Spokane CDA Woman May/June 2015

May/June 2015 | Issue 21

spokanecdawoman.com Katie Scheib

Your Love Life

Brewing Babies: Hot Topics in OB Health

Stress

Free

Wedding Planning

2921 E. 57th Ave • Spokane, WA 99223 • 509-448-5800 • www.goldsgym.com/spokanewa

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Inside

May/June 2015

contents

14

features

Role Model: Margaret Wilds grew up with a love of vintage clothing and parlayed that fondness for old textiles and fashion into a successful online business, Denisebrain.

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Day in the Life: Kay McPhee probably gets more “chin on the floor” reactions than she notices; she’s too busy doing her job.

Stereotypes often suggest women can’t drive, let alone a truck and Kay doesn’t just drive a truck; she navigates a one-clawed beast through narrow residential areas.

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OBGYN Health: One of the most spectacular things women do is to create and carry life. We checked in with three local experts to share their advice on three topics in baby brewing: infertility, exercise during pregnancy, and caesarean sections.

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Family: Sick and Safe Leave; Family Planning; Reasons Kids Should Play Organized Sports.

on the

cover Katie Scheib Aaron Bareither Boutique: NanaMacs Boutique Model:

Photography:

Find Spokane CDA Woman magazine on Facebook at www.facebook.com/SpokaneCDAWoman

May_June 2015

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Tire & Automotive

Vol. 4 Issue 3

Best Auto Repair

Editorial

• Tires/Wheels • Engine Repairs • Shocks/Struts • Mufflers • Towing Available • Transmissions • Tune Ups • Batteries • Brakes

Photography

Editor | Stephanie Regalado editor@spokanecdawoman.com

Art Direction | Graphics Art Director/Lead Graphic Designer Kristi Somday | kristi@spokanecda.com Traffic Manager/Graphic Designer Camille Martin | camille@spokanecda.com

2006 -2014

1126 W. 2nd Ave. Spokane, WA 99201 509-747-5371

May/June 2015

Aaron Bareither

Contributors

Kate Armstrong, Lisa Fairbanks-Rossi, Tiffany Harms, Dennis Held, Brenda Houmard, Jennifer LaRue, Nathan P. Meltzer, Kathryn Miles, Cheryl-Anne Millsap, Elise Raimi

523 N. Pines Spokane, WA 99216 509-321-7243

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Sales | Marketing Business Development Emily Guevarra Bozzi | emily@spokanecda.com Vice President of Sales Cindy Guthrie | cindy@spokanecda.com Senior Account Manager Jeff Richardson | jrichardson@spokanecda.com Account Managers Erin Meenach | erin@bozzimedia.com David Vahala | dvahala@bozzimedia.com Julie Lilienkamp | julie@bozzimedia.com

Operations Director of Operations Kim Morin | kim@spokanecda.com Accounts Receivable and Distribution Theresa Berglund | theresa@spokanecda.com

Events

WIBL, Power 50, 20 Under 40, Women's Luncheons Stephanie Regalado | stephanie@spokanecda.com Hot Summer Nights, Best Of, B2B Jennifer Evans | j@allfortheencore.com Release Parties: events@bozzimedia.com

Publisher & CEO | Vincent Bozzi

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104 S Freya | Ste 209 | Spokane WA 99202-4866 Phone: 509.533.5350 | Fax: 509.535.3542 All contents © 2015. No portion of this magazine may be reproduced without the written consent of the publisher. Neither Bozzi Media nor Spokane CDA Woman assumes responsibility for errors in content, photos or advertisements.

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Editor's letter

For the Love—and the Lives—of Our Teens photo by Kelly Tareksi

I

wrote about my teenage brother’s suicide in the September/October 2014 issue, which was a “shame breakthrough” for me. There were many years I would have said he had died in a car accident.

Exacerbating the shame was the silence. People were afraid—and still are to some degree—to talk about suicide, particular when a teenager chooses to end his or her life.

I can still so vividly remember standing beside Shawn’s stainless steel hospital bed, plucking words out of the air as they traveled delicately from the doctor’s mouth to my parents’ ears, while my brother’s foilblanketed body rose and fell with the harsh sounds of life support machines. I remember staying with Shawn after the room had emptied out, praying through teary, blurred vision for another chance, bargaining with God and the universe for more time to help him, to make it right to the degree of my own power.

“I’m so sorry, Shawn,” I whispered to his spirit. I had gathered enough words to piece together the reality that he wasn’t coming back. “I really do love you. I’m. So. Sorry.” I was a teenager, as well, and hadn’t always managed our sibling rivalry with grace.

I remember, so well, the burn of those moments, the sting of losing him, the enormity of the crash of life that followed, and the years of facing the silence as the noise of it all played at full volume inside my head. I remember it so well, I hear it all over again each time I receive the devastating news about a teen losing hope and ending their life.

This school year has been particularly heartbreaking as Spokane Public Schools has lost five teens to suicide, and numerous others have dangled by a thin life thread when their efforts failed.

We cannot lose any more of our kids. We must pull ourselves out of our busy lives and listen, soak in the gravity of their actions and their words. As a young student from Lewis and Clark High School said at a recent public suicide prevention forum: “We need to look up and make eye contact with others. We need to let people know we care, and that their life matters.” Because, truly, every life matters.

As the adults whirl around pulling out old methodologies from their back pockets, the kids are speaking loud and clear: they need spaces that feel safe to speak their minds and share their emotions (whether about family stress, societal and school pressures, bullying and loneliness, dark/depressive spaces in their minds). They need to know they are being heard, that people care and that their lives matter. Because, truly, every life matters. And we need to figure out, as a community, how to convey that to our kids.

Spokane Public Schools has no greater priority at this time than to support our kids and to help them thrive in every area of their lives, but they need us . . . they need all of us to start showing up at community events and taking responsibility for the state of the minds of our teens, and all of our community members.

My sincerest thoughts go out to the families and friends of those lost teens, and our entire community, as we break the silence and begin sending the message that every life matters. Have the discussion with your kids; ask them how they are feeling and if they have ever considered killing themselves. Share the anonymous text hotline (741-741) with every teen you know, it could very well save a life.

Please like Spokane Public Schools on Facebook to stay connected to the suicide prevention forums being held at all area high schools in the next few weeks. I’ll be attending most of them and I would love to see packed rooms and hear lots of voices contributing to the dialogue for the health and success of our teens.

This is our magazine, WE are Spokane CDA Woman. Together, we can be sure we are all the best we can be.

Find me on Facebook in order to stay connected between issues, and to share stories of the adventures in womanhood.

For Our Teens,

Stephanie Regalado Stephanie@spokanecda.com May_June 2015

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Love

Tips

:

Fa s h i o n

App

-into-

S

:

Wo m e n

History

App

:

Author

Interview

Up Front

Tips

ingles looking for love are often so busy looking for their perfect match that they don’t stop to consider the kinds of people they are attracting, or how their own habits or ways of thinking led to unsuccessful relationships in the past. Love expert Kailen Rosenberg has worked as a relationship expert with Oprah Winfrey and hosted an award winning series Lovetown, USA; appeared on The Today Show, Good Morning America and CNN; and contributed to Huffington Post, Cosmopolitan, and hundreds of other media. She helps people get to the heart of what has disconnected them from finding lasting, healthy love in their lives and teaches them how to open up to healthy relationships . . . and she offers these tips to help you find love as you head into warmer weather.

1. Fall in love with YOU! Write down what you most love about yourself. Post it on your mirror or your refrigerator.

Focus on your strengths, be aware of and compliment your unique gifts daily.

2. Prepare a list—from the inside out—of everything you are looking for in a mate. And then ask yourself honestly, “How do I match up?”

3. Take a close look at something that is holding you back and tackle it head on for 30 days. Make a goal like improving your diet or activity level or managing your schedule so you have time for yourself. Schedule and/or be intentional about making small changes into your daily routine and reward yourself with something fun at the 30-day mark.

4. Mix it up! Go to a different gym, restaurant, library, grocery store, etc. or take a class in something you are interested in. Switch up your schedule. Expose yourself to new groups of people and new places. You’d be surprised where love can find you.

5. Pay close attention to people you meet. Look people in the eyes. Smile at people. Take your time in life and be observant.

Open yourself to new experiences and people. Watch for traits that you appreciate and want in your next relationship—and especially pay attention and take note of those you don’t.

6. Be open-minded. Try not to pre-judge people. If your type is tall, dark and handsome, don’t rule out the sweet, lighthaired man who is your height. People have many layers and it’s good to push beyond what you’ve been attracted to in the past and open yourself to experiencing something new. You never know what sort of package the love of your life will come in.

May_June 2015

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mixed media on copper

Up Front

Moder:

the “Unsocial Media” Fashion App

Three Gonzaga students recently released a new mobile fashion app, Moder, for Android and iPhone. The app allows users to anonymously post photos of an outfit and receive rapid feedback from other users in the form of a percentage approval. Additionally, users can browse outfits for fashion inspiration. Development for Moder started last November and it officially went public in April.

The three founders—Ethan Mahintorabi, Kyle McCrohan and Evan Conrad—developed Moder as a mobile fashion platform that allows users to escape the judgment of social media and simply be who they are. This philosophy drove many major decisions, including the omission of comments to prevent bullying and complete user anonymity to promote honesty.

Moder is hoping for strong growth among fashionistas and techies alike. They will continue to improve the app and expand its user base. Moder aims to grow to 10,000 users in the first three months.

Download can be found on Google Play and the iPhone version should release in the coming months. www.moderapp.com.

Where Women Have Made History A p p P u t s Wo m e n o n t h e M ap

New

Looking around,

irenedahlart.com

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you’d think that women rarely did things that made history.

Check out some of these stats from Equal Visibility Everywhere that illustrate the issue: There are no U.S. holidays named after women.

There are no women on US paper currency.

Only nine of the 100 statues in the US National Statuary Hall are of women.

Fewer than 25% of U.S. postage stamps honoring people feature women.

In New York City there are 150 statues of people: 145 are men and 5 are of women.

Those facts are all U.S.-based, but this is a worldwide issue. Think about the schools you’ve attended, the buildings you’ve worked in, the streets you’ve lived on and driven down. Who were they named after? Probably not women.

That’s what a group of young women is aiming to fix with Women on the Map, a new project of the SPARK Movement hosted on Field Trip, a mapping app by Google.

So far, they’ve researched and written about more than 100 women around the world who have done something incredible. Then, using Field Trip, they linked those achievements with IRL places. When you download Field Trip and turn on SPARK’s Women on the Map, your phone will buzz when you approach a place where a woman made history.

One unique thing about SPARK is that it is a movement by and for girls, ages 13-22. All of the

research and work behind the On the Map project was performed by the girls, who hope to educate themselves on inspirational women in addition to spreading the word.

This is only the beginning. There are so many more women who deserve to be honored, from all walks of life and all parts of the world. You can contribute to this database and write about a woman whose life inspires you. She could be someone from your hometown or someone from ancient history. Write a 150-300 word biography about her life (she can’t still be living) and accomplishments–make sure you inlcude a specific location to link her bio to. Find a photo or image to go along with it. Email to sparkteam@ sparksummit.com and write “Women on the Map” in the subject line.

Author profile

sarah

Remy

By Stephanie Regalado

Books released: Stonehill Downs, HarperCollins, 12/2014, epic fantasy Winter, Madison Place Press, 2013, young adult fantasy The House on the Creek, Madison Place Press, 2012, romance Forthcoming: Across the Long Sea, HarperCollins, 6/2015, epic fantasy Summer, Madison Place Press, Spring 2015, young adult fantasy

How were you “discovered”? I had been self and small press publishing for several years and was very happy with the way things were going when I happened upon HarperCollins's “open call” for previously unpublished manuscripts. They were looking to build a stronger online presence under an “Impulse” imprint, an ebook first, paperback second model. On a whim I sent them an older fantasy manuscript I’d had sitting around and had done nothing with.

Some 4,000 plus authors submitted, far more than Harper expected. What was supposed to be a six-month decision period stretched past 18 months, and I mostly put it out of my mind.

When I received notice last year that I was one of a handful chosen, I was over the moon. They picked up what is now Stonehill, plus a sequel, with an option for more.

eronormative white male dominant. I write about princesses who don’t grow up and marry the prince.

I write about Latino boys who kill the dragon and save the kingdom. I write about non-binary characters in traditional fantasy and scifi roles. And I write about CIS adults who fall in love and realize that maybe romance won’t secure the throne after all, and hey, let’s put work before family even if that’s not necessarily the “best choice.”

I write real people into unlikely worlds because I think that’s what the next generation of scifi and fantasy wants to be.

What kind of journey would you say readers embark on when they read one of your books?

I tell a good story, and I’m world-building centric.

I’m also very character driven. It’s my aim to provide escapism and entertainment both. Stonehill Downs is a bit of a dark fantasy. There are a few chills and thrills amongst the twists and turns.

Winter, on the other hand, is more the adventure any 17 year old would love to take, from the Upper East Side of Manhattan to the metro tunnel beneath D.C., and finally to the truly fantastic Fay Court.

Sarah Remy is actually your pen name. Why have you chosen to write under a different name?

The point of a pen name is really so I can keep my personal life and professional life separate. It’s also for protection in these days of social media. Most of the authors I know write under a fake name and their publishers are careful to keep their real identities quiet. I’m not writing porn but I do write some things that people may take offense to (gay characters, even feminist characters, fantasy characters—remember J.K Rowling and accusations of witchcraft?) and I really don’t need people to associate my children with my work.

Has anything in particular inspired you to write these books? Yes, very much so. I’m writing for my children, and for my nieces and nephews. The new generation of reader, the new consumer of fantasy.

I write stories about minorities in a genre that has been—in general and up until some years ago—het-

What do you do to keep bread in the cupboards? At the moment I have the best job ever: I’m a part-time aid at a local elementary school. The kids are amazing and I always come away from that job smiling. I’m also running Madison Place Press on the side while still finding time for writing.

Where can people find your books? They’re available here in town at Auntie's, Hastings, and Barnes and Noble. On the web they’re at Amazon and B&N. I’m also easily found at www.sarahremy.com.

May_June 2015

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5 Tips on how to be Okay with “Plan B”

By Kate Armstrong

Recently, a few of my friends have been going through different life struggles and I have given them similar advice: “The world is not ending, life will go on and so will you.”

I have been frustrated to see how they kept wallowing in disappointment. Move on, already!

Then, one weekend, I drove two hours to go to IKEA to buy a particular piece of modular shelving. They did not have it. I pouted, stomped and was unwilling to even open myself to one hundred other, similar Swedishstyle shelves that were right in front of me. All because I couldn’t seem to accept the fact I wasn’t going to get what I wanted. Hmpfh! After my two-hour drive back home, I realized that I should take my own advice:

1. “Evaluate” Ask yourself these questions:

What is the problem? Are you the only person facing this problem in the world today? How does this problem look on a larger scale?

What’s the worst possible thing that can happen because of this? How is it going to impact your life in the next 5-10 years? For example, your alarm didn’t go off and you’re running late for work. You panic, fluster and become extremely stressed out. If you were to apply the set of questions to this, you would find that it’s actually not such a big problem after all.

2. “Vent, But Don’t Linger” Talk to a friend,

complain or scream at the top of your lungs if you need to. Don’t put the lid on the pot of boiling water—the heat and pressure will only increase. However, give yourself 15-20 minutes

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to vent and then move on. People who are angry all the time tend to become unattractive—both inside and out.

life changes...

your tattoo doesn’t.

3. “Realize You Are Not Alone” I made the

mistake of offering one of my friends this platitude (I told her she was not the only woman on Earth who had experienced infertility issues); but unfortunately, I came across as cold and unsympathetic. To her point, yes, there might be thousands of others, but this was the first time SHE was dealing with it, so it was fresh to her, disappointing to her, frustrating for her.

However, I still think it is helpful to realize that there are almost 7 billion people in the world today, and the chances are pretty great that others have experienced what you are going through. The key is to get yourself out of a selfvictimizing mindset.

“Breaktime” Another friend recently lost her job. This is a life-changing occurrence and I was cautious to not belittle it by offering motivational platitudes. Instead, I mentioned to her that perhaps life knew she needed a break. These breaks often happen at the most inconvenient times, but they’re when we need them most. The next time things don’t go as planned, welcome whatever comes your way as a gift. It’s time to give yourself permission to take a break.

Silver Safari can help.

For more information about tattoo removal or to schedule a free consultation, visit

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4.

You have nothing to lose but your tattoo.

5. “Realize It Could be A Lot Worse” No

matter how bad the situation is, it can always be much worse. A plus point vs. negative point analysis will help you realize that. Let’s take my IKEA situation: yes, I spent the time and gas to travel four hours, round-trip, to the economical furniture/Swedish meatball warehouse and no, I did not accomplish the task I needed. But, what if on my road trip, I got a large speeding ticket? What if I had wrecked my car? What if my wallet had been stolen while I was in the superstore? What if the furniture I bought didn’t work (gasp), and I had to make the long drive again to return it?

But whatever the “Plan A” that didn’t come to fruition may be, the key is to move on, set new goals and work toward your next plan. Focusing on actionable steps will help you create forward motion, and will help you not dwell on the disappointments of the past.

Two Locations Spokane Valley Mall 509-893-1321 Northtown Mall 509-482-3435 All natural, non-laser method

In addition to her full-time job in Corporate America, Kate Armstrong is a licensed fitness instructor, producing annual Zumba Fitness events. www.ZMeDance.com.

May_June 2015

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Role model

margaretwilds

By Cheryl-Anne Millsap

Margaret Wilds grew up with a love of vintage clothing and parlayed that fondness for old textiles and fashion into a successful online business.

For this issue’s Role Model profile we invite you to meet Denisebrain.

How did you become interested in vintage clothing? I have been wearing vintage clothing since about 1974, when I was 14. My family has long generations. My father was born in 1908, my mother in 1920, and my grandparents between the 1860s and 1890s. I marveled at the clothing and accessories to be found tucked away in my home. The early 1970s was also a time of experiment in fashion, and lots of retro nostalgia. Vintage was really taking off in Seattle, my hometown, and I loved the self-expression and uniqueness as well as the history I felt wearing vintage.

I have never stopped wearing vintage. Vintage clothing allows wearers to be like no one else . . . no one is going to show up to the party with the same dress on.

beautiful drape and a slightly flaring skirt, circa 1945. Usually charming details go along with this dress. The hats can be spectacularly dramatic and whimsical.

I am very fond of the gorgeous cuts of the early 1910s through 1920, the 1930s art deco elegance. The late 1940s through early 1960s is the great high fashion era of the 20th century. So many wonderful things to say about the colors, the prints, the flattering styles, the fine details and the numerous impactful designers. The 1960s youthful, mod and even space-age trends brought as much revolution to fashion as the flapper’s vogue brought to the Roaring Twenties.

Have you ever had a brick and mortar store or has it always been online?

Did your business grow from your collection?

The favorites in my closet have always been vintage items, and I would say they were always my wearable collection. I have several collections of vintage items now, started for practical purposes (such as my size 9 vintage shoes— rather rare to find), and several collections just for the fun of them. You know those wild, brightly printed 1960s half slips?

I have quite a few! They just make me happy.

Do you have a favorite fashion period? I love the styles from the first half of the 1940s most of all. The clothing fits me most naturally, with the best length. The perfect item for me is a knee-length dress in novelty-printed rayon with

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vintage clothing finds.

I started offering vintage clothing in 1999 on eBay. At that time, I was making handbags out of vintage fabric, and sold these at arts and crafts events. Sometimes I would get my vintage fabric from irreparable older garments, and then I started picking up more and more garments that I wanted to save. I continued with my bag business until recently, but I really became best known for my

What do you think is the appeal of vintage clothing? Many modern fashions are inspired by vintage, so why not wear the original models?

There is so much to appreciate about vintage clothing. For many it is the quality, and also the often relatively economical price given that quality. Not a day passes in which I don’t

AdvantagePlusCaregivers.com® knowledgeable and helpful trade members. think—while looking at a flawlessly mitered I wrote the VFG’s Fabric Resource, and am corner, bound buttonhole or hand-sewn still adding to it. These and other resources, embroidery—this is why I do this. plus innumerable wonderful vintage style Starting in the 1970s, most massblogs, videos and other social media posts produced fashion started being more poorly have whet the appetite, and increased the made and disposable, all while being understanding and availability of vintage the burden of sweat shop labor in other fashion. countries. When most of the clothing I sell was made, there were decently paid union workers (many of them women) doing the What is the story behind ‘Denisebrain’? work in the U.S. No new resources are used This question comes up often, as you can to create vintage clothing of course, so it is a imagine! Many people assume that’s my beautiful form of recycling as well. name. My “first act” was as Principal Horn I like to take the doing good aspect a step of the Spokane Symphony. I came here in further and raise awareness and funds for 1985 and played as first horn until 2001. causes from endangered species, to women’s I still play and teach the horn, including health, to disaster relief. I want people to be as extra and substitute horn with the happy and feel exceptional Symphony. while wearing their When I first went vintage clothing.

“Vintage clothing allows online to use eBay, way Some wear vintage back in the 90s, I was wearers to be like no one helping a student bid on clothing to be reminded of someone they love, like a else . . . no one is going French horns. I was asked young woman wearing her to type in a user name, to show up to the party and I came up with the mother’s or grandmother’s wedding dress to her denisebrain. with the same dress on!” name own wedding. I think Dennis Brain was of clothing as wearable arguably the greatest – Margaret Childs history, a tactile reminder horn player of the 20th of our pasts. century. The young Then there are the styles and cuts. I like a Englishman was only 36 when he was killed fitted waist and a flaring skirt, but there have in a car crash in 1957. He had already left been times when that cut wasn’t available, an indelible mark on music with major so I learned to find this combination in a compositions written for him and much vintage style. You can start thinking that of the greatest horn literature recorded by you yourself are not cut right, but there is him. He is one of the greatest horn heroes almost always a period in fashion that will any horn player could ever have. I use the suit you best . . . a time when you were the name denisebrain with great reverence for It Girl! the person who inspired it, and also as a sly reminder of my other life in music.

How has the Internet changed the business? Before the internet there was

less awareness of vintage. It was more of an urban trend, available in second-hand stores and relatively few vintage fashion stores.

The Internet brought not only a plethora of sellers, but of communities and knowledge.

I am a member of the Vintage Fashion Guild, and there you can find a great deal of information as well as forums frequented by

Your photos are fabulous. Do you do your own photography? I do, yes. I have a camera on a tripod, and use a timer so I am also the person in the photos. I guess you could say I’m a one-woman show, although I am also extremely fortunate to have a husband who is a designer and helps with the look and feel—the branding—of my website.

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May_June 2015

15

A Day in the life Talking and Collecting

Trash in a

Man’s World

Story and Photo by Jennifer LaRue

Kay McPhee

probably gets more “chin on the floor” reactions than she notices; she’s too busy doing her job. She remembers one instance though; a woman was in her front yard when Kay pulled up. “A woman? You’re a woman? Driving that truck? Wow. Just. Wow,” the woman exclaimed. Is it so hard to believe that a woman can drive a truck?

Stereotypes suggest women can’t drive, let alone a truck and Kay doesn’t just drive a truck; she navigates a one-clawed beast through narrow residential areas. “I never had second thoughts.

I’m a woman in a man’s field. So what? I’m happy,” she says.

Kay grew up in Soap Lake. When she was 14 months old, her mother died of cancer, leaving her father (who was 70-years-old when Kay graduated high school) alone to raise her. She got her first job at 13, cooking at the local drive-in restaurant. “My father was a hard worker,” Kay explains. “I suppose that people learn what they live; I have always been very independent.”

After high school, she considered becoming a policewoman. “My father was very against it,” she says, “so I reconsidered.”

She went to college to decide her future. A quarter shy of receiving her liberal arts degree from Spokane Community College, Kay gave birth to a little girl and had a son 21 months later, and her plans changed. She worked in a daycare for the next five years to stay with her children and knew she needed to do something more to take care of her family. She heard of a merchan-

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dising job for an ice cream business, took it and then got her commercial driver’s license so she could drive a delivery truck, which she did for the next 15 years.

Not a huge fan of change, Kay decided to change anyway. “I was pretty much at the top of the chain in the ice cream world but I wanted more freedom and less hours,” she says. She heard about a job with the city as a trash collector, applied, and started hanging from the back of a rear loader through alleys. “It was such a free feeling,” she says.

She then moved to a recycling route, jumping out of the truck at every stop to hand-sort recyclables. Now, she is doing exactly what she wants to be doing: sitting behind the wheel and letting the claw do the work. The pay is really good and the hours are ideal: 7 a.m. to 3:30 p.m., Monday through Friday. Her job does not define her; it simply allows her to live a good life. “I deal in trash so no, my job does not define me, I am not trash,” she says. “I love my city and my job. I’m right where I want to be.”

Kay is a no-nonsense, simple woman.

5’11” and strong, she has no qualms about working in a man’s world. “I’m a woman but I work hard, like a man. I have to.”

Long dark hair and a hint of lipstick separate her from the rest. Her smile is big and genuine and her attire is a no-fuss uniform, leaving her more time in the morning to savor her coffee and spend with her family. She met her husband on the job. They work the same hours, leaving them plenty of time to remodel their home, enjoy the outdoors, and support their children including one who was drafted by the Tampa Bay Rays and is working his way through the minor leagues.

In an article in Psychology Today (You Are Not Your Job, 2009), Ray Williams writes about people who let their jobs define them. “You subtly begin to value people, activities and relationships based solely on how they can help your career.

And you consistently withdraw your time talent and energy from other areas of your life so that you can give more of yourself to your work, leaving you emotionally empty outside the office.” Kay’s career choice was made to support a happy life.

Simple? Yes. There’s nothing wrong with that. Kay takes our trash to the recycling center and she’s happy to do it (someone has to and why not a woman?) unless you put your dog’s poop in there, then she gets a little miffed.

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THURSDAY

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THURSDAY

compassionate women's healthcare

Jody M. Hechtman, M.D. F.M. McCaffree, M.D. Robin Messinger, M.D. Steven J. Richards, M.D. Traci A. Satterfield, M.D. Lori S. Smetana, M.D. Allison Sayre, A.R.N.P. L. Jan Wills, A.R.N.P BrieAnne Gray, A.R.N.P. Sally Delger A.R.N.P

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Exercise

Pregnancy

By Kathryn Miles, MD, FACOG

I

t wasn’t so long ago that we instructed women in their “stage of infirmary” to remain at home, out of the public eye. They were to avoid stress and the physical demands of daily activities. While these thoughts now seem ridiculous, it was previously believed that physical activity or exercise was harmful for the baby and mother. Luckily, our perspective has changed.

As recently as the late 1990s, pregnant women were advised to keep their exercise heart rate below 140 beats per minute. In

2002, The American College of Obstetrics and Gynecology, the professional specialty medical association for OB-GYNs, issued new guidelines. The guidelines now encourage women to exercise throughout their pregnancy, as there are health benefits to both mom and baby.

Exercise helps a woman’s body prepare for pregnancy, strengthening core and back muscles that will help her adapt to, and carry the weight of the baby as it grows. Since pregnancy hormones may cause extra laxity in ligaments,

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improved muscle tone can help minimize back aches and related pregnancy symptoms. Exercise also helps keep weight gain appropriate during pregnancy. In addition, the risk of developing some pregnancy-associated conditions such as gestational diabetes, pre-eclampsia, or even a cesarean delivery, may be decreased with exercise.

For uncomplicated pregnancies, most physicians/CNMs (Certified Nurse Midwives) will encourage 30 minutes of low to moderate exercise most days of the week. We now know that Mom’s heart rate will vary depending on the stage of pregnancy, and that relying on a “number” isn’t always the most accurate. Current guidelines say that the best gauge for exercise intensity can be obtained by the “talk test”: you should be slightly winded but still able to talk in complete sentences. Listen to your body: if it says you are working too hard, then you need to slow down or stop. Some of the best activities include low-impact exercises, such as swimming, walking, low altitude hiking, recumbent biking, pregnancy yoga, and lifting light weights (less than ten pounds). In general, jogging or running may also be healthy options in early pregnancy.

Each woman and each pregnancy is unique. Women are encouraged to consult with their obstetrician or CNM as to appropriate exercise for

her. Exercise may be contraindicated in pregnancy if certain medical conditions are present, such as an incompetent cervix, multiple gestation pregnancy, premature labor, vaginal bleeding, elevated blood pressure or preeclampsia, extreme obesity, and some underlying heart or lung conditions, to name a few. Serious amateur and professional athletes should discuss their exercise plans during pregnancy with their provider.

Some precautions to keep in mind while exercising include avoiding dehydration and overheating. Both can have a negative impact on the baby and mom. Low to moderate exercise with conscious listening to your body will help minimize this risk. In addition, due to the changes in your body during pregnancy, it can also be easier to experience a fall, hit your abdomen or injure a joint. As a result, high-contact activities should be avoided. Scuba and deep sea diving, along with lying flat on your back should be avoided as well.

It is important to notify your doctor if you experience any bleeding, increased contractions, loss of fluid, chest pain, extreme shortness of breath, or other concerning symptoms while exercising.

Pregnancy is a wonderful, natural experience. Being active can help women enjoy this journey to the fullest, and promote a healthy outcome for both mom and baby.

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The Center for Urogyneco logy and Pelvic Reconstructive Surgery Offering Women Hope and Help The development of urinary incontinence can be a distressing surprise for women. Sometimes exercises don’t seem to control it. Urinary incontinence affects 30 to 50 percent of women, yet many are too embarrassed to seek help or believe that nothing can be done. But help is available.

Doctors known as urogynecologists specialize in treating this common yet sensitive condition. They also treat other gynecologic conditions that affect the female pelvic organs and the muscles and tissues supporting these organs. Examples of other conditions they treat include pelvic organ prolapse, frequent and sudden urges to urinate (overactive bladder), recurrent urinary tract infections, and bladder pain (interstitial cystitis).

Pelvic floor problems can have a negative effect on a woman’s quality of life, resulting in embarrassment, discomfort and inability to do her usual activities. These conditions are most often experienced by women who have had children and are in menopause, though they can affect women of all ages. These conditions are also more common than you may realize.

The American Urogynecologic Association estimates that one in three women suffers from pelvic floor conditions.

Urogynecologists are uniquely qualified to treat pelvic floor conditions. Partners in The Center for Urogynecology and Pelvic Reconstructive Surgery, a division of Northwest Ob-Gyn, Drs. Linda Partoll and Sarah Hammil have completed medical school, a residency in obstetrics and gynecology, and received additional specialized training to treat these problems. Both are board certified in Female Pelvic Medicine and Reconstructive Surgery.

Their team of medical assistants, nurses, physician’s assistants and physicians have many years of experience in treating these conditions. Additionally, this long tenured team have worked together for many years, developing and providing effective clinical diagnosis and treatments.

Treatment options for pelvic floor conditions include more than surgery. Drs. Hammil and Partoll also offer conservative options, such as exercise, physical therapy, medication, nerve stimulation, Botox, or the use of simple devices such as pessaries. Even if surgery is needed, many procedures can be done on an outpatient basis.

An experienced urogynecologist has the ability to listen, empathize and help women thoughtfully evaluate treatment options. Their doctors evaluate women to determine the causes, then create effective, individualized treatment plans to help you enjoy the life you desire and deserve. Drs. Hammil and Partoll understand the disabling effects these conditions can have on women. Getting older does not mean you can’t enjoy life. You can still be active with your family and play with your kids and grandkids. Their doctors are here to support you in living your life to the fullest.

Learn more about common urogynecologic conditions at www. AUGS.org.

Learn more about Drs. Partoll and Hammil at www.nw-woman.com

May_June 2015

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Health fertility

10

Common Myths About Fertility

By Dr. Brenda Houmard, MD, PhD,—SRM Spokane

I

nfertility affects about 15 percent of the population and is defined as one year of unprotected intercourse without pregnancy. With so much information about fertility out there—from your well-meaning aunt to the internet—it can be tough to separate fact from fiction. Getting clear on the truth about these common fertility myths is a good place to start.

Myth: If you’re having trouble getting pregnant, wait one year before seeing a physician.

Fact: There are several reasons that a couple may need to see a specialist before one year including: - You’re 35 or older - You have irregular periods - You’ve had pelvic infections or tubal pregnancy - You’ve experienced other female reproductive issues, such as endometriosis - Your male partner has known reproductive issues, such as low sperm count.

Myth: All fertility treatment is expensive.

Fact: The majority of couples are able to be treated with a variety of methods that are much less expensive than IVF (in vitro fertilization). It is best to see an infertility specialist to be assessed and determine which treatment is right for you.

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Myth: Daily sex helps conception.

Fact: Sperm live in the female reproductive tract for up to five days.

Optimal fertility may be achieved with intercourse every one to two days around the time of ovulation.

Myth: Birth control pills reduce future fertility.

Fact: Birth control pills themselves do not reduce fertility. Delaying childbearing until you’re in your late 30s or 40s may reduce fertility, though.

Myth: Infertility is a female problem.

Fact: Over 40 percent of infertile couples have some component of male factor infertility.

Myth: Stress causes infertility.

Fact: Most couples with infertility experience psychological stress. This does not seem to cause infertility. However, extreme physical stress such as lack of food or staying outside in very dramatic temperatures for long periods of time can cause fertility concerns.

Myth: The second conception is always easier than the first.

Fact: Many couples experience more difficulty conceiving for second or subsequent pregnancies than with a first pregnancy.

Myth: Ovulation always occurs on day 14 of your cycle.

Fact: Ovulation typically occurs between days 12 and 16 of the menstrual cycle but can vary among women.

Myth: The type of male undergarment worn plays a role in his fertility.

Fact: Recent studies have shown that fertility is the same in men who wear boxer versus brief undergarments.

Myth: Age does not matter for fertility.

Fact: Female age is a major factor in determining a couple’s fertility.

If you have any further questions or concerns about these issues, it’s best to seek consultation with a Reproductive Endocrinologist and Infertility specialist who can address your unique situation.

Brenda S. Houmard, MD, PhD, brings twenty years of award-winning experience to SRM Spokane, a full service fertility care clinic in the Spokane Valley. Prior to joining SRM, Dr. Houmard spent 15 years as an Assistant Professor at the University of Washington.

She is committed to fostering stronger understanding by patients and specialists of fertility issues, evaluations, and treatments.

To learn more about Dr. Houmard and SRM Spokane, visit www.srmspokane.com.

FIFTY SHADES OF

GREY IN

BIRTH?!

Preventing the First C-section

By Nathan P. Meltzer, MD FACOG, Valley OB/GYN

No whips or bondage involved!

Even though you can find blogs about “orgasmic birth,” I’m only referencing those parts of medicine that most patients don’t like to think about. Those grey moments. Those not-fully-predictable situations that lead different doctors to do different things.

Not always appreciated by patients, we still practice medicine. But this isn’t a bad thing. For the providers in my group, birth is a daily event. We have years of experience, yet are always learning. So is our whole profession. There are loads of very smart people looking both backward and forward to help direct us in making the best decisions.

Very few people get pregnant wanting to have cesarean birth (C-section) and yet at least one in three women who give birth in the United States do so. A cynical person might say this is because the system is rigged to line my pockets with cash and get me to my tee time by 3 p.m. A more rational person understands that at least part of those women would not have been able to have a birth any other way.

Cesarean birth can be life-saving for the fetus, the mother, or both in certain cases. However, our researchers are concerned that the rapid increase in C-sections from 1996 to 2011 has not shown clear evidence of decreased maternal or neonatal complications. This raises significant concern that cesarean delivery is overused. And there is significant variation in the rates of C-section.

When we try to compare C-section rates between providers and hospitals, we try to compare apples to apples, and no one represents this better than the firsttime single-fetus non-breech mother near her due date (NTSV = nulliparous, term, singleton, vertex).

The most common reasons for the first (primary) C-section are slow labor, fetal distress, weird fetal positioning, twins, or the suspicion of the Big Baby your grandmother warned you about. Each of these types of births have risks if allowed to continue indefinitely—most commonly this is hemorrhage, infection, or fetal injury, illness, or death. But we also know that C-sections have risks too, and most importantly, having several C-sections carries a particularly dangerous risk—the placenta accreta. Sometimes the placenta can grow into the wall of the uterus. We’ve seen a large increase of these life-threatening events in the past two decades. Safe reduction of the rate of primary C-section will require different approaches.

Every pregnant women should discuss the possibility of C-section with her provider. No matter what you do to prepare, and what you write into your birth plan, you might just need one. It would be a poor choice to avoid a C-section, just to end up taking home regrets instead of a good story. But you deserve the confidence in your provider that careful and thoughtful consideration was given to your long-term health too. Especially in those grey moments.

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Wedding Planning 101

By Rachel Sandall

Y

ou can be the most laid back person in the world, but chances are that at some point in the wedding planning process you will experience a “stuff-this-let’sjust-get-eloped” moment. Emotions are high, you’ve got a to-do list the length of Kobe Bryant’s right arm and you’re spending money (potentially a lot of it) at a fairly fast pace—you’re bound to have some stress! Here are a couple tips for keeping your sanity intact.

Stick to Your Budget Money is the root of all . . . wedding problems. Don’t let it ruin your big day!

Come up with an itemized budget at the very beginning of your planning process and stick to it. Figure out how much you have for each area of the wedding (photographer, venue, food, etc) and be up front with each vendor about what you can afford. Also, don’t forget to build an emergency fund for unplanned expenses.

Keep DIY to a Minimum Don’t get overzealous when it comes to do-it-yourself wedding projects, or at least try to choose things that can be completed far in advance so that you don’t end up spending the night before your wedding frosting a zillion and one cupcakes.

Hire a Day-of Coordinator I always recommend brides hire a wedding planner for their wedding, but at the bare minimum every wedding needs someone overseeing the timeline and events of the wedding day itself (not you or your mother). Ideally this would be a professional wedding planner, but it can also be a very organized friend or relative.

Keep Perspective Don’t let the little things cloud your perspective. A perfectly chosen color scheme and invitation suite is a great addition to your big day, but don’t forget that at its core, a wedding is simply the celebration of the lifetime commitment you’re making to your best friend, which can be done with or without satin table linens!

Rachel Sandall is the editor of the Inland Northwest’s busiest wedding resource, AppleBrides.com.

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Sick and Safe:

Matters of Workplace Leave

By Lisa Fairbanks-Rossi

SICK Chelsea holds the ceramic mug in her hand. It reminds her that 12 hours earlier she’d been hugging the porcelain of her toilet.

Her head is pounding and she starts to sweat again. There is a line of familiar customers and now Chelsea can’t remember how many pumps of hazelnut syrup she’s already put in the toilet. No, no. Mug. “Working when I’m sick is miserable,” Chelsea says. She’s a healthy 23-year-old college student and part-time barista, but

the day she had to work a full shift with the flu is still a vibrant memory. (And she admits she’s worked sick more than once.)

“It’s hard because I have pride in the level of customer service that I give to people, and I’m walking around in a fog and forgetting things; it’s tough to keep pushing through these feelings of misery,” Chelsea recalls.

A growing number of citizens believe Chelsea and the 40,000 other Spokane employees without paid sick leave shouldn’t be forced to work under these circumstances. The Spokane Alliance, a nonprofit group of congregations, unions, agencies May_June 2015

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and community groups, has worked with 50 local businesses and three city council members to craft the “Paid Sick and Safe Leave” policy which members hope can be presented for a vote later this year.

In late April, the council created a “working group” to further research the efficacy of the proposed citywide ordinance.

Under the plan, employees could use paid sick days for either their own or a family member’s illness, injury, or preventative care. They would earn one hour of paid leave for every 30 hours worked, with a maximum of 40 paid hours (5 days) for people who work at companies with fewer than 50-full time employees.

Some business owners, particularly those with more than 50 FTE, have said they’re worried sick leave costs could eliminate positions, and affect customer service. “I know that some employers are also opposed to giving workers paid sick leave because they could abuse it,” says Jennifer Davis, who owns the popular South Hill ice cream shop, The Scoop. “But I disagree. If people have paid sick leave, I think they will take better care of themselves. They’re going to want to do a better job for me if they are offered this sense of security.”

Chelsea says she traded a previous job with paid sick leave for her current job, because she loves the work. If the policy passes, the freedom would grant her pride and peace of mind.

“It would offer me and my husband financial and emotional security. Just having the assurance that it’s okay to be home sick without worrying about how I’m going to pay the bills.”

In Jennifer’s fantasies, she offers massages, paid vacation, cleaning services and catered meals to her employees.

“But I know that those kind of benefits are not affordable to provide,” Jennifer admits. “I mean, we’re selling two dollar scoops of ice cream, and one dollar cocoas; our average ticket is four or five dollars.”

But Jennifer says she’s more than willing to pay for sick leave.

The bulk of Jennifer’s employees are seasonal, however, with the peak of business in spring and summer. “It’s unfortunate that only a few of my employees will be able to accrue that kind of time.”

SAFE Imagine missing a paid workday not to stay in bed with an illness, but to pack up and leave your home.

The YWCA’s Alternatives to Domestic Violence program estimates 10,000 calls come into their crisis line each year, yet the FBI estimates only one in 10 domestic violence offenses are even reported. That’s a potentially large number of working women hiding their pain and fear as they deliver service with a smile.

That’s why the possibilities made available by the “Safe” section in the proposed “Paid Sick and Safe Leave” are compelling to people who work with victims of partner violence.

It allows “survivors of domestic violence, sexual assault or stalking” paid time off to file reports, make contact with court, or seek counseling and support services. “If you could handle it right away, as soon as possible after the abuse, that is key,” says Teri Mahan, the Counseling Center manager of YWCA’s Alternatives to Domestic Violence Program.

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“I’ve had people say ‘I’ll call you after work, or after my shift ends,’ and they don’t call,” says Teri. “It would be amazing for victims to not have to choose going to work over keeping themselves and their children safe. The potential for it saving someone’s life is huge.”

Teri’s colleague, Shauntelle Lieske, the associate director of legal services at the YWCA, recalls an exact situation where a client was caught between two options.

“She said, ‘I’d like to get a protection order, but I have to work. I can’t miss that shift.’ She could have taken the day off, and gotten that order.”

Shauntelle estimates this court process takes about half a day.

“But the reality is, it takes a long time to get into a relationship, and it takes a long time to get out,” Teri points out.

“It’s hard to come up with one plan for every person. And statistically, it takes a victim of domestic violence seven to ten times to leave an abusive situation for good. Even the best intentioned employer is going to grow weary” of paying for this process.

But the policy offers another layer of discretion by asking only for an employee statement, with “no explanation required of the nature of the situation or reason for taking leave.”

It’s hard for Shauntelle not to get excited about the potential of removing shame, judgment and fear of lost income from the process of her clients’ taking action.

“I would love to see the shift where, when the victim knows what she needs, she can just access it,” she says. Both women envision the possibility of dissolving misconceptions about how women “get into” violent situations, as well as the empowerment resulting from a more simplistic path to getting out.

“Sick and safe leave is not just a women’s issue, it’s a community issue,” Teri declares. She believes implementation of the policy would be proactive and a powerful step toward personal and business partnership. “And that type of community accountability is the root of real change.”

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5

Reasons Kids Should Play Organized Sports

• Cultivates a positive attitude: Sports are demanding. Come game time, a young athlete wouldn’t last long with a negative mindset. “Practice is no cakewalk either,” Darnell says.

“As adults, we understand the need to hype ourselves before hitting the gym.

The rewarding feeling we get walking out from the gym is similar to what young people feel after a game or tough practice.”

• Offers a sense of accomplishment, confidence and self-esteem: As the CDC noted, simply being physically active builds self-esteem. We are physical beings who are not meant to sit in front of a videogame for several consecutive hours. “Again, if you’re a physically active adult, you feel that sense of accomplishment in outdoing your last performance at the gym,” Danyel says. “Kids feel a similar way learning new skills and succeeding in a game, except more so.”

• Builds better peer relationships: Kids want to fit in, but it’s not always easy. Organized sports hurdles the high wall of social awkwardness so many children feel. Team sports such as baseball, basketball and football demand participants to work together for a common goal, which is a valuable lesson some adults still haven’t learned while interacting at work.

Life-long Lessons Learned in Youth Competition

I

n the past 30 years, obesity has more than doubled in young children and quadrupled in adolescents, potentially leading to a host of chronic diseases later in life, according to the Centers for Disease Control.

Conversely, the CDC reports that regular physical activity provides a long list of physical benefits for children, but that’s not all. Daily exercise also promotes mental and emotional well-being that includes self-esteem.

“By now, I don’t think anyone is surprised that regular exercise is good for children and inactivity is places them at risk for illnesses later in life, but when you take a moment to consider the data in-depth for children who exercise and play organized sports, the details of a child’s future come to life,” says Danyel Surrency Jones, president and co-founder of Power To Give.

Danyel and her business partner and husband, Darnell Jones, a former professional basketball player, want kids in their community and beyond to benefit from the values learned from youth sports. That’s why they created the Power To Give program, which promotes positive development.

“We believe in the power of sports to change a kid’s life for the better,” says Darnell, who lists five significant benefits of youth sports.

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• More restraint in avoiding risky behavior: Ideally, parents can get their children engaged – in anything that’s productive, really.

Bored or disengaged children have a way of getting into trouble. A student is less likely to misbehave in class or break the law if it means getting kicked off the team of a sport they love.

• Greater family attachment and frequent interactions with parents: Famous athletes say it all the time, “Thanks Mom. Thanks for driving me to and from practice, and thanks for showing up at the games.”

And that doesn’t even count helping a child with actual practice—playing catch, squaring off one-on-one, etc.

Family planning

Setting the Record Straight: Contraception

By Tiffany Harms

Despite the fact that modern birth control has been around for decades, misinformation and confusion around these methods continues to persist. This has a serious impact on women—it may prevent them from seeking care they need or they may miss out on an option that is a truly great fit for them because of a false claim.

Every woman has the right to medically accurate information that helps her make the best decisions about her body and her future. So in the interest of setting the record straight, here are some of the often-confused facts about birth control, especially with IUDs and emergency contraception.

You should know the difference between “Typical Use” vs. “Perfect Use” when considering a method. These percentages are key when you’re looking into birth control, as they show the rates of pregnancy if a method is used absolutely perfectly versus how the method is used normally. Methods like IUDs and the birth control implant are among the most effective options—meaning their typical use is pretty much the same as their perfect use stats—since they don’t have room for user error once put in place, and they’re longlasting. If you want some help deciding which method to use, your healthcare provider is a great resource for finding one that is a good fit.

Emergency contraception won’t impact an existing pregnancy. According to the FDA, emergency contraception isn’t effective if a woman has already become pregnant. To be clear, it won’t end a pregnancy. It’s important to understand that pregnancy doesn’t happen right after sex, and it can actually take several days for the sperm and an egg to meet. EC works by preventing pregnancy within three to five days, depending on the method you choose.

Condoms are the only type of birth control that also protect against STDs. Although this may seem straightforward for some, it’s actually a pretty common misperception that birth control—especially emergency contraception methods—can help protect against STDs. While being on regular birth control is important if you are trying to prevent pregnancy, condoms are an important tool in staying STD-free.

Your body mass index can impact the effectiveness of emergency contraception.

For emergency contraceptives, your body weight can play a role in how effective the method is. Levonorgestrel pills (known by

their brand name Plan B, Plan B One-Step and Next Choice) are the most impacted by body mass, and become less effective for women with a BMI over 25, and may not work at all for women with a BMI over 30. “Ella” is a slightly more effective pill method overall, and its effectiveness is only lessened when a woman has a BMI over 35.

There is such a thing as long-term, nonhormonal contraception. When we think of birth control, we often think of hormonal methods like the pill. But there is a longacting method that doesn’t contain hormones, called ParaGard. This is a copper IUD, which works by preventing fertilization of the egg.

Its rate of effectiveness is more than 99 percent, making ParaGard among the most effective forms of birth control available. Plus, once put in place by a healthcare provider, it can provide up to 12 years of worry-free birth control.

When it comes to emergency contraception, time is of the essence. Like we said, fertilization doesn’t happen right after sex.

That’s why it’s important to seek out emergency contraception in that window of time— about three to five days, depending on the EC method you choose.

Luckily, it’s really easy to do so. Plan B is available over-the-counter without a prescription to anyone, and it’s just $25 at all Planned Parenthood locations. Ella requires a prescription though, and making an appointment is easy. You can call at (800) 230-PLAN or schedule online at www.ppgwni.org.

Tiffany Harms is the communications manager for Planned Parenthood of Greater Washington and North Idaho. The Planned Parenthood expert health care professionals can answer your questions and help you choose care that’s right for you.

May_June 2015

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If they only knew Death. It’s one of those things you don’t always see coming. It’s like pancakes in the morning on your birthday, but not at all happy.

It’s pain. But not like physical pain… it’s worse: it’s all encompassing. It’s like a sledgehammer chipping away at your heart until there’s a hole in your soul and there’s absolutely nothing you can do about it.

If there’s one person that knows about death, it’s my mom. My mom lost her grandparents in her twenties. She had met her childhood sweetheart when she was 14. Sadly, he was involved in a car crash when he was 16. He survived the car crash, but received an infected blood transfusion.

Ten years later, he died of AIDs. I haven’t gone through nearly as many tragedies, but the hole in my heart is pretty big too.

I was only four when it first happened. Only four when my dad passed away. It was a blur. In fact I don’t even remember my mom informing me. I just remember everything after she told me. I remember smelling the rain outside my mom’s bedroom window. I remember hearing the wind chimes, and I remember crying myself to sleep as my mom cradled me in her arms.

In September, my mom and I were speaking about the loss of my father at an event. A call came in for my mom, with news that her best friend had committed suicide.

She collapsed and broke down in tears. I was so worried. I couldn’t hear what the person on the other end of the line was saying to her but I could hear the shakiness in my mom’s voice. My mom lost a very dear friend that day, and I lost one of my role models, my Aunt Liz. Death comes with pain, and it sometimes comes with guilt. I remember the last time I had the chance to talk to my dad. He was

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originally from New Zealand so he had the Maori accent. I could never understand what he was saying.

Then I would feel silly not being able to come up with an answer, so I didn’t take up the opportunity to talk to him very often. Now, looking back, I would pay anything to talk to him once a day, every day. I know my mom had been meaning to call Aunt Liz, but never got around to it.

Now she wants nothing more in the world, than to talk to her just one more time.

Losing someone important to you is one of the hardest things a human can go through. With that difficulty, I have learned to try to make something good come from it. Death often brings people together who haven’t seen one another in a long time. You can meet new friends, and reunite with the old ones while sharing your stories about the lost loved one and possibly learning some new stories, too. The experience reminds me of a saying a teacher once shared with me, “When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.” I have a lot of life ahead of me, I’m still just a kid, but I’ve learned a lot through loss. I realize it’s time for me, and my mom, to start looking for that open door. And for the people that meet us along the way, If They Only Knew . . .

“If They Only Knew” is an anonymous guest column featuring essays from the “snapshot” life moments of courage and perseverance in Spokane Coeur d’Alene women. If you would like to share a moment of your life when you thought, “If They Only Knew,” please send an email to editor@spokanecdawoman. com or mail a hard copy to our editor, Stephanie Regalado, at 104 S. Freya, Ste. 209, Spokane, WA 99202.

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