Rebuilding Lives extracts revised v6_july2014

Rebuilding Lives Stories from Kenya

Julie Anne Glover

Š Copyright 2014 All rights reserved Third Edition March 2014

Writers: Julie Glover, Mary Noble?, (Others? ) Photography: Julie Glover Copy Editor: ?

Produced by JA Glover in collaboration with Feminenza and ?????

Printing by ....

ANY OTHER INFO TO GO HERE

Rebuilding Lives

Stories from Kenya

REVERSIONED - DRAFT 6 July 2014

Isn’t there a call upon humanity to rise above the ignorance of our yesterdays, and to never stop trying for a better tomorrow?’ Extract from The Seven Expressions of Humanity - Feminenza / Philosophical Frameworks

Contents Introduction

7

Background

7

The Feminenza program in Kenya

7

On Humanity & Forgiveness

7

By Mary Noble

PART 1

PART 2

PART 3

COMMUNITY PROJECTS Kanga Peace Ceremony in Kericho

7

The Water Project, Kissi

7

Samoei Community Centre

7

CHEPTAIS

7

‘Field of Fears’

7

Volunteer Counsellors

7

Portraits and Personal Stories

7

A FUTURE VISION

7

8

Introduction The people and events documented in this book all carry the same message: a cry for the human race to seek to establish a greater humanity, and hope and vision for a better future.

It represents women and men in Kenya who, despite the atrocities they have endured through civil and tribal conflict, are seeking new opportunity and are committed to peace building in their communities.

It is about shifting the focus from repeating the past by living in fear and being recruited into the cycle of revenge and conflict to finding ways to build support structures based on remedy. For this to occur, there is a need for healing from past trauma, and through deliberate effort and choice, redirect focus towards finding long-term peace and establishing fundamental change.

All the stories relate to a pilot program developed by NGO Feminenza to train and mentor Kenyan women to become Forgiveness & Reconciliation Counsellors. This initiative took place from 2010 – 2012.

The program was developed following an invitation to the UN Conference in 2006 where Feminenza presented a talk on Humanity & Gender issues, and later in response to the 2008 WAKI report which addressed an investigation into the 2007 post-election violence that broke out in Kenya.

Of the fifteen community projects led by the Kenyan women on the program, five are featured in this book.

Heskias, a well established Ethiopian conflict resolution mediator explained how he perceived offering help and assistance to African countries “The thing that troubles me as an African is that so often the help that’s given is blind to the values that Africa has, that could be of benefit to the rest of the world. I’m talking about solidarity. By solidarity what I mean is; not let us give you money, so that you are the receiver and we are the givers; it is to say we are in this together, you have what we do not have, we have what you need.

“What is it in due respect and recognition of how we can enable each other? What is it that we are going to do to offer to you and offer to us to grow our humanity together? This is not an African problem, this is not a European problem, this is a Human problem. Let us solve it together, we have the resources in our hands, let us do it in ways that all of us, at least for the sake of the next generation of humanity, can open a new chapter. It can be done, but it requires a tremendous shift.”

9

Background

In January 2008, after a disputed election, violence erupted in Kenya. Thousands of people died and half a million fled their homes. Many still live today as IDPs - Internally Displaced Persons. Kenyans continue to live with the terrible effects of this post-election violence.

As identified in the 2008 WAKI report, attackers organized along ethnic lines, assembled considerable logistical means and travelled long distances to burn houses, maim, kill and sexually assault.Guilty by association was the guiding force behind deadly “revenge” attacks, with victims being identified not for what they did but for their ethnic association to other perpetrators.

Women were the first victims. Sexual violence took the form of gang and individual rapes and horrendous genital mutilation. Women and children’s labia and vaginas were cut using sharp objects and bottles were stuffed into them. Men and boys, in turn, had their penises cut off using cut glass.

Entire families were forced to watch their parents, brothers and sisters being sexually violated.

Many suffered acute injuries, permanent disabilities, HIV AIDs and hepatitis B, ostracism, abandonment, loss of abode and income, as well as extreme humiliation and psychological trauma.’

10

Feminenza in Kenya

The Feminenza Program in Kenya The Feminenza ‘Forgiveness and Reconciliation Counsellor Training Program’ in Kenya was specifically aimed at promoting and sustaining the long term development of women with the understanding that women provide a pivotal role in establishing resolve and peace in society.

The program also addresses the importance of improving partnerships between the genders as one of the fundamental keys to building peace in the minds of humanity, and resolving poverty, war, disease, terrorism and environmental degradation.

From 2009 - 2012 with some financial support from UN WOMEN, Feminenza trained 26 women, supervised 13 projects and rolled out the first of a four year programme in Kenya, targeting the localities which had experienced 87% of the fatalities and trauma in the 2008 post election violence.

It is a massive task to break the cycle of violence and revenge in a country where people are vulnerable to corruption and civil war. In Kenya the new gender issues constitution was released in 2010 declaring women must be represented at least 30% in major decisionmaking processes and the public service sector. In a country where women have always been under-represented, this recent breakthrough provides opportunity to instigate effective long-term change and a new breed of leadership for the future.

11

PART 1 Community Projects Kanga Peace Ceremony, Kericho The Water Project, Kisii Samoei Community Centre

13

Kanga Peace Ceremony, Kericho

To pave the way for reconciliation, the women of the tribes harmed by the conflict organised a Peace Ceremony, which took place on neutral ground at the Kericho Victory School in February 2011.

Open to everyone in the community, attended by government officials and members of the Kericho District Peace Committee, the women exchanged Kangas, danced and sang together in reconciliation, opening a doorway which had been closed by memories of the past.

14

15

16

Kalenjin women sing to the women from the tea plantations (Kikuyu, Luo, Luhya, Kisii), and in turn, the tea plantation women sing and dance to the Kalenjin.

17

Event leader Rose Maritim distributes the kangas to all the women to exchange between them. A kanga is a traditional African garment which has multiple uses. When it is given to another as a gift, the kanga symbolises respect and value for the person receiving it.

“Our aim was to raise awareness for peace and initiating steps towards forgiveness and reconciliation between the communities,” said Rose.

“I am passionate about peace and people living in harmony” said Rose, who was a teacher in the community for many years. “The effects of the postelection violence was traumatising to me personally, and I feel this should not be allowed to happen again. Every effort should be made to encourage communities to live in peace.”

The kangas were bought by Rose’s ‘Peace Mothers’, most of whom have very little money or food themselves.

18

19

20

21

The Water Project, Kisii

Sixty-five year old Pacifica Ototo is an elder in the region of Kenyenya which borders the traditional rural homelands of the Masai and Kisii tribes.

Kenyenya is an area where youth militia reign strong and women who challenge the men run the risk of being killed, raped and, in extreme cases, burned in public. Disputes regularly flare between tribes, even between clans of the same tribe.

Pacifica challenges the perception and role of women, and dares to speak out to lead the communities toward resolving long-standing issues.

“Already I am known as a counsellor. There is a calling from inside of me which I cannot resist – I need to pass this knowledge onto others who need it so much,” said Pacifica.

She spends time working with the youth and women in her local villages, some who have got absolutely nothing at all, and teaches them basic things - whatever they need.

22

While she is doing this she talks to them about their lives and about having some dignity and self-respect.

“Many people have been affected by the violence,” said Pacifica. “The youth from my area lost track of their lives when they engaged themselves in fighting for payment.

They need somebody to show them a better and useful way to live. We need peace in our homes.”

23

24

On 16th February 2011 a meeting was held to resolve the issue of fair distribution of water. Chiefs, elders, representatives and members of both communities were present. The meeting took place on the border of the traditional lands of the Magenche and Mokubo clans.

Nearby was the main water tank.

The water system had been used as a way of revenge and retribution . Pacifica spoke to the people: “Water is God’s creation, therefore it belongs to us all,” she said. “We must share the water as brothers and sisters.”

As a result of the meeting, a new water committee was appointed with equal representation, including for the first time, a number of women. The women of both clans were asked to take responsibility for the distribution and safety of the water on behalf of the community.

Women, the traditional keepers of the home, the fields, and bearers of life were for the first time in these remote communities recognised in a custodial role, and thanked for their leadership.

25

26

27

PART 2 Cheptais Local Community Peace Talks ‘Field of Fears’ Volunteer Counsellors Interviews and portraits

CHEPTAIS

In the remote region of Mt Elgon is an isolated district called Cheptais, located on the borders of Uganda where a mountain divides the two countries.

It is a region that suffered the worst and most extreme atrocities during the civil and political conflict in Kenya, spanning almost three years from 2006 - 2008.

Residents were caught up between the Kenyan authorities and the Sabaot Land Defence Force (SLDF) militia.

The SLDF took up arms to fight a land allocation scheme, forcibly recruiting many young men and using brutal tatics against civillians.

Tens of thousands of residents were displaced, while many of those that remained were killed, raped, dismembered, kidnapped and tortured.

Homes were burnt. Women and girls were targeted, abducted from their homes or snatched from the roads, beaten, gang raped and often left to die. Many victims who survived either became pregnant and gave birth; died as a result of back-street abortions, or contracted HIV. It was not until three years later when people begin to feel safe enough to speak about what happened during that time. It marks the initial steps towards recovery and healing.

32

33

34

Local shopkeeper and villagers, Cheptais town 35

Cheptais town centre 36

37

‘Field of Fears’

TO EDIT In February 2011, the very first Fearm Management Workshop was held in Cheptais, one of the worst affected areas in Kenya during the civil conflict, spanning three years, 2006 - 2008.

The Fear management workshop is designed to....(a little bit about the fear management program, and where it fits with the Forgiveness program?

Around thirty young women attended the workshop, were aged between 15 and 21 years. Some walked 6 hours each day without food or water to attend the training.

Mary Noble describes how she witnessed this day: (REF: Extracted from with slight edits, pg 17, Humanity Box Calls, 3rd Expression) “I remember that day when I’d stood and watched thirty young girls in Cheptais doing the ‘Field of Fears’ workshop.

We’d trained some of our Feminenza participants in the Forgiveness program, and visited the community while two of the trainees had planned to give the girls - I say girls, they were probably between the ages of 15 and 20, some training and education.

And all of these young women had probably all been raped, some had been pregnant as a result of the rape and many of them so traumatised that their lives had basically hardly functioned for three or four years. Some of them had been rejected by their familtes, by their parents, were not able to go to school anymore, and they didn’t have any money.

We were in this little church on the mountain, basically in the middle of nowhere, and these thirty young women slowly arrived on foot. Some of them didn’t have shoes on their feet, carrying babies on their backs, with fairly ragged clothing and a haunted look in their eyes, most of them looked incredibly haunted. I didn’t know at that point what their stories actually were, I had a very shallow appreciation 38

of what these women had actually been through.

We sat down in this hall, and our two Feminenza trainees began the process. Next to the church there was a big field, and this is where the ‘Field of Fears’ exercise was set up.

And we didn’t have the right tools, we had bits of paper and we used stones to keep them on the ground and we didn’t have the right coloured ribbons, but the passion was there the love was there, the love of those two women who were conducting it was there. And there was such a humanity in them, they really cared about these young women, they had really wanted them to go through that experience they themselves had been through.

So finally these thirty young women shuffled out of the church and out onto this large filed of fears. I remember standing on the edge looking at them, it was a very hot day, the sun was beating down, you know there was no shade, and they were all slowly walking around, identifying their different fears, and some were balancing a baby in one arm with a notebook in the other, writing things down. So from it being an exercise, suddenly it was the richest experience I could imagine. And I sotood there and I could feel the hair kind of standing on my arm and it literally felt like witnessing a healing and remedy of what was taking place in that field, rough and ready as it was, there was certainly no sentimentality that day, no velvet ribbons, but I literrally stood there and felt my own love of human life, and a love of the fact that something like this is possible.

“Then when they finished the first day, and all trooped back in to the church, and they sat down, in each in turn got up and told their story... and I found it hard to stop the tears, as each one got up, and each story was more harrowing that the next, but I know that the witness was so important. That they know you have witnessed their life, their deeper life.

And to be there and say ‘you are more than that’, ‘you are not defined by that’, ‘you are so much more about that’. And so it is also about witnessing, the holding sacred in oneself the fact of another human life.”

40

41

42

43

Volunteer Counsellors

In 2010 a volunteer Counsellor network was established in Cheptais and surrounding villages to provide counselling to the young men, women and children whose lives were traumatised by the post-election violence.

Local resident and mother of four children, Hellen Makoe is one of the leading counsellors in Cheptais and is a prominent trainee from the Feminenza program.

She is also a survivor and was affected by the experience to the extent of losing the ability to speak for two years. Many villagers regarded her as ‘deaf and dumb’.

In 2010, with encouragement from friends, Hellen joined the Red Cross as a volunteer and trained as a First Aid Officer. Gradually she began to re-engage with people and found the ability to talk again.

Florence Chemomenyu, widowed by the violence in 2008 has helped many young women neigbours and their children survive by paying for medical treatment, providing food and emotional support.

Anne Buscheche is a volunteer counsellor and an advocate of village initiatives to help establish long term peace in the communities.

From left to right: Florence Chemomenyu, Hellen Makoe, Anne Buscheche

44

45

CHEPTAIS: Interviews and portraits In a series of 15 interviews, local young men and women share their personal stories.

The women have children as a consequence of gang rape and the men were forced to join the rebel army.

They reveal what happened to them and how they are trying to reconcile with life.

Five of the young women interviewed had attended the Feminenza ‘Fear Management’ workshop.

Pamela At the age of 12, Pamela Naibei was walking home from school in her local village when 15 men dressed in military clothing and armed with machetes abducted her from the street.

“They dragged me into the forest where other men joined the group,” said Pamela. “Then they took me to a place where I saw other women and girls who appeared to be ‘tamed’ informants.”

Many men - Pamela had lost count how many - repeatedly raped her throughout the night. “It was around 5am and they just told me to leave,” she said. “They threatened they would sew my mouth together if I told anyone what happened.”

Pamela spoke to no-one but soon a few women in the village noticed the ‘signs’ and realised that Pamela was yet another victim.

Secretly they took her to hospital where she received medical assistance.

But she also discovered that she had conceived and was forced to leave school. She worked in the fields for money to buy food

throughout the pregnancy until the day she went into labour and gave birth to her daughter, Belindah.

An orphan herself from the age of two, Pamela can barely afford food for her and her daughter.

“It is tough to provide for my daughter and since giving birth I suffer from severe abdominal pains.” Pamela said. “When my daughter cries, often because she is hungry, it feels painful which then makes me think of her as a burden.”

“I would love to go back to school to better my life, and I worry how my daughter will go to school,” she said. “I wish I could find someone to assist me bring up Belindah. Sometimes I struggle with bitterness and feel that my life is not worth anything.”

“Counselling has given me some relief and helped to reduce the bitterness. I hope it will help me heal in time and my life will go forward in a better direction”.

Right: Pamela Cherop Naibei, 17 with daughter Belindah, 4

48

49

Salome “It was around 2am and there was a loud banging on the door. They were demanding to see my older sister, and they said they wanted money but my sister wasn’t home.”

Thirteen year old Salome was the eldest in the house looking after her sister’s children while her sister was in Nairobi.

“It was the Chanjawiti (SLDF),” said Salome. “They forced their way in and began harrassing me, touching my body. They covered my eyes and mouth and dragged me to the jungle, slapped me about, forced me to lie down, then I was raped by many men.”

The following day Salome was ‘dropped’ back near the village where some local children found her. She was carried home, and later taken to hospital for treatment.

“After a little while I discovered I was pregnant,” said Salome. “I felt very intact through the pregnancy but the emotional storm began after I gave birth to my daughter.”

“I felt useless, my virginity had been broken, I was no longer respected by others, and I felt very isolated. My school friends laughed at me when they found out that I had given birth.”

“I cried every day for two years. For a period of time I felt like I wanted to slaughter my daughter.”

Salome received some counselling from Hellen Makoe, one of the leading volunteer counsellors in the district. “Hellen helped me to learn to love my child and settle to the fact of what had happened. The desire to kill my child quietly slipped away and I now love and accept my daughter.”

“I still tremble and live in fear of it all happening again. I fear sex, or any man coming near me. The pain is still inside my mind, although it is lessening. I’m trying to heal.”

Salome’s hope is to continue with her education. She remembers receiving very high grades at school. “I hope to be a university graduate, but right now I rely on my sister to survive.”

“I’m still unable to forgive. What happened to me is unforgivable to me right now, but it will help if I have more counselling to help me understand the place of forgiveness.”

“If I can continue my education that may help to lessen the pain. And listening to other girls’ stories to know that I’m not the only one – this helps. I would be very grateful for this, it may give me release, to forgive, to reconcile again with life.”

Right: Salome Cherop, 18 with daughter Vivian, 4

50

51

52

Betty Betty Chebet Bera lived with her family in Kopsiro - a small, remote village located 25km from Cheptais town. It was one of the worst affected areas during the conflict. The risks were so high that every evening at 6pm a bell would ring in the village, to order everyone inside their homes for safety.

Unfortunately the police were not so effective in securing the safety of all village residents and the 6pm bell was no guarantee. One evening in June 2007 at around 8pm the Malicia were roaming the village when Betty’s home became a target. They abducted Betty and while she struggled and resisted, they forced her to surrender by slashing her mouth with a knife.

“I was taken to a location which was known as ‘the slaughter house’,” said Betty. “They tied me to a tree, and there were two dead bodies nearby. They repeatedly raped me and then left me there to die.”

At around 6am villagers passing by saw Betty and rescued her. Betty found her way home but did not tell her parents what happened. “I didn’t tell my parents because I felt ashamed,” she said.

Soon afterwards Betty’s mother left the home to live with her parents while Betty stayed with her father. “When my body began to show signs of pregnancy, my father began asking questions,” said Betty.

“Reluctantly I opened up to him and told him what happened. But my father became stressed and angry and he chased me out of the house and told me to find the father of the child.”

Betty being pregnant was a burden - it increased the insecurity her father already faced, and these were the same people who had beaten him, taken the cow, and slaughtered his brother’s child.

Betty now rents a small hut in the centre of the village for her and her daughter Daisy, where she feels more secure living close by other people. She was invited by Hellen Makoe to attend the Fear Management Workshop in Cheptais town.

Betty claims her life has changed since participating in workshop, and proudly produces all the notes she took declaring that she often reads and reflects on them, keeping the momentum of living positively.

“I feel there has been a remarkable change in my life since I attended the workshop,” said Betty. “The challenges are all still there, but I’ve learned to accept, to continue with life. I used to feel burdened, bitter and angry about what had happened.”

“I used to look at my daughter and remember the trauma I experienced. She would follow me around and I would ignore her. But now I can feel love for my child, and I have started to sing songs and have talks with her, we fetch water together and I now comfort her.”

Betty has also gained the confidence to start her own market business, earning money to live and send Daisy to school. “I’ve also started to reconcile with my mother and father.”

“Other women in the village have been asking me what have I done that has made such a significant impact and change on my life. Some of my friends who also had babies had taken them into the forest and left them there. I want to share with them what I have learned because it has helped me so much.”

“I believe I’ve become a role model, an inspiration to the community.

The workshop has helped to heal me and I want to counsel other women, to help them to understand.”

Already, other women have learned from Betty, and have been ‘copying her courage’.

“Now in my heart, I would like more education and training about peace, and how I can manage myself, overcome the challenges and reconcile with others – and to forgive those who raped me, if they can come out.”

“But I no longer feel bitter, my fears have gone, and I can talk freely.

I have decided to take steps to better the future for me and my daughter’s life.”

“Daisy is a source of joy and comfort to me now. I sense that there is a purpose to my life and Daisy will be a blessing and a great help in future.”

Left: Betty Chebet Bera, 19 with daughter Daisy, 3yrs in her first school uniform, which Betty bought with her first income after starting the market stall.

53

Beliah It was 2007 and Beliah was alone with her four children when people forced their way into her home.

They took the children outside then tried to make Beliah lie down. “I tried to struggle with them but after refusing they took out a knife, cut my hand then placed the knife on my neck.”

“They kept me there for five hours, while I was repeatedly raped.

Afterwards, they began arguing whether to kill me or not, but I pleaded and promised them that I would not reveal what happened. They left me, along with a warning not to tell anyone.”

The following day Beliah took her children and some belongings to her sister’s home, and was given first aid by a neighbour. But staying there was tough as there was very little food.

“To survive, I fled to Uganda, taking my youngest child. While I was there I gave birth to another child, conceived from the rape,” explained Beliah. “But after some time, both the baby and I began to get very ill, and in 2009 I returned to Cheptais.”

The villagers witnessed Beliah had lost a lot of weight and was not looking well and concluded she was an AIDS victim. They isolated her and refused her a job as no-one was willing to get physically close to her, including her sister.

After taking medication for HIV, Beliah’s health has improved, although it weakens her at times when she has to take the medicine on an empty stomach. She relies on her neighbour, Florence, for occasional food for her and her children.

“Counselling has made me understand that AIDS is not the end of life, that I can still live again and face life. Regular visits to the Health Centre are very encouraging, as I meet other women who are also HIV positive, which makes me realise that I am not alone.”

“The most painful thing for me is that I miss my other two children.

A few people have indicated where they may be but due to lack of money or transport, I am still unable to reconcile with them.”

Upon returning, Beliah found that her house had been burnt down and two of her children – aged 7 and 9 had fled the village for their safety along with many others. A neighbour, Florence (who had taken in and cared for her 3rd child) helped Beliah build another house, and gave her money to seek medical help.

“Shortly afterwards my youngest baby died,” said Beliah. “My health continued to deteriorate and finally I walked two hours to get to the hospital where I discovered that I was HIV positive – contracted from the assault, and it appeared that my baby had died of AIDS.”

Right: Beliah Nabuta, 42

54

55

Stellah While Stellah was sleeping one night, she suddenly woke to a group of men who entered the room. “I tried to scream but they threatened me with a panga (machete) and ordered me to keep quiet,” said Stellah.

“They took me away and kept me the entire night. There were more than ten men and they continuously raped me.”

In the morning they returned Stellah to the village leaving her nearby the house. “After they left, I cried out for my mother as I could not stand or walk. She found me, and soon afterwards I was taken to hospital where I received medication. For months I could not sleep or eat and suffered from abdominal pains.”

When Stellah realised she was pregnant, she wanted to have an abortion.

Stellah’s mother convinced her not to, informing her of the dangers involved. Many girls had already died from having abortions, being secretive back-street procedures in unsanitised environments.

“My mother mother promised that she would look after the child so that I could continue going to school.”

“I still remember the pains of giving birth, and I become irritated and angry when my daughter cries. Sometimes I feel that I want to kill the child,” said Stellah. “But to manage this, when I feel painful, I read the bible, pray and sing.”

Stellah still lives in fear. “When I see a man, I gets flashbacks, and relive the trauma. Then the rest of the day becomes disturbed.”

“I have received some counselling from Hellen Makoe. Before this, I was very bitter and did not want to engage with anyone. But with time, I began to share my feelings with Hellen and then I started eating again.

It is only recently that I cried for the very first time, three years after the abduction.”

“I want forgiveness in my heart and to be able to forgive those who raped me because they do not know what they were doing.”

“I really wish to attend polytechnical (educational college) to gain skills to support my child. I would like to do a course in dressmaking.”

Right: Stellah Chemtai, 16 with daughter Dorophine, 2

56

57

58

Maurin It was 13th February 2007 and Maurin was 13 years old.

During the night a soldier and his gang carrying guns came to her family home and kicked the door open. She screamed and her father came to her rescue, but he was beaten away.

“They pulled and pushed me, dragged me from the house and whipped me with sticks on the way to the forest,” said Maurin.

“They forced me to remove me clothes, they slapped me about and then raped me continuously.”

In the morning Maurin was returned, and left near her home.

When Maurin’s mother found her, she immediately took her to the hospital for medical attention. The doctor extracted half a cup of sperm and gave her medication to prevent HIV and pregnancy.

“My mother took me to the human rights office to seek help,” said Maurin. “However, as word spread that action was being taken against this crime, the rapist – who was actually a police officer – sent death threats to me and my mother.”

While Maurin and her mother were visiting a lawyer to report the case, a message was received through neighbours that the rapist was on their homestead, waiting to kill them.

Maurin and her mother established a life that they thought was safe, and Maurin found a job as a house-help.

However, one day in September 2009 after Maurin had started her shift, a man had followed her into the house where she worked.

Maurin does not know who the man was, but he forced himself upon her and raped her. This time Maurin fell pregnant.

Maurin and her mother decided to return to their home in Cheptais, where they discovered that the police officer who was responsible for the first rape had been transferred to another location as a result of their original report. Maurin has not seen or heard of the police officer again.

“At times the pain is overwhelming. I have even told my mother to ‘throw away the child – abandon him and let him die’. I feel alone and long for advice and counselling.”

“It feels painful to bring up the child alone, and when I see my friends go to school. I still fear all men. When I see them, I recall everything that I went through.”

Maurin’s greatest desire is to return to school, and she would like to be a tailor or dressmaker.

“My mother and I did not return home that day. Instead we fled to another town, Kimilili, where we spent the next two years in hiding.”

Left: Maurin Chebet, 17 with her son Kelvin, 9 months

59

Dickson The first time Dickson was abducted was in 1995, when he was 15yrs old.

Ugandan rebels came in the middle of the night, beat his mother, killed one of his brothers, stole their cows and took Dickson and his sister to the jungle where he was tortured and trained to become a soldier.

“The living conditions were inhuman,” said Dickson. “We survived on a diet of monkey, bats and green maize.”

“The rebels were training me to be a soldier to fight with them in Libya. I knew that if I went to Libya, I would not return,” he said. “The training was tough. I felt that I was already dead, I no longer felt human.”

Three months later, just before the rebels were to set off to Libya, Dickson managed to escape. His physical appearance had changed so drastically that his family did not recognise him. “I had to convince my family that it was really me.”

Dickson has never seen his sister again.

“In 2007 the SLDF came to our home,” said Dickson. “I saw them slaughter two of my brothers and they took me to be recruited as a soldier. I was a target because I had already undergone intensive training by the rebels 12 years earlier and would be valuable to the SLDF.” But Dickson did not want to be a soldier, and two weeks after being captured, he escaped.

Soon afterwards he discovered that he was to be killed – and told that he had been issued a fine of 30,000 KSH to save his life. He then fled to Uganda where he worked on farms, fetched water and looked after cattle to earn a living until he returned when it was safe enough in 2008.

Dickson has been deeply affected by the death of his brothers, and the trauma and torture he endured continue to disturb him. “I feel that I need training and counseling on how I can forgive and forget, and to help heal.”

“I am the only child left alive and I take care of my mother. We have very little money and I often feel stress from the responsibility of providing for my own children and my brother’s children. In total there are eight children to provide for.”

Dickson wants to be trained how to forgive so that he can be free. “I believe that it could help by meeting others and sharing experiences. And I would also like to assist others, especially youths.”

Right: Dickson C. Kaboi, 31

60

61

Jackline “I was 13 years old when the SLDF came to our home demanding to see my father. My father was hiding nearby but I told them he had gone to my Auntie’s home.”

“They ordered me to open the door, but I refused. So they forced the door open. They took me away, tied me up and I was raped by many men.”

“They made it clear that it would continue until they found my father. After two days, I finally convinced them to release me. I told them I would find my father for them.”

Walking slowly and in pain, Jackline finally reached the house. “When I arrived home, my father came out of hiding to check on me, to see if I was okay. Immediately the SLDF captured him. They took him away and killed him.”

Jackline gave birth to a son conceived from the rape and lived with her brother and his wife. She was invited to attend the first Feminenza Fear Workshop in February 2011.

“It was the first time I had told my story in public, and had met with others who had similar experiences. The workshop helped build strength in me. I feel like I became more free, and I started to learn to love my son.”

However, just days after the workshop, Jackline experienced more trauma.

Domestic disputes caused Jackline’s sister-in-law to leave her brother, and he turned on Jackline and blamed her for his wife leaving him.

“My brother chased me and my 3 year old child out of the house with a machete. He was shouting that I should find the father of her child to look after us – even though he knows it was rape that caused the pregnancy.”

“My brother’s actions reignited all the pain from the past. My child and I walked in the darkness throughout the night, and I feared our safety. I felt that I wanted to commit suicide and was thinking of ways to hang myself.”

“But I kept thinking about what I had learned from the Fear workshop just days before. It gave me strength, and enough hope to keep walking on until I arrived at my Aunt’s home.”

Jackline and her son continue to reside with her aunt in Kopsiro.

Right: Jackline Yeko, 17

62

63

Abraham Abraham sought out Hellen Makoe for counselling in 2010. “When you share your experience, it is a way of getting relieved in your heart. Men don’t speak out their problems – they rarely share.”

Since 2006 many men, like Abraham, were forced to join the SLDF and be trained to kill.

“They threatened me that if I didn’t join them I would be hanged. I was taken to the forest, to Chebeos, for training. It was horrific. I had to kill countless people and witness many die.”

“The training was tough and went on for one month. It was so cold in the mountains. After fifteen days most men died, or got sick. If you make a mistake your enemies kill you immediately. There only option was to die or stay alive”.

There were four SLDF groups. Abraham’s group was trained to fight the enemy with spears, arrows and guns. Another group had to find vegetables, food and cows. The task of the third group was to rape, and the fourth group were the women.

“Our group were not allowed contact with women or we would be killed. But we were aware of what else was going on in the district through the use of mobile phones.”

In April 2009 the Kenyan army captured the group that Abraham was in. He was taken to court, excused and sent home.

that my life was useless, that I was a man who had lost everything and had done bad things to my fellow Kenyans”.

Counselling with Hellen helped him to overcome this, which has seen remarkable changes.

“Now I encourage others to understand my story, and the importance of peace and reconciliation.”

“I want to teach people to live with peace, to be humble, to learn to forgive, and be compassionate. For people to stop focusing on just wanting and fighting for land – all this conflict is because of land. There is more to life including learning new skills.”

However, Abraham’s life is still at risk. He is a target because he is a highly skilled soldier.

“Recently, one group has returned to recruit strong, young men again.

They approached me and my cousin, offering money. They have threatened us, have tortured my cousin and cut his shoulder with a knife. But we have refused to join them.”

“I would like to be able to travel, to learn to help my people, and to heal those who were in conflict with him. My vision is to use my skills to counsel the community, then expand the teaching into the district, and later to teach throughout the country.”

“Without peace you can do nothing – we need to humble ourselves.”

“But even after being cleared in court, I felt burdened. I felt that I wanted to die, I wanted to throw myself off the mountain as I believed

Right: Abraham Noah Chepkoy, 21

64

65

66

Mercy Like hundreds of other girls, Mercy also became a target. She was barely 12 years old when she was walking home from school. “A gang of around 20 men from the SLDF abducted me and took me away,” she said. Mercy was repeatedly raped and subsequently fell pregnant. She has a 3 year old daughter, Imanah.

“I still have problems, even with eating. I feel that I need more counselling and guidance to help with courage and confidence.”

Mercy is one of six children. The original family home was burnt down during the raids and her father’s brother died during the post-election violence, so his children are now part of the family along with another two children from his sister, who also fled the village.

Mercy’s family has now extended to fourteen, all living and sleeping in a tiny hut.

When asked why his sister left her children behind, the family explained that when you’re faced with a terrifying situation people do things they wouldn’t normally do. “Everything happens so fast. It is a matter of life or death, people flee for safety, and leave the children behind unintentionally.

Sometimes they don’t survive. Some are too afraid to return. It is difficult to understand if one has not been in that circumstance.”

Mercy’s three biggest problems are her need for education, looking after her daughter Imanah, and her parents lacking food.

“My parents are poor and can’t afford to send me to school. I completed my exams but not being able to afford school fees has made it impossible to proceed with education. I really want to return to school. It will mean a better life.”

Mercy still lives in fear but she hopes to change and lead a happier life. “I really hope to get a good job from better education, and to help my parents and my child to have a better life as a family.”

Left: Mercy Chepkloeinoi, 16 with daughter Imanah, 3

67

Selphine It was mid-day when Selphine was returning home from school. Her mother was out, and her father had been killed by the SLDF just months before. On this day she noticed that a neighbour’s house was overtaken by the SLDF – there were hundreds of them, carrying swords, machetes and arrows.

“I stayed inside the house but soon afterward 12 men forced their way in. They started harassing me, demanding that I choose a man.

They were saying: which I did I ‘love’? This one or this one, or this man?”

“I refused and told them that I was not interested. But they took me outside to a nearby bush. For about 4 hours, they continuously raped me then left me there.”

“I couldn’t walk. I cried out for my mother, who found me and carried me home.”

A week later Selphine was still in pain, could not walk, her vagina badly damaged, exposed, and the bleeding would not stop.

Selphine’s mother carried her on her back and walked 3 hours to the nearest clinic in Cheptais for treatment.

A month later while Selphine was at school, the SLDF returned to the house to burn it – locking Selphine’s mother inside. As they left the burning house, one man from the militia group (who knew the family) risked his life and returned to unlock the door of the house, allowing Selphine’s mother to escape from the house. She survived, with severe burns and scars on the left side of her body.

For almost four years, Selphine would not leave the house, with the exception of her friend’s house so she was accompanied when going to school. She would not dare to be anywhere alone.

In February 2011 Selphine heard about the invitation to the Fear Workshop. The training was to be held in Cheptais town centre; 3 hours walking distance from where Selphine lived.

“I knew that I wanted to go, but I was terrified of leaving the house.

The night before the workshop, I kept asking myself, how am I able to get there? I finally concentrated on gathering enough courage to walk the journey to Cheptais town the following day.”

“It took a little longer to get there because whenever I saw anyone coming, I would hide in the bushes until they passed.”

“The training has really helped me to overcome the fear of leaving the house or going anywhere alone. I feel confident enough that I can now walk to the local village and to the markets on her own. I feel free at last.”

“I would like to learn more about forgiveness – I am willing to forgive, but I’m just not ready. I want the men who raped me to come forward and confess that they are the ones who did it.”

“I want to build courage and I feel that I need more guidance on forgiveness, reconciliation, to learn about peace and unity. I want to be a role model to others in helping build peace.”

Right: Selphine Nanjala, 16 with daughter Staincy, 2½

68

69

Leonard “I was 15 years old when some people came into the area and shot the Assistant Chief. I was forced to join the SLDF and taken to the forest.

Eventually I escaped and returned home.

But shortly afterwards they captured me again. I protested but they beat me in front of me sister. She cried, and then she was also beaten.

I stayed in the forest for 3 months, and while I was there, my family did not know whether I was alive or dead.

I feel very alone, and feel that I need some counselling. From my experience during captivity by the SLDF, I have a heavy heart.

When I am alone, I keep busy and read.�

Right: Leonard Chesoni, 21

70

71

Brenda Brenda Cherotich and her family lived in a small village, Kopsiro.

It was during the middle of the night when the SLDF came to Brenda’s home.

bigger and her mother realised that she was pregnant. There were complications during childbirth and Brenda had a Caesarean which saved her and her child’s life.

They abducted her father, and within days, Brenda and her family received the worst possible news. Brenda’s father had been slaughtered. The local villagers had found his remains dumped in the toilet dugout.

Brenda had attended the Fear Management workshop and felt that it had helped her. “I feel like I have found some courage to forgive, to teach others to forgive, to live in hope, not fear. A lot of bitterness is still there, but not as much.”

“Two weeks later the same people returned, and took me to the forest to a place where people were usually killed,” said Brenda. “I saw dead bodies nearby.”

Brenda’s mother looks after 3 year old Brian while Brenda attends school. “I want to be able to continue my education in a safe environment and would like to learn to not remember the past and to have hope for the future.”

“Countless men raped me then they left me there to die. But I was rescued three days later when the police arrived to collect the dead bodies, and found me there, still alive.”

Brenda endured a lot of pain and struggled to walk for almost three months. As the days went by her stomach began to get 72

“I wish to have peace around my life, be courageous and learn to forgive those who have done bad to me. I wish for people to continue living as brothers and sisters and one day I would like to teach others about living in peace and how to be kind to each other.”

Right: Brenda Cherotich, 16 with son Brian, 3

73

74

Irene It was December 2007 and many local residents had already fled the village for their safety. Irene’s family were preparing to leave the following day, but it was a day too late.

Eventually help was offered. A relative gave them some grass and posts and gathered a team of people to build them a new house, where they continue to live today.

“The evening before we were about to leave, the SLDF came to our home masked and armed with weapons. They broke down the door and found my father. My father, to try to protect us said to them ‘I salute you sir, please leave me and my family alone’.”

Irene then began experiencing the symptoms of pregnancy. She attended school until she was seven months pregnant and in September 2008 she delivered a healthy baby boy.

“They took everything from the house. They left my mother and younger sister who were hiding under the bed, but they took my father and me away.”

“I felt that my life had ended. That it was doomed to no future, no education, my virginity had been taken, and I had a child conceived from rape.”

Irene was covered, taken to the forest, tied up and repeatedly raped.

“My heart was heavy, and I felt useless in the community. My school friends mocked me and isolated me because I was now a mother. I felt bitter and hated my child.”

“They left me in the forest and ordered me to stay there. But I thought to myself, ‘if these people came again, will I really survive?’ So I escaped, and found my way back a day later by following a small stream and walking very quietly and slowly.”

“The rape is an experience which I feel that I will never be healed from. But after the fear workshop, I feel like my heart has lifted. I can feel hope again, and I’ve realised that I can accept and love my child.”

“When I arrived home my mother asked where my father was, but he had been taken elsewhere, so I did not know. My mother reported this to the police, who told her that they had found a body, and needed her to identify it.”

“I always felt self-conscious and stayed at home, mostly alone. But now I am able to mix and interact with others. Even though some of them laughed and mocked me, the fear workshop has helped me to find freedom, to face reality, to live my life, and to live in peace.”

Irine’s father had been slaughtered and decapitated. The body was taken to the mortuary to be prepared for a burial, but following threats from the SLDF the family and villagers dared not bury the body at home.

“People who were killed by the SLDF were not allowed to be buried. The corpses were to be left to decay into the ground. So my father’s body was taken away and buried in the Teso District.”

Irene’s mother and her siblings then moved to her uncle’s home for safety. But they faced more issues.

“I’ve realised that you can live a good life again even after all this has happened.”

Irene’s wishes are to go to a Polytechnic (College). She needs skills to help her earn a living so that she can look after her child and her mother who is now a widow.

“The workshop has helped me take charge of my life again.

I would like more counselling, to learn more about peace, forgiveness and reconciliation. I believe that I can encourage others to move on, and share what I have learned.”

“Local villagers regarded them us as IDPs. They threatened us and demanded we leave. But our original house had been burnt down, and we had no-where else to go.”

Left: Irene Chebet, 16

75

Violet Violet was 13 years old when ‘strange’ people came to the family home in the middle of the night. They destroyed the house and severely beat her parents. Her father was admitted to hospital.

Four years later Violet’s father still feels pains in his chest, suffers from spinal injuries and can only do light work to provide for the family.

“They took me away to the forest There were six men, and they kept me all night while they raped me.”

“At about 5am they dropped me back near the home. I walked the rest of the way, but it was painful.”

Violet developed symptoms of pregnancy and subsequently had to leave school. “It was painful to see my friends going to school, and I feared what they might say of me.”

Violet loves her son, and prays for those who raped her to repent. She attends church and tries to ‘build

forgiveness in her mind’.

“Reading the bible and spiritual counselling is helping me heal. I need help to erase the thoughts which get worse when I am idle or not doing anything.”

“I still fear men, particularly when they gather in a group. My biggest fear is that the men who raped me might return one day.”

“I am concerned about how my life and my son’s life will be without an education. In our culture, a baby boy is a blessing to the society. But when a girl gives birth before official marriage, it is taboo because it is believed the child will grow up and do the same things as the father has done.”

“I wish I could be taken to a school far away so that I can feel secure. I feel that I need more counseling so that I can live a good life and learn skills and I want to be able to help others who have experienced similar trauma.”

Right: Violet N Sikoh, 17 with son Darwin, 4

76

77

A future vision With each agreement and action, we decide what kind of world we make for our future, and the future of generations yet to be born.

Extract from The Seven Expressions of Humanity - Feminenza / Philosophical Frameworks

80

A future vision

(DRAFT) “We have a vision, a belief that as women, we have a huge part to play in the future of our world, but to play that part, we need to know ourselves better. We need to find an inner strength, an inner connection, to the deepest parts of ourselves, and from that, a connection with the best of each other. We need to learn to understand ourselves, profoundly, to rewrite the centuries of ignorance, of suppression, of seeing ourselves as insignificant. We need to search for the courage, the morality, the belief that everything is possible.

Even amidst today’s terrors, bombs, and destruction, there is still hope for a brighter tomorrow. No-one is better placed to take that up, to champion that humanity, than those of us who still have relative freedom, relative security, relative ability to choose who we want to be and who we want to spend time with. We have time, we don’t live in a society where if we are widowed, our life is over, even at the age of 15, where we are denied access to education because we are female, where we are treated as faceless possessions. We can still act. We have a responsibility to act.

Our vision is to provide a beacon of hope, a place of sanctuary, a place where women can come to be fortified internally, spiritually, whatever their background, creed, or colour. It is a place where women can be safe to explore their inner journey, find the greatness of companionship, discover what we are here to do, and find ways to be useful to others.

It’s a place where young women can learn dignity, selfrespect and the joy of being female. A place where women further along the road of life can share their wisdoms. It is a place where we can get to understand more about relationships, the male gender, love, success, creativity and how to establish a real mutuality and understanding between men and women, so that we can work together for our future.

Mary Noble, CEO Feminenza

81

Forgiveness & Reconciliation Councellor Training Eldoret, Kenya 2011

Without remedy and rebalance brought by forgiveness, how can life ever be cleansed from the repetitive reenactment of yesterday’s wounds?

We each have within us the ability to hold the best of another in trust in the sanctuary of ourselves.

Being able to forgive that which is lesser than it should be in a person, wins a new opportunity for all human life and champions what could be the case. Hope is knowing that what should be, can be.

Extract From ‘The Seven Pillars of Forgiveness’, Philosophical Frameworks and Feminenza International.

82

Participants of the first year Feminenza Forgiveness & Reconciliation Counsellor Training programme, 2010 -2011

83