Don’t just exist, count!

Rabbi Howard S. Herman DD

This month, we celebrate the Jewish festival of Shavuot, the Feast of Weeks. It is exactly seven weeks between the second night of Passover and Shavuot and it is during this period of time that we count the omer. It is a quasi-period of mourning, when traditional Jewish custom limits activities that bring joy like going to get haircuts, shaving, listening to instrumental music, and attending weddings, parties and dinners with dancing.

Since we are currently in the period of sfirat haomer, the counting of the omer, and counting is in our collective conscience, anyway, I wanted to spend some time with you, discussing something important that counts for Jews.

We have a tradition in Judaism termed Derech Eretz. The phrase literally means “way of the land” or “correct conduct” and is roughly translated by we moderns as “manners.” In its most traditional meaning, it covers the basic norms of decent human behavior and interaction, which the Torah mandates but which, also, in a sense, proceeds Torah in forming the human personality — thus the maxim, “Derech Eretz comes before Torah.”

In the midrash, Vayikrah Rabbah (9:3,) we are taught Rabbi Ismael, the son of Rav Nachman, said Derech Eretz proceeds Torah by 26 generations, since it is written “and to guard the way to the Tree of Life” (Gen 3). The “way” is the Derech Eretz and only after that comes the “Tree of Life,” which is Torah.

How can this happen? By thinking through your actions and choices and measuring yourself up to the place you find yourself in, you can learn the communal expectations to help create a more just society. When you realize Derech Eretz comes before Torah, it gives responsibility to everyone to act the right way and do the right thing.

Derech Eretz can be many things, but I believe that it can be summed up in a few human values — morality, honesty, humility, modesty, community and kindness. By adopting these watchwords as patterns to guide our lives, we are not only being mindful of our characters but, at the same time, we are being mindful of our social and emotional lives as well. We sometimes characterize this as “being a mensch” or menschlichkeit.

Fortunately, proper living requires neither head covering nor a commitment to learn in a religious program. Rather, Jewish virtue mandates that we remove ourselves from the attitude of “them” and “us” or moreso of “you” and “me.” We need to try to feel affection for all choice makers and try to understand that Jews have always been, and will always be, “us” and “us.” In short, each and every human is precious, each and every human deserves honor, and each and every life is sacred.

In spite of the personal and collective legitimization of modern secular mores, most of us still struggle to bring to light an attitude that dispenses with granting ourselves the right to judge the relative merit of others.

In our own communities, Jewish and otherwise, it is vital to treat each other with respect, deference and value. We shouldn’t spread gossip about others. We shouldn’t speak brusquely to someone else, even in the face of them doing it to us. If we have any hope of changing the world, we have to start by being that change ourselves.

Michael Jackson wrote a song called “Man in the Mirror,” emphasizing changing ourselves. The refrain of the song goes, “I’m starting with the man in the mirror, I’m asking him to change his ways. And no message could have been any clearer, if you want to make the world a better place, take a look at yourself and then make a change.”

Take a hard look at yourself and ask, “What can I do in my relationships with others to exemplify change?” Once you do, it will really be something that counts. Shalom Uvracha. Rabbi Howard S. Herman DD serves at

Naples Jewish Congregation.