2018 Pride Savoirflair Magazine

savoirflair COMPLIMENTARY COPY

VOL. 10

NO. 1

KP MEDIA PUBLICATION | NEW ENGLAND’S LGBTQ MAGAZINE

FAMILY PROUD

LGBT MARRIAGE How We Propose

FLAUNT

IT

Ride With Pride

Our Families

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CONTENTS PROUD | NEW ENGLAND LGBTQ FAMILIES 24 FAMILY

BY ERIN WEAVER

28

NATE BERKUS + JEREMIAH BRENT | HOME ADVICE +

BY ERIN WEAVER

THAN BLING | JEWELRY AS AN INVESTMENT 42 MORE

BY ERIN WEAVER WE PROPOSE MARRIAGE | THE QUESTION...

46 HOW

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IT | RIDE WITH PRIDE 54 BYFLAUNT JOHN AXELROD

EVERY ISSUE 12 FILM /TV OF INTEREST CHAMPIONS, INSTINCT, WAITING IN THE WINGS 16 BOOKS THE REST OF IT WOULD YOU RATHER? WHEN THEY CALL YOU A TERRORIST LOCAL AUTHOR EXTRA; STONEWALL STRONG 28 HOME ADVICE BY NATE AND JEREMIAH

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PUBLISHER Mary Kennedy EDITOR Sharon Levine EDITORIAL CONSULTANT Nicholas McCarty WRITERS Wendy Mimran | Mark Adams | Anthony Sammarco | Oom PahPah S. Latcoricki | John Axelrod | Terri Schlichenmeyer | Erin Weaver | Don Fuchs SALES Rena Berman, Sales Director Wendy Mimran, Sales Development Manager Sharon Levine | Nicholas McCarty | Mark Davis | Mark Gagnon PRODUCTION Jenna Simon | Louis Chavez, Intern | Shorty Kennedy, Intern Orella DeVille | Cleo Marie | Kwame Byrd | Pixie Chavez; Proof Reader PHOTOGRAPHY COVER: Courtesy of Discovery Communications, LLC., Meredith Corporation, Kristina Gibb Photography, Gap Inc. DISTRIBUTION Eagle Distribution | Crevier Distribution | CTM Distribution | Breakaway ADVERTISING INFORMATION All inquires may be addressed to KP Media, 333 Washington St. #714 Boston, MA 02108 (617) 423-1515, e-mail: kpmedia@aol.com ©2018 All Rights Reserved. M. Kennedy Publishing, Inc. Savoir Flair may not be reproduced in part or whole without the written permission of the publisher. Advertising content is the sole responsibility of individual advertisers.

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LGBT TV + FILM OF INTEREST

CHAMPIONS

By Mark Adams

gym. Precociousness, if there is such a word, can be

We begin this episode by mentioning one of the

grating, but this kid really pulls it off, and how fun to

best TV shows no one is watching...well, there are

see a young gay man being himself. The brothers are

a few folks besides me, but probably not enough to

played by Anders Holms and Andy Favreau, neither

prevent cancellation (my watching and enjoying any

of whom you may be familiar with if you hadn't been

TV show almost always assures its imminent cancel-

a fan of Kaling's series "The Mindy Project." As the

lation). "Champions" was introduced on NBC late

series progressed, the writing became even sharper,

in the 2018 season, and was co-created by Mindy

and it was good to see their personalities develop

Kalin. It's plot was about two brothers who owned

and change. If "Champions" has bitten the dust by

a gym who wind up caring for the younger's brother

the time you read this, you can probably find it on

kid, who is dropped off by his mother, off to who-

one of the streaming services like Hulu or Netflix

knows-where so that this thing will have a...well,

eventually.

plot. Now, I try to avoid any shows with children as

They're calling the new CBS series "Instinct" a

their main characters (WC Fields was once asked

groundbreaker, because talented actor Alan Cum-

if he liked children, and he replied  "I do if they're

ming is playing TV's first gay detective in a lead role.

properly cooked."). This one is special. He is played

That may the only part of the show that's "breaking

by J.J, Totah, a gem of a small actor. He is gay, gay,

ground," because the rest of it is cookie-cutter. An-

gay. A perfect foil for the two brothers in a macho

dre Baugher in "Brooklyn Nine-Nine",,,now THERE'S

12 savoirflairmagazine

other, a hunky straight guy, as a stripper, and somehow they wind up switching roles. Hilarity ensues, on a very low budget, of course, with lots of singing and dancing and frivolity. Written by and starring Jeffrey A. Johns, and no, I have no clue, either, how can you not love a movie with a supporting cast of Sally Struthers, Lee Meriwether and friggin' Shirley Jones?

I'm actually looking forward to the sequel -yes, there is a part deuce of "Waiting In The Wings," after a three-year hiatus of looking for funding. I suspect it will be showing up on Netflix is just hours.

Any favorites you'd like to share? Drop me one of those email thingies at vidioview@gmail.com for fua gay policeman, and a Captain at that, and that show

ture items.

is good. But I digress. "Instinct" makes Angela Lansbury's "Murder She Wrote" look like Shakespeare, not that I've watched that much Shakespeare, but you get the idea. I like Cumming. He can do just about anything, and Lord only knows he tries. But this one is insomnia-inducing and, as WC Fields also said, "The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep." I'll use any excuse to throw in quotes from that great man. "Instinct" should be history shortly, unless it gets a new life on...maybe Lifetime.

Lastly, a low-budget gay film that I enjoyed. See? There are some things that bring me pleasure, but let's not get into that. An old friend of mine just got Netflix, and was searching around for some good gay films. As we all know, that's a tough search for those of us with such discriminating taste. He recommended something called "Waiting In The Wings: The Musical." It was a slow TV night (the biggie of the night was "The Big Bang Theory" wedding episode...what am I missing here?), so I gave it a try.

Mark Adams has been a popular contributor to LGBT Media for many years, writing extensively

Who knew? I was hooked after the first 10 minutes.

on film and video of interest to the community.

The plot concerns two entertainers, one, a young

You can email him at vidioview@gmail.com

gay lad, auditioning for a role in a musical, and the

with any of your favorites for a future scribbling.

savoirflairmagazine 13

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Book Review x 3

Book Review x 3 REVIEWS

by Terri Schlichenmeyer “The Rest of It: Hustlers, Cocaine, Depression, and Then Some 1976-1988”

by Martin Duberman c.2018, Duke University Press $27.95 242 pages

Parts of your life are missing. Maybe you’ve forgotten, purposefully or by accident. You were overwhelmed and didn’t look, too influenced by love, anger, or adult beverages to take full notice. Sometimes, you wonder what’s missing but in the new book, “The Rest of It: Hustlers, Cocaine, Depression, and Then Some 1976-1988” by Martin Duberman, one man’s gaps are filled.

16 savoirflairmagazine

Having penned other books of memoirs, Martin Duberman says that people often ask him why he’s omitted roughly a decade of his life story. Once noted, he realized that “the mid-seventies to the mid-eighties… were the most painful years of my life.”

They began with his mother’s illness in late 1976, and her surgery for cancer that was initially said to be non-cancerous, but that was finally diagnosed as malignant melanoma. Duberman had a complicated relationship with his mother and they’d made their peace; still, hers was a horrible death and it plunged him into his work, and a bout with depression.

For years, Duberman had been involved in the LGBT community as an activist, and “in the wake of my mother’s death I hadn’t jumped ship, hadn’t abandoned academia or run off to join the circus.” Still, he looked for ways to cope: he had his “circadian chart” read and he used a fair amount of cocaine and pot. He immersed himself in projects, both of the literary kind and for the gay community, and he picked up his political engagements. Duberman worried that the stress was bad for him – and he may’ve been right, because he had a few health scares, including a heart attack, and another bout with depression and “desperation.”

Still, he continued to write. It was a time “of a flowering of gay culture” when many gay literary giants were publishing – and that included Duberman himself. It was a time when bath houses dotted New York City, AIDS was emerging as a crisis, and Duberman was celibate and addicted.

It was a time when he had nearly hit bottom before he found help and love.

You may be thinking that “The Rest of It” is on the self-contemplative side – and you’re right, though it could also be argued that many memoirs are such. No matter; what keeps you reading isn’t the biography that author Martin Duberman offers here.

It’s what’s behind it.

Duberman’s life was keenly interesting in the dozen years between 1976 and 1988, but so were then-current events, which he carefully recounts. This book shows an emergence of gay culture on a larger scale, growing activism, and the dawn of AIDS; his voice is occasionally snarky as he takes on the medical establishment of the times, gay nightclubs and bath houses, and Reagan politics. In these ways, his deeply-personal memories, mixed with what happened when, are vastly more appealing than if this book were mere memoir.

Though it may not attract casual-readers under A Certain Age, this book is perfect for older readers who remember these times. Also, for historians’ bookshelves, “The Rest of It”

“Would You Rather?

A Memoir of Growing Up and Coming Out”

by Katie Heaney c.2018, Ballantine Books $16.00 256 pages

You’re late! Oops, you overslept, got caught in traffic, the elevator was slow. Phone lines were down, email was down. You forgot, and you’re late, sorry. Or, as in the new book “Would You Rather?” by Katie Heaney, your understanding was just a bit delayed. Where do you go when you’re looking for love?

For Katie Heaney, it was, well, pretty much anywhere. She’d always wanted a boyfriend and she’d had lots of crushes in her life but she was never meaningfully kissed. At age twenty-one, she went to Madrid for a semester with the hopes of meeting someone, but there were only seven men in the group of a hundred students.

In Spain, though, after binge-streaming The L Word and falling for Shane, she began to think that maybe she might be a lesbian.

Musing, she messaged her best friend, who let Heaney talk it out and decide that there was a big MAYBE involved. continues on next page

shouldn’t be missing. savoirflairmagazine 17

Book Reviews continued from previous page Even so, she never saw herself with a girlfriend.

She grew up in the cold of Minnesota, had planned on spending the rest of her life close to home, and moved into an apartment near Minneapolis with her straight best friend but that was too cozy-comfy. Heaney on-and-off flirted with the possibly being gay and she met a woman who was, no question, lesbian, which made her decide to shake herself out of her complacency. She visited New York, and then moved there.

Being in The Big Apple was a big deal, but Heaney remained frustratingly dateless. By age twenty-four, everyone she knew had dated and she began blogging about it, she wrote a book, and she noticed that affected the way men acted toward her.

Four years later, her “attraction to men was just… gone” and picturing herself with a woman came “pretty easily,” which was all it seemed to take: shortly thereafter, Heaney met Lydia online, and her almost-thirty-year dating desert became an oasis.

She not only imagined herself with a woman, she was with a woman and nothing felt more right.

And now, says Heaney, “I am living with the best roommate I have ever had.”

“When They Call You a Terrorist: A Black Lives Matter Memoir”

Sometimes funny, sometimes self-depreciatingly cringe-worthy, “Would You Rather?” is a refreshing change over the I’veknown-since-I-was-a-child LGBT memoirs. Readers may also notice that it’s a bit overboard.

by Patrisse Khan-Cullors & Asha Bandele, with a foreword by Angela Davis c.2017, St. Martin’s Press $24.99 257 pages

Author Katie Heaney writes of her journey with a charming awkwardness that endears her to any reader who’s ever felt as though the different drummer they’re marching to is actually playing the bongos: same beat, different crowd. This book will resonate with all who feel left behind in a world where peers are hooked up solid, and frustration mixes with indecisiveness mixes with self-questioning. Once readers have gotten to the happy not-quite-ending, though, Heaney continues to examine

You can’t look any longer. Whatever it is, it’s just too painful,

too scary, so you hide your eyes and pretend that nothing’s happening. You can’t look any longer, so you don’t… but after awhile, you notice it again.That’s when you realize that you saw all along. That’s when, as in the new book “When They Call You a Terrorist” by Patrisse Khan-Cullors & asha bandele, you realize that you never really could look away.

Growing up as the third child in a family of four, Patrisse Khan-

her situation which, while it doesn’t completely ruin the books’

Cullors lived with her mother and siblings in a “multiracial”

earlier allure, bruises the story somewhat.

neighborhood near Sherman Oaks, California. The two places

Still, this book is worthy, if nothing but for its unique coming-

were “less than a mile” apart but, due to social, financial, and

out POV. For that, “Would You Rather?” fits perfectly for mem-

racial divides, they were separated by oceans, in Khan-Cullors’

oir-lovers, Heaney fans, and those who bloom late.

mind.

18 savoirflairmagazine

Book Reviews Despite that her mother worked all day and into the night, Khan-Cullors was reared in a loving atmosphere. The man who raised her wasn’t always around, but she adored him; after she learned, at age 12, that he wasn’t her biological father, her birth-father and his family became present on a

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regular basis. Absent an adult, Khan-Cullors’ eldest brother acted as “man” of the house. This all complicated her young life, but she enjoyed this expanded, supportive family.

Khan-Cullors says that she was 12 years old, the first time she was arrested. By then, she’d witnessed her brothers being questioned by police for just hanging out with friends. She started truly noticing her surroundings.

Not long afterward, her father was imprisoned on drug charges, and she lost touch with much of

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his family.Then her older brother was imprisoned for attempted burglary and was diagnosed with a mental health disorder, and Khan-Cullors came to understand that she was Queer. She began to earnestly question things in her life.

At 16, she became an “organizer’ and an activist.

She doubled down on it after her brother was

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arrested and called a “terrorist” for yelling at a woman. She was driven to act when, following the death of Trayvon Martin and the acquittal of George Zimmerman, she sent out a message to her friends. #BlackLivesMatter.

“I write,” she says, “I hope it impacts more than we can ever imagine.”

And, of course, it did, and it will. Once you’re fincontinues on next page

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Book Reviews continued from previous page ished with “When They Call You a Terrorist,” you’ll want to stand up, too.

You’ll want to stand, even though author Patrisse Khan-Cullors (with asha bandele) doesn’t tell stories here that haven’t already been told before. Indeed, many authors have shared similar tales of poverty, affluent white friends, outrage, prison, and sadness. The shelves are full of such books – but this one is different because Khan-Cullors gives her story an urgent hear-me-now outrage. That “done playing” feeling is what readers may come away with – a feeling that underscores Khan-Cullors’ activism.

And that’s what this book is about: it’s a rallying cry wrapped in a memoir tied in a call to legal action of whatever sort. And so, if you’re ready, “When They Call You a Terrorist” is worth a longer look.

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Book Extra Local Author STONEWALL STRONG

by John Manuel Andriote Drawing from leading-edge research and nearly one hundred original interviews, Stonewall Strong makes it abundantly clear: most gay men are astonishingly resilient.

Andriote deftly weaves together research data and lived experience to show that supporting gay men's resilience is the key to helping them avoid the snares that await too many who lack the emotional tools they need to face the traumas that disproportionately afflict gay men, including childhood sexual abuse, substance abuse, risky sexual behavior, depression, and suicide.

Andriote writes with searing honesty about the choices and forces that brought him to his 2005 HIV diagnosis, his ‘before-and-after’ moment, teasing out what he learned along the way about resilience, surviving, and thriving. He frames pivotal moments in recent history as manifestations of gay men's resilience, from the years of secrecy and subversion before the 1969 Stonewall riots; through the coming of age, heartbreak, and politically emboldening AIDS years; and pushing onward to legal marriage equality.

Andriote gives us an inside look at family relationships that support resilient sons, the nation's largest organizations' efforts to build on the resilience of marginalized LGBTQ youth, drag houses, and community centers. We go inside individuals’ hearts and groups’ missions to see a community that works, plays, and even prays together. Finally, Andriote presents the inspiring stories of gay men who have moved beyond the traumas and stereotypes, claiming their resilience and right to good health, and working to build a community that will be "Stonewall strong.”

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FAMILY

PROUD

New England’s Enduring LGBTQ Families

By Erin Weaver Illustration by Pixie

As the Pride season rolls around, it’s time for New England

gender people, allowing it to fall in with the rest of New

to celebrate its many diverse, happy, and thriving LGBT

England on this issue. Similarly, all of New England’s states

families. This area has long been a haven for families of all

hold laws allowing same-sex couples to adopt children.

forms thanks to its breathtaking natural setting, exceptionally low crime rates, and strong educational opportunities.

This area understands that family pride includes all kinds of

Against a historical backdrop of struggle and discrimina-

families, and that the community can’t thrive if its mem-

tion for non-traditional families, New England has been

bers aren’t equally accepted and uplifted regardless of

a leader in welcoming and supporting their LGBT house-

orientation or identity. New England residents have long

holds. Cities like Boston, Provincetown and Northampton,

endeavored to embrace their LGBT families as true equals.

MA, and Providence, RI, Hartford, CT are famed for their

“It’s like any other family,” say Joyce and Rose, a New

welcoming, celebratory attitude towards their LGBT resi-

England couple who have been together for over twenty

dents and families. So what is it that makes New England’s

years and recount how they have supported one another

family pride so strong?

through many of life’s challenges. They describe life in an LGBT family as “great”, noting that “most people do well

Part of the secret lies in the fact that New England has

when they have security and support at home.”

historically led the US when it comes to LGBT rights and legislation. New Englanders have traditionally voted and

For New Englanders, this security and support extends

rallied for equal rights in a variety of areas, with same-sex

outwards from the family to a network of organizations

relationships often at the forefront. This has allowed several

that promote LGBT rights and help non-traditional families

landmark wins for LGBT families. Vermont became the first

in these cities and states flourish. While LGBT households

state to recognize same-sex unions in 2000, and all six New

are like any other loving family unit, we all know that they

England states welcomed LGBT marriage before the Su-

can also face a disproportionate amount of difficulty in

preme Court ruling in 2015. New Hampshire recently voted

becoming socially and legally recognized, finding suitable

to extend their anti-discrimination laws to include trans-

accommodation, having children, and a variety of oth-

24 savoirflairmagazine

er areas. Thanks to a wealth of New

the same as any other, striving for

provided a nurturing environment for

England LGBT organizations, these

the same goals that any other family

their adult children. “They love when

important steps in becoming a fam-

might – happiness, health, prosper-

we bring our girlfriends/boyfriends to

ily are made that bit easier. GLAD

ity, and community. Joyce and Rose

holiday parties and family gather-

offer legal support, information, and

ings,” she says. Every person wants to

advocacy to LGBT families in the

be loved and accepted within their

New England area, recently running

family, and an LGBT family knows this

the Pop-Up Transgender ID Project,

better than any other. Love is at the

an initiative to help transgender indi-

heart of any family unit, regardless of

viduals through the process of legally

how they are composed. The open-

changing their names and gaining

minded acceptance that so many

access to accurate forms of ID. Other

New England families bring to the

groups like Gay IVF New England and

table is something that should truly

RESOLVE provide support for LGBT

be celebrated, particularly in a world

couples aiming to grow their families.

where this is not always the case.

These forms of support have helped New England to become a truly safe

note that they “have always been

This welcoming attitude towards LGBT

space for LGBT families to live and

there for each other,” providing the

family members is a proud part of the

thrive.

support that one would wish to find

wider New England community, with

in any family unit. In many cases,

a significant number of festivals, pa-

thanks to the often extended pro-

rades, and Pride events taking place

cess of gaining marital recognition

throughout the year. Provincetown’s

or adopting a child, LGBT households

Family Week is the biggest annual

have a heightened understanding of

gathering of LGBT and queer-identi-

the importance of family. Coming up

fied families anywhere in the world,

against family members and others

cementing New England’s status as

who have negative attitudes towards lgbt individuals only serves to drive home the message that a supportive, understanding, and secure family is so important.

“We’re caring people who care about other people, our community

Amanda, from Chelsea, MA, is a

and the world,” say Jim and Rob, a

lesbian who has a gay brother and

couple from Provincetown, MA. A

a broad family unit due to the di-

pharmacist and real estate broker,

vorce and eventual remarriage of

they are hard-working, award-win-

both of her parents. “I am extremely

ning professionals who care for an

proud of my family,” she says. “All of

a proud home for LGBT families. New

elderly parent and describe them-

our parents are very supportive of

England provides a huge number of

selves as “like [any] other good fam-

us.” Regardless of dissent from some

family-friendly spaces to celebrate

ily”. These threads run through the

members of her extended family,

Pride, such as the Family Fun Zone at

stories of many LGBT families. They

she describes how her parents have

Boston Pride Festival, the Pride in the

know that in most ways, they are

embraced their gay relatives and

Park festival in Norwalk, CT, the Mascontinues on next page

savoirflairmagazine 25

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FAMILY PROUD continued from previous page

sachusetts Youth Pride Parade, and so many more. New England understands that there are so many different ways to be a family, so many ways to express family pride, and so many places to celebrate it.

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savoirflairmagazine 27

Nate Berkus & Jeremiah Brent LIFE, LOCAL NEW ENGLAND TIES, & HOME DESIGN ADVICE

Photo Courtesy of Banana Republic / Gap Inc.

by Erin Weaver, Photos Courtesy of Discovery Communications, LLC / TLC or as credited Nate Berkus and Jeremiah Brent are the kind of couple most of us dream about being. On a superficial note, they’re both exquisitely handsome and are regularly photographed looking dashing in everything from beautifully tailored suits to loose shirts and distressed denim. When it comes to the deeper things like love, life, and happiness, they seem to have it all covered too. Berkus and Brent both had successful careers as interior designers before they started dating in 2012, and they’ve only gone from strength to strength since then. Now they’ve settled seamlessly into family life with a three-yearold daughter, Poppy Brent-Berkus, and a son, Oskar Michael Brent-Berkus, born at the end of March 2018. If there was a personification of #couplegoals, it would be these two.

28 savoirflairmagazine

where he really shined, with Zoe even asking him to decorate her 7000 square foot home in just ten days. Since then, he has continued his rise to design fame with a hosting spot on the Emmy-award winning Home Made Simple and now with Nate & Jeremiah By Design.

The couple lived in Manhattan before making the move to Los Angeles in 2016 but their East Coast connection will likely remain strong. While Brent was raised in California and Berkus in Minnesota, they held their wedding at the New York Public Library and began raising their daughter in the city. Before that, when Berkus was in his teens, he The couple have both been mainstream famous for years now, but Nate Berkus has arguably been in the public eye for longer than his partner. The forty-six-year-old design star rose to fame via appearances on The Oprah Winfrey Show where he was first introduced in 2002. He went on to appear more than fifty times, offering over one hundred life-changing home make overs to Oprah’s audience members. Of course, anything that Oprah touches turns to gold, and it didn’t take long for the wider world to notice Berkus’s open, lovable personality and the keen design eye demonstrated by his room makeovers. By 2005, the Orange County native had already published his first book, Home Rules: Transform the Place You Live into a

lived for some time in New England while attending school at the prestigious Cushing Academy in Ashburnham, Massachusetts. In his 2012 book, The Things That Matter, Berkus reflects on his time spent on the East Coast, where his mother’s family originally hails from. He loved the entire experience of being there and fell in love with New England itself, traveling across Massachusetts. While at Cushing, Berkus fully embraced =Massachusetts boarding school life, taking part in Model UN, acting in theater productions of Chicago and Hamlet, and working on the school paper.

He returned to Massachusetts in 2013, where he was presented with the Cushing Academy Distinguished Alumni Award.

Place You'll Love, and by 2010 he was hosting his own daily show, The Nate Berkus Show. His warm manner and immense talent have led to a fruitful television career that spans almost two decades. Today, Berkus co-hosts the TLC show Nate & Jeremiah By Design, now in its second season, with his husband.

Thirty-three-year-old Jeremiah Brent had a less televisionfocused, but no less impressive, rise to fame. Brent is a selftaught interior designer who had an upbringing filled with interiors thanks to his parents, two avid home flippers. He taught himself to design and build furniture before opening his design firm, Jeremiah Brent Design (JBD), in 2011.

Located in both New York City and Los Angeles, the firm is committed to showing a side of design where, according to their website, “rules can be broken and spaces can be sexy and vibrant”. Brent made several appearances on television before really stealing hearts in his appearances on the fourth season of sassy reality hit The Rachel Zoe Project. He began styling clothes with her but it was still interiors

Photo Courtesy of Banana Republic / Gap Inc

However, life wasn’t always this pleasant for Berkus. He was vacationing in Arugam Bay, Sri Lanka, in 2004 when the devastating Indian Ocean tsunami hit the island. This natucontinues on next page

savoirflairmagazine 29

Nate & Jeremiah

continued from previous page

ral disaster, one of the worst in recorded history, claimed the life of Berkus’s partner, the photographer Fernando Bengoechea. Speaking with Oprah in 2005, Berkus said, “I

bands counsel the couples through the process of creating an interior design that feels like home.

But what advice do they have for all the budding home decorators who aren’t lucky enough to work with them in

have the grief to contend with but I do believe that I sur-

person? Here’s some of Berkus and Brent’s very best home

vived so that I would have a greater understanding both

design advice:

of what I’ve had, what I’ve lost, and what I still have to gain.”

Ten years later, Berkus and Brent were married and noted how they continued to keep the memory of Bengoechea alive in their family. “That’s a part of our love story. There’s no two ways about it,” Brent noted on an episode of Oprah: Where Are They Now?. “I oddly feel connected to him. I honor that story.” The couple named their son Oskar, Bengoechea’s middle name, to honor his memory, and continue to keep photographs of him in their home so their children grow up knowing his legacy.

Family life has thankfully offered relief and home, by all reports. Berkus and Brent have renovated a stunning Spanish Colonial home in Los Angeles and made it a blissful retreat THINK ABOUT WHERE THE MOMENTS WILL HAPPEN Speaking with Architectural Digest, Brent says, “In all of my work, I look at a house and think about the moments that will happen there, the moments we all long to create.”

Look around your home and try to focus on these important spots. Where will you chill out on Sunday afternoons?

Where will you go to wind down? Where will you entertain guests? Think of how you want these moments to look and make spaces that will nurture them into reality.

for their growing family. Speaking to Architectural Digest last year, Brent said that he and his husband “[are] both creatives and we both want to create something really beautiful, and I think we do our best work together.” The married design team have made over the space beautifully, collaborating and combining their respective design styles to retain many of the original features whilst filling it with their own flair. This harmony and collaboration is something they’re attempting to bring to the couples in their show, Nate & Jeremiah By Design, whose renovating projects have turned into disasters. From indecision to arguments and everything in between, the talented hus-

30 savoirflairmagazine

DON’T BE AFRAID TO SPEND ON CONSTRUCTION Brent also recommends that you put your money where it will have the most impact: in construction. When renovating, it’s important to get the base of your home perfect.

You can play around with décor but your base structure needs to be right or you’ll have ongoing problems. Don’t be afraid to spend a little more for a licensed, recommended contractor who can get the job done right. continues on page 34

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FOCUS ON WINDOW TREATMENTS Berkus reminds amateur decorators to remember their window treatments. He maintains that a space isn’t really complete until the windows have been addressed, and too many people leave these important details until everything else has been done. Realistically, a window is always a focal point in a room, so window treatments are a vital part of pulling your space together. A stylish drape, blind, or trim can really bring life to a room.

HAVE FUN WITH PAINT Once you’ve got the perfect base structure in place, these seasoned home designers fully endorse playing around with paint. Different colors can completely change the feeling of your home, and Brent says that changing up your paint job is the most inexpensive way to revamp your space. According to this pro, you can even try playing with paint lines and motifs to give your walls some life and invoke new shapes.

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Spend On Key Pieces, Skimp On The Small Stuff Brent notes that there are some important, key pieces you should make room for in your budget. These are primarily a dining table, sofas, and chairs. He recommends investing when it comes to these feature pieces which will hopefully be in your home for a long time. However, smaller decorative items like linens, crockery, and accessories can be more inexpensive because you’ll likely change them.

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BUY FOREVER ITEMS Brent and Berkus are endlessly stylish but that doesn’t mean that they recommend blandly following trends in interior design. Berkus noted that when designing his daughter Poppy’s room, he focused on finding pieces that could be repurposed and kept for a long time. He recommends looking for furniture that has longevity.

This means it can grow and change with you and your family, rather than going out of style and looking out of place after a couple of years. continues on next page 40

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CURATE YOUR SPACE The most attractive rooms are the ones that feel curated, according to Brent. If you’ve just taken a bunch

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INTEGRATE NATURAL PIECES Organic, natural elements look fantastic in a home and this design couple thoroughly recommend them.

Rustic wood flooring, a reclaimed sideboard, and gemstones always look stylish and add a touch of na-

Nate & Jeremiah ture to a room. Natural stone sinks are

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a feature piece that has remained in

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Jewelry more than bling

Mark Davis spoke with Jeff Bertman Wof Rogers’ Jewelry MD What do your LGBT clients look for when purchasing jewelry?

JB They look for quality, uniqueness, great fit, great price, and a well designed item.

Quality can be in the make up of the piece of jewelry that they a considering to purchase such as the stones and the precious metal. Uniqueness - can be a rare look or appearance as well as in terms of a different stone or design.

Great fit- for the LGBT this could mean proper size or how the piece hangs but also it could mean what social event the piece would be better to wear at.

Great Price - is almost always a consideration and unexpectedly in the long term of ownership can pay off, if the piece is to be for whatever reason, sold or pawned.

This happens as peoples’ lives change.

Well design - This is a taste thing and may also be a

42 savoirflairmagazine

craft thing as well. Putting together quality with quality is often a preference. Example you don’t want to put a high quality stone on a low quality metal or a high quality metal with a low quality stone.

MD JB Yes jewelry is a good investment. People who have purchased say diamonds in the 1960s or 1970s are able to get back 10, 15 and even 20 times what they originally paid. This is especially elevated if the stones are of rare quality, like a red diamond for example. This is simple, mother nature just doesn't produce all diamonds the same way therefore the rarer the stone, the higher the value.

MD Is it a better investment than traditional money markets, bonds etc?

JB It can be, but most people simply don't buy jewelry for that particular reason.

value in the short term. If you decide to pawn or resell this jewelry depending on the time you just might get 5x - 15x of what you paid.

MD What type of jewelry should someone stay away from when considering resale value?

JB Two types; commercial and trend jewelry. Trend jewelry is always going to be hard to resell or pawn.

Because it's made in bulk and doesn't have the things we talked about earlier such as quality, uniqueness and is well designed. Same is to be said about commercial MD Do some pieces of jewelry hold their value

jewelry. Bottom line generally is the rarer the higher

better than others?

JB Yes, the jewelry made with quality and rarer stones.

This jewelry will be more expensive to buy but will in the long term go up in value and of course hold its

the value. I don't want to name specific companies,

Y

let's just leave it at trend jewelry and commercial jewelry and that they are made in bulk. continues on next page

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Jewelry~more than bling continued from previous page

MD What advice would you give someone looking to invest in jewelry?

JB Well first let me say that jewelry to most people is an investment in romance, love and the adorning of one’s partner. So with those feelings usually comes, quality, uniqueness and how well the piece is designed. Which turns out to be a great investment not only in the jewelry itself but also in each other.

If you are looking into buying jewelry as strictly an investment for further resale or pawn value. Then my advice is find out what the product is and learn about it. Do your due diligence.

Jeff added there is value in pawning and reselling of jewelry and that not all jewelers are licensed in the state of Massachusetts. He is and a lot of the jewelry stores especially on the South Shore send him people who want to pawn or sell their jewelry because he gives the best value.

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How We Propose Popping the question LGBTQ style

by Sharon Levine Marriage is one of our society’s most important traditions and legal recognitions. Along with marriage there is always the proposal. Everyone loves to hear stories of proposals both standard, on one knee and original, putting the ring in an unusual place so the future partner discovers it and is truly surprised. Our proposals are as individual as our couples. Role playing can enter into the dynamic or not. Sometimes it is a mutually agreed upon proposal after a long-standing relationship. Other times its one member of the couple who takes the initiative. Whoever pops the question in a LGBT relationship, the excitement of an engagement and upcoming marriage is always an occasion to celebrate.

Thomas and Jimmy Photo by Leise Jones Thomas is a full time graduate student in a Master of Divinity program. He was born and raised in southeastern Ohio and came to Massachusetts in 2008. Jimmy is an instructional designer for an electrical distributor. He mostly grew up in Connecticut but his family also has roots in Ohio. The two met online through OKCupid. They met for the first time for lunch, which turned into a twelve hour date that included dinner and dessert and only ended because the subway was closing for the night. The romance continued to grow from there and on Valentine’s Day, Jimmy proposed with a key and a customized candy bar made by a local chocolatier Lydia Blanchard of Sweet Lydia’s.

46 savoirflairmagazine

w

Julie and Laura Photo by Kristen Schuler Laura Sherman Polvinen is originally from West Hartford, Connecticut. She came to Boston for college and never left. Laura went to Tufts University then attended graduate school at Wheelock College to get her MSW and is currently a school social worker at the Landmark School in Beverly, MA. She is also an adjunct faculty member at Wheelock College.

Julie Polvinen is originally from Stoughton, Massachusetts. She lived all over the south shore of Massachusetts before settling in Somerville. Julie has worked in research at Boston Children’s Hospital for the past 13 years. She also owns her own business, Zen Animal Massage, working as an animal massage therapist in the greater Boston area.

We discussed the idea marriage for a while. I (Laura) wanted to be the one to propose and wanted it to be a surprise. I called each of Julie’s five siblings to ask for their love and support saying I was going to ask Julie to marry; they each gave it gladly. I planned for a special afternoon on a Friday in August recreating an early date they once had. We walked around the Boston waterfront, took a water taxi across the harbor and had lunch overlooking the city. At the restaurant, I gave Julie a book called 50 Things I Love About

You, with the proposal in the back cover. As Julie read the last line “Will you marry me?” she looked over the book in amazement and saw me down on one knee!

With tears in their eyes, Julie answered, “Yes!” I offered Julie a sweet Hello Kitty! ring and placed it on her ring finger; we had decided we would pick out engagement rings together. We both cried and hugged and took a few selfies to remember the moment. After lunch, we went home, got our dog Penny and enjoyed a long walk and dinner on the beach in South Boston. The next afternoon I surprised Julie by taking her to our favorite pizza place, The Town Spa, and had many of Julie’s family members and my family there to celebrate. That evening we went to a John Legend concert on the waterfront. It was an amazing weekend for us both! continued on next page

savoirflairmagazine 47

How we propose continued from previous page

Geraldine and Jessica

Photo By Mara Brod Géraldine Van DerAuwera is a transplanted Brussel sprout. After completing her PhD in Biological Engineering in Belgium, she spent three years as a postdoctoral fellow at Harvard Medical School in Boston. As a Bioinformatics Scientist at the Broad Institute, she helps develop software used in biological science, specifically genomics.

Jessica Rose is a country girl at heart due to her Midwestern roots, specifically Nebraskan (Go Big Red!), upbringing. She works as a civilian contractor at Hanscom Air Force Base.

We met through a dating site called Chemistry. com. Our first date was over sushi and sake, and we didn’t want it to end! Less than a year later, Jessica invited Géraldine to move in with her, and within eight months, Géraldine had proposed to Jessica on Cannon Mountain (with the help of several friends who went up by tram on one side of the mountain to set up a romantic picnic setting while Geraldine and Jessica hiked up the other side).

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continued on page 50

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How we propose continued from page 48

Patrick and Douglas Photo by Bob Falco Doug is a Media Specialist at Nashua Community College in Nashua, NH. Patrick owns his own business, PJ’s Flowers & Weddings in Bedford, NH. He has been in floral business for 45 years.

We met at a house party of mutual friends several years ago. Patrick fell in love with me and let me know then. I wasn’t ready at the time so we went our separate ways for 7 years. We reconnected in late May 2013. We moved in together June 8, 2013. I proposed to Patrick on July 8, 2013 at bench #8 on Marginal Way in Ogunquit, ME. We both believe that our deceased mothers got together and said these two need to be together. continued on page 52

50 savoirflairmagazine

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How we propose continued from page 50

Christina and Amanda Photo by Ryan Williams

undergrad years at CW Post studying in that field.

She is a loud, proud Italian woman who lives to make people laugh, any chance she gets.

Amanda initially wanted to propose on Cape Cod where Christina grew up, Christina was adamant about one thing, NO BEACHES. She grew up there, if she loved it that much for it to be part of her most cherished memories, she'd still be living there. So Amanda was stuck back at the drawing board. Low and behold a perfect opportunity presented itself when Christina's favorite band, Fleetwood Mac, announced a tour that was coming to Boston. That was perfect. The hotel was booked, tickets bought and they were on their way on April 18, 2013, heading to Boston. Most of the ride there was spent singing classic rock and making jokes. Amanda was calm and collected, that is until the cab ride from the hotel to the TD Garden. The night air was chilly and the crowd was boisterous and fun. It was a perfect night in one of their favorite cities. As they walked toward

Amanda, 27, was born and bred in Greenfield, MA. She was raised by her mom, Tina and has a younger sister, Taylor. She loves being outdoors and staying as active as possible. She is also quite accomplished when it comes to repurposing and restoring old furniture and is currently working hard to help restore and refinish her and Christina’s 116 year old house.

Christina, 29, was born in New Jersey and raised primarily in Sandwich, MA by her mom, Julie, who she considers to be one of her best friends. She has a major passion for theater and performing and spent her 52 savoirflairmagazine

the doors Amanda twirled Christina around. With the biggest smile Christina had seen to date on her face, Amanda said, "You know you're my favorite lady right?" To which Christina said, " Of course! Duh! Let's go inside!!" Amanda wouldn't budge. " You know you're my favorite lady, right?" Amanda repeated and got down on one knee and proposed. She couldn't get much more out before Christina burst out with a resounding and very loud "YES!!" Amanda gently slipped the ring on her finger. It was perfectly romantic and perfectly them.

How we propose the island and how amazing her childhood memories were there. That she wished we could get married there but how overly expensive it would be and that is when it clicked in my head…We may not be able to get married on Block Island, but I can at least propose to her there!

So I had no idea how or where I was going to do it, I thought I will just go with the flow and when the feeling is right I will just do it. The funny thing about all of this is for 3 weeks I had this ring, hiding it all over our apartment and sweating over her finding it by accident. Amy kept asking me why I was acting so weird and I kept saying I wasn’t, but I took it to another level when I had a messenger bag glued to me for the first part of our trip. I do not carry bags of any sort and it sparked a curiosity of why all of the sudden I was carrying this and as I put it, I was going onto an island and did know where we would be go-

Amy Lee and Michele Photo by Marina Zinovyeva Amy Lee and Michele are both professionals living

ing and just wanted to have my stuff with me in case we decided to do different things. Not sure what all of that meant, but it worked!

and working in Rhode Island.

I ended up asking her the first night we were on Block Michele: I proposed to Amy! I knew there were 3

Island, the day was gorgeous and the night even more

places in the entire world that Amy loves, her home

so! We were actually at dinner with her parents, the

in Rhode Island, Block Island and New York City. I

sun was setting and we were on the water, I happened

knew I was not going to do it at her childhood home

to look over at her mother and mouthed “NOW”!

and my thoughts were sold on NYC, but after be-

Amy and her father got up to go the restroom and

ing unsuccessful at putting together the helicopter

Amy’s mother was like, “Now, now, with us here at

flight over the city, I was bummed and stumped. In a

this restaurant??” I said absolutely, that I wouldn’t

conversation with Amy at dinner one night, we were

have it any other way, the day was perfect, the night

leaving for Block Island that weekend and I had not

was perfect and we were all together! So the plan was

ever been. She was talking about how much she loved

continued on page 60 savoirflairmagazine 53

Flaunt it | RIDE WITH PRIDE

By J. Axlerod No matter where we travel in our beloved vehicles we can show off our community pride. The Rainbow Flag and colors can be found in many items from key chains to license plates. Here are some fun items that make your vehicle loud and proud.

The rainbow flag is one of the more enduring symbols of our community. You can sail down the road to new adventures with your flag flowing in the wind from your car antenna. Don’t forget it’s a great way to meet like minded people on the road, besides smiles and waves you might just meet Mr. or Ms. Right.

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What could be more fun than a rainbow disco ball dangling from your rear view mirror of your Subaru? I can think of a few things but you have to admit it’s a statement. Disco may be dead but you’re still having fun. Give it a spin, when you’re in park of course, and let the memories flow of the era and great times that you had. continues on page 57

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A R C K L I NG, IN A T N E I C. O R FORMERLY KNOWN AS HONDAA KING We service Honda, Acura, Toyota, Nissan, Subaru & late model Kia and Hyundai 4 GUARANTEED, FIRST QUALITY SERVICE 4 34 YEARS EXPERIENCE 4 ASE CERTIFIED MASTER MECHANICS 4 INSURANCE WORK We are one of Boston’s largest INDEPENDENT* Honda and Acura repair and service centers.

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In addition, we use genuine Honda parts, which have one purpose, to make Hondas perform at peak efficiency.

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Flaunt it | RIDE WITH PRIDE continued from page 55

If your car has a built in antenna, a rainbow flag is out, try a magnetic rainbow bumper sticker. If you don’t want to put a traditonal sticker on your shinny new Jag, this is a perfect solution. Be proud without trying to take it off when you trade your car in. You can even easily transfer the magnetic bumper sticker to your sleek new Jaq.

continues on next page

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www.CapitolTransmission.com savoirflairmagazine 57

Flaunt it | RIDE WITH PRIDE continued from previous page

Do you live in one of those states that don’t require a front license plate? Then you can use an embrace diversity plate with a rainbow license plate frame on the front bumper. Don’t despair if you live in a state that requires both front and back plates, the rainbow frame can proudly go around your license plate in the rear, front or both.

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58 savoirflairmagazine

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Flaunt it | RIDE WITH PRIDE

bumper stickers

However you identify yourself in the LGBT community from a bear to a scary lesbian there is a bumper sticker for you. If you want to just show your pride and sense of humor try the “I’m so gay I can’t even drive straight”sticker, (remember it’s just a bumper sticker) and last but not least, the rainbow flag sticker, good for the car and anywhere else you want to flaunt it with pride.

other fun ride stuff

There are so many pride items to show the world our pride and let others in our community know as well.

(From left to right above) Key rings, trailer hitch, seat cover and tassles are just a few of the pride items that can dress up your wheels and you too can ride with pride.

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savoirflairmagazine 59

How we propose Amy~Lee and Michele continued from page 53

www.vidioview.com

when they came back, Amy’s mom would take the camera and act like she was taking pictures and capture the moment of me asking Amy. Amy and her father came back; I was excited, shaking a bit and the next thing I know I started talking about how much Amy meant to me, I got down on one knee with the ring box in one hand and asked her! She was completely caught off guard which was so amazing and the whole restaurant started clapping and cheering! The moment was amazing and I honestly cannot tell you all that I said, but all I do know is that it was absolutely perfect in every way!

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savoirflair COMPLIMENTARY COPY

VOL. 10

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KP MEDIA PUBLICATION | NEW ENGLAND’S LGBTQ MAGAZINE

FAMILY PROUD

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SPROGIS & NEALE REAL ESTATE For more than 50 years, Sprogis & Neale Real Estate has been helping people buy, sell and rent residential and commercial real estate throughout Boston. We give a level of personal service no other real estate office can match. Our focus is in Boston's historic neighborhoods, from the Waterfront, to Beacon Hill, we can help you find the home you’ve been looking for.

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George C. Willard Co. Quality Workmanship Since 1873 HIC #106642

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We are a trusted company offering quality workmanship established in 1873 The Willard Company is fully licensed, trained and certified to give you the best products and workmanship at a fair and reasonable price. We still stand behind our workmanship longer than anyone in the industry and we pride ourselves on our service AFTER the job is complete.

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At Framers’ Workshop you can do your own framing or have us do it for you

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64 savoirflairmagazine