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Weed machines 2
the student voice of Saddleback College & Irvine Valley College since 1968
The Bridge to Engineering students are coming up with new and creative ways to get pot to the consumer. lariatnews.com
Follow the red lights
Saddleback College students now have an opportunity to study a broad in Amsterdam Aaron mitzlaff news Editor
Saddleback College offers its students many opportunities to travel to places like Spain, Ireland, Mexico and Brazil. This summer the Netherlands will be added to that list. The Netherlands was not added to the program to offer a traditional education. This program will give students a opportunity to study a broad in one of the most famous Red Light Districts in the world. This six-month course will allow students to integrate classroom learning with exposure to different cultures and environments. Students will be exposed to great food, beautiful women and a life style only seen on a porn site. These experiences are not for the faint of heart. Throughout the curriculum there will be opportunities to explore the beautiful Dutch kingdom, however, this is not just a vacation. The first month in Amsterdam will be dedicated to getting students familiar with the city. This includes laws of the country as wells as the unwritten rules that run the very district the program will be studying, the Red Light District. The next two months will an indepth look at the live shows available in some of the most famous theaters in the Red Light District Casa Rosso, Moulin Rouge and of course the Amsterdam Banana Bar.
Students then get deeper and deeper into the curriculum when they get to experience what is offered in the Red Light District. There are many alley ways and side streets that offer a window shopping experience. That can make some very uncomfortable, but don’t worry, there are many other ways to fill this requirement. The Red Light District has many brothels and private houses that offer a more traditional experience. The last month will be dedicated to detoxing as well as presenting projects to the class on the experience each group had in this world-famous-city. This class will have a maximum of 20 students and will be split into groups of two to four students, and these groups will experience Amsterdam together. The grading is very simple. Fifty percent of your grade will be from the final presentation, 25 percent will be attendance and 25 percent will be participation. Interested students act fast and get your applications in, as the last day for applications is April 20.
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“Students then get deeper and deeper ...when they get to experience what is offered in the Red Light District.”
Illustration By Amarah Eden
Live shows: If students want to show their friends pictures of their experience in the Red Light District, they have to bring a sketch pad not a camera. Photographs of the alleys are not allowed.
IVC Psi Beta fraternity pledge found Construction on an old frat house led to the discovery of a young man living with possums Emilie Christensen Editor-in-chief
Finally, Irvine Valley College has a Greek life scandal of their own. Last Thursday, March 26, IVC student Jack Graunbeck was found living with a family of possums in the boarded up subbasement of the former Psi Beta fraternity house in Irvine. He had reportedly being missing for five years. The Irvine Police Department released a statement Thursday night stating that the then unidentified young male, found by construction workers at about 2:30 p.m. on Thursday, was alive, however extremely malnourished. He was transferred to a nearby hospital and now seems to be in stable condition, however the full extent of his physical and psychological traumas is currently unknown. Graunbeck was identified late Sunday night by his sister Jenna Graunbeck after police cross referenced
missing person files with past Psi Beta members. In the fall of 2010, then 18-yearold Graunbeck was a freshman pledge for the IVC chapter of the Psi Beta fraternity. In the spring of 2011 the frat was scheduled to relocate their main residence house from Valley Oak Drive in Irvine to Woodbury. Residents complained that the old property was infested with possums which were copulating and reproducing at an alarming rate and more than outnumbered the human occupants. “You could hear their mating calls and, well, other noises at night,” former Psi Beta member Jeremy Hotchkins said. “You want to know what a number one mood killer is after you’ve brought a girl back to your room? Hearing two possums get it on before you do.” On November 15, 2010 the fraternity threw a “Bye Psi Beta” party to commemorate the frat’s final night
of residence in the Valley Oak house, past fraternity member Brandon Goehtz said. “It was probably the wildest party we’d thrown to date,” Goehtz said. “Everyone knew we weren’t responsible for the property after that night so people didn’t have the usual restraint or common sense not to get wasted enough to cause property damage. Some people were chasing the possums around and imitating mating calls. It’s embarrassing to remember.” Goehtz, then in his third year at IVC, knew Graunbeck in passing. “He was one of our new pledges, and while we didn’t force pledges to do anything that night, drinking was definitely encouraged. Last I saw him he was double fisting a bottle of Jack and Jägermeister. He never harassed the possum’s though, he always said they were majestic creatures.” read more on page 2
Diversified police forces discourage racism Capper Durham Staff Writer
Due to the latest controversy in Ferguson, safeguards have been put into place on both the federal and state levels to ensure the proper treatment of criminals. Fearing future accusations of hate crimes afflicted by an officer, the federal and state departments have constructed a new fleets of able-bodied officers with a representative from every major ethnic group: Pashtun, Tajik, Hazara, Uzbek, Aimak, Turkmen, Baloch, Albanian, Greek, Vlach, Roma (Gypsy), Macedonian, Montenegrin, Vulcan, Egyptian, Arab-Berber, Native Hawaiian and other Pacific Islander, Asian, Indian, Spanish, Andorran, Portuguese, French, Ovimbundu,
Illustration By Anibal Santos
Kimbundu, the list goes on. Public opinion has been strongly positive, protester Amelio Marquez when presented with this fact had this to say, “It is about time that we all have proper representation among
fits their needs.
the force, this is an innovation that will surely be the end to any future cases like Michael Brown’s.” Officer Generic McGee after holding hands and singing Kumbayah added, “The fact is that all races are out to destroy one another and we can’t afford any further racial conflict i.e any Caucasian officer or citizen stopping any violent criminal with the necessary precautions.” The new diversified fleet will be recognizable by their uniquely designs patrol vehicles specially designed to
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Niko Labarbera/Lariat
Buds-R-Us: Saddleback students are getting very excited about the new addition to their horticulture garden plots this semester.
The new flower on campus Niko Labarbera Photo Editor
The Saddleback horticulture department has taken an unprecedented step in the city college community, and has decided to allow horticulture students to cultivate marijuana in their garden plots at the college. Students have been allowed up to this point to grow fruits and vegetables like carrots and watermelons, but can now begin planting and harvesting cannabis as well. Horticulture professor and department chair Bob Farnsworth said he feels Marijuana will help increase productivity and the learning outcomes each course strives for. “Marijuana can be grown year round in this region and will most likely have a better yield than other more traditional crops,” said Farnsworth. “It will help students understand plant structures and designs better while also expanding their minds.” The desire to secure a spot in each weed related course is growing among Saddleback students as the spring semester comes to an end. Whether it’s the introduction to landscape design class or the integrated pest management course, students are doing everything they can to advance their registration dates. The hope is to secure a spot for the summer semester where the long days and strong heat are sure to produce quality crops. “I’m trying to find someone to register early for me” fifth year ceramic major Rich Marin said. “I’ll do any-
thing to get into the plant propagation course.” While some students are fighting for spots in coming semesters, active horticulture students are taking advantage of this new change and have already begun taking clippings and growing new plants before the semester comes to an end. With the greenhouse full of new clones and students eagerly waiting to register for summer classes, the only question left is what will happen to all the final products at the end of each semester. Rumors have surfaced that the engineering department is designing unique vending machines to distribute the herb to students throughout campus, but this has yet to be confirmed. nlabarbera.lariat@gmail.com on the web
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*In celebration of April Fools’ Day, we hope you enjoy our entirely fake, satirical coverage.