Various forms of parenting education can be and often are helpful. Life as a parent after divorce, however,is rarely about knowing the latest parenting techniques, or simply following a list of what to do and what not to do. It has been my experience that most parents know bad parenting when they see it (especially when analyzing their exspouses’ behavior!), but sadly remain blind to their own parenting shortcomings. I believe that most parents, in general, know intuitively what they should and should not do as a parent, but as decades of psychological research has shown, insight alone does not necessarily lead to behavior change. Unfortunately, when parents fail to grieve the dissolution of the marriage, they become stuck in a fearful, vengeful, and hostile position. The decision to end a marriage cuts into the personal identities of the marital couple as well as into the children’s emerging identities. Divorce slices into the safety of this most basic unit of human existence: the family. Sometimes, when divorced parents fail to grieve, and act with fear and anger, those in positions of authority are required to step into the fray and do what many divorced parents seem incapable of doing –the right thing.
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