Niun [noun]
Korean.
A derogatory term for women.
A girl is born
Nana’s story, 1930
I’m sorry, this one’s a girl.
But, do not worry: a girl is the best capital one could hope for. The next one will be a son.
Mama’s story, 1930
It’s another girl. You must’ve offended the Gods.
Remember: our land and our fortune has to go to a boy. You must pray harder for that son.
My story, 1990
Our second child is a beautiful princess!
Having one son and one daughter is any parent’s dream. Let’s raise the pair best we can, honey.
Forbidden Rope: Rope made of hay to forbid bad spirits to enter the property, used to
to signify birth of a child: Chilli if the child is a boy, and pine branches if she is a girl.
Mother, where’s the little one?
She is watching television.
She is? This early? Does she not have anything to do?
She wouldn’t believe how busy my mornings were at her age.
Mother used to make us collect eggs from the mountain every morning, and she sold them at markets.
We collected thousands of eggs, and never even tried any of them.
I wonder if you really know the meaning of busy morning, Dear.
I had so many mouths to feed, not including my seven siblings.
Cows, dogs and chickens all cried for food, and it was my duty to feed them every morning before my mother awoke.
What do you mean, Mother?
Oh... never mind.
May I have some milk with my cereal? What a table, eh?
Hold on, Child.
Surely, that is not your breakfast.
Here, let me get you a bowl of rice.
What? Why?
You need more food, Dear. That is not enough.
But Nana, this is all I want!
Say something, Dear. Hmm?
Don’t worry, milk and cereal is plenty filling.
All we had were potatoes, and we were doing fine.
I suppose.
Sure, milk is so abundant now,
but it was the most extravagant food for me.
After the Korean War ended in 1953, South Koreans were poor and starving.
You used to mix the milk powder with warm water for me. And it was so white.
After, I drink.
I would find clumps of unmixed powder at the bottom of the bowl.
The U.S. military issued milk powder to rural homes to alleviate malnutrition.
And scraping them clean was my favourite activity.
You seem to forget, however.
what is milk powder?
...that
I have never deprived you of a meal, not even once, unlike me when I was your age.
Nana,
Hello, hey, Nana, Mum?
All we had was boiled green, and scraps of grain porridge the Japanese gave us.
Korea was under Japanese rules from 1910 to 1945. Rice was used as a tax payment,
We had plenty of rice, our family in fact were rice farmers. The Japanese took all that away, however, and what they gave us were nowhere near enough to feed us.
and everyone had to pay sacks of rice to avoid being sent to concentration camps.
You never seem to understand how hard it was to raise you.
I know, I know.
What are they talking about?
Tradition
Are you ready?
Not exceedingly...
Oh grow up, Child.
Women would gather to make Kimchi to store, while men would fix roofs with hay ropes.
What should I do with this old tooth, mother?
Why, you should... here here!
...throw it over the roof so the magpies can come collect it.
Well done!
Magpies were thought to be messengers of God. Much like toothfairies, birds would deliver
deliver the old tooth to God and come back with a new one.
WillIgeta newtooth?
Yes,themagpiewillbringyoua newone.
I am supposed to throw my tooth over the roof?
Hmm?
Yes, I remember something like that.
School
Mother, why do I have to go to school?
To learn, Dear. I feel -
Nana, I don’t want to go to school.
Oh? Why not? You get to learn.
I want to watch more television and - and
Go to school and learn, so you can have a life better than mine.
Honey, did you do your homework for after school classes?
Um, yeah, it was -
You should feel so lucky. I didn’t have this kind of support when I was your age.
Girls, this class is to help you become better women. Every woman should know how to sew, iron and cook.
The government has spoken.
We need the girls to help the troops.
When World War II broke, Japanese troops gathered young Korean women to serve as
You wouldn’t hesitate to send yourchild for the good of the country, would you?
as sex slaves, known as ‘comfort women.’ They were said to be volunteers...
My Goodness, Sir, I would do anything to help. As you can see, however,
my child is horribly diseased, and I wonder if she is of any use to your needs.
Ugh, yuck...
Do you have any other girls?
No, Sir, only this poor thing.
I wasn’t
diseased, and I did have sisters. But whatever the reason, my mother lied to the troops to not have me sent away. I knew it was best for me to keep my mouth shut.
I want and play justlike
to stay home play all day, Mama,
This is for you
Child,
good news. You will be marrying.
good news. You will be studying in the Capital: Seoul.
Child, Child,
good news. You will be studying in the United States!
Hello, new mother...
You are now in an aristocratic family; you’d better act like it.
Pleased to meet you, Great Aunt... You will be under my roof, and I do not tolerate failures.
Disappointment
Mother, wife, listen...
Number twelve
Students had designated numbers.
I have been drafted. I must go to the war.
Oh dear goodness, my child!!
My husband is... drafted to...
war?
Korean War, 1950 - 1953
Dear Wife,
Look, Mother, I can go to college!
What a pain. Men do not prefer educated women. What you should focus on is finding a man to take you in.
What is the point?
only to face another task, with no chance of success.
I tried, and I did not fail. But nonetheless have failed
What am I for?
accepted to college! I’m going to an artist!!
We’ve worked together so hard for this moment!
My child is going to the best design school in the world!
Oh well, hold on, I don’t know if I’m going to that one.
What are you saying, that you have *other* schools in mind?
Well, yeah, of course. I applied to many so I get to choose. You lesser
mean the lesser schools?
They are just ratings, Mum,
Why would you choose a lesser school?
I want to go to a school that fits me.
You’re cute , Darling, but you’re a student, and your job is to get the best education you can.
Are any of those moreimportant than your future?
I’m not thinking about my future Mum, I’m thinking about now
Dating is a good accompaniment to studying.
I don’t have a boyfriend, Mum.
I’ve been busy! I can help you with that.
Wait... what?
Marriage
Marriage is the best event of a woman’s life!
She’s right.
Uh huh...
We at Purples ensure that your child’s companion is on par with your social standard .
Think of it as a dating site for our class.
Is that how much she thinks I’m worth?
Wait ‘til Nana hears about
I went to a Matchmaker today, Nana.
You’re getting married?
Oh?
For a low-low price of seven thousand, yes! No Nana. I don’t think so.
Because I don’t feel ready.
Why not?
Oh no, sweet Child, you don’t have much time.
What?
What do you mean?
I don’t want a child!
Your body clock is ticking, Dear, for you to have a child.
Well, it’s not really a choice, Dear. You have to.
I can’t believe this, Nana. Why do I have to?
Why, of course --
It is your duty as a woman to provide for the family...
...so that your child has a better life than you.
What are you chatting about?
Child, guide you,
...happier and more successful.
Wait... hold on...
thisiswhereIwantto go
‘It’s for the best.’
Maybe this is the best.
They
raised me, educated me, provided everything I have.
I owe them.
What’s wrong?
If I stride for my own path...
Will I become a disgrace?
I love you.
You taught me to think, to strive for happiness, and I am grateful for it. But it is time for me to move forward.
What I need to do now, to surpass what I’ve been given is courage.
I do not owe them.
Don’t worry, Ladies.
I owe it to them.
I’ll lead the way.
End note and an open letter to my family
When I was making the book, the most frequent question was “does your Mother know about this?”
It has been a running theme throughout my life - every decision I make, I had to consider whether it would make my family happy. The funny thing is, I was completely unaware of the thought, and I was sure that every decision I made was for me. As I was making the book, however, it became clear. There has always been a lingering thought behind every decision, somewhat like the aftertaste of a fine wine, that said ‘...and it will give Mother something to be proud of me.’
The pressure, the expectation - it was never loud. It wasn’t ever the first criteria... otherwise I would have noticed sooner. Like the check box that indicates whether one has read the terms and conditions, the pressure to do what is expected was always there, and I followed it without really knowing what I checked to do. Alas, I was making sure that my family loved me for what I achieved, not for who I am.
Families hope for the ‘best’ for their child - socially, financially and academically, without asking the child how she defines such terms. And seeing the child walk in their rail of desire is such an ecstatic experience, the bliss so addictive, they aspire to see their child grow up the way they want her to. In turn, the child is expected to live out the ‘best’ life according to the past generation, with no room to invent or define her own life. Her feet are tied to the rail, being wheeled forward all in the meanwhile believing that she is leading her own life.
I’ve written this book to address the obvious, yet overlooked aspect of inheritance: the hope for the child and her success disguised as unconditional love. I am not, however, laying any faults to my family. Wanting what is best for the child is an unavoidable part of having offsprings. Defining WHAT that the ‘best’ is - that is what I truly want to investigate. When did marriage become the definition of success, and why did having children become, and still prevail, as the ultimate goal in a woman’s life? No one knows. My Mother and Grandmother never questioned it because they also inherited it from their parents. What they have inherited, however, are the emotions: not the factual logic behind them. Reasons are communicated, not inherited. This book is my attempt at communication, to address the expectation and resolve our differences through knowledge.
This is a story of me and my family, but it is not a story unique to me. We are so unaware of what is governing our thoughts. Comprehension and communication takes courage. And it needs persistence. I hope I have enlightened some, and encouraged many to acknowledge what has happened in the past so they can take a step forward.
Sincerely yours,
Karen Jiyun Sung
June 2017
Special Thanks to:
Debbie Cook
Rathna Ramanathan
Andrezj Klimowski
Fred & Karen Lynch
Kelly & Antoine Revoy
Connie Leung