COMMUNITY (Spec Script Sample)

COMMUNITY: "Economics of Sewage" [SPEC SCRIPT] Written By Joel D. Boyd

Created by Dan Harmon

COLD OPEN INT. GREENDALE COLLEGE, STUDY ROOM - MORNING A beautiful Monday morning at Greendale College. The combination of a bright, blue sky and students wishing they’d made it into a university fills the air. The sun is barely up.

With backpacks slumped over one shoulder, STUDENTS mope through the campus, eating their typical "college kid breakfast" of pop-tarts, 32 ounce Red Bulls, and gas station muffins.

PIERCE, SHIRLEY, ANNIE, BRITTA, and TROY drag their exhausted bodies into the study room, setting down their books and bags, tiredly mumbling to each other about "American Idol".

SHIRLEY "American Idol" should have stopped at season 10.

PIERCE I just miss that English guy.

Pip-pip. Cheerio!

TROY Why are British people always so excited about cereal?

JEFF enters, clearly under-slept and irritable. He slams his books down on the table. Everyone looks to him in shock and silence.

JEFF (softly) It’s nine A.M. Silence.

JEFF (CONT’D) (furious) NINE A.M. Most of us don’t have class until "Ellen" comes on.

SHIRLEY (timidly) I’m sure Abed has a good reason for calling us this early...

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

2.

JEFF He’d better. You may not believe it, but it takes me hours to get this bed head.

Jeff gestures to his hair.

TROY How can you last that long?

Everyone looks at Troy.

TROY (CONT’D) Oh, wait. Talking about his hair.

Never mind.

ABED enters the study room, carrying a large, greasy, paper bag. Everyone looks to him in hopes that he will say something to calm Jeff.

Jeff and Abed make long, uncomfortable eye contact. Socially handicapped, Abed does not pick up on Jeff’s visual clues. A beat.

ABED I brought doughnuts.

Jeff angrily inhales as if to prepare for yelling, but he grabs his things and exits. Troy smiles and grabs a doughnut.

TROY (mouth full) Dih oo bwing ahee-ABED Special drink?

Abed pulls up a large canteen.

TROY (mouth full) I uv oo.

ANNIE Was that all, Abed?

ABED There’s napkins, too.

BRITTA No, Abed, what are we doing here?

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

3.

ABED Well, there’s no right way to answer that, Britta. As you know, evolution is one theory. But this is more of a question for Stephen Hawking or J.J. Abrams-ANNIE (annoyed) Why did you send us a mass text message to be in this Study room, Greendale, Colorado, United States of America, Western Hemisphere, Planet Earth, Solar System, Milky Way Galaxy by Nine o’clock A.M.?

ABED Oh. I got us tickets to be on "The Price is Right".

Everyone sighs and cheers in excitement.

PIERCE Ahh, I remember when that show first came on.

Pierce realizes how revealing that statement was, concerning his age.

PIERCE (CONT’D) I mean, I remember when that show first came on-- Dawg!

Pierce winks at Troy.

END OF COLD OPEN ACT ONE INT. GREENDALE COLLEGE, HALLWAY - MORNING The halls are busy as usual. Jeff is talking to someone, while leaning up against a locker.

JEFF I can’t believe I’m gonna be on "The Price is Right" for the first time, ever in my life, because I’ve never been on there before, obviously.

Uncomfortable pause.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

4.

JEFF (CONT’D) But why couldn’t Abed just text me?

It’s revealed that Jeff’s conversation partner is MAGNITUDE. MAGNITUDE (shrugging his shoulders) Pop-pop...?

JEFF Why am I talking to you? What do you say at funerals?

MAGNITUDE (sadly) Pop-pop...

A CROWD OF STUDENTS bursts down the hallway, screaming and sprinting past Jeff and Magnitude. Their eyebrows raise as they look to see Britta and Annie also running in the crowd.

JEFF What the hell is going on?

BRITTA & ANNIE It was HER! They continue running out of sight. Jeff looks over to speak to Magnitude.

JEFF What is happening-Magnitude has vanished.

MAGNITUDE (O.S.) (frightened) POP-POP! POP-POP! Jeff looks off to see what the crowd has been sprinting from. His eyes widen as his head drops down to look at his new, black, leather, business-casual shoes. He explodes down the hallway, following the crowd.

JEFF (terrified) POP-POP! POP-POP!

5.

INT. GREENDALE COLLEGE, STUDY ROOM - MORNING Our Study Group sits in their usual chairs, quietly. DEAN PELTON paces the room, anxiously. Britta and Annie nervously share glances.

SHIRLEY (under her breath, to Pierce) This must be serious. The Dean is dressed like a dean.

PIERCE (under his breath, to Shirley) He’ll be a Deutsch school girl in three minutes, tops.

SHIRLEY (referring to the Dean’s outfit) I’m gonna go with a rabbit.

DEAN Now, the school’s budget isn’t nearly equipped to repair a plumbing issue on this big a scale.

This is going to be a tough time for us all.

The Dean stops to put his hand on Jeff’s shoulder and then continues pacing. Jeff looks at his shoulder with an uncomfortable smile.

DEAN (CONT’D) Until we can get the funds to fix the plumbing, all restrooms on Greendale’s campus will be out of order.

Everyone sighs and sucks their teeth in outrage. Troy giggles.

DEAN (CONT’D) (concerned) This is no laughing matter, Troy.

TROY (trying to contain laughter) Somebody cost the school hundreds of dollars with their BUTT. DEAN Thousands.

Troy bursts into a hysterical chuckle.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

6.

TROY (smiling to himself) Thousand dollar poop.

DEAN (CONT’D) Listen up, everyone. I may have a solution to help raise funds for the school’s plumbing system. We are going to hold...

The Dean rips off his clothes to reveal a Chef’s outfit, sans pants. He pulls out a Chef’s hat from underneath the study table.

DEAN (CONT’D) A week-long bake sale!

PIERCE (under his breath, to Shirley) I was closer.

ANNIE How long has that hat been there?

JEFF Wait a minute. You’re going to hold a "Toilet Ammunition" sale without letting us actually go to battle?

DEAN Well when you say it like THAT...

TROY (raising his hand) So should we just "battle" in the street?

DEAN No! I’m renting port-o-potties-EXT. GREENDALE CAMPUS, COURTYARD - MORNING A LARGE TRUCK backs up, lowering the final "Port-o-Potty" into a full row of them. LEONARD, one of the student senior citizens, approaches the potties. The truck begins to exit.

LEONARD Finally, a place to read.

Leonard removes a book, entitled, "How to Use Facebook for DUMMIES".

7.

INT. GREENDALE COLLEGE, STUDY ROOM - MORNING The Dean continues his speech to the Study Group.

DEAN That’s not the point! The point is I’m going to need help from my favorite study group. So whaddya say, gang?

Awkward silence. The Dean holds a bright smile until the silence slowly erodes his grin.

DEAN (CONT’D) Oh, come on! I promise not to wear this outfit for the ENTIRE week.

ABED That isn’t the issue, Dean. No one’s willing to step forward because I got us tickets to be on "The Price"...

ALL EXCEPT DEAN & ABED We just have homework and a lot of studying to do. Book reports, Science experiments, etc.

Abed and the Dean are both confused. Troy signals Abed to stay quiet by giving him wide-eyes that scream "SHUT UP" Abed remains confused.

ABED I got us tickets to be on "The Price"...

ALL EXCEPT DEAN & ABED (screaming over each other) Homework. Book reports. Science experiments. The new season of CSI, etc.

The Dean scales the room, in confusion.

ABED I got us tickets to be on "The Price is Right".

Everyone sighs and sucks their teeth in disappointment.

PIERCE Troy, your friend is broken.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

8.

DEAN (tearing up) Oh, I see. You all just don’t want to help out because you have a chance to be on some stupid game show...

SHIRLEY We’d love to help out, but we’ve never been on TV before.

Shirley breaks the "fourth wall" by looking into the camera lens.

TROY (looking to Abed) Well, WE have. Here’s all of our "Troy and Abed in the Morning" fan mail!

Troy removes an envelope from his bookbag and lets it sadly plop to the table.

ANNIE Is that my Dean’s list letter?

Troy quickly puts the envelope away.

TROY No. JEFF (awkwardly loud) Well, I sure haven’t been on TV. Never in my life, so STOP ASKING ME ABOUT IT. Everyone looks at Jeff, waiting for an explanation.

JEFF (CONT’D) Says the Twitter account of Kim and Kanye’s baby...

ANNIE Dean, you know we’d love to help, but can’t you just count the seven of us out for this one?

ABED Six.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

9.

BRITTA Abed, did you forget to count yourself again--?

ABED Six. I could only score SIX tickets for "The Price is Right".

DEAN Oh, well that means at least one of you will kindly volunteer...?

Uncomfortable silence. Everyone desperately avoids eye contact with each other.

BRITTA (to Dean) Annie clogged your toilets. SHE’LL stay.

ANNIE (to Britta) You witch! You just don’t want Shirley to know that you tried to flush her brownies.

SHIRLEY They were blondies...

PIERCE I don’t remember ordering them "well done".

Jeff stands.

JEFF Look everyone, I think the answer is obvious. It’s only fair that the person who stays here to help the Dean be...

Everyone desperately awaits Jeff’s conclusion, praying that he doesn’t pick them.

JEFF (CONT’D) Pierce.

EVERYONE EXCEPT PIERCE Yeah that sounds about right.

That’s fair.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

10.

PIERCE Wait a minute! Why me?! I’ve been watching "The Price is Right" since the sevent-Pierce begins mumbling, coughing and clearing his throat.

BRITTA Exactly, and the prices have CHANGED since the sevent-Mocking Pierce, Britta mumbles, coughs and clears her throat.

DEAN Well that settles it. Pierce, into the Kitch-Dean!

Everyone exits, each trying to avoid eye contact with Pierce.

DEAN (CONT’D) (to himself) I really gotta think of some more Dean puns.

Pierce, now alone, sulks in his chair.

END OF ACT ONE ...

[THIS IS A SAMPLE. For full script contact Joel Boyd at www.joelboydtv.com/contact]