parent-forum-behaviour-thurs-2nd-feb-2017-ilovepdf-compressed

Parental Forum – Suggested Agenda

• Open Agenda – Over to you • Things going on at school – exciting events • Theme of ‘Behaviour’ • Ideas for other themes?

Parental Forum

Behaviour Strategies Thursday 2nd February 2017

Other Ways Sherborne Primary Supports Your Child’s Behaviour • ELSA (Emotional Literacy Support Assistant) – A number of staff are trained for individual counselling sessions for children with emotional needs • Parental Support Advisor – Home visits / advice / strategies & plans etc.

• Dorset Behaviour Support Service (BSS) – External advice by experts on behaviour / home visits / plans etc.

• Educational Psychologist – More in-depth analysis of your child • Other services via the GP – CAMHS (Children’s Mental Health Team) – although a LONG waiting list, School Nurse (medical related issues, although will support behavioural issues) • Dedicated Staff for Positive Intervention – similar to the ‘Blue Room’ at the Gryphon where children can get help and support when needed. We call it the ‘Reflection Room’ • Other Strategies might include – reduced timetable, time-out, reward charts, individual reward systems etc.

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Involves ways of helping children learn to behave appropriately Teaches children to control their actions and to make decisions Combines support, encouragement, and setting limits Encourages appropriate behaviour and helps stop problem behaviour Promotes the development of self-confidence and selfcontrol Needed to keep children safe and healthy Helps children to like themselves and to get along well with others. When combined with love and respect, children develop an inner sense of self-control and selfconfidence The use of positive language is VITAL

EMPHASIS ON…

INEFFECTIVE

EFFECTIVE

Stopping behaviour Fear

PARENT’S ATTITUDE IS… PURPOSE IS…

Control & anger

Learning proper behaviour Love, respect & knowing right from wrong Love

Suffering & pain

Self-discipline

RESULT IS…

Dependency

Growth

CHILD OBEYS BECAUSE OF…

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Divert attention Set limits Offer choices Redirect Timeouts Reinforce behaviour These tools can be thought of as a group of tools used to help shape children’s behaviours and their personalities Tools this powerful are often hard to use because they take a great amount of practice

 When children have self-control they know 1. What to do 2. When to do it 3. Can behave appropriately even when caregiver is not around  Self-control helps children  feel safe  feel confident  be able to think for themselves 7

Negative tools like smacking, hitting, yelling or making fun of children tend to make them timid and withdrawn or rebellious and mean  lead children to feel bad about themselves and to develop fewer feelings of self-control  lead children to question parents’ love and discount the times they really do want to talk, hold, or spend time with them 

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Constant questioning and discounting of children leads to discouragement, and a discouraged child is more likely to misbehave

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Curiosity Illness or Medical Condition Boredom Angry feelings Need for attention or love Low self-esteem Anxiety

 results from caregivers who are not familiar with ages and stages of children’s growth and development

8. Confusion

 results if caregivers are not familiar with family and household rules

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Early school-age children  What to expect: o want to please adults, teachers and friends o flip-flop back and forth – sometimes seeming grown-up, sometimes babyish, acting differently at home than at school o forgetful, messy, creative, and spontaneous o enjoy playing more than helping o interested in “right” or “wrong” o misbehaviour often happens when children are feeling ignored, not stimulated, mistreated, or neglected o misbehave to get attention- even if the attention is negative

Threes types of behaviour reinforcement 1. Positive: pay attention when children do what you want  praise child when you approve of their actions  spend time with child while they do what you want 2. Negative: pay attention to children when they misbehave and do what you do not want  using this method unintentionally teaches children to misbehave in order to get attention 3. Ignore: pay no attention to misbehaviour and attempts to be noticed  do not use this method if child is in danger

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Tell children what they can do instead of what they can’t do Don’t “Don’t drop the egg”

Do “Carry the eggs in both hands, like this…”

Don’t “Don’t drag your jacket in the mud”

Do “Tie your jacket around your waist, like this…”

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If adults use many negative words such as no, don’t, stop it, cut it out, or shut up, children may decide to tune the parent or caregiver out Too many “don’ts” also cause negativism in children The LANGUAGE we use is VERY important for children!

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 Caregivers sometimes damage children’s self-esteem

Situation six-year-old John spills the milk he was carrying to the table  destructive response: “Can’t you do anything right?”  better response: “That’s a hard job; we’ll wipe it up and you can try again” 

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Situation four-year-old Hannah runs away from you in the shops  destructive response: “What’s the matter with you?

You’re acting like a baby; I thought you were a big girl”  better response: “I need your help pushing the trolley” 

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Offer appropriate choices to avoid problem situations Situation you are having dinner in a restaurant and have a limited supply of money  likely to lead to trouble: “What would you like to order?”  instead, try: “You may order the chicken or the spaghetti” 

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