These Songs I Made

THESE SONGS THE

hile you were sound asleep.

SONGS I MADE WHILE YOU OUND ASLEEP

THESE SONGS I MADE WHILE YOU WERE SOUND ASLEEP

THESE SONGS I MADE WHILE YOU WERE SOUND ASLEEP

THESE SONGS I MADE WHILE YOU S I MADE WERE SOUND ASLEEP WERE SOUND

THESE SONGS I MADE WHILE YOU WERE SOUND ASLEEP

SOUND ASLEEP

SOUND ASLEEP ND ASLEEP

SLEEP

LOVE YOURSELF. LOVE SOMEONE ELSE. GIVE YOURSELF. YOURSELF. LOSE YOURSELF. SOMEONE ELSE. FIND YOURSELF AGAIN. YOURSELF. YOURSELF. YOURSELF AGAIN.

DE WHILE ASLEEP

GIVE YOURSELF. LOSE YOURSELF. FIND YOURSELF. LOVE AGAIN. LOSE AGAIN. KEEP YOURSELF.

MADE WHILE YOU W

SOUND ASLEEP

A BRIEF HISTORY OF LOSS. + NOTES ON FINDING AGAIN

SOUND ASLEEP

inally awake? | are you finally awake? | are you finally awake?

these songs I wrote these songs I made

wrote while you were sound asleep. made while you were wondering where I was.

remind me of when I never worried ey thought. these sounds were made times when we were alone.

these sounds remin about what they th for times

loners. then lover ne

you took. we all to here, my dear playe spaces like these. d

lovers. givers. takers. strangers. never friends.

ll took. push and pull. forever as played. punctuation makes sense in hese. the cold, crass ending of a declarative.

i'd much rather hav in stone and ador

r have our indelible moments etched adorned with a gentle ellipses.

us that our memories existed only times new roman. therefore, i made l the sky to show them all while it was worth while.

they convinced us t in colorless, times these hues fill the was

are you finally awake? | are you fina

are you finally awake? | are you finally awake? | are y

A BRIEF HISTORY OF LOSS AND / OR NOTES ON FINDING AGAIN A BRIEF HISTORY OF LOSS AND / OR NOTES ON FINDING AGAIN

OF OTES N

PART 1 // INDELIBLE

nˈdeləb(ə)l/ || adjective || (of ink or a pen) making marks that cannot be removed. not able to be forgotten or removed. (of ink or a pen) making marks that cannot be removed. not able to be forgotten or removed. of ink or a pen) making marks that cannot be removed. not able to be forgotten or removed.

nˈdeləb(ə)l/ || adjective || (of ink or a pen) making marks that cannot be removed. not able to be forgotten or removed. (of ink or a pen) making marks that cannot be removed. not able to be forgotten or removed. of ink or a pen) making marks that cannot be removed. not able to be forgotten or removed.

nˈdeləb(ə)l/ || adjective || (of ink or a pen) making marks that cannot be removed. not able to be forgotten or removed. (of ink or a pen) making marks that cannot be removed. not able to be forgotten or removed. of ink or a pen) making marks that cannot be removed. not able to be forgotten or removed. nˈdeləb(ə)l/ || adjective || (of ink or a pen) making marks that cannot be removed. not able to be forgotten or removed. (of ink or a pen) making marks that cannot be removed. not able to be forgotten or removed. of ink or a pen) making ||marks be removed. to bebeforgotten ornot removed. nˈdeləb(ə)l/ || adjective (of inkthat or acannot pen) making marksnot thatable cannot removed. able to be forgotten nˈdeləb(ə)l/ || adjective || (of ink or a marks pen) making marksbe that cannot be able to or beremoved. forgotten or removed. (of ink or a pen) making that cannot removed. notremoved. able to benot forgotten or (of ink or a pen) making marksbe that cannot be able to be forgotten or removed. ofremoved. ink or a pen) making marks that cannot removed. notremoved. able to benot forgotten or removed. of ink or a pen) making ||marks be removed. to bebeforgotten ornot removed. nˈdeləb(ə)l/ || adjective (of inkthat or acannot pen) making marksnot thatable cannot removed. able to be forgotten or removed. (of ink or a pen) making marks that cannot be removed. not able to be forgotten or removed. of ink or a pen) making marks that cannot be removed. not able to be forgotten or removed.

INDELIBLE INDELIBLE

PRESS ENTER

PLANS A

for us.

places once reserved for us.

THEY EXIS

THESE SONG MADE WHI YOU WE SOUND ASLE I

I NEVER HAD TO DREAM WHEN YOU WERE NEAR. I WAS AFRAID OF WHO I MIGHT BECOME, SO I CLUNG CLOSELY TO YOU. WHENEVER I WOULD FLOAT, YOU KEPT ME GROUNDED. YOU LET ME GO, AND YOU GAVE ME WINGS.

HESE SONGS I ADE WHILE OU WERE OUND ASLEEP I

I NEVER HAD TO DREAM WHEN YOU WERE NEAR. I WAS AFRAID OF WHO I MIGHT BECOME, SO I CLUNG CLOSELY TO YOU. WHENEVER I WOULD FLOAT, YOU KEPT ME GROUNDED. YOU LET ME GO, AND YOU GAVE ME WINGS.

Verse 1: How do.

I. Let her faith in what I called change on every.page.

Brand new louboutin lines—for ya blood red blood shot eyes—on ya Doug Rain talking through the sky You were Dave.

You were Dave.

You were Dave.

I was playin Kubrick.

Mix matching playing phone tag Like clockwork I had Hanging onto you my cruel laughs Hanging onto you my crew fast it’s beauty only if it all lasts I’m cruising long as it don’t all crash Chorus: Eyes.

Wide.

Shut.

Seen this.

Somewhere before.

Magazine.

Halloween.

Stephen King.

I don’t read.

All the same.

Follow me Caught up in Retweet I don’t see All the same.

Like me I feast Hungry All raised All the same.

House full heart full House sit Home sick All the same.

Verse 2:

Eyes.

Wide.

Shut.

Seen this.

Somewhere before.

Eyes.

Wide.

Shut.

Seen this.

Somewhere before.

Magazine.

Halloween.

Stephen King.

I don’t read.

All the same.

Magazine.

Halloween.

Stephen King.

I don’t read.

All the same.

Follow me Caught up in Retweet I don’t see All the same.

Follow me Caught up in Retweet I don’t see All the same.

Like me I feast Hungry All raised All the same.

Like me I feast Hungry All raised All the same.

House full heart full House sit Home sick All the same.

House full heart full House sit Home sick All the same.

Verse 2:

Verse 2:

I’ll be your suicide I can be your blood and lies Blood and sand when the bell rings

I’ll be your suicide I can be your blood and lies Blood and sand when the bell rings

cool kids cool kids all in the forest

cool kids cool kids all in the forest

I got new lines for new lies.

I got new lines for new lies.

through everything When I caught blame for everything

through everything When I caught blame for everything

Nicole can kid a man then kill a man don’t disrupt me me.

Nicole can kid a man then kill a man don’t disrupt me me.

Dr. Bill going crazy Nicole gotta be kidding man. chloe mitchell on my mind

Dr. Bill going crazy Nicole gotta be kidding man. chloe mitchell on my mind

CLARITY

TRYING KEEP COOL TIL IT SLIPS MY MIND PLAYING YOUR HEAD IS THE TUNE OF MY LIES WHY I GROW TEETH WHEN THE MOON GOES LIVE DON’T PATRONIZE. JUST DON’T PATRONIZE. ME. IN THE MORNING I WILL BE GOOD. (GOOD).

I’M SO SURE. JUST LAY WITH ME. LAY WITH ME.

ANXIETY FEELS LIKE

I’LL BE NUMB TO IT ALL I’M GOOD. IN YOUR FANTASY JUST SAVE ROOM FOR… ME.

(HOOK) LEAVE ME WHERE YOU FOUND ME. RATHER. KEEP ME ON MY HEELS (HEELS).

I BROUGHT MY PRIDE TO THIS SEANCE. I LET YOU WATCH IT BURNN OH WHAT A TIME TO KILL.

ARE YOU THERE?

DEITNU

I cut my teeth in your academy.

The hard classes made me stronger.

Your lessons taught me patience, forgiveness, I've always been interested in re-enrolling.

I mean, you've seen Billy Madison, right?

I cut my teeth in your academy.

The hard classes made me stronger.

Your lessons taught me patience, forgiveness, I've always been interested in re-enrolling.

I mean, you've seen Billy Madison, right?

I cut my teeth in your academy.

The hard classes made me stronger.

Your lessons taught me patience, forgiveness, I've always been interested in re-enrolling.

I mean, you've seen Billy Madison, right?

and honesty.

But, I'm scared at the same time.

and honesty.

But, I'm scared at the same time.

and honesty.

But, I'm scared at the same time.

I cut my teeth in your academy.

The hard classes made me stronger.

Your lessons taught me patience, forgiveness, and honesty.

I've always been interested in re-enrolling. But, I'm scared at the same time.

I mean, you've seen Billy Madison, right?

HIGH HOPES

I cut my teeth in your academy.

The hard classes made me stronger.

Your lessons taught me patience, forgiveness, and honesty.

I've always been interested in re-enrolling. But, I'm scared at the same time.

I mean, you've seen Billy Madison, right?

I cut my teeth in your academy.

The hard classes made me stronger.

Your lessons taught me patience, forgiveness, and honesty.

I've always been interested in re-enrolling. But, I'm scared at the same time.

I mean, you've seen Billy Madison, right?

I cut my teeth in your academy.

The hard classes made me stronger.

Your lessons taught me patience, forgiveness, and honesty.

I've always been interested in re-enrolling. But, I'm scared at the same time.

I mean, you've seen Billy Madison, right?

I cut my teeth in your academy.

The hard classes made me stronger.

Your lessons taught me patience, forgiveness, and honesty.

I've always been interested in re-enrolling. But, I'm scared at the same time.

I mean, you've seen Billy Madison, right?

TRANSITION LIGHTS TRANSITION LIGHTS TRANSITION LIGHTS TRANSITION LIGHTS TRANSITION LIGHTS TRANSITION LIGHTS

der this light, she's a fine compromise. Under dim lights, he's a fine compromise. Why must we compromi

se. Under dim lights, he's a fine compromise. Why must we compromise? Why must we compromise?

der this light, she's a fine compromise. Under dim lights, he's a fine compromise. Why must we mpromise? Why must we compromise?

Under this light, she's a fine compromise. Under dim lights, he's a fine compromise? Why must we compromise?

Under this light, she's a fine compromise. Under dim lights, he's a fine compromise? Why must we compromise?

Under this light, she's a fine compromise. Under dim lights, he's a fine compromis compromise? Why must we compromise?

Under this light, she's a fine compromise. Under compromise? Why must we compromise?

Under this light, she's a fine compromise. Under dim lights, he's a fine compromise? Why must we compromise?

Under this ligh compromise? Why Under this light, she's a fine compromise. Under compromise? Why must we compromise?

Under this light, she's a fine compromise. Under

GOD MBDTF 808 DRUMS YOGA VIRGIL'S TALK AT COLUMBIA PASSION CITY CHURCH YEEZUS LOUIE GIGLIO KNT HABBAKUK BON IVER THE BENDS ELLIOTT MCKNIGHT WILL SHELTON JOE PEACOCK SUBTERRANEAN HOMESICK ALIEN ANDY FRISELLA FAKE PLASTIC TREES BRÉNÉ BROWN SHARON MY BROTHER MY DAD MY MOM EDWIN ARZU RUMI LA FITNESS D'ONDRE THOSE 4 VOLUNTEERS I TALKED TO THAT KEPT ME FROM DRIVING OFF THE ROAD KANYE GLENN SCOOT MATT RICE JAMES FRANCEY MAKING THIS ALBUM PAUL KALANITHI CHAZ BUNDICK APRIL AT STARBUCKS THE GIVER

THIS IS AN INCOMPREHENSIVE, OUT OF ORDER LIST OF PEOPLE, THINGS, AND PLACES THAT LITERALLY SAVED MY LIFE.

THIS PAGE IS A NOT SO SUBTLE REMINDER THAT WE MATTER. WE ALL MATTER TO SOMEONE FAR MORE THAN WE MIGHT KNOW. YOU WERE ALL THERE WHEN I RAN OUT OF STRENGTH TO BE THERE FOR MYSELF.

THANK YOU FOR POURING INTO ME. YOU'RE THE REASON I DIDN'T GIVE UP WHEN IT SEEMED LIKE THE ONLY OPTION.

PART 2 // RETRIBUTION

ˌretrəˈbyo͞oSH(ə)n/ || noun || punishment inflicted on someone as vengeance for a wrong or criminal act. punishm inflicted on someone as vengeance for a wrong or criminal act. punishment inflicted on someone as vengeance a wrong or criminal act. punishment inflicted on someone as vengeance for a wrong or criminal act. ˌretrəˈbyo͞oSH(ə)n/ || noun || punishment inflicted on someone as vengeance for a wrong or criminal act. punishm inflicted on someone as vengeance for a wrong or criminal act. punishment inflicted on someone as vengeance wrong or criminal act. punishment inflicted on someone as vengeance for a wrong or criminal act. ˌretrəˈbyo͞oSH(ə)n/ || noun || punishment inflicted on someone as vengeance for a wrong or criminal act. punishm inflicted on someone as vengeance for a wrong or criminal act. punishment inflicted on someone as vengeance wrong or criminal act. punishment inflicted on someone as vengeance for a wrong or criminal act.

ˌretrəˈbyo͞oSH(ə)n/ || noun || punishment inflicted on someone as vengeance for a wrong or criminal act. punishment inflicted on someone as vengeance for a wrong or criminal act. punishment inflicted on someone vengeance for||apunishment wrong or criminal on someone as vengeance for apunishm ˌretrəˈbyo͞oas SH(ə)n/ || noun inflictedact. onpunishment someone asinflicted vengeance for a wrong or criminal act. wrong oron criminal act.as vengeance for a wrong or criminal act. punishment inflicted on someone as vengeance inflicted someone ˌretrəˈbyo͞ noun || punishment inflicted on someone as vengeance a wrong or criminal a wrong oroSH(ə)n/ criminal ||act. punishment inflicted on someone as vengeance for a for wrong or criminal act. act. punishment inflicted on someone as vengeance for a wrong or criminal act. punishment inflicted on someone oas vengeance for||apunishment wrong or criminal on someone as vengeance for apunishm ˌretrəˈbyo͞ SH(ə)n/ || noun inflictedact. onpunishment someone asinflicted vengeance for a wrong or criminal act. wrong oron criminal act.as vengeance for a wrong or criminal act. punishment inflicted on someone as vengeance inflicted someone wrong or criminal act. punishment inflicted on someone as vengeance for a wrong or criminal act.

RETRIBUTIO RETRIBUTIO

FACES YOU AND I BOTH STILL IMAGINE SITTING THERE IN A SPOT THAT WAS ONCE RESERVED FOR US. BRANDED IRON IMPRESSIONS CEMENTED IN OUR MEMORY. SHAKEN. BROKEN. WITHERING. FACES YOU AND I BOTH STILL IMAGINE SITTING THERE IN A SPOT THAT WAS ONCE RESERVED FOR US. BRANDED IRON IMPRESSIONS CEMENTED IN OUR MEMORY. SHAKEN. BROKEN. WITHERING. FACES YOU AND I BOTH STILL IMAGINE SITTING THERE IN A SPOT THAT WAS ONCE RESERVED FOR US. BRANDED IRON IMPRESSIONS CEMENTED IN OUR MEMORY. SHAKEN. BROKEN. WITHERING.

FACES YOU AND I BOTH STILL IMAGINE SITTING THERE IN A SPOT THAT WAS ONCE RESERVED FOR US. BRANDED IRON IMPRESSIONS CEMENTED IN OUR MEMORY. SHAKEN. BROKEN. WITHERING. FACES YOU AND I BOTH STILL IMAGINE SITTING THERE IN A SPOT THAT WAS ONCE RESERVED FOR US. BRANDED IRON IMPRESSIONS CEMENTED IN OUR MEMORY. SHAKEN. BROKEN. WITHERING.

GET AROUND

IT'S HARD TO FOCUS ON

SELF DRIVING

IT'S HARD TO FOCUS ON THE ROAD WHILE IMAGINING ALL THE PLACES WE WOULD GO.

TO FOCUS ON THE ROAD WHILE IMAGINING ALL THE PLACES WE WOULD GO.

LOADING...

LOADING...

ENIREHTAC .TS EUR this song was made after I walked from Rue de La Montagne to Rue Alexandre-Desève. we were on the phone. but, you were hardly there. that walk was 4.7 km long. i looked it up when i got back to the airbnb. I was wishing you were there. i wish you could've been there to see how beautiful it was that night.

LOOSE ENDS OOSE ENDS SE ENDS

TURNS ABOUT AT ANY CHANCE ENCOUNTER WITH YOU. THOUGHTS OF HOW WE RAN ABOUT. STOP SIGNS YOU RAN. YOU RAN OUT OF GAS AT A KROGER. I CAME AND GOT YOU. MY TIMES IN LA WERE SOME OF THE LOWEST. DESPAIR AT ITS FINEST HOUR. I NOW HAVE TO REIMAGINE ALL THE IMAGES I ONCE CONJURED UP. THE PIT OR MY STOMACH TURNS ABOUT AT ANY CHANCE ENCOUNTER WITH YOU. THOUGHTS OF HOW WE RAN ABOUT. STOP SIGNS YOU RAN. YOU RAN OUT OF GAS AT A KROGER. I CAME AND GOT YOU. MY TIMES IN LA WERE SOME OF THE LOWEST. DESPAIR AT ITS FINEST HOUR? I NOW HAVE TO REIMAGINE ALL THE IMAGES I ONCE CONJURED UP. THE PIT OR MY STOMACH TURNS ABOUT AT ANY CHANCE ENCOUNTER WITH YOU. THOUGHTS OF HOW WE RAN ABOUT. STOP SIGNS YOU RAN. YOU RAN OUT OF GAS AT A KROGER. I CAME AND GOT YOU. MY TIMES IN LA WERE SOME OF THE LOWEST. DESPAIR AT ITS FINEST HOUR. I NOW HAVE TO REIMAGINE ALL

ADS READS THREADS

THAN SEEING YOUR FACE. GHOSTS OF YOU OCCUPY EVERY SPACE. BETWEEN HERE AND THERE WE CROSSED PATHS. YOU PASSED MY BUILDING ONE NOVEMBER. I JUST WONDER WHAT YOU THOUGHT ABOUT. SEPTEMBER 30TH. IMAGINING YOU BECAME EASIER THAN SEEING YOUR FACE. GHOSTS OF YOU OCCUPY EVERY SPACE. BETWEEN HERE AND THERE WE CROSSED PATHS. YOU PASSED MY BUILDING ONE NOVEMBER. I JUST WONDER WHAT YOU THOUGHT ABOUT. IMAGINING YOU 30TH. BECAME SEPTEMBER EASIER THAN SEEING YOUR FACE. GHOSTS OF YOU OCCUPY EVERY SPACE. BETWEEN HERE AND THERE WE CROSSED PATHS. YOU PASSED MY BUILDING IN NOVEMBER. I JUST WONDER WHAT YOU THOUGHT ABOUT. SEPTEMBER 30TH. IMAGINING YOU BECAME EASIER THAN SEEING YOUR FACE. GHOSTS OF YOU OCCUPY EVERY SPACE. BETWEEN HERE AND THERE WE CROSSED PATHS. YOU PASSED MY BUILDING ONE NOVEMBER. I JUST WONDER WHAT YOU THOUGHT ABOUT. SEPTEMBER 30TH. IMAGINING YOU BECAME EASIER THAN SEEING YOUR FACE. GHOSTS OF YOU OCCUPY

CREDITS / GRATITUDE the attached audio compositions were written, arranged, and performed by @justinmcelderry creative + art direction by @justinmcelderry

the associated .wav files were organized, compressed, and mixed by Dom Stone (@soydomstone) illustration by @tayler.ayers art direction + consultation by @elliottmcknight_ photography by @justinmcelderry additional photography by @jamesxscott Thank you for reading.

Thank you for inspiring.

Thank you for ignoring.

Thank you for pretending.

Thank you for lying. Thank you for telling the truth.

You were always more brave than me. Thank you.

END // THANK YOU ˈTHaNGk ˌyo͞o/ || exclamation || a polite expression used when acknowledging a gift, service, or compliment, or accepting or refusing an offer. a polite expression used when acknowledging a gift, service, compliment, or accepting or refusing an offer. ˈTHaNGkorˌyo͞ o/ || exclamation || a polite expression used when acknowledging a gift, service, or compliment, or accepting or refusing an offer. a polite expression used when acknowledging a gift, service, or compliment, or accepting or refusing an offer. ˈTHaNGk ˌyo͞o/ || exclamation || a polite expression used when acknowledging a gift, service, or compliment, or accepting or refusing an offer. a polite expression used when acknowledging a gift, ˈTHaNGk o/ || exclamation || a polite expression used when acknowledging a gift, service, or service, orˌyo͞ compliment, or accepting or refusing an offer. compliment, or accepting or refusing an offer. a polite expression used when acknowledging a gift, service, or compliment, or accepting or refusing an offer.