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the city magazine for brighton & hove

★ jobs ★ cars ★ news ★ listings ★ tv guide ★ 30 September–6 October 2008


massage magic an ideal way to spend the cooler evenings

head for the hills wave

in the pink fashion inspired by breast cancer awareness month

it’s got to be austria for the holiday of your dreams


page 16 of wave magazine inside this issue

sunday best andrew plumps for a half moon lip-smacking lunch

the uk’s best free green & ethical lifestyle magazine is now inside latest 7 p14

000_LS392_Dymanic Yoga


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★ latest jobs 4-5

★ latest listings 23–45

4 Top media jobs with Wired Sussex,

23 Reviews and listings index

We have a special treat inside Latest 7 this week: Turn to page 14 where you will find the start of Wave, the best free guide to leading an ethical and green lifestyle. In this issue, we have our gorgeous cover story – ultimate relaxation and luxury in the heart of picturesque Austria. If you can’t escape to Austria just yet, take a break from everyday life closer to home with a luxury massage at Padma Ayurveda. I went along to meet Sally Watkins and find out more about this Eastern massage therapy. Read my verdict on page 15. In our regular food section, Andrew’s after a hearty meal to satisfy him on these colder days. He found just that at The Half Moon, with full service and a packed plate (p16). Model Sandra gives us a backstage peek at the world of modelling and this week has teamed up with PYNK Studios to let Latest 7 readers have the chance to shine. Win a photo shoot and portfolio for you and a friend in a very special giveaway in Sandra’s regular column on page 8. More great competitions can be found on page 6, with tickets to 60s club night Da Doo Ron Ron and Prok & Fitch’s DJ night at the Concorde 2 up for grabs. Local celebrity Katie Price speaks out in Celeb City on her latest surgery, and see who’s been spotted in town after an absence (page 9). October is here which means it’s Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Turn to our fashion special on page 11 for the best pink products from a range of shops all in support of Breast Cancer Care. In other charitable news, Wild Fruit are planning their next big shindig at West Street night club Tru. Turn to page 35 for more on this fashion fiesta. Could you be Brighton’s next top model? We have some great interviews in this issue form the world of theatre, film, comedy and music. Nick Aldwinckle chats with Sam Sparro ahead of his tour which includes a stop at the Corn Exchange on 3 October. See what he had to say about Mark Ronson, gospel singing and leaving Australia. Victoria Nangle speaks with Chris Cox ahead of his appearance at the Magners Paramount Comedy Festival Brighton. The talented magician and performer has his own show in the festival at just 24 years of age. Chris talks about having the 12-year-old geekchic look down (page 24). Icelandic director Baltaser Kormakur talks about his latest film Jar City on page 27. If you missed last issue’s rave review, read the roundup and catch it at the Duke of York’s. See our film listings for times (page 26). There’s all of this plus the latest news from Phil Mills (page 12), council leader Mary Mears, sport, letters, Alison’s column and all the listings for the week ahead. Until next time!

Personnel Selection, Palms and more

★ latest upfront 6-11 6 Social diary: Tim visits Brighton Art Fair and Brighton goes tropical

Los Albertos impress at the Brunswick

24 Comedy Victoria Nangle chats to funny-man Chris Cox ahead of the comedy festival

24 Art The Brighton Photo Biennial 2008

6 Competitions: Win tickets to Da Doo Ron Ron and Prok & Fitch club nights

7 Alison gets back on her bike, plus get your brain working with our crossword

8 Sandra offers readers the chance to shine in the spotlight with PYNK Studios, while Dani ponders adulthood

9 Katie Price talks plastic surgery 10 How to write Bare Cheek style 11 Fashion: It’s pink all round in aid of Breast Cancer Awareness month

★ latest news 12–14 12 Phil Mills on credit crunch crime, our news round-up, and council leader Mary Mears’ weekly column

14 Letters: guess who has a fan?

★ latest lifestyle 15–22 15 Health: relax with Padma Ayurveda 16 Food: Andrew goes for a Sunday roast 17 Hot list: a guide to top bars and restaurants, plus AK Lite

25 Stage A chat with Roy and Tony ahead of their appearance at Latest Musicbar

26 Film Jar City director Baltasar Kormakur talks to Latest 7

28 Kids and events Devil’s Dyke Hike, The Pink and Purple Ball and the Nofit State Circus

28 Books The Sin Eater’s Last Confessions

29 Music Sam Sparro on teaming up with Mark Ronson, touring and all things gold Brighton  Latest Download Chart




33 Clubs and music listings Dates to mark down in your diary for the appreciation of all things aural

35 Gay A model Wild Fruit night, listings and Will tells

38 Television Dani on Secret Diary of a Call Girl, TV movies and seven days of glorious TV


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 Editorial: Advertising: Managing Editor Bill Smith

Editor Rachel Pegg

Business Director Angi Mariani

Assistant Editor Zara Baker

Creative Director Andrew Kay

Website Manager Paul Burgess

Production Director Fiona McTernan

Music Editor Jeff Hemmings

Finance Manager Sharon Caple

Chief Sub Editor Alison Swann

Art Director Stephen King

Listings Editor Nick Aldwinckle

Production Manager Neil Ive

Photography Tim Richardson Diana Frangi

Production Editor Victoria Nangle



Staff Writers Craig Driver Dani Winch Designers Rob Burdick Anand Day Peter Knight Steve Sawyer Sub Editors Joe Curtin Melina Greenfield

Advertising Director Lynne Edwards Advertising Sales Lucy Kamper Sophie Longhurst Marie Viviani Administration Claire Peerless Sara Henfridsson

Latest Homes Unit 1, Level 5 North New England House New England Street Brighton BN1 4GH



Zara Baker, Latest 7 Assistant Editor latest 7 3



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Call Marie on 01273 818150 ext 102

Call Centre Agents

Production Engineer

Technical Support Engineer

Brighton – £7.00–£11.00ph

Newhaven – £27k

East Sussex – £26k–£29k

Are you target driven and motivated by money? If you have a confident telephone manner and enjoy earning lots of money, we are looking for full time call centre agents to join an established lively team. The company is based in the heart of Brighton and offers a fun and lively environment.

Working as a member of the manufacturing team to monitor, develop, evaluate and continuously improve manufacturing processes through the application of Lean Manufacturing principles, thereby achieving the company’s performance targets in terms of quality, delivery, cost and safety. Manufacturing areas covered are assembly, powder paint plant, wet paint and internal machining processes.

Successful applicant will be based in the Oil & Gas Contract Sales Team and will work closely supporting the sales of the Oil & Gas products in the UK & Global markets. Sufficient engineering exposure to understand basic engineering processes, materials and typical manufacturing processes. This role has a wide scope of operation and requires a sound working knowledge of the Company's ERP system (EFACS) and the engineering knowledge required for BOM construction and its associated disciplines.

Conference/Congress Event Planner Brighton – £20–£25k Our client specialises in event planning and management & is seeking a skilled candidate with a background in organising congress and pharmaceutical events. If you feel you have the right attributes we would like to hear from you.

Credit Control Team Leader Brighton – £30k–£35k An exciting career opportunity has arisen to join a European Shared Service Centre in Brighton as a Credit Control Supervisor. Reporting to the Credit Control Manager, your main responsibilities will be to manage, support and develop a current team of seven Credit Controllers, all of whom are accountable for Credit Control activities in Germany, Austria, Switzerland, Belgium and Holland. Candidate must be fluent in English, German or Dutch.

Customer Service Team Leader Brighton – £17k As a Customer Service team member you will be the main point of contact for external and internal customers within Belgium. You will be responsible for the processing of orders from your own customer portfolio as well as for all other ordering activities which will involve responding to enquiries and dealing with queries across the entire ordering process. You will be expected to provide holiday and sickness cover for other team members within your own team but you also might be expected to assist other teams in order to achieve KC key performance indicators. Candidate must be fluent in English, Dutch and French.

PROPERTY SALES & LETTINGS Dedicated to Brighton Marina

“The Service You’d Recommend”

The Role: Property Manager / Administrator required for a small but busy estate agent. The role requires the person to interact with tenants, landlords and contractors and deal with property-related problems. To carry out mid-term inspections and be able to work on one’s own initiative and also as part of a team. The position is a five day week and will include Saturdays by rota. Salary A.A.E.

The Person: You should have a positive attitude and be happy to deal with problems in a methodical manner. You will be prepared to inspect properties and also have strong admin skills. Knowledge of Key Data or similar. You will be expected to have a hands on approach and to go the extra mile. Email CV to NO AGENCIES PLEASE.

25 Waterfront, Brighton Marina, East Sussex BN2 5WA

Tel: 01273 626000

4 latest jobs

Production Planner Near Haywards Heath – £25k–£28k You will have previous production planning/scheduling experience ideally gained within a manufacturing environment and an in depth knowledge of working with MRP and/or MPS systems. You should have a good understanding of lean manufacturing techniques with a demonstrable track record of continuous improvement.

Outbound Sales Advisors Worthing – £16,368 + commission This is a large international company that offers excellent training. The role will involve warm calling existing customers with a view to cross-selling other products. Fantastic scope for progression for someone with good customer service and sales skills. .


jobs Do you have Job Vacancies you need to fill? Why not advertise your vacancies within Latest 7 and reach over 100,000 readers? Latest 7 produces a successful job section every week, covering positions from admin roles to senior managers and account directors. From only £100 throughout October.

Call Marie for details on 01273 818150 ext 102 or email hundreds of jobs every week



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Call Marie on 01273 818150 ext 102


Top Media Jobs Social Media-Savvy Producer - NixonMcInnes NixonMcInnes is a digital communication agency, specialising in social media, based 200 metres from Brighton Pier. Founded in 2000, with a team of 17, we’re one of the largest agencies in the UK dedicated to social media consultancy. This role is a combination of consulting, requirements gathering, usability testing, information architecture and user-centred design.

Assistant Designer - Tyler Consultants Limited A full Service Marketing Agency with a split of 20 per cent corporate design,30 per cent websites,5 per cent marketing planning,30 per cent marketing literature and 15 per cent advertising. Trading since 1998 with over 200 clients, we cater for the design requirements of a diverse range of client. We’re seeking a design/web graduate or someone in a junior design/web position.

Office Admin / Assistant Agent - Elite Music Management Ltd Elite Music Management is the international booking agent for a roster of international DJ/ Producer talent. Set up in 1999, Elite has since grown from strength to strength. We are a small friendly company, in a home based Brighton office (annexed to main house). We are looking to fill this position as soon as possible - so applications are encouraged sooner rather than later.

Web Developer - WPM Internet WPM Internet have impeccable credentials for innovative e–commerce development working with a host of leading name clients and are renowned for reputation, great customer service and staff development.

ASP.Net Developer - Northwind Solutions Ltd Northwind Solutions provide high quality web-based solutions for a wide range of clients (ranging from blue-chip to SMEs). We are a small but well established firm. Due to us taking on a number of exciting new projects we have an immediate requirement for an developer.

Freelance Project Manager - Cubeworks We're a small but growing team using agile methods to deliver contentmanaged websites and web applications from our seafront office in Brighton. Following an exciting period of growth we're now looking for a talented individual to work with clients such as the NSPCC, Sanyo, Chichester College, Random House Children’s Books and Guinness.

Business Development Manager - Madgex Ltd We are Madgex: experts in job board software and user engagement. We have big clients and big plans. The first stage of our mission is to be the most successful global provider of trusted job board software and services. Our client base already includes: The Guardian, The Totaljobs Group, News International, Emap and Haymarket.

PHP Developer - Switchplane Ltd Switchplane is a media company specialising in web design. Other specialisations include magazine and catalogue production, email newsletters, and custom built software. We are seeking a PHP developer to work on a wide variety of web applications.

Are you looking to recruit? Are you looking to expand your digital media business and recruit new staff? Wired Sussex can help. Our jobs board is viewed by over 10,000 digital media hopefuls every month, plus all job posters get to search through our CV database. Interested? Call Luke at Wired Sussex today to find out more: 01273 692 888

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With Tim Richardson

Great club tickets to win!

Brighton Art Fair On Thursday 18 September, set amid the Regency splendour of Brighton’s Corn Exchange, this year’s Brighton Art Fair supported by Elle Decoration, featured affordable artwork mostly between £50 and £1500. Brighton Art Fair has gained an excellent reputation as a high quality, accessible and eclectic art fair. It is organised by artists for artists to sell work directly to the public. Exhibitors were carefully selected from over 300 applications and the aim of the fair is to exhibit original and innovative work across a wide spectrum of media and styles. Brighton Art Fair was an opportunity for new and experienced art buyers to meet the artists, including Brighton favourite Patrick O’Donnell, and buy work in a friendly and relaxed atmosphere.

Da Doo Ron Ron at Komedia

Kathryn Wightman (Kathryn Wightman Glass)

Nigel Ryan (Brighton Arts Commission) and Claudio Esposito

Best Painting Winner 2005, Patrick O’Donnell

Clair Letton (artist)

Launch night An amazing tropical setting of palm trees, exotic canapés by Momma Cherri and mouthwatering cocktails, made the launch of La Tropicale Nightclub an evening to remember. Salsa dancers were on hand to demonstrate sexy moves to eager participants. The club has been extensively refurbished to a standard that surpasses all others. With an intimate VIP room and an extensive wine and champagne list, La Tropicale is a club for the discerning client. 61a Western Road (near Palmeira Square), Hove, Call 01273 733870 Roberto Germain - Healys Solicitors Shanila Foolhea - Owner, La Tropicale

Charita Jones (Momma Cherri), Paula SeabournePearson (Jenerator PR) and Tracy Stone-Brown 6 latest 7

Karron Eubank and Clive Gordon

Da Doo Ron Ron is celebrating its tenth birthday upstairs at Komedia on Saturday 11 October and you could be there! They have a very special guest lined up – legendary DJ Edwyn Collins (Orange Juice). Regular DJs Chris 'Da Doo' King, Simon Bridger will join Edwyn and Seb Lewsley to spin 60s girl pop, soul and funk. Expect to hear discs by The Supremes, Shangri-Las, Chiffons, Crystals, Marvelettes, Nancy Sinatra and more. We have a pair of tickets to give away (worth £12 each) to Latest readers and Da Doo fans. To win tell us: Edwyn Collins was the lead singer of which group? See below for entry details. Entrants must be ages 18 and over. ID will be required on the door.

Prok & Fitch: Floorplay at Brighton Coalition DJs Prok & Fitch are joined by special guest Noir for Floorplay at Brighton Coalition on Saturday 11 October and we have five pairs of tickets to give away! The Floorplay parties are becoming legendary in Brighton already after only two nights! Prok & Fitch are busy carving out a niche as two of the hardest working and partying DJs of the new Brit scene. They are currently remixing Cevin Fisher, Kraak & Smaak & Cube Guys (both Pete Tong essential new tunes). Don’t miss out on this top club night. They have a packed schedule for the rest of 2008, which includes a session at Brighton Coalition on Saturday 11 October and again on Friday 12 December. Don’t miss out on the chance to win tickets to this special club night. To win, tell us: What is the name of Prok & Fitch’s DJ night at Brighton Coalition? See below for entry details. Entrants must be aged 18 and over. Proof of age will be required at the door. To be in with a chance of winning, email: with the name of the prize you wish to win in the subject box. Leave your answer to the question in the body of the email, along with your name, address and telephone number. Alternatively, write to us at the address at the front of the magazine. Closing date for entries: Tuesday 7 October



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Swanning around Alison Swann is out on the road and not exactly feeling wanted

Wheel love Cycling in Brighton is great. Well, it is if you like going around in circles (The Level); swerving out in front of huge lorries (Lewes Road); or if you like taking a huge leap of faith attempting to use two wheels to navigate your way from Churchill Square to the bottom of North Street. And as for Trafalgar Street… Okay, there are positive sides to this story. The new cycle path up to The Downs is brilliant, the open-to-all space of New Road is a pleasure, as are the nippy little paths around the New England Quarter. And I love zipping along the seafront on the great go-faster tarmac even if I do get RSI from ringing my bell to get wanderers out of the way. Sadly, it would take me rather a long time to get to work if I only used the cycle paths that I felt safe on and which were a pleasure to use. So it’s out into the hurly-burly; swear and dare across the city alongside my fellow commuters every morning. I’m not alone – there are many people in our city using two wheels to get to work. Which, for some reason, seems to annoy a percentage of the driving population.

“I’m no dyed-in-the-wool, hemp-wearing, hippydippy cliché who wants to ban all cars, but why is it such a challenge to cycle across town?” The wrath that burns from the eyes of some drivers queuing on Union Road (which was brilliantly renamed ‘Onion‘ Road by a joker with a marker pen) when I cycle past them in the morning is quite shocking. I’m not getting in anybody’s way. I’m not scratching their car and I am in fact, in an indirect way, helping in their inch-by-inch progress along the road because if I were in a car I would be adding to the traffic jam. For every cyclist on the road there is potentially one less car. And one less car means, Mister (I’m sorry but it usually is a bloke) Car Driver, you get along that road all the quicker.

Now, I’m no dyed-inthe-wool, hemp-wearing, hippy-dippy Brighton cliché who wants to ban all cars, but what I have been wondering is why, when three years ago Brighton was given the status of one of the five national ‘cycling demonstration towns’ in the UK and a whacking great £3million investment to make it happen, it is still such a challenge to even just cycle across town? There is no doubt that progress has been made (a 22 per cent increase in the number of bikes on the road) and this has been awarded with a recent extension of government funding to push forward with construction of further cycle lanes. But this is going to mean nothing as long as there is such a mismatched expectation of who has priority on the road between car drivers, motorcyclists and bike riders. The problem I find the most challenging is the attitude of car drivers who will park where they like and drive without due care and attention to the needs of cyclists on the road. Every morning I go to pull into the ASL box (the red box for cyclists) by St Peter’s Church and the car/lorry/whatever driver in the front of the queue is already straddling it, singing along to the radio while stuffing a sandwich in their face. So how are we all going to get along? The Dutch have it sussed, the bikes have their own lanes pretty much, but that clearly isn’t practical in an already congested city. I’ve read a lot of comments on news stories to do with cars and bikes where car drivers claim their superior stake to the road by saying they pay a car tax. I wonder, if there was a road tax for bikes would the playing field then level out? There would then be further funding to add to the cycle network and this financial argument would be blown out of the water. There’s a long way to go. And every time someone disregards the laws of the road there is going to be misunderstanding and resentment. I’m just hoping the price of petrol is going to force everyone out of their cars. That’ll learn ‘em.

 Comments? Get in touch:

latestcrossword Cryptic 163 ACROSS 1 Unused trade-mark with threeway additive (5-3) 5 Levy added to one form of transport (4) 9 Ride east after opening one eye (5) 10 Puffed out? Tossing a lot in the sack? (7) 11 Expressions of confidence concerning Sana's curse, in a way (12) 13 Mean to fix den with tin (6) 14 Untidy youngsters, perhaps (6) 17 Offensive seabird and eagle product (12) 20 In the final analysis, one in debt is one who gives (7) 21 Irishmen go to the extremes when angry (5) 22 Tough men get hospital ribbon (4) 23 They make an impression as headless runners (8)

solutions on page 35

Quick 163 DOWN 1 Animal could be a fast one (4) 2 Old worker makes room for rebuilt French town (7) 3 Garment shown in wrong designs (8-4) 4 Wet street in France to which unusual honour is attached (6) 6 Intelligence men climb up to catch teetotaller in the loft (5) 7 Business busyness (8) 8 Business custom turning into a sharing arrangement (12) 12 It's stupid not to care as much (8) 15 Let Olga arrange payment (7) 16 Trapezist's first mistake derives from fear (6) 18 Teams' points come from one little man (5) 19 Scruffiness in the officers' place (4)

ACROSS 1 Sample portion (8) 5 Employed (4) 9 Brain case (5) 10 Curl of hair (7) 11 Bloodiness (12) 13 Abundance (6) 14 Enticement (6) 17 That which reminds (12) 20 Without being spoken (7) 21 Tree (5) 22 Recipe (4) 23 Flogged (8)

DOWN 1 Summon (4) 2 Teach (7) 3 Not genuine (12) 4 Insect (6) 6 Explain (5) 7 Hated (8) 8 Not varied by inflection (12) 12 Animated (8) 15 Dig up (7) 16 Supplication (6) 18 Human secretion (5) 19 Outhouse (4)

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Model city

Dani’s diary

Sandra Omo teams up with PYNK Studios to offer a very special reader prize

Dani considers getting older and entering the grown-up world I didn’t believe people when they would tell me that time seems to go quicker the older you get. I believe them now. Because it is true. I can’t believe it is already October. The shops are now starting to add Christmas cards to their stock and the nights are drawing in. I am not sad to see the summer go. It has never been my favourite season. The only reason I could feel sad is because it has passed in a blink. The reason I think time appears to slip away so rapidly when you are a grown-up is because you have to live grown-up lives. The monotonous way we work nine to five, try and make the most of our weekends, go shopping, go to work, eat, go to bed and do it all again the next day. We plan things like holidays a year in advance and spend all our days willing away the time until the plane takes off. Time flies when you are a grown-up because you want it to. Because you spend your time wanting the months to pass until you reach a Monday when you don’t have to set the alarm. In general I look forward to Christmas because it is a disruption to the everyday norm (that and the presents).

“I have started writing a book, but I have the view: ‘Who would ever want to read it?’”

As Model City clocks one year this week, I find myself pondering on many things the past few days as I have never before. I never thought that a day would come when I could look back at my career and see the past one year penned down, not only for myself, but for people who have been inspired by my story as well as the stories of models and non-models I have told. As I flip through all the Model City articles of the past year with a couple of my family members, there are some experiences they wonder how I could bear. They ask me: “How were you able to take it or compose yourself after it, let alone write it for the world to read?” Well, the fact is that modelling is a collective experience. I am proud that even people who are not associated with modelling are coming to terms with what modelling is really like by reading Model City as I tell it the way it really is, no sugar coating, guys, because the industry does not sugar coat it for us. So why should I?

Win a photoshoot and portfolio with PYNK Studios So as a big thank you to everyone that has supported Model City through the past year, we have teamed up with PYNK, one of London’s best fashion photography studios (, to give one lucky reader and a friend a chance to win an amazing photo shoot experience (worth £250), coupled with a portfolio (worth £1200). This is a must-have prize for all aspiring models! The lucky winners will receive a whole day of pampering by PYNK’s experienced make-up artists and hairstlylists, champagne on arrival, a well-guided photo shoot, plus a fabulous portfolio to take away with you! The experience is amazing and the portfolio unbeatable, and all you need to do to enter is answer this simple question: Which month was the first Model City article published? A: October B: September C: August TO ENTER/TERMS & CONDITIONS: Email your answer along with your name, age and phone number to with ‘Model’ in the subject line. The winner will be announced in two weeks. The competition is open to all Model City readers, not just models. Minors must be accompanied by a parent/guardian. The prize must be redeemed by mid-December on a weekday appointment. On the day, come along with freshly washed hair, and no make-up. Bring at least four wardrobe changes, shoes and accessories. Make-up and hairstylist is included. Travel to the London studio is not included. The winner’s shoot will be featured in a future issue of Latest 7. 8 latest 7

I know I am not the only person trapped in the ‘Is this it?’ syndrome. I know I am not the only person who spent the entire of their childhood wanting to be a grown-up only to have gotten here and forgotten why. I don’t want to be a child again but I don’t like the grown-up existence I have fallen into. I miss getting stressed because I can’t quite work out how to tie my laces because I don’t think I can stretch my pay packet until the next payday. I still try and take pleasure in the little things that I did when I was smaller. I am pleased to announce that my taste buds still haven’t fully grown up yet. I very much still do mind what colour sweet I have (black and red sweets are always best). I have made an effort to ensure I am not trapped in this repetitive world, but once I have finished my degree I will be trapped in a similar world but this time with a qualification, which I doubt makes it any different. I have started writing a book, but I have the same views about that as I do about this: ‘Who would ever want to read it?’. Routine is good for me. Since being hit in the face with a nervous breakdown, spontaneity is a thing of the past as it can generally leave me with a panic attack. I really don’t think it is wrong to not want to wake up to an alarm every weekday of my working life. I don’t think it is wrong to actually want to live some of your life. You can tell I am in a bit of a mad mood currently. Preferring to sit at home and vegetate (which is nothing from the norm except I can’t be bothered to pretend to smile during the day anymore). Why can’t I be the grown-up I always imagined I would be?

 For comments and chit chat email Collection/delivery ordering service for

IKEA goods Tell us what you want, and we’ll deliver it. Simple as that. No traffic. No queues. No rows. No hassle.

FEARLESS MIKE 01273 711166 As seen on TV

Ask about our flatpack assembly service We are an independent limited company and not part of the Ikea group



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sponsored by

Celebcity with Jo Brooks

Hot gossip Katie Price gives the lowdown on her recent surgery and the Naked Chef’s been a busy boy Our loveable Katie Price has spoken for the first time publicly about her latest trip to Los Angeles to have a new wave of plastic surgery. The trip saw Katie have her fifth boob job, lip injections, new dental work plus a bit of botox for good measure. However, all the procedures didn’t go exactly to plan as the glamour girl stayed in hospital for 13 days instead of the routine five. In a recent interview Katie said: “I was getting the veneers on the back of my teeth finished on this trip. As soon as I landed I went straight to the dentist. I woke up the next day and went to have my boobs done and was under for five hours. Afterwards I was in a bit of state and the people at the clinic kept waking me and giving me injections of painkillers and sedatives. I was trying to talk to them to tell them my arm felt paralysed, but apparently I was just slumped over and couldn’t talk.” She continued: “They were worried, so the surgeon decided he’d have to put me under again and sort out the problem. They had to undo all the stitches on my boobs, I was under for another three hours in the end.” So, is Katie now happy with her smaller boobs? “Yes! They’re exactly how I wanted them! If not more. I put on a dress the other day and was like bloody hell, where’s my chest gone? I love them, though.” You can currently see Katie and Peter’s antic on Katie and Peter: The Next Chapter, on ITV2 every Thursday at 9pm.

Pukka Jamie Oliver is going to be a dad for the third time. The 33-year-old, who is due to open a restaurant in Brighton next year, and his wife Jools already have daughters Poppy and Daisy who are six and five. The cheeky chef will also be back on our screens this autumn with his brand new show for Channel 4 – Ministry of Food. Jamie said: “I’m massively excited about my new project, Ministry of Food and a new food movement, called ‘Pass it On’, that I’m hoping will be a huge part of it. My new book, Jamie's Ministry of Food and the TV show (also called Ministry of Food) will both be coming out in the next couple of weeks. They’re both basically about inspiring people to get back into their kitchens and make simple, delicious food from scratch again. Although there are loads of great things to say about the state of cooking and food in this country, there are also quite a few negatives. We Brits have one of the highest obesity rates in Europe; we love our ready meals and takeaways and seem to be eating more of them then ever. We really seem to have lost the plot a bit when it comes to passing on our cooking skills from generation to generation - so much so, that some of the people I met in my cooking classes while filming the TV show didn’t know how to mash a potato”. The first episode airs on Tuesday 30 September.

Check out Preston! Spotted for the first time in ages – yes, he is out of hibernation – Preston! He was rocking this season’s tartan fashion on the train to London.

Jo Brooks is director of Brighton-based PR company JBPR Ltd, 01273 622555,

To comment on any of these stories or send in any news stories email

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Bare cheek Brian Mitchell and Joseph Nixon’s thoroughly scurrilous Brighton column


How to write Bare Cheek Here at Bare Cheek we get many letters asking how easy it is to break into the lucrative world of writing satirical and amusing copy for local property magazines. Well, the answer is that it isn’t easy at all – it’s actually very, very hard! So we’ve decided to pass on a few tips to help you on your way.

Variety This is a bad idea. People hate variety – they find it unsettling and scary. What they like is to see the same old rubbish again and again and again. This is why EastEnders is a popular television programme. Thus, if you think of a clever or funny idea (or even a not particularly clever or funny idea) you should flog it to death and keep repeating it until the end of time.

The magazine you write for will doubtless have a family readership. Moreover, some of that readership will be the sort of stupid ***** who complain about bad language by phoning up or writing letters. So avoid words like ****, ****, ********, ****, ****, ************, ****, and especially ****.

Libel It is very important not to have a libellous statement published, as this could get you or your magazine sued for a great deal of money. For example, a statement like ‘Jeremy Clarkson is a flasher’ would be viewed as libellous, as it is defamatory, and not true – Jeremy Clarkson is not, nor has ever been a flasher. Also the subject of the libellous comment ‘Jeremy Clarkson is a flasher’ is a famous, influential, and wealthy man, which greatly increases

In & Out OUT

• Dallas car-horns

• Turps

• Caspar Weinberger

• Jokily paraphrasing the famous Dirty Harry line, as in: “Go ahead, punk – make my dinner” or similar

• The 1990s lava lamp revival • Banzai

Local colour People like to recognise references to the area in which they live. It makes them feel secure and quick-witted. So an occasional reference to,say, the number of leafleters in Kensington Gardens will pay dividends.

Nostalgia Mention lots of hilarious bygone things like The New Schmoo, Cabana, and the Irishman with

only one arm from Robin’s Nest. This will make your column incredibly popular and ensure lots of people want to sleep with you.

Influences Feel free to be ‘influenced’ by Viz or The Onion, as your readers are almost certainly too boring to have heard of them.

In-jokes Be sure to make reference to all your mates in the hope of settling scores/getting a shag.

No-nos The following should never be joked about: • Infant mortality • Cruelty to animals • Wes Anderson being one of the worst film directors ever born. For some reason this always gets sub-edited out • Certain aspects of WWII • Bobby Crush So there you go! Follow these simple rules and before long you’ll be sipping champagne cocktails on a yacht with Bill Smith, just like us! Good luck! The Bare Cheek Boys. XX

Hove factually


• Tom Baker’s tenure at The Book Tower

your chances of getting into trouble. So avoid statements such as ‘Jeremy Clarkson is a flasher’. It is, however, impossible to libel the dead, so a statement such as ‘Charlie Drake was a flasher’ would be fine.

• Roger McGough’s tenure at The Book Tower • Worming tablets • Gallstones

Astral Angi ★Finding truth in the stars★

• For eight generations, Hove Council was in the control of alien humanoids, the Talosians, who by virtue of their superior intellects and telekinetic powers ruled over a demi-paradise, until the Cylons won a majority in 1983. • The world’s shortest coach trip commences at 96 Cromwell Road and ends at 98 Cromwell Road.

Buy the CD Bardsley’s, country music with c-hip s-hop beats at Bardsley’s and Borders NOW!

Tickets have been known to fetch minus £74,000 on the open market. • Hove was converted to Christianity in 1967 by papal emissary and That’s Life/In At The Deep End co-host, St Chris Searle. • It is customary in Hove to bury the dead upright and holding open a copy of Look-In.



01273 681256





A little research tells me that Aries should drive sporty red cars. Well, not the Arians I know, no sir. Aries should almost certainly be taking the bus, buying a weekly pass at least…

Something curvy and comfortable for you? How predictable, a new shell. No Cancer, go mad, I can see you all on big fat Harley Davidsons – riding sidesaddle of course

Something pretty and quiet. I’m not sure I know what a pretty car looks like but quiet I do understand. I had a quiet car once. It wouldn’t go. This week’s research is deeply odd.

No surprises here: 4x4, and you can stay off the roads for good. We all know that all incidents of road rage involve one or more Scorpios. We need to rid roads of 4x4s; let’s start with you.


LEO (JULY 23–AUG 22)



From the same source Taureans should drive green people carriers. Unsound advice if you are single and childless. No, Taurus, no dull people carrier for you – get on yer bike.

Something sleek that looks better than you. How rude. I’m not getting a good feeling about this source. You get the car that makes you happy Leo, looks are not everything.

Ah, jet black and sleek for you and for once I agree.Scorpio needs that carapace of sophistication to hide the inner banger. Go for it and get tinted windows too.

Small and wacky… Oh dear back top stereotypes. Vintage and classy I say. Something chic like a Fiat 500 in oyster white with a petrol blue stripe and a sunroof.





For Geminis something nifty in silver with plenty of gadgets. Great thinking – distract them while they should be concentrating on the road. I think not, best let Gemini walk.

Something clean for Virgo they say. Again more glib answers. Fight the stereotype, something racy and open top should do the trick. I like the idea of a Virgo in an E-Type Jag.

Oh dear, I am as one this time. They say a caravan and I agree. Static if possible please, in mushroom with an eau de nil go-slower stripe. Poor Sagis, do we all think you are the crumbliest star?

Something stylish, something sleek – what a load of old codswallop. Listen, ditch the car and treat yourself to a bag of chips at Bardsley’s. Then stroll home. So much for research…

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To talk to Astral Angi please email

011_LS392_Fashion half


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LATESTNEWS Phil Mills reports on the knock on effect that the global economic situation is having on local crime rates

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Credit crunch crime Burglaries are on the rise again in Sussex, backing predictions by the Government that the credit crunch could send crime rates spiralling. Figures obtained by Latest 7 show a three per cent increase during June to September this year, compared to the previous three months. The quarterly total broke the 1,000 barrier, meaning there are now about 12 break-ins every day. Sussex Police are quick to point out that overall crime is down and burglaries are way below the level they were ten years ago. With the price of household goods like DVDs and TVs proportionately much lower than ever, breaking into people’s homes had become less lucrative.

“More than 13,000 fewer people in Sussex became victims of crime and 5.5 per cent more offenders were brought to justice last year“ But it seems the worsening economic climate and increasing unemployment is making thieves once again turn to house breaking. Sussex Police is watching the situation closely and is urging householders to ‘think security’, especially with the darker evenings on the way. A force spokesman said: “There was a massive 60 to 70 per cent drop in burglaries in the past ten years but we are noticing signs they are on the rise again. “Domestic burglaries are very much a high priority for us and we take them extremely seriously, but the new figures need to be taken in the context of there being an overall fall in crime.” More than 13,000 fewer people in Sussex became victims of crime and 5.5 per cent more offenders were brought to justice last year. In the case of domestic break-ins, there were 4,211 reported in the year to August, compared to 4,246 during the previous 12 months, a decrease of less than one per cent.

Denis Healey, the artist Pictures by Lord Healey, former Labour Chancellor of the Exchequer and an accomplished photographer, will form part of an interactive multimedia exhibition at the University of Sussex this autumn. Lord Healey, 91, was defence

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secretary between 1964 and 1970, and chancellor from 1974 to 1979. Curated by students, ‘Denis Healey: Furniture of the Mind‘ features more than 30 original and digitised portraits of well-known political figures of his era, including a young Condoleezza

Now, all of a sudden, they are spiking upwards, but the trend is not confined to Sussex. A survey among the 42 police constabularies in England and Wales showed about half were experiencing the same problem. In some cases, the rise was even sharper than in Sussex and one or two had increases in excess of five per cent. It suggests the years of falling statistics may be coming to an end. In a letter leaked to the press, Home Secretary, Jacqui Smith warned that crime levels will increase during the credit crunch and said there will be 'significant upward pressure on acquisitive crime [theft, burglary, robbery] during a downturn.‘ It said that if the economic slowdown was on a similar scale to the last recession, property crime would be likely to rise by seven per cent this year and a further two per cent in 2009. Sussex Police are urging people to check their household security measures and, if they need advice on locks, alarms and precautions, to contact crime prevention officers on 0845 6070 999 or

Rice and former Prime Minister of Israel Golda Meir, as well as interviews with Lord Healey and his wife, Edna. The exhibition will be held in the University's state-of-the-art teaching and learning space, InQbate, and is open to the public from Saturday 11 to Friday 17 October. Denis Healey has taken photographs since he received a Brownie 2A box camera at the age of 11. Many of his photographs are from his travels and capture images of people in their own environments and landscapes. His love of family life and of the countryside around his home near Alfriston is also in evidence. Art historian Professor David Mellor, who has co-ordinated the exhibition, said the exhibition presented a unique record of political life from 1957 through to recent times. Students involved in curating the exhibition are: Art History undergraduates Charlie Sluter, Luska Mengham and Carol Dowson; Media Practice and Theory undegraduates Cherry Amos, Lucy Lyon, Charlotte Charlton and Peter Harte; History

undergraduate Eleanor Probyn Gibbs. Luska said: “This has been a brilliant experience. Lord Healey is so enthusiastic – not just about photography, but also about poetry, music and art. “We chose the title of the exhibition, ‘Furniture of the Mind‘, quoted from one of his books, to embody the ‘compartments’ and the extent of his eclectic interests and passions.“



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news summary

Brighton and Hove could cash in on its own version of the Olympics from hosting the UK’s biggest company sports event next year. The UK Corporate Games brings together up to 6,000 competitors from companies and organisations annually. Council officials say the event in June 2009 would inject up to £3million into the local economy. Employees compete at sports and pastimes ranging from dragon boat racing and dominoes to football and badminton. Teams will range in size from individuals to hundreds. Representatives of the games have visited Brighton and Hove and declared it suitable. Brighton and Hove’s bus fleet has been recognised as one of the greenest in the country. An emissions report published by leading independent transport consultancy, the TAS Partnership shows the city buses are ranked second in a league table of the country’s bus companies for clean emissions. It is only beaten by Oxford’s buses, which, like Brighton and Hove buses, are run by the G0-Ahead group.

Young apprentices Skills Secretary, John Denham, and Children’s Secretary, Ed Balls, visited City College Brighton and Hove to meet hairdressing apprentices. The ministers’ visit coincided with the announcement that the minimum weekly earnings for all apprentices in England will be increased from £80 to £95 a week next year. The increase follows a review of apprentice pay carried out this year by Department of Innovation, Universities and Skills, and the Department for Children, Schools and Families. The average net earnings of an apprentice each week is £170 but the government wants to ensure that the earnings of all apprentices are fair and that they should reflect the support given to young people pursuing other

qualifications. The new £95 minimum, to start from August 2009, will benefit an estimated 26,000 (about 10 per cent) apprentices. John Denham says: “We have rescued apprenticeships. We have trebled the number of people taking them up since 1997. Over 60 per cent of people now complete their apprenticeships compared to just over 20 per cent a few years ago.” Ed Balls looks ahead, saying: “Our radical plan to raise the education leaving age to 18 means we will need to create 150,000 more apprenticeships by 2013 for 16 and 17-year-olds who want to follow a vocational path into the world of work. It’s only fair that while people are working and training they are paid a decent wage.”

Picture by Jim Holden

7 days of headlines

Paint pot-ty It’s an art-filled week as the Chiddingly Festival is upon us. Sussex artist David Armitage will present a work of art, conceived in a unique manner. He throws buckets of paints at a huge canvas to create his latest piece for the festival. This was completed in the woods behind his studio. With brushes, Armitage then turned the piece into a painting called ‘Sarabande.’ Armitage is also the popular illustrator of the Lighthouse Keeper series of books, who are written by his wife Ronda. Armitage’s work is part of the Chiddingly Festival, which celebrates its 30th anniversary. The festival runs until 18 October.

news summary

7 days of headlines

John Denham with hairdressing apprentice Kayleigh Branson

Making waves Brighton and Hove City Council leader Mary Mears on changes in the city Have you noticed how crisp the mornings are getting? There’s no doubting it, we’re now well and truly into autumn. For some, this is a cause for glumness – the nights draw in and the weather usually takes a turn for the worse. For me, even though the temperature outside is dropping, there are lots of reasons to be cheerful as the city seems more warm and vibrant than ever. When I strolled along the Madeira Drive arches a few days ago, Brighton’s artists were really adding to the excitement in the city with a crescendo of colour. Local group AQUA (Artists Quarter Under the Arches) launched their Art Splash event which saw three contemporary painters engaged in a 24 hour ‘paintathon’ where some truly spectacular work was created. Last week also saw the announcement that Brighton and Hove will host next year’s Corporate Olympics. Though it’s not quite the real thing – we’re already warming up for when that arrives in 2012 – it will bring around £3million to the city and help further enhance our reputation as a venue for global events since previous hosts include Hawaii, San Francisco and Seville. Autumn also hails the beginning of the new term for Brighton and Hove’s two thriving universities. After a sleepy summer, the last few weeks has seen the arrival of over 22,000 students to the city. Brighton and Hove’s students bring a fantastic vibrancy to the city, as well as innumerable benefits to the local economy, and we are glad to have them here. However, it’s important that we strike the right balance between accommodating new students and remembering the needs of residents. The council’s Strategic Housing Partnership has commissioned research from Brighton University to look at the growth of the student population over the last five years and the impact they have on different areas of the city.

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One of the issues being investigated is the effect students have on the local housing market. With groups of students often living in bigger houses it can be more difficult for families to find homes suitable for their needs. We are working with universities, residents and landlords to understand the complexities of the problem and ensure that both students and residents can find appropriate accommodation. We also want to make sure that the city’s planning framework encourages new student accommodation near campuses, while favouring mixed housing and family homes elsewhere. So, if you’re one of the thousands of students who’ve had the good sense to choose this wonderful city, I want you to know that we are doing everything we can to accommodate you. I’m delighted to welcome you to Brighton and Hove – best of luck with the new academic year and I hope you enjoy the vibrancy of this wonderful city.

Cllr Mary Mears (second left) visits the Artists Quarter Under the Arches (AQUA) group

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 Send your comments to

Alison’s got mail Dear Alison, I wouldn’t normally send fan mail! But just wanted to say how much I am enjoying your weekly “Swanning Around” piece. Happened to pick up the magazine for the first time in years last month and read your article, really enjoyed it and I have picked it up every week since. Particularly enjoyed this week’s (16 Sept) ‘Who Are You’ piece - fab. You seem to write from the heart which is really refreshing. More of the same please and any chance of a bigger article, a full page maybe? Anyway, I am not a stalker or anything so will leave it there. Best regards, Steve White

Robert has too… Dear Robert, Thank you for the article in Latest Homes on St James’s Street. Spot on. We have just restarted the St James’s Area Action Group (SJAAG). One of our objectives is to push for pedestrian priority for part or all of the street. It took us three years of hard work to get rid of the problems of street drinkers last time round. It has started to happen again so we need to work with the RAP to ensure it does not go downhill again. Regards, Mike Dalley

Bags of delight Just a note to thank you for my Helen Dickson bag won in your recent competition (Latest Homes issue 385). I am a great fan of Latest Homes magazine and always read it from cover to cover! Once again, many thanks for my prize bag. Yours faithfully, Janet Beth Hill, Regency Square, Brighton

Sensible planning, not overdevelopment I am grateful to the many readers of Latest Homes who have contacted me about over development in the city. After the fear of crime and the NHS, this topic is the third most raised issue in my post bag. Hove and Portslade has unique architecture with the wonderful mix of Regency, Georgian and modern buildings. It seems that those of us that live here want to keep the character we have. But that does not mean we are all against new developments. Far from it. The mix needs new buildings to keep our part of the city vibrant. However, this development must meet many criteria – sensitively designed of course, but also adequate off-road parking, sufficient school places, doctors’ surgeries within walking distance and so on. These are the challenges for our planners. A site suitable for redevelopment should not automatically be a densely organised housing project. These are just some of the reasons why I am against the Gehry towers at the King Alfred – there are much better proposals available. And why I am cautious about what is being proposed for the old bingo site in Portland Road. And why I am campaigning for City College to keep the character of the Connaught centre. But I am in favour broadly of the redevelopment of the Sackville Trading Estate and of the warehouse units in South Portslade. Yes the economy is important in political terms and for everyday life. Yes we want to see knife crime off our streets and many other priorities. But ‘quality of life’ also demands respect for the past and for living space. And it is up to politicians to try and make sure the balance is kept and not discarded as in so many other towns and cities. Thank you once again to those who have been responding to my surveys – available online at Yours sincerely, Mike Weatherley Conservative parliamentary candidate, Hove and Portslade

You can also write to: Letters, Latest Homes Ltd, Unit 1, Level 5 North, New England House, New England Street, Brighton BN1 4GH 14 latest 7

Latest Sport Round ups and rumblings from the Latest Sports Bunker

Perpetual notion Latest Sport’s Joe Curtin on the crazy money makers in football getting away with it The idea of perpetual energy has been the Holy Grail of science for centuries. The first mention of a perpetual motion device is recorded as far back as the 12th Century. However its roots stretch far further back in time. Back to before the birth of Christ to the furthest edge of the Roman Empire, to a settlement called Novum Castrum super Tynumm. A place where the blue-woaded warriors of the Ancient Britons were loyal to their chief. A leader who secured a few telling victories over the Romans, but when it all got a bit too much he would retire. But the people would not hear of such a move and reappointed him even though it was clear his tactics were outdated and of no use against this new foe. The Roman historian Tacitus states: “The tribesman there, a passionate and wor-like (sic) race worshipped their Messiah. But the high priests of the temple they refer to as ‘Unaited’ machinated the end of the one the call Cevin of Cygan. But the people’s wrath was great and their devotion incalculable. As was their ire to that horrible little git Dennis Wise.”

“When Mike Ashley gets an email from a rich Nigerian promising £400million he might well get it” So the football merry-go-round spins on its crazy, internal-gravity led axis unabated. Curbishley and Venables are linked with Newcastle, as are Sheikh Mohammed Al Maktoum of the Godolphin stable and Nigerian oil barons. Unlike the rest of us when Mike Ashley gets an email from a rich Nigerian promising £400million he might well get it. An almost 150 per cent profit from running a proud club into the ground. Football is a place where non-rational love from the fans is given symmetry by the psychopathic greed and self-interest of the money men in charge. In the month that saw West Ham and Richard Scudamore, the Premier League’s chief executive taken to account over the the Tevez affair, Curbishley left the club citing boardroom interference. A £30million fine is nothing compared to money, not to mention the prestige Sheffield United lost through West Ham’s – and this is the only word for it – cheating. Like West Ham, Scudamore has been found guilty of gross misconduct, yet remains in his job without the slightest human decency to resign. Like West Ham, at the top of the game without a thought to decent people like Curbishley and Sheffield United fans. Is there any other field, apart from City bankers, where you can monumentally cock up (apart from mine – that bet on Spurs anyone?) and be rewarded? If we can harness this perpetual motion we will solve the world’s energy crisis overnight. Like City bankers the unmitigated greed in football is rewarded, and like Newcastle and Sheffield United fans it is decent hardworking people who suffer. The dark reflection in this is the poetic symmetry. The sardony of modern-day sport reflecting modern-day life. To paraphrase Plato: football is the state writ large. No wonder we are in such trouble. Our moral bankruptcy has led to this financial one. Still, spare a thought for Ashley and Scudamore next time you buy a ticket for a football match. If you can afford one.



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Perfect peace Zara Baker finds peace and relaxation through Padma Ayurveda, the massage therapy for women


Padma Ayurveda (pad-ma eye-yer-veyduh) is a term not many people are familiar with. In short, it’s a beautiful massage therapy for women that works in harmony with the body. It’s eastern roots define padma as the sacred lotus, the goddess signifying growth, compassion and beauty. Ayurveda is defined as the ‘science of life,’ the traditional natural healing system of India. I met Sally Watkins, an Ayurvedic Massage Therapist in Brighton to discover how the treatment has been embraced by western culture. In a city where people rarely stop, Sally's treatment room is an oasis of calm in the heart of the city. I pass Padma Ayurveda daily to get to work, seeing it but never pausing to take in the lotus flower in the window, which also appears on her sign. This time, I stopped to take it in and called to make an appointment. Ayurvedic Massage Therapy has been practised in India for 5000 years. Whereas a regular massage works to ease tension and relax the muscles, Ayurvedia Massage is gentle, concentrating on the 107 vital energy points in the body. Stress from daily life can cause blockages that can lead to fatigue and imbalance. This form of massage releases the blockages, restoring balance. A treatment begins with a Q and A on your lifestyle. Sally then caters the massage (oils and pressure used) around the results. Our characteristics are soon pinpointed to a combination of three Doshas: Vata, Pitta and Kapha. People generally fall into more than one, but looking at my answers, Sally concluded I was a strong Pitta – made up of fire and water. These physical and emotional characteristics are an eye opener, and this is before the massage even begins. We are asked about our eating habits, sleeping habits, and even how fast we walk down the street and the connotations of this. One thing’s for sure, most of us can do with taking a step back and slowing down. The massage worked wonders, immediately clearing my mind for the 90 minute duration. The therapy incorporates massage and yoga stretches for emotional balance and wellbeing.I began seated in a chair, the arms, shoulders and head massaged simultaneously, combined with gentle stretches and focused breathing. Moving onto the massage couch, the back, legs and feet were then focused on, the oils detoxifying and the stretches restoring calm and relaxation to the body. It’s an hour and a half where you can focus on yourself, as points in the body are heightened. Gentle, relaxing and restoring, this is a therapy every female should indulge in. Padma Ayurveda, 25 Baker Street, Brighton. Call Sally Watkins on 07092 202210 for more information and the different massage treatments available,


Reach over 100,000 health-conscious readers across London and the Southeast with Wave, the region’s only free mind, body and soul monthly.

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Groovy gravy Andrew Kay makes a speedy return to The Half Moon in Plumpton for a splendid Sunday lunch It’s not been long since I visited the Half Moon for a meal, but I was out that way (camping yet again) and in serious need of a proper Sunday lunch. You know the kind: meat, gravy, a few veg, a Yorkshire pud… I had been pretty impressed on my first few visits and felt they deserved a second look. So, slightly damp from a weekend under canvas, I persuaded M&J to join me there. And how it had rained, we had thunder and lightening, showers, squalls and downright downpours. But at Plumpton the sun was shining and the terrace steaming. Inside we sat, for the first time, in the dining area. The menu included a good range of dishes and a choice of beef or lamb as the traditional roasts, but more of them later.

“I chose South Downs Lamb, why would you not? It is so good. And I was not disappointed” To start M chose a dish of cheese on toast with bacon and mushrooms. It was huge, really huge and sizzling hot. She declared it delicious and we reckoned she would have no room for anything else, but as ever, she proved us wrong. J had the far daintier chicken liver pate with walnuts, pickles and toast. I had this on a previous visit and it is very good indeed, soft, rich and tasty, and she agreed. I chose onion soup. I love soup, I have a belief that it will not over-fill me, although I suspect I am misguided in this. The onion soup was sweet and tasty and screamingly hot. I sipped delicately until it was cool enough to guzzle.

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J chose a dish of salmon on a bed of ratatouille and spinach as a main and she was delighted by what arrived. Although technically the ratatouille was not quite authentic, roasted rather than stewed, she thoroughly enjoyed the dish and cleaned her plate. M is a beefy girl, in every sense of the word, and so for her there was no choice but to have the beef. Her plate came with thick, lean slices in plentiful proportions and an assortment of vegetables that included roast potato, carrot, parsnip, braised red cabbage, broccoli and mashed sweet potato. Slightly disturbed by the less than traditional mash she still managed to polish off the lot and was very impressed by her rich beef gravy and a home-made Yorkshire pudding that, although a little sharp baked, was at least not out of the freezer. I chose South Downs Lamb, why would you not? It is so good. And I was not disappointed. The chef had cooked it to perfection and it was lean and tender, sweet and succulent. The fat, and I love the fat, was crisp and tasty. I also had the same assortment of vegetables and I loved the sweet potato mash. My gravy, most impressively, was quite distinctly lamb gravy, a factor that impressed us all and although I am a firm believer that a Yorkshire pudding should come with beef and beef alone, I did not mind eating the one that sat atop my lamb. Mint sauce arrived without question and I was a very happy diner indeed. Far too full for dessert I sat back ready to watch as the other indulged and for a moment J was set to do so with the promise of her infused creme bruleé. But sadly the last had been sold and the next batch were vanilla. She was so disappointed. By the time M had chosen the tatin-style apple tart with calvados cream I had succumbed. Rather relying on those two to fulfil the pudding quotient of the review I now felt obliged to join in. So I ordered the creme bruleé. M loved the apple tart and in particular the toffee sauce on the side. My creme bruleé came with excellent crisp shortbreads and shards of dark and white chocolate. The custard was exactly the right texture – not too sweet; the crisp caramelised topping glassy and brittle, fine; and stopped just the right side of burnt. A few raspberries and a drizzle of fruit jus made the whole thing complete and I finally sat back feeling extremely piggy. J had a very smug grin on her face, the ‘I have been restrained look’ unlike her normal ‘I should be restrained’ one. The Half Moon was deservedly rammed and I was glad that we had booked. As we were preparing to leave a party of eighteen arrived demanding to be fed despite not having booked. Smilingly the staff rearranged tables and accommodated them, explaining that there might not be roasts for all. I think that is service beyond the call of duty. The Half Moon, Ditchling Rd, Plumpton, Lewes, BN7 3AF. Call 01273 890253

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Sevendials Restaurant A smart restaurant in so many ways, excellent food and a sensible variety of menus in chic surroundings. Chef Sam runs a team of food-lovers who deliver time after time, from a simple lunch to a full à la carte dinner. Cooking reflects the seasons rather than fashion and quality is paramount, with great locally caught fish, game in season and desserts that are a delight, plus a wine list full of treats without being expensive. Make the most of the terrace when the weather is warm or the private dining room for a treat. 1 Buckingham Place, Brighton, 01273 885555,

Sam’s of Brighton

RESTAURANTS BRITISH AND MODERN EUROPEAN Bardsley’s Probably Brighton’s most popular fish and chip shop and restaurant with a large loyal clientele. Totally traditional and family-run with all your favourites, but also an excellent blackboard of daily fish specials. They’re open for lunch and dinner Tuesday to Saturday and it’s also a great party venue. There are massive fish platters and good seasonal seafood. Fish can be fried, grilled or poached, plus there are vegetarian choices. 22–23a Baker Street, Brighton, 01273 681256

The Coach House Friendly restaurant bar in the city centre serving an excellent range of hearty homecooked food, separate evening and lunch menus and always a selection of roasts on Sunday. Great mussels, steaks, soups and a good wine list. In the winter, a central open fire roars. In summer, people soak up the late sun on the pretty terrace. The warm atmosphere and good value pricing make this a popular local haunt. 59 Middle Street, Brighton, 01273 719000

The Gallery Restaurant Why not appreciate for yourself the brand new restaurant in the heart of Brighton’s lanes specialising in modern British food all within in a relaxed fine dining environment. All the food is sourced locally, (where possible) homemade and designed for the seasons by our a la carte head chef who has lead at the Dorchester in London, amongst other leading London restaurants. The restaurant boasts a friendly yet casual environment that offers that little bit more all at very reasonable prices. 28 East Street, Brighton. 01273 773327

A brand new restaurant on the Kemp Town restaurant scene. Situated in the famous One Paston Place site, Sam’s offers a more relaxed dining experience. The dishes served are classic yet creative, with a focus on seasonal ingredients. Examples are natural smoked haddock and salmon fish pie with a free-range poached egg or chargrilled Scotch rib-eye steak with proper chips, plum tomato and house butter. 1 Paston Place, Brighton, 01273 676222

Santiago Restaurant Nestled between the two piers, Santiago Restaurant offers quality food and friendly service in this fantastic location on Brighton beach. Occupying former fisherman’s arches and boasting three of the historic, original arched windows, the first floor indoor restaurant gives a cosy and intimate dining experience. Now serving an exciting new menu of modern European dishes with a Hispanic influence and delicious homemade desserts. On sunny days, enjoy watching the world go by while dining on their sun terrace overlooking the beach, or in the evening come and relax in the indoor restaurant where every table has a sea view. 143-144 Kings Road Arches, Brighton Beach 01273 710031

CHINESE Gars Restaurant Stunningly refurbished, this old Brighton favourite has attained a new lease of life. An exciting menu with some great new ideas and a wholly different experience in terms of style and presentation. Smart service, beautiful interiors and a truly chic atmosphere make this one of the city’s top places to be seen. Start downstairs at the bar before rising to the upper dining room and enjoy the glamour of it all. Eat from £10. 19 Prince Albert Street, Brighton 01273 321321

Sam’s of Brighton


FRENCH The Arrogant Frog Not as expensive as you might think! A tempting à la carte and Xpress lunch is available all week. A ‘Plat du Jour’, at £9.45 including a drink, is the perfect way to treat yourself without breaking the bank. Relaxed alfresco dining is available in the garden; a sunny afternoon could not be better spent. Enjoy the ‘Early Frog’ from 6-7pm; a threecourse meal at £13.95 is really the best value for your money! The true character of this delightful restaurant comes hopping to life in the evenings, and the mouthwatering menu is a comprehensive choice of the finest French cuisine. Children and families always welcome. 119 Church Road, Hove, 01273 721488,

Cocoa Cocoa is the cheeky new French patisserie found just down from Brighton train station on Queen’s Road. “A slice of Paris in the heart of Brighton”. All cakes, pastries, tartines and baguettes are lovingly prepared each morning on the premises by French gourmet pastry chef Julien Plumart. Front of the house is run by Jana Solfronk serving coffee, cinnamon hot chocolate or homemade lime ice tea, amongst other beverages. Intimate seating overlooking a mural of the roofs of Paris sets an atmosphere both relaxing and bohemian. For breakfast, lunch or an afternoon “tete a tete”, Cocoa is the choice for discerning Brightonians. As commented by a recent French visitor: ”Cocoa make the best croissant in Brighton, by far better than any I found in Paris.” 48 Queen’s Road, Brighton. 01273 777412

New Steine Bistro Cosy French bistro with regular art exhibitions, creating the perfect setting for the appreciation of traditional home-made French cuisine either with friends or for a romantic night out. A hidden gem in the heart of Kemp Town, and very reasonable too! Daily evening menu at two courses £10.50, three courses £12.50 on weekdays; and two courses £14.50, three courses £16.50 on Friday and Saturday (ONLY LIMITED SPACES AVAILABLE DAILY). À la carte menu Tuesday to Saturday 6-10pm for last orders. 10-11 New Steine, Brighton, 01273 681546 or 695415

L’Église L’Église is a traditional French restaurant in Hove offering classic cuisine prepared for contemporary tastes. Offering a fantastic à la carte menu Tuesday to Sunday together with daily specials like coq au vin and côte de bœuf for two. Locally sourced produce includes freshly caught fish of the day and an extensive Anglo-French farmhouse cheeseboard. There is also a selection of superb French desserts on offer such as tarte

aux pommes and crème brulée. Enjoy the south-facing sun terrace with the brasserie lunch menu, Tuesday-Sunday 12-6pm, including croque madame, tarte a l’ognion, moules marinières and more. And with a delicious French Sunday roast, this is true entente cordiale. 196 Church Road, Hove, 01273 220868,,

INDIAN Chaula’s “The food of India, not just Indian food.” New on the scene in Lewes and unlike other Indian restaurants, Chaula’s is renowned for its signature dishes: bhindi kadhi, pista chicken, lamb rajasthani, and many more, and for its distinctive décor and friendly staff. All meals are made fresh to order and every curry has its own distinctively flavoured sauce. There is also a wide variety of vegetarian, vegan and gluten and wheat-free dishes. They have a buffet available 11am-3pm Mon-Sat, alongside a ‘light bites’ menu. It’s definitely a hot favourite with the people of Lewes! Eastgate House, 6 Eastgate street, Lewes, BN7 2LP, 01273 476707,

The Chilli Pickle The Chilli Pickle is a family run Indian bistro in the famous old lanes serving stunning food. Fronted by Brighton chef Alun Sperring, who has recently returned from Jumeirah in Dubai and has spent the last twenty years learning his trade around the world. The restaurant has a relaxed and informal feel, with an emphasis on authentic Indian and Nepalese dishes using local and organic produce. The daytime menu offers Indian street food, Thalis and Masala Dosa, a selection of beautiful loose teas and cakes and sweetmeats. Dinner is a more refined affair. Feast on a Spiced Tandoor Baked Shoulder of Lamb, Moilly Seafood Pot or Duck Egg Masala to name a few. Paired with a carefully chosen selection of Belgian and micro brewery beers to include original India pale ale. 42 Meeting House Lane, 01273 323824

ITALIAN Donatello The flagship venue of this local family-run business serving excellent value Italian food in stylish and spotless surroundings. It is popular with locals in the week but at the weekend it draws an audience from London. There are brilliant-value meal deals on blackboards outside – two courses £6.95, three £8.95 – as well as à la carte. The haunt of celebs in season from soap stars to politicos. Fun, friendly and fabulous value. Brighton Place, Brighton, 01273 775477,

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Supposedly the budget branch of the Donatello stable but you’d be hard-pressed to see why. Once again, quality family dining in the Italian mould but a little less expensive. Popular with students and young families, Fat Leo has trendy interiors, including the toilets, and a menu which is utterly affordable with the signature setprice boards proclaiming any two courses £5.95, any three courses £7.95. 16-17 Market Street, Brighton, 01273 325135

The Thai word ‘sabai’ means comfortable, relaxed and chilled – precisely the way you’ll feel when you dine or have a drink with us. Filled with stylish, genuine Thai furnishings, Sabai transports you to the beach bars of Samui or the contemporary restaurants of Bangkok. Browse our extensive menu of unique Sabai dishes, while sampling a cocktail or a bottle of wine from our comprehensive wine list. Try our gastronomic Thai food made with fresh, authentic ingredients – many of which are grown by the family of the restaurant’s owners back in Thailand. Come and enjoy – or as they say in Thailand: “Sanuk”! 165-169 Princes House, Princes Place North St, Brighton, 01273 773030,

THAI Chokdee A premium takeaway and informal eaterie next to Hove Station where you can enjoy real Thai cooking. Chokdee serves a variety of popular Thai dishes, including tom yum soup, pad thai (stir-fried noodles) favourite red and green curries and a range of freshly stir-fried dishes, with vegetarian options. There’s a selection of home-made starters priced from £3.95. A plate of mixed starters is good value at £8.95 and includes chicken satay, Thai fishcakes, mini spring rolls and mee krob noodles. Main courses include a good selection of vegetarian, duck and seafood dishes, and are made to each individual order using authentic Thai ingredients such as holy basil, kaffir lime leaves and galangal, coconut milk and chillis. Chokdee is licensed, with wines, saké and Thai beers. Open Monday to Saturday, for lunch and in the evening. 98 Goldstone Villas, Hove 01273 720370

Sawadee The Thai restaurant that people love for parties and celebrations because they always give the best of times. And why not, as this well-priced restaurant pleases repeatedly with dishes we have all grown to love, and new ones too. We were impressed by the use of authentic ingredients, such as pea aubergines where others use peas. Lots of fish dishes too with bass and pomfret and a great sliced beef salad. 87 St James’s Street, Brighton, 01273 624233,


Home café

Spinelli Coffee combines the best of modern Italian café culture with great-tasting, highquality specialty coffee and mouth-watering pastries and savouries. A place where customers are attended to by a dedicated team of the very best baristas, whose driving motivation is to provide the ultimate ‘coffee experience’. Beautiful oak sliding doors look onto a heated outdoor seating area with sea views. Everyone can find a place to sit and sip, get wrapped up in a good book, take advantage of the free Wi-Fi or just relax. Spinelli Coffee is located in the heart of Kemp Town Village, just off the corner of St George’s Road and College Road. Mon-Fri 8am-6pm, Sat 8:30am-6pm, Sun 9am-5pm. Spinelli Coffee, 24 Garnet House, College Road, Brighton, 01273 818819

Home by the arch at Queens Park, serves long, lazy brunches, delicious lunches and homemade cakes and treats. From pancake stacks dripping in maple syrup to eggs Benedict and locally roasted espresso coffee. If you've missed lunch or are in need of a late breakfast, we always have something to tempt you at Home. It's all in our name. At Home you will receive a warm welcome and quality homemade food sourced locally. We have a fully licensed bar, and make a killer bloody Mary, the perfect accompaniment to any brunch. Private parties catered for daytime and evening. Open seven days a week 10am– 5pm 32 Egremont Place, Brighton, BN2 OGA, 01273 674456

Moksha Caffe Brighton


Moksha is Brighton’s ultimate independent café, with their own blend of locally roasted coffee made by highly trained baristas. They have an excellent range of homemade cakes and sandwiches all made on site with favourites like battenburg, quiches and gluten-free options like pistachio and orange biscotti. Moksha is not your usual high street coffee shop with its spacious interior and the works of local artists. They are child friendly, have disabled access and free WIFI. Now open late Thur/Fri/Sat offering free aperitivos with any bottle of wine and 2-4-1 cocktails from 5–7pm. Located opposite St Peters Church and only a stones’ throw away from Brighton Station. Moksha Caffe, 4-5 York Place, Brighton, 01273 248890,

Koba Bar and Club Koba hosts a happy hour in the front bar between 5-7pm all week. With three bars over three floors and a dedicated team of mixologists, this venue stands as a flagship of quality and has been nominated in the top ten bars/clubs in the UK by The Independent. Good beers, a sensible wine list, and of course, champagne for special occasions (or just for the love of it). The perfect venue for a private party or an atmospheric night out. To book your private party, reserve your guestlist or to run through some ideas please contact: Koba, 135 Western Road, Brighton, 01273 720059,

To have an entry in the latest hot list call Marie on 01273 818150

Perfect place Andrew Kay finds peace, quiet and scrumptious food at Hove Place Two steps into Hove Place and I could not think why I had left it such a long time. This elegant bar is packed with character and charm, old world but with a modern slant. And a refreshing team serving, who were not all just out of school. It has the atmosphere of a Peter Cheyney novel of the 1930s There was a printed menu on each table, but also a blackboard of specials. I found a table, dropped my bags, returned to the car to fetch the dog (yes dogs are welcome) and settled down. My spritzer arrived almost before my laptop booted up and the whitebait I had chosen to start with followed soon after. I love whitebait and it’s a real pleasure eating them alone with no-one pinching them. These were crisp and plentiful. I chose not to eat the bread and butter, but only because I didn’t want to peak too soon. And I ate them with my fingers – uncouth, I know – but I like them that way. From the blackboard I chose a chicken enchilada. Not normally a fan of Mexican food I do actually enjoy these big parcels of spicy meat and this was no exception. To say it was generous would be under-egging the matter. It was huge and it was packed with lean chicken in a vibrant sauce that packed a punch without blowing my head off. On top, the flour tortillas were covered in toasted cheese and there were large dollops (it’s a technical term) of sour cream and guacomole and on the side a massive dressed salad that went way beyond the usual salad garnish. I tried ever so hard to eat it all but have to confess I failed, so generous was the portion. Needless to say this put paid to any idea of pud, but I did enjoy an excellent Americano. Had it been a little warmer I might have dined outside in the immaculate Italianate garden, but inside was cosy and friendly. Food is served till 8pm from Sunday through to Thursday and to 5pm on Friday and Saturday. Sunday lunches are very popular and booking is almost definitely required to guarantee a table. Hove Place, 37 First Avenue, Hove BN3 2FH. Call 01273 738266

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Flyte of fancy Andrew Kay gets in the mix with an evening of cocktails at KOBA In the summer I drink ice cold lagers and cider, in the winter I drink real ales and whiskey, but all year round you will find me drinking cocktails. Yes, I am a mixology maniac with a great love of the stirred and the shaken. I like nothing better then sitting on a stool at a bar, chewing the fat with the bartender as they produce some fabulous drink for me to sip. I like the whole process, the cool vibe, and the slightly louche atmosphere, that touch of decadence. I like bars that are buzzing and filled with excitement. I like bars early in the evening when they are quiet, me on a stool – and a clandestine tryst between a couple hoping not to be seen in a dark corner. Yes, my name is Andrew Kay and I am a cocktailaholic. And in that flippant remark lies an element of a recent evening spent in one of my favourite local bars, KOBA. It opened in a burst of publicity a few years back and was at the forefront of Brighton’s place on the cocktail map, and after London, Brighton is most definitely ‘Cocktail Central’. Initially there was the front bar, soon followed by the very smart and exclusive private members bars behind. The décor was lush, the mood elegant and the crowd smart. Now the entire venue is open to the public and everyone can enjoy the sophistication that is KOBA. I went along quite early for a few drinks, four to be precise, and a chat about cocktail drinking. The most common mistake people make when drinking cocktails is mixing things up. You tip up, read the menu, choose a drink and settle back. Then when it’s time for the next drink, you read the menu again. It’s a bit like being in a sweet shop, spoilt for choice and all the choices sound so delicious. Four drinks into the evening and there is a good chance that working in this way you will have had eight shots of eight different spirits in a variety of combinations. It’s a recipe for disaster, but one that can easily be avoided by sticking to a few rules. I am normally a gin drinker, but I know that puts me in a minority with most people preferring vodka-based cocktails. So on this occasion I put my trust in the KOBA team, told them that I would be there for a while, four drinks in fact, and asked if the barman could come up with what I will describe as a flyte of cocktails. Take a look at the pictures and you will see that it could quite easily be described as a flight of fancy. Inspired by the challenge the guy with the shaker set about making us four truly great but distinctly different drinks. Some long, some short but all what I would describe as ‘grown-up’. By that I mean that they have a complexity of flavours, a great look and importantly a kick.

Orange Blossom Martini Belvedere Pomarancza Vodka muddled with grapes, white wine, lemon juice & gomme, balanced with elderflower cordial

French Caiporoska Wyborowa Lemon Vodka & Cointreau muddled with fresh lime & sugar served over crushed ice

Now four cocktails is a fair amount of alcohol but in his very safe hands I felt great, happy yes but not silly, and the next day no hangover, although I have a resistance, so that is not guaranteed. KOBA is as popular as ever; the staff are skilled and keen to make sure that you have a great experience. Ask their advice, tell them what spirits you like, how sweet or sour, long or short and then let them take you on a flyte of fancy. If you already know what you like and how you like it then tell them that too as they are fully experienced in making a wide range of both modern and classic cocktails, even if you cannot find it on their extensive menu. KOBA 135 Western Road Brighton UK BN1 2LA. Call 01273 720059

Achilles Heel Zubrowka Vodka, Chambord & Crème de Peche mixed with apple & lemon juice, gomme, shaken & served over ice

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Peartini Wyborova pear vodka with Xante pear cognac, caramel liqueur stirred with apple juice latest 7 21

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latest listings Your weekly guide to what’s on

30 September – 6 October

Under review Here’s our round up of recent local shows, plus there’s oodles of reviews online at Calendar Girls A living legend, a great film, and now a stage show. Could they pull it off, forgive the pun? The answer is, yes. Handled with delicacy this new stage version more than meets the challenge. The script is good, the staging excellent but above all this is casting brilliance. An all star cast could have too many divas, but this is ensemble work at its best. Full marks to all, but in particular to Sian Phillips whose timing milks every laugh, lines and pause, I wanted more of her. Lynda Bellingham is superb; Brigit Forsyth, hysterical; Gaynor Faye, glorious; Julia Hills, utterly convincing and Elaine C Smith sings like an angel and laughs like a demon. Patrica Hodge is rock solid at the centre of the tragicomedy although her accent is more Knightsbridge than Knapely. Moving, funny and heart warming, the story lives on. Chichester Festival Theatre, 16 September ✌✌✌✌ Andrew Kay

Esoterica A sell-out at the Edinburgh Fringe and compared to the devil himself, the only connection physically visible with magician, Eric Walton, is a sardonic, wicked smile and bewitching charm. As the New Yorker deftly delivers cool ‘how did he do that’ card tricks and memorable mindreading feats with members pulled from an excited audience, he’s also quick to comically improvise on the spot. Add an engaging verbal journey through the mystical, arcane, philosophical, metaphysical and psychological, and this cracking formula of contemporary magic and slick wit makes an original ‘magic show’. Paul Daniels this definitely was not! Hanbury Club, 17 September ✌✌✌✌ Monica Perdoni

Tim Vine – Punslinger The punmeister of the circuit had so many quick-firing gags there was hardly time to breathe between laughs, or room to think before the

HOT REVIEW OF THE WEEK Los Albertos If you’re looking for the ultimate unpretentious party band then look no further than this Brighton-based six-piece. Rapidly gaining a reputation as one of the best live acts around, they immediately set about getting heads a-bobbing and feet adancing throughout the sweaty confines of this excellent venue. Their ska-ish undertow is mixed with lashings of A-grade

funk, high energy soul and badass rock, underpinned by a tight as hell three-piece brass section and original songwriting. Sweep away all those sheeplike art rock and skinny jean types and instead immerse yourself instead in quality party music, pure and simple. Brunswick, 20 September ✌✌✌✌✌ Julie Andrew

assault of another manicured punchline. Polished and propped up by songs and a bag of props, it was like watching a one-man pantomime with puns and electronic backing music adding to the frenetic energy, each accompanied by a non sequitur punchline. Good at what he did, but limited and with no sense of the personal, unfortunately. However, the surprise support from Boothby Graffoe delivered with aplomb, mixing puns with the personal and a gentle guitar accompaniment from the man himself. Theatre Royal, 14 September ✌✌✌

Sam Sparrow p29

Victoria Nangle

The Luchagors + Los Mendozas + Spookey All-girl Japanese popsters Spookey opened, in nice enough, if ultimately forgettable fashion. Local quasi-Mexican wrestling mentalists Los Mendozas were sporadically great: when they actually played, it was fantastically heavy hardcore, though too much time spent clowning, till the joke isn’t funny anymore. Headlining was an actual former wrestler, ex WWE superstar, Amy Dumas, and her band, The Luchagors. Early sound problems frustrated, but once sorted it was clear the sound wasn’t as much a problem as the plodding, radio punk numbers which left the listener underwhelmed. Full credit to the Hobgoblin for bringing worldwide punk to Brighton. Usually it’s pretty reliable, though tonight something was missing. The Hobgoblin, 16 September ✌✌ Nick Aldwinckle

Van Morrison Despite the fuss about ticket prices (admittedly £105, even for the best seats is steep) and the ban on alcohol at the venue, this was Van Morrison on form. OK, you could set your watch by the exact 90 minutes you get, but the guy’s a legend, and this was a largely brilliant set. A faithful, and staggeringly fresh-sounding ‘The Way Young Lovers Do’ showcased the musicians and Morrison’s still emotionally powerful voice. A Van Morrison set is never predictable and given his famed reluctance to performing his more trancendental music, it was a rare treat to hear ‘When The Healing Has Begun’ live. Brighton Dome Concert Hall, 19 September ✌✌✌✌

24 Comedy Chris Cox talks geek chic

24 Art The Brighton Photo Biennial 2008

25 Stage Roy and Tony move to the Latest Music bar; listings

26 Film Jar City director talks to Latest; listings

28 Events It’s Breast Cancer Awareness week; listings

28 Books Sham shamen; listings

29 Music Nick Aldwinckle chats to Sam Sparrow; listings

33 Music & Clubs Seven days of partying

35 Gay Will’s kicking open closets; news & listings

38 Television Billie Piper’s bum is annoying Dani, plus TV listings for the week

Candy MacNamara

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Photograph by Franco Pagetti

A laughing matter Victoria Nangle talks to ‘the mindreader who doesn’t read minds’ and rising star Chris Cox about his appeal and footrests Radio 1’s official magician, possibly the youngest performer at the Magner’s Paramount Comedy Festival to have his own show at only 24, and a massive fan of Brighton from his home in Horsham. Chris Cox is all these, but most of all he’s a really, really lovely guy. Even with man flu. Initially he misses my call, but eventually communications are established. “Sorry, I’ve just got a new phone and I hit the wrong button. I do apologise. I’ve yet to quite adapt to it.” I tell him his message sounds cheerful though. “I’m glad it sounds cheerful. I’ve got man flu on the go so I’m not at my best, but I’ll try. Oh no, the struggles of man flu,” he mugs.

An explosion rocks a building in Saddam Hussein’s palace complex in Baghdad, March 21, 2003... © Franco Pagetti / VII

“I think it’s partly because I look twelve. I like to think I’ve got a bit of geek chic going on” So let’s start at the beginning. “I started when I was six,” he explains. “I did! I got a magic kit when I was six. I’ve always been interested in magic. While I was at school and studying psychology I realised I could mix that with magic and it looked like I could read minds. Then I focused on it a lot at uni. And now… This year was my second full Edinburgh.” His first Edinburgh festival show was funded by his student loan. “It was the biggest risk I took and it paid off.” His first shows were for his family at Christmases. “My grandparents are just about to move house and they’re getting rid of stuff and they’ve given me a footrest. You know, one of those pouffe things that you have. Because I used to use it. I would stand on it and it would be my stage, and my sister would be my magical assistant and I’d do little tricks at Christmas and stuff.” His audience is far wider now though: old, young and in between. “You know what,” he ponders. “I think it’s partly because I look twelve. I like to think I’ve got a bit of geek chic going on. At heart I’m a bit of a geek and at the very best I’m funny looking. “I haven’t set out to target anyone. All I’ve set out to do is play and amuse and amaze people, and the fact that they’re there is great.” So is his modesty. With telly deals calling after a successful Edinburgh Festival and his childhood dream of a tour coming true, it’s all coming up roses for Chris. Chris Cox – Control Freak The Pavilion Theatre, Brighton, Friday 17 October. Tickets £12/10.

Stand-up wisdom: “They say you’re only as good as your audience. You’ve been a fantastic crowd.” Boothby Graffoe


The Brighton Photo Biennial 2008, entitled, ‘Memory of Fire: The War of Images and the Images of War‘, is curated by Julian Stallabrass and explores photographic images of war, their making, use and circulation, and their currency in contemporary society. For the third edition, the Biennial extends its geographic boundaries to include nine venues across the South east coast from Bexhill-on-Sea to Portsmouth with three venues in Brighton. Among the exhibitors include outstanding and world class photographers such as Philip Jones Griffiths, Don McCullin and Sebastiao Salgado. Brighton Photo Biennial 2008, Friday 3 October–16 November.

Photograph by Philip Jones Griffiths

This means war!

Quynh Lan, 11-years-old, at her home in A Luoi, Vietnam. Her father was sprayed many times with Agent Orange. © Philip Jones Griffiths / Magnum Photos

ART LISTINGS BRIGHTON MUSEUM AND ART GALLERY Royal Pavilion Gardens, 01273 292882 Chinese Whispers: Chinoiserie in Britain 1650–1930 With loans from HM The Queen, national museums and private collections, ‘Chinese Whispers’ tells three centuries of stories through rare and iconic objects. Until 2 Nov, Tuesday 10am–7pm, Wed–Sat 10am-5p, Sun 2–5pm Closed Mondays, except public holidays 10am–5pm

SYDNEY STREET GALLERY 27 Sydney Street, Brighton, 01273 818163 Justin Thomas: The Sunshine Bores The Daylight Out Of Me First exhibition of veteran music and celebrity photographer, featuring unseen images of many of rock and pops icons such as Marley, Bowie, Dylan, The Stones et al Until 16 November, Sun–Sat (not Monday)

INK_D GALLERY 96 North Road, Brighton, 01273 645299 Iraq: A Process of Resistance Peter Kennard and Cat Picton-Phillipps present an alternative view on the construction of war as part of the Brighton Photo Fringe. 3–25 October, Mon–Sat 10am–6pm

PELHAM HOUSE St Andrews Lane, Lewes Maria Kuipers Conjuring feelings of mystery and transition, Kuipers uses metaphors and symbols throughout her paintings. Until 15 October

Phoenix Gallery 10–14 Waterloo Place, Brighton, 01273 603700 Entre-deux new work arising out of a photographic exchange project involving Phoenix Brighton and French partner Diaphane. Part of Brighton Photo Fringe 4 Oct–6 Dec, Tues–Sat 11am–5pm

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Tag Comedy Like tag wrestling but with comedians sharing a set instead of a spar, this month featuring Gordon Southern, Rufus Hound, Milton Jones and Stephen Grant. Komedia, 8:00pm, £6.50/7.50.

Bill Bailey's Remarkable Guide To The Orchestra Anne Dudley and the BBC Concert Orchestra join classically trained musician and hirsute comedian Bill Bailey in his surreal and musical imagination. Brighton Dome, 8pm, £30

Bexhill-on-Sea 01424 229111 The Sublime Image of Destruction Battlefield ‘aftermath’ images with bleak, lyrical and painterly images by Simon Norfolk, Paul Seawright and Broomberg and Chanarin. 3 Oct–4 Jan, Mon–Sun 10am–6pm

The Secret Policeman's Ball Featuring leading comedy talent performing cuttingedge comedy and brand-new sketches. Including Graham Norton, Russell Howard and Frank Skinner, all broadcast live from The Royal Albert Hall for Amnesty International. Duke of York's Picturehouse, £14–£17.50



40 Duke Street, Brighton 01273 778646 Thomas Hirschhorn: The Incommensurable Banner Hirschhorn makes images that draws upon pictures, of bodies torn apart by modern munitions. 3 October–16 November, Wed–Sat, 11.30am–5pm, Sun, 2–5pm

Middle Street, Brighton Wish You Were Here A compilation of artforms designed to help you forget about time, and curated by Laura Krikke. Until 1 October, Mon–Sat 10am–5pm

HQ GALLERY 15 St John Street, Lewes, 01273 487849 Tom Benjamin: The Service of Clouds Modern landscape art. Until 5 October, Tues–Sat 10am–5pm, Sundays 1–5pm

Friday 3 Roy & Tony's Club The first of a series of comedy and music shows with new material each time, from these three-time Perrier Award-nominated performers. Latest Music Bar (formerly Joogleberry Playhouse), 8:00pm, £10 or £20 with a two course dinner.

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 Morecambe and Tuesday 30 Sept to Monday 6 October Wise meets Beckett STAGELISTINGS

Roy Hutchins and Tony Haase (aka Roy & Tony's Club) talk to Latest Seven

David Essex, Theatre Royal

AZUR, MARINA PAVILION St Leonards On Sea 0845 812 1066 Someone Who’ll Watch Over Me Inspired by the plight of Brian Keenan and John McCarthy, taken hostage in Beirut. • 15–18 Oct, 7.45pm, £9

THE BARN Southwick St, Southwick, 01273 597094 Cabaret Buffet, music, dance and entertainment • 24 Oct, 7.30pm, £25

Alex • 21–25 Oct, 7.45pm plus 2.30pm Wed and Sat, £13.50–£19.50

KOMEDIA Book on: 01273 733636 A Sustained Note Of Fury Tale of a circus clown emerging from his father’s shadow • 5–8 Oct, 8pm, £10/£8

THE MARLBOROUGH THEATRE 01273 570028 Boutique Theatre • 3–4 Oct, 7.45pm, £tbc

BRIGHTON DOME 01273 709709 Bye George! Presented by Encore, a company of actors aged over 60 • 3–4 Oct, 7pm, £7/5 Brighton Philharmonic Orchestra • 5 Oct, 2.45pm, £8–£30, Concert Hall Dear Body – Protein Dance Over 16s only • 7–8 Oct, 8pm, £10–£15




01243 781312 Aristo New play based on Nemesis • 30 Sept–4 Oct, 6–11 Oct, SOLD OUT Funny Girl/Funny Boy Minerva Theatre • 4 Oct, 11am, £5/3

01903 206206 The Orchestra • 20 Oct, 8pm, £27.50/£25

EASTBOURNE: CONGRESS THEATRE 01323 412000 The Syd Lawrence Orchestra – Simply Big Band Evening orchestra entertainment • 1 October, 7.30pm, £16.50/15.50 Eastbourne Symphony Orchestra’s Music from the Movies Concert + Tchaikovsky Piano Concert • 5 October, 7.30pm, £10/12 Our House • 7–11 Oct, 7.30pm, 2.30pm mat Thu & Sat, £12.50–£26.50 London Philharmonic Orchestra • 12 Oct, 3pm, £12–£28 Don Cossacks State Dance Company • 15 Oct, 7.30pm, £18–£21.50

EASTBOURNE: DEVONSHIRE PARK THEATRE 01323 412000 The Glass Menagerie Tennessee Williams bio • 30 Sept–4 Oct, 7.45pm, plus 2.30pm matinee Wed and Sat, £10–£21 One For The Pot • 7–11 Oct, 7.45pm plus 2.30pm Wed and Sat, £13.50–£19.50 Murder with Love • 13–18 Oct, 7.45pm plus 2.30pm Wed and Sat, £13.50–£19.50

08700 606650 All the Fun of the Fair Starring David Essex • 6–11 Oct, 7.45pm plus 2.30pm Wed & Sat. £17.50–£29.50 Romeo & Juliet • 17–25 Oct, 7.30pm plus 2.30pm Wed & Sat. £17–£27

WORTHING: CONNAUGHT THEATRE 01903 206206 ‘Allo ‘Allo René’s the most wanted man in occupied France • 6–11 Oct, 7.30pm, plus 2pm Wed, 2.30pm Sat, £13–£22 Horrible Histories Two shows • 14–18 Oct, The Terrible Tudors: Tue & Sat 7pm, Wed & Fri 10.30am, Thu 1.30pm. The Vile Victorians: Wed 1.30pm, Thu 10.30am. Fri 7pm, Sat 2pm, £11/9

Earlier this year, Roy Hutchins and Tony Haase (aka Roy & Tony's Club) performed a season of six fortnightly comedy theatre music shows at the Open House, offering completely new material each time. The Latest's very own critic Candy McNamara wrote: “A properly intimate cosy club... with Hutchins as the pedantic slightly uptight foil to Haase’s exuberantly manic flights of fancy, in a sort of updated Pete and Pete, where they grow up and become self aware. Life, the universe and general trivia are examined and reformed into a sort of warped logic. They have the ability to create something which, while seemingly ad-libbed, deposits you at the end realising you have experienced something finely honed and structured, as well as original. Catch them while you can.” ‘Roy & Tony’s Club’ has now moved onto The Latest Music Bar (formerly the Joogleberry) for a new season, the first of which starts on Friday 3 October, and thereafter the first Friday of every month. Roy and Tony took time out of their busy schedule to talk to me on the phone, but mostly because I was too busy to leave the office. So, new shows again with new material each time? Why do a completely new show each time? Tony: The nature of the shows has evolved show by show, and is still evolving. Plus, the audience like to come back and see new material. Roy: It started out as improvised double act but has now turned more into complete stories, comedy theatre plays with music. Tony: : We like Morecambe and Wise, and Hope and Crosby movies. As well as Samuel Beckett plays. So now it's more Morecombe and Wise and Hope and Crosby and Samuel and Beckett. Is there a topical nature to the writing? Tony: Certainly a seasonal nature. This time we’re looking back at the glorious summer music festivals. Roy: While also looking forward to the period of pagan autumnal celebrations. Which is why we'll be staging ‘Roy & Tonestock’ live on stage. Tony: It’s topical too. In the first show we discover that Roy’s imaginary friend from childhood has been working at Lehman Brothers. Roy: Another purpose of the club is so people can meet and catch up with friends in a convivial atmosphere. Tony: Just going out and meeting real people in real places. Roy: But Jean Paul Sartre did say, ‘Hell is other people’, didn’t he? But hell is also watching another ’100 Best Of Shows’ at home on a Friday night, isn’t it? Roy: So if you fancy a great night out, pop along. Tony: The bar is open late afterwards. The Latest Music Bar, 14–17 Manchester Street, Friday 3 October Doors open 7pm, show 8pm £10 (£20 with a two course meal) Conc £8. Reservations: Check out full programme at: the

WORTHING: PAVILION THEATRE 01903 206206 Opera Babes Enchanting music and dazzling costumes combine • 3 Oct, 8pm, £16–£17.50 European Ballet – Sleeping Beauty Set to Tchaikovsky’s glorious score • 5 Oct, 5.30pm, £14–£19 The Extra Factor This show has been cancelled. Contact the venue for more info. • 6 Oct: CANCELLED Spirit of the Dance • 9–10 Oct, 8pm, £17.50–£21.50 Fame: The Musical • 15–18 Oct, 7.45pm, plus 2.45pm Sat,£12–£14 The Big Ballet • 19 Oct, 7.30pm, £19/17 Don Cossacks State Dance Company • 20 Oct, 7.30pm, £17.50–£21.50 Sing A Long A Sound Of Music • 25 Oct, 7pm, £14.50

If you would like to comment on these stories please email

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FILM 1himself. Following the recent death of his own daughter

0871 224 4007 Tuesday 30

Thursday 2

DEATH RACE (15) 3.00, 6.00, 8.40 THE DUCHESS (12A) 2.30, 5.30, 8.00 JOY DIVISION (15) 8.30 MAMMA MIA! (PG) 3.30, 8.45 PINEAPPLE EXPRESS (15) 2.45, 5.45, 8.20 RIGHTEOUS KILL (15) 2.00, 4.20, 6.45, 9.15 ROCKNROLLA (15) 6.00 TAKEN (15) 2.00, 4.10, 6.15, 8.30 THE WOMEN (12A) 2.10, 5.30 TROPIC THUNDER (15) 3.00, 6.15, 9.00

BABY MAMA (12A) 10.30 DEATH RACE (15) 3.00, 6.00, 8.40 THE DUCHESS (12A) 2.30, 5.30, 8.00 KUNG FU PANDA (PG) 10.45 MAMMA MIA! (PG) 3.30 MAMMA MIA! SINGALONG (PG) 8.45 PINEAPPLE EXPRESS (15) 2.45, 5.45, 8.20 RIGHTEOUS KILL (15) 2.00, 4.20, 6.45, 9.15 ROCKNROLLA (15) 6.00 TAKEN (15) 2.00, 4.10, 6.15, 8.30 THE WOMEN (12A) 2.10, 8.30 TROPIC THUNDER (15) 3.00, 6.15, 9.00

Wednesday 1 DEATH RACE (15) 3.00, 6.00, 8.40 THE DUCHESS (12A) 2.30, 5.30, 8.00 MAMMA MIA! (PG) 3.30, 8.45 PINEAPPLE EXPRESS (15) 2.45, 5.45, 8.20 RIGHTEOUS KILL (15) 2.00, 4.20, 6.45, 9.15 ROCKNROLLA (15) 6.00 TAKEN (15) 2.00, 4.10, 6.15, 8.30 THE WOMEN (12A) 2.10, 5.30, 8.30 TROPIC THUNDER (15) 3.00, 6.15, 9.00


lowdown New releases reviewed

Moulin Rouge (12) 

Dir: Baz Luhrmann The most overblown musical of the last ten years flaunts its wares in aid of charity for one night only. Screened in aid of Macmillan Cancer Support the film follows Nicole Kidman and Ewan McGregor as they fall in and out of love in Paris in 1900. With a heady mix of modern pop songs at their disposal, the cast camp it up big time in an epic tale of love, loss, and friendship. With a prescreening burlesque show and late night drinks and entertainment this is sure to be a full on midnight knees up. Showing at Duke of York’s Craig Driver


The Secret Policeman’s Ball (18)

01273 626261 Tuesday 30

Saturday 4

I’VE LOVED YOU SO LONG (12A) 3.30, 8.30 JAR CITY (15) 1.30, 6.00

Wednesday 1


I’VE LOVED YOU SO LONG (12A) 11.00, 3.30, 8.30 JAR CITY (15) 1.30, 6.00

Sunday 5

Thursday 2

GOMORRAH (15) 11.00am I’VE LOVED YOU SO LONG (12A) 1.30, 6.30 LINHA DE PASSE (15) 4.00, 9.00

I’VE LOVED YOU SO LONG (12A) 3.30, 8.30 JAR CITY (15) 1.30, 6.00

Monday 6

Friday 3

I’VE LOVED YOU SO LONG (12A) 1.30, 6.30 LINHA DE PASSE (15) 4.00, 9.00

I’VE LOVED YOU SO LONG (12A) 1.00, 6.00 LINHA DE PASSE (15) 3.30, 8.30 MOULIN ROUGE (12) 11.30pm


How to Lose Friends and Alienate People (TBC)

0871 200 2000 Tuesday 30

Thursday 2

ATONEMENT (15) 11.00 DEATH RACE (15) 1.30, 4.10, 6.50, 9.30 THE BOY IN THE STRIPED PYJAMAS (12A) 1.50, 4.30, 7.10, 9.40 THE DUCHESS (12A) 12.10, 3.00, 5.30 MAMMA MIA!(PG) 12.00, 2.30, 5.20, 8.00 RIGHTEOUS KILL(15) 12.50, 3.30, 6.00, 8.40 ROCKNROLLA (15) 12.15, 6.10 TAKEN (15) 12.40, 3.10, 5.40, 8.10 THE WOMEN (12A) 3.20, 9.00 TROPIC THUNDER (15) 1.20, 4.00, 6.40, 9.20

DEATH RACE (15) 1.30, 4.10, 6.50, 9.30 THE BOY IN THE STRIPED PYJAMAS (12A) 1.50, 4.30, 7.10, 9.40 THE DUCHESS (12A) 12.10, 3.00, 5.30, 9.10 MAMMA MIA!(PG) 12.00, 2.30, 5.20, 8.00 RIGHTEOUS KILL(15) 12.50, 3.30, 6.00, 8.40 ROCKNROLLA (15) 12.15 TAKEN (15) 12.40, 3.10, 5.40, 8.10 THE WOMEN (12A) 3.20, 9.00 TROPIC THUNDER (15) 1.20, 4.00, 6.40, 9.20

Wednesday 1


DEATH RACE (15) 1.30, 4.10, 6.50, 9.30 THE BOY IN THE STRIPED PYJAMAS (12A) 1.50, 4.30, 7.10, 9.40 THE DUCHESS (12A) 12.10, 3.00, 5.30, 9.10 MAMMA MIA!(PG) 12.00, 2.30, 5.20, 8.00 RIGHTEOUS KILL(15) 12.50, 3.30, 6.00, 8.40 ROCKNROLLA (15) 12.15, 6.10 TAKEN (15) 12.40, 3.10, 5.40, 8.10 THE WOMEN (12A) 3.20, 9.00 TROPIC THUNDER (15) 1.20, 4.00, 6.40, 9.20

Films showing Friday 3–Monday 6

WORTHING CINEMA 01903 206206 Tues 30 Sep-Thurs 2 Oct

Sat 4 - Sun 5 Oct

MAMMA MIA! (PG) 1.45 (Thurs), 7.30 Fri 3 - Sun 5 Oct MAMMA MIA! SINGALONG (PG) 4.30 (Sun), 8 (Fri/Sat) Tues 30 Sep-Thurs 2 Oct TROPIC THUNDER (15) 2.15 (Thurs), 8.00 Fri 3 - Sun 5 Oct THE DARK KNIGHT (12A)4.30 (Fri/Sat), 7.00 (Sun)

WALL-E (U) 10.15 (Sat), 1.45

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Fri 3 - Mon 6 Oct BRIDESHEAD REVISITED (12A) 1.00 (Sat/Sun),2.00, (Mon), 4.00 (not Mon), 7.30 (not Mon), 8.00 (Mon) CHECK WITH CINEMA TO CONFIRM FILM TIMES

Director: Various The comic phenomenon that is the ‘Secret Policeman’s Ball’ returns with over three hours of live comedy and stand up. With profits going to Amnesty International and organised in order to raise awareness of human rights worldwide, the event, last put on in 2006, has featured everyone from Rowan Atkinson and Noel Fielding to Russell Brand and Sarah Silverman. Thanks to the Duke of York’s, the event is putting on a big screen showing with all proceeds going to Amnesty. Laughter is guaranteed. Showing at Duke of York’s

Dir: Robert B. Weide Adapted from Toby Young’s shameless book/memoir/confessional, this haphazard film is a quirky little mess. Simon Pegg – seemingly on a fervent mission to ruin his own career – stars as a young British journalist who moves to New York to pursue his career with predictably comic fishout-of-water results. Starring alongside Pegg are an array of Hollywood stars such as Kirsten Dunst, Jeff Bridges, Danny Huston and Gillian Anderson. The title could be an epitaph for Pegg and this Hollywood effort. Showing at Odeon and Cineworld

Linha De Passe (15) 

Dir: Daniela Thomas/Walter Salles After directing the excellent The Motorcycle Diaries, Salles returns with this tale of four Brazilian brothers fighting to survive and follow their dreams. Nominated for the Golden Palm at Cannes this broad stroke of a film weaves a number of intricate and hard hitting narratives together. Focusing on similar material to Salles’ 1998 film Central Station the film delves into the poorer suburbs of Sao Paulo. Thomas and Salles have crafted a strong film, with good intentions if not slightly pushy morals. Showing at Duke of York’s

Taken (15)  Dir: Pierre Morel With a script by French maverick Luc Besson and helmed by the director of photography on Transporter 2 this was never going to be subtle. Liam Neeson – usually so dependable and likeable – takes the lead as a former spy who must use all his old skills in order to hunt down his daughter’s kidnappers. Co-starring Famke Janssen and Australian star Holly Valance, this is a shameless action adventure that feels tired and flabby where it should be lean and mean. Showing at Cineworld and Odeon Craig Driver



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FILM How is the Icelandic film industry? It’s small and vibrant. We have maybe five films a year but with a population of 300,000 that’s not too bad and some make it to the international scene. This one will hopefully go all over the world, it’s going to the United States, it opens in France at the same time. Jar City was a huge success in Iceland, it’s the biggest box office hit of all time. It’s bigger than Titanic. Which says a lot about how twisted the nation is. What were the elements of the book that you have arrested? It was the contrast between the countryside, the old Iceland in some way and the new technologies. It was also the chance to discover the old secrets, those of the older generation. And, of course, the drama of these two fathers who lost their daughters. The human element of intrigue was decisive. I wanted to create a double look, a look inwards and outward.

City of ice Icelandic director Baltasar Kormakur talks to Latest 7 about his new film Jar City It’s taken a couple of years for Jar City to reach the international stage. Is it strange to be talking about a film so long after the event? You have to wind back and get into it, and remember – but you also get a wider perspective, which is good. You go a little bit away from it, and see it from a distance. I’ve not watched it for a while but I remember it, it’s there. It has a little shelf in my brain. What was it about Arnaldur Indridason’s novel Myrin that made you want to adapt it for the screen? What I loved was that it was the first time I’d read a novel that had a thriller premise that could work in Iceland. Most of the time thrillers don’t fit Iceland, which is weird because geographically it’s such a film noir country, it has all the elements. But the lack of crime, doesn’t make it a good environment for a thriller.

As well as the genetics issue, you also have the fascinating parallel of the investigating policeman and his relationship with his daughter. Yes, it’s more about the characters, it’s more of a drama. Everyone knows about DNA and fingerprints, so we don’t have to show that, that’s in the background, and we can stay more on the characters. Story lies in character, it doesn’t lie in technology. It’s more about how the technology affects people, how somebody’s secret can come out. This structure of the storylines, how they come together – that is different to the novel. I wanted to push that a little bit, to push the limits of the genre. I don’t want to give too much away, but I’ve never seen it done this way, where you assume the stories are happening simultaneously but actually they’re taking place at different times. That’s part of the riddle.

Also showing… the sequel to his stunning super-hero reboot Batman Begins with Heath Ledger creeping out Christian Bale, in the role he’ll be remembered for as none other than Batman’s arch-nemesis The Joker. A stellar cast bolsters proceedings with Michael Caine as butler Alfred, Aaron Eckhart as conflicted D.A Harvey Dent, Gary Oldman as Chief Gordon and Maggie Gyllenhaal as love interest Rachel Dawes. Ledger’s tipped for a posthumous Oscar for his haunting Joker, so expect queues around the block – even now – for this classy comic-book adaptation. Showing at Worthing

How to Lose Friends and Alienate People – Special singles event (TBC) Dir: Robert B. Weide Interesting concept, this: a singles dating event where you’re partnered with someone of similar movie preferences to watch the preview of a new release. This is followed by an after-party where you can text-flirt with anyone who catches your eye for a month afterwards without giving out your mobile number. Ticket price includes the film, first free drink and introduction to your date! Seemingly quite an unromantic first feature though, with this comedy starring Simon Pegg as highly unpopular Brit writer Toby Young trying to make it in polite New York circles. Directed by Curb Your Enthusiasm’s Robert B Weide, this should make for a potentially hilariously awkward first date. Odeon/Heist Bar, Thursday 2 October

Mamma Mia! (PG) Dir: Phyllida Lloyd A young woman searches for her real father whilst singing along to ‘Dancing Queen’, ‘Mamma Mia’ and other hits by Swedish super-troopers Abba. Meryl Streep plays the kookie mum with Colin Firth, Stellan Skarsgård and Pierce Brosnan as the potential dads. The long-running and everpopular stage musical finally makes its way onto the big screen. Showing at Cineworld, Odeon & Worthing

Pineapple Express (15) Dir: David Gordon Green Knocked Up and Superbad star Seth Rogen continues his ascent to the big screen geek hero above all others in this stoner-action-buddycomedy. Rogen plays waster Dale with Spiderman brooder James Franco as his dealer Saul, admirably playing against type in madcap fashion. When Dale witnesses a murder, he and Saul go on the run, providing an interesting spin on the action genre all the way. Showing at Odeon

A quick look at what’s on this week Death Race (15) Dir: Paul W.S Anderson Based on Roger Corman’s 70s cult exploitation classic Deathrace 2000, the 2008 version is something of a labour of love for that overgrown teenager of the cinema, Paul W.S Anderson, director of Mortal Kombat, Resident Evil and Event Horizon. In between directing video game adaptations, he’s been developing this dystopian actioner for years and it remains to be seen whether it’s been worth the effort. Lunkhead for hire Jason Statham plays a convict in the familiar near future. Forced to take part in the brutal competition Deathrace, where the contenders race and, erm, kill each other, along with innocent bystanders, Statham fights for his life and TV ratings. This might just work if it retains any of the original’s black comedy and tongue-in-cheek action. Showing at Odeon The Dark Knight (12A) Dir: Christopher Nolan The only real contender for Indy’s crown of most anticipated blockbuster this year is, of course, the return of Mr Bruce Wayne, A.K.A Batman. Christopher Nolan returns to helm

You take a lot back on violence, it transpires only in a few scenes but never outpouring of unnecessary ... The excessive violence affects me most deeply in the world! All these effects, as well as sound effects and pyrotechnic special effects, all these effects that have been used for twenty years, have made violence artificial and irrelevant. When I show violence, it is always brief and not very attractive. Violence is something very irretrievable - it is an existentialist concept. This is something concrete and unpleasant. When you use it you must also demonstrate the consequences. You can not just glorify this kind of thing - you must take responsibility.

RocknRolla (15) Dir: Guy Ritchie The one time hot young property of Brit cinema has weathered a tide of criticism following his marriage to Madge and the massive flops Swept Away and Revolver, so Guy Ritchie’s got a lot to prove with this return. Back on familiar Lock, Stock cockney underworld territory, Ritchie once again gathers a decent ensemble cast including Scots beefcake Gerard Butler, an almost unrecognisable Tom Wilkinson and The Wire’s Idris Elba in this Nuts-friendly crime caper. Showing at Odeon and Cineworld Wall*E (U) Dir: Andrew Stanton Pixar hit paydirt again with this lovingly rendered cross between 70s eco-sci-fi Silent Running and E.T: The Extra-Terrestrial. The CGI animation giants could have easily opted for another re-run of the cutesy Toy Story formula, but instead go for this admittedly still cutesy, but ultimately meditative love story. Ben Burtt voices the titular cleaning robot (though there’s barely a word) charged with sorting out a polluted Earth after humanity’s jumped ship. Showing at Worthing

Nick Aldwinckle

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For complete listings go to


Write club John Davis looks at The Sin Eater’s Last Confessions, a book on Celtic shamanism

NoFit State Circus Hove Lawns will be home to NoFit State’s final UK performances of their critically acclaimed tabu show, which continues this week. NoFit State Circus have spent the past 21 years dazzling audiences around the world with their cutting edge circus skills teamed with live music and state of the art video. Prepare for a performance unlike any other as you enter the giant silver spaceship big top and become immersed in a promenade circus event which takes place above, around and amongst you. This is an explosion of furious fun and choreographed mayhem all ages will love. Tuesday 30 September–Friday 3 October 8pm, also Saturday 4 October at 5pm. 2 for 1 with NUS card Tues & Wed, for tickets:, Contact Box Office 0844 8480910

Devil’s Dyke Hike It’s charity walk time in Brighton this Sunday as Cancer Research UK hold the Devil's Dyke Hike, to raise money and breast cancer awareness. The hike is the perfect opportunity to begin a healthy lifestyle and raise money for Cancer Research UK. You have the choice of a 6 or 10 kilometre route. Ray Mears, survival expert says: ‘’Taking part in one of Cancer Research UK’s walks is a great way to raise money for a worthy cause and get out into the British countryside.’’ Sunday 5 October. Sign up at or for more information call Hayley Coleman on 01273 249 524 or e mail

The Pink and Purple Ball Be a part of the Pink and Purple Ball taking place at the De Vere Grand Hotel on Saturday 18 October and raise money for cancer charity Kate’s Trust. The aim of the night is to raise £30,000 to help improve the service provided to cancer sufferers in Sussex. Wear something pink or purple and enjoy a gala dinner dance with live entertainment and a fundraising auction hosted by a local celebrity. Saturday 18 October, 7pm, The De Vere Grand Hotel, Brighton. Tickets are priced at £70 each or £650 for a table of ten and can be purchased via the Pink and Purple Ball hotline on 01903 821550 or email

This week I bring you The Sin Eater’s Last Confessions by Ross Heaven, with a coyly positioned subtitle: ‘Lost Traditions of Celtic Shamanism’. Jesus! Feeling like Gnasher out of The Beano, I’m ready to have a go at this codswallop. Not badly written codswallop by the way. Plausible is Mr Heaven. Why he’s decided to write a Carlos Castaneda-style fantasy is beyond me, unless he genuinely believes in the baloney he writes about. Try fiction, Mr Ross Heaven Heaven, since most of what you write appears to be fictitious anyway. Castaneda was ultimately disclosed as a fake when someone had the bright idea of comparing The Teachings of Don Juan with Castenada’s library stack requests at the University of California. I suspect we could trace Heaven’s ‘real life’ encounters with his sin eater if we could track his website visits in his browser history. Certainly most of the references Heaven quotes in his quasi-treatise are to websites current at March 2008. There’s a new type of writing emerging that could be defined as ‘wikid’. It consists of trawling the internet for information about a given subject and compiling it into a narrative with minimal reference and blurred provenance. This is meretricious cultural pollution of the worst kind. What Heaven claims to be doing – putting us in touch with nature, taking us to the root of ourselves, accessing the wisdom of ancient cultures – has the opposite effect. We are lulled into a delirium of softfocus fact cooked up with a mess of myth and legend. Confessions is a cross between a personal apologia, The White Goddess (the notorious piece of mythical twaddle by poet Robert Graves) and a self-help manual about getting rid of ‘sin’. (There’s a sin eater’s workbook, seriously!) Sin eating was a Herefordshire funeral custom reported by diarist John Aubrey in Remaines of Gentilisme and Judaisme (1686-87). A human scapegoat took upon himself all the ‘Sinnes of the Defunct’ – a skill Heaven seems to have inherited in his writing – and ‘freed him (or her) from walking after they were dead’ (Oxford Dictionary of Folklore 2001). It’s fun and tantalising. We’re in the realm of zombies. We’re in popular culture’s Twilight Zone, where apparently grown-up human beings believe all kinds of claptrap. Of course we all have claptrap tucked away between our ears somewhere and ‘There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy’, as Hamlet says. But what makes Heaven’s book an exercise is cynicism is the way it is so obviously aimed at the American market for Body, Mind, Spirit/Spirituality and all things Celtic. One telling error shows how the book is a trap for the unwary. In an afterword, designed to add credibility to Heaven’s creaky story, ‘journalist’ Tania Ahsan accompanies Ross Heaven on a trip back to the village where he met the sin eater of his childhood. They travel from ‘Malvern, Wales’. A quick look at a map will remind you that Malvern is in England.



Thursday 2

Thursday 2

Poetry in the Village Hall Hosted by Catherine Smith as part of the Chiddingly Festival. Chiddingly Village Hall, 8:00pm, £10. Saturday 4 Baby Boogie For ages six months to seven years. Based on the latest American dance craze Baby Loves Disco. Classic 70s & 80s Soul & Disco tunes are kept below 80 decibels to protect young ears. Club 7, 2pm-–5pm, £7/5.

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The Big Draw Help to celebrate the Big Draw and create a masterpiece with the help of artist Nadya Derungs. For all ages. Brighton Museum & Art Gallery, 1pm–4pm, free. The Secret Poiceman's Ball John Cleese is among the comic legends involved in this year's Secret Policeman's Ball. Duke of York's Picturehouse, 6:30pm, £14–£17.50

Sunday 5 Devil's Dyke Hike Sponsored walk to raise money and breast cancer awareness. Sign up: or call Hayley Coleman on 01273 249 524 or email Devil's Dyke

 To feature in kids email

Hammer & Tongue Slam poetry. Komedia Studio Bar, 7.30pm, £5/4.

Saturday 4 On The Couch Unblocking for writers and their characters, with Sandy Hutchinson Nunns. Brighton Writer's Centre, 10am–1pm, £45/35. 49 Grand Parade, 01273 571700 Points of Fiction Series of 11 all-day creative writing events with leading writers and publishing professionals. Book 11 sessions for the price of nine, or five for the price of four. For more information please visit

Unblocking Writer’s Block Fiction or nonfiction, poetry or academic tome – this workshop is open to both therapists and writers. Also 11th October. Brighton Writer's Centre, 10am–1pm, £45/35. Please call 01273 571700

Sunday 5 Shakespeare Workshops Limited to ten people so book early on 07966 799448! Gain a clearer understanding of Shakespearian text. Also 12 October. St Luke’s Church, 2pm–6pm, £40 (2 days).

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latest music ★ artists ★ interviews ★ gigs ★ new releases ★ clubs ★ djs ★ chart ★

Pic: Mike Burnell


Beachdown reunion Following the inaugural Beachdown Festival – which has gone well enough for the organisers to plough ahead for 2009 and beyond – there’s a chance to reunite with friends and colleagues at the Beachdown Reunion Party. From 6pm to 3am and at three venues simultaneously, Latest Music Bar, Ohso Social and Audio will host live music, DJs and plenty of social networking possibilities! Beacdown Reunion Party, 11 October

Simple Folk If you like folk music in all its glory; from nufolk, to folktronica to old-timey folk and Dylan type fok, then the marvellous Simple Folk is the one for you. Presented by Dillon every Wednesday, 6-8pm, on Radio Reverb, there are always guests playing live and/or bringing in a selection of songs to play out. Dillon also organises intimate live sessions with the resulting recordings being played out on his show. This week you can hear Phosphorescent and past artists subjected to the Simple Folk treatment include Kimya Dawson, James Yorksston, Iron & Wine and Okkervil River. Simple Folk, every Wed 6-8pm (repeated Sundays, 1– 3pm), Radio Reverb 97.2.

Gold rush Aussie electro-pop king Sam Sparro spoke to Nick Aldwinckle One of the breakout stars of this year’s Great Escape Festival was an Antipodean electro-pop singer-songwriter going by the name of Sam Sparro. In the space of a few months, the 25 year old artist of mixed Australian/Maltese heritage, born in Sydney and raised in LA, has gone from promising newcomer to one of 2008’s biggest pop performers, with his massive hit, ‘Black and Gold’ one of the year’s most popular songs and eponymous debut album similarly successful. He’s even been nominated for five awards at Australia’s equivalent to The Grammys, The Arias, including Best Male Artist and Single of the Year. Openly gay and lyrically intelligent, incorporating gospel, Motown and funk influences into his fashionable eighties template, Sparro continues the fine tradition of unpretentious pop with a serious underbelly beneath its shiny veneer. Latest 7 caught up with him ahead of his UK tour.

You used to sing in a touring gospel group. Would you ever do that again? No-one’s asked me that before! Yeah, why not? I have no plans to do so, but I wouldn’t say no. I really enjoyed doing it growing up. Maybe we should do it at the Camden Underworld! You’ve performed live with Mark Ronson and he’s a fan. Would you record with him? I’d definitely do that, I think. I think we both would probably be up for it and it’d be cool. It wouldn’t sound like anything I’ve done before and I think it’d be the same for Mark. We’d just try and do something brand new. I know he likes hip-hop and I’m a big hip-hop fan as well, so maybe we could do something along those lines. There’s a lot of older sounding music on the album. Do you like modern music? Music as a medium of communication has got a lot more prominent and become more commercialised. You find it hard to go into a shop and buy a record that’s actually about anything nowadays. There’s a lot of stuff like The X Factor and all that. There’s no equivalent to the likes of Marvin Gaye.

How are you coping with new-found success? It’s great. This is what I’ve worked for most of my life, so it’s good to see it all paying off now. People always ask me if I expected to be this successful and I did expect it, otherwise I wouldn’t have set out to do what I’ve done. Would you have been as successful had you remained in Australia? Probably not, no. I would be a different person if I had. I would have had different experiences and my music would have been different. The music is the whole sum of my life experience. I’ve done a lot of travelling so that’s affected it.


Alabama 3 These acid fried country techno boys are playing two dates in Brighton. 2 & 3 December, Concorde 2, 01273 673311

If you would like your event listed please email

Seasick Steve 7 October, Dome Stephen Stills 10 October, Brighton Centre Moody Blues 11 October, Brighton Centre Cajun Dance Party 13 October, Concorde 2 Does It Offend You 20 October, Concorde 2 Dr John 21 October, Dome Martha Wainwright 25 Oct, St Georges Ch. The Hoosiers 25 October, Brighton Centre The Holloways 28 October, Concorde 2 Lambchop 29 October, St Georges Church Level 42 30 October, Dome Hot Chip 5 November, Dome Motorhead 6 November, Dome Scouting For Girls 3 Nov, Brighton Centre Noah & The Whale 7 Nov, Concorde 2 Steve Winwood 10 November, Dome Mercury Rev 11 Nov, Corn Exchange

Do you think it’s easier to be gay in the industry nowadays? No. It’s not really something I’ve ever thought about. I’ve just always been very real and very honest. It’s too much of a pain in the arse to lie or try to cover stuff up. It’s too much effort. With more people being open, it’s about getting people to feel more comfortable with who they are and not having to feel like the weirdo growing up. Sam Sparro, Friday 3 October, Corn Exchange

 Feeder 11 November, Dome Katie Melua 11 November, Brighton Centre Cardiacs 17 November, Komedia The Whip 18 November, Concorde 2 Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds 23 November, Brighton Centre Nouvelle Vague 24 November, Corn Exchange Leonard Cohen 28 November,Brighton Centre Primal Scream 2 December, Dome Alabama 3 2 & 3 December, Concorde 2 Will Young 4 December, Dome Human League 5 December, Brighton Centre Neville Staple 6 December, Concorde 2 Joan As Policewoman 7 Dec, Concorde 2 Jools Holland 6 December, Brighton Centre Status Quo 12 December, Brighton Centre Maddy Prior 15 December, Hove Centre latest 7 29

030_LS392 music previews/Jaime


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MUSIC British Sea Power

British Sea Power They just missed out on the Mercury Music Prize, but their stock continues to rise and rise. A good example of a band that improves with time – their most recent album Do You Like Rock Music? is their best yet, and their particularly nutty fans just can’t get enough. Thursday 2 October, Corn Exchange JH Lykke Li The last time this idiosyncratic Swedish singer-songwriter played Brighton, it was at the tiny Albert upstairs, so it says a lot about her growing popularity she’s now headlining the comparatively cavernous Concorde. Quality electro-pop with indie sensibility. Thursday 2 October, Concorde 2 JH Tricky Heavily stoned dude from Knowle West in Bristol, and one-time collaborator with Massive Attack and Martina Topley-Bird, Adrian Thaws made some of the most deliciously paranoid dubbed out trip hop known to man, but has slipped quietly from the radar recently. He’s back in action with a new album. Friday 3 October, De La Warr Pavilion JH Team Waterpolo + Defend Moscow These Preston indie-pop types evoke a strange feeling of eighties teen movie nostalgia mixed with laddish nineties brit-pop singalongs and catchy Postal Service electro beats. Solid support from fellow dance-loving indie kids hailing from London, Paris and Bergen. Friday 3 October, Audio JH Ruby Howl San Francisco alt-folk trio come to the intimate surroundings of this free-thinking art gallery with their lush and dreamy sound via handmade banjos, parlour guitars and haunting vocals. The Robot Heart provide support. Friday 3 October, Fairtrade Gallery JH

Amanda Palmer Lead singer and composer of punk cabaret duo the Dresden Dolls, Amanda Palmer is going solo – her debut album features and is produced by Ben Folds. Saturday 4 October, Concorde 2 JH Tragic Roundabout + Los Albertos + Cordelia Fellowes Three of the best from Brighton; from the punk-folk-klezmer of the Tragics, to the party animal ska-funk of the Albertos to the finely crafted and often witty bluesy folk tales of Cordelia Fellowes, this gig is in aid of Clock Tower Sanctuary homeless day centre. Sunday 5 October, Hectors JH Reverend and the Makers Bigmouth strikes in Brighton again as the Reverend leads his swaggering indie rockers back to the seaside for this gig at Digital’s popular Stone Love indie night. Proper Sheffield attitude and some dance/rock crossover posturing. Friday 3 October, Digital NA Friendly Fires Currently on the ascent, this London trio will soon be packing venues much bigger than Audio, so catch ‘em while they’re hot. Their curious mix of The Rapture-style indie-funk dance and My Bloody Valentine atmospheric shoegaze sometimes works brilliantly. Monday 6 October, Audio NA The Melvins King Buzzo and friends are rock legends, having been a massive influence on grunge and adored by critics and bands alike. Check out this preview for what to expect when they curate All Tomorrow’s Parties’ Nightmare Before Christmas December event Monday 6 October, Concorde 2 NA

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2 COURSES AND A GLASS OF WINE THE BRASSERIE LATIN IN THE LANE FISH & GRILL 10–11 Kings Road, Brighton, 3A The Waterfront, Brighton Marina East Sussex BN1 1NE Village, Brighton BN2 5WA 01273 328672 01273 698989 Bookings must be made in advance. Please mention this advert when booking. Terms and conditions: Must bring the coupon to claim – one coupon up to six people. Excludes Bank Holidays and Saturday evenings.

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031_LS392 music_reviews jeff


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MUSIC REVIEWS A weekly review of local and national releases This is the first Metallica album I’ve heard in its entirety, curious as to how they have become one of the most successful bands on planet Earth. The album, Death Magnetic, is not surprising, all about death and disaffection. And while they sing about it, they might just be thinking about their immense and jealously protected wealth. One of life’s abominations, this record surely deserves the quicksands of obliteration. AVOID! If there was any musical justice left in the world then Rose Hill Drive would be enjoying something of the success of the aforementioned ‘band’. The brothers Sproule are a no-nonsense heads-down rock band, their melodic outpourings influenced by Nirvana, Hendrix and Southern rock. They’ve come up organically and from the grassroots, and their new album Moon is the New Earth is packed with filthy rock grooves and riffs from beginning to end. Underground sensations Bromheads Jacket continue to evade the radar of anointed indie respectability with the follow-up to their debut album Dits From the Commuter belt. This time around they’ve discovered the dirty scuzz of early Iggy and the Stooges, and added that to their unfeasibly large organ sounds and general psycho-garage garbage. Topped off with silly, infantile lyrics, they are really a quite awful, dumb-ass band. The much loved Jeremy Warmsley is releasing his second album in the form of How We Became, another superb collection of melodic and sophisticated piano-led indie pop that displays the influences of Rufus Wainwright, Robert Wyatt and John Lennon within its sparkling songs. At first glance, when you hear the word ‘punk’ and look at Brooklyn’s Vivian Girls, there’s the inevitable fear that we have another (unwanted) helping of fellow girl-group The Donnas. Luckily, their self-titled debut album is a much classier affair, drawing on new wave influences and brilliantly poppy Ramones songwriting prowess, whilst keeping a raw, relatively un-produced sound all their own. Hardly capable of being any more different to the Vivian Girls is Lustmord, one of the founding fathers of industrial metal. Having worked with Throbbing Gristle, SPK and Coil over the years. Lustmord has roped in Tool’s Adam Jones, Isis’ Aaron Turner and Buzz Osborne from The Melvins for latest album, [OTHER]. A prolific sound designer for film and video games, his trademark ambient, almost intangible noise more than achieves its goal: creating a deep, layered and subtly menacing sonic terrain. A quiet triumph. Finally, it’s time for a classic re-issue, and New Order’s magnum opus, Technique. First released in 1989, this saw a culmination of the post-Joy Division Hook, Sumner and Morris colliding splendidly with the acid house sound coming out of the continent to make a gloriously accessible fusion of dance and indie rock. Slightly dated sounding (but distinct because of this), the Madchester legends’ songwriting was never again as strong as on Technique.

To listen to the chart and submit your track, go to Or hear the full chart with Jeff and Nick on Radio Reverb, 97.2fm every Tuesday 4-6pm/12-2am Brighton  Latest Download Chart Top 10

★ 1 The Woo!worths – Konichiwa (dem oh) ★ 2 BangBangBang! – This Way / That Way 3 Django Spears – No Limit 4 Jonny Loves House – Not Just in My Head 5 Sherlock Bones – The Ugly Bugs Balls 6 Hardkandy – The Squeeze 7 Portslade – Girls and Boys 8 Shona Foster – Be Bold 9 Tenek – State of Mind 10 sMs – I'm Sorry Dave All change this week, as The Woo!worth’s catchy eighties electro-funk style Konichiwa hits the top spot. Somewhat less laid back is the new number two, and noisy boy-girl indie rockers BangBangBang. Winners of weirdest tune this week are the inventors of what might be kazzoo-Klesmer(!), Django Spears, and their 2 Unlimited cover at three! 11 Caramel Jack Curtain 12 sMs Airport Dreaming 13 Guerrilla Audio Another Life 14 Caramel Jack We Could Build Skyscrapers 15 Dates Thief 16 Leo Altarelli See It Now 17 Cath O’Drae Mugged by the System 18 ThePrjctMyhm FreeForAll 19 Automatic Shoes Your Father 20 The Mighty Rivals Something in My Way 21 Without Warrant Superego 22 Afterspark Little Glow 23 Digitalis No Control 24 Cath O’Drae Sofageddon 25 Scribe-Tribe Freedom

26 Scenic Routes Glass Eye 27 Millsy Slug Music My Giddy Aunt 28 Jay Pulman Last Orders 29 Arty Karate Ammunition 30 Kings of the Wild Front Ear The Healer 31 Transformer Cinema Car 32 Heavyman Tomb Kreator vs. Heavyman 33 The Flesh Happening Total Surrender 34 Astro Physics 24 Hour MC 35 The Vainglories Neisseria 36 Loc E Chemical Romance 37 Dubdog KimBlee – Fade (Short Mix) 38 Electralounge South of Normal 39 Dannydangerously Haribo 40 The Pulse Used In Part

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For complete listings go to

MUSIC& CLUBLISTINGS 30 Sep–6 Oct Tuesday 30 Live Music The Dawgs Cajun & hillbilly. Part of Chiddingly Festival. Chiddingly Village Hall, 8pm, donations Four Poofs And A Piano Jonathan Ross’ house band. Pavilion Theatre (Worthing), 8pm, £14.50 Kill Hannah Goth-rock buffoons from Chicago. Concorde 2, 7:30pm, £9 K*nt and the Gang Basildon’s very finest resident continues his ‘Men With Beards’ tour of electro-pop-filth. Caroline of Brunswick, 8pm, £5 Ladyhawke New Zealand electro-glam lady who’s supported Soulwax . Komedia, 8pm, £7.50

Red Shark in Vegas Gypsy rock three piece. Bee’s Mouth, 9pm, free. Sofa Sessions Open mic. Juggler, 8:30pm, free Wildbird and Peacedrums + Peter Broderick Eccentric Swedish rock and roll. Prince Albert, 8pm, £tbc.

Saturday 4

Bars and clubs Audio Snide. Indie disco. 10pm–2am, £3/2 Brighton Coalition Latin Fever. Latin music to get your juices flowing. 10pm–2am, free. Pavilion Tavern Guerilla Rocks. Indie, rock, metal and emo mash-up. 10:30pm–2am, £2/1 Po Na Na Tap. Go urban with bassline, hip hop and R’n’B. 11pm–4am, £5/4

Bars and clubs Arc Dynamite Boogaloo. Cabaret capers and outrageous stage games pop ‘n’ krunk, indiefunk and electro junk! 10pm–3am, £2/1 Arc Pop Rocks. Twisted School Disco. 10:30pm3am, £1–£3 Audio Mad For It. Indie night. 10:30pm- 3am, £3/1.50 Heist Movies and Dating After Party. New event mixing dating at the Odeon, followed by this party up the road!8pm, £15 inc film/club. Ocean Rooms Therapy – The Launch. USBU official SOCFED night. 10:30pm–3am, £3/2 Po Na Na Off the Wall. Funk, soul and Motown from the 50s to present day. 10pm–3am, £2 Water Margin Suicide Dance. D’n’B and dub step at a sociable volume. 11pm, free.

Wednesday 1

Friday 3

Live Music Acoustic Live Juggler, 8pm, free. The Blackout South Wales emo rockers. Concorde 2, 7:30pm, £11 The Duke Spirit Rock and rollers a little like The Jesus and Mary Chain. Komedia, 8pm, £10 Guided by Lights Alternative folk. Latest Music Bar, 7:30pm, free. Rory Ellis Aussie folk. Komedia, 8:30pm, £8 World Music Wednesday: The Lost Sock Club 30s and 40s swing with rat-scat vocals and guitar. Latest Music Bar, 8pm, £6/5

Live Music The Central Band of The Royal Air Force Worthing Assembly Hall, 7:30pm, £12.50/10.50 Claire Martin Jazz as part of Chiddingly Arts Festival. Chiddingly Village Hall, 8pm, £15 Eliza Gilkyson Texan folk and Americana singer-songwriter Chequer Mead Arts Centre, East Grinstead, 8pm, £14/12 Operababes Massive classical success story, despite the worst band name since Boyzone. Pavilion Theatre (Worthing), 8pm, £17.50/16 Reverend and the Makers Swaggering indie rockers play the popular indie club night. Digital, 9pm, £6/5 Roy and Tony’s Club Music/comedy variety night. Latest Music Bar 8pm, £10/20 (inc food) Ruby Howl + The Robot Heart San Francisco alt. folk trio supported by brilliant Brightonians. Fair Trade Gallery, 8pm, £4 Sam Sparro Antipodean electro pop hero. Corn Exchange, 8pm, £tbc. Sound Factory BIMM Freshers Party: The Mad Mikes + The Stilts + Three Pistols. Providence, 8pm, £1 Team Waterpolo Pop-rockers evoking all the eighties classics. Set to be massive. Audio, 7:30pm, £tbc.

Bars and clubs Arc Life is Easy. Indie classics new and old, plus floorfillers a plenty. 10pm, free–£1 Audio Supercharged. ‘The Urban Punk', Missill is joined by Australian newbie DJ Micah for a mid-week breaks session. 11pm–2:30am, £5/3 Brighton Coalition Club NME.Live NME bands and Brighton DJs. 10:30pm–3:30am, free. Ocean Rooms Skins Party. Nu-rave Skins Style Party plus £1.50 drinks! 10:30pm–3am, £3

Thursday 2 Live Music British Sea Power They may not have won the Mercury Music Prize, but they’re still one of Brighton’s best exports.Corn Exchange, 8pm, £14 David McAlmont + Natasha Panas McAlmont performs his own music and some of the soul/jazz standards. Hanbury Club, 7pm, £10 Lykke Li Swedish electro pop diva with a fair few decent songs. Concorde 2, 8pm, £8.50 Midge Ure Former Ultravox frontman plays an intimate acoustic show. Komedia, 8pm, £16 Om Live Acoustic Om Bar & Club,4:30pm, free Out of the Bag Six piece local funk band. Latest Music Bar, 8pm, £6

Rock ‘n’ Roll, Rhythm ‘n’ Blues, Country Funk, Soul and Swing! 10:30pm–2:30am, free. Ocean Rooms She’s Good for Business. New night of indie/Electro Alternative madness with Transformer LIVE 11pm–3:30am, £3 NUS Tru Club Generation. Three rooms with commercial dance, R’n’B and dollops of cheesey 70s and 80s hits. 10pm–3am, £10/8 Water Margin B-Side. Tech and filthy electro with Tiger Lily and Paul My Fingah. 2am, £5

Bars and clubs Audio Hospitality 3rd Birthday. London Elektricity is joined by Blame, Mistabishi and Judda. MCs Wrec & Rage. 11pm–4am, £tbc. Brighton Coalition Fieston. The best Latin and urban sounds to dance away your Friday night. 11pm–3am, £7/5 Concorde 2 Etch. Tea drinking DJ Mr Scruff with heavy funk meets hip hop.10pm–3am, £10 Digital Stone Love. 101% rock & roll live love affair made in heaven! 11pm, £6/5 Latest Music Bar The Boom Boom Saloon.

➧ Please check with venue before travelling. See our venue directory for details

Live Music Amanda Palmer The Dresden Dolls frontwoman goes solo. Concorde 2, 7pm, £12 Arms and Sleepers + Jacob’s Stories Massachusetts ambient electronica, support by local industrial balladeer. Prince Albert, 2pm, £5 Bruch Violin Concerto and Tchaikovsky Sixth Symphony Hove Town Hall, 7:30pm, £tbc Cheeky Cheeky and the Nosebleeds + Exlovers Raucous jingle-jangle indie boys supported by much better, downbeat, slightly lofi kids. Freebutt, 7:30pm, £tbc. Cloud Ants + Artha Gunn and the Colouramas Prince Albert, 8pm, £tbc. Dennis Locorriere The voice of Dr Hook returns. Not a super-villain. Pavilion Theatre (Worthing), 8pm, £tbc Hot Club De Paris Chirpy scouse pop–punks. Audio, 7:30pm, £tbc. Saturday Soul with South Coast Soul Revue Classic and modern soul 9 piece. Latest Music Bar, 8pm, £5 Sound Factory BIMM Freshers Party: Sport + Corporal Machine and the Bombers + Anthems For Doomed Youth Rock night. Providence, 8pm, £1 Sussex Symphony Orchestra With international violinist Diana Galvydyte. Hove Centre, 7:30pm, £13/10 Bars and clubs Arc Hold Up. Indie night. 10:30pm–4am, £5 Club 7 Baby Boogie. 70s & 80s Soul & Disco tunes are kept below 80 decibels for adults & kids from 6 months to 7 years! 2pm–5pm, £7/5 Concorde 2 Playgroup Relaunch. Festival style capers with an outdoor acoustic stage and live music from Babyhead, The Correspondents and Bad Sandwich! 11pm, £7 Digital The Pussycat Club. Make Love Not War with Funky House & Electro; Chriss Ortega and residents Al Outram and Nippa. Prizes for best combat and camouflage gear! 11pm, £12/10 Engine Rooms The Ooky Ook. Shake your frock and snap your braces to some 50s rock ‘n’ roll and 60s garage. 11pm–3am, £5 Funky Buddha Lounge Buddha Soul. Disco, funk, house and rare groove from Juice Fm’s Mike Panteli. 10pm–3am, £10 Komedia Stick it On. Making average Joes future heroes? To spin your favourite choons for 15 minutes apply on Welcome to DJ Democracy! 11pm, £5 Latest Music Bar The Boom Boom Saloon. Liquor lounge with Rock ‘n’ Roll, Rhythm ‘n’ Blues, Country Funk, Soul, Swing! 10:30pm–2:30am,free. Om Bar and Club Balearic juke Box. Ibiza classics and funky Balearic sounds. -10pm–

3:30am, free. Contact venue for details. Pavilion Tavern Mod For It. Park up your Vespa for the Who, Kinks and more. 10pm– 2am, £5/4 Water Margin Blah Blah Blah. New wave electro, Indie, Disco. 10pm- 3am, £5/4 NUS

Sunday 5 Live Music The Animals and Friends featuring Spencer Davis 60s British rock legends. Martlets Hall, 8pm, £tbc. Doll and The Kicks Female fronted indie five four piece. Sidewinder, 8pm, free. F*ck Gypsy Jazz with Quasimodo Quartet The natural progression of gypsy jazz. Bee’s Mouth, 9pm, free. Kingsize Slim Genre-fusing maverick blending blues, hip-hop, punk, beat-boxing and more. Latest Music Bar, 7pm, £7 Roast ‘n’ Jazz: Nia Lynn Trio Talented jazz trio and Sunday lunch.Latest Music Bar, 12pm, £10 Rossica Choir From St Petersburg, a choir performing Russian Orthodox sacred music. St Bartholomews, 7pm, £10 Tom Russell Acclaimed Americana singersongwriter. Hanbury Club, 7pm, £16 Vaughan Williams Anniversary Concert The Brighton Festival Chorus celebrate Vaughan Williams. Brighton Dome, 2:45pm, £tbc. Bars and clubs Honey Club Sundelicious. Knockin’ siesta sundays into the past, Lee Garrett and Salerno play house and soulful beats. 10pm–3am, £2/1 The Open House We Change the Frequency. Stephen Jarvis boshes out all things diverse from Radiohead, Madlib, National Forest and Playgroup. 8pm, free.

Monday 6 Live Music Brighton Beach Boys Ralph Brown and his popular tribute ten piece play their monthly residency. Hanbury Club, 7pm, £6 Friendly Fires Atmospheric rock/dance hybrid heading for very big things indeed. A little like the great Mew. Audio, 7:30pm, £tbc. It Bites Veteran prog rockers reformed after twenty years. Komedia, 8pm, £17.50 Jumping Ships Brighton indie rockers launch their latest single, ‘Liberty Row'. Latest Music Bar, 7:30pm, £1 The Melvins Noisy grunge legends adored by rock royalty and critics alike. Concorde 2, 7:30pm, £14.50 Michael Bolton Brighton Centre, 6:30pm, £39 Rolo Tomassi Hardcore. Freebutt, 7:30pm,£tbc. Bars and clubs Funky Buddha Lounge Urban Lounge. DJs Outbreak, Rudeben and Dubl break out the best in Old skool garage, R’n’B, Hip Hop, Bashment and swing. 10:30pm–3am, £3/2 Honey Club Disco Babe. Disco and indie with drinks £1.50 all night. 10:30pm–2:30am, £3/1 Volks Strictly Reggae. Dancehall, bashment, roots and revival. 10pm, £4.50/3.50 Music by Nick Aldwinckle Clubs and Bars by Jaime Pettit

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01273 687171 formerly joogleberry

musicbar tuesday sept 30th £5 8pm

wednesday oct 1st £6/£5 8pm

the doo wop dolls + emily baker + bernice macdonald + dan somner free live music beautiful music by beautiful people! free 7.30pm

world music wednesday with

le petit chat noir

gypsy & 20s & 30s swing

+ weddings, guided by lights civil partnerships, free 7.30pm birthdays. for the funkiest parties call us and book the venue for FREE•

out of the bag

£6 7pm

soulful jazz, blues and funk

friday october 3rd

myfirstdisco! dj's and dancing

free 2.30pm – 4.30pm for parents and their toddlers.

saturday oct 4th

£4/2 10.30pm

with dinner



soul revue


£5 doors 8pm

roast 'n' jazz kingsize slim music quiz

with nia £10 inc lunch lynn & 12.30pm – 3.30pm her trio

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the pete & dud the return of of the naughties brighton’s top club night £10 or £20

saturday soul brighton book your party with south coast

FREE 10.30pm - 2.30am 01273 687171

monday oct 6th

•subject to conditions

roy & tony's club danceteria

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BOOM BOOM SALOON with angi on

sunday oct 5th

xmas dinners & parties

thursday oct 2nd

small wanda's biff! bang! pow! after work 'do': 60's and 80's music with modern indie free 4.30pm

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gay tango workshop tango lessons for all!

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01273 687171 X 14 - 17 manchester street brighton


check our website for full programme


035_LS392 gay news/will


2:48 PM

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See more at

Brighton’s only weekly gay guide

William Tells


Will Harris acts with righteous anger but without, sadly, the effect he hoped for

All photographs: Wild Fruit/

There are plenty of things in this world that hack me off: war; the American electoral system; people with dead relatives saying, “It‘s what he/she would have wanted“ (when it’s painfully obvious he/she would’ve preferred to be soaking up the sun in the Seychelles, not heading feet first into the furnace). But way up there on my list of pet hates are those celebrities who barricade themselves in the closet, afraid that being perceived as gay will tarnish their star. There’s this singer, whose name I’ve been advised not to mention as I can’t afford the legal fees (having blown it all on cheap boys and expensive boots), who apparently, back in the day, was quite a face on the Soho scene until no sooner had he scored his first number one then he dumped all his former friends like so many number twos. From that day on there’s been such speculation over this chap’s sexuality you’d think it would be easier for him to bite the bent bullet. Instead he maintains a strict vow of silence, refusing to comment on his personal life on the grounds it could damage his fledgling pop career.

“And with that, I was out of there. Actually, to be fair I didn’t have much choice in the matter“

Fruity fashion Wild Fruit are hosting a special charity fashion gala this Sunday 5 October at Club Tru. The event is ‘The Birthday Celebration,’ where the hunt is on for Brighton’s next top model. The over-the-top fashion fiesta wants all catwalk queens, supermodels, fashion victims and total show-offs. The night is a double celebration as it also marks the official launch party for Seamus Haji’s new album. The night is hosted by Dolly Rocket and also features Seamus Haji, Neil Duffie, Kate Wildblood and Freddie Thomas. There will be a live PA of Haji’s new single ‘The Pressure’ featuring Brian Chambers and Mary Pearce. On the fashion side of things, the catwalk hair is by Forde Hair, who are celebrating their first birthday. Fashions include Andrew Fionda, Jello, Jean-Yves Alban, Valkyrie corsets and Guilty kilts plus a host of surprise celebrity models. Dress up in designer gear or your own fantasy fashion designs. This charity party is set to be a memorable night. The Birthday Celebration at Tru, West Street, Brighton, Sunday 5 October, drink deals on the night include selected bottles at £1.50 & double spirit & mixer at £3.50. £6 NUS/ 7 members & with flyer before 11.30. £10 advance.

Anyway, all this transparent denial must have annoyed me more than I thought, as I proved in spectacular fashion when recently invited to the new club night of Sophie Ellis-Bextor and her husband ‘that bloke from The Feeling’. Now, I don’t cope well with celebrities at the best of times (just ask my fellow columnist Jo Brooks, who once introduced me to Jude Law and promptly had to stop me from being sick), but on this occasion I truly surpassed myself. It was getting towards the end of the night, when I looked across and – much to my surprise – spotted ’that bloke from The Feeling’ locked in a passionate embrace with another man. Up in the DJ booth, Sophie E-B was searching through her records, apparently unconcerned that her husband was doing his feeling elsewhere. This situation demanded action, and one too many Sambucas reassured me I was just the man to provide it. “You!” I said, marching up to him. “Yes, you! I just want to say I totally disagree with what you’re doing. You could be such a positive role model and instead you’re living a lie.” And with that, I was out of there. Actually, to be fair I didn’t have much choice in the matter. Imagine my surprise the next day when, flicking through the paper, I came across a photo of Sophie Ellis-Bextor and her husband, a man who – strangely – I didn’t recognise at all. From there, a simple process of deduction led me to realise I’d actually approached ‘that other bloke from The Feeling’, the openly gay Dan Gillespie, and berated him for kissing his boyfriend in public. In future, much like that singer who refuses to come out, I’m keeping my mouth firmly closed. The alternative could very well be murder on the dancefloor.

Crossword solutions Solution to Cryptic 163 ACROSS: 1 Brand-new 5 Taxi 9 Cycle 10 Bloated 11 Reassurances 13 Intend 14 Litter 17 Disagreeable 20 Endower 21 Irate 22 Sash 23 Printers DOWN: 1 Buck 2 Ancient 3 Dressing-gown 4 Embrue 6 Attic 7 Industry 8 Cohabitation 12 Mindless 15 Tollage 16 Terror 18 Sides 19 Mess Solution to Quick 163 ACROSS: 1 Specimen 5 Used 9 Skull 10 Ringlet 11 Sanguineness 13 Plenty 14 Allure 17 Remembrancer 20 Tacitly 21 Birch 22 Dish 23 Breeched DOWN: 1 Sist 2 Educate 3 Illegitimate 4 Earwig 6 Solve 7 Detested 8 Indeclinable 12 Spirited 15 Unearth 16 Prayer 18 Mucus 19 Shed © Crossword Shop

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037_LS392_gay listings


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For full listings & venues go to

GAYLISTINGS 30 Sept – 6 Oct

Wildfruit, Sunday 5

Tuesday 30 September Amsterdam Amsterdam Spice. Enjoy a curry, rice, poppadom and Cobra beer from £6.99 then a Bollywood movie! Bar Open 11am–11pm, free. Brighton Tavern City of Brighton Gay Men’s Chorus. Bar open 12pm, free. Ghetto (Formerly Candy Bar) Twisted Karaoke. Get vocal with over 3,000 tracks to choose from. 10pm, free. Legends Relax - It’s Tuesday!. Relaxed, friendly bar with smoking/sun terrace. Bar open 11pm–5am, free. Queen’s Arms Karaoke with Betty Swollocks. 9pm, free. R-Bar Shoot Me Baby! Get a FREE shot of Corky’s or Sourz with every alcoholic bevvy! 12pm–2am, free. Revenge Playground. 10:30pm–4am, Free NUS or those in Uniform/£3 others. The Aquarium Theatre Bar Josh Mill’s Music Night. With Uncle Ben’s quiz night from 9pm. Bar open 12pm, free.

Wednesday 1 October Ghetto (Formerly Candy Bar) Miss-Shapes. A cool mix of indie and pop for a crowd of cool gay kidz. 10pm, £tbc. Legends Relax – It’s Wednesday! Bar open 11am–5am, free. Prince Regent Swimming Pool Out to Swim South. 8:30pm, £4 per session. R-Bar Cocktail Club. Enjoy the champagne lifestyle on lemonade money. 12pm–2am. Revenge Pop! SEXY. Expect live on stage entertainment and chart pop and R’n’B. 10:30pm–3am, £3/2 NUS. Star Inn Charity Jukebox. Bar open 12pm–11pm. The Basement Play. with DJ Alex Baker spinning all things house. 11pm–4am, free.

guest DJs playing uplifting funky house and pop remixes. 8pm–1am, free. The Basement Celebration with Dolly Rocket. Plus Alex Baker playing girly pop & handbag tracks all night long. 11pm–4am, free for first 150 b4 12/£4 after.

Saturday 4 Amsterdam Sun Downers. Enjoy the best beach house music in Brighton. 8pm-2am, free. Charles Street Club Pussy Party. DJs Rocket, Ms Annik, Queen Josephine dolling out a fusion of indie, rock, electro, pop, rnb hits and funky house anthems. 10:30pm–3am, £tbc. Ghetto (Formerly Candy Bar) Wigout. Soho’s long running pop party. A kitschy, cool night for the seriously unserious. 10pm, £tbc. Queen’s Arms Karaoke Party with Kamp Kevin. Vocalists, comedians and drag (3:30–5:30pm). Then party with Kamp Kevin til midnite! Bar open 12pm–12:30am, free. R-Bar Kinky–The Early Session. A pre–clubbing crowd get ready for Kinky Dangerous with new boy on the block, Jozzie O. 9pm–7am, free. Revenge Kinky Dangerous. Gay Brighton’s Kings of the Saturday night! 4 top DJs, 2 floors, and 6.5 hours of fun. 10:30pm–5am, £7/3. The Aquarium Theatre Bar Cabaret Night. 9pm. The Basement Ignition. with the dance sounds of DJ Peter Castle. 11pm–4am, free for first 100 b4 12/£5 after. The PV at The Jury’s Out Saturday Madness. The best in Brighton duets from 4:30pm, then from 8:30 pm PV’s house DJs takes to the decks! Bar open 12pm, free.

Sunday 5

Arc Dynamite Boogaloo. Cabaret capers, stage games, pop, indie-funk and electro junk! 10pm–3am, £2/1. Charles Street Club Religion. Two floors of funky house. 10pm, £4/3. Ghetto (Formerly Candy Bar) Booty Call Monthly. Rockin R’n’B nite! 10pm, £tbc. Queen’s Arms Lucky Dip Karaoke. hosted by Betty Swollocks. Bar open 12pm–11:30pm, free. R-Bar I Can’t Wait for the Weekend to Begin!. Funked up, soulful and uplifiting house from 9.30pm. Bar open 12pm–2am, free. Revenge GirlsOnTop. Fabulously trashy lesbian night with deck hero LadyBex and DJ Smiffy. 10:30pm, free b4 11:30 with passes, 4/5 after.

2 One One Rebel. For those refusing to lay a fab party to rest, 3am, discount entry available from Wild Fruit. Amsterdam Sunday Lunch. Traditional roasts (12–5:30pm) and relaxing vibes with a cabaret twist. Hosted by Connie Conway from 8pm. Ghetto (Formerly Candy Bar) Club Tropicana. Zoom back to the 80s. 10pm, £tbc. Komedia Bent Double. Zoe Lyons comperes an evening of camp comedy. 7:30pm, £10/8 conc. Legends Sunday Cabaret and Chill Out. 3:15pm. The Basement Embrace. Dripping in charty tracks provided by DJ Nick Shepherdson from GA-Y! 11pm–4am, free. Tru Wild Fruit. A fruity sweet 16th and official launch of Seamus Haji’s new single played live by the man himself! Don your most outrageous fantasy fashion threads. 10pm, £12/10/7 mem or adv guestlist/6 NUS.

Friday 3

Monday 6

Amsterdam The Jazz Lounge with Wesley Sebastian. Swing and Jazz. 9pm, free. Charles Street Club Growl. Aimed at MEN, bears, cubs and admirers, this night is fun, fresh and innovative. 11pm, £6 b4 midnite/7 after. Ghetto (Formerly Candy Bar) Popstarz. Indie anthems, alternative classics and current underground hits. 10pm, £tbc. Legends Pre-Celebration. Pop sounds, 7pm. Queen’s Arms Andy B’s Camp Attack. Cabaret and games. Bar open 12pm–1am, free. R-Bar Lollipop Warm-up. 12pm–5am, free. Revenge Lollipop Vs Housexual. Top pop tunes and funky vocal house. 10:30pm–5am, £free b4 11/5 b4 12/7 after.. Star Inn Return of the Friday Bears Inc. with

Amsterdam The Monday Musical. Gimmie gimmie gimmie a musical, some fresh popcorn and a drink from the bar! Bar open 11am, free. Charles Street Club Studio 150. DJs Luke and Ali spin the best party tracks spanning the last 4 decades with drinks promos. 10pm–2am, £1.50. Ghetto (Formerly Candy Bar) Shibby Shabblers. DJs Pookie and Crackwhore. £1.50 pints and vodka mix. 10pm–2am, £3/2. Legends Dave Lynn and Friends. A hysterical night of cabaret, 9:30pm. Bar open 11pm–5am. Queen’s Arms Cherry Poppins Karaoke Show. plus drinks promos, 9pm. Bar open 12pm, free. The Basement Back to the 80s and 90s. Let DJ Steve Lush whisk you back with his classic floorfillers. 11pm–4am, free.

Thursday 2

➧ Please check with venue before travelling. See our venue directory online for details

latest 7 37



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latestTV  Dani on TV

What’s hot on the box

Films on TV


The Big Lebowski

The Core ★✩✩✩✩

WEDNESDAY 1 Half Past Dead ★✩✩✩✩

Thursdays 10pm, ITV 2 I like Billie Piper (I wish she would wash her hair more) but in general she doesn’t completely irritate me. But for some reason I just can’t see her as a, well, prostitute. And that is why I dislike this programme. Not because it is about a prostitute, but mainly because everyone avoids describing it as such! I have no idea why it is okay to be a ‘call girl’ but not a prostitute. I am not saying I agree with prostitution, I don’t really feel anything towards the subject – it is after all one of the oldest professions going and nothing will ever stop it. But is it really correct to turn what was a best(ish) seller into a series just so a load of men can see Billy Piper’s bum? (And what’s worse is that the second series was filmed while Billy Piper was pregnant – so urgh for starters, and secondly it’s not even her you see prancing about in underwear or less!) I can understand why it is popular, and for all intents and purposes I would probably enjoy it. But I would rather not. I cannot fully explain why but something about it just makes me feel odd. (Although it appears to have spurred on a whole new variety of authors – all of whom have been or are call girls.) I have asked a couple of people who have watched this and they can’t really decide what they think about it and I can’t either. I find that shows like this overglamorise situations. This second series is supposed to be more about the life outside of the call girl aspect. Will she be able to hide her secret from her new boyfriend? I am pleased they are making the second series less sex-orientated because I have always wanted to know what it is like for a call girl to do regular things like go to the supermarket and visit her parents (yawn). If this is supposed to be about someone who is slightly less than ashamed of her career choice then it wouldn’t be such a big secret. On the one hand ITV are making a fast-paced racy series about a call girl about town – you work the hours you want get paid quite highly – and on the other hand they are saying that it should be something you don’t tell anyone you do; it is something to be ashamed of. But the one true bonus of the job is that you can be incredibly sarcastic and derogatory to anyone who has a normal life! I know it is not ITV making the full decision about this. It was adapted from a book. I can’t fully explain why I don’t like this programme. But it seems no one else can either! 38 latest 7

Movies on the box this week


★★★★★ (1998, Sky Movies Indie, 10pm. Dir Joel Coen) Fabuloso Coen brothers’ film that tells the tale of mistaken identity, The Dude, a rug and a kidnapping. Involving the not small talents of Jeff Bridges, John Goodman, Julianne Moore, Steve Buscemi and a cracking soundtrack, this comedic thriller is a great reason to stay in on a Tuesday.

The Secret Diary of a Call Girl

30 Sept – 6 Oct

(2002, Five, 9pm. Dir Don Michael Paul) When a director and writer can’t make up what first name he has and completely forgoes a surname and then decides to cast Steven Segal as his star, hopes for the movie will not be high. Half Past Dead lives up to expectations. The story of a man who goes undercover in a prison to find out who killed his wife, is skimmed with plenty of posturing and asskicking, accounted for on the part of Mr Segal making up the remainder of the film.

THURSDAY 2 The Cassandra Crossing

★★★✩✩ (1977, Channel 4, 1.05pm. Dir George P. Cosmatos) A star-studded disaster movie on a train, involving Richard Harris and Sophia Loren, battling against the release of a deadly disease on the speeding vessel. Back on steady land Burt Lancaster and Martin Sheen try a bit of disaster control – like that’ll help if they turn up before the halfway point. Classic.

(2003, Channel 4, 9pm. Dir Jon Amiel) Disaster thriller, in more ways than one. Experiments by the US Government play havoc with the Earth’s core. A group of scientists must journey to the centre of the Earth to save the human race from destruction. Is it Christmas? Then why is this turkey getting served up?

SUNDAY 5 Secretary ★★★★✩ (2002, Channel 4, 10.35pm. Dir Steven Shainberg) Starring James Spader, Maggie Gyllenhaal. Erotic black comedy that puts a whole new meaning to a bit of slap and tickle at work. A masochistic woman answers a job advert placed by a lawyer. The work is not a problem, but her boss has a very unusual approach to discipline.

The Birds ★★★★✩ (1963, Sky Movies Classics, 9pm. Dir Alfred Hitchcock) When a San Francisco playgirl pursues a potential boyfriend to a small Northern California town, things slowly take a turn for the bizarre when birds of all kinds suddenly begin to attack people, in increasing numbers, and with increasing viciousness. Perfect example of why Hitchcock is ‘The Master of Suspense’.

MONDAY 6 Lucky Number Slevin ★★★★✩ (2006, Channel 4, 10pm. Dir Paul McGuigan) Starring Josh Hartnett. Violent thriller. The eponymous Slevin is mistaken for the friend with whom he is staying, who owes large debts to two rival mob bosses who want him to work off his debts as an assassin. With police on their trail and a mysterious and cold-blooded overlord seemingly pulling the strings, a deadly game of cat-and-mouse ensues. Witty, fast and stylishly interesting.

FRIDAY 3 The Devil’s Advocate ★★★✩✩ (1997, BBC1, 11.40pm. Dir Taylor Hackford) Keanu Reeves is a hot shot lawyer with a beautiful wife to boot and the offer of a fabulous mega powerful job. So far, The Firm. Then he finds out his employer is the Devil himself, played with aplomb by Al Pacino, and his local gym membership has nothing compared to the legal loops tying him in to this organisation.

Half Past Dead, Wednesday 9pm



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tuesday 30 Losing It: Griff Rhys Jones On Anger BBC2, 9pm The second and final part in Mr Jones’ investigation into his own anger and that of others in society. First he tries Buddhist meditation in Scotland, then boxing at a gym in Sheffield, until finally he hops across the pond to LA and to the man who invented Anger Management. No grr.

Dawn Porter: Free Lover Channel 4, 10pm Dawn has investigated a lot from her spiritual home of BBC3, but here she is on the big boys’ channel and she’s investigating polygamy. This is the first stop in her global travels investigating how love works and she’s visiting California and Germany to see how this ‘many partners’ thing works in practise. Duvet hogging.

London To Brighton In 4 Minutes BBC4, 9.55pm Who says it has to take fifty minutes? Certainly not the BBC, who rather hypnotically have filmed the entire train journey many take each day, from the front of the train. Sped up and taking us into a parallel universe of supertrains and European speed through British countryside.






Channel 4


Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Real Rescues 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 Open House 11.30 Cash In The Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Diagnosis Murder 3.00 BBC News 3.05 LazyTown 3.30 Bear Behaving Badly 3.50 Eliot Kid 4.03 The Owl 4.05 Raven 4.35 Blue Peter 5.00 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link 6.00 BBC News 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 EastEnders Max’s concerns about Bradley prompt him to go to extreme lengths in dealing with Callum. Obviously after his extreme ironing and extreme shaving. 7.57 BBC News; Regional News 8.00 Holby City The surgeons at Holby join forces to carry out the high-profile separation of the conjoined twins. Co-operation. Not just a nice word from Sesame Street. 9.00 Mutual Friends The wedding looms and there is an atmosphere of impending mayhem. Humiliatingly, Martin is now a dogsbody at Harry’s beck and call. What’s new? 10.00 BBC News 10.25 South East Today 10.33 BBC Weather 10.35 Freaky Eaters: Addicted To Crisps Series in which nutritionist Natalie Savona and psychological coach Benjamin Fry tries to help out fussy eaters. 11.35 Film 2008 With Jonathan Ross The latest film news and reviews with Jonathan Ross. 12.05am FILM: Tigerland (2001) 1.40 Weatherview 1.45 Sign Zone: See Hear 2.15 Horizon 3.05 What To Eat Now 3.35 Trawlermen 4.05 Chinese Food Made Easy 4.35 Joins BBC News

6.00 – 9.00am Children’s television 9.00 Clifford’s Puppy Days 9.15 Tweenies Songtime 9.20 Balamory 9.40 Little Red Tractor 9.55 Pingu 10.00 In The Night Garden 10.30 Big Barn Farm 10.45 Get Squiggling 11.00 KS1 Science Clips 11.10 Primary History 11.30 The Chronicles Of Narnia 11.45 Let’s Write A Story 12.00pm The Daily Politics 1.00 Out Of The Blue 1.25 Coast 1.30 Living In The Sun 2.15 Animal 24:7 3.00 Murder, She Wrote 3.45 Flog It! 4.30 Step Up To The Plate 5.15 Wanted Down Under Revisited 6.00 Eggheads Dermot Murnaghan hosts a general knowledge quiz. 6.30 Strictly Come Dancing - It Takes Two Claudia Winkleman is joined by the week’s saved couple and takes a look at Saturday’s show with the comedy panel. 7.00 Nigella Express Nigella Lawson prepares good food quickly. This time she focuses on food to be eaten on the move. Surely that’s bad for the digestion? 7.30 Would Like To Meet Again Claire Devlin was a single, loud party animal always up for a laugh which masked her deep sadness that she didn’t have the long term relationship that she wanted. How having man makes everything alright. 8.00 Tiger Spy In The Jungle David Attenborough narrates the lives of four growing tiger cubs. 9.00 Losing It: Griff Rhys Jones On Anger See highlights. 10.00 Later Live...with Jools Holland Featuring Kaiser Chiefs, The Streets, Seasick Steve, Tv On The Radio and Little Jackie. 10.30 Newsnight 11.20 Today At Conference The day’s events at the Conservative Party conference in Birmingham. 11.50 The Supersizers Go... Wartime 12.50am Joins BBC News 4.00 Curriculum Bites: Future Landscapes

6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.15 ITV News And Weather 11.20 Meridian News And Weather 11.25 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV Lunchtime News And Weather 2.00 60 Minute Makeover 3.00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 4.00 Midsomer Murders 5.00 Britain’s Best Dish

6.00am The Treacle People 6.10 The Hoobs 6.35 The Hoobs 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 7.55 Just Shoot Me 8.25 Will And Grace 8.55 Frasier 9.30 Britain’s Deadliest Addictions 10.00 Advertising Uncut 10.30 Seven Ages Of Britain 11.25 Year Dot 12.00pm News At Noon 12.30 The Great Italian Escape 1.00 Chateau Monty 1.30 The Savoy: Checking Into History 1.50 FILM: Bullwhip (1958) 3.25 Countdown 4.15 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 The Paul O’Grady Show 6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Mercedes discovers the truth about Malachy and forces him to admit it in front of a shocked crowd at The Dog. That’s sensitive McQueen handling of a difficult issue. 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 3 Minute Wonder: Miss Landmine 8.00 The Sex Education Show Anna Richardson hosts a series which aims to tackle the nation’s sexual ignorance and reticence. Anna takes a fertility test to see whether, at the age of 37, she has left it too late to have a baby. 9.00 Jamie’s Ministry Of Food Jamie Oliver tries to start a food revolution to get the people of Britain cooking fresh food. 10.00 Dawn Porter: Free Lover See highlights. 11.05 The Family In this episode, two of the Hughes children have been keeping secrets from their mum and dad. Seventeen-year-old Charlotte has been bunking off school, and her elder sister Emily has applied for a job that dad would not approve of. Quiet reasoned discussion? Not on your nelly! 12.10am Reaper 1.05 FILM: Dogville (2003) 4.00 Write Away! (x2) 4.30 Just Write (x5) 5.45 We Are From...

6.00 – 9.00am Children’s television 9.00 The Wright Stuff 10.30 Trisha Goddard 11.30 How Not To Decorate 12.30pm Five News 12.45 Grey’s Anatomy 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 County Secrets 3.00 FILM: The Inheritance (1997) 5.00 Five News 5.30 Neighbours

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 Big League Weekend 10.30 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 11.30 Big League Weekend 1.00pm UEFA Champions League (x8) 5.00 NFL Total Access 6.00 Football Asia 6.30 Revista De La Liga 7.30 Gillette Soccer Special 10.00 Revista De La Liga 11.00 Football Asia 11.30 Hyundai A League 12.00am Women’s Golf: Vediorbis Open De France 1.00 Revista De La Liga 2.00 Football Asia 2.30 World Motor Sport 5.00 Revista De La Liga

6.00 Home And Away Jack’s anger at Roman boils over. Roman’s bigger and an ex-soldier. Not the best to boil over at. Pick a littler fella next time. 6.30 Animal Rescue Squad 7.00 Five News 7.30 Highland Emergency 8.00 Megastructures: 747 Demolition Documentary about the recycling of a decommissioned aeroplane. 9.00 CSI: Miami Calleigh’s career is on the line following her drastic actions during an attempted carjacking. 10.00 CSI: NY Mac and the team realise that an old enemy has resurfaced in the form of Suspect X, a trained assassin. In an attempt to track her down before she kills again, the CSIs must set a trap to lure Suspect X into the open. 11.00 Law And Order: SVU The detectives investigate when the conviction of a group of high-school bullies for torturing and murdering one of their own gang escalates the abuse at their private school. 12.00am The FBI Files 1.00 Disorderly Conduct 2.00 NASCAR: The Sprint Cup 2.45 USPGA Golf 3.30 Golf: The Challenge (x2) 4.20 European Drag Racing 4.45 Race And Rally UK 5.10 Neighbours 5.35 Home And Away

Sky Sports 2

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale The Dingles are shocked when Danielle is arrested. Ross has some fun with Chas to take his mind off Donna. Naughty fellow. 7.30 UEFA Champions League: Arsenal V Porto Steve Rider introduces live coverage from the Emirates Stadium of Arsenal’s Champions League group stage game against Portuguese champions Porto. The two clubs met in this competition in the 2006-07 season, with the Gunners winning 2-0 at home with goals from Thierry Henry and Alexander Hleb. Commentary by Peter Drury and David Pleat, studio analysis from Andy Townsend, and pitchside reports from Gabriel Clarke. 10.00 News At Ten; Weather 10.40 UEFA Champions League Highlights Craig Doyle looks back at tonight’s Champions League games. Arsenal take on Portuguese champions and 2004 winners Porto at the Emirates Stadium, Manchester United travel to Denmark to face champions Aalborg, and Celtic meet Spanish club Villarreal. 12.00am Guinness Premiership Rugby 12.55 LA Dragnet 1.40 Loose Women 2.30 The Jeremy Kyle Show 3.25 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 X-Adventures 7.00 WWE Afterburn 8.00 British Rally Championship 9.00 FEI Equestrian World 9.30 Showjumping 10.30 British Rally Championship 11.30 Speedway 2.00pm NFL - Total Access 3.00 NFL 5.00 LIVE Football: UEFA Champions League 7.30 LIVE: Football: UEFA Champions League 10.30 Poker Million 12.30am NFL Total Access 1.30 European Seniors Tour Golf 2.30 Hyundai A League

Sky Sports 3 6.30am Speedway 9.00 Pool: World Eightball Championships 10.30 Wild Spirits 11.00 FEI Equestrian World 11.30 Racing News 12.00pm World Motor Sport 2.30 Pool: World Eightball Championships 4.00 British Rally Championship 5.00 WWE Smackdown 7.00 NFL 9.00 Pool: World Eightball Championships 10.30 European Seniors Tour Golf 11.30 Pool: World Pool Masters (x2)

Victoria Nangle

extraterrestrial Sky One








4.00pm Stargate Atlantis 5.00 American Gladiators 6.00 Malcolm In The Middle 6.30 Futurama 7.00 The Simpsons (x2) 8.00 Stargate Atlantis 9.00 UK Border Force 10.00 Prison Break 11.00 Inside: Alaska’s Toughest Prison 12.00am Road Wars 1.00 Road Wars 1.50 Las Vegas Uncovered 2.40 Stargate SG-1 (x2) ˚

7.00pm Freaky Eaters 8.00 Dog Borstal 9.00 Don’t Tell The Bride 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Coming Of Age 11.00 Family Guy 11.20 Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps (x2)12.20am Don’t Tell The Bride 1.20 Dog Borstal 2.15 Coming Of Age 2.45 Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps (x2)

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Ways Of Seeing 8.00 Wild China 9.00 That Mitchell And Webb Look 9.30 Flight Of The Conchords 9.55 London To Brighton In 4 Minutes. See highlights. 10.00 The Book Quiz 10.30 Fanny Hill 11.30 Imagine... Fantastic Mr Dahl 12.30am Arena At 30 1.30 Only Connect 2.00 Fanny Hill

3.45pm The Ricki Lake Show 4.30 Sally Jessy Raphael 5.20 The Montel Williams Show 6.05 Judge Judy (x2) 7.00 Smallville 8.00 Katie & Peter: The Next Chapter 9.00 CelebAir 10.00 Katy Brand’s Big Ass Show 10.30 FILM: The Sixth Sense (1999) 12.40am Entourage 1.10 Secret Diary Of A Call Girl

2.55pm Agatha Christie’s Poirot 4.00 Daily Cooks Challenge 5.05 Goodnight Sweetheart 5.45 Film File 5.55 Heartbeat 7.00 Pie In The Sky 8.00 PD James: A Mind To Murder 10.15 Profiling PD James 11.15 Super Sleuths 12.15am Agatha Christie’s Poirot 1.20 Dempsey And Makepeace 2.10 Heartbeat

12.45pm Scrubs (x20 1.45 One Tree Hill 2.35 The OC 3.30 Gilmore Girls 4.25 Hollyoaks 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 My Name Is Earl 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 Smallville: Superman The Early Years (x2) 11.00 Fonejacker 11.35 Skins 12.35am Skins 1.35 Scrubs (x2) 2.25 Gilmore Girls 3.05 Skins

2.00pm ER 3.00 Hill Street Blues 4.00 A Place In The Sun (x2) 5.05 Grand Designs 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Property Ladder 8.00 More4 News 8.30 The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 9.00 Bear Grylls: Born Survivor 10.00 True Stories: Chosen 12.00am Bear Grylls: Born Survivor 1.00 True Stories: Chosen

4.00pm Charmed (x2) 6.00 Australia’s Next Top Model 7.00 Will And Grace (x2) 8.00 America’s Next Top Model 9.00 Ghost Whisperer 10.00 Ghost Hunters International 11.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 12.00am Grey’s Anatomy 1.00 Will And Grace (x2) 2.00 Ghost Hunters International

UK TV Gold



Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Sky Movies



5.40pm My Family 6.20 Keeping Up Appearances 7.00 Last Of The Summer Wine 7.40 Dinnerladies 8.20 One Foot In The Grave 9.00 Open All Hours 9.40 Porridge 10.20 The Royle Family 10.55 Men Behaving Badly 11.35 Little Britain 12.15am Open All Hours 12.55 The Royle Family 1.30 Casualty At Holby City

2.00pm Becker (x2) 3.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 4.00 The King Of Queens (x2) 5.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 6.00 Frasier (x2) 7.00 Scrubs (x2) 8.00 Two And A Half Men (x4) 10.00 Sex And The City (x2) 11.10 The King Of Queens 11.40 Two And A Half Men 12.10am Two And A Half Men 12.40 Jackass (x2)

5.00pm Mythbusters 6.00 American Chopper 7.00 How Do They Do It? 7.30 How Stuff’s Made 8.00 Deadliest Catch (x2) 10.00 Born Survivor: Bear Grylls 11.00 Couples Who Kill 12.00am Unsolved Murders 12.30 Crime Scene USA: Body Of Evidence 1.00 Crime Scene Australia 2.00 Forensic Detectives º

12.05pm The Lost World 1.00 Quantum Leap 2.00 The Invisible Man 3.00 FILM: Hercules And The Lost Kingdom (1994) 5.00 Thunderbirds 6.05 Angel 7.00 The Invisible Man 8.00 Medium 9.00 Medium 10.00 FILM: Tremors (1990) 11.50 FILM : Minority Report (2002) 2.30am The Making Of Tin Man

1.10pm The Man Who Knew Too Much (1956) 3.15 Rooster Cogburn (1975) 5.10 Billion Dollar Brain (1967) 7.00 Wild In The Country (1961) 9.00 Coogan’s Bluff (1968) 10.40 I’ll Never Forget What’s ‘is Name (1969) 12.25am Holiday Inn (1942) 2.15 The Man Who Knew Too Much (1956)

12.20pm The Last Mogul: Life And Times Of Lew Wasserman (2005) 2.00 Offside (2006) 3.40 35mm 4.10 Brotherhood (2004) 6.40 Nina’s Heavenly Delights (2006) 8.20 The Escapist (2001) 10.00 The Big Lebowski (1998) 12.00am London To Brighton (2006) 1.30 Ong-Bak (2004)

1.00pm The Gift Horse (1952) 3.00 The Guinea Pig (1948) 4.55 The Way Ahead (1944) 7.10 Knights Of The South Bronx (2005) 9.00 Walk The Line (2005) Moving biopic of Johnny Cash starring Joaquin Pheonix. 11.35 Invasion Of The Body Snatchers (1956) 1.15am The Way Home (2002)

7.20am The Cross Of Lorraine (1943) 8.50 Mrs Miniver (1942) 11.10 Two Loves (1961) 1.00pm The Girl And The General (1967) 3.00 The Yearling (1946) 5.20 Young Cassidy (1965) 7.00 Ransom (1956) 9.00 Point Blank (1967) 10.45 Mr Ricco (1975) 12.40am Love Me Or Leave Me (1955) 2.50 Alfred The Great (1969)





5:47 PM

Page 1

wednesday 1 october Heroes BBC2, 9pm After all of the build-up, series three of the people with super powers living among us is back. And it’s concentrating on the old characters that we love – yay! Peter and Matt are thrown into unexpected, unchartered territory and Sylar decides that having part of his powers back would be boosted by a visit to Claire. Yikes!

The Family Channel 4, 9pm The Hughes family are having further difficulties as brow beaten parents Jane and Simon decide to go out for the evening leaving eldest residential child Emily in charge. However, when Tom won’t go to bed on time war breaks out between brother and sister with dire cosequences. Teenagers, eh? Who’d have ‘em?

Coming Of Age BBC3, 11.05pm Set at that point when you just about realise the advantages to adolescence, right before they’re snatched away from you and you’re told to behave like an adult, this is a sitcom set in the world of the sixth form students in Abingdon. DK tries to seduce Sky with chocolate, rap and breakdancing. Be still our heart.






Channel 4


Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Real Rescues 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 Open House 11.30 Cash In The Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Diagnosis Murder 3.00 BBC News 3.05 LazyTown 3.30 Bear Behaving Badly 3.50 Eliot Kid 4.03 The Owl 4.05 Get 100 4.35 Blue Peter 5.00 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link 6.00 BBC News 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 Inside Out Surprising real-life stories from familiar places, with presenter Kaddy Lee-Preston. 8.00 Holby City Jayne’s career at Holby hangs in the balance as the separation of the conjoined twins continues. Kyla’s romance takes a turn for the worse. She needs a blind date - she’s obviously no good at picking the winners herself. 9.00 Silent Witness Leo does community service on a rough estate after being done for drink driving. Bad man. Gang violence amongst the kids there is rife, and Leo gets involved when one of them is stabbed. good man. Nikki investigates the death of a young girl from the same area who, it seems, was murdered. Curious lady. 10.00 BBC News 10.25 South East Today 10.33 BBC Weather 10.35 The National Lottery Draws 10.45 Medium Drama series about a suburban housewife who can see the dead and read the minds of others. 11.25 The Tudors 12.20am Weatherview 12.25 Sign Zone: Jimmy And The Wild Honey Hunters 1.25 The Truth About Property 2.25 Tess Of The D’Urbervilles 3.25 DIY SOS 3.55 Joins BBC News

6.00 – 9.00am Children’s television 9.00 Clifford’s Puppy Days 9.15 Tweenies Songtime 9.20 Balamory 9.40 Little Red Tractor 9.50 Pingu 10.00 In The Night Garden 10.30 Big Barn Farm 10.45 Get Squiggling 11.00 What Are You Like? 11.30 What Are You Like? 12.00pm The Daily Politics 1.00 See Hear 1.30 Animal Park 2.00 The Daily Politics 4.00 Flog It! 4.30 Step Up To The Plate 5.15 Wanted Down Under Revisited 5.55 Party Political Broadcast 6.00 Eggheads It’s quiz, Jim – but not as we know it. 6.30 Strictly Come Dancing - It Takes Two Judge Craig Revel Horwood takes a peak into the Training Rooms to find out how our couples are shaping up for the weekend. Bruised. 7.00 Heroes Countdown As part of the countdown to the third series of Heroes, a special programme which treats viewers to sneak peeks, behind the scenes footage and an introduction to new characters. 7.45 Heroes Unmasked A look behind the scenes of the drama series Heroes. 8.00 The Restaurant Raymond Blanc challenges the remaining couples to provide a formal dinner at three prestigious Oxford colleges. 9.00 Heroes See highlights. 9.45 Heroes Unmasked The shocks and surprises come thick and fast as Heroes Unmasked launches series three in style. 10.00 Mock The Week Comedy show combining elements of panel game, stand-up and satire. 10.30 Newsnight 11.20 Today At Conference The day’s events at the Conservative Party conference in Birmingham. 11.50 Charley Boorman: Ireland To Sydney By Any Means 12.50am Joins BBC News 4.00 World Physical

6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.15 ITV News And Weather 11.20 Meridian News And Weather 11.25 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV Lunchtime News And Weather 2.00 60 Minute Makeover 3.00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 4.00 Midsomer Murders 5.00 Britain’s Best Dish

6.00am The Treacle People 6.10 The Hoobs 6.35 The Hoobs 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.00 Just Shoot Me 8.30 Will And Grace 9.20 Rescue Remedies 9.30 Britain’s Deadliest Addictions 10.00 Advertising Uncut 10.30 Seven Ages Of Britain 11.25 Year Dot 12.00pm News At Noon 12.30 Property Ladder 1.35 Supporting Acts 1.45 FILM: The Road To Denver (1955) 3.25 Countdown 4.15 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 The Paul O’Grady Show 6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Mercedes is on selfdestruct mode after finding out she could have HIV. Tina eases into family life with Russ but still doesn’t know where she stands with him. 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 3 Minute Wonder: Miss Landmine 8.00 Supernanny Supernanny Jo Frost is back helping more parents tame difficult children. The Porter family are being held to ransom by the explosive temper of their nineyear-old daughter, Maddison. Jo has 19 years of experience getting little tyrants into line but can she wrestle control from Princess Maddie? 9.00 The Family See highlights. 10.00 Desperate Housewives Susan’s mother-in-law comes to visit. Carlos and Gabrielle’s tenant has a dark secret. War erupts between Bree and Edie. 11.00 Jamie’s Ministry Of Food Jamie Oliver tries to start a food revolution to get the people of Britain cooking fresh food. 12.00am 4 Music: Ibiza Rocks With Sony Ericsson 12.35 Pineapple Express: T4 Movie Special 1.05 FILM: Black Friday (2004) 4.05 Dog’s Mercury 4.30 St Elsewhere 5.15 Countdown 5.55 The Treacle People

6.00 – 9.00am Children’s television 9.00 The Wright Stuff 10.30 Trisha Goddard 11.30 How Not To Decorate 12.30pm Five News 12.45 Grey’s Anatomy 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 County Secrets 3.00 Five News Update 3.10 FILM: Touch The Top Of The World (2006) 5.00 Five News 5.30 Neighbours

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 Football Asia 9.30 Hyundai A League 10.00 Revista De La Liga 11.00 Women’s Golf: Vediorbis Open De France 12.00pm European Seniors Tour Golf - Scottish Seniors Open 1.00 Revista De La Liga 2.00 UEFA Champions League (x8) 6.00 Total Rugby 6.30 PCA Cricket Awards 2008 7.00 FIFA Futbol Mundial 7.30 Gillette Soccer Special 10.00 You’re On Sky Sports 11.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 12.00am Total Rugby 12.30 Poker Million 2.30 Trans World Sport 3.30 You’re On Sky Sports

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 6.55 Conservative Party Broadcast 7.00 Emmerdale Donna is upset when she learns about Ross’s night with Chas. Surely that was the desired effect. Div boy. 7.30 Coronation Street The Websters discover Rosie’s win. Leanne tempts Dan with a share of her ill-gotten gains. Is everyone after someone else’s booty? 8.00 The Daily Mirror Pride Of Britain Awards 2008 Carol Vorderman hosts the glittering annual awards from London’s West End, as the country’s biggest stars unite to salute the most remarkable people of the year - the nation’s unsung heroes. Featuring a number of celebs. 10.00 News At Ten; Weather 10.35 Numb3rs When a DNA synthesizer capable of customising diseases is stolen from the lab where Charlie teaches, Don suspects the culprits may be terrorists bent on engineering a form of bio-warfare. 11.35 Homes From Hell 2008 Documenting some of the horrors that homeowners have had to deal with. 12.30am Nightwatch With Steve Scott: Mystery 1.20 LA Dragnet 2.10 Loose Women 2.55 The Jeremy Kyle Show 3.50 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

6.00 Home And Away Miles’s attraction for Kirsty grows stronger. The penny drops for Martha. Duh! 6.30 Animal Rescue Squad Michaela Strachan and Matt Baker present a wildlife series following the urgent work going on to save and protect animals in the UK and abroad. 7.00 Five News 7.30 It Pays To Watch Martin Lewis demonstrates how to transfer debts and pay less interest on credit card accounts. Useful for Christmas time. 8.00 Axe Men Series following the work of North American lumberjacks. They’re okay. So says the song. 9.00 FILM: Half Past Dead (2002) Starring Steven Seagal, Ja Rule, Morris Chestnut, Nia Peeples and Claudia Christian. Action thriller in which a tough cop goes undercover in a newly-opened Alcatraz prison where he tries to infiltrate the inner sanctum of a gang. Dead easy when you’re built like the proverbial outhouse and have a greasy ponytail to boot. 11.05 Police Interceptors Documentary series profiling the work of a high-speed police interception unit in Essex. 12.05am World Open IV 1.35 Major League Baseball 4.45 European Drag Racing 5.10 Neighbours 5.35 Home And Away

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 X-Adventures 7.00 WWE Vintage Collection 8.00 Sports Unlimited 9.00 X-Adventures 9.30 Caterham Motor Racing 10.00 Poker Million 12.00pm Pool: World Pool Masters 1.00 Golf 2.00 European Seniors Tour Golf 3.00 Poker Million 5.00 NFL - Total Access 6.00 LIVE Football: UEFA Champions League 11.00 PCA Cricket Awards 2008 11.30 NFL - Total Access 12.30am Everyday Is Raceday: Touring Car Diaries 1.00 Sailing: Med Cup 1.30 Beach Volleyball 2.30 PCA Cricket Awards 2008

Sky Sports 3 8.00am European Seniors Tour Golf 9.00 Pool: World Eightball Championships 10.30 X-Adventures 11.00 Aerobics: Oz Style 11.30 Racing News 12.00pm Sports Unlimited 1.00 NFL - Total Access 2.00 X-Adventures 2.30 Caterham Motor Racing 3.00 Sports Unlimited 4.00 Pool: World Pool Masters 5.00 WWE The Bottom Line 6.00 WWE Afterburn 7.00 European Tour Weekly 7.30 Beach Volleyball 8.30 PCA Cricket Awards 2008 9.00 Pool: World Eightball Championships 10.30 Trans World Sport 11.30 Wild Spirits 12.00am Pool: World Eightball Championships 1.30 Everyday Is Raceday: Touring Car Diaries 2.00 Wild Spirits Victoria Nangle

extraterrestrial Sky One








4.00pm Stargate Atlantis 5.00 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 6.00 Malcolm In The Middle 6.30 Futurama 7.00 The Simpsons (x2) 8.00 Don’t Forget The Lyrics 9.00 FILM: Robin Hood: Men In Tights (1993) 11.05 Road Wars 12.05am Ross Kemp Meets The Glue Kids Of Kenya 12.35 Road Wars (x2) 2.25 Greece Uncovered

7.00pm Freaky Eaters 8.00 Dog Borstal 9.00 Driving Mum And Dad Mad 10.00 Heroes 10.45 Family Guy 11.05 Coming Of Age. See highlights. 11.35 Most Annoying Pop Moments... We Hate To Love 2.05am Driving Mum And Dad Mad 3.05 Dog Borstal 4.00 Freaky Eaters

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Ways Of Seeing 8.00 A History Of British Art: My Wife, My Horse And Myself 8.50 David Hockney’s Secret Knowledge 10.00 The Art Of Arts TV 11.00 Arena: The Waugh Trilogy (x3) 2.00 The Art Of Eternity 3.00 The Art Of Arts TV

5.20pm The Montel Williams Show 6.05 Judge Judy (x2) 7.00 Smallville 8.00 Hell’s Kitchen USA 9.00 Jack Osbourne: Celebrity Adrenaline Junkie 10.00 Celebrity Juice 10.30 Coronation Street 11.00 No Heroics 11.30 Katy Brand’s Big Ass Show 12.00am CelebAir 1.00 Sex, Love & Secrets

1.50pm Agatha Christie’s Poirot (x2) 4.00 Daily Cooks Challenge 5.05 Revisiting Brideshead 5.10 Goodnight Sweetheart 5.50 Heartbeat 6.50 Film File 7.00 The Wonder Years (x2) 8.00 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 9.00 Profiling Ruth Rendell 10.00 Ruth Rendell Mysteries 12.10am Agatha Christie’s Poirot (x2)

3.30pm Gilmore Girls 4.25 Hollyoaks 5.00 Friends (x20 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 My Name Is Earl 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 10.00 Fonejacker 10.30 Rick & Steve: The Happiest Gay Couple In All The World 11.00 When Women Rule The World 12.05am Scrubs (x2) 1.05 Gilmore Girls ˚

4.00pm A Place In The Sun (x2) 5.05 Grand Designs 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Property Ladder 8.00 More4 News 8.30 The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 9.00 Father Ted 9.30 Father Ted 10.00 Half Ton Dad 11.05 Dispatches: Cameron’s Money Men 12.05am Father Ted 12.40 Father Ted 1.10 Half Ton Dad

3.00pm Grey’s Anatomy 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 Australia’s Next Top Model 7.00 Will And Grace (x2) 8.00 Grey’s Anatomy 9.00 Dirty Dancing: The Time Of Your Life 10.00 Living With... Boy George 11.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 12.00am Grey’s Anatomy 1.00 Will And Grace (x2) 2.00 Dirty Dancing

UK TV Gold



Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Sky Movies



5.00pm As Time Goes By 5.40 My Family 6.20 Keeping Up Appearances 7.00 Last Of The Summer Wine 7.40 Dinnerladies 8.20 One Foot In The Grave 9.00 Open All Hours 9.40 Porridge 10.20 The Royle Family 11.00 Men Behaving Badly 11.40 Little Britain 12.20am Open All Hours 1.00 The Royle Family 1.40 Holby City

4.00pm The King Of Queens (x2) 5.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 6.00 Frasier (x2) 7.00 Scrubs (x2) 8.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 9.00 Scrubs (x2) 10.00 Sex And The City (x2) 11.10 The King Of Queens 11.40 Scrubs 12.10am Kitchen Confidential 12.40 The Frank Skinner Show 1.40 Linc’s 2.10 Kitchen Confidential

2.00pm Crime Scene USA (x2) 3.00 Deadliest Catch 4.00 Time Team 5.00 Mythbusters 6.00 American Chopper 7.00 How Do They Do It? 7.30 How Stuff’s Made 8.00 Deadliest Catch 9.00 I Killed John Lennon 10.00 Deranged Killers 11.00 Couples Who Kill 12.00am Unsolved Murders 12.30 Crime Scene USA

2.00pm The Invisible Man 3.00 FILM: Dungeons & Dragons: Wrath Of The Dragon God (2005) 5.00 Thunderbirds 6.05 Angel 7.00 The Invisible Man 8.00 FILM: Solar Attack (2005) 9.50 FILM: Post Impact (2004) 11.40 FILM: Emmanuelle In Space: Queen Of The Galaxy (1994) 1.40am Medium

2.50pm Road To Morocco (1942) 4.20 Modern Greats And Classics Close Up 4.50 The Robe (1953) 7.10 Shenandoah (1965) 9.00 Cahill, United States Marshal (1973) 10.50 The Innocents (1961) 12.40am White Savage (1943) 2.10 Modern Greats And Classics Close Up

1.00pm Lemming (2005) 3.10 Whatever Happened To Harold Smith? (1999) 4.50 Love Me If You Dare (2003) 6.25 Fire (1996) 8.20 Whatever Happened To Harold Smith? (1999) 10.00 Seven Swords (2005) 12.20am Hard Candy (2006) 2.20 This Year’s Love (1998) 4.20 Man’s New Best Friend

1.00pm The Bitter Tea Of General Yen (1933) 2.45 Days Of Heaven (1978) 4.40 Great Expectations (1946) 7.00 Memoirs Of An Invisible Man (1992) Chevy Chase as the accidental transparency, with Daryl Hannah as love interest. 9.00 Cellular (2004) 10.50 Nil By Mouth (1997) 1.20am Election (2005)

1.00pm The Great Caruso (1951) 3.00 Young Bess (1953) 5.05 Young Cassidy (1965) 7.00 Dial M For Murder (1954) 9.00 Bullitt (1968) 11.00 Whose Life Is It Anyway? (1981) 1.05am The Fearless Vampire Killers (1967) 3.05 Dark Of The Sun (1968) 5.00 The Charge Of The Light Brigade (1936)





3:45 PM

Page 1

thursday 2 Natural Born Sellers ITV1, 9pm Think you’ve got the old gift of the gab? Reckon you’ve got the midas touch when it comes to selling? Then you’ve got plenty in common with these eight salespeople out to earn a bundle. Each week the commission they earn goes into the pot and one person gets the old heave ho. Only one will win the lot.

Dana: The Eight-Year-Old Anorexic Channel 4, 9pm From the Cutting Edge stable, it can be taken as read that this will be a sympathetic and touching tale of a child suffering from a debilitating eating disorder. Following Dana as she embarks upon an intensive 12-week programme in a specialist unit, it questions why so little so young?

My Name Is Earl E4, 7.30pm One of the joys of this show is the creativity with which Earl has behaved badly in the past. This week sees Catalina helping out our hapless hero in righting the wrong of ‘used a mailbox as a trash can’. From this the pair find a couple of undelivered letters, one declaring love and the other something about Darnell. Ooh-oh!






Channel 4


Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Real Rescues 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 Open House 11.30 Cash In The Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Diagnosis Murder 3.00 BBC News 3.05 LazyTown 3.30 Bear Behaving Badly 3.50 Eliot Kid 4.03 The Owl 4.05 Raven 4.35 Beat The Boss 5.00 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link 6.00 BBC News 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 EastEnders Bradley faces up to the truth about his relationship with Stacey, and confronts his dad about his actions. Which ones? 7.57 BBC News; Regional News 8.00 The Planners Are Coming Series looking at building planning processes. 8.30 Accidental Heroes Series documenting real-life stories of bravery and courage. 9.00 Silent Witness Drama series about a team of forensic pathologists. Frustration within the team builds as Harry and Nikki struggle to find any useful evidence from the postmortems to help the police. No one will talk, and they have no leads. Leo worries for Levi, who is sucked further into a world of gangs. 10.00 BBC News 10.25 South East Today 10.33 BBC Weather 10.35 Question Time David Dimbleby chairs the weekly political debate from Birmingham. 11.35 This Week A political review of the week. 12.20am Holiday Weatherview 12.25 Sign Zone: Panorama 12.55 Charley Boorman: Ireland To Sydney By Any Means 1.55 Would Like To Meet Again 2.25 Countryfile 3.20 Joins BBC News

6.00 – 9.20am Children’s television 9.20 Balamory 9.40 Little Red Tractor 9.50 Pingu 10.00 In The Night Garden 10.30 Big Barn Farm 10.45 Get Squiggling 11.00 The Maths Channel 11.10 Let’s Write A Story 11.30 Something Special 11.45 What? Where? When? Why? 12.00pm The Daily Politics 12.30 Open Gardens 1.00 Out Of The Blue 1.25 Coast 1.30 Living In The Sun 2.15 Animal 24:7 3.00 Murder, She Wrote 3.45 Flog It! 4.30 Step Up To The Plate 5.15 Wanted Down Under Revisited 6.00 Eggheads Quiz time! 6.30 Strictly Come Dancing - It Takes Two Backstage gossip and behind-the-scenes action from the world of Strictly Come Dancing. 7.00 James May’s Big Ideas James May travels the globe in search of his ultimate flying machine. He begins by heading into the frozen wastes of Russia to pilot one of the best kept secrets of the Cold War. He then heads to the US to fly the world’s only surviving flying car. 8.00 The Restaurant 9.00 Never Mind The Buzzcocks The anarchic, award-winning pop quiz returns with host Simon Amstell, regular team captain Phill Jupitus, guests Harry Judd of Mcfly, Ralph Little and Tim Minchin. 9.30 Beautiful People Simon Doonan now living in New York, remembers his extraordinary childhood growing up in Reading during the 90s. 10.00 The Graham Norton Show Graham Norton presents celebrity chat, eccentric stories and characters. 10.30 Newsnight 11.20 Amazon With Bruce Parry Bruce Parry travels to a remote part of the Brazilian Amazon. 12.20am How I Met Your Mother 1.05 Joins BBC News 4.00 Mapping Crime 5.00 Indigenous Peoples: Climate And Eco-Systems

6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.15 ITV News And Weather 11.20 Meridian News And Weather 11.25 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV Lunchtime News And Weather 2.00 60 Minute Makeover 3.00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 4.00 Midsomer Murders 5.00 Britain’s Best Dish

6.10am The Hoobs 6.35 The Hoobs 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 7.55 Just Shoot Me 8.25 Just Shoot Me 8.55 Frasier 9.30 Britain’s Deadliest Addictions 10.00 Advertising Uncut 10.30 Seven Ages Of Britain 11.25 Year Dot 12.00pm News At Noon 12.30 Frasier 1.05 FILM: The Cassandra Crossing (1977) 3.25 Countdown 4.15 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 The Paul O’Grady Show 6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Jacqui persuades Mercedes to go for an HIV test, while Malachy wallows in self-pity. 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 3 Minute Wonder: Miss Landmine 8.00 The Great Italian Escape Sarah decants 50 litres of summer cider into assorted bottles. Yum. 8.30 Chateau Monty It’s harvest time. Monty needs to produce at least 6,000 bottles of quaffable red wine from his biodynamic vineyard in France. But the weather’s closing in. Monty needs help from the local villagers. Payback for using local tradesmen we think. 9.00 Dana: The Eight-Year-Old Anorexic See highlights. 10.00 8 Out Of 10 Cats Jimmy Carr presents the comedy panel show. 10.35 Star Stories The glamorous career of Tom Cruise is examined. 11.05 When Women Rule The World Reality series. 12.10am 4 Music: Razorlight: Video Exclusive 12.15 Alan Carr’s Celebrity Ding Dong 1.00 4 Music: JD Set Presents Kubichek! 1.15 The Answering Machine 1.30 4Play: Tricky 1.45 Coming Up 2.10 FILM: The Dancer Upstairs (2002) 4.20 St Elsewhere 5.15 Countdown

6.00 – 9.00am Children’s television 9.00 The Wright Stuff 10.30 Trisha Goddard 11.30 How Not To Decorate 12.30pm Five News 12.45 Monkey Life 1.15 Home And Away 1.45 Neighbours 2.20 UEFA Cup Football 5.00 Five News 5.30 Neighbours

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 PCA Cricket Awards 2008 9.30 Total Rugby 10.00 Trans World Sport 11.00 European Tour Weekly 11.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 12.00pm PCA Cricket Awards 2008 12.30 Total Rugby 1.00 European Tour Weekly 1.30 Live European Tour Golf5.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 6.30 Barclays Premier League World 7.00 LIVE Rugby Club Special 10.00 Barclays Premier League World 10.30 ATP Magazine 11.00 NFL - Total Access 12.00am Rugby Club Special 3.00 ATP Magazine

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Paddy attempts to hide his jealousy over Chas and Ross. They’re such an incestuous lot. It’s this lot that give country folk a bad name. Rural nymphos. 8.00 The Bill When a gunshot is heard inside the school where Jake Quinn is holding Sophie Parry and Polly Carr hostage, Gina is afraid that Smithy has been injured. 9.00 Natural Born Sellers See highlights. 10.00 News At Ten; Weather 10.40 Customs UK Today, in Bristol, customs officer Joe stops a couple returning from Spain with 8,000 cigarettes in order to confirm that the cigarettes are for their personal use, but communicating with the man proves challenging. Does he not listen? Or take geographical directions? Shame. 11.10 Focus Debbie Thrower reveals how Britain is telling thousands of Gurkhas that they cannot live here because their ties with the country aren’t strong enough. 11.40 Love And War 12.10am Bingo Night Live 1.10 Motorsport UK 1.35 Nightwatch With Steve Scott 2.30 Loose Women 3.20 The Jeremy Kyle Show 4.15 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

6.00 Home And Away Tony and Rachel plan their wedding. Rachel’s patient takes a special interest in her. Oh no, it’s Kim all over again. Get her up that isle, Tone! 6.30 UEFA Cup Football Live football action as Everton travel to play Standard Liege in Belgium in this second leg game. Midfielder Marouane Fellaini returns to his old club after having signed for Everton this season. Standard very nearly knocked out Liverpool in the Champions League qualifiers and so this will be a difficult hurdle for the Toffees. Presented by Colin Murray with commentary from Dave Woods and Kevin Ratcliffe. 9.30 UEFA Cup Football Live football action as Portsmouth play their second ever UEFA Cup tie against Vitoria Guimaraes in Portugal. Presented by Colin Murray with commentary from Tony Jones and Stan Collymore. 12.05am Quiz Call Interactive quiz show giving viewers the chance to answer questions for money. Free entry is available through (0845 call charges apply). 4.00 Major League Soccer 4.45 Wildlife SOS 5.10 Neighbours 5.35 Home And Away

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 XAdventures 7.00 WWE: Experience 8.00 Watersports World 9.00 XAdventures 9.30 Irish Greyhound Racing 10.00 Caterham Motor Racing 10.30 Everyday Is Raceday: Touring Car Diaries 11.00 Beach Volleyball 12.00pm X-Adventures 12.30 Everyday Is Raceday 1.00 Trans World Sport 2.00 Total Rugby 2.30 Caterham Motor Racing 3.00 Beach Volleyball 4.00 FIFA Futbol Mundial 4.30 PCA Cricket Awards 2008 5.00 NFL - Total Access 6.00 ATP Tennis Magazine 6.30 Everyday Is Raceday 7.00 FIFA Futbol Mundial 7.30 Showjumping: Arena UK Grand Prix 9.00 Golf Night 11.30 LIVE: Golf Night: Live 1.30am Irish Showjumping Premier Series

Sky Sports 3 9.00am Pool: World Eightball Championships 10.30 X-Adventures 11.00 Aerobics 11.30 Racing News 12.00pm Watersports World 1.00 NFL - Total Access 2.00 X-Adventures 2.30 Irish Greyhound Racing 3.00 Watersports World 4.00 Wild Spirits 4.30 Everyday Is Raceday 5.00 WWE Vintage Collection 6.00 WWE Special 7.00 The Dogs 7.30 Duathlon 8.30 Motor Racing: A1 Grand Prix 9.30 WWE Late Night Raw 11.30 Extreme Championship Wrestling 12.30am WWE Special 1.30 Pool Victoria Nangle

extraterrestrial Sky One








3.00pm Cold Case 4.00 Stargate Atlantis 5.00 Don’t Forget The Lyrics 6.00 Malcolm In The Middle 6.30 Futurama 7.00 The Simpsons (x2) 8.00 Celebrity Are You Smarter Than A Ten-Year-Old? 9.00 Bones 10.00 Cold Case 11.00 FILM: Rocky V (1990) 1.05am Road Wars 2.00 Greece Uncovered

7.00pm Freaky Eaters 8.00 Don’t Tell The Bride 9.00 The World’s Strictest Parents 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 The Wrong Door 11.00 Family Guy 11.20 Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps (x2) 12.20am The World’s Strictest Parents 1.20 Don’t Tell The Bride 2.20 The Wrong Door 2.50 Massive

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Fossil Detectives 8.00 Hindsight: Lord Beeching 8.30 Railway Walks 9.00 Ian Hislop Goes Off The Rails 10.00 Great Railway Journeys 10.55 BBC Four Sessions: June Tabor 11.55 Railway Walks 12.25am Ian Hislop Goes Off The Rails 1.25 Fossil Detectives 1.55 The Art Of Eternity

4.30pm Sally Jessy Raphael 5.20 The Montel Williams Show 6.05 Judge Judy (x2) 7.00 CelebAir 8.00 The Fashion Show 9.00 Katie & Peter: The Next Chapter 10.00 Secret Diary Of A Call Girl 10.30 No Heroics 11.00 Entourage 11.30 FILM: Gone In 60 Seconds (2000) 1.45am Katie & Peter: The Next Chapter

4.00pm Daily Cooks Challenge 5.05 Goodnight Sweetheart 5.40 Film File 5.50 Heartbeat 6.55 Revisiting Brideshead 7.00 The Wonder Years (x2) 8.00 The Adventures Of Sherlock Holmes 9.00 Trial And Retribution (x2) 1.25am Profiling Lynda La Plante 2.15 Dempsey And Makepeace

1.15pm Scrubs 1.45 One Tree Hill 2.35 The OC 3.30 Gilmore Girls 4.25 Hollyoaks 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 My Name Is Earl. See highlights. 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 Ugly Betty (x2) 11.00 Samantha Who? 11.30 Sunset Tan 12.00am Scrubs (x2) 1.00 Gilmore Girls 1.45 Sunset Tan

4.00pm A Place In The Sun (x2) 5.05 Grand Designs 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Property Ladder 8.00 News 8.30 The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 9.00 Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares 10.00 Without A Trace 11.00 The Closer 12.15am Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares 1.20 Without A Trace 2.15 The Closer 3.15 Countdown

2.00pm Close To Home 3.00 Grey’s Anatomy 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 Australia’s Next Top Model 7.00 Will And Grace (x2) 8.00 The Underdog Show 9.00 Lipstick Jungle 10.00 Grey’s Anatomy 11.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 12.00am Grey’s Anatomy 1.00 Will And Grace (x2) 2.00 The Underdog Show

UK TV Gold



Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Sky Movies



5.00pm As Time Goes By 5.40 My Family 6.20 Keeping Up Appearances 7.00 Last Of The Summer Wine 7.40 Dinnerladies 8.20 One Foot In The Grave 9.00 Open All Hours 9.40 Porridge 10.20 The Royle Family 11.00 Men Behaving Badly 11.40 Little Britain 12.20am The Royle Family 12.55 Men Behaving Badly

4.00pm The King Of Queens (x2) 5.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 6.00 Frasier (x2) 7.00 Scrubs (x2) 8.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 9.00 Everybody Hates Chris (x2) 10.00 Sex And The City (x2) 11.15 The King Of Queens 11.45 Everybody Hates Chris (x2) 12.45am The Frank Skinner Show 1.45 Linc’s

6.00pm American Chopper 7.00 How Do They Do It? 7.30 How Stuff’s Made 8.00 My Shocking Story (x2) 10.00 Deranged Killers 11.00 Couples Who Kill 12.00am Unsolved Murders 12.30 Crime Scene USA 1.00 Crime Scene Australia 2.00 Forensic Detectives 3.00 My Shocking Story

12.05pm The Lost World 1.00 Quantum Leap 2.00 The Invisible Man 3.00 FILM: Timestalkers (1986) 5.00 Thunderbirds 6.05 Angel 7.00 The Invisible Man 8.00 Triangle 9.40 FILM: Event Horizon (1997) 11.30 FILM: Emmanuelle 2000: Being Emmanuelle (2000) 1.20am Medium 2.20 Ghost Stories

1.30pm Some Like It Hot (1959) 3.40 It Came From Outer Space (1953) 5.10 Gunfight At The OK Corral (1957) 7.20 A Touch Of Larceny (1959) 9.00 Some Like It Hot (1959) 11.05 Steptoe And Son Ride Again (1973) 12.50am Kiss Of The Vampire (1963) 2.30 Touch Of Evil (1958)

11.25am New Police Story (2004) 1.30pm Remnants Of Everest: The 1996 Tragedy (2007) 3.30 Best (1999) 5.30 La Vie En Rose (2006) 7.55 New Police Story (2004) 10.00 Warrior King (2005) 11.55 Suicide Kings (1997) 1.55am A Time To Leave (2005) 3.25 China’s Hollywood

1.00pm From Hell To Texas (1958) 3.00 Monkey Business (1952) 4.55 Dunston Checks In (1996) 6.40 Mighty Joe Young (1998) 6.50 How To Lose Friends And Alienate People Preview 9.00 Team America: World Police (2004) 10.55 Gangs Of New York (2002) 2.10am Raising Victor Vargas (2002)

11.25am Slim (1937) 1.00pm The Adventures Of Don Juan (1948) 3.00 The Time Machine (1960) 5.00 San Antonio (1945) 7.00 The Maltese Falcon (1941) 9.00 The Drowning Pool (1975) 10.55 Cannery Row (1982) 1.05am The Man Who Laughs (1966) 2.55 Jezebel (1938) 5.00 Crest Of The Wave (1954)





5:55 PM

Page 1

friday 3 Ugly Betty Channel 4, 9pm & 10pm There’s double fashion fun tonight, kicking off with Renee being convinced that Betty’s in love with Daniel – as if! – and then moving on to Betty attempting to throw Charlie a baby shower, during which the gal in question’s waters break. With more from Hilda, Justin and Daniel it’s a delightful Betty night.

Little Britain USA BBC1, 9.30pm Matt Lucas and David Walliams take their sketch hit stateside, mixing up old favourites like Lou and Andy, Carol Beer and Marjorie Dawes – who gets a visit from Rosie O’Donnell – with new grotesque characters. Watch out for gym buddies Mark and Tom, the eighth astronaut on the moon Bing Gordyn and more.

The X Factor ITV2, 6.30pm & 8pm It’s Bootcamp time! Yup, those that simply got through on a sympathy card are being weeded out. Plus, it’s the biggest Bootcamp ever at – yes, really – the O2 Arena. Dreams can come true and ambitions taunted as the big stage invites a tryout but not necessarily a residency. Pick your favourites now.






Channel 4


Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Real Rescues 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 Open House 11.30 Cash In The Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Diagnosis Murder 3.00 BBC News 3.05 LazyTown 3.30 Bear Behaving Badly 3.50 Uncle Max 4.03 The Owl 4.05 The Revenge Files Of Alistair Fury 4.35 Dani’s House 5.00 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link 6.00 BBC News 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 A Question Of Sport Sue Barker hosts the fast-paced entertaining sports quiz. 7.57 BBC News; Regional News 8.00 EastEnders Bianca resorts to desperate measures to make Whitney talk. Patrick and Yolande have a party to bid farewell to the Square, but is all as it seems for the departing pair? 8.30 DIY SOS Nick Knowles is in Romford to sort out the Morris family’s DIY disaster. 9.00 Harry And Paul Comedy with Harry Enfield and Paul Whitehouse. 9.30 Little Britain USA See highlights. 10.00 BBC News 10.25 South East Today 10.33 BBC Weather 10.35 Friday Night With Jonathan Ross Celebrity chat show hosted by Jonathan Ross. His guests are Michael Parkinson, Faye Dunaway and stand-up favourite Alan Carr. 11.35 National Lottery EuroMillions Draw 11.40 FILM: Devil’s Advocate (1997) Starring Keanu Reeves, Al Pacino, Charlize Theron. Occult thriller. 1.55am Weatherview 2.00 Sign Zone: Earth: The Climate Wars 3.00 Street Doctor 3.30 Joins BBC News

6.00 – 9.00am Children’s television 9.00 Clifford’s Puppy Days 9.15 Tweenies Songtime 9.20 Balamory 9.40 Little Red Tractor 9.50 Pingu 10.00 In The Night Garden 10.30 Big Barn Farm 10.45 Get Squiggling 11.00 Fun With Phonics 11.10 Primary Geography 11.20 Let’s Write A Story 11.40 Around Scotland 12.00pm The Daily Politics 12.30 Open Gardens 1.00 Out Of The Blue 1.25 Coast 1.30 Living In The Sun 2.15 Animal 24:7 3.00 Murder, She Wrote 3.45 Flog It! 4.30 Step Up To The Plate 5.15 Wanted Down Under Revisited 6.00 Eggheads Quiz fizz. 6.30 Strictly Come Dancing - It Takes Two Judge Len Goodman is back with his Masterclass 7.00 The Real Monarch Of The Glen Alladale Estate’s general manager Hugh Fullerton-Smith works on masterminding the 500 acre fenced enclosure, which will be home to the animals that Paul brings back to his Highland estate. 7.30 An Island Parish 8.00 Mastermind Topics are The Challenger Novels of Arthur ConanDoyle; Hector Berlioz; The Thatcher Governments and Bertolt Brecht. 8.30 Gardeners’ World Toby Buckland looks at storing fruit over winter and planting blueberries for a bumper crop next year. 9.00 The Tudors May 1536. Anne Boleyn is to be beheaded, with few allies left to mourn her, while Henry has hopes of a fresh start in love. 9.50 Coast A look around the coast of the British Isles. 10.00 QI With Rich Hall, Sean Lock, Jo Brand and Alan Davies. 10.30 Newsnight 11.00 Newsnight Review 11.40 Later...with Jools Holland A whole host of musical talent. 12.40am Star Trek: The Next Generation (x2) 2.10 FILM: Curse Of The Crimson Altar (1968) 3.35 How I Met Your Mother (x2)

6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.15 ITV News And Weather 11.20 Meridian News And Weather 11.25 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV Lunchtime News And Weather 2.00 60 Minute Makeover 3.00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 4.00 Midsomer Murders 5.00 Britain’s Best Dish

6.00am The Treacle People 6.10 The Hoobs 6.35 The Hoobs 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.00 Just Shoot Me 8.30 Just Shoot Me 9.00 Frasier 9.30 Britain’s Deadliest Addictions 10.00 Advertising Uncut 10.30 Seven Ages Of Britain 11.25 Year Dot 12.00pm News At Noon 12.30 Supernanny US 1.20 Channel 4 Racing 3.25 Countdown 4.15 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 The Paul O’Grady Show 6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks With Cindy on her case at work and Tom bored in the school holidays, Steph forgets about her date with Niall, but he forgives her and offers to take Tom to the park instead. Don’t trust the psycho! 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.35 Britain’s Whitest Family Director Waheed Khan’s film examines the lives of three sufferers of albinism from three different families. 8.00 A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away Manchester couple Iggy and Julie journey to South Wales and Portugal’s coast in their quest to find the ultimate holiday home. 9.00 Ugly Betty See highlights. 10.00 Ugly Betty See highlights. 11.00 Bond Theme Video Exclusive Exclusive first showing of the brand new James Bond theme, Another Way to Die, a duet between Jack White of The White Stripes and R ‘n’ B star Alicia Keys. 11.05 FILM: The Cave (2005) Starring Cole Hauser, Morris Chestnut, Eddie Cibrian, Piper Perabo, Lena Headey. Subterranean horror 1.05am 4 Music: Beat Stevie 1.20 JD Set Presents Boy Kill Boy 1.35 Goalissimo! 2.30 UK School Games 3.20 The Silverstone Classic 4.15 Trans World Sport 5.10 Countdown

6.00 – 9.00am Children’s television 9.00 The Wright Stuff 10.30 Trisha Goddard 11.30 Trial Of The Knights Templar 12.30pm Five News 12.45 Grey’s Anatomy 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 County Secrets 3.00 Five News Update 3.05 FILM: Hidden In America (1996) 5.00 Five News 5.30 Neighbours

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 Barclays Premier League World 9.30 Rugby Club Special: Guinness Premiership Round 5 12.30pm IAAF Athletix Weekly 1.00 Barclays Premier League World 1.30 LIVE European Tour Golf: Alfred Dunhill Links Championship 5.30 Big League Weekend 6.30 Off The Bar 7.00 Barclays Premier League Preview 7.30 LIVE: Football: Victory Shield 9.30 LIVE: Friday Fight Night 11.30 Big League Weekend 12.30am Off The Bar 1.00 Barclays Premier League Preview 1.30 Friday Fight Night 3.30 Off The Bar 4.00 Big League Weekend 5.00 Barclays Premier League Preview

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Andy becomes furious when he believes Jo is drinking while pregnant. And you wouldn’t like him when he’s angry. 7.30 Coronation Street Rosie’s lottery win attracts the attention of the police. She didn’t forge it with a Biro and a photocopier did she? 8.00 Esther Vs The PC Brigade: Tonight Esther Rantzen questions whether political correctness is now putting our children at risk. 8.30 Coronation Street Jason wavers over what to do with Sarah and the smitten Becky. 9.00 Wire In The Blood Tony Hill is arrested as the police’s prime suspect when another of his friends is attacked and drowned. Desperate to prove his innocence, Tony brings all his psychological prowess to bear in finding the real killer, but could he be the murderer’s next target? 10.00 Al Murray’s Happy Hour Guests today include former ‘It Girl’ Tara Palmer-Tomkinson, and there’s music from Grammy-award winning American soul singer John Legend. 11.00 The Late News; Weather 11.45 Bingo Night Live 12.50am Nightwatch With Steve Scott: Emergency 1.45 FILM: Splitting Heirs (1992) 3.10 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

6.00 Home And Away Aden and Belle take a big step in their relationship. 6.30 Animal Rescue Squad Michaela Strachan and Matt Baker present a wildlife series following the urgent work going on to save and protect animals in the UK and abroad. 7.00 Five News 7.30 Daring Raids Of World War II Historical documentary series presented by Major Gordon Corrigan. 8.00 Axe Men Series following the work of North American lumberjacks. 9.00 NCIS The prime suspect for the murder of a marine on a college campus is also found dead, leading the team to believe that both were involved in a deadly game. 10.00 Law And Order: Special Victims Unit Drama series about an elite force based in New York which investigates sex crimes. Detectives hunt a rapist who preys on vulnerable women. Their only witness is a schizophrenic patient whose confused words may hold the key to the case. 11.00 Law And Order Crime drama. When an off-duty police officer is shot, Detectives Briscoe and Green investigate whether the victim was targeted because of her uniform. 12.00am Quiz Call 4.30 Great Ocean Adventures: The White Whale 5.10 Neighbours 5.35 Home And Away

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 XAdventures 7.00 WWE Raw 9.00 WWE Special 10.00 Football: UEFA Champions League (x16) 6.00 LIVE: Rugby Union: Currie Cup 8.00 Sportnation 2008 9.00 Golf Night 11.30 LIVE: Golf Night 1.30am Sky Sports Victory Shield Football 3.30 Motor Racing 4.00 Pool: World Eightball Championships

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Race World 7.00 Duathlon 8.00 Motor Racing: A1 Grand Prix 9.00 Pool: World Eightball Championships 11.00 Aerobics: Oz Style 11.30 Racing News 12.00pm Motor Racing: A1 Grand Prix 1.00 NFL - Total Access 2.00 X-Adventures 2.30 Showjumping: Arena UK Grand Prix 4.00 WWE Special 5.00 WWE Raw 7.00 Tight Lines 8.00 NFL - Total Access 9.00 WWE Special 10.00 WWE Late Night Smackdown 12.00am WWE Late Night Bottom Line 1.00 Pool: World Eightball Championships 3.00 Tight Lines 4.00 Gillette World Sport 4.30 XAdventures 5.00 Sportnation 2008

Victoria Nangle

extraterrestrial Sky One








4.00pm Stargate Atlantis 5.00 Malcolm In The Middle (x3) 6.30 Futurama 7.00 The Simpsons (x4) 9.00 Hairspray: The School Musical 10.00 Don’t Forget The Lyrics 11.00 UK Border Force 12.00am Road Wars (x2) 1.50 Greece Uncovered 2.40 Uncut! Sex On The Job 3.30 Scare Tactics

7.00pm Spendaholics 8.00 Most Annoying Couples 9.00 Heroes 9.45 Heroes Unmasked 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps (x2) 11.30 Family Guy 11.55 Massive 12.25am The Wrong Door 12.55 Coming Of Age 1.20 Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps (x2)

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Pinchas Zukerman 8.30 Only Connect 9.00 Once Upon A Time In New York 10.00 Arena 10.55 Arena 11.35 The Avengers 12.25am The Avengers 1.15 The Book Quiz 1.45 The Art Of Eternity 2.45 Mark Lawson Talks To Melvyn Bragg

5.20pm Montel Williams 6.05 Judge Judy 6.30 The X Factor (x2). See highlights. 8.00 The X Factor 9.00 FILM: Gone In 60 Seconds (2000) 11.20 Katy Brand’s Big Ass Show 11.50 Celebrity Juice 12.20am Katie & Peter: The Next Chapter 1.20 Coronation Street (x2) 2.15 Teleshopping

5.05 Goodnight Sweetheart 5.40 Heartbeat 6.50 Film File 7.00 The Wonder Years (x2) 8.00 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 9.00 Numb3rs 10.00 George Baker Wexford & Me 10.05 Ruth Rendell’s Inspector Wexford: Kissing The Gunner’s Daughter (x2) 2.00 Dempsey And Makepeace 2.50 Cagney And Lacey

12.45pm Scrubs 1.20 Scrubs 1.45 One Tree Hill 2.35 The OC 3.30 Gilmore Girls 4.25 Hollyoaks 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 My Name Is Earl 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 Supernanny 10.00 Supernanny: Beyond The Naughty Step 10.35 FILM: The Fly (1986) 12.35am Scrubs (x2)

4.00pm A Place In The Sun (x2) 5.05 Grand Designs Revisited 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Property Ladder 8.00 News 8.30 The Daily Show With Jon Stewart: Global Edition 9.00 FILM: Recount (2008) 11.15 The Vice Presidential Debate 1.05am All You Need Is Love 2.15 Property Ladder 3.15 Countdown 4.05 Close

2.00pm Close To Home 3.00 Grey’s Anatomy 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 Australia’s Next Top Model 7.00 Will And Grace (x2) 8.00 Nothing To Declare (x2) 9.00 Criminal Minds 10.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (x2) 12.00am Grey’s Anatomy 1.00 Will And Grace (x2) 2.00 Criminal Minds 3.00 The L Word

UK TV Gold



Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Sky Movies



5.00pm As Time Goes By 5.40 My Family 6.20 Keeping Up Appearances 7.00 Last Of The Summer Wine 7.40 Dinnerladies 8.20 One Foot In The Grave 9.00 Dancing With The Stars (x2) 11.40 Men Behaving Badly 12.20am Little Britain 12.55 Men Behaving Badly 1.35 Holby City (x2) 3.25 Baywatch

4.00pm The King Of Queens (x2) 5.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 6.00 Frasier (x2) 7.00 Scrubs (x2) 8.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 9.00 Scrubs 9.30 Sarah Silverman Programme 10.00 Sex And The City (x2) 11.10 The King Of Queens 11.40 Kitchen Confidential (x2) 12.40am The Frank Skinner Show 1.40 Linc’s

5.00pm Mythbusters 6.00 American Chopper 7.00 How Do They Do It? 7.30 How Stuff’s Made 8.00 My Shocking Story 9.00 Deranged Killers 10.00 A Haunting 11.00 Couples Who Kill 12.00am Unsolved Murders 12.30 Crime Scene USA 1.00 Crime Scene Australia 2.00 Forensic Detectives

12.05pm The Lost World 1.00 Quantum Leap 2.00 The Invisible Man 3.00 FILM: Poseidon Adventure (2005) 5.00 Thunderbirds 6.05 Firefly 7.00 Firefly 8.00 Medium 9.00 Sea Of Souls 10.15 Sea Of Souls 11.30 Medium 12.30am FILM: Emmanuelle’s Private Collection: Sex Goddess (2004) 2.20 Ghost Stories

1.00pm The Top 10 Show 1.20 House Of Bamboo (1955) 3.10 35mm 3.40 Look Back In Anger (1958) 5.30 The Great Moment (1944) 7.00 The Top 10 7.20 The Enemy Below (1957) 9.00 Arabesque (1966) 10.50 House Of Bamboo (1955) 12.45am The Devil And Miss Jones (1941)

12.40pm Shooting Fish (1997) 2.40 35mm 3.10 The Last Mogul: Life And Times Of Lew Wasserman (2005) 4.55 Better Luck Tomorrow (2003) 6.40 Wah -Wah (2006) 8.30 Big Nothing (2006) 10.00 Rushmore (1998) 11.35 Shooting Fish (1997) 1.30am London To Brighton (2006)

1.00pm Jolson Sings Again (1949) 2.55 A Bell For Adano (1945) 5.00 The Hot Rock (1972) 7.00 How To Lose Friends And Alienate People Preview 7.10 Knights Of The South Bronx (2005) 9.00 The Wedding Date (2005) 10.45 Magnolia (1999) 2.25am Old Joy (2006)

1.00pm Please Don’t Eat The Daisies (1960) 3.00 The Teahouse Of The August Moon (1956) 5.20 The Ice Pirates (1984) 7.00 White Heat (1949) 9.00 Serpico (1973) 11.25 Demon Seed (1977) 1.10am The Strawberry Statement (1970) 3.10 Pick A Star (1937) 5.00 Romeo And Juliet (1936)





10:19 AM

Page 1

saturday 4 Merlin BBC1, 6pm The fantasy period drama based on the King Arthur legend continues, as a deadly plague spreads through Camelot. When it seems that sorcery can be the only possible explanation, Merlin and Gaius race to find a cure, while Gwen is arrested and sentenced to death for practising witchcraft.

Never Mind The Buzzcocks BBC2, 9:30pm The anarchic, award-winning pop quiz returns with host Simon Amstell, regular team captain Phill Jupitus, guests Harry Judd of Mcfly, Ralf Little, Tim Minchin and special guest team captain Mark Ronson. Lay bets now to see who will get the wrath of Simon, and if he’s got a few Amy jokes for Ronson.

Lark Rise To Candleford BBC4, 7pm Another chance to catch the brilliant adaptation of Flora Thompson’s memoir of her Oxfordshire childhood. Young country girl Laura Timmins leaves her friends and family in the hamlet of Lark Rise to start her first job at the post office in nearby town Candleford. Heaving bosoms all round..






Channel 4


Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 10.00 Saturday Kitchen 11.30 What To Eat Now 12.00pm BBC News 12.10 Football Focus 1.00 Great North Run 2.10 Rugby Union: Anglo-Welsh Cup 4.30 Final Score 5.10 BBC News 5.25 Regional News And Weather 5.30 Hole In The Wall

6.00am Tikkabilla 6.30 Teletubbies 6.55 Tweenies Songtime 7.00 Roar 8.00 Secret Show 8.15 Secret Show 8.29 The Owl 8.30 Gimme A Break 9.00 TMi 10.00 Lockie Leonard 10.30 Hot Rods 10.55 Prank Patrol Pocketsize 11.00 The Story Of Tracy Beaker 11.30 Eliot Kid 11.45 Sportsround 12.00pm Sound 12.30 Scene Stealers 1.00 Greek 1.45 Revealed 2.00 Racing 3.45 Secret Fawns Of Yellowstone 3.55 Coast 4.55 Tess Of The D’Urbervilles 5.55 Dad’s Army

6.00am GMTV 10.15 Emu 10.30 My Parents Are Aliens 11.00 Drake And Josh 11.30 Bernard’s Watch 11.45 Planet Sketch 11.50 The Crocodile Hunter Diaries 12.20pm ITV News And Weather 12.25 Meridian News And Weather 12.30 Coronation Street Omnibus 2.45 The X Factor 3.45 FILM: The Flintstones In Viva Rock Vegas (2000) 5.30 Meridian News And Weather 5.45 ITV News And Weather

6.10am The Hoobs 6.35 The Hoobs 7.00 Goalissimo! 8.00 The Morning Line 8.50 Friends 9.25 Everybody Loves Lil Chris 9.55 Friends 10.25 4Music Presents: Will Young 11.00 Friends 11.30 The Hills 12.00pm Reaper 1.00 Scrubs 1.30 Scrubs 2.00 Channel 4 Racing 4.10 The TV Show 4.40 A Place In The Sun 5.15 FILM: Mrs Doubtfire (1993)

6.00am FIFA Futbol Mundial 6.30 Big League Weekend 7.30 Off The Bar 8.00 UEFA Champions League Weekly 8.30 Barclays Premier League Preview 9.00 Soccer AM 12.00pm Gillette Soccer Saturday 12.30 LIVE Football League: Championship 3.00 Gillette Soccer Saturday 5.30 LIVE Super League 8.25 Football First: Game Of The Day 10.15 Football First: Match Choice 11.45 Football First: Match Choice 1.15am Spanish Football 2.45 A1GP 4.15 Spanish Football 5.45 Sky Sports Classics

6.00 Merlin See highlights. 6.45 Strictly Come Dancing Oh it’s bitchin’ out there on the sequinned dancefloor. 8.00 The National Lottery: Who Dares Wins Nick Knowles hosts, but who is doing the DIY? 8.50 Casualty A haunted Dixie realises her guilt may have left a deep psychological scar, and is driven to seek help from Ben the counsellor. 9.40 BBC News National and international BBC News, Weather. 10.00 Little Britain USA More from the boys on their Stateside trip with a whole host of new American characters. 10.30 Match Of The Day Highlights of the day’s four matches in the Barclays Premier League. It is a grudge match between Sir Alex Ferguson and Paul Ince at Ewood Park as Manchester United clash with Blackburn Rovers. 11.30 FILM: Undisputed (2002) Starring Wesley Snipes. Action thriller about an undefeated heavyweight boxing champion who is sent to jail convicted of rape. 12.55am Friday Night With Jonathan Ross Guests are Michael Parkinson; Faye Dunaway; and standup favourite and television presenter, Alan Carr. 1.55 Weatherview 2.00 Joins BBC News 5.45 Moto GP: Round 16

6.25 FILM: Return From The River Kwai (1988) An American pilot joins British guerrillas to rescue POWs from a Japanese camp.. 8.00 Timewatch - Britain’s Forgotten Floods Tsunamis are among the most destructive forces known to man - but in Britain, most of us think they are the one thing we don’t need to worry about. Professors Simon Haslett and Ted Bryant believe the Bristol Channel flood of 1607 – one of Britain’s greatest natural disasters – was in fact a tsunami. 9.00 Have I Got News For You Guest hosted by Michael Aspel with Paul Merton and Ian Hislop joined by Sara Cox and Reginald D Hunter. 9.30 Never Mind The Buzzcocks See highlights. 10.00 Live At The Apollo Jimmy Carr hosts, with his special guest Alan Carr. 10.50 Beautiful People 11.20 FILM: Romance And Cigarettes Starring James Gandolfini, Susan Sarandon. Comedy drama. A big, heavy-smoking construction worker is in for trouble when his suburban wife discovers he is having an affair with a sexy but foul-mouthed English shop assistant. 1.00am That Mitchell And Webb Situation Comedy sketch show x 2 1.45 FILM: Snakes & Ladders (1996) 3.20 FILM: A Lucky Day (2002)

6.00 Totally You’ve Been Framed! Classic clips being tonight include the granny who gets thrown from a donkey, the kid who eats his birthday candles while they are alight, and the campest dog in the world. 7.00 All Star Family Fortunes Vernon Kaye hosts. 7.45 The X Factor It’s crunch time for the remaining hopefuls,go and visit their mentors at home. Oh you get to see inside the Cole hole. Hmm. I mean the house. Anyway, pop on the pizza, get a cheap bottle of cider and join the emotional rollercoaster. 9.15 Midsomer Murders When council clerk Martin Barrett is shot dead, Barnaby and Jones discover that he was an expert blackmailer. Not that expert it seems. 11.15 ITV News And Weather 11.30 TV’s Naughtiest Blunders Neil Morrissey presents another collection of risque bloomers from the small screen, including outrageous outtakes from soaps Coronation Street and Emmerdale, presenters Ant and Dec, This Morning’s Phillip Schofield and Fern Britton, Olympic rower James Cracknell, Dancing on Ice and Doctor Who star John Barrowman, and chef Jamie Oliver. 12.15am Bingo Night Live 1.15 Nightwatch With Steve Scott: 2.10 FILM: Cradle 2 The Grave (2002) 3.55 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

7.30 Channel 4 News Including sport and weather. 8.00 The Real Knights Of The Round Table: A Time Team Special Tony Robinson and his team investigate the remains of one of the most enigmatic - and significant buildings in English history: the Round Table. Built by Edward III on the grounds of what is now the Queen’s private lawn at Windsor Castle, the huge building stood for only half a century, yet was a stepping stone in Edward III’s success. Robinson embarks on a journey of discovery into the heart of medieval chivalry. 9.00 FILM: The Core (2003) See highlights. 11.35 8 Out Of 10 Cats Jimmy Carr presents the topical comedy panel show with team captains Sean Lock and Jason Manford. 12.10am 4 Music: Live From Abbey Road Series featuring performances from some of the best musical talent around, both old and new, all filmed at the legendary Abbey Road Studios in London. Performances from Brian Wilson, Martha Wainwright and Teddy Thompson. 1.15 Coming Up: Emo 1.45 FILM: The Money Pit (1986) 3.20 FILM: Wondrous Oblivion (2003) 5.10 Countdown 5.55 Making It

6.00am Children’s TV7.25 Milkshake! Music Box 7.35 Hana’s Helpline 7.50 The Adventures Of Bottle Top Bill And His Best Friend Corky 8.05 Little Princess 8.20 The Funky Valley Show 8.35 The Beeps 8.50 Fireman Sam 9.05 Rupert Bear 9.20 Animal Families 9.30 Roary The Racing Car 9.45 Bert And Ernie’s Great Adventures 10.00 Fifth Gear 11.00 Axe Men 12.00pm Axe Men 1.00 Zoo Days 1.20 FILM: White Fang II: Myth Of The White Wolf (1994) 3.25 FILM: Mystery Woman: Snapshot (2005) 5.10 FILM: Silverado (1985) 7.30 Five News and Sport 7.45 NCIS Drama series following a team of special agents who investigate crimes connected to Navy and Marine Corps personnel. A nuclear power plant inspector reports that he has been poisoned with a lethal dose of radiation. 8.40 NCIS An explosion at a military mausoleum reveals a crypt full of fresh body parts. 9.40 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation Drama series about a team of forensic investigators in Las Vegas. The CSIs’ investigation into the murder of a well-respected socialite leads them into the murky world of illegal dog-fighting. 10.40 Law And Order: Criminal Intent Crime drama. When the little black book of an infamous hedonistic playboy is purchased at auction, the new owner is found murdered. 11.40 Women Who Kill The tale of infamous ‘black widow’ Cynthia Phillips, who not only killed her husbands but burned their houses in an effort to secure millions in insurance money. She was eventually caught when her boyfriend was found shot dead in Texas. 12.40am Quiz Call Interactive quiz show. 4.25 Great Ocean Adventures 5.10 House Doctor x 2

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Motor Racing 6.30 Tight Lines 7.30 LIVE Rugby Union 9.30 Gillette World Sport 10.00 Max Power 11.00 Friday Fight Night 1.00pm NFL - Total Access 2.00 Gillette World Sport 2.30 Live Motor Racing: A1 Grand Prix 4.00 Max Power 5.00 Sky Sports Classics 5.15 Live Football League: Championship 7.30 You’re On Sky Sports! 8.30 WWE No Mercy Preview 9.00 LIVE: Spanish Football 11.00 Super League Grand Final 1.00am Golf Night 3.00 Golf Night 5.00 Max Power

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Sky Sports Victory Shield Football 8.00 America’s Game 9.00 WWE Special 10.00 WWE Smackdown 12.00pm WWE The Bottom Line 1.00 WWE No Mercy Preview 1.30 Live European Tour Golf 5.30 Golf Night: Live 7.30 Golf Night 9.30 WWE No Mercy Preview 10.00 Extreme Championship Wrestling 11.00 WWE Late Night Smackdown 1.00am WWE Late Night Bottom Line 2.00 WWE No Mercy Preview 2.30 NFL - Total Access 3.30 Super League Grand Final 5.30 WWE No Mercy Preview

Alison Swann

extraterrestrial Sky1








4.00pm American Gladiators 5.00 The Simpsons (x2) 6.00 Celebrity Are You Smarter Than A Ten-Year-Old? 7.00 When Sharks Attack 8.00 UK Border Force 9.00 Road Wars 10.00 Night Cops 11.00 Street Wars 12.00am Prison Break 1.00 Ricky Hatton: The Fightback 1.55 Road Wars 2.20 The Villa

7.00pm Football Gaffes Galore 7.15 Mind, Body And Kick Ass Moves (x2) 8.15 The World’s Strictest Parents 9.15 The Most Annoying Pop Moments... We Hate To Love 11.45 Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps (x2) 12.45 Coming Of Age 1.15 Massive 1.45 The Wrong Door 2.15 The World’s Strictest Parents

7.00pm Lark Rise To Candleford (x2) See highlights 9.00 FILM: Von Ryan’s Express (1965) 10.55 FILM: The Narrow Margin (1952) 12.05am The Art Of Arts TV (x3) 3.05 Arena At 30 4.05 Close

3.45pm Xtra Factor 4.45 The Fashion Show 5.45 CelebAir 6.45 Supersize Kids: Britain’s Tallest Teens 7.45 New Homes From Hell 9.15 Xtra Factor 10.15 Jack Osbourne: Celebrity Adrenaline Junkie 11.15 BT Digital Music Awards 12.15am Katy Brand’s Big Ass Show 12.45 The X Factor 2.15 Xtra Factor

11.00am The Wonder Years (x3) 12.25 P D James: Black Tower 1.30 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 2.40 Brideshead Revisited (x2) 5.00 Inspector Morse 7.00 Agatha Christie’s Marple 9.00 FILM: Caddyshack (1980) 11.00 Inspector Wexford: A Guilty Thing Surprised 1.10am FILM: Caddyshack (1980)

10.00am Gilmore Girls (x5) 2.30 Hollyoaks Omnibus 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Wife Swap (x2) 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 FILM: The Full Monty (1997) 10.45 Frost And Pegg’s Perfect Night In 12.50am Hollyoaks Omnibus 3.20 Smallville: Superman The Early Years 4.00 Switched (x2) 5.00 Anything Goes

9.30am Time Team (x3) 12.35pm FILM: Siege At Red River (1954) 2.20 The Sculpture Diaries 3.25 Property Ladder (x2) 5.30 John Adams 7.20 Location, Location, Location 7.55 Property Ladder 9.00 Peter Kay’s Phoenix Nights (x6) 12.10am The West Wing 1.10 Peter Kay’s Phoenix Nights (x6) 3.55 Close

2.00pm Home Video Heroes (x2) 3.00 The Jerry Springer Show (x6) 6.00 Will And Grace (x2) 7.00 Make Me A Supermodel US 8.00 America’s Next Top Model 9.00 Lipstick Jungle 10.00 CSI: Miami 11.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 12.00am Ghost Whisperer 1.00 Campus Ladies (x2)

UK TV Gold



Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Sky Movies



12.00pm Catherine Cookson’s The Dwelling Place 3.00 Open All Hours 3.40 One Foot In The Grave 4.20 Last Of The Summer Wine 5.00 My Family 5.40 Sorry! 6.20 Some Mothers Do ‘Ave ‘Em 7.00 The Two Ronnies 7.40 Open All Hours 8.20 One Foot In The Grave 9.00 The Royle Family (x5) 12.55 Holby City (x2)

2.00pm Two And A Half Men (x2) 3.00 Scrubs (x2) 4.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 5.00 Scrubs 5.30 Scrubs 6.00 Two And A Half Men (x3) 7.30 Everybody Hates Chris (x2) 8.30 Scrubs (x2) 9.30 The Sarah Silverman Programme 10.00 Comedy Store (x3) 11.30 South Park (x2) 12.30 Two And A Half Men (x2) 1.30 Linc’s

4.00pm Crime Scene USA: North Mission Road (x2) 5.00 My Shocking Story 6.00 Deadliest Catch 7.00 NASA’s Greatest Missions 8.00 Born Survivor: Bear Grylls 9.00 FILM: The Boys From Brazil (1978) 11.30 Unsolved History 12.30am Deranged Killers 1.30 Crime Scene USA: Suburban Secrets

12.00pm Thunderbirds (x2) 2.10 Quantum Leap (x2) 4.10 Firefly (x2) 6.10 FILM: The Golden Voyage Of Sinbad (1974) 8.20 FILM: Dungeons & Dragons: Wrath Of The Dragon God (2005) 10.20 FILM: The Lost World: Jurassic Park (1997) 12.50am FILM: They Live (1988) 2.40 FILM: Frankenfish (2004)

1.40pm Breakfast At Tiffany’s (1961) 3.40 The Palm Beach Story (1942) 5.10 To Catch A Thief (1955) 7.00 Mr Hobbs Takes A Vacation (1962) 9.00 Breakfast At Tiffany’s (1961) 11.00 Romeo And Juliet (1968) 1.20am The Palm Beach Story (1942) 2.50 Cahill, US Marshal (1973)

12.45pm Perfume: The Story Of A Murderer (2006) 3.15 Isolation (2005) 4.55 Nina’s Heavenly Delights (2006) 6.35 The Page Turner (2006) 8.05 The Curse Of The Golden Flower (2006) 10.00 Perfume: The Story Of A Murderer (2006) 12.30am Eyes Wide Shut (1999)

1.00pm Guess Who (2005) 3.05 Sailor Beware! (1956) 4.45 Operation Amsterdam (1959) 6.50 Congo (1995) 8.50 How To Lose Friends And Alienate People Preview 9.00 Captain Corelli’s Mandolin (2001) 11.35 Scream III (1999) 1.55am Teaching Mrs Tingle (1999) 3.55 Close

9.15am The Time Machine (1960) 11.05am The Champ (1931) 1.00pm Meet Me In Las Vegas (1956) 3.00 Knights Of The Round Table (1953) 5.05 Merry Andrew (1958) 7.00 The Big Sleep (1946) 9.00 North By Northwest (1959) 11.25 Brewster McCloud (1970) 1.20am Brotherly Love (1969) 3.15 Colorado Territory (1949)





10:25 AM

Page 1

sunday 5 Tess of the D’urbervilles BBC1, 9pm Last in the series. Angel’s gone to Brazil, leaving Tess to endure a harsh winter on a swede farm, while being relentlessly pursued by ‘orrible Alec. Will Angel get back in time to save her? As the finish line approaches yet more disaster hits young Tess’s life, what did she do in a past life to deserve all this?

The Secret Policeman’s Ball 2008 Channel 4, 9pm The biggest comedy show of the year returns to the Albert Hall for 2008, as Amnesty International host a night of entertainment and music. Performers include Al Murray, Andrew Maxwell, Chevy Chase, Dylan Moran, Eddie Izzard, Graham Norton, Russell Brand and The Mighty Boosh.

Massive BBC3, 9.30pm Sitcom. American lawyer Tommy Sadowski comes to Manchester having been instructed by Eminem to sue Shady Music. Danny’s record-signing plan goes wrong and HearKittyKitty sack the lads. Danny and Shay quit the label and call time on their own friendship. Brilliant comedy, watch those girls wiggle.






Channel 4


Sky Sports 1

7.00am Match of the Day 8.05 Breakfast 8.30 The Andrew Marr Show 9.30 Great North Run 1.30pm The Politics Show 2.30 EastEnders 4.25 Merlin 5.10 Songs of Praise 5.45 BBC News

6.00am Tikkabilla 6.30 Teletubbies 6.55 Tweenies Songtime 7.00 Roar 8.00 Mona the Vampire 8.14 The Owl 8.15 What’s New Scooby Doo? 8.35 Stupid 9.00 Escape from Scorpion Island 10.00 Something for the Weekend 11.30 Film 2008 with Jonathan Ross 12.00pm Rugby League: Super League Grand Final 1.00 Racing 4.00 Moto GP: Round 16 – Philip Island 5.00 Great North Run 5.45 Points of View 6.00 Dragons’ Den Scary people. 7.00 Top Gear Motoring magazine. 8.00 Charley Boorman: Ireland to Sydney by Any Means Now in far flung Vietnam, Charley joins thousands of local bikers on a Minsk Motorcycle and makes his way over to Halong Bay to see the beauty of the Thousand Islands. 9.00 James May’s Big Ideas James May sets off to discover if his childhood vision of a world populated by robots will ever become a reality. He encounters robots that are almost human in Japan, a two million dollar bionic woman in the US and a robot that walks... straight into a door. But is James’ vision of the future just a little old fashioned? To find out he takes his first nervous step into another world where he becomes a ghost within a machine. 10.00 Match of the Day 2 Adrian Chiles with action from the day’s six Barclays Premier League games. 11.10 The Graham Norton Show Graham Norton doing what he does, with a celeb gang to giggle along. 11.55 Heroes Drama series about people around the world dealing with their newly discovered superpowers. 12.40am That Mitchell and Webb Situation x2 1.30 FILM: The Sorcerers (1967) 2.55 FILM: Scarlet Street (1945) 4.35 The Super League Show

6.00am GMTV 10.00 Finger Tips 10.20 Finger Tips 10.40 Tricky Quickies 10.45 The Championship 11.45 ITV News and Weather 11.50 Meridian News and Weather 11.55 FILM: Free Willy 3: The Rescue (1997) 1.30pm The X Factor 3.00 FILM: Chitty Chitty Bang Bang (1968) 5.40 Meridian News and Weather 5.55 ITV News and Weather

6.00am The Hoobs 6.25 The Hoobs 6.50 Trans World Sport 7.45 Bennetts British Superbike Championship 8.40 Freesports on 4 9.05 Hollyoaks Omnibus 11.35 Frock Me 12.25pm Friends 12.55 Ugly Betty 1.55 Ugly Betty 2.55 When Women Rule the World 4.00 The Simpsons 4.30 The Simpsons 5.00 Deal or No Deal 5.45 Bear Grylls: Born Survivor 6.45 Channel 4 News Including sport and weather. 7.00 Outback Art: The Gold Rush Ekow Eshun presents a look at the complex issues surrounding the acquisition of Aboriginal art. Australian indigenous art has become a multi-million dollar global industry, even though its artists were only introduced to acrylic paint and canvas 35 years ago. While some communities have taken advantage of their art, others are still exploited, and questions remain about the sustainability of the market, the welfare of artists, and the future for the Aboriginal people involved. 8.00 Wife Swap Ohio salon owner Angie Hamilton swaps a life of manicures, pedicures and pampering to stay with the Lowe family of Pennsylvania, who run a successful business bottling and selling deer urine. Sweet. 9.00 The Secret Policeman’s Ball 2008 See highlights. 10.35 FILM: Secretary (2002) See film highlights. 12.45am Back to You Sitcom starring Kelsey Grammer. 1.15 FILM: A Metro 3.35 Dispatches: Cameron’s Money Men 4.30 Countdown 5.15 The Great North Swim

6.00am Children’s TV 7.55 Little Princess 8.10 The Funky Valley Show 8.20 Ebb and Flo 8.25 The Beeps 8.40 Fireman Sam 8.55 Rupert Bear 9.10 Animal Families 9.25 George Shrinks 10.00 I Own Britain’s Best Home and Garden 11.00 Giant Python of the Everglades: Austin Stevens’ Adventures 12.00pm Megastructures: 747 Demolition 1.00 Top Trumps: Fire Engines 1.30 The Gadget Show 1.35 FILM: Big Valley: The Dark Angel (1966) 3.40 FILM: The Black Hole (1979) 5.30 Five News 5.50 FILM: Planet Of The Apes (1968) 8.00 Deadly Jungle Rattlesnake: Austin Stevens’ Adventures Wildlife documentary. Austin Stevens travels to Mexico to catch a glimpse of the Tzabcan rattlesnake, a highly venomous beast once hailed as a god by the ancient Mayans. 9.00 FILM: Hart’s War (2002) Starring Bruce Willis. World War II drama in which a former law student – now a lieutenant in the army – is forced to defend himself and two black officers after a murder occurs in the POW camp to which they have been sent. Meanwhile, a wily colonel plans to use the distraction of the investigation to plot a daring escape. 11.25 CCTV Cities Series revealing real-life footage of urban crime, presented by Donal MacIntyre. With unique access to control rooms and police forces across the UK, the programme reveals how operators and police combine around the clock to catch criminals in the act. Donal travels to the City of London where cameras are used to break up antisocial activity. CCTV operators help foil an armed gang with designs on a restaurant; and police launch a major operation to crack down on car crime in the Square Mile. 12.25am Urban Legends 12.55 Major League Baseball 4.20 FIM Motocross 5.10 House Doctor x2

6.00am Gillette World Sport 6.30 Football First: Match Choice 8.00 Football First: Match Choice 9.30 Sunday Supplement 11.00 Goals on Sunday 1.00pm LIVE Ford Super Sunday 3.30 LIVE Ford Super Sunday 6.30 Super Sunday: The Last Word 7.00 LIVE Spanish Football 10.00 Football First: Match Choice 11.30 Football First: Match Choice 1.00am Spanish Football 3.00 A1GP 5.00 UEFA Champions League Weekly 5.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial

6.05 Regional News and Weather 6.10 Big Cat Live Kate Silverton and Simon King present the first in an ambitious series looking at the lives of lions, cheetahs and leopards. 7.10 Antiques Roadshow Fiona Bruce and the team travel to Ascot Racecourse. time to dig out Uncle Alfred’s war medals. 8.10 Strictly Come Dancing The seven remaining male stars and their professional dance partners battled it out with a jive or a tango. 9.00 Tess of the D’Urbervilles 10.00 BBC News National and international news. Weather. 10.20 Imagine... The Story of the Guitar in the Beginning Alan Yentob embarks on a three part personal journey to discover how the guitar became the world’s favourite musical instrument. 11.20 FILM: Kate And Leopold (2001) Starring Meg Ryan. Romantic comedy about a modern female executive with little time for romance, until her ex-boyfriend opens up a time portal which transports a charming 19th-century bachelor to modern-day America. 1.10am The Sky at Night 1.30 Weatherview 1.35 Sign Zone: Amazon with Bruce Parry. 2.35 Holby City 3.35 The Dark Side of Fame 4.20 The Planners Are Coming. 4.50 Joins BBC News

6.10 The X Factor It’s make or break time for the hopefuls as they find out if they’ve made all their dreams come true. It’s amazing how many people have only ever dreamt of winning this show. There is a dearth of creativity in the population these days. Sigh. Anyway, final performance time, last chance to flatter flounce and maybe impress the judges by singing. 7.10 FILM: Harry Potter And The Goblet Of Fire (2005) The fourth of the fantasy series. What do you mean you haven’t seen it? 10.00 The South Bank Show: The One Ronnie A portrait of Ronnie Corbett. Ronnie talks to Melvyn Bragg about his career, from his first big break in the Lionel Bart flop Twang, to his first meeting with Ronnie Barker at the famous Buxton Club. He also talks about contemporary comedy, and gives an insight into why he is much in demand today as he ever has been. 11.00 ITV News and Weather 11.15 FILM: Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo (1999) Starring Rob Schneider. Comedy about a cleaner who agrees to house-sit for a gigolo. 12.55am Faith in the Frame 1.20 60 Minute Makeover 2.10 Watching the Detectives x 2 3.00 Have I Been Here Before x2 3.45 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Watersports World 7.00 Spirit of Yachting 7.30 Super League Grand Final 9.30 Sailing: Med Cup 10.00 Spirit of Yachting 10.30 Super League Grand Final 12.30pm LIVE European Tour Golf 5.30 NFL – Livewire 6.00 LIVE NFL 9.00 LIVE NFL 12.30am NFL – Top Ten 1.30 LIVE NFL 4.30 Close

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Polo 7.00 Spanish Football 8.30 WWE No Mercy Preview 9.00 WWE Afterburn 10.00 WWE Vintage Collection 11.00 Wild Spirits 11.30 Women’s Pool 12.30pm LIVE Motor Racing: A1 Grand Prix 3.30 WWE No Mercy Preview 4.00 WWE Special 5.00 WWE No Mercy Preview 5.30 WWE Experience 6.30 WWE No Mercy Preview 7.00 Golf Night 9.00 LIVE Golf Night: 11.00 WWE No Mercy Preview 11.30 WWE Late Night Afterburn 12.30am WWE No Mercy Preview 1.00 Golf Night 3.00 Golf Night 5.00 Close

Alison Swann

extraterrestrial Sky One








12.00pm WWE No Mercy Preview 12.30 Futurama (x3) 2.00 Bones 3.00 Cold Case 4.00 Malcolm in the Middle 4.30 Futurama (x20 5.30 The Simpsons (x3) 7.00 Hairspray: The School Musical 8.00 The Simpsons (x2) 9.00 Fringe 10.45 Bones 11.45 Cold Case 12.45am Street Wars 1.45 The Villa 2.40 Miami Uncovered

7.00pm Freaky Eaters: Addicted to Crisps 8.00 The World’s Strictest Parents 9.00 Gavin and Stacey 9.30 Massive 10.00 Family Guy 10.20 Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps (x2) 11.20 Gavin and Stacey 11.50 Massive 12.20am Coming of Age 12.50 The Wrong Door 1.20 The World’s Strictest Parents

7.00pm Great Britons 8.00 Ian Hislop Goes off the Rails 9.00 Dance Britannia 10.00 Brits Can’t Dance 10.30 Mark Lawson Talks to John Le Carre 11.30 Spy Stories: Time Shift 12.30am Watching the Russians 1.30 Ian Hislop Goes off the Rails 2.30 Brits Can’t Dance 3.00 Mark Lawson Talks to John le Carre

3.45pm Coronation Street Omnibus 6.10 The Fashion Show 7.10 Xtra Factor 8.10 Jack Osbourne 9.00 Katie & Peter: The Next Chapter 10.00 Secret Diary of a Call Girl 10.30 No Heroics 11.00 Jack Osbourne: Celebrity Adrenaline Junkie 12.00am Celebrity Juice 12.30 Entourage 1.00 The X Factor 1.50 Xtra Factor

11.20am The Casebook of Sherlock Holmes 12.25pm Inspector Morse 2.30 Jane Eyre 4.45 Agatha Christie’s Poirot (x2) 7.00 Dempsey and Makepeace 8.00 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 10.00 Taggart 11.30 Hammer House of Horror 12.40am Jane Eyre 2.35 Cagney and Lacey 3.30 Film File

10.35am Dark Angel (x2) 12.20pm Roswell (x2) 2.05 Smallville: Superman the Early Years (x2) 4.00 Friends (x2) 5.00 Ghost Whisperer 6.00 Friends (x2) 7.00 Ugly Betty (x2) 9.00 Desperate Housewives (x2) 11.00 Samantha Who? 11.30 Sex and the City (x2) 12.40 The Simple Life 1.10 Dark Angel (x2) 2.40 Roswell (x2)

1.50pm The Coach Trip (x5) 4.30 Come Dine with Me (x5) 7.25 Jamie at Home 7.55 Celebrity Come Dine with Me 9.00 Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares 10.00 Jamie’s Ministry of Food 11.05 Father Ted 11.40 Father Ted 12.10am Back to You 12.40 Deal or No Deal 1.25 Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares

2.00pm Maury (x3) 4.35 The Jerry Springer Show 5.00 Dirty Dancing: The Time of Your Life 6.00 The Underdog Show 7.00 Nothing to Declare (x2) 8.00 Living with... Boy George 9.00 Ghost Whisperer 10.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (x2) 12.00am Ghost Whisperer 1.00 Campus Ladies (x2)

UK TV Gold



Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Sky Movies



4.20pm Some Mothers Do ‘Ave ‘Em 5.00 Sorry! 5.40 My Family 6.20 The Two Ronnies 7.00 Last of the Summer Wine 7.40 One Foot in the Grave 8.20 Open All Hours 9.00 Jonathan Creek (x2) 11.10 Little Britain 11.45 FILM: Close Encounters Of The Third Kind (1977) 2.20am The Wingless Bird

9.00am Two and a Half Men (x24) 9.00 Peter Kay: The Early Days 9.30 Lucas and Walliams: The Early Days 10.00 Paramount School of Comedy 11.30 Shortcuts Shuffle 11.40 The Nathan Caton Show (x2) 11.50 Sir Leslie Quint: A Life in Film (x2) 12.00am South Park (x2)1.00 Two and a Half Men (x8)

12.00pm Hitler’s Henchmen (x2) 2.00 Deadliest Catch: Best of Season 3 4.00 Deadliest Catch Special 5.00 American Chopper 6.00 Deadliest Catch 7.00 Born Survivor: Bear Grylls 8.00 My Shocking Story 9.00 NASA’s Greatest Missions 10.00 FILM: The Boys From Brazil (1978) 12.30am Unsolved History

12.05pm Ghost Stories 12.35 Triangle 2.15 FILM: The Golden Voyage Of Sinbad (1974) 4.25 FILM: The Lost World: Jurassic Park (1997) 6.55 Thunderbirds 8.00 FILM: Mysterious Island (2005) 10.00 FILM: Alone In The Dark (2005) 12.00am FILM: Escape From LA (1996) 2.00 Medium 3.00 Angel

9.50am It Came From Outer Space (1953) 11.15 The Far Country (1955) 12.55pm Custer Of The West (1968) 3.20 The Adventures Of Robin Hood (1938) 5.05 The Man Who Knew Too Much (1956) 7.05 Charade (1963) 9.00 The Birds (1963) 11.05 Custer Of The West (1968) 1.35am The Birds (1963)

1.00pm Love Me If You Dare (2003) 2.35 Tube Tales (1999) 4.05 Pangea Day Highlights 4.35 Hollywoodland (2006) 6.45 The Escapist (2001) 8.20 Tenacious D: In The Pick Of Destiny 10.00 Nacho Libre (2006) 11.35 Hollywoodland (2006) 1.45am Tenacious D: In the Pick of Destiny

1.00pm Star Trek: Nemesis (2001) 3.15 Invasion Of The Body Snatchers (1956) 5.00 Girls! Girls! Girls! (1962) 7.00 Memoirs Of An Invisible Man (1992) 9.00 Get Over It (2001) 10.45 The Ice Storm (1997) 1.00am Apres Vous (2003) 3.15 Close

8.50am Knights Of The Round Table (1953) 10.55 The Barretts Of Wimpole Street (1934) 1.00pm That Forsyte Woman (1949) 3.00 Singin’ In The Rain (1952) 4.55 The Sandpiper (1965) 7.00 The Postman Always Rings Twice (1946) 9.00 Shaft (1971) 10.50 Shoot The Moon (1982) 1.05am The Appointment (1969)





10:22 AM

Page 1

monday 6 What to eat now BBC2, 8.30pm Valentine celebrates the very best of autumn fruit, enlisting the help of a community of Benedictine monks in his search for the best Bramley for his autumnal pudding. He overindulges on a visit to the country’s biggest collection of plum trees in the Garden of England. Very Billy Bunter.

Place of Execution ITV, 9pm 1963: Philip Hawkin is convicted of the rape and murder of his step-daughter, and is hanged. He goes to the gallows claiming he’s a victim of other people’s lies. Catherine is convinced DI Bennett wouldn’t fabricate evidence, but she’s fired as her boss Keith vows to use her film to expose the famous.

Dirty Tricks BBC4, 10pm The Man Who Got The Bushes Elected. Storyville’s Stefan Forbes’s gripping documentary tells the story of Lee Atwater, the blues-playing rogue whose rambunctious rise to become chairman of the GOP positioned him as kingmaker and political rock star and gave him the power to get the Bushes elected.






Channel 4


Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Real Rescues 10.00 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 11.00 Open House 11.30 Cash In The Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Diagnosis Murder 3.00 BBC News 3.05 LazyTown 3.30 Bear Behaving Badly 3.50 Eliot Kid 4.03 The Owl 4.05 Get 100 4.35 The Sarah Jane Adventures 5.00 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link 6.00 BBC News News, Weather. 6.30 South East Today Local news and sport. 7.00 The One Show Stories from around the country. 7.30 Big Cat Live Live from Kenya’s Masai Mara game reserve. 7.57 BBC News And Regional News News bulletin from the BBC. 8.00 EastEnders Danielle makes a shocking discovery about Archie, oh she does frightened rabbit very well. Tony is concerned by Whitney’s situation. It’s all getting a bit Pantotastic on the square, he’s behind you! 8.30 Panorama With Russia flexing its muscles. Could it degenerate into another Cold War, or worse? 9.00 Motorway Cops – A Traffic Cops Special Documentary. 10.00 BBC News 10.25 South East Today 10.33 BBC Weather 10.35 The Dark Side Of Fame With Piers Morgan Morgan talks to Mickey Rourke. 11.20 Inside Sport Gabby Logan presents a weekly sports show.. 11.50 FILM: The Mean Season (1985) Intriguing thriller based on a novel by Leon Piedmont. 1.30am Autumnwatch Weatherview 1.35 Sign Zone: Who Do You Think You Are? 2.35 Silent Witness. 3.35 Holby City 4.30 Joins BBC News

6.00am Children’s TV 9.00 Clifford’s Puppy Days 9.20 Balamory 9.40 Little Red Tractor 9.50 Pingu 10.00 In The Night Garden 10.30 Big Barn Farm 10.45 Get Squiggling 11.00 Fun With Phonics 11.10 Primary Geography: A Village In Bangladesh 11.20 Let’s Write Poetry 11.40 Around Scotland: The Jacobites 12.00pm The Daily Politics 12.30 Working Lunch 1.00 Out Of The Blue 1.25 Coast 1.30 Living In The Sun 2.15 Animal 24:7 3.00 Murder, She Wrote 3.45 Flog It! 4.30 Ready Steady Cook 5.15 Escape To The Country 6.00 Eggheads Jeremy Vine hosts a general knowledge quiz. 6.30 Strictly Come Dancing - It Takes Two Claudia Winkleman returns with all the backstage gossip. 7.00 An Island Parish It’s Easter on the Isles of Scilly and the islanders hold their breath to see how much the credit crunch will affect their livelihoods. 7.30 Mastermind Four contestants are interrogated on a chosen subject. 8.00 University Challenge Exeter College Oxford are up against the University of St Andrews. 8.30 What To Eat Now See highlights. 9.00 Amazon With Bruce Parry Bruce Parry reaches the halfway point of his epic journey. He lives with the Ribeirinho, the river people, and hunts for the Amazon’s biggest fish, the Pirarucu. 10.00 Harry And Paul Sketch comedy series starring Harry Enfield and Paul Whitehouse. 10.30 Newsnight In-depth investigation of the day’s headlines. 11.20 Losing It: Griff Rhys Jones On Anger Griff tries to sort out his anger issues. 12.20am Ellery Queen Author and amateur detective 1.10 Joins BBC News 4.00 A-Z Of Politics Sketches 5.00 ID Citizenship

6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.15 ITV News And Weather 11.20 Meridian News And Weather 11.25 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV Lunchtime News And Weather 2.00 60 Minute Makeover 3.00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 4.00 Midsomer Murders 5.00 Britain’s Best Dish

6.10am The Hoobs 6.35 The Hoobs 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.00 Just Shoot Me 8.30 Just Shoot Me 9.00 Frasier 9.30 Gay To Z 10.00 Chill Out 10.30 Seven Ages Of Britain 11.25 Day I Got The Sack 12.00pm News At Noon 12.30 The Great Italian Escape 1.00 Chateau Monty 1.35 FILM: Dark Command (1940) 3.25 Countdown 4.15 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 The Paul O’Grady Show 6.00 The Simpsons Homer allows Bart to work at a burlesque theatre. 6.30 Hollyoaks Frankie and Darren discover that Newt has gone missing. Jolly good. 7.00 Channel 4 News Including sport and weather. 7.55 The Political Slot Labour’s pledge of fairness. 8.00 Dinosaur: A Time Team Special Tony Robinson and Phil Harding hit the highways of America on a road trip to some of the dinosaur capitals of the world. After joining a museum dig to excavate the bones of the T-Rex’s ancestor, they uncover the big bucks tourist industry that dinosaur hunting has spawned in the US. Their journey culminates in a trip to the Badlands, where they help dinosaur hunter Jack Horner dig up the remains of a T-Rex. 9.00 Dispatches: The Hidden World Of Lap Dancing 10.00 FILM: Lucky Number Slevin (2006) See film highlights. 12.05am Party Poker Nations Cup 2008 Late-night poker action with Vicky Coren and Robert Williamson III. The fourth heat of the team event, featuring Chris ‘Jesus’ Ferguson, Surinder Sunar and Donnacha O’Dea. 1.05 Freesports On 4 x 4. 3.15 Dodge Urban Beach Tour 2008 3.40 Supporting Acts 4.00 Just Write x 5 5.15 Rat-a-Tat-Tat x 5

6.00am Children’s TV 7.25 The Mr. Men Show 7.40 Make Way For Noddy 7.55 Fifi And The Flowertots 8.10 Peppa Pig 8.20 Thomas & Friends 8.35 Bert And Ernie’s Great Adventures 8.40 Milkshake! Music Box 8.50 Pocoyo 9.00 The Wright Stuff 10.30 Trisha Goddard 11.30 Colin And Justin’s - How Not To Decorate 12.30pm Five News 12.45 Grey’s Anatomy 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 County Secrets 3.00 FILM: Columbo: Death Hits The Jackpot (1991) 5.00 Five News 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away Larry is discovered. OMG!. 6.30 Animal Rescue Squad Is a young orphaned coyote strong enough to be released back into the wild? Elsewhere, a poor wallaby who has lost his bounce is nursed back to health, and an infected toe turns nasty for a Rottweiler called Jasmine. 7.00 Five News National and international news. 7.30 Top Trumps: Warships Robert Llewellyn and Ashley Hames test their knowledge of extreme machines. . 8.00 The Gadget Show Consumer technology show presented by Jason Bradbury, 9.00 Unbreakable Adventure series with explorer Benedict Allen in which eight intrepid volunteers undergo an onslaught of physical and mental pressure in a bid to be declared ‘unbreakable’. 10.00 America’s Toughest Prisons Documentary series unlocking the truth about some of America’s most notorious prisons. 11.05 FILM: Pacific Heights (1990) Starring Melanie Griffith, Matthew Modine, Michael Keaton. Scary yuppie thriller. 1.05am NFL 4.45 Motorsport 5.10 Neighbours 5.35 Home And Away

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 Football First: Match Choice 10.30 UEFA Champions League Weekly 11.00 Spanish Football 1.00pm Football First: Match Choice 2.30 UEFA Champions League Weekly 3.00 Spanish Football 5.00 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 6.00 LIVE Darts: World Grand Prix 11.00 Big League Weekend 12.30am UEFA Champions League Weekly 1.00 Wild Spirits 1.30 Live NFL 5.00 X-Adventures 5.30 Wild Spirits

6.00 Meridian Tonight Local news and weather. 6.30 ITV Evening News And Weather . 7.00 Emmerdale Jo decides she has to leave Andy. Oh there’ll be trouble at barn I tell you. 7.30 Coronation Street Jason’s confession destroys Becky’s dreams. That girl should be used to that by now! 8.00 To Sir With Love: Tonight Should teachers always be prosecuted for having relationships with their pupils? 8.30 Coronation Street Fiz has some surprising news for John. Janice is consumed by guilt over Rosie’s disappearance. 9.00 Place Of Execution See highlights. 10.00 News At Ten And Weather 10.35 Real Crime: The Hunt For Mr Swirl Documentary about the worldwide police hunt for the prolific paedophile known as Mr Swirl. 11.35 Police, Camera, Action This special edition features the top ten Ultimate Car Crimes. 12.30am UEFA Champions League Weekly 1.00 Nightwatch With Steve Scott: 1.55 Loose Women 2.45 Chef V Britainx 2 3.35 ITV Nightscreen . 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 XAdventures 7.00 WWE The Bottom Line 8.00 Polo 9.00 Golf Night 11.00 Golf Night 1.00pm NFL GameDay 2.30 Motor Racing: A1 Grand Prix 4.30 NFL GameDay 6.00 Big League Weekend 7.30 LIVE Speedway 9.30 You’re On Sky Sports 11.00 NFL GameDay 12.30am Speedway 2.30 Big League Weekend 4.00 You’re On Sky Sports 5.30 Close

Sky Sports 3 7.30am Spirit Of Yachting 8.00 NASCAR 10.30 Sailing: Med Cup 11.00 Aerobics: Oz Style 11.30 Racing News 12.00pm NFL - Top Ten 1.00 Golf Night 3.00 Golf Night 5.00 WWE Raw 7.00 NFL GameDay 8.30 NFL Top Ten 9.30 Wild Spirits 10.00 WWE Late Night Bottom Line 11.00 WWE Late Night Afterburn 12.00am Extreme Championship Wrestling 1.00 WWE Vintage Collection 2.00 Live WWE Late Night Raw 4.15 Close

Alison Swann

extraterrestrial Sky One








12.00pm Stargate Atlantis 1.00 Project Catwalk 2.00 Bones 3.00 Cold Case 4.00 Stargate Atlantis 5.00 Hairspray: The School Musical 6.00 Malcolm In The Middle 6.30 Futurama 7.00 The Simpsons (x4) 9.00 Road Wars 10.00 FILM: The Last Boy Scout (1991) 12.05am Road Wars (x2) 1.55 Greece Uncovered

7.00 Freaky Eaters 8.00 Most Annoying Couples 9.00 Little Britain 9.30 Coming Of Age 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Massive 11.00 Family Guy 11.20 Coming Of Age 11.50 The Wrong Door 12.20am Most Annoying Couples 1.20 Massive 1.50 Freaky Eaters 2.45 Spendaholics 3.45 Don’t Tell The Bride

7.00pm World News 7.30 The Sky At Night 8.00 In Search Of Spanish Flu 8.30 Only Connect 9.00 The Story Of Maths 10.00 Dirty Tricks: The Man Who Got The Bushes Elected 11.30 President Hollywood 12.30am Only Connect 1.00 The Story Of Maths 2.00 The Sky At Night 3.00 In Search Of Spanish Flu

1.30pm The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.45 The Ricki Lake Show 4.30 Sally Jessy Raphael 5.20 The Montel Williams Show 6.05 Judge Judy (x2) 7.00 Smallville 8.00 Katie & Peter: The Next Chapter 9.00 Hell’s Kitchen USA 10.00 Celebrity Juice 10.30 Coronation Street (x2) 11.30 FILM: The Grudge (2004)

4.00pm Daily Cooks Challenge 5.00 Film File 5.10 Goodnight Sweetheart 5.50 Heartbeat 6.50 The Wonder Years (x2) 7.50 PD James: Devices And Desires 9.00 Midsomer Murders’ Map 10.00 ITV3 Crime Thriller Awards 11.30 PD James: Devices And Desires 12.35am PD James: Cover Her Face

1.45pm One Tree Hill 2.35 The OC 3.30 Gilmore Girls 4.25 Hollyoaks 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 My Name Is Earl 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 FILM: The Full Monty (1997) 10.45 FILM: The Fly (1986) 12.40am Scrubs (x2) 1.40 Gilmore Girls 2.30 Smallville: Superman The Early Years

2.00pm ER 3.00 Hill Street Blues 4.00 A Place In The Sun (x2) 5.05 Grand Designs 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Property Ladder 8.00 More4 News 8.30 The Daily Show With Jon Stewart: Global Edition 9.00 Relocation, Relocation 10.00 Grand Designs 11.05 Without A Trace 12.05am The Closer 1.20 Grand Designs

4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 Australia’s Next Top Model 7.00 Will And Grace (x2) 7.55 The Fix 8.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 9.00 America’s Next Top Model 10.00 Lipstick Jungle 11.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 12.00am Grey’s Anatomy 1.00 Will And Grace (x2) 2.00 America’s Next Top Model

UK TV Gold



Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Sky Movies



3.00 My Family 3.40 Sorry! 4.20 As Time Goes By 5.00 Keeping Up Appearances 5.40 Waiting For God 6.20 Last Of The Summer Wine (x2) 7.40 The Good Life 8.20 My Family 9.00 Jonathan Creek (x2) 11.10 Little Britain 11.50 Jonathan Creek (x2) 2.00 The Dick Emery Show 2.15 The Two Ronnies

4.00pm The King Of Queens (x2) 5.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 6.00 Frasier (x2) 7.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 8.00 Scrubs (x2) 9.00 Two And A Half Men 9.30 Rules Of Engagement 10.00 Sex And The City (x2) 11.10 Coupling 11.50 Two And A Half Men 12.20am Courting Alex 12.50 Becker (x2)

3.00pm Deadliest Catch 4.00 Time Team 5.00 Mythbusters 6.00 American Chopper 7.00 How Do They Do It? 7.30 How Stuff’s Made 8.00 Chop Shop: The Story So Far 9.00 American Chopper 10.00 Chop Shop 11.00 Couples Who Kill 12.00am Crime Scene Australia 1.00 A Haunting 2.00 Forensic Detectives

12.05pm The Lost World 1.00 Quantum Leap 2.00 The Invisible Man 3.00 FILM: Nature Unleashed: Fire (2004) 5.00 Thunderbirds 6.05 Angel 7.00 The Invisible Man 8.00 Medium 9.00 Eli Stone 10.00 Eli Stone 11.00 FILM: Equilibrium (2002) 1.10am FILM: Post Impact (2004)

1.45pm The Desperate Hours (1955) 3.45 White Savage (1943) 5.15 The Top 10 Show 5.30 The Purple Heart (1944) 7.15 Look Back In Anger (1958) 9.00 I’ll Never Forget What’s ‘is Name (1969) 10.40 The Desperate Hours (1955) 12.40am The Phantom Of The Opera (1943)

12.50pm Nelly And Monsieur Arnaud (1995) 2.40 Ten Canoes (2006) 4.20 Ballets Russes 6.30 The Tango Lesson (1997) 8.20 The Fountain (2006) 10.00 I Want You (1998) 11.35 London To Brighton (2006) 1.10am Remnants Of Everest: The 1996 Tragedy (2007)

1.00pm Blanche Fury (1948) 2.55 The Return Of Frank James (1940) 4.50 The Lady In Question (1940) 6.25 I Am Sam (2001) 9.00 Bring It On (2000) 11.00 Jennifer Eight (1992) 1.25am Carla’s Song (1996) 3.55 Close

1.00pm The Adventures Of Huckleberry Finn (1960) 3.00 The Private Lives Of Elizabeth And Essex (1939) 5.00 Northwest Passage (1940) 7.20 Where Were You When The Lights Went Out? (1968) 9.00 Westworld (1973) 10.35 Reckless (1984) 12.20am Hit Man (1972) 1.55 Pink Floyd - The Wall (1982)



Latest 7: Issue 392 30 Sep - 6 Oct 2008  
Latest 7: Issue 392 30 Sep - 6 Oct 2008  

Head for the hills: It's got to be Austria for the holiday of your dreams. Massage magic: An ideal way to spend the cooler evenings & much m...