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- CNY INSPIRING WOMAN: METEOROLOGIST VANESSA RICHARDS - 2020 NEW YORK AMERICA PAGEANT WINNERS

- OVER 400 PAGES MORE OF AMAZING AND INSPIRING LOCAL WOMEN AND MEN!

The “Queens” OF ROAR


COVER STORY 20

THE QUEENS OF ROAR

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REGULARS

REGULARS

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CNY WOMAN WHO INSPIRES Vanessa Richards

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MANIFESTING YOUR TRUE PURPOSE

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LITTLE BLACK BUDDHA

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PICTURE THIS

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ALL ACCESS

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TAMMY’S TIDBITS

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UNSTOPPABLE WOMAN

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TEEN TALK

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SAVON SPEAKS

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INNER LIGHT

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PLATTER CHATTER Tony D’s

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SEEING THE SIGNS

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KARMA SPEAKS

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WOMEN FOR WINESENSE

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BUSINESS TALK

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TRACY IS TALKING

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LOVE FOR WORDS

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WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THIS?

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B. MOR

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SPECIAL FEATURES 76

Yasmeen Gumbs-Breakenridge Marjorie Vail Gabrielle Wright

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SHE HUSTLES TALKS R Realty Grace of Hannah Vonnleigh Esthetics Esteem Faces Fashion Rescue 911 Boutique AJ Excursions Village Vibez Role Model Way Healing Cove Massage Therapy

ANIMAL CARE SANCTUARY CORNER

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BUSINESS SPOTLIGHT SCALP NY

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NEW IN THE ROC Artsy’s

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CHILDREN AWAITING PARENTS

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HER EDGE

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YOU MATTER

FASHION & BEAUTY 162

DIARY OF A FASHIONISTA

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FASHION FORWARD Teresa Costa Collection

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REGULARS (CONT)

HEALTH & WELLNESS

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COACHING WITH KRISTIN

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MIND, BODY & SPIRIT

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MOVING BEYOND OUR YOUNGER YEARS

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WELLNESS 360

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YOU ARE WORTH THE WORK

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BLISSFUL BALANCE

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THE KURVIE KORNER

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MENTALLY THINKING

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TRAVEL WITH AGNESS

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LIFE IN BALANCE

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HEALTHY WOMAN Nutrition Fix

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THRIVING THERARY

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{ FROM THE PUBLISHER }

“A woman with a voice by definition is a stong woman. But, the search to find that voicecan be remarkably difficult.”

T

T T

ON OUR COVER

The cover of our September 2020 edition of Rochester Woman Online was shot on location at ROAR Nightclub on Culver Rd, Rochester NY with some of Rochester’s most fabulous Drag Queens including: Deedee Dubois, Samantha Vega, Miss Deelcious and Eva Flow. Photography by Charlene Mann Ford and Michele Ashlee.

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{ A LOOK AT OUR TEAM }

PUBLISHER

Kelly Breuer

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Kelly Breuer

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Network Rochester

Rochester Woman ONLINE is the premier professional woman’s online publication in the greater Rochester area. Our feature articles address major topics that interest local women. Each issue includes articles on health, fashion, fitness, finance, dining, lifestyle and personal perspectives, as well as a spotlight on local area women. The electronic magazines are distributed freely through your favorite app store and will be in your inbox electronically by the first week of every month. The publication is available free of charge. Please feel free to contact publisher Kelly Breuer at 585.727.9120 or you can email us at networkrocqueen@gmail.com. Download our current media kit at www. rochesterwomanonline.com. The magazine is published 12 times a year by Rochester Woman ONLINE. Copyright © 2020 Rochester Woman ONLINE. No part of this magazine may be reproduced or republished without the consent of the publisher. Rochester Woman ONLINE is not responsible for unsolicited submissions, manuscripts, photos or artwork. All such submissions become the property of Rochester Woman ONLINE and will not be returned.


“We saw a need in the Rochester’s LGBTQ+ co playing, so we decided to try and do something ou showed us the space that is now Roar that we actu the pushing of our husband


ommunity and neither of us were ready to stop urselves… it wasn’t until Danny from Photo City ually decided to move forward, and it was from ds that we actually did it.”


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DEEDEE DUBOIS BY ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE I PHOTOS BY CHARLENE MANN FORD & MICHELE ASHLEE

Recently Rochester Woman Online got to have some fun with some of the fabulous “Queens” of ROAR Nightclub. From getting to see behind the scenes, to the hysterical conversations and laughs, to chatting about what got them started and keeps them going, we are proud to bring you 4 of Rochester Woman’s favorite Diva’s starting with Roar’s owner and creator and veteran drag queen himself, DeeDee Dubois.

to buy things and such… remember, back then there wasn’t Amazon or the internet for you to order things… it was harder to find the stuff you wanted/ needed to actually look good in drag! Tell us a little about yourself...where did you grow up? married? kids? what type of business are you in? I grew up in Brockport, NY and spent many weekends even further west in

Who is DeeDee Dubois? DeeDee is an outgoing, fun character that doesn’t take things too seriously. How did you come up with your stage name? From the RuPaul Book of Drag! But it’s fitting cause my first name and middle name both start with D’s… and Dubois is French and I have a lot of French in my ancestry! How long have you been performing and how did you get started? I’ve been performing for like 23 years… after coming out at 18 and going to LGBTQ+ establishments my friend group and I started playing with makeup and looks when we’d go out on Saturday nights. It became a fun escape from my week day job. Eventually I started hanging out with some other people that performed and did drag and they helped me learn the tricks of the trade and where 22

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Albion with my cousins and family. I loved riding motorcycles and three wheelers (those aren’t even around anymore), I’m the oldest of like 13 cousins on my dad’s side and we were all very close growing up. At the ripe old age of 21 I met my now husband Matt, we lived in the City of Rochester for 12 years, then moved to Irondequoit and we got married in 2013. I always thought I wanted kids, but I actually wanted to be a kid so we never adopted or explored that very seriously. Matt

and I have had two dogs, Pride, who died at the age of 14, and then we got Buoy and he’s currently 5 years old. Type of business? My professional job is in the HVAC industry, I’ve worked for the same company since I was 19 years old… I do finance and accounting. What is your most favorite performance of all time? My most memorable performances… they’ve changed over the years. It used to be when I was asked to perform at the Miss Gay Rochester pageant… the reason that’s so special is because I’ve never entered the pageant or won any pageant, yet I was still asked to perform, which to be honest, I’m not sure many (if any) have had that honor of performing without having won a title before. The last performance at TILT was pretty memorable and sad… it was exciting to see so many people there, it was a hard last performance for me cause I didn’t know what the future would hold and I had bottled up a lot of emotions and things related to TILT for many years. Now my favorite and most memorable performance would be the opening weekend performances at Roar…. My perspective on stage is totally different now when you are performing at a venue that you co-own and created.


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COVER STORY } } { { SHIFT+CONTROL “David and DeeDee are pretty much the same person these days. I used to have two totally separate lives, but since Roar, it’s become pretty much the same!”

If you could take 1 thing you liked best from each of the other cover “Queens” what would it be? Um… well Eva… she doesn’t sweat… like literally she doesn’t and I’m jealous of her for that! HAHA. Deelicious: I’d love to steal her rhythm, no one moves like Deelicious! Vega: I wish I had the drive that she has, always recreating and working on her craft, sometimes it makes me feel lazy. Tell us about ROAR and how it was started... Roar was started c a u s e T I LT kicked us out so they could “change formats” into the “New Tilt” which wasn’t going to have drag, and it was obvious it didn’t care much about the LGBT community. Things didn’t go as planned when the community expressed it’s outrage, and Tilt ended up changing their name and reopening. DJ Mighty Mic and I had worked together for 20+ years at different venues, we’ve always had a mutual respect for each other. We saw a need in the Rochester’s LGBTQ+ community and neither of us were ready to stop playing, so we decided to try and do something ourselves… 26

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it wasn’t until Danny from Photo City showed us the space that is now Roar that we actually decided to move forward, and it was from the pushing of our husbands that we actually did it. How long does it take you to get all ready for a performance? If I’m rushing I can get ready in about an hour and 15 minutes, but usually it take about an hour and a half.

What are you like outside of the persona of DeeDee? David and DeeDee are pretty much the same person these days. I used to have two totally separate lives, but since Roar, it’s become pretty much the same! Where do you see yourself, and DeeDee in 3 years? 5 years? Well it’s funny cause 3 years ago I would have never seen me co-owning

an establishment! So who knows what the future will bring…. I mean 2020 brought us COVID… so I guess I’m just along for the ride… I’m having fun, and proud of what we are doing at Roar. I enjoy my day job and I try and balance it out all with a little personal time with our friends and family. What is one thing that no one really knows about you? Wow… I think I’m kind of an open book, especially these days… up until Roar, not many people knew what I looked like out of drag. Who is your most favorite Drag Queen of all times? It will seem cliché to say this since we both wear a lot of glitter, but I’ve always admired Ambrosia Salad… bright colors, big costumes and always humble and kind. What is your signature song, color, and pose? Signature artists would be Pink and Kesha… signature color, no such thing for me, ALL the colors! Signature pose… that would be my right foot kick and sometimes it appears like I’m performing in a box (it’s hard to explain).


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COVER STORY }} { {SHIFT+CONTROL “Wow… I think I’m kind of an open book, especially these days… up until Roar, not many people knew what I looked like out of drag.”

If there was 1 thing you could do over, what would it be and why? If I could do it all again, I think about 5 years ago I would have started looking at opening my own place… I’m not sure if it would have happened, but having done it now I wish I had done it sooner.bright colors, big costumes and always humble and kind.

What is your signature song, color, and pose? Signature artists would be Pink and Kesha… signature color, no such thing for me, ALL the colors! Signature pose… that would be my right foot kick and sometimes it appears like I’m performing in a box (it’s hard to explain).

If there was 1 thing you could do over, what would it be and why? If I could do it all again, I think about 5 years ago I would have started looking at opening my own place… I’m not sure if it would have happened, but having done it now I wish I had done it sooner.

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“If I could do it all again, I think about 5 years ago I would have started looking at opening my own place… I’m not sure if it would have happened, but having done it now I wish I had done it sooner.”

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SAMANTHA VEGA BY ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE I PHOTOS BY CHARLENE MANN FORD & MICHELE ASHLEE

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COVER STORY } } { {SHIFT+CONTROL “My favorite performances have been when I competed (and eventually won) the Miss Gay Rochester Pageant. The process of preparing for competition is very fulfilling: creating costumes, choreographing, rehearsing with friends and chosen family.”

I know that we discussed that you make a lot of the costumes, how did you get started with that? My first swing at that was in my early days of drag I would purchase things at the thrift stores, and then “Liberace” them. Add feathers, rhinestones, sequins, beads, etc. A few years into our friendship DeeDee gave me an old sewing machine they had found at her husband’s grandma’s basement. “I want you to have this, but you have to make me stuff.” I had 36

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never touched a sewing machine in my life, but my drag mother Sabrina Daniels started teaching me, and here we are today making pageant-winning gowns, and drag costumes for performers across the state. What are you like outside of being “Samantha Vega”? I am shy, but outgoing. An extroverted introvert, if you will. Always looking to serve my community in whichever way

I can. Always looking for new things to learn. Who has been your biggest influence and supporter in your life? My parents absolutely were a big influence in me pursuing an education and being goal-oriented. In their own way they also encouraged me and my siblings to be ourselves. Over the years I will always praise the power of CHOSEN FAMILY. Those not related to me, but


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{ COVER STORY }} { SHIFT+CONTROL “Now I am more confident in and out of drag, but Vega is still a different persona who is constantly reinventing herself and not at all like her male alter ego.”

we’ve been there for each other through the years when “true family” was not.

Most people don’t know that I was once married to a woman and had a kid.

Where do you see yourself in 3 years? 5 years? I dont even know where I see myself next week! In all seriousness, I would probably go to school to formalize my background in non-profit management and actually get a paying job in the field.

Who is your most favorite Drag Queen of all times? Erica Andrews(RIP) is to me the perfect blend of theatre, glamour, beauty, dance and sass. She also always celebrated her hispanic heritage. Her legacy has created so many other legendary drag performers. Always an inspiration.

What is one thing that noone really knows about you?

Graduating college. All my worlds came together to celebrate me, my hard work, my struggles and my successes. If you could be another “queen” for a nite who would it be and why? Cher! I would want to experience what that kind of money could buy, the adoration of her fans, and her eternal youth!

What is your very favorite memory? ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: SEPTEMBER EDITION 2020

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MISS DEELICIOUS BY ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE I PHOTOS BY CHARLENE MANN FORD & MICHELE ASHLEE

Who is Miss Deelicious? Miss Deelicious is a festive ball of enrgy, love, fire,glamor, laughter, kindness and an honest pageant “Diva/Queen” who’s rough around the edges, but polished at the same time.

moment. I have had lots of kids through my life that I’ve made for myself, and love them more then they could ever know. Performing and entertainment is my job and still to this day the love of my life.

How long have you been performing and how did you get started? I have been performing for off and on for 16 + years and still truly love everything about it even to this day.

What is your most favorite performance of all time? My favorite perfomance is hard to pick

I got started watching the Queens on stage at the SweetHearts Ball and was pulled up on stage by the owner of Muthers Night Club, Naiome. After she pulled me up on stage and that was it, a monster was born! AFTER THAT ... I did a youth show and then got gigs at the local bars/clubs in town and got welcomed in at GQ night club by Dee Dee Dubois. We have been working together off and on ever since.

just one, but if I had to choose, it would have to be when I perform Beyonce and Pattie Labelle on stage.

Tell us a little about yourself...where did you grow up? married? kids? what type of business are you in outside of performing? I grew up in the suburbs in the Bronx during holidays and summer vacations. I’m not married, but engaged at the

If you could take 1 thing you liked best from each of the other cover “Queens” what would it be? If I could take one thing from each of the amazing Queens that graced along side me for the cover it would be Eva’s resilience, DeeDee’s focus, and Vega’s

intelligence. You seem very outgoing, fun and completely comfortable in who you are in and out of drag... Has that always been the case? In all honesty, yes it has always been the case. I’ve learned in life that it is a choice, and no matter how difficult or hard life gets, or how much that the odds are stacked against you, it’s your choice to not let that break you down and discourage you. Besides, who wouldn’t want to be outgoing, fun and completely comfortable with who they are. It’s your life, enjoy it. You only have one chance. I know that we discussed that you make a lot of your own costumes and also the ones for the other queens, how did you get started with that? Yes, I do make my costumes and even some for other girls. I got into it once one of my favorite entertainers that I has befriended became my seamstress. She relocated so I stepped up to do it myself. Then, I have also ordered a couple of things that I just did not like the way that they fit or it didn’t come out how I wanted to so I asked my seamstress to teach me the basics and I figure it out from there. ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: SEPTEMBER EDITION 2020

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COVER STORY }} { {SHIFT+CONTROL “Miss Deelicious is a festive ball of enrgy, love, fire,glamor, laughter, kindness and an honest pageant “Diva/Queen” who’s rough around the edges, but polished at the same time.”

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COVER STORY } } { { SHIFT+CONTROL “In all honesty, yes it has always been the case. I’ve learned in life that it is a choice, and no matter how difficult or hard life gets, or how much that the odds are stacked against you, it’s your choice to not let that break you down and discourage you.”

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“What I remember is it’s the fantasy of the illusion on stage with all the lighting, the song, the makeup, hair, and dress. That wow from the crowd every time we step on stage... love it!”


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EVA FLOW BY ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE I PHOTOS BY CHARLENE MANN FORD & MICHELE ASHLEE

Who is Eva Flow? She is a very humble elegant talented professional artist character What made you become a drag queen? The makeup, lights, theater, the glam, heels, dresses, and of course the crowd. How long have you been performing and how did you get started? Very soon it will be 19 years performing and I started by accident in a theater scene 18 years ago at Francisco oller theater in Bayamón Puerto Rico Puerto Rico. Tell us a little about yourself...where did you grow up? married? kids? what type of business are you in outside of performing? I am a very simple person. I am a humble, sincere Catholic with very strong family values. I love to see the bright side in everything and love to smile, laugh, dance, etc. I grew up in between Honolulu, Hawaii and Puerto Rico. I am not married and do not have any kids. Out side of my character I am a certified cosmetologist and theatrical makeup artist, a teacher, secretary manager and am in retail. I am much more as well, but these are the important things right now. What is your most favorite performance 54

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of all time? One of my favorite performances when I was hired by a very famous artist and producer in Puerto Rico was for the closing performance of Las Fiestas De La Calle San Sebastian back in 2010. I was in front of a crowd of more than 3,000 people. It was an amazing experience for my drag career and for me personally.

If you could take 1 thing you liked best from each of the other cover “Queens” what would it be? Lol....well that’s easy. I will take the sassiness, the quirkiness and the humor... just guess from what three of my sisters belongs to! I know you are from a different country, where is it and why did you decide to move here?

I am originally from the middle of the Pacific Hawaii Honolulu, but mostly raised in Puerto Rico. I decided to move to Rochester, New York because of hurricane Maria back in 2017. You are an amazing artist and have done much of the artwork and murals in ROAR. How did that get started? It’s funny to say I’m a good friend of the owners of Roar and one day we went to see the venue as it was and in front of the owners I told them that I was an artist and I just grabbed a piece of wood and start drawing the logo in front of them.That’s how it all started. They gave me the opportunity to just channel my art into the venue and as a result there’s two murals now. A glow in the dark bar top and a glow-in-the-dark bar edge and I think there may bemuch more to come. What do you do for your day job? I am an ASM assistant store manager. I am proudly part of a cleaning team in charge of receiving deliveries. I am also a makeup artist and cosmetologist/ beauty consultant and a painter as well.


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COVER STORY } } { {SHIFT+CONTROL “I am a very simple person. I am a humble, sincere Catholic with very strong family values. ”

Who has been your biggest influence and supporter in your life? Well this one is a tough question because I don’t have her anymore by my side. My biggest influence and supporter was my mom (RIP) and of course I can’t not mention my brothers. They are my supporters as well, plus my good friends. Love you guys. Where do you see yourself in 3 years? 5 years? Wherever God needs me to be and be useful is where I will be, not only for myself, but for others. Plans are just a thought in your mind that can easily be changed under circumstances. With

that said, I hope I will be on a good path and working as hard as I always have to live the dream. What is one thing that noone really knows about you? That I love to eat LOL... How have things changed from when you started until now? OMG very much because for us female impersonators and drag queens the starting point it’s more as a costume then what we are achieving now in the present day just watch some pictures of us 10 years ago LOL

What is your very favorite memory of performing? Always always always!!! What I remember is it’s the fantasy of the illusion on stage with all the lighting, the song, the makeup, hair, and dress. That wow from the crowd every time we step on stage... love it!! If you could be another “queen” for a nite who would it be and why? Maybe my co-workers will hate me for this answer, but I will gladly be RuPaul for one night... I just love the way she channels drag or female impersonation.

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“I am shy, but outgoing. An extroverted introvert, if you will. Always looking to serve my community in whichever way I can. Always looking for new things to learn.� - Samantha Vega

I am shy, but outgoing. An extroverted introvert, if you will. Always looking to serve my community in whichever way I can. Always looking for new things to learn.


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{ CNY INSPIRING WOMAN }

VANESSA RICHARDS BY MICHELLE DIBERNARDO, STACY MITCH OF SPECTRUM AND MATT RICHARDS I PHOTOS BY MICHAL LEPORE

Meteorologist Vanessa Richards of Spectrum News was born on Groundhog Day in Moravia, NY; studied meteorology at SUNY Oswego, lives and works right here in Central New York (CNY), supports local animal welfare shelters, and teaches the next generation of broadcast meteorologists. It’s fair to say she has devoted her life to not only watching the weather and seasons change here in CNY, but also making the region a better place. We couldn’t think of a better set of reasons for her to be our cover story for Central NY Woman Online. Va n e s s a k n e w weather was her passion at a young age. She was about 10 years old when she watched the movie “Twister,” which she was (and still admittedly is) obsessed with. The tornadoes found in this cinematic classic played a huge role in fueling her desire to become a meteorologist. She fulfilled her dream to see a tornado in person when she spent a few weeks in “Tornado Alley” chasing twisters with her fellow classmates from SUNY Oswego. Richards received her bachelor’s degree in meteorology from SUNY Oswego, graduating 64

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alongside only three women that year. When Vanessa began her professional broadcast meteorology career, she was the only female on the team at NBC 3 Action News – now known as CNYCentral. It was her dream to stay in the CNY region, and felt incredibly fortunate to work alongside the very people she grew up watching on the

news. After working at the NBC affiliate in Elmira, NY (WETM-18 News); Vanessa was happy to make her way to YNN – now known as Spectrum News. At that point – 10 years ago – more women were beginning to make inroads into the industry.

At Spectrum News, Vanessa wakes up early to provide Spectrum’s viewers the detailed forecast they need to know as they are about to begin their busy days. She typically spends her days in the weather center preparing the forecast, but you can see her out and about in the area as well covering everything from storm damage, to heavy snowfall, to even just having some fun at local parks or sporting events. The local Spectrum News footprint extends across Central New York, the Southern Tier, Mohawk Valley, and North Country. While Vanessa was always passionate about animal welfare, she became professionally involved in the local animal welfare community three years ago with the launch of her segment on Spectrum News titled “Your New Best Friend.” She and her husband Matt – a former broadcast meteorologist who now works in marketing and communications – currently have four rescue animals themselves, one of which was the first animal to ever be featured on her segment. Over 150 successful adoptions later, Richards continues to host a rotating cast of shelters


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“While the percentage of female meteorologists in general is increasing, as of this writing, only 8% of chief meteorologists at television stations in the United States are female. Richards says the next goal in her career is to become a chief meteorologist. ”

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{ CNY INSPIRING WOMAN } “She and her husband Matt – a former broadcast meteorologist who now works in marketing and communications – currently have four rescue animals themselves, one of which was the first animal to ever be featured on her segment.”

on her segment including the CNY SPCA, Helping Hounds Dog Rescue, Second Chance Canine Adoption Shelter, Hunter Hollow Bunny Bed and Breakfast, and more. The shelters bring an adoptable pet to be featured on the segment each week in hopes of finding them their forever home.

many meteorologists to provide a weather forecast from her home. While Spectrum’s newsrooms are uniquely set up to produce quality news and weather reports outside the newsroom with four animals running around the house, she’s happy to be back in the studio.

When the COVID-19 global pandemic struck, it fundamentally changed how broadcast meteorologists across the country conducted their forecasts. Vanessa was among the

Richards has also taught for five years as an adjunct professor of broadcast meteorology at SUNY Oswego. She teaches the very class she was a student in 13 years ago when former

WSYR-TV Chief Meteorologist Dave Eichorn was the adjunct professor. The class – which has 20 spots and is open to Sophomores, Juniors, and Seniors – was initially intimidating to Vanessa. However, the three hourlong night class ended up being one of the best things that has ever happened to her. It has afforded her the opportunity to help people start their careers in the competitive – and quite frankly cutthroat – broadcast television industry, even hiring some of them at Spectrum News. It wasn’t ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: SEPTEMBER EDITION 2020

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{ CNY INSPIRING WOMAN } “While Spectrum’s newsrooms are uniquely set up to produce quality news and weather reports outside the newsroom with four animals running around the house, she’s happy to be back in the studio.”

long ago that former WSTM Morning Meteorologist Chris Brandolino took Vanessa under his wing and helped start her career, so Vanessa feels great fulfillment doing the same for others. A recent example of this can be found in former CNYCentral Meteorologist Molly Matott. Richards found her college demo reel on YouTube, knew she was going to be a superstar, and helped her make the right connections locally to kick start her career at a competitor’s station, nonetheless! One of Vanessa’s career highlights was the opportunity to work with famed TV weatherman Al Roker of NBC’s “Today Show.” Roker – a SUNY Oswego alum himself – re a c h e d o u t t o SUNY Oswego to pitch the idea of him teaching a class similar to Vanessa’s. The college decided to create a new class that he and Vanessa would co-teach, along with former WSYR-TV Anchor turned SUNY Oswego professor Michael Riecke. The trio taught students the ins and outs of the current television industry, and where it is heading. Richards, along with Roker and Riecke, truly feel that the future of news revolves heavily 70

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around adapting the presentation to be consumed online and via mobile apps. Al and Vanessa remain in touch to this day. In fact, much to the delight of her students, Roker made a surprise Zoom appearance in Vanessa’s broadcast meteorology class this past semester.

Being from the Finger Lakes, I asked Richards if she has been up to Seneca Falls. She mentioned she loves being close to where the women’s movement started. She found herself in a maledominated business at the start of her career, which in certain regards, remains that way. While the percentage of female meteorologists in general is

increasing, as of this writing, only 8% of chief meteorologists at television stations in the United States are female. Richards says the next goal in her career is to become a chief meteorologist. When Vanessa is not forecasting the weather for CNY and beyond, she can be found hiking, running, or biking. She and her husband find themselves heading to Delmonico’s as their local go-to favorite restaurant, h a v i n g celebrated almost every major life event there. Her favorite getaway is right here in our own backyard – the beautiful Finger Lakes Wine Tr a i l s ! S h e enjoys spending much of her free time with her husband Matt and their small farm of adopted pets: two cats (Fergie and Stewie) and two dogs (Ralph and Sysco). Be sure to watch for Vanessa’s “Weather on the 1s” reports weekday mornings and her “Your New Best Friend” segments every weekend on Spectrum News.


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“It’s fair to say she has devoted her life to not only watching the weather and seasons change here in CNY, but also making the region a better place.”

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MRS. NEW YORK AMERICA 2020 PHOTOS BY GOOD KNEWS PHOTOGRPAHY & KING PHOTOGRAPHY

YASMEEN GUMBSBREAKENRIDGE Yasmeen Gumbs-Breakenridge is a Corporate Attorney, admitted to the New York State Bar, United States District Courts for the Southern and Eastern Districts of New York. Yasmeen is an advocate for academic and professional development programs for children and young adults who are experiencing economic hardships or homeless, the Victoria’s Voice Foundation and she is our Mrs. New York America!

high exposure cases against corporations in court and during mediation. She also volunteers her time as an American Bar Association Law School Division National Appellate Advocacy Competition Judge.

Yasmeen was born on the beautiful island of St. Thomas, United States Virgin Island. At a young age, she relocated from St. Thomas to New York City with her family. Growing up in New York City, Yasmeen developed the grit, which contributed to the hardworking academic achiever, and successful litigator she is today. Beating the odds, she attended college on a Division I Track & Field Scholarship. Yasmeen is a National Collegiate Athletic Association (NCAA) Leadership recipient and Sunbelt Conference Track & Field finalist in the 100-meter dash, 4x200 and 4x400 meter relays. Yasmeen furthered her education by attending law school in Virginia. She was recognized as Who’s Who Among Law School Students, Vice President of the Black Law School Association and winner of the Appellate Advocacy Competition. Yasmeen has defended 76

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Yasmeen has partnered with Madison Square Boys & Girls Club, where she serves as a Council Member. “The Madison Square Boys & Girls Club provides after-school and summer youth development programming to young people between the ages of 6-18 in under-resources neighborhoods in New York City.” As a Council Member, she dedicates her time and talents to positively impact the lives of over 5,000 New York City youth. Yasmeen is actively involved in raising awareness; serving as a Madison ambassador, direct contributor and attendee to fundraising events. She is engaged in the direct mentorship of clubhouse activities and a frequent guest speaker reader for the literacy program. Yasmeen also partnered with the Salvation Army of Greater New York for “Camp in a Box” and the “Back-To-School Campaign.” She and her family are active volunteers with Hunters Point Parks Conservancy and New York Cares.

In addition to practicing law, Yasmeen is a published bridal model for Jana Ann Bridal Couture and you can see her modeling during the Knot Couture Show in New York City as well as during New York Fashion Week.

Through her platform #ConfidenceComesFromWithin, she commits to dedicating her time to serve the great state of New York and the United States Virgin Islands. Sharing her personal story continues to have a direct positive impact on the future of many inner city youths experiencing economic hardships and homelessness. As a result of her commitment to serving the state


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“Yasmeen is an advocate for academic and professional development programs for children and young adults who are experiencing economic hardships or homeless, the Victoria’s Voice Foundation and she is our Mrs. New York America! ”

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{{ SHIFT+CONTROL SPECIAL FEATURE }} “As a Council Member, she dedicates her time and talents to positively impact the lives of over 5,000 New York City youth.”

and tremendous impact, the governor has recognized her contribution to the community. Yasmeen feels blessed for the opportunity to serve as Mrs. New York America 2020, because it gave her a larger platform to advocate for a cause that is near to her heart. She

will be competing for the title of Mrs. America 2020 on October 31, 2020. The Mrs. New York America 2021 pageant will be held at the RIT Inn and Conference Center at 2:00pm. To follow Yasmeen’s reign, please visit:

http://mrsnyamerica.com, Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ mrsnyamerica/, and Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ mrsnyamerica.

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SPECIAL FEATURE { { SHE HUSTLES TALKS } }

MRS. NEW YORK AMERICAN MARJORIE VAIL Marjorie Vail is a native of Brooklyn, NY., born to Haitian parents. She is a die hard Brooklynite and New Yorker. Marjorie is a Literacy Coach as well as a licensed Esthetician.

times of a couples’ lives---becoming parents. Sadly, during the delivery of their child, the unspeakable happened… Marjorie and Roman’s son, Aleksei was born still. This tragedy… so unexpected, rocked their worlds. With a lack of resource and support,

In high school, Marjorie was knee deep in school spirit. She was the Mayor of her high school (equivalent of Student Body President), played varsity basketball and softball. She was amongst the leaders in steals in her basketball division, while also making the newspaper several times for scoring. She ultimately was offered a basketball scholarship to play for SUNY Buffalo State which she declined due to her mother’s ailing health. Marjorie received a Bachelor’s degree from Hunter College in English Language Arts. While she was at Hunter college, she met her college sweetheart, Roman Vail. Two years after receiving her Bachelor’s degree Roman and Marjorie got married in NYC and made a life together. It was during the first few years of their marriage that Marjorie began her teaching at an exclusive private school in New York City as an assistant teacher. At this school, Marjorie’s pedagogy grew stronger under the mentorship and guidance of some great teachers. In 2004, Marjorie and Roman were preparing for one of the most exciting 82

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with not-for-profit and schools in all five boroughs. Something clicked for Marjorie and Roman, they attended a volunteer orientation. Marjorie began to volunteer tirelessly. She realized, the more she volunteered, the more joy and peace she felt. Not that volunteering made her forget her tragedy, but volunteering gave her purpose and joy knowing she was helping someone else. Since then, Marjorie has devoted her time to volunteering. Her faith kept her hopeful but servitude gave her life again. After teaching for several years, Marjorie was accepted to one of her dream schools, New York University and their accelerated master’s program. When she was about to embark to graduate school, Marjorie and Roman found out they were expecting again. Marjorie decided that she would go on with her studies. She started balancing graduate school while pregnant and received her degree by the time her son Amaelian was nine months old.

Marjorie fell into a deep depression. Especially after all of her friends who were pregnant at the same time as her all delivered their babies. Then one day, while Marjorie was watching the news, she saw a news segment about New York Cares. New York Cares is one of the largest volunteer networks in New York City. They offer thousands of volunteer opportunities

This was a poignant time in Marjorie’s life because it taught her several things about herself. Marjorie learned that she was brave--brave to have another baby after her first loss, she is resilient---it was not easy writing papers when you have a human being moving around in your belly and screaming to be fed. Lastly, women are amazing--she’s amazing! We’re scholars, incubators of humans, and rocking wives!


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“Lastly, women are amazing--she’s amazing! We’re scholars, incubators of humans, and rocking wives!”

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SPECIAL FEATURE SHE HUSTLES TALKS {{ {SHE HUSTLES TALKS { RECOVERX } }} “Pageantry was a life-long dream of Marjorie’s which she thought had escaped her, having been married so young; however -- after years of research, she was able to find the Mrs. New York America pageant, which also heavily leaned on community service.”

Giving birth to Amaelian did not stop Marjorie’s community service. As a Haitian-American, when hearing of the devastating earthquake in Haiti had occurred, it was an easy decision for Marjorie to return to do missionary work in Haiti. Yet, she yearned to do more. Educate Haiti Now’s annual Teacher Summer Institute is held in Haiti with much success, making it a great platform for Marjorie. As an educator, this was a huge attraction in Marjorie’s decision to volunteer for EHN. Being the recipient of the Woman of Excellence Award as well as a Citation from the Borough of Brooklyn for her community service has fueled Marjorie to keep up her work in service.

New York America pageant, which also heavily leaned on community service. This was a win-win; combining community service and pageantry. She grew from her first participation in the

In her free time, Marjorie loves to dance; she’s a self-proclaimed dance-a-holic. Marjorie enjoys traveling with her family and friends--especially to Europe. She enjoys getting all dolled up and brunching with her girlfriends. Marjorie loves to read and is a life-long learner having earned two Master’s degrees and about to earn her third. Marjorie is also a public speaker and is currently the Vice President of Education for L.AC.E. Toastmasters. She has been invited to speak at several events as a motivational speaker, inspiring others to push past their adversities to reach their greater selves. Marjorie is enamored with the Victorian era---enjoying all things from that era, especially afternoon tea. Mostly, she loves to spend time with her boys-husband Roman of 18 years and her 14 year old son Amaelian.

After years of searching, Marjorie finally found an organization that is devoted to supporting families who have suffered a stillbirth---Star Legacy Foundation. Star Legacy Foundation is dedicated to increasing awareness, supporting research, promoting education, and encouraging advocacy and family support regarding stillbirth, pregnancy loss, and neonatal death. Marjorie is determined to give to families in a way she never received. Pageantry was a life-long dream of Marjorie’s which she thought had escaped her, having been married so young; however -- after years of research, she was able to find the Mrs.

York American, a new division in the Mrs. America organization. She looks forward to going to Las Vegas, NV this fall to compete with 50 other women across our nation to be the first ever Mrs. American. The winner will have a chance to compete for the Mrs. World title in Sri Lanka. Marjorie is excited to raise awareness of her platform and for the experience.

Mrs. New York America pageant, not having won but learning so much and meeting so many fabulous women. Marjorie competed again this year and was crowned the first ever Mrs. New

Marjorie is looking forward to next year’s Mrs. New York America pageant on May 21-23 at the RIT Inn & Conference Center, Rochester, NY.

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MISS NEW YORK FOR AMERICA 2020 GABRIELLE WRIGHT Gabby is a quintessential New Yorker. She grew up in the Capital Region, hiking trails of the Adirondacks and picking apples at her favorite orchards. Now living in Manhattan, she is busy completing her Masters in Business Administration, with a focus on Healthcare Administration, and working full-time as a Human Resources Coordinator at Omnicom Health Group. Gabby has always been an advocate for people with special needs. Her best friend’s brother has special needs, so growing up, Gabby learned first-hand about caretaking difficulties, social obstacles, and of course, the joys of having a special needs person in her life. She participated in her school’s Best Buddies program and continues to attend events and enroll in programs run by the Centers of Disability Services. Gabby is dedicated to protecting and supporting those with special needs. Some fun facts about Gabby is that she played college Lacrosse, she was born on midnight on New Year’s Day, and she’s a huge animal lover. In her

spare time she loves to hangout with her close friends and discover new places in New York City. She has always had an interest in Art, and enjoys attending various different Art Galleries and events. Gabby’s friends and family would

describe her as incredibly caring, positive and generous. She is always lending a helping hand to those in need and does so with a smile on her face. When faced with adversity in life, she has always maintained a positive outlook on life. Her positivity shines through to every new person

she meets. Gabby loves to travel and jumped at the chance to study a semester in England. During her time abroad she spent time touring Europe with her Nana and Aunt, which is still one of her favorite memories! But Gabby will, also, travel to beautiful beaches for pure relaxation, especially when she visits her grandparents in Florida. If she could offer one piece of advice to the next titleholder, it would be to always believe in yourself unconditionally. It’s e x t re m e l y important to know your worth and remind yourself that you are capable of anything if you put your mind to it. Be the best version of you at all times, and don’t let anyone tell you that you aren’t enough. We are all queens. Gabby will compete in the National Pageant on January 22nd-29th. She will also crown her successor on May 23rd 2021 at the RIT Inn and Conference Center.

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{{ SHIFT+CONTROL SPECIAL FEATURE}} “Gabby has always been an advocate for people with special needs. Her best friend’s brother has special needs, so growing up, Gabby learned first-hand about caretaking difficulties, social obstacles, and of course, the joys of having a special needs person in her life.”

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TONY D’S BY KELLY BREUER, MICHELLE DIBERNARDO & AYANNA JACKSON

Recently Rochester Woman Online brought our friends from Syracuse and joined Jay Speranza, owner of the famous Tony D’s Italian Restaurant in the beautiful Cornhill neighborhood of Rochester, NY for the most mouth watering Platter Chatter feature to date! KELLY BREUER The 4 of us including myself, Michelle DiBernardo, Ayanna Jackson and Jamie Lynn were treated like royalty as Jay and his team gave us the entire restuarant to ourselves and served us the most amazing food spread that left us not only beyond stuffed, but wanting more! From the “Rat Pack” decor and mock tin ceilings, to the open cooking area and the most incredible view of the Genessee River and the city of Rochester, the atmosphere was perfect. Even the weather was perfectly sunny. We spent a few hours with Jay drinking some wine and sparkling water, talking about the history of Tony D’s and how he because the owner, and then we ate until our pants were about to burst! Then Jay not only sent each of us home with enough food for another meal, but pistachio pound cake too...YUMMY! 98

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I am not sure what my favorite was because they were all so good, but I think it might have been the filet and roasted potatoes that some say is the best in the country. I may have to agree! I can’t wait to go again now. I just can’t believe that I haven’t been there before. Any suggestions on that to try next?

a small boardwalk with a fabulous view of Rochester’s famous Inner Loop. This restaurant offers a banquet room and has enough room to have a small band outside and a DJ inside. What a great location for your next venue. Beautiful scenery along with the right centerpieces and gorgeous foliage throughout the restaurant. No w f o r m e going to an Italian restaurant is something that is almost like riding a bike. So going in I thought finding phenomenal food to take as a favorite may be very hard. How e v e r Ja y had brought us ladies numerous platters for us to sample out. The presentation of these entrees were picture worthy.

MICHELLE DIBERNARDO Upon walking into Tony D’s our Rochester Woman Online Team was greeted like royalty by Jay Speranza, owner of Tony D’s. He was absolutely amazing to have invited us exclusively while they were closed for cleaning. We were of course given a tour from the inside to outside. A balcony overlooking the water, with

Some of these exquisite dishes had filet, shrimp, chicken and more. We all came super hungry and food just excites me so when I saw these dishes I was all smiles. I have to say their fillet with potatoes has to be my favorite dish on their menu that we had sampled. The filet was mouth watering and melted in my mouth along with the flowing juices that I used for my potatoes to give a little extra flavor not that they needed it. Every single bite


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{ PLATTER CHATTER } “The presentation of these entrees were picture worthy. Some of these exquisite dishes had filet, shrimp, chicken and more. We all came super hungry and food just excites me so when I saw these dishes I was all smiles.”

had an amazing savoring flavor with the taste to go with it. The food was nice and hot. Somewhere that I would definitely go back with family and friends. Not only did Tony D’s place out numerous entrees for us but he also provided us with two different desserts and let me say bon appetit. With so many leftovers to go home with my fridge was going to be a happy camper until later that evening. Eheemm, they did not make it to the next day. That’s the leftovers that just don’t last in your fridge if you know what I mean. Tony D’s has a great atmosphere along with amazing food. 106

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I was so impressed with this restaurant that I had to give it a review on Google Maps Review the next morning along with photos of my phenomenal food. If you are in the Rochester, NY area Tony D’s is the must go Italian restaurant even if it’s just for a couple cocktails. AYANNA JACKSON If you’re ever in the mood for good Italian food, good vibes, and good times, make sure to visit Tony D’s in Cornhill Landing. Trust me, it won’t be your last time. The food is to die for. Myself, Kelly the owner of Rochester Woman Online, Central NY Woman Online co publisher, Michelle Dibernado and photographer,

Jamie Lynn had the distinct honor, privilege and upmost pleasure to have a private dining experience at Tony D’s. Located in Cornhill Landing, right on the pier of the Genesee river, with a beautiful view of downtown and FreddySue bridge, ( which is more gorgeous at night all lit up.) We were honored to have the owner Jay Speranza and his staff prepare an array of delicious courses ranging from steak to shrimp on a bed of risotto. The meal was out of this world, since I love desserts, I was dying to try what they served.


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{ PLATTER CHATTER } “Next time you and your friends or family crave italian food, make a stop over to Tony D’s in Cornhill Landing. They’ll treat you like family.”

I must say they didn’t disappoint… omg!!! Magnifico!!!! The pistachio pound cake was to die for, also the black cherry cheesecake converted me to a cherry lover!! The restaurant has doors that open up to the outside, so you can feel the breeze off the Genesee river, the staff is friendly and accommodating. Tony D’s also has a banquet room for those looking for a good place for a staff or an organization event for 2021. Lord willing, fingers crossed. Their drinks are also amazing, they have an espresso martini that is deliziosa ( delicious in Italian). When you drink it, you forget there’s alcohol

in it(so be careful). The experience we had was just amazing, there was wonderful background music playing, good food, oh I can’t forget good wine, lol. What else could you ask for?? Well, a doggie bag!! The food is so filling, you want to eat more but you can’t nor do you dare, because you may bust your pants(lol) and that’s one thing Tony D’s doesn’t carry is extra pants(lol). I know once Tony D’s has reopened after the remodel, it will be on and popping. Tony D’s is a great place to take a first date, girls night, or even just a family’s

night out. You can’t miss. The only hard decision is what to order off the menu, so many wonderful amazing choices which means you’ll have to come back often to keep trying the delicious menu items Tony D’s offer… Buon Appetito!! Manja!! Buon a compania, just a few great Italian phrases that makes you think of Tony D’s. Next time you and your friends or family crave italian food, make a stop over to Tony D’s in Cornhill Landing. They’ll treat you like family.


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THE C.L.E.A.N. METHOD BY DR SHANELLE BENSON REID I PHOTOS BY MICHAL LEPORE

“We need to welcome all human experiences, from the secretary to the CEO, all stakeholders contribute to overall success of the organization.” Dr. Shanelle R. Benson Reid As we wrestle with high rates of unemployment and underemployment, please consider a complete overhaul of the workplace. Start by creating a new normal; a normal that values all members of the professional and corporate communities. Be proactive about addressing perception, performance and production through diversity, inclusion and equity. Creating environments that focus on the needs of all members of the organization can be a perplexing process that requires broad thinking and deliberate actions; at the very least, these organization must begin buy valuing all representatives and based on this notion, the C.L.E.A.N. Method was created. THE C.L.E.A.N. METHOD The C.L.E.A.N. Corporate Training Method is based on perception, performance and production. The program focuses on a holistic approach to building the corporate community by addressing the needs of all members. Diversity, inclusion and equity are vital to establishing a thriving workplace and building community, especially when it comes to employee engagement and group cohesion. Furthermore, creating equitable environments cultivate

creativity and innovation because team members, from executives to employees bring a variety of backgrounds, experiences and perspectives to the organization. However, environments that embrace diversity, inclusion and equity require comprehensive training and persistent adaptability. When it comes to eliminating discriminatory practices, we tend to focus on leadership, promotions, and hiring practices while

discounting organizational perception, performance and production. Identify the skills, knowledge and experiences each stakeholders needs at every level and determine whether these stakeholders have equal opportunities to meet these needs. Often times, disparities occur or are magnified because 1) individuals do not perceive their thoughts and or ideas are valued, 2) individuals do not have the necessary skills to perform the required task and 3) individuals are ill equipped to meet organizational production

standards. The C.L.E.A.N. Method emphasizes an inclusive approach to building organizations by addressing the needs of all members (C-Level, Leadership, Employee, Apprentice and Novice) from cultural, social and equitable perspectives. CEO (CHIEF EXECUTIVE OFFICER) Chief Executive Officer, the highest-ranking person in a company or organization, is primarily responsible for making major decisions. These individuals select and choose managers and heads of departments as well as observe the organization’s budget and financial activities. The CEO also supervises other activities within the organization in order to identify ways to cut costs and improve programing and productivity in an effort to remain in alignment with the mission and meet or exceed annual goals. The roles of an excellent CEO include but are not limited to, creating strategies, overseeing the leadership team, designing the organization, being the face of the company to external stakeholders, working with the board, and managing their own time and energy. Therefore, when a CEO recognizes her value in the organization, has the aptitude to lead and the ability to complete the required tasks, perception, performance and production are in alignment. ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: SEPTEMBER EDITION 2020

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“We need to welcome all human experiences, from the secretary to the CEO, all stakeholders contribute to overall success of the organization.�


{ ALL ACCESS } } { SHIFT+CONTROL “The C.L.E.A.N. Corporate Training Method is based on perception, performance and production.�

LEADERS The primary duty of a leader is to lead by example. A leader must demonstrate a strong work ethic. Effective leadership impacts the organization as well as the members. Organizational success is heavily dependent on competent leadership. Effective leaders prioritize people over profit and community over individuality. They understand how to maintain motivation without jeopardizing relationships. Leaders are able to build on strengths and address limitations without criticizing efforts. Great leaders connect with their team by facilitating open and honest dialogue, promoting growth and development, and giving and receiving feedback. These individuals are also willing to adjust their leadership style to meet the needs of an ever-evolving organization. Thus, when a leader recognizes her worth in the organization, has enthusiasm to serve and the capacity to foster organizational growth and development, perception, performance and production are in sync. EMPLOYEE Employees are people hired for wages or salary, especially at a nonexecutive level to perform assigned duties. These duties are typically created for tasks completion and skill improvement. Employment roles and expectations are outlined in the employer’s manual and are reviewed and agreed upon when the employment term initiates. There are moral and professional requirements in most organizations that employees must adhere to in order to maintain employment. That being said, individuals are valuable members of the organization and critical to success. The organization 118

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cannot function without talented, capable employees. Organization must ensure the needs of the employees are met; from personal to professional, from abilities to deficits, employees must be accepted, understood and respected. Hence, when an employee recognizes his significance in an organization, has the experience to function effectively and the option to develop and advance, perception, performance and production are harmonious. APPRENTICE The duties of an apprentice are to learn how to become specialized in a job by going through training, under the guidance of an experienced employee. A role of an apprentice involves tasks such as adhering to workplace procedures, following health and safety guidance, updating training records, and completing tasks to gain desirable skills and abilities. A good apprentice demonstrates responsibility, reliability and a willingness to operate with other members of the organization. Apprenticeship positions lead to permanent employment and are critical to creating a skilled and diversified employee pool. Apprenticeship programs are charged with adhering to and surpassing the latest industry standards and keeping up-to-date with advancing technologies and innovations in training and human resource development. Apprenticeships help organization develop highly skilled employees. Programs that support apprenticeships also reduce turnover rates, increase productivity and lower the cost of recruitment. Consequently, when an apprentice is viewed as an asset to the organization,

is coached on the latest advances and innovations and has the tools to fulfill position requirements, perception, performance and production converge. NOVICE A novice is person who is inexperienced or new to a field or situation. A good novice follows the protocols and guidelines given by a potential employer. These individuals understand the importance effective communication, time management, problem solving, team building, work ethic, flexibility, adaptability, motivation, stress management, and confidence. The novice is one of the most important components of the employee ladder. The novice; a skilled person, prepared to embark on new opportunities is vital to organizational success and sustainability. So, when a novice decides to take a leap of faith ad seek new endeavors, she must realize she is a benefit to the organization, she has the skillset to begin her new opportunity, training, growth and development are necessary and it is the duty of the organization to help her be effective, which leads to synergy in perception, performance and production. SUMMARY In conclusion, employers seeking professional development and corporate training typically think in terms of black and white when hearing about the C.L.E.A.N. Method but in actuality, the C.L.E.A.N. Method is a process of addressing cultural responsiveness and social awareness by acknowledging and appreciating the entire, human experience.


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SHE HUSTLES TALKS} } SAVON SPEAKS {{ {SHE HUSTLES TALKS

INTRODUCING SAVON SPEAKS BY SAVON HOLT

My name is Savon Holt. I am from Rochester, NY, been here all my life. I am a single mother of one. I have worked in healthcare for over 16 years. I am gradually navigating my way through the healthcare industry. After my son was born. After my son was born, I worked as a Direct Support Professional for two years. A short time after I received my certification for Certified Nursing Assistant (C.N.A). However, still navigating through the healthcare field, I went back to school in 2010 to attain my license as a Licensed Practical Nurse (LPN). Today, I have been working in this career field as an LPN for ten years now, providing skilled nursing to nursing facilities all over Rochester and residential care settings. I hold an associate degree in / Liberal Arts and Science. While, currently working in the healthcare field, I put myself through college for a second time, now a graduate of Roberts Wesleyan College with my Bachelor of Science in Healthcare Administration. My goal is to become a Healthcare Attorney while still pursuing Entrepreneurship. I feel my purpose is to help take care of individuals in need, hence is one of the main reasons I became a nurse. My dedication to my clients shows how serious I take my role. I consider my task to be a sacred trust in protecting and caring for my patients even without any personal attachment. Outside of the clinical setting, I felt there were many ways 124

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to help others, which is why I became a mentor, certified Life Coach, Founder of Graced by Wisdom Foundation Inc., and launched SavonSpeaks. Graced by Wisdom Foundation Inc. is a 501c (3) organization in upstate New York that uses civic leadership, community investment, and philanthropy to improve life quality in low-income areas. Our

life they deserve. We encourage ladies who have experienced adversities and life setbacks to rebuild and get back to their destined lives. We offer Speaking Mentoring and Coaching Services. We recently partnered with the Rochester City School District to mentor several high school girls to work on confidence building, personal development, college and career preparation, and much more. As a Licensed Practical Nurse, podcaster, mentor, life coach, entrepreneur, author, and mother of one wonderful son, I had a life full of obstacles to overcome, just like many women. Being a teen mother has benefited me more than what I have expected. I know how it feels to be a woman that wants to strive for more but is scared of her past.

mission is to help low socioeconomic status African American families access needed cardiac and diabetes medications to improve health disparities while decreasing financial stress. Graced by Wisdom will relaunch in 2021. SavonSpeaks organization is established to motivate and empower women in finding their purpose. We aim to help them find their purpose and live the

I was once in their shoes. My limiting beliefs had several negative effects on me. However, after rebuilding myself and separating my present from my past, I had to relearn myself through my brokenness to create a brighter future. I had faced different troubles, such as: • Molestation • Passing of mother at 15 • Teen Mom • Absentee Father • Failed relationships • Low Self-esteem


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“I believe providing the opportunity for other women to share their Blueprint to success will motivate and empower other women experiencing similar challenges. However, I want those facing adversities and setbacks to know there is light at the end of the tunnel and not give up.�


SAVON SPEAKS { {SHE HUSTLES TALKS} } “On my podcast, I encourage other “successful” women to tell their stories of past challenges they have overcome on their journey to success.”

• Verbal abuse • Suicidal Ideation • Depression • Bereavement & Grief However, I knew that life would get better if I were loyal and obedient to myself. Like me, having a tunnel vision, surrounding yourself with positive people, and knowing the importance of perseverance helped me create the peaceful life I needed. On my podcast, I encourage other “successful” women to tell their stories of past challenges they have overcome

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on their journey to success. I believe providing the opportunity for other women to share their Blueprint to success will motivate and empower other women experiencing similar challenges. However, I want those facing adversities and setbacks to know there is light at the end of the tunnel and not give up. People often associate success with monetary things. But I let women know success can be simple as learning how to master keeping your inner peace. Success is merely a goal you set for yourself that you successfully achieved. The material things are a reward to

yourself after achieving something you’ve completed. Society has misconstrued the true definition of success. In my book that I will be releasing this year called My Truth, it is a Memoir of my past challenges that I turned into my purpose, which has allowed me to feel and be successful. However, hopefully, my book My Truth will help inspire someone to allow their hurt to be the fuel to starting their success story. It’s all about changing your mindset and stop focusing on the “Why” things happen to you but “What” can you do to change it so that the cycle is broken.


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WWW.SAVON


NSPEAKS.COM


“Helping Clients Buy Their Dreams, One Home At A Time� Damaris Rivera Real Estate Broker 1816 N Clinton Ave I Rochester NY 14621 I 585-888-4002 (office) www.rrealtyrochester.com Whether your looking to buy Sell or invest we are here to help. Contact her today for a free consultation.


SPECIAL INSERT

SHE HUSTLES TALKS WOMEN OWNED BUSINESSES

FEATURING:

R Realty Rochester DAMARIS RIVERA

-VONNLEIGH ESTHETICS - THE ROLE MODEL WAY - HEALING COVE MASSAGE THERAPY - LATRICE HALTER -THE GRACE OF HANNAH - FASHION RESCUE 911 -URBAN EUPHPORIA -VILLAGE VIBEZ - AJ EXCURSIONS -NUTRITION FIX NY - AND MORE!

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R REALTY BY DAMARIS RIVERA I PHOTOS BY KIJANA CRUES

R FOUNDER & REAL ESTATE BROKER Damaris started her career in real estate by accident while searching for a rental space for her pet boutique “Pinky’s Pet Connection”. At the age of 21, Damaris closed on her first real estate property, a commercial building. Her first few years she managed commercial and residential tenants and learned the insides and out of the property management.

Damaris got the name “Rochesters Pet Friendly Realtor” as her passions collided. With her wealth of knowledge from the pet industry and savey real estate experience she is able provides clients with unique pet related services. utside of Real Estate Damaris is a dog mom of 4 fur babies Bella, Diesel,

In 2017, Damaris became a Real Property Appraiser with the City of Rochester. In this role as Damaris fine tuned her valuation skills and learned a new side of real estate. At that time she also transitioned to EXP Realty a national agent owned cloud based brokerage.

R COMPANY Located in the Greater Rochester Area, R Realty Rochester LLC is a real estate brokerage that offers residential and commercial real estate services to individuals and businesses. R MISSION Our mission is to make the buying and selling of real estate a positive experience for our clients by providing exemplary service backed by impeccable integrity.

When she had an unpleasant experience with trying to sell Damaris decided to get her real estate license. This became her first sale in real estate her commercial building. She started with HUNT Real Estate ERA, a family owned business which provided her with great mentorship and training to grow as an agent. Damaris was awarded Hunt’s Most Improved Agent in 2017.

goal was to create a positive work environment to foster the growth and create leaders within the Real Estate community.

Peanut and Beastly.She has been an animal advocate years and continues to raise funds for local rescue groups. She is also a recording artist and tours around the state with PopStyle. In 2019, Damaris decided to open R Realty Rochester LLC. She wanted to create a company where individual agents can be successful and support each other while providing clients with superior service. Damaris’s personal

R V A L U E S COMMITMENT We are committed to providing the highest level of service to our clients by continuing to evolve in the ever changing real estate industry. We focus our efforts on continuing to educate our staff and finding innovative ways to meet our clients needs. INTEGRITY We pride ourselves on being real,transparent and always choosing to do the right thing. Our clients best interest always comes first.Our agents focus on providing accurate and up-to-date information ,skilled analysis and sound real estate advice.


{ { SHE HUSTLES TALKS} } SHIFT+CONTROL “With her wealth of knowledge from the pet industry and savey real estate experience she is able provides clients with unique pet related services.�

GROWTH We pride ourselves in providing a dynamic work environment that encourages personal and professional development. We provide ongoing training, performance incentives and opportunities for advancement. INNOVATION We continually explore new ideas and 142

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technology to improve our business practices.

Member of the National Association of Realtors

CHARITY We are passionate about giving back to the community in which we serve.

Member of Latinas Unidas

Member of the Greater Rochester Association of Realtors.

Member of Hispanic Business Association Member of Young Realtors Network


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THE GRACE OF HANNAH BY TIFFANY LEWIS

Hello my name is Tiffany Lewis-English.... I am a Nurse, Wife & Author đ&#x;’› On July 17,2017 My life changed in way that I never possibly imagined. It was four months before my wedding “The English Projectâ€? & I was diagnosed with endometriosis & Infertility. Endometriosis is where the normal tissues that lines the inside of your uterus, is found growing on the outside, causing scar tissue to form on the ovaries, Fallopian tubes & uterus. It was threw an intense & invasive procedure that this was discovered. I was told that I had stage 4 endometriosis & that I needed to seek further treatment from a infertility specialist, if I thought I wanted to build a family. My OBGYN assured me that if having children wasn’t apart of my plan, a total hysterectomy would be the move. That wasn’t what myself or my husband visioned for our lives. I had 2 surgeries in 2017. It was overwhelming and unbearable, collectively my the fiancĂŠ & I decided that we would hold off until after the wedding. In January 2018 we began treatments with a fertility Doctor & the more appointments I attended, the more hurt I became. I trusted God but I 146

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needed to understand WHY? I had gotten married & was ready to start a family & I couldn’t. I remember sitting in different support groups feeling completely out of place. I was sitting with groups of individuals who didn’t know what this journey meant to me. A round of IVF (in vitro fertilization)

was anywhere from $13,000-$20,000 & we didn’t have that. The people who joined us in this group didn’t have that same issue. They had it, had spent it & was ready for a second round. That made me feel defeated. I couldn’t relate to them & they couldn’t relate to me. I made up in my mind that I would stop attending these “Support Groupsâ€?‟ď¸?

There was no support for someone like myself & Husband. I started to pray even harder asking God “What are you teaching us�? “What are you trying to get through us�? I received a text message from a friend & it read “Hey girl, you are the modern day Hannah� I was confused but said “Oh hey... ok girl� a few hours later I walked into my grandfather church & he was preaching about Hannah & my aunt yells to me “Hey Hannah�. I went home that night & I researched Hannah from the Bible & read the scripture. I smiled closed my Bible & went to bed. A few nights later at 4am God woke me up with the vision. “You shall create what it is that you were looking for during this journey. You will create a support group for people like YOU.... The same Grace that I gave Hannah I shall give to you & the families connected to you� ! March 2018, I became the Founder of “Grace of Hannah (IN)Fertility support group� And August 2020 The CEO & Founder of Hannahs Heart Fertility LLC Many families deal with (IN)Fertility. To be exact 1 in 8 couples. Hannahs heart


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“You shall create what it is that you were looking for during this journey. You will create a support group for people like YOU.... The same Grace that I gave Hannah I shall give to you & the families connected to you!”

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HUSTLES TALKS} } } { {IN { SHE SHIFT+CONTROL HER OWN WORDS “Many families deal with (IN)Fertility. To be exact 1 in 8 couples. Hannahs heart fertility LLC is an safe haven for men and women to come and seek holistic care.”

fertility LLC is an safe haven for men and women to come and seek holistic care. There is a trained Holistic fertility Doula who will encourage families with healthy lifestyle changes that will assist or aide in getting pregnant naturally. As we do not guarantee pregnancy, we do not diagnose or give a prognosis, however we do educate on different steps to assisting with pregnancy. We offer 3 month segments to help prepare your body for motherhood. In the event that that pregnancy does not

happen, Grace of Hannah steps in and assist with locating the proper fertility specialist for you. Our main objective is to help in a holistic, healthy, Spiritual and financial way. I have formed a number of platforms to help educate on the importance of healthy living & preparing our bodies for what we are praying for. I published my first Journal “SpeakLife 31 Day affirmation Journal for women dealing with infertility & Infant loss” July 2019 because I am a firm believer that “What we speak out of our Mouth shall come

to pass”... I am on a journey to help HeAl(HeR) You can follow us on fb @The grace of Hannah (IN)Fertility Support Group IG: Hannahsheart_infertility Our office is Located 550 Latona Rd suite 413D Phone:(585)470-8621

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VONNLEIGH ESTHETICS BY SHIVONN SCHLOSSER I PHOTOS BY KIJUANA CRUES

MEET VONNLEIGH I am Shivonn, the owner of VonnLeigh Esthetics. I have been a renowned beauty & skin expert for more than 17 years, working in both the United States of America & Canada. Being native to Toronto, and having parents f ro m t h e We s t Indies; I have developed a passion to help those who struggle with the skin challenges that having various ethnic skin brings. I understand the common skin concerns and how to approach, treat, correct or even simply color match. I have received my license in Esthetics from Alexandrian’s Institute School of Esthetics in Toronto, Canada in 1998 before going on to receive my Certification in Fashion Photography Makeup at Complexions International Academy of Makeup Artistry in Toronto, Canada in 2000. My work has been featured in several high-profile Music Videos, Photo Shoots, Editorial Magazine’s and

on the Runways of Fashion Week Toronto and New York. Through my continuous thirst for

potential. I do this by collaborating with my clients, to understand their unique skin care challenges and take an individualized approach to help each client look as well as feel their best. I specialize in correcting and perfecting eyebrows (Microblading) along with the Hyaluron pen; Today’s latest (needeless) lip injection treatment! The most recent addition to my spa would be the Fibroblast skin tightening treatment. This treatment has recently made its way over to the US from Europe and lasts 3-5 years.! I’m always excited to introduce avantgarde products and procedures in my industry.

trying new products and techniques, I have worked with several skin care & makeup lines throughout my career. This quest for knowledge feeds my passion to educate my clients and help them achieve their skin’s best

Contact Shivonn or visit her at Vonnleigh Esthetics at 141 Sully’s Trail Suite 07A Rochester, NY 14534 http://vonnleighesthetics.com/

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141 SULLY’S TRAIL SUITE 07A ROCHESTER,


NY 14534 I VONNLEIGHESTHETICS.COM


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ESTEEM FACES Latrice Halter is a self-taught make up artist of seven years who prides herself on graduating from Youtube University.

power of word of mouth, Latrice found her inbox full of woman who wanted to get their make up done by her.

She is 34 years old and has been a Rochesterian all her life. She is married to her husband, Daniel Halter of 13 years and they have three amazing children.

As her love for make up grew, so did her creativity. She started venturing into illusion make up, body painting and special effects make up. This gave Latrice endless creative possibilities of expression through art, using make up as her foundation. This more artistic style of make up artistry got her nominated five times for the Roc Award, Make Up Artist of the Year, winning twice in 2018 and 2020.

Latrice’s make up artist journey started in 2013. At the time she was a stay at home mom who entertained herself with watching YouTube make up tutorals. After several months of watching the tutorials, she found the courage to begin to practice on herself. After practicing on herself for some time, she grew the interest to practice on close friends and family. Enjoying her new found hobby, she began to post before and after pictures of her relatives on her social media platforms. After posting several transformations and the amazing 158

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and busy with photoshoots, weddings and many ladies who just wanted to experience make up for the first time ever in their lives. She absolutely loved the response she received from her clients after they saw themselves transformed with make up. This inspired her brand name, Esteem Faces.

Latrice went from being a stay at home mom to being blessed, booked

You can follow Latrice Halter on Instagram and YouTube @EsteemFaces to see more of her artisty


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{{ SHE HUSTLES SHE HUSTLES TALKS TALKS { RECOVERX } }} “Latrice went from being a stay at home mom to being blessed, booked and busy with photoshoots, weddings and many ladies who just wanted to experience make up for the first time ever in their lives.”

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W


your hair

WE ARE OPEN & READY TO GET CREATIVE WITH & MORE!

SALON BELLA VITA I 32 S MAIN ST I PITTSFORD


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FASHION RESCUE 911 BOUTIQUE BY ANGELA ANTONELLO

“Who ever said you can’t buy happiness simply doesn’t know where to shop .” Local entrepreneur Angela Antonello founded Fashion Rescue 911 in 2017 offering customers in Syracuse the first ever full service fashion truck. Her motto is “We Stop , You Shop “ she often jokes that great style doesn’t fall off the back of any truck!

her . With the recent boom of the food truck industry her search for the perfect truck was on ! Angela bought her 1990 fire rescue truck within an hour after finding and drove it directly to her brother’s shop, where he transformed her vision into reality — the Fashion Rescue 911 Street Boutique Her first season operating the street

Antonello said following grew quick and her clothing was in such high demand she saw the need to expand her business. The Boutique was open shortly after and is located in heart of Baldwinsville . But this mover and shaker doesn’t stop there , she has-recently launched an online store and a pop up shop will soon be coming to Destiny USA for the holidays . Angela was born with the love for fashion. She knew at an early age she wanted to be a hairdresser and loved putting makeup on and dressing up. After spending 30 plus years in the salon industry she was destined to go after her dream of opening a Boutique with a twist. She recalls seeing the concept of a traveling Boutique on the west coast over 10 years ago, that concept began brewing in her head. Some call it determination , others call it drive but she said once she puts her mind to something, there’s no stopping

boutique ran from September to late November. She developed a following pretty quickly but once the snow started flying, it became difficult to operate in the colder months . Over the winter months, she rented space in Baldwinsville and held popup shopping a few days a week. Her original intent was to get through the winter and start the truck season back up in early spring. Listening to her customers, she quickly learned they

enjoyed having The Boutique as a go-to location along with the truck. The search for her storefront began . She quickly fell in love with the Baldwinsville community and loved how welcoming other local businesses were. Within days she heard the space she had her eye on was available and she enlisted her brother once again . With opening The Boutique she wanted to fill a void in the women’s clothing market. Her goal was to create a place that would bring confidence and happiness to a woman’s day. “Shopping is jokingly compared to therapy , that one fantastic new outfit can turn your day around , it can hold the power to give the confidence you need going into an interview or give that stay at home mom a reason to smile after that rare moment she treats herself.” When curating lines shes began asking her customers what they wanted to see in store and online . It wasn’t something that was the norm in the industry and became a great way to really get to know her “girl“ and add more value and exclusivity to her boutique . When sending online orders she often includes a handwriting note in hopes that it brought an extra smile to her ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: SEPTEMBER EDITION 2020

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{{ SHE SHE HUSTLES HUSTLES TALKS TALKS }} “Who ever said you can’t buy happiness simply doesn’t know where to shop .“

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customers day . The Boutique offers private sip and shop events too as it’s always fun to shop with your girlfriends!

balance , the support she has from her family , friends and the community is immeasurable.

Fashion Rescue 911 strives to offer a more personal experience, there is something very comfortable about running into the store and seeing the same faces . Whether her customers come in once a week, once a month, or once a season, she says it her job to remember what they like, bought, and have in their closet.

You will find lines such as Liverpool Jeans, Z Supply, Six Fifty, Commando, Kut From The Kloth , Mystree, Yummie, Haute Shore, Gemelli Jewerly and more. It remains a top priority to promote and support local businesses, you will find local vendors in the shop as well as several collaborations with others around town .

Angela values her team , her independent associate adds immense value and creates

Community and giving back is important to her , she serves on board

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of the Greater Baldwinsville Chamber of Commerce and participates in the Hope for Heather Charity’s Fashion Show every year as well as supporting many local charities. Shop online at www.shopfashionrescue911. Visit The Boutique 52 Oswego St. Baldwinsville, NY 13027 Wed-Fri 12-5 , Saturday 11-3 Book the Truck 315-857-6690 April -Oct Follow us on Instagram & Facebook


NOW AVAILABLE. ORDER TODAY!


Live your smile to the fullest.

TM

INDRA QUAGLIATA, DDS

COSMETIC DENTISTRY D E N TA L I M P L A N T S INVISALIGN ZOOM WHITENING S A M E D AY C R O W N S & B R I D G E S PRF INJECTIONS PRF MICRONEEDLING BOTOX & FILLERS

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IQ DENTISTRY 300 White Spruce Blvd. Suite 134 Rochester, NY 14623


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AJ EXCURSIONS & VILLAGE VIBEZ BY AJUOA JACKSON I PHOTO BY KIJANA CRUES

AJ Excursions was established on October 14, 2014. We were created out of our love of travel and wanting to assist others in seeing the world. In these past 6 years, we have cultivated over 200 clients and counting. We create trips domestic and internationally by booking hotels, rental cars, airfare, cruises, excursions, and airport transportation. We are the destination for leisure travel, celebratory occasions and cultural exploration. AJ Excursions is a travel agency dedicated to assisting clients in seeing the world. My love of travel is what initially fueled my desire to create Black Women Traveling... Solo. After bringing my lifelong dreams of traveling as a single woman throughout Europe to fruition, I decided that I wanted to help others achieve their vacation dreams. In 2017, I renamed my travel group to the World Class Travel Crew . I realized my passion and turned it into a full-fledged business. We specialize in solo and small group travel curating travel packages which include flight, hotel, excursions, and special requirements that clients request. We have arranged for clients to travel to London, Paris, Italy, Spain, Portugal, Brasil, Belgium, Amsterdam, Egypt, Morocco, Costa

Rica, Jamaica, Aruba, Mexico, South Africa (AfroPunk) and China in both Solo and small group travel. Our mission is to assist each traveler in finding themselves as they travel roads made for them to explore. I believe that everyone’s dreams are attainable with a little planning. I look forward to helping women

conquer their fear. Because on the other side of fear amazing things happen. To book an excursion, go to ajexcursions.com. Najja Preston is both an artist and writer. She is the creative director at AJ Excursions and created the images synonymous with the brand. “ I am creator and owner of Frican Fresh, a brand that celebrates my afro-centric roots unapologetically. Graphic arts and design has been my focus for a few years now, but I’ve picked up the

brush again. There is something that grounds you, when you paint; there is a deeper appreciation and connection with not only your art, but your soul and your surroundings. You can see my work on everything from canvas to tee shirts and business cards. I have a candid blog exercising free speech, Adipose and Afros (adiposeandafros. blogspot.com & anchor.fm), as well as a podcast, Drinks on Me: No Chaser which can be found on youtube and anchor. fm, both of which I use as avenues to reach the hearts of people in hopes that they can learn something valuable from my own personal struggles and views. Between my photography, e-books I’m working on and upcoming projects, I have managed to stay sane (and busy) during these trying times. 2020 was crazy; I am dedicated to ushering out the rest of this year with creativity, focus and love. I have a voice that is worth hearing and perspective that is uniquely mine. So get ready for me, 2021 is my break-out year.” Village Vibez came about when two women decided to join together their passions. Ajoua Jackson’s love of travel and shopping, and Najja Preston’s passions for aesthetics, culture and ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: SEPTEMBER EDITION 2020

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{{ { SHE HUSTLES SHE SHIFT+CONTROL HUSTLES TALKS TALKS}}} “Village Vibez is a black, female owned business whose goal is to help support the economy of people of color, across the globe.“

design, creating the perfect blend of cultural diffusion, urban edge and forward fashion. It is their mission to bring a taste of global flavor, to your door. Village Vibez is a black, female owned business whose goal is to help support 178

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the economy of people of color, across the globe. They offer one-of-a-kind items that are either hand picked on their many travels, or commissioned by local artisans of those regions, with the intent of keeping dollars circulating in the communities that need it most. You can find them

online at villagevibez.com, on social media platforms and popping up at community events throughout the Rochester community.


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ROLE MODEL WAY My mom loves to remind me that she always knew I would be a teacher. Of course, when she used to say this to me, she meant a traditional K-12 public school type of teacher, not a teacher of adult business owners, career seekers, entrepreneurs, and intrapreneurs. My dad, on the other hand, jokingly told everyone I was going to be a brain surgeon. The problem with both of these, as Carol Dweck, one of the leading authorities on growth mindset for kids, points out in her book Mindset, neither one of these methods is a healthy way to encourage a kid to find their passion or their confidence; they certainly weren’t role modeling behaviors that were going to help me figure out what my goals were or how get there. Growing up, most of my role models were on MTV. Like many other Gen X kids, both of my parents worked and me and my 3 siblings, and one cousin, went to an after school program. As the oldest, I was always the protector and the responsible one. I was proud when one of my little sisters wrote an essay about how she wanted to be like me, her cool big sister. This is likely where the Role Model Way™ was first ignited even if I didn’t know it at the time. By high school, I had figured out what was important to me in life and it wasn’t grades. I loved music, having fun with my friends, learning new 180

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skills, and creating art. I played cello, spent many a long night crafting, drawing, painting, and writing poems after everyone else was asleep. I wrote books, screenplays, I designed websites, and taught myself how to program. What does one do with all of this talent and no direction? They bounce around life like the shiny silver ball in a pinball machine. Until, finally,

they get exposed to something that reveals itself as a passion. For me that was problem-solving. Problemsolving in the business world allows me to combine all of my talents into one giant tool-box for helping others solve their problems. The one man who was a great role model for me was my grandfather on my mom’s side. He started a plumbing supply company in Michigan that is still in operation today. He was always dishing out advice and praise.

He was a man’s man, a great investor, storyteller, poker player, and the like. In that world, women were expected to be sugar and spice and everything nice; a thing I thought sounded awful. That said, even though my grandfather was a great role model, he wasn’t the best fit for a mentor to me. As I mentioned, aside from my grandfather, most of my role models in my younger years had been rock stars and actors and actresses, a thing that is still all too common in today’s society. If you search the term “role model” on the web, your results will be full of celebs and sports figures, alas, not many down-to-earth, within reach, leadership role models. Especially when it comes to women. Hence, why I opted out of the 9-5 to start teaching business owners, career seekers, entrepreneurs, and intrapreneurs a better way to bring their visions to life. I created a framework and philosophy called, The Role Model Way™. As a business framework, it provides a standard for evaluating performance and a set of fundamentals to teach from. As a philosophy, we believe that we are all role models; either good or bad. We may be good role models in some aspects or areas in our lives but not in others, after all, no one is perfect. However, if we can look through the Role Model lens, we’ll


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{{ SHE HUSTLES TALKS} } SHIFT+CONTROL “What does one do with all of this talent and no direction? They bounce around life like the shiny silver ball in a pinball machine. Until, finally, they get exposed to something that reveals itself as a passion.”

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see those who are in our circle of influence whom we care about and do more to lead by example.

family, friends, colleagues, neighbors, bosses, etc. is an opportunity to be the example.

Look back to what I wrote in the beginning of this article, did you flinch when I said I didn’t have any role models? I had many, I had hundreds, maybe thousands but we’re trained to think that role model is synonymous with “positive”. But in reality, every person and their every action that is seen by a person they influence,

I’m now on a crusade of sorts to encourage people to wear their Role Model hat with pride. Be the responsible big sister or big brother, be the office manager who listens and leads by example rather than telling and tracking, be the business owner who goes above and beyond standard health and environmental

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regulations because it is the right thing to do. Finally, SHARE the CHANGE you want to see in THE WORLD. Being role models is a form of peer pressure but it’s the beneficial peer-pressure we need to create contagious positive change. You can learn more about the Role Model Way™ and our academy at www.therolemodelway.com.


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HEALING COVE MASSAGE THERAPY PHOTOS BYAPRIL D’AMICO

This pandemic reshaped life for all of us, but for Julia Lawrick, it presented the extraordinary opportunity to open her own massage practice. After leaving her previous job this year to stay home with her daughters, Julia recently reconnected with Brenda Washington, an old friend and mentor from massage school. Though it had been 15 years since their time together at the MCC student massage clinic, it felt like no time had passed between them at all. The two have always trusted and respected each other both as friends and as massage professionals. When Brenda offered a room in her beautiful office, she told Julia to take her time deciding. It was clear immediately that she could not pass up the opportunity. She believes the timing was perfect for each of them and feels incredibly lucky to share this gorgeous office space with such a dear friend. With all the new rules and regulations surrounding Covid-19, Julia is grateful to work from a small office alongside only one other person. Client health and safety is, and always will be the top priority of her practice. Healing Cove Massage Therapy was born from a need for relaxation and restoration in these stressful, uncertain times. Julia provides a safe space for clients to rest and destress from the world around them, all while enjoying highly personalized care. All

of her treatments are tailored to suit the client’s specific needs, goals and comfort levels. It’s this individualized attention and precision that have garnered Julia an impressive clientele over the years. She looks forward to growing this client base at Healing Cove! In addition to traditional custom

massages, Julia specializes in women’s health, fertility, pregnancy and postpartum massage. She is also one of the Rochester area’s only massage therapists certified in the Arvigo Techniques of Maya Abdominal Therapy. This unique modality supports reproductive and digestive wellness and can address an array of health concerns. The technique

is performed externally by gently guiding and supporting organs back into their optimal position, allowing the whole body to function in a more productive way. After each session, Julia teaches every client a number of self-care techniques that empower them to continue the healing process at home. Over the years, she has provided this service to clients facing a wide range of issues including but not limited to: painful or irregular menstrual cycles, endometriosis, infertility, frequent miscarriages, scar tissue and adhesions, and digestive disorders. It’s a highly specialized therapy, and practitioners can be hard to come by. Julia is especially proud to be one of them. Her skills don’t end at the massage table! She earned a license in cosmetology ten years ago to enhance her offerings and add to the scope of her practice with massage therapy. She plans to incorporate skin care and related services such as body scrubs and wraps to Healing Cove later this year. Additionally, Julia is also a certified birth doula. All of her training and education in the women’s health field combined with her own experiences in pregnancy inspired her to pursue this challenging but most rewarding position. She understands firsthand how proper support in pregnancy and birth affects


“Healing Cove Massage Therapy was born from a need for relaxation and restoration in these stressful, uncertain times. Julia provides a safe space for clients to rest and destress from the world around them, all while enjoying highly personalized care.�


{{ SHE SHE HUSTLES HUSTLES TALKS TALKS }} “In addition to traditional custom massages, Julia specializes in women’s health, fertility, pregnancy and postpartum massage.”

the way a mother remembers those monumental stages of life. Thus, she offers emotional and physical guidance as well as comfort measures to help achieve the birth plan. Whether she’s assuming the role of massage therapist, cosmetologist, or doula, Julia approaches each task with a warmth, attentiveness and sincerity that lets all clients know they’re in the very best hands. Currently, her hours are mostly 192

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evenings and weekends as she stays home with her daughters during the day. Her husband is a teacher which allows her to be flexible during those hours without the need for childcare. They believe it’s a great balance! She is thrilled to be back doing what she loves and caring for clients while still being able to enjoy family time. Healing Cove Massage Therapy is located at: 300 White Spruce Blvd.

Suite 128 Rochester, NY 14623 To book an appointment or find out more information about services: Call or text: 585-314-5919 Email: julialawrick@gmail.com Facebook: /healingcovemassagetherapy I n s t a g r a m : @ healingcovemassagetherapy


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WOMEN OWNED BIZ BY KARIN KLOCK

Imagine if women-owned businesses were connected across the nation or even around the globe. How much power would such a network give those women? And how much easier would it be to support and empower female entrepreneurs? Right now, we are in the midst of an important women’s movement, and part of this shift must include flexing our economic muscles. As conscientious consumers and business owners, we may aspire to make socially responsible purchases, but the challenge of identifying women-owned businesses that match our own ideals and needs can derail even the best of intentions. Yet doing so is important. Finding and supporting womenowned businesses, and especially

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underrepresented women’s businesses, can affect real change not only in the lives of the women who are endeavoring to pursue their passion, but in our lives and the lives of those around us. Admittedly, information overload in the era of the internet and social media is a big contributor to this “discoverability challenge” that entrepreneurs face. However, it is not the only hurdle. Making a product, providing a service, securing financing, hiring employees— everything that goes into running a business takes time, attention, and money. As a result, the time and expense of promotion and marketing can often get sidelined or feel so overwhelming as to discourage women from starting or expanding their business. In response to this need, I have formed

WomenOwnedBiz.org, a free website directory that brings women-owned businesses together in one easily searchable listing. Right now, we are in the process of launching an outreach campaign—my gift to all the hardworking female entrepreneurs out there. If you are a woman and own a business, please register to join our directory. And if you support womenowned businesses, please share this site with your personal and professional networks. Let’s be a major force for good, starting right here in Rochester. Join: https://womenownedbiz.org/ join-our-movement/#join Interested in becoming a corporate sponsor or donor? Contact me at: info@womenownedbiz. org


A free Women-Owned business directory-join today! https:// womenownedbiz.org/ It’s a great way to connect and support like-minded women businesses. If you are a woman and own a business, please register to join our directory. And if you support women-owned businesses, please share this site with your personal and professional networks. Interested in becoming a corporate sponsor or donor? Join today or email me for more information at info@ womenownedbiz.org


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​Teresa works with and donates to the country’s leading animals rights organizations for education and rescue. 5% of profits are donated to charities like Peta, Farm Sanctuary and North Shore Animal League. In her free time she loves to be with her family, friends, visit new places and eat good food. Visit Teresa on Instagram or Facebook, links below.

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HOW TO MAKE THE MOST OF 2020 BY RUMELLA CAMERON

Covid-19 has changed economies and social systems. Many businesses had to shut down for several weeks due to the pandemic. And taking a hit like that could be astronomical to small businesses. Many business owners had to change the way they operated by reducing their workforce by 50% or working 100% remotely. Then there were some businesses that in a way was prepared for such drastic changes because of their business model. 2020 was a bizarre year. But it’s not too late to turn the year around. With just three months left, we still have an opportunity to hit our business goals. Yes, we had to make adjustments and adapt to quite a few changes. For some of us, coronavirus was somewhat of a blessing in disguise. Trying to balance work, family life, commitments, just life, in general, felt like we were going non-stop. But this pandemic gave us time to take a pause. And during this pause, you were probably able to reflect on your life and prioritize what was most important to you. Maybe that book you wanted to write you started the first chapter, or that project that you kept putting off you took the first steps to begin, or 212

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maybe you were able to spend more time with your family. Either way, we see it, it was an opportunity to start anew. Now is the time to take advantage of this opportunity and create a 90-day plan to redefine your priorities. It’s a simple and effective way to focus on your short-term business goals. Most successful long-term businesses find that it helps propel’s growth. 90

days is short enough that you don’t lose focus but long enough that you can make significant progress toward goals. What drives you? What problem are you solving? What steps are you taking to move forward? Sometimes the only way to move forward is to revisit your path. Pivoting your business to adjust to the new norm could be you changing your business model. Look at the world around you and what’s happening in your

community. What can your business do to provide needed products and/ or services? As a small business owner and entrepreneur, I’m well aware of what was involved in keeping my businesses relevant during periods of economic turbulence. That meant leaving my comfort zone and learning new skills, understanding changing customer needs, and creating new solutions to better serve my clients. As businesses find a comfortable pace of working again, longterm success and survival will depend upon their resilience and adaptability. A 90-day plan will help you sort out your thoughts, reorganize your tasks, and prioritize your objectives. It breaks big picture ideas into small, manageable steps and gives you a sense of control. As we enter the fourth quarter of the year, we can reflect a bit on what has transpired over the last six months. Was your business impacted by COVID-19? Were you considered an essential business? What changes did you have to make? Or did your business grow during the pandemic


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{ BUSINESS TALK } “2020 has been a bizarre year. But it’s not too late to turn the year around. With just three months left, we still have an opportunity to hit our business goals.“

meeting an increase in demand for your product and/or services? Take this time to review the areas in your business that was affected, and begin to plan out the next 90 days. Did you accomplish any goals you set for this year? What’s working well or where do you need improvement? 214

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How can you reach your customers? What solutions can you offer? Compare where you are now and what you want to accomplish for the remainder of the year. Don’t be afraid to include personal goals as well. Maybe you want to take time

off during the holidays or begin a new workout routine. Whatever your goals are be sure to break them down within these 90 days as action items.


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MEET DEBRA MARCOWITZ BY SONIA CONLIN

Overcoming COVID19, thriving and succeeding Debra Markowitz serves as the Director of the Nassau County Film Office. During the four administrations she served in her her 32-year tenure, Ms. Markowitz has steadily increased production of movies, television programs and commercials that are shot in Nassau County, logging over 1000 production days and over $150M in positive economic impact per year. Ms. Markowitz also serves as Vice President of the Long Island Film/TV Foundation, Long Island’s most established and largest not-for-profit agency dedicated to the support and promotion of Independent filmmaking. Under her directorship, the Foundation spawned the Long Island International Film Expo (LIIFE). Heading into its 23rd year, LIIFE enjoys enormous popularity, attracting short and featurelength independent films from around the world, spotlighting films made on Long Island and concluding with a star-studded award celebration. The Foundation also runs the Scared for Your LIIFE short horror festival. An enthusiastic filmmaker herself, Ms. Markowitz, an award-winning writer and director, has acted as Casting Director, consultant, writer, director, actor and producer on movie, television and commercial projects. Her projects include My Cross to Bear (Producer/Casting Director), which screened at the prestigious Academy Award qualifying Rhode Island International Film Festival, Chosen (Director/Producer/ Casting Director) which screened at the Academy Award Qualifying, LA Shorts ,Living with the Dead (Executive Producer/ 218

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Casting Director), BIRR (Casting Director/ Producer/Actor),as well as many others. Her personal projects which she wrote, directed, cast and produced include awardwinning short films, The Last Taxi Driver (starring Robert Clohessy from Blue Bloods), Leaving (starring Sal Rendino of Blindspot) and By Blood (featuring Jackie “The Joke Man” Martling) which are all available for viewing on Amazon Prime and have screened on DirecTV. She has two award-winning films on the festival circuit (The Choice and The Waiting Room), one about to hit the festival circuit (Gem and the Photo Op), three films in post (feature film, The Only Woman in the World, pilot, Couple of Guys, short film, Confidant (starring Eddie McGee from 911), and short film, Living Like Kings. She is in pre-production on short film, Just Look Into My Eyes (starring AbigailHawk from Blue Bloods, and Lukas Hassel from Limitless). Debra teaches actors workshops as both director and casting director at the New York Conservatory for the Dramatic Arts and has been a judge on the LaGuardia Arts panel for potential incoming drama students and the Locust Valley High School Student Film Festival. Debra was also a past recipient of the Town of Hempstead’s Woman of Distinction Award. Ms. Markowitz is a proud member of New York Women in Film & Television and Women in Media, is an ex-officio member of the New York Production Alliance and is a member of the Association of Film Commissioners International. She is also a member of the LaGuardia Performing Arts High School Drama and Technical Theater Advisory Board (the FAME high school), a former member of the Discover Long Island Tourism Board and a member of the Westfield International Film Festival.

Debra is also a freelance writer and novelist. You can find her name on the Long Island Press’ Power List, 50 Long Islanders Who Control Our Lives (2006 and 2012); Beverly Fortune’s, Fortune 52 (2006); as the recipient of the prestigious George M. Estabrook Alumni Award for Distinguished Service (Hofstra University, 2011) and the 2012 Long Island Arts Council honoree as its Outstanding Advocate for the Arts. Debra was one of the originators behind The Master Shift Global Meditation event, which now has over two million followers on Facebook. An avid yoga practitioner and a Reiki healer, Debra lives in Merrick with her husband, and co-manager of Intention Films and Media, John Marean and their faithful rescue dog, Gracie. Debra thank you so much for taking the time to talk with me about your career and your accomplishments. You are a very well acclaimed producer/writer/director/novelist and an inspiration to all women. But let’s start from the very beginning. What inspired you to step into this line of business, the entertainment, and start writing and directing? I always knew that I wanted to be a writer, and wrote my first book when I was six years old. It was never published, but I always felt that I was a writer in my heart. I wrote a few awful feature screenplays, but never did anything with them. I wrote the first novel in my Karmic trilogy, Naked in the Rain, in 2001, and I loved the feedback I got. I know the other two novels in the trilogy (Sarah and Caleb and then Karmic Wind) were written better, but the story still stands. About eight years ago I started casting and producing for others, but then I wrote a little zombie comedy called The Last Taxi


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{ WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT { {INDO SHIFT+CONTROL HER OWN WORDS } } IT? } “An enthusiastic filmmaker herself, Ms. Markowitz, an award-winning writer and director, has acted as Casting Director, consultant, writer, director, actor and producer on movie, television and commercial projects.“

Driver, and I let my friends talk me into directing it. I was a nervous wreck, but once it was over, I never stopped writing screenplays or directing, both my own work and for others.

deals, and we had a great sense of being of service in a field we loved.

To work in the arts, it has to be because you love it, and because you HAVE to do it. You can’t assume you’re going to get fame or fortune, but know that it fills your soul like nothing else.

We were surprised the very first year, and by the third year, we saw a dedicated audience coming to see the films. We also attracted films and filmmakers like Michael Cuesta and his film, LIE. Steve Guttenberg contacted us to show his directorial debut, PS Your Cat is Dead, Ralph Macchio had us screen a couple of his shorts, Love Thy Brother, being the first. Rick Bieber of Radio Flyer and Flatliners fame sent all his indie films to us to screen, proclaiming us his favorite indie film festival.

You are also one of the founder, through the Long Island Film/TV Foundation of the Long Island International Film Expo (LIIFE) which is a very renowned and sought after film festival for independent film makers and that attract every year very known name guests in the entertainment industry and help open the doors to many new and upcoming talented filmmakers and actors. What inspired you to start the film festival and what were your motivation and inspiration behind it. I created the Nassau County Film Office in 1989, and continue to run it today. In 1998, I was approached by Robert Hansen, then the chairman of the Long Island Film-TV Foundation, and he wanted to know if the Nassau County Film Commission wanted to hold a film festival in Nassau County. He introduced me to Anne and Henry Stampfel, who owned several independent theaters in Nassau County, and said we just needed to put our names to it, that he had a team who would do the rest. That didn’t happen. Anne, Henry and I worked like crazy to pull off the first year with only a few months notice. It was more successful than we ever thought it would be, and 23 years later, we’re about to head into the 2020 Long Island International Film Expo aka LIIFE. We just loved the filmmakers and seeing all the incredible independent films that came our way. Back in the day, we helped several filmmakers get distribution

When you first start did you imagine it would become such a great festival?

Did the film festival, during the years, has been all you thought and were hoping for? I’ve been working with Anne and Henry Stampfel since the beginning, and then the man who would become my husband, John Marean, came in 15 years ago, and it has been great to have such a dedicated team. Our closing nights became more elaborate with showing nominee and winners’ clips and having celebrity presenters as well as honorees. We had to make the decision on whether to keep getting bigger, or just try to do what we do well so that we could cater to the true indie filmmakers. We’ve accomplished that. What are the biggest satisfaction and memory and the biggest hurdles about running such a big festival? Our festival team is truly important to me. Our board members are all volunteers, and it has always been our goal to make it about the filmmakers and not about us. When filmmakers come back year after year with new projects and refer others to us, it means we’ve accomplished what we’ve set out to

do. And when a filmmaker has success partially due to having screened at LIIFE, there’s nothing better than that. Stevan Mena, the director of the Malevolence trilogy of films, said he got an important meeting with Lion’s Gate because of having screened at and winning at our festival. Things like that, matter! This year due to COVID\19 the festival had to be moved. Is it still in the plan to have a live festival? And do you expect less affluence due to the current event or do you think people is just ready to get finally out and about? All great questions. We were planning to have a live festival, but the theaters are still not open. We were also planning to hold a drive-in, even booking the location and a company to run it for us, but now new guidelines have been put in place, and while I know that we can adhere to them, we just don’t know if it will happen in time. Because so much is up in the air, we’re finalizing our virtual venue where people can watch the films online if all else fails. Just like the show must go on, LIIFE goes on. People can find out about tickets and venues at www.LongIslandFilm.com I’m pretty certain that attendance will be down, but we know filmmakers are excited to go to a live event, if we can make that happen. We’re continuing to try. Let’s get back to you. If you look in the mirror, who do you see? Who is to you Debra Markowitz? I’m someone who is always looking for balance. When I focus on something, usually writing, or the festival, it’s hard to tear me away from it. There was a year or so that I worked on a new film every three weeks. I’d work on my own projects, and those of others, and while I loved what I was doing, I exhausted myself. I try to space ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: SEPTEMBER EDITION 2020

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{ WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT { IN HER OWN WORDS { DO SHIFT+CONTROL } } IT? } “I always knew that I wanted to be a writer, and wrote my first book when I was six years old. It was never published, but I always felt that I was a writer in my heart.“

out things more these days. I’ve learned to say “no” a lot to practice self-care and get my own work done. I’m also a very spiritual person. I’m a Reiki healer and am studying Native American healing with The Good Medicine society. There’s so much I want to learn, but only so many hours in the day. I try to be a healer with my words, and with my writing and with my movies. I’m someone who cares about the planet and my fellow humans, deeply. And I LOVE dogs!! Is there a movie that you directed or produced that is particularly close to your heart and why? They are all special in different ways. I suppose my two most emotional movies would be my favorites. From Leaving (now on Amazon Prime) and The Waiting Room, which just finished its festival journey, they are the two movies that people come up to me after and tell me how much they meant to them. My job is to touch people, and if I can make people cry, I’ve done that. What are your current projects? I’m currently in post production on my feature film, The Only Woman in the World, and my series, Couple of Guys, of which we are finishing up the third episode. I have two shorts that are bouncing around the festival circuit, Gem and the Photo Op, and Confidant. Information about all of my movies are on my site, www.IntentionFilmsandMedia.com I just finished directing a short for another writer, casting a short for another director and am negotiating with three feature projects to write and/or direct for others. Talk to us about your novels, The reviews are riveting. The stories hot and steamy.

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Where did the inspiration came from? When did you know you had a story to tell? Was the inspiration for your novels coming from your experience or from the myriad of movies that went through your festival? As I said earlier, I knew that I was a writer at heart, but I was working so hard and putting myself through college, and then raising children as a single parent, and then a parent to my daughter and my step-children, and all of the stuff of life just didn’t give me time to write. At one point, I was in danger of losing my film commissioner job due to lay-offs, and I was trying to decide what to do next. I was going to take an intensive paralegal certificate program, but I realized that if I did that, then I would never, ever become the writer that I wanted to be. So I decided that I had six months until I had to sign up for the program, and if I didn’t write before that, that I never would. While vacationing at our small trailer on a nature preserve in Montauk, I started to write, Naked in the Rain. In three weeks, I had the first draft. I was consumed with it. I’d wake up and write notes, grab a pad at lunchtime and write more notes. When I put the kids to bed and before my ex-husband got home (he worked nights), I’d write straight through. Sarah and Caleb came much the same way, though since it took place during the Civil War, I needed to do a lot of research. Once I’d done that research, same thing. Three weeks later, and I had the draft. Karmic Wind took much longer since I was going through a difficult, unanticipated divorce, and I found it very hard to concentrate. It took me years to come up with a story I felt good about. The Karmic Wind trilogy is a present, past and future life story about souls that dance through time to teach each other their karmic lessons. I just invented the characters, fell in love with them, and

created entire personalities with the stories revolving around them. Do you plan to turn your novel into movies? And why? I completely plan on making the novels into screenplays when time allows. Because they’re relatable, because they touch people, because I believe that the characters deserve to be brought to life and have their stories told How is it different writing a novel and writing a script? What is your routine when you decide to do one or the other? That’s a great question, and I’m not sure I know the answer to it. I’ve been writing screenplays for quite a while now, and I love the medium, but had I not written the Karmic Wind trilogy as novels, no one would have been able to read them. I wrote a novella called Porter’s Way, but decided to change it into a screenplay and look for producers to get it done. My last novel, Damaged, but Not Broken, is probably the most commercial out of all of my work. I have to complete it, but the story is so rich and spans hundreds of years on a journey from Ireland to Italy to Tahiti to all over the United States. I can’t wait to get back to it. I believe that it needs to be a novel first, and then I will turn it into a screenplay. It’s been on hold for quite a while since I started making movies, but I also think that there’s some information that has to hit me that is going to be a special element to the story. I don’t know what it is, but I’ll know when it passes my way. I just listen to my heart, and that tells me what each should be - novel or movie. Which of the two satisfy you the most? I love them both, but I’m going to say movies.


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{ WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT { {INDO HER OWN WORDS SHIFT+CONTROL } } IT? } “To work in the arts, it has to be because you love it, and because you HAVE to do it. You can’t assume you’re going to get fame or fortune, but know that it fills your soul like nothing else.“

What suggestions do you have for a woman or a young girl that would like to follow into your footstep?

If you were to do it all over again, what would you do different, knowing what you know now?

Just do it. If you want to write, write. If you want to direct, direct. But keep your ego out of it. It’s a hard balance when to accept feedback from others, and when to listen to your own heart. An experienced writer you can trust, can give you great feedback, but it doesn’t reflect your personal voice. You also have to understand that humans can do anything. ANYTHING. No one is more special than you, and you are not more special than anyone else. Be prepared to do the work. Work, learn, work some more, find great music to write to, and write, write, write.

Not a thing, lol. I could have started writing earlier, or taken writing and filmmaking in college, BUT, I wouldn’t have had the life experience to have told the stories that I’m able to tell now. I would not have tapped into my spiritual core where a lot of my work is guided by. I believe we come here with contracts and guidelines and we are where we are supposed to be, when we’re supposed to be there. So, I wouldn’t go back in time and change anything, but I’ll make whatever decisions in the future based on what I know now.

You can find Debra in the following social media: http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0548713/ www.IntentionFilmsandMedia.com www.twitter.com/debramarkowitz www.debramarkowitz.blogspot.com www.longislandfilm.com Instagram - @debramarkowitzfilm @ longislandfilmexpo Her books are on sale on Amazon and some of her movie are on Amazon Prime ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: SEPTEMBER EDITION 2020

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5 THINGS THAT I HAVE LEARNED AS A BUSINESS OWNER BY BRE MORRIS

As we celebrate b.mor’s 2 year anniversary this fall, I can’t help but reflect on the past few years and all that I have learned. Let me start by saying that I am no expert, I see each day as a fresh slate to learn even more than I knew the day before, however, coming from a family business I have some pieces of advice that I keep close to heart. Let’s take a closer look! 1.) Remain true to yourself—I remember one of my first meetings with my business coach, Scott, he asked me to write something down that he claimed was the most important thing to remember throughout my journey. He said to me, “Always Be Bre.” You see, I have always loved helping people— it’s really the core of who I am. That’s why I started my business and every day, I wake up remembering that’s why I’m here and doing what I do. Remembering to stay true to yourself and why you started it all, really helps put things into perspective. 2.) Align yourself with people who know more than you—This is one of those pieces of advice that my dad shared with me for years and years but I didn’t fully appreciate it until I had my own business. I believe in the importance of strong and 230

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empowering business relationships with people who are passionate and share the same values as me. As a business owner, there’s no way that I can possibly be the expert in the room on everything within my industry. That’s why I surround myself with people who have lots of different skill sets and I collaborate with them. If I can’t provide something for my client

directly, you better believe I know someone who can and I’ll gladly bring them into the project to make my client’s vision come to fruition! 3.) Put your head down and keep working—When we begin looking around at the competition and their

success, it can often induce unnecessary pressure. Instead of scrolling Insta and LinkedIn and comparing the current state of your business to theirs, focus on your own vision and personal progress. It’s healthy to be inspired by those who you look up to, but, when it starts becoming a distraction from your own work and you begin feeling uneasy—that’s when you know that it’s time to put your head down and keep working. 4.) Celebrate small victories—I’ve grown up with my parents being my biggest cheerleaders. We have this tradition that whenever I would score a good grade on a big exam, had a sports accomplishment o r e ve n j u s t d i d something kind, they would reward me with a Carvel ice cream cake that night. We still do this to this day and most recently, my husband received one after his promotion at work! In business, it’s SO important to take the time to celebrate the small victories along the way. We all have goals—big and small, but, when you work hard to achieve something, take the time to appreciate it! I’m not implying you need to go out and spend a lot of money, but, treat yourself to


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{ B.MOR } “Let me start by saying that I am no expert, I see each day as a fresh slate to learn even more than I knew the day before, however, coming from a family business I have some pieces of advice that I keep close to heart.”

something simple that makes you feel alive and appreciated! Cheers those small accomplishments that add up so quickly to big milestones. 5.) 0—It’s no secret that there’s a lot of ruthless people out there, but, you have the power to be different. Whether it’s interacting with a client, vendor or employee, always commit to spreading kindness around like 234

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confetti. Often times it’s hard for me to see the other sides’ perspective, but, when I put myself in their shoes and I’m intentional with my pursuit of understanding where they are coming from—I gain a new point of view. Pause and take a step back before responding. These are just a few of the many things I have learned and continue

to learn each day. I’d love to hear what you have learned. Let’s share our experiences and rally through this journey together! Stay healthy and most of all happy, Bre


The official blog of b.mor! Marketing & Consulting

ROC native, lover of all things brand and marketing related, foodie, wifey, mama, and baking enthusiast.


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THE MIDDLE OF THE ENDLESS MOUNTAINS BY JOHNNY WILLIAMS

Atop a secluded hill in the middle of the Endless Mountains – and across from a Weis Supermarket – sit two animal shelters, both sharing the Animal Care Sanctuary name. Unassuming, modest, maybe even lonely, these two locations are quiet and barely noticeable to the random passersby – save for the signs at the base of each driveway.

a dog meat farm in South Korea, who finally found love two weeks before passing away from an inoperable tumor. There was also Bullitt the cat, who was with ACS for over a decade before finding his forever home, as well as sweet Maria, who was rescued from a hoarding situation and also waited over 10 years to find a loving home.

But these two locations – the “shelter on the hill” in East Smithfield, Pa. and the Victorian-stylehome-turned-shelter in Wellsboro, Pa. have a web of connections that spans the world. We’re on the brink of finding 1,000 animals their forever homes this year alone, and while all of these cats and dogs as well as their new families are unique and special, Animal Care Sanctuary has had many truly amazing stories this year. Readers of Rochester Woman Online are probably familiar with several these stories already. There was Jolene the super dog mom, who was found pregnant and stricken with cancer on an abandoned farm in upstate New York. She not only defeated her cancer, she had six healthy puppies and insisted on nursing them herself, and they have all since found happy, forever homes. Then there was the bittersweet story of JaBee, the sweet canine rescued from

These are stories that have happened only in the last six months, and there will certainly be many more stories to tell. ACS has rescued animals from natural disaster zones and areas of animal crises all over the country, including Rochester, Philadelphia, New Jersey, Texas, Tennessee, Louisiana and even Puerto Rico and Saint Martin. ACS has also had adopters come from as far away as Canada just to take home that special furry friend.

While our paw print across the country continues to grow, we’re excited to begin a new chapter in October as we open our new state-of-the-art kennel and clinic to both the local community and all the rescues that are taken in from all over the United States. This new facility will greatly improve our quality of care and efficiency for our rescued animals. The canine runs will be separated by concrete walls instead of fencing, which will better separate dogs and reduce noise – leading to decreased stress and happier canines. The kennel will also feature meet-and-greet rooms where individuals and families can meet with dogs privately in a home-like setting to better gauge whether the canine could be the right fit for them. Meanwhile, the clinic, which has been operating out of a cramped trailer since it was started, will massively improve the working conditions of our vet staff. In addition to simply having much more space, multiple operating rooms will ensure quicker, more efficient procedures and improved care for both our rescues and our community seeking spay/neuter surgeries, wellness exams and vaccine administration. This new facility has been 10 years in the making. Chief Executive Officer Joan ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: SEPTEMBER EDITION 2020

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{ THE ANIMAL CARE CORNER { ANIMAL CARE CORNER } } “Atop a secluded hill in the middle of the Endless Mountains – and across from a Weis Supermarket – sit two animal shelters, both sharing the Animal Care Sanctuary name.”

Smith-Reese recognized the exceptional need for the building since she joined

begin, as the new kennel and clinic – at long last – be open and operating.

making the world a better place for all of our furry friends.

ACS, and it has been her main mission throughout her decade of dedication to the sanctuary. Through donations, grants, hustle and hard work, SmithReese spearheaded an organization-wide effort to make this vision a reality.

We are beyond excited to start this new chapter at ACS, and we are even more excited by what it means to our animals and our communities – both locally and abroad. We have never given up on our animals and our supporters, and our supporters have never given up on us. Thanks to all of us together, we’re

While the new facility is on the cusp of completion, we would still greatly appreciate any donations towards the cost of the building. You can learn more at www.animalcaresanctuary.org.

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Make a Gift Tax-Free with an IRA Donate to Help Animal Care Sanctuary and Save On Taxes at the Same Time If you are 70½ years old or older, you can take advantage of a simple way to benefit Animal Care Sanctuary and receive tax benefits in return. You can give any amount up to $100,000 per year from your IRA directly to a qualified charity such as ours without having to pay income tax on the money. This popular gift option is commonly called the IRA charitable rollover, but you may also see it referred to as a qualified charitable distribution, or QCD for short. The most important stipulation of donating from your IRA is that you must not withdraw your gift into another one of your personal accounts. Your gift must be transferred directly from the custodian of your IRA to Animal Care Sanctuary. SECURE Act of 2019 Although the SECURE Act of 2019 raised the age for the required minimum distribution from 70.5 to 72, the rules regarding the Qualified Charitable Distributions have not changed. An IRA owner at age 70.5 or older can still give by making a qualified charitable distribution from an IRA. In other words, a 71-year-old IRA owner can make a qualified charitable distribution from an IRA even though a distribution may not be required at that age. Tax Benefits For those who are eligible (age 70.5+), a qualified charitable distribution from an IRA is a tax-wise giving strategy. The QCD amount is not counted as income, which means no tax is due. How to Get Started •

Contact Trish Callahan Murzyn at 610-331-4421 or tcallahan@animalcaresanctuary.org for more information on an IRA gift to ACS.

Seek the advice of your financial advisor.

Ask your IRA administrator about making a direct transfer to Animal Care Sanctuary or have the administrator send a check from your account to us. To be tax free, the donation must go directly from your account to ACS without passing through your hands.


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SO YOU WANT TO BE AN ENTREPRENEUR HUH? BY SHERIDONNA F. WILSON

Have you decided yet ? If you are reading this article let’s say you decide Yes! Ok then let ‘s dive deep. First things first, what will you sell ? Products or service or both? Why? What problem are you solving? What makes you want to start your business? What makes your business special? What is the name of your business? What structure will your business have Sole Proprietorship, LLC, Incorporation, B-corps S-corp etc? Will you have a brick and mortar or e-commerce or both? Who are you? What are your expertise? Who will you serve? What is the value of doing business with your brand ? How will your audience work with you? How will you tell your story?

is a lot. You are exactly right. It is a lot. An Entrepreneur’s mission is to “Illustrate their Vision” Your job is to build nothing into something that is valuable to the world. Do you have what it takes to create from nothing? Do you have something in your heart that must be shared with the world? Remember during your journey of Entrepreneurship focus on your transformation to becoming your greatest version. There will always be

Will you use traditional or nontraditional methods to reach your audience? Will you be the face of your brand or nah? Will you have a team? Can you afford a team when you first start out? Will this be a one person race when you first start? Will you get funding from your friends or family or will you fund yourself ? From my experience It is very rare that entrepreneurs get help from friends and family, so don’t hold your breath, and it is ok if they don’t. Everyone plays a position in your life, just put them in the correct category. The people who are supposed to support you will come to you when you put in the work, so on your journey get used to having your soul tribe support you. A wise man we call TD Jakes once said there are only three types of supporters: one is a “Distant supporters”, two “Designated Supporters”, and three “Devine Supporters”. You will need all three, because they are equally important to you. I will break this down at a later time. I know what you are thinking wow! this

lessons, learn from them and grow. Everyone is not your family. Don’t get caught up in other people’s drama. How people treat you is their karma, how you respond is yours. Remember to always give yourself value even though you will be in the dirt. Focus on you. Never let anyone take away your smile. My mentor Ralph Smart told me don’t allow a temporary situation to be a permanent feeling. Wow! repeat this statement twice. This too shall pass.

You will rise after adversity, then create your peace. I said all that, because on your journey to greatness people will TRY, to mistreat you. Remember, I said TRY. You must have tough skin, no one can do anything until you allow it. Never allow anyone to take away your smile. If you are a chosen star seed you came to shine bright. No one can break you if they never made you. Stand tall for your rights and vision. “You have the power to say NO’ to people who try to make you feel bad. This is the information that they don’t teach you in entrepreneurship or business school. I know because I went to Syracuse University Martin Whitman School of Business and Management. This is life changing information that I have learned from real life experience that I am now sharing with you. So let’s talk about what to expect. Now let’s talk about when you start to manifest your vision of what will happen. You will start to become enlightened. Remember in my last article I mentioned a baby takes nine month and to be patient. So when your baby finally arrives how amazing you feel, but just like a mom has issues understanding and learning about motherhood. Entrepreneurs have to learn how to manage, nurture, groom, love and your baby (Your Vision). New moms don’t allow strangers to hold their baby, same things apply: keep your baby in good hands at all times. You have to look out for vouchers and people that don’t care for your well being. Life can be very unpredictable. I have learned going slow is a privilege if you want to have sustainability. I don’t want a microwave career. I want a home cook meal.

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{ DIARY OF A FASHIONISTA } “Remember, people buy into the person first, than the brand. So you must know who you are.”

Remember when you are preparing a delicious home cook soup it takes time and great preparation. You must cut up all your seasonings, ingredients, and put it in the pot one at a time to have everything just right. One bad judgment like turning up the fire when it’s supposed to be on low will cost you your whole meal. When you are hungry you cannot afford to start all over, two you cannot afford to start all over lol. What I am saying is take your time with your vision like it’s your baby. Be gentle and careful when handling your vision. Don’t allow other people in your kitchen to cook your original vegetarian soup you created when they never Don’t allow other people in your kitchen to cook your original vegetarian soup you created when they never cook this meal a day in their life. Other people will not know what it’s supposed to taste like, or what ingredients to use or how to cook it. Only YOU THE HEAD MOM CHEF knows that. You are the HEAD MOM CHEF! lead with grace, style, precision, confidence, and most importantly be humble on your journey. Your baby, and your soup will be magnificent. How do I know all this information, I have been growing in the dirt. I am like a plant. I was planted years ago and now it’s 244

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time to share my harvest with the world. My community from New York, Jamaica, Maryland, Washington DC and all over the world has selected me to grow, because I was a promising seed from the germination stage. I am happy, blessed and highly favored that I can write this article to share my

love and support from the universe. To become a successful Entrepreneur one must work on oneself from the inside out. I have done a lot of soul searching, self reflection, and self-preservation. Yes, your success is determined by you. Think positively about yourself. Good thoughts will start reflecting back to you.

thoughts, ideas, experiences, and knowledge with the world. The universe has nurtured me, water me, fed me, and pruned me, to become a beautiful andfruitful tree, so I can feed others in a time of need. Even though I have received a tremendous amount of

Remember, people buy into the person first, than the brand. So you must know who you are. The Entrepreneurship journey can be very lonely, nevertheless this is one of the sacrifices that has to be made to find out who you are and why you’re doing this difficult, crazy, challenging, thought provoking, thrilling, fulfilling, unpredictable journey. Only a true star seed can handle the rocky road of entrepreneurship. Like I said in my last article Entrepreneurship is not for everyone. You must be passionate, consistent, diligent, patient about when you are fighting for what you want. Yes, you have to fight for what is yours at all times. A great man that goes by the name Kobe Bryant once said don’t stop when you are tired, stop when you are done. To be continued!!!!!


S H E R I D O

DIARY OF A FASH

ENTERTAIN. EDUAC

WANT TO ADVERT

TUESDA


N N A ' S

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CATE.INSPIRE.

TISE WITH US?

AY

Sheridonna @youtube


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NUTRITION FIX NY BY JULIE LIVESEY

WELCOME TO THE CLUB –owner, operator, and head barista Julie Livesey is here to serve you a most satisfying meal replacement shake. Our shakes will make your taste buds come alive. Our beautifully crafted cup of PositiviTEA, packed with energy and soothing aloe, is the perfect complement to your shake. The shakes and teas can be enjoyed individually but are best when combined as a combo.

very own personal wellness coach who can help you work towards your health and nutrition goals. Our shake bar provides you the convenience of eating healthy on the go. We can also provide you a plan to use these products in the comfort of your own home. We call the store a “nutrition club” and customers “members” simply to let you know that

The community has embraced Nutrition Fix as a “Happy Place” since we opened in May of 2020. During these challenging business times, the community has enjoyed the unique concept the club has to offer and has helped spread the word through their social networking platforms. I am genuinely enjoying getting to know the community and embracing their individual health needs through the club.

As an ambitious and driven individual, I thrive on challenges and find gratification in constantly setting goals for myself. My biggest challenge recently is introducing a community to the new concept of a nutrition club in the middle of a pandemic. As crazy as it sounds, I enjoy these challenges and working hard towards the goals that I have implemented for myself and this amazing new business that I am deeply passionate about. I strive to always do more than I think I can because settling is not an option for me. What is Nutrition Fix? Nutrition Fix is a nutrition club designed for literally anybody, young an old. Our colorful, energetic, and positive vibe club is located in Liverpool, New York. We provide healthy meal options to our community, as well as a variety of daily nutritional needs, free body composition testing, community events and you can even get paired up with your

meal replacement shakes. The traditional shake is a Perfect Protein Membership with 24 grams of plant-based protein and 21 vitamins and minerals and an average of 250 calories. It certainly is a must come and try, for breakfast and/or lunch or at one of our Shake Sampling Parties or just for relaxing at the bar with friends.

when you order a tea, aloe and shake you have full access to everything else that we have to offer including our wellness profile. Ordering is simple: 1st choose your tea for energy then a shot of aloe which soothes the digestive system for your first drink which will compliment your full meal replacement shake. We have over 100 flavorful options for our

My motivation for working so hard and my “WHY” in life is simply for my family. I am a loving wife of 17 years and proud mother of two ambitious young men. I always strive to improve the life and minds of my young teen boys. They are my driving factor and the reason I chose to open the Nutrition Club. I wanted them to be a part of the process of learning how to build their own future through experience and mentoring. When my boys look back on life, I want them to say “I worked hard side by side with my parents and that has contributed ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: SEPTEMBER EDITION 2020

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to who I am today�. Since they were born, they have been involved with the family owned restaurant Rudy’s Lakeside Drive-in, Oswego, NY. Nutrition Fix has given them the experience and knowledge of developing a business from the ground up. Our club, has offered them firsthand experience at what it takes to locate the perfect site, the process of demolishing and working with contractors to construct a functional exciting space from a vision, to shaking shakes side by side with each other. It all has immense value that will be instilled in them as they continue to grow into young entrepreneurs themselves. 254

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What value do I contribute to the world? I have been described as outgoing. I go above and beyond to ensure that all those that surround me feel special and important. My inspiration comes from those that I have impacted in life and the the smiles I bring to others. Being a volunteer Zumba instructor at my local YMCA for over 11 years has allowed me to contribute to improving the lifestyle of other individuals as well as my own. Being a part of several nonfor-profit organizations over the years, has had significant personal growth and awareness in uncovering my strengths and weaknesses in life. One of the greatest qualities a person can obtain

is to inspire others. I hope to influence others to be motivated and inspired to realize their dreams are waiting for them through dedication, commitment, and hard work. Waking up in the morning with a smile on your face and knowing you are exactly where you were meant to be is truly satisfying to me. I wake up with a smile and go to bed with a full heart. I am truly blessed for the love and support from my family and community. My family’s support and inspiration are what drives me to be better every day. I know I was put on this earth to bring others together, to inspire and support and to witness the strength we have in each other.


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HOW WE FEEL INSIDE OUR BODIES BY DR. PAM DENTON

Weight loss, body image, how we feel inside of our bodies - it can become a chronic issue and mental drain for many women. Many of us spend our days trying to find solutions for our bodies, jumping from this workout to that, and from diet to diet. Or, we just give up and surrender to living in a body that we don’t feel good about. This causes mental drain and fatigue as we constantly search for the long-term solution to a lifelong issue. The truth is, our bodies and minds simply do not have enough energy to tackle this constant question. When you want to lose weight and feel good inside your body, it is important to know how your body works. Simple as it sounds, breathing is the #1 way for your body to achieve lasting health, weight management, and stress release. In fact, breathing could just be the NEW form of fitness for accomplishing weight loss while eliminating a ton of stress. Designed for everyBODY, Breathing Fitness can be done just about anywhere and at any time. It is the jumpstart you need to find more alternative solutions to your weight management - and it will help you rev up your engines for greater results to your current fitness routine! How does breathing fitness work?

1. We create energy from oxygen. Yes, it’s that simple. Learning how to breathe longer and deeper will help you eliminate the mental and emotional fatigue of searching for the next best diet or fitness routine. By breathing deeply with a conscious practice, you will give your body the

It’s almost so simple that we tend to overlook it. 3. Breathing is the path to detoxification. One of the quickest ways to begin to move the toxins that are holding you in a weight pattern is conscious breathing. Breathing eliminates the need for excess fat cells by getting rid of the bad stuff your body no longer needs. Recovery, Reboot, Reset. This is what we need the most right now. Through a positive fitness regimen of breathing exercises designed for today’s demands, you can COME ALIVE. What happens when you have energy and oxygen to come alive and feel amazing?

energy it needs to make the right decisions.

Well, you lose weight! And when you lose weight, you have more energy. When you have more energy, all those items on your to-do list get checked off and you are the ringmaster of your own show. You are the manifester of wealth and health. You feel great, you look great, and you have the POWER!

2. Breathing is the fastest way to reboot your metabolism! It energizes, metabolizes, and eliminates waste. Breathing consciously and deeply feeds your cells the energy they need to renew and re-energize by eliminating waste and stoking your metabolic fire.

Breathing fitness is not about achieving “perfection” but rather empowering your health and weight management so you can do amazing things in your life - no matter what is going on out there. Your journey begins with #onebreathstronger. You can ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: SEPTEMBER EDITION 2020

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do amazing things in your life no matter what is going on out there. Your journey begins with #onebreathstronger. You can win in this life and embody amazing vitality, even when it seems the world has been turned upside down. You’ve got this! We’ve got this! 258

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Every cell in your body wants to dance and be happy! Breathing Fitness will detoxify your cellular body and it is as SIMPLE as it sounds, with breathing exercises, intentional movements, plus nutritional support you can begin to reverse the effects that stress has on your body. Put on the oxygen mask with us and take a deep breath to

clear out the old and call in the new. Your body will thank you! Join us for a SuperCORE FIT Consultation and Bootcamp and start to be unstoppable! www.supercorefit.com


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SELF-CARE, SELF-LOVE AND SEXUAL SATISFACTION BY MADILYNN RUTHERFORD

Historically, as women, we have often been the caretakers for the people in our lives. We are not just sisters, daughters, wives, friends, employees and bosses, but often we are also mediators, “therapists,” schedule keepers, housekeepers and more. We care for the people in our lives in a variety of ways on a daily basis, but how much time do we spend caring for ourselves? I am talking about a term that has become quite popular: self-care. People usually imagine face masks, bubble baths and glasses of wine when someone mentions selfcare, but true self-care goes beyond relaxing activities. Self-care is the act of building a life and relationship with yourself through daily actions and choices that prioritize your health and wellbeing.

Physical care is the component of selfcare that focuses on our physiological needs. These needs can include drinking enough water, incorporating some form of physical activity into your weekly routine, and eating a balanced, nutritious diet.

Dr. Cook-Cottone and Dr. Guyker, authors of a 2018 paper in Mindfulness, define self-care as the process of being aware of and taking care of your basic physiological and emotional needs. They developed the Mindful Self-Care scale, a tool for measuring self-care behaviors across six domains: mindful relaxation, physical care, self-compassion and purpose, supportive relationships, supportive structure and mindful awareness.

SUPPORTIVE RELATIONSHIPS The domain of supportive relationships concerns being aware of the health of your relationships and the amount of support you’re receiving from the people in your life. Are you spending time with your loved ones? Are you feeling supported and respected by your loved ones?

MINDFUL RELAXATION The first domain, mindful relaxation, seeks to assess how you are relaxing your mind and body with presentmoment sensations on a weekly basis. You might self-soothe by meditating, or possibly through reading a book and listening to calming music at the end of a busy work day. PHYSICAL CARE

S E L F - CO M PA S S I O N A N D PURPOSE The domain of self-compassion and purpose examines whether you are treating yourself with kindness and finding a greater sense of purpose in life. Are you engaging in compassionate self-talk? Are you allowing yourself to feel your feelings, even when they are difficult? Are you experiencing meaning and purpose in the different areas of your life?

SUPPORTIVE STRUCTURE The next domain is supportive structure which concerns the environmental and structural factors of your daily life. Are you maintaining a comfortable living environment and work environment? Are you maintaining a schedule that is manageable for you? MINDFUL AWARENESS Lastly, there is the domain of mindful awareness. This entails being presently and calmly aware of your thoughts, feelings and bodily sensations and

using them to guide your daily actions. Now t h a t we h a ve a g re a t e r understanding of some of the domains that self-care can encompass, how does the care we provide for ourselves impact important life factors, such as our sexual satisfaction? Improving selfcare has been shown to reduce stress and burnout, increase wellbeing and leads to more positive daily moods, which are all factors that can impact our sexual satisfaction. Taking care of ourselves is an act of radical self-love. As women, it’s also an act of radical self-love to cherish and accept our bodies. Starting at a young age, women are bombarded with messages about their bodies. From social media to marketing campaigns, to relatives obsessively talking about new diet trends during holiday dinners, the message is clear: Your body is only acceptable if it looks a certain way. This leads to women feeling insecure and ashamed of their bodies when they deviate from the thin “ideal” body type so often described. Both research and clinical experiences have shown that body image impacts women’s sexual satisfaction. If you are overwhelmed with negative thoughts about your body during sexual activities, such as “I hope they don’t notice my cellulite” or “I look terrible from this angle,” you are no longer focused on feeling and enjoying the present mental and physical sensations of sex. This idea was coined as “spectatoring” by Masters and Johnson (1970), which is the process of focusing on yourself during a sexual activity rather than focusing on the sensations and your partner (if a partner is present). ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: SEPTEMBER EDITION 2020

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{ SEXUALLY SPEAKING } “We are not just sisters, daughters, wives, friends, employees and bosses, but often we are also mediators, “therapists,” schedule keepers, housekeepers and more.”

So, how can a therapist help someone struggling with self-care, self-love and, consequently, sexual satisfaction? To demonstrate this, let’s imagine a client. Lisa is a 38-year old lawyer. She is the mother of two young children and has been married for over 10 years. Between a consuming career and raising her children, she does not spend time focusing on herself. She is often overwhelmed and stressed, which she believes has impacted her ability to enjoy and crave sex with her partner. She also expresses feelings of insecurity towards her body. Whereas she once felt confident about her perceived sexual attractiveness and was often excited to have sex, she now avoids it. When she does have sex with her partner, she keeps the lights off and usually is too consumed with thoughts of work, family and bodily insecurities, which impact her ability to be present with her partner and enjoy the sexual activities. In order to help Lisa regain sexual satisfaction, a therapist might focus on helping her find a more balanced lifestyle where she is able to practice self-care. This might start with teaching Lisa about the different aspects of self-care and then helping her navigate ways in which she can incorporate these into her daily routines. The therapist should also focus on helping Lisa develop selfcompassion and love towards her body at its present state. Through the lens of feminist therapy, this could mean helping Lisa deconstruct her learned cultural narratives about what women’s bodies should look like and instead develop a compassionate outlook on the beauty of all bodies, no matter what size or shape. 266

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Lastly, a therapist could help Lisa develop tools such as mindfulness in order to be more present during her sexual experiences and able to focus on the wonderful sensations and her partner. With time, patience and support, Lisa may begin to notice a boost in her daily moods, a reduction in stress and an improvement in her emotional and sexual connection with her partner. Madilynn Rutherford is a Counseling Psychology PhD student at the University at Buffalo and an intern sex therapist at the Rochester Center for Sexual Wellness. She believes that your sexual wellness is an essential component of your holistic self-care. Madilynn works with clients from all walks of life to navigate their way to a happier, healthier state of being. If you would like to see Madilynn yourself, please contact her at the Rochester Center for Sexual Wellness at 585-865-3584 or Madilynn@ rochestercenterforsexualwellness.com.   Citations: Castellini, G., Sauro, C. L., Ricca, V., & Rellini, A. H. (2017). Body esteem as a common factor of a tendency toward binge eating and sexual dissatisfaction among women: the role of dissociation and stress response during sex. The Journal of Sexual Medicine, 14(8), 1036-1045. Cook-Cottone, C. P., & Guyker, W. M. (2018). The development and validation of the Mindful Self-Care Scale (MSCS): An assessment of practices that support positive embodiment. Mindfulness, 9(1), 161-175.

Masters, W. H., & Johnson, V. E. (1970). Human sexual inadequacy, Boston (Little, Brown & Company) 1970. Pujols, Y., Meston, C. M., & Seal, B. N. (2010). The association between sexual satisfaction and body image in women. The journal of sexual medicine, 7(2), 905-916.


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SEX* *NOW THAT WE HAVE YOUR ATTENTION...

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{ MIND, BODY, SPIRIT }

HEALING ENERGY OF REIKI BY ALANA CAHOON

If feels soooo good! Imagine a river of light pouring through you, smooth and freeing, healing every pour of your body, regenerating every cell. Sounds intoxicating, doesn’t it? Invigorating and relaxing is more like it. I’ll never forget the first time I received an energy healing treatment. I was in NYC in the 80’s. I felt this new sensation - like I had just gone to the doctor and said ‘I need a new me, to be recharged and reset’. Not only did I feel vibrant, but the world around me did, too. The colors of the trees were crisp. The sounds were clear. I think, maybe for the first time, I could hear my footsteps.

only to shift through the rollercoaster ride of a global pandemic. But we persevered online. When summer approached, we regrouped outdoors under the sun with masks hanging from our ears like some new chic fashion. Reiki training was the finishing touch. We brought the course to my back yard surrounded by wilderness. Butterflies, hawks and even wild turkeys visited us.

Recently I had the pleasure of teaching colleagues of mine. We had just completed our additional 300 hour Yoga Teacher Training together qualifying us to all now train other wannabe yoga instructors. It was quite a ride. We began in normal times in a cozy studio w/the comforts of a cafe and gym to get to know each other, 270

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Her work with the City School District has spanned over 20 years. It continues to be a great training ground for Sally to establish setting boundaries, something all nurturers need to do. The first time Sally received Reiki was in 1994 when a friend offered her a complimentary session. It was a gift being handed to her. But it wasn’t memorable. Reiki arrived again on Sally’s doorstep when another friend handed her a fully paid for training gift certificate.

I was told then that I had the healing touch. Inspired, I joined the New York Open Center for Holistic Studies where I was introduced to everything from meditation to acupuncture. I’ve learned a lot since then. Today, we’ll talk about the healing energy of Reiki. Reiki (ray-key) is a form of energy healing. It is often described as “a Japanese technique for stress reduction and relaxation that also promotes healing. It is administered by laying on hands and can be easily learned by anyone.” - The International Center for Reiki Training

“Crisis is an opportunity for transformation. You’re there at teachable moments to walk with them, showing them that people care,” she shares.

This is when you know you’re on the right path. The Universe keeps showing up with the same message, sometimes as gifts.

Several continued their training with me to become Reiki Master Teachers themselves. Here is one of their stories. Sally Decarolis A beautiful ray of sunshine. Upon meeting her, you wonder who dropped this angel out of the sky. Her voice is soothing, calming; her demeanor gentle. Sally works with students in crisis helping them and their teachers to establish a plan of stability and support.

Her training took place at Lily Dale, a groovy community of psychics, mediums, healers and anything esoteric or holistic, located in western NY. It was during this training that she felt the energy beaming through her hands. This was pivotal. She felt her energy field expand. She felt a fundamental shift within herself now becoming a conscious conduit of the life force - reiki energy. From that time on, she practiced only on herself and loved ones. This is pretty typical for new Reiki students. It takes time adjusting to the phenomena that it actually works. Today, twenty years later, she was gifted


{ MIND, BODY & SPIRIT } “Reiki (ray-key) is a form of energy healing. It is often described as “a Japanese technique for stress reduction and relaxation that also promotes healing.”

with Reiki training again! This time with my instruction. “Retaking Reiki Levels I & II was amazing because I could take the richness of the past experience along with the Japanese techniques you (Alana) were teaching. Your style is more intuitive and more in alignment with who I am. The prior teaching was rigid with strict placement of hands.” This inspired her to continue training. She had wanted to learn the Reiki Master Symbols, and now had the opportunity. “During the Reiki Master training, the quality and intensity of the energy transmitted was heightened. This was a milestone to work with the master frequency symbols and more consciously with the Holy Fire. It felt like a coming home! Alana’s approach in teaching honored our individual personal paths and inner guidance. I appreciated that.”

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Within a week of completing her Reiki training, people started signing up not only for Sally’s healing treatments but her training! BENEFITS OF REIKI • Relaxation • Stress reduction • Peaceful sleep • Strengthened immune system • Intuition • Release of trauma • Inspiration • Clarity If you’re interested in becoming a Reiki practitioner, there are several stages of development. Reiki I & II are often taught together or within a short period of time. You will learn the history of Reiki; receive attunements or placements that direct the Reiki energy into your system allowing you to practice; and learn up to three sacred symbols. You will also be taught how to

apply your training on yourself and others. ART or Advanced Reiki Training is often taught with the Master level. These trainings elevate the frequency of healing energy being transmitted to and through you. Depending on the lineage you are studying, you will be given additional sacred symbols to activate a heightened level of Reiki energy. Reiki energy never interferes with one’s personal spiritual practice, nor does it substitute medical advice. It is a holistic technique that can support medical and/ or psychological treatment. If you’re interested in becoming a Reiki practitioner or receiving an energy treatment, please reach out and ask! Alana is the Creative Coach & Founder of Grow 2 B U, LLC helping women and men to find prosperity, peace & joy in their lives. www.AlanaCahoon.com


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{ INNER LIGHT } } { SHE HUSTLES TALKS

SPIRITUAL-RE-ALITY BY BETH LYNCH

A SEPARATION OF A SPECIES Should we start by taking a deep breath…Yes take one! Many are asking what the “bleep” is going on in the world today? It comes down to, S E P A R A T I O N and communication (or lack thereof ). Take another deep breath. Begin with separation. It seems separation is all around us and when we look at history it always has been. Seems it is getting more hostile, from race to religion and of course politics. The closer to November I imagine it will get quite heated. Mountain top anyone? Not an option for most. Like many I do not know what to think, but I do know what I “feel”. I trust my feelings maybe more than most. I do know how important it is to trust those feelings because it is how our intuition works through us. Sending signals daily through us, to help guide us in all decisions, choice and challenges. The trust you build with this inner compass will give a sense of security that no other can give you. If everyone would trust their intuition there would be a lot less searching for it outside of the self and more trust and less fear would be felt. One would not need to rely on another person, system, or leader for a sense of security and balance. Its within our Spirit. Face it everyone “searches” for a sense of security and it is clearly creating a breakdown in families, communities and globally. Look around, it is on 274

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the news, over and over, again we are bombarded with all the chaos. Now I am not saying we should put our head in the sand and ignore but we must start to open our perspective to a higher standard of existence as a species. Yes, big statement but clearly nothing else has worked and a Spiritual foundation needs to be considered. The mental and emotional well being of so many is compromised and this creates fear, anger and outrage. Whether we are talking about a person, career, money, religion, race or politics we are seeing separation in ideas being expressed violently. What and who does it help? No one. Sadly, there will always be bad seeds, in families, races, religion and again politics. But there are so many good and that deserve as much attention in not just media but in the mind of every one of us. We have a responsibility to our children and their future to educate them on communication, healing, and community. The connection is more important than ever. Begin with yourself! Thoughts are energy, creating emotional vibrations running through the nervous system. All of which will be expressed from personality via the body. Just for the record this is not my opinion, this is the Law of Attraction, sacred, natural and oh so powerful. Every thought you have is precious. Children learn energetic patterns that form foundation in personality. They are feeling your every perception.

Many have lost the ability to even believe they can think in a way that can make themselves secure, strong willed, happy, and abundant. How can this happen? Through separation of our spirit, the aspect of consciousness keeping us connected to a Source that supplies us all we need, mentally, emotionally, and physically. We must as understand we are Spiritual and physical beings if balance in our species will ever take place. It is a big realization in a time where so many have lost faith. Now communication, well we definitely need some adjusting here. First and foremost, how do you communicate with yourself every day? Reflect on the energy or emotional feeling the thoughts give you. All of us have thoughts of different emotions. There will be happy, sad, angry and confusing thoughts. Being aware of how you feel in thought can shift you from active to reactive in your thinking. Which in turn downloads into your emotions, then nervous system. That is the frequency your personality expresses out. Interesting isn’t it. From a Spiritual perspective you are becoming a disciple of your thoughts. . This brings them to a higher frequency, where you now create your reality from your Spirit. The highest aspect of who you are, an intuitive, creative, compassionate, and timeless human being. Imagine all the anger and fear in the consciousness of so many healing and beautiful minds working together instead of


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INNER LIGHT } } { {SHIFT+CONTROL “Should we start by taking a deep breath…Yes take one! Many are asking what the “bleep” is going on in the world today? ”

f hurting one another. Imagine all we see being truly peace filled in protest. We must if we want to shift the energy of what is happening in our homes, communities and world. Ask yourself, how do I communicate with myself? Am I nice to myself or am I judging and criticizing? “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you” if we reverse will create a natural energy exchange. How we do unto ourselves, we will naturally 276

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do unto others in the same vibration. Remember the Law of Attraction is working no matter what our thoughts are. So take a moment to slow your breath, be aware of how you feel, acknowledge and if it is unsettling or not the reality you want to live and create from, believe you can change it. We are thinking, feeling beings and we create from our perception.

Take a breath, another, smile, pay it forward. In Peace. Beth Lynch NEXT MONTH SPIRITUALALITY & POLITICS!


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280 WOMAN :: SEPTEMBER EDITION 2020 TETRAROCHESTER IMAGES, LLC /ONLINE ALAMY


{ BUSINESS SPOTLIGHT }

SCALP NEW YORK BY JAROD SCHOONMAKER

Hi my name is Jerod Schoonmaker, Founder of Scalp New York. It’s been my experience that there are few things more damaging and devastating to a persons confidence than hair loss. Whether it’s thinning, balding, or receding hairlines… It s*cks! But unfortunately, the reality is that majority of us will experience some kind of hair loss or thinning at some point in our lives. Androgenetic alopecia or common male pattern baldness (MPB) accounts for more than 95% of hair loss in men. By the age of thirty-five two-thirds of American men will experience some degree of appreciable hair loss, and by the age of fifty approximately 85% of men have significantly thinning hair. A different survey suggests that by age 40, approximately 40 percent of women suffer from hair loss. ... By age 60, approximately 80 percent of women suffer some degree of noticeable hair loss, according to the survey by the International Society of Hair Restoration Surgery. Unfortunately we are living in a society, where who you are – your identity – is closely related to how you look and present yourself. And your hair is a big part of that. So if you’re like most people experiencing

thinning or balding, you might feel that your confidence is being effected on a daily basis. That it’s getting out of your control, because hair loss makes you feel self conscious and insecure. I started loosing my hair at a pretty early age. At first, I tried to cover up my bald spots with different

especially since the result is neither guaranteed nor permanent. So another transplant could be necessary later. Then I researched hair loss reversal drugs, like hormone injections. But quickly discovered how hair loss reversal drugs affected the lives of men. Those pills and treatments come with a risk of severe side effects, like erectile dysfunction, loss of sex drive, loss of energy, and lack of motivation. Some of those side effects are irreversible and can go on even after you stop taking the pills or getting the injections. As I am dedicated to keeping a healthy lifestyle and taking care of my body, I didn’t want to put chemicals into my system. Why would I risk my health, sex life and well-being for a fix with no guarantee it would it solve my issues?

hairstyles and by wearing hats. But as my hair got thinner and thinner it became increasingly difficult to disguise, and my receding hairline was difficult to mask. So I started researching alternative solutions. The first thing that came to mind was a hair transplant. But transplants are excessively expensive,

I asked myself: Is a few extra strands of hair worth those consequences? Just as I was trying to come to terms with my balding head and looking much older than my birth certificate indicates, I discovered Scalp Micropigmentation. SMP is the fastest growing solution to hair loss, because it comes at a much lower price, than transplants, taking pills or applying creams every single ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: SEPTEMBER EDITION 2020

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{ BUSINESS SPOTLIGHT } “Unfortunately we are living in a society, where who you are – your identity – is closely related to how you look and present yourself. ”

day. And it’s the only treatment with a guaranteed result. After not discovering any noteworthy side effects, and reading tons of personal experiences of men who had had success with this solution, I decided to try it myself… To be completely honest: At first I was afraid I would get negative comments. That people would tell me it looked fake or that I looked ridiculous… But I didn’t receive any negative remarks – I actually got compliments! People who don’t 282

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know me, think it’s my natural hair. Getting a scalp micropigmentation has been one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. It changed my life for the better, making me more happy and confident than I had been for years. “I suddenly felt free. I felt less controlled by my look. I didn’t have to worry about how people perceived me anymore.” And because I believe SMP has brought me to where I am at today; freed of my insecurities, and made me much more confident as a man. I decided to try to make this long

term sustainable solution available to as many people as possible. I believe that everyone have the right to be comfortable in themselves and have the self-esteem to achieve what they want from life. So if we can help with that through providing a safe and permanent solution to recreate receding hairlines and restore the appearance of a full set of hair, my mission is accomplished!


{ BUSINESS SPOTLIGHT } “Getting a scalp micropigmentation has been one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. It changed my life for the better, making me more happy and confident than I had been for years.”

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HELPING MEN AND WOMEN WHO ARE SUFFERING FROM HAIR LOSS, SCARS, AND FORMS OF ALOPECIA BECOME BETTER VERSIONS OF THEMSELVES THROUGH SCALP MICROPIGMENTATION.

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{ CHILDREN AWAITING PARENTS }

ANNUAL 2020 CAP GALA BY LAURI MCKNIGHT

As we at Children Awaiting Parents prepare for our Fall-Holiday season and annual gala at this challenging time, we are in a place of hope and expectation. Throughout the COVID-19 difficulties, we have been working diligently to sustain our organization. Thanks to various community and private donations, CAP has been successful at keeping our doors open, our staff employed, and our existing families supported by our services.

Our annual Home, Heart & Harmony gala is our largest fundraiser, supporting CAP operations to continue services for children to find those loving, forever families and grow programs that aid community youth. Despite the “new normal,” this year is no different. In fact, it may be even more critical. Our gala will serve to fund the following

As with so many other organizations, the challenges of 2020 have had a direct impact on plans for future growth and success. With lack of funding and numerous shutdowns, a beam of light shone through from the Rochester Area Community Foundation, who graciously led us to a potential grant with the Genesee Coop Federal Credit Union. This resulted in a small but highly significant grant with the support needed to continue operations. Other private community supports joined the list of donors to help CAP continue operating effectively. However, it takes more than a one-time donation to continue moving this organization forward to reach its full potential. As CAP grows, we increase our revenue through fee-for-service or service-for-purchase programming, which takes time to nurture and build. For that reason, Children Awaiting Parents will again host an annual gala during National Adoption Month on Friday, November 6, 2020, with a hybrid format. 286

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· For families: to be trained and certified to adopt and provide appropriate safe placements for those waiting children · To support our application to be licensed as a state-recognized foster care agency · For scholarships for families in need of assistance in the adoption process · To provide necessities for youth aging out of the system and families taking placements The gala provides a choice of inperson experience live at Comedy at the Carlson OR a Virtual Gala Experience. Hosted by local celebrity emcees Scott Spezzano & Sandy Waters, the gala will feature diverse entertainment, auction, raffles, videos, awards, dinner parties, and more. Monetary as well as silent auction donations are encouraged.

areas and programs: · For children who wait for long periods in foster care without a family: to be placed in a loving, permanent home · For youth who age out of care without a family resource or supports: to obtain coordinated services and be connected to a supportive person(s) in the community

Support through sponsorships ($10,000 to $250, plus custom sponsorships) are still available and welcomed. Tickets— including a new, auction-only ticket opportunity—are on-sale now at https://bit.ly/3mWoBFD. For more information, visit childrenawaitingparents. org. No matter the choice of gala experience, November 6 will be our most innovative gala to date! November 6th 2020 @ 6-9 pm. Children Awaiting Parents 2020 Gala Emcees


{ LOCAL BUSINESS MATTERS }

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{ WELL TRAIL }

TAKE YOUR NEXT FIRST STEP BY KELLI LAPAGE

P R O G R E S S O N LY HAPPENS WHEN WE MOVE FORWARD Each week I am lucky enough to support dozens of individuals as they work towards their personal health, well-being and life goals. As I sit with each person and start our consultation, I am always quick to stop the individuals who immediately start the conversation with what they did wrong. Many begin with a complete confessional of everything they believe they did wrong in the previous week(s). And while recognizing how your actions, or lack thereof, affect achievement of ANY goals you have in life, focusing on the guilt, the shame, the judgement and the retribution of “making bad choices” does not get you anywhere.

know what happens? Almost every time, the person will launch into a very detailed, self-aware chronology of multiple action steps they took towards their goal, triggers they recognized, and lessons and new applications they learned. When they finish sharing all of this POSITIVE information, I ask how that makes them feel. And all of a sudden, they are smiling and proud instead of shameful and down trodden. Where we spend our energy is everything.

Yet it is human nature for many of us to lament on our perceived shortcomings and failures, and to point them out first before someone else can “catch us in the act”. This comes as a surprise to many people when I call them out. Even in the middle of their confessional they feel like they are “hiding” their perceived misgivings from the world – but all the while they are the first thing they share.

Why is it so much easier to focus on what we perceive as “bad”? Why do we spend so much energy beating up on ourselves instead of recognizing and celebrating how far we have come? Our self-worth is shaped by our upbringing, parents, teachers, coaches, religious leaders, peers – you name it. To have a conscience means that you will take to criticism to heart. But the dark side to this is that many of us become so fixated on those negative voices – most of which come from within ourselves – that it stops us in our tracks. All of the energy that it takes to live in a cycle of guilt and shame and self-judgement (and in the worst manifestations – self-loathing) are completely wasted, and could be spent on actual change and growth that would support moving forward.

When this happens, I immediately redirect the conversation. I’ll say, “we can talk about what you would like to do differently moving forward in a little bit, but first, let’s talk about what went well this week.” And do you

The thing about being stuck in that swamp of self-criticism is it feels like it will take so much effort to pull yourself out. But the truth is - it is always just one step forward onto solid footing. And once you get

moving, the momentum is on your side. When working with clients on their goals I always ask what one step can you take this week that will move you closer to that goal? Not the biggest step. Not the scariest step. Not the step your spouse or parent or son or daughter want you to make. And not even the step you think you SHOULD take. But what step are you willing, and able and confident you can make. Just for the next week. And ideally – taking that step will make you feel hopeful and excited and proud. The truth is, where we start isn’t the issue. Many of us never get started because we don’t know where to start, or we are afraid we will choose the “wrong” step ( btw – there is no wrong step, just steps that help us learn). We often get confused by all the steps others have taken and the pressure they may put on us to do it “their way”. And above all, we are afraid to take the first step because we do not want to fail. In our mind – that small step is so much more. If we stumble or fall then that is reinforcement that we are bad. None of these beliefs could be further from the truth. The secret to progress is just taking the next first step. Look at a goal you have for yourself. Have you been consistently taking steps to move forward – no matter how small you believe those steps may be? Do you spend time each day/ each week to acknowledge what you have accomplished? And do you take time to look back, not in judgement ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: SEPTEMBER EDITION 2020

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{ LOCAL BUSINESS SPOTLIGHT } “Even in the middle of their confessional they feel like they are “hiding” their perceived misgivings from the world – but all the while they are the first thing they share.”

of where the stumbles or missteps happened, but to gain perspective on how far you have actually come? I challenge you to set one small step to take for the next week and at week’s end journal what you have learned and what you have accomplished. If that old familiar voice starts to chime in “ but you didn’t….” or “don’t you remember you did … (this bad thing)” you simply say to yourself, “Yes… AND look at all of 290

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this that I did!” Stay focused on what you WILL do to achieve your goals, not what you haven’t yet done. Stay focused on the fact that you are capable and competent and complete just as you are – and each step will be another lesson learned and another step toward progress. Just take that next first step. Your goals are waiting.

Kelli LaPage and WellTrail provide individual and organizational health and injury management consulting services throughout the state of NY, and surrounding regions. If you would like more information you can contact Kelli at klapage@welltrail.com


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TAKE IMPERFECT & DECISIVE ACTION BY AHLIA KITWANA

You feel like you’re ready for a change, but are you really?

that it’s okay to take a step without feeling like it’s the perfect time.

Questions pop up like - is it the right time? Are you ready to make the change? Have you done enough preparation? Can you make a move?

Feeling nervous and uncertain are normal feelings. It means you care deeply about what you are about to endeavor. If you are entirely confident in everything you do with no butterflies or hesitation, you’re not

Within a few minutes, you easily talk yourself out of making a change because you do not feel ready. Here’s the secret to knowing when you’re ready - you never will.

Then you can rest easy in your vehicle with no worries. Then you’ll know you’re ready. This may be true, but if you wait until the cars are clear, you’ll be putting off reaching your ultimate destination. But even if you spend all that time waiting, there’s a chance a deer or another animal will run onto the road, or something might fall from an overpass just as you’re passing by. You will never be completely ready or in control. Sometimes, you just have to do it

There is no perfect time There is no perfect time to be ready for anything in life. You can spend 3 years in law school, but when you step into the courtroom for your first solo case, you likely won’t feel ready. You can complete an extensive student teaching program, but the day you walk into your own classroom for your first day of school, you likely won’t feel ready.

off the interstate. Maybe then you’d feel more comfortable. There’s no way you can have an accident if no one else is on the road.

That’s true in life as well. Instead of waiting until you’re ready, take decisive and imperfect action in your life. stretching yourself enough.

Only with action will you determine whether you are truly ready or not. And even if you’re not, do it anyways, make it happen!

You can train as an athlete for years, but when you walk out in front of the crowd to complete in your first professional event, you likely won’t feel ready.

Sink into the fact that there are no perfect times in life and make a move. What to do instead of waiting until you’re ready

Only with action will you prove that you can do what you’re determined to do.

If Beyonce can feel nervous before she goes on stage to perform, then know

Imagine waiting to merge on to the highway until all of the cars cleared

You might find the journey to be easier or more difficult than expected. Either ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: SEPTEMBER EDITION 2020

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{ LITTLE BLACK BUDDHA { SHIFT+CONTROL } } “There is no perfect time to be ready for anything in life.”

way, you learn by taking action, not by waiting for the right time to move. Otherwise, you could find that you’re talking yourself out of moving forward in life due to the belief you have to wait for the sign that you’re ready. 2 Things to remember on the road to taking imperfect action There are some common thoughts and ideas that come to the forefront when wondering if you’re ready to take action. However, the truth is that these thoughts can hold you back from achieving your goals. So, if you remember nothing else, keep these 2 ideas in mind as your transition from pondering to taking action. Information overload is real Sometimes in a desire to be prepared, 294

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you’ll research, research, research. Take a class, read a book, go back to school, get a certification, take another class, enroll in a course, interview others who are where you want to be, read another book, you get the point. While there is nothing wrong with being informed, information without a plan of action is just information. A goal without a plan is just a dream. Instead of spending so much time learning more and more, take the time to learn AND act. Learn a little, take a step. Learn more, take another step. Learn, act, move forward, grow, repeat. Because otherwise, you can fool yourself into believing you’re closer to taking action when really, you’re

just procrastinating, yet disguising your actions as learning. Imperfection action is better than perfect pondering Doing something new can be scary - you’re not sure what the outcome will be. It could be imperfect. But that’s okay. Imperfection action is better than perfect pondering. Take decisive & imperfect action today. If you are considering a bold career change, join us for the next cohort of Your Next Chapter. Start today in moving towards a life and career you’ve imagined for yourself.


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AMIDST THE CHAOS BY DENISE “KARMA” CLIFFORD

Over half my life has been about taking care of someone else, my conversations seemed to revolve around how to raise my kids. I can not deny that in the thick of things you think you’re doing most everything right. You feel like raising them is a job that will never end. That is until you wake up the week your middle child is turning 18, your youngest 16. And you wonder even what the oldest one who is 23 and adulting 12 hours away is doing right now.

a child myself, yet I always had more to learn. I was too wrapped up in thinking I needed to make sure my own children’s future would be adults who had the skills in life they needed. Self control, a sense of pride, empathy, a multitude of traits I decided I personally would be able to instil, because I choose to. I decided when my second child was on the way to drop out of the program I was in at a local college, to slowly step away from the career in the health feild I

What used to be days filled with waking up to cook breakfast for 10 kids, sending 4 off on the school bus, and not only keeping yours alive all day, but the others who came to know your home as theirs five days a week, to now sitting alone in a house filled with silent laughter buried deep within the walls I hear no more. The glitter and glue spots from crafts I have kept as the treasures I sometimes rummage through and shed tears for, have worn away. No more of a reminder that tomorrow I’ll wake up and do it all again. Amid the chaos is where we learned our best lessons. “He won’t share with me” or “she hit me” we’re daily reminders that I had to instill the personality traits for self awareness and self control. My days were overwhelmed with controlling the environment to teach the young minds how to wait for a turn. That sharing isn’t about just giving away your turn, it’s also about waiting. We had to learn that emotions shouldn’t be acted on in anger, and look for ways to express our anger that didn’t hurt someone else. It was within these lessons I also tried to teach myself. I learned a lot about the things I had no control over as 298

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was pursuing, and open my own in home licensed daycare. I spent the time I wasn’t at work, getting licensed, and when my second child was 5 days old and my oldest was just stepping onto the bus for half day kindergarten, I opened my doors for daycare. I opened my house for years of children who would become family. To me, my children and even our neighbors. I still remember the first four children who began this

journey with me. I remember that my oldest would nap after school on a mat alongside the other kids. I still remember thinking how bad of a mom I was because I had to put Roan upstairs in his crib and close the door. Because he cried, and he just never stopped. I remember two years in, and I brought Ella home to the daycare. This time the baby fit right in. Roan wasn’t crying anymore and Jake was off to school all day, and would ask to go play down the street when he wasn’t out back in the yard with us. I’d tell him, make sure you use manners, don’t eat all the neighbors food, come home for dinner and be nice. Above all, be nice. The street back then had about four homes with kids. They rode bikes, power wheels, they swam in pools and jumped on trampolines. But at dinner time, you came home. I taught the kids how to ride bikes, spell names, learn colors and shapes. But I also set boundaries and we made rules. I still have a copy of the rules, and kids as young as two could tell you what they were. They were simple, and if broken had consequences. Rules such as: we walk inside the house, we wait our turn and we eat and drink at the table. The last rule on the page was highlighted. It was the golden rule. We treat others, as we want to be treated. We talked about this one, and shared ideas and when someone else here in my home and daycare went against this rule, life amongst the swings and slides and watercolor paints came to halt. We all needed to learn this lesson, and so we would come together and talk about what happened, why and how it should be handled. And so kids learned to problem solve real life situations. Learned to see the effects behavior had on others and learned


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KARMA SPEAKS }} {{ SHIFT+CONTROL “Amid the chaos is where we learned our best lessons. “He won’t share with me” or “she hit me” we’re daily reminders that I had to instill the personality traits for self awareness and self control.”

to fix what they had wronged. To me in the midst of all this, I felt it is just what we do. As a caretaker a parent and a human. We instill the lessons we want our children to grow up and have these innate qualities to rely on. Now, years later I am left no more with a houseful of sticky fingers touching my walls, and runny noses on the couch, or even my own pants as they disguise a hug as a chance to wipe their face. No more kids swinging out back, or a pool with waves splashing right out of the top. I have no more kids crying to stay here with me a little longer, or notes handed to me the next day. Because a child broke a rule and felt the consequences of their own actions, so they wanted express to me how sorry they

are. My kids no longer say how much they wished I didn’t run a daycare one day, and then on the other when no kids are here tell me how much they miss it and wish the weekend was over. My kids too, are mere shadows of existence. In and out like the tide. Too busy with a life wrapped around friends and games and jobs to recognize how quickly they have already grown up. How easy it is to leave the mom who once had to hold two hands at a time and push a stroller and have eyes on each side of her head to take a walk anywhere. A trip to the store not only included my kids, but most times a few others. Never left without another person to keep safe, to watch out for and to make sure when left to making divisions out and about, they made the right ones.

The best compliment was the one where old ladies would come over out of their way to compliment you on the manners of all 7 of your kids. To tell me how brave I was to wander out in public with them all and how they all reacted to society and people and the self control contained. Because every moment, every child, every situation, was a learning tool. The children are now grown. But the rules still remain. Buried in the box of old memories and photos and painted handprints with glitter. But not forgotten. Amidst the chaos is where we learned our best lessons. And now, the chaos is gone.

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{ {{LOVE FOR WORDS } } }} { SHE SHE SHIFT+CONTROL HUSTLES HUSTLES TALKS

PERSONAL WRITING BY CATYRA POLLAND

Not all writers want to be published authors. Some writers keep their writing private. If you want to write, but not publish, here are a few options: 1 . Jo u rn a l i n g : Wr i t i n g y o u r thoughts, opinions, experiences, or other information by hand or electronically. You can have a private blog, a Google document, Word document, or a physical journal where you document whatever your heart desires. Keeping a journal can be therapeutic, eye-opening, and reflective. Your journal includes your personal accounts, most people keep their journals private, others share occasionally. Some writers incorporate their journal content into material that is later published. Journaling is an excellent option for writers who don’t want to be published authors. 2. Poetry: an artistic writing style that includes thoughts, feelings, experiences, and observations of the writer. Writing poetry like journaling,

can be therapeutic. You can write free form or choose a specific poetry style. You can write as much or as little as you like. You are not obligated to share it with anyone.

from anyone else. Is there a topic that resonates with you? Need to get something off your chest? The monologue could be your solution. You can even recite the monologue when it’s finished. 4. Letter: a direct or personal written or printed message addressed to a person or organization (Merriam-Webster dictionary). You can write a letter to yourself or another person. This can help you deal with emotions and release stress. The letter can be a keepsake. On the other hand, you can burn the letter, this is often done to release or overcome pain, frustration, anger, sadness, or another undesirable feeling. It often creates a sense of relief and satisfaction

3. Monologues: a one-person speech. This one is for the talkers. This is your chance to speak without input

There you have it. If you want to write but not publish, try one, several or all these writing styles or techniques. Write for yourself. I hope these recommendations are helpful.

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CONTACT US TODAY FOR ALL OF YOUR EDITING NEEDS.

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YOU ARE STILL GREAT IN UNPREDICTABLE TIMES BY TRACY SIMONE

The reality is that no matter who you are, this year, you have experienced a lack of control. Even if you thought you had it all together at the beginning of the year, someone still told you at some point to stay in the house, wear a mask, maybe not work or go to school for a while, figure out how to do it online, etc. Then, we learned that the numbers were wrong and that something fishy was most likely going on. Still, we needed to keep pushing forward and seeing what might be next. Every single person on the planet has been a life disrupted. This is and has been the most fascinating year ever. Through all the fires, lawlessness, crazy politicians, chem trails, synthetic meat, vaccines, protests, blah blah blah, we must not lose sight of how fortunate we are to be alive at this particular time in history. Hopefully, we all have learned many lessons this year. This is a time for self-reflection and appreciation. The way we were living was not in alignment with nature, or how the world is supposed to function. Many institutions had to fall. Many world leaders and people we knew as icons had to be removed. We hear bits and pieces of excellent and terrible information all at the same time. Again, we need to reexamine things and make sure that we are doing the best we can to not only survive but to thrive. Always.

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Maybe some of us needed to learn to be better prepared for the future. Maybe toilet paper and pasta are not the only things we might need in an emergency. Hmmm. There is talk of a pending food shortage. Are we ready if that turns out to be true? Maybe we shouldn’t

think that our friends and family are ‘conspiracy theorists’ wearing tin foil hats when they try to tell us something. We can learn from everyone and some people stay plugged in better than others. So as we see people executing their version of correcting racism, taking over cities, injuring each other, destroying property and generally raising Hell, we need to acknowledge that there are others doing

wonderful things like helping their friends and neighbors navigate these interesting times. As we figure out if we have 5G towers meant to harm us or Tesla towers that will provide us with free energy; or whether or not Prince, Michael Jackson, Princess Diana and JFK Jr. are really actually still alive while others who we think we are seeing on television are actually gone……we will have to wait and see. Maybe we were relying too much on the government and other citizens to tell us the truth and take care of us. Maybe, it is just our turn now to be under attack since our country had a bad habit of attacking others, imposing our will, and overthrowing their governments. Was this about a virus or an election? Was it about racism or trying to take over the country? Is it about a coin shortage or a global financial reset and revaluation along with the new block chain managed Quantum Financial System? Will there be a debt jubilee or a depression worse than the one in the 1920s? Are there really “med beds” and cures for diseases that were withheld from us? We still cannot get a straight story from the ‘fake’ news. They do not even cover the huge Save The Children marches that are taking place, even the one that broke into their offices in Los Angeles. They barely cover the peace agreements that are happening between countries that could never previously


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“It all works together for the good and in the end, we will be just fine.”

seem to get along. There are people sharing information online but that gets censored if it fails to line up with the agenda of the day. Do not forget that through it all, no matter who you are, you are beautifully and wonderfully made. You came to Earth to learn and to be the best that you can be. You have all the tools you will ever need right inside of you and no matter what else may come your 308

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way, you can keep moving forward. So, whether there is an alien invasion or escalated violence after the election, YOU’VE GOT THIS. t Will there be more chem trails and GMO foods or more stories about how antifa.com goes to Joe Biden’s website and donations to Black Lives Matter go to his political party? Just remember, you’ve made it this far and you can continue to make it. Sure, it can be stressful trying to decipher all these crazy and unbelievable

things, but it can also be enlightening, spiritual and even strength building. It all works together for the good and in the end, we will be just fine.


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{ COACHING WITH KRISTIN }

THE REMARKABLE LIFE OF RUTH BADER GINSBURG BY KRISTEN BAUER GROSS

Key Learning and Our Next Steps Known as the “Notorious RBG”: A real life superhero! The changes Justice Ruth made in gender and racial equality, advocacy for women’s rights and her trailblazing grit to never give up on things you care about, will live on in our hearts! Ruth Bader Ginsburg: - 2nd woman + 1st Jewish woman to become a Supreme Court Judge. She held her seat longer than any woman 1993-2020.

none would hire her (same situation happened to 1st woman Justice Sandra Day O’Connor who ended up convincing a law firm to hire her for free & to add her to the payroll if they found her work valuable). Ruth accepted a clerkship with a federal judge, and later pursued a career in law through academia. -Ruth’s been heard saying she was determined to do all the things her mother wanted to accomplish but could not. Ruth’s mother, then top of her

- She became a lawyer when women were not wanted in the legal field. Her Harvard Law School class of 550 included just 9 women.

-She transferred to Columbia Law School as her husband graduated a year sooner and got a job in NYC and they moved. She graduated #1 in her class at Columbia! -She applied to every law firm in Manhattan for a job as a lawyer and 312

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-Known for changing the way modern American women experience life. RBG is famous for many statements. Three that we can relate to in this moment in history: 1.) “Fight for Things You Care About but Do It in A Way That Will Lead Others to Join You.” 2.) “If You Want to Be A True Professional, You Will Do Something Outside Yourself. Something to repair Tears in Your Community. Something to Make Life A Little Better for People Less Fortunate Than You. That is What I think A Meaningful Life is – Living Not for Oneself, but for one’s community”. 3.) Women Belong in All Places Where Decisions Are Made.

-1st woman to make the Harvard Law Review! -At Harvard her husband fell ill with cancer; she completed his homework nightly so he’d stay on track to graduate all while taking care of their 2 yr old daughter + often starting her own homework at 2am to then sleep just a couple hours.

ever teach at any American Law School.

class, was forced to drop out of school to help her brother complete college. -Never missed a day on the bench even through her 1st 2 bouts of cancer & returned to work day after death of her beloved husband Marty of 56 years. -She hid her 2nd pregnancy in fear she would be let go from her teaching position at Rutgers (she was let go from her first job during her 1st pregnancy as a typist). She was the first woman to

Ruth spent her life working to progress women’s rights, workplace equality, racial equality and so much more. When asked in her 80’s if she would retire, she is noted saying that she has no intention to retire, her work still excites her and that there is still so much work to be done! We cannot count ourselves as successful unless we are also working to help pull others up along with us. There is room for all of us at the top. Working as a model coach and long-time model and talent (a rare female dominated industry) yet I still witness so much cattiness. I’d love to


{ COACHING WITH KRISTIN } “Known as the “Notorious RBG”: A real life superhero! The changes Justice Ruth made in gender and racial equality, advocacy for women’s rights and her trailblazing grit to never give up on things you care about, will live on in our hearts!”

see the model and talent industry (and women in all industries) continue to move to a “room for all of us at the top” mindset. I work to infuse that motto into my coaching and programs. Everyone is needed to continue Ruth Bader Ginsburg’s work, and the work and progress of countless women and men who have progressed gender and racial equality, kindness, and community development. • VOTE in Elections: Susan B. Anthony, Elizabeth Cady Stanton, Harriett Tubman, and countless other women devoted their efforts to women’s suffrage so we might have the right to own property, right to own ourselves and make decisions about our bodies, right to keep our earnings and right to vote in elections – so let’s make use of our rights and vote. Plan today. Will you attend early voting? What date and what time? Will you vote by absentee mail in voting- send it in ASAP? Are you registered to vote in your current state of residence? • Be Informed, Get Clear on Your Values, and Become Knowledgeable in Community and National Current Events: It is easy to feel overwhelmed and ambivalent or like one person’s actions and vote do not matter. Ruth’s life inspires me and reminds me what one tiny 4’11” woman from modest beginnings can accomplish so much, simply by not giving up.

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• Vote with Dollars: We can each ‘vote’ for what matters to us by spending our hard-earned dollars on products and services important to us, that stand for the change we want to see in the world. This can mean supporting local businesses, family owned businesses, sustainable businesses that pay fair wages, women owned businesses, minority owned businesses. • The Women’s March Starts in Our

Kitchen: I think the pandemic has left many of us re-prioritizing what matters and doing things locally from where we are. We do not have to drive or fly across the country to make change. Small changes build up over time. We must stand up for ourselves. We must share our voices and stories. One of my coaches Sarah Jenks, follow her on Instagram @sarahjenks reminded us in a program she leads called ‘Whole Woman’ that so often we as women, have been brainwashed to be people pleasers, to bend over backwards and not rock the

boat. But if partners, husbands, and boyfriends in your household are not acting like capable, responsible adults and parents, it’s a big problem. And in the words of Sarah Jenks: “It’s time to stop making excuses and fix this problem. It’s ruining your life. It’s ruining your kids’ lives. It’s ruining his life. Men will not respond to meek requests. They will respond to Standards. Having Standards is the same thing as having a code of ethics one is required to abide by in order to be in your presence.” Kristin Bauer-Gross is a Rochester. NY based Model Coach, Commercial Model and Actress, Speaker and monthly columnist for Rochester Woman. Kristin’s mission “Courage to Dream” motivating women and girls to find the courage to go after their goals and dreams even in the face of naysayers. As a model coach, she has a private coaching practice and also teaches an online program called ACTION which is a career development program for small market models and actors to learn, connect and succeed. RWO readers get a special offer 50% off their first month with code “HALFOFF1STMONTH” at www.KristinB.com/action-program Learn more about Kristin and the ACTION program at www.KristinB.com Follow Kristin Bauer-Gross on Instagram, Facebook, and TikTok @ KristinBauerGross


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{ MOVING BEYOND MY YOUNGER { SHE HUSTLES TALKS } YEARS }

SWEETIE THESE DAYS WILL FLY BY BY CINDY SCRIBANI

If you would have tapped me on the shoulder in the midst of raising my son and my daughter and said, “sweetie, these days will fly by,� I would have thought you were just plain nuts. As a busy mom building my clientele in my home-based salon, the seasons of my life consisted of changing diapers, home schooling, track and cheerleading/color guard events, bandaging knees and elbows, feeding hungry teenagers, assisting with driving lessons, scheduling orthodontist appointments, and desperately clinging to my bond, my close connection with them especially as technology began to unfold introducing to us the cell phone. Yep, it was twenty-two years of the wildest ride of my life. Time seemed to stand still. Looking back, I realize I was just too busy to appreciate the hands of the ticking clock because mine were watching my handsome boy turning into a man right before my eyes while his sister was not far behind becoming a beautiful independent young lady. It’s hard for me not to tear up thinking about those days. Like a momma bird teaching her babies to fly, mine left the nest to fulfill hopes, dreams, and passions. One by one, with a big hug, they smiled at me and spread their wings. Would I like to catch them in flight and bring each one back to the safety of our home? Absolutely. Would they grow

into the man and woman they were destined to be if I did? Probably not. Recently, I realized this next season of my life can be a beautiful one. Sure I cried many tears and shamefully envied peers who still had kids at home. I also took long walks to clear my head from the emptiness I suddenly felt. Sometimes, it just wasn’t a pretty scene and I felt like a complete hot mess. My sweet husband would hold me in his arms and whisper in my ear, “It will be okay‌â€? I knew deep inside I had to let go of the past and embrace the present. Like Robinson Crusoe, I became eager to discover some uncharted mystery of who I was after the nest was empty of my own two precious little birds. Deep in our hearts, we know our nests will change simply with circumstance and time but my two special individuals inside remain precious. Whether they are near or far, the heart is what keeps it full. Seasons will come and go, our children grow up, and we find ourselves lost.. is this it.. am I done.. where do I go from here? One important thing we must always cling to is embracing every day with a fresh, new perspective. This is a big world of amazing opportunities within our reach. Do you feel that tap on your shoulder? It’s me, saying, “Sweetie, these days will fly by, but new ones are waiting on the horizon!â€?

of an eye. The heartbreak – and hope – of becoming an empty nester has arrived. My home became so quiet. And empty. And my only thought was this as I turned to my husband and asked fighting back that tearful choking feeling, “what do we do nowâ€? My house may be empt but within these walls are so many wonderful stories. And so much laughter. And tears. And I wouldn’t trade them for anything in the world. Now don’t misunderstand me. Excitement for both of my children.. watching from a distance..as they continue on their own path is massively consuming me .. But with that excitement for their future comes an occasional tug at my oh-so-sensitive heart. They grew up, building a family of their own. Creating new memories, new traditions, setting their feet onto new journeys with a whole world waiting for them to explore. Yes, my house may be empty .. but I too have a brand new life. And its waiting for me...just on the horizon đ&#x;™Œ

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{ MOVING{ BEYOND MY YOUNGER SHE HUSTLES TALKS { RECOVERX } } YEARS } “If you would have tapped me on the shoulder in the midst of raising my son and my daughter and said, “sweetie, these days will fly by,” I would have thought you were just plain nuts.”

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265 Meadowdale Drive Rochester, NY, United States 14624 (585) 217-3289 myhairshop@outlook.com http://facebook.com/cindy.scribani http://www.seibellastudio.mymonat.com/


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“JUST START” BY KENDALL SLATER

My son Logan and I were watching the TV show “The Walton’s” the other day. A show about a family based in the Great Depression era. In the episode John boy had purchased a washing machine for his mother by working for the Baldwin sisters. My son looked confused and told me that did not look like a washing machine.

Not being totally prepared did not stop the most successful people in any area that you can think of. Can you imagine all the doubts they were getting from other people? Or maybe even on occasion from themselves? Do you think they had it all figured out? No. You yourself can be successful too and all you have to do is start. You can figure

I began to explain that when things are first invented, they might not look like much, but they achieve the result just the same. Just like the truck in the TV show does not look like they do now. Over the year’s things are approved upon. All the time questions are being asked on how do we make it faster, work better, or become more efficient? But when it comes down to it, even though you have an idea you must start somewhere when making it a reality. This idea can be applied to any area or our lives. Health, finances, relationships, career, you name it. When we start it might not look like much. We have an idea of what we want, and the end result may not seem possible. It might seem scary and people might even say that we are crazy. We do not have to have fancy equipment, unlimited resources, or the support of everyone to achieve our goals. We can still start by doing the best we can with what we have.

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your health did not happen overnight and it will not be overnight to get back on track and where you want to go. This is something I work with my coaching clients on is taking the pressure off yourself on being perfect and having everything figured out before you do anything. What you want and what you can do at the start of the coaching program will be totally different by the end. You will be ready to go after something bigger and better. In his book the “Compound Effect” by Darren Hardy he talks about picking something, anything that could move the needle and working at it every day. You might not see the changes each and every day but one day, a month, six months, or a year from now you are going to wake up and go holy smokes I am a completely different person.

it out as you go. As we go along, we can pick points that need to improve upon or tweak rather than trying to do everything all at once. As your journey progresses what you want, and need will change when improving to the next level and the next after that. I promise you where you are at with

Let me give you something to think about. Life is coming at you no matter if you do or do not move towards your goals. A year from now will still be here in a year. That 5k will still happen with or without you. The dancing will still happen at your kid’s wedding. Retirement age is still going to come whether your financially prepared or not. The world will keep spinning even if you do or do not go after your dream of starting a business.


{ YOU ARE WORTH THE WORK } “Not being totally prepared did not stop the most successful people in any area that you can think of. Can you imagine all the doubts they were getting from other people? ”

My question for you is are you going to be ready for it? Are you going to actively participate in creating your life? Or are you going to keep living every day the same as the last getting the same results and not being as happy as you know you could be? Tony Robbins says, “Progress

and it is something that will serve them long after. So how do we get where we want to go? It is simple really……. start. That is the only thing you have to worry about

The only person and the only thing you can control is yourself. You can control what you do and what you think about. That might be a little depressing, knowing that is the only thing you have power over. Well if it were so easy, wouldn’t you be doing it already? Wouldn’t you already be doing what you needed to every day to make your goals become reality? Knowing your why and building a habit of getting it done will be what keeps you going even on days when you do not feel like it. This is something we break down and get really clear about with my clients to keep them on track during my programs 322

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but brings you joy. Every journey begins with a single step and now it is totally, 100% in your hands to take that step. No one can do it for you. The truth is you are the only thing that is standing in your way right now and holding you back. It might not be the most graceful, most likely you will stumble, but I promise you that if you consistently work at it, you will achieve the end result. So, what does the first step look like for you? I would love to hear what it is; you can reach out to me on Instagram or Facebook @ kls_squared.

today is starting. A walk today could turn into finishing your first marathon in 6 months. Looking into that course could mean leaving your full-time job that makes you miserable to a new career that not only pays you better

For more information on my Health and Life coaching programs visit www. kendallslaterwellness.com or email me directly at kendall.slater42@gmail.com .


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{ HER EDGE }

TIKTOK BY ROBIN DEWIND

I was heading upstairs with my laundry basket and I heard loud noises coming from my daughter’s room. I thought she had fallen because the thud was so loud. I flung open the door expecting to see her head cracked open but there she was dancing on her bed and wearing a weird outfit. She yelled, “close the door, I’m making a TikTok!” Annoyed by my baby boomer mindset, my little Generation “Zer” tried to explain but failed to enlighten me on the mesmerizing appeal of the newest social media app that was taking over my house.

I sipped my coffee each morning helplessly watching this time suck happen right in front of me. If she was not watching a video, she was making one. My favorite is the “day in my life” videos of herself; getting up, (or faking it) taking her vitamins, pulling out the creamer, (from the refrigerator’s point of view) playing with the dog, and eating dinner. An entire day chronicled in less than a minute. Riveting.

While trapped together for the entire spring and summer I started to understand the power of the Tok.

For Mother’s Day she made one of me, sitting in the car, driving the car, wheeling my cart out of Target, painting the kitchen, hugging the dog, and sipping a Starbucks.

Tick tock, (spelled differently) means time is passing, or I’m bored.

I will give her credit; she really did capture how boring my ‘day in the life’ is.

TikTok, means that too.

Teens everywhere are churning out these tiny video distractions about nothing from the comfort of their bedrooms. I thought, no one over the age of 25 must care about any of this.

At any given time, my child would sit with her facial expression frozen and only her fingers moving. She scrolls through her video feed of amateur dances, lipsyncing soundtracks, weird cat videos and skits that make fun of parents. This could go on for half an hour at a time at the kitchen island. She pretends she is listening to me, but she is not. She is full engrossed in watching these micro videos of nothing. When I would ask, why do you watch TikTok all the time, she says “I don’t know, it’s fun and I’m bored.”

I learned that the magic of TikTok is not just in the creation of the videos, it is the ‘For You’ page. ‘For You’ is an endless stream of videos tailored to the user based on content already watched. Basically, it knows what you like and the algorithm gives you a steady diet of similar videos without you even asking. This explains why she is locked up in her bedroom for hours.

She can’t stop watching, it’s kind of like Hallmark for me at Christmas time. I was bothered by her fascination and intrigued all at the same time. I make videos for a living. My business is ‘digital content creation.’ I figured, why not try to find out more. Thrilled at my suggestion to make a mother-daughter TikTok, she came up with an audio clip of the Kardashian sisters bickering about who was ruder. The short exchange between Khole and Kourtney made us laugh because it hit so close to home. Me: “Sophie, can you empty the dishwasher, I asked you to do it a couple of hours ago, come on.” Sophie: “I told you I’d do it!!! You do not have to be so rude. Ugh!” I memorized my two lines and we practiced our hand gestures. We recorded our fifteen seconds and suddenly I figured out what all the fuss was; it was fun and mindless. Our post got 1,810 thousand views. Teenagers love it, parents are bothered by it and the government is weary of it. Instagram is perfect, Twitter is snarky, Snapchat is sneaky, but TikTok is relatable. But isn’t that what we want for our kids; to know they are not alone in how they think and feel. Being an insecure teenager is isolating enough. The pandemic only reinforced their loneliness.


{ HER EDGE } “Annoyed by my baby boomer mind-set, my little Generation “Zer” tried to explain but failed to enlighten me on the mesmerizing appeal of the newest social media app that was taking over my house.”

Now I know why my daughter clung to her TikTok feed all those weeks. Being surrounded by peers who were also feeling alone was comforting. They were all just waiting out the uncertainty of the times in their bedrooms too. If TikTok can make teenagers feel like they can dance, make a joke, challenge, engage or just share and not feel selfconscience for fifteen seconds, then I am all for it. For now, I will stick to Facebook and Instagram and my generation. I do not have to join the kids. My daughter now shares her feed with me. She shares funny posts and shares the ones she is creating. At least she shares now, and that is a good thing. I tell my clients that less is more. You do not need a ten-minute video to tell your story, now maybe fifteen or thirty seconds will do.


CONTACT ROBIN DE WIND TODAY! I ROBINDEWIND@GMAIL.COM


{ NEW IN THE ROC }

ARTSY BY JESSICA MARIE

I would like to introduce to you a new sensation to the Rochester area, Arty’s Philly Steak & Wings! A relaxed place for locally sourced American fare, fresh daily ingredients, and a house name reputation for an incredible list of over 35 gourmet flavors of wings... And what else would pair best with a Philly Cheese Steak other than Philly cheez wiz!

Garlic Parm Siracha Sweet Siracha Cajun Sweet Cajun Cajun Garlic Parm

Along with that, pair it up with fresh cut fries!

My name is Erdinc Soylemez, 32, Owner & Operator with an extensive history in the business & has carried around quite a reputation for some of the best chicken wings Rochester has to offer. Centrally located in Irondequoit at 525 E. Ridge Road. Previous owner of the well known establishment, LakeSiders Sports Bar in Charlotte for over 10 years, previously known as Penny Arcade. Since the age of 18 Ive began a series of developments, to name a few, Charlotte Hots, West Ridge Hots and Chili Pizza & Hots. We are no stranger to the food & beverage industry. Offering a sit down success or carry out! You can now even find us for delivery on GrubHub. I’ll leave you here with a full list of our specialty curated sauce flavors! WET SAUCE FLAVORS: Mild Medium Hot Sweet & Sour Boss BBQ Kick’N BBQ Cajun Golden BBQ** 328

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DRY RUB: Buffalo Cajun Lemon Pepper Cajun Lemon Pepper Garlic Pepper Six Pepper Honey Garlic Honey Siracha Arty’s Dry Rub**

Now let’s talk Philly. Let’s talk History. Oral History... Of all the contributions Philadelphia has given the world, none has become more identified with the city than the tasty concoction that was invented in 1930. The Philly Cheese Steak. A signature icon recognized around the world. A full menu list will be attached to this article. With more commonly known start apps and custom made salads featuring, you pick!

Sweet Garlic Parm Arizona Ranch Boom Boom Mango Habanero Taco Parm Tai Chili Garlic Pepper Arty’s Wet** Arty’s Sweet Golden Arty’s

Customer satisfaction is the wish and dream of any business, we are certainly not left out in the fulfillment of this aim. Steady adherence of state protocols and safety measures following the global pandemic, we offer appropriate seating and shielding. We welcome you! Hours of operation are 11am-8pm and look forward to our uo and coming extended menu! Rochester! Thank you for having us! - Arty


{ IT’S A SUITE LIFE }

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{ WOMEN FOR WINESENSE }

WINE AND SHOES BY DONNA SCHLOSSER-LONG

Purchasing wine can be such an interesting experience, especially when your day begins and ends with wine. As a professional wine sales person, I start my day talking about wine to anyone who will listen. As a rule, I usually end my day consuming wine for personal pleasure. My meals revolve around wine as does my social life. As the National President of Women For WineSense, I educate people on the merits of moderate consumption of wine to enhance their everyday life. Sounds like a fun job right? Back to purchasing wine. Purchasing wine is sort of like purchasing shoes. Sounds silly right? Surprisingly similar. When shopping for shoes you usually have a budget. When I walk into my favorite wine store I usually have a budget for wine. I know what I want to spend for a weeknight bottle. I know what I want to spend for a weekend bottle. I know what I want to spend for a special occasion bottle. W hen selecting shoes I know what the purpose of the shoe is. Will I be wearing it to work? If so, it will come with a certain price tag. If the shoe is for a fun night out on a weekend, I know what I will want to pay for it. My 332

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during the week wine is usually a less than $20 dollar bottle. There are lots of factors I need to consider when dropping twenty bucks on a bottle of wine. Who will I be sharing it with? What will I be eating with it? What if I don’t finish it? We know that last one isn’t a huge concern.

Now weekend bottles are a little different. Weekend bottles of wine can cost a little more. Usually I am attempting to celebrate a break from the work week on a Saturday. On weekends I

take extra time preparing for meals and cooking. I want my wine to match my additional efforts in the kitchen so I tend to spend a little more. Sharing a special bottle of wine with special people is one of life’s greatest pleasures. I think we can all agree the perfect pair of shoes can add a tremendous about of joy to one’s life as well. Wine comes in all shades and structures. I believe there are song lyrics “a bottle of Red, a bottle of White, perhaps a bottle of Rose instead”. Just like shoes. Are you seeing where I am going with this? If you have ever had a Sancerre, you know that is a bottle of white wine with a tremendous amount of acid. That wine will cut you like a knife, similarly to the best stiletto out there. Hard to find a Sancerre at a less than $20 dollar price point, therefore I will leave the Sancerre to the position of weekend wine. Think of a pair of high black winter boots. I would compare that to a Barolo. A big, bold red wine that goes with everything. Barolo and Boots. The boots can easily pair with jeans or a nice dress.


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{ WOMEN FOR WINESENSE } “As a rule, I usually end my day consuming wine for personal pleasure. My meals revolve around wine as does my social life.”

The Barolo can pair with the pasta and the steak. The next time you are shopping for wine. Think about your favorite shoes. What shoes will you be wearing when you drink that fun, Finger Lakes Rose or that 334

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beautiful bottle of French Champagne? Women For WineSense Rochester Chapter Schedule: October 13th, Penfield Country Club – California Wine

November 10th, Shadow Lake Country Club - Bubbly Made Easy, a guide to the most popular sparkling wines December 8th, Jingle Mingle - Locust Hill Country Club


{ WELLNESS 360 }

STARTING A FITNESS PROGRAM BY BETH PARRY

How to be successful in starting a fitness program Starting a fitness program can be intimidating. However, it can be one of the best things you can do for your health and wellness. Beginning a program can be challenging, but sticking with an exercise program can be even more challenging. Remember those new year’s resolutions that start with good intentions, and then by mid-January, the plan has dissipated just as quickly as it started. So, what is the key to making an exercise program successful? It has to start with a change in your mindset, and then it will transition into your lifestyle. SCHEDULE THE TIME: We all have 24 hrs in a day. Why is it that some can get in exercise, and others can’t? It is easy to pack our schedules to serve everyone else but ourselves. Let me tell you. No one is going to do it for you! You have to put yourself first. Try working out first thing in the morning. It is a great way to start your day. If you are not a morning person, write yourself on the schedule. Write it in ink, so no erasing! The current recommendations for adults are to reach at least 150 minutes of moderate activity per week. This can be done by exercising 30 minutes, five times a week. Don’t have 30 minutes? Two 15-minute workouts can be just as effective. It’s time to reevaluate where you spend your time. When you make yourself a priority, everything else will fall into place! SHOW UP FOR THE WARM-UP: “I do not have the energy right now!” Sound familiar? Guess what, the more you exercise, the more energy you will have throughout your day. It’s like filling up your tank. Having a regular exercise program will give you more energy throughout the day, improve your mood, and improve your quality of sleep. All of these components will provide you with 336

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the energy you need to get through your day! If you are struggling to get motivated, agree to show up just for your warm-up. Sometimes the five minutes is all you need to feel more energized.

any new habit. You need to show up for yourself every week! It can take a few months to create a new habit, so be patient with yourself. Self-compassion increases the likelihood of your success.

CHANGE YOUR WORDS: “I should exercise, but…” How often do you find yourself using the “should” word? Using the word “should” uses a lack of self-acceptance to motivate our actions. It places unnecessary guilt and pressure on yourself. Maybe you see exercise as a chore you “need” to do. Let’s use the words that motivate us rather than filling us with

Start your program today, at any fitness level: “I am too out of shape to exercise.” Remember, you are an individual with a different body type and diverse health needs. Having the expectations that one size fits all is not the best way to approach an exercise program. Exercise can benefit your body, your mindset, and your overall health. There are a variety of ways to modify exercises to meet your needs. Start slow; fitness is not a race. It takes one step to move forward at any pace. Listen to your body, and if it does not feel right, it probably isn’t. If you are just starting out, work with a specialist. This will ensure your needs are met and decrease the likelihood of injury. Wellness 360 would be a great way to start. Each program is designed and led by Physical Therapist to ensure safety at any fitness level. Remember, moving forward at any pace is still moving forward!

guilt. When talking about exercise, link your words to priorities in your life. For example, instead of saying, “I really should exercise, or I will feel terrible.” Change your words to, “I want to exercise to feel good.” Start changing your word choice to words that empower. Notice how your drive to exercise will start to shift.

Wellness 360 offers fitness programs based on your health needs. All of our programs use evidence-based exercises and are designed and led by physical therapists. Our M.O.V.E. program is designed specifically for the bariatric diagnosis to support all aspects of your lifestyle.

MAKE IT FUN: There are multiple ways to exercise. You do not have to follow the crowd. If it is something that you love to do, then you are more likely to continue. Experiment and try something new. Figure out what you love to do to make your exercise time enjoyable. Consistency is needed to form

Our online M.O.V.E. subscription program comes with a FREE lifestyle wellness consultation to make the program a success. We will support you in changing your perspective, changing your habits, and providing modifications to suit your health needs. You can get your FREE 2-week subscription at www.wellness360fitness.com.


{ CNY INSPIRING WOMAN }

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MAKE A STATEMENT

1823 Penfield Rd I Penfield, New York 14526


T...GO INCOGNITO!

(

585) 586-7846 I www.incognitomenswear.com


{{ BLISSFUL BALANCE}} SHIFT+CONTROL

SHOULD YOU GET OUT OF YOUR COMFORT ZONE? BY CINDY DECAROLIS

As you may know, I am a doTerra Wellness Advocate and this comprises one piece of Blissful Balance LLC. I sell doTerra essential oils and educate people about their oils and their safe and effective use. One of my favorite things about working with doTerra is the focus on personal and leadership development for Wellness Advocates. I have heard many leaders say, “get out of your comfort zone” and “success lies just beyond your comfort zone.” Based on my personal experience I have come to believe that getting out of your comfort zone is not always helpful or even appropriate. For example, one piece of advice that I have heard is to talk to everyone you meet about doTerra. Then the person speaking will usually go on to use an example of how they met some random stranger, told them about doTerra and that person then immediately enrolled as a wholesale member, joined their team as a Wellness Advocate, and has now reached the highest rank in the company. I don’t doubt that these stories are true. However, I believe that talking to random strangers is well within the comfort zone of the person telling the story and therefore, authentic, which led to a successful outcome. Talking to random strangers is not in my comfort zone. But being told that I needed to get out of my comfort zone and talk to everyone I met led me to do just that. I would be in Wegmans or Lori’s Natural Foods and see someone looking at essential

oils, so I would go up to them and say “Hey, I’m having an essential oils class, would you like to come?” Since this behavior is way outside my comfort zone it was not authentic, and I came across (I believe) as weird and creepy. Whether those random strangers thought I was weird and creepy or not, I never had one of those people become a customer. On the other hand, there are times when it does make sense to get out of your comfort zone. We all have things that we like about our jobs and things that we don’t like. If the things that you don’t like are required to do your job well, get promoted, or achieve your goals, then it makes sense to gain those skills. A few years ago, doTerra began working with Gallup, Inc. to bring Strengths Based Leadership and the CliftonStrengths 34 training to its employees and Wellness Advocates. Don Clifton, the inventor of Clifton StrengthsFinder, based his work on the premise that your strengths don’t determine what you can do. He believed that anyone can do anything. Your strengths determine how you will accomplish anything. Using your top strengths, you will be at your best and most authentic. Using your bottom strengths breeds mediocrity. I have taken the assessment and my top five strengths are: harmony, adaptability, belief, input, and learner. My bottom five are: woo, analytical, competition, restorative,

and command. People with woo love the challenge of meeting new people, breaking the ice, and making a connection with someone. Given that woo is in my bottom five it is not surprising that talking to random strangers was not fruitful for my business. I am at my best when people reach out to me and ask for help. I am happy to listen to their needs, spend as much time with them as necessary, and offer them the best advice and solution that I have. This also happens to align with my top five strengths. So, to answer the question that I started with – should you get out of your comfort zone? The answer - it depends on the situation. If getting out of your comfort zone also takes you out of your strengths, then no, stay in your comfort zone. Otherwise you will become inauthentic and the work will feel hard. If you can get out of your comfort zone and still stay true to your strengths, then by all means go ahead. It is great to extend yourself and expand your knowledge and skills. If you are working within your strengths, you will always be authentic, and the work will be joyful. At Blissful Balance LLC our mission is to help you to live life healthier – essential oils are just one of the tools we use. You can follow us on Facebook @blissfullbalanceroc and Instagram blissfull_balance. ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: SEPTEMBER EDITION 2020

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{ BLISSFUL BALANCE } “So, to answer the question that I started with – should you get out of your comfort zone? The answer - it depends on the situation.”

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“Every human being is the author of his own health or disease.� - Buddha At Blissful Balance our mission is to help you to live life healthier. Let us help you to author your own health. Offering wellness workshops, individual health coaching and essential oils.

Please contact us for a complimentary consultation 585-532-6060 or cindydecarolis62@gmail.com www.blissfullbalanceroc.com Facebook @blissfullbalanceroc Instagram blissfull_balance


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{ THE KURVIE KORNER }

THE PLUS SIDE OF PAGEANTRY BY LATIFFANY ANDERSON

In my world, October is all about the celebration of womanhood as well as honoring everyone who has battled breast cancer. This month is when the Ms. Kurvie North pageant is held. During the show we provide an information station, which provides information on early detection, treatment, as well as coping resources. When you think of a pageant queen, you tend to have a certain image. Instantly you think of a woman who is thin, bright smiled, and can wear a two-piece bikini with no cellulite to be found. Many would never picture a woman who is over a size four. For years plus size women didn’t have a place on the stage. They weren’t welcome, and no one thought they were beautiful enough to win national titles. Many were filled with doubt, and weren’t supported in their beauty queen dreams. As young women they watched national pageants, and instantly felt sadness because they knew with their larger frames they would never be crowned. There are pageant systems that welcome plus size women but place them in what’s deemed as special categories. Many try to compete, and end up feeling inferior to those who are participating with them. Over the years, plus size exclusive pageants arose. These pageants are specifically for women who are over a size twelve. I knew of pageants who

catered to plus size women however, they were not as popular as they are currently. When I started to love myself, I began to want to share a space with women who had the same struggles as myself. I never wanted to grace a stage however, I wanted to be able to build the confidence of those who wanted to. Kurvie Kulture allowed me

to connect, and form relationships with women from all walks of life. Kurvie Kulture began in 2012 as a blog and by the end of the year, I began transitioning KK into a store on Instagram. Through KK and being a stylist, I met Yolanda Smilez. In 2014 Yolanda and I decided to create a platform for plus size women in Rochester and surrounding cities. Miss Kurvie Upstate NY was born. IN October 2014,16 women embarked on a journey of self-love. No one knew what to expect or the impact we would make. That evening our

first pageant winner was crowned. The vivacious Miss Tiffany Nicole became the first to adorn the title of Miss Kurvie. To see a variety of women with a variety of shapes confidently grace the stage was inspiring. We knew that the show had to continue. In December 2015 a dynamic group of women graced the stage as they competed for the title Ms. Kurvie NY. With a powerful, emotion provoking talent performance Aidaliz Maldanado was crowned. October 2016 a spirted group of 16 women took the stage and demonstrated how to embrace your curves. Monique Chatman was a crowd favorite who took the stage with an alluring personality and relentless spirit. That evening Monique was crowned kueen. The next year Kueens from around New York state came together to compete. Shaqueta Starling received a unanimous perfect score for her talent and was crowned Kueen. In the competition was fierce and for the first time in Kurvie pageant history there was a tie for second place. Jamequa Abernathy’s confidence, and creative attire won the judges over as she was crowned Ms. Kurvie North 2018. In 2019 the kueens took the stage with class, beauty, and vivacious personalities. With her poise, grace and elegance Precious Taylor was crowned Ms. Kurvie North 2019. ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: SEPTEMBER EDITION 2020

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{ THE KURVIE KORNER } “I never wanted to grace a stage however, I wanted to be able to build the confidence of those who wanted to. Kurvie Kulture allowed me to connect, and form relationships with women from all walks of life.�

As years pass Yolanda, and I are elated to see the bonds and sisterhood that stemmed from Ms. Kurvie NY. Although they are competing, each year there is a strong sense of unity amongst the contestants. They assist each other with their outfits, they pray together, and encourage each other through the process. Although the world may not deem plus size women as graceful, beautiful 348

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or sexy the Ms. Kurvie Pageants defy societies opinions. We aim to continue to show women that you are a kueen no matter what an outside force says. We encourage women to embrace their kurves and remember the stage is for everyone not just a specific body type. Due to Covid-19 all 2020 Ms. Kurvie pageant and events have been postponed. Registration for

Ms. Kurvie North, Miss Kurvie Teen and Little Miss Kurvie is open for the 2021 pageant season. For more information follow the Ms. Kurvie NY pages as well as visit http://www. mskurvieny.com.


{ MENTALLY THINKING }

NEW COUNSELING POSITION WITH BETTERHELP BY BONNIE FLOYD

I have recently accepted a new position with BetterHelp, an online counseling platform. I was surprised to find out that only 15% of applicants are accepted for this position. Although I have been licensed as a clinical psychologist for nearly two decades, I’m actually new to providing online counseling. Subscribers to BetterHelp have several options for how their counseling sessions are conducted. They can choose from live chat, messaging, phone calls, or video sessions. Sessions are typically thirty minutes in length, but they can be extended to fifty minutes if clients so desire. Clients also have flexibility regarding how frequently they prefer to schedule a counseling session. There are a variety of counseling packages from which to choose, based upon one’s financial resources. I really believe that BetterHelp makes a sincere effort to meet client’s individual needs. Online forums such as BetterHelp have seen an explosion of their services this year. Dealing with the multiple consequences of COVID-19 has significantly increased nearly everyone’s stress level. There have been significant changes for many of us, including radical changes in employment. Some individuals have lost their jobs, whereas others are transitioning to working remotely. In addition, parents are confronted with the myriad challenges of providing online instruction for their children.

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As a licensed clinical psychologist, I always inform clients that I seek it as a tremendous sign of strength to request professional assistance, as opposed to a reflection of personal inadequacy or weakness. Thankfully, there is currently less stigma associated with seeking counseling. I believe that nearly everyone, including counselors themselves, can benefit from receiving

therapy. We’re all familiar with having an annual physical. I wish that it were possible to have annual mental health check-ups be strongly recommended, in addition. In this way, difficulties such as anxiety, depression, and substance abuse could be addressed at earlier, more treatable stages. Consequently, clients would be expected to receive more favorable results.

Participating in online counseling has several advantages for clients. It eliminates the need for traveling to meet with a counselor, as well as the need to receive a COVID-19 test, or to need to wear a mask. These represent significant advantages for most clients. Similarly, as a counselor I eliminate the time spent commuting to a job, I don’t need to have a COID-19 test, and I don’t have to wear a mask. Attempting to provide psychotherapy has proven to be especially challenging with having to wear a mask for several hours. It creates difficulties for clients to understand what I’m actually saying. Personally, wearing a mask soon becomes very uncomfortable! I quickly become overheated, which always worsens my MS symptoms. I’m also suffering from hot flashes, which doesn’t mix well with becoming overheated after a relatively brief period of time. I’m still continuing to see residents in two nursing homes, on a weekly basis. I really enjoy working with geriatric residents. Nevertheless, I admit that I have been looking for greater diversity in my clinical caseload. To date, I’ve already met with clients who are dealing with a very diverse range of issues: compulsive nail-biting, recent break-ups, job loss due to COVID-19, increased anxiety, heightened depression, marital tension, difficulties associated with remote instruction for children, eating disorders, increased alcohol consumption, strained relationships with parents, juggling work and parental responsibilities, financial


{ MENTALLY THINKING } “Online forums such as BetterHelp have seen an explosion of their services this year. Dealing with the multiple consequences of COVID-19 has significantly increased nearly everyone’s stress level.”

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{ {RWO’S MENTALLY MENTAL THINKING HEALTH} } “As a licensed clinical psychologist, I always inform clients that I seek it as a tremendous sign of strength to request professional assistance, as opposed to a reflection of personal inadequacy or weakness.”

problems, workplace conflict, anger management, looking for a long-term relationship, relocating back home after a job loss, low self-esteem, inadequate social support, poor decision-making, poor eating and/or sleeping habits, alienation from adult children, recent divorce, inadequate financial resources, post-traumatic stress disorder, compulsive shopping, and juggling work and home responsibilities. My doctoral training, previous work experiences, and personal experiences have combined to create expertise in working with such a wide range of clinical concerns. Dealing with such a wide variety of 352

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clinical issues has certainly been most challenging! Thankfully, BetterHelp counselors retain a lot of control over their weekly schedules; they can choose to have their caseload remain stable, to increase it, and to decrease it if needed. Since I continue to deal with the challenges of chronic illness, this is a critically important benefit. Admittedly, there is a steep learning curve for BetterHelp counselors. There’s much to learn, in a brief period of time. It’s been a significant transition to meet for thirty-minute sessions, as opposed to meeting for full fifty minutes. Clients often have a lot to say, especially during

their initial sessions. I’m very thankful to have recently been hired by BetterHelp. I already feel like I am using clinical skills that have remained somewhat dormant for a while. In addition, it’s been extremely gratifying to have had clients tell me that they’ve benefited from discussing their concerns with me. I’m looking forward to continuing to grow as a counselor through this new position.


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NO RHYME OR REASON BY TAMMY VREELAND

We start the first day of September with a National ‘No Rhyme or Reason’ Day. Setting the tone for a ‘no rhyme or reason’ article. We all know what September usually brings for us… Labor Day, Back to School, 9/11, etc. Since those topics are usually tried and true with rhyme and reason, let’s delve into something else September can offer us. Let’s start off with the obvious, the beginning of Fall. Or perhaps you prefer to call it Autumn? Or even, Harvest time? Did you ever wonder why this season can be called different things? Or did you think there was ‘no rhyme or reason’? In England, the third season of the year was referred to as Harvest. For obvious reasons, a time for farmers to bring in their crops and prepare for the winter. Actually, the word Harvest comes from an Old Norse word haust which means to gather or pluck, making it appropriate for this time. But how did we go from Harvest, to the term Autumn or even Fall? In the 1600s, people began leaving rural farmlands. For these city dwellers, harvest no longer applied. Therefore, Autumn was introduced. Autumn meaning the passing of the year. A term, our fellow Europeans still use. Whereas Americans use the word Fall. Likely because of the falling of leaves. Whatever you call this time of year, what do you like to do to enjoy it? One of the easiest things to do is get in your car and look at the beautiful scenery that is just beginning to change. Sure, we can plan a breathtaking mini vacation into a popular Fall Foliage area. Or simply take a moment to glance

over at the side of the road. On the way to work or even the grocery store, for Fall is being all around us! The actual date for Fall in 2020 starts on Tuesday, September 22nd and lasting all the way until Monday, December 21st. Since we are talking about foliage, let’s touch upon the September birth flower, which is Aster. They symbolize faith, wisdom, and valor. Purple Asters can symbolize royalty and wisdom. September has quite a few other things to offer. It is National Honey Month and also the Peanut Harvest. Mums are growing and apples are becoming abundant. It is a perfect time to take a hike, go to the park, or even go camping. There doesn’t have to be a rhyme or reason to enjoy this season. Oops sorry didn’t mean to rhyme! And yet, we cannot overlook the obvious “literal” sense of the ‘no rhyme or reason’ saying. Which are ... words that cannot rhyme! Let’s look first at our non-rhyming colors such as orange, purple and silver. Don’t lie, as soon as you read them ...instantly, you are trying to rhyme something with them! Have at it - no reason not to.

other word can match us! The last non-rhyming word I have for you is ‘month’. Which brings us to our Monthly National Holidays. Let’s see what days will fit our ‘no rhyme or reason’ theme: September 4th – Lazy Mom Day – Ok, so maybe there is a reason for this one, but does there need to be one? Poor Mom needs a day just to be lazy for no rhyme or reason. Probably having more reason than any of us, to have a lazy day. Enjoy - you earned it! September 5th – Be Late For Something Day – This is a hard one for me because I am so structured. But I admit, it would be nice to have someone have to wait on me for a change and today can be my excuse! But wait! If everyone is late, won’t that make all of us on time? Hmm… best not to think too hard on that one and just chalk it up to a ‘no rhyme or reason’ thing.

Next, let’s measure in with more nonrhyming words such as ninth and pint. And for no reason, I will randomly throw in the words spirit and chimney, which are also non-rhyming words.

September 8th – National Ampersand Day – Seriously, do we really need a National Ampersand Day? Is there no rhyme or reason to this thinking? Do we need to celebrate being lazy and using an ‘&’ instead of spelling out ‘and’? However, I have to admit the ‘&’ not only is shorter but has a nicer look to it than ‘and’ spelled out, sometimes, don’t you agree? So, there you have it… you & I can celebrate National Ampersand Day - for no rhyme or reason!

But do you know, the non-rhyming word, I find the most interesting? “Woman” is this not appropriate? For are we not, ones that sometimes have ‘no rhyme or reason’ for what we do? And yet, isn’t that unpredictability one of our greatest strengths? How appropriate it is that no

September 19th – Talk Like A Pirate Day – Aye Matie, it’s true! Yet another classic example for ‘no rhyme or reason’ to why we have this as a National Holiday. Although, I suppose it gives everyone the excuse to go around mumbling ARRRGG all day while saying - Aye ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: SEPTEMBER EDITION 2020

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{ TAMMY’S TIDBITS } SHIFT+CONTROL “Autumn meaning the passing of the year. A term, our fellow Europeans still use.”

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September 19th – Talk Like A Pirate Day – Aye Matie, it’s true! Yet another classic example for ‘no rhyme or reason’ to why we have this as a National Holiday. Although, I suppose it gives everyone the excuse to go around mumbling ARRRGG all day while saying - Aye Aye Captain!

what better way than to celebrate with a night out with your girls?

fun’ no rhyme or reason you have to admit, you can deal with them the same.

And there you have it, some of our September National Holidays. In closing, I would like to add that although ‘no rhyme or reason’ can be fun, it can also have its downside.

September 22nd – National Girls’ Night – A night that never needs a ‘rhyme or reason’ or a National Holiday. Just grab your friends and go out for the night! But if you feel you need an excuse, use this day. It is a National Holiday and

The whole year of 2020 has felt like there is ‘no rhyme or reason’ to what is happening to us. The not knowing can make us frustrated, bitter, even sad and confused. And yet, if we compare our ‘fun’ no rhyme or reason to the ‘not so

Point is, sometimes there isn’t a rhyme or reason, it just is. I think the key is how we look at it, deal with it and conquer it that gives us back the control we are comfortable with making it rhyme with reason.

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DEALING WITH CHALLENGES BY RANDY AGNESS - WINEMAKER

I have been traveling to just about every corner of New York State – either living, working or traveling there. New York has so many different choices, but I’m here in the Saranac and Lake Placid region to provide some great reasons to tell you about why you should be visiting here. Any destination I believe it must have the essentials including stunning beauty and holy cow it doesn’t disappoint. The scenary georgous lakes, mountain peak, quaint cities, great eats and a four season get-a-way attitude. I can stay away for any period of time and I take different approaches to make the ride memorable too, yet any path will get you here. It’s approaching the fall season so a perfect time plan your exclursion. My path takes me thru Old Forge with a stop at Fulton Chain Craft Brewery as I’m a big fan of Pilsner – Lagers. These Brew Masters have in a few years more than double capacity stickly due to the superior quality and wide selection including rotating delious ten beers on tap along side their outstanding IPA Go Fluff ‘you’re bound to fall in love with at least one of them’, said simultaneously by the founder Justin and Rich. With a slogan “I live to play in the ADK” they have the funlovering additude that contragious. I had been encouraged by the welcome to the Adirondacks with “Take a chance of life and find your adventure canoe”so 358

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I did. I’ll talk about that later. As you will gather the trip is as great as the destination with the next pause in Tupper Lake at Raquette River Brewing at the crossroads of the Adirondack Mountains to taste their offerings and pickup a few growlers with unique tastes as varied as the people enjoying them. “We like to experiment with local ingredients and small scale batches,” stated owner Mark

Jesse, “many local bars and restaurants sell our beers in cans / bottles and on tap across the ADK.” My favorites included the Raquette River Summer Ale and of course the Raquette River Light Lager among the eleven beer on tap. Try samples of the IPA’s, Ales and Porter before making your decision on who will be your travel partner and they are always open to new ideas from those who visit – very cool. So arriving in Saranac Lake I prefer staying at “Hot Sara” Hilton Curio Hotel Saranac. Part of the enjoyment

is reading the vivid history of the hotel and the feeling of luxury right down to robes, rainfall shower head and fabulous views even the shopping inside the hotel will yield nice gifting ideas. Executive Chef Richard Brosseau has proceeded to further elevate the wine list and training the staff to prepare amazing food in the rustic décor of the Campfire Adirondack Grill + Bar. Hitlon spared no expense in beautifully restoring the Hotel Saranac. With several wine shops nearby there’s nice selection of Finger Lakes Rieslings to pick from for an daily exclusion such as a canoe ride on pristine waters of Saranac Lake or one of the many surrounding lakes, or maybe a hike among the 46 peaks. If you prefer mountain biking there’s an abundance to chose from. Depeding on the season, Lake Placid remains a central character in the region offering more an what could be covered in a single trip alone. Perhaps an evening of listening pleasure by the Orchestra of the the Adirondacks in the summer, skiing at the home of Winter Olympic at Whiteface Mountain’s challenging slopes, and always great fine dining venues such as the View at Mirror Lake Inn Restaurant and Cottage, the Upstairs Grill Steak & Seafood or the Hyatt Regency’s pictureques view can’t be missed as all don’t disappoint. In town, a brew or two can be enjoyed at Lake Placid Brewery and The Big Slide Pub and Public House with a full restaurant and great suds a short distance away. More time cross country skiing,


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{ TRAVEL WITH AGNESS } “New York has so many different choices, but I’m here in the Saranac and Lake Placid region to provide some great reasons to tell you about why you should be visiting here.”

snowmobiling even ice skating on the Olympic Oval. Yes, and back to the canoe adventure magificant memories of paddling on a crystal clear lake waters and blue skies above. With significant help from Adirondack Lakes and Trails Outfitters, I was able to travel along the contours and open waters. The freedom of paddling at my own pace starting in the early morning was just the relaxation my 360

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body and mind desired. I didn’t have enough time and the opportunity to pack my fishing gear this time,but did over hear the stories explained in great detail of the size and quantity of catches or enjoy a brilliant sunset dinner cruise outing. I did take the time to watch a group of sail boats effortlessly gliding about while sipping a delicious fruit smoothie looking out at the glissing sunrise. This is

a must trip to Saranac and Placid with option of continually repeating various enjoyable endings as often as possible.


{ YOU MATTER }

CLARITY BY JUDI SWANSON

Johnny Nash wrote: “I can see clearly now the rain is gone I can see all obstacles in my way Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind It’s gonna be a bright (bright) Bright (bright) sunshiny day.” Seems to me Johnny Nash had a pretty good sense about clarity, which is all about being clear. Dictionary.com states clarity is “freedom from indistinctness or ambiguity.” Clarity has a place and purpose in our lives. Yet sometimes there is so much going on it can be difficult to see clearly our sense of self. To locate what we need to nurture our spirits and our souls. What is crucial for our wellbeing, especially during times of stress and chaos, is clarity of who we are. So let’s take some steps to get our clarity back. “When life gets blurry adjust your focus.” Author Unknown Clarity is not something to be postponed. Clarity is a priority for every single one of us, because who we are is a core value to how we navigate life. I know from my own growth and evolution I was a little fearful of what I would see inside when I looked at who I am. It felt unsettling and there were definitely some parts of me I did not like. When I took the time mentally to understand myself, and why I was the way I was helped me to change those pieces of me I didn’t like. To act and be a person I can now say I unconditionally love. “Clarity of self requires courage of self.” Judi Swanson This clarity carried over into all areas of my life. I began to pursue my passions, my wants, my heart desires. My clarity freed me up so I could clearly hear what my intuition and gut was telling me about 362

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my choices and direction in life. “No one can give you wiser advise but yourself.” Cicero Take some time for self-reflection to think about you. Who you are, What you want, why do you want what you want. How will you get there. Are you seeking clarity about who you are or a particular area of your life. An article by MindSet Momma’s states “According to The Chopra Center, confusion, distraction, and disorganization are the three ingredients that make up the managerial part of mental life, which is a basic necessity.” Each one of these ingredients can be solved by finding clarity. And until that happens, our mind (and inner self) will feel unsettled. But don’t fret quite yet. Dr. Amy Johnson says, “You have more clarity than you think. Being lost in your own personal thought is what produces the feeling of confusion.” So, let’s get out of your head and start digging so you can gain clarity—the ripple effect will then help you find your purpose, set goals, and pursue your purpose.” In other words throw your overthinking ways out of the door because they do not help. Identify what matters to you. Write it down, prioritize which direction you want to move towards first. Be quiet and listen to what your intuition and inner self is telling you. Our feelings do not lie to us so listen to them. Begin experimenting with making changes and tweaks in how you do what you do. In Be More With Less by Courtney Carver states “Put your ass where your heart wants to be.” According to Steven Pressfield “That’s the trick and there is nothing more to it. Shut up and get to the studio. Once your physical envelope is standing before the easel, your heart and mind will follow. If you want to write, plant your backside in front of the computer. Sooner or later

your fingers will settle onto the keys. Not long after that, I promise the goddess will slip invisibly but powerfully into the room.” Last, but not least, don’t let yourself talk you out of whatever the heck it is you want to be pursuing. Challenge yourself. Stretch and grow as a person. When I read stories of celebrities and sports figures they started out with pursuing a dream and kept at it despite challenges and naysayers. When the going got tough they kept going. What you want out of your life is important. Yes there will be moments in your life that is chocked full of so much there will be no time for self-reflection. Yet there will be moments you will have time. To ponder the possibilities of who you are and what do you want to be in your life. Once I cleared out my head clutter it freed up my mental space to create a really good flow in my brain. I felt more grounded and peaceful in my own skin. The actions I took in my life reflected a healthier, happier me. My inner compass directed me towards my heart desires. Anthony Moore said “It’s a funny thing – it actually takes about the same amount of energy to sustain a mediocre life as it does to build an incredibly fulfilling one.” Remember this. You deserve and are worthy to live the life of your dreams. You deserve and are worthy to take action in your best interest. To go after whatever it is you want to achieve. Who you are matters. Having clarity of self gives you a solid core to do you and be you. To go after what matters to you. May your clarity be with you.


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MARCIAL MORALES BY ROSA MARTINEZ

As a young child, Marcial Morales had a very inquisitive mind. He often took apart toys to see how they were constructed and if he can put them back together. Hence the reason, his parents stopped buying him expensive toys. One time, he took apart a very complex and expensive toy train that you could winded up and see all the gears turning. The gears were all sorts of shapes and sizes, but he managed to put it back together. This was the beginning in developing an analytical mind which would help in his future. Marcial’s parents came to Rochester, NY from Puerto Rico. Their ambition like many other Puerto Ricans was to provide their children with a better opportunity and to give them the best possible education. Marcial is one of five children—three sisters and a younger brother. A traditional Hispanic family in many ways. He often refers to his sisters as tough and strong minded alpha females who played a major role in the man he is today. In fact, by the time he was 12, he knew how to wash clothes, iron, and cook. He went to School 28 in the City of Rochester when he first arrived from Puerto Rico. School 28 offered a bilingual program for Spanish speaking students. Little did he know that School 28 would be instrumental later on in his career. Marcial eventually graduated from East Ridge High School, but was faced with raising a family of his own at an early age. He decided to continue his education while working construction full-time. He matriculated in the Mechanical Engineering Technology program at Monroe Community College (MCC) at the age of 24. By that time, he was a father of three, working full-time during the day and attending school at night. There were many times, he wanted to quit, but he couldn’t. He kept reminding himself that his parents came to this country with nothing and managed 364

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to give their kids a great upbringing and opportunities to succeed. He felt that if they could do it, he could too—there was no excuse, but to finish. His parents’ example of perseverance and hard work, inspired him. He graduated from MCC and went to Rochester Institute of Technology for his Bachelors in Mechanical Engineering. During his educational career at RIT and still an evening student, he landed a job working for Postler and Jaeckle, a mechanical contracting company. It was his first engineering opportunity and he had a lot to learn and prove. The company’s leadership took a liking to Marcial’s work ethic and quickly mentored him, promoted him, and provided him with opportunities to learn the industry and business. “I owe a great deal to my career and success to them, they believed in me and were instrumental in the development of my career. I will always feel indebted to them for taking me under their wing, but also helping pay for my college education. In many ways, as Ruth Bader Ginsburg once stated, I have more than a little bit of luck in life.” After 10 years, he decided to take a chance and jump on an opportunity to work for a large Architectural and Engineering firm. His first assignment, Lead Engineer and Project Manager for a $30 million Rochester Schools Modernization Program project renovating School 28. The school where he began, and also the project that catapulted his career. “I know this is my calling, designing schools and positively impacting communities on a larger scale. Improving the learning experience not only for teachers, but more importantly, for students. It’s not only my job, but a sense of community service.” Marcial now serves as Project Executive with Savin Engineers and is one of two Program Deputy Directors for the Rochester School

Modernization Program, a New York State funded program to improve, renovate and manage approximately $1.3 billion in school construction projects segmented into three design and construction phases for the Rochester City School District. “What I love about my role is being an advocate for underrepresented students. We have the opportunity to provide them with new facilities to help inspire and improve their educational experience.” Marcial has worked across multiple Districts in Western New York, from Syracuse, Finger Lakes Region, Rochester and Buffalo. He was recently highlighted by Heels Of Greatness on their Hispanic Heritage Month 2020 issue. Outside of his professional role, Marcial serves the community in other ways. He is extremely private of his community service, as he strongly believes that serving the community should be done out of compassion and not for accolades. Marcial has served as an ACE Mentor, which assist local high school students interested in the Architecture, Construction and Engineering fields to learn about the industry and help them obtain scholarships. “My mission in life is to create a positive impact in our community by helping to inspire our young students achieve their dreams, one student at a time.” Additionally, he has personally sponsored several college scholarships for minority female students interested in pursuing a STEM based (Science, Technology, Engineering, Mathematics) college degree. He has also sponsored several families during Thanksgiving. “Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday—people deserve to have a great meal and be with family.” Marcial is a class act, he prefers to stay under the radar and out of the lime light. His significant contributions to our community and willingness to serve discretely is honorable and we look forward to his future endeavors and community impact.


{ POSITIVELY IMPACTING OUR COMMUNITY } { SHIFT+CONTROL } BY ALANA CAHOON

“Marcial is a class act, he prefers to stay under the radar and out of the lime light. His significant contributions to our community and willingness to serve discretely is honorable and we look forward to his future endeavors and community impact.”

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CREATING YOUR BEST MORNING BY KAITLYN VITTOZZI

Picture this: You’re getting ready for a job interview. Your hair is done, new chic outfit, freshly manicured nails. Alternatively, picture this: You roll out of bed, show up for the interview in your sweats and forget to brush your teeth. Which one would have a better chance of landing you the job? [Ok, fine. COVID-times, pants-less interviews may be a thing.] You can see the benefit of being prepared for an interview. What do you do to prepare yourself for your day? Working from home since March, it was easy to fall into the routing of sleeping until 7, making my espresso shot and sitting down to work at my laptop right away. I don’t care how awesome your manager is, do not let their email be the first thing you pay attention to in the morning. Since August, I have been taking a few minutes in the morning to pet my dog before I start my day, sometimes even before I’m out of bed. Then I move into the day with a soft calm energy instead of the eyeball-assaulting, ever-productive and astringent computer screen. Trust me, my coworkers like my morning emails more now.

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going to have.” – Lemony Snicket I picked up many of these habits in an Ayurvedic Medicine Class hosted by Phoenix Rising Yoga Therapy. Ayurveda is Yoga’s sister science: an ancient lifestyle science for whole body health. These are simply the recommendations that worked really well for me, my classmates and my clients. If you want to delve deeper – consider an online course at Ayurveda.com or meeting with an Ayurvedic practitioner. I’ve been

The first week you may be hitting snooze when your alarm goes off, that’s ok. Pick a time that is consistent, so that your body can find a rhythm.

doing this morning routine experiment – or dinacharya as it is properly called – for myself, and it’s made a huge impact on my days and my happiness.

If you live with kids, parents, spouse, or roommate – this may be your only chance to focus on simply yourself. And you deserve to pay yourself a little attention before you begin helping others.

If you scroll through the rest of this article – this looks like it would take an eternity, and you would be late for everything. I’ve managed to get this down to 30 minutes when needed. It goes even faster if you can stop checking your phone.

“Morning is an important time of day, because how you spend your morning can often tell you what kind of day you are

It starts the night before – get on a consistent schedule. Autumn is a time of transition. With it getting dark earlier, make it a

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point to get in bed earlier. If for no other reason, your health. Make it the norm. I was incredibly resistant to getting in bed at 9:30 and waking up at 5:30. The first week was a struggle. But I stuck with it and now when the sun goes down, my body starts to feel more tired and easily falls asleep. Also, try to put all technology away for one to two hours before bed. Instead of working from your phone in bed, let it wait until tomorrow. If you are unsure what to do with yourself without a screen, maybe you watch the sunset or take in the darkness of the sky, connecting your body’s own natural rhythm to nature.

Warm water with lemon or lime… even before coffee. I love coffee. Honestly I’ll probably never give it up. But now I make a cup of water with lime and that’s the first thing I sip on everyday. Type-A personalities go for Lime, everyone else can do lemon. This aids digestion before letting the caffeine shock my system. It is an intentional yet easy wakeup. The world is quiet at this hour. The hot water feels soothing and cleansing at the same time, and it gives that warm and cozy feeling that a mug of coffee does. Are there herbs or spices you really love? Maybe you add them. Now move. I actually really enjoy taking a morning walk. Even in Autumn, when the air is crisp. When else are you guaranteed a little moderate exercise in the day? Feel one


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{ LIFE IN BALANCE } ““Morning is an important time of day, because how you spend your morning can often tell you what kind of day you are going to have.” – Lemony Snicket

foot on the ground after the other. If there is some other type of movement you like to do, go for it. I am including a yoga sequence here designed for grounding – unlike the fall wind. If you need something more intense you can add sun salutations but make them slow and deliberate. Hold each posture for at least three breaths. Be like the earth, not the leaves blowing by your window. If you listen to your body you will notice it craves different movement in different seasons. If you’re a runner, maybe you go longer distances one season and incorporate some sprint work in others. Listen and see what body needs. Sometimes when I feel like I’m always on the go, I will crawl around in the morning – or lay down, extend my arms above head and roll around side to side. It sounds ridiculous, but it’s fun and builds brain cells - because we don’t do that type of movement much. Our bodies crave it. YOGA SEQUENCE: Supine Twist: Wiggle your hips to the right and let your shins drop to the left, if your right shoulder lifts off the ground no big deal. Repeat on the opposite side. Hip Circles: Come to hands and knees and move your whole body clockwise. Switch directions when it feels right. Any other wiggles or presses into the ground are welcome here, you are saying good morning to your body and asking what it needs. Child’s Pose: Big toes come together, knees as far apart as is comfortable. Shift your hips to your heels and let your arms rest. Lightning Bolt Pose: This is a big foot stretch, tuck your toes under and sit on your heels.

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Gate Pose: Balance on your your right shin like a kickstand on the mat. Press your left foot and right hand into the mat for balance. How high you lift your left hand and torso is up to you. Play with it. Repeat on the other side and then move between the two, alternating. Staff Pose: Sit up as tall as you can – best posture of the day so far. If you feel your spine moving into flexion, sit up on a pillow or blanket. Spready our fingers and press your hands into the ground for support. Flex your feet. Warrior 2: Come to stand with your feet 3-5 feet apart. Turn your left toes out and bend your left knee. Arms are optional. Repeat on the other side. Wide Legged Down Dog: Parallel your feet, fold over your hips and walk your hands forward so you have weight on all four points of contact. Tree Pose: Balance on your left leg, turn the right leg out and bend the right knee. Right toes can stay on the ground or move up your left leg. Repeat on the other side. Pep Talk: Bring feet wider than your hips, bend your knees and bring your forearms onto your thighs. Fine extension in the spine. Half Frog Pose: (My favorite quad stretch!) Lay on the ground, left forearm across the top of your mat. Kick your right heel to your right glute, grab it with your right hands if you can. If not, you can use a scarf of strap to catch it. Legs Up the Wall: Place a blanket against the wall. Roll onto your side, with your glutes almost touching the wall, then roll onto your back.

Meditation or Positive Affirmations. Our thoughts can be our best friends or our worst enemies. They help us gracefully move through reality, or stick us on a hamster wheel of fear and frustration throughout the day. Meditation can decrease your stress levels and is great for your overall emotional health. So now after you have exercised your body, exercise your mind. I’ll be honest, the past few years I have not meditated as much as I have preached its benefits. By the end of the day, I would find myself falling asleep. So a few minutes in the morning has let me build a consistent routine. Meditation can look different for different people but it can be quite simple to start. Set a timer for one minute on your phone. Close your eyes. You can notice your inhale, and notice your exhale for a minute. Think “notice breathing in, notice breathing out.” Some of my clients take this time to pray. Some will recite a mantra – which can also be anything that resonates with you. How about “I am calm”, “I am here” or “I am strong.”? Once a minute comes easily, add 30 seconds to the timer the next day. Keep adding day after day. Five minutes a day is fantastic. You can meditate for longer but it takes serious dedication in our busy world. See if you can keep all of your focus on yourself and your own experience. Sometimes I will even do this facing East so with my eyes closed, I can ever so vaguely experience the sunrise. Savor a warm breakfast. Especially in autumn, when the air gets cool and dry – try to eat something warm and nourishing in the morning. In the past I would often grab a granola bar on the way out the door or while I was typing. Without really tasting it. Lately I’ve been making oatmeal with nut butter


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SHIFT+CONTROL {{ LIFE IN BALANCE } “Now move. I actually really enjoy taking a morning walk. Even in Autumn, when the air is crisp. When else are you guaranteed a little moderate exercise in the day?”

(plus chocolate chips when I am craving a sweet), or sauteing eggs and veggies. If bread is your thing, warm it up and add ghee or butter instead of dry toast. Then without the news on, without scrolling through your phone, enjoy. Smell what you cooked, take it in with your eyes, taste it, feel it on your tongue. The first time I had a phone-less breakfast, I could not believe how buttery-delicious my toast tasted. I had had the same toast for weeks and never paid attention! It felt decadent, which I realize sounds crazy. Personally, I’ve found this keeps

me feeling sustained until lunch time, and that means my productivity in the morning is higher with fewer distractions. Fully experiencing my food and its texture and flavor makes me feel less deprived later in the day and I’m less likely to get cravings for over-sugary or salty foods. Just like your movement, this routine will shift seasonally. Meditating outdoors in the summer and by the Christmas tree in December are two different experiences. Notice how they land in your body. Of course, late nights will happen and you’ll want to sleep in, but

this morning routine has really become sacred for me, so I hope you try it, stick to it and enjoy it as much as I have been. Kaitlyn Vittozzi is a Phoenix Rising Yoga Therapist and RYT-500 Yoga Instructor. Her specialties are chronic pain, stress, and postpartum anxiety. Visit TozziYoga.com for more information, or to schedule a session.

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{ MANIFESTING YOUR TRUE PURPOSE }

HANDLING OVERWHELM IN DIFFICULT TIMES BY LISA WAGNER

Creative Solutions That Help Maintain Your Sanity Being overwhelmed and paralyzed seems to be a commonplace emotion over the last several months. We are being inundated with difficult news and shifting ways of being at breakneck speed. Trying to quickly adapt and adjust has many of us stressed and looking for ways to regain some semblance of normalcy. I’m sure most of you have experienced this. I know, for me, personally it has required therapy, support from the people I love and taking time to just “be.” To relearn how to exist peaceably while getting grounded and centered has been paramount. The following steps that I am currently taking seem worthy of sharing so that you, too may feel more capable and ready to handle these challenging days ahead. My husband, Paul and I made the difficult decision in August to downsize and simplify our lives. What does that look like for us? It means selling our beloved home of 23 years that we raised our family in, leaving my art studio and living up north at our cottage in the 1000 Islands year-round. It has taken me years to finally be okay with that change and leap of faith. Recently, I just knew in my heart it was what was best for us. It allows us to have space to just breathe quietly while being closer to nature and on the water. It’s what brings us peace. That doesn’t mean it was an easy decision, however. We are having to leave the proximity of our amazing grown 374

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children, my parents and our families and close friends. There’s a grieving that comes along with that that has taken my breath away, at times and left me sobbing when I have a low point. It has also given me a feeling of relief and peace. Haven’t we all had moments in our lives like that? When a job we love, a relationship we cherished or a loved one passing brings us to our knees? It can be debilitating. This is where my gratitude for my tools I have painstakingly procured runs deep. They remind me to return to love daily.

Where you have residual pain from a loss, how do you go about healing it, if at all? So many of us shove down that vulnerable feeling of being out of control. It’s uncomfortable and scary. There have been days where I thought that everything had turned into a jumble and there was no way I could sort any of it out. That’s where we are left with a choice. How will I get through this? Will I fill it with food, alcohol, drugs, workaholism or anger? Or will I push myself to lean in and feel that tenderness without turning away? There is a bravery to that willingness. To show up for the pain as readily as you would for all

the good stuff not only makes us stronger; it also allows us to give others the fortitude to try out bravery for themselves. That’s so powerful. That willingness to be vulnerable gives others permission slips to do their best, even if it’s hard. I was packing up my studio this weekend and broke down from the feeling of overwhelm. The emotions that I had tied to my space and the amount of stuff that I had to pack and move out threatened to choke me. I was amidst a panic attack when I heard in my head that I should recite my mantra that I had for times like these; “You can do hard things.” As I was repeating this mantra silently to myself while I stuffed boxes, a fellow Anderson Alley artist walked in with her sunshine personality in tow. I felt an immediate shift that filled me with gratitude and a renewed strength. She was like an earth angel. The creative community somehow knows how to find empathy for one another and those in need. It’s like they’ve tapped into this magical box of tricks to get through the hardest of times. They are the voice of loving kindness movements, injustice and inequities. They are our soothers and safe places to express ourselves without judgement. There is a place for everyone there. Basically, it feels like your own personal Land of Oz. By the way, it’s always free, open enrollment to that club. Think back to a difficult moment in time where you felt lost and gutted. How did you creatively find that solution that led you


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{ MANIFESTING YOUR TRUE PURPOSE } “Being overwhelmed and paralyzed seems to be a commonplace emotion over the last several months. We are being inundated with difficult news and shifting ways of being at breakneck speed.”

felt lost and gutted. How did you creatively find that solution that led you back to love? We each have that charmed power within us. It’s just a matter of trusting it once you remember where you stored it. Trusting… now there’s a loaded word, right?! Trusting in the process and the plans that are never our own (because, let’s face it, they’re better than anything we ever cook up). That old adage about the best laid plans of mice and men always rings true. When I begin a piece of artwork, or even type out this article, it never goes as I’ve planned. Letting go of that construct used to give me anxiety and occasional panic attacks. Once I realized that it was because I was used to relying on just me and now letting something larger take over was actually a good thing, life got easier. My art got better. My teaching became second nature and helpful for my students. My relationships ran deeper and became incredibly supportive and loving. Finding that larger stream of knowing isn’t outside of you, however. Turns out, it was in you all along. We learned that powerful nugget as kids with Dorothy’s interaction with Glenda the Good Witch. The only thing not allowing you to tap into it was your own fear. What if I screw up, say the wrong thing or if they judge me? Frankly, who cares?! If you’re operating from the heart, you can’t screw up, at least in a way that will end the world. All our perceived dilemmas and problems have a solution. As Gabby Bernstein says, “Obstacles are just detours in the right direction.” We are being nudged out of our comfort zones. There’s nothing to learn there anymore. If you want to grow, you need to move into that unchartered territory. You’re built for that. It’s part of our DNA so that we could survive since caveman days. You must be willing to get up and take that first step. There is no panacea. Just a full commitment to do the required hard work. Look, I’m not saying it’s going to be easy. Let’s not gloss this thing over. It may be the 376

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hardest thing you’ve ever done. I know a lot of my choices to get to a more loving place pained me deeply but I made it through. Say it with me; “I can do hard things.” Knowing that there was something out there that loved me unconditionally as it lit my path and held me up, helped me move through the muck. I began to see how my being broken open was letting light back into my life. It gave me a feeling of determination and being totally unstoppable through the darkness. I was hellbent on getting back to the light. Doing it has taken practice but each time it gets a little easier. It’s like your brain doing mental push ups and core work that keep you upright and in better shape to handle the next big challenge. Let’s not forget, either that by using your creative problem-solving skills, you are also able to feel gratitude and contentment much more readily. It’s as if you are opening your eyes and your heart to being more present. That “being in the moment” mindset is what can save you mentally and give your heart a place to rest and feel joy. That’s a choice. How we set ourselves up to react to the situation is our responsibility. It rests with no one else. Now, I’m not saying that you are going to feel joy 24/7. That’s not a thing, unfortunately. We are here to learn and grow. Each of us will be challenged; each of us will have trauma. There’s no escaping it. So, how will we create a more loving response to it when it presents itself? When I have been given hard things to deal with and walk through, my go-to’s are meditation and art; usually in that order but can sometimes be a combo deal. Reconnecting to my breath so that I can begin to move my hands and my heart is invaluable. Even just standing barefoot in the grass or diving underwater to just hear the water move past me is therapeutic. That skillset that I’ve developed for myself pushes me to create art and classes that explore those emotions and pathways through them. Sometimes, it’s messy as all get out

and nothing that will ever be seen by the viewing public. Beautifully, they somehow lead me to the gateway of creating form, function and visual answers to where I need to go next or just show me that I am being supported. That can be enough to get me through to the next moment or day. It’s a bit of breathing room within pain’s pressure cooker. I heard someone that I can’t recall whom, say the other day that pressure is like a ball that is squeezing us. All we are looking for is more space. But every time we take a deep breath and exhaling fully, we are making the ball bigger and creating more room for us to exist and live in. What a beautiful analogy! It’s like going from a pickle ball, all the way up to those big old balls you can roll downhill in. Doesn’t that feel so much more spacious? When we gift ourselves that, we can make room for divine solutions and pathways. Art does that for me. Finding what helps us heal, even in our darkest times, is a beautiful way to add to our therapeutic toolbox. Whether it be through prayer, meditation, journaling, writing, singing, dancing, cooking or doodling, you have it within you to be the best, most amazing version of you. That is a gift the world also needs to heal. We are in a time in history that is crying out for us to be our highest selves and do the highest good. Once we find those skills, we need to share them with those who are finally ready to grow and heal. That’s each of our callings. You just need to start. Begin by creating a safe place for yourself and others to commune in the joy of self-evolution. You need not be afraid. You just need to take your first step towards something better. I believe in you.


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BUYING YOUR FIRST HOME? BY RITA PETTINARO

M A K E S U R E YO U’R E FINANCIALLY PREPARED STEP 1: Get a prequalification letter Is this the right time for you to buy?? Too often, home buyers leave mortgage shopping to the last minute and watch their dream home go to another bidder who had financing in order. Mortgage pre-approval is a free process that presents you as a serious, qualified buyer. Without it, you cannot make an offer on your dream home.

He/She will advise you on the different loans and grants that are available at the time such as first time home buyer programs and low or no down payment programs. Choosing the best mortgage product is critical and can be different for each borrower. The more common mortgage loans are Conventional and FHA loans but there are other great loan product like VA and USDA loans which give great benefits to Veterans and individuals looking to buy in a

WHAT NOT TO DO WHEN GETTING A MORTGAGE

The last thing you want to do is find your dream home only to discover you’re not financially qualified to buy it. To guarantee you’re financially ready to buy your first home, you’ll need good credit, cash to close, and a verifiable income. Hopefully this isn’t a surprise, but getting a mortgage requires a good credit score. A fast way to improve your score by a few points is to pay down credit card balances. Don’t apply for credit. Another words, don’t apply for a new credit card, or buy a car. Wait until you have the home first. Improving your credit score can sometimes take 6 months. A mortgage lender can help you through this entire process. A qualified and trusted person will work with you and offer solutions that best fits your needs. 378

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In addition to making sure your credit score is at its best, you’ll also want to consider the cash you will need to close on your home and any additional expenses. Some of the items to review are: a) Down payment towards the mortgage b) Taxes c) Insurance d) Attorney fees e) Mortgage fees f) Title g) Appraisals h) PMI Insurance, If you put less than 20%

 Do NOT change jobs. Any change in your job status will cause your file to be reunderwritten and reconsidered. This may cause a delay with your loan process or possible denial of your loan application.

more rural area. What you will need to provide to your lender - you’ll need to verify your finances on the mortgage application: paystubs, W-2’s, tax returns (if applicable) and proof of funds going to be used for closing costs and down payment. If you have freelance or self-employment income, copies of your last two tax returns. STEP 2: Save cash for a down payment and other expenses

 Do NOT co-sign a loan for anyone. During the loa process, any changes to your credit report or status could negatively affect your ability to close your loan on time or at all. Co-signing any type of car loan, student loan or any other loan would result in inquiries into your credit and additional financial responsibilities. All of these could result in loan closing delays or denials.  Do NOT buy a vehicle. Applying for credit to purchase a vehicle will be recorded as an inquiry into your credit by credit bureaus. This may decrease your credit score or decrease the amount of


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{ PICTURE THIS } “The last thing you want to do is find your dream home only to discover you’re not financially qualified to buy it.”

money that you may qualify for when purchasing a home. It is very important to avoid applying for these types of loans throughout the mortgage process.  Do NOT use credit cards excessively or make late payments on any of your accounts. Excessive use of credit cards can have two negative effects on your credit rating. One, inquiries will be recorded by credit bureaus and could decrease your credit score. Two, high balances on credit cards can affect your debt to income ratio and could decrease your credit score. Also, late payments of any sort can decrease your credit score, increase your mortgage interest rate, delay loan closing or cause loan denial.  Do NOT spend money you have set aside for closing. Most conventional loans require two months of reserve money to be verified in your available financial accounts. Once it has been verified for use at closing, spending these reserve funds may result inloan closing delays or even loan denial.  Do NOT omit debts or liabilities from your loan application. Please be very honest and clear about all of your debts or liabilities early in the loan application 380

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process. Having the right information will allow your Mortgage Originator to provide you the best qualifying loan rate. Undisclosed debts or liabilities that are found later in the process may affect the amount of money you qualify for in addition to causing delays or even denial of your mortgage.  Do NOT buy furniture, appliances

or household items before closing. Although people are anxious to furnish their new home, during the loan process is not the right time. Large purchases causing deductions in your banking accounts or additional debt on credit cards can negatively affect your loan process resulting in delays or even denial.  Do NOT originate any inquiries into your credit. Multiple inquiries into

your credit may result in a decreased credit score. As this applies to vehicles, appliances and household items, it also applies to any credit checks. Applying for additional lines of Credit it could negatively affect your ability to qualify for a home mortgage.  Do NOT make large deposits without first checking with your Mortgage O r i g i n a t o r. Abnormal or large deposits into checking, savings or any financial account must have money sources verified by Underwriting. Making these unusual deposits could result in loan processing delays or even denial.  Do N OT change banks. Because the loan process requires a two month history or reserve funds, opening new financial accounts near a closing date may void this history. New bank accounts will not have the two month history available and cannot be used. This may result in loan closing delays or denial.


{ SEEING THE SIGNS }

SEPTEMBER 2020 BY ANGELA MCGHEE

ARIES FOR SEPTEMBER 2020 This month Mars your ruling planet, turns retrograde.You will be questioning everything in your life. You will be assessing and reassessing what or who is important and who and what deserves your signature passion and energy. Not the best of months. Try not to push issues and desires as you will feel the resistance. You may lose that fiery ambition for a while but you must realise this is a process which you will have to learn from, to stand you in a better position when your verve returns. TAURUS FOR SEPTEMBER 2020 A month where you feel so connected to your home environment, you will not want to wander far. Chilling out or being a bit lazy becomes a wanted pastime. If you have been chasing the affairs of the heart, someone does not live up to your expectations, this is giving you second thoughts. The emphasis this month is in your romance sector; it will be improving or developing new love interests. Domestic and home life is well starred. GEMINI FOR SEPTEMBER 2020 Considering you are one of the vivacious socialites of the zodiac. This month will find yourself pulling back from invitations. You seem to have less need for friends and groups.The want to be alone and find your own space is paramount. Communicating from the heart is made easier and crucial in a romance or close relationship. It is a month 382

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where you may find yourself in the spotlight when it comes to a much wanted career move. Surprise news from a relative is welcomed. CANCER FOR SEPTEMBER 2020 Mars is in retrograde from the 9th lasting until mid November. It’s not a good time for considering career changes. Your energy levels seem to take a bashing, as you feel you have put your all into projects which now seem to reach a plateau and had left you wondering what next? Those looking for love, it may be a good idea to take things in your stride and evaluate exactly what level of relationship you really want. Don’t rush into things whilst Mars is in retrograde as you may end up having regrets. LEO FOR SEPTEMBER 2020 You have an air of captivating magnetism about you this month and your love life is well starred. You will get noticed by the right people. if your single you will be spoilt with a choice of potential partners. Money matters flourish this month with some unexpected cash from an overdue situation. Maybe a backdated pay rise. Or someone in your past finally repays sums owed. In this period of Mars retrograde it leaves you less motivated to achieve your goals. But you will soon be back on track. You can’t keep a star down!. VIRGO FOR SEPTEMBER 2020 It’s time to look at your finances and recognise how much is being wasted

on trivial things. Time to take stock, not only of the monetary situation but examining yourself as a person too. There seems to be a lot of time to reflect on how the world sees you. You are crying out to make positive steps towards a new you. Expression and creativity in your style and looks is a beginning. If there are problems in your love life, now is the time to heal and seek a compromise- discovering some things are well worth holding on to. LIBRA FOR SEPTEMBER 2020 There is a great focus on your relationship. You may come to a realization that all your time and energy that you have put into the one, that you have revered for some time. It may feel that all your efforts are not being reciprocated. Time to make that big decision and finally, walk away. Also time to examine your well being and take up some sport or recreation to help reduce your stress levels. Don’t let your emotions rule your level head. Balance and logic will prevail once more. SCORPIO FOR SEPTEMBER 2020 Opportunity Knocks on your door. There are rewards for your talent this month. Your efforts are being recognised by a hierarchy of VIPS. You will be surprised by who will ask you to join them on a project. Although a joint project, it will seem you are doing all the work. Your


{ SEEING THE SIGNS }

“ Great to connect with you once more. Here is the September 2020 Psychic Astrology.”

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{ { SEEING THE SIGNS }} SHIFT+CONTROL “TAURUS for SEPTEMBER 2020 A month where you feel so connected to your home environment, you will not want to wander far. Chilling out or being a bit lazy becomes a wanted pastime.”

natural passion and focus will pay dividends in monetary terms.Time to treat you and your family to a bit of celebration. If you’re single, you need to let your love interest know exactly where they stand with you. Finances are looking better than they have for a while. Your left feeling Blessed. SAGITTARIUS for SEPTEMBER 2020 The focus is on your career this month, as you seem to be on the crest of a wave. Moving forward with a long term project that will be highlighted by the New moon on the17th. An overwhelming great sense of achievement is gained. Time to celebrate. Your love life may seem stale but making an effort to rekindle that first date attraction will work wonders. Laughter is the best remedy when you want to relax. So find time to replenish before the work stress levels start to rise. CAPRICORN for SEPTEMBER 2020 Financial gain is accomplished this month, maybe from a long term 384

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investment, inheritance or even from a gamble you once took. Monetary terms are well starred. It seems you have the Midas touch. But not in the case of family and home. Home improvements are likely to go ahead but not without mishaps and as for family, you will need to prioritise who needs your attention the most, as demands are high. As for your love life, you may be left feeling vulnerable after opening up your feelings with someone close. AQUARIUS for SEPTEMBER 2020 You are feeling loved up, deservedly so. Your partner seems so in sync with your emotions. True love is in the air. Talk of wedding bells is on the horizon. If you are single, now is the right time to be looking for Mr/s right. The new moon on the 17th brings in a lucrative idea that will line your pockets for some time ahead. Take care of your homestead as repair and replacements are showing strain and well overdue. Asking for help does not sit comfortable with single minded Aquarius but help for a project turns

up unexpectedly. PISCES for SEPTEMBER 2020 With Mars retrograde you seem to be going over old ground trying to sustain an income from some work venture that has had its day. It is time to rethink your goals and bring in new ideas. At the new moon on the 17th you are more emotional than your signature self. It is a time for cleansing and healing of past hurts. A chance meeting with someone new will light up your world. Don’t be afraid to take the first step. Those in a relationship may want to commit to a deeper understanding. Someone around needs your forgiveness. Love and light ANGELA McGHEE www.angelamcghee.com angelkm39@hotmail.com call +44 (0)7789 563 169 INTERNATIONAL TV PSYCHIC M E D I U M AU T H O R & ASTROLOGIST


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RAISING HEALTHY ADULTS BY JENNIFER FRARY

We live in a time where our governmental and societal systems are being viewed through a critical lens. Our society is built on systems that reinforce many dangerous and racist ideologies, along with stigma against those with physical and mental disability. By reallocating funds from systems that traditionally receive the greatest amount we can raise healthy adults and change the system. Raising children to be adults who do not require militarized law enforcement agencies and armed security at schools means to refocus our resources on early intervention, community family support, mental healthcare and education. The CDC-Kaiser Permanente study of Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) was originally done in 1995-1997. An ACE is an experience a child has (prior to age 18) related to neglect, abuse, or household challenges. Household challenges include, but are not limited to: an incarcerated parent, food insecurity, homelessness, a family member with serious illness. The study results show that the more ACEs a child has the greater their risk for experiencing significant physical and mental health problems, including but not limited to: depression, anxiety, substance use disorder, unintended pregnancy, cancer, and diabetes. Trauma in childhood also correlates to a significant amount of adolescent and adult criminal behavior. The website jjie.org reports “The majority of American youth behind bars have suffered trauma during their childhoods… of the more than 93,000 children currently incarcerated, between 75 and 93 percent have experienced at least one traumatic experience, including 388

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sexual abuse, war, community violence, neglect and maltreatment.” Similarly, an article on psychnews.com reviews the evidence and literature around ACEs and imprisonment in the United States: “According to the Bureau of Justice Statistics, the incarcerated population meets criteria more often than the general population for mental health problems… Similar to ACEs, the consequences of trauma exposure within and before going into the correctional setting can have physical and mental health costs. Based on the literature, incarcerated individuals have been exposed to more trauma than the general population, have an increased chance for mental illness, and continue to be re-traumatized within the correctional setting.” Preventing ACEs prevents criminal behavior. It’s that simple, really. Prevention, as listed on CDC.gov, includes identifying and promoting protective factors. The challenge is that as a society we don’t prioritize these factors with our attention, time, money, and resources. By defunding the systems meant to address the aftermath of trauma and putting it toward preventing ACEs, we can raise healthy adults. It takes a village to raise a child, it is frequently said. But I say it takes a village to raise a family as a whole. Strengthening families and community support means ensuring access to quality food, housing, and financial stability. Additionally, families need family-friendly workplaces and highquality, affordable childcare. Estimates suggest that American families spend between $800 and $1200 each

month on childcare, per child. Most companies don’t subsidize or provide for childcare to their employees. In my own experience I felt resented at a place of employment for having a child and needing to take days off to care for him. I know I am not alone in this, and that individuals of less opportunity fear losing their jobs over prioritizing their children and families. This must change. Children also need opportunities for social-emotional learning from pre-school through high-school. They deserve teachers and school buildings that are adequately funded and supported. Fully funded schools need to be in every community. Arts and extra-curricular activities are as important to child development as core academic work. They should never have to be on the chopping block in school budgets. Mental healthcare is healthcare. Children and their families need access to affordable and quality mental health services. Note that I said “affordable and quality.” The “and” is what matters here. Both are a must, and when cost remains a frequent barrier to services we can’t make progress. We don’t have to be traumatized long-term by an ACE if we get a quality intervention and support. If it is our society’s true desire to reduce violence and crime, create equity, equality and real justice, then it is imperative that we put our resources into preventing ACEs. Defund the systems in place to “deal with the problem” and actually fund the solution. There is no other way. Because our children become our adults.


{ TEEN TALK }

TEEN TALK WITH GABBY BY GABRIELLE EDEN

Hello, let me introduce myself, my name is Gabrielle Eden. I am a teenage actress, singer, and writer. I love performing on stage and working on movies in Syracuse, New York. I sing Broadway show tunes for concerts and Nursing Homes of my local area (Obviously before the quarantine), and I was writing poems for my school newspaper before the schools were shut down. What I want to accomplish in my life in the future is getting the role of “Christen Daáe” from my favorite show “The Phantom of The Opera” and maybe publishing a few fictional books of my own. Anyway, welcome all to Teen Talk! As a teenager in a pandemic, one thing has been on my mind ever since we were locked inside our houses: School. Back in March, I was at my Grandparents house when we got the call that school was closed and we would not go back until May. But what would happen then? How would the teachers know we were doing our work? Would anyone care to do homeschooling? So many questions came to my head. I was so glad our teachers told us to bring our supplies home. They told the students about their plans for homeschooling. Some would give us a ton of work, others would take it easy on us. But my main 390

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concern was “how am I going to do my music through Homeschooling?”. I later learned that some of the teachers were going to teach through video chat. I’m going to be totally honest, I am not great with technology and I had no idea how to do a video chat. In fact, I never thought I was ever going to use it!

My very first video chat was at eleventhirty with my algebra teacher the following Tuesday. I was very nervous, I had no idea how to use it. I had not cleaned my room, so I did it on my bed. I put my hair in a ponytail so I didn’t give the impression that I wasn’t sleeping instead of doing my work. The minutes ticked by, I was getting

more nervous that no one cared to show up. Finally, eleven-thirty: time for algebra. I clicked onto the “join” button and (surprise, surprise) I was the first one to join the class. It was really great to see my algebra teacher safe in her home. Slowly but surely, the students came to class (Most of them anyway) and it went on like normal. After class ended, I said to myself “That wasn’t bad at all!”. A wave of relief that I finished my very first video chat swept over me. After a while, I got the hang of it, I even taught my little brother how to use it! Every day before she started the lesson, she would always fill us in on what was happening with the schools during COVID. As we reached May, they closed school yet again into the next month. I could hear myself thinking “What the heck?!” (I say “heck” because I don’t like swearing). I was really excited to see my teachers again for when we did go back, especially my chorus and music teachers. They were talking about a virtual concert where we record our songs and edit them together. I really hoped that was not the case, but it was. Not going to lie, it was really cool to hear ourselves on recordings like that. After a month, the school finally closed for the rest of the school year. It didn’t come as a shock, but I was not happy about it either. I’m sure I wasn’t the only one not happy


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“ What I want to accomplish in my life in the future is getting the role of “Christen Daáe” from my favorite show “The Phantom of The Opera” and maybe publishing a few fictional books of my own.”

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{ TEEN TALK } } { SHIFT+CONTROL “As a teenager in a pandemic, one thing has been on my mind ever since we were locked inside our houses: School.”

about it either. I’m sure I wasn’t the only one not happy about it either. My brother was really going crazy not being able to talk to his friends. But rumors started to form about school after the summer. One rumor was that some of us will go to school on Monday through Wednesday and the others went to school Thursday through Saturday. First reaction: absolutely not! No one wants to 394

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go to school on Saturday! Another rumor was that some of us would go to school while others did video chats with the class in school. But honestly, I stopped listening for two reasons. One: I want to find out by the school what’s going on. Two: I don’t want to panic about anything to do with school. But needless to say, I really didn’t want to hear any more rumors. Personally, I just want to go back to

school with my music teachers and do my music lessons again. I’m sure we just want to go back so we can do the activities or subjects we love the most. Thank you all for joining me today on Teen Talk.


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Profile for Rochester Woman Online

RWO's September 2020 Edition  

We are excited to bring you this incredible edition of Rochester Woman Online featuring over 400 pages of inspiring, empowering and amazing...

RWO's September 2020 Edition  

We are excited to bring you this incredible edition of Rochester Woman Online featuring over 400 pages of inspiring, empowering and amazing...

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