JOIN THE CONVERSATION DEVOTED HUSBAND, FATHER OF TWO, ACCOMPLISHED JAZZ MUSICIAN, MEDITATOR, MENTAL HEALTH EDUCATOR, ADVOCATE, PROGRESSIVE LIBERAL, GARDENER, JOKE TELLER, SCHIZOPHRENIC, GRAND RAPIDS NATIVE. SAM MILTICH AND I SAT DOWN TO CHAT ABOUT HIS EXPERIENCE WITH SCHIZOPHRENIA, TREATMENT, HURDLES HE FACES (AND HAS FACED), COPING SKILLS, AND
MENTA L IL L N E SS
An interview with Sam Miltich, by Marah Evans
HOW HE APPROACHES THE TOPIC WHEN IT IS NEW TO PEOPLE. WE MET AT ONE OF SAM’S FREQUENT STOPS, BREWED AWAKENINGS, IN DOWNTOWN GRAND RAPIDS.
Marah: How did/does your illness manifest itself? Sam: I was 22 years old when my mental illness first manifested itself in full blown psychosis. When first I say to people that I have schizophrenia, many times I am asked, “So what does that mean? What happened to you when you experienced psychosis?” It began by intense crying for hours sometimes. As things progressed in the psychosis I began feeling paranoid. Things, people, places I trusted in the past, I felt I could no longer trust. Thoughts followed the feelings. I came to the conclusion that I was the antichrist and that there was a web of connection, that all the world’s horrific experiences connected back to me somehow. One example is: I was psychotic when the 35W bridge collapsed. I had just moved to the Twin Cities that year and I was convinced I was responsible for the bridge collapse. I began to feel as though people could look into my eyes and hear my thoughts. My
J O I N T H E C O N V E R S AT I O N
thoughts were so disturbing to me that I felt if
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an outsider could read my thoughts, surely they would alert law enforcement. I felt as though the CIA was coming to arrest me. I would lock myself in a closet for hours on end, with all the lights turned out, to practice what it would be like in solitary confinement. Surely I would be arrested if I was the antichrist. I eventually came to the conclusion that I would have to end my own life, not because I wanted to die or to harm those that I loved, but because I was doing so for the salvation of humanity. Eventually, I was brought back home to Itasca LAKE TIME MAGAZINE
FALL 2018