6 minute read
A Strong Marriage
An Interview with Father Justin D. Dean
Father Justin Dean is from Montgomery, Alabama. For eighteen years, he was a priest of the Archdiocese of Mobile. During that time, he served as a high school teacher, campus minister, pastor and prison chaplain. In August of 2009 he joined St. Benedict’s Abbey and professed first vows on December 8, 2010. Father Justin enjoys speaking about marriage and family life. He has hosted three series on marriage for EWTN and has spoken to various groups around the country.
The editors of Kansas Monks Magazine sat down with him to discuss how couples could strengthen their commitment to marriage through prayer and work, the two foundations of Benedictine monasticism.
First off: Some of our readers may wonder whether a single, celibate man should be sharing advice about marriage. What would you say to them?
Well, I’m not a chicken and I’ve never laid an egg, but I know more about an omelet than a chicken ever will. Not all of our knowledge comes from experience—although I have lived with a family and have witnessed good family life firsthand. I’ve worked with Catholic Engaged Encounter and helped over 400 couples prepare for marriage. Couples have come to see me and shared their marital problems and challenges. I’ve shared their joys and struggles. And, as an unmarried priest, I feel I can be more objective: I’m not necessarily going to take the husband’s side just because I’m a man.
In seminary, I received great teaching in marriage, the family, and human sexuality. My professor was Dr. John Haas, who is the president of the National Catholic Bioethics Center and regularly addresses the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops on sexual and biomedical issues.
The monk’s life is rooted in a constant rhythm of work and prayer. Married couples can use this motto to strengthen their marital bond by learning how prayer and work compliment one another.
The Benedictine motto is Ora et Labora, prayer and work. In what way does praying together enhance marital commitment?
The Catholic Church teaches that, as human beings, we are “a unity of body and soul.” Our souls are the deepest part of who we are. And there is an intimate connection between our souls and our bodies. When a husband and wife connect to God and each other through prayer, they strengthen the connection between their souls. And this, in turn, enhances their physical relationship. So, prayer helps us bond at the deepest level. The spiritual enhances the physical.
What are some practical suggestions for praying together?
I think couples should take some time each day, morning or evening, to prayer together They should take a few moments in quiet prayer, then voice some of their prayer requests aloud. The husband could begin the time of vocal prayer. The wife would follow suit. They should share anything going on in life, pray for each other, praise and thank God, bring their needs or the important decisions to God together. To end things, the husband could lead in praying the Our Father and the wife could lead in praying the Hail Mary. Spending that time in prayer, as they go about building their relationship and living life, will help immensely.
What kind of “work” will help couples strengthen their marital commitment?
I know one pro-life organization that distinguishes between “seat work” and “feet work.” “Seat work” is learning. “Feet work” is putting what you learned into action. They should be learning about marriage together. But they should also be seeking to “do” things for one another within the marriage. When men are courting their girlfriends, there’s nothing that they won’t do to win their hearts. That shouldn’t change when a man gets married. When women are dating their boyfriends, they always want to look their best. That shouldn’t change when they get married. Throughout his or her married life, each spouse should continue to work for the benefit of the other. They should persist in finding out what blesses their spouse— and do those things. Father Justin encourages us to constantly strive to attract and serve our spouses after we are married. Doing the little extra things can benefit the strength of a marriage.
Benedictine monks take a vow of stability. How does that apply to marriage?
It applies very much: When a Benedictine monk professes solemn vows, he commits to the community at that particular house—for better or for worse. In the same way, marriage is a relationship that is meant to be permanent. It is meant to be characterized by commitment. This sounds very difficult, but the truth is, commitment brings great freedom and peace. On the one hand, you can’t have peace and freedom in a relationship in which everything is tentative. Spouses will worry, “will he leave? Will she quit? Are we going to make it?” That just produces fear and anxiety. But if spouses are committed to stability in marriage, if they recognize its permanence, then the issue isn’t if they are going to make it through marital problems, but how are they going to respond to its challenges?
That’s the mind-set that not only enables marriages to survive, but thrive!
Father Justin’s third series on EWTN, Marriage Works in Christ: Marriage Enrichment, airs Tuesday at 3:30 AM and Saturday at 6:30 PM (EST). If you have questions or comments Father Justin can be reached at Father.JDD@kansasmonks.org
A Prayer for a Blessed Marriage
Lord, send your Holy Spirit upon us and upon all those who are married or preparing for marriage. Help them live sacrificial lives like your Son lived on earth. Help them give themselves to each other in your plan. Help them seek to build each other up in love. Help them see their primary mission in marriage as glorifying God and helping get their spouses to heaven. And if you bless them with children, Lord, may you help them raise sons and daughters who love and fear the Lord. Amen.
The Abbey and the College will never separate. But we are separate.
-Prior James albers Class of ‘94
A Common Heritage
The monks of St. Benedict’s Abbey are proud of their heritage as co-founders of Benedictine College. The Abbey’s commitment to education and learning is as strong today as it was in 1858 when the monks established a “school for the Lord’s service.”
A Separate Mission
St. Benedict’s Abbey is, however, a separate corporation from Benedictine College. This is often a surprise to many people. The Abbey must raise its own support and maintain its own facilities without assistance from the College. The good works of the monks are supported mostly by the contributions from friends and benefactors and salaries for academic services and pastoral assignments.
