Today's Pastor Spring 2022

SPRING 2022

The Most Important Question

Alan Wright The Pastor’s Power to Bless

Care for the Mentally Ill PRESORT STANDARD US POSTAGE PAID SENATOBIA, MS PERMIT #435

Make a difference the unexpected way Jesus did:

One person at a time Most of us don’t want to spend our lives wasting time or going through the motions. We want to be difference makers, and we want our churches and ministries to make an impact in our communities too.

But how do we do it?

With conviction and humor, bestselling author Kyle Idleman challenges true disciples to fully commit to the unexpected, Jesus way of changing the world: by loving people one at a time. He helps us understand Jesus’s surprising habits, unlock the power of small things done with great love, and discover how God wants to use us to change the world one person at a time.

Visit OneAtATimeBook.com to learn more and find additional resources to use in your church or small group.

Kyle Idleman is the senior pastor at Southeast Christian Church in Louisville,

Kentucky, where he speaks to more than thirty thousand people each weekend.

He is the bestselling and award-winning author of Not a Fan as well as Gods

at War, The End of Me, Grace Is Greater, and Don’t Give Up. He is a frequent

speaker for conventions, conferences, and influential churches across the country.

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Available Wherever Books and eBooks Are Sold

SCAN for a special discount and free shipping!

On the Cover: Alan Wright, lead pastor of Reynolda Church in Winston-Salem, North Carolina.

Photo courtesy of Erin Hull

Spring 2022

Vol. 7 Number 1

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12 The Most Important Question a Leader Will Ever Ask

by R. Scott Rodin

The answer to one question — more

than any other — will determine success in ministry.

15 Writing Difficult Pastoral Letters

by Jeremy Scott

Responding well to confrontational

emails and texts can be challenging. Learn time-tested tips for handling criticism in an effective and godly manner.

Features 6 The Pastor’s Power to Bless: Reclaiming the Power of Blessing in Discipleship

by Alan Wright

The church is called to equip

saints for the work of the ministry.

This includes implementing the biblical principle of blessing to help believers identify and use their spiritual gifts.

10 Madness & Grace: A Practical Guide for Pastoral Care and Serious Mental Illness

by Matthew S. Stanford, PhD

Departments 4 Ministry Minute

Setting Prisoners Free

18 The Good Word

The Ups and Downs of Ministry

Pastors, do you have words of wisdom you would like to share with fellow pastors?

We’re looking for short articles (1,000 words or less).

Submit your article for consideration to editor@todayspastor.org.

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People often seek help from a

pastor before a mental health counselor. Discover how the church can take the lead in caring for those with serious mental illness, referring them to specialists as needed.

TODAYSPASTOR.ORG

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MINISTRY MINUTE

Setting Prisoners Free

“So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed” (John 8:36 NIV).

I

n 1978, Jody and Barbara Crain, missionaries with New Tribes Mission (now Ethnos360), went to the Philippines to share the gospel with the Tagbanwa people, who had been steeped in animism for countless generations. They knew nothing about the Bible or Jesus, and they knew little about their own god, except that he cared little about them and left them at the mercy of dozens of spirits they had to appease to avoid their wrath. These demons controlled and terrorized every aspect of their lives from birth to death.

Jody told the Tagbanwas that he had a message for them from God, but he would only stay with their permission.

They were eager to hear what God had to say, so they gladly accepted. Jody taught them the Bible chronologically from Genesis to lay a foundation. After all, without understanding the bad news about why they were separated from the God of the Bible, the Good News would have no meaning.

After three months, the people began to understand why there was a gulf between them and God. When Jody described how Jesus died in our place to provide a way for them to be reconciled to God, many were ready to put their trust in Jesus, but most still lived in fear of the spirits.

God was at work in an unexpected way, however. The Crains’ hut burned to the ground one night. The Tagbanwas were convinced the spirits were angry with them and that if the Crains stayed and rebuilt, one of them would die. But Jody and Barb did rebuild their hut — on the very same spot. After observing the Crains fearfully for some time, the Tagbanwas were shocked that nothing happened. That was the turning point. They finally realized that the demons no longer controlled them.

Jody planted a church, discipled the believers and, over time, trained leaders to continue the work of multiplying disciples. Now 43 years later, there are 40 Tagbanwa churches. The Christian Tagbanwas no longer live in terror of the demons, and their health, quality of life, and relationships have drastically improved.

Meanwhile, over the same time, we in the West have increasingly rejected God and are moving further and further into spiritual darkness. The Tagbanwas are astounded that our culture treats as trash what they know is a priceless treasure. Your ministry is more important than ever, so keep your shoulder to the plow as the Jody and Barbara Crains of your community, pointing to the lifechanging gospel that sets people free.

VOL. 7 NO. 1 Publisher Diana Jones, ext. 7 dianaj@jpmediallc.com Editor Dan Brownell, ext. 6 danb@jpmediallc.com Graphic Designer Elizabeth Krogwold Subscription Customer Service

CustomerCare@todayspastor.org

(800) 223-3161

Advertising Jill Maggio, ext. 5 JillM@jpmediallc.com Letters to the Editor: Email danb@jpmediallc.com Individual Free Subscriptions to pastors (U.S. Only): Visit www.todayspastor.org or call (800) 223-3161 Today’s Pastor P.O. Box 282 Iola, WI 54945 Phone: (800) 397-8161

In Christ, Dan Brownell, Editor Today’s Pastor is published twice a year by CrossLife LLC, N7528 Aanstad Rd., Suite A, P.O. Box 282, Iola, WI 54945. Telephone: (800) 223-3161. Copyright ©2022 by CrossLife LLC. Postage paid at Iola, WI and at additional mailing offices. All rights reserved. Reprint permission must be granted in writing. Publisher assumes no responsibility for claims made in advertisements. Manuscript submissions are welcome, but CrossLife LLC assumes no responsibility for loss or damage thereto. Material accepted for publication is subject to such revision as meet the requirements of this publication and becomes the property of CrossLife LLC. Subscriptions to Today’s Pastor are free to pastors. POSTMASTER: Send address changes to CrossLife LLC, Today’s Pastor, P.O. Box 8551, Big Sandy, TX 75755-9766. Subscription problems and inquiries should be directed to (800) 223-3161.

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5

The Pastor’s Power to

Bless

By Alan Wright

y wife and I laughed out loud while watching a popular TV crime drama recently when the scene shifted to an empty church sanctuary and there, amidst the vacant pews and stained glass, was the pastor arranging the chalice and the flowers on the communion table (just biding time in hopes that a wayward soul might show up).

While Hollywood wonders what we do all day, pastors know that it isn’t the preaching or the counseling or the administrating that daunts us most — our real challenge is the essence of our call: “to equip the saints for the work of ministry” (Eph. 4:11 ESV). The fruitfulness of our ministry depends on real-life, ordinary Christ-followers becoming convinced that they are God-indwelt, full of purpose, and supernaturally gifted (despite what the voices of shame have murmured to them in a thousand ways).

So, effective pastoral leaders actively seek out the gifts in the body and call them forth into fruition. We’re treasure hunters and our congregation is a goldmine. But how do we awaken a disciple’s potential? The secret is in the power of blessing.

Why Blessing Is the Fuel for Productivity (Not the Reward) If you want to help people grow in their discipleship without pressuring them, manipulating them, or shaming them, pay close attention to the order of events in Genesis 1:28 (ESV): “God blessed them. And God said to them, ‘Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it and have dominion.’”

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TODAY’S PASTOR SPRING 2022

Reclaiming the Power of Blessing in Discipleship

God blessed Adam and Eve and then released them to be fruitful, multiply, and rule.

For most of my life, I believed the opposite. I assumed that if I performed well (bore fruit), worked hard (multiplied), and succeeded (ruled), then I would be blessed. But Genesis 1:28 radically upends the order of events.

With God, the blessing is not the reward for productivity — it’s the power for it.

Blessing is different than prayer and more than encouragement. It’s a positive vision, spoken in faith, in accord with God’s Word that helps people discover their deepest identity. Dallas Willard defined blessing as “the projection of good into the life of another. It isn’t just words. It’s the actual putting forth of your will for the good of another person.”1 Blessed people flourish by a power that transcends human talent or hard work. They have a grace at work in their hearts that makes them effective and joyful. People who know they are blessed aren’t struggling to prove their worth.

They’re confident of their value and sure they can make a difference in the world.

That’s how blessed people grow as disciples; they become who God (and we) say they are.

How Blessing Helps Disciples Grow Researchers A. M. Isen and P. F. Levine conducted a famous study in 1972 that observed the potential altruism of people who have just stepped out of a phone booth (an

ancient clear box used for making phone calls for a fee). On the sidewalk, a seemingly random passerby would drop some papers just as the person stepped out of the phone booth. The question of the study was simple: how many people, after making a phone call, would stoop down and help the poor lady pick up her fumbled papers?

The researchers were surprised to discover that only a dismal 4% of people helped. But the researchers noticed something that occurred in nearly 100% of those studied: they reached into the coin return to check for a possible random coin left behind. So, the researchers amended the experiment.

They hid a dime in the coin return, so everyone studied found it right before exiting the phone booth.

What researchers observed was astounding: 87% of those who had found the surprise dime stooped down to help the lady with the jumbled papers. People were 22 times more likely to help someone else if they had found a dime!

If people are 22 times nicer when they find 10 cents in a phone booth, what manner of radical love might fill their hearts if they discovered themselves blessed with every spiritual blessing in Christ?

Many leaders (even pastors) too often try to motivate people by withholding their blessing. They’re concerned that the affirmation will go to folks’ heads, and they’ll quit trying so hard. They’re wrong. Blessed people work harder than those searching for blessing because they are motivated by a deeply embedded identity.

People don’t need us to tell them what they ought to be. They need us to show them who they are! If a kid thinks of herself as an TODAYSPASTOR.ORG

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Blessing is profound and powerful, but quite simple.

With a little practice, blessing others can become second nature.

“A” student, she’ll do what it takes to make an “A.” If a parishioner thinks of himself as a vital, gifted member of the body of Christ, he’ll look for ways to serve.

Jesus discipled His fickle 12 not by waiting for them to prove their faithfulness, but by blessing them with His authentic vision of their lives. So, He called the rustic trollers “fishers of men,” labeled His most unstable disciple a “Rock,” and painted them all as world-changers who would do “greater works” than He! Blessing helps disciples grow by affirming their deepest identity in Christ and rendering a vision of hope over their lives long before they’ve demonstrated Christian maturity.

How to Bless Blessing is profound and powerful, but quite simple. With a little practice, blessing others can become second nature. I remember a round of golf I played with our son Bennett when he was about 12. He started the day with a bad hole — a double bogey.

Golf can be maddening, but young Bennett fought off the frustration, threw no clubs, and with surprising composure played a good round despite the ugly start.

During our conversation on the way home, I casually said, “Bennett, today when you made that double bogey to start your round, I could see you were frustrated.

I know how it feels. You could have let your frustrations take over, but instead, you kept your mind in the game and went on to play a good round of golf. The Bible has a word for that kind of virtue — ‘self-control.’ In my experience, people who have

a lot of self-control go far in this world.

Bennett, I see you growing into a young man who is full of self-control, and I think it’s going to help you succeed in life.” That took about 30 seconds, but you can imagine the impact words like that have.

That’s what followers of Christ need from us — authentic discernment of their gifts accompanied by our faith-filled vision spoken over them. It’s one thing to say, “We’re desperate for someone to keep the toddler nursery, would you mind taking another shift?” It’s quite another to tell a saint, “I’ve seen the way you are with kids, how they light up when you’re in the room. You’re God’s instrument of grace to these little ones. Whether you see it today or not, your gift with children is changing the world. I hope you’ll continue to serve.”

The steps to speaking blessing are simple: 1. Affirm a virtue you see in someone more clearly than they see it in themselves; 2. Connect the virtue to their identity (you’re helping them discover who they are!); 3. Connect their virtuous identity to a positive future.

Pastors, if you find the time to break away from all that rearranging of the communion table, and you want to equip the saints, remember what Luke highlights as Jesus’ final act on earth: “… and lifting up his hands he blessed them. While he blessed them, He parted … and was carried up into heaven” (Luke 24:50–51 ESV).

Dallas Willard, Living in Christ’s Presence: Final Words on Heaven and the Kingdom of God (Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press, 2014), 164.

1

Alan Wright is the lead pastor of Reynolda Church in WinstonSalem, North Carolina, a four-time author, a popular conference speaker, and the host of a daily 30-minute radio program syndicated on more than 400 stations, that encourages listeners through the good news of the gospel.

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A Practical Guide for Pastoral Care and Serious Mental Illness

By Matthew S. Stanford, PhD

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n the United States, one out of every five individuals meets criteria for a mental illness in a given year. Perhaps more disturbing is that the majority of adults and children diagnosed with these conditions receive no treatment. For those lucky enough to access care, the average time that passes from the onset of symptoms to first treatment is 11 years.

When an individual or family attempts to engage the mental health care system, they’re quickly confronted by a set of obstacles that significantly hinder their ability to access services. There are simply not enough mental health care providers to meet the growing demand for care.

The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services estimates that a third of all U.S. residents live in an area designated as having a mental health professional shortage. Over half of U.S. counties have no practicing psychiatrist, while a third have no psychologist. Cost is the primary reason that individuals report being unable to access mental health care. Health insurance reimbursements to providers are far less generous for mental health conditions than for physical health issues, despite the Mental Health Parity and Addiction Equity Act that President George W. Bush signed into law. Many health insurance policies simply don’t cover mental health care. Also, negative attitudes 10

TODAY’S PASTOR SPRING 2022

and beliefs toward people who suffer with mental illness are common. Myths, such as individuals with mental health problems are violent, lazy, or demon-possessed, permeate our society. In fact, social stigma is the second most common reason reported for not accessing mental healthcare.

There is, however, a light shining in the darkness. Research over the last seven decades has consistently demonstrated that individuals in psychological distress are more likely to seek assistance from a member of the clergy before looking for help from a primary care physician or psychiatrist. This is especially true in minority groups. Viewed through the eyes of faith, it is obvious that this is not an accident but rather a divine opportunity for the church to take the lead in caring for those afflicted by mental illness.

There appear to be three main reasons that people struggling with mental health seek the assistance of clergy before other professionals. The first is ease of access. In many communities, there is a church on every corner, and these churches generally do not charge for their services.

Thus, barriers related to transportation and finances are removed. Second, churches are healing communities called by God to care for those in need. That’s why, historically, the counsel of a wise and godly pastor has been valued in times of distress.

Finally, mental illness strikes at reason and

emotion — the very heart of what it is to be human. This causes most to ask the bigger questions of life such as, “Who am I?” and “Do I have value?” These are questions for which only faith has answers.

Unfortunately, a majority of clergy report feeling inadequately trained to recognize the presence of mental illness in those they counsel. This isn’t surprising, given that few seminaries in North America provide any formal mental health training for students, despite that clergy are just as likely as psychiatrists to be sought out by those with serious mental illness. As a result, fewer than 10% of distressed individuals seeking counseling from clergy are referred to mental health professionals. In addition, few faith communities offer programs, services, or resources for congregants living with mental illness, even though most of these individuals and their families report that they desperately want their church to be more involved in their care.

The primary purpose of my book Madness & Grace: A Practical Guide for Pastoral Care and Serious Mental Illness is to equip pastors, ministry staff, and lay ministers to better serve and support those suffering with mental illness who want assistance from the church. Many chapters contain a section with suggested Scripture verses and a related biblical story to assist you in ministering to individuals and families struggling with mental health problems. In addition, the book is grouped into four broad content areas, which can be called the four Rs of mental health ministry: Recognition, Referral, Relationship, and Restoration. The four Rs are described as follows:

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Recognition. People seek the counsel of pastors for a variety of reasons, including marital discord, financial problems, and parenting issues, and it may not always be clear whether a problem stems from an underlying mental health condition. Recognizing the presence of a mental

illness requires skills in psychological evaluation and assessment. While this may sound complicated, it only involves asking a simple set of standard questions that allow you to identify the person’s level of psychological distress and functioning as well as his or her suicidal risk.

2

Referral. Once you have recognized the presence of a mental health problem, it may be necessary to refer the individual to a mental health professional. The mental health-care system is complex and confusing, and few pastors have relationships with mental health-care providers beyond their local Christian counselor. To make a proper referral, you must understand the types of services that different mental health-care professionals provide.

You must also build relationships with providers who are willing to collaborate with you and to promote a faith-affirming environment within their practice.

3

Relationship. Transformation and healing occur in supportive relationships. Unfortunately, due to stigma and misinformation, individuals living with mental illness are often isolated and alone.

A supportive faith community cultivates life, while isolation brings frustration and fatigue. Actively working to break mental health-related stigma, educating your congregation, and building meaningful connections with hurting individuals and their families are important components of effective mental health ministry.

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Restoration. Developing faith-based supportive services (e.g., support groups) and ministries within your church allows the individual or family seeking help to obtain some level of therapeutic care within the healing environment of the faith community itself, rather than always being sent away to get “fixed.” God is sending those suffering with mental illness to His church, and we must be prepared to receive them.

Matthew S. Stanford, PhD is CEO of the Hope and Healing Center & Institute and Adjunct Professor of Psychiatry at Baylor College of Medicine and the Houston Methodist Hospital Institute for Academic Medicine.

TODAYSPASTOR.ORG

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MEASUREMENTS OF SUCCESS

RELATIONSHIP WITH CHRIST

TIME & RESOURCES

SUCCESS

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TODAY’S PASTOR SPRING 2022

THE MOST IMPORTANT QUESTION A LEADER WILL EVER ASK

A

By R. Scott Rodin

few years ago, I was asked to give the commencement address at a west coast Christian university.

In my message, I considered what I would have told myself if I could go back in time and sit next to myself at my college graduation. Looking back over my years of work, what would I say? What one piece of advice would I give myself as a bright-eyed and hopeful 22-year-old college graduate?

My answer was this: “Be careful how you define success, Scott, because it will drive everything you do.”

In my 40-plus years of leadership, consulting, and coaching, I have come to believe this is the single most important question we will ever ask ourselves as leaders. How do you define success? I want you to consider two possible ways you may answer that question and the implications of each for your life and leadership.

Outcomes-Based Success

The first way we can measure success is by the outcomes of our life and work. We’re successful when we have a good job, make a large salary, build a strong marriage, raise kids who are successful, develop a strong retirement account, live in a nice home, go fun places on vacation, build a successful business or ministry, earn the admiration and respect of others, and the list goes on and on. These measurements of success all have to do with what we’re able to produce and measure.

When we define success by our accomplishments, we use the metrics of wealth, power, influence, impact, security, and reputation. This definition of success drives us into a lifelong pursuit of those things we believe will determine our value and provide us our happiness and satisfaction. This is success defined in terms of ownership.

The more we own, the more we control, the more we have amassed, and the more successful we are.

To make us feel better, we can couch these measurements in spiritual language.

We can serve God by building a large church, broadening our influence through our writing and teaching, expanding the work of our ministry through more fundraising, more stuff, and more programs.

We can claim it is all for the Lord since it is His work. However, just because we use Christian titles and speak about spiritual outcomes, we still end up using the same metrics of ownership and control. If it is our church, our ministry, and our work, it is still ours.

And this brings us to our second point.

Our definition of success is what drives us.

We invest our lives as leaders in our pursuit of achieving our definition of success.

Think about what occupies your time and work. What motivates you to get up and do what you do? What keeps you working late nights and weekends? What causes you stress and anxiety? What drives you each day to do what you do? At the end of it all, you will find your definition of success.

The problem with accomplishments as our means of success is that we never have enough. This is one of the enemy’s greatest weapons against Christian leaders. When we shift our definition of success to metrics of ownership and control, the enemy has us on a treadmill that he will use to kill, steal, and destroy the abundant life Christ came to give us (John 10:10). How many Christian leaders do you know who have faced burnout, moral failings, ethical downfalls, and leadership failure? How close have you been to experiencing this yourself? At the center of these stories, you will find this drive, this passion to achieve, constantly pursuing a definition of success that was not in line with God’s will and purpose. It may have looked and sounded godly and spiritual, but underneath it was a misplaced understanding of God’s definition of success. If you choose human achievement as your definition of TODAYSPASTOR.ORG

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For Christian leaders, choosing faithfulness as our sole definition of success is a choice that sets us free. success, you can spend your life in an exhaustive pursuit of accomplishing things for God and leave no time or space for Him to accomplish His work in you. This is the high cost of charting this course and letting productivity define success.

So, what is God’s definition of success for us as Christian leaders?

Faithfulness-Based Success

The other choice is to define success by who you are and who you’re becoming.

As followers of Jesus, we believe that God created and owns everything, including us and our futures. If God is the owner of all of life, then our calling is to know the will of the owner and to carry it out with obedience and joy. This is success measured not by the metrics of ownership, but by the life of a faithful steward.

What would it mean to chart a course for your leadership that pursues faithfulness as your sole definition of success? What would it mean for: • Your relationship with Christ? Would anything ever be more important than cultivating a more intimate relationship with Him? • Your identity? If you saw yourself as a child of God, would you need anything more than the applause of nailscarred hands?

• Your relationships? Would the agenda of others become more important to you than your own agenda, and you were set free to serve them?

• Your time and resources? Would you be quick to hear and obey however God wanted you to invest your time and money for the work of His kingdom?

The Choice

For Christian leaders, choosing faithfulness as our sole definition of success is a choice that sets us free. All other definitions will ultimately put us in bondage.

The enemy seizes upon our choice of success as ownership and accomplishment to use it against us and ultimately destroy us. The Holy Spirit awaits our choice of success as faithfulness to set us free from this bondage to live a life of joyful response to the calling of God in every area of our lives.

Leaders who have chosen faithfulness are soft clay in the hands of the Potter who will use them in more powerful ways than they could ever have thought or even imagined. These leaders are driven by one consuming passion — to know God’s will and to do it with obedience and joy.

They’re set free from the bondage of ownership and control to pursue the life the steward leader marked by faithfulness and joyful obedience.

The choice for faithfulness as our driving definition of success is a choice for hope, a choice of promise, a choice of freedom, and a choice of a life of honest engagement, loving our neighbor, lavish generosity, and unapologetic truth. May that be your choice in the role God has called you to pursue for His glory.

Scott Rodin is president of The Steward’s Journey and Kingdom Life Publishing and has worked with hundreds of organizations in the U.S. Canada, Middle East, Great Britain, China, India, the Philippines, and Australia. He is Senior Consultant and Chief Strategy Officer for The FOCUS Group and is a Senior Fellow of the Association of Biblical Higher Education. He holds Master of Theology and Doctor of Philosophy degrees in Systemic Theology from the University of Aberdeen, Scotland. He is the author of over a dozen books, and offers weekly blogs, podcasts, as well as daily texts of spiritual encouragement to ministry leaders. His newest book is Set Free to Lead (Kingdom Life Publishing). For more information visit thestewardsjourney.com.

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TODAY’S PASTOR SPRING 2022

Writing Difficult

Pastoral Letters D

By Jeremy Scott

ing. You take your eyes off the game on the TV for a second to glance at your phone. As you see the name or subject line of the email, you get that all too familiar sinking feeling in your stomach.

You know the note will not be praising your latest sermon or affirmation of your leadership.

Sure enough, a church member is upset, offended, or hurt by someone or something in the church and has written you. As you read the note, you’re processing and formulating a response at the same time. Now what? How do you respond?

Over the last couple of decades, I’ve responded to plenty of emotional, critical, and sometimes unfair pieces of communication. While I still have plenty of room to grow, I’ve picked up some habits along the way that seem to help. Here are five suggestions that may help you respond well to difficult emails or texts.

1. Consider if meeting in person is better than a written response.

There are pros and cons to having a conversation over email or text.

Pros for written communication • You can always edit your content before hitting send. When talking in person, you can’t take back something once it’s said.

• You can let fellow leaders weigh in on your proposed response.

• You have a written record of what was said. Often people remember a conversation how they wanted it to go and not TODAYSPASTOR.ORG

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actually how it happened. It may not be that they’re intentionally lying, but people tend to interpret words in the conversation according to their motive: memory serves motive.

• Some people prefer written communication because they have a hard time discussing challenging topics in person.

Cons for written communication • Tone is hard to capture in writing, especially when the subject matter is tense or emotionally charged. To keep the tone light, we often overcompensate for tone but end up not communicating clearly. Or the opposite is true; we come across much harsher than we intend.

• You can’t control the timing of the communication. You have no idea when the person will open your note. If they have a hard day at work and read your email, their mind may not be in the right frame to digest what you wrote.

However, if you’re meeting in person or talking on the phone, you can read their emotional state and adjust your communication accordingly.

• Perhaps the most significant reason against written communication is the lack of body language. You can communicate care with your facial expressions, posture, and real-time response to their words when meeting in person.

Each of those is impossible with written communication.

2. If you decide that a written response is best, start with affirmation.

Don’t praise insincerely, but you should at least share your gratitude that they came to you with the problem. Affirmation may help set the tone for the rest of the letter, even if 16

TODAY’S PASTOR SPRING 2022

you disagree with most of what they wrote.

If you want an excellent example of writing a difficult pastoral letter, read Paul’s letter to Philemon. He affirms as much as he can about Philemon and then moves to the main topic at hand. It’s a masterful example of how to deal with difficulty in writing.

3. Be as clear and concise as possible.

People don’t like reading long letters, and the longer you make the note, the more opportunity there is for misunderstanding. Keep your written response as brief as possible while covering what needs to be covered. And never send a note when you’re angry or upset; I’ve never had that work well for me.

How do you know if the letter is too long?

Do you deal with every point that they raised in their note to you? I let my relationship with the person and what I perceive to be true of them determine the length and detail of my letters. For example, the more teachable the person is, the more specific my conversation can be with them. On the other hand, if they have a track record of not listening to others’ opinions and being wise in their own eyes, I limit my return email to a general response.

Also, avoid getting caught in the weeds of their email. Do your best to identify the root issues and respond to those rather than answering every example or illustration in their note. Graciously labeling what you perceive to be the underlying issue can save a lot of time and energy. For example, after reading their four examples of why they think you’re a dictator in the church, you might respond with, “It seems that you think I dismiss your opinions and fail to value your input. Is that true or did I misunderstand your point?”

4. Avoid tribal warfare.

In his book Negotiating the Nonnegotiable, Daniel Shapiro said, “The greatest barrier to conflict resolution is what I call the Tribes Effect, a divisive mindset that casts you and the other side as inevitable adversaries.” 1 In other words, avoid making the response “me versus you.”

When responding, use “us” and “we” as much as possible. You can use plural pronouns to mean you and the person who sent the note or to represent the leadership team. For example, you could write, “I believe you and I have the same goal here. We want to see God honored in our church.

Perhaps we just disagree on how we should accomplish that goal. I’m thankful that we share the same mission and think that with enough conversation, we can agree on how we accomplish that mission.”

Or use the plural pronoun for the leadership team: “I shared your note with the rest of the leadership team because we want to evaluate what you have to say carefully.

We’re grateful that you took the time to write us, and we’re praying about the concerns you mentioned. We would like to continue this conversation with you. Our initial thought is that we agree in some areas and disagree in others, but we’re grateful God has given people with different perspectives to our church to make us better.”

But what about the solo pastor with no leadership team? Lean on church history for the plural “we.” You might write, “We’re trying to be consistent with how our church has historically responded to situations like this.” Or “While it may seem unusual for me to advocate ___________, the great reformers like Luther and Calvin took similar positions.” Alternatively, you could also point them to a church confession or creed.

In each case, using the plural “we” moves the conversation away from them versus you. You’ll reach the common ground faster that way.

5. End with hope and offer an in-person meeting.

Do your best never to end the letter on a negative note. Even if the situation looks bleak, end the message with an expression of your prayer for God’s Spirit to bring unity or your confidence that the gospel is more potent than any conflict. Again, Paul’s letter to Philemon is instructive on how to end with hope.

You could close with a comment like this: “Every church has disagreements and misunderstandings. The good news is that Jesus is the head of this church, and if He could bring unity to the 12 disciples (a zealot and a tax collector on the same team!), I’m confident He can and will bring unity to our situation.”

Then end with an offer to speak in person or on the phone. Doing so communicates that you’re not going to hide behind a keyboard. I’ll often end with, “If you wish to keep the conversation going over email, that’s fine, but I’m more than willing to meet in person to discuss this over lunch or coffee. I’ll even buy! Just let me know what you prefer.”

Writing pastoral letters is hard. We must prayerfully consider all we write before we hit send. My prayer is that the next time you receive a difficult letter, these suggestions will help you write a more productive and intentional response. No matter how carefully you craft a letter, however, there’s no guarantee that the person will respond positively, but at least you can have a clear conscience that you’re doing your best to faithfully shepherd the flock committed to your care.

Daniel Shapiro, Negotiating the Nonnegotiable: How to Resolve Your Most Emotionally Charged Conflicts, expanded edition. (New York: Penguin Books, 2017), xvii.

1

Jeremy Scott (D.Ed. Min, Southern Baptist Theological Seminary) is the lead pastor of Memorial Baptist Church in Verona, Wisconsin.

Since 1999, Jeremy has ministered in Illinois, Rhode Island, and Wisconsin. He currently lives in Madison, Wisconsin, with his wife, Anouk, and their two children, Mia and Isaiah. You can reach Jeremy at jeremydscott02@gmail.com.

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THE GOOD WORD

The Ups and Downs of Ministry ust an hour-and-a-half away from where I live is Lambeau Field, the legendary home of the Green Bay Packers. The Packers, like most sports teams, have had their fair share of drama with larger-than-life players who are heroes one day and the subject of intense criticism the next. Let me tell you as someone who has been on the field of play in local church ministry for a long time that the same is true for anyone engaged in pastoral ministry. This has been dubbed “the rollercoaster effect” of ministry.

J

and frustrations were the norm, not the exception — and then there was COVID-19.

When I get low, I remind myself of the events of Acts 14, where Paul and Barnabas preached to rave reviews one week only to get run out of town the next. A little later we learn that Paul, having just been stoned in Lystra, pressed right on with Barnabas to Derbe to make disciples. One minute Paul is being stoned and left for dead; the next minute God is using him to strengthen and encourage others. It reminds me that God’s blessing isn’t necessarily related to favorable circumstances.

The Ups and Downs Are Inevitable

Keep Your Eyes Fixed on Jesus, Not on the Problems

By Brian Richard

You graduated seminary and had big goals. You were going to do what no previous pastor has been able to do before.

You had endless ideas and the enthusiasm of football fans, yet you soon learned that unforeseen obstacles

One of the ways pastors and ministry leaders can mitigate the rollercoaster effect is to keep focused on Jesus, not on circumstances. It’s important to guard our hearts from getting too discouraged by the lows and too excited by the highs. God never allows anything to come into our lives by accident. Behind every circumstance we face is a greater purpose than we can see at the moment. Think Joseph.

Don’t Give Up!

Pastor, recognize that God is using your current circumstances to shape you into the image of Jesus Christ. If the last couple of years have taught us anything, it’s that we don’t know what’s going to impact our ministries next. He has raised you up to shepherd His flock for such a time as this.

You have a divine mission that only you can accomplish. The only hope our world has is Jesus Christ. Preach it!

Brian Richard is senior pastor of Brookridge Church in Plover, Wisconsin. Brian has a B.A. from the University of Wisconsin, an M.Div. from Liberty University, and is currently pursuing a Doctor of Ministry degree at Dallas Theological Seminary. He lives with his wife, Caryn, in Plover.

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