Communicating about Death to Students

student centered Communicating About Death to Students

BY JULIE CRAIN

School administrators know that there is never a perfect way to communicate the death of a student

Initially trained in communication, I was astutely

or teacher to their community. But there are experi-

aware that all of my actions (and my teachers’

ences from which a principal can learn.

Unfortunately, during the 2013–14 school year, Julie Crain

Use Care in Communication

Shawnee Mission West High School experienced the deaths of three students and one teacher while

actions) and words were influential precedents teaching students how to grieve and behave during instances of death.

Use of social media is an ideal way for princi-

I was serving as principal. Using tried-and-true

pals to connect with students, inform them about

communication techniques of personal communica-

events, and gain their support. That summer I had

tion was soothing to most, but not in-the-moment

set up a Twitter account and learned the basics.

enough for others. Two unrelenting characteristics,

@PrincipalCrain was born, and I began tweeting

though, should highlight a leader’s odyssey when

pictures and information about Shawnee Mission

dealing with students, teachers, and death: compas-

West students and their activities. This became a

The state of grief is so different for each student’s developmental age.

sion and strength with

vehicle for communication during the days immedi-

purposeful leadership.

ately after the deaths. I changed the Twitter logo to

Ezkial Crapo was killed in July in a traffic accident before he set foot into

the school as a ninth grader. We adults didn’t get to

a black ribbon surrounded by gold (our school colors are black and gold).

In addition, being able to access database information from home was crucial concerning timely

know him, but his peers suffered from his absence

notifications. Numerous times my lead counselor

all year. Andre Maloney, a senior, suffered a stroke

and I communicated about emergency issues

during a football game in October and died the

concerning students, and I was able to access

next day after unsuccessful surgery. Houston St.

student information from home to quickly begin

John, a junior, was killed in a car crash one month

strategizing or making contacts.

after Andre died. In addition, Tim Bishop, a 26-year

We posted notifications of the visitations and

veteran physical education teacher and coach, died

funerals on our website in a prominent place, but not

of a heart attack in February 2014.

as the focal point of the first page. We chose to be

Needless to say, it was the most challenging year of my 26-year educational career. It was my first year back at Shawnee Mission West after having

very timely in these and took them down immediately after the services.

Strength emanated from those who were closest

been an associate principal in the building for eight

to the deceased. The coach, the cousin, the mother

years, then leaving to run other schools in the district

and father, the wife—those who spoke in honor

before I returned as principal. It was October, and I

of their departed loved ones exhibited so much

didn’t know many of my 1,740 students yet.

fortitude and strength. They chose their words deliberately, and they were the master communicators.

They knew they were role models for young eyes cast upon them and hanging on their every word.

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d No matter how popular a student or teacher, not everyone in a large school knows everyone else; not everyone is grieving. We followed what we knew as

parents were hearing, were thinking one of them would be next in the succession of events.

I talked with my media teacher—I wanted

best practices and held to the regular, daily schedule

something that could project strength and resilience

and events. Students and parents would make

on the part of the fallen students’ friends and school

individual choices about attendance and participa-

leaders. She and the kids ran with the idea, and the

tion. Of course, some classes didn’t go on as usual.

result was a touching holiday video with a message

Kids were physically there, but the instruction, the

of hope, thankfulness, and the importance of taking

reflection, and the practice was on grief. Teachers

care of each other.

consoled and cried; students reflected on the lost peer’s life and cried. Counselors reported to certain classrooms when needed.

Students want to talk to their teachers during

The lead guidance counselor—both as a friend and a colleague—was instrumental in advising me during these challenges. She reminded me to contact the student body president who, depending

these times, and that’s what we allowed them to do,

on the person, can lead the students in directions

in controlled environments. The time intervals of

where the principal cannot.

bell-to-bell gave a semblance of managed grief.

While I was dealing with the student body, the head coach was dealing with his players. These

Think Through the Details

young men were a close team. Just the previous

The state of grief is different for each student’s devel-

season they were 6A state champions in football

opmental age. Administrators and teachers need to

where Andre was an instrumental player. The

be aware of these conditions to communicate differ-

coaches and trainer were suffering, too. There

ently with different age groups while at the same time dealing with their own grief. Younger students are typically awkward, even making jokes that older kids find offensive.

Make sure no attendance calls go home to the

was self-doubt about whether they should have “caught” something.

As a school leader, it’s your job to listen to everyone—your staff, students, parents, and the community. When dealing with death, your compas-

family of the deceased student. I know this might

sion must be genuine. The strength you show

sound bizarre, but human error happens because

(whether real or not) potentially impacts thousands

systems are so automated now with student atten-

in your school community. Use honest, straightfor-

dance. Make sure the locker neighbor is counseled,

ward communication as you move forward with the

and remove the deceased student’s books from the

healing process.

locker, with no students around, as soon as possible.

About two weeks after Houston’s death, parents

Julie Crain, PhD, is the principal of the High School

told me that the tenth graders were on pins and

Academy at the American Community Schools in Athens,

needles. The school had lost one student from

Greece, and former principal of Shawnee Mission West

each class—a ninth grader, a twelfth grader, and an

High School in Overland Park, KS.

eleventh grader. The sophomores, according to what Principal Leadership November 2015 11

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