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Weddings To Remember Volume CIX Number 45 January 2017 $5

Inside: Looking for Love in All the Right Places Jewish Rituals Connect the Generations Wedding Advice Houston Rabbi

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Table of Contents

jhvonline.com ISSN 0021-6488

USPS 0275-360

5

WEDDINGS TO REMEMBER

Looking for Love in All the Right Places

By Riki Horowitz

Volume CIX – Number 45

8 FOUNDING PUBLISHERS Edgar Goldberg 1908-1937 David H. White and Ida S. White 1938-1973 Joseph W. Samuels 1973-2011 PRESIDENT & CEO Vicki Samuels Levy EDITOR and PUBLISHER Jeanne F. Samuels Associate editor | Michael C. Duke Multimedia manager | Matt Samuels Editorial research | Arnold Rosenzweig Staff writer | Aaron Howard Editorial team | Lawrence S Levy Food editor | Theodore Powers Sports editor | Matt Samuels COLUMNISTS Alice Adams • Deborah Brown Felice and Michael Friedson • Pam Geyer Ed Reitman, Ph.D. • Yael Trusch Teddy Weinberger PRODUCTION Production director | Aaron D. Poscovsky Magazine designer | Matt Samuels Graphics | Mary Jane Johnston Proofreader | Judy Bluestein-Levin SUBSCRIPTION/DISTRIBUTION Lawrence S Levy

Building a Bond that Lasts a Lifetime The perfect wedding starts with a well-thought-out plan

By Vicki Samuels Levy

10 Jewish Rituals Connect the Generations

5

By Michael C. Duke

12 Wedding Advice from the Rabbi

15

By Rabbi Adrienne P. Scott

15 The Wedding Went Off ...

Despite a Sprained Ankle, Family Crisis and More

19

By Jeanne F. Samuels

17 How to Keep a Long-Distance Marriage Together

By Aaron Howard

19 Inspired by You, the Modern Bride A Breakdown of the Top Bridal Trends of the Year

By Melanie Sherman

21 Planning a Wedding?

First Choose a Venue

By Alice Adams

ADVERTISING SALES Advertising Manager | Phillip Eaton Ad account executives: Trey Bullock • Judy Karonika • Lew Sampson Melanie Sherman • Steve Sherman

23 Writes and Wrongs to Wedding Thank-you Notes

By Michael C. Duke

24 Directory of Advertisers Classified/Singles | Joseph Macias Director of first impressions | Sharon Stoper Livitz Accounts receivable | Huong Tonnu Bookkeeper | Mary Ainsworth Payroll | Maurene Bencal Mailing address: P.O. Box 153 • Houston, TX 77001-0153 News: articles@jhvonline.com Letters: editor@jhvonline.com Subscriptions: subscribe@jhvonline.com Advertising: advertising@jhvonline.com Telephone: 713-630-0391 • Fax: 713-630-0404 Digital: jhvonline.com/e-edition Web: jhvonline.com Twitter: @jhvonline Facebook.com/JewishHeraldVoice Located at 3403 Audley St.• Houston, TX 77098-1923

On the cover Chaya Traxler and Abe Rogatsky were married at the Omni Hotel on Nov. 29, 2016.

Elisheva Golani Photography

Published weekly – Plus Wedding, Passover, Voices in Houston, Rosh Hashanah and Bar/Bat Mitzvah editions – by Herald Publishing Co., 3403 Audley St., Houston, TX 77098. ©2017, with all rights reserved. Reproduction or use without permission of editorial or graphic content in any manner is prohibited. Periodicals Postage Paid at Houston, Texas. Subscription rates: USA $180 for 3 years; $125 for 2 years; $65 per year; 9 months for $55. Foreign subscriptions upcharged with international first-class postage. Single newspaper copies by mail: PREPAID $4. Back Issues: PREPAID $6. Wedding issue: $7. Postmaster: Send address changes to: Jewish Herald-Voice, PO Box 153, Houston TX 77001-0153.

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4 | Jewish Herald-Voice | Weddings to Remember | January 2017 | jhvonline.com

Looking for L♥ve in All the Right Places

By RIKI HOROWITZ

L

ove is an emotion that increases in strength throughout life. It is sharing and caring, and respecting one another. It is building a life together, a unit of family and home.

“It is through the small, everyday acts of living together that love grows and flourishes. The love you feel after five or 10 years is a gradual strengthening of bonds. As two lives unite to form one, with time, one reaches a point where neither partner can visualize life without their mate by their side” (The Lubavitcher Rebbe, “Chicken Soup for the Neshama”).

From across the globe, Orthodox singles meet and decide to marry, believing finding the right partner to be far more important than geographic convenience.

This tradition dates to the first recorded shidduch (arranged marriage) in the Torah, when Abraham sends his servant Eliezer to Ur Kasdim, Abraham’s homeland, to find a wife for his son (Genesis, parshat Chayei Sarah, Chapter 24). Eliezer acts as the matchmaker – shadchan – traveling by camel to Abraham’s homeland to find the right wife for Isaac, praying to G-d for guidance and asking for a sign. When he meets Rebekah at the well, he recognizes how special she is by her character and virtues.

“When people are fixed up, they find out about each other before going on a date,” explained Rabbi Chaim Lazaroff of Chabad of Uptown.

“They see whether they’re on the same page with their aspirations in life. It’s important to know your criteria and what’s negotiable and what’s non-negotiable. I call it ‘love at second sight.’

“A shadchan isn’t there to help people date,” the rabbi continued. “They are there to help them find their life partner. There needs to be a connection between the two people: what they’re looking for; if there’s chemistry; if they can get the relationship to excel or proceed. A matchmaker’s role is to facilitate the match, to get them to look deeper.”

Even genetic compatibility is considered.

Rabbi Lazaroff ’s own marriage was a shidduch (arranged match). His wife, Rebbetzin Chanie Lazaroff confided the suggestion came on her birthday. “My sister-in-law, Manya, thought of the match,” Chanie said. They were friends from school, and Manya was married to the rabbi’s brother. “She thought of the match,” said Chanie, “but then, she sent someone on the family’s behalf who knew my family. I’d just recently started dating. It was Rabbi Chaim’s first date.

Sharon and Label Hackner were married in November 2014.

“People think the Orthodox way is archaic,” said Chanie, “but it’s probably the most progressive and successful. You need to be able to cut away the noise, because a lot of people ‘second guess’ themselves and then they aren’t ready to go further and make the relationship work.”

“Some people put their life on hold when they’re looking for a shidduch, especially at the outset,” noted Sharon Hackner, an outgoing Judaic studies teacher at Robert M. Beren Academy.

“Education and career take a backseat for them.

I didn’t do that. Dating was not my entire focus.

I loved traveling, put a lot of effort into my work and pursued personal goals. I enjoyed getting to know people and getting to know better who I was. I love the life experiences I acquired along the way.”

Hackner knew the type of qualities she was looking for in a partner: Respect for a holistic, healthy lifestyle, flexibility and perseverance.

She wanted someone growth-minded with an adventurous spirit, who was fun and liked to travel, but also able to set goals and keep going toward them, despite any setbacks that might arise.

“There are many ways a shidduch can come about,” said Hackner. “In my experience, it’s ideal when a mutual friend or acquaintance knows both parties quite well, but not everyone is lucky enough to have that, so you have to branch out.

It’s more about networking – the ‘resume’ made me uncomfortable. There’s a lot of pressure to have it worded perfectly ... accompanied by a knockout photo. For a lot of people, it’s really difficult. It can be interpreted in different ways or

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a line that they wrote or something left out can mean the difference between someone pursuing a date or writing you off.

“The concept of phone dating made me uncomfortable,” continued Hackner. “So, if you have an awkward conversation with a stranger on the phone, they won’t want to meet you. I do far better in person.” She said a suggestion once came up, but the date would mean booking an expensive flight. She almost turned it down, based on logistics, but a friend helped her see it as an investment in her future. “It was a positive experience,” she said, “even though nothing came of it. It’s not going to always be convenient.

You put in your effort and you see your return.

Hackner did meet the right person on her 29th birthday; they married eight months later.

“What worked best for me was suggestions through friends,” Hackner said. “At the time I met my husband, we were both living in the same place. A single guy and a married friend of his suggested that we meet. When you’re younger than 25, you’re not in such a rush.

When you’re older, you don’t want to waste time dating someone repeatedly who you’re sure isn’t right for you. … The real benefit of having a gobetween was having someone to break it down with afterward and be a sounding board or able to go back to the other person for information. I could say: ‘This is something that concerns me,’ and they could find out about it and help keep things on track. You don’t get sidetracked by having fun, but you have a goal in mind.

“I wanted him to meet my family and see where I was from before we tied the knot,” said Hackner. “Flights to Australia from New York are expensive. My rebbetzin suggested that I cover the cost of the ticket so that there would be no pressure on me to follow through with such a major life decision, simply because I felt indebted to him financially for making the trip out. I’m happy I made that decision. People make investments all the time. When you are dating, you are investing in your entire future happiness.

When it works out, I don’t believe you will regret putting in what it took to get there.”

Today, there are many online dating services, such as Saw You at Sinai, that cater to traditional and Orthodox people. Seekers choose up to two matchmakers and tell them about themselves, complete an online profile and description of what sort of person they’d be open to meeting, whether they’re willing to relocate and their vision for the type of home they would like to build. There’s also chabadmatch.com, which is a database and service geared toward the Chabad community, founded by Houston native, Moshe Raichman, who now resides in Israel. Among others is Bashert Now, a Chabad résumé service.

Unlike Hackner, Shoshannah Bonn found the résumé approach very helpful. She credits Bashert Now and its founder, Sara Leah Gotnick Blotter, with helping her find her bashert (destiny or soul mate). “Bashert Now sends out people’s

Rabbi Chaim and Chanie Lazaroff wed in 2001.

Danny and Rivka Fishman wed in February 1998.

résumés to a lot of rabbis, shlichim (emissaries) and people all over the country who might have ideas for matches, as well as to more traditional matchmakers,” said Bonn. Her résumé was “in the system” for about three years, and she’d gone on many dates before meeting her soul mate.

“The day Rich’s résumé hit the system someone made the suggestion,” she said. A little over a year ago, she moved to Houston from Crown Heights, N.Y., to marry Rich Bonn.

Rivka Fishman, a Judaic studies teacher at Torah Day School of Houston, considers herself very fortunate to have met her bashert so easily.

“Danny’s the first person I dated. I had just started looking when his name came up.”

Danny’s sister had suggested that he meet a girl from Pittsburgh, Rivka’s hometown. “Danny asked Rabbi [Shimon] Lazaroff to call the girl’s rabbi in Pittsburgh and when Rabbi Lazaroff made the call, he reached the rabbi’s wife instead.

He asked her about the girl, and the rebbetzin said she didn’t think that girl was right for Danny. She suggested that he meet Rivka, instead.

“He had everything on my list,” said Fishman.

“I wanted someone who was a professional or in business. We had a similar vision of what we wanted life to be and how to raise kids. He was normal, fun, down-to-earth. Our families were even very similar.”

Since Danny was already in business in Houston, and she was still in college in New York, she knew she’d move here if things worked out.

“It sounded like he was exactly what I was looking for,” said Fishman. “He called for the first time on a Sunday and on Thursday he flew to New York where I was studying at Touro College.

We went out Thursday night, Friday morning and Sunday all day. On Sunday, he was ready to ask me; I could sense it, but I wasn’t ready, so, I said, ‘Hey wait. This is exactly what I’m looking for, but it’s going too quickly.’ It was all so new to me. I told him to go back to Texas and we’d talk.

He thought I was saying no, but I wasn’t, I just needed to think and to take a breath. He spoke to a go-between and understood that I just needed time. Then, he called after a week, and we started speaking on the phone for hours every night.”

A week later, Danny flew back to New York and proposed right there at the gate at LaGuardia.

After a four-month engagement, they married in Pittsburgh. Four days after the wedding, she moved to Houston during their Sheva Brachot.

The Fishmans have six children, ranging in age from 6 to 18, and hope to soon help their oldest through the matchmaking process. “It’s more complicated now. There are many more broken engagements, and the divorce rate, even though it’s much lower than in the rest of the world, is higher than it used to be. There was still a leap of faith involved, I’m sure, but now it’s a much bigger leap.”

While for some it takes just one match, others go out with more than a hundred people before finding their life partner. Some people aren’t so fortunate. Years pass and people stop making suggestions. Some give up in the process.

Watching all their friends get married and have children in a society that is so family-oriented and child-centered can be very difficult. It seems harder on the women, who are concerned with their biological clocks and how many children they potentially will be able to have if they don’t get married while they’re still young.

There’s a very successful rabbi in his late 20s in another city who’s struggling to find a life partner. He and others see flaws in the system and are trying to make changes to resolve what’s being called the “shidduch crisis.” When it works, it’s a fantastic approach to finding a husband or wife, but when it doesn’t, it can be very painful.

“Pray; be realistic about who you are and what you’re looking for,” said Fishman. She encourages those looking for a spouse not to give up. It’s really a blessing when you find your bashert. ♥

6 | Jewish Herald-Voice | Weddings to Remember | January 2017 | jhvonline.com

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Building a Bond that Lasts a Lifetime The perfect wedding starts with a well-thought-out plan

By Vicki Samuels Levy | JHV

B

efore you begin planning your dream wedding, consider the Jewish idea of marriage: two halves becoming one, completing each other.

According to Dan Silverman, Aish Hatorah Resources, in “The Jewish View of Marriage,” “Marriage is not two people coming together to form a partnership, nor an agreement to be roommates, permanently. It’s not a method to get a tax break, or a way to share household chores. The Jewish idea of marriage is two halves becoming one, completing each other.”

Silverman offers dating couples this blueprint for unification: DESTINATION: Know where you’re going in order to commit going together; i.e., share life goals and values.

COMMITMENT: The backbone of marriage, without it, you’re just roommates.

AFFINITY: If you can’t stand each other, it’s going to be an intolerable ride.

Values include honesty, integrity, loyalty and kindness. Silverman suggests you and your betrothed describe three people you respect most in the world, identifying their values and why they’re important to you. Ask yourselves, are you ready to die for these? If yes, then live for it.

“Marriage,” he says, “is the way to build a family and a home, share your life with someone you love, deepen your emotional capacities, and open yourself up to another like you never have before. Define your goals, and then commit to marriage as the vehicle to get you there together.

It is life’s most precious journey.”

Once the two of you are ONE on what you desire for the future, begin planning your wedding ceremony. The following is a suggested timetable:

You are engaged! ❑ Send your engagement announcement to the JHV, simchas@jhvonline.com, for our community’s genealogical record ❑ Schedule genetic-disease testing ❑ Decide if you are going to mail printed announcements ❑ Coordinate the date with your rabbi, cantor and synagogue ❑ Buy rings ❑ Consider hiring a wedding consultant ❑ Make up an approximate guest list in order to shop for reception site ❑ Create a budget ❑ Decide on the style of wedding Choose: ❑ Venues for engagment party, rehearsal dinner, ceremony and reception

❑ Music for different venues ❑ Photogapher ❑ Videographer ❑ Florist ❑ Caterer/bakery ❑ Check state law on marriage license and blood test requirements ❑ Develop prenuptial agreement, if desired

One year ahead

❑ Finalize venues ❑ Consider premarital counseling ❑ Consider financial planning ❑ Order ketubah ❑ Shop for wedding gown ❑ Choose bridesmaids, groomsmen, ushers ❑ Select tuxedos, attire for wedding party

Six months ahead

❑ Meet with rabbi to plan ceremony; schedule future meetings ❑ Start a bridal registry ❑ Plan rehearsal dinner ❑ Plan honeymoon ❑ Book bridal suite ❑ Arrange accommodations for out-of-town guests ❑ Decide on morning-after brunch ❑ Shop for invitations ❑ Order (imprinted) kippot ❑ Select or design chuppah ❑ Choose favors for guests, if desired

Four months ahead ❑ Finalize guest list ❑ Arrange for shaytl or teichl (if applicable) ❑ Order invitations, accompanying stationery ❑ Create maps to include with invitations ❑ Create list of activities for out-of-towners ❑ Book calligrapher ❑ Order wedding cake ❑ Order necessary rental items

Three months ahead

❑ Purchase stamps ❑ Number response cards to correspond with guest list ❑ Mail invitations (include maps, activities)

One month ahead ❑ Acquire Texas or other state marriage license ❑ Schedule mikvah ❑ Write vows (if applicable) ❑ Schedule aufruf ❑ Schedule Kiddush ❑ Arrange for wedding-day transportation ❑ Final gown alterations

Two to three weeks ahead ❑ Haircuts, etc. ❑ Make appointments for manicures ❑ Make table assignments ❑ Decide who will return groom’s tuxedo ❑ Follow up on unacknowledged invitations ❑ Give music requests and reception plan to musicians

One week ahead ❑ Confirm head count and details with all vendors (photographer, florist, etc.) ❑ Continue to follow up on loose details ❑ Start packing ❑ Visit mikvah (within four days of wedding)

Your wedding day Make a checklist in advance, so you don’t forget anything, such as: ❑ Rings ❑ Other jewelry ❑ Copy of vows (give copy to best friends) ❑ Marriage license ❑ Ketubah ❑ Kiddush cup ❑ Glass for “Mazel Tov!” ❑ Makeup bag ❑ Medications ❑ “Vanity basket” with spare hosiery, hairspray, nail polish, perfume, mints, etc. ❑ Candles, guest book, pen, etc. ❑ Payments for vendors ❑ Luggage ❑ Personal identification ❑ Tickets

Two months ahead ❑ Make up ceremony programs, if desired ❑ Make up or order hospitality baskets for out-of-town guests ❑ Consult with makeup artist, if desired ❑ Set rehearsal time for wedding party ❑ Purchase gifts for attendants ❑ Write thank-you notes as you receive gifts ❑ Make necessary doctors’/dentists’ appointments

8 | Jewish Herald-Voice | Weddings to Remember | January 2017 | jhvonline.com

After the wedding ❑ ❑ ❑

❑ ❑ ❑ ❑

Week of sheva brachot Honeymoon Send change of name to Social Security, banks, credit cards, department of motor vehicles, etc.

Send change of address to JHV Submit wedding announcement to JHV Write thank-you notes! ♥ Appreciate one another

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Jewish Rituals Connect the Generations By mIcHael c. DuKe | JHV

T

he following description of Jewish rituals will help prepare you for your wedding day, and before and after. For more details, especially for Ashkenazi and Sephardic customs, consult your rabbi.

ALIYOT: “Going up.” Groom is called to the Torah on Shabbat prior to wedding.

AUFRUF: Special wedding blessings on Shabbat, prior to and immediately following wedding ceremony; customary for guests to throw sweets at the groom.

BEDEKEN: Yiddish for “covering,” is the custom of a groom veiling his bride prior to the start of the wedding ceremony. Once the ketubah is signed, the groom lifts the veil to reveal his bride’s face. Bedeken is said to make a Jewish bride hekdesh, or set apart in holiness; while physical beauty can fade over time, a bride’s spiritual and internal beauty lasts forever.

BIRKAT ERUSIN: Betrothal blessing and drinking of wine by the wedding couple; offering of a ring by the groom to the bride; the bride’s acceptance of the ring; and the groom’s recital of the traditional ring blessing.

BIRKAT HAMAZON: Blessings that conclude the se’udah, meal; includes the seven brachot with the blessing over the wine said last.

BREAKING OF THE GLASS: Evokes feelings of both joy and sadness. Explanations include: symbolizing the destruction of the First and Second Temples and mourning the exiles of the Jewish people; the fragility of human relationships and that it takes a great deal of hard work to make a healthy relationship blossom; reference to Mishnah (cf. BT Ber. 30b–21a) that tells of a rabbi who broke a glass at his child’s wedding in order to offset the excessive levity of the celebration; a call to action – for the wedding couple to perform acts of tikkun olam, repairing the broken world.

CHUPPAH: Wedding canopy, meant to represent the house in which the newlyweds will live. A tallit (prayer shawl) often is used for the chuppah’s canopy, signifying that the couple will live under a Jewish roof, guided by mitzvot and with G-d’s protection.

CIRCLING: Bride customarily circles the groom, just prior to entering the chuppah. Some communities use three circles, while others prefer seven. Custom of circling is said to symbolically bind the groom to the bride. The ritual is a physical enactment of the wedding band – illustrating unity and completeness.

FAST (WEDDING DAY): Custom serves as a reminder of the limitations of life through the coupling of happiness and sacrifice; not obligatory if the wedding falls on Rosh Chodesh (the New Moon), or on other celebratory festivals.

KETUBAH: Official Jewish marriage contract, outlining a husband’s legal obligations to his wife, including her basic rights and financial protection from divorce and/or death.

KIDDUSHIN: Betrothal ceremony; one of two parts of the Jewish wedding ceremony; the other being Nissuin (actual marriage).

KINYAN: To finalize a Jewish marriage, there must be a ritual act of acquisition, a reminder of biblical times when a man “acquired” a bride. It is the groom’s offering and the bride’s acceptance of an object of nominal value – a ring – that legally unites a Jewish wedding couple.

MIKVAH: A body of mayim hayyim or “living water” Jewish brides immerse themselves in, symbolically connecting with Eve, the first bride in history, marking the turning point of a woman’s premarital and married sexuality. Grooms may immerse, also, adding to the holiness of the Jewish marriage.

NISSUIN: The wedding or chuppah ceremony; the Jewish wedding ceremony officially begins with the wedding couple’s arrival under the chuppah.

10 | Jewish Herald-Voice | Weddings to Remember | January 2017 | jhvonline.com

SE’UDAH: Following the yichud, the wedding couple rejoins the rest of the wedding party for the wedding feast and celebration. The se’udah mitzvah maintains that there always is a serious aspect to joyful occasions, reminding the wedding couple to live a life guided by the precepts of Torah.

SHABBAT CHATAN: Shabbat prior to the wedding ceremony, when groom receives special blessing.

SHABBAT KALLAH: Shabbat after the wedding ceremony, when bride receives special blessing.

SHEVA BRACHOT: Seven blessings chanted during the Nissuin or wedding ceremony.

SHEVA BRACHOT (WEEK OF): After the se’udah, the wedding couple is obliged to host a weeklong celebration; functions as a way to immerse the newlyweds into the greater Jewish community, and for the community to show its acceptance of the new couple’s union. The Jewish wedding couple is obliged to become part of the community experience immediately, a ritual that connects Jews over generations.

TAHARAT HAMISHPAKHA: Laws of Family Purity TENA’IM: Marks the official start of the Kiddushin, serving as the formal declaration of matrimonial intent in the Jewish marriage.

YICHUD: Implies “togetherness.” After the chuppah ceremony, the wedding couple escapes to a private room to spend a few quiet moments alone, to break fast, revel in the moment; in more traditional communities, the act of consummation is insinuated.

Background ketubah Raichman (copyrighted).

by

Deborah

Rolnik ♥

Weddings Bar/Bat mitzvahs soCial events Galleria Area

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Wedding Advice from the Rabbi

By RaBBI aDRIeNNe P. ScOTT

Associate rabbi, Congregation Beth Israel

T

Our tradition teaches

he Zohar teaches, “G-d creates new worlds constantly by that when we find the causing marriages to take place” (Zohar 1:89a). one who causes our soul Mazel Tov to you on your recent engagement or marriage! This to rejoice, the Divine is an exciting time for you and for your extended family. As a rabbi, I like to emphasize that the importance of this time in your life should spark is truly be placed on your relationship and marriage; not only on the wedding animated within ceremony. each of us.

The ceremony, as beautiful and special as it will be, will last only a few hours. After it is complete, you’ll be spending the rest of your lives together. Now is the time to ask yourselves the important questions: Rabbi Adrienne P. Scott 1) What do I admire in my partner? you would like to have in your home: a mezuzah, a Kiddush cup or a Seder 2) How does my partner complete me? plate. Begin the conversation over where and how you will acknowledge the 3) How can I best support my partner?

Once you have spent some time reflecting on these initial questions, focus different sacred times throughout the year. Plan ahead so that your time as a on how Judaism will be expressed in your marriage. What will be Jewish about couple will be meaningful and special.

In addition to these ritual items, there is no better time than at the your home? How will your home reflect that of a mikdash me’at, a small replica of our sacred sanctuary dedicated to G-d, to Torah and to the Jewish People? beginning of a marriage to develop a Jewish library. With regard to planning As an engaged or a newly married couple, beginning to practice good Jewish for a wedding, I specifically like two books. The first is “Meeting at the Well: habits from the outset is extremely important. There is no need to wait until A Jewish Spiritual Guide to Being Engaged,” by Daniel Judson and Nancy Weiner and, second, “The New Jewish Wedding Book,” by Anita Diamante. your family grows with children and other commitments.

Shabbat, as our rabbis teach, is a foretaste of the world to come, when all Both of these are excellent resources to explore the deeper meanings behind of our days will be spent in rest, holiness and joy. Now is the time to begin an engagement, wedding and ultimately a Jewish marriage.

It is best to consult with your clergy as soon as possible. If you know of a commemorating and observing this special time with your partner. If you are asked about the types of gifts you would like to receive, think about the Judaica rabbi and/or cantor whom you would like to participate in the ceremony, reach

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12 | Jewish Herald-Voice | Weddings to Remember | January 2017 | jhvonline.com

out to them quickly. It is better to do this before you have even committed to a date. Often, clergy schedules are set way in advance. It is wonderful when you have a connection to your officiant. However, it is also important to find a spiritual home in one of our many congregations in the Jewish community.

Attend services at local synagogues. Spend time on the congregation’s website to learn more about them. Schedule time to meet the rabbis and cantor. When you join a community early on, it is often easier to cultivate your relationships with others into the future.

As you deepen your relationship to Judaism during this time, remember what traditions you observed in your own home. You may wish to continue them. Or, there may be some things that you haven’t done that you wish to do.

One great addition to your personal library is “On the Doorposts of Your Home,” published by the Central Conference of American Rabbis. This is a resource to help acknowledge everything from daily prayers and blessings to significant life-cycle events. You may even choose this time to familiarize yourself with the weekly Torah portion by subscribing to a daily digest or purchasing a Torah commentary of your choosing. As the year unfolds, the time of new beginnings resonates within our sacred texts.

Ultimately, a wedding lasts but a few hours. Months and months of preparation boil down to an event that passes quickly. The memories will last a lifetime, but the real focus should be on your relationship with your partner, your beloved. Our tradition teaches that when we find the one who causes our soul to rejoice, the Divine spark is truly animated within each of us. Through this great rejoicing, we help to fortify our people. We proudly commit ourselves to the future generations which will continue to carry out our most sacred and wonderful traditions. This is our heritage. You are the link that will prevent this ongoing chain from ever breaking or splitting.

May your relationship inspire you to bring goodness into the world.

May it bring about the best in you and in your partner. May G-d bless your relationship with good health, happiness and peace.

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14 | Jewish Herald-Voice | Weddings to Remember | January 2017 | jhvonline.com

The Wedding Went Off ... Despite a Sprained Ankle, Family Crisis and More

By JEANNE F. SAMUELS | JHV

T

he saga began when Ayli Meyer proposed to Roy Uri in January 2016, and they set their wedding date for the following Sept. 25.

Ayli wanted to marry outdoors, and the couple found a wonderful venue in Magnolia, Texas, which her parents booked for them as a surprise. It was beautiful, but it got to be stressful, as it offered too many events over a three-day period. When it became too costly, they decided it was not right for them.

The two then planned a small wedding in the backyard, to be followed by a party atop Congregation Emanu El’s parking garage.

Suddenly, Ayli’s mother and brother lost their positions at Emanu El, and the congregation no longer felt like home to the family. That lovely plan was scrapped.

Six weeks before the wedding date, while walking her dog, Ayli fell on the street and severely sprained her ankle.

“It was exceedingly painful,” she said. “I couldn’t walk straight (I called it my gangster walk), and faced a continuing regimen of physical therapy. It was a concerted effort to get me walking again in time for the wedding.”

In their new search for an acceptable venue for the wedding, the couple discovered Butler’s Courtyard. (It had been an old bank in League City, Texas).

“This was Roy’s favorite from the start,” Ayli recalled. “Up to this point, it had felt like pulling teeth, but they made it so easy. I’d wanted a brunch wedding, and everything at Butler’s Courtyard was included. They picked up our food, the cake, the flowers, everything. The décor was what I would call classic and antique.”

It fit the bride perfectly.

Tuesday night, before the wedding, Ayli’s mother called to tell her that her maternal grandfather had been rushed to the hospital by ambulance. “My grandfather, Chaim Segall, was like a second father to me,” she told the JHV. “I grew up with him, always in the same household. His colon had burst, and he was rushed into surgery.”

Segall had known he had a problem, but wanted to wait and confront it after the wedding.

That was not meant to be.

“His surgery went well, but I felt that I wanted to call off the wedding, or delay or postpone it,” Ayli recalled. “I stayed with him constantly in ICU.” On Friday, Ayli’s mother, Marna, insisted that

Elisheva Golani PHOTOGRAPHY

Ayli Meyer and Roy Uri were united in marriage Sept. 25, 2016.

she keep her bridal appointments (hair, nails, etc.), and the bride-to-be went unwillingly.

Atop it all was a real concern that the Indian tailor, who was making traditional Indian clothing for the groom and male attendants, would not complete the job in time. Thankfully, it was – barely. (Roy’s maternal grandparents were from India; his paternal grandparents were from Iran. His parents were first-generation Israelis.)

The rehearsal dinner was scheduled for Friday evening – a Shabbat dinner at Ayli’s

parents’ home, and the bride-to-be was not looking forward to it. Immediately beforehand, however, her grandfather’s nurse gave Ayli a pep talk, insisting that the grandfather would want her to go through with the wedding and all its festivities.

Saturday, while enjoying brunch at her parents’ home, Ayli’s spirits were raised when an old friend from NIFTY days came in.

Then, “On Sunday, the joy of marrying my best friend finally took over when we went to League City to prepare for the wedding. Of

Weddings to Remember | January 2017 | jhvonline.com | jhvonline.com/e-edition | 15

course,” she admitted, “it was raining, so there went my dream of an outdoor wedding.

The décor was very Indian, and she was “finally pumped up” by a South African song, “Diamonds on the Sole of Her Shoes,” sung by Paul Simon, recorded with a South African band. (Both Ayli’s parents, Marna and Steven, are South African.)

The ceremony had to take place under a tent. When the bride walked down the aisle, Ayli’s parents met her halfway and each blessed her.

Then, Roy came forward to put Ayli’s veil on her, and the bride and groom walked down the aisle together. Congregation Torah Vachesed’s Rabbi Avraham Yaghobian performed the ceremony.

“He is a truly joyous rabbi. He brought such joy and uplift. You can’t be sad around him,” Ayli declared. “After that, I really enjoyed myself.”

Since her ankle was still a problem, Ayli had made certain she could walk. Her bridal shoes had 1-inch sparkly heels. And, she changed afterwards to sequined sneakers and then to sparkly flip-flops.

Following the reception and brunch, there were speeches and dancing.

“I was doing fine until my grandmother got up and began dancing with her walker. I started to dance with her and began crying. There she was, dancing without my grandfather. It was a bittersweet moment: a massive amount of joy, mixed with the sadness that he was unable to be there. But,” she added, “it’s more important that he’s better – rather than being at the wedding.

“He’s home now, recovering after undergoing critical care,” the new Mrs. Meyer-Uri told the JHV in December. “He’s the patriarch of the family – the stalwart. But, I had never seen him so fragile.”

Looking back at all the stumbling blocks: “Tensions were high. It was terribly stressful. I couldn’t face anything that needed to be done.

Moreover, there was lots of high drama. But,” Ayli added, “it all worked out. The wedding was more than I ever expected.”

♥

16 | Jewish Herald-Voice | Weddings to Remember | January 2017 | jhvonline.com

How to Keep a Long-Distance Marriage Together

By AARON HOWARD | JHV

M

ost of us are familiar with the old aphorism, “Absence makes the heart grow fonder.” But, is it true that people, especially partners in marriage, become dearer to us when they are absent?

One study indicates couples in long-distance relationships have more meaningful interactions than those who see each other on a daily basis.

That leads to higher levels of intimacy, assert psychologists Crystal Jiang of the City University of Hong Kong and Jeffrey T. Hancock of Cornell University. The researchers followed 63 couples in long distance and in geographically close relationships, to keep track of how often they interacted with their partners and which type of media (phone calls, texting, video chat, etc.) they used.

Their conclusion: Long-distance couples said they felt more committed and more intimate with each other. They also felt more accepting of their partner’s behaviors and felt like they were getting closer, instead of just sharing information.

Houstonians Sharon and Paul Colbert have been married since 1987. Both have had careers that made much of their marriage long distance.

Absence became a familiar pattern early in their marriage. Paul served in the Texas House of Representatives for 12 years, from 19811992. He was chair of the Public Education Budget Subcommittee and a member of the Appropriations Committee. That meant spending Mondays through Thursdays in Austin during the early part of each legislative session. By March, it became Mondays-Fridays; then six or seven days a week in April and May. Sharon said that with Paul away, she got into her own daily patterns. “I told Paul that I felt like a single parent. I developed my own daily patterns. Having a person coming in and out of my life expecting attention sometimes felt like an intrusion, and it required some adjustment. But mostly, it was good to have him home.”

Eight years into their marriage, Sharon made

Sharon, Nathan and Paul Colbert

the decision to go to cantorial school. Singing was Sharon’s first career. She had been the lead singer in a band before giving up her career to become Paul’s campaign manager. She began singing in the Congregation Brith Shalom choir in 1990 and filled in twice as soloist for the High Holy Days. That led her to realize being a cantor was her calling. To get there, she needed a four-year degree.

“We talked about money,” said Paul. “It was an expensive undertaking. Time was also an issue. Nathan [their son] was young; we had a congressional campaign in 1994 and Paul’s public policy consulting kept him very busy. …”

Sharon interrupted, “Paul never said no. From 1994 onward, I took undergraduate classes at the University of Houston in order to first get my undergraduate degree. But, it took eight years.

Our parents each had serious illnesses, and Paul’s mother passed away during this time.”

In 2002, Paul again ran for U.S. House District

25. He lost. That left the Colberts in “serious debt.”

“All of the money we had – and didn’t have – went into a losing campaign,” said Paul. “That, plus Sharon’s mother’s final illness, resulted in a three-year gap between Sharon’s college graduation and the start of cantorial school.

I used to tell people that Sharon had put me through the legislature, which paid $600 per month. So, it was my turn to support what she wanted to do.”

Said Sharon, “I knew I had Paul’s support. We had financially rough times before. One of my fears was I wouldn’t be here for my son, Nathan, who was 15 at the time. But, he bought into the project. He’s turned into a very independent person.”

In 2005, Sharon began classes at the Cantorial School of the Academy for Jewish Religion in Los Angeles. She woke up Sundays at 5 a.m.; Paul took her to the airport at 6:30. She attended classes Sunday, Monday and Tuesday, getting

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back to Houston about midnight. Then, it was time for homework and study.

“Sometimes, I’d have to say to Paul: ‘Leave me alone, I have to study.’ And, other times: ‘I’m back.

Pay attention to me.’ But, we’re both independent people. You have to be to live a lifestyle like that.

You can’t be a needy personality,” said Sharon.

In retrospect, the couple believes their longdistance, goal-oriented relationship succeeded because each person was independent, caring and trusted their partner. Both people were committed to each other’s success.

“I had some self-doubt,” said Sharon. “I never doubted my partner, and he never doubted me.

Without Paul, I’d be a different person.”

Graduation from seminary as an ordained cantor brought Sharon back to Houston – for three months. On Feb. 12, 2009, Flight 3407 from Newark to Buffalo crashed. Among the 50 people who died was Cantor Susan Wehle, the cantor at Temple Beth Am outside Buffalo, N.Y. Sharon was familiar with the Jewish community there, having sung High Holy Days services in 2007 and 2008 at another Buffalo synagogue, Temple Sinai. Sharon got a phone call from the Temple Sinai president. Apply for the vacancy at Temple Beth Am, she was told.

Sharon applied and was hired. That meant moving up to Buffalo. No commuting for her.

Paul now became the part-time spouse. He’d spend about two weeks a month in Buffalo and

two weeks in Houston for his consulting work – unless the Legislature was in session. And then, Paul and Sharon might not see each other for two months.

“We talked to each other every night by phone,” said Sharon. “I went back to having my own routine. But, there were times I felt isolated.

It is often difficult being in the clergy.”

Said Paul, “When I was in Buffalo, my job was to be the cantoretzin.”

“My career became his career while he was in Buffalo,” explained Sharon. “He did things with the Men’s Club and the Sisterhood. They loved him as much as they loved me. And, he was my back-up guitarist. [Paul was a professional folksinger/guitarist in his younger days.]

“We still had a common goal: service and helping people,” said Sharon. “That service part of us matches up. You can’t have a relationship without some commonalities. But, you can’t totally blend into each other. You can’t lose yourself in the other person so deeply that you are no longer the person who you want to be.”

“A relationship doesn’t work if it’s the lowest common denominator between two people,” added Paul.

So, even if one is involved in a satisfying relationship, it’s also important to know how to be alone.

“Alone, but not lonely,” elaborated Sharon.

“Even if Paul was up in Buffalo for only three

days and the Men’s Club happened to be having a Poker Night, which Paul likes very much, I’d encourage him to go out and play cards. I’d go out to movies with one of my movie buddies from synagogue. Almost never were the words, ‘I want you home’ spoken between us.”

Now, Sharon is back in Houston. Almost immediately upon her return, she was hired as interim cantor for B’nai Mitzvah services at Congregation Emanu El until their new cantor arrives in July. She also has co-officiated at other area congregations.

To young people considering marriage, who are professional and who don’t want to compromise their careers, even if it means living apart, the Colberts have this advice: Look at what’s important. First, prioritize what is important to you as an individual. Second, understand your partner’s priorities. Don’t touch them. Be prepared to make compromises, even if your partner’s choices run counter to yours.

“At our wedding,” said Paul, the processional song was ‘Rising in Love,’ written by David Roth, a friend of ours and wonderful singer/songwriter.

Two lines in the song are ‘Lifting each other up instead of giving one another a shove’ and ‘A bird in your hand will stay until you start to close your fingers around it.’ You have to give your partner room to be themselves. You can’t make them into what you want them to be. You have to help them become who they want to be.” ♥

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Inspired by You, the Modern Bride A Breakdown of the Top Bridal Trends of the Year By melaNIe J. SHeRmaN | JHV

2

017 is off to a bang as the wedding industry is gearing up for their busy season.

Time traveling through the fashion calendar towards spring, top designers such as Vera Wang, Monique Lhuillier and Carolina Herrera set the runways ablaze with modern, yet daring, creations during New York Bridal Fashion Week.

Imaginative takes on classic silhouettes elevated traditional gowns to the unexpected in one collection, while in another, asymmetrical cutouts and graphic motifs, like oversized bows and dazzling pearl elements, added a big WOW factor. Off-the-shoulder dresses reigned supreme and deep, plunging V-necks still are the sexy talk of the town.

Reimagined trends of the past, like ruffles, feathers and tiered skirts, were quite a treat to see, especially those paired with avant-garde techniques and added detail. So many dreamy gowns to choose from! The top trends of the year can be seen in a plethora of dresses sure to fit every personality and budget.

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Custom-made strapless gown in mermaid style, tiered organza and court train in Rose Quartz.

Blue! Or, a derivative, dubbed Serenity.

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by Pantone’s color of the year, you are in for a surprise! Designers this year have taken that old custom, literally, and run with it!

Variations of Serenity were seen incorporated into classic cuts with traditional beading and lace embellishments. Rose quartz, Pantone’s second 2017 honoree, bedazzled the crowd with its pure sense of femininity, playful gown attributes and minimal accessories, really letting the color radiate. Another unexpected standout shade this year was yellow.

Princess gowns, Bohemian sheaths, modern minimalist and even a strapless jumpsuit (with train) all donned the golden tone.

Minimalista or Maximalista?

Regardless of your type, you’ll want to seek out the chic satin or silk designs that combine the fabric’s subtle shine with exaggerated silhouettes putting a modern spin on a timeless classic. Intricate lace, pearl beading, crystal work or fringe all are excellent choices for personalization and distinction. These are the types of elements that make your day all the more special!

Weddings to Remember | January 2017 | jhvonline.com | jhvonline.com/e-edition | 19

Floral Appeal

Though this is not a new trend, three-dimensional floral appliqués are still in full bloom. This stunning textural embellishment delicately adorns dresses magically of any size, shape or style. Visually interesting on their own or scattered with rhinestones, beads or feathers, this crowd-pleaser has the ability to transform your wedding gown into a work of art. The appliqués also exquisitely accented trains and veils. Other veils were accented with breathtaking pearls, different shades of embroidered lace and Swarovski crystals.

Sleevy Wonder Long sleeves were a major focal point throughout the many collections, boasting flutter, billowing bishop and bell sleeves, just to name a few. Whether or not your wedding is planned for cooler months, long-sleeved gowns are ultra-feminine for all seasons. Not only can they be practical if your venue is outdoors, but they also can be illusion style to let skin breath during warmer months. If you are a Renaissanceera enthusiast, sculpted shoulders are making their way back into romantic hearts and sewing machines and, I must say, they are simply divine.

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Full-length, fabulous cape! The past few seasons have offered bridal separates as a skirt and top or a pant and jacket. But in 2017, a bit more fashion swag is being thrown on the runway in the form of a cape, in a material to match the gown. If you are looking for something a little different, this extra layer could act as an alternative to a traditional train or even veil. Separates are a great idea if that is what suits you or, perhaps, a ‘from ceremony- to-reception’ convertible dress? Designers have taken into account for practicality and function by adding elements like removable bows or detachable cascading tulle layers, allowing you to freely dance to the Cupid Shuffle or Cha Cha Slide.

Barely There The common theme takeaway from Bridal Fashion Week was definitely the universally flattering off-the-shoulder trend and, hallelujah, you better believe no two were exactly alike.

Designers like Marchesa and Jenny Packham, among others, showed elegant, yet sexy, bare-shouldered versions in ballgowns, Coachella-inspired Bohemian sheaths, modern column dresses and A-line styles that will suit every mood. Some were seen with a more structured bodice with corsetry accenting the bustier, a bold skin-baring choice. So, this begs the question: strapless or off-the-shoulder?

Bomber jackets, capelets, boleros and ponchos are top accessories for either of these choices. *** The good news for us ever-changing modern brides is that the fashion gods have blessed us with many genius-level designers who have made everything from super-sexy, lingerie-inspired gowns to ultra-traditional and classically timeless selections for us to choose from. Is a demure bride a thing of the past? Many hope that their wedding dress will transcend trends and endure the fashion future. May each of you have a wonderful journey finding the perfect one for you. Mazel Tov! ♥

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fter the proposal and the ring, but before AK IL BE NNE TT you set a wedding date, make it your first priority to choose the venue, the “where” the ceremony and celebration will take place.

Weddings “Finding and reserving the venue, whether you’re planning a smallBar/Bat wedding or a large gathering, Mitzvahs • Social Events & outdoor events | up to 950 seated guests | lush gardens assures you theIndoor setting you want and have dreamed 30’ waterfall | 20 grand chandeliers | soaring ceilings about for your vows,” said HSR Event Center’s event consultant Vera Cantrell.

I TA D Eor L O N K I R BY As you visit the C venue venues you’re A PREMIER EVENT VENUE considering, think about how many guests you want to invite and how mobile they are. Even though your wedding day is all about you, it’s also about your guests.

If many of your friends have toddlers, is it fair to request their presence at a beach wedding on the Mexican Riviera? If relatives who want to attend 32-7005 E XC LU S I V E • LUXU R I O U S • E LE G ANT are elderly, can you expect them to safely navigate • 12 1 30 K I R BY DRIV E | HOUSTON, TX 77045 | CITADELONKIRBY.COM | 83 2 . 986.17 14 | SA L E S @ C I TA DE LO N KI RBY.CO M the beach?

You won’t be able to please everyone, 77045 but consider making a concession or two if it means more of your loved ones will be able to attend.

“Many couples we work with are seeking facilities Clockwise from top: HSR Event Center, Hyatt for rooms for out-of-town |guests, the TX 77045 |sleeping C ITADELONKIRBY.COM 832.986.17 14 | SA L ES@ C ITA D ELON KIR BY.COM Regency and The Citadel.

AKI L BENNETT wedding ceremony, the cocktail hour and the dinnerAt HSR Event Center, couples do not have to be dance, all on one property,” said Angel Lenord of WHERE MEMORIES BEGIN members of the Scottish Rite facility. the newly remodeled Marriott Houston Westchase, with 18 projectors.

At Hyatt Regency Houston/Galleria, we don’t want to just plan to youruse specialthe day, we want to be“We part thEappreciate CitadEl of it for a lifetime. Whether you are planning a wedding for 50 or 450, we have the perfect event ask for a 50 percent deposit at the time our spaces “This makes it possible for the couple to select “and many couples our complimentary space to host you and your guests. We’ll create a spectacular wedding with all the perfect touches. areCatering rented andis ready the tobalance one month priorplanning to the it’s the Eiffel tower, a medieval parking as a&value-added Indoor outdoor events | feature.” up to 950 seated guests | lush gardens a scene, whether luSivE, luxuriouS, and ElEgant vEnuE Nia Slater, Social Manager, all ofallyour Emily Tolbert, Social Catering Manager, is readymake to make yourdreams dreamscome cometrue truewhen when planning 30’ waterfall | 20 grand chandeliers | soaring ceilings wedding, call 832.397.5269 or email nia.slater@hyatt.com. event,” Cantrell said. “ And, we also will manage the Along with a ballpark figure of how many castle, the Taj Mahal, a forest, cherry blossoms oryour your wedding, call 832.397.5269 or email emily.tolbert@hyatt.com.

832-432-7005 seaside – whatever their choice. We can place their decor, valets, catering and security, which makes it you want to attend, the other very important | SalES@CitadElhouSton.CoM uSton, guests tx 77045 | www.CitadElhouSton.CoM event anywhere in the world. Or, they can supply easier on the couple and their families.” number to have in mind is your budget.

The Marriott’s Lenord said she regularly works As for setting the date before reserving the venue, us with a collage of photographs of their growing Cantrell said it’s easier if the couple doesn’t have a up, family photos, their meeting and engagement with couples and families who have a conservative set date. “If they have a little flexibility, they have a and we can put them up,” Cantrell explained. “The budget. “Depending on their guest list, we can better chance of getting the venue they want,” she possibilities are unlimited, and we also can use these provide an appropriate setting for every event cameras to create special effects so other lights are – wedding, rehearsal dinner, Bar/Bat Mitzvah, explained. graduation party, anniversary or business meeting An event planner for two decades, Cantrell said not needed.”

The theater room can accommodate 259 guests ... and we pride ourselves as offering each couple most couples begin planning and reserving the the convenience of a one-stop shop so they can plan venue anywhere from 12 to 18 months ahead of without a dance floor – or 200 and a dance floor.

“Many of our couples use our Parlor for the their event in one place. their wedding date. “Those trying to plan a wedding E XC LU S I V E • LUXU R I O U S • E L E G A N T “Our resident staff offers years of wedding and ceremony, the Grande Room, located next to the in less time may not get what they want.”

1 2 1 3 0 K I R BY D R I V E | H O U STO N , T X 7 70 4 5 | C I TA D E LO N K I R BY.CO M | 8 3 2 . 9 8 6 .1 7 1 4 | SA L E S @ C I TA D E LO N K I R BY.CO M The Marriott Westchase has settings to theater room, for the cocktail hour and the theater event-planning experience and welcome groups of any size, requirements and budget. Every wedding, accommodate any number of guests and weddings room for the dinner and dance,” she added.

“We’re seeing smaller weddings, probably Bar/Bat Mitzvah, anniversary and family reunion is of every theme. It also has become a popular destination for Bar and Bat Mitzvahs. “We get so averaging 200 guests, but we just booked an event a once-in-a-lifetime event,” Lenord said. “With every event, we dedicate ourselves, from our management many compliments for the professionalism of our for between 700 and 800.”

Both planners said they could provide couples offices to our housekeeping staff, to make your event staff,” Lenord said, “and we all are dedicated to with a one-stop shop, with lists of caterers, florists, one filled with a lifetime of memories.” exceeding the expectations of every family.”

Regardless of the size of the guest list, the theme or Cantrell said many couples choose HSR Event bands and DJs, bartenders, liquor suppliers and Center for its central location in the NRG Park area. linen rental firms they have worked with and can the budget, most venue professionals will advise and “Our facilities are modern and newly renovated, and recommend as proven professionals for the couple work with couples and families to make the bride’s and groom’s wedding dreams come true. our newest addition is our high-tech theater room to consider. ♥ P I X E L ST U D I O S

M I C H EL L E A B L E P H OTO G R A P H Y

A K I L B EN N ET T

LU S I V E • LUXUR IO US • E L EGA N T Citadel Styled Shoot Michelle Able Photography-3

P I X E L ST U D I O S

M I C H E L L E A B L E P H OTO G R A P H Y

HYATT REGENCY HOUSTON/GALLERIA 2626 SAGE ROAD HOUSTON, TX 77056 832 803 1234 HYATTREGENCYHOUSTONGALLERIA.COM

The trademark HYATT and related marks are trademarks of Hyatt Corporation. ©Hyatt Corporation. All rights reserved.

AKIL BENNETT

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Over 3,500 square feet of private ballroom space Perfect for weddings, rehearsal dinners, Bar & Bat Mitzvah receptions, holiday parties, baby namings and sales meetings

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22 | Jewish Herald-Voice | Weddings to Remember | January 2017 | jhvonline.com

Contact Carol Austin (713) 735-2711 carol.austin@Marriott.com

Writes and Wrongs to Wedding Thank-you Notes

By MICHAEL C. DUKE | JHV

P

ersonalization is key to crafting meaningful notes of gratitude for wedding guests and gifts, according to a local thankyou card aficionado.

Calligrapher Terry Hausner told the JHV that the best thank-you notes are conversational, sincere and appreciative.

She advised to stick with handwritten notes whenever possible and never to lead in with the obvious.

“My motto is to NEVER start with ‘Thank You,’ ” Hausner said. “They don’t need to read any further, and it’s boring.”

Instead, she suggested opening lines such as: “So glad you were there to help us celebrate …”; “What a wonderful surprise …”; or, “We had so much fun … .”

After the opening, it’s appropriate to mention the gift you received, what you like about it or how you will use it, Hausner noted. Given that writing, today, mostly is done via digital devices, it’s a good idea to draft a thank-you note on the computer or on scratch paper first, in order to avoid mistakes and waste.

Thank-you notes needn’t be too wordy or lengthy. Hausner said they ought to be kept to one side of the notepaper.

Typical sign-offs include: “Sincerely” (the most formal); “Yours truly”; or “Love.”

In terms of etiquette, a thank-you note always should be sent as soon as possible.

“Three to six months is a generous amount of time to send a note after the wedding,” Hausner said. “Today, it is especially important, due to people shopping online and sending gifts directly to the person.”

She added, “The thank-you note lets the sender know the gift was received.”

If you receive multiple gifts from a sender, such as an engagement gift, followed by a wedding gift, it’s important to send a thank-you note for each gift.

In terms of division of labor, the partner who knows the sender best should write that note, and vice-versa. No matter who writes the note, however, both names should appear after the close. For better or worse, the partner with the clearest penmanship likely will do the bulk of the note writing.

If the bride is given a bridal shower, she should use her own stationery to write the note and sign with her maiden name, according to Hausner.

Hausner warned against sending form letters or cards with pre-printed messages. Another no-no is to post a generic thank-you message on your wedding website or social media account.

While handwritten notes are preferred – “Handwriting has a warmer effect and comes across as being more personal,” Hausner said – an email or a phone call is acceptable for small parties or casual dinners. In those instances, messages should go out the same night or the next day to let the guests know how much you enjoyed their presence.

For handwritten thank-yous, there are two basic card options. The first is the small fold-over card that commonly measures 3.75 inches by 5 inches. The card’s front can be personalized with names or a monogram.

Hausner recommended against using cards that read, “Thank You,” on the front.

The other option is the slightly larger, 4 inches by 6 inches, flat card. If you go this route, do your best to keep to the front side only.

For the actual writing, use either black or blue ink – no fancy colors. Also avoid using full-size letterhead or stationary, unless it’s business.

Hausner said a memorable thank-you note will bring a smile to the recipient.

“Always keep the message positive,” she said. “Don’t make excuses as to why you’re late. It tells the recipient that you have more important things to do.”

She also advised against apologizing to someone who wasn’t able to attend the wedding. Spin the negative into a positive by stating something to the effect of, “We’re looking forward to sharing future life events with you,” Hausner said. ♥

“Where every event becomes history”

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Director y of Advertisers CALLIGRAPHY

KETUBOT

Deborah Raichman ............................ 13

Terrygraphics, Ink. ............................17

PHOTOGRAPHERS

CATERING

Darren Meyer ..................................... 23 Elisheva Golani Photography ............. 10 Jordan Scheiner Photography ............ 16 Natural Expressions Photography........ 9

El Burro And The Bull .......................18 Jenny Tavor Custom Catering ............20 Luna’s Mexican Restaurant...............10 New York Bagel & Coffee Shop...........17

PSYCHOTHERAPIST

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Lorraine Jacobs................................... 20

French Cuff Boutique ........................ 20 M Penner ........................................... 11 Norton Ditto ...................................... 14 Scout & Molly’s Boutique................... 24

RENTALS

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DJ

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Darren Meyer ...................................... 23

Buffalo Soldiers National Museum..... 23 The Citadel ......................................... 14 DoubleTree by Hilton-Greenway .......... 9 Dukessa .............................................. 11 Genesis Steakhouse & Wine Bar ......... 16 Habitat House..................................... 24 Harold’s .............................................. 20 Hotel ZaZa ............................................ 4 HSR Event Center ................................. 7 Hyatt Regency Galleria ............. Back cover Landry’s Signature Group .................... 1 Marriott Houston Westchase ............. 22 Merfish Teen Center ........................... 22 Omni Hotels & Resorts ....................... 13 Safari Texas Ranch ............................. 12 Westin Galleria & Oaks .... Inside front cover

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24 | Jewish Herald-Voice | Weddings to Remember | January 2017 | jhvonline.com

I have been very fortunate to have the opportunity to work with G-d’s creations.

It has truly been a blessing.

Thank you for allowing me to share in your happiest moments, may the beauty of flowers continue to be a source of joy and blessing in our lives.

Join me on Feb. 23 in giving back to my community at Congregation Beth Rambam’s “The Windows to Our Future” 7 p.m. Plants N’ Petals Studio 1 North Sampson St. RSVP: www.bethrambam.org Abraham Hakakian, owner Plants N’ Petals

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WHERE MEMORIES BEGIN At Hyatt Regency Houston/Galleria, we don’t want to just plan your special day, we want to be part of it for a lifetime. Whether you are planning a wedding for 50 or 450, we have the perfect event space to host you and your guests. We’ll create a spectacular wedding with all the perfect touches.

Nia Slater, Social Catering Manager, is ready to make all ofallyour Emily Tolbert, Social Catering Manager, is ready to make yourdreams dreamscome cometrue truewhen whenplanning planning your wedding, call 832.397.5269 or email nia.slater@hyatt.com. your wedding, call 832.397.5269 or email emily.tolbert@hyatt.com.

HYATT REGENCY HOUSTON/GALLERIA 2626 SAGE ROAD HOUSTON, TX 77056 832 803 1234 HYATTREGENCYHOUSTONGALLERIA.COM The trademark HYATT and related marks are trademarks of Hyatt Corporation. ©Hyatt Corporation. All rights reserved.