, 8:30pm, free.

Bars and clubs Arc Life Is Easy.10pm, free/£1.

Audio Supercharged. 11pm–2:30am, £5/3 Coalition Club NME. 10:30pm–3:30am, free.

Hanbury Club Night Before Christmas Party, DJs, mulled wine, mince pies. 7pm-1am, free.

Honey Club Contagious.10:30pm–3am, £3-1 Water Margin Forgive Me Father For I Have Synth’d. 11pm–3am, free-2 Genetics. Darkside D’n’B. 3am–6am, free–£2

Thursday 25 CHRISTMAS DAY Friday 26 Live Music Patrick Piano Presents... Latest Music Bar, 8pm, £tbc.

Bars and clubs Arc Sixties night. 11pm–3am, £3 Digital Stonelove, indie, live bands, loud and proud. Skinny jeans alert. 11pm–3am, £4 Engine Rooms Deviant. Hard moshin’ rock alternative, 11pm–3am, £5/3.

Funky Buddha Lounge Thank Funk It’s Friday.

10pm–3am, free-8 Funky Fish Soul, funk, old skool, 60s and 70s tunes. 10pm–3am, £5/3.50 New Hero Alternative electro. 10pm, £5/3 Pavilion Tavern Kick Out The Jams.

10:30pm–3am, £5/3 Tru Skint. House, R’n’B 10pm–2:30am, free–£3

Live Music Fortune of War Doll & the Kicks, 7pm. Free.

Duke of Norfolk Sunday roast & live music, noon til midnight. Free.

Roast ‘n’ Jazz Sunday roast with jazz act, Latest Music Bar, 12:30pm, £10 inc lunch.

Bars and clubs Arc Irie. House and garage, 10pm–3am, £5/3 Honey Club Sundelicious. 10pm–3am, £2/1 The Open House We Change The Frequency.

8pm, free.

Monday 29 Live Music The Bee’s Mouth Jazz Forum Bee’s Mouth, 8:30pm, free.

Bars and clubs Coalition Trash Mondays. 10:30pm–3am, free.

Funky Buddha Lounge Urban Lounge.

10:30pm–3am, £3/2 Honey Club Disco Babe. 10:30pm–2:30am, £3/1 Po Na Na Poppadaddys.10pm–2:30am, £3/1 Volks Strictly Reggae. 10pm, £4.50/3.50

Tuesday 30 Live Music Dec I Might Disco + El Em En Oh Pee Prince Albert, 8pm, £tbc.

Bars and clubs Audio Snide. 10pm–2am, £3/2 Coalition Latin Fever. 10pm–2am, free.

Digital Glitterati. 11pm–3am, £5/3 Funky Buddha Lounge We Luv 90s.

10pm–3am, 90p Pavilion Tavern Guerilla Rocks. Indie 10:30pm2am, £1-3 Po Na Na R’n’B, House10pm–3am, £5/3 Tru Bandwagon. 10pm–2:30am, £1-3 Water Margin Sessions. Run by students and playing for the students. 11pm–4am, £1/2

Wednesday 31 Live Music New Year’s Eve Party: Doll and the Kicks + Rob the Rich, Grand Central, 8pm, £tbc The Bee’s Mouth New Year’s Eve Party: The Bobby McGee’s, 8pm, £tbc.

The Curst Sons + Gentleman Starkey Quality bluegrass. The Brunswick, 8pm, £tbc We Got Soul NYE Party: Soul Town, Latest Music Bar, 8pm, £tbc Bars and clubs Arc Hold Up! NYE Bash.10:30pm–4am, £10 Audio Audio NYE. 9pm–3:30am, £18/20 Coalition Floorplay NYE. 11pm–4am, £15 Concorde 2 NYE w/E.Z Rollers. 9pm–9am, £15 Digital Pussycat NYE. 10pm–3:30am, £25 Digital Kissy Sell Out Afterparty. 3:30am, £15 Funky Buddha Lounge Funky Buddha NYE. 10pm–6am, £20/15 Hanbury Club NYE Party. Cuban party music before 9:30pm, DJs after. 7pm–3am, £75/25 Honey Club NYE Party. 9pm–6am, £20+ Komedia Born Bad’s New Years Hop. 9pm, £15 Komedia Tru Thoughts NYE Party. 10:30pm, £15 Ocean Rooms DJ Yoda NYE. 10pm–10am, £20/15 Tru NYE. R’n’B & party tunes, 9pm–4am, £10.

Volks Bust the Box NYE. 10pm–6am, £13.50.

Water Margin NYE Special. 9pm, free b4 1am

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latest

01273 687171

musicbar caramel jack + two fingers of firewater + gilded palace djs 8pm £very reasonable!

sun dec 21

tues dec 16

gilded palace of sin presents

enjoy afghanistan films, discussion, music, tarot readings & DJs! 6.30pm £10 includes a drinks voucher

mon dec 22

wed dec 17

afghan aid

all of brighton top swing jazzers play one giant christmas jazz party £5 8 - 2.30am

reising

underground house, disco, soul & funk great jazz singer

10.30pm – late £4/£2

plus band 7.30pm £5

the number one psychedelic soul collective with bells on left 8pm £10/£8 tickets very few

sun dec 28

sat dec 20

soul reality allstars christmas party

wed dec 31 nye

SOLD OUT

with terry seabrook & dan shepherd 12.30pm - 3.30pm £10 inc lunch

itchy fingers + gay tango dominic ferris workshop rock ‘n’ roll, pop & country music 8pm £5

tango lessons for all!

7.30pm £10 for lesson

a great night out with one of brightons top soul bands 8pm £8/£6

the best of the tributes fri dec 26

fri dec 19

soultown danceteria magdalena classic motown, soul, and the great voice of jan jinkerson 9pm £8

the original blues brothers west end cast 8pm £15

xmas roast n jazz

we got soul presents seeker tues dec 23

thurs dec 18

rockin ‘n rhythm

the blues brothers + funk skunks

patrick piano & friends play the songs of the greats 8pm £6 bar handbag: the roast n jazz anti-christmas show with terry seabrook & christmas-based songs & musical anecdotes 8pm £6

we got soul presents

soultown new years eve party the greatest soul band in massive party

9pm til very late £20 BOOK NOW

dan shepherd 12.30pm - 3.30pm £10 inc lunch

now booking for dinners & parties + weddings, civil partnerships, birthdays. call us and book the venue for FREE* *subject to conditions

thelatest.co.uk/musicbar 14 – 17 manchester street, brighton check our website bn2 1tf. 100 metres up from the pier for full programme

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GAYLISTINGS

For full listings & venues go to thelatest.co.uk

GAYLISTINGS 16 Dec – 1 Jan Tuesday 16 Amsterdam Gay bingo. 8pm, free.

Brighton Tavern Brighton Gay Men’s Chorus.

Bar Open 12pm, free.

Ghetto Twisted Karaoke. 9:30pm.

Legends Bar w/ smoking tce. 11am–5am, free.

Marlborough Free Poker Night. 9pm, free.

Queens Arms Skint. Unlimited drinks wristbands for £10. 8pm–11pm, free.

R-Bar FREE shots! 12pm–2am, free.

Revenge Playground. School Disco w/twist.

10:30pm–4am, free NUS or in Uniform/3.

The Basement Scene Queen.11pm–4am, free.

Wednesday 17 Ghetto Miss-Shapes. Indie and pop. 9pm, free.

Legends Super Karaoke. 11am–5am, free.

Marlborough YouTube Night. 8pm, free.

R-Bar Cocktail Club. 12pm–2am, free.

Revenge Pop! 10:30pm–3am, £3/2 NUS. The Basement Play. 11pm–4am, free.

Queens Arms Skint. Christmas knees up!

12pm–3am, free.

R-Bar The R-Bar Christmas Party. 8pm, free.

St Andrew’s The Brighton and Hove (Actually) Gay Men’s Chorus Christmas Concert 7:30pm–9:30pm, £tbc.

Wednesday 24 Charles St Bar Xmas Party. 12pm–1am, free.

Ghetto Miss-Shapes. 10pm, free b4 11.

Legends Xmas Eve Party. 11am–5am, free.

Queens Arms Xmas Eve Party. 12pm–3am, free.

R-Bar The Xmas Eve Party. 8pm, free.

The PV at The Jury’s Out Naughty St Nicki’s Xmas Quiz. 12pm, free.

Thursday 25 Legends Festive merriment. 11am–5am, free.

Queens Arms Cabaret. 12pm–1am, free.

R-Bar Miss Jason at 9pm. 12pm, free.

Friday 26 Thursday 18 Charles St Bar Mad Cow. 8pm–11pm, £1 Charles St Club Religion third annual White Party. 10pm,£4/3.

Ghetto Creamy Fingers. 10pm, free b4 11 Marlborough Open Mic Night. 8pm, free.

Queens Arms Skint. See Tuesday.

R-Bar 9.30pm. Bar open 12pm–2am, free.

Revenge GirlsOnTop. 10:30pm–4am, free b4 11:30 with passes, £4/5 after.

The Basement House and dance, 11pm–4am.

Friday 19 Charles St Bar Fairylea 11am–midnight, free.

Charles St Club Curiosity Lite. 10:30pm–3am, £5/4/3 NUS. Ghetto Popstarz. 10pm, free b4 11.

Legends Pre-Celebration. Pop Sounds. 7pm.

Marlborough Girls Night. 9pm–2am.

Queens Arms Stars. 9pm–2am, free.

R-Bar The GirlsOnTop Bar. 12pm–7am, free.

Revenge X-Factor. 10:30pm–5am, £5.

Star Inn Friday Bears 8pm–1am, free.

The Basement Girly pop. 11pm–4am, free.

Saturday 20 Amsterdam Sun Downers. 8pm–2am, free.

Charles St Club Mardi Gras.11pm–3am, £5/3.

Ghetto Wigout. 10pm, £tbc.

Legends Pre-Ignition. 7pm, free.

Marlborough DJs & music. 9pm–2am, free.

Queens Arms Karaoke Party, til 12:30am! free.

R-Bar Kinky Baby. Kinky. 9pm–7am, free.

Revenge Kinky D. 10:30pm–4am, £7/3.

Star Inn Bear Essentials. 12pm–1am, free.

The Aquarium Theatre Bar Cabaret. 9pm.

The Basement Ignition. 11pm–4am, free.

Sunday 21 Amsterdam Sunday Lunch. 8pm, free.

Charles St Xmas Special. 7:15pm, free.

Ghetto Sirens. Burlesque night. 10pm, free.

Legends Cabaret &chill. W/Lizzy Drip. 3:15pm Marlborough Yummy Roasts. 12pm, free.

Queens Arms Cabaret & karaoke. 12pm–3am.

The Basement Embrace. 11pm–4am, free.

Monday 22 Amsterdam Monday Musical. 11am, free.

Charles St Club Studio 150.10pm–2am, £1.50.

Ghetto Shibby Shabblers. 9pm–2am, £3/2.

Legends Dave Lynn 9:30pm. 11pm–5am.

The Basement ‘80s & ‘90s. 11pm–4am, free.

Tuesday 23 Amsterdam See Tuesday. 8pm, free.

Ghetto Twisted Karaoke. 9:30pm, free.

Legends Bar w/smoking tce. 11am–5am, free.

Marlborough Bar Poker Night. 9pm, free.

Legends Pre-Celebration. 7pm, free.

Queens Arms Boxing Day Party 7.30pm.

12pm–1am, free.

Revenge Lollipop B.Day. 10:30pm, £5.

The Basement Pop. 10pm–4am, free.

Tru Wildfruit B.Day Bash. 10pm–3am, £10-5.

Saturday 27 Amsterdam Sun Downers. 8pm–2am, free.

Brighton Coalition Monkey Black Party.

10:30pm–4am, £10–6.

Charles Street Mardi Gras. 11pm–3am, £5/3.

Ghetto Wigout. 10pm, free, b4 11.

Legends Pre-Ignition. 7pm, free.

Marlborough Bar DJs 9pm–2am, free.

Queens Arms Karaoke.12pm–12:30am, free.

Revenge Kinky Dangerous. 10:30pm, £3-7.

The Basement Ignition. 11pm–4am, free.

Sunday 28 Charles St W/Davina Sparkle. 7:15pm, free.

Ghetto FTPA. Essential electro. 10pm, free.

Legends Sunday Cabaret. 3:15pm, free.

Marlborough Bar Yummy roasts. 12pm, free.

Queens Arms Top cabaret. 12pm–3am, free.

The Basement w/ G-A-Y DJ 11pm–4am, free.

Monday 29 Amsterdam Monday Musical. 11am, free.

Ghetto Shibby Shabblers. 10pm–2am, £3/2.

Legends Dave Lynn. 11am–5am, free.

The Basement 80s and 90s. 11pm–4am, free.

Tuesday 30 Amsterdam Skint or Mint. 8pm, free.

Ghetto Twisted Karaoke. 9:30pm, free.

Legends Bar open 11am–5am, free.

Marlborough Bar Free Poker. 9pm, free.

Queens Arms Skint. 12pm- 3am, free.

Revenge Revenge Loves You. 10:30pm, free.

Wednesday 31 Audio Rebel. 3:30am–8am, £8.

Brighton Tavern NYE Party. 8pm–2am, £5.

Charles Street Club NYE Special 9pm, £10/8.

Queens Arms NYE with Drag With No Name.

2pm–2am, £10/7.50.

R-Bar The LadyBex NYE Party. 8pm, £2.

Revenge Kinky Dangerous NYE Party. 9pm.

The Basement NYE. 9pm–5am, free.

Thursday 1 January Charles Street Club Religion - New Year‘s Day Aftermath. 10pm–3am, £4/3/free NUS. Ghetto Creamy Fingers. 10pm, free b4 11.

Queens Arms Cabaret. 6pm-midnight, free.

Revenge Girls On Top New Year’s Day Party.10:30pm–3am, £2/free NUS. The Basement NY Day. 11pm–4am, free.

➧ Please check with venue before travelling. See our venue directory online for details

The Laughing Onion Jean-Jacques Jordane “Sings Paris” for small parties

8 to 24 people 3 courses £17.95

01273 696555 latest 7 31

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latestTV

Dani on TV

She says it how she sees it

Festive TV highlights One of the things that can make or break a Christmas is the selection on offer from the powers that be at the TV stations. This year, I think they have done pretty well.

I am probably most happy about the Gavin and Stacey Christmas Special on Christmas Eve, along with The Royle Family Christmas Special. There will also be a special televised Derren Brown show called Mind Reader: An Evening of Wonders, on Channel 4 (if his last shows are anything to go by this should be amazing).

The BBC seem to be hosting the best selection this year. There will be a special Blackadder one-off documentary called Blackadder Rides Again – I am unsure as to whether this is an actual one-off episode, as well as a documentary, but we will have to wait and see. The BBC also have a brand new Wallace and Gromit called Matter of Loaf and Death to add cheer to the festive season. Something I have been itching for is the feature-length Christmas special of Lark Rise to Candleford, this follows on from where we left off at the beginning of the year and will then be followed by another 11 new episodes in 2009.

If you haven’t heard about the resurrection of Shooting Stars, where have you been? It returns to BBC Two this Christmas along with a one-off episode of Jonathan Creek – without Caroline Quentin or Julia Sawalha, which is a bit of a let down, but it should be good (or at least I hope it is).

There will be a chilling series of ghost stories on BBC Four called Crooked House, watch out for a guest appearance by Derren Brown! Top of the Pops returns for a one-off special this Christmas, I think this will be on Christmas Eve, and there is also a special Lead Balloon.

Channel 4 is repeating Jamie Cooks Christmas, with probably a new recipe (although I bet it will cost more than I fiver!) and all ITV can come up with is the Girls Aloud Party.

So, it looks like some of us will be falling back onto the old reliables.

You can bet your bottom dollar there will be a few reruns of Only Fools and Horses, which is always welcome after dinner, there is of course the Queens Speech and The Snowman (I cannot stand it, but apparently loads of people love it!).

There is certainly something for everyone this year, it’s just a shame it’s all on the BBC, maybe next year the other channels can show us what they have got!?

Films on TV

Top tips for your seasonal flicks

SATURDAY 20

CHRISTMAS EVE

Mission Impossible II ★★★✩✩

Toy Story 2 ★★★★✩

(2000, ITV1, 9.55pm. Dir John Woo) Starring Tom Cruise. Ethan Hunt is back taking on impossible missions in this action-packed sequel. Packed with juicy gizmos, still not as good as the first, but worth a ride.

(1999, BBC1, 6.05pm. Dir John Lasseter) Starring Tom Hanks, Tim Allen, Joan Cusack, Kelsey Grammer.

Animated comedy sequel following the adventures of a group of toys who come to life when their owner has left the room. Like most toys do.

Hidden ★★★★✩ (2005, Channel 4, 11.35pm.

Dir Michael Haneke ) Starring Daniel Auteuil, Juliette Binoche. Award-winning mystery thriller that has won endless critical acclaim. A Parisian couple find themselves under psychological siege when they receive a series of anonymous videos.

Toy Story 2, Christmas Eve 6.05pm, BBC1

A Christmas Carol★★★✩✩ (1999, Channel 4, 6.45pm.

Dir David Hugh Jones) Starring Patrick Stewart, Richard E Grant. Adaptation of the Dickens’ classic, this is an impressive version with a much darker Scrooge, plus great special effects.

Calendar Girls★★★★✩ (2003, BBC2, 8.30pm. Dir Nigel Cole) Starring Julie Walters, Helen Mirren, Annette Crosbie, Celia Imrie. Comedy drama based on the true story of 12 ladies from Yorkshire baring all for charity. Funny and moving.

CHRISTMAS DAY Memoirs Of A Geisha

★★★✩✩ (2005, Ch5, 6.45pm. Dir Rob Marshall) Oscar-winning period drama following a young Japanese girl sold to a geisha house in the 1930s.

Adapted from the bestselling novel

by Arthur Golden.

Bend It Like Beckham

SUNDAY 21 Oliver Twist★★★★✩ (2005, Channel 4, 6.30pm.

Dir Roman Polanski) Adaptation of the classic Charles Dickens’ tale in an expert director’s hands makes this is a visual and acting feast. Much darker than the musical, here we see the slums of London up close and horrifying. The cast giving the only light in the darkest of streets.

TUESDAY 23 Con Air ★★★✩✩ (1997, BBC1, 10.35pm. Dir Simon West) Starring Nicolas Cage, John Cusack.

High-octane action blockbuster set aboard a federal plane transporting convicts to a maximum security facility. One has done his time and on his way home when his fellow inmates hijack the plane. Oops.

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16 – 26 Dec

★★★★✩ (2002, BBC1, 11.45pm.

Dir Gurinder Chadha) Starring Parminder Nagra, Keira Knightley. The comic tale of a young Asian woman who joins the local semi-professional football team and as the boys down the pub put it: “rinses ‘em.“

Casanova★★★★✩ (2005, BBC2, 10.30pm.

Dir Lasse Hallström) Starring Heath Ledger. A retelling of the legend of the infamous 18thcentury Venetian lover, who fails to win the heart of one particular Venetian lady, so goes after the rest.

BOXING DAY Death Becomes Her★★★★✩ (1992, ITV3, 6pm. Dir Robert Zemeckis) Comedy with Meryl Streep and Goldie Hawn embroiled in a Bette Davis/Joan Crawford-type feud as the ex and present wife fighting over Bruce Willis. Great special effects.

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tuesday 16 Nigella’s Christmas Kitchen BBC2, 8.30pm Step 1. Heat some luscious chocolate. Step 2. Dip your fingertips gently into the melted sweetness. Step 3. Selfconsciously lick your fingers.

Really, there is more to Nigella’s cooking, even if that is all the clip shows would like us to know of it.

Scrumptious tastes homemade.

Ignore your micromeal now.

Man Hunters: Meet The Gigolos Channel 4, 10pm Continuing in the series exploring women’s sexual aggressiveness, director Guy Gilbert takes a look at the male escort business.

Talking frankly with three gigolos, as well as the ladies who pay for such services, he asks what it is women are looking for from these liaisons.

I’m Sorry I Haven’t A Clue BBC4, 9pm Taken from the tour of the show and filmed just three weeks before Humphrey Littleton’s death, this is the live version of the cult radio quiz show.

Competing more for comedic cudos than for points, the cast features the reagular line-up of Barry Cryer, Graeme Garden, Tim Brooke-Taylor and Colin Sell.

terrestrial

sport

BBC1

BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Hospital Heroes 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 Buy It, Sell It, Bank It? 11.45 Cash In The Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Diagnosis Murder 3.00 BBC News 3.05 Jakers: The Adventures Of Piggley Winks 3.25 Arthur 3.40 Arthur 3.55 The Secret Show 4.05 The Slammer 4.30 The Owl 4.35 Blue Peter 5.00 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link

6.00am Tikkabilla 6.30 Teletubbies 7.00 Arthur 7.25 Newsround 7.30 Roar 8.30 Postman Pat: SDS 8.45 Chuggington 9.00 Harry And Toto 9.10 Mama Mirabelle’s Home Movies 9.20 Charlie And Lola 9.30 Finley The Fire Engine 9.45 The Koala Brothers 10.00 Numberjacks 10.15 Get Squiggling 10.30 In The Night Garden 11.00 Dangermouse 11.10 The Flintstones 11.35 The Flintstones 12.00pm The Daily Politics 12.30 Working Lunch 1.00 Out Of The Blue 1.25 Coast 1.30 UK Snooker Championship 5.15 Flog It! Ten Of The Best 6.00 Eggheads – Celebrity Special A celebrity special of the show with BBC News readers and journalists seeing if they can beat the eggheads.

6.30 Strictly Come Dancing – It Takes Two Claudia chats dancing.

7.00 UK Snooker Championship By the end of the evening, the quarterfinal line-up will be complete. May the cue be with you.

8.00 Indian Food Made Easy Anjum Anand presents simple recipes for delicious, healthy Indian food.

8.30 Nigella’s Christmas Kitchen See highlights.

9.00 Horizon: Where’s My Robot?

Danny Wallace really wants a robot to walk like him and talk like him. It’s what scientists have been promising for generations but it’s a promise so far unfulfilled. Danny circumnavigates the globe searching for robot nirvana and an electronic him.

9.50 Coast 10.00 The Culture Show Lauren Laverne, Mark Kermode and Andrew Graham-Dixon look at highlights of The Culture Show in 2008.

10.30 Newsnight 11.20 Louis Theroux: Under the Knife Louis Theroux pulls back the folds of plastic America.

12.20am UK Snooker Championship Highlights 1.10 UK Snooker Championship – Snooker Extra 3.10 BBC News

6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 The Best Of This Morning 11.30 Christmas Cooks Challenge 12.30pm Loose Women Christmas Crackers 1.30 ITV Lunchtime News And Weather 2.00 House Guest... At Christmas 2.30 Dickinson’s Real Deal 3.15 Spin Star 4.00 Rosemary Shrager’s School For Cooks 5.00 Evacuees Reunited

6.10am The Hoobs 6.35 Planet Cook 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.00 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.30 The Class 9.00 The Class 9.30 Will And Grace 10.00 Ugly Betty 10.50 Ugly Betty 11.45 In Your Dreams 12.00pm News At Noon 12.30 Science Scams 12.40 FILM: Raid On Entebbe (1977) 3.15 A Place By The Sea 4.15 Deal Or No Deal: Scrooge Vs Santa 5.00 The Paul O’Grady Show

6.00 – 9.00am Children’s television 9.00 Trisha Goddard 10.00 Zoo Days 10.30 The Family Recipe 10.40 FILM: More Than Meets The Eye: The Joan Brock Story (2003) 12.30pm Five News 12.45 Going For Gold 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 Going For Gold Extra 3.10 FILM: All I Want For Christmas (2007) 5.00 Five News With Matt Barbet 5.30 Neighbours

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale As the King empire crumbles, will Matthew and Anna manage to make it down the aisle?

Watch them sprint it!

8.00 Who Wants to be a Millionaire? Ten contestants compete to stare down Tarrant and his tempting cheque-snatching.

9.00 Sleep Walkers: Secrets of the Night Programme following the extraordinary stories of sleepwalkers.

Including somnambulist Lee, who claims to be able to draw works of art in his sleep. Less walking and more random activity.

10.00 News At Ten; Weather 10.40 Deep Wreck Mysteries Series bringing the South-West’s deep-sea wrecks vividly to life. Loads of excellent history.

11.10 FILM: The Thing (1982) Starring Kurt Russell. An isolated group of American scientists in the Antarctic come across the frozen remains of an alien organism.

Remake of 1950s horror classic.

1.10am Heist 1.55 Loose Women Christmas Crackers 2.45 The Jeremy Kyle Show 3.40 ITV Nightscreen 5.00 CITV: Jim Jam And Sunny (x2) 5.25 Engie Benjy 5.35 Captain Mack 5.45 Miffy And Friends 5.55 ITV Early Morning News

6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Tony is playing on Theresa’s mind. Can she go through with her allegations knowing that she lied? McQueen blood runs deep.

7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 3 Minute Wonder 8.00 How To Look Good Naked Gok Wan meets up again with teacher Becky Newman who previously hated her big bottom.

9.00 Country House Rescue Businesswoman Ruth Watson advises the owners of British stately homes how to diversify and raise money to secure the future of their properties.

Elmore Court is a Grade II listed mansion in the Cotswolds owned by Anselm Guise, a 36-year-old dance DJ who inherited the estate when his uncle died. But Anselm’s uncle didn’t approve of his nephew’s lifestyle and behind the fine facade, the house has been deteriorating for years.

10.00 Man Hunters: Meet The Gigolos See highlights.

11.10 Sunday Night Project JLC and Alan C are joined by Tom Jones.

12.10am PokerStars.com European Poker Tour 1.15 KOTV Classics 2.10 FIVB Beach Volleyball 3.05 Adrenalin Rush 3.30 KOTV Classics 4.00 Freesports On 4 (x2) 4.50 UK School Games 5.45 The Hoobs

6.00 Home And Away Melody gets revenge on Nicole.

6.30 Vets In Action For her first job as a vet, Jo heads to a goat farm to examine the spread of an eye infection. Welcome to the fluffy job.

7.00 Five News At 7 7.30 Highland Emergency Documentary series following the work of the emergency services in the Highlands of Scotland.

8.00 Combat Chefs Major Lomas leads his best chefs into culinary battle at a high-profile cooking competition.

9.00 CSI: Miami The CSIs question a string of suspects after a bogus 911 call results in the death of an innocent man.

10.00 CSI: NY Mac and Stella investigate the death of a woman at the French Consulate, while Danny and Lindsay try to find out who killed an up-and-coming chef with a corkscrew.

11.00 CSI: NY Stella investigates the death of an armour-suited man who was found impaled on a lance in Central Park. Did Disney have anything to do with it?

12.00am The FBI Files 1.00 Boxing Classic 1.25 NBA Basketball 3.55 Boxing USA 4.45 Motorsport Mundial 5.10 Neighbours 5.35 Home And Away

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 6.30 Good Morning Sports Fans 7.00 Good Morning Sports Fans 8.00 Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 Big League Weekend 10.30 H2O Sports International 11.00 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 12.00pm Big League Weekend 1.30 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 2.30 Big League Weekend 4.00 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 5.00 NFL: Total Access 6.00 Football Asia 6.30 Revista De La Liga 7.30 LIVE Johnstone’s Paint Trophy Football 10.00 Revista De La Liga 11.00 Hyundai A League 11.30 Football Asia 12.00am Johnstone’s Paint Trophy Football 1.30 Hyundai A League 2.00 Football Asia 2.30 LIVE Test Cricket

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 EastEnders Whitney has some devastating news for Bianca. What, more?! This isn’t what yer step-mum meant when she said ‘surprise me’ for Christmas.

7.57 BBC News; Regional News 8.00 Holby City Ric receives a photo of his grandson in the post, and must juggle doctor duties with detective work in order to track Michelle down.

Meanwhile, Daisha meets the prospective adoptive parents of her baby. Can we detect a Christmas story in the offing? No avoiding it.

9.00 Survivors Suspicions are aroused when spiritual leader John turns up at the survivors’ door with his ragged group of passionate disciples. Is he as innocent as he seems, or does he have more sinister intentions? Has anyone ever heard of an innocent cult leader? Hmm. 10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.33 BBC Weather 10.35 FILM: Die Hard: With a Vengeance (1995) Starring Bruce Willis, Jeremy Irons, Samuel L Jackson. Third in the series of highspeed action thrillers.

12.35am Weatherview 12.40 Sign Zone: See Hear 1.10 Oceans (x2) 3.10 Helicopter Heroes 3.55 Joins BBC News

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Snow Adventures 7.00 WWE Afterburn 8.00 Showjumping: Spruce Meadows Presents 9.00 Bowls 11.00 Race Of Champions 1.30pm Bowls 3.30 Race Of Champions 6.00 Mountain Bike World 6.30 Carp Academy 2008 7.00 Powerboating 7.30 LIVE Greyhound Racing 10.00 Sports Unlimited 11.00 NFL: Total Access 12.00am NFL 2.00 Sports Unlimited 3.00 Race Of Champions 5.30 Mountain Bike World

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Soccer AM: The Best Bits 7.00 Aerobics: Oz Style 7.30 Race Of Champions 10.00 Max Power 11.00 Racing News 11.30 Aerobics: Oz Style 12.00pm Showjumping: Spruce Meadows Presents 1.00 Snow Adventures 1.30 H2O Sports International 2.00 NFL: Total Access 3.00 NFL 5.00 WWE Smackdown 7.00 NFL 9.00 Snow Adventures 9.30 Powerboating 10.00 Women’s Pool 11.00 Women’s Pool 12.00am Bowls 2.00 Women’s Pool 3.00 Women’s Pool 4.00 Johnstone’s Paint Trophy Football 5.30 Hyundai A League

Victoria Nangle

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Living

2.00pm UK Border Force 3.00 Cold Case 4.00 Guinness World Records Smashed! 5.00 Malcolm In The Middle (x3) 6.30 Futurama 7.00 The Simpsons (x2) 8.00 Stargate Atlantis 9.00 Ross Kemp On Gangs 10.00 Prison Break 11.00 Inside: Gangs Behind Bars 12.00am Road Wars (x2) 1.50 Stargate SG-1 (x2)

7.00pm Doctor Who 7.45 Doctor Who Confidential 8.00 Doctor Who 8.45 Doctor Who Confidential 9.00 Last Man Standing 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Grown Ups 11.00 Family Guy (x2) 11.45 Clone 12.15am Last Man Standing 1.10 Grown Ups 1.40 Small Dark Places 2.05 Clone 2.35 Dog Borstal

7.00pm News 7.30 Versailles Stories 8.00 Legends:HumphreyLyttelton 9.00 I’m Sorry I Haven’t A Clue. See highlights 9.30 Only Connect 10.00 The Cult Of... Survivors 10.30 Charlie Brooker’s Screenwipe 11.00 Kenneth Williams - Fantabulosa!

12.20am Charlie Brooker’s Screenwipe

3.45pm The Ricki Lake Show 4.25 Sally Jessy Raphael 5.10 Xtra Factor: Best And Worst 2008 Part One 6.10 Judge Judy 6.35 Judge Judy 7.00 Smallville 8.00 Xtra Factor: Best And Worst 2008 Part Two 9.00 FILM: Bridget Jones: The Edge Of Reason (2004) 11.10 FILM: Pretty Woman (1990) 1.35am Teleshopping

12.50pm Heartbeat 1.50 Jeeves And Wooster 3.00 Agatha Christie’s Partners In Crime 4.10 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 5.20 Surgical Spirit 5.50 Heartbeat 6.50 Jeeves And Wooster 8.00 Wild At Heart 9.00 Sharpe’s Challenge 10.35 FILM: Damage (1992) 12.55am Agatha Christie’s Poirot

12.50pm Scrubs (x2) 1.45 One Tree Hill 2.35 Joan Of Arcadia 3.30 Gilmore Girls 4.25 Hollyoaks 4.55 Friends 5.30 Friends 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 My Name Is Earl 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 Smallville: Superman The Early Years (x2) 11.00 Skins 12.00am The Friday Night Project 1.05 Cape Wrath

3.00pm Brothers And Sisters (x2) 5.00 Grand Designs 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Property Ladder Revisited 8.00 News 8.30 The Daily Show 9.00 Celebrity Come Dine With Me 10.00 True Stories: The Hunger Season 11.40 Celebrity Come Dine With Me 12.45am True Stories: The Hunger Season

2.00pm The Doctors Live 3.00 Will And Grace (x2) 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 Exposed: Jordan 7.00 Will And Grace (x2) 8.00 America’s Next Top Model 9.00 New Most Haunted 10.00 Conversations With A Serial Killer 11.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 12.00am Missing 1.00 Will And Grace (x2)

G.O.L.D.

Paramount

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

3.50pm My Family 4.30 2point4 Children 5.10 As Time Goes By 5.45 What A Carry On! 6.20 Last Of The Summer Wine (x2) 7.40 Open All Hours 8.20 My Family 9.00 The Vicar Of Dibley 10.15 Only Fools And Horses 11.20 Gimme Gimme Gimme 12.00am The Worst Week Of My Life 12.40 The Vicar Of Dibley

3.00pm Becker (x2) 4.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 5.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 6.00 Frasier (x2) 7.00 The King Of Queens (x2) 8.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 9.00 South Park 9.30 Scrubs 10.00 Sex And The City (x2) 11.10 Coupling 11.50 Kitchen Confidential (x2) 12.50 Frasier (x2) 1.50 Coupling

2.30pm Unsolved Murders 3.00 Deadliest Catch 4.00 Time Team 5.00 Mythbusters 6.00 American Chopper 7.00 How Do They Do It? 7.30 How Stuff’s Made 8.00 Deadliest Catch 9.00 Mythbusters 10.00 Squid Invasion 11.00 Couples Who Kill 12.00am Deranged Killers 1.00 A Haunting

12.05pm The Lost World 1.00 Quantum Leap 2.00 The Invisible Man 3.00 Tin Man 5.00 Thunderbirds 6.05 Angel 7.00 The Invisible Man 8.00 FILM: Nature Unleashed: Fire (2004) 9.40 FILM: Derailed (2002) 11.20 FILM: Emmanuelle’s Private Collection: Emmanuelle Vs Dracula (2004) 1.10am Medium 2.10 Ghost Stories

11.15am McLintock! (1963) 1.25pm Demetrius And The Gladiators (1954) 3.10 Look Back In Anger (1958) 4.55 Support Your Local Sheriff!

(1969) 6.35 Flight Of The Phoenix (1966) 9.00 Anne Of The Thousand Days (1969) 11.25 Demetrius And The Gladiators (1954) 1.10am McLintock! (1963)

9.00am An Inconvenient Truth (2006) 10.40 Gloria (1980) 12.45pm Them (2005) 2.05 Seven Swords (2005) 4.30 An Inconvenient Truth (2006) 6.10 Manhattan Murder Mystery (1993) 8.00 Infamous (2006) 10.00 Gloria (1980) 12.05am The Cook, The Thief, His Wife And Her Lover (1989)

1.00pm Waterloo Road (1944) 2.30 Girls! Girls!

Girls! (1962) 4.30 All About Eve (1950) 7.10 The Beverly Hillbillies (1993) 9.00 Chinatown (1974) Jack Nicholson and Faye Dunaway star in this classic film noir. 11.35 Days Of Thunder (1990) 1.40am Me You Them (2000)

9.00am Guns For San Sebastian (1968) 11.05 Jezebel (1938) 1.00pm Three Godfathers (1948) 3.00 The Last Time I Saw Paris (1954) 5.00 Where The Spies Are (1965) 6.55 The 25th Hour (1967) 9.00 That’ll Be The Day (1973) 10.45 Cat On A Hot Tin Roof (1958) 12.45am The Fearless Vampire Killers (1967)

Classics

Indie

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Page 1

wednesday 17 Christmas At River Cottage Channel 4, 8pm Delusions of Christmas grandeur?

Well, you can’t get much grander than stalking a Sika deer for a venison roast, which is what Richard is doing for his part in Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall’s Yuletide feast. Plus chefs Gill and Tim are challenged to come up with an appetising recipe for sprouts. Mission impossible?

Heroes BBC2, 9pm It’s like something Greek with son going after father, brother on brother – throw in a suggestive mother and you’ve got the full pack! Yes, the Petrelli clan are dominating the hero world with Peter and the Haitian going after big bad dad and Sylar pulling faces to express his moral quandary. It’s all jolly good fun.

Xtra Factor: Best And Worst 2008 Part Three ITV2, 8pm With a title like that you’d be forgiven for thinking it was another of Peter Kay’s spoofs. It’s not. It’s another chance to see some of the finalists’ initial auditions, plus some of those that are destined to become legend on YouTube. Plus, unseen footage, judges tips and the like.

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BBC1

BBC2

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Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Hospital Heroes 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 Buy It, Sell It, Bank It? 11.45 Cash In The Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Diagnosis Murder 3.00 BBC News 3.05 Jakers: The Adventures Of Piggley Winks 3.25 Maya And Miguel 3.50 The Secret Show 4.05 The Basil Brush Show 4.30 Prank Patrol Pocketsize 4.35 Blue Peter 5.00 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link

6.00am Tikkabilla 6.30 Teletubbies 7.00 Arthur 7.25 Newsround 7.30 Roar 8.30 Postman Pat: SDS 8.45 Chuggington 9.00 Harry And Toto 9.10 Mama Mirabelle’s Home Movies 9.20 Charlie And Lola 9.30 Finley The Fire Engine 9.45 The Koala Brothers 10.00 Numberjacks 10.15 Get Squiggling 10.30 In The Night Garden 11.00 Wildlife On Two 11.30 The Daily Politics 1.00pm See Hear 1.30 Working Lunch 2.00 UK Snooker Championship 5.15 Flog It! Ten Of The Best

6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 The Best Of This Morning 11.30 Christmas Cooks Challenge 12.30pm Loose Women Christmas Crackers 1.30 ITV Lunchtime News And Weather 2.00 House Guest... At Christmas 2.30 Dickinson’s Real Deal 3.15 Spin Star 4.00 Rosemary Shrager’s School For Cooks 5.00 Evacuees Reunited

6.10am The Hoobs 6.35 Planet Cook 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.25 Everybody Loves Raymond 7.55 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.25 The Class 8.55 The Class 9.25 Will And Grace 9.55 Ugly Betty 10.50 Ugly Betty 11.45 Great British Brands 12.00pm News At Noon 12.35 Proud Parents 12.45 FILM: Ice Cold In Alex (1958) 3.15 A Place By The Sea 4.15 Deal Or No Deal: Scrooge Vs Santa 5.00 The Paul O’Grady Show

6.00 – 9.00am Children’s television 9.00 Trisha Goddard 10.00 Zoo Days 10.20 FILM: Horton Foote’s Alone (1997) 12.30pm Five News 12.45 Going For Gold 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 Going For Gold Extra 3.05 FILM: The Christmas Box (1995) 5.00 Five News With Matt Barbet 5.30 Neighbours

6.00am LIVE Test Cricket 10.00 Hyundai A League 10.30 Football Asia 11.00 Johnstone’s Paint Trophy Football 12.30pm Test Cricket 2.30 Revista De La Liga 3.30 Johnstone’s Paint Trophy Football 5.00 Test Cricket 7.00 Futbol Mundial 7.30 European Tour Weekly 8.00 LIVE Test Cricket 10.00 You’re On Sky Sports! 11.30 Futbol Mundial 12.00am European Tour Weekly 12.30 Trans World Sport 1.30 European Tour Weekly 2.00 Rallyzone 2.30 LIVE Test Cricket

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 The Royal Variety Performance 2008 Celebrities and artists from the worlds of music, comedy and theatre come together for the 80th Royal Variety Performance at the London Palladium.

Pop sensations Take That headline, with acts including the Pussycat Dolls, Rihanna, Leona Lewis, Duffy, Cliff Richard and Brian May also performing. Comedy is provided by Peter Kay, Jimmy Carr, Michael McIntyre and Armstrong and Miller, while the casts of Jersey Boys, Zorro and The Lion King take to the stage.

10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.33 BBC Weather 10.35 The National Lottery Draws The National Lottery draws. What a great way to start 2009. Rich.

10.45 Medium Allison is asked to look at a haunted house where a baby drowned, while Joe dissolves his company. Like a multivitamin.

11.30 FILM: Junior Bonner (1972) Starring Steve McQueen, Robert Preston. Rodeo drama.

1.10am Weatherview 1.15 Sign Zone: Louis Theroux: Law And Disorder 2.15 Stephen Fry In America 3.15 Indian Food Made Easy 3.45 Helicopter Heroes 4.15 Joins BBC News

6.00 Eggheads – Celebrity Special Can a team of sport stars featuring Matt Dawson, Phil Tufnell, Sally Gunnell, Tessa Sanderson and Dame Tanni Grey-Thompson triumph over the Eggheads? At running – yes.

6.30 Strictly Come Dancing – It Takes Two The midweek report.

7.00 UK Snooker Championship Live coverage of the first two quarterfinals.

8.00 Rick Stein’s Food Heroes Christmas Special Chef Rick Stein and his pal Chalky continue to scour the country in search of good things to eat at Christmas. Slaver.

8.30 Nigella’s Christmas Kitchen Nigella Lawson prepares her Christmas larder in advance.

Chocolate time today. Really.

9.00 Heroes See highlights.

9.45 Heroes Unmasked The soundtrack to Heroes.

10.00 Outnumbered A Croatian babysitter has a night to remember when mum and dad manage to escape for a meal together.

10.30 Newsnight 11.20 Louis Theroux: Behind Bars Louis travels to California to spend two weeks in San Quentin State Prison.

12.20am UK Snooker Championship Highlights 1.10 Long Way Down 2.10 Ellery Queen 3.00 BBC News

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Andy makes the most of the continuing problems at the farm. Less things to hit. Yay! 7.30 Coronation Street Can Tony convince Carla of his innocence? Did Tony ever have an innocence to start off with? Maybe with that first wife we discovered at the wedding, eh?

8.00 The Bill Stevie is delighted when Jack agrees to act as Santa.

But celebrations are cut short when she and Stuart are asked to investigate a spate of burglaries linked to a Christmas grotto.

9.00 Police, Camera, Action: Drink Driving Special The police launch their crackdown on drink driving.

10.00 News At Ten; Weather 10.40 The Mystery Of The Missing Earl: Real Crime Investigating the mystery of the Earl of Shaftesbury, who went missing on the French Riviera in November 2004.

11.40 FILM: Boogeyman (2005) Starring Barry Watson, Emily Deschanel. Horror mystery.

1.15am Nightwatch With Steve Scott: Crime 2.10 Loose Women Xmas Crackers 3.00 The Jeremy Kyle Show 3.50 ITV Nightscreen 5.00 CITV: Jim Jam And Sunny (x2) 5.25 Engie Benjy 5.35 Captain Mack 5.45 Miffy And Friends 5.55 ITV Early Morning News

6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Things are awkward between Sarah and Zoe, especially around Mike. Desperate to prove to herself that she is not gay, Sarah heads to the SU Bar to find herself a man. ‘Cos that always works. Hmm. 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 3 Minute Wonder 8.00 Christmas At River Cottage See highlights.

9.00 Willie’s Perfect Chocolate Christmas Seasonal special from eccentric choclatier Willie HarcourtCooze, as he prepares a series of chocolate recipes from his family home in Devon.

10.00 Desperate Housewives The fire has different consequences for the residents of Wisteria Lane. Susan has to learn to let go of the man she loves. Her nails were digging in.

11.05 The Inbetweeners Sitcom. As the end of term approaches, Will is voted in as chairman of the Christmas prom committee.

11.35 Balls Of Steel Mark Dolan introduces new comedic talent and challenges them to attempt daring, dangerous or plain ridiculous tasks.

12.25am 4 Music: Spectacle: Elvis Costello With... Elton John 1.30 4 Music: What About Me? 1.55 FILM: Pom Poko (1988) 4.00 FILM: Whisper Of The Heart (1995) 5.50 The Hoobs

6.00 Home And Away Bartlett has an offer for Kirsty. What is Martha scared of? Is it rabbits? Say it’s rabbits. Jai feels insecure after Miles and Kirsty’s break-up.

6.30 Vets In Action Documentary series following four teams of country vets. Vet Neil Eastham is called to a pregnant cow stricken by milk fever.

7.00 Five News At 7 7.30 UEFA Cup Football Live UEFA Cup football action from the HSH Nordbank Arena as Hamburg host Aston Villa in this Group F clash.

Presented by Colin Murray with commentary from Dave Woods.

10.15 FILM: Hamburger Hill (1987) Starring Dylan McDermott, Steven Weber, Tim Quill, Don Cheadle, Michael Boatman and Anthony Barrile. Harrowing re-creation of the battle to secure Hill 937 in the Ashau Valley during the Vietnam War. The film follows a platoon through 11 agonising assaults over a ten-day period, suffering rivers of mud, stifling heat and driving rain as they battle against a well-entrenched enemy. This searing account of one battle can be seen as a microcosm of the Vietnam War itself.

12.30am PartyPoker.com Women’s World Open II 2.00 NHL 3.30 FIM Motocross (x2) 5.10 Neighbours 5.35 Home And Away

Sky Sports 2 9.00 Football Asia 9.30 Mountain Bike World 10.00 Sports Unlimited 11.00 H2O Sports International 11.30 Mountain Bike World 12.00pm Powerboating 12.30 Revista De La Liga 1.30 Hyundai A League 2.00 Football Asia 2.30 Powerboating 3.00 Max Power 4.00 Mountain Bike World 4.30 Powerboating 5.00 NFL: Total Access 6.00 Rallyzone 6.30 UIM F1 Powerboating 7.00 Carp Academy 2008 7.30 Trans World Sport 8.30 Rallyzone 9.00 FIFA Futbol Mundial 9.30 European Tour Weekly 10.00 Kickboxing 11.30 NFL: Total Access 12.30am Test Cricket 2.00 Futbol Mundial 2.30 Futbol Mundial 3.00 Kickboxing 4.30 You’re On Sky Sports

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Aerobics 6.30 Snow Adventures 7.00 WWE 8.00 Sports Unlimited 9.00 Snow Adventures 9.30 Powerboating 10.00 Showjumping 11.00 Racing News 11.30 Aerobics: Oz Style 12.00pm Sports Unlimited 1.00 Snow Adventures 1.30 Mountain Bike World 2.00 NFL: Total Access 3.00 Sports Unlimited 4.00 Showjumping 5.00 WWE The Bottom Line 6.00 WWE Afterburn 7.00 Watersports World 8.00 Tenpin Bowling 9.00 Kiteboarding 9.30 Snow Adventures 10.00 Watersports World 11.00 Tenpin Bowling 12.00am Max Power 1.00 Watersports World 2.00 Women’s Pool 5.00 Max Power Victoria Nangle

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Living

3.00pm Cold Case 4.00 Brainiac’s Test Tube Baby Christmas Special 5.00 Malcolm In The Middle (x3) 6.30 Futurama 7.00 The Simpsons (x2) 8.00 UK Border Force 9.00 Best Of Road Wars (x2) 11.00 Night Cops 12.00am Toughest Seaside Resorts In Britain 2 1.00 Street Wars 1.55 Stargate SG-1 (x2)

7.00pm Doctor Who 7.45 Doctor Who Confidential 8.00 Doctor Who 8.45 Doctor Who Confidential 9.00 The Last Millionaire 10.00 Heroes 10.45 Family Guy (x2) 11.30 Last Man Standing 12.25am The Last Millionaire 1.25 Clone 1.55 Kill It, Cook It, Eat It: Christmas Special 2.55 Filthy Rich And Famous

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Nation On Film 8.00 Francesco’s Venice 9.00 The Perfect House: The Life And Work Of Palladio 10.00 FILM: Cockles And Muscles () 11.30 The Perfect House: The Life And Work Of Palladio 12.30am Jazz Britannia 1.30 Francesco’s Venice 2.30 Nation On Film

3.45pm The Ricki Lake Show 4.25 Sally Jessy Raphael 5.10 Xtra Factor: Best And Worst 2008 Part Two 6.10 Judge Judy (x2) 7.00 Smallville 8.00 Xtra Factor: Best & Worst 2008 Part Three. See highlights.

9.00 FILM: Pretty Woman (1990) 11.25 Coronation Street 11.55 FILM: Shaun Of The Dead (2004)

1.50pm Jeeves And Wooster 3.00 Agatha Christie’s Partners In Crime 4.10 Poirot 5.15 Surgical Spirit 5.50 Heartbeat 6.50 Jeeves And Wooster 8.00 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 9.00 Sharpe’s Challenge 10.40 Sharpe’s Challenge Behind The Scenes 11.40 Life (x2) 1.25 FILM: Another You (1991)

12.50pm Scrubs (x2) 1.50 One Tree Hill 2.40 Joan Of Arcadia 3.35 Gilmore Girls 4.25 Hollyoaks 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 My Name Is Earl 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 10.00 Rude Tube 10.30 Beehive 11.00 FILM: Porky’s (1982) 1.05am Cape Wrath 2.05 Shameless (x2)

3.00pm Brothers And Sisters (x2) 5.00 Grand Designs 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Property Ladder 8.00 More4 News 8.30 The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 9.00 The Ascent Of Money 10.00 Prince John: The Windsors’ Tragic Secret 11.10 The Queen’s Wedding 12.10am Curb Your Enthusiasm (x2)

12.50pm Maury 1.45 The Fix 2.00 The Doctors Live 3.00 Will And Grace (x2) 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 Exposed: Britney Spears 7.00 Will And Grace (x2) 8.00 Grey’s Anatomy 9.00 Private Practice 10.00 CSI: Miami 11.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 12.00am Missing 1.00 Will And Grace (x2)

G.O.L.D.

Paramount

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

2.35pm Only Fools And Horses 3.40 My Family 4.20 2point4 Children 5.00 As Time Goes By 5.40 What A Carry On! 6.20 Last Of The Summer Wine (x2) 7.40 Open All Hours 8.20 My Family 9.00 Only Fools And Horses (x2) 10.45 The Thin Blue Line 11.25 Jonathan Creek 1.00am Only Fools And Horses

1.00pm Frasier (x2) 2.00 That 70s Show (x2) 3.00 Becker (x2) 4.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 5.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 6.00 Frasier (x2) 7.00 The King Of Queens (x2) 8.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 9.00 Scrubs (x2) 10.00 Sex And The City (x2) 11.10 Coupling 11.50 Scrubs (x2) 12.50 Frasier (x2)

2.30pm Unsolved Murders 3.00 Deadliest Catch 4.00 Time Team 5.00 Mythbusters 6.00 American Chopper 7.00 How Do They Do It? 7.30 How Stuff’s Made 8.00 Deadliest Catch 9.00 Biblical Mysteries Explained 10.00 Secret Societies 11.00 Couples Who Kill 12.00am Deranged Killers 1.00 A Haunting

11.00am Thunderbirds 12.05pm The Lost World 1.00 Quantum Leap 2.00 Ghost Stories 2.30 The Making Of Tin Man 3.00 Tin Man 5.00 Thunderbirds 6.05 Angel (x2) 8.00 FILM: Haunted (1995) 10.00 FILM: Event Horizon (1997) 11.50 FILM: Spirit Trap (2005) 1.40am Medium 3.00 Dead Like Me

12.30pm An Affair To Remember (1957) 2.30 The Great McGinty (1940) 4.00 The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance (1962) 6.10 Lucky Jordan (1942) 7.35 Forty Guns (1957) 9.00 An Affair To Remember (1957) 11.00 Cool Hand Luke (1967) 1.15am The Innocents (1961)

1.40pm Schultze Gets The Blues (2003) 3.40 36 (2004) 5.40 Nina’s Heavenly Delights (2006) 7.25 The Top 10 Show 7.40 The Lives Of Others (2006) 10.00 Eastern Promises (2007) 11.45 Lock, Stock And Two Smoking Barrels (1998) 1.35am Hollywood Bombs & Blockbusters

1.00pm Cattle Empire (1958) 2.40 Love Is A Many Splendored Thing (1955) 4.50 Call Me Madam (1953) 7.10 Cheaper By The Dozen (2003) Steve Martin heads up this remake comedy of a large family.

9.00 Fire In The Sky (1993) 11.10 Birthday Girl (2001) 12.55am Being John Malkovich (1999)

7.05am Bridge To The Sun (1961) 9.00 The Last Time I Saw Paris (1954) 11.10 The Lone Star (1952) 1.00pm Lovely To Look At (1952) 3.00 The Sandpiper (1965) 5.05 The Harvey Girls (1946) 6.55 2010 (1984) 9.00 Ordinary People (1980) 11.10 The Formula (1980) 1.20am The Carey Treatment (1972)

Classics

Indie

035_LS403_TV_Thu_18

12/11/08

5:07 PM

Page 1

thursday 18 UK Snooker Championship BBC2, 7pm & 12.20am Amidst all of the Christmas madness with feasts and sprout fondue coming from every direction it’s great just to take time out and catch up on the snooker. With two semi-final places still up for grabs it could be anybody’s. Quiet skill combined with sofa thrills. A perfect retreat from the festivities.

Fat Teens In Love ITV1, 9pm Being a teenager is difficult at the best of times, but add to that being different and you’ve got another level of hell just waiting to be utilised. This documentary follows three teens whose weight has wrecked their confidence.

Delving into their psychs and sending them to fat camp, this asks those ‘why’ questions.

The Real Hustle Special: Best Ever Cons BBC3, 10.30pm Feeling poor? Want to know how the other half live? Well, some of them profit off the back of shyster swindles like these ones. With Alex, Paul and Jess showing the most popular scams voted for on the BBC website, these are ones to watch out for.

terrestrial

sport

BBC1

BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Hospital Heroes 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 Buy It, Sell It, Bank It? 11.45 Cash In The Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Diagnosis Murder 3.00 BBC News 3.05 Jakers: The Adventures Of Piggley Winks 3.25 Zombie Hotel 3.50 The Secret Show 4.05 The Basil Brush Show 4.30 Bernard 4.35 Election 5.00 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link

6.00am Tikkabilla 6.30 Teletubbies 7.00 Arthur 7.25 Newsround 7.30 Roar 8.30 Postman Pat: SDS 8.45 Chuggington 9.00 Harry And Toto 9.10 Mama Mirabelle’s Home Movies 9.20 Charlie And Lola 9.30 Finley The Fire Engine 9.45 The Koala Brothers 10.00 Numberjacks 10.15 Get Squiggling 10.30 In The Night Garden 11.00 Dangermouse 11.10 The Flintstones 11.35 The Flintstones 12.00pm The Daily Politics 12.30 Working Lunch 1.00 Out Of The Blue 1.25 Coast 1.30 UK Snooker Championship 5.15 Flog It! Ten Of The Best 6.00 Eggheads – Celebrity Special A team of celebrity chefs featuring John Burton Race, James Tanner, and Atul Kochhar challenge the Eggheads. All equally anonymous.

6.30 Strictly Come Dancing – It Takes Two Claudia Winkleman brings you all the latest gossip.

7.00 UK Snooker Championship See highlights.

8.00 Nigella’s Christmas Kitchen Nigella reveals how to enjoy the run up to Chistmas and some of her sanity-preserving short cuts.

8.30 Nigella’s Christmas Kitchen Nigella sets out to cook a Christmas lunch that tries to marry the weight of Dickensian expectation against the modern worries of today’s chefs.

With a massive oven. S’gotta be.

9.00 Never Mind The Buzzcocks A touching retrospective of the last series of Never Mind the Buzzcocks.

9.30 The Graham Norton Show Comedian Jack Dee joins Graham for a chat and Razorlight perform.

10.00 Lead Balloon Sitcom about ex-celebrity comedian Rick Spleen.

10.30 Newsnight 11.20 Louis Theroux: The Most Hated Family In America Louis meets the infamous Phelps family who picket the funerals of soldiers.

12.20am UK Snooker Championship Highlights 1.10 Seven Days (x2) 2.40 BBC News

6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 The Best Of This Morning 11.30 Christmas Cooks Challenge 12.30pm Loose Women Christmas Crackers 1.30 ITV Lunchtime News And Weather 2.00 House Guest... At Christmas 2.30 Dickinson’s Real Deal 3.15 Spin Star 4.00 Rosemary Shrager’s School For Cooks 5.00 Evacuees Reunited

6.15am The Hoobs 6.40 Planet Cook 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.25 Everybody Loves Raymond 7.55 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.25 The Class 8.55 The Class 9.25 Will And Grace 9.55 Ugly Betty 10.50 Ugly Betty 11.45 Proud Parents 12.00pm News At Noon 12.35 3 Minute Wonder: 12 Days Of Christmas 12.40 FILM: Airport (1970) 3.15 A Place By The Sea 4.15 Deal Or No Deal: Scrooge Vs Santa 5.00 The Paul O’Grady Show

6.00 – 9.00am Children’s television 9.00 Trisha Goddard 10.00 Zoo Days 10.20 FIFA Club World Cup Semi-Final 12.35pm Five News 12.45 Going For Gold 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 Going For Gold Extra 3.10 FILM: Chance Of Snow (1998) 5.00 Five News With Matt Barbet 5.30 Neighbours

6.00am LIVE Test Cricket 10.00 FIFA Futbol Mundial 10.30 Trans World Sport 11.30 Test Cricket 1.30pm LIVE European Tour Golf: South African Open 3.30 Trans World Sport 4.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 5.00 The Rugby Club 6.30 World Darts Championship Preview 2008 7.30 Barclays Premier League World 8.00 LIVE Ringside Special 10.00 World Darts Championship Preview 2008 11.00 LIVE Test Cricket 3.45am LIVE Test Cricket

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale The Kings struggle with their new circumstances. ‘Poor’ is such a burden to the best of us.

7.30 Country Ways 8.00 The Bill Stevie tells Jack and Stuart that she once spent eight months undercover with Rob, trying to crack one of his heroin deals. She agrees to go undercover again and Rob is clearly delighted to see her.

Delighted with desire that is. Oo-er.

9.00 Fat Teens In Love See highlights.

10.00 News At Ten And Weather 10.40 Deep Wreck Mysteries Second of a two-part episode about the Allied troop ship SS Leopoldville which was torpedoed on Christmas Eve 1944.

11.05 Harry Hill’s TV Burp Harry Hill wades through the week’s TV to pick out the funny bits. Lovely fellow.

11.35 Love And War More wartime stories of love with Peter Williams.

12.05am Nightwatch With Steve Scott: Crime 1.00 Motorsport UK 1.30 Loose Women Christmas Crackers 2.15 The Jeremy Kyle Show 3.10 ITV Nightscreen 5.00 CITV: Jim Jam And Sunny (x2) 5.25 Engie Benjy 5.35 Captain Mack 5.45 Miffy And Friends 5.55 ITV Early Morning News

6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Theresa is worried she’s going to be in trouble for wasting police time. If you can’t do the time... McQueens should know.

7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 3 Minute Wonder 8.00 Come Dine With Me Dinner party reality programme.

9.00 Jamie Cooks Christmas Chef Jamie Oliver prepares some of his favourite Christmas dishes, from turkey and leek pie to Christmas Pudding sundae. Bizarre.

10.00 Star Stories Comedy series reimagining the lives of celebrities.

This episode spoofs Peter Andre and Jordan’s romance.

10.30 The Friday Night Christmas Project With Girls Aloud Justin Lee Collins and Alan Carr celebrate the festive season with pop group Girls Aloud.

11.40 The Law Of The Playground Nostalgia with comedians.

12.10am 4 Music: The Nokia Green Room: Christmas Special 1.10 The JD Set Presents Joy Formidable 1.30 Mesh 1.35 FILM: Made In America (1993) 3.30 Flood 3.45 Iraq: The Legacy 4.35 3 Minute Wonder 4.40 Hill Street Blues 5.30 Inuk 5.45 The Hoobs

6.00 Home And Away Bridget betrays Alf. You can’t do that to Alf! 6.30 Vets In Action Sarah Kreutzer tries to help a racehorse who has a terrible fear of the starting stalls.

7.00 Five News At 7 7.30 How Do They Do It? Robert Llewellyn pilots a high-speed racing boat, examines the mobile phone, and looks at the Kugira – a specialised catamaran used to build harbours. Surely bricks are better.

8.00 Secrets Of Egypt: Cleopatra Cleopatra has been depicted throughout history as a temptress who ruined two generals of Rome.

Yet scholars now believe that the last pharaoh of Egypt in fact possessed great political ability and knowledge.

As demonstrated by the first statement, surely.

9.00 Dangerous Adventures For Boys Olympic gold medallist Darren Campbell and his nine-year-old son, Aaryn, attempt to become a crack motor racing team.

10.00 Shops, Robbers And Videotape Documentary series following police tackling shoplifters.

11.05 Police Interceptors Documentary series profiling a highspeed police interception unit.

12.05am Quiz Call 4.00 V8 Supercars 4.45 Wildlife SOS 5.10 Neighbours 5.35 Home And Away

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 EastEnders Billy and Ricky race to stop Janine’s wedding, but will they make it in time? Eh? Leftfield much?

7.57 BBC News; Regional News 8.00 Wild About Your Garden Nick Knowles attempts to give urban spaces a reverse makeover.

8.30 The People’s Hospital Documentary series about life on the wards at Whipps Cross Hospital.

9.00 Apparitions Supernatural drama series. Weakened by his crisis of faith, and with Michael on the loose, Father Jacob realises that he needs to be exorcised himself. How does that work exactly? I cast thee out of me? Maybe.

10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.33 BBC Weather 10.35 One Foot In The Grave Seven months after having a hundred garden gnomes mercilessly gunned down in cold blood, Victor still has a score to settle with his next door neighbour Patrick.

11.25 This Week A political review of the week.

12.10am Skiing Weatherview 12.15 Sign Zone: Panorama 12.45 Watchdog 1.15 Countryfile 2.10 An Island Parish 2.40 Helicopter Heroes 3.25 Joins BBC News

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Snow Adventures 7.00 WWE Experience 8.00 European Tour Weekly 8.30 Live Euro Tour Golf 10.30 UIM F1 Powerboating 11.00 FIFA Futbol Mundial 11.30 Kickboxing 1.00pm Trans World Sport 2.00 Rallyzone 2.30 Kiteboarding 3.00 FIFA Futbol Mundial 3.30 Rallyzone 4.00 NFL: Total Access 5.00 Test Cricket 7.00 ATP Tennis Magazine 7.30 Airsports World 8.00 World Darts Championship Preview 2008 9.00 Test Cricket 11.00 The Rugby Club 12.30am Ringside Special 2.30 LIVE Test Cricket

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 Trans World Sport 10.00 Tenpin Bowling 11.00 Racing News 11.30 Aerobics: Oz Style 12.00pm Watersports World 1.00 Tenpin Bowling 2.00 NFL: Total Access 3.00 UIM F1 Powerboating 3.30 Kickboxing 5.00 WWE Vintage Collection 6.00 Carp Academy 2008 6.30 Race World 7.30 LIVE: Winning Post 9.30 WWE Late Night Raw 11.30 Extreme Championship Wrestling 12.30am UIM F1 Powerboating 1.00 LIVE NFL 4.30 Barclays Premier League World 5.00 Race World

Victoria Nangle

extraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

E4

More4

Living

12.00pm The 50 Greatest TV Endings 2.00 UK Border Force 3.00 Cold Case 4.00 Brainiac’s Christmas Cracker 5.00 Malcolm In The Middle (x3) 6.30 Futurama 7.00 The Simpsons (x2) 8.00 The Millies 9.30 Gladiators: Battle Of The Forces 10.30 Ross Kemp In Afghanistan 11.30 Road Wars (x2) 1.25 Stargate SG-1 (x2)

7.00pm Best Of Top Gear 8.00 Last Man Standing 9.00 From WAGs To Riches 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 The Real Hustle Special: Best Ever Cons. See highlights 11.30 Family Guy (x2) 12.15am From WAGs To Riches 1.15 Last Man Standing 2.10 The Real Hustle Special: Best Ever Cons 3.10 Last Millionaire

7.00pm World News Today 7.40 The New Avengers 8.30 Beeching’s Tracks 9.00 Omnibus: The Wonderful World Of Louis Armstrong 10.10 Show Of The Week 11.00 Louis Armstrong: Good Evening Ev’rybody 12.00am FILM: The Fabulous Dorseys (1947) 1.25 FILM: Cockles And Muscles (2005)

3.40pm The Ricki Lake Show 4.20 Sally Jessy Raphael 5.05 Xtra Factor: Best And Worst 2008 Part Three 6.05 Judge Judy 6.30 Dick Whittington 8.00 Xtra Factor: Best And Worst 2008 Part Four 9.00 FILM: Shaun Of The Dead (2004) 11.00 FILM: Die Hard 2 (1990) 1.20am Xtra Factor: Best And Worst 2008 Part 4

12.50pm Heartbeat 1.50 Jeeves And Wooster 3.00 Agatha Christie’s Partners In Crime 4.10 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 5.20 Surgical Spirit 5.55 Heartbeat 6.55 Jeeves And Wooster 8.00 Numb3rs (x2) 10.00 Life (x2) 11.55 FILM: Outland (1981) 1.50am The Memoirs Of Sherlock Holmes 2.45 Heartbeat

12.50pm Scrubs (x2) 1.50 One Tree Hill 2.40 Joan Of Arcadia 3.35 Gilmore Girls 4.25 Hollyoaks 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 My Name Is Earl 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 How To Look Good Naked 10.00 Samantha Who? 10.30 Chris Rock: Kill The Messenger 12.15am Friday Night Project

1.10pm Deal Or No Deal 2.00 Hill Street Blues 3.00 Brothers And Sisters (x2) 5.00 Grand Designs 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Property Ladder 8.00 News 8.30 The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 9.00 Without A Trace 10.00 Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares 11.00 The Closer 12.00am Without A Trace

11.00am The Steve Wilkos Show 11.55 Maury (x2) 1.45pm The Fix 2.00 The Doctors Live 3.00 Will And Grace (x2) 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 Exposed: Girls Aloud 7.00 Will And Grace (x2) 8.00 Criminal Minds 9.00 CSI 10.00 Grey’s Anatomy 11.00 CSI 12.00am Missing 1.00 Will And Grace (x2) 2.00 CSI

G.O.L.D.

Paramount

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

5.00pm As Time Goes By 5.40 What A Carry On! 6.10 The Dick Emery Show 6.20 Last Of The Summer Wine (x2) 7.40 One Foot In The Grave 8.20 My Family 9.00 Steptoe And Son 10.00 When Were We Funniest? 11.00 Only Fools And Horses 12.00am The Worst Week Of My Life 12.40 Steptoe And Son

3.00pm Becker (x2) 4.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 5.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 6.00 Frasier (x2) 7.00 The King Of Queens (x2) 8.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 9.00 Rules Of Engagement (x2) 10.00 Sex And The City (x2) 11.10 Coupling 11.50 Kitchen Confidential (x2) 12.50 Frasier (x2) 1.50 Coupling

2.30pm Unsolved Murders 3.00 Deadliest Catch 4.00 Time Team 5.00 Mythbusters 6.00 American Chopper 7.00 How Do They Do It? 7.30 How Stuff’s Made 8.00 Deadliest Catch 9.00 Squid Invasion 10.00 Death Machines 11.00 Couples Who Kill 12.00am Deranged Killers 1.00 A Haunting

12.05pm The Lost World 1.00 Quantum Leap 2.00 The Flash Gordon Story 3.00 FILM: Ba’al: The Storm God (2008) 5.00 Thunderbirds 6.05 Angel 7.00 Angel 8.00 FILM: The Sword Of Xanten (2004) 10.00 Dead Like Me (x3) 1.00 FILM: Emmanuelle In Space: A Lesson In Love (1994) 3.00 Dead Like Me

10.20am The Great Man’s Lady (1942) 11.55 Teacher’s Pet (1958) 2.00pm Rooster Cogburn (1975) 4.00 The Top 10 Show 4.20 The Inn Of The Sixth Happiness (1958) 7.00 Billion Dollar Brain (1967) 9.00 The Collector (1965) 11.05 The Blob (1958) 12.35am The Great Man’s Lady (1942)

12.35pm Black Snake Moan (2006) 2.30 WahWah (2006) 4.15 Idlewild (2006) 6.15 A Fish Called Wanda (1988) 8.05 Black Snake Moan (2006) 10.00 Hana-Bi (1997) 11.50 The Big Lebowski (1998) 1.50am Going To Pieces: The Rise And Fall Of The Slasher Film (2006)

1.00pm Siege At Red River (1954) 2.45 You Belong To Me (1941) 4.35 The Bridges Of Madison County (1995) 7.15 In And Out (1997) Comedy drama starring Kevin Kline as a teacher outed as gay when really he’s straight. Hilarious.

Hmm. 9.00 The Omen (2006) 11.05 Dogville (2003)

9.00am The Sandpiper (1965) 11.10 Wife Vs Secretary (1936) 1.00pm Green Mansions (1959) 3.00 The Yellow RollsRoyce (1965) 5.10 Two Weeks In Another Town (1962) 7.05 Our Mother’s House (1967) 9.00 What’s Up Doc? (1972) 10.45 Shoot The Moon (1982) 12.55am Dark Of The Sun (1968)

Classics

Indie

036_LS403_TV_Fri_19

12/10/08

10:11 AM

Page 1

friday 19 Peter Kay’s Britain’s Got An Extra Pop Factor And Then Some 2 + 1 Channel 4, 9pm He’s a wag is that Peter Kay. After the success of his earlier reality music competition shows, this is the obligatory follow-up.

What are the contestants from Britain’s Got Pop Factor and Jesus Christ Soapstar Superstar On Ice doing now? Who knows.

That’s What I Call Christmas Television ITV1, 11.45pm Nostalgia and Christmas go together like Jimmy Carr and list shows. This round up does not feature the round-faced one, but sees Ronnie Corbett hosting the proceedings. Reuniting Just Good Friends Paul Nicholas and Jan Francis, Blue Peter pals and more, this is a warm fuzzy feeling.

Jack And The Beanstalk ITV2, 6.30pm A star-studded pantomime provided for our delectation by award-winning Men Behaving Badly comedy writer Simon Nye. Following the tale of the simple fellow who trades a bally good cow for a bunch of beans, thus disappointing his mother, and his adventures thereafter. Narrated

by Paul Merton.

terrestrial

sport

BBC1

BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Hospital Heroes 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 Buy It, Sell It, Bank It? 11.45 Cash In The Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Diagnosis Murder 3.00 BBC News 3.05 Jakers: The Adventures Of Piggley Winks 3.25 Watch My Chops 3.40 Watch My Chops 3.55 The Secret Show 4.05 The Basil Brush Show 4.35 Dani’s House 5.00 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link

6.00am Tikkabilla 6.30 Teletubbies 7.00 Arthur 7.25 Newsround 7.30 Roar 8.30 Postman Pat: SDS 8.45 Chuggington 9.00 Harry And Toto 9.10 Mama Mirabelle’s Home Movies 9.20 Charlie And Lola 9.30 Finley The Fire Engine 9.45 The Koala Brothers 10.00 Numberjacks 10.15 Get Squiggling 10.30 In The Night Garden 11.00 Dangermouse 11.10 The Flintstones 11.35 The Flintstones 12.00pm The Daily Politics 12.30 Working Lunch 1.00 Out Of The Blue 1.25 Coast 1.30 UK Snooker Championship: SemiFinal 5.15 Flog It! Ten Of The Best 6.00 Eggheads: Celebrity Special A team of celebrity experts, featuring Kristian Digby, Jonty Hearnden, Joe Swift, Declan Curry and Anton Du Beke compete against the Eggheads.

6.30 Strictly Come Dancing – It Takes Two Claudia Winkleman breaks into the Strictly Come Dancing rehearsals. No semtex was involved.

7.30 UK Snooker Championship: Semi-Final The first semi-final.

8.00 Gardeners’ World At Christmas Joe Swift celebrates his first season on the allotment with a Christmas party for all his allotment pals. My compost is your compost.

9.00 Oceans: Arctic Ocean The team ventures into one of the world’s most hostile environments, the Arctic Ocean, which plays a crucial role in controlling our climate.

10.00 QI Stephen Fry hosts the quiz’.

This edition features Alan Davies, Sean Lock, Andy Parsons and Clive Anderson tackling death. Cheery.

10.30 Newsnight 11.00 Newsnight Review Roundtable arts discussion series.

11.55 The Culture Show: Uncut Lauren Laverne and Mark Kermode look at back at some of the highlights of the Culture Show in 2008.

12.55am UK Snooker Championship: Semi-Final Highlights 1.45 Seven Days (x2) 3.10 FILM: Freddy Got Fingered (2001)

6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 The Best Of This Morning 11.30 Christmas Cooks Challenge 12.30pm Loose Women Christmas Crackers 1.30 ITV Lunchtime News And Weather 2.00 House Guest... At Christmas 2.30 Dickinson’s Real Deal 3.15 Spin Star 4.00 Rosemary Shrager’s School For Cooks 5.00 Evacuees Reunited

6.10am The Hoobs 6.35 Planet Cook 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.25 Everybody Loves Raymond 7.55 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.25 The Class 8.55 The Class 9.25 Will And Grace 9.55 Ugly Betty 10.55 Ugly Betty 11.45 In Your Dreams 12pm News At Noon 12.35 A Brief History Of Fun 12.50 FILM: Chariots Of Fire (1981) 3.15 A Place By The Sea 4.15 Deal Or No Deal: Scrooge Vs Santa 5.00 The Paul O’Grady Show

6.00 – 9.00am Children’s television 9.00 Trisha Goddard 10.00 Great Ocean Adventures: The Killer Whale 10.50 FILM: Stealing Harvard (2001) 12.30pm Five News 12.45 Going For Gold 1.45 Zoo Days 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 Going For Gold Extra 3.10 The Family Recipe 3.20 FILM: Beyond The Poseidon Adventure (1979) 5.30 Five News With Matt Barbet

6.00am LIVE Test Cricket 12.00pm Barclays Premier League World 12.30 World Darts Championship Preview 2008 1.30 Live European Tour Golf: South African Open 3.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 4.00 Barclays Premier League World 4.30 Test Cricket 7.00 LIVE World Darts Championship 11.30 Barclays Premier League Preview 12.00am Big League Weekend 1.00 Off The Bar 1.30 Barclays Premier League Preview 2.00 NFL: Total Access 3.00 Volvo Ocean Race 3.30 Barclays Premier League Preview 4.00 LIVE Test Cricket

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale The Kings remove the last of their belongings from Home Farm. There’s bound to be a single poignant memento left behind.

Ah. Manger anyone?

7.30 Coronation Street A drunken Peter causes a furore at Simon’s nativity. Not so wise man.

8.00 Airline In Bristol, Manager Machel Riley is confronted by an eccentric character who thinks he’s travelling to Malaga – without a ticket. Ah, the trials and tribulations of the Easyjet staff.

8.30 Coronation Street Jed goads a murderer. Silly boy.

9.00 Foyle’s War December 1942.

Foyle is asked to investigate the accidental death of a young girl in a munitions factory. But when a second woman is found murdered in the town, Foyle begins to suspect the deaths are related. To make matters worse, the second victim is Sergeant Milner’s estranged wife Jane, which makes him a prime suspect.

11.00 The Late News; Weather 11.45 That’s What I Call Christmas Television See highlights.

12.45am Heist 1.30 FILM: Daddy Long Legs (1955) 5.00 CITV: Planet Sketch 5.10 Tricky TV 5.35 Horrid Henry 5.45 Planet Sketch 5.55 ITV Early Morning News

6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Louise continues to plot revenge against Warren, who is oblivious to her plans and promises her a perfect wedding day. No such thing. Unless you work for Disney.

7.00 Channel 4 News 7.35 Unreported World Documentary on topical global issues.

8.00 Jamie At Home Christmas Special Jamie gets expert advice on choosing and cooking the most succulent bird for the Christmas dinner. Play it happy DVDs? 9.00 Peter Kay’s Britain’s Got An Extra Pop Factor And Then Some 2 + 1 See highlights.

10.00 The IT Crowd Sitcom. Jen introduces Roy and Moss to a new social networking website. Roy does battle with the Joker, while Moss pretends to be Jen’s temporary husband. Nice.

10.35 Eddie Izzard – Circle The fab comedian performs in New York.

12.15am Star Stories 12.45 Shockwaves Album Chart Show Special: Pop 1.15 Russell Crowe’s South Sydney Story (x2) 2.15 Goalissimo!

3.10 The Avon Tyres British GT Championship 3.35 FIA GT Championship 4.05 Trans World Sport 4.55 Hill Street Blues 5.45 Inuk

6.00 Home And Away Melody plays a trick on Geoff at the Surf Club Halloween party. The scamp!

6.30 Vets In Action Mia, a 17month-old boxer dog, faces major orthopedic surgery because one of her kneecaps keeps dislocating. Ow. 7.00 Five News At 7 7.30 How Do They Do It? Robert Llewellyn discovers the secrets of recycling.

8.00 World’s Strongest Man Super Series The action from the final Grand Prix of the tour.

9.00 NCIS Ziva and Tony grow closer as they go undercover to investigate the murder of two hired assassins.

10.00 Law And Order: Special Victims Unit The discovery of a woman’s dismembered head leads detectives to a black market trade in body parts and organs. Ugh. 11.00 Law And Order: Special Victims Unit The unit investigates the psychotic behaviour of two army reservists who recently returned from Afghanistan. Evidence emerges that both men were given an antimalarial drug known to produce violent side effects. Human rights violations in the US? Never!

12.00am Quiz Call 4.00 Wildlife SOS 4.25 The Royal Institution Christmas Lectures 5.10 House Doctor 5.35 Home And Away

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 A Question Of Sport Sue Barker hosts the sports quiz.

7.57 BBC News; Regional News 8.00 EastEnders Janine plots her revenge as she returns to the Square.

Our queen of plotting has returned.

Yay! Much better than Suzy.

8.30 Parents Of The Band Phil invites a girl Jack fancies to join the band. What a mistake-a to make-a!

9.00 Have I Got News For You Another edition of the popular news quiz. The funniest way to catch up on the week’s events.

9.30 Gavin And Stacey Bryn has arranged a treat for Gwen’s birthday.

10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.33 BBC Weather 10.35 Live At The Apollo Dara O’Briain hosts an evening of comedy.

11.20 National Lottery EuroMillions Draw 11.25 Not Going Out Sitcom. A family emergency means Lee and Tim are left in charge of the baby. D’oh!

11.55 FILM: The Stickup (2001) Starring James Spader. Thriller.

1.25am Weatherview 1.30 Sign Zone: James May’s Big Ideas 2.30 Horizon: Do You Know What Time It Is? 3.30 Helicopter Heroes 4.15 The People’s Hospital 4.45 Joins BBC News

Sky Sports 2 6.00am LIVE Test Cricket 10.00 Barclays Premier League World 10.30 Airsports World 11.00 Ringside Special 1.00pm Airsports World 1.30 The Rugby Club 3.00 NFL 5.00 Gillette World Sport 5.30 Big League Weekend 6.30 Off The Bar 7.00 Barclays Premier League Preview 7.30 Test Cricket 10.00 Big League Weekend 11.00 Off The Bar 11.30 Gillette World Sport 12.00am NFL: Total Access 1.00 Golf Night 3.00 Tight Lines 4.00 Big League Weekend 5.00 Off The Bar 5.30 Barclays Premier League Preview

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 8.00 Snow Adventures 8.30 LIVE Euro Tour Golf 10.30 UIM F1 Powerboating 11.00 Racing News 11.30 Aerobics: Oz Style 12.00pm Race World 1.00 UIM F1 Powerboating 1.30 ATP Tennis Magazine 2.00 NFL: Total Access 3.00 Ringside Special 5.00 WWE: Raw 7.00 NFL 9.00 WWE Late Night Smackdown 11.00 LIVE Test Cricket 2.30am LIVE Test Cricket

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12.00pm 50 Greatest Families 2.00 UK Border Force 3.00 Cold Case 4.00 Kirsty’s Xmas Special 5.00 Malcolm In The Middle (x3) 6.30 Futurama 7.00 The Simpsons (x4) 9.00 Wayne Rooney’s Street Striker 10.00 Bones 11.00 Cold Case 12.00am Road Wars (x2) 1.55 Stargate SG-1 (x2) 3.45 Vanity Insanity (x2)

7.00pm Doctor Who 7.45 Doctor Who Confidential 8.00 Doctor Who 8.45 Doctor Who Confidential 9.00 Britain’s Missing Top Model 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Family Guy (x2) 11.15 Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps (x2) 12.15am Grown Ups 12.45 Summer Heights High 1.15 From WAGs To Riches

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 FILM: Robin And The Seven Hoods (1964) 9.30 The Swing Thing 11.00 The New Avengers 11.50 Charlie Brooker’s Screenwipe 12.20am The World Of Nat King Cole 1.50 Charlie Brooker’s Screenwipe 2.20 The Swing Thing 5.30 Close

1.30pm The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.45 Sugababes: The Hot Desk 3.55 The X Factor 5.25 The X Factor The Result 6.30 Jack & The Beanstalk. See highlights.

8.00 Xtra Factor: Best And Worst 2008 Part Five 9.00 FILM: Die Hard 2 (1990) 11.25 Coronation Street (x2) 12.25am FILM: School For Seduction (2004)

12.50pm Heartbeat 1.50 Jeeves And Wooster 3.00 Agatha Christie’s Partners In Crime 4.05 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 5.15 Surgical Spirit 5.50 Heartbeat 6.50 Jeeves And Wooster 8.00 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 9.00 Numb3rs 10.00 FILM: Great Balls Of Fire! (1989) 12.15am Raines (x2)

11.00am Joan Of Arcadia 11.55 Gilmore Girls 12.50pm Scrubs (x2) 1.50 One Tree Hill 2.40 Joan Of Arcadia 3.35 Gilmore Girls 4.25 Hollyoaks 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 Wife Swap 10.00 FILM: The Core (2003) 12.35am The 100 Greatest Tearjerkers 4.35 Hollyoaks

1.10pm Deal Or No Deal 2.00 Hill Street Blues 3.00 Brothers And Sisters (x2) 5.00 Grand Designs 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Property Ladder 8.00 News 8.30 The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 9.00 Time Team Special 10.00 FILM: Gangs Of New York (2002) 1.15am Sex In The Noughties

11.00am The Steve Wilkos Show 11.55 Maury (x2) 1.45pm The Fix 2.00 The Doctors Live 3.00 Will And Grace (x2) 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 Exposed: Take That 7.00 Will And Grace (x2) 8.00 Nothing To Declare (x2) 9.00 CSI 10.00 Criminal Minds 11.00 CSI 12.00am Missing 1.00 Will And Grace (x2) 2.00 Nothing To Declare

G.O.L.D.

Paramount

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Sky Movies

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TCM

3.45pm My Family 4.25 2point4 Children 5.00 As Time Goes By 5.45 What A Carry On! 6.20 Last Of The Summer Wine (x2) 7.40 Yes, Prime Minister 8.20 My Family 9.00 French And Saunders: Titanic Special 10.05 Only Fools And Horses 11.10 The Royle Family (x2) 12.30am French And Saunders

2.00pm That 70s Show (x2) 3.00 Becker (x2) 4.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 5.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 6.00 Frasier (x2) 7.00 The King Of Queens (x2) 8.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 9.00 South Park (x2) 10.00 Sex And The City (x2) 11.10 Coupling 11.50 Stacked (x2) 12.50 Frasier (x2) 1.50 Coupling

3.00pm Deadliest Catch 4.00 Time Team 5.00 Mythbusters 6.00 American Chopper 7.00 How Do They Do It? 7.30 How Stuff’s Made 8.00 American Chopper 9.00 Heist 10.00 Crime Scene USA: Body Of Evidence (x2) 11.00 Couples Who Kill 12.00am Deranged Killers 1.00 A Haunting

12.05pm The Lost World 1.00 Quantum Leap 2.00 Ghost Stories (x2) 3.00 FILM: The Sword Of Xanten (2004) 5.00 Thunderbirds 6.05 Angel (x2) 8.00 Eli Stone 9.00 FILM: The Last Winter (2006) 11.00 FILM: Emmanuelle 2000: Jewel Of Emmanuelle (2000) 12.50am FILM: The Breed (2001) 2.30 Ghost Stories

11.50am Sorry, Wrong Number (1948) 1.25pm The Apartment (1960) 3.35 Look Back In Anger (1958) 5.20 Wild In The Country (1961) 7.20 The Enemy Below (1957) 9.00 The Man Who Knew Too Much (1956) 11.05 The Killers (1964) 12.50am I’ll Never Forget What’s ‘is Name (1969)

1.20pm Jeff Wayne’s Musical Version Of The War Of The Worlds 3.20 The Top 10 Show 3.40 Away From Her (2006) 5.35 Fire (1996) 7.30 Perfume: The Story Of A Murderer (2006) 10.00 Requiem For A Dream (2000) 11.50 Do The Right Thing (1989) 1.50am The Movie Geek

1.00pm The Iron Petticoat (1956) 2.50 Moulin Rouge (1952) 5.10 Girls! Girls!

Girls! (1962) 7.05 Jingle All The Way (1996) 9.00 William Shakespeare’s Romeo And Juliet (1996) Baz Luhrmann’s take on the Bard’s greatest love story.

Starring Leonardo DiCaprio.

11.20 Birth (2004) 1.15am The Eye (2002)

11.10am The Shop Around The Corner (1940) 1.00pm Ziegfeld Follies (1945) 3.00 The Tender Trap (1955) 5.00 Stay Away, Joe (1968) 6.50 Skyjacked (1972) 8.30 The Screening Room 9.00 Children Of A Lesser God (1986) 11.15 Sitting Target (1972) 1.00am The Gang That Couldn’t Shoot Straight (1971)

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Indie

037_LS403_TV_Sat_20

12/9/08

1:44 PM

Page 1

saturday 20 Strictly Come Dancing BBC1, 6.40pm Oh. My. Goodness. No longer simply the terrain of dads who like to look at the outfits on the pretty ladies, this is down to the wire stealth addiction TV. You don’t know you’re hooked until it’s too late. Tonight’s final is bound to be impressive stuff, with the last two couples competing their little hearts out. Wow.

For One Night Only ITV1, 8.55pm A bit of a Crimbo extravaganza in here, presented by Mr goldenhips – Tom Jones – and Ms M&S – Myleene Klass – there’s a smörgåsbord of entertainment on offer. Comedy from Milton Jones and Jimeoin, music from Il Divo, flash flips from the Zhejiang Acrobatic Troupe and David O’Mer. And more. Dead flash.

Judy, Frank And Dean: Once In A Lifetime BBC4, 8.10pm One heck of a treat, believed lost for years this is the legendary TV concert film featuring Judy Garland, Frank Sinatra and Dean Martin. Harking back to the glam of the Brat Pack and the melody of those old snazzy songs, this is a warm winter wonder. Sing-along with the legends.

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6.00am Breakfast 10.00 Saturday Kitchen 11.30 Indian Food Made Easy 12.00pm BBC News 12.10 Football Focus 1.00 Racing From Ascot And Show Jumping 2.30 UK Snooker Championship 4.30 Final Score 5.20 BBC News 5.35 Regional News And Weather 5.40 Hole In The Wall

6.00 - 9.10am Children’s television 9.10 Help! Teach Is Coming To Stay 10.10 What’s New Scooby Doo? 10.30 ChuckleVision 10.45 ChuckleVision 11.00 Doctor Who: The Infinite Quest 11.50 FILM: The Nightmare Before Christmas (1993) 1.00pm Natural World 1.50 FILM: Mrs Palfrey At The Claremont (2005) 3.30 Strictly Come Dancing - It Takes Two 4.30 UK Snooker Championship: Semi-Final 5.00 A Wild Cairngorms Winter 5.30 FILM: Dad’s Army (1971)

6.00am GMTV 9.25 Captain Mack 9.40 Emu 9.55 My Parents Are Aliens 10.25 My Parents Are Aliens 10.55 My Life As A Popat 11.25 Finger Tips 11.45 Finger Tips 12.05pm Tricky Quickies 12.10 ITV News And Weather 12.20 Meridian News And Weather 12.25 Coronation Street Omnibus 2.40 FILM: Honey (2003) 4.30 Britannia High Behind The Scenes 5.30 Britannia High

6.00am The Treacle People 6.10 The Hoobs 6.35 The Hoobs 7.00 Goalissimo! 8.00 The Morning Line 8.55 Orange UnsignedAct 9.55 Friends 10.25 4Music Top Tunes Of 2008 11.30 Friends 12.00pm Bedtime Stories: T4 Movie Special 12.30 101 Challenges 1.20 Australia: T4 Movie Special 1.55 Channel 4 Racing 3.55 Supernanny US 4.45 FILM: Bugsy Malone (1976)

6.00 – 9.00am Children’s television 9.00 Rupert Bear 9.15 The Milkshake!

Show 9.45 Roobarb And Custard Too 10.00 The Gadget Show 11.00 World’s Strongest Man Super Series 12.00pm Trial Of The Knights Templar 1.00 Zoo Days 1.30 FILM: Salt Water Moose (1996) 3.30 FILM: Single Santa Seeks Mrs Claus (2004) 5.10 FILM: Farscape: The Peacekeeper Wars (2004)

6.00am LIVE Test Cricket 12.00pm Gillette Soccer Saturday 12.30 LIVE Football League: Championship 3.00 Gillette Soccer Saturday 5.15 LIVE Football League: Championship 7.30 You’re On Sky Sports 8.25 Football First: Game Of The Day 10.15 Football First: Match Choice 11.45 Football First: Match Choice 1.15am Football First: Match Choice 2.45 Sky Sports Classics 3.00 Premiership Rugby Union 4.00 LIVE Test Cricket

7.00 UK Snooker Championship: Semi-Final Hazel Irvine introduces live coverage as the second semifinal reaches in conclusion. A maximum of nine frames played to decide who will appear in the final.

Two hours of chill-out concentration after the mania of the last Saturday before Christmas. Bliss.

9.10 Porridge Classic comedy series.

Fletch and Godber reconcile themselves to a quiet evening in at Slade prison. Perhaps they were invited to Elton John’s black and white ball but had nothing to wear.

9.40 Have I Got A Bit More News For You Extended version of the popular news quiz. Regular team captains Paul Merton and Ian Hislop are joined by guest host Jeremy Clarkson and guest panellists. The most engaging and a laughter-filled way to catch up on the week’s news.

10.25 FILM: V For Vendetta (2005) Starring Natalie Portman, Hugo Weaving, Stephen Rea, Stephen Fry and John Hurt. Dark thriller from the creators of The Matrix, depicting a sinister future Britain where the only man willing to stand up against the country’s despotic leader is a masked avenger known as ‘V’.

12.25am Never Mind The Buzzcocks 12.55 UK Snooker Championship: Semi-Final Highlights 1.45 FILM: Santee (1973) 3.15 BBC News

6.35 Meridian News; Weather 6.45 ITV News; Weather 6.55 You’ve Been Framed! Some of the nation’s funniest home videos.

7.25 Harry Hill’s TV Burp Harry Hill skewers the climactic episodes of X Factor and Strictly Come Dancing along with the usual choice TV morsels. Viva la finals!

7.55 All Star Mr And Mrs Christmas Special Fern and Pip scrutinise the pairings of Ronan Keating and his wife; former England manager Terry Venables and his missus; and actress Tamzin Outhwaite and her husband, actor Tom Ellis. It’s all for charity, mate.

8.55 For One Night Only See highlights.

9.55 FILM: Mission: Impossible II (2000) Starring Tom Cruise, Dougray Scott, Thandie Newton, Ving Rhames.

Ethan Hunt is back taking on impossible missions in this actionpacked sequel from John Woo. 10.55 ITV News; Weather 11.10 FILM: Mission: Impossible II (2000) Still packing the pow.

12.25am Nightwatch With Steve Scott: Emergency 1.20 FILM: Duel (1971) 2.35 FILM: Frankie And Johnny (1966) 4.00 ITV Nightscreen 5.00 CITV: Planet Sketch 5.10 Tricky 5.35 Horrid Henry 5.45 Planet Sketch 5.50 CITV: Tricky 5.55 ITV Early Morning News

6.10 Outtake TV Anne Robinson presents EastEnders cock ups.

6.40 Strictly Come Dancing See highlights.

7.55 The National Lottery Draws Scott Mills is live from Lottery HQ with tempting cash that go to the numbers we know – in retrospect – we definitely would’ve picked. Really.

8.10 Casualty Alex and Adam come to blows when Alex is admitted to the ED. No safe zone, then?

9.00 Strictly Come Dancing: Results The two finalists perform their last dances. Tears before bed.

9.45 Outnumbered Semi-improvised sitcom. Chaos reigns in the Brockman household as six-year-old Karen denounces Satan and Ben gets the wrong side of a no-nonsense referee.

10.15 BBC News 10.30 Match Of The Day Gary Lineker introduces the goals and highlights from the day’s five matches in the Barclays Premier League.

11.40 FILM: Snake Eyes (1998) Starring Nicolas Cage, Gary Sinise, John Heard. Fast-paced thriller in which a wheeler-dealer cop becomes entangled in a complex assassination conspiracy at an Atlantic City casino.

1.15am Weatherview 1.20 Sign Zone: Nigella’s Christmas Kitchen (x3) 2.50 The Hairy Bakers’ Christmas Special 3.50 Stephen Fry In America 4.50 Joins BBC News

Sky Sports 2 6.30 Channel 4 News 6.55 Come Dine With Me At Christmas In this special Christmas edition, four chefs from York take turns to prepare and serve one course of a four-course banquet to one another in their own homes. Baggsy suckling vegan pig!

8.00 Willie’s Perfect Chocolate Christmas Seasonal special from eccentric chocolatier Willie HarcourtCooze, as he prepares a series of chocolate recipes from his family home in Devon.

9.00 FILM: A Knight’s Tale (2001) Starring Heath Ledger, Mark Addy, Rufus Sewell, Paul Bettany and Shanynn Sossamon. Medieval spoof about a low-born 14th-century squire who replaces his dead employer as a competitor in a jousting competition reserved for the nobility. With the help of two fellow squires and Geoffrey Chaucer, he masquerades as a foreign knight in a bid to defeat his arch enemy and win fair maiden. Ah. 11.35 FILM: Hidden (2005) Starring Daniel Auteuil, Juliette Binoche Award-winning mystery thriller. A Parisian couple find themselves under psychological siege when they receive a series of anonymous videos.

1.50am Pagans 2.55 FILM: How To Marry A Billionaire (2000) 4.30 Hill Street Blues 5.20 Scrapheap Challenge

7.45 Five News And Sport 8.00 NCIS Drama series. The FBI tells Gibbs that his former commanding officer has gone AWOL. In what way should this impact his day to day activities? Hmm. 9.00 CSI: NY New York-based spinoff of the crime drama series. Mac wrestles with a demon from his past when he confronts a killer who was released from jail because of his actions. Danny and Hawkes investigate the case of a man poisoned with lethal ricin.

10.00 CSI: NY Both Mac and Stella find themselves under investigation when the police probe the outcome of Mac’s last case and Stella’s DNA is connected to a suspected homicide. Meanwhile, the CSIs puzzle over the death of a man dressed as an angel. Very seasonal.

11.00 Law And Order: Criminal Intent Crime drama series that looks inside the minds of criminals as well as following the Major Case Squad’s investigation into their misdemeanours and felonies. A sinister cult is implicated in the murder of a TV news cameraman.

Where have all the nice cults gone?

12.00am Quiz Call 4.05 Wildlife SOS 4.30 The Royal Institution Christmas Lectures 5.15 Big Ideas That Changed The World

6.00am Sports Unlimited 7.00 Big League Weekend 8.00 Off The Bar 8.30 Barclays Premier League Preview 9.00 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 12.00pm Volvo Ocean Race 12.30 LIVE World Darts Championship 2008 5.00 Volvo Ocean Race 5.30 Gillette World Sport 6.00 Max Power 7.00 LIVE World Darts Championship 2008 11.30 Volvo Ocean Race 12.00am UIM F1 Powerboating 12.30 Gillette World Sport 1.00 LIVE NFL 4.30 Max Power 5.30 Gillette World Sport

Sky Sports 3 6.00am LIVE Test Cricket 10.00 Sailing: Volvo Ocean Race 10.30 LIVE Euro Tour Golf 2.30pm LIVE Premiership Rugby Union 5.00 WWE Smackdown 7.00 Sailing: Volvo Ocean Race 7.30 Test Cricket 10.00 Extreme Championship Wrestling 11.00 LIVE Test Cricket 2.30am LIVE Test Cricket

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2.40pm FILM: Christmas Caper (2007) 4.20 Gladiators G-Force 4.30 The Simpsons (x3) 6.00 Guinness World Records Smashed! 7.00 Futurama (x2) 8.00 The Simpsons (x2) 9.00 Road Wars 10.00 Road Wars Xmas Special 11.00 Street Wars 12.00am Prison Break 1.00 Road Wars 1.50 Xmas Parties Uncovered

7.00pm TV Gaffes Galore 7.10 The Real Hustle: The Twelve Scams Of Christmas 8.10 Top Gear 9.15 Little Britain 9.45 FILM: Herbie: Fully Loaded (2005) 11.20 Family Guy (x2) 12.05am Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps (x2) 1.05 The Real Hustle: The Twelve Scams Of Christmas

7.00pm Legends: Louis Prima - King Of The Swingers 8.10 Judy, Frank And Dean: Once In A Lifetime. See highlights.

9.00 Show Of The Week 9.45 FILM: Pal Joey (1957) 11.30 Artie Shaw: Quest For Perfection 12.30am FILM: Second Chorus (1940) 1.55 Judy, Frank And Dean: Once In A Lifetime

12.10pm Creature Comforts 12.25 FILM: Nanny McPhee (2005) 2.25 ITV At The Movies: Christmas Special 3.25 Dick Whittington 5.00 Jack And The Beanstalk 6.35 FILM: Peter Pan (2003) 8.55 FILM: Gremlins (1984) 11.00 FILM: Cliffhanger (1993) 1.10am Katy Brand’s Big Ass Songs 2008 2.15 Smallville

1.10pm FILM: Up Pompeii (1971) 2.55 Comedy Classics: On The Buses 3.30 FILM: On The Buses (1971) 5.15 FILM: Mutiny On The Buses (1973) 7.00 FILM: Holiday On The Buses (1974) 8.50 FILM: The Best Of Benny Hill (1974) 10.30 FILM: Up Pompeii (1971) 12.20am FILM: Holiday On The Buses (1974)

7.30am Our Showbiz Mates: Hollywood Special 8.30 Fresh Saturday 10.00 Gilmore Girls (x5) 2.30 Hollyoaks Omnibus 5.00 Friends 5.30 Friends 5.55 Wife Swap 6.55 Supernanny 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 The World’s Greatest Comedy Characters 12.05am Derren Brown: Trick Or Treat

9.00am A Place In The Sun 9.30 Time Team (x4) 1.30 FILM: Miracle On 34th Street (1947) 3.30 Grand Designs (x3) 6.50 3 Minute Wonder: No Smoking Please (x3) 7.05 FILM: The Dish (2000) 9.00 In The Shadow Of The Moon 11.00 FILM: Four Brothers (2005) 1.05am In The Shadow Of The Moon

12.00pm So You Think You Can Dance 1.00 Extreme: Skinny Celebrities 2 2.00 Maury 2.55 The Jerry Springer Show (x2) 3.55 Maury 4.50 The Fix 5.00 Home Video Heroes (x2) 6.00 Will And Grace (x2) 7.00 Criminal Minds 8.00 Ghost Whisperer 9.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (x4) 1.00am Blood Ties

G.O.L.D.

Paramount

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Sky Movies

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TCM

4.10pm Morecambe And Wise: The Greatest Moment 5.50 My Family 6.30 The Vicar Of Dibley 7.20 Only Fools And Horses 8.00 Blackadder’s Christmas Carol 9.00 The Two Ronnies Christmas Sketchbook 10.20 Only Fools And Horses 11.25 The Royle Family 12.05am The Worst Week Of My Life

4.30pm Frasier (x2) 5.30 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 6.30 The King Of Queens (x2) 7.30 Scrubs (x2) 8.30 Two And A Half Men 9.00 South Park (x2) 10.00 Dara O’Briain Live At The Theatre Royal 11.15 Lee Evans: XL Tour 12.35am FILM: Beavis And Butt-Head Do America (1996) 2.05 Edinburgh And Beyond (x2)

1.00pm Forensic Detectives 2.00 My Shocking Story (x4) 6.00 How Do They Do It? 6.30 How It’s Made 7.00 Mythbusters 8.00 Couples Who Kill (x2) 11.00 A Haunting 12.00am Crime Scene USA: Body Of Evidence 12.30 Crime Scene USA: Missing Persons Unit 1.00 Couples Who Kill 2.00 Forensic Detectives

11.00 amStar Trek (x2) 1.00 Thunderbirds (x2) 3.10 Quantum Leap (x2) 5.15 FILM: The Loch Ness Terror (2007) 7.10 FILM: Ba’al: The Storm God (2008) 9.00 FILM: Replicant (2001) 11.00 FILM: Emmanuelle’s Private Collection: Sexual Spells () 12.50am FILM: Dracula III: Legacy (2003) 2.40 Star Trek

12.35pm A Touch Of Larceny (1959) 2.10 Madagascar 2 Special 2.30 Love Me Tender (1956) 4.00 Father Goose (1964) 6.00 The Movie Geek 6.30 The High And The Mighty (1954) 9.00 Barbarella (1968) 10.50 Coogan’s Bluff (1968) 12.30am Love Me Tender (1956)

10.25am The General (1998) 12.35pm Bottle Rocket (1996) 2.10 The Escapist (2001) 3.45 New Police Story (2004) 5.50 The Lives Of Others (2006) 8.10 The Walker (2007) 10.00 Hard Candy (2006) 11.45 Bottle Rocket (1996) 1.20am The Serpent (2006) 3.25 The Escapist (2001)

1.00pm In Good Company (2004) 3.05 Australia Special 3.10 River Of No Return (1954) 4.55 My Big Fat Greek Wedding (2002) 6.45 Australia Special 6.55 The African Queen (1951) 9.00 Failure To Launch (2006) 10.50 A History Of Violence (2005) 12.40am Offside (2006) 2.25 Old Joy (2006)

9.00am The Tender Trap (1955) 11.05 For Me And My Gal (1942) 1.00pm In Which We Serve (1942) 3.00 12 Angry Men (1957) 4.45 Summer Stock (1950) 6.50 Lust For Life (1956) 9.00 Lethal Weapon (1987) 11.00 The Screening Room 11.30 Catholic Boys (1985) 1.20am Elvis On Tour (1972) 2.55 Random Harvest (1942)

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Indie

038_LS403_TV_Sun_21

12/11/08

5:21 PM

Page 1

sunday 21 Top Gear BBC2, 7pm Jeremy Clarkson may go on about how he doesn’t care about the environment but he may need to reconsider. James May heads over to California-I-A to check out the future of motoring – the hydrogen-powered Honda Clarity.

Plus, Jezza himself has a go on an electric Tesla car. Goodbye petrol-heads, hello leccy-bonces.

The Charlotte Church Nutcracking Christmas Special Channel 4, 10pm Our Chas has come over all Yuletide and is mixing up her usual brand of candid camera, audience participation and guests with a twist of mistletoe and a starring role in the nativity. With appearances from James Corden, Ruth Jones and Jo Brand.

Father Ted Christmas Special More4, 11.05pm It’s time to send out the Mounties to help the poor group of lost priests in Europe’s largest lingerie department. A classic reminder of how good Father Ted was, as he wins a coveted Golden Cleric and heads up a disaster-bound group of dog-collared elderly men. Lovely laughter.

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6.00am Breakfast 7.45 Match Of The Day 9.00 The Andrew Marr Show 10.00 Christmas Voices 11.00 FILM: Spirit: Stallion Of The Cimarron (2002) 12.20pm BBC News 12.30 Keeping Up Appearances 1.30 EastEnders 3.25 FILM: Dustbin Baby (1939) 4.55 Lifeline 5.05 Songs Of Praise 5.40 BBC News

6.00am Balamory 6.20 Teletubbies 6.45 64 Zoo Lane 7.00 Roar 8.00 Arthur 9.00 The Sarah Jane Adventures 10.05 FILM: That Darn Cat! (1965) 12.00pm Natural World 1.00 Olympia Horse Show: World Cup Show Jumping 3.00 UK Snooker Championship: Final

6.00am GMTV 9.25 Bernard 9.40 Tricky Quickies 9.45 The Championship 10.45 Lewis Hamilton World Champion 11.45 ITV News And Weather 11.50 Meridian News And Weather 11.55 FILM: Curly Sue (1991) 1.55pm FILM: Casper (1995) 3.45 FILM: ET The Extra-Terrestrial (1982)

6.20am Inuk 6.35 The Hoobs 7.00 Trans World Sport 7.50 Adrenalin Rush 8.20 Freesports On 4 8.50 Friends 9.20 Friends 9.50 Hollyoaks Omnibus 12.20pm Orange UnsignedAct 1.25 Relentless 2.15 The Nokia Green Room: Christmas Special 3.20 Friends 3.50 The Simpsons 4.20 Deal Or No Deal: Scrooge Vs Santa 5.10 Christmas At River Cottage

6.00 – 9.15am Children’s television 9.15 The Milkshake! Show Christmas Special 9.40 Mist: Sheepdog Tales 9.55 Bert And Ernie’s Great Adventures 10.00 Animal Rescue Squad 10.20 Football On Five 12.50pm Police Interceptors 1.50 Megastructures 2.50 Zoo Days 3.00 FILM: The Man Who Saved Christmas (2002) 4.55 Five News 5.15 FILM: Father Hood (1993)

6.00am LIVE Test Cricket 9.00 LIVE Test Cricket 1.00pm LIVE Ford Super Sunday 3.30 LIVE Ford Super Sunday 6.30 Super Sunday: The Last Word 7.00 LIVE Spanish Football 10.00 Ford Football Special 11.30 Super Sunday: The Last Word 12.00am Spanish Football 2.00 Ford Football Special 3.30 Super Sunday: The Last Word 4.00 LIVE Test Cricket

6.00 Regional News And Weather 6.05 After You’ve Gone Christmas Special Jimmy plans a calm, relaxing Christmas, until fate and a farmyard animal intervene.

6.45 Antiques Roadshow Fiona Bruce and the team visit Dumfries House near Ayr in Scotland. It’s fun to watch people become speechless – thanks to granny’s hoarding.

7.45 Lark Rise To Candleford Lark Rise and Candleford are transformed into magical places as the inhabitants prepare for festivities.

9.00 Casualty As Adam learns some shocking news and takes steps to find out the truth, a carefree Zoe is brought down to earth with a bang.

An isolated Ruth contemplates the realities of a lonely Christmas and Jay hopes for a festive miracle.

10.00 BBC News 10.20 Match Of The Day 2 Adrian Chiles presents highlights from the day’s three Premier League games.

11.20 FILM: Face/Off (1997) Starring John Travolta, Nicolas Cage. Action thriller in which an FBI agent agrees to have the face of a captured international terrorist grafted onto his own head in order to discover the location of an enormous bomb.

1.30am Weatherview 1.35 Sign Zone: Holby City 2.35 Survivors 3.35 After Rome: Holy War And Conquest 4.35 Joins BBC News

6.20 Dad’s Army Classic comedy about the Home Guard unit of Walmington-on-Sea. Capt Mainwaring has an unexpected and most unwelcome guest, much to Frazer’s delight. We’re all dooomed!

7.00 Top Gear See highlights.

8.00 UK Snooker Championship: Final The UK Championship final reaches its conclusion tonight with a maximum of 11 frames left to decide the winner. Together with former UK Champions Steve Davis and John Parrott, Hazel Irvine introduces live coverage from Telford, where the trophy and a cheque for £100,000 awaits the winner.

11.00 Have I Got News For You Another edition of the popular news quiz with guest panellists joining Ian Hislop, Paul Merton and guest host Jeremy Clarkson.

11.30 The Graham Norton Show Uncut Graham Norton presents comedy monologues, celebrity chat, eccentric stories and characters, and home-grown weirdness from the great British viewing public. What being eccentrically British is all about. Repeat with Jack Dee and Razorlight.

12.15am Heroes 1.00 Dragons’ Den: The Dragons’ Stories 2.00 FILM: Wild River (1960) 3.45 BBC News 4.35 Inside Sport

6.00 Meridian News; Weather 6.15 ITV News; Weather 6.30 Alan Titchmarsh At Christmas Alan Titchmarsh presents a show packed with festive fun.

7.30 New You’ve Been Framed Christmas Special A festive edition of the home video show.

8.00 The Royal Alun’s new band are a roaring success when they play their first gig. Burnett acknowledges his true feelings for Marian. Carnegie pulls a few strings to get an injured patient into the Royal in style.

9.00 Clash Of The Santas Colin and Howie are two fighting friends who travel to Lithuania to take part in the World Santa Championships, where Howie will represent England. The pals end up going head-to-head when Colin is recruited by the mysterious Rainbow Santa team.

11.00 ITV News; Weather 11.15 Britain’s Love Story Final part of the series about the revolutions in love, sex and marriage in Britain over the last 50 years.

12.15am Little Town Of Bethlehem 1.15 Sleep Walkers: Secrets Of The Night 2.10 60 Minute Makeover 3.00 Antiques Auction (x2) 3.45 ITV Nightscreen 5.00 CITV: Planet Sketch 5.10 Tricky 5.35 Horrid Henry 5.45 Planet Sketch 5.50 Tricky Quickies 5.55 ITV Early Morning News

6.10 Channel 4 News 6.30 FILM: Oliver Twist (2005) Starring Barney Clark, Jamie Foreman, Ben Kingsley, Harry Eden, Frances Cuka and Alun Armstrong.

Adaptation of the classic Charles Dickens tale concerning an orphan who flees the workhouse, only to fall in with thieves in the backstreets of Victorian London.

9.00 The Sunday Night Christmas Project Guest host Simon Pegg joins presenters Justin Lee Collins and Alan Carr for a festive special of the entertainment show. Music comes from guest house band Kaiser Chiefs.

Plus, there’s the usual mix of sketches, news and audience interaction.

10.00 The Charlotte Church Nutcracking Christmas Special See highlights.

11.10 Russell Brand’s Christmas Ponderland In a special edition of the show, the outrageous comedian offers his thoughts on all things festive, including Santa Claus, overindulgence and commercialism.

11.45 The IT Crowd Sitcom set in an IT department.

12.15am 4 Music: Spectacle: Elvis Costello With... Rufus Wainwright 1.20 Dickens’ Secret Lover 2.20 Pagans 3.20 The Secret Family Of Jesus 5.20 The Highlander Challenge World Championship

7.00 FILM: Christmas With The Kranks (2004) Starring Tim Allen, Jamie Lee Curtis and Julie Gonzalo.

Yuletide family comedy. When a suburban couple decide to forgo Christmas festivities, preferring to take a cruise to the Caribbean instead, their neighbours refuse to allow such Scrooge-like behaviour.

Based on a John Grisham novel.

Most bizarre that he could write this and legal thrillers like The Firm. Truly versatility is the key.

9.00 Greatest Christmas Comedy Moments Entertainment show featuring a rundown of classic clips, from rib-tickling sketches to farcical sitcoms. Highlights include scenes from Only Fools and Horses, Dad’s Army and The Office. In fact, anything which has ever had a ‘Christmas Special’. Make sure Morecombe and Wise get a good look in.

12.00am 30 Rock Sitcom set behind the scenes of a late-night sketch comedy show. Liz Lemon’s sleazy new boss insists that an unpredictable movie star join the cast of The Girlie Show.

12.30 Prison Break Prison escape drama.

1.20 NFL 4.20 Now Is The Time: Night Of Combat - Kick Boxing 5.15 Big Ideas That Changed The World

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Wild Spirits 6.30 Football First: Match Choice 8.00 Football First: Match Choice 9.30 Sunday Supplement 11.00 Goals On Sunday 1.00pm LIVE World Darts Championship 2008 5.30 Powerboating 6.00 Watersports World 7.00 LIVE World Darts Championship 2008 11.30 Golf Night 1.30am WWE Late Night Afterburn 2.30 Gillette World Sport 3.00 Seamaster Sailing 3.30 Powerboating 4.00 Spanish Football

Sky Sports 3 6.00am LIVE Test Cricket 10.00 Powerboating 10.30 LIVE Euro Tour Golf 2.30pm Seamaster Sailing 3.00 Test Cricket 5.30 NFL: Livewire 6.00 LIVE: Live NFL 9.00 LIVE NFL 12.30am NFL: Top Ten 1.30 LIVE NFL 4.30 Wild Spirits 5.00 Seamaster Sailing 5.30 Powerboating

Victoria Nangle

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Living

3.10pm FILM: George And The Dragon (2004) 4.55 Bite Size Brainiac 5.00 The Simpsons (x2) 6.00 Noel’s Christmas Presents 7.30 The Simpsons 8.00 Gladiators: The Legends Strike Back 9.30 The Simpsons 10.00 FILM: Beverly Hills Cop III (1993) 12.05am Road Wars 1.00 Xmas Parties Uncovered

7.00pm Doctor Who 7.50 Doctor Who Confidential 8.00 FILM: Finding Nemo (2003) 9.35 Family Guy 10.20 Summer Heights High (x2) 11.20 Summer Heights High 11.50 Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps (x2) 12.50 Clone 1.20 The Last Millionaire 2.20 Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps (x2)

7.00pm Christmas Oratorio No 1 7.30 The Story Of Allegri’s Miserere 8.00 Charles At 60: The Passionate Prince 9.30 Ten Best Sacred Christmas Classics 10.30 In Concert: Oscar Peterson 11.00 Reputations 12.00am Legends: The Charlie Parker Story 1.00 The Swing Thing

1.15pm Creature Comforts 1.30 Emmerdale Omnibus 4.30 Coronation St Omnibus 7.00 I’m A Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here Now! Coming Home 8.00 The Xtra Factor: Winner’s Story 9.00 FILM: King Kong (2005) 12.40am The Xtra Factor: Winner’s Story 1.40 I’m A Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here Now! Coming Home

6.00am On The Buses (x3) 7.20 Agatha Christie’s Poirot (x4) 3.50 Tom Brown’s Schooldays 5.50 Torvill And Dean: Dancing On Ice - The Live Tour 2008 6.55 FILM: The Jewel Of The Nile (1985) 9.00 FILM: Dave (1993) 11.15 FILM: The French Lieutenant’s Woman (1981) 1.50am Agatha Christie’s Poirot

4.00pm The War At Home (x2) 4.55 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (X2) 7.00 Ghost Whisperer 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 Desperate Housewives 10.00 Samantha Who? 10.30 Fonejacker Christmas Special 11.00 FILM: Porky’s (1982) 1.00am Derren Brown: Trick Or Treat 1.30 Fonejacker Christmas Special

2.15pm Location, Location, Location (x5) 5.00 Come Dine With Me (x5) 8.30 Jamie Cooks Christmas 9.00 Grand Designs 10.00 The Pregnant Man 11.05 Father Ted Christmas Special. See highlights.

12.15am Deal Or No Deal: Scrooge Vs Santa 1.05 Grand Designs

1.00pm Exposed: Julia Roberts 2.00 Maury 2.55 The Jerry Springer Show (x2) 3.55 Maury 4.50 The Fix 5.00 America’s Next Top Model 6.00 Kyle XY 7.00 Extreme: Celebrity Yo-Yo Dieters 8.00 Nothing To Declare (x2) 9.00 CSI: Miami 10.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (x2) 12.00am Charmed 1.00 Blood Ties

G.O.L.D.

Paramount

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

2.55pm TV’s Greatest Christmas Moments 4.55 Blackadder’s Christmas Carol 5.50 The Two Ronnies Christmas Sketchbook 7.10 Only Fools And Horses 7.55 My Family 9.00 The Royle Family At Christmas 9.40 Only Fools And Horses 11.40 The Worst Week Of My Life 12.20am The Royle Family At Christmas

1.00pm Everybody Loves Raymond (x3) 2.30 Frasier (x2) 3.30 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 4.30 The King Of Queens (x2) 5.30 Scrubs (x2) 6.30 Frasier (x2) 7.30 Two And A Half Men 8.00 Scrubs (x2) 9.00 South Park (x2) 10.00 Lee Evans - The Ultimate Experience 11.45 South Park 12.15am Scrubs

1.00pm Forensic Detectives 2.00 Bear Grylls: Born Survivor (x4) 6.00 How Do They Do It? 6.30 How It’s Made 7.00 Mythbusters 8.00 When Rome Ruled Egypt 9.00 Why Ancient Egypt Fell 10.00 Couples Who Kill 11.00 A Haunting 12.00am Crime Scene USA (x2) 1.00 Couples Who Kill

11.00am FILM: 10.5: Apocalypse 3.00pm FILM: The Loch Ness Terror (2007) 4.50 Eli Stone 5.50 Thunderbirds (x2) 8.00 FILM: Dungeons & Dragons: Wrath Of The Dragon God (2005) 9.50 FILM: The Foreigner (2003) 12.00am FILM: Silent Warnings (2003) 1.40 Thunderbirds

11.25am The Big Clock (1948) 1.05pm Tora! Tora!

Tora! (1970) 3.30 The Adventures Of Robin Hood (1938) 5.15 Cool Hand Luke (1967) 7.25 King Kong Vs Godzilla (1962) 9.00 Tora!

Tora! Tora! (1970) 11.25 The Adventures Of Robin Hood (1938) 1.10am Cool Hand Luke (1967)

10.30am Hard Eight (1997) 12.15pm Kenny (2007) 2.05 The Passenger (1975) 4.20 Jindabyne (2006) 6.30 A Scanner Darkly (2006) 8.15 Hard Eight (1997) 10.00 Lock, Stock And Two Smoking Barrels (1998) 11.50 Happiness (1999) 2.15am Golden Globes Highlights 2008

1.00pm My Big Fat Greek Wedding (2002) 2.50 Call Me Madam (1953) 5.05 Watership Down (1978) 6.50 A Matter Of Life And Death (1946) 8.55 Australia Special 9.00 The Day After Tomorrow (2004) Ecological disaster movie. 11.20 All About My Mother (1999) 1.20am The Kid Stays In The Picture (2002)

8.35am The Philadelphia Story (1940) 10.30 The Screening Room 11.05 Reunion In France (1942) 1.00pm The Adventures Of Don Juan (1948) 3.00 Doctor Zhivago (1965) 6.30 North By Northwest (1959) 9.00 The Elephant Man (1980) 11.15 Pink Floyd The Wall (1982) 1.05am The Champ (1979) (1937)

Classics

Indie

039_LS403_TV_Mon_22

12/9/08

1:46 PM

Page 1

monday 22 University Challenge BBC2, 8pm Paxman is ready with his machine-gun delivery and cutting responses. Did you not know that? How ever have you managed to survive to semi-adult age? This week the University of Brighton are up against City University. Will Brighton prevail?

Can you beat them at home? Are these really hard questions?

QI Christmas Special BBC1, 9pm Stephen Fry chairs this especially festive Christmas edition of the quiz game where panellists get extra points for being ‘quite interesting’ in their answers.

Regular Alan Davies is joined by Clive Anderson, Rob Brydon and Dom Joly to make up the players.

A great way to break the Xmas tension and slip into ho, ho, ho.

Katy Brand’s Big Ass Song 2008 ITV2, 9pm The laughter lady picks out her favourite pop parodies of 2008.

Expect massive beehives and miniature beards along the way in this dressing up extravaganza.

Targets may include but not be limited to: Katy Perry, Take That, Spandau Ballet and Mika. Not for the very shy.

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ITV1

Channel 4

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Animal 24:7 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 To Buy Or Not To Buy 11.30 Cash In The Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 The Inspector Lynley Mysteries 3.15 Diagnosis Murder 4.00 FILM: The Cat In The Hat (2003) 5.15 The Weakest Link

6.00am Balamory 6.20 Teletubbies 6.45 64 Zoo Lane 7.00 Boogie Beebies 7.15 LazyTown 7.40 Postman Pat 8.00 Bear Behaving Badly 8.30 The Life Of Mammals 9.30 Wainwright’s Walks 10.00 The Last Days Of Steam: Time Shift 11.00 FILM: A Walk In The Sun (1945) 12.55pm Murder, She Wrote 1.40 FILM: Merry Christmas () 3.25 Flog It! 4.25 Escape To The Country 5.10 Ready Steady Cook 5.55 FILM: Finding Neverland (2004)

6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 Christmas Cooks Challenge 11.30 Dickinson’s Real Deal 12.30pm 60 Minute Makeover 1.30 ITV Lunchtime News And Weather 2.00 Rosemary And Thyme 4.00 Hercule Poirot’s Christmas

6.00 – 9.00am Children’s television 9.00 Who Really Killed Jesus? 10.00 Michaela’s Zoo Babies 11.00 Penguin Adventure With Nigel Marven 11.50 Zoo Days 12.00pm World’s Strongest Man Super Series 1.00 FILM: Boyfriend For Christmas (2004) 2.50 FILM: A Christmas Carol: The Musical (2004) 4.40 Five News 5.00 Rory & Paddy’s Great British Adventure

6.00am LIVE Test Cricket 12.00pm Seamaster Sailing 12.30 Powerboating 1.00 Ford Football Special 2.30 Super Sunday: The Last Word 3.00 Test Cricket 5.30 Big League Weekend 7.00 LIVE World Darts Championship 11.30 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 12.30am Big League Weekend 2.00 Seamaster Sailing 2.30 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 3.30 Wild Spirits 4.00 LIVE Test Cricket

7.30 The Good Life The Goods and the Leadbetters plan their respective Christmases, but neither go according to plan. Classic comedy from 1977.

8.00 University Challenge See highlights.

8.30 FILM: The Brothers Grimm (2005) Starring Heath Ledger, Matt Damon, Lena Headey and Mackenzie Crook. Fantasy adventure about the storytelling siblings, Jake and Will Grimm, who come across a real witch in an enchanted wood. The boys know all manner of tricks, but are they pure enough of heart to break the witch’s spell and save fair lady?

10.20 Heroes In the aftermath of the showdown against their father, the Petrelli brothers find themselves battling against one another, as Nathan makes a move that will have global repercussions. Ando, Matt and Daphne continue their attempts rescue Hiro, and Dr Suresh may be their only hope. Not Obi-Wan Kenobi.

11.00 TOTP 2 At Christmas Steve Wright presents a series of editions of TOTP2 featuring the very best pop music from the BBC archives.

11.45 Outnumbered Semiimprovised sitcom.

12.15am Heroes Unmasked 12.35 Blue Peter At 50 1.35 Charley Boorman: Ireland To Sydney By Any Means 2.35 FILM: Days Of Wine And Roses (1963)

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Ashley discovers that the church is set to close on Boxing Day. No! 7.30 Coronation Street Lloyd and Steve are challenged to a slimming duel. Are the scriptwriters trying to tell them something?

8.00 Harry Hill’s TV Burp Another generous helping of TV send-ups.

8.30 Coronation Street Rosie flirts shamelessly with Gary Windass.

Quelle surprise.

9.00 The Bill Following the failed drugs bust, Stevie’s rides away with Rob Towler on a motorbike. Rob’s world is blown apart when she tells him she is a police officer – but she loves him. Ain’t it always the way?

10.00 News At Ten; Weather 10.40 The Way We Were Christmas Special A nostalgic look back at Christmas time in the South using archive footage, and the memories of local personalities.

11.10 Country Ways 11.40 Police, Camera, Action 12.30am Nightwatch With Steve Scott: Emergency 1.25 Nightwatch With Steve Scott 2.20 Moving Day Special 3.10 ITV Nightscreen 5.00 CITV: Jim Jam And Sunny (x2) 5.20 Engie Benjy 5.35 Captain Mack 5.45 Paz 5.55 ITV Early Morning News

6.15 – 7.30am Children’s television 7.30 FILM: Big Top Pee-wee (1988) 9.05 Friends 9.35 The Simpsons 10.05 Friends 10.30 A Very Berry Christmas: Top 20 12.05pm Australia: T4 Movie Special 12.35 A Christmas Carol 2.10 3 Minute Wonder: 12 Days Of Christmas 2.15 Come Dine With Me Extra Portions 2.45 Come Dine With Me Extra Portions 3.15 Come Dine With Me Extra Portions 3.45 Come Dine With Me Extra Portions 4.15 Deal Or No Deal: Scrooge Vs Santa 5.00 The Simpsons 5.30 The Simpsons 6.00 Hollyoaks Louise discovers she is pregnant. Not ideal timing.

7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 3 Minute Wonder: 12 Days Of Christmas 8.00 The Ascent Of Money Professor Niall Ferguson takes a look at the globalisation of Western financial institutions in the 19th century and compares this to the relationship between the emerging Chinese market and the United States today. Clever stuff.

9.00 Catastrophe Tony Robinson investigates the theory that natural disasters and catastrophes have shaped evolution and enabled human life to flourish. That’s what you tell the fuzz when they nab you.

10.00 Father Ted Christmas Special Ted, Dougal and co get lost in a massive lingerie department.

Classic repeat.

11.15 FILM: The Family Stone (2005) Starring Diane Keaton, Sarah Jessica Parker, Claire Danes and Luke Wilson. Family comedy.

1.10am Blue Christmas 1.25 4 Music: Spectacle: Elvis Costello With... Lou Reed And Julian Schnabel 2.25 4 Music Presents...

Linkin Park 2.50 The Birthday JD Set 3.15 Pagans 4.15 Pilate: The Man Who Killed Christ 5.15 The Highlander Challenge World Championship

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 Dom’s On The Case: The Drugs Lottery Dom tackles the drugs postcode lottery.

7.30 Watchdog Seasonal consumer news and advice from the WD office.

7.57 BBC News; Regional News 8.00 EastEnders Shirley tries to woo Phil with the help of a little festive karaoke. Voice of an angel? Hardly.

8.30 Panorama Robert Peston reflects on a cataclysmic year for Britain’s banks and economy.

9.00 QI Christmas Special See highlights.

9.30 Gavin And Stacey Gavin is in Essex and Stacey. So while Smithy plans a boys’ night out, Stacey goes to the bingo. Sorted.

10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.33 BBC Weather 10.35 Gavin And Stacey When Stacey travels to Essex to sort out the situation with Gavin, things do not go exactly to plan. Not sorted.

11.05 A Question Of Sport 11.35 The BBC One Sessions: Duffy .

12.20am FILM: Surviving Christmas (2004) 1.45 Weatherview 1.50 Sign Zone: Lark Rise To Candleford 3.05 Nigella’s Christmas Kitchen 3.35 Antiques Roadshow 4.35 Joins BBC News

Sky Sports 2 6.00 Ice Road Truckers Veteran trucker Alex Debogorski drives his valuable load straight into an arctic storm. Why? 7.00 Five News At 7 7.30 Rough Guide To Exotic Escapes Travel series presented by Julia Bradbury and Toby Amies.

8.00 The Gadget Show Consumer technology show presented by Jason Bradbury, Suzi Perry, Dallas Campbell and Jon Bentley. In the final installment, Dallas and Jason go on the piste in Austria with an exhilarating winter challenge.

9.00 FILM: Hollywood Homicide (2003) Starring Harrison Ford, Josh Hartnett, Lena Olin, Bruce Greenwood and Isaiah Washington. Fast-paced tongue-in-cheek crime thriller. Two LAPD homicide cops - a veteran detective who dabbles in real-estate and his young partner who acts in his spare time - investigate the brutal murder of an aspiring young rap act.

11.20 30 Rock Liz must rally the troops when the team becomes disillusioned with major changes to the show’s production.

11.45 30 Rock An uptight Liz takes out her rage out on the TGS staff.

12.15am 30 Rock 12.45 Prison Break 1.35 NFL 4.45 Race And Rally UK 5.15 Big Ideas That Changed The World

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 Ford Football Special 10.30 Super Sunday: The Last Word 11.00 Spanish Football 1.00pm NFL: Gameday 2.30 NFL: Top Ten 3.30 Powerboating 4.00 Seamaster Sailing 4.30 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 5.30 Snow Adventures 6.00 H2O Sports International 6.30 Showjumping: Spruce Meadows Presents 7.30 Test Cricket 10.00 Big League Weekend 11.30 NFL GameDay 1.00am H2O Sports International 1.30 LIVE NFL 5.00 Snow Adventures 5.30 Powerboating

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Snow Adventures 7.00 WWE The Bottom Line 8.00 Golf Night 10.00 Seamaster Sailing 10.30 Powerboating 11.00 Racing News 11.30 Aerobics: Oz Style 12.00pm Snow Adventures 12.30 World Darts Championship 2008 5.00 WWE Raw 7.00 NFL: Gameday 8.30 NFL: Top Ten 9.30 Irish Showjumping Premier Series 10.00 WWE Late Night Bottom Line 11.00 WWE Late Night Afterburn 12.00am Extreme Championship Wrestling 1.00 WWE Vintage Collection 2.00 LIVE WWE Late Night Raw 4.15 Sky Sports Classics 4.30 Irish Showjumping Premier Series 5.00 Showjumping: Spruce Meadows Presents

Victoria Nangle

extraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

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Living

12.30pm Malcolm In The Middle (x2) 1.30 Guinness World Records Smashed!

2.30 Futurama (x7) 6.00 Gladiators: The Legends Strike Back 7.30 The Simpsons (x3) 9.00 All Star Don’t Forget The Lyrics 10.00 Britney: For The Record 11.30 FILM: Body Of Evidence (1993) 1.25am Road Wars

7.00pm The Real Hustle Las Vegas 7.10 Doctor Who 8.00 Clone 8.30 FILM: Herbie: Fully Loaded (2005) 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Little Britain USA 11.00 Family Guy (x2) 11.45 The Mighty Boosh (x3) 1.10am Clone 1.45 Last Man Standing 2.40 Jack: A Soldier’s Story 3.40 The Mighty Boosh (x3)

7.00pm Sacred Music 8.00 Christmas Oratorio No 2 8.30 Only Connect 9.00 Comedy Songs: The Pop Years 10.30 Crooked House 11.00 The Comic Songbook: Timeshift 12.00am Flight Of The Conchords Special: One Night Stand 12.30 I’m Sorry I Haven’t A Clue 1.00 Crooked House 1.30 A View From A Hill

3.40pm The Ricki Lake Show 4.25 Sally Jessy Raphael 5.10 The Montel Williams Show 6.00 Judge Judy 6.25 Cinderella 8.00 Christmas Mania 9.00 Katy Brand’s Big Ass Songs 2008. See highlights. 10.00 FILM: Love Actually (2003) 12.45am Coronation Street (x2)

11.50am Agatha Christie’s Poirot 2.05pm FILM: Moby Dick (1956) 4.20 Torvill And Dean: Dancing On Ice - The Live Tour 2008 5.20 Rising Damp Christmas Special 5.55 FILM: The Jewel Of The Nile (1985) 8.00 Under The Greenwood Tree 10.00 Christmas Lights 11.40 Ain’t Misbehavin’ 1.40am Cane 2.25 Cane

2.35pm Joan Of Arcadia 3.30 Gilmore Girls 4.25 Hollyoaks 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 8.00 Friends 8.30 Friends 9.00 FILM: The Nutty Professor (1996) 10.50 Russell Brand’s Ponderland 11.25 The Friday Night Christmas Project 12.30am FILM: The Nutty Professor (1996)

1.10pm Deal Or No Deal 2.00 Hill Street Blues 3.00 Brothers And Sisters (x2) 5.00 Grand Designs 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 6.55 Property Ladder 7.55 Celebrity Come Dine With Me 9.00 Willie’s Perfect Chocolate Christmas 10.00 Grand Designs 11.05 FILM: Monster’s Ball (2001) 1.20am Shrink Rap

11.00am The Steve Wilkos Show 11.55 Maury (x2) 1.45 The Fix 2.00 The Doctors Live 3.00 Will And Grace 3.30 Will And Grace 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 The Underdog Show 7.00 Will And Grace (x2) 8.00 Kyle XY 9.00 CSI: Miami 10.00 Lipstick Jungle 11.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (x2) 1.00 Will And Grace (x2)

G.O.L.D.

Paramount

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

1.40pm Steptoe And Son 2.45 Only Fools And Horses 4.50 As Time Goes By 5.30 Last Of The Summer Wine (x2) 6.50 My Family 7.55 Steptoe And Son 9.00 Only Fools And Horses 10.30 The Royle Family 11.10 Men Behaving Badly 11.50 The Thin Blue Line 12.30am The Royle Family 1.10 Men Behaving Badly

3.00pm Becker (x2) 4.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 5.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 6.00 Frasier (x2) 7.00 The King Of Queens (x2) 8.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 9.00 Rules Of Engagement (x2) 10.00 Sex And The City (x2) 11.10 Coupling 11.50 Rules Of Engagement (x2) 12.50am Frasier (x2) 1.50 Coupling

12.00pm Crime Scene USA (x2) 1.00 Forensic Detectives 2.00 American Chopper (x4) 6.00 How Do They Do It? 6.30 How It’s Made 7.00 Mythbusters 8.00 Chop Shop 9.00 Chop Shop 10.00 Extreme Forensics 11.00 A Haunting 12.00am Crime Scene USA (x2) 1.00 Couples Who Kill 2.00 Extreme Forensics

11.00am Thunderbirds (x2) 1.20 FILM: King Of The Lost World (2005) 2.50 FILM: Tall Tale (1995) 4.50 FILM: Jack Hunter: The Lost Treasure Of Ugarit (2008) 6.50 Thunderbirds (x2) 9.00 Eli Stone 10.00 FILM: What Lies Beneath (2000) 2.20am Ghost Stories 3.00 Angel 4.00 The Lost World (x2)

11.15am Duck Soup (1933) 12.30pm California (1946) 2.15 Anne Of The Thousand Days (1969) 4.45 Romeo And Juliet (1968) 7.05 Two For The Road (1967) 9.00 Bandolero! (1968) 10.50 DDay The Sixth Of June (1956) 12.40am Experiment In Terror (1962) 2.40 Bandolero! (1968)

9.00amIdlewild (2006) 11.05 Days Of Glory (2005) 1.15pm The Movie Geek 1.45 36 (2004) 3.45 The Namesake (2006) 5.55 The Proposition (1998) 7.55 Volver (2006) 10.00 Full Metal Jacket (1987) 12.00am Mo’ Better Blues (1990) 2.15 Alex Zane’s Guest List 2.45 Guy (1996)

1.00pm All About Eve (1950) 3.40 Australia Special 3.50 Red River (1948) 6.25 Australia Special 6.35 The Parent Trap (1998) Lyndsay Lohan looks cute as a pair of tweenagers in this Disney remake. 9.00 Pan’s Labyrinth (2006) 11.15 Days Of Thunder (1990) 1.20am 5 X 2:Cinq Fois Deux (2004)

6.55am Teleshopping 7.25 Mr Skeffington (1944) 9.35 Doctor Zhivago (1965) 1.00pm Come Fly With Me (1963) 3.00 Casablanca (1942) 4.50 The Yearling (1946) 7.05 High Society (1956) 9.00 Plenty (1985) 11.15 Cannery Row (1982) 1.25am Shaft’s Big Score!

(1972) 3.10 White Heat (1949) 5.00 Rio Rita (1942)

Classics

Indie

040_LS403_TV_Tue_23

12/11/08

5:41 PM

Page 1

tuesday 23 Rab C Nesbitt BBC2, 9pm It’s 2008 and Rab is a changed man. Sober, having found religion and the cooker, plus Mrs Nesbitt has a new career as a cleaner dusting for an old flame. Is that what they call it these days?

Actually, it’s all above board, so far – but will she be tempted away from our Rab? And will he be tempted by the demon drink?

Alan Carr’s Christmas Ding Dong Channel 4, 10pm Alan’s celeb showdown adopts a Christmas tinge by declaring a battle between panto goodies and baddies. Boo, hiss, yay, everybody sing! With Adele Silva, Paul Daniels, Barbara Windsor and Debra Stevenson vs Michelle Collins, John Thomson, Claire Sweeney and Joe Pasquale.

The Mighty Boosh BBC3, 11.45pm It’s late night Boosh-tastic with non-stop surreal Boosh ‘til the early hours of tomorrow. Mixing up classic episodes – kicking off with The Crack Fox – and then moving into the live show, this is the perfect opportunity to catch up on all their surreal comedy yearnings. Btw, it’s named after Noel Fielding’s hair.

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BBC1

BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Animal 24:7 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 To Buy Or Not To Buy 11.30 Cash In The Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 The Inspector Lynley Mysteries 3.15 Diagnosis Murder 4.00 Keeping Up Appearances Christmas Special 4.30 FILM: Snow Dogs (2001)

6.00am Balamory 6.20 Teletubbies 6.45 64 Zoo Lane 6.55 Boogie Beebies 7.10 Lazytown 7.35 Charlie And Lola 8.00 The First Snow Of Winter 8.30 The Life Of Mammals 9.30 Wainwright’s Walks 10.00 Between The Lines: Railways In Fiction And Film: Timeshift 11.00 Steam Days 11.30 FILM: The Story Of An African Farm (2004) 1.05pm Murder, She Wrote 1.50 Flog It! 2.50 Escape To The Country 3.50 Ready Steady Cook 4.35 FILM: Seabiscuit (2003)

6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 Christmas Cooks Challenge 11.30 Dickinson’s Real Deal 12.30pm 60 Minute Makeover 1.30 ITV Lunchtime News And Weather 2.00 Rosemary And Thyme 3.00 Alan Titchmarsh At Christmas 4.00 Midsomer Murders

6.00 – 9.00am Children’s television 9.00 Mary Magdalene - Saint Or Sinner? 10.00 Michaela’s Zoo Babies 11.00 Penguin Adventure With Nigel Marven 11.50 Zoo Days 12.00pm World’s Strongest Man Super Series 1.00 FILM: Noel (2004) 2.50 FILM: Mrs Santa Claus (1996) 4.40 Five News 5.00 Rory & Paddy’s Great British Adventure

6.00am LIVE Test Cricket 12.00pm H2O Sports International 12.30 LIVE World Darts Championship 5.00 H2O Sports International 5.30 Football Asia 6.00 Revista De La Liga 7.00 LIVE World Darts Championship 11.30 Test Cricket 1.30am Hyundai A League 2.00 Barclays Premier League World 2.30 Football Asia 3.00 World Motor Sport 5.30 Hyundai A League

6.45 Porridge Fletcher plans to add a bit of Christmas spirit to the festive season at Slade Prison in the form of his very own homemade liquor.

7.30 TOTP 2 Christmas Special 2008 Steve Wright gets the Santa suit out of mothballs to introduce all your seasonal favourites, including Slade, Wizzard, The Pogues and Kirsty MacColl, Jona Lewie, Paul McCartney and many more.

9.00 Rab C Nesbitt See highlights.

9.45 Mock The Week Dara O Briain and his little helpers, Frankie Boyle, Hugh Dennis, Russell Howard and Andy Parsons, present a festive cracker of a show comprising unseen festive material and outtakes.

10.15 Lead Balloon Sitcom about ex-celebrity comedian Rick Spleen.

Rick is looking forward to spending a quiet Christmas at home with Mel. It will be a well-earned break from the challenging acting role he is currently immersed in – playing the part of Mr Smee in a panto. Nice.

10.55 The Peter Serafinowicz Christmas Show A Christmas Special spin-off of the show.

11.25 I’m Dreaming Of A TV Christmas Compilation show of favourite moments from Christmas television of the past.

1.20am Charley Boorman: Ireland To Sydney By Any Means 2.20 FILM: The Christmas Tale (2005) 3.30 BBC News

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Andy is shocked to find the farm is deserted. If you will strip a place you can expect to find not much left. Dur. 8.00 Who Wants To Be A Millionaire? A special edition of the gameshow hosted by Chris Tarrant.

First up is Coronation Street star Antony Cotton, playing for the Terrence Higgins Trust, and former co-star Suranne Jones, playing for The Firefighters Charity.

9.00 The Bill In a flashback, Stevie reveals to Stuart that she disobeyed orders in order to save Rob from Malkie and the Tameside Crew - and that DS Rutherford is in partnership with them. She was forced to pistol whip Stuart to keep him from further harm. Handy things, flashbacks.

10.00 News At Ten; Weather 10.40 FILM: Ali G Indahouse (2002) Starring Sacha Baron Cohen, Michael Gambon, Charles Dance, Kellie Bright. Outrageous comedy featuring self-styled voice of youth Ali G. 12.15am Guinness Premiership Rugby 1.10 Nightwatch With Steve Scott 2.05 FILM: Stealing Christmas (2003) 3.30 ITV Nightscreen 5.00 CITV: Jim Jam And Sunny (x2) 5.25 Engie Benjy 5.35 Captain Mack 5.45 Paz 5.55 ITV Early Morning News

6.05am The Hoobs 6.30 The Hoobs 6.55 The Treacle People 7.05 Wilde Stories 7.35 FILM: The Adventures Of Elmo In Grouchland (1999) 8.50 Friends 9.25 The Simpsons 10.25 McFly: Greatest Hits Live 11.25 The Simpsons 11.55 FILM: 20,000 Leagues Under The Sea (1954) 2.15pm Come Dine With Me Extra Portions 2.45 Come Dine With Me Extra Portions 3.15 Come Dine With Me Extra Portions 3.45 Come Dine With Me Extra Portions 4.15 Deal Or No Deal: Scrooge Vs Santa 5.00 The Simpsons 5.30 The Simpsons 6.00 Hollyoaks Ravi is delighted to find footage of Warren and Mandy together. Perv.

7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 3 Minute Wonder: 12 Days Of Christmas 8.00 How To Look Good Naked Gok revisits Sonya Pettigrew, a ballet teacher whose low self-esteem and negative body image put a strain on her marriage before Gok’s makeover.

Afterwards it was her spa bills. Ha! 9.00 Country House Rescue Ruth Watson helps the occupants of a Grade I listed Georgian home in the Scottish Borders.

10.00 Alan Carr’s Christmas Ding Dong See highlights.

10.50 Shameless Christmas Special Seasonal special in which the Gallaghers celebrate Christmas in unique style. Kev and Lip swipe a lorry-load of contaminated meat, which they sell. Then the army get called in, someone goes into labour and Frank gets drunk – hurrah!

12.20am 4 Music: Spectacle: Elvis Costello With... President Bill Clinton 1.20 Acrobatics World Championship 2.15 Adrenalin Rush 2.40 KOTV Classics 3.30 Freesports On 4 4.25 KOTV 4.50 British Triathlon Grand Prix 2008 5.15 The Highlander Challenge World Championship

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 Wild About Your Garden The team face a daunting mission as they take on a small garden surrounded by housing in the shadow of the North Circular. Road kill your wildlife at all?

7.30 EastEnders Jane flips when she discovers the reason behind Ian’s Yuletide ban. She’s not a blimmin’ pancake – stop flippin’ her Ian! 7.57 BBC News; Regional News 8.00 Holby City Maria is visited by the Ghosts of Christmas Past, Present and Future, who help her reach a decision about Sam and Kieron.

9.00 Survivors The post-apocalyptic drama concludes with Abby and her friends on the run from Samantha, who has formed a dangerous alliance that threatens everyone’s freedom.

10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.33 BBC Weather 10.35 FILM: Con Air (1997) Starring Nicolas Cage, John Cusack. Highoctane action blockbuster set aboard a federal plane transporting convicts to a maximum security facility. Pow! 12.25am FILM: Honeymoon In Vegas (1992) 1.55 Weatherview 2.00 Sign Zone: See Hear 2.30 Nigella’s Christmas Kitchen 3.00 Panorama 3.30 Watchdog 4.00 An Island Parish 4.30 Joins BBC News

Sky Sports 2 6.00 Ice Road Truckers Documentary series examining the lucrative but highly dangerous job of driving trucks on Canada’s notorious ice highway. No hedgehogs here.

7.00 Five News At 7 7.30 Highland Emergency A Royal Navy SAR team battles to save two injured climbers.

8.00 Nature Shock Documentary exploring the growing incidence of lion attacks on humans in east Africa and investigates the reasons behind this sudden shift in behaviour.

9.00 CSI: Miami The CSIs uncover an elaborate plot to distribute a lethal new type of ammunition.

10.00 CSI: NY Tennis legend John McEnroe comes under suspicion when witnesses claim that he was the last person to see a murder victim alive. Meanwhile, the CSIs support Mac when he must endure a disciplinary hearing after the death of Clay Dobson. You cannot be serious.

11.00 30 Rock Jack tries to persuade the writers to incorporate product placement into their sketches.

11.30 30 Rock Sitcom set behind the scenes of a sketch comedy show.

12.00am 30 Rock 12.30 Prison Break 1.20 NBA Basketball 4.10 Boxing USA 4.45 Motorsport Mundial 5.15 Big Ideas That Changed The World

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 Big League Weekend 10.30 World Motor Sport 1.00pm Big League Weekend 2.30 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 3.30 H2O Sports International 4.00 Test Cricket 6.00 Snow Adventures 6.30 Mountain Bike World 7.00 Athletics 7.30 Barclays Premier League World 8.00 Test Cricket 10.00 Poker: Sports Stars Challenge III 2008 12.00am Football Asia 12.30 Hyundai A League 1.00 Sports Unlimited 2.00 Poker: Sports Stars Challenge III 2008 4.00 Test Cricket

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Snow Adventures 7.00 WWE Afterburn 8.00 Showjumping: Spruce Meadows Presents 11.00 Racing News 11.30 Aerobics: Oz Style 12.00pm Soccer AM: The Best Bits 1.00 NFL: Total Access 2.00 NFL 4.00 NFL: Total Access 5.00 WWE Smackdown 7.00 NFL 9.00 Revista De La Liga 10.00 Barclays Premier League World 10.30 Hyundai A League 11.00 NFL: Total Access 12.00am Bowls 2.00 NFL: Total Access 3.30 Athletics 4.00 Bowls

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Living

12.00pm Malcolm In The Middle (x2) 1.00 Futurama (x3) 2.30 FILM: The Librarian: Quest For The Spear (2004) 4.20 Bite Size Brainiac 4.40 FILM: The Golden Child (1986) 6.30 The Simpsons (x5) 9.00 All Star Don’t Forget The Lyrics 10.00 Prison Break 11.00 FILM: The Last Boy Scout (1991) 1.05am Road Wars

7.00pm Doctor Who 8.00 FILM: Alien Autopsy (2006) 9.30 Clone 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Little Britain USA 11.00 Family Guy (x2) 11.45 The Mighty Boosh (x3). See highlights.

1.15am The Mighty Boosh Live 3.35 The Mighty Boosh (x3) 5.30 Close

7.00pm Sacred Music 8.00 Christmas Oratorio No 3 8.30 Beeching’s Tracks 9.00 Ian Hislop Goes Off The Rails 10.00 Absolutely Chuffed: The Men Who Built A Steam Engine 10.30 Crooked House 11.00 The Last Days Of Steam: Time Shift 12.00am Between The Lines: Railways In Fiction And Film: Timeshift

12.00pm Coronation Street (2) 1.00 Emmerdale 1.30 The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.40 The Ricki Lake Show 4.25 Sally Jessy Raphael 5.10 The Montel Williams Show 6.00 Judge Judy 6.25 Aladdin 8.00 The Girls Aloud Party 9.00 FILM: Cliffhanger (1993) 11.10 FILM: The Grudge (2004) 1.00am Teleshopping

12.05pm FILM: Murder, She Wrote: The Last Free Man (2001) 1.55 FILM: The Adventures Of Pinocchio (1995) 3.45 FILM: Smokey And The Bandit II (1980) 5.45 Hercule Poirot’s Christmas 7.55 Midsomer Murders 10.00 FILM: Overboard (1987) 12.15am FILM: The French Lieutenant’s Woman (1981)

12.45pm Scrubs 1.15 One Tree Hill 2.05 Joan Of Arcadia 3.00 Gilmore Girls 3.55 Hollyoaks 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 My Name Is Earl (x2) 7.55 Friends (x2) 9.00 Smallville: Superman The Early Years (x2) 11.00 Russell Brand’s Ponderland 11.30 Chris Rock: Kill The Messenger 1.10am Skins

5.00pm Grand Designs 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 6.55 Property Ladder 7.55 Celebrity Come Dine With Me 9.00 Come Dine With Me At Christmas 10.00 FILM: True Stories: Waiting For Hockney (2008) 11.40 Come Dine With Me At Christmas 12.50am FILM: True Stories: Waiting For Hockney (2008)

11.55am Maury (x2) 1.45pm The Fix 2.00 The Doctors Live 3.00 Will And Grace (x2) 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 The Underdog Show 7.00 Will And Grace (x2) 8.00 Jade 9.00 New Most Haunted 10.00 Conversations With A Serial Killer 11.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (x2) 1.00 Will And Grace (x2)

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Paramount

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

4.25pm What A Carry On! 5.00 As Time Goes By 5.40 Last Of The Summer Wine 6.20 Last Of The Summer Wine 7.00 My Family Christmas 8.05 Steptoe And Son 9.00 The Vicar Of Dibley 10.15 The Royle Family (x2) 11.25 Men Behaving Badly 12.05am The Vicar Of Dibley 1.25 The Royle Family (x2)

1.00pm Frasier (x2) 2.00 That 70s Show (x2) 3.00 Becker 3.30 Becker 4.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 5.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 6.00 Frasier (x2) 7.00 The King Of Queens (x2) 8.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 9.00 South Park (x7 12.30am FILM: Beavis And Butt-Head Do America (1996)

12.00pm Crime Scene USA (x2) 1.00 Forensic Detectives 2.00 Deadliest Catch (x4) 6.00 How Do They Do It? 6.30 How It’s Made 7.00 Mythbusters 8.00 Deadliest Catch (x2) 10.00 Extreme Forensics 11.00 A Haunting 12.00am Crime Scene USA (x2) 1.00 Couples Who Kill 2.00 Extreme Forensics

3.10pm FILM: Termination Point (2007) 5.00 FILM: Jack Hunter: The Quest For Akhenaten’s Tomb (2008) 7.00 Thunderbirds 8.05 FILM: Hercules In The Maze Of The Minotaur (1994) 9.55 FILM: Out For A Kill (2003) 11.45 FILM: Abominable (2006) 1.35am Thunderbirds 3.00 Angel 4.00 The Lost World (x2)

10.40am Louisiana Purchase (1941) 12.20pm Anna And The King Of Siam (1946) 2.30 Holiday Inn (1942) 4.20 Custer Of The West (1968) 6.45 The King And I (1956) 9.00 Breakfast At Tiffany’s (1961) 11.00 Tell Them Willie Boy Is Here (1969) 12.50am Holiday Inn (1942)

10.55am Black Snake Moan (2006) 12.55pm New Police Story (2004) 3.00 Tube Tales (1999) 4.45 Love Me If You Dare (2003) 6.20 The 2008 European Film Awards 8.00 Black Snake Moan (2006) 10.00 Videodrome (1982) 11.35 New Police Story (2004) 1.40am Ravenous (1999)

1.00pm The Bridges Of Madison County (1995) 3.35 A Christmas Carol 5.10 Black Narcissus (1946) 7.10 In And Out (1997) 8.55 Australia Special 9.00 Mr & Mrs Smith (2005) Brangelina beat the jiggins out of each other. 11.15 William Shakespeare’s Romeo And Juliet (1996) 1.35am Offside (2006)

7.05am The Hard Way (1942) 9.00 Casablanca (1942) 10.55 The Glass Bottom Boat (1966) 1.00pm Please Don’t Eat The Daisies (1960) 3.00 Trapeze (1956) 4.55 Sweethearts (1938) 7.00 The Band Wagon (1953) 9.00 The Bounty (1984) 11.30 Whose Life Is It Anyway? (1981) 1.35am The Outfit (1973)

Classics

Indie

041_LS403_TV_Wed_24

12/11/08

11:53 AM

Page 1

Christmas Eve The Family At Christmas Channel 4, 9.30pm It’s the week before Christmas, and all through the house, every creature was stirring – even scaring the proverbial mouse.

Yup, the boisterous reality family is back with Tom, the youngest, wanting everyone to be as excited as him, and mum cleaning like a maniac – making it hard for Dad to hide her pressie.

Gavin And Stacey Christmas Special BBC1, 10pm The gang’s all here for this Christmas special. Nessa and the Wests are heading east – with a little help from Dave and his coach, Mick has a new love and Smithy can’t wait to spend Christmas with Neil the Baby.

And the magic couple have an announcement to make. Blimey!

Charlie Brooker’s Screenwipe: Review Of The Year BBC4, 10pm Mr Brooker pulls no punches as he takes a look back at the best and the worst of 2008’s telly, as well as examining emerging TV trends and looking forward to 2009. Delivered with a spiteful edge and a barbed tongue that stops this being another list show.

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6.00am Breakfast 9.00 Hotel Trubble 9.30 ChuckleVision Christmas Special 10.00 Arthur 10.25 FILM: It’s A Very Merry Muppet Christmas Movie (2002) 11.50 FILM: High School Musical (2006) 1.25pm BBC News 1.35 South East Today 1.40 Big Cat Live... What Happened Next? 2.40 FILM: The Santa Clause (1994) 4.10 FILM: Sky High (2005) 5.45 BBC News

6.00 – 8.30am Chidlren’s television 8.30 The Life Of Mammals 9.30 Wainwright’s Walks 10.00 Elizabethan Express 10.20 The British Transport Films: A Nation On Film Special 11.00 Absolutely Chuffed: The Men Who Built A Steam Engine 11.30 FILM: The Preacher’s Wife (1996) 1.30pm Johnny Goes To Lapland 2.30 Murder, She Wrote 3.15 Flog It! 4.00 Escape To The Country 4.45 Ready Steady Cook 5.30 Star Of Bethlehem

6.00am GMTV 9.25 All Star Mr And Mrs Christmas Special 10.25 Christmas Cooks Challenge 11.25 Aled Jones’ Ultimate Christmas Carols 12.25pm ITV Lunchtime News And Weather 12.55 FILM: Santa Claus - The Movie (1984) 3.00 FILM: The Polar Express (2004) 4.50 FILM: Willy Wonka And The Chocolate Factory (1971)

6.10am The Hoobs 6.35 The Hoobs 7.00 The Treacle People 7.10 FILM: The Muppets Take Manhattan (1984) 8.50 Friends 9.25 4Music Presents...

9.55 Friends 10.30 Rihanna: Live In Concert 11.30 4Music Presents...

12.00pm George Michael: Live At Earls Court Exclusive 12.05 FILM: Freaky Friday (1977) 2.00 The Simpsons 2.30 Lost And Found 3.00 The Snowman 3.30 Come Dine With Me Extra Portions (x4) 5.30 Channel 4 News 5.45 Deal Or No Deal: Christmas Star

6.00 – 9.00am Children’s teelvision 9.00 Who’s Got God’s Millions?

10.00 Zoo Days 10.30 Penguin Adventure With Nigel Marven 11.20 Zoo Days 11.30 World’s Strongest Man Super Series 12.30pm FILM: The Three Worlds Of Gulliver (1960) 2.30 Five News 2.50 FILM: The Christmas Shoes (2002) 4.50 FILM: Scrooge - A Christmas Carol (1951)

9.00am Futbol Mundial 9.30 Hyundai A League 10.00 Revista De La Liga 11.00 Premier League World 11.30 Futbol Mundial 12.00pm LIVE World Darts Championship 4.30 Premier League World 5.00 FIFA Futbol Mundial 5.30 Super League: Super Tries 6.00 World Darts Championship: The Story So Far 8.00 Gillette Soccer Special 10.00 Premier League Preview 10.30 Where Are They Now? 11.30 Gillette Soccer Special 1.30am Premier League Preview 2.00 Where Are They Now? 3.00 Gillette Soccer Special 5.00 Where Are They Now?

6.00 South East Today 6.05 FILM: Toy Story 2 (1999) Starring Tom Hanks, Tim Allen, Joan Cusack, Kelsey Grammer. Animated comedy sequel following the adventures of a group of toys who come to life when their owner has left the room. Like most toys do.

7.30 Shrek The Halls Shrek is planning a quiet Christmas at home with his family, but Donkey and the rest of the gang have other ideas.

8.00 EastEnders The Mitchell family anticipate the perfect Christmas until Archie hears of Sean’s plans to leave Walford with Roxy and baby Amy. Boo! Hiss! Well, it is pantomime baddie season.

8.30 My Family Christmas Special A festive edition of the family sitcom sees Ben’s efforts to buy Susan’s present getting him into trouble.

9.30 Have I Got News For You Christmas 2008 Ian Hislop and Paul Merton are joined by guest host Alexander Armstrong.

10.00 Gavin And Stacey Christmas Special See highlights.

11.05 BBC News 11.15 The National Lottery Draws 11.30 Christmas Midnight Eucharist Live celebration of Christmas from Peterborough Cathedral.

12.40am Weatherview 12.45 FILM: Grumpy Old Men (1993) 2.25 Joins BBC News

6.30 Carols From King’s A celebration of Christmas from the Chapel of King’s College, Cambridge.

The simple story of the Nativity is told in the familiar words of the King James’ Bible, and in poetry by Henry Vaughan, John Milton and T S Eliot.

7.45 As Time Goes By Two-part Christmas edition of the romantic comedy.

8.30 FILM: Calendar Girls (2003) Starring Julie Walters, Helen Mirren, Annette Crosbie, Celia Imrie, Linda Bassett. Comedy drama based on the true story of 12 ladies from Yorkshire baring all for charity. Cheeky!

10.15 Arena: Paul Scofield A host of leading theatrical greats, including Peter Brook, Vanessa Redgrave and John Hurt, pay tribute to the outstanding British actor Paul Scofield. The film features extracts from some of his most famous roles, including Sir Thomas More in the Oscar winning A Man For All Seasons, Salieri in Amadeus and an unforgettable King Lear.

11.15 TOTP 2 At Christmas Get ready for Santa with 45 minutes of pop classics from the BBC archive.

12.00am The Peter Serafinowicz Christmas Show 12.40 Charley Boorman: Ireland To Sydney By Any Means 1.40 Dragons’ Den: The Dragons’ Stories 2.40 FILM: The Big Heat (1953)

6.45 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Rodney finds a way to profit from the Kings’ misfortune.

7.30 Coronation Street The factory Xmas party conceals a nasty secret.

Has the flying Scotsman flown?

8.00 You’ve Been Framed! Harry Hill unwraps some comic crackers in this festive edition of the home video show. How we laughed as the tinselcovered ambulance arrived.

8.30 Midsomer Murders Barnaby and Jones are called in to investigate an explosion at a haulage yard run by Territorial Army officer Matt Parkes and his ruthless son James. He got him in the ruthless son sale at Churchill Square.

10.30 The Late News; Weather 10.45 Christmas Service From Alder Hey A Christmas Eve carol concert from Alder Hey children’s hospital in Liverpool.

11.45 FILM: The Jerk (1979) Starring Steve Martin. Zany comedy about a white man, adopted by a family of black sharecroppers, who sets out to find his place in the world - courting disaster wherever he goes.

1.35am FILM: Huckleberry Finn (1974) Musical adaptation of Mark Twain’s classic tale of boyhood.

3.25 ITV Nightscreen T 5.00 CITV: Jim Jam And Sunny (x2) 5.25 Engie Benjy 5.35 Captain Mack 5.45 Paz 5.55 ITV Early Morning News

6.45 FILM: A Christmas Carol (1999) Starring Patrick Stewart, Richard E Grant, Saskia Reeves, Joel Gray. Adaptation of Dickens’s classic tale of hope, compassion and the uplifting power of the spirit, with a mainly all-star British cast.

8.30 Jamie Cooks Christmas Chef Jamie Oliver prepares some of his favourite Christmas dishes, from turkey and leek pie to Christmas Pudding sundae. Seems a special way to make sure your pudding can’t possibly stay away from the brandy butter. Enforced Christmas fatness rules! Burp.

9.30 The Family At Christmas See highlights.

10.35 Star Stories: Kate Moss Comedy series reimagining the bustups, love-ins and fall-outs of celebrities. This episode spoofs the life of supermodel Kate Moss, from Pete Doherty to drugs to motherhood.

Time to send up Croydon’s most famous attraction – after Ikea.

11.10 The Charlotte Church Nutcracking Christmas Special Repeat of Sunday’s show.

12.10am 4 Music: George Michael: Live At Earls Court 12.20 FILM: Black Christmas (1974) 2.00 Journey Through The Night 2.25 Pagans 3.25 FILM: A Walk In The Clouds (1995) 5.00 Scrapheap Challenge

6.30 Polar Bear Adventure With Nigel Marven Zoologist Nigel Marven explores the wildlife of the Canadian Arctic. From spring through to autumn. All over, really.

7.30 Danger Men: Chainsaw Kings Six-part series examining some of the most dangerous jobs in the world. This instalment follows a group of elite loggers who face death every day in the timber forests of British Columbia.

8.30 The Gadget Show Christmas Stocking Consumer technology show. Suzi and Jason review the best gadget gifts for men and women; Dallas offers up some tips on how to bag a bargain when buying Christmas gizmos; and Jon goes on a search for the best high-definition television for his holiday viewing. The viewerselected Gadget of the Year 2008 is also unveiled. Ta da!

9.30 Greatest Christmas Comedy Moments Entertainment show featuring a rundown of classic clips, from rib-tickling sketches to farcical sitcoms. One way to make sure you merge with the sofa in a single night.

12.30am 30 Rock 1.00 Prison Break 1.50 FILM: Point Blank (1967) 3.20 FILM: Good Guys Wear Black (1979) 4.55 Short Story Cinema 5.15 Big Ideas That Changed The World

Sky Sports 2 9.00am Snow Adventures 9.30 World Hockey Monthly 10.00 European Golf Special 11.00 Athletics 11.30 Snow Adventures 12.00pm British Rally Championship 1.00 Revista De La Liga 2.00 Premier League World 2.30 Futbol Mundial 3.00 Athletics 3.30 World Hockey Monthly 4.00 European Golf Special 5.00 NFL 6.00 World Hockey Monthly 6.30 Hong Kong Cricket Sixes 2008 7.30 Super League: Super Tries 8.00 Steve Davis’ Greatest Snooker Trickshots 10.00 Poker 12.00am Super League: Super Tries 12.30 Futbol Mundial 1.00 Steve Davis’ Greatest Snooker Trickshots 3.00 Poker 5.00 Sports Unlimited

Sky Sports 3 9.30am Mountain Bike World 10.00 British Rally Championship 11.00 Aerobics: Oz Style 11.30 Mountain Bike World 12.00pm Sports Unlimited 1.00 Snow Adventures 1.30 Mountain Bike World 2.00 NFL 3.00 Sports Unlimited 4.00 British Rally Championship 5.00 WWE 7.00 British Rally Championship 8.00 Tenpin Bowling 9.00 World Hockey Monthly 9.30 Super League Super Tries 10.00 Watersports World 11.00 Hong Kong Cricket Sixes 12.00am NFL 1.00 Trans World Sport 2.00 Max Power 3.00 Hong Kong Cricket Sixes 4.00 European Golf Special 5.00 Rally Victoria Nangle

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1.00pm Gladiators: The Legends Strike Back 2.30 FILM: The Librarian: Return To King Solomon’s Mines (2006) 4.15 Gladiators GForce 4.30 The Simpsons (x3) 6.00 Noel’s Christmas Presents 7.30 The Simpsons 8.00 All Star Don’t Forget The Lyrics (x2) 10.00 Bones 11.00 Cold Case 12.00am Road Wars (x2)

7.00pm Most Annoying Couples 7.10 The Most Annoying Pop Songs We Hate To Love (x4) 11.00 EastEnders 11.40 Shrek The Halls 12.00am Family Guy (x5) 1.50 The Most Annoying Pop Songs We Hate To Love 2.50 The Most Annoying Pop Songs We Hate To Love (x2)

7.00pm Sacred Music 8.00 Christmas Oratorio No 4 8.30 The Book Quiz Christmas Special 9.00 Rob Brydon’s Identity Crisis 10.00 Charlie Brooker’s Screenwipe: Review Of The Year. See highlights. 10.30 Crooked House 11.00 FILM: Les Choristes (2004) 12.35am Charlie Brooker’s Screenwipe

12.00pm Emmerdale 1.00 Creature Comforts (x2) 1.30 Aladdin 3.00 Cinderella 4.30 Dick Whittington 6.00 Jack And The Beanstalk 7.30 Take That Come To Town 8.30 FILM: Peter Pan (2003) 10.35 Coronation Street 11.05 FILM: Love Actually (2003) 1.45am Ghosthunting With... Radio One 3.45 Teleshopping

10.35am FILM: Swallows And Amazons (1974) 12.25pm FILM: Murder, She Wrote: A Story To Die For (2000) 2.20 A Christmas Carol 3.55 FILM: The Mirror Crack’d (1980) 6.00 FILM: Sabrina (1995) 8.30 FILM: Overboard (1987) 10.45 Life 11.45 Life 12.40am FILM: The Ice Harvest (2005) 2.30 Cane 3.10 Surgical Spirit

1.15pm One Tree Hill 2.05 Joan Of Arcadia 3.00 Gilmore Girls 3.55 Hollyoaks 4.55 Friends (X4) 7.00 FILM: Picture Perfect (1997) 9.00 Friends (x4) 11.00 Russell Brand’s Christmas Ponderland 11.35 Alan Carr’s Christmas Ding Dong 12.25am The Friday Night Christmas Project With Girls Aloud 1.25 Shameless

1.50pm FILM: Miracle On 34th Street (1947) 3.40 Willie’s Perfect Chocolate Christmas 4.40 Jamie At Home Christmas Special 5.45 Come Dine With Me At Christmas 6.50 Christmas At River Cottage 7.55 100 Greatest Christmas Moments 11.55 Father Ted Christmas Special 1.05am Hitler: The Comedy Years

10.00am Will And Grace (x2) 11.00 Ghost Whisperer (x9) 6.00pm The Underdog Show 7.00 Will And Grace (x2) 8.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 9.00 Criminal Minds 10.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (x3) Will And Grace (x2) 2.00 Private Practice 3.00 Da Vinci’s Inquest 3.55 Queer Eye For The Straight Guy

G.O.L.D.

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Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Sky Movies

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1.40pm The Two Ronnies 2.55 My Family Christmas 4.00 Christmas Night With The Two Ronnies 5.00 Wallace And Gromit (x3) 6.55 FILM: Ghostbusters (1984) 9.00 Blackadder’s Christmas Carol 9.55 The Royle Family (x2) 11.15 Men Behaving Badly 11.55 My Family 12.35am The Royle Family (x2)

12.00pm Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 1.00pm Frasier (x2) 2.00 That 70s Show (x2) 3.00 Becker (x2) 4.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 5.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 6.00 Frasier (x2) 7.00 The King Of Queens (x2) 8.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 9.00 The King Of Queens (x11) 2.30 Linc’s 3.00 Suburban Shootout

2.00pm Egypt’s Top Ten Mysteries (x2) 4.00 Why Ancient Egypt Fell 5.00 When Rome Ruled Egypt 6.00 How Do They Do It? 6.30 How It’s Made 7.00 Mythbusters 8.00 Scandals Of Ancient Egypt 9.00 Biblical Mysteries Explained 10.00 Extreme Forensics 11.00 A Haunting 12.00am Crime Scene USA (x2)

11.00am Thunderbirds (x2) 1.10pm FILM: Odysseus And The Isle Of Mists (2007) 3.00 FILM: The Golden Voyage Of Sinbad (1974) 5.10 FILM: Jack Hunter: The Star Of Heaven (2008) 7.10 Eli Stone 8.10 FILM: Flash Gordon (1980) 10.20 FILM: Lightspeed (2006) 12.00am FILM: Mansquito (2005) 1.50 Thunderbirds 3.00 Angel

10.05am The Italian Job (1969) 11.55 The Poseidon Adventure (1972) 1.55pm Some Like It Hot (1959) 4.00 The Sound Of Music (1965) 6.55 Operation Petticoat (1959) 9.00 The Italian Job (1969) 10.45 The Poseidon Adventure (1972) 12.45am The Nutty Professor (1963)

11.25am Mulholland Drive (2001) 1.55pm Infamous (2006) 3.55 Manhattan Murder Mystery (1993) 5.45 Golden Globes Highlights 2008 6.15 Hollywoodland (2006) 8.25 Notes On A Scandal (2006) 10.00 Fear And Loathing In Las Vegas (1998) 12.05am Mulholland Drive (2001)

1.00pm Red River (1948) 3.35 River Of No Return (1954) 5.20 Brief Encounter (1945) 7.05 Australia Special 7.10 Cheaper By The Dozen (2003) 9.00 Monster-in-Law (2005) Jane Fonda returns to acting but with botox and J-Lo. 10.55 American Psycho (2000) 1.00am Swimming Pool (2002)

9.25am Mrs Brown, You’ve Got A Lovely Daughter (1968) 11.05 The Time Machine (1960) 1.00pm Brigadoon (1954) 3.00 A Shot In The Dark (1964) 4.55 An American In Paris (1951) 6.55 Mogambo (1953) 9.00 The Fabulous Baker Boys (1989) 11.00 Batman (1989) 1.15am The Man Who Laughs (1966)

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Indie

042_LS403_TV_Thu_25

12/10/08

10:08 AM

Page 1

Christmas Day Doctor Who BBC1, 6pm In all of the Christmas Eves in all of the space time continuum, the Doctor has to walk into the one that already has a Doctor in it.

Eh? Yup, up he pops in 1851 with the Victorians being somewhat alarmed by the Cybermen and there’s another Doctor there already. Can they combine forces to stop the CyberKing? Maybe.

Blackadder Rides Again BBC1, 10.30pm For the first time ever the entire cast of Blackadder have got together for a documentary. It’s a special occasion – 25 years of cunning plans, my Lord. Not only is there an interview with Edmund Blackadder, but also Rowan Atkinson, as well as other key members of the team or cast and writers. Brilliant.

Fonejacker Christmas Special E4, 10.30pm Prank calls galore for Christmas – just what everyone wants as they’re about to dig into the turkey. Expect festive punks and Christmassy fakes as the telephone prankster wheels out his Yuletide special. At least he’ll be nice and toasty in the balaclava.

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6.00am Breakfast 9.00 Hotel Trubble 9.30 The Slammer 10.00 Pinky And Perky 10.15 Frankenstein’s Cat 10.25 Christmas In Peterborough: Christmas Day Eucharist 11.25 FILM: The Santa Clause 2 (2002) 1.05pm The Two Ronnies Christmas Show 1.50 BBC News 2.00 Top Of The Pops Christmas Special 3.00 The Queen 3.10 FILM: Shark Tale (2004) 4.30 FILM: Wallace & Gromit In The Curse Of The Were-Rabbit (2005) 5.45 BBC News At Six

6.00am Balamory 6.20 Teletubbies 6.45 64 Zoo Lane 7.00 Boogie Beebies 7.15 Lazytown 7.40 Postman Pat 8.00 ChuckleVision 8.15 The Likeaballs 8.25 Diddy Dick And Dom 8.30 The Life Of Mammals 9.30 Wainwright’s Walks 10.00 FILM: My Fair Lady (1964) 2.45pm FILM: Oklahoma! (1955) 3.00 Hansel And Gretel 5.00 The Truth About Carols

6.00am GMTV 9.25 Coleen’s Christmas At Alder Hey 10.25 Christmas Cooks Challenge 11.25 FILM: National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation (1989) 1.10pm ITV News And Weather 1.20 FILM: Bean (1997) 3.00 HM The Queen 3.10 FILM: Harry Potter And The Prisoner Of Azkaban (2004) 5.45 ITV News And Weather

6.00 – 9.00am Children’s television 9.00 Zoo Days 9.30 Michaela’s Zoo Babies 10.30 Penguin Adventure With Nigel Marven 11.20 World’s Strongest Man Super Series 12.20pm The Big Stunt Show 12.50 Fifth Gear Short Cuts 1.05 Casper’s Haunted Christmas 2.45 FILM: A Carol Christmas (2003) 4.30 Rory & Paddy’s Great British Adventure 5.30 Ice Road Truckers

6.00am 50 Greatest Premiership Goals 7.00 Gillette Soccer Special 9.00 50 Greatest Premiership Goals 10.00 Soccer AM: Christmas Special 12.30pm Barclays Premier League Preview 1.00 Gillette Soccer Special 3.00 Where Are They Now? 4.00 50 Greatest Premiership Goals 5.00 Soccer AM: Christmas Special 7.30 Where Are They Now? 8.30 Barclays Premier League Preview 9.00 Soccer AM: Christmas Special 11.30 LIVE Test Cricket 3.00am LIVE Test Cricket

6.00 Doctor Who See highlights.

7.00 Strictly Come Dancing Christmas Special 2008 Bruce Forsyth and Tess Daly host a seasonal special of the celebrity ballroom dancing competition.

8.00 EastEnders Dot comes to terms with the reality that she may be spending Christmas alone. Not Dot! Come on everyone – time to rally!

8.30 Wallace And Gromit: A Matter Of Loaf And Death Wallace and Gromit return to the small screen for a brand new adventure.

9.00 EastEnders Sean discovers the secret that will change his life forever. Not just for a bit.

9.30 The Royle Family Inspired by Nigella Lawson, Denise decides to cook Christmas dinner for the family.

Jim provides the yuletide log and, much to his dismay, Dave’s Mum and Dad are invited to join in with the festivities. What could go wrong?

10.30 Blackadder Rides Again See highlights.

11.35 BBC News 11.45 FILM: Bend It Like Beckham (2002) Starring Parminder Nagra, Keira Knightley. The comic tale of a young Asian woman who joins the local semi-professional football team.

1.35am On Christmas Night 1.40 FILM: Carry On Follow That Camel (1967) 3.10 Weatherview 3.15 Joins BBC News

6.00 Maestro – The Inside Story A look back at the highlights of the series, including the memorable first day at baton camp, right through to Sue Perkins’ triumphant performance at the Last Night of the Proms.

7.00 Blackadder’s Christmas Carol Seasonal comedy special, set in 1850. On Christmas Eve, just as he has tucked himself into bed, Ebenezer Blackadder’s loathsome relatives decide to pay him a visit.

7.50 The Queen Her Majesty the Queen’s Christmas message.

8.00 Dad’s Army A special Christmas episode of the classic sitcom from 1976. Three oranges are to be auctioned and Captain Mainwaring is determined to get one for his wife.

8.30 Dragons’ Den Around The World An entertaining and illuminating journey through the 18 other countries that now have their own versions of the hit programme.

9.30 Top Gear Motoring magazine show with Jeremy Clarkson, James May and Richard Hammond.

10.30 FILM: Casanova (2005) Starring Heath Ledger, Sienna Miller, Jeremy Irons, Oliver Platt and Lena Olin. A retelling of the legend of the infamous 18th-century Venetian lover.

12.15am Have I Got A Bit More News For You 12.55 TOTP 2 At Christmas 1.40 FILM: Gilda (1946) 3.25 Rita

6.00 Emmerdale A furious Jasmine learns that Eli and Debbie took some money from the scene of the murder.

7.00 Coronation Street Will Michelle discover Steve with Becky?

8.00 Dancing On Ice At Christmas Phillip Schofield and Holly Willoughby host this special festive edition of the show. For the first time in their skating history, teams led by Jayne Torvill and Christopher Dean will compete against each other for the title of Christmas Champion 2008.

9.30 It’ll Be Alright On The Night Griff Rhys Jones returns with the original and best-loved bloopers show, including some all-new clips.

10.30 Stanley Baxter – Now And Then Stanley Baxter makes a welcome return with a trawl through the very best of his classic sketches and routines, plus some brand new material, including his contemporary take on the Queen’s Christmas Message to the Commonwealth.

11.30 The Late News; Weather 11.45 FILM: Mermaids (1990) Starring Cher, Winona Ryder, Bob Hoskins, Christina Ricci. Set in the early 1960s, comedy drama.

1.50am FILM: The Golden Seal (1983) 3.25 ITV Nightscreen 5.00 CITV: Jim Jam And Sunny (x2) 5.20 Engie Benjy 5.35 Captain Mack 5.45 Paz 5.55 ITV Early Morning News

6.00 – 7.00am Children’s television 7.00 Little Wolf’s Book Of Badness 7.30 Olive, The Other Reindeer 8.25 Max Bear And The Lucky Charm 9.00 Friends 9.30 The Simpsons 10.00 Friends 10.30 George Michael: Live At Earls Court Exclusive 10.35 Westlife Live In Croke Park 11.35 Girls Aloud: Tangled Up Live From The O2 12.40pm George Michael: Live At Earls Court Exclusive 12.45 The Simpsons 1.15 FILM: Lassie (2005) 3.00 Deal Or No Deal: Christmas Star 4.00 FILM: Scrooged (1988) 5.50 The Simpsons 6.15 A Boy Called Alex The flagship documentary series returns with Emmy Award-winning director Stephen Walker’s film on remarkable musical prodigy Alex Stobbs.

7.15 The Alternative Christmas Message Channel 4’s traditional counterpoint to the Queen’s Christmas Day broadcast.

7.25 Channel 4 News 7.30 The Nativity Decoded Theologian Robert Beckford embarks on a quest to uncover the real meaning of the Christmas story. His journey takes him to Israel, Egypt, Ethiopia and Brazil to re-trace the lives of the key figures in the nativity.

9.30 Secret Millionaire Changed My Life A special Christmas edition of the award-winning series where eight millionaires lived undercover in some of the most deprived areas of the country.

10.35 Alan Carr: Tooth Fairy Live Award-winning comedian Alan Carr performs in front of a sell-out audience at the Hammersmith Apollo.

11.40 Lee Evans XL Tour 2005 Live Stand-up comedian Lee Evans returns with his record-breaking XL Tour Live.

12.40am FILM: Vault Of Horror (1973) 2.10 FILM: Dying Young (1991) 4.00 Supporting Acts 4.10 Hill Street Blues 5.00 Scrapheap Challenge 5.55 3 Minute Wonder

Sky Sports 2 6.30 Five News 6.45 FILM: Memoirs Of A Geisha (2005) Starring Ziyi Zhang, Ken Watanabe and Li Gong. Oscarwinning period drama following a young Japanese girl sold to a geisha house in the 1930s. Learning at an early age that becoming a geisha is the path to female empowerment, she finds herself sought after by every man in Japan – except for the one man she loves. Adapted from the best-selling novel by Arthur Golden.

9.30 Most Shocking Celebrity Moments Of The 21st Century An entertaining countdown exploring the 70 most outrageous occurrences in the world of the rich and famous since the turn of the millennium.

Among the bombshells examined are Angus Deayton’s much-publicised downfall, Prince Harry’s ill-advised fancy dress costume, the Russell and Ross furore and Madonna and Guy Ritchie’s recent split. Really, just a bit of bitching behind the international bike sheds of the tabloids.

12.35am 30 Rock Sitcom set behind the scenes of a late-night sketch comedy show. Jack receives a mystery phone call.

1.05 Prison Break 1.55 FILM: Circus (2000) 3.30 Short Story Cinema 4.05 The Royal Institution Christmas Lectures 5.35 House Doctor

6.00am Super League: Super Tries 6.30 Barclays Premier League Preview 7.00 WWE Experience 8.00 Ice Skating: Stars On Ice 9.00 Ice Skating: Holiday Festival On Ice 10.00 Murray At The US Open 12.00pm World Darts Championship: The Story So Far 2.00 Super League: Super Tries 2.30 Murray At The US Open 4.30 World Darts Championship: The Story So Far 6.30 Super League: Super Tries 7.00 Murray At The US Open 9.00 World Darts Championship :The Story So Far 11.00 Ice Skating: Stars On Ice 12.00am Ice Skating: Holiday Festival On Ice 1.00 Murray At The US Open 3.00 World Darts Championship: The Story So Far 5.00 The Rugby Club

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Snow Adventures 7.00 World Darts Championship: The Story So Far 9.00 Where Are They Now? 10.00 Steve Davis’ Greatest Snooker Trickshots 12.00pm WWE Experience 1.00 ATP Tennis Magazine 1.30 Ice Skating: Stars On Ice 2.30 Ice Skating 3.30 Super League: Super Tries 4.00 WWE Vintage Collection 5.00 Steve Davis’ Greatest Snooker Trickshots 7.00 The Rugby Club 8.00 Ice Skating: Stars On Ice 9.00 Ice Skating 10.00 WWE Late Night Raw 12.00am Extreme Wrestling 1.00 The Rugby Club 2.00 Netball: Super League 4.00 Ice Skating: Stars On Ice 5.00 Ice Skating Victoria Nangle

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Living

1.00pm All Star Don’t Forget The Lyrics (x2) 3.00 The Simpsons (x2) 4.00 Noel’s Christmas Presents 5.30 The Simpsons (x3) 7.00 Guinness World Records Smashed! 8.00 Gladiators: The Legends Strike Back 9.30 Bones 11.20 All Star Don’t Forget The Lyrics (x2) 1.20am Road Wars 2.15 Las Vegas Uncovered

7.00pm Doctor Who Confidential Christmas 2008 8.00 Doctor Who: Top 5 Christmas Moments 8.10 Shrek The Halls 8.30 FILM: Cool Runnings (1993) 10.05 Little Britain USA 10.30 Gavin And Stacey Christmas Special 11.30 Gavin And Stacey: 12 Days Of Christmas 12.00am EastEnders (x2)

7.00pm Christmas Oratorio No 5 7.25 Christmas Oratorio No 6 7.50 The Messiah At The Barbican 10.30 The Frost Report Is Back! 12.30am The Book Quiz Christmas Special 1.00 Only Connect 1.30 Ten Best Sacred Christmas Classics 2.30 The Book Quiz Christmas Special 3.00 Only Connect

10.45am Xtra Factor: Best And Worst 2008 (x5) 3.45pm The Xtra Factor: Winner’s Story 4.45 I’m A Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here Now! Coming Home 5.45 FILM: ET (1982) 8.05 FILM: Twins (1988) 10.15 Coronation Street 11.15 FILM: Gone In 60 Seconds (2000) 1.35am Xtra Factor: Best And Worst 2008 (x4)

1.40pm FILM: The Mirror Crack’d (1980) 3.40 Sherlock Holmes: Hound Of The Baskervilles 5.45 Rising Damp Christmas Special 6.15 FILM: On The Buses (1971) 8.00 FILM: Mutiny On The Buses (1973) 9.50 FILM: Sabrina (1995) 12.25am FILM: The Best Of Benny Hill (1974) 2.05 Cane (x2)

2.35pm Joan Of Arcadia 3.30 Gilmore Girls 4.25 Friends (x5) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 My Name Is Earl 8.00 Friends (x5) 10.30 Fonejacker Christmas Special. See highlights.

11.00 Russell Brand’s Ponderland 11.35 Walliams And Lucas: New Heroes Of Comedy 12.40am Friday Night Project

9.00am Deal Or No Deal (x5) 12.50pm Come Dine With Me At Christmas 1.55 Cecil B. DeMille: American Epic 3.10 FILM: The Godless Girl (1929) 5.30 Peter And The Wolf 6.10 The Three Tenors 7.55 To Be Or Not To Be...In Shakespeare 9.00 FILM: King Lear (2008) 12.00am FILM: Othello (1989)

8.00am Maury 8.55 The Fix 9.00 Home Video Heroes (x2) 10.00 Will And Grace (x2) 11.00 Ghost Whisperer (x7) 6.00pm The Underdog Show 7.00 Will And Grace (x2) 8.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 9.00 Criminal Minds 10.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (x3) 1.00 Will And Grace (x2) 2.00 Criminal Minds

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Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Sky Movies

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TCM

7.00am What A Carry On! 7.35 TV’s Greatest Christmas Moments 9.30 Wallace And Gromit: (x3) 11.20 FILM: Ghostbusters (1984) 1.25pm Only Fools And Horses (x4) 7.05 FILM: Jumanji (1995) 9.00 Only Fools And Horses 10.50 Jonathan Creek 11.55 Only Fools And Horses (x2) 2.10 Jonathan Creek

12.00pm Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 1.00 Frasier (x2) 2.00 That 70s Show (x2) 3.00 Becker (x2)4.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 5.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 6.00 Frasier (x2) 7.00 The King Of Queens (x2) 8.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 9.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x10) 2.30am Linc’s

11.00am King Tut’s Mystery Tomb Opened 12.00pm Crime Scene USA (x2) 1.00 Forensic Detectives 2.00 American Chopper (x4) 6.00 How Do They Do It? 6.30 How It’s Made 7.00 Mythbusters (x2) 10.00 Extreme Forensics 11.00 A Haunting 12.00am Crime Scene USA (x2) 1.00 Couples Who Kill

6.00am Taken 8.00 Teleshopping 11.00 FILM: Flash Gordon (1980) 1.10pm Tin Man (x3) 6.40 The Making Of Tin Man 7.10 Quantum Leap 8.10 Eli Stone 9.10 FILM: What Lies Beneath (2000) 11.40 FILM: Boa Vs Python (2004) 1.30am Thunderbirds 2.35 Ghost Stories 3.00 Tin Man 4.00 The Lost World (x2)

9.05am The Guns Of Navarone (1961) 11.45 The Glenn Miller Story (1954) 1.40pm Holiday Inn (1942) 3.25 The Bible (1966) 6.20 The Guns Of Navarone (1961) 9.00 The Robe (1953) 11.20 The Egyptian (1954) 1.40am Holiday Inn (1942) 3.30 Alex Zane’s Guest List 4.00 The Robe (1953)

9.00am Factory Girl (2006) 10.50 Little Miss Sunshine (2006) 12.40pm The Good German (2005) 2.30 Earth (1998) 4.20 Factory Girl (2006) 6.10 The Curse Of The Golden Flower (2006) 8.15 Little Miss Sunshine (2006) 10.00 The Singer (2006) 12.00am Boys Don’t Cry (1999)

1.00pm A Christmas Carol 2.35 Australia Special 2.45 Corrina, Corrina (1994) 5.00 Australia Special 5.05 Jingle All The Way (1996) 6.45 The African Queen (1951) Bogie and Katie go on a boat. 8.50 Australia Special 9.00 Rush Hour 2 (2001) 10.45 Underworld: Evolution (2006) 12.50am The Seventh Seal (1957)

7.20am The Miniver Story (1950) 9.10 Show Boat (1951) 11.10 Whistle Down The Wind (1961) 1.00pm The Swan (1956) 3.00 The Wizard Of Oz (1939) 4.55 Bells Are Ringing (1960) 7.10 Elvis: That’s The Way It Is (1970) 9.00 The Jazz Singer (1980) 11.00 Batman Returns (1992) 1.15am The Haunting (1963)

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Boxing Day Caught In A Trap ITV1, 9pm Maria-winner Connie Fisher proves she’s no one-trick pony in this drama, taking on the lead as a miserable, bullied council worker – obsessed with Elvis – who starts to embezzle money from the parking meters it’s her job to empty. Based on a true story, this is Nick Leeson on a far more local level.

8 Out Of 10 Cats Christmas Special Channel 4, 10.50pm The statistics panel show that mixes comedy with percentages cracks open its Christmas cracker, with current rising stars and established comics sparring either side of quizmaster extraordinaire Jimmy Carr. What a way to brighten up the current news’ difficult climate.

Creature Comforts ITV2, 5.25pm This lovely Aardman animation has become synonymous with Christmas. Wallace and Gromit are obviously making their own appearances but these small episodes interviewing working animals about their true feelings towards man are both touching and humorous in a more low key manner. Clever animators.

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6.00am Breakfast 9.00 Hotel Trubble 9.30 The Basil Brush Show 9.55 Hider In The House 10.25 Jackanory Junior 10.40 FILM: A Goofy Movie (1995) 11.55 FILM: Ella Enchanted (2004) 1.25pm BBC News 1.35 South East Today 1.40 Keeping Up Appearances 2.30 FILM: Big (1988) 4.10 FILM: Madagascar (2005) 5.30 BBC News 5.45 South East Today 5.50 FILM: The Chronicles Of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch And The Wardrobe (2005)

6.00am Balamory 6.20 Teletubbies 6.45 64 Zoo Lane 7.00 Boogie Beebies 7.15 Lazytown 7.40 Postman Pat 8.00 Lazytown 8.25 Diddy Dick And Dom 8.30 The Life Of Mammals 9.30 Wainwright’s Walks 10.00 Coast 10.10 The Signalman 10.50 Ian Hislop Goes Off The Rails 11.50 FILM: The Importance Of Being Earnest (1952) 1.25pm FILM: South Pacific (1958) 3.50 Ready Steady Cook 4.35 Final Score 5.25 Are You Being Served?

5.55 FILM: Nicholas Nickleby (2002)

6.00am GMTV 9.25 Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?

10.25 Christmas Cooks Challenge 11.25 FILM: Black Beauty (1994) 1.15pm ITV Lunchtime News And Weather 1.25 The Railway Children 3.25 FILM: Mary Poppins (1964)

6.00am The Hoobs 6.25 The Hoobs 6.50 The Treacle People 7.00 Famous Fred 7.25 The Bear 8.00 The Morning Line 9.00 Friends 9.25 The Simpsons 9.55 Friends 10.25 Dave Berry’s 20 Biggest Stars Of 2008 12.00pm Friends 12.25 George Michael: Live At Earls Court Exclusive 12.35 Lost And Found 1.05 Channel 4 Racing 3.35 Come Dine With Me 4.50 Deal Or No Deal: Christmas Star 5.50 Hollyoaks

6.00 – 9.00am Children’s television 9.00 Dinotopia 10.50 Michaela’s Zoo Babies 11.50 Penguin Adventure With Nigel Marven 12.20pm Domino Day 2008 1.25 FILM: It’s A Mad Mad Mad Mad World (1963) 4.30 Little Princess 5.00 Ronnie Barker’s Comedy Heroes

6.00am LIVE Test Cricket 8.00 International Cricket: Twenty20 Match 11.00 Gillette Soccer Special 12.30pm LIVE Ford Football Special 3.00 Gillette Soccer Special 5.00 LIVE Ford Football Special 7.30 You’re On Sky Sports 8.25 Football First: Game Of The Day 10.15 Football First: Match Choice 11.30 LIVE Test Cricket 3.30am LIVE Test Cricket

8.00 Dad’s Army Mainwaring’s Home Guard platoon decides to give a turkey dinner to the old-age pensioners of Walmington-on-Sea. 8.30 The Man Who Made Eric And Ernie During the 1970s, BBC shows like Morecambe and Wise, The Two Ronnies, The Generation Game, Dad’s Army and Parkinson transformed the world of television entertainment and delighted audiences in their millions.

The man behind the success of these shows was entertainment impresario Sir Bill Cotton, who died in 2008.

Stars remember the man who made it happen.

9.30 The Morecambe And Wise Christmas Show 1975 A classic Christmas edition from 1975, with guests Gordon Jackson, Diana Rigg, Pan’s People and Des O’Connor.

10.40 The Generation Game Christmas 1973 Fun for all the family in a special Christmas show from 1973. Presented by Bruce Forsyth and Anthea Redfern.

11.40 The Two Ronnies: OldFashioned Christmas Mystery Festive fun with Ronnies Corbett and Barker from Christmas 1973. The magnificent two – well, one and a half; but what are they doing on Christmas Eve 1874?

12.40am TOTP 2 At Christmas 1.25 Ghosts Of Christmas Past 2.25 FILM: Sweet And Lowdown (1999)

6.10 ITV News; Weather 6.30 Emmerdale Will anyone believe Victoria’s story? She’s had a lot to deal with in her life – this would hardly be a break from the norm.

7.00 Harry Hill’s TV Burp Review Of The Year A special edition of Burp packed with moments from the year you may have thought Harry had missed. He’d never do that! Plus a rather creative fight.

7.30 Coronation Street Maria resorts to desperate measures in her condemnation of Tony.

8.00 You’ve Been Framed! Harry Hill presents more of the nation’s funniest gaffes and accidents as captured by the public.

8.30 Coronation Street Fiz and Audrey fear for Maria’s sanity. She’s been pushed to the edge, we tell yer!

9.00 Caught In A Trap See highlights.

10.30 The Late News; Weather 10.45 FILM: Nine Months (1995) Starring Hugh Grant, Julianne Moore.

Romantic comedy about a man who fears that his relationship will change when his partner falls pregnant.

12.45am Quantum Of Solace: Planning Bond’s Downfall... And Other Stunts 1.15 FILM: The Wiz (1978) 3.35 ITV Nightscreen 5.00 CITV: Captain Mack 5.05 Tricky 5.30Bernard 5.45 Tricky Quickies (x2) 5.55 ITV Early Morning News

8.00 EastEnders While Dot’s family grows in a very unexpected way. Suzy leaves the Square for good, but not as she’d planned. Tar and feathered?

8.30 FILM: Pirates Of The Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest (2006) Starring Johnny Depp, Orlando Bloom, Keira Knightley, Jack Davenport, Bill Nighy, Jonathan Pryce, Lee Arenberg, Mackenzie Crook, Kevin McNally and David Bailie. Swashbuckling action sequel.

To repay a debt to a powerful supernatural crew, Jack Sparrow enlists the help of a swordsman and his bride-to-be to seek out the mysterious Davy Jones’ Locker. The couple have their own agenda, however, having been freed from prison by the British on the condition they capture the infamous pirate’s legendary compass. Those doublecrossing wannabe pirates. Argh.

10.50 BBC News 11.00 Match Of The Day Gary Lineker introduces highlights from a busy programme of Barclays Premier League fixtures. Boxing Day games are one of English football’s most famous traditions and it is also one of the few occasions in the season when all the teams in the top flight play on the same day.

12.35am Not Going Out 1.05 FILM: The Wild Geese (1978) 3.15 Weatherview 3.20 Joins BBC News

6.20 The Simpsons 6.50 Channel 4 News 7.00 Time Team Special: The Mystery Of The Roman Treasure Archaeological series.

8.00 FILM: Crocodile Dundee (1986) Starring Paul Hogan. Comedy about an unconventional, Australian crocodile hunter. Streuth!

9.50 The IT Crowd Sitcom. In the final episode of the third series, Reynholm Industries are proud to announce their first, sexy nude calendar, featuring employees.

10.20 Star Stories Spoofing the life of U2 singer, Bono, from Live Aid to his meetings with the Pope.

10.50 8 Out Of 10 Cats Christmas Special See highlights.

11.40 Fonejacker Christmas Special Christmas edition.

12.15am 4 Music: George Michael: Live At Earls Court Exclusive 2.20 Pokerstars.com European Poker 1.25 Russell Crowe’s South Sydney Story (x2) 2.20 Bullrun: Cops, Cars And Superstars 2.45 Freesports On 4 3.10 Goalissimo!

4.05 Freesports On 4 4.30 Grudge Match 4.40 Trans World Sport 5.35 Making It 5.40 3 Minute Wonder 5.45 Inuk

Sky Sports 2 6.00 Rory & Paddy’s Great British Adventure Comedians Rory McGrath and Paddy McGuinness travel the UK in a camper van in search of strange sporting events.

7.00 Ice Road Truckers Documentary series examining the lucrative but highly dangerous job of driving trucks on Canada’s notorious ice highway.

8.00 World’s Strongest Man: 30 Years Of Pain Documentary looking back on 30 years of the World’s Strongest Man competition.

Entertaining or scary? You decide.

9.00 NCIS Drama series following a team of special agents who investigate crimes connected to Navy and Marine Corps personnel. Tony is the prime suspect when the body of a woman is discovered at Quantico, forcing his colleagues to work towards proving his innocence.

10.00 Greatest Ever 80s Movies Giles Coren counts down 40 box office hits from the decade that fashion forgot, as voted for in an exclusive poll of Five’s viewers and readers of The Times. Prepare to rock on with Bill and Ted and be captivated by Kelly Le Brock’s virtual chest – and shoulder pads.

12.45am 30 Rock 1.15 Quiz Call 4.05 The Royal Institution Christmas Lectures (x2) 5.35 House Doctor

6.00am Trans World Sport 7.00 WWE Special 8.00 WWE Raw 10.00 World Darts Championship: The Story So Far 12.00pm Test Cricket 2.00 Netball: Super League 4.00 Test Cricket 6.00 The Dogs 6.30 Volvo Ocean Race 7.00 Tight Lines 8.00 Test Cricket 10.00 Poker: Sports Stars Challenge III 2008 12.00am Volvo Ocean Race 12.30 Football First: Match Choice (x4) 5.30 The Dogs

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Snow Adventures 7.00 Good Morning Sports Fans (x2) 9.00 Netball: Super League 11.00 Racing News 11.30 Aerobics: Oz Style 12.00pm The Rugby Club 1.00 Trans World Sport 2.00 Snow Adventures 2.30 The Dogs 3.00 Trans World Sport 4.00 WWE Special 5.00 WWE Raw 7.00 Bermuda Classic Rugby 8.30 Gillette World Sport 9.00 WWE Special 10.00 WWE Late Night Smackdown 12.00am WWE Late Night Bottom Line 1.00 Bermuda Classic Rugby 2.30 Poker: Sports Stars Challenge III 2008 4.30 Bermuda Classic Rugby

Victoria Nangle

extraterrestrial Sky1

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Living

12.00pm Celebrity Are You Smarter Than A Ten-YearOld? 1.00 Futurama 3.00 Noel’s Christmas Presents 4.30 Bones 5.30 Futurama 7.30 The Simpsons (x3) 9.00 All Star Don’t Forget The Lyrics (x2) 11.00 Gladiators: The Legends Strike Back 12.30am Road Wars 1.30 Nothing But The Truth 2.25 Las Vegas Uncovered

7.00pm Top Gear 8.00 The Wrong Door: Best Bits 9.00 Little Britain USA (x6) 11.40 EastEnders 12.15am Family Guy (x2) 1.00 Summer Heights High (x3) 2.30 The Wrong Door: Best Bits 3.30 Fresh Animation On THREE 3.45 Clone 4.15 The Story Of... Fairytale Of New York

7.00pm Sacred Music 8.00 Walter Tull: Forgotten Hero 9.00 Walter’s War 10.00 Quincy Jones: The Many Lives Of Q (x2) 12.00am The Comic Songbook: Timeshift 1.00 Miss Marie Lloyd: The Queen Of The Musical 2.20 Walter’s War 3.20 The Comic Songbook: Timeshift

1.00pm FILM: ET The Extra-Terrestrial (1982) 3.25 Coronation Street 4.25 Emmerdale 5.25 Creature Comforts (x2). See highlights. 6.10 FILM: Small Soldiers (1997) 8.20 Creature Comforts (x4) FILM: Gone In 60 Seconds (2000) 11.20 Coronation Street (x2) 12.20am Ghosthunting With... Girls Aloud

1.50pm FILM: Adventures Of Pinocchio (1995) 3.35 Agatha Christie’s The Secret Adversary 6.00 FILM: Death Becomes Her (1992) 8.00 FILM: Smokey And The Bandit II (1980) 10.05 FILM: Emily Bronte’s Wuthering Heights (1992) 12.15am FILM: Married To The Mob (1988) 2.15 An Audience With Ronnie Corbett

12.45pm Scrubs (x2) 1.45 One Tree Hill 2.40 Joan Of Arcadia 3.35 Gilmore Girls 4.25 Lost And Found 4.55 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 My Name Is Earl 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 FILM: Stuck On You (2003) 11.15 Russell Brand’s Ponderland (x2) 12.20am Friday Night Project 1.25 Shameless

9.45am Merlin’s Apprentice 1.20pm Cecil B. DeMille: American Epic 2.35 FILM: The Ten Commandments (1956) 6.45 FILM: The Bridge On The River Kwai (1957) 9.55 FILM: Richard III (1995) 12.00am Deal Or No Deal Christmas Star 1.05 Location, Location, Location 2.05 A Place In The Sun (x2)

10.00am Will And Grace (x2) 11.00 Ghost Whisperer (x7) 6.00 The Underdog Show 7.00 Will And Grace (x2) 8.00 Nothing To Declare (x2) 9.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 10.00 Criminal Minds 11.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (x2) 1.00 Will And Grace (x2) 2.00 Nothing To Declare (x2) 3.00 Da Vinci’s Inquest

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Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

6.00am TV’s Greatest Christmas Moments 8.00 2point4 Children 8.40 Only Fools And Horses (x5) 5.00pm FILM: Jumanji (1995) 7.00 FILM: Carry On Matron (1972) 8.50 Only Fools And Horses 10.10 Jonathan Creek (x4) 2.25 2point4 Children 3.00 Home Shopping

12.00pm Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 1.00 Frasier (x2) 2.00 That 70s Show (x2) 3.00 Becker (x2) 4.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 5.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 6.00 Frasier (x2) 7.00 The King Of Queens (x2) 8.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 9.00 Grumpy Old Holidays (x8) 2.20 Sexy Cam 2.30 Linc’s

11.00am Jesus: Man Behind The Myths 12.00pm Crime Scene USA (x2) 1.00 Forensic Detectives 2.00 Deadliest Catch (x4) 6.00 How Do They Do It? 6.30 How It’s Made 7.00 Mythbusters 8.00 Deadliest Catch (x2) 10.00 Extreme Forensics 11.00 A Haunting 12.00am Crime Scene USA (x2) 1.00 Couples Who Kill

1.10pm FILM: Weird Science (1985) 3.00 FILM: Odysseus And The Isle Of Mists (2007) 4.50 FILM: Hercules In The Maze Of The Minotaur (1994) 6.40 FILM: Multiplicity (1996) 9.00 FILM: Lost City Raiders (2008) 11.00 Heroes 12.00am FILM: Devil On The Mountain (2006) 1.50 Thunderbirds

9.15am Those Magnificent Men In Their Flying Machines (1965) 11.30 The Black Swan (1942) 1.00pm Love Me Tender (1956) 2.40 Zulu (1964) 5.00 The King And I (1956) 7.15 The Adventures Of Robin Hood (1938) 9.00 Hellfighters (1969) 11.05 Zulu (1964) 1.30am Love Me Tender (1956)

11.15am The Thin Red Line (1998) 2.10pm The Top 10 Show 2.25 For Your Consideration (2006) 4.00 Nacho Libre (2006) 5.40 The Castle (1998) 7.10 The Thin Red Line (1998) 10.00 Quadrophenia (1979) 12.05am 2 Days In The Valley (1996) 1.55 I Want You (1998)

1.00pm My Neighbour Totoro (1988) 2.45 Australia Special 2.55 Brief Encounter (1945) 4.35 Australia Special 4.40 Elf (2003) 6.30 Australia Special 6.40 The Day After Tomorrow (2004) 9.00 The Transporter (2002) 10.50 A History Of Violence (2005) 12.40am All About My Mother (1999) 2.45 Close

9.20am The Wizard Of Oz (1939) 11.10 Where The Boys Are (1960) 1.00pm In Which We Serve (1942) 3.00 Ben-Hur (1959) 6.35 North By Northwest (1959) 9.00 Stanley And Iris (1989) 11.00 Batman Forever (1995) 1.15am All Fall Down (1962) 3.05 Arsenic And Old Lace (1944) 5.00 Honky Tonk (1941)

Classics

Indie