IRIS

iris

sex | life | wellbeing | art & culture

issue one: october 2020 AUD $24.99 Every purchase of this magazine donates a dollar each to Minus18 and Black Rainbow Foundation.

always thankful

Although we are sponsored by the Australian Government Health Sector we are not creatively or editorially conflicted by the Aus. Gov. All information and content is provided by our independent committee.

contents 4. editor’s letter 5-6. queer women sexual assault feature 7. is it normal to question gender identity as a wlw?

8-9. camila falquez photography 10. so you want to go on birth control?

11. we answered your questions...

12. sex positive youtubers 13. our sponsor’s advertisement 14. film and music recommendations 15. stocklists and contact

who is iris?

Iris is the Greek word for ‘rainbow.’ It is also the name for the Greek goddess for the rainbow. It means wisdom, trust and passion.

As confusing as coming to terms with one’s sexuality in teenage years already is, the intent with this magazine was to provide teens and young adults with a ‘bible’ for navigating healthy relationships and sexual health.

The magazine is suitable for any sexual orientation to consume but its main focus is the LGBT+ community due to the lack of reputable content sources e.g. the internet, porn sites, youtube.

If the information spread about LGBT+ sex and health are provided in these unregulated ways, it’s no wonder harmful relationships are prevalent in the community.

This idea spurred from the fact that heterosexual relationships are predominantly seen in mainstream media, taught about in sex ed. and are generally unstigmatised to discuss between friends.

Iris is a portable safe space for those discussions and facilitates a humanised view of LGBT+ relationships and how to navigate them, whilst providing accessible sex and relationship positive information at a cheap/free price. ❁

editor’s letter DEAR READER, Gratefulness is a virtue.

To that, I first would like to thank you for choosing Iris. Not only have you supported

donated a dollar to both organisations Minus18 and Black Rainbow through this purchase. growing LGBTQIA+ independents, but you have also

You really are a gem.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for helping us continue to create and spread more sex-positive knowledge all over the world for young adults like yourself. I often sit back and wonder how in the world I got to a point in my life where I can be unabashedly me, date who I love, unravel myself and bring myself back together. I know a lot of you are not in the same situation, which is why I created what you are holding in your hands. A place to confide in and leave your fears and worries here within these pages. Living with yourself and finding out what you like, what you dislike, can be exhausting but we’re here to help. We’ll do the heavy lifting and give you some real insight into positive relationships, sex and wellbeing. In 2020, LGBT+ relationships should be normalised and treated as any other. This magazine is a symptom of a mass denial that we exist and have the sexual relationships same as het-cisgendered couples.

You are not alone and you never have been, but I’ll let the pages say that.

Kim Vy Ngo, Editor-in-Chief

WHERE DOES YOUR DONATION GO? At Iris, intersectionality plays a tremendous part in our equality and goals for acceptance. Black Rainbow, an Northern Territory based LGBT+ resource, is a fabulous Indigenous peoples resource that enables young people in AATSI communities to express themselves freely.

Minus18 is the most widely known LGBTQIA+ organisation that supports young people all over Australia through queer formals, counselling, and marches.

Image retrieved from Instagram @lush_ausnz

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feature article

The Unspoken Queer Women Experience with Sexual Assault What do you do when the whole world is against you? You feel alone and unsafe in your own body; how could you move on? Kim Vy Ngo interviews an expert and a queer victim of assault to discuss further.

Content/trigger warning: This piece does contain mentions of sexual assault, sexual violence, suicide and mental illness. Resources are available at the end of the piece.

Image retrieved from minus18.org.au

Imogen Howell is a 21-year-old “bi[sexual] woman with taste” studying journalism who doesn’t like the ends of hotdogs and has over 60 K-pop albums stashed in her bedroom. On the Zoom call with me, they’re out of sight but her ‘Itzy’ poster of their latest comeback remains in view. It’s a nod to her personality, that emerges to the surface and despite her professionalism in answering questions that any normal person would be uncomfortable with.

My admiration for her charisma and mutual interests, considering we had been friends for around a month, extends beyond touchy subjects. Her consent has been obtained and we’re recording.

She has not always been this enthusiastic, however. Howell was a victim of sexual violence at only 14 and thrust into the legal system between the ages of 15 and 16.

Her assailant, an older man who Howell and her family trusted, was first charged with an AVO, found

guilty but later acquitted from the case.

“While they can’t prove anything had happened, they’re pretty sure did something happened,” Howell said, in relation to what the judges said when giving the final statements.

“If I can go back in time and tell myself the morning of going to the police…I would tell her not to go… because ultimately, it did not make a difference for me.”

Her situation is all too familiar for many queer women. The United States based National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey (NISVS) 2010 census report found that bisexual women were 1.5 times more likely to be victims of sexual violence (other than rape) by any perpetrator in comparison to lesbian and heterosexual women.

The US study also found that bisexual, lesbian and heterosexual women who had been victims of sexual violence other than rape predominantly reported male perpetrators. (87.5 percent, 85.2 percent, and

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“Many trans people are reluctant to seek support from police if they are victimised… together, this means that perpetrators can offend against them with relative impunity.”

one’s assault case.

Dr Fileborn said the best advice she would give survivors is to “talk to a specialist sexual assault service.”

“Going through the criminal justice system continues to be a re-traumatising experience for many survivors and reporting isn’t always the best option,” she said.

Initially, most individuals would think that porn and social media harbingers sexual crimes against LGBTQIA+ women however Dr Fileborn says the role of porn is “heavily contested.”

“Many people consume porn without ever perpetrating sexual violence… It’s important not to demonise porn or take a sex-negative stance, while also recognising some aspects of the porn industry are deeply problematic and do need to change,” she said.

Since the incident, Howell recognised that she had changed as a person. Her relationships with men became strained and she did not want to be touched by any gender unless she had initiated it. She was also diagnosed with acute stress disorder, a precursor to PTSD.

“None of my relationships with men have lasted and none of them have worked out.”

Interestingly, both Howell and Dr Fileborn both believe that reporting to police and entering the justice system may not be the most viable method to approach

Howell echoed this, saying it had more of an impact on her “mental health than it had for justice.”

“I think having to tell what happened to me how many times to the police, to my prosecutor, to the judge and to the defence… I wouldn’t want to do that again,” Howell said.

Despite the tragic reality that befalls many queer women by merely existing, there are ways to support your peers and those you know who have experienced sexual violence. Howell received reimbursement from the Victims of Crime Assistance Tribunal (VOCAT), has been seeing a psychologist since 2017 and has invaluable support from her mother and closest friends. She got help for her suicidal thoughts and went on medication. She says “it’s done wonders.”

“I don’t have trust in [the justice system] but I do have trust in their banks.”

Support services should have staff “trained to respond in appropriate and inclusive ways,” Dr Fileborn said. “Programs that work to support LGBTQ+ young people — such as Safe Schools — would be helpful and should be widely implemented,” she said. ❁

If you are or anyone you know is in any immediate danger and/or seriously contemplating suicide, please call 000.

Lifeline: 13 11 14 Kids Helpline: 1800 55 1800 National sexual assault hotline: 1800 737 732 (1800 RESPECT) Bravehearts (child related sexual assault hotline, weekdays 8:30am to 4:30pm): 1800 272 831 Sexual Assault Crisis Line (Victoria based): 1800 806 292

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(Left to right) Image retrieved from Unsplash and shot by Steady Hand Co. Image retrieved from Unsplash and shot by Mitchell Luo.

94.7 percent respectively).

Bisexual and heterosexual women who had experienced rape in their lifetime reported only male culprits (98.3 percent and 99.1 percent respectively). This study also does not consider non-binary or transgender women and culturally, linguistically, or neurologically diverse LGBTQIA+ women who are disproportionately affected by sexual violence.

Transgender women in sex work were more likely to have experienced sexual violence according to the 2015 US National Transgender Survey. The survey found that 72 percent had been sexually assaulted by an intimate partner and 36 percent had been sexually assaulted for those working in the underground sex work economy.

Dr Bianca Fileborn, criminology lecturer at the University of Melbourne at the School of Social and Political Sciences, said trans women were vulnerable to sexual assault due to transphobia.

community piece

Image retrieved from L.A. Johnson from NPR

is it normal to question your gender identity as a queer woman?

Kim Vy Ngo, staff writer, she/they

Short answer: Yes, absolutely. As I was reading a Google Doc called ‘Am I A Lesbian Masterdoc’ (I make it seem like this is the first time, let’s pretend I haven’t meticulously broken down this piece of concise Reddit literature for years pretending that I am not a raging homosexual) and I came across a part that resonated within my core.

Under the ‘Gender Feelings’ tab it says ‘thinking that being [gender non-conforming] and feeling a disconnect from traditional womanhood mean[s] that you can’t be a woman even if that’s what feels closest to right.’

Huh… I wondered.

Even though this piece of work has consistently helped me re-evaluate my existence, this particular part has always struck me.

I have been going by they/them pronouns since I was 13.

Fittingly, I had come out via Tumblr bio. Classy and discrete because who asked for your Tumblr in the mid 2010s? (Those who asked were usually not straight, so yes they can definitely have my pronouns.)

Honestly, I think I unknowingly came out as non-binary before I came out as gay which is a bit backwards. Looking back, I wondered why I didn’t put two and two together.

If someone had asked back then why I didn’t just tell people my preferred pronouns – or even today – I could not tell you.

It’s as if something was holding me back even though I had known for the majority of my teen-hood that I was not entirely cis-gendered.

Don’t get me wrong, I do align with being a woman. That’s why I identify with being a lesbian; I am a woman who likes women.

I recently read up more about the validity of he/him lesbians and they/them lesbians in hopes to quell this gendered frustration (I’d

even take Quora as gospel). But why still did I feel hopeless, stuck in this flesh prison with society understanding me only as a woman?

I thought no one could understand this anguish. Obviously, as an adolescent. More obviously, I was wrong. Many people felt the same way. The master list proved it entirely, nail in the coffin, even though I had been in denial for years, partly why I opted for identifying as bisexual as it was easier to explain.

It’s always easier to make ‘you’ more comfortable for others to understand, rather than yourself.

Going into university, having more access to academic papers and also the rise of TikTok that spread real experiences about lesbian history and gender identity showed me the possibilities of a reality I had dreamed of. Education is so important for the masses. It seems that exclusionary feminists and LGBT+ ‘activists’ seem to forget that or turn a blind-eye.

Perhaps I was afraid of the backlash, the way that I would have to explain why I exist to every person I meet. Explain why I deserve to exist in your eyes, why I deserve to be respected. Alongside all the other traits, namely being a lesbian, being not Caucasian and being 5’2”. (No, I’m not being serious about the last one.)

I did not want to add ‘gender non-conforming’ to that list. I’ve never been that good at arguing. But I am. You absolutely should too if you feel it speaks to you. Life is too short to be someone you are not. People who invalidate you or look at you funny only after you have explained yourself will not remember you.

You are the only one that lives with yourself forever; you have to fulfill that 13-year-old dream. ❁

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CAMILA

Modern Romance Chella Man (left) and MaryV Benoit (right) shot by Camila Falquez in 2020.

Although at first glance a cisgendered, heterosexual couple, Chella Man (@chellaman) is a deaf, gender-queer man and MaryV Benoit (@ maryv) is a queer cisgendered woman. They first met at a college party before Chella had transitioned and the rest is history!

(LEFT TO RIGHT) Image retrieved from beinginhistory.com. Edited by source.

Image retrieved from Twitter / @cyberglittter. Edited by the source, Iris takes no credit for any edits excluding image resolution enhancement.

Fearless Love Jari Jones (@IAmJariJones) (left) and Corey Daniella Kempster (@CoreyKempster)(right) photographed by Camila Falquez also look like a regular couple. However, started dating as two gay men and later both transitioned together and are a lesbian couple. They had begun talking when one of Kempster’s cast-mates in college wrote a homophobic tweet; Kempster argued back to him and Jones dm’ed her ‘I LOVE YOU’. Both are models and actresses.

FALQUEZ

So You Want to go on Birth Control?

It’s easier than you think. And no, you don’t have to be having sexually active to be on it.

1. Get Medicare All you need to do is apply for one online and then schedule an appointment at any Centrelink near you for a screening of identification.

Applying for a Medicare card gives you access to the public health system and you can copy your details from your parent’s card into your own at the age of 16 without parental consent.

2. Go to your general practitioner first If you plan to go alone, you’ll have to book your own appointment. Check if this is bulk-billed by Medicare and if so you will not have to pay for the check-up.

This is an important step as they will have a relationship with you already and may recommend cheaper or more accessible options for you and cater to your situation.

This is the learning part!

3. Schedule an appointment with your recommended gynaecologist Usually going for the one your GP recommends is the best mode of action. Check if this appointment is bulk-billed

by Medicare again. If not, bring some money to pay out of pocket.This will follow up with a possible prescription or second appointment for insertion of the medication. (which is possible to be bulk-billed if it wasn’t the first time)

4. Follow their instructions, ask questions and be well informed

Image by RHSupplies on Unsplash

Reasons women may go on contraception without being sexually active include having less:

❁Irregular periods/periods altogether ❁Acne and abnormal hair growth (hirsutism) ❁Cramps ❁Period-related pain such as headaches, nausea, being bedridden, depression etc.

Please consult your gynaecologist before self-prescribing any medication.

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Try to ask as many questions as possible! No question is a stupid question especially if your doctor knows it is your first time trying birth control.

Your doctor should always tell you what they plan to do during a procedure if the contraception is medically inserted. They should also tell you all the risks and benefits of different medication and contraception methods.

Doctors are bound by confidentiality so your appointment information will no be given to anyone unless your life is in danger or under a police warrant.

Image by Annika Gordon on Unsplash

We Answered Your Questions...

Promise you’re not crazy.

How do I go on dates (with the Am I bisexual or a lesbian? same gender)?

Hmm, this is a difficult question. The ‘Am I A Lesbian’

How do I clean “down there”?

First, vaginas are SELF-CLEANING! They also self-regulate their pH levels and don’t need cleaning products to help them out. All those soaps and creams are terrible and none are recommended by doctors. What you CAN do however, is shower regularly, every day or other day, and when you do use warm water (not hot) to clean between the folds and pubic region.

You don’t need soaps or razors or douches. If you are still concerned about smells, you can switch up your diet having more fruits and veggies. There’s also medical backing that soaking in a warm bath with a cup or two of apple cider vinegar for 20 minutes can help the odour.

Another tip is to have times to not wear underwear. After showering or waxing/shaving, it is best to go commando as often as you can to ‘air it out,’ for lack of a better phrase.

If you are experiencing persistent smells, or other concerns please see a gynaecologist. It might be a bigger issue, especially if you’ve been having unprotected sex. You can also get prescriptions from the doctor if these issues keep happening, such as pH regulators, if the smell worsens or continues. ❁

master doc, however self-perscriptive, can make us question our feelings towards men and the reality of our attraction. It mostly depends on what you feel comfortable about doing. Would you live with a man romantically?

What about sexually? Could you see yourself growing old with a men or are up for it? In the end, if you don’t feel comfortable labelling yourself why bother? You don’t owe an explanation to anyone and you can just say that you are queer or part of the LGBT+ community.❁

How do I stay safe during sex with the same gender?

This is often debated as some people may say ‘oh there’s no penetration or risk of pregnancy so you don’t need to worry about going raw’ which is a huge misconception.

Sexually transmitted infections (STIs) are a rampant issue among the LGBT+ community due to having unprotected sex under these ideas.

You can cover up and be safe by using condoms (there are ones for women) or dental dams, being upfront about getting tested and the results and always clean sex toys after using them thoroughly!

Also having a monogamous committed partner can make a difference but like in any relationship, you should always be upfront about getting tested with your partner/s even if they are committed. A usual test time for someone who is sexually active would be every 3-6 months.

However, if you are in a sexually active monogamous relationship this can go up to a year between each test but it is circumstantial. Better safe than sorry! ❁

(Clockwise Left to Right) Image provided by Joshua Coleman, Anastasiia Vedmedenko and Patrick Kool. All images from Unsplash.

Dating apps! Apps such as Her, Lex, Tinder or Yubo (I know, very heteronormative) can all be great ways to meet others who are gay too.

There’s also traditional social media sites that where you can ‘slide into the dms.’ Cheesy but many queer couples have found love online. How do you expect your soulmate to fall into your arms if you don’t put yourself out there?

If you’re afraid of being seen online as queer, there is also traditional clubbing/bar hopping.

As the night goes on and the party mood mellows out, who knows who you could strike up a conversation with? Or even with the sweaty dancers and loud bass booming, someone could catch your eye. Your friends may have their own suggestions of which clubs to go to and believe me, gay people are everywhere; you just need to know who to talk to. ❁

[ send through your questions at questions@iris.com.au❁ ] 11

Sex positive youtubers you have to check out! bestdressed

Ashley AKA bestdressed on her socials, is the ‘Heather’ of our dreams! Living in NYC and being *that* independent creative slash DIY goddess, she lets us into her sex debaucles unabashedly. Down-to-earth and relatable, what’s not to love?

Hannah is a long time Youtuber starting in 2011 around the time YouTubers such as Laci Green were popular. Her whole channel is dedicated to sex history and she knows her stuff! Hannah is heterosexual but talks about a range of sexuality topics, and prefaces that she is when talking about sexuality topics.

soothingsista

Stephanie Villa’s channel has an extensive series dedicated to health and sexual wellbeing for women. Each video is around 10-20 minutes long so it really do be a mini-course in getting your life together! Pop up a chair and keep her playlist on autoplay, because this is going to be a ride we want to stick around for!

Hitomi is a wellness and spiritually-based influencer, who has even created her own app around yoga and meditation. She’s outspoken about sex positivity for women; she is also bisexual and gender/sexuality inclusive. Her energy is unmatched!

dr simi adedeji

Dr Adedeji is a certfied doctor from the UK, easily a reputable source regarding women’s genital health and sexual safety. Her videos range from 5-20 minutes long having in-depth discussions about women’s health for FREE. She’s practically a godsend.

miiasaurous

Miia is a vivacious, hilariously entertaining YouTuber who has quote-unquote hoe talks and promotes “getting the bag” for women, normalising and appreciating sex workers and talking about her own sugar baby experiences. Miia is bisexual and has a range of... interesting date stories on her page.

[ all influencers are available on YouTube and Instagram❁ ] 12

All images retrieved from respective social media accounts

hannah witton

hitomi mochizuki

Image retrieved from Bellesa website for promotion

(Clockwise from top left)Images by Vanity Fair, Vice, The Fader, The New Yorker, Tidal, The Light Leaks, NPR

film and music recommendations if you liked watching [A Portrait of a Lady On Fire] you could watch... [The Watermelon Woman] Aspiring black filmmaker, Cheryl, becomes interested in uncredited Black actresses in films from the ‘30-40s. Along the way she meets Diane, a white woman, and topics of race and sexuality arise.

if you liked watching [Moonlight] you might enjoy... [Pariah] Alike, a young butch lesbian, embarks on a mission of self-discovery with her friends Bina and Laura. While her mother disapproves of her sexuality and friends, Alike begins to choose her own path.

if you liked watching [Thelma and Louise] you could enjoy...

[Desert Hearts] Vivian Bell, an English professor from New York City, travels to Nevada and settles at a ranch house while her divorce is finalised. There she meets Cay, a free-spirited young woman who takes an interest in Vivian. Life ensues away from the big city.

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Quay (pronounced Qu-aye instead of ‘Key’) Dash is a trans woman best known for ‘Queen Of This Sh--t.’ (pictured left)

if you listen to [Syd] you might also like... [Quay Dash] or [Dai Burger] Dai (pronounced Day) Burger is openly queer and best known for ‘Where My Girls.’ (pictured right)

if you listen to [Phoebe Bridgers] you may enjoy...

[Julien Baker] Julien Baker broke into the mainstream with her mellow vocals and guitar with her 2015 album ‘Sprained Ankle.’ Since then, she’s gained more traction with her collab with PB and Lucy Dacus on ‘boygenius’.

if you listen to [Slayyyter] or [Rina Sawayama] you might like... [LIZ] LIZ aka LIZ Y2K has collaborated with Slayyyter on her new album ‘Planet Y2K’. She also opened for Charli XCX in 2013 for her ‘Tour’ CD. She’s a rising star for hyperpop and electro-dance pop.

[All films and music are available on major streaming sites❁]

our stocklists Online on our website and has information about half yearly and yearly subscriptions (AUD$60 for a yearly 4 issues, AUD$40 for half yearly 2 issues):

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We promote reusing and recycling our magazine if you are unhappy with it, or buying as an online PDF if possible! ♻

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for collaborations, advertising and inquiries unrelated to submitting questions, please email:

iris@magazine.com.au Ad image by Wild Secrets.

Back cover image (left to right) shot by Kim Vy Ngo, shot on iPhone in Madrid in 2017. Second image retrieved from Netflix, from Tatler.com.

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How many years does it take for people to see that we’re all in this rat race together?

- Marsha P. Johnson