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The Exiled Satanist by Laila Roth

Seventh Part of The Complete English Poems of Laila Roth (2017) containing all her poems after her banishment from Facebook, carefully edited with the technical support of C. Lanciai, also with comments. See also the complete (with also Swedish) poems on The pictures illustrating the poems can be before or after the relevant poem, due to technical problems, but never further removed than that. All pictures are from the web. This is to be regarded as the frst of many editions. First published: May 3rd 2017


Bring out and bring in the dead The dead are always there, and you can not deny them. The civilians dying every day in Syria, your ancestors and friends you had to bury, long ago forgotten friends and faces always will turn up again and haunt you with their memories, and nothing can suppress or hamper their existence. It’s a lie that they are dead and ends of stories, while the only sound thing you can do about them is to let them out and let them in and let them live as they are part of you and your experience like the shadows of your self and your own past and therefore adding to your own identity. The soul survives and spiritual life goes on forever, as you yourself will see when you are dead, that all that ever mattered was the matter of the soul.


Christian. This last note did not get published on Facebook, and also the ”Martyrs” note was only able to be reconstructed from her draft. On 8.10.2016 Laila Roth’s account on Facebook was locked because she would not provide her ID – for Swedish legal reasons. These were her last words on facebook so far:

”The facebook automatic inquisition has struck again. I was blocked for three days for a memory I shared of a photo 4 years ago which I did not notice you could see one tit of. If it was OK four years ago, why not today? I was not allowed any communication on Facebook because of this heinous and terrible crime, while this puritanic pettiness hardly serves to sustain facebook interest. They seem to make no difference between nudity and pornography, while the difference is, that nudity can be beautiful, as is proved in Art, while pornography never can be beautiful.”

A burnt-out case You can do nothing, paralyzed by unfair meanness, surreptitiously stabbed in the back by foul play and destructive baseness, maybe envy or just ignorant intolerance, as man’s stupidity has always been incurable, and you are trampled down into some non-existence as if you had never walked on earth and never was entitled to the rights of any citizen and human rights were not for you. But still the fame is burning, even if it’s cold and dark it can’t be quenched but must burn on and only the more fervently with anger maybe but the more with downright obstinacy just to spite the world and prove it wrong in its apocalyptic cul-de-sac of inhumanity, while you were right in your insistent pertinacity in just staying on your ground and keep it even if it was denied, refused and robbed of you.

Liberation or death Either it’s a free web or it’s not.
 If it’s not, it’s not for me.
 It’s a question of principle.
 The web was made to be free,
 free of charge and thus available to everyone,
 but if there’s censorship and charges,
 if you get locked out of accounts you yourself created,
 if there is intimidation and bullying,
 like malicious reporting just to make a nuisance,
 if you are intellectually silenced,
 as all dictators and autocracies wish to do,
 vainly trying to control the process of free thought,
 then the web is not free but corrupt,
 abused and turned to service of paranoia,
 to serve private interest instead of the common good,
 for some to use for their own ends against the lot
 instead of being of good use to all
 by liberating information and communication.
 If you are against this you serve restriction and suppression
 by unsoundness, instead of serving the health of communication.



Alienated Harassed all my life and persecuted for my beauty, have I no right then to protect it? Resignation and retreat is urged as a necessity, as if never being seen was your condition of existence; but it is not your body only that needs measures of protection. We live in a robotic brainwash age where everything goes automatic against which there’s nothing to protect you: it will importune you everywhere with cold insensitive intrusion, making any dialogue and argument impossible. The worst part is perhaps the junk you’re fooded with and drowned in every day by noise and media, in loudspeaker terrorism benumbing you and killing your soul’s freedom of both thought and health; and so you are an outcast alienated stranger to society refusing to cooperate with a demented world which never knew what it was doing.

Letter “info” The photo for which I was locked out of Facebook last week was from a religious ceremony of an old album of last year and displayed no nudity, as the lady seen from behind was partly covered. You could only fnd a nipple by studying the picture in great detail, but then it’s of a Baphomet. Should then every Baphomet be reported? Facebook has no right to demand a legal ID for identifcation since it has no authority like a sovereign state of its own. Locking me out of Facebook using an old "risqué" photo as an excuse is just foul play of the kind you use in politics, but I was never politically active or involved. My only problem with Facebook ever was with ignorant malicious reporting. I never reported anyone myself and would never dream of doing it. Is there no protection against this? If you can dig up old photos and use them for reporting, then you can be reported for anything and have trouble brought against you for nothing. As an art lover I love collecting beautiful and dramatic pictures, and is it then impossible to share them on Facebook without the risk of getting reported by ignorant misunderstanding maliciousness? Is it really necessary to seal them up only for my friends? Is there no protection against reporting abuse? Is it impossible to exist on Facebook without the constant fear of getting reported for no harm intended? They seem to allege that I never existed only because I will not submit my ID on the web, which you never must do to anyone who has no legal right and reason to ask for it, especially not a foreign power. If I never existed, then love never existed. There is still hope, but I am getting impatient and will not hesitate to break up if necessary. There are other networks.


The vanity of suppression No voice can be silenced that speaks of honesty and truth in earnestly insisting on its challenge against any matter of unfairness in the superfcial foul play of mundanity. Let the mortals do their offce of doomed vanity in running stressfully to death in squirrels’ wheels of self-consuming chase of wind for nothing, while the qualities of spiritual values, truth and the eternity of karmic laws will keep their domination of the wisdom that remains in eloquent expression of eternal truths of silence sounding louder in its voiceless echo of reverberations than all noise of desperation of the void of human effort. Buried alive Stuck in the mud and buried alive in the bog of the formalism of society reducing you to a number and letting you easily disappear without a trace with no one missing you – That's what has become of humanity, ruining all nature in the process of dehumanization and technifcation from a human being to the monster of homo sovieticus infecting the world with robotic inhumanity. So let me out and let me breathe, buried alive in a coffn in the church yard waking up and brought to nothing for nothing, against my will and without my cooperation. I reject my number of society and my ID, refusing to be reduced into a plastic card or into a chip, since I will remain alive, even if the whole human society goes under.


Saved from drowning Smothered by the ignorance of unawareness or, if you so please, indifferent negligence blamed on blind fate of casualness, I never would have surfaced once again from dire depths of darkness in the coldness of the freezing abyss, being utterly bogged down in misery,


misfortune and atrocity, and I could actually not be alive at all unless you brought me up and made me love. There was no time before you showed yourself, my love affairs were only traumas of outrageous tragedies of being used, while you came without craving anything without pretension but for sharing spiritual love. That saved me, made me someone, and gave me something to live for. I am nothing and will leave with nothing left behind but for the love you gave me which brought me much more than all the world.

The case of Laila Roth, by Christian Lanciai, posted on Facebook, “The Temple of Avalon” group, October 21 st 2016. Her account was locked without right of appeal or communication on 8.10, for a picture of a pagan ritual not sexually intended including a Baphomet, conditioning her to upload her ID as her only possibility to regain access to her account. She could not do that for Swedish legal reasons, as she is under extreme protection under the Swedish police and may not appear with or reveal her real identity as one of 12,500 Swedish female victims of male violence at the risk of their lives, in this case from her former husband, wherefore they have to live with a concealed identity and not under any circumstances identify themselves on the web at the risk of losing police protection. Instead, she has confrmed her identity by her poetry sites, some of them as follows – which should be evidence convincing enough of her identity and activity without touching on her legal case, which should be avoided for her own security. For the same reason she never revealed a true picture of herself on Facebook, always giving her reasons when asked. As her brother and publisher I can vouch for her, fnding it in the best interest of everyone that she may communicate freely on Facebook and the web, as any suppression of her poetry, art and philosophy must be judged as censorship even violating the 1st amendment of the United States constitution. Besides, Facebook does not have the judicial authority to demand a personal ID, but should rather have the obligation to respect someone’s integrity of anonymity when it is insisted on. Please forward this to anyone concerned. Christian Lanciai

Disappearing You get fooded by the constant fow of nonsense drowning you in diarrheas of vulgarity and information about nothing like commercials stuffng you with vomit run by a society of capitalism governed by bureaucracies whose only function is to make you disappear as no more than a digit in the multitude of numbers in a world controlled by brainwash. Still you live and manage to survive, which no one can deny and stop you from, and you survive the better the less you have anything to do with the society of intellectual mass extermination by the rule of brainwash and its forced implementation. There is nothing else to save you but to be yourself. If you give in and follow comfortably down the mainstream like dead fsh in the political correctness


of the universal suicidal lemming march you'll only end up as one of those dead fsh caught in super trawlers and discarded as not even eatable.

The age of depression How can you survive? You can't unless you cut all links that chain you to the slavery society of economical dependence, brainwash and politics. It's a mad world ruled by fxed asylums of establishments of greed, like the dictatorships of Erdogan and Putin, islam and the CCP of China, the corruption of the western oligarchies giving rise to natural rebellions of the far right, like national socialists, nationalists and racists driven to reaction and enforced upheaval by the irresponsibility and gross mismanagement of architects of war behind political establishments, as even free communication like the facebook system is developed and corrupted and degenerated into an insensitive and automatic sect-like state and monster system of absurd bureaucracy. Only those who take no part in it are sensible in the rejection and denouncement of the so called order of the world which really is a fake for the disguised disorder of the universal general dementia of mankind.

A lover’s complaint I basically lived for my idealism throughout my life in earnest and fdelity and somehow always was rebuked and punished for my honest efforts, as the more I worked and harder I produced, the more severely I was punished, being thrown out of society and school for being serious about my vocation and perhaps for being over-active in my diligence, and now even locked out with small chance of a return from facebook, for an unintended nipple, in the notorious Facebook nipple witch hunt. Isn’t it ridiculous? Still I will go on loving, sticking to my earnestness and good intentions and will not fall out because of some stupidity, as nothing is more meritorious for the knowledgeable ones than the acknowledgement of ignorance condemning you to exile. Ashe. I love this poem! Such wonderful fow and rhythm tell such a tragic story.


No fear of the dark If there was anything I never was afraid of, it was of the darkness shielding dreams of a reality of everything beyond reality but much more real than reality, of hidden knowledge, usually buried alive but the more surviving just for being lost, of martyrdoms of ghosts that never could be silenced for their crying of eternal desperation for their loss of rights, of justice, truth and their true stories; and of all and everything that only could survive and live the better for the unpenetrability of the protecting dark; and fnally there is no darkness and more depth and richness more magnifcently overwhelming and profound than in the darkness of the soul that dwindles on in ever deeper darkness going on forever.



Under the ice Being lost in a humanity gone mad in inhumanity is like being buried in an ice sea cold under the ice, while you know better than humanity but cannot voice it, that it's humanity that should be pitied gone to waste to gradually bury itself alive in fooded junk of poisonous pollution, while a singing voice of beauty has no chance to get heard at all in all the din of nonsense and not even noticed in the overwhelming noise, but it keeps singing on insisting on its beauty; and when all the world of junk is dead there will still be one voice of beauty singing all alone. Jamsbo. I hope you are right. You express the situation so well.

The dark truth of reality Reality is full of dreadful and revolting things, like war and illness, tragedy and violence, but there’s always truth in this reality, and nothing is more beautiful than realism when viewed just for its truth. It is a venture, and your life will more often than not be smashed, maltreated and brought to injustice, there will be adversities and trials and disasters, but it still is a reality deserving only love, and love is how to cope with it and even with its worst sides of iniquity. You are here to grapple with reality throughout your life, and the only way to manage it is positively. There is darkness everywhere, but only since you are the light.


The shadows of your past They tend to be a hangover like some ghosts that never leave you quite in peace but torture you by awkward memories of how everything went wrong by no one's fault and least of all your own, but still you can feel guilt for your own misadventures; but these hangovers of unsettling experiences are in fact your greatest assets, insights into darkness is clairvoyance, knowledge of anatomy of tragedy is wisdom, and you always rise above whatever goes against you. Nothing that attacks and sabotages you can damage you but only mould your character and edify your soul with the enrichment of a deeper darkness and awareness of your soul. Bibek. Nicely conveyed. The shadows of the past always looms over our head. The only way to reject them is by accepting them. Lovely poem! Ashe. Very nicely said! If only we learn from our mistakes. But you are right, every experience we have helps to shape our thoughts and every time we make a mistake must be a different one. Love this beautiful poem.

Hallowee n to J.B. and R.L. (John Black and Renee Luxton)

In the dark of the night you are more alive than when you were alive in my memory fond of your memories. Gladly would I have turned in just to join you in the immortality which never can be denied beyond death, beyond life and beyond comprehension, but you are there still, my best friends, and just for your sake I will carry on struggling vainly for that right so brutally taken away and denied me for no valid reason; and thus for your sake and the memories of our love


I will carry on holding on to reality if only to prove the existence of undying friendship and love.

Someone to love You have to have someone to love, or life would be completely without meaning. That is obvious, of course, but having someone as your love has many meanings. It's not just loving, but it means an intimate, someone that you can always trust, someone who understands you and who shares your deepest darkness and despair as well as your delight. It's more a family relationship like between sister and a brother, while the sexual detail actually has less signifcance than loyalty and faith and trust and understanding. If you have someone like that to love you really are most fortunate, and all that you should do and need to is to simply stick to it and never let it go. Samseen. A beautiful write. I like it. Some advice though, intimacy instead of intimate and familial instead of family might make the poem fow better. Of course, it's your poem just thought I'd put my two cents in. I especially loved the alliteration in lines 8 and 9 the resounding chorus of d in deepest darkness delight and despair. Really revved the poem up a notch. Bravo. Ashe. If you are fortunate to fnd such love and know how to keep it, you are a fortunate person. Lovely description of true love.

Paradox with compromise Are you lost when you have found the way, and are you at a turning point when you are lost? The darkness leads you to the light, while light will always end in darkness. Death is just a threshold into higher life, 14

and life is just a course of vanity to death. In all this void of nothing without meaning, something must be there for life’s sustainment. Is it then a god, a universal centre like a hub of an idea sustaining all, or is it just a spirit? The Abrahamic god is lost in credibility forever, while the lord of darkness, usually called Satan is a mystery uncharted in its depth of unknown knowledge. Can we bet on him, or should we be materialists? I suggest a compromise. Embrace and cherish any being of divinity, but never lose your touch with realism.

The silence of wisdom My secrets are not of this world and never can be quite explained and clarifed. My life is without meaning, I am but a butterfy just ficking by which this society can never see but as a digit, while my soul can never be expounded nor denied, least by myself, as I was born aware of what I was and had to stand up to what I was good for, which would never be accepted by this alien society of junk and brainwash and political desorientation. I don't know. Perhaps some day someone will fnd me to adapt me to some higher purposes than I myself will ever be aware of; so meanwhile I resign in simple kindness with complacence and humility and with a quiet smile concealing that I know too much


of what can ever be accounted for and probed.

Comfort in the fall What are you more than a fool if you see through the whole world but cannot see through yourself? What are you more than pathetic if you with all your experience still are affected by the smallest adversity? What are your tears but vain self pity, no matter what injustices you have been through and even made a constant victim of throughout your life? What is the comfort of the vanity of being you when you are really nothing? Yes, there is one comfort. You at least did nothing wrong, you played yourself an honest fair game all your way, you didn't cheat on others, and you were never an oppressor or a bully. Let the water of the world's iniquities like a deluvion that is fooded on you run off you like down a goose's back and shake it off and just continue going straight, and you will be the master still of your own fate, and that is all that matters. A Case for Laila Roth - a documentary (A compilation of various e-mails and appeals, not including all, and a reconstruction of her own last note on FB before her new account was disabled on 4.11.2016, based on her own compilations.) Is this a case, or is it not? May the Reader be the judge. Her last words on Facebook: ”The facebook automatic inquisition has struck again. I was blocked for three days for a memory I shared of a photo 4 years ago which I did not notice you could see one tit of. If it was OK four years ago, why not today? I was not allowed any communication on Facebook because of this heinous and terrible crime, while this puritanic pettiness hardly serves to sustain facebook interest. They seem to make no difference between nudity and pornography, while the difference is, that nudity can be beautiful, as is proved in Art, while pornography never can be beautiful.” Four days later her account was locked for another unintendedly challenging picture, and she was allowed no way of communication with Facebook. From a friend: "Unfortunately I cannot help you. Even if I appealed for you it would do no good, since the Facebook regulations only allow those who fnd themselves in trouble to appeal for themselves. That's what you have to do, go to "Facebook disabled pages", fnd the correct appeal form, and state your case. I actually wrote a rather comprehensive appeal for you, which you can use as you wish. I took note of your links, which can and should be used as the best certain evidence of your existence and active life, avoiding the complications of your legal case.” Laila: "Thanks. I tried your recipe, but it didn't work as my account is only locked, not disabled. I seem to have been caught up in a mess of Catch'22s. The most important arguments for my case, from some e-mails: "If I ever posted sexually suggestive content, it was not my intention, it just slipped through, sometimes I didn’t even notice until it was too late that something was seen that shouldn’t, and I declare my total innocence in earnest intentions – I loathe porn." "The photo for which I was locked out of Facebook last week was from a religious ceremony of an old album of last year and displayed no nudity, as the lady seen from behind was partly covered. You could only fnd a nipple by studying the picture in great detail, but then it’s of a Baphomet. Should then every Baphomet be reported? My only problem with Facebook ever was with ignorant malicious reporting. Last time my account was disabled fve years ago, it was because someone else had posted porn on my wall, for which I got the blame and was punished with suspension. I never reported anyone myself and would never dream of doing it. Is there no protection against this? If you can dig up old photos and use them for reporting, then you can be reported for anything and have trouble brought against you for nothing. As an art lover I love collecting beautiful and dramatic pictures, and is it then impossible to share them on Facebook without the risk of getting reported by ignorant misunderstanding maliciousness? Is it really necessary to seal them up only for my friends? Is there no protection against reporting abuse? Is it impossible to exist on Facebook without the constant fear of getting reported for no harm intended? They seem to allege that I never existed only because I will not submit my ID on the web, which you never must do to anyone who has no legal right and reason to ask for it, especially not a foreign power. Am I not a human being and alive behind all that which I have written and posted? What is a fake web ID to that? Am I not someone, without a paper? If I never existed, then love never existed." "I have no passport, no driver’s licence, no state-issued ID-card, no military ID card and no immigration ID with signature. I don’t even have a bank ID, since I have no bank account. Many live without ID. All I can refer to is myself and friends who know me – I was never anyone else than who I am, and I never tried any alias. There is still hope, but I am getting impatient and will not hesitate to break up if necessary. There are other networks. Please feel free to forward to anyone concerned.” Suranne. It is quite absurd that given all the beautiful words and pictures you post that Facebook (via the sad people that are reporting you) should use a single instance to ban you. I hope you resolve this soon as I for one miss your eloquent words.


Facebook: Thanks for contacting us. It looks like you might be reporting something that we can't directly support from here, but that doesn't mean you can't get help. Please visit the Help Center to learn more about the different things you can report, as well as how and where to do that. Reply: ”It must be obvious from the links I provided and my correspondence with you that there can be no doubt as to my identity. It doesn't help that you refer me to "Help", because my problem is not found there and all you can post there is ready-made questions - you can't write anything by yourself or open any other issue. It's like talking to a wall and an insensitive computer which can't understand what you are saying and only provide automatics replies, which you also seem to do. If you can't understand my case and issue, please send it over to someone who can, preferably a woman. I need a human reasonable reaction and not a robot bureaucratic automatic reply. An answer like "you seem to be reporting something" will not do. Just remove the security block from my log-in. I need no formal security check and will change my password eventually.” "The Facebook Help center can't help me, as I can't provide a legal ID. The web is full of means of how to fake an ID to unlock your account, but I will not try any dishonest means. Thus you are not entitled to perfect legal integrity and privacy on Facebook, if you have a legal issue with complications, like I have with my former husband - no matter how absolutely you can prove yourself by other means, Facebook sticks only to technical formalities and is therefore like any established bureaucracy, and what is worse: it traumatizes people, just like Scientology, being the same kind of insensitive inhuman robotic organization turning unreasonable. The difference is, that Scientology sometimes offers an amnesty, which Facebook is not known to have done. In my opinion, it's all because of the abominable reporting system. In my case, someone misinterpreted the naked breasts of the Baphomet.” A lover's complaint I basically lived for my idealism throughout my life in earnest and fdelity and somehow always was rebuked and punished for my honest efforts, as the more I worked and harder I produced, the more severely I was punished, being thrown out of society and school for being serious about my vocation and perhaps for being over-active in my diligence, and now even locked out with small chance of a return from facebook, for an unintended nipple, in the notorious Facebook nipple witch hunt. Isn’t it ridiculous? Still I will go on loving, sticking to my earnestness and good intentions and will not fall out because of some stupidity, as nothing is more meritorious for the knowledgeable ones than the acknowledgement of ignorance condemning you to exile. Christian. The case of Laila Roth. Her account was locked without right of appeal or communication on 7.10, (by a curious coincidence the day of Putin’s birthday and 10th anniversary of the murder of Anna Politkovskaya, a journalist critical of Putin’s regime,), for a picture of a pagan ritual not sexually intended including a Baphomet, conditioning her to upload her ID as her only possibility to regain access to her account. She could not do that for Swedish legal reasons, as she is under extreme protection under the Swedish police and may not appear with or reveal her real identity as one of 12,500 Swedish female victims of male violence at the risk of their lives, in this case from her former husband, wherefore they have to live with a concealed identity and not under any circumstances identify themselves on the web at the risk of losing police protection. Instead, she has confrmed her identity by her poetry sites, some of them as follows –…/17/the-vanity-of-suppression/… which should be evidence convincing enough of her identity and activity without touching on her legal case, which should be avoided for her own security. For the same reason she never revealed a true picture of herself on Facebook, always giving her reasons when asked. As her brother and publisher I can vouch for her, fnding it in the best interest of everyone that she may communicate freely on Facebook and the web, as any suppression of her poetry, art and philosophy must be judged as censorship even violating the 1st amendment of the United States constitution. Besides, Facebook does not have the judicial authority to demand a personal ID, but should rather have the obligation to respect someone’s integrity of anonymity when it is insisted on. Please forward this to anyone concerned. Derek. This is way beyond wrong! Suranne. It would seem to me that legally Facebook is on very shaky ground and would be best advised to reactivate Laila's account. "No answer any more from Support, and with Help I can do nothing. There was a possibility to send a secret code to a friend to help me out by identifcation, but the code never got through. It was never issued, so it didn't work. If Facebook continues doing nothing in spite of obvious and reasonable evidence of my existence and web activity elsewhere similar to that on Facebook, I am not sure I'll want to start a new account on Facebook, and then they could start interrupting me again for nothing. I worked hard to get those 5000 friends and 2400 followers not mentioning all the groups I admined and shared, and I hesitate indeed to start all that from the beginning again.” Ty. If she has admins she knows in all her groups they could add her back under a new account, right? It won't bring back all her followers and friends, but her followers and friends in those groups can add her back too. It's not necessarily the best solution, but it's a solution. Boštjan If she is the only Admin, Facebook is going to automatically suggest group members to take over group administration. Christian. Facebook is disabling and locking so many accounts that many groups are chronically without admin. Ty. There are Admin keeping things running for her till she either gets her account back or makes a new one which is the smarter way to go Boštjan. Great that there are other admins. Her only rational option is then indeed a new account.


"Tired of speaking to a dead wall of Facebook, impatience is increasing. A web page has no right to demand a legal ID, and if they do so as a means of extortion for a locked account it's not just offensive but brutal. This procedure is asking for trouble by possible lawsuits. You can't blame paranoid measures on security. I will produce that picture for which my account was locked when and if there is an enquiry about the matter, a picture just barely making some nipple visible but then only if you really search for it. Pardon me, but you just can't shut down a poet." "A reminder of my case. 1. The right of Facebook to demand a legal ID is doubtful and debatable. Since this demand would generally only be made to suspected fake accounts, the answer, if any, would generally only be fake IDs, which are easily manufactured on the web. Any other means of proving yourself, like witnesses or personal sites, would be more credible. 2. I was twice reported for pictures in the frst week of October. The frst one was of a memory of four years ago, which I did not notice had a barely visible nipple. The other was of a Baphomet, a religious asexual fgure mainly used for masonic rituals and entirely symbolic only. Since both these pictures were sexually unintended, it is reasonable to assume that they were reported only to bring me down. The motivation could only have been envy. Justice, please! Written to Support, Help and some friends, Laila” Christian. If anyone wants to give her support, advice or just communicate with her, ask me for her e-mail. Derek. To demand legal proof on a social media site which has no legal contract with Laila (or anyone else) is beyond dubious ... a claim can be made as Laila has put up her works of art that to refuse her access is to deny her compensation for future works ... I smell a law suit ... and a tasty big one at that! (( I'm sure a digital rights lawyer (one that is hungry to make a reputation) would consider the case pro bono )) Poet I would call it 'hijacked by Facebook' Christian She is undoubtedly far from alone. Suranne. Laila is an artist. There is a beautiful phrase by Oscar Wilde for free spirited women which is something like 'she lives the life of the poetry she cannot write'. That applies to me, but Laila can write the poetry. Poet And I write the poetry I cannot live... Eva. You are a warrior like always you will prevail… Christian. Bad show for facebook. Latest answer from Help centre: "If your account is currently locked, you can try to get access by logging into your account and trying to complete the security check from the computer or mobile phone that you usually use to log into Facebook. Unfortunately, if you're unable to log in and complete the security check on your own, you'll have to send us an acceptable form of ID." No link or indication as to how to reach the "security check" included. In brief, no Help at all. Christian. You are lost in a Kafka process. Kafka - Orwell - Facebook. Eva. You are persistent my dear sister. Poet. You can't just accept anything. I reached Security and was led around in circles again ending up in another illegal demand for a legal ID... Since this demand is illegal, I assume the only correct form of an ID to submit is an illegal one... Christian: What I can not understand is how anyone could have reported her for just some haphazard or hardly visible nipple, fnding nipples everywhere around Facebook and most of them blatant and intentional. Justin:Facebook does do autoreporting. I found this out recently. Christian: So this digital execution by robot by accident could happen to anyone - at least on Facebook. Backfring security system. ”Hijacked by Facebook for an unintended nipple: It seems that Facebook simply doesn't want to return a locked up account, or they would not make it so impossible for you to retrieve it. Fie upon you, Facebook, for your foul play meanness! - At the same time it's diffcult to see that this in any way would beneft Facebook or anyone. On the contrary, they should be interested in keeping accounts going, since locking them up for good will only get them bitter enemies and a bad reputation, turning Facebook into a forum for paranoia. It’s not about security. It’s control. When dialogue is cut off and made impossible, dictatorship has taken over. Something is rotten in the state of Facebook. Evidently Facebook has judged my poems as "spam" and determined my digital art collections as "sexually suggestive" even without tits. If they will not accept digital evidence of the fact that I am who I am with a number of web sites with my authentic production, how can I trust their assurance that a submitted ID is deleted as soon as submitted? They now ask for an ID for my new account as well. I must refuse. As long as they stick to that demand, I am shut out of facebook. If I have to produce an ID for facebook, mustn't everyone? And wouldn't that be the end of Facebook, or at least of facebook freedom of communication?” Christian. The ’Help’ centre encourages reporting anything suspected as in any way objectionable but offers no help in cases like this. You can’t even report a problem without a ”screenshot”. Facebook acts with blind automatic insensitivity to the fact that they are locking out, disabling and deleting the accounts of live human beings, persons and individuals, stealing their partial lives. This is a matter of human rights, freedom of expression, integrity and privacy on the web. Laila’s case teaches us that Facebook is a minefeld. ”She was very active and had within one year and a half acquired 5000 friends and also expanded on other sites with her poems and pictures, she had a WordPress page of her own and wrote frequently in both PoetBay and UKAuthors and had more than 20,000 pictures on Flickr. Suddenly her account on Facebook was locked because of two pictures someone found offensive and reported, one with a visible female nipple and the other of the Baphomet, who is always shown with both male organ and female breasts. She was shut off with no possibility to appeal or even communicate on Facebook, and in one blow consequently lost touch with her 5000 friends and 2400 followers and many groups, where her poems are scantily maintained. When an account is locked I never heard about its being reopened even if a legal ID was submitted as a demanded condition, which the risk is that is demanded only for an excuse to keep it locked. It’s a virtual and digital assassination. When I write this she has been locked out from Facebook for three months with no answer or any reaction to her appeals since November. Facebook has during the years deteriorated from having been an ideal means of liberal international democratic communication to an automatic robot dictatorship controlled by the repression of insensitive and senseless auto-reporting.” – J.B.W.


Laila (to Facebook): ”I still get post notifcations from Facebook with friends demanding my presence by insisting on my answering their posts, but when I try to log in I am still demanded of an absurd digital ID, which I can’t provide, for previously posted reasons. The Help center does not help or work and only offers circuit traps leading nowhere. The picture for which I was locked out of Facebook had occurred many times on Facebook before that and several times afterwards without their users being reported or locked out of Facebook. My conclusion must therefore be that I was targeted out of Facebook. Why are you doing this?”

Guide of darkness You gave yourself to me once and forever, and I will keep you well within me never to let go of you but leading you continuously on like some kind of a conscience but more like a guide through darkness, into darkness, over darkness but in safety across every possible abyss that ever life or any hell would offer. Ashe. Very passionate and dark. I love it.

The bliss of silence When you are tortured day and night by the horrendous noise of man in this destructive vanity of egoism destroying every city by pollution, there can only be one dream of paradise, and that is silence. Silence, please! I cannot live without it, noise is paralyzing and a killing nightmare, while in silence only you can hear the music of eternity, a music of a kind too fne to be perceived by any hearing in transcendence of all human sense. Bibek. Silence is the ultimate answer to all the questions. Reminds me of all the Zen Philosophy. A crafted poem! Bravo!


Martyrdom There are many kinds of martyrdom, but the worst one is the one that never becomes known, being forced to silence, isolated like being buried alive in smothering cement, wiped out, deleted, like a cancelled digit with no hope of a return to what was lost, reality being denied and closed to you; and still you keep on living on your own for nothing like in limbo; and that's the one thing nothing and no one can take away from you that you are and will remain alive. Ashe. Your descriptions take us to the very depths of despair and don't allow the satisfaction of death. Very well written!

Misgivings Apocalyptic day of horror as a dog was voted into offce who denies the climate change and wants to recommence the global world environment destruction and by any means add to the tensions risking new world wars and the apocalypse. I am no murderer and cannot use a gun, but in my quiet thoughts my common sense repeatedly suggests, that someone should, before it is too late, gun down that man. Or am I wrong? Can there be any hope for such a lying despicable monster of the very worst kind of a politician?


Someone said, that all you can do in this situation is to pray and meditate, and maybe by some dark force that might be the only thing that actually surprisingly could help. As the old Chinese proverb teaches us: ”If you wait long enough with patience at the river shore, you'll one day see your enemy's corpse come foating by.” Ashe. I is the darkest hour in our country, at least in my lifetime. We have joined those countries who have suffered being ruled by tyrants. We have turned the calendar of time back a hundred years or more. He will harm our country and the world in the most despicable and irrevocable ways. I would not, however recommend in any way that he be turned into a martyr or use his own violent ways that we object to so much. Besides, then we would be left with the vice president who is just as scary, only hides it better. I am so glad someone fnally wrote a poem on this subject. I couldn't fnd the words. Laila. Thank you, Ashe. Yes, it is very critical indeed. This is a problem we will have to struggle with for some time. Ionicus. You have quite forcefully expressed your opinion. I don’t know if you are American and therefore think that the only recourse is to turn to the gun but I believe that it is best to follow Sun Tzu’s advice and wait patiently by the river. Laila. Defnitely – I am Scandinavian.

Satanic lesson Why would I not be a satanist when that's the only way to get into a right perspective of reality by seeing through the elements of darkness in their utmost depth of terror, mystery and tragedy? Life is a tragedy, it is a fact that cannot be denied, and yet most people desperately try by any means to turn a blind eye to the unacceptabilities of life. I had my downfalls and some terrible adversities as well, that taught me always to keep them in mind as something of a granted wisdom for eternity to learn by, always be aware of and to use. Thus I became an instrument of Satan not to be used by him but on the contrary to use him by for the edifcation of my tribe and followers and anyone who wishes to advance in life in wisdom and maturity, experience and knowledge.

Trauma There are worse rapes than the physical ordeal. You can survive it, it is after all just physical, you can recover, dress your wounds, regain your health and curse the perpetrator with the damnation of an everlasting fatal karma; but when you are stabbed anonymously in the back, when you are sacked without an explanation or a reason, when you are the victim of an inquisitional intrigue, it will remain with you throughout your life as an injustice and an unsolved problem. You don't even know whom you should curse, and it might even have been all an accident. This is a trauma diffcult if not impossible and heavy to survive, digest and get detached from. Crimes by mortals will catch up with their mortality, but deadly wounds afficting your own soul, not even Satan will be able evermore to heal.


On line Darkness overwhelms me, but it cannot kill me. On the contrary, it merely inspires me with dark satanic energy of fathomless capacity that lifts me up and keeps me fying off my feet into the realm of spiritual essence dominated by purifcation clearness in which you see everything that is forbidden to all mortal eyes. I am not vain in my ambition since I actually have no ambition but to stay connected and alive in my continuous spiritual mission which is just to let mortality be compensated by spirituality. Jamsbo. Very forthright and determined. I like it.


Orientation Am I a traitor being born of jewish origin and turning against all monotheism as something of a pagan atheist? Am I an antisocial public enemy for loathing any kind of overbearing bullying and centralized control of freeborn citizens? Is freedom only to be found in anarchism and in the darkness of notorious satanism that only can survive and thrive by hiding and by masking its activities in black? Is occultism the only freedom of the spirit? These are unanswerable questions, so it's better just to paste them on the wall and leave them there. Jamsbo. Well said! We all must fnd our own way. Like a rain runs back to a river. Sameen. Yes, but which wall? The physical or the technological? Laila. The notice board.

Your presence It does not matter who you are as long as you are honest, truthful and sincere. Your person and identity is of no consequence, while it is what you do and leave behind that matters. If your output is creative and just unilaterally positive, you can be proud not of yourself but of your life. You made an effort and put something through, and even if it led to nothing it was worth the effort, as the energy you wasted in your loving and creative thoughts will never cease creating water rings and multiply. Your love was here to stay and cannot vanish, like something cannot be turned into nothing; and if your fowers brutally are trampled down and wither, they will always rise again with the return of spring, 23

as nature, like all life, is just a constant resurrection. Once you have given over life and soul to the awareness of eternity, there's nothing more to do. You are there to stay, and there is nothing anyone can do about it.

Hidden meanings There are thoughts that you are guilty of that never can be properly expressed, your masked intentions might not be accepted and must maybe be misunderstood if given over to the ignorant and common public. The important thing is that you always must remain true to your self and stick implicitly to your own honesty and be most careful and exact about it. People never need to know what you are really thinking, but you yourself must always be completely sure that what you think and do is right. If you are certain of your track and follow it, you need no followers and no acclaim, and no one needs to know about it, since the only necessary thing is that you know yourself. Sameen. You are wise very wise and it shows in your poems. Thank you for sharing them with us. Ken. When you can’t be true to The Self, then how can you be true to others. I greatly appreciate your work, Laila.


Supremacy Satanists have always been and always will be. They are not a sect but rather chosen by themselves to be opposed to all sectarianism by never compromising with a group mentality, but stand against all social pressure to submit to the collective subjugation to another will than yours of vulgar commonness and comfortable mainstream, which is only weakness following the lemming self-destruction. Individual supremacy and sovereignty, independence and integrity of inviolability is all you have for freedom maintenance and the safe access to your own and private future of illumination, education and your constant progress.

The Cry from the Damned One of my early friends on Facebook was a certain AnadĂŚ Effro, who warned me against the Facebook double standards, quoting a friend who had been bereft of his account for no good reason and couldn't get it back. How many of those lost souls are out there? I am afraid I am getting rather prosaic now. I never heard of him again, maybe he was stricken out of Facebook, maybe we shall never know. But he was a most amiable character and did nothing wrong, and his voice and words are still ringing and being distinctly heard, like a cry from a living dead whose voice echoes the more persistently for being buried alive. How many have been buried alive on Facebook, and for what reasons? - by auto-reporting, having their accounts disabled or locked away, with illegal demands of legal IDs as an extortion for returning what's theirs? Their voices will only the more insistently call for their rights of normal human decency, communication and recognized existence. Facebook consists mainly of feeting nonsense,


but those who were excommunicated from that great Vanity Fair of freedom of expression will always have something important left to say that will still be heard the more irrefutably when all the feeting nonsense of Facebook is gone.

Sinister sincerity Searching all your life for who you are is like a labyrinth without an end of vanity just leading you around in circles into never-ending constantly increasing darkness. You are nothing, just a feeting shadow having no identity unless you make up one which only will be a deceiving mask to cover up the black hole of your personality. Your thoughts are wells of bottomless abyssals, and the seriousness of their profundity is better never shared as your most arguable visions might prove true


like your most sinister and criti8cal conclusions. Just forget yourself and who you are and be at least incessantly creative like a spiritual being reduced to only concentration; and at least you won't do any harm to anyone but to yourself in your sincerity of staying out of life just to be true at least to truth.

Clandestine You are used to it by always ducking, taking cover, fnd protection, sneak away and fnd another place for starting off again. There always are safe havens, and if one is shattered, ruined, devastated, made inhabitable and destroyed, there's always exile for you offering you boundless freedom to renew your strength and reassume your normal operation.


That's the advantage of suppression, crucifxion, martyrdom and being forced to life in hiding as an underdog: in secret you will always fnd new friends and colleagues in a similar position doomed to underground activity but the more active. Under cover and anonymous you actually have greater freedom and more power and resources at your service, since without a face and name no one can touch you, no surveillance or control can reach you, and there is a sea of infnite and uncontrollable resources which you as an unknown clandestine will fnd yourself in charge of and at your disposal.


Your right to your own life Someone reported me out of Facebook. We shall never know who it was, but I can only guess…

I bet I was reported by a muslim who can't bear the freedom of a woman to her right of her own life and privacy and to her body and its beauty which is hers and never can belong to any other. She can share it, but of only her own will. If someone feels offended by the fact that he can never ever reach her but must be content with his unsatisfed desire, it is only his own problem, and no woman ever can be blamed for the dissatisfaction of a man, as they are always blamed for that and punished twistedly in Arab countries without human rights and justice. Let me be reported. I am out of it, while all you men who felt insulted by a woman's beauty for not being able to possess it are just pitiable sexist animals devoid of any sense of decency and human dignity. Beany . A lot feel this way, so I see your poem’s point. Jamsbo. I agree and you express your case brilliantly. I have been "reported out of Facebook" too. It is a frustrating thing to be found guilty of something you do not even know about. Facebook policy on these things mirrors Nazi Germany in the 1930's toward the Jewish. You never know your accuser or your misdemeanor but get removed anyway. It is appalling.

The pledge Don’t let my pride beguile you into believing that I will ever fail you. My pride is supreme, and I will never bow to anyone, but equally supreme is my love that never will abandon you or any word that ever has been given by me to you, our brotherhood


or our supreme and constant everlasting master of the power that will last forever emanating, fourishing and ever increasing from the depths of hell and from our dark lord. I am his and never will be anyone else’s, but my love is yours and given to our brotherhood to be as everlasting as the power fountain of our lord of darkness. Stormwolf. Sounds like a Freemason 
 I like poems with a dark edge, and the pic was perfect, the voice in the poem strong and resolute.

My plight Being censored out of Facebook for a nipple must endorse and underline my satanism and by oppression and injustice stress the fact and the importance and the actuality of Satan being what he is, the actual only source and master of existence as the ultimate almighty force of nature, source of life, supreme authority of darkness and the unknown and unfathomable lord


of cosmos, the commander of the universe. That’s my opinion and conviction as I am aware of his direct communication and his maintenance pervading all my being, as I would be nothing without him. That’s my confession and my testimony of my lord and master Satan as my only life, which I know to be eternal.

Bypass Who cares about all those who are in a position of responsibility but never care but just keep driving over ruthlessly all those who really care? If you are bypassed, driven over, ditched and treated as if you were nothing with injustice and intolerable ruthlessness, just let the drenching water of their sabotage run off your back and dry, and bypass in your turn. Your day will come as certain as their night and their momentum of dead reckoning when their pathetic human failures will catch up with them, while you will still be sovereign as a survivor. You are free if you are innocent, but any perpetrator of iniquity and inhumanity, of gross neglect and loads of crimes and guilt will be caught up with by their own dishonour and get crushed by their own karma, while you will be laughing at them properly with scorn and bypass, leaving them and all their vanity behind; while you with your satanic fellowship will be the victor by your own desert.

Jim. As a vehicle for venting your anger and frustration it surely works. As verse to engage a reader, I’m not at all sure. It’s a bit like fondling barbed wire, to be honest. The poetry jars and snags to no real purpose imho. Sorry if I appear negative. I read your other submission to maybe get a handle on your voice. That you can write I have no doubt. Unfortunately, it doesn’t work for me, and I am keen to tell you, so you will not think I am simply too lazy to read your work. I’ll keep reading. You may well change my mind.


Laila. Thanks for your honesty. That’s actually what I value most and chiefy aim at: to be truthful. I admit, truth and honesty is not always very poetical, but for me realism is more important. If you can dress it up in some soothingly poetical rhythmical disguise to make it softer, then the harshness of reality perhaps becomes easier to digest…

Humiliation Life consists of humiliations. When you are born you are beaten into crying, everyone is free to manhandle you throughout your childhood, as a maiden you must be violated either by rape or hardcore education, and then you are ready to be victimised by any man. There is no way out of it except by death, and your only hope and liberation in this godless world is your demolishment in darkness by the dark lord, the only ultimate authority in existence. Worship him for your ultimate release, and then you are free to start all over again.

Nemo. The poor women of this world who are treated as chattell and are constantly abused and degraded, you clearly feel for them and maintain that their only escape from misery is death wherein they have been led to believe there is the prospect of rebirth. Keith. Hardcore education, dark lord, worship him ultimate release, were all point that turned me off the poem, but you get over the angst, and I really like the smacked arse at the start. Nemo says show us some of the details, and I would agree. The sentiment is strong and your reasoning is valid, but you overblow it with the references I made at the start. If you don’t want the type of feedback just let me know. Best, Keith. mvvenkataraman: Though theoretically women have freedom
 In practical life, they are only humiliated
 Women are very easily misunderstood
 This poem, I feel, tells the whole truth

 Poetess must be greatly educated
 She must be from a great Nation
 But, she herself feels like that
 Then, she writes based on facts


We can't bluff by not accepting this
 This is the situation everywhere
 We must gradually change the trend
 And give women fullest freedom.

Intimidation They are always there, the suppressors, the subjectors, just waiting for you to assail you to bring you under domination, but you will always sneak away and fnd your own recess at bay, a secret corner of your own, where you can continue thriving, modelling your personality in an expansion going on forever. The only effect of intimidation is renewed integrity and strength, a more integral system of protection, increase of your anonymity and isolation but for long term constructivity and strategy to only always reappear in glorious resurrection simply as a course of nature. Savvi. I like the pace of this, it has a bold brash feel to it, and I think it would come across really well as a spoken piece. I would prefer to see a bit more show rather than tell, but none the less, I still enjoyed your poem. Sameen. Better to live to fght another day, eh?

Fakebook No nonsense, please. I never had a talent for addiction. Others are dependent on the fucking fakebook for their social network petty nonsense, but it is no longer any honest social network but a business corporation only raking profts from their users, using them for making money, having then no other use for them. There is no idealism left but only cynical short-sighted profteering, while a user with no business interest, but of personal expression only, has no rights – it is enough to be reported to lose everything without consideration of the person who gets killed. My account has been expropriated with the loss of 1400 notes and poems and some 20,000 pictures, locked away and hidden with no visibility to anyone to only be restored on the submission of a digital ID, which people generally get around by faking, which is easy – there are detailed technical instructions on the web, which underscores the character of Fakebook. There are other centres of Support and Help which give instructions how you may unlock your own account, but they are phoney, leading you around to nowhere, faking willingness to help in cruel cynicism; while I still get notifcations daily of what’s going on among my friends on Facebook. I will wait and patiently stand by until that day when Facebook gets more rational, abolishing the obstacle of worthless and illegal digital IDs and reforming the abominable system of reporting.


Meanwhile there are safer places for my poems, notes and photo albums. Pony. I'm sorry you've gotten tangled in facebook's web. As for poems, this is the place, keep posting, and keep hard copies. Sameen. Facebook is cancer. We all know that. Laila. Facebook makes it their business to persecute and mess with people. The original defnition of terrorism is "government by intimidation". That's Facebook. You are not only guilty until proven innocent, but guilty even if you prove your innocence.

The Curse of Political Correctness It’s a dictatorship concealed in fake democracy. In those days I observed in Facebook how it gradually appeared that no one of my friends among the most intelligent remained for long but suddenly just disappeared without a trace and with no explanation. If they ever reappeared it was under a new name and with caution – they had been expelled for nothing usually, and were afraid to show their true identity on Facebook, as if a disabling and a lock-out was a brand for life destroying their career and entire life; and those who thus were locked away and exiled always were the best ones with the freest minds, while all the dull ones, nincompoops and ordinary pettifoggers posting only nonsense of no harm and no intelligence were left alone to gossip pettily and randomly at large. Thus those who have something to say are sorted out while nothing but political correctness is allowed to fll the world with stupid boring sickly nonsense vomit. Any extremism compared with that would be preferred 34

as something fresher and more healthy than the world disease of unendurable political correctness, which if anything is leading all the world down to perdition by its ignorance, stupidity and failure to see things as they are. Ashe. I applaud your rant and I am so sorry your friends had to leave. We seem to have a very open opinion forum in our facebook group, allowing opinions to be aired freely. Well, almost freely, as some posts do disappear. I understand completely your need to freely and adamantly oppose that which you cannot accept.
 I am with you. Sameen. I agree with Ashe, you know what to say and how to say it. Bravo.

Shipwrecked comfort You really should not worry since it really does not matter. The oppressors never know what they are doing, and their sabotage and harassment of innocents serve only to unite them frmer in their love, which actually is only cultivated by this cruelty. I do not understand the senselessness of this stupidity. If someone is offended by a picture it's his own problem, while the picture can't be blamed for being dumb and dead. Illegally demanding an ID is worse as an absurdity, a web site can't rely on any digital ID since all you need is Photoshop to fake it, and even if a legal ID is submitted I have heard that Facebook won't accept it anyway. You only get disabled and locked out when someone doesn't like you, as disabling is the only way for Facebook to express dislike. It's childish and inane, of course, a grown-up Kindergarten for the furthering of immaturity, and I don't think there is a precedent for locking out a poet from a social network from her right of natural communication –


that if anything is violating basic human rights and any constitutional amendment; while the worst absurdity of all is even asking for a digital ID from any stranger living in an alien country far away. I'm sorry, but I cannot take it seriously, they can't shut down my poetry or kill it off, and no one else should worry either, since the love sustaining it will just go on being sustained. Ashe. Your rants here are so full of passion and fury. I enjoy reading them.

One way only It's not a blind alley but a pit without a bottom of an endlessness of energy and power for your education and enlightenment but of mainly trials, sufferings and torture, but the darker and the more it gives you pain, the more you will recover and expand, and no one will be able to obstruct it, nothing can debar you from your path once you get going realizing your determination never to abandon or desert your progress on the path of darkness into immortality. Sameen. One fst in the air!!! There is so much power and conviction in your poems – I love it.

Transnationalism Nationalism is no solution or escape from the established fact of globalism. The planet is an entity and as a whole confned to its own limitation – only out into the universe there are still possibilities of limitless expansion, both of intellect and spirituality. Politics is suicidal in its character and doomed – there is no future, only failure and adversity therein as no political ambitious aspirations can succeed. It's only for dissolving, wars and nuclear weapons frst, and then the economical monopolies and empires


which are only detrimental and destructive to humanity. When all that sickly mundane business has been done with, then at last there would be opportunities for peaceful intellectual expansion and philosophy, for learning, magic, metaphysics and for wisdom; and when that utopia has been reached there might at last be time and hope for humankind for some maturity. Pony. I agree, but half the world thinks nationalism trumps globalism, so to speak. In the meantime, one makes their corner of the world, even if it's only a bedroom, their utopia, because the other will be a long time coming. This is a timely poem, always will be I'm afraid. Sameen. But do remember, Plato said that in a perfect world poets wouldn't exist. Ashe. I do agree that there is no place for Nationalism in a peaceful, intelligent world. We are all of one planet, and right now we are in big trouble with that planet. It would be a good time to unite as citizens of Earth and try to save it, or we'll have no Nations to worry about. These are indeed dark moments for humanity. Thomas. Even the most political of poems (Auden's "September 1, 1939" for example) usually contains some concrete image ("I sit in one of the dives/On Fifty-Second Street"), something to make the abstract idea more vivid. I respect your passion and commend your sincerity, and urge you to consider making your poems even more vivid – perhaps with the introduction of some metaphor, image, or anecdote that illustrates the larger point.

Anonymity Anonymity is necessary as a human right if it is used for your protection, and especially if that necessity was forced on you by circumstances out of your control that you did nothing to deserve, like violence and injustice suddenly imposed on you, while you were innocent and acted in good faith. In our world and age this right has been imperative for the oppressed bereft of human rights and treated without decency by cold insensitive authorities in an automaticated world of paranoid surveillance digitalizing people just for having them controlled. That’s why the movements underground are growing like Anonymous, the Black Block, all kinds of satanism and other clandestine communities and sects that found themselves coerced into concealment only for survival and their own protection. It is more than just a human right. It’s an involuntary necessity forced on you by human cruelty.

It never is too late Forget your pains and ailments, your age has no importance whatsoever, you are young and will remain so as long as you are faithful to your love and keep on loving, even stupidly, persistently and stolidly, but for no longer, while your only charm and beauty is the honesty, sincerity and truthfulness of what you harbour in your mind and soul – your true intentions are your actual character, that you can never hide or mask to anyone – it is your birthmark of eternity, that you will always doubt and re-evaluate and maybe struggle with, but it is you and what you bring with you into eternity; and if there’s any truth at all and beauty in it, than you are all set and home in timelessness, where it can never be too late to fnally start loving.


Alison. I enjoyed the sentiments but felt it needed more punctuation as it ran on from line to line. I felt this diluted what you were saying and let the beauty of the words down a bit. For instance, the frst two lines are making a bold statement so I feel they should end with a full stop. I have a thing about the layout of a poem and how it affects the message but it’s just a personal thing and others may disagree. The last line is meaningful and aptly sums up what comes before. Sameen. I hope what you say in this poem is true. I really do.

My worthlessness I don’t care about my status and position, my identity or anything about my person, but my right of honesty to follow my own path and use my rightful boundless access of communication for the furthering of life and others, notably my friends and notably by education. I don’t even care about my name, a common easy one, there are a number of that name in Scandinavia, signifying nothing, Roth not necessarily implying jewish origin, and actually revealing nothing more than something of a girl. I write my poems to express myself, communicate my thoughts, committing my ideas to paper for their conservation, if by chance they could serve others; and if that would be the case, then am I happy and content, for then my life was not completely wasted, and I might have managed to produce, at best, some dreams of lasting value that do not necessitate their loss or any obligation to wake up from them. Ken. The writer is worthy of the worthy writings that are worthy of reading, for that is plain seen and read by the worth of the reader, such as I. Sameen. I love the way you write so direct and no nonsense. Bless you.

The real reality Politics is a game of vanity that normally backfres and kills the opportunist ruining his life and character, and all that will remain of him is a pathetic hollow mask concealing painfully the scornful grin of the eternal ridicule of death. The real reality is not the mundane world with all its feeting vanity of mirages but all that happens and goes on beyond it and behind it in its spiritual life and actions. If you can keep watch of that you are in present time and can keep track of what is really happening which never is what it appears to seem. Jamsbo. Such wise words. Spiritual grounding cannot be tricked or manipulated. It is a beacon that draws in only one direction. Maija. Mm yes! My favourite line is "if you can keep watch of that you are in present time" for me the words arrive as both a reminder and a promise simultaneously. Sameen. The eternal ridicule of death, that's a nice phrase.

 And this is a nice poem. I enjoyed it.

The medium Do not mourn for me when I am dead since I remain more close to you than ever and not only me, but all you ever knew and thought you lost but actually regained but only in a different form transcended into just another higher and more spiritual dimension, 38

actually more purifed and concentrated, even more effcient in existence and our lives than in intolerable restriction of the mortal fesh in passing vanity in the nonentity of mundaneness. Our death is actually our liberation, we are free now from the ignorance of human shortsighted abuse by sheer stupidity, the human incapacity of even living up to elementary responsibility and decency, the unforgivability of crimes of brutal ignorance committed actually on purpose – politicians always knew they acted wrong or they would not have done it or at least regretted it before it was too late. We can look down with some detachment on the mishandling of human business and its destiny only from the other side of death and our graves, as death is nothing but the defnite purifcation, liberation and sanitization from the error of committing oneself to mortality.

The case against Donald Trump This cost me a tremendous January depression – I have been very ill and almost died on January 12th, I actually thought I would, but somehow I survived‌ for the time being.

The case is simple and self-evident. He worked with Putin to get Wikileaks to spread unfavourable information about the lady Clinton and her efforts in the crises of not only Libya and other foreign affairs, discrediting her at any cost by any means, and Putin was most enthusiastic to help Trump betray his country, steal the presidency and enthrone vulgarity. That's only a small portion of the case. The worst part is his outrageous betrayal of the world in scrapping the American responsibility as leader of the world to focus on American and nationally egoistic interests,


abandoning the global conscience, welfare and responsibility, ignoring and denying crises of the climate and environment, exacerbating global warming by supporting fossil fuels and selling out national parks for exploitation and material greed. Things will get only worse as long as he remains in offce as a global traitor and the number one of world security risks, because of his stupidity, blind idiocy, disastrous egoism, incompetent diplomacy and monumentally pathetic character. Ashe. You have done a very good job of covering it all. I have been extremely depressed since the election. The marches the last two days have been the frsts time I have felt that there might be some hope. So many all over the world are resisting. But, how can we continue? I feel all you said is true and I feel it deeply.
 I am presently unemployed as I worked as a researcher for climate change. Our money has been cut and our research has been hidden. Even our names are being kept secret. This feels very dangerous. These are the worst of times.

Anonymity Anonymity is necessary as a human right if it is used for your protection, and especially if that necessity was forced on you by circumstances out of your control that you did nothing to deserve, like violence and injustice suddenly imposed on you, while you were innocent and acted in good faith. In our world and age this right has been imperative for the oppressed bereft of human rights and treated without decency by cold insensitive authorities in an automaticated world of paranoid surveillance digitalizing people just for having them controlled. That’s why the movements underground are growing like Anonymous, the Black Block, all kinds of satanism and other clandestine communities and sects that found themselves coerced into concealment only for survival and their own protection. It is more than just a human right. It’s an involuntary necessity forced on you by human cruelty.

The world at peril No one is more dangerous than he who has no empathy. A hard and callous business man who makes it his career to make his way regardless and insensitive of others, driving over anyone who does not ft his business, messing up the world as he becomes a president, is worse than any criminal, who can at least be put in prison. Those who suffer from too much of empathy and sensitivity are usually regarded with suspicion, people fearing them much more than criminals and psychopaths because of their acute perception, seeing people’s souls and through them; and they suffer for it, often being made the targets of reporting, persecution, prosecution, witch-hunts and what not. Thus are the callous psychopaths enthroned in glorious careers while those who know the world and feel the spiritual reality are alienated from society and exiled underground in darkness. Maija. A wonderful summary of the perilous situation.


Satanism and theology Satanism is theology. It’s not reversed theology but true theology, discerning facts of metaphysics and the spiritual reality consisting only and entirely of the eternal stuff contained in your own soul, controlling by its essence the entire universe by thought alone and spiritual creativity. Destruction is a powerless futility, while universal power is entirely of spirituality. The gods have failed and lost all credibility, especially of the monotheist establishment, while pagan gods are part of pantheism, the spiritual sieve and structure held together by the truth, that never can be hidden, although it must constantly survive by hiding. That is satanism, derived originally from the sanskrit word of truth. It’s very simple. Stick to it, and you will never in eternity get lost.

No apology If society denounces you and shuts you out from justice driving over basic human rights by ignorance and negligence and philistine conceit, so that you fnd yourself beyond the law with nothing to protect you and with no defence, is it a wonder then that you look up humiliated people like yourself and join them in their righteous discontent in lawlessness and underground sectarianism to fnd a brotherhood of more trustworthy permanence than a society that by injustice let you down? That's how I found and joined the dark ones in the unsurveyable immeasurable undefnable and enigmatic mysticism of satanism which already had such a bad and branded reputation that no satanists had anything to lose since it could not get any worse.

The inevitability of hell It is revolting, all that flthiness of self-indulgent crimes and orgies in the dark, the attractiveness of lust and evil and the violence of extremism with brutal outbursts emanating in the hopeless snake pit of the world, and there is nothing wrong with that natural order. Darkness is inevitable as the reason and the origin of light, and you will need it now and then for some purifcation, discipline and education of your soul’s sustainability, just as there is no better and more basic cause of life than death. You need it for the shadow of the sun which burns you out, exhausts you and consumes you by demanding constant unrest, work and diligence. Thus death becomes the most important medicine and therapy of life, and hell is actually no less than a resort and rehabilitation.


Your salvation You can’t deny the darkness of existence. It is there to seek you out and fnd you anywhere; and in your soul there is a black hole of eternity that will engulf you ultimately into the unknown; and that’s how you will vanish into nothing to become less than an unknown zero cypher, while perhaps that is how you will fnd yourself. Not even Satan will be any comfort to you over there, no matter how all-powerful you found him here in the disease of mortal mundane business of politics, greed, insanity and violence and all that dominates our world to its continuous eternal condemnation, while your only true salvation is the nothingness of darkness in the utterly unknown.

The hopeless case of man You can not get away with it. That is the frst rule for the criminal, which he should be aware of from the start. Whatever you do underground will be discovered, anonymity can never mask the fact


that someone is behind it and responsible; and if you are not punished for your wickedness by law or mundane justice, karma certainly will overtake you. Crimes are nonetheless committed every day and everywhere, especially politically and against humanity, but worst of all is man’s criminal record against nature and against himself, as he himself is his worst enemy. That complication is his worst dilemma, an impossible equation to resolve, and very worst of all is that he in his innate sinfulness can never stop indulging in his own self-destructivity.

Comfort to a friend (for the loss of his best friend) You haven’t lost him. He is still with you and will remain with you forever. All the merry times you had together, all your common laughter and your interests will continue in expanding your enlightenment for the enrichment and good infuence on all around you and for good. You were each other’s equals in understanding insight of the world as you could be its proper leaders, unlike those who now usurp its leadership by destructive imposition and corruption, while those happy few who really know what’s right do never get the chance to have their voices heard. Together you were intellectually invincible, and that invincibility of understanding, empathy and insight will continue only the more powerfully for his absence to be one of the few lights of this dark world of ignorance.

Transcending death Of course, you don’t want to let go unless you have to, but occasionally it is very healthy to just leave it all, let go of everything and take a thorough time out even from your life, if nothing else to just enjoy the interesting experiment of fnding out what will survive of you. Some say the personality is dead the moment you desert your body leaving it to dust, while others say death will imply no change at all. It’s up to you. Your choice is free. To me, death seems like something of a trip To the unknown, perhaps and probably without return, but it will always lead you somewhere. It is certainly worth doing now and then especially if you are certain that you will return.

Spiritual partners You can not do without them, since they are a defnite necessity once you have come to know them, not just by digging up the dead but rather calling them by their immortal spirits,


which is the best way to keep them going and alive; and there are several I know with more profound relationships with spirits, spiritual beings, dead or alive than with living people, who inevitably have their weaknesses, shortcomings, foibles and are always lacking in ideals by hard experience and frustration generally, wounded, marked for life by scars and often ruined by their mundane lives, while there never was a spirit pure which was not free, and that freedom, only, is more worth than all the world. We need it desperately for a compensation of material limits and can never have enough of it, while not until we die we will be able to enjoy our own spirituality in full, while until then at least the access always will remain to the eternal spiritual fellowship.

The Facebook cancer When Emily Brontë agreed with her sisters to an effort to have their novels published, she submitted on the condition that only her pseudonym would be used. When later on, Charlotte insisted on their going to London to have a serious talk with their publisher, which would mean the relinquishment of their incognito, Emily refused to comply. Charlotte and Anne had to go to London on their own, and as their real names became known they were celebrated. Their novels would become famous, but Emily absconded fame and publicity by dying, followed by her sister Anne. Facebook has locked me out on the pretense of the nudity of a Baphomet and will only unlock my account if I submit a legal photo ID. That is what they say. I will never submit a legal photo ID. My photo will never appear on internet as an identifcation of me. I will never be part of the control society. If Facebook insists on this controlling behaviour, which is their cancer disease, ruthlessly and arbitrarily blocking, disabling, locking and interfering with people’s postings and accounts even by auto reporting, thus avoiding common sense and human judgement, applying censorship and dictatorship against human rights of expression and the frst amendment of American constitutional law, although Facebook has insisted on respecting every user individually, then Facebook has to face the fact that they are locking out poets.

Love hurts As I lay dying I could only think of love, how much it hurt, how much it was alive for hurting – love must always hurt, or it is not love. The more it hurts, the more it’s genuine, honest and sincere, and the longer it will live to even outlive and survive yourself, since true love is a pain eternal. Therefore, never be afraid of love. The more it hurts and tortures you, the more you’ll be alive continually if not eternally. Sectarianism Generally speaking, all sects are condemnable, especially so the more powerful they are, – the more infuential, the more wicked and destructive for their power, which corrupts: it is an axiom, almost like a natural law: all power is corruption.


Islam is the most totalitarian sect and therefore most condemnable of all, their only interest being extirpating other sects, especially christianity, which hardly any longer can be regarded as nefarious, being rather innocent today, their days of wickedness and inquisition persecution being over. Sectarianism is like an illness in itself, a sort of self-destructive cancer living, thriving and expanding only by its self-destructive drive to spread its illness of fanaticism as universally as possible. It claims to be in charge and being in control of the dark powers of inhuman ruthlessness, but any train that keeps accelerating constantly must ultimately unavoidably derail and only leave a holocaust behind of wrecks and ruins. You cannot ride the whirlwind as it must take charge of you. So stay out clear of politics, as any underground activity is better than to struggle with intrigue and power – leave mundanity to its own permanence of self-destruction, while your only valid infuence of consequence can be entirely spiritual. Ken. There are those of this and that Who have minicule, minority dictate Control expiate, divide, set one against the others Spread fears all around and across, the great divide When 99.9%, prefer to live side by side. Gezz. Call me a liar, a traitor, a sinner. A bigot, a bastard, a beginner. Yes sectarianism is a vile concept akin to racial bigotry. Humans in general are racist, it’s just the way we’re programmed. Politics and religion have never solved anything.

Invocation All your best friends are among the dead. There’s no betrayal, foul play or iniquity, no sexual harassment and no unfaithfulness among the spiritual survivors in the land of purity beyond the grave, who are the more alive for staying there in touch with you continuously in love that has transcended every weakness of mortality. They are the only pure of heart, the living dead that only can be felt and make themselves reminded by the spiritual touch of the sincerity of everlasting love. This might sound bitter, but it’s only facts of life and of reality, that will not offer more at length than broken hearts of losses, disappointments and delusions. Eira. I like the added picture to enhance your writing. I feel ‘This might seem bitter’ is unnecessary in that line as the reader can sense the bitterness.


Your defeat is your victory If all you give is love and for in return get only humiliation, thanklessness, annihilation and intended murder, you can not give him a second chance, you can’t return to your humiliation, but you must leave everything behind for your own sake and for your self-respect. The perpetrator, in insulting and destroying you, has only caused himself unending harm, his self-inficted wound will go on bleeding with a pain and stain he never can get rid of, while you will survive by only leaving him. My marriage ended thus in total shipwreck, but he only wrecked himself, a sorry miserable ruin, while I still go on and never even pitied him. It’s not lack of compassion or inhuman heartlessness, it’s common sense and only natural. If someone ruins everything you had together and destroys you, he has only killed himself, and there is nothing you can do to help him.

”Poet Bay” ”She should re create her Poet Bay, I like the name and she had some beautiful art.” It’s no use. They would only sort me out again. The only possibility to get through would be to apply multiple accounts, each one different. Any means would be allowed to dodge the systematized arbitrary intolerance of the Facebook Team, which now is as smoothly organized


as the holocaust system of Nazi Germany, eliminating all but boring political correctness, in accordance with the new Trump-Putin era, where racism, greed, ruthless capitalism, obligatory ignorance and cultural intolerance now is the established agenda. I used to think better of Mark Zuckerberg.

Intentions Let me not disturb you for being what I am, for I am nothing but a humble lover and supporter, wishing only to sustain and further all the people I fnd worthy of encouragement and all creative artists, above all, all forms of creativity.


I’ll never interfere with your activities, your work and everything you do, but let my presence be instead a constant inspiration if I may. So did I likewise enter and engage in satanism, although I was completely secular or maybe for that very reason for its opposition against all blind faith and superstition, veiling myself darkly in the black cloak of protection and humility and hiding my identity and personality behind the mask of anonymity to never interfere but only be supportive and constructive of the constant recreation of humanity and history and destiny universally discreetly in humility.

Knocked about – a kind of manifesto I never had any objection against being knocked about, since every blow was something of a lesson, and I always did enjoy my education. I actually preferred continuing ever as a pupil sitting by the desk like an eternal student to my natural professionalism as a teacher. However, there was urgent need of education everywhere, as that has always been the dominating problem of humanity: stupidity and ignorance and lack of knowledge, which you must achieve by insight above all. The deepest insight is philosophy, the highest school of all, the university of which is being most effcient as the school of hard knocks. What is then my own philosophy? I always could identify with stoicism and the elevated standard and serenity of Marc Aurelius, while no religion ever could teach me anything, until I found the mystery phenomenon of satanism as inexhaustible for occult exploration, personal development and universal insight.


It was basically Aleister Crowley and his quests that fascinated me, and later on the strange experiments of the debatable but learned Anton Long, whose path into an abyss of unlimited awareness I made into my own, aware indeed that there was no return. Nevertheless, life went on knocking me about, and as I was knocked out of Facebook I saw that as just another lesson. I will not return unless I get my old account back, which I used for mainly sharing my own education. I was probably reported out by someone who had problems with relationships and women, like all muslims have, so it was not my fault that I am still attractive at my age provoking the temptation to knock me about. My natural protection of long hair and anonymity has evidently only served to worsen my vulnerability, a persecuted target of unreasonable irritation, so I will just continue being as I am, provocative, by staying out of reach by my detachment of philosophy against all efforts of society and men to try to put me down by any effort to control me.

The darkness of your mind The darkness of your mind is no concern of mine, for me you are most welcome to join any pit of mine and any abyss of unending anguish as the law and consequence of love when it is real and true and without end, the only actual immortality; and no love will survive consistently except the one you voluntarily will suffer for eternally. That is the deepest darkness that will keep up any mind and heart to suffer willingly at any length, the torture of the soul that always will sustain and keep you going loving at your own effacement and annihilation and forever growing as it keeps destroying you in its own glorious self-destruction of expansion.

Satanic seduction Anyone could fall for anything, while actually most people fall for nothing, like the humdrum brainwash of the mundane present and whatever you are programmed into as a child, like any prejudice and superstition of conventional conformity, like the exasperating boring nuisance of political correctness. Satanism is something else, an irresistible black hole of sensual attraction and the luridness of sex as dominating feature of the life-inspiring force of love that must appeal to any human being universally. All other world religions have got stuck in formalism, the prison of restrictions, dogmas, rules and inhibitions, while in satanism you’ll fnd no limits to your freedom. Actually, it’s no seduction but an invitation to enjoy the perfect freedom of yourself and what you are.


Facebook paranoia You are locked out, disabled, blocked and sorted out as if you never had existed, for some unintended and unknown so called offence, like some suggestive picture making someone feel offended without reason, totally irrationally and for nothing. It is actually a symptom of society. It is its bureaucratic nature to attack and persecute its already exposed and vulnerable victims, innocent and harmless small fry making petty faults, like no one ever can avoid committing minor blunders and mistakes; while capital established crooks and corrupt villains are allowed to get away with any astronomic swindle, like the Bushes, Trump and any billionaire and politician. It's the world of 1984, of Kafka, digitalization, chips, computer games replacing humanism and realism and Facebook as a moral standard leader of the world making it impossible for any victim to injustice to appeal or ever more get out of the infernal web and trap of digital computerized bureaucracy and inhumanity, disposing of all suspects sticking to anonymous concealment, paying no consideration to the fact that it is the most vulnerable, persecuted, victimized and hounded by society that are dependent on anonymous concealment for protection, just in order to be able to get through and to be heard at all. Laila. Others who were locked out, disabled and blocked in various ways were given the possibility to rejoin by the recognition of suggested photos of friends. This possibility was never given me, so I wasn’t even given a chance to get my account back, which was not fair.


The power of darkness And would I not love when I am loved and love get in return? Would I not then be loyal to my love and stick to it fanatically and consistently when he has not deserted me? It is not love if you are not prepared to suffer for it and to sacrifce. It is not love if you do not get hurt, if you are spared and never wounded by its massacres and spearheads through your body, if its sword does never pierce your heart in merciless excruciating agony and suffering. It is not love if you do not get persecuted for it, tortured and harassed by envy and reported for your qualities, informed against for your attraction and discarded. I was hunted down and exiled by this world of baseness and misunderstanding, brought down by iniquity, the meanness of injustice and the lowness of vulgarity, hypocrisy and falsity; so would I not prefer the opposite dark forces then, denounce the ruling powers of this mundane world and give myself entirely with all my trust to darkness and the power of the dark lord? If there ever was something I never did regret it was the honesty of my commitment in accepting trustfully his power over me and life and everything as the dark force of fate maintaining, ruling and commanding all the universe and all its life by spiritual power only. Dark reality To be or not to be – there is no option. Even if you aren't, you have to be, and death is no escape from life but only entering the nightmare of reality in its most naked form of purest spirituality, all vanity peeled off, all masks and lies dismissed, and only you are there alone with hardcore truth. I always yearned and sought for that condition stripped of everything that didn't matter, and I regularly used odd means to reach it, such as hallucinogenic drugs and LSD, and that was maybe my mistake, since it became a questionable habit. Nevertheless, I never could regret it, since in spite of all unwished for side-effects it always brought me closer to the elementaries, the truth of my grand master the dark lord, the ruler of the universe and darkness and the only teacher who will never give up educating you, if only you would let him, learn from him and never be discouraged or appalled by any aspect of the truth of the reality of darkness. Ashe. It seems you are searching for a form of spirituality, or like you say in your own words, " the truth of the reality of darkness." Lots of questions to think about.


You never learn There is no chance of feeling good about it. How can you trust anyone when even your own family betrays you? – When you are deceived forever and again whenever you have shared your trust and only fnd that it was wasted and abused with your sincerest love on only human failures lacking character and honesty and decency and only good for using you to their own ends? And yet you start again from the beginning building up your enterprises and relationships anew and trusting that this time they would be left in peace, until the shattering disaster of a sabotage leaves you in shambles, shipwrecked and dishonoured once again. You might as well accept your constant state of ruin then as your home stay of permanence and stick to that position as your only safe one in the gutter of your only true reliable stability. Ken. This work I can identify with.

Self-limitation Most people reach a point in life sooner or later when they cease to grow, expand, develop, fnding their own limitation and resigning to it as a solemn fact. It isn't. When you stop you start to die, resigning is suicidal although you are not aware of it, and then the only hope for your salvation is to die for real. How can you remedy this mortal unavoidable dilemma? Workaholics never face it, since they work until they die, and that's a clue to how to cope with it: to never tire in continuously making an effort, even forcing yourself to it when it's necessary, always going on to look around next corner and to never stoop to deal with what inevitably always tries to drag you down and slow you down in pettiness. You were born free, that freedom is your main inheritance, and it's your duty as a living being to maintain it, cultivate and expand it to eternity. Maija. Love this. Especially the end. Workaholism I think it not always protection from limitation though, it can be a distraction from growth. Kinda depends on the spirit in which one works. But of course, you know that. Louise. Life gives, What you can take. Life takes, And so we give. All in one day. Beautiful words. Loved it.

Permanent exile The more unusual someone is for talent and endowment, the more carefully that orchid should be taken care of and protected, like a vulnerable poet, obvious geniuses of music like Chopin and Mozart, who are usually more vulnerable the more talented they are; but our age and world were not for geniuses of rarity


but for vulgarity, rough capitalism of inhumanity, the rule of masses by a cold and hard control society admitting no exceptions and excluding individuality that keeps insisting on supreme integrity and independence.


Thus was I locked out of Facebook evidently now with permanence since I refuse to upload my ID, protesting that a social network has no legal right to it, especially since I live in a very different country from the Facebook land of digital and personal control. You cannot argue with computers, as they cannot think, my argument has all the way been logical and rational, while Facebook has provided nothing for an argument except impersonal and automatic robot formulas, directing you to a Help center proving only fake. Is that how Facebook works: allowing you to build up an extensive page with thousands of your poems, friends and pictures to just lock it up and hijack it from you while all you wanted was to dedicate yourself creatively to truth and beauty? I accept my banishment from such a system safeguarding my freedom and integrity, protecting it from the absurdity of any greed control society, my hidden anonymity and unidentifed obscurity providing my sole chance for personal survival and prevailing liberty. Laila. This is how Facebook treats a lady of a mature age. The pictures I have been reported for during the years were consistently posted only for their beauty without any sexual meanings or intentions. I will not start another account on Facebook since I always only had one, and if that is not acceptable on Facebook none other will be either. Facebook has chosen to kill a Facebook poet, only Facebook locked my account, and only Facebook can return to me what I created.

Spiritual amputation It's nothing you will ever do yourself. No operation can be more involuntary. Others certainly will do it with no mercy ruthlessly and without anaesthetic, and no physical infiction can do greater harm and hurt you deeper with more lasting scars for life. It may be just an accident bereaving you of your beloved, some political disorder cutting off your roots, exiling you for life, the importuning of authorities and some bureaucracy that turns you out of home in violation of your human rights or maybe just a treason by your closest friend.


No wound is harder to survive, more diffcult to treat and more impossible to dress. You'll simply bleed to death forever. Helen. Yes, those hurts cut deep. And they last forever.
 True poem. Ivan. I must agree. To be forced out of one’s country hurts deep. I know this, being forced to fee with my parents at the age of 8 from a dictatorship, I was robbed of my fate. Strong poem. Lawrence. You are a total waste of time.


Demonization It’s actually a superstition and a prejudice above all: you ban what you don’t understand and shut out what you can’t confront by labelling it anathema and make communication and all dialogue impossible. It happened to all bold initiatives of progress and development in history, like christianity in the beginning, the free thinkers and frst scientists and in our own age protest movements such as neo-nazism, satanism and even fower power of the hippies ffty years ago. The more the philosophical initiatives and movements are suppressed and persecuted, the more strength they naturally will acquire, and the stronger they will overcome. We see today national socialism resurging with the immigration crisis and the extremism of islam, with the holohoax exposed and secularism proving insuffcient, making way for the inevitable truth of anarchism and satanism of total darkness, which you simply have to face with no excuse for the demonization of any aspect of the truth, – just saying and observing.

Wholesome irresistibility Sensualism is the most unavoidable inevitable part of life, as you can’t live unless you love, your output being your account book, which should but consist of credits. I am not ashamed of how I always went too far in love, experimenting wildly, 56

never tiring of committing myself utterly to whomever I found worthy of my love; and I confess that I made terrible mistakes, but they proved the best lessons of my life. I cannot hide my love or in any way neglect it, and as I now love someone so much younger than myself I know I am to some precarious disadvantage, but I take the risk unfinchingly not only for the sake of your blue eyes of such expressive sensitivity and beauty or your splendid hair of such impressive quality and length, but most of all for your spirituality which I can share and trust as something almost like a mirror of my own.

How soul mates work You get mixed up in relationships, you marry, you get into bondage, which develops into slavery and sado-masochism, you are trapped and can’t get out, and then you are deceived, betrayed and ditched. So many marriages end up pathetically in divorces, so that more are happily divorced than married; but there are alternatives. Most people have a spiritual partner somewhere, waiting for them, waiting to be recognized, acknowledged, realized and reunited, since there never was a soul who didn’t have a soulmate in the past. The miracle of how they fnd each other, how it works and how they telepathically always know and recognize each other is a private thing as individual and different as they themselves, since no two people are alike; but there is love between them that transcends relationships, mortality, biology and science, as it always grows, develops and expands. The gender is no problem and no matter any more, but you will always be together in your thoughts as spiritual partners once and for all united in a mutual trust excluding any possibility of infdelity, mortality and doubt. You’ll always be more sure and faithful in each other than you can be individually personally of yourselves. Helen. Ah, if only for the right mate each time. Yes, that would be wonderful. And you would know peace and happiness. Well said. Louise. Nice work. Twin souls should always be reunited. All though it not always works out that way. We keep hoping and believing. If not in this life then in the next.

Persistence As the tears fow on from irretrievable losses and the hardship of incurable weird illnesses that only cause unending sufferings for nothing, there is some light of healing on the way as something always is bound to turn up alleviating pain and prompting your survival, there is nothing like the human touch of the sincerity of friendship as it turns up in the hour of need when all your hope was gone and you had given up against the odds of the deplorability of human limitation, as if death was something to accept and reckon with, which it can never be, as long as you subsist obnoxiously in obstinate persistence


never to give up what's your most basic human right to be just what you are and stay that way whatever happens and whatever tries to bring you down. Christian. Others are having their accounts disabled even though they produce their legal IDs. She at least was always constructive and persists in denying the right of Facebook to demand legal IDs at all. Laila. Facebook is not a sovereign state, but it has to abide by international law and human rights.

The sacred nature of beauty Whatever form it takes, you always recognize its nature by its character of positive inspiring attraction, whether in the balance of esthetic architecture, by the life a work of art is given by its artist or the natural sometimes provoking nature of its charm; but no one can deny it, least of all if it is found offensive, which is the mistake that human weakness often is reacted to by the simplicity of nudity. The risk of beauty is that it can be too beautiful for her own good, resulting all too frequently in rape and violation; 58

but the victim never can be blamed for it, the perpetrator losing his control by rude over-reaction is the only criminal, whose harm can never be undone. The ultimate defence of beauty is the fact of her own beauty, and true beauty is of some eternity that never can be violated; and that is the origin of all the myths of the eternal virgin.

Accountability How are we to cope with anger when it's justifed but can't reach out by means available, in order to achieve some vital end results? The urgency is there, the situation getting worse as long as nothing happens or is done about it, like the intolerable presence of dictators, bullies and incompetent buffoons and freaks usurping seats of power, while the world would be a better place if someone shot them. The insuffciency, incompetence and fallacy of democratic order in the necessary dealings with abuse of politics and power is repetitively painfully proved over and again as each dictator is allowed to live too long, increasing damages and worsening the situation day by day until it fnally is almost too late to ward off a permanent disaster. Is it wrong, then, if there is no other way and no alternative, to turn to devious means and methods, like black magic, calling forth demonic elements and powers as a last resort in dire straits of hopelessness to the extreme? I would endorse such measures when there is no other way and actually protectively defend them by the fact that it is only hypothetical and spiritual and intellectual, so that if there really would be some results, there's nothing that can prove that you had any hand in the responsibility – except your conscience.


Shadows You always have them, and they are always more than one, your shadows being not just you alone but everyone you knew and loved, that always will keep following you with all their memories and yours of good and tragic, sad and lovely, vivid just the more for being dead; for all those shadows of the past tend to survive the more persistently and hauntingly for being buried and suppressed. Your failures and defeats, injustices and wrongs, frustrations, disappointments, bankruptcies and ruins are all there as derelict dark palaces decayed and the more hauntingly alive for the implacability that you can never kill a ghost.

Permanent exile No news to me. I was born that way, an alien in an alien world, where nothing seems to have been made for me but rather to exclude me from all possibilities, obliging me to fnd alternatives of clandestine, occult and underground societies not only outside law but outside everything in a community of anonymity and shadows with the one advantage, though, that you could from the outside see the mundane hopeless world of vanity with clarity and keep a healthy mind and body unafficted by the mental illness which is all society, corrupted by materialism, fanaticism and stress


unto the unawareness of the global euthanasia of media brainwash, poisoned junk food, slavery and serfdom by the economic thralldom of the blind surveillance state of inhumanity, insensitivity and denaturalisation. Of course, whatever would be better to all this as an alternative, and actually an exile of some permanence would be a privilege.

Mike. Well it’s an interesting write, had to read it a couple of times. Is this you, or just a bad day? I found it a little overwritten, but then what do I know. I should add that I liked it. Laila. It is me on a bad day, so it’s both. We all have our better days, and our worst ones. I take them as they are. Hoodedpoet. It’s well written and has an interesting message that a lot of people would relate to. I think that purely as a poem, it doesn’t work completely because some of the concepts are too wordy to have that brevity and snap needed for free verse. That’s just my opinion. It was still well worth reading though.

”Give me liberty, or give me death.” I have been dying all my life. I was never suicidal, but still I always lived for death as a constant follower and my protective angel, dark and terrible but never evil, only real as nothing else. That is always something of a reassuring option, and the right to suicide can never be denied, as no one owns your life but you. It is your duty and your destiny to make the best of it, and if mortal mundane powers thwart you to the point that you no longer are allowed to live your life, there’s always that way out to liberty and to another better life. Stormwolf. Agree entirely. A controversial subject but treated with honesty and boldness. Pronto. You make a fair point, yet it is against the law to commit or attempt suicide. How daft is that? Take religion out of the equation and self destruction makes perfect sense in a lot of circumstances. Hoodedpoet. Interesting point; but the poem speaks of going to “another, better life.” Which makes no sense if you remove some kind of belief in an afterlife. A well-written poem, giving one point of view of a complex subject.


A sense of sensibility There are people with some common sense, and there are those who haven’t got it. Humankind could be divided into these categories, while general opinion differs as to how they are divided, 50-50 or much worse, if common sense is actually a scarcity. It is the same with all religions, where it’s common that those without common sense regard themselves as with and sensible exceptions as without. In satanism it is the same, there are those with and those without, while satanists are best defended by the fact that most religious people are without, or so they claim, necessitating an alternative. Of course, survival is dependent on some active common sense, and that is why even the worst religions can survive, while it is wrong to judge religions, sects and satanism by those who represent them without common sense.


Digital bureaucracy


Bureaucracy is a machinery invented by autocracy to handle individuality in order to destroy it and make it appear as if it never had existed. No one is accountable for bureaucratic casualties since these have simply disappeared without a trace in paperwork, lost in postponement, fallen between chairs, forgotten, sorted out and gone to waste and shredding. Digital bureaucracy is even worse. You have no terminal to turn to, no right of appeal, no means for a complaint, no questions are allowed except those already spelled out, and there will never be an answer, since your queries never reach a destination, or if they do you never get to learn about it. That’s how I was sorted out of facebook, that’s how any digital establishment is working; so if there’s no justice in authorities of government, there’s even less when you get lost in digital bureaucracy.



You are betrayed, and you are left with a disaster on your hands, which you must deal with, although you are innocent, while the responsibility is that of others, which they aren’t aware of and neglect in stupid ignorance, as they just do not care. You are embittered by your disappointment and frustration and would fain just leave the world and leave it to its doom in splendid isolation of your innocent immunity, while you have lost all faith in mankind, as you never could trust anyone without betrayal. Is the case of man then lost and hopeless? Realism would indicate no other possibility, and yet there’s always somewhere some idealism. There’s always something left for you to do, there’s always dreams remaining to be dreamt, and there is always work to do, creation always going on; and there will also somewhere still be someone left to love. No matter how much you are ditched, let down, betrayed and disappointed, someone always will continue having faith in you, and that should be enough for you to also still have left some faith in man.

The darker, the sharper As you travel waywardly, unwillingly along the Via Dolorosa down the drain of life and meet with all kinds of adversities, while only death evades you with its grim ironic grin forever mocking life in frozen glee, you will eventually fall down and fnd it diffcult to rise again, while cruel humanity just doesn’t care and pass you by if they don’t scorn you,


you will fnd another way to lead you on but downwards further down the drain, where you will fnd a dark alternative reality of so called hell, a sinister reality of more sincerity that dares to see things through and face the truth and speak it out and stand for it; and you will fnd that sort of more explicit and direct reality more practical and real than mundane ignorance of lies, hypocrisy, delusions and illusions of the fake society that only lives by escapism.

Surviving your death It’s only diffcult the frst time. Once you get used to it, it’s easier every time, as it becomes self-evident as something of an option of some permanence and a routine of thinking. The frst time, though, it is terrible indeed and shocking, more to those who know you than to you yourself, as it is natural to you and you will realize and understand too soon that death is only just another portal to be opened, and the most important one, to the eternity of truth. There are innumerable cases who have staged their death just to get on and get away from mortal troubles like your own mortality, and although most of them have disappeared, they did most of them fnd another better life just to be able to go on with the advancement of their life. So death is really just a reason and excuse, justifcation and a way for life.


The terrible case of Laila Roth My own documentary.

She never showed her face, insisting on her anonymity and privacy to better cultivate her concentration on her thoughts on writing and communication and collecting art to share just for the sake of taste and beauty. This was taken as a provocation and misunderstood completely, so she was repeatedly reported, blocked, had her account disabled and suspended and was fnally locked out; and all her protests against violation of her freedom of expression, thought and privacy was met by the intolerance of mortal silence. Finally she was admitted back if only she submitted an ID and legal evidence of her existence, as if her output of six years of art and poetry was not enough. Her argument for not complying 67

is that facebook has no right to claim her identifcation since she never made a legal business of her art and poetry, made no transactions and used only her right of communication and of privacy, which Facebook violates most blatantly. That is the awesome challenge of a single woman against the suppressiveness, autocracy, intolerance and almost persecution of a private user only because she is what she is. Keith. its easy to fall foul of the cyber police, I sympathize with such predicaments.

Without roots When you are born you are supposed to be well planted in good ground for growth and germinativeness, but if you are exiled or evacuated and your roots are brutally chopped off you fnd yourself a fying leaf with no refuge but heaven, and you have to deal yourself with homelessness and no one to be able to rely on or confde in, and you dare not risk your trust again once you have been betrayed, since once is once too much. The risk is you have no one else to turn to but bad company, adventurers and risky extremists who might though be in a position similar to yours, and a community of outcasts is to be preferred to a society which has betrayed you. Even internet can let you down by hacking, blocking and disabling or deleting your account for your ability of straight communication, but from there there is for an alternative a dark web. What I mean to say is that there’s always one way out to further progress and expansion, even if you are cut down by even your most close and next of kin, and if they cut you down and rob you of your roots you’ll always have not only roots in heaven left but also more direct and strong ones into hell. You are a fool to let yourself be fooled around You can not steer your dreams or make them end up as you want to, but they follow their own random course and drag you as a victim hopelessly along. It's with reality exactly the same way, it being harsher though and more deceptive


as it fools you to believe that it is real, beguiling you to take it seriously and as a consequence infict much deeper pains. It's just a roller-coaster dream like any dream capriciously manhandling you around in random waywardness with no awareness of its own outrageous cruelty. You have to duck, stay humble and invisible in order to avoid the worst; but still you'll be a victim whether you like it or not; and only if you're lucky you'll at least save something out of all your shipwrecks in the form of knowledge and experience.

The silent voice It speaks no words but is the more expressive, that voice from within that never can be silenced for its obstinate persistence in insisting on the truth however inconvenient and unpleasant. I am not that voice but only its interpreter in searching out the universal meaning of what’s going on behind the scenes of this deceptive world of failures and delusions where the truth is anywhere except in its reality; and what is really going on is always underground perceptible to only those who listen with their souls to the eternal voice of silence. Gerry. I read this a few times to make sure I got it right – very clever writing and too true…


Your integrity – never fail yourself

You are not obliged to tolerate restrictions. No one has a right to denigrate or humble you, you are entitled naturally to your freedom without limitations with no end to your expansion, and the only thing forbidden you is to give up. Your integrity is your responsibility, you have to cultivate, maintain and safeguard it yourself, that is your personal and actual meaning of your life, and if it is intruded on and violated, you have the right to quit and exit and to rather part with honour with your life than choose to compromise and settle with dishonour. Intervention means dishonourable subjugation if you accept it, which you must not do, since all you have is your sense of yourself, and it is better to abandon life and leaving nothing than to part with that for which your life was given.


Excluded Leave me out from the mortality of your barbarity, humanity, committed hopelessly to ignorance, preferring noise to music, violence and sexual abuse to love,


the pursuit of vulgarity and wallowing therein instead of fnding peace in nature, which you rather irresponsibly pollute and poison than take care of and enjoy; but I don't judge you or condemn you but condemn myself instead to constant alienation from you all in an eternity of exile in myself to spare myself the pain of seeing the perdition of the inhumanity that could have been humanity. Pony. I fnd this extremely understandable.

The art of second sight You will need some experience to see through the surfaces of lies, deceits and everything that fakes reality which never is what it is meant to be and what it seems; but you’ll need to crush the ocean to uncover what’s beneath, which is a universe of darkness and of truth, the actual reality always hiding underground, and you will never get through with it, as one aperture to an abyss


will reveal and open up some dozens more, and they are all without an end and bottom. Looking through reality and people is actually like looking through a mirror refecting other mirrors; so the view immediately gets infnite and gives a clear view and perspective of the dark web of infnity, which might seem scary and precarious indeed, but you can not escape it: you will have to face the music of the truth sooner or later anyway; and it is never pleasant to observe and realize that all you ever was allured by and attracted to for the appreciation of reality was only mirages of fraud, deceit, delusion and a trap for getting you involved with death, perdition and mortality.

Weather conditions Never be afraid to look yourself into the mirror. Your looks will not betray you, no matter how haggard and worn out they are, since they are only the condition of the outside of the cottage, which must naturally be harrowed


by the storms of seas and climate and conditions of the weather, which is never merciful but trying sorely your potential indeed, and it’s up to you to weather it, survive, remain yourself and never let yourself be broken. Your daily mirror is just for inspection as an instrument for necessary observation and orientation and not more than a benign reminder that you are still there, alive, alert and present.

Violation Not everyone can have relationships without getting hurt and violated beyond recognition. There are some who simply are too sensitive to be able to endure the friction of a close relationship, and some will easily get damaged and destroyed for life by disappointment and betrayal, violation and impalement, and although you can survive it, you will never be the same again but will have company forever by a second personality, a shadow of repressed volcanic bitterness of almost metaphysical dimensions, which you will need for protection and refuge from the monstrosity and shortcomings of man; which you at best can handle and develop into an ideal to serve you rather than to be impeded by, which might become your demon 74

that could even help you on the way to bring yourself at peace with the atrocity of man; and thus your worst experience and trauma could be turned into and used for your salvation.

Bereavement What do you have left when everything is taken from you, when you are raped and violated beyond recognition, when you are cut off from your roots by the brutality and violent barbarity of others, when there’s nothing left of your life’s work but ruins and neglect, repression and forgetfulness; when all your history is but a holocaust, and when there’s nothing left but death, as death seems cheerful in comparison with life? The odd thing is that there is always more left than you’ve lost, since life is never lost without it setting forth again with brighter energy and higher hopes and spirits than before, you are in fact victorious as it was no fault of yours that all the mundane world committed only crimes. If you are free from the responsibility of crimes against you, your life will be leading as a beacon to the future as you always will retain your soul’s creative power. All you have to do is to continue working.


Two ways of love Love works not just in two ways but in many ways bilaterally, as you usually are loved as much as you yourself keep burning out of love; but you are seldom loved the same way as you send and spend and feel your own love. How it works between the two of us is just a perfectly original example out of many. Your love is a careful generosity of softest kindness, warm and tender and considerate in its humility, while I am far too passionate and wild in temper, diffcult to handle, reach and understand, a kind of demon that can not be tamed or tempered but must have her freedom and her own life unrestrictedly in order to exist and live at all. Yes, we are opposites, but therefore work so well together, both in intimacy and at any distance, my satanic depth and abyss neutralizing and enriching, complementing your serenity and creativity, as thunderstorms and heavy rains are needed to make deserts turn to some fertility and bloom.


Concealed identity Pardon me for keeping silent and concealed under the circumstances of the failures and shortcomings of man resulting in such irremediable tragedies that nothing ever can refrain the gods from weeping constantly profusely over man’s disastrous incapacity of handling his own fate and course of action, turning all of history into a cesspool of black tragedy of hopelessness, like a black hole of no escape from hell, an infnity of sorrows and a universal ocean of tears; so I keep out of man’s affairs of only vicious circles, hiding my identity and face in anonymity to spare humanity the terrible reality and aspect of my scars, that go too deep under the skin of universal life like undermining all existence and humanity with some volcanic earthquakes of its lost cause to perdition, leaving life no meaning left but death. I wear dark glasses just to spare my friends the sadness of my eyes and heart and soul and keep surviving merely by not yet dying, the most ultimate and natural thing to do and nothing else, while socially I appear a perfect lady, strong and stalwart, stable and a splendid sport but only for a show to hide the fact that inside I am crying my heart out forever.

My ridiculous Facebook case What was the matter, really? I wanted to communicate 77

by poetry and pictures of some beauty, but people were offended and reported me for nothing, for no bad intentions, for some accidental nudity without a trace of sexual intentions. Thus I was reported for the beauty of my art, for love of beauty was my only crime and weakness, so I was disabled, blocked and exiled with admittance back on the condition only of a snapshot of a legal ID, but I am not American but a most foreign citizen and have made no transactions and paid Facebook nothing, so they have no business in demanding my ID. I must refuse it both for personal and reasons of integrity, and I can manage without Facebook, while their treatment of a generous and loving user interested in digital communication only is no good publicity or credit for the Facebook formalism. Pony. It seems like you miss facebook a lot. Despite their intransigence and unreasonableness, wouldn't it be to your beneft to show them your I.D. so that you could enjoy displaying your art? It's true they would "win," but what difference will it make to you? You're just a digit to them. It isn't about them, it's about you and your friends communicating. I've read all your poems, and this theme comes up repeatedly. Laila. You are right of course, and thank you for your observation. I can't show my ID for legal reasons – I am one of 6000 or more women in Sweden who are committed to complete protection by the police with concealed identities who must never display our ID on the web, least of all on social web sites, in my case in protection against my former husband. I have explained this to Facebook a number of times, but still they don't accept my other proofs of identity, like other web sites, like WordPress and here on Poetbay. I will not accept being reduced to just a digit. I don't really need Facebook, although I miss my freedom there and will continue using reason to have my account unlocked. Ashe. I agree with you, but Facebook is American and as such we have to abide by their strange rules. I think there might be better outlets for your art. Laila. Thanks, Ashe, but Facebook is not American but international. Mark Zuckerberg is American. If he imposes American rules on international members, who have had nothing to do with America, he violates international fair play democracy and is a dictator, whom I can not accept as such. –
 I already sent this reply to you privately. but I think it should be displayed publicly as well. You apologized, and that's all right.


Suicidal satanism I had nowhere else to go as I was ruined by injustice and let down by those I most depended on. There was no mercy in the bringing on of holocausts galore against my life and freedom, so I should have let myself be murdered and have done with all the falseness of humanity; but I was left alive and forced to grim survival, nothing more remaining than the last resort of darkness and its powers of the hopelessness of hell with the reality of coping with the ultimate adversity compelling you to extraordinary measures of black magic, using evil for good ends and giving up your soul and life and your eternity to the dark master of impenetrable unfathomability, the living black hole of existence as a means for carrying on with insight, knowledge, infuence and power to at all be able to continue with your work. It is an act of suicidal desperation to abandon all your self to the demonic darkness of eternity,


but if you are let down by everyone and all things else, you actually have no alternative.

The living dead You do not belong to them, but they belong to you, all those you loved and always missed, who gave their love and you could never do without, which is why they will never leave you but protect you and be with you always to such an extent that you and they are one. You are like them, eternal in your love, more loving actually than when they were alive, as you will be when you are gone, more loving afterwards than when you were unknown but for your physical appearance and trivialities, while you and they belong to timelessness, which will be your dimension more and more the further you go on, insisting on your love in spite of all the brutal deaths around you and the wickedness of mundane man, who always shattered and destroyed your life, while you will all the same go on and fool them all by carrying on your love in company with all the living loving dead.

Ken. Bravo, Laila! Love remains, lives on and on!


Fruitful tears Is sorrow, then, the only thing that lasts, that always keeps returning, dressing you consistently in mourning in the warmest but the dreariest clothes, all black, engulfng you in darkness in the everlasting tears that keep supporting, nourishing, enriching and sustaining mother earth, all life, the oceans by the crying rains, which we could never do without and always need, no matter how uncomfortably sorrowful they are. Yes, sorrow always will be there, but not for dragging you down to depression, not for your suppression or oppression but for watering your lilies and your garden, cultivating your development and sensitivity and challenging you to expansion by self knowledge, forcing you to face the truth and beauty always found in all reality despite the fact that it will always make you suffer.


Ken. Bravo, Laila! – When the sun and moon both do shine any light, we reach out to feel our way, we fnd a hand, reaching out, our gate is steadied, we fnd a reason to smile, knowing some one is smiling back to us, then, on we go, much reassured! Maija. Feeling this deeply. One to come back to.

The Dead never rest To think that you can just forget them or ignore them is a self-deceit and a delusion, since you never will get rid of them, they never rest but will go on forever just like you when you are dead, remaining a reminder for all life and all who knew them, that they know you and will never stop persisting in their earnestness insisting on their life, which is why you had better pay attention to them and accept them with your piety, devotion, honouring and sanctifying them for what they were and are and always will be


for their life, their personalities and their life’s work, the greatest and most prominent result of which is that their memory will never and can never fade. Pony. For some the memories do fade. Doesn't it depend on their impact on your life, whether it's love or hate, or something in between? I hope for oblivion. I cannot abide the thought of living forever, never resting.

Outrage My life has been a constant fght against adversity, which always loomed and towered higher, harder and more merciless and threatening for every victory I gained, however small, while the adversities were always overwhelming. I could never be afraid of darkness, death or any demon, while what always struck me down was cruel injustice, which was always stupidly unreasonable and inhuman. Trample me and strike me down, humiliate, maltreat and violate me at your pleasure, robbing me of all that I could call my own, but you will never beat me, since the most humiliated ones will always be the surest to come back.

No excuse for love That I love you, I can not deny, but I’m afraid my love’s too great for me assuming some demonic overbearingness out of proportion with reality, transcending into alien dimensions which can never be acceptable to mortals. 83

It’s not darkness but a kind of power, it’s not evil or possessive but the more satanic in its nature of obsessiveness and irrevocability, like you can never spite your destiny but only follow it wherever it will lead you. There is no excuse for it, but still I ask you to excuse me for persisting in this permanence of faithfulness in sticking to this most impossible absurd extreme and indefnable outrageously insistent undeniability of love.

One foot in the grave You never can be disconnected from reality as long as you remain alive, which you will even do as dead, but you will not be certain of it until you are dead. How is it to be half alive and half stuck on the other side? Of course, your life is part a dreamworld as you walk half sleeping among ghosts, but that will only sharpen your awareness by its insight into more than three or four dimensions. Mundane life is only superfcial, trapping you in a deceit, a mortal web of lies to hound you down to death, while life is on the other side among the shadows of the dead that never died, the spiritual reality of spiritual powers and vibrations, from which all creation comes as opposite to mundane self-destruction. If you don't have one foot in the grave you are already dead, while life belongs entirely to timelessness.


My best friend I always lived with him and he was always close to me, more close than any man and any friend as I could never willingly get rid of him; and as he always stayed in close relationship I found that he was actually my best friend although only something of an abstract dream, a phantom and abstraction, an idea of darkness always faithfully reminding me of facts of life, my destination and my fate to always journey deeper into darkness with more tragedies and drawing closer unto death, a life of constantly increasing deeper darkness never ending anything but always getting thicker, as I found my best friend even from the start to always follow me and wait until the very end to catch me, always waiting patiently upon me, always being there, my friend in need indeed eternally for life and hiding under the anonymous abstraction known as death.


Censored I actually don't care about my case. They cast me out, and I can do without them maybe even better, but the fact is they did wrong, and not correcting it is doing further wrong. I have been through all this before too many times as victim of judicial errors, usually they never were corrected, so I concentrated not on bickering but on surviving. Maybe I was locked out and excluded for my satanism, maybe they considered me a risk for public safety, maybe I provoked their paranoia as a dangerous momentum, I don't care, I just can't be what I am not and therefore have to be no more than what I am, and so far nothing in the world could make me cease to be. When that momentum comes, my poetry will still exist and will be heard in silence.


Christian. I haven't heard from her for more than a month, but also I have been away. She regarded Facebook as her fnal school and all her friends there as her pupils. To be cut off was her last school disaster - she had been dismissed from schools earlier, always because of insubordination problems. Quotation from a friend: "She was a born teacher and wanted only to be a teacher, to spread education was her vocation, but she was too dynamic and attractive for public service, she was always envied by both men and women and never did anything herself to get targeted, except


by just being herself, which always irritated someone." Her health was not very good in spring, much up and down, as she ignored it, considering only her spiritual health as being of any importance, Being locked out of Facebook, her web activity went down 95% and has not recovered. I hope to get in touch with her soon. That's all I know for the moment. Michael. Well, back in 2014 and 2015 she was on and active. I was having major issues with fb too and people as well. I kept fghting by making new emails, so I could make an account, had to hide info. Laila Roth was great help. She helped me ever so often and added me to some great groups, very inspirational too. So I wish the best for her. I imagine that's the reason why Diane Vera isn't on fb and no longer active much on internet. She too wanted to teach and be very active.

Apologia pro vita sua This was the title of Cardinal Newman’s defence of himself, his famous apology for leaving the Anglican Church, turning Catholic and ending up a cardinal. I was never Christian but converted nevertheless from nothing to satanism. You could have called me an agnostic, and even as a satanist I always remained a pantheist. I cannot apologize for this conversion, but I should explain it. How could you explain, excuse or even take satanism seriously? How can you defend such an absurd superstition? I cannot defend it, explain it, excuse it but must take the fact that it exists seriously, and the evidence is found in history.


The Yezidis of the mountains in eastern Turkey were always called devil-worshippers, but they are much more than that. They claim to be the earth’s oldest people, descendants of Noah of the Ark and insist on religious traditions since 7000 years. Some of them claim they originally came from India referring to Vedic traditions and Hindu gods of the oldest living religion on earth, as Satan could have sanskrit origins. The oldest book of the Bible is the book of Job, which has its roots in Sumer and the most ancient city in the oriental world of Ur, where Satan makes his frst appearance in literature as a mythic and symbolic fgure, submitting Job to extreme trials, causing the book to be written, in its major part a vehement protest against the universal order and with good reason. The monotheistic supreme authority of the Bible originated later in Egypt, the same being the authority of Pharaoh, the supreme ruler of Egypt. Moses brought that authority out of Egypt and made it his own over his own people the Hebrews, supporting it with traditional stories of Hebrew family chronicles of both Sumer and Egypt, and that was how monotheism was created and established, a new-fangled modernity in comparison with the ancient traditions of Sumer and India and even of the gods of Egypt. Nevertheless it presumptuously claimed supreme authority of the world order. I could not accept that and felt the necessity of Satan and the older traditions having the right of priority by age and not to be overruled by any falsifcation or denial of history. No defence for Satan, no apology, just a statement of facts. John. Only a fool would try to argue with the truth; the facts have ever been on our side. Michael. Welcome back again, Laila. I watched a discovery channel on the yezid tribe. They said that the yezid community is over Satan's threshold. Also they do practice a homage rite in the underground cavern. I saw it in 2000. Ali. Were you able to fnally unlock your account? Laila. No. I didn't do anything, except continuously pleading by petitions to Support. Suddenly my account was available without my knowing it – they didn't inform me, and immediately I was blocked for 7 days for something someone else posted on my wall. That's why I now have sealed off all my pictures from the public – it was always the pictures that brought me into trouble. I was never reported for anything else.

The art of black magic You have to learn it carefully, the most diffcult of arts, to handle the most secret powers of the universe, a black hole of consistent mystery and equally of unavoidable disaster, hopelessness, impending doom and tragedy, but there is always life in it and a way out, and it is energy of infnite resources, and we call it Satan, but it is much more than that and more than any word can tell. It is the mystery of creation but also the disaster of inevitable destruction, but above all the art of how to handle it and to survive. We mask ourselves in darkness to be able to associate at all with this most dangerous mystery, but although it is never palpable or understandable and reachable, the most important thing of all to know and to remember is, that in all its terribility, of fearsome death, destruction and perdition of eternity, it actually is only and no more than the satanic mystery and force of love.


John. Agreed. Satan has shown me more love than any human ever will. I suppose that is why I am all too happy to undergo any pain, loss, desolation, and misery, if it only will bring me closer to Him, and to an understanding of His mysteries. Derek. Welcome back ... you have been missed, the Temples are safe and the Sanctuaries warmly have awaited your return. Laila. It was a long abstinence of an exile, and it will be nice to do some service again for a change... Albert. This is the latter part of the twentieth century. We men have been liberated! We no longer have to believe that every woman is an evil witch bent on our destruction. Paranoid misogyny is just plain out of fashion!

Dark perceptions of light The darkest night is the longest night but also gives the greatest light in the delight of darkness with the stars that will give you alone an insight to eternity which only can be watched through darkness. Therefore blinded ones confned to constant darkness see so much more than any mortal sense


and understand profoundly even more than those with limited material perceptions. They say that satanists are blind and stupid and uneducated, but if they in their blindness can see Satan, which no one else can see, and understand him and perceive the universal force of his dark power, are not they then like those happy few who know too much and see too much and therefore are considered dangerous‌ – but hush! The darkest deepest truths are all too bright and blinding for the possibility of any revelation.

Lanier. Blessings My Sister , O How Ive Missed You . Laila. I am not quite used to be back yet, so I take it rather easy and carefully... It's like returning from a long illness.

Digging your grave Your grave can never be dug deep enough. You'll keep on digging it forever, but you'll never reach a bottom. For that reason many will stop digging, which they never should, because that is how they will die. As long as you continue digging it you will remain alive at least, so do not rest, don't wipe your sweat, don't take a pause, or you will lose your rhythm and fall out of practice and thereby risk dying. Enjoy the darkness of your grave and dig it darker, deeper, ever further down to endlessness; and the hope and possibility is always there like lurking in the end, that you one day might fnd an exit in the other end.


Disappearance It's the ultimate defence, and I have been obliged to use it all the time. If you just vanish, no one more can harm you, no authority can reach you, and no one will know you. It's like shutting off your telephone, and going into hiding is much easier than you think. There is an underworld of infnite resources, and the foreign world is always so much larger than your own. To mask yourself is also easy, you just cut your hair and paint yourself, put on dark glasses and make up a different face. But the easiest of all is just to quietly withdraw. You always have yourself, and there is safety in your loneliness; and when you fnd yourself entirely alone in splendid isolation and full concentration, you shall fnd that all the world is yours, while no one will know you, while you know everyone.

Ashe. This is an intriguing piece of writing. Who hasn't dreamed of disappearing from everyone at some time in their life? I like it.


You learn by loving Loving you is more than an obsession, it is suffering and dying for your sake, it is passion mounting to self-degradation, it is the most painful heartache and humiliation unto self-annihilation, but it's all to feel the more alive; and for each disastrous shipwreck of a raped relationship I only seem to love the more for what I learned and gathered of the ruins. It's a feeling like of having been left over like a sole survivor of a ruined city, and you feel the wonder that you still remain alive and can go on and must, for life is a responsibility. I might be the most soft and vulnerable of women, but at the same time my toughness is invulnerable. I just have to go one teaching indefatigably and existing, for I would be dead if I did not have you to love.


Rising from the Grave You have to do it sometimes, especially if you are kicked down there often. It is more painful every time, but once you are risen to your feet again, you know how to avoid the latest kind of ambush; and if you experienced many, you are one step further on the way to some immunity. On the other hand, life down there in the grave is very entertaining, wholesome and instructive, since that knowledge of the realm of darkness and its underground dimensions is extremely useful and will defnitely help you on the way to some stability and understanding of your destiny.


Your personalities A double life is diffcult to handle, but you have to handle it, unless you want to triple it. You have your ordinary life, the superfcial surface, what you seem to be, your social standing and appearance, which computers record by surveillance, but which is all lies and counterfeit make-up. Then you have your inner love life and your sanctum, which you will protect at any cost and never share with anyone except your lover, since there can't be anything as sacred as your private life. Then, if you are educated, you also have a life of metaphysics of your mind and intellectual activities, which always are beyond and outside you, another world beyond your own, which you develop, making constant new discoveries in. This is your development and future, your way to expand and thrive as something more than just yourself. This is the holy trinity of your own personality, all three dependent on each other for existing and for making life worth while as something interesting.


Gunnar. Laila was possibly the high priestess "Norma" (from the Opera) in her previous life, which I just saw broadcasted from The Met tonight. Caution, that you don't end up with the same tragedy in the end... It´s very easy to put up unrealistic demands, when preaching about love and moral. Especially considering the physical side of it (money and sex) Latest biological research claims that we are not SEXUALLY created for monogamy. Everything else might be. Never the less, every church tried to force both man and woman into it over the last 2000 years, without any success. Only some 10% happen to achieve monogamy in a natural way over a very long time. The rest is lacking of good enough looking, health, spirit and can´t produce the necessary erotic passion. Neither will a replacement of men (pigs or not) with the perfect "lover" Satan protect our civilization from falling apart, nor will throwing pearls to him. Your soul, your private life might be sacred and holy, but not your genitals. (Sorry for that) Those are egoistic in both men and women. If not so, neither of us would be SEXUALLY satisfed enough for being capable to stay faithful. Still your poem is brilliant. Either you will hate me for this, or you will love me... Laila. Neither. You are simply stating facts. I haven't seen the whole "Norma" opera, only Maria Callas singing "Casta diva"... Gunnar. You should see Anna Netrebko singing Casta Diva in a golden Dress on youtube. You won´t regret it... And then tell me if her hypnotic interpretation is black or white magic!


Community under cover We are a hidden clandestine society of no identity and no means of identifcation, no one knows our number as we are anonymous, especially when we converge well covered in our black robes, hoods and often even masks for the protection and the cover-up of who we really are. It is enough that we ourselves know all about us, who we are and what we know, and are aware of our responsibility and power under the dark guidance of the dark invisible lord of aeons, who bequeaths on us a terrible responsibility, as he is the supreme all-powerful untouchable authority who rules and moves us all by mystery of his control of all our destiny and the entire universal order. If you feel that dark responsibility you are among the chosen ones and qualifed to live up to that spiritual command and will be one eternally of our community.


The supreme power of mysticism When my husband couldn’t kill me, which he tried to and would have preferred, he instead destroyed whatever he could fnd that was of me, my papers and my clothes, my memories and everything I so far had produced, and I have wondered all since then about relationships and why they cannot work between advanced and highly sensitive individuals. What must go wrong and why? One makes a victim of the other, and he blames the victim for it, but it can never be the victim’s fault. When a union thus breaks up, and it could even happen after thirty years and more, it’s someone losing his control and running out of balance usually because of lack of self control, but there is always one way out. When I was cast out from my home and marriage with nothing left except my life and work in ruins, someone sat down by my table at a shabby bar and took the same drink as myself and asked quite naturally: “What can I do for you?” He could do nothing, and I told him so. “Then you can do something for me”, he said. We started talking, and he saved my life. He happened to know absolutely how to handle psychopaths, he organised a trial, I received full compensation and extreme police protection with concealed identity for life, and all my friend had wanted was for me to speak with him: we were from the same country, and he only wished to hear his mother tongue. He later went away abroad, I lost him permanently, but he remains my closest friend of all. Who sent him in my way? Why did we meet, two strangers in an alien country but from the same country? There was no higher power behind this, only whims of fate, which I would rather call satanic than divine. The mechanisms of fate are usually completely unexplainable, 98

like of a higher mystic power than of any supernatural divinity: it is somehow inherent naturally in life itself. Gunnar. Laila, you ask "why" in this poem... The answer is in your own words... the more "advanced and highly sensitive individuals" you are, the bigger the risk, if something controversial happens... I´m truly happy to hear that you were compensated after all... Thank you for being outspoken in this very poem. I probably won´t be "pursuing" you any more, as your friends those to call it... Laila. You were never any problem, and you are always welcome back with more intelligent comments than most...

Educational hubris Give me any student, and I will inspire him to diligence, success, accomplishment and zest. Give me any teenage monster of outrageous rudeness and bad manners, flthy style and all round shabbiness, and I will see to it that he becomes a decent person. Give me any criminal and hopeless case, a terrorist or jihadist or anarchist or Nazi, and I will not turn him down,


but anyone can easily be made a civilized and cultivated decent human being. Give me all humanity and all the world to educate, and I will take them on and make them progress and survive as culture and civilization; for I know for certain that there isn’t anything impossible for possibilities of education.

Lys. I'm not sure, bad exits... Le mal existe... Laila. It does indeed, but you have to deal with it, and the only way to deal with it is to face it. Any dialogue will lead to something good, and the bad is there only when the dialogue is closed. John. Hmmm...interesting. I like your stance on it; defnitely not one that most people would take, obviously, or our criminal justice systems would not allow for incarceration, execution, etc.

Pleading innocent I never willingly or purposely seduced anyone but was constantly the more willingly seduced; not for the enjoyment of it, though, but more by common sense, since it was no use resisting it –


the seductive force, whether sexual or metaphysical, will have its own way, and resisting it will only make it worse. As a victim of seduction without pain and labour of resistance you can the better study and observe the force and perpetrator and get some vital necessary distance to the case. For the same reason did I never push my satanism, but just went along and followed, studying Satan intimately and arriving fnally at the conclusion that he meant no harm, but that the dark force actually was only wholesome and constructive in spite of any terrible disturbing and revolting elements, and that suffering can actually be a sport even in hell, constructive for your education and development. So I am far from passionate as satanist, but only educational, objective in my stance, and careful about keeping straight and right on course.

Hypocrisy There is no genuineness in religion or society. It’s all about hypocrisy to keep up structures of illusions and the lies of any fake establishment. I am no anarchist but stand alone in this confusion of a maze of lies that constitute the human world today where nothing anywhere makes any sense, while everyone seems bent on working on his own destruction. There is no exception or alternative but to drop out demonstratively to continue on your own constructively to make your life creative in the only way that’s possible in a society of brainwash and surveillance.


Only Satan is no hypocrite who sees through all the lies instead of making them, eying them in order to in spite of all lead mankind on. David. So lovely. I really love the picture and the words. I have always stood alone. Rodney. The hypocrisy is so deafening, it has made me numb: I spent my life wanting to believe the best in people, only to realize that's it's all lies. B.S. & charades with them~ no sincerity, just an act...!!!


The satanic touch in history Satan always has been vindicated against empires and tyrannies, autocracies, dictators, war mongers, profteers and billionaires manipulating the world order, for they always manufactured their own downfall, working for their own perdition, ending up in total lonesomeness and isolation and the misery of an established reputation of world criminal, which all their enemies survived, who wrote their history; and it’s the victors who write history, not those who organize the wars and genocides. The small fry living in humility and anonymity who watch and see what’s going on, observe the facts and write them down for memory are actually the true survivors, carrying on through all adversities, by their recordings handsomely surviving all the crooks and fools of history who do their best to mess it up but always fail completely except messing up themselves. Laila. By the way, the pictures are John Martin's Fall of Babylon on top and Dresden before the destruction at bottom.


Some paradoxes The more you expect, the more disappointed you shall be. The more selfess you are, the better you will know yourself. The more you detach yourself from mundanity and politics, the more you will close in on reality. The more you love, the more you will be hurt. The more you suffer, the greater will grow your appetite for life. The richer you are, the more you will want and lack. The more satanic you are, the more you will be like God. The more you are subjected to adversity and injustice, the tougher you will get, and the harder will grow your potency for survival. The more you grieve for your dead ones, the closer they will come to you. The higher they are, the harder they fall. Better to fall forever in humility, because then at least you will always move on and get going. David. Yes do not expect anything from anyone anymore. I just cannot be selfess though. And the rest never followed anyway. But I love the picture Charlie. Selfessness is the way to true freedom from the bondage of self. In my experience, anyway. Elias. The more satanic you are the more you will be like god is not a paradox. Laila. It's a paradox from a christian point of view, not for us. John. Oh my gosh, Laila! This post! It's like you were telling my life story! These are all things that I have come to learn, myself, through direct experience. Life has taught me, for example, that to have expectations is to set myself up for disappointment; best to expect nothing, and be pleasantly surprised. And, my whole life has been adversity, and misfortune. And it has made me incredibly tough, so that I have learned to cherish these, rather than fear, and attempt to avoid them. And, as it will: life has taught me to be humble. Thank you for sharing this with us!


Home It’s sometimes diffcult to love when all you meet is hatred and indifference, when there is reluctance against good will and generosity meets only with ingratitude. Thus bitterness becomes an inevitability, and that’s most diffcult of all to deal with, since it cannot be accepted nor repudiated. Get away from it and look beyond, and even escapism is better than to get bogged down in sour bleakness. Alcohol and drugs swill certainly provide relief but only temporarily. It’s better to move on to trips to better places, new discoveries, new friends and work. The best relief of all is naturally good company with things and interests in common and some mutual purpose to pursue. If all this fails, you always can go home to Satan.


John. Satan is with me, always, so every place is home. He lives in my heart. David. Very diffcult for me been hurt so many times. Find it hard to trust and to open up.

The challenge As you travel through the night in darkness growing constantly more dense in alien worlds of futuristic nightmares


totally unnatural, inhuman and not made for you but for capitalistic monsters of rude recklessness, you search in vain for something human of some tenderness and warmth of heart but fnd it almost only in exceptions, since the human world ran off the rails a hundred years ago, while we the sentient transient ones are faced with the hard task of making a new world. Of course, it’s possible, as nothing is impossible, but it is a tremendous horrible responsibility to be aware of the necessity that it must needs be done. David. I have travelled through the darkness and come out very different person indeed.

A matter of health It’s perhaps the most important factor of your life, your well-being as the most vital of necessities, and you can’t always keep your illnesses at bay. There are two different kinds of health, though. The physical ordeals you just have to survive, endure and make the best of as unfortunately unavoidable, but mentally your health is actually entirely up to you. In brief, the less you need support and therapy, the better off you are, the better is your mental health. Against all so called psychic illnesses all medicines are lethal, head-shrinkers are quacks whose job is just to make it worse, and anything is better than to get involved with them. Discussion, dialogue, confessional as in catholicism is better but is also better done without. If you can stand alone, that is the surest sign of mental soundness. Then of course there are the means of escapism from humdrum dreariness and trivial mundane problems, like by drugs and alcohol, that never should be overused.


I have smoked weed since I was 14 and used trips since 17 and never felt ashamed, regrets or any dismal after-effects, but the only good thing actually about it was the sound detachment that I get to my own body, its mortality and the frustrating temporary feeting vanity of mundane life. When you are off your body you can feel your immortality as something most elf-evident and natural, and you will also get away from and forget your mortal pains. Of course, they will come back as you get back into your mortal being, so I do not recommend it, just inform about the facts. The ultimate experience though of tripping beyond everything is reaching an encounter of the third degree with Satan, which is not a very pleasant or commendable experience either. In brief, your health is best preserved without intrusions, without interventions and without experiments; and if you go for it against all warnings, it will be entirely and only up to you.

Stephane. Thank you for this beautiful post!! I approve this by saying this and more!! if I can afford it!! If you can not trust!! And be strong in yourself frst! How could we hope to have some stability of being a decent person with dignity and honour ... Thank you!

Dark future prospects Wherever I walk, I dwell in the shadow of death and enjoy it, as I never can have enough of the darkness of perdition in eternity. My lord is with me, so I never am alone, and his company is some comfort for eternity in its destructive power and smothering darkness of delicious and adorable damnation. There’s no heaven, only hell, and it is taking over not only the world but all the universe; as the subversive universal power is what monitors and guides all life. Leave me alone to my misanthropy, my dark depressive meditation on the life of death, and let me die forever, as I know life has been given me to be of service to the dark lord only and to help all mankind on the road to hell, the dark reality of Satan, that is all our life forever, since even death is no salvation, only a transcendence and a feeting vanity from one form to another. There is no salvation, only the compelling duty to move forward into the dark hopelessness forever – that is all eternity and all eternal life there is,


and Satan is the leader and the ruler of eternal life of darkness. John. Damn!! New favourite!! I think you've outdone yourself this time, Laila! Laila. We all have our moments of depression… John. Oh, but look what comes from it! It's truly beautiful!

Death with a vengeance There is nothing more impossible and diffcult than to take another’s life. You see, death is but an illusion. It will solve no problems, it is no escape from anything, and, above all, the dead ones always will come back. You might as well try to dispose of an idea, like any god or Satan – quite impossible to kill, exterminate, abolish or do anything about. Life is consistent and will just go on in any form interminably, permanently, hopelessly and naturally; while a death or murder is but like a dream, a temporary intermission and escape, beguiling like a trip and always like a boomerang returning to the hard reality of life. Don’t fool yourself. The nothingness of death is no phenomenon but like all self-deceits, illusions and delusions just a mirage out of nothing and returning back to nothing. David. Just a beginning death is.


Spiritual extremism The closer you are to death, the clearer is your mind. It’s worth, then, to go as far as possible across all borders unto limitlessness and fathomlessness of both darkness, ecstasy and any kind of extremism. I never advocated LSD although I found my chief salvation in those trips detaching me from mortal worries, troublesome relationships and traumas, as if I desired to keep that salvation for myself, jealously protecting my experiences from insight and from sharing it with those who were not qualifed for understanding it. My association with satanism changed all that, as fathomlessness of darkness was opened and available to anyone – that was a universal opportunity for everyone to dark salvation of your spiritual self, so I had nothing more to hide, since Satan was my ally and protector, ensuring my salvation into darkness for eternity. David. So true Been very close to death so many times That’s why I do not hide what I am into. Do not mind sending pictures of myself.


The last stand There is no harm in loving Satan. All the others whom you love will harm you, you’ll be disinherited by your own family, your best friend will betray you, your kin and people will disown you, and you will be excommunicated if not fred and thrown out from any frm you serve. Your loyalty is disregarded like your friendship, and your only salary and well deserved reward will fnalize in the dead silence of ingratitude. The last one you can count on any help from is religion, that is God in all its forms, so all you will have left is Satan’s darkness. That at least is something, and it will not harm you, and when all else fail you still will fnd support in the reputedly most wicked entity of all, as Satan always will remain and keep on standing.

David. So true about all of it. I am on my own in this world now. Betrayed by my family and so called friends. Disowned them all


The problem of immortality Bertrand Russell argued with the problem all his life, but what is actually the problem? Either you are mortal or you aren’t, and whatever you are, you have to accept it, which is diffcult, of course, since you can’t know for certain until you are dead, and even then, who knows that you shall know? The easiest way to get away and to avoid the problem is to give up while you are still living and decide that you are merely mortal shallow fesh; but isn’t that a very dull and boring burial of the issue, while it defnitely is alive and diffcult to do away with? Some condemn the immortality doctrine as an absurdity and realistically nothing but a doom to an eternity of hell, as life is only suffering; and if you can’t escape it, then immortality is hell and nothing else. But if you on the other hand accept this hell and face it and embrace it as a fact of inescapable reality and defnitely as a possibility of imminence, you philosophically resign to it and learn to make the best of it, which is probably the sanest way to treat the issue, – live with it and make the best of it, and you don’t even need take sides. Hixeta. It's like a knife. You can use it to whatever you want. You can be productive or sleep for aeons when you are not bound to Time and it's laws. In short, it depends. Laila. Yes. The thing is, you can actually choose for yourself. Hixeta. Exactly. John. I tend to believe in reincarnation. However, in being open-minded, I had to ask myself the questions: A.) What if the Christians are right, and I am going to burn in Hell for all eternity for the Path I've walked? And, B.) Would I then still choose to walk this Path? The answer is that I will follow Satan, no matter WHAT that entails. If I am to burn for eternity beside Him, I will do so, gladly. If I am to come again into this world, I only hope that He will remind me that I am His. I don't know if immortality, in the sense of never dying is real; and I hope that it is not. I fnd the idea of watching everyone and everything I have ever loved and cherished die, and become forgotten to the ages, whilst I live on, alone quite distasteful. Laila. It depends on how you make it, and what you make of it. David. Yes I am not mortal, I live on in centuries. Time will tell who will have or not have my soul. It is mine and no God’s to decide where I go,


Nakedness Both Carl Gustav Jung and Aldous Huxley did make such experiences. I dare say I also have experimented in that hazardous direction, and the only certain thing is that you will remember it and never can deny the impact of its lasting deep impression. You do not stand naked to divinity or any kind of god, but you stand naked to yourself, and you see through yourself more sharply, mercilessly and severely than any god can do, and all the dross that burdens you in life of vanity and matter you will get some distance to and learn to manage and at best to even do without. It’s not nirvana, it is no enlightenment, release or revelation, but it is a steel-bath, downright purge and total purifcation, and you will learn to better make priorities. David. I love being naked. Laila Roth, dance naked in the rain. Peter. That’s one of the best tools, those tiny magic castles. Like any tool they can also hurt sooo much .



Our dream We found each other late in life and mainly because we were violated by the love we gave which only was let down and even brutally returned with violence and disappointment. Thus we met like two war veterans, one wounded and the other raped, and thus we were united by a common destiny that we did nothing to deserve and certainly did not expect. We did not even plan to get along and certainly not for so long and for no continuity. Our love was rather more like an experiment, we never thought that it would last and even less that it would hold, but here we are, continuing as if it still was our frst day as soul mates met like ships at sea, a brief encounter, proving an eternity in its brief moment that proved something that could never end.

The unending hibernation We are buried alive, we who truly care about humanity and therefore are suppressed by those who envy us for our superior qualities, our insight, empathy, awareness, knowledge and above all our keen sense of what is going on. 115

The more we speak the truth, the harder we are hit, and the more keen the truth is, the more we are punished for it. Our life is therefore something like a constant hibernation in the winter of the ignorance and folly of humanity, and that cold murderous spiritual winter has been going on since the frst morning of our history and will go on forever. But although we are buried alive we do not sleep and are not silent but are wide awake observing what is going on as caretakers and guardians of humanity although invisible and the more active from our graves. Rodney. Bitter pill to swallow, pierces the heart like ice, but so true!! David. Yes I always know what is going on and feel others pain as well. I care about everyone who I have made friends with on here. Better than the ones that call themselves my friends and who have lied about me and stole from me. Derek. As always, very clear and specifc…

Homeless It is cold, as the wind is howling over frozen felds of withered desolation of all that was lost and brutally bereaved by those who did not know what they were doing. It is easy to get raped by life, I think most people can’t evade it, and especially not women; but most diffcult of all is to survive it, since you have to, although that’s the last thing you would want. But still the home is always there, and the more so the deeper you bemoan its loss and the more brutally it was bereft you. It’s still a home although it’s but a memory; and although they can take it all away from you, they never can deny or take away your origin. It’s always there and waiting for you when one day you will return and fnd your fnal destination and its fnal rest a new home and more comfortable and stable 116

than all those that brutally were ransacked leaving you no other home than death.

Time and time again Time is always running out, and you have never time for anything, and death is waiting for you round the corner smiling gleefully to intercept you in whatever task you are engaged in as the most important in your life, so life is no more than a cynical sardonic life trap. Yet there are dimensions of a different kind from mundane regular material mentality, and what makes the difference is the key to time. As you get through by some cognition, trip or revelation you will understand all of a sudden that dimensions don’t exist, they are a lie that fool you to get stuck in mortal thinking and restriction, and if you don’t realize it while you are alive you certainly will have to face it after death. The only true dimension, if we think in terms of time, is timelessness. It is the only validation of what’s worth in life, dimensions are restrictive and confning, but if you get out of time you’ll fnd that timelessness will give you all the time you need for making life worth living, and will teach you how to live by turning life’s restricted temporary moment into an eternity.


The language of silence Even if there are no words, the words are there though never spoken. It’s the thoughts that live and vibrate, spreading all around their life and creativity by their vibrations, subtler than the voice. Two really close friends feel each other’s thoughts and don’t have to communicate except by being, as the other constantly will feel one’s presence, even if they are apart at any distance. It’s a kind of love, of course, of timelessness, telepathy, communication of a cosmic kind but live and not just virtual or theoretical but vibrating of life and energy and more expressive than the most sincere and anxious words. Thus do we always love each other although we don’t see each other, since it’s quite enough to only feel each other. David. And words are such a powerful thing. They can make you smile your heart miss a beat. Or make you cry. But the words that are not spoken can be stronger than the ones that are. With just a look into someone’s eyes can say everything.


Your roots If you uproot a tree you can’t replant it, since its roots are stuck in earth, you can’t bereave it of its origin, the tree will die without its roots, and usually the roots will die without the tree.


But the roots are always there and will remain, if you are forced in exile and uprooted from your life’s environment, your roots will anyway be yours and stay where they were born, and you will always have them with you, even out of any safe environment and at a total loss in exile and bereft of everything, you always will retain your basic self, your roots, born in a different place but frmly planted there forever to remain and always make you grow new trees wherever you are driven out from home, wherever you will land, no matter how much at a loss you are. Azazel. Thanking you for this post!! What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger!! To know how to digest this black bread with pride and honor! Thank you very dear Laila!! John. Yes, this speaks to me. How many times in my life have I lost everything that I cherished, all that was dear to me, and found myself in the harshest environment possible? And yet still, I always survived, for at my heart I am a warrior, and a lone wolf, and nobody can take that from me. I will fght, and forage, and rebuild, every single time. I love this one, Laila, very much!! Thank you! Myzzym. Roots, bloody roots!

Aging You do not age, but you mature. The aging business is a relative nonentity of hardly any consequence at all, as long as you mature, which you can carry on with infnitely. Aging is a physical and mundane matter, you just let it happen and endure it until it is time for you to let go of your body, and then it is just to drop it, let it die and perish and accept the transcience into next existence – it should really be of no great bother or concern at all; but while you go on with your education and maturity, that is the best way to stay on and keep alive and the best way to live. Although and even if your body hinders you by slowing down,


that should but be a spur to you to speed up intellectually and put more effort into it by living faster, to increase and heighten your awareness as your spirit never can accept that you could be brought down by anything that smells of mundane bodily mortality. Richard. 6 decades mature, learning all the time. David. I am always trying to learn. Myzzym. Time is an illusion, it’s always the same moment, but we imagine new ones.

Shifting reality How can you differ between what is real and what is not? How can you see through lies when they are so convincing? That’s the diffculty and the problem of reality. Your spiritual reality is always real, you know it by your intuition, but much of actual reality is not; but although much of it is lies, manipulation and deceit, not all of it can be dismissed, rejected and despised, and although you know better, you can never be completely right. The art is to take care of and distil the truth in all the lies, for there are seldom any lies without some truth in it. The truth, however, always is a diffcult thing to reach, but you must never give up patience in that search, for even if you only fnd one grain of truth in all the river, that one grain of golden truth should be more worth to you than all the world. Ahana. The only difference between evil vs bad and right vs wrong is your intent desire and intension. If your intension is wrong, your good work becomes evil, and if your intension is good your evil work becomes good, so simple is the defnition about the complex question of the perception of wrong and right.

The absolute discretion This is something of a gentleman’s ideal, to never say more than is necessary, to keep secrets unto death, to never risk a confdential trust, to speak but what is well considered and to never lie, at least not to yourself. The silence obligation is a matter more of judgement,


as at times it’s better to divulge the truth than let someone trust a lie, and sometimes you must lie to save another’s life. Women are better at keeping secrets than men, but a woman can never be a gentleman, while no one deserves more respect from a woman than a gentleman who keeps a woman’s secret.

The satanic quest What is the quest in question here? It's not the usual satanic stuff, like ceremonies, rituals and endless speculations in what must be unintelligible to most people, theorization, myths and charting demons, devils, phantoms and whatever can't be ever proved but only guessed at, neither is the quest for power, infuence or recruiting, since we leave all that to Satan personally, as he naturally is best himself of managing his followers, while our aim is more idealistic, philosophic and above all pantheistic, as I always was a pantheist,


and I think the quest for truth in all its forms and the support of life in all its forms is the best and most idealistic quest that can be found. Let that be our satanic quest, and let us never tire of it. Lanier. Now I truly understand Why I love You and your writings sooo much. And thank You for the invite my dear Sister and Kin. I fnd it to be a true Honor to part of anything with Your spiritual wisdom and talent.

Virtual and actual reality What is the difference? You see the virtual reality before it’s real, while real reality tends to be fraudulent – they actually are both not to be trusted, and the diffculty is to sort the lies out – often, like for instance dreams, their actual reality cannot be grasped, like secret messages that cannot be encrypted, while the hard reality is all too real when it is hard and then not to be tolerated or accepted. Basically I consider all concrete reality beguiling, like a trap that keeps you stuck in lies like in a snakepit, while the virtual reality will always lead you on forever changing, never staying on and always in expansion and development for your own good and progress, while the practical reality is just a necessary evil.


False comfort The perhaps most fatal weakness of man is to rely on authorities and depend on institutions. It is comfortable to believe that the christian church can save your soul and keep you blessed for eternity. It is comfortable to rely on a political party that it will ensure your comfort and keep you supported. It is comfortable to think only well of politicians since they have all the power anyway. It is comfortable to think that some organization will organize your life as you don’t want to, and to rely on spiritual authority for your spiritual health so you don’t have to mind it. It is comfortable not to be alone but to have groups, societies, a family and politicians to rely on. It is comfortable not to be alone, but you only cheat yourself, for basically you have no one else to trust. You are alone, born out of darkness, helpless as a baby all your life but for the dark infnity of your soul’s origin which is no comfortable and all powerful authority called by any name of any god, but Satan of an infnite unfathomable silence of a darkness without end or bottom who will never stand for any promises or guarantees. That’s basically all you have for all your life while all the rest is only self-deceit and vanity.


Your love I am nothing but for you as your love is my only sustenance. I do not know you, I could never understand you, but I always felt your love, and that’s what brought me back to life from nothingness of shipwreck, failure and defeat, and without you I would be dead and nothing. I don’t know if you are Satan or some other life force, but it certainly is life and that of infnite resources, and your black hole of satanic life of endless potency is more than I can ever venture to reciprocate but only worship, honour and adore with my life’s dedication to the humble service of what I can only call you, which is Satan.


The mistake of marxism When Marx abandoned satanism to instead become a politician concentrating on the hard reality of power, greed, ambition, selfshness and opportunism, sacrifcing everything for crass materialism, he excluded from his life all spiritual possibility, denying that dimension as if it did not exist; but in denying and excluding all spirituality you kill all spiritual life and your own soul as well; but life can not exist without its omnipresent magic. The result of this destructive and materialistic revolution was the worst autocracies, dictatorships and tyrannies in history, still prevalent in China, with no end to genocides in Soviet Russia and in China above all. A world bereft of magic and all spiritual values will be reduced to merely a cold skeleton of death, a night of darkness without stars, a sleep of death without the life of dreams, a suicide and total self-destruction without purpose, without meaning, without hope and life; while magic is the key and secret of all life which even gives to death itself a life and meaning. Flacära The source for popularizing the claim that Karl Marx was a Satanist comes from the book 'Was Karl Marx a Satanist?' by Richard Wurmbrand, a Romanian Jewish convert to Christianity who was persecuted by the Communists for his Christian ministry work. As with most titles that include a question mark at the end, you can probably assume that Betteridge's law of headlines applies (i.e., if the author could actually prove the statement implied by the question, they wouldn't have posed it as a question in the frst place). Just as halfwitted or power-hungry followers deifed Marx, so his critics have often succumbed to the equal and opposite error of imagining him as an agent of Satan. "There were times when Marx seemed to be possessed by demons," writes a modern biographer, Robert Payne. "He had the devil's view of the world, and the devil's malignity. Sometimes he seemed to know that he was accomplishing works of evil." This school of thought--more of a borstal, really--reaches its absurd conclusion in Was Karl Marx a Satanist?, a bizarre book published in 1976 by a famous American hot-gospeller, the Reverend Richard Wurmbrand, author of such imperishable masterpieces as Tortured for Christ ('over two million copies sold') and The Answer to Moscow's Bible. According to Wurmbrand, the young Karl Marx was initiated into a 'highly secret Satanist church' which he then served faithfully and wickedly for the rest of his life. No proof can be found, of course, but this merely strengthens the dog-collared detective's hunch: 'Since the Satanist sect is highly secret, we have only leads about the possibilities of his connection with it.' What are these leads? Well, when he was a student he wrote a verse-play whose title, Oulanem, is more or less an anagram of Emanuel, the biblical name for Jesus--and thus 'reminds us of the inversions of the Satanic black mass.' Most incriminating; but there's more to come. 'Have you ever wondered," Wurmbrand asks, 'about Marx's hairstyle? Men usually wore beards in his time, but not beards like this... Marx's manner of bearing himself was characteristic of the disciples of Joanna Southcott, a Satanic priestess who considered herself in contact with the demon Shiloh.' In fact, the England inhabited by Marx had plenty of bushy-bearded gents, from the cricketer W. G. Grace to the politician Lord Salisbury. Were they, too, on speaking terms with the demon Shiloh? ‏ Wurmbrand's "evidence" for the claim that Karl Marx was a Satanist is mostly based on poetry and plays that Marx wrote as a young man. If you look at Marx's verse-play Oulanem, you will fnd references to "hell" and "devils," but there's a much simpler explanation for this than positing that Karl Marx belonged to a 19th century German Satanic cult for which no historical evidence exists. The more likely explanation is that Marx, like most 19th century German students, would have been exceedingly familiar with Johann Wolfgang von Goethe's version of the Faust story, a classic German legend about a scholar who sold his soul to the devil in exchange for the gift of knowledge. Oulanem is probably just an immature literary attempt by Karl Marx as a young student to write something in imitation of Goethe. Another factor that may account for the popularity of the belief that Karl Marx was a Satanist is that some American evangelical Christians don't see much of a distinction between an atheist (which Marx defnitely was) and a Satanist (which Marx almost defnitely was not). If you are an evangelical who has absolute certainty that God exists and that you are working on the side of God, then you might fnd it hard to believe that an atheist really doesn't believe in God. Instead, you might suspect that the atheist really does believe in God's existence, but simply chooses to work in opposition to God, which would place the atheist on the same side as Satan. ‪aila. Excellent treatise, sister. I fnd it probable, that Marx as young and ambitious embarked on satanism for a possible venue of life, L trying it as an experiment, and abandoned it for political ambition and materialism.


A waste of tears You can cry forever and have good reasons for it, like for a lost child in miscarriage, the suicide of a close friend, the injustice of a natural disaster with irretrievable immeasurable losses; but no matter how much you will cry for a good reason, you’ll never wet the ocean. Someone said that people never die for any other reason than for grief, which is the only human killer. Grief and tears are unavoidable, but try to keep away from them and walk away from them, don’t stop to waste your time on wasting tears, since life is more important, and it’s always going on in spite of you, despite a world of troubles, worries, strife and death, and crying only will delay you and detain you from your duty towards life to live.


An alternative life When you get smothered by reality, its noise and brainwash, its obligatory materialism, its inescapable humiliating sexism, with your hands tied up in hopeless bondage by a cold insensitive society of only greed, control, suppression and discrimination of the individual, reducing him to a dispensable nonentity, you are consigned to an alternative in order just to breathe, survive and be yourself, the only possibility to be found underground in exile from society entirely without it, and that’s where I have been living almost all my life. There’s nothing there in darkness that can trace me,. I am foating easy on the dark web as myself in freedom, above all of thought, expression and politically even fearing no one, no extremists and no criminal psychotic elements, since I am also free of any criminal involvement. With a spotfree record I can not be watched, I am invisible to bugging and surveillance, but in the alternative existence only underground. Above ground I am just reduced to a dispensable nonentity.

Mistrust Who hasn’t been betrayed, let down and ditched for nothing, maybe for some shameful loyal constancy or simply by deceit, a preference for someone else, as you were guilty of the crime of boring someone getting tired of you, while your qualities were of no consequence or matter whatsoever to his egoism and self-love – anyone will at some time be brought to ruin by the inconsistencies and insuffciency of others’ narrow-mindedness, and thus can anyone be brought to exile, ruin, suicide for nothing without any possibility of justice or exoneration. What is all society but criminality that has been organized, what is any business but foul play that has to turn out losers, what is man but the most lethal monster and destroyer of this planet?


You cannot trust anyone, and you must even be on guard against yourself so that you don’t get mixed up with that mob of mankind who are only there to use you or for being used by you, while there is nothing for you if you want to be in peace and fnd a peace of mind but the black hole of Satan in the bottomless unending darkness of eternity.


Satanism and politics Satanism should never engage in politics in any way. It should be critical and very attentive to all kinds of abuse and corruption and never hesitate to strike down on it. The power of the satanist lies in his anonymity, as long as he remains unnoticed and unseen there is nothing to inhibit his activity, his freedom of initiative and his ability to strike. The mundane world is blind and dazzled by false fags while it is governed from the underground behind the curtains. As established in a recognized position you are limited by their reality on you, your hands are tied by obligations to cooperate and compromise and show regard to those who know you, while you are completely free as a satanic activist in only anonymity and darkness, where no one will know you and what you are doing but yourself. John. Very well-stated. I feel this mode of being applies not only to the political sphere, but indeed to all aspects of life among the mundane. I like to blend in, hidden in plain sight. Anurag. The Square Hammer of Social Dogma has been tolerated for too long and the small incognito voice is often lost... More often than not I live by the words you laid out so beautifully... sometimes though it's just unavoidable to voice out a stand against corruption‌

Out of the dark I am not without resources although bankrupt and decrepit, standing quite alone on humble ground with nothing to cling on to except dreams, awareness certainty and mysteries


of the fulflling presence of the dark force and his servants and initiates who always are with me the more so the lonelier I am. And where does love fnd any entrance? It's not needed, since it's always there, a natural ingredient permeating our lives and flling them with the dark presence of the only power that was ever potent and victorious, of love in permanence and truth and continuity, a fower blooming by the grace of the dark forces of depression, crises and sore trials ever redirecting us to the dark lord and his invisible but infnite resources.

Protection No matter what meticulous extensive measures you observe and guard yourself with, you hopelessly remain as vulnerable as a child and naked in exposure as a prostitute for sale for only being what you were, for your good looks and beauty that you did nothing to deserve, they were awarded you by birth more as a curse than as a blessing; but the worst threats were not men and hoodlums, as it proved, but your employers and authorities and all society. Against the arbitrary bullies in established high positions you were quite defenceless without any possibility of justice as a woman too much loved for her own good, a subject born to universal intermittent rape. I had no choice but ultimately to resign, resorting to the only power that could actually protect me, which was Satan and the dark community of anonymity. I am no terrorist and never will become so, but so dark I view the situation of the world and mankind that I can’t fnd any other hope and future possibility than Satan


although he denotes a maximum of pessimism and fatalism while I must accept him as the realism of inescapability. Lucius. I agree. Human kind has proven itself over and over again to be nothing special. Satan our Lord assures us though that we will have our justice, time will only tell. I just hope the beautiful world Satan created is not all, but destroyed by human kind before I pass into the other spiritual realms. If this is the case I am truly thankful at least to have lived for a while here, but fundamentally if this world is destroyed by human kind, I feel no pity or remorse for humans for doing so. They brought it upon themselves.

Disappointment When you are left abandoned in the ditch forsaken by your family refusing to support you, you search for friends but only fnd betrayers after using you for opportunity or just extortion, while the greatest disappointment is something completely different, when you fnd that there is no authority to trust, no leader anywhere in politics, as they all only serve their own agenda, 132

usually for them to only proft by. Who is there anywhere on earth who only lives for doing what is right? I never found him yet, and yet that should be everyone’s responsibility. No wonder then with all these disappointments and defeats, betrayals and let-downs, that all that will remain for you to trust is Satan. Jonathan. I've missed your writings. It was almost as if you always had something I needed to read and even though I haven't seen anything in a long time now I read this after losing someone I'd loved for almost 3 years. John. But, in the end, what more do we need? No human was there, holding my hand as I was born into this world; neither will any human carry me out from it. Only Satan is always with us. Lucius. Sadly this is exactly what I have witnessed my self with the human race. They only care so much about anyone. I was betrayed by lots of people and I realized only Satan truly had my back when no one else would. I mean I have a few friends and I still talk to my parents, but fundamentally I don't have many friends nor do I trust a majority on this planet. I am misanthropic, I think most people are wilfully ignorant, easily led by authority, brainwashed, sheepish and just stupid. All you can truly do is be true to yourself and to Satan. If others love you then you will be loved by them, but if you got nothing, it's better to love yourself or be accepted by Satan than be loved by anyone else on this planet. Laila. Very true. Our main diffculty with life and the world at present is, as always, that we are assigned to a brainwashed world while we are not.

Universal isolation Shutting out the world and concentrating on the darkness and the so called evil powers that is Satan might seem something of a mental illness, but who is really crazy? Individuals detaching themselves from the world with a mundanity commanded by dictators, freaks and idiots like Trump and Putin, or the masses that are fooled by mundane brainwash to just follow in the lemming stream of madness to perdition? Someone said that he who rules himself controls the world and is commander of the universe, as self control is all the order that is possible, while no one seems in politics to be of any common sense or knowledge or control at all. So let me stick in peace in splendid isolation in intimacy with Satan in his harmony and peace of secret darkness wherein all the knowledge and command of all the universe is found.


A life in ruins It does not matter. You have been through it all before, surviving although you don’t wanted to, and lost, deserted, left to drown all by yourself. It does not matter. Vengeance does not matter. I don’t care about exoneration. About restitution I could not care less. What’s done is done and can’t be made undone, and all you can do is to face the music and go on. The one good thing is that the worst is over; when it’s all in ruins there will be no more destruction, since all that could be destroyed is already a fnished business. Witnesses survive to tell the truth, and what eventually will be of lasting consequence, unlike the fools who lost their heads and brought the havoc, and your greatest honour, pride and joy should be, that you did not have any part yourself in the destruction. Thus you will survive at least in spirit and integrity.

Getting lost I dreamed that I was lost, or was it a reality? I wandered out of this world meeting all the universal stars in perfect loneliness but painfully aware that I was out of and without my body faring far away at random and without the possibility of a return to any matter, body or reality, as if I actually was dead completely at a loss of any contact with reality, and it was most uncanny, without feelings and perception


and more naked than if I was newborn. “If I keep on going on like this I know it will become impossible to fnd my body and reality again, and this is worrying. It was not worth it. Here I am completely on my own without the physical reality, and I don’t like it.” It was like a preview of how it will be when you are really all alone as dead and lost, but I resigned, I let whatever be what would be and went into sleep and woke up in my bed remembering in every detail my uncanny space odyssey. Malik. Very lucid experience you had, sister.

Dying Who has not been dying all his life? Who has not felt like dying when she has been raped or ruined or exposed to some outrageous shattering experience, or when someone all too close to you has died? Life actually consists of one continuous humiliation all the way down until you are dead, when fnally there's nothing more for you to lose than the one thing that you were given just to suffer. This sounds bleak but is the truth, and even if you make the best of it the only thing you will achieve and reach is having death behind your back to grin at you throughout your life with irony and cruelty, and all you can do about that is to smile back at him.


In the doldrums between life and death The closer you are brought to death, the nearer you approach the mystery of life, and the more horrible the death and terrible the loss of someone close to you, the deeper you’ll be pulled into the very essence of existence, as clairvoyance and remembrance will increase, and you might even learn to visit and recall past lives and see the future clearly and unpleasantly, as you will be initiated into mysteries forbidden that not anyone can bear with and survive. You will be at a loss and fnd yourself abandoned in the dark in absolute deserted loneliness, but that will only serve your concentration, education and development, if you can bear to be alone with Satan in his absolute control of you. Dennis. Death is the most royal friend than even our shadows....Even when one is in darkness and shadows has disappeared, Death is still with us...

Under the ice It’s healthy to get sick at times, to let the fever cleanse your body and to be caught up in something of a crisis for more familiarity with death and a complete review and re-evaluation of your life with hard self-criticism for castigation;


and if you survive you’ll fnd new power to go on with fresh and self-renewing insights. To be driven powerless at times and forced to realize your limitations, making you a helpless fool lost in the loneliness of space, will teach you some orientation, and your source is always there of infnite resources as you never will be failed by Satan even if you fail yourself.


The nobility of suffering It hurts as long as you’re alive. As long as you can feel the pain, surviving it and feeling how it is transcended, any operation has been proved successful. There is nothing that ennobles man more than his suffering, especially ordeals and trials of injustice, as when someone dear beloved dies for nothing from a sudden accident or hopeless form of cancer, leading to a shock that will be diffcult to overcome, but you just have to bear it and endure it. Old souls never will grow younger but forever keep on growing older, but their youth is always there alive conserved and well preserved in their own luggage that can never get misplaced or lost as long as they can feel the pain of all the sufferings that experience has brought. You live forever with your pain while only that gets lost and dies that was of no importance.

My hair is like a weeping willow I grew my hair for sorrow, not for joy, like weeping willows reaching to the waters to get even with the universal tears of all the foaming furious fghting oceans of an infnity of hopelessly eternal bitterness 138

of the injustices and hardships and ordeals of life. They say that long hair turn you more susceptible and spiritual, and that may be so, for melancholy is the same as sensitivity, and the more melancholy you develop, cultivate and grow and fnd yourself immersed and naturally subject to, the more you will become aware and feel the universe and the perpetual universal tragedy of life; but to some people long hair is perceived as pleasing as a joy of beauty, and of course I do not mind, while there is only one I wish to please with any beauty I can offer, and that is the dark lord.

All my shadows I call them shadows, since they follow me wherever I may turn both day and night, but in the night they actually are lucid since they are not mirage shadows caused by sunlight but all those I loved who have turned into ghosts. It’s not that they persist in persecuting me, and I don’t keep them for myself in morbid greed, but they are naturally there, and I accept them. They are quite a number, though, increasing by the years, and I feel almost crowded, drowned, immersed and overwhelmed up to the neck with ghosts and phantoms of all memories of love, each contributing with their share for our eternal life, since no love can be true, exist and mark itself as actual without making an impression on eternity of lasting value. So I do not mind my constant guests that fll my life with dreams and add to the profundity and beauty of my darkness. Comfort When someone close to you is called away in a nefarious illness of supreme injustice and he has to leave you and abandon you, it is a fake: he never leaves you, unless it was willingly, which it never is. He will remain behind to love you and to guide you, to protect you and keep younger still than even when he was at his most fresh and beautiful, and you cannot ever lose him, for as long as you are still aware of him. It is the mystery of acausal relationships that go beyond mortality and all dimensions with its roots in darkness and eternity, so you have nothing to concern yourself about in ways of grief or worry, loneliness or loss: the one you love will always remain there more palpable in presence than reality.


The Dreamer to a friend His only crime against humanity was that he stayed incorrigibly true to his ideals of truth and beauty, too good for his own good, too kind for the brutality of humanity, and no lady would accept him thinking only of themselves and seeing that he had no money and nothing to offer them except his fancies, 140

dreams that none could understand except himself. So no one listened to him, he was scrapped, despised and let down by society and even by his own who would not help a hopelessly poor idealist, ignoring the strange fact that he was richest of them all in having dreams and power of imagination excelling all reality and all the follies of the world. If you are rich, established with a property you are a slave and stuck in your own trap of vanity, while only he is free who is his own with his own mind of independence and free thought which is more valuable than all the riches of the world.

Problems of darkness We all know what mental darkness is, the abyss of depression, desperation, sorrow and remorse, adversities that set us down and out of joint, the meaninglessness of existence the brutality and senseless cruelty of man, and we all need ways of escape, and these are ready for you any time, like generally alcohol and drugs. Of course, they offer a relief from darkness and its fearsome threats and stifing aspects, 141

but at the same time something of yourself must be consumed in deafening reality and trying to suppress it. It will come back and always be there, no matter what you do to get away from it. Would it not be better then to face it, see it through, stand up against it and accept it with the horrors of the agonies for what they are and penetrate the darkness, master it and make yourself the lord of your own universe instead of an escaping victim to its overwhelming darkness? View it as an ocean of not only overwhelming power but of overwhelming possibilities and beauty also. You can sail on it and reach whatever destinations just by using it instead of only shrinking from it.

The getaway Thought is faster than any action, and a dream is faster than reality. Creative thought anticipates all enterprise, and all important things are consummated in conception. Reality is a dull and trying hardship, bending by its force your patience to unbearability, while the fight of your imagination is imperative as a relief and absolute necessity for your well-being. You meet with obstacles, adversities and sabotage in real life by the shortcomings of man, which makes it necessary for you to just get away by any means, some trip or journey, why not LSD, or anything that brings you back to what you are, your thoughts, your dreams and your creativeness. Ultimately life becomes insufferable as your body and your circumstances will cooperate no more, and then you defnitely are consigned to get away and leave all sloth and slowness far behind to fy away on your own fastest wings of your creative dreams.


Contents: Bring out and bring in the dead A burnt-out case Liberation or death Alienated The vanity of suppression Buried alive Saved from drowning The case of Laila Roth, by Christian Lanciai Disappearing The age of depression A lover’s complaint No fear of the dark Under the ice The dark truth of reality The shadows of your past Halloween Someone to love Paradox with compromise The silence of wisdom Comfort in the fall A Case for Laila Roth (complete) Guide of darkness The bliss of silence Martyrdom Misgivings Satanic lesson Trauma On line Orientation Your presence Hidden meanings Supremacy The Cry from the Damned Sinister sincerity Clandestine Your right to your own life The pledge My plight Bypass Humiliation Intimidation Fakebook The Curse of Political Correctness Shipwrecked comfort One way only Transnationalism Anonymity


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It never is too late My worthlessness The real reality The medium The case against Donald Trump Anonymity The world at peril Satanism and theology No apology The inevitability of hell Your salvation The hopeless case of man Comfort to a friend Transcending death Spiritual partners The Facebook cancer Love hurts Sectarianism Invocation Your defeat is your victory ”Poet Bay” Intentions Knocked about The darkness of your mind Satanic seduction Facebook paranoia The power of darkness Dark reality You never learn Self-limitation Permanent exile Spiritual amputation Demonization Wholesome irresistibility How soul mates work Persistence The sacred nature of beauty Accountability Shadows Permanent exile ”Give me liberty or give me death” A sense of sensibility Digital bureaucracy Betrayal The darker, the sharper Surviving your death The terrible case of Laila Roth Without roots You are a fool to let yourself be fooled around The silent voice Your integrity Excluded The art of second sight Weather conditions Violation Bereavement Two ways of love Concealed identity My ridiculous Facebook case Suicidal satanism The living dead Fruitful tears The Dead never rest Outrage No excuse for love One foot in the grave My best friend Censored Apologia pro vita sua The art of black magic Dark perceptions of light Digging your grave Disappearance You learn from loving Rising from the Grave Your personalities Community under cover The supreme power of mysticism Educational hubris


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Pleading innocent Hypocrisy The satanic touch in history Some paradoxes Home The challenge A matter of health Dark future prospects Death with a vengeance Spiritual extremism The last stand The problem of immortality Nakedness Our dream The unending hibernation Homeless Time and time again The language of silence Your roots Aging Shifting reality The absolute discretion The satanic quest Virtual and actual reality False comfort Your love The mistake of Marxism A waste of tears An alternative life Mistrust Satanism and politics Out of the dark Protection Disappointment Universal isolation A life in ruins Getting lost Dying In the doldrums between life and death Under the ice The nobility of suffering My hair is like a weeping willow All my shadows Comfort The Dreamer Problems of darkness The getaway

Latest update: 6.7.2018


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Earlier collections:

First part: Mystical Poems and Essays Second part: Avalon Third part: High Priestess of Satan Fourth part: Satanic freedom Fifth part: Satanic service Sixth part: The Satanic Witch


The exiled satanist  

Poems and essays by Laila Roth, part seven

The exiled satanist  

Poems and essays by Laila Roth, part seven