Marcescent: A Festival of Hallowed Spaces

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projet de littérature

M A R C E S C E N T COLLECTION OF WORKS ABOUT LIFE AND LOSS

vol 1 issue 1

©

MARIAN PARSONS

a festival of

hallowed

SPACES

TO WILT

BUT NOT

FALL OFF...

M

It’s a scene unknown yet somehow so familiar

A

Only once could it be seen; a falling figure Against treacherous winds, it stays afloat

R

CE

A new pen of hope, its story rewrote.

Now, the writer must forge through fights of stark It calls out “Mother, I’m so afraid of the dark!”

No sound was heard but washed away The splendor of a brand new day

S C E N

T

“Mustn't it wake up for me?”

“Mustn't it set itself free?”

Even in the dark, they lead differently There was light for only them to see

The inky blackness of its faith, so petrifying like seeing wraith

But the writer stays.

As it bleeds its lasts, it stays— Although it’s parched of life, it stays.

Kate Capilitan

1

On this fine November day, our team proudly presents the very first issue of our literary magazine: Marcescent. The word Marcescent is defined as something that withers but does not fall off; though basically lifeless, it remains attached to the stem. For us humans, do we get to hold on?

In the making, we have gone from laughter to tears, smiles to grunts, to a whole backward flip in our sleep schedules. We have worked our way to produce these pieces that now have their very own places in our hearts— and now we share it with you.

Within these pages, you will find a series of literary works written under the theme: Life in Loss. We encounter countless kinds of losses throughout our lives without so much realizing it; from the littlest things like giving your favorite toy up, to having to let go of your aspirations, there is loss. Channeling the spirit of holding on all the while moving forward, with our pieces, we aim to give our readers hope to persevere despite the cascade of uncertainties we are to face in life.

Finally, it is with great sincerity that we wish: To those astray, may you soon find your way.

always with love, Kate Capilitan

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TABLE CONTEN

TABLE OF CONTENTS

BLE OF NTENTS 4

1

Marcescent Kate Capilitan

Lower Ground

24

Gabay (Tanaga) Juliana Dizon

26

My Becoming

28

Art is Who I am

The Moon's 8 Reflection

30

Cyan Days

Abyss

33

Alpas (Tanaga)

34

Anagapesis

6 7

Jian Taguinod

Gunita (Tanaga) Juliana Dizon

Karylle Gaviola

12 13

Aliyah Alicuman

Silakbo (Tanaga) Juliana Dizon

14 History Is All You Left Me

Kate Capilitan 35 18

Last Pirouette

Honeychurch Garcia

19 Limot (Tanaga) Juliana Dizon

20 Indelible Scar Juliana Dizon

22

Live Again Honeychurch Garcia

Alexia Quincina Alicuman & Gaviola Jian Taguinod Juliana Dizon Alexia Quincina

In Opulent Comfort Kate Capilitan

Valediction of

36 a Mother Karylle Gaviola

Aswangan

37 (Tanaga)

Juliana Dizon

38

The Snap Kate Capilitan

© 2021 Rozanne Hermelyn Di Silvestro

5

lower lower ground ground

6

Jian Taguinod

G A G T A T AG T

U

N I TA U NI G A T U G U N I T U A NI I G A T G N U U N I TA U NI TA G G U IT N

A

N T I

GUNI UNI

nang ika’y lumisan na

sakit ang nadarama

sa pagtulo ng luha

nawa’y kayanin ko pa

Juliana Dizon

7

The Moon's Moon's The Reflection Reflection I was awakened by mumbled voices and footsteps from who knows where. The moment I opened my eyes, I saw nothing else but an empty room with white walls, a cold breeze, and the sunlight beaming through the glass window. I immediately noticed the familiar white sheets, the scent of disinfectant, and IV fluid injected into my hand, but what happened?

Slowly, I tried to lift myself up in order to sit and glanced around the room once more but then noticed that I was alone. I closed my eyes shut, trying to recall everything but a massive pain rapidly wrapped my head. My vision was getting blurry when someone entered the room.

“I suggest you lay back and rest first. You haven’t fully recovered yet. I’ll call on Dr. Ramirez to check on you as soon as possible,” the person said then went out of the room.

The pain slowly went away as I was waiting for the doctor to arrive. I still couldn’t remember anything… or even anyone. My mind was filled with endless questions and thoughts when the doctor arrived. After a short moment of silence, they spoke.

“Do you know what the date is today?”

“N-no,” I replied hesitantly.

“Well, may I ask what’s your full name and age?” I felt my head twitched.

I unconsciously shook my head as I was having a difficult time recalling my name. I panicked on the inside as I realized I had no idea who I was or who I am. I am also certain that the alarm on my face was very evident since the doctor was staring at me with a hint of pity. I don’t know wh“Your name is Selene Amanda Soledad, and you are already 23 years old.” I just looked at them, not knowing what to do.

“W-what happened to me?”

8

“You got into a car accident and fortunately someone rescued you on time. However, you were 17 years old back then and you were in a coma for about six years. I know this is very confusing for y…” I felt this white noise ring in my ear, causing me to flinch, and slowly, the doctor’s words just slipped away. All I can think of is what will happen now that I don’t know anything or anyone.

“Your mother is outside and,” they said, then my eyes eventually snapped directly to their direction.

“My mother?”

“Yes, and she wants to see you. I already told her about your condition. If you feel any pain, don’t hesitate to press that button,” they said while pointing at the red button near me.

I unconsciously nodded even though my mind was still racing in confusion. To say that I am nervous was an understatement; I don’t know how I’ll act once I see my mother. It took a minute before I heard someone knock on the door, and there she was, looking at me teary-eyed. She immediately approached me and embraced me with a warm yet foreign hug.

“I was worried! If only you saw yourself lying on that bed, and not waking up each day, but I’m glad you’re awake now,” the woman said as she was loosening the hug then sat on the bed.

“Hello, m-mom.”

“I understand your condition and I also understand that this is crazy for you, well it is, too, for me. You don’t even remember me, but I want to tell you some things about yourself; the things you love to do,” she said happily but I can feel the lace of sadness with it, and I just felt empty.

“Ever since you were a child you loved to paint, especially the night sky. You also loved writing poems but you only keep it to yourself because you told me before that you were scared to share it with the world. And do you remember when you told me you loved going to the beach? Because you said you like seeing the waves chase your feet along theartwork shore.”

She was about to continue when someone knocked on the door. A woman in her early twenties entered and approached my mother slowly.

“Hi Mrs. Soledad, can I have some time with Selene for a while?” She asked, with a slight tremble in her voice.

“Okay, just make sure to go easy on her. She might have a headache if fed with a lot of information,” mom replied before leaving me alone with the woman in front of me now.

9

“I want to scold the hell out of you right now but I think you don’t even remember me…” And again, I didn’t know what to do. “My name is Lily and it doesn’t look like it, but I have been your best friend ever since we were young.”

As she sat on the chair across the bed, she started telling me stories about our moments together, and even how I was like before. She told me how we loved going on road trips together, especially to the beach, how we used to sing karaoke together, and so on. She told me that I give light and joy to the people around me. She also told me that I was a lovely friend and daughter. But, I can’t even imagine myself being that person.

“Lily, can you leave me first for a while?” I asked, respectfully. I needed some time alone to think.

I don’t know if I can return to that version of me, the old me. I don’t know if I will be able to fit in the identity of the Selene Amanda they once knew. I was lost. I was asleep for six years. Six years. Too long. But, I know that one way or another, I need to live with them, and not just co-exist; but then I’ll be a burden.

My mind was racing with those unending thoughts and then suddenly, I felt that sharp pain again in my head. As my vision was getting blurry and darker, I can only think of one thing. I needed to decide for myself.

As I was looking at my reflection on the calm crystal water, I realized that I’ve been through a lot and that incident was already four years ago. I decided not to live with my mother nor Lily. I missed out and lost a lot of things in my life – my memories, time, but most importantly, my identity; but, here I am now. I was leaning on the railing when I looked up to the night sky and saw the full moon shining so bright in the pool of darkness.

“The moon is beautiful,” I whispered to myself while reaching out my hand to the sky.

My name is Selene, which means moon; and maybe, like the moon that I always adored, I was meant to be alone, to shine alone through the darkness. And through the years that passed, eventually, I shone brightly like my reflection.

Karylle Gaviola

10

©Greek Boston, NA

Selene

/sɪˈliːniː/

Greek goddess of the moon

11

s s y b aabyss 12

Aliyah Alicuman

Just like how my morning comes and the evening swiftly leaves My inner peace slowly took over me with the intention to soothe I, who is once again, walking underneath the old sloping eaves Uncertain thoughts still remained unsaid; so as my sooth.

And if the streets where footprints are suddenly wiped away There’s no need to hide in the dark because the light will shine again.

Just close your eyes for a moment and carefully sway Let us thread afresh today and tomorrow again.

Realizations that were mapped out under the midnight sun Drowning from one’s own depths of its once called blue relish sea I can now conclude that my first death has already begun.

The desire and passion have now drifted off from the old feelings of glee.

Life goes on like the abyss of the blue sea.

It moves without an end as hues waver.

Just like how life is made and should be seen.

Regardless of obstacles, life goes on as it is to savor.

A sea where all shadows appeared and light sinks into nothingness The painful truth that masks itself as a fear of losing something dearly My ankle that accidentally lost the path brought me back to knowingness Uncertainness lingers around but let the waves bring me ease surely.

The hues of dreams remain countless.

Glissade petals of tomorrow can’t be groundless.

So life can go on ‘til it is boundless.

This here thy hope coerced to be endless.

abyss

b ng damda a l m ik s in g n a

lagablab o

bi gl a

SILAKBO

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sabi mo sabay tayo, bakit ka nasa dulo? ika’y naging mundo ko, ngunit iniwan mo ako Juliana Dizon

13

(

history is all you left me a literary criticism

How does one ever deal with grief?

How does one deal with grief when it’s their other half they lost? What if the only person who could provide you comfort is their boyfriend?

Adam Silvera’s sophomore novel “History Is All You Left Me” released in 2017 shows just what would happen if such a situation should arise. Exploring themes of youth, friendship, and dealing with loss among other things, it's an incredibly emotional ride that will make you weep, then make you laugh before making you cry again.

The story follows Griffin, the protagonist, who is mourning the abrupt death of his best friend and very first love, Theo. 18-year-old Griffin narrates partly as it then shifts to 16year-old him. It starts with the day Theo died and then jumps to the beginning of Theo and Griffin's love.

This allowed the readers to witness the couple's burgeoning and blooming romance before moving on to Griffin learning to live without his other half.

Silvera writes this novel in such a touching and tearful way as just a few moments when you were reading about Griffin’s excitement in his youthful romance, you’d be brought back to the Griffin who just lost Theo. The shift in narrative lets the readers see the growth of each character as we switch years. At the same time, the flashbacks depict Griffin's need to revisit his past in order to make progress in his current life.

14

)

We learn throughout the novel that Griffin was actually not Theo's last boyfriend before he died. Instead, he met Jackson at Santa Monica College, the first time he was apart from Griffin. Naturally, the pair’s first meeting was far from what Theo would’ve wanted. Griffin struggled with the idea that his lover had loved someone other than him.

Unfortunately for Griffin, no one but Jackson could ever understand the way he felt. Along the way, he grows to realize that Jackson is in the same predicament as him and his bitterness eventually fades.

In the novel, the protagonist vividly shares his thoughts and memories in a way that by just reading, we can get in touch with the character and his emotions throughout the book.

Silvera was able to weave the past and the present in order to inspire hope for a better future. To say the book was poignant is an understatement—the author explored the depths of Griffin's difficulties with stories addressing questions ranging from sexuality and coming out to mental illnesses, and love to bereavement. These elements are intelligently packed into the story that will surely make it remarkable to the readers along with the intense feels that they will get when they finish the book.

To end this review, I’d like to leave a passage in the book that I found rather noteworthy: “The world didn’t end,” Wade says. “You stayed in the moments.” Oftentimes, in dealing with loss, we find ourselves believing that there is no more hope—that it is over for us. But much like Wade said, we just stayed in the moments.

We allow ourselves to be lost in the tiniest parts of the past that we are left to hold onto, leaving our present in a haze—and that’s okay. For as long as our heart, mind, and soul require, we stay—for in moving forward to tomorrow, we must look back to yesterday.

Kate Capilitan

HISTORY IS

ALL YOU

LEFT ME ALL YOU

LEFT ME 15

Notes and Ideas in Everyday Life.

Get yours now!

16

©

A

terest, N n i P

17

. . .

Honeychurch Garcia

.

The bright studio seems so dull, I can no longer look at it the same.

The pink and silk dresses feel tight, .

I no longer wanted to do this.

My feet felt tired, Every turn, every jump was a bore.

The routines felt so difficult now, What is happening to me?

.

My coached asked me if I was okay, What should I say? That It no longer feels the same?

I could not look at her, It will only break her heart.

Did I lose my passion?

Was I no longer happy dancing?

Everything looked wearisome, Like it no longer belonged to me. .

I take a moment to look back, The early years of my dancing, It was magical, it was freeing, How I wish I could turn back time.

.

.

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The music started to play, My body moved along with the melody.

I danced with my whole heart, As if it was my last.

I spun several times, Hoping this aching feeling would go away.

When will it stop?

I just wanted to rest.

Everything feels forced, This was no longer mine.

The smile I used to have now been gone, My emotions are on a haywire.

As the music faded, so did my passion.

I wish to start this all over again.

I do not want this to end, I do not want all of this to go to waste.

I look up and see my reflection, Tears forming in my eyes, I smiled in defeat, Knowing this would be my last pirouette.

LIMOT 'di mawari’y dahilan, ang biglaang paglisan hindi malilimutan dahil puso’y nasaktan

Juliana Dizon

.

.

.

. .

19

Indelible Scar I never dreamt of living one of my nightmares someday; even though I know that life would not be smooth sailing, I still hope that every day will be full of hope, love, and happiness. However, the odds were not in my favor, the day that I never will come happened—my friend, another half, and sister have left me—us. No words can express my emotion when I know she is already gone, gone with the Lord. It feels like a part of me was being taken away; all I did was cry and lay throughout the day. Because things felt surreal, and I do not know if I would believe that she was already gone.

I do not know where to begin and how to regain a fruitful and blissful life because a life without her will never be the same. The pain left me hanging with nothing. How I wish this were just a nightmare that I could forget and run away. Nevertheless, the sad reality smacks me in the mind that no matter how lifee can be meaningful, death will always be inevitable. The only question in my mind was “why her?” and “why now” because it is tough for me to absorb that her departure will cause nothing but sorrow.

I could never accept that my friend had left me for a more peaceful universe. I have to move and go forward even though the pain is unbearable. Moreover, as time went by, I promised myself that I needed to stand and fight not for myself but for her. I cannot precisely tell when I finally regain myself, and I only know that I am slowly moving forward from time to time because I know she is always guiding me and staying by my side. Until now, I still do not know if I fully believe that she is already resting in paradise. Now, all I need to do is pray, hoping that she is in a peaceful paradise where she belongs. I will always reminisce about how I became lost and found myself every 28th of the month.

Juliana Dizon

20

Hope o Nñ an Fr ©

Despair 21

live

Honeychurch Garcia

again I saw him again. For the first time in years, I saw his face again. He looked older now.

That is the first thing I noticed about him. I see a few wrinkles around his forehead, and his youthful face has started to fade. Nevertheless, he still looked the same. The same Nicholai I fell in love with. I see him wandering around the garden of his childhood home, admiring the flowers that bloomed beautifully.

“Nico.” I spoke.

Nicholai turned around, shocking tears evident on his face. It’s like he’s seen a ghost that magically appeared.

I chuckled at his reaction. I wanted to run up to him, wipe those tears away, and tell him I missed him. It’s been so long Nico, too long.

“What took you so long?” He asked I smiled while walking towards him, “Long? What do you mean? We were together yesterday!” I lied. I did not want to see you after I left, the pain would be too much for me to handle.

I noticed that his lips parted.

22

I continued to lie, “Seriously Nico? We were together yesterday, right? We ate those brownies you baked, and you burned almost all of them!” I do not want to see him cry; I am not ready to see him cry.

“Really?”

He smiled, remember now.”

“Yeah,

I

I looked down and noticed a shiny ring resting on his ring finger. I held his hand, “You have a new ring, it’s pretty!” I knew. He was finally free and happy. He has a loving family now and I’m happy for him. I really am, but sometimes I wish it were me who will grow old with him.

Nicholai pulled me into a tight hug, I laughed at his movement. Every night he prayed for me to appear in his dreams, to come home. I used to ignore it but tonight I heard him and decided to visit him tonight.

“Thank you for living,” I whispered, hugging him back. “Thank you for wanting to continue the life I couldn’t live.” Being left out was not easy, and I did not want Nico to feel that way. He will always be my biggest blessing, and I want him to be free from the pain he dealt with during the years I was gone.

“I am happy because of you, Sela.” He replied.

I chuckled and sighed in contentment.

I noticed him hugging me tighter, like I was a fragile glass that he did not want to drop. Knowing Nico, he thinks I am real, and that I am with him.

.

“I’m always with you,” I said, “Even if you no longer see me, I’m always guiding you. I frown when you make terrible decisions and I laugh when I see you happy. I never left.” .

Everywhere he went, I was always there to guide him. The moment I left; he was the first person I looked for. I wanted to see how he was feeling, what he was up to, was he sad? Happy? Stressed? I wanted to see him at his lowest point and his highest as well. I looked after him every day.

“You can always forget about me,” I said. Leaving you was hard Nico, but seeing you forget about me was even harder. I did not expect it to be so painful, “But I will never forget about you.”

“I’m sorry,” I heard him whisper.

“No need. You are human after all.

Memories fade.

It’s not an unexplainable occurrence, it just… happens.” I pulled away from the hug, “So even if you forget the way I look, the way I speak, and the way my voice sounds like... it’s okay. Because you’re human. And you should go on with your lives. As long as our memories live in your heart, I’m okay with it.”

“I’m sorry.” He repeated.

I gave him a small smile. I looked up and saw the sun rising. It’s time to go.

“Have a good day, Nico.” I smiled and held his face, “See you when it’s time, okay?”

“You’re leaving already?” he asked.

“It’s already morning.” I said, “You have a game to attend for Justin.” I turned my back and started to walk away.

“Sela…” He spoke. I stopped walking.

“Sela… Let’s go home…”

“Please, come home with me.” I turned around and saw tears falling in his eyes.

I was surprised. I wanted to cry as well.

It was unbearable. I want to come home Nico, I really do.

“Come home repeated.

with

me,

Sela,”

He

I held back the tears that wanted to fall and smiled at Nico one last time. “I am always with you, remember?” I said, “Good morning, Nicholai.”

In a blink of an eye, I was no longer in front of him, rather, a distance away.

Like I was watching a movie about his life. I watched his wife worry about him because he had tears falling as soon as he woke up. I stared at the happy couple for a while, what if I was the one who had a happy ending with Nico?

Would things be different?

No, I shouldn’t think like that. My time has passed, and I should be happy for him. For us. For how we ended. I smiled a little, she’s good for him. She deserves him. Nico finally got up from the bed to start his day. I guess this is my cue to leave.

I looked at Nico one last time. He’s finally happy, and that’s all that matters. We both have different endings, and that’s okay. He's gonna be okay.

23

GABAY. [ga-bay].

Filipino.

nawa’y gabayan mo ‘ko, sa mundong puro suko tiwala ko’y nasayo ika’y aking anino.

Juliana Dizon

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AVAILABLE AT ALL RETAILERS NATIONWIDE

DIEZPUBLICATIONS.COM

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my

my beco ming

beco

ming my be com

Through the ample gaps of my own fingers, I’ve let myself escape like flowing wind For I thought as long as love must linger I’d stay until tomorrow meets its end I remain flowing away, so far away How could you be able to catch me now?

Myself, I’ve squandered, thrown long off the bay For much time, contained in what you’d allow Oh By and by, could I finally fly No longer latched onto life’s gone touch Tonight, the sky, I’d let myself catch sight To begin again, I must do as much What a time it must take to fly back home But now I know not to trust linings of chrome.

Alexia Quincina

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art is who Narration: Aliyah Alicuman Artwork: Karylle Gaviola

ars longa, vita brevis

i a m ar t

A normal morning where I sit with my parents

is

w h o

once again talking about the field I will take soon.

More than anything, my parents' happiness is my top priority

and whatever they want me to do, i should follow.

But as time passes by, realizations started to hit me very slowly.........

My heart doesn't belong in this field. I don't find joy and spark here.

28

m

a

i

Ever since then, i started finding love and passion in different things

and there comes art... The one that captures my heart the most....

When my new profound love for art was already decided, I told them.

Fortunately, they accepted my chosen path in life. I was relieved and happy......

I have finally reached the end of my beginning. A new journey awaits.

In moment of confusion and feeling of being lost, I found a new life and a new purpose to live by.

29

Cyan Days Cyan Days Jian Taguinod

“Please be a good kid and help others, okay? But don’t let others know about your power. Please! I’m begging you A-“

“Alex! Could you lend me a 50?” I immediately sat straight and heard that familiar request. “Oh sure thing!”

I enthusiastically grabbed my wallet but “Oh. I don’t have a 50.”

“Really? Man. I really wish that you had one though.” They kept talking as white noise filled in. I couldn’t help but grant their wish. I felt the usual burning sensation in my head.

“Why not check your pockets? Maybe you stashed them there.” I told them.

They looked through their pockets and became ecstatic when they saw the bill.

“Oh my god! I have a 50! Thanks Alex!”

“Hey! I didn’t give that to you!”

“You did though. Thanks!”

“I-” I smiled as I looked at them with my blue eyes. 3-days worth of memories, gone in a blink. Those memories that I treasure dearly, gone for a single 50 dollar bill. But, I couldn’t get mad or distraught. Just as long as they’re happy, it’s fine by me.

30

“Hey Alex!” I heard that voice that I know all too well.

“Oh h-hey Sam.” “Why don’t we hang out later? At our usual spot?” Sam asked with their green eyes.

“Yeah sure! Can’t wait!”

“Nice. See you later, Alex!”

I stared at Sam as they walked out of the classroom. Never in a million years could I imagine myself having a close friend like them. Sam is diligent in their studies and always looks at the path ahead, never looking back. They are hard-working and persistent. I truly“Hey Alex! Can you help me with something?”

“Oh sure!” And again, I smiled.

Later in the day, I waited for Sam a little longer than I expected. Maybe they finished something at the last minute. I stood there for another hour.

“Hey!” I listened to that familiar voice “You had to finish stuff?”

“Yeah. Sorry about that.”

“No. It’s fine.” They’ve been like this since I first met them.

“Where to?”

“Let’s grab something to eat.”

We sat on a bench as we ate the street food on our hands. It was quiet. It was nice.

“So, you’ve been busy?” Sam asked “No. But I know that you’ve been.”

“Got me. It’s just been a lot.”

“You can rely on me. You know that.”

They grinned sheepishly.

“Look, just know when you should stop. You work too much.” They’re not diligent, they’re obsessed. “Give yourself time to breathe. Please? For me?”

“I can’t promise that.”

“I know you can’t.”

We went towards an arcade. We wasted time and money at the same time. At least, they were there with me. The prizes in the crane machine were different colored necklaces.

“Just look while I get this in one try.”

“Sure.” Sam said while rolling their eyes “Watch and learn.”

It took me 10 tries to get it. Sam couldn’t stop giggling.

“Don’t laugh at me!”

“I’m not.” Their cheeks bloated.

“See?” We laughed about it for a while.

“Hey, you look distracted. Are you still thinking about work?” I hate it.

“Look, I can’t help it.”

“Please! Just once you don’t get to think about it. Would it kill you not to be bothered by it?”

They smiled again.

It became annoying.

“You know what? Fine. Just don’t answer it if you don’t want to.” I hate it so much. “But please, rely on me more.”

With their hand in their pocket, I slowly walked up to them and locked a green necklace around their neck. “See you around then.” I saw their surprised face. “Bye.” I ran away as fast as I could.

Chase after me. Make me not regret this.

Please?

Those memories I made with them, I don't want them to disappear. I wouldn’t give them up for a simple wish. I wouldn’t risk it.

Many years later, I am now a fullgrown adult. Finally out in that big and scary world. As those years pass by, I wonder how they’ve been. How much they grew while I was gone. Do they still seek the feeling of being busy?

Will they still smile? I wouldn’t kno“Ow!” I let out as I bumped into someone and the two of us fell to the ground. I looked at who it was.

“Sam?” What?

“Alex?” Wait. “Is it really you?” I can’t believe it.

“How have you been?” I slowly stood up. “It’s been..”

“Too long.” A pause.

“Um. Yeah.” I didn’t want to break the silence. But, I couldn’t help it. “Want to grab some food? Just like before?”

A surprised face. Didn’t expect that.

“I...would like that.” Smile.

31

Many hours passed as we caught up with each other. It felt like I was meeting a new person. I was in shock as they talked about themself.

“I’m here,” I told them.

“But I just couldn’t handle it” The pressure.

“Don’t worry. I’m right here with you.”

“But I-” Break.

“How many times do I have to tell you that I’m here?!”

“Alex…”

“Jeez. Just breathe for a second.”

“Alex, I want to ask you a favor.”

“What is it?”

“I’d like to ask you to grant me a wish.”

“Sure. What is it?”

“I wish for a will to live.”

Maybe I’ll regret this. But I know with all of my heart, I wouldn’t.

I summoned all the strength to fulfill their wish. I focused on giving Sam the thing they require. But quickly, I felt something slipping away. Not burning, but memories going somewhere else.

No. I didn’t want this to happen. Stop! I couldn't stand straight.

“Alex, what’s happening?” Mom, don’t go.

“Oh no. Someone call 911!” I’m scared.

“Please stay with me, Alex. Ugh. My head!” Everything is going away.

“Alex, I-” Those memories of them.

“Alex. These are your...I thought-” Don’t take them away. Please!

“It’s gonna be okay.” Really?

“I’ll be right here.” Hug.

32

“Those moments are with me. Don't worry.” Okay. I’ll trust you.

“Thank you for loving me.” One memory left.

“Oh here. I forgot to give this to you.

You ran away so quickly.” I heard a sniffle as I felt something being locked around my neck. I opened my eyes to see a blue necklace.

“Alex, I-” I couldn’t help but smile.

Beep. Blink. Beep. Blink.

All I could hear was a beeping machine.

As I opened my eyes, I saw something shining on a desk nearby dyed in blue.

I heard heavy sounds approach this room from the hollowed world outside. Voices echoed clearly as crystal. I could hear them.

“This way to their room.”

“Thank you. I’ll be notifying you if they need anything.”

“Sure thing. Well then, I’ll be taking my leave now.”

“Thanks.”

A pause. It took nearly a minute before a breath was heard.

Slam! I was startled by the sudden sound of a door opening. As I looked at who it was, a pair of unfamiliar blue eyes dawned upon me. They’re smiling yet crying at the same time. A green necklace wrapped around their neck and flowers grasped by their hands.

“Hey there, Alex.”

Do you remember me?

a p s l A

Juliana Dizon

ma

n

sakit mang i a m sip i

an tanggap m p in a r i h

pa

n

pat ha a d y ’ a na y a pi s

y abutin a p ra a ng

33

Anagapesis Anagapesis, the definition of losing feelings for someone you once loved; falling out of love. I have encountered numerous relationships falling apart, both romantic and platonic ones. Most of the time when I ask them what went wrong, they would simply say that they just suddenly fell apart or somehow felt distant. I, myself, had encountered this firsthand. One day you adore them, the next day you don’t. Suddenly waking up without the same exhilarating love you felt the past years. Losing the deep affection and the connection you have for someone you cared for, someone you treasured, and someone you selflessly poured all your love to might just be one of the hardest things to accept. The hardest part is the whole process of having to explain why you’re losing feelings. The suffocating and overwhelming feeling of guilt drowning you, making it hard to talk and choose.

Moving on from this realistic confrontation will never be an easy step; the direct slap of reality that no one stays and nothing is permanent. Thinking that this lingering feeling of wanting to give up is just a ‘phase’ makes it even more difficult to let go. We sometimes tend to force ourselves to believe that this is indeed just part of the relationship when deep inside, we know that these are just excuses we make for ourselves because of the guilt that’s devouring us and killing us every passing minute. It does more damage than what we realize, this only results to an even bigger drift and distance. It’s depressing not knowing the reason why it had to be like this. You had reasons to stay but you had even more reasons to leave.

It’s difficult to choose whether to stay or to leave; and when faced with this dilemma, you would rather choose the latter. Some people may say that this choice is selfish and cruel, however, I must disagree. Losing affection means giving importance to one’s self-growth and expansion of inner peace. Losing interest doesn’t make you selfish and it’s okay. You cannot just simply force yourself into a relationship that is hindering you from growing, may it be romantic or platonic. What you’re feeling is acceptable and is valid. It’s alright to move on and go on your own journey because, in order to gain more, one must lose something in return.

34

ALEXIA QUINCINA

o p

ul

in opu lent com fort

en

t co

m f o rt

e l n u t p o in

Tonight, the moon again replaced the sun And at dawn, a heart again rejoices In conversation with constellations In my jar, each heart must block the voices

There is a vixen in my wildest dreams They flaunted every high that we could reach And in that dream my heart is safe it seemed But once waken I’ve got more lies to preach Dayspring came and there I sit with my jar Whatever is one less when there’s plenty The last whit of warmth of a now-gone heart

Kate Capilitan

35

e d

v la e v d la

d

v la e v a d el

ti m on a of

ic ti m on of a

re h to

r e h to

ic ti m on ic of a

e h to

e h to

ic ti m on of a

Oh little one, even if you only just met me today, I adore how on my arms you peacefully lay.

If only I can extend for a few more hours, I can still stay in this ephemeral moment of ours.

As I deeply stare at those emerald orbs you own, I can’t help but wonder what else you will have shown.

If only kismet didn’t snatch our future together, Will I be able to hold you delicately forever?

Don’t you think that your coming is a bit ironic?

On how this day should be filled with felicity and not tragic But it’s just like how the rain falls unexpectedly And the rainbow when it ends beaming so perfectly

Crestfallen, but I must go somewhere far away So as long as my eyes are open, just come here and stay Because in a few minutes time I know I must go That is why I will tell you now, I love you so

Karylle Gaviola

36

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es av Gr

s

noziD anailuJ

.]nagn-aw-sa[

a

a

a

au ra

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ng

ang a w s ©Pinterest, L

w

kailangan magpatuloy, ka mapayapang daloy sasabay sa paglangoy at sarili’y matukoy

37

a

No longer untraversed Just mundane to passers The gales are now faithful Even storms are so graceful

The writer has been modest

Th

With eyes closed, it forges dark forests

e

The writer has been honest Entering through a floating casement

“Your

unpuzzled heart must stay asleep’

Leave your soul for the woods to keep” Now it awaits the barest chance of a snap There is no more light to see the map

The skies are much more lurid, But the writer could not be bothered

Time breaks sudden; The writer’s final merriment “Farewell

to this hand I’ve known”

Kate Capilitan

38

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