The Week In News
AUGUST 23, 2018 | The Jewish Home
FER E RO XTEN SH D HA ED SHA NA !
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The Week In News
AUGUST 23, 2018 | The Jewish Home
CONTENTS COMMUNITY Happenings . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .4
Dear Readers, Is tension a good thing? How about nerves—do they have a purpose? All around us, we see messages telling us to relax and lead stress-
Torah Musings. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .5 Between the Lines . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .6 The Weekly Daf . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .8
free lives. Yet at the same time we’re told life is all about growing
and going beyond our natural selves. How can the two mindsets
Six Things Your Principal Wishes You Knew. . . . . . 16
coexist? Chassidic thought teaches that just as our lungs constantly alter-
Book Review. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 12 Sibling Revelry. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 13 Emotional Health. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 14
nate between pulling air in and pushing it out, so too our soul is
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cleave to the spiritual and break free from the confines of physical-
ANAHEIM AGOURA HILLS BEVERLY HILLS BURBANK CALABASAS CAMARILLO COSTA MESA ENCINO GLENDALE HUNTINGON BEACH IRVINE LONG BEACH LOS ANGELES -BEVERLY HILLS
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NORTH HOLLYWOOD PALM SPRINGS PACIFIC PALASADES PASADENA REDONDO BEACH SHERMAN OAKS SIMI VALLEY STUDIO CITY TEMECULA THOUSAND OAKS TORRANCE VALENCIA VAN NUYS WOODLAND HILLS
constantly alternating between two directions. First up, wanting to ity, and then down, focusing on the purpose of our being here and looking to find physical expression of our spiritual being wherever we possibly can. It seems one part of us should indeed be relaxed. After all, we know there’s a Creator of this world who is intimately involved with every detail of its existence! However, another part of us should feel a sort of unsettling feeling that we need to change, and we need to act now. Only G-d knows the perfect middle path; our job is to question where it is. Wishing you a meaningful and relaxing Shabbos,
T H E P R E M I E R J E W I S H N E W S PA P E R H I G H L I G H T I N G L A’ S O R T H O D OX C O M M U N I T Y The Jewish Home is an independent bi-weekly newspaper. Opinions expressed by writers are not necessarily the opinions of the publisher or editor. The Jewish Home is not responsible for typographical errors, or for the kashrus of any product or business advertised within. The Jewish Home contains words of Torah. Please treat accordingly. FOR HOME DELIVERY, OR TO HAVE THE LATEST ISSUE EMAILED TO YOU FREE OF CHARGE, SEND A MESSAGE TO EDITOR@JEWISHHOMELA.COM
TheHappenings Week In News
AUGUST 23, 2018 | The Jewish Home
Local Orthodox Community Welcomes New LAPD Chief On Wednesday evening, August 15th, members of the Orthodox community greeted the newly appointed Los Angeles Police Chief, Michel Moore, at a dessert reception at Congregation Bais Naftoli. A capacity crowd listened to the Chief’s remarks followed by a question and answer period. The Chief assured the community that he understands its special needs and will be vigilant to guard the safety of the community. Also present were elected officials Councilman Paul Koretz, City Controller Ron Galperin and Los Angeles County Assessor Jeffrey Prang. Attorney Andrew Friedman and his wife, Chanie, and Rabbi Arye Eideles and his wife, Judy, hosted the dessert reception. The event was co-sponsored by Aleph Institute, Hatzolah of Los Angeles, Shmira of Los Angeles, and Congregation Bais Naftoli.
Our Spiritual Journey Brenda Goldstein When this writer heard about L.A.based artist and master calligrapher Rae Shagalov’s “Five-Day Creative Torah Journaling Challenge,” I signed up right away. Following publication of her book Create Your Joyfully Jewish Life: A 30 Day Step-By-Step Workshop and Creative Journal (Volume 1) in February, Shagalov extended her creative and meditative insights into a week of joyful soul-examination. Published by Holy Sparks, Shagalov’s publishing company, the book debuts a projected 20-volume series. This unique volume, she explains, “combines Torah wisdom, calligraphy Artnotes, coloring pages, meditations, and creative journal prompts to help Jews discover and fulfill their unique mission, deepen their Jewish practice, and organize their lives to accomplish it all the Joyfully Jewish way.” She adds, “Create Your Joyfully Jewish Life has lots of interesting angles because so many people find it hard to be happy to be Jewish.” Shagalov also turned the book into an online course in her Joyfully Jewish online school. Like all her books, Creative Your Joyfully Jewish Life gives the reader practical, yet fun, steps for living a life of authentic Jewish spirituality. “Although each creative lesson in the Creative Torah Journ-
aling course is different,” Shagalov points out, “the common thread is to help Jewish women feel inspired, creative, and happy every day to fulfill their personal mission—with lots of tools to help them overcome their worries and challenges, based on Torah.” Each day of the course included a relaxing, faith- and trust-building guided meditation, and bonus items to download and print, such as Shagalov’s calligraphic “Artnotes,” coloring pages, and Torah inspiration templates. To increase awareness of the benefits of creativity, she also sent
an art tutorial in hand-lettering or sketching. Day One of the five-day Creative Torah Journaling Challenge had participants choose and illustrate a word from Scriptures that resonated with us. Taught by Rabbi Shneur Zalman of Liadi in the Tanya,this form of intellectual meditation, called Hisbonenus, involves “contemplating, learning, mastering and integrating a pasuk,” Shagalov explains. Days Two and Three concentrated on identifying and tracking unwanted habits, while Day Four focused on establishing borders and boundaries in one’s life. Day Five had us look deep into our souls, and
search for our life’s meaning. “So many women are so busy taking care of everyone else,” Shagalov says, “but their own inner spark is getting lost or moved aside. They feel depleted. Sometimes they feel like they’ve lost themselves and are frustrated and feel creatively unfulfilled.” Since July 31 of this year, Shagalov has followed up the Creative Torah Challenge with a six-week Creative Torah Journaling course. After learning calligraphy around 30 years ago, Shagalov began honing her craft by taking calligraphic Torah notes at the feet of Torah giants such as Rabbi Avrohom Twerski, Rabbi Elchonon Tauber, Rebbetzin Esther Yungreis, and Rabbi Reuven Wolf. Shagalov eventually massed over 3000 pages of decorative notes, or Artnotes, filled with Torah wisdom. These form the basis of her books. Shagalov recognizes how her own journey to Judaism has helped her to discover ways to help others. “I made the best decision I ever made in my life when I began to explore my Jewish heritage from the inside,” she says. “I always felt that there is a spiritual solution to every problem.” Her encouragement of creativity extends to kids, too. Part Two of her Kosher Comics series, Kosher Comics for Girls, which she creates with the help of Emek students, came out in December of last year. One can purchase Rae Shagalov’s books at www.amazon.com and www. holysparks.com, where one can also sign up for free art and soul tips. “Like” Shagalov’s Facebook page, www.facebook.com/ soultips, for daily inspiration. For more inspiration, the artist and writer also has a Twitter account: www.twitter/holysparks.
Torah Musings The Week In News
AUGUST 23, 2018 | The Jewish Home
Freedom to Forgive Sarah Pachter
To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.—Lewis B. Smedes While researching forgiveness, I came across the following example.1 Jennifer, 65, is very angry at her ex-boyfriend. It seems he asked her best friend out on a date, just a few days after breaking up with Jennifer. He was her boyfriend in high school. Yes, high school. Initially, we may look at this story and scoff. Most people don’t allow past slights to remain relevant in the present day—or do we? More often than we would like to admit, we live our life as though our past dramas are still fresh. We relive moments where people pained us, tainting the perfectly good gift of the present day. We allow anger and grudges to take up precious real estate in our minds. Real estate that we can’t afford if we want to live a long and healthy life.2 The Torah commands us, “Do not hate your brother in your heart.”3 And decrees that we “should not take revenge or bear grudges.”4 Practically, these passages seem like tall orders to the average person, and we may assume that this law is meant to foster kindness towards another human. Yet, upon closer examination, we find that this is also a kindness directed towards oneself. It is human nature to hold onto thoughts and memories that bring up strong emotion, and sometimes we try to nurse our wounds by remembering them again and again. We might even feel entitled to cling to the pain as we rehash our anger and sadness towards various people and situations we previously encountered. We long for validation, and somehow think that by holding on to past hurt we can bring ourselves solace. However, deep down, we know that bearing grudges has a negative health effect and actually does the opposite of providing us comfort. Nourishing these thoughts is akin to
Ibid. 19:17 Leviticus 19:18
returning to a prison we have already been liberated from. Dr. Edith Edgar, an Auschwitz survivor and Psychiatrist, shares in her book, The Choice, that after liberation, almost all of the survivors from the camps walked out of the gates of Auschwitz physically free. Yet, a shocking number of people then turned around and walked right back in. Although they were physically liberated, they understandably felt they had nowhere to go. Similarly, in the popular movie (based on a story by Stephen King), The Shawshank Redemption, many prisoners who were freed after serving a prolonged prison sentence committed crimes again in order to return to prison. They simply felt incapable of creating a productive space for themselves in society, and this led them back to jail. This phenomenon occurs all the time, particularly in the emotional sense. Many of us impose psychological slavery upon ourselves. Despite having full power to be free from anger and painful memories, our minds sometimes drag us right back to the specific scenario, thus forcing us to live with it in our present day. Our mind may return to past hurt simply because they have nowhere positive to take us, or perhaps the pathways are so strong that it’s nearly impossible to break free. We are physically free, and yet we shackle ourselves to the past. We hold the key to unlocking our handcuffs, we just have to know how to use it. Of course, I am not suggesting ignoring or suppressing the pain of the past, as we will inevitably explode at a later time. Part of the healing process may include mentally revisiting negative experiences to acknowledge the source of the pain. Initially, “visiting” may be an essential part of the healing process. But over time, excessive repeated “visitation” starts to have the opposite effect. We must utilize the power of our minds to our advantage by learning to let go. Interestingly, our mental freedom is the only freedom we have complete control over. Victor Frankl, a Holocaust survivor, wrote the following after experiencing the death camps of Auschwitz: “Everything
can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.” In truth, other “freedoms” in life are not really our own. We may not always have complete control of our financial freedom. And even if we are not technically enslaved or jailed, we cannot always control where we are at any given moment. We might be stuck in traffic or forced to live in a certain city because of school, marriage, or professional needs. However, one’s mind always has total freedom over where it resides. Someone can be sitting in traffic, but mentally learning Torah. Another person can live in a town with little to no Judaism, and still find millions of opportunities for mitzvot. And similarly, one can be living in the holy city of Jerusalem, or have a lavish home in the best of zip codes, but be jailed by his own destructive thoughts. Forgiveness helps our mind release us from our own inner prison, and is a a gift from Hashem that has the power to transcend. As Elul approaches, Hashem hands us this koach to draw upon. Elul, Rosh Hashanah, and Yom Kippur offer the power of forgiveness and starting anew. As Yom Kippur concludes, we often feel cleansed, ready to start fresh. We even declare that Hashem “cleanses” us in shul. We repeatedly sing the 13 attributes of Hashem and conclude with the word v’nakeh—“and G-d cleanses.” In synagogue, we stop the song there. However, the passuk continues, v’nakey lo y’nakeh. “Hashem cleanses but does not cleanse
completely.”5 An explanation for this inconsistency is that part of the cleansing we experience on Yom Kippur must come from ourselves. In essence, we are partners with Hashem in the teshuvah process. Since Hashem tzilcha, “Hashem is our shadow,” reflecting our own attitudes and motions in this world, the full cleanse we experience on Yom Kippur stems from elevating ourselves to forgive others.6 The Gemara explains that we must do something— yaasu—to mimic Hashem’s attributes in order to receive their benefit.7 Forgiveness is actually not about the other person at all, but rather our internal self. Forgiveness frees. When I forgive past transgressions, I don’t have to be shackled to them anymore and my mind no longer pulls me back to the negative memory. In this way, I can truly spring forward into the new year. Dr. Edgar returned to Auschwitz years after liberation, and writes: I leave Auschwitz, I skip out! I pass under the words ARBEIT MACHT FREI. How cruel and mocking those words were...as I skip under the dark iron letters towards my husband, I see sparks with truth. Work has set me free… Not the work the Nazis meant—it was inner work. Of learning to survive and thrive, of learning to forgive...and when I do this work, then I am no longer hostage or the prisoner of anything. I am free.8 Follow in Dr. Edgar’s steps and walk away from old anger and grudges a free person. Allow work, inner work, to set you free. May we all go into Yom Kippur forgiving others and ourselves, and may Hashem in turn forgive us as well. In this way we can enjoy a fresh start and experience the greatest freedom ever given to mankind. Stay tuned to next week’s column for practical tips on forgiving others.
5 6 7
Shemot, Parshas Ki Sisa, 34
The Choice by Dr. Eva Edgar, page
Tehillim 121:5 Gemara Shabbos 133b, Rosh Ha-
The Weekthe In Lines News Between
AUGUST 23, 2018 | The Jewish Home
Between the Lines
Faith in G-d G-d’s Faith By Eytan Kobre
hen he lived in London, R’ Yechezkel Abramsky would offer words of inspiration to local non-observant youth, inviting them into his home and nourishing their bodies and souls. But when his non-observant students learned the law permitting a Jewish soldier in battle to marry a non-Jewish female captive – because, if not permitted, the solider might marry her against Torah law (Rashi, Devarim 21:11) – they were incredulous. Is the Torah so malleable as to permit that which is prohibited simply because it is a struggle to obey the word of G-d? Does G-d have so little faith in the human capacity to withstand temptation? Does G-d not believe in His own people? R’ Chazkel explained that they had it all wrong. The law permitting marriage of a female captive actually reaffirms G-d’s faith in us. That the Torah permits a Jewish soldier to take a female captive for fear he would not be able to overcome temptation is an implicit recognition that, in all other instances, G-d believes in our ability to rise to, and overcome, the challenges we face.
We make a big deal about our faith in G-d, and rightly so. It is “the foundation of all foundations and the pillar of all wisdom to know that there is a Creator who created the universe with profound wisdom” (Rambam, Yesodei HaTorah 1:1). Without a perfect faith in G-d, we forsake our Jewish identity. But G-d also has faith in each of us.
in this auspicious month of Elul, “My father and mother [might] abandon me, but G-d will gather me in” (Tehillim 27:10). We fail, we fall, we stumble. But G-d is always there for us. And He has since time immemorial (Sanhedrin 38b). Before creating man, G-d gathered a group of angels and put the question to
At “night,” during the trying times, we must lean on G-d’s faith in us. Just knowing that someone believes in us can be a source of immense strength. And that’s what G-d does. He believes in us – perhaps more than we believe in ourselves. No matter how many times we fail, He forgives us; no matter how many times we fall, He lifts us. As we remind ourselves
them: create man, good idea or bad idea? “Bad idea,” they said. “Man will only sin.” G-d destroyed those angels. Then G-d created a second group of angels and asked them the same question: create man, good idea or bad idea? “Bad idea,” they said. “Man will only sin.” G-d
destroyed those angels too. Then G-d created a third group of angels and asked the same question. “Master of the Universe,” they declared, “the first and second groups of angels advised against creating man, and look how that ended. The Universe is Yours. Do as You wish.” So G-d created man. When mankind later sinned during the Generation of the Flood and the Generation of the Tower of Babel, the third group of angels said to G-d, “Were not the first and second angels correct?” To which G-d responded by quoting the verse, “Even to old age I will not change, and even to grey hair, I will carry [you]” (Yeshaya 46:4). I’m not giving up on man. I believe in man. G-d created mankind, and He has faith in mankind. Whenever we fail or fall or falter, G-d says, “Even to old age I will not change, and even to grey hair, I will carry [you].” G-d does not lose faith in us. Perhaps this is the reason that G-d is described as “the G-d of faith” (Devarim 32:4). He is the “G-d of faith” by virtue of His faith in each of us, “He had faith in the world and created it” (Sifri, Devarim 307; Yalkut Shimoni, Devarim 942). We start
The Weekthe In Lines News Between
AUGUST 23, 2018 | The Jewish Home
each day with the reassuring and empowering thought that “Your faith is great” (Eicha 3:22-23; Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 1:2). We thank G-d for having faith in us. Because if G-d returns our souls to us, it means He still believes in us and in our ability to carry out His mission. Indeed, every person is obligated to say, “The world was created for my sake” (Sanhedrin 4:5). Because, in a sense, it was. If the Torah were to be condensed into a single thought, it would be this: “and the righteous lives by his faith” (Makkos 24a; Chabakuk 2:4). Whose faith? The straightforward understanding refers to the faith of the righteous in G-d. But perhaps it is also that “the righteous lives in His faith” i.e., G-d’s faith in the righteous. It is G-d’s faith in them that keeps them going. And it always has. The story is told of a man who described himself as the last Jew. Before the Holocaust, he had lived in Warsaw, and when the ghetto was liquidated, he managed to escape to a nearby forest, where he hid in the small crevice of a rock. He ventured out only at night to scavenge for something meager on which to subsist, isolating himself completely from all human contact. Given what he had seen as the ghetto was being liquidated, he was sure he was the last Jew alive. Who could blame him? After the war, when asked how he was able to survive such dire circumstances even while believing that all his Jewish brethren had been annihilated, “the last
Jew” would explain that it wasn’t his faith in G-d that kept him going. It was knowing that G-d had faith in Him. That’s what kept him alive in those darkest of times. “To tell of Your kindness in the morning and Your faith in the nights” (Tehillim 92:3). In the “mornings,” when things are bright and sunny and good and looking up, it is easy to speak of G-d’s kindness. But at “night,” during the trying times, we must lean on G-d’s faith in us. The familiar, fictional story is told of a man who dreamed he was walking on the beach with G-d. Across the sky flashed scenes from his life, and, for each episode, he noticed two sets of footprints in the sand: one his, the other G-d’s. Most periods of this man’s life were marked by the two sets of footprints. But he noticed that, at times – always at the very lowest and saddest points in his life – there was only one set of footprints. This bothered him a great deal, and he decided to ask G-d about it.
“I notice that during the most taxing times in my life, there is only one set of footprints. Why did You abandon me when I needed You most?” “My son,” came the reply, “I would never abandon you. During your trials and sufferings, where you see only one set of footprints, it was then that
I carried you.” Everyone has problems. For some, it’s health. For some, it’s family. For some, money. For some, finding a soulmate. Whatever the difficulty, we need to have faith in G-d. We know that. But sometimes in life, especially
in those dark times, it’s not so much about our faith in G-d. It is about His faith in us. Eytan Kobre is a writer, speaker, and attorney living in Kew Gardens Hills. Questions? Comments? Suggestions? E-mail email@example.com.
The Week In News Torah
AUGUST 23, 2018 | The Jewish Home
The Weekly Daf Is Haktara (Burning Of The Kemitza) Effective If Some Of The Flour Went Missing? Rabbi Shmuel Wise, Maggid Shiur of RealClearDaf.com
This issue came up on Wednesday’s daf (12a). Normally the burning of the kemitza portion serves to permit the remainder of the flour for the kohanim. However, it is necessary for all of the flour to be intact at the time of the kemitza-burning. If after the kemitza had been removed some of the other flour went missing, it would no longer be possible to make the flour permitted through the act of burning. Nonetheless, on 9a, R’ Yochanan rules that we still continue with the burning of the kemitza. On 12a, the gemara wants to know whether burning the kemitza here still has some impact on the rest of the flour. Specifically, the gemara wonders whether the
kemitza-burning still removes the me’ila prohibition (the particular sacrificial prohibited status that is typically lifted upon the burning) from the flour as it normally does. Also, the gemara questions whether an intention to eat the flour beyond the allowed time would make the flour piggul (which entails a prohibition against eating the korban, punishable by kareis). The question is whether the burning still retains these capacities in spite of the prohibited status of the flour as a result of the fact that some of it went missing. The gemara notes that seemingly this question is the subject of a dispute between R’ Akiva and R’ Eliezer in Masechtas Me’ila regarding a case where meat of
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an animal sacrifice left the Beis HaMikdash premises. R’ Akiva rules that in spite of the fact that the meat will remain forbidden, the throwing of the blood still lifts the me’ila prohibition, whereas according to R’ Eliezer the me’ila prohibition is not removed. It would appear that R’ Akiva would likewise rule that the flour in our case is freed of its me’ila prohibition and R’ Eliezer would say that the me’ila status remains. However, the gemara says that R’ Akiva and R’ Eliezer’s dispute does not apply to our case: Rav Huna says that even R’ Akiva agrees that here the me’ila isn’t lifted, whereas Rabbah says that, on the contrary, even R’ Eliezer agrees that here the me’ila status is lifted. Let’s consider their arguments. Rav Huna argues that the fact that some of the flour went missing is more problematic than the issue of a korban being taken out of bounds since the former is a physically manifest problem with the korban itself. Rabbah however argues that even though some of the flour is missing, the fact that the korban here remained in the Beis HaMikdash is a redeeming factor that allows the me’ila prohibition to be removed. Rav Huna’s position seems very difficult to understand: how can he argue that the problem of missing flour is more severe than the problem of a korban that has left the Beis HaMikdash when the fact is that in the former case the halachah dictates to continue with the rest of the service (we do burn the kemitza) whereas in the latter case we are not supposed to complete the korban (the question here is only
what the status is post facto if the korban was illegally completed)! If the Torah by one of these problems says that it causes us to halt the whole korban, isn’t that a clear proof that that is the more severe of the two problems? Perhaps this is the understanding of R’ Huna’s position: When judging these questions involving compromised korbanos, we have to be very specific about the exact question we’re asking. There’s one question here of whether a deviation in the korban’s procedure compels us to cease bringing the korban. As far as that question the halachah indeed says that if one deviated to the point of bringing the korban outside of the Beis Hamikdash, the korban should be discontinued, whereas the issue of some of some missing flour does not warrant a cessation of the offering. The question in our gemara though is a different question: Does the problem that occurred with this flour/meat cause the meat to not be amenable whatsoever to becoming a complete sacrificial substance (in the sense that the me’ila prohibition is lifted)? On that question R’ Huna feels that we have to focus on the nature of the problem as it pertains to the portion itself under consideration. Thus, being that the flour itself is incomplete in contrast to the external nature of the problem when the korban has been taken outside, in the former case the me’ila status goes away whereas in the latter case it does not. As always, your thoughts on this matter are invited.
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Review TheBook Week In News
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Penina Pinkowitz and the Summer Situation by Shayna R. Horowitz (Menucha Publishers 2018, 109 pages)
Kids Speak 10 by Chaim Walder (Feldheim Publishers 2018, 222 pages) Reviewed by Devorah Talia Gordon
Penina Pinkowitz and the Summer Situation introduces fun-loving Penina Pinkowitz, whose summertime antics are sure to keep your daughter, and yourself, turning the pages of Shayna R. Horowitz’s new book. She has created a superior read that leaves out language and references typically found in secular middle readers. Instead, she focuses on a wonderful story and great character. Almost fourth-grader Penina Pinkowitz is creative, adventurous, and determined to pass the deep-water test by the end of the summer so she can earn her coveted certification card. The reader watches how Penina navigates the obstacles that get in her way (and they are many), including the snobby Riki and her partner, Fraidy. Riki makes Penina’s camp life miserable, while Penina has the mazel to meet Nechami, and the two quickly become best buds. Meanwhile, Penina’s father is an inventor, and their home holds many wacky inventions, such as bedroom-window windshield wipers, an “achy, shaky, quaky, wakey clock,” and an electric laundry sorter. All of that action adds a burst of excitement to the book and contributes to the reader’s ability to “see” the story. Although Penina’s adventures and misadventures are fun to read, Horowitz does a great job of implanting lessons which are easily absorbable by readers as they are shown in the story, rather than told in a more overt fashion. The reader cringes when reading about Riki tripping Penina or teasing her. Although Penina’s pain is felt by the reader, she doesn’t become a victim. Rather, she is able to move past the event and stay true to her “out of the box” personality. This teaches the reader that she, too, can be herself, not “take it”
from a bully, and have great friendships with nicer girls. My daughter had a great time using this book for a book report in fourth grade and was able to incorporate Penina’s personality into her presentation—she really “got” her! One note, however: I did notice that in a few instances, some of the words Horowitz uses are not quite third/fourth grade level. Although summer is coming to a close, reading this book at any time will keep your daughter excited about the scent of chlorine, major trip breakouts, and, more importantly, how to handle the ups and downs of life with a smile. #
real kids who behave as all people do— imperfectly—but who grow and learn from their actions. These stories touch on such important middos as judging favorably, bullying, not embarrassing or humiliating someone, honoring one’s parents, the proper use of money (not being extravagant), patience, discovering a friend cheated, and fear. As usual, Walder keeps the reader in suspense, and I found myself riveted by many of the stories. One, entitled “Wearing the Mask,” is about Gadi, a popular boy, and the not-so-popular Shauli, switching places. This generates astonishing consequences and a powerful lesson. It was hard to believe this story was true! Another wonderful story is about Rachelli, a self-proclaimed snob, who is planning a lavish bas mitzvah, complete with a party-planner, fancy décor, a theme, orchestra—a “there’s-never-been-and-
never-will-be-another-one-like-it event.” This is the way all of her friends celebrate their bas mitzvahs. Rachelli’s plans change when she meets Lele, a girl her age who’s in the hospital. The girls become friends, and Rachelli’s demands for her bas mitzvah shift in an important way. What astonishes me each time I read these stories is Walder’s uncanny ability to get into the heads of these kids, to find their voices and tell their stories from their points of view. Walder so completely becomes the “I” as he writes, it’s easy to completely forget that a grown man has recorded them. One or two stories might be a bit scary for a younger reader, perhaps below age nine or ten. But since a parent or older sibling would likely be reading these stories to him or her, that would be enough to make sure the child isn’t unduly afraid.
Honoring Our Traditions Chaim Walder is back with the tenth book in his acclaimed Kids Speak series. In the preface, Walder shares a wonderful anecdote about how he began. While teaching fourth-grade boys, he had a student who hit other kids. Nothing worked to get him to stop, so Walder encouraged the boy to write down his feelings. The five lines written by this troubled boy became the first “Kids Speak” story, which Walder read to the other boys. Those fellow students absorbed the message that the boy was simply trying to be their friend, and the behaviors improved. That was 25 years ago. Since then, the series has been translated into eight languages. The idea to tell, to talk about feelings has, thankfully, become de rigeur. In these fourteen new stories, kids talk about their actions, thoughts and feelings. Some of these aren’t always so admirable, yet those stories are perhaps the most important for our kids to hear, real stories about
As a member of the Orthodox community, I am pleased to have joined the Mount Sinai family as an Advance Planning Representative. Mount Sinai is committed to respecting the Halachic needs of our community; and I look forward to working with you. Mount Sinai Hollywood Hills 5950 Forest Lawn Drive Los Angeles, CA 90069
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Humor The Week In News
AUGUST 23, 2018 | The Jewish Home
Sibling Revelry Rebecca Klempner
There are times when I struggle to find topics for my columns, and there are times when a topic lands in my lap in the middle of Shabbos lunch. This past Shabbos afternoon, I sat at our table, innocently arranging turkey and salami on my challah slice, when the fighting broke out. My eldest child attempted to snatch a bowl of cholent that my youngest had brought home from shul. My 9-year-old burst out, “Don’t touch my stuff!” “Your stuff stinks!” my 16-year-old retorted. “You think cholent stinks? You stink!” “How do you think you smell when you eat cholent?” Across the table, my other two children dropped their forks, watching the confrontation with anticipation. Clearly, they sensed the escalation coming. “You stink so bad,” my 9-year-old said, indignation in her eye, “everything you touch starts to stink!” Poking out a finger, my 16-year-old tapped his little sister’s bowl of cholent. “There! I’ve contaminated your cholent.
Now you can throw it out.” Calmly, my 9-year-old clapped her hands three times over the bowl of cholent, then declared, “Tumah, be gone!” She picked up her spoon and looked her brother in the eye. “Uncontaminated once again,” she said, then ate a heaping spoonful of cholent from the bowl with exaggerated relish. This is just one example of the (occasionally armed) conflict that has filled my home this summer vacation. Yes, they have occasionally “played nicely” and shared and all that good stuff. There was this lovely moment when my daughters decided to spend their allowance on fun food at the grocery store, walked their hand in hand with their pocketbooks slung over their shoulders, and returned with Bissli, gum, and a packet of candy with a gimmicky name and more artificial flavors added than I care to reflect upon. My youngest has made breakfast for her sister, and vice versa. My 13-year-old returned from a walk to Munchies with marshmallow sticks for all his siblings—he paid for them himself. And my 16-year-old has reached
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with friends in my bedroom, finagled cease-fires through bathroom doors. Again and again, I have suggested, “Why don’t you call a friend and visit them?” and “Will you please meet a friend for ice cream? I’m willing to pay for both of you!” Alas, there is no peace for me. They insist on staying home and fighting. Therefore, I’ve come to a simple conclusion: my children enjoy fighting with their siblings. I’m not exactly sure why. I’ll tell you when I figure it out. Until then, don’t be surprised if I land on your doorstep requesting refugee status until after school starts.
down items from the top shelf of the kitchen cabinet for everyone all summer long. There have been fun times frolicking in the ocean and playing Settlers of Catan around our table. There have also been daily battles between siblings. “She’s reading my library book!” “She got into the ‘good’ shower after I claimed it!” “Why does he get to go to the store with you?” “He changed the rules half-way through the game!” “She’s reading on my bed!” “He’s playing with my Legos!” Of course, they run to whichever room I’m hiding in to tell me all these things. I’ve negotiated treaties while on the phone
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Emotional Health The Week In News
AUGUST 23, 2018 | The Jewish Home
Seven Ways Parents Hurt Their Children Rabbi Dov Heller, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist
A colleague once introduced a parenting class in the following way: “All parents make mistakes. It’s just that some make bigger mistakes than others.” Here are seven serious mistakes that parents make that hurt their children. I. Fighting in front of your children There can be nothing more destructive to a child’s emotional well-being than experiencing his or her parents fighting on a regular basis. Fighting in front of children destroys their emotional equilibrium and when repeated can become traumatizing. Emotional pain in itself is not traumatizing. Emotional pain becomes traumatizing—i.e. unbearable and crushing—when a child is forced to bear it alone without any support, help processing it, or help making sense of it. Chronic emotional pain experienced without someone else to hold it becomes traumatic pain. When a child is emotionally wounded, she is forced to turn inward to attend to it, like a person with a cut finger needs to attend to her physical pain. Being forced to cope with emotional pain becomes a burden that disrupts a child’s natural happiness and security. Fighting in front of your children robs them of their innocence and childhood and forces them to deal with unwanted pain. Children should never be forced to turn inward and attend to emotional pain inflicted upon them by their parents who cannot control their feelings and resolve their differences behind closed doors. The rule here is simple and absolute: Never fight or disagree in front of your children unless you are also consciously modeling problem-solving skills and it is clear to the children that there is no animosity or anger towards one another. II. Not being attuned to their feelings I have long believed that the number
one job of a parent is to be emotionally attuned to one’s children. Fifty years of infant studies have clearly demonstrated that consistent emotional attunement builds a strong sense of self in a child, while consistent malattunement destroys a child’s sense of self. Practically, this means listen before you give advice, correct, or educate. For example, your child comes home from school crying and angry saying, “I hate Mr. Roberts. He’s so mean. Tomorrow I’m going to take his lunch and throw it in the trash.” What’s your response—to correct first or to listen first? Attuned listening must always be your first response. An attuned response might look something like this: “Wow you are really angry at Mr. Roberts. You’re so angry you actually feel like hurting him in order to make yourself feel better. I know I’ve felt that way too. I’m really curious to know what made you so angry at him. Do you feel like talking about it with me now? I’d really like to hear what you have to say.” Attuned listening to someone’s feelings integrates, empowers, and comforts. Dismissing a person’s feelings fragments, weakens, and deepens the hurt. When we respect our children’s feelings, we are at the same time respecting and strengthening their personhood. Learn to listen. Your child’s emotional well-being depends on it. (A must-read on this topic is the classic work, How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and How to Listen So Kids Will Talk, by Faber and Mazlish.) III. Disrespecting your child’s individuality King Solomon gave the definitive piece of parenting advice in the Book of Proverbs when he said, “Raise a child ac-
cording to his or her unique personality and temperament.” Schools are for socializing and teaching information in an homogenized way. Homes are for shaping and actualizing a child’s uniqueness. A parent’s job is to help his child understand himself. Homes are for individuation and differentiation. For example, it is a mistake for a parent to pressure a child to perform in school in order to get into a good college, etc. Not every child is fit for college. Some will do much better in a trade school. A man once told me his father saved his life. This man came from a prestigious family of rabbis, his father being a well-respected rabbi, as well. All his brothers went to yeshivos and became rabbis. He told me how anxious he was in grade school, sensing the pressure to be like his brothers. He remembers the day his father had a talk with him about his future. Instead of pushing him to improve in his Talmud studies, he suggested that he felt his true calling was to go into business. At first, he was deflated, feeling like he was a failure for not following the scholarly path of his brothers. But his father was sincere, loving, and guided him in becoming himself. Eventually, he became a wealthy man and very well known for his generosity and philanthropy. Parents need to know their children and communicate this knowledge to them in order to help them take ownership of their uniqueness. There is far too much social pressure in the school system to conform and become like everyone else. Parents must protect their children against this social pressure and give their children the confidence and strength to discover their unique paths in life. IV. Being verbally abusive Here are five common ways that parents can be verbally abusive: Constant criticism and micro-managing Comparing one child to another Name calling and ridicule Pressuring the child to be successful Impatience, anger, and raging at a child The general rule is that once in a while making one of these mistakes is not destructive or damaging. But any of these done on a regular basis is not only damaging to a child’s emotional well-being, it is likely to be traumatizing. V. Not taking responsibility for your marital problems Parents who do not love each other and
have marital problems create tension in the home. This tension is felt by the children and destabilizes their sense of security and inner peace. It is never acceptable for parents to grow apart and to have ongoing marital discord without taking responsibility for trying to resolve their issues. This should be obvious, but far too many couples who have serious ongoing problems do nothing about them while their children suffer. VI. Allowing the children take control Children need discipline. Studies have shown that children want to be disciplined. Children crave boundaries and limits in as much as they seem to resist them. Boundaries and limits give children a sense of safety, security, and protection. And if parents don’t know how to take control, your children will. A classic example of allowing children to be in control is bedtime. Children desperately need to sleep and need a bedtime. Parents who can’t establish a bedtime and enforce it are failing in their responsibility to properly take care of their children. Children should not be allowed to dictate when they go to bad. Parents often give in because it’s more comfortable not to fight with them. Parents often feel bad when their children cry and plead with them to stay with them until they fall asleep. This is just bad for everyone. Don’t you have better things to do with your evenings then to stay up with your children? VII. Not being on the same page The Torah teaches us that a mother and father must always strive to speak with one voice. Parents must get on the same page when it comes to parenting philosophy and techniques. When parents have differing philosophies and approaches, children pick up on this which often leads to a child playing one parent off against the other. This is especially problematic if one parent is more permissive than the other, which is often the case. Therefore, parents need to be very careful not to undermine each other and let their children take advantage of this difference. Children should never get the feeling if they don’t get what they want from Mom they can go to Dad. Dov Heller is in private practice offering psychotherapy and personal mentoring for individuals and couples. He can be contacted at Dov@ClarityTalk. com. You may also visit his website at www.ClarityTalk.com
The Week In News
AUGUST 23, 2018 | The Jewish Home
INSPIRING JEWS ... ONE BOOK AT A TIME
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:â€Ť×šâ€Ź â€Ť×?×Ş×?â€Ź â€Ť×?×ž×¨×• ×œ×”×? ×“×§×Ş× ×™â€Ź â€ŤÂĄ ×”×™×™×Ş×? ×˘×ž× ×• ×ž×˘×™×“×™×?â€ŹÂ˘ÂĄÂ˘ÂŚÂ˘ÂąÂšÂœ Ă?Ă‹Ă…Ă”Ă† â€Ť×”×ž×–×™×ž×™×?â€Ź :'â€Ť×›×•â€Ź Ă?Ă‹Ă›Ă”Ă’ Ă‹Ă’Ă‡ĂŽĂ– â€Ť×?×•×Ş×• ×”×™×•×?×˘×“×•×Ş ×–×” ×•×”×œ×?â€Ź .â€Ť×“×Ş× ×&#x; ×”×Ş×? ×§×?×™â€Ź Ă‘Ă‹Ă?Ă?Ă‡Ăˆ Ă‘Ăƒ Ă‚Ă‡Ă†Ă›Ă?Ă‹ĂšĂ?Ă‡Ă‚ â€Ť×‘×ž×§×•×? ×¤×œ×•× ×™â€Ź â€Ť×Ą×™×•×ž×? ×‘×Š×™×œ×”×™â€Ź 'â€Ť×Ş×•×Ąâ€Ź â€Ť×’×œ×™×•×&#x; ×”×Š"×Ąâ€Ź â€Ť×•×™"×œ ×“"×”â€Ź â€Ť×“×Ą× ×”×“×¨×™×&#x;×?×œ×• ×”×&#x;×ž×Ą× ×”×“×¨×™×&#x; ×Ą×œ×™×§â€Ź Ă†Ă›Ă‡ĂšĂ„ â€Ť×ž×˘×™×“×™×&#x;â€Ź Ă‡Ă’Ă‚ Ă‘Ă‹Ă…Ă‹Ă”Ă? Ă‚ Ă‡Ă‹ĂœĂ‰Ăœ Ă‘Ăƒ Ă‡Ă‚ Ă‘Ăƒ Ă†Ăˆ Ă†Ă›Ă”Ă‹ â€Ť ×›×•' ×‘×ž×§×Ś×Şâ€Ź.â€Ť×Š×™×˜×” ×›×™×•×&#x; ×“×œ×•×§×™×&#x;â€Ź â€Ť×“×™×Šâ€Ź Ă›Ă‹Ă‚Ăƒ Ă‚ĂŽĂ‚ Ă›Ă‹Ă‚Ăƒ â€Ť×”× ×—× ×§×™×&#x; ×“×”×•×?â€Ź â€Ť×˘×” ×˘"×‘×ž×§×•×‘×Ś×Ş ×‘"×§ ×“×Ł×˘×™' ×”×–×•×ž×ž×™×&#x; ×ž×“×™×&#x; ×”×–×ž×” ×–×•×ž×ž×™×&#x;â€Ź Ă†Ă›Ă‡ĂšĂ„ â€Ť×“"×”â€Ź Ă‘Ă‹Ă‚ Ă†Ă˜Ă‡ĂŽĂ‰ â€Ť×Š× ×Š×Ş× ×•â€Ź Ă‘Ăƒ Ă‡Ă‚Ă?Ă‹Ă”ĂƒĂšĂ‚ Ă†Ă™Ă‡ĂŽ â€Ť×?×Ş×” ×™×›×•×œâ€Ź â€Ť×˘×“×•×Ş ×Š×?×™ ×›×œ×•×ž×¨ ×?×™×&#x; ×ž×§×“×™×ž×™×?â€Ź:â€Ť×“×’×‘×™ ×œ×”×–×™×ž×”â€Ź Ă‚Ă‡Ă†Ă›Ă‹Ă’Ă‡ĂŽĂ– â€Ť×•×˘×™"×œâ€Ź ĂœĂ†ĂˆĂ†ĂŽĂ„Ă‹ â€Ť×›×“×§×Ş× ×™ ×›×œâ€Ź Ă†Ă˜Ă‡ĂŽĂ‰ â€Ť×˘×“×•×Şâ€Ź â€Ť×§×Š×” ×œ×™â€Ź Ă‘Ă‹Ă‚ Ă…Ă˜Ă‹Ă? â€Ť×‘×?"×“ ×‘×”×?×œ×? ×ž×Š×›×™×ž×™×&#x;×œ×”×? ×œ×Ś×¤×•×Ş ×œ×?×•×Ş×” ×ž×™×Ş×”â€Ź .â€Ť×“×‘"×’â€Ź Ă‡ĂŽĂ‚ĂŽĂ‚Ă‡Ă‹ĂœĂ‰ Ă‡Ă’Ă‚ Ă‘Ă‹Ă…Ă‹Ă”Ă? ĂœĂ‡ĂŽĂ„ĂŽĂƒĂ‹Ă‹Ă‰ â€Ť×‘×–×”â€Ź â€Ť×“×›×Ş×•×‘×•×Ş ×“×Ł ×œ×’ ×ž×Ą×•×’×™×?â€Ź â€Ť×“×™× ×• ×Š×œ ×œ×?×•×Ş×”â€Ź Ă?Ă‹Ă…Ă”Ă†ĂœĂ™Ă…Ă? (â€Ť ×?â€ŹĂ…Ă‡Ă”Ă‡ â€Ť×ž×™×Ş×” ×?×—×¨×Şâ€Ź â€Ť×˘×“×™×? ×–×•×ž×ž×™×&#x; ×˘"×?â€Ź Ă?Ă‹ĂšĂ?Ă‡Ă‚Ă‘Ă‹Ă‚ Ă?Ă‹Ă”ĂƒĂšĂ‚Ă†Ă™ Ă?Ă‹Ă›Ă”Ă’ â€Ť×ž×œ×§×™â€Ź Ă?ĂœĂ‚ â€Ť ×—×•×Ľ ×ž×™×Ş×” ×Š× ×’×ž×¨â€Ź:â€Ť × ×Š×•×?×” × ×“×•×&#x;â€Ź.â€Ť×¨×?"×? ×›×”×&#x;â€Ź â€Ť×ž×ž×•× ×?â€Ź â€Ť×‘× ×™ ×œ×? ×œ×§×™â€Ź Ă‘Ă‹Ă?Ă?Ă‡Ăˆ(â€Ť ×‘â€ŹĂŽĂƒĂ‚Ă‘Ă?Ă™ĂŽĂ‹Ă’ Ă‚Ă†'â€Ť×’×žâ€Ź â€Ť×ž×Š×œ×? ×œ×Š×¨×™×¤×” ×˘×œ ×Š×?×˘"×¤ ×ž×–×•×ž×ž×™ ×‘×Şâ€Ź â€Ť×“×?×™ ×”×Ş×¨×?×”â€Ź â€Ť×ž×Š×•×? ×“×œ×?×•â€Ź Ă‹ĂšĂ†Ă›Ă‘Ă‹Ă…Ă‹Ă”Ă? .â€Ť× ×™× ×”×•â€Ź Ă™Ă?ĂƒĂ‡Ă’Ă?Ă” Ă†Ă‹ĂŽ Ă‹Ă”ĂƒĂ‹Ă? ĂšĂ?Ă‚ Ă‡ĂŽĂ‚Ă… â€Ť×™×•×Ş×¨ ×‘× ×™ ×”×Ş×¨×?×” ×ž×Š×ž×˘ ×”×Ş×? )×“×Ł ×¤×™×”×? ×”×? ×Š× ×’×ž×¨ ×“×™× ×”â€Ź ĂŒĂ‚Ă‹Ă†Ă?Ă†ĂŽĂ‡ Ă?Ă‡Ă‹Ă†Ă‡ĂœĂ‡Ă‚Ăƒ Ă‹ĂšĂ†Ă‹Ă’Ă‡ĂŽĂ–Ă?Ă‡ ĂœĂ‘Ă‹Ă?Ă?Ă‡ĂˆĂ‘Ă‹Ă‚ ĂŽĂ‘Ă‹Ă?Ă‹Ă…Ă™Ă? Ă?ĂœĂ‹Ă‹Ă†Ă?ĂœĂ‚ Ă‘Ă‹Ă?Ă?Ă‡ĂˆĂ‡ĂŽĂ‚ Ă‹Ă‚Ă™Ă?ĂœĂ†Ă‚Ă’ ĂŽĂŽĂ?Ă?
Ă†ĂœĂ‹Ă?Ă†ĂœĂ‡Ă‚ Ă‘Ă‹Ă‚Ă› Ă†ĂŽĂ”Ă‡ĂƒĂ‡ ĂœĂ‹Ă?ĂŽ Ă‘Ă‹Ă?Ă?Ă‡ĂˆĂ†ĂŽĂ? Ă‡ĂˆĂ?Ă—Ă‡Ă‰ Ă‘Ă‹Ă?Ă‹Ă…Ă™Ă? Ă›Ă‹Ă‡ĂœĂšĂ‰Ă‚Ă† Ă‹Ă›Ă‡Ă” Ă†ĂœĂ‡Ă‚ĂŽ Ă‘Ă†Ă?ĂœĂƒĂ‹Ă?Ă? Ă‚ĂŽĂ‚ Ă†ĂœĂ‹Ă? Ă‘Ă‹Ă?Ă?Ă‡ĂˆĂ?Ă‹Ă…Ă” ĂˆĂ†Ă‘Ă‹Ă…Ă‘Ă†ĂƒĂ‘Ă‹Ă”ĂƒĂšĂ‚ Ă‘Ăƒ Ă†Ă›Ă‡ĂšĂ„ Ă‘Ă‹Ă‚Ă›Ă?Ă‹ĂšĂ‰Ă‚ ĂšĂ™Ă‹Ă”ĂŽĂ?Ă†Ă?Ă…Ă‹Ă”Ă?Ă…Ă˜Ă‹Ă?Ă? Ă‘Ăƒ Ă‡Ă‚ Ă‘Ăƒ Ă†Ăˆ ĂœĂ‡Ă™ĂŽĂ?Ă‚ĂŽĂ‚ Ă›Ă‹Ă‚ĂƒĂ‡Ă’Ă‚Ă‘Ă‹ Ă†Ă›Ă‡ĂšĂ„ Ă†Ă™Ă‡ĂŽ Ă‘Ă‹Ă‚ Ă†Ă˜Ă‡ĂŽĂ‰ .â€Ť×œ×–×¨×˘×•â€Ź Ă‘Ăƒ Ă‡Ă‚ Ă‚Ă‡Ă†Ă›Ă‹Ă’Ă‡ĂŽĂ– Ă?Ă‹ĂšĂ?Ă‡Ă‚ Ă‹Ă”ĂƒĂšĂ‚Ă†ĂœĂ‚Ă‹Ă‡ĂŽ Ă‘Ăƒ â€Ť×•×œ×?â€Ź Ă†Ă›Ă”Ă‹ Ă‡Ă‹ĂœĂ‰Ăœ Ă†Ă˜Ă‡ĂŽĂ‰ ĂšĂ?Ă‚
.â€Ť×–×ž×?â€Ź Ă‹ĂŽĂ‹Ă?Ă‹Ă’Ă†Ă’Ă?Ă? Ă‚ĂŽĂ‚ Ă‘Ăƒ Ă›Ăš Ă‡ĂŽ Ă?ĂœĂ‹Ă›Ă”Ă‡ Ă–Ă‹ĂŽĂ‡ â€Ť×‘×˘×™× ×&#x; ×›×?×Š×¨â€Ź Ă›Ă‹Ă™ĂŽ ĂšĂ›Ă‚Ă? Ă”Ă›Ă‡Ă†Ă‹ĂšĂ‚ Ă?Ă?Ăˆ Ă†Ă‹Ă…Ă‹Ă…ĂŽĂ‡Ă†Ă‡ĂŽĂ“ â€Ť×”×ž×—×œ×œ ×?×™× ×•â€Ź Ă‚ĂšĂ™ ĂšĂ?Ă‚Ă… Ă?Ă?Ăˆ ĂšĂ›Ă‚Ă? Ă‚ĂŽĂ‡ Ă‡ĂŽĂ‡ĂŽĂ“Ă–Ă‹ĂŽĂ‚ĂŽĂ‡ ĂœĂ‡Ă›Ă”ĂŽ Ă†Ă?Ă‡ Ă‡Ă™ .â€Ť×ž×Ş×—×œ×œâ€Ź Ă‡Ă”ĂšĂˆĂŽ Ă‚Ă?Ă‹ĂŽĂ‡Ă‡Ă’Ă‹Ă‚ ĂŽĂŽĂ‰Ă?Ă† Ă‰Ă‚ĂŽĂ‡ Ă‘Ă’Ă‹Ă”ĂƒĂ†Ă‹Ă”ĂšĂˆĂŽ â€Ť×”×‘×? ×œ×—×œ×œâ€Ź Ă‚Ă…Ă– ĂšĂƒ Ă‚Ă’Ă‹ĂƒĂš .â€Ť×•×œ×? ×—×™×œ×œâ€Ź ĂšĂ?Ă‡Ă‚ Ă‚ĂƒĂ† ĂŽĂŽĂ‰ĂœĂ? Ă‘Ă‹Ă…Ă‡Ă’Ă‹Ă‚ĂŽĂŽĂ‹ Ă‘Ă? Ă?Ă‚ ĂŽĂŽĂ‰ĂœĂ‹Ă‚ĂŽĂ› ĂŽĂŽĂ‰ĂŽ ĂœĂŽĂŠĂƒ ĂœĂšĂ‡Ăœ â€Ť×”×’×”×•×Ş ×”×‘"×—â€Ź Ă†ĂŽĂ•Ă‹Ă™ĂœĂ? Ă?Ă‹Ă…Ă” .â€Ť×?×? ×›×&#x;â€Ź Ă‘Ă‹Ă?Ă?Ă‡Ăˆ Ă†Ă?Ă‡ â€Ť×ž×˘×™×“×™×&#x;â€Ź
â€Ť× ×˘×¨×”â€Ź â€Ť×ž×™×§×˜×œ×?â€Ź â€Ť×ž×Š×•×? ×“×›×™×•×&#x; ×“×?×™× ×”×• ×“×?×™×”×™â€Ź
â€Ť)×Ą× ×”×“×¨×™×&#x;â€Ź (.â€Ť×”×ž×?×•×¨×Ą×” ×“×Ł ×ž×?â€Ź
â€Ť×œ×?â€Ź â€Ť×œ×?â€Ź Â?ÂŒ â€Ť×Š×™×›×•×œ×™×&#x; ×œ×•×ž×¨â€Ź â€Ť×‘×˘×œ×” ×‘×?× ×•â€Ź Â?ÂŠÂ?Â?Â†Â‡Â… â€Ť×ž×™×§×˜×œ×™â€Ź â€Ť×™×›×•×œ ×œ×”×–×™×ž×” ×•×”×•×™×? ×œ×” ×œ×?×Ą×¨×”â€Ź Â?ÂŠÂ?ÂŠÂ„Â˜Â?Â…Â›ÂŠÂ? Â…Â›Â†Â Â? â€Ť×˘×œ ×ž×—×™×™×‘×™×&#x;â€Ź â€Ť ×Š×”×™×•â€Ź,â€Ť×?×Ş ×”× ×™×“×•×&#x;â€Ź â€Ť×œ×•×§×™×&#x; ×•×™"×œ ×•×ž×?×™ ×˘×“×•×Ş ×Š×?×™â€Ź ÂŠÂ?Â?Â†Â‡Â? â€Ť×?×Ş×”â€Ź â€Ť×“×”×Ş×? ×§×?×ž×¨â€Ź Â–Â†Âˆ Â›Â‚ â€Ť×ž×™×Ş×”â€Ź â€Ť×›×™×•×&#x; ×Š×‘×?×™×&#x;×•×”×? ×ž"×žâ€Ź Â?Â…ÂŒ â€ŤÂ†Â‚Â†Â“Â?Â… ×›×œ×•×ž×¨â€Ź â€Ť×•×–×ž×ž×•â€Ź â€Ť×”×‘×•×˘×œ×™×?â€Ź â€Ť×•×›×œâ€Ź â€Ť× ×™×“×•× ×™×&#x;â€Ź â€Ť×ž×™×§×™×™×? ×›×?×Š×¨ ×œ×”×¨×•×’ ×?×Ş ×œ×—×™×™×‘×”â€Ź â€Ť×”× ×‘×˘×œ×Ş ×—×•×Ľâ€Ź â€Ť×›×ž×™×Ş×Şâ€Ź â€Ť×‘×”×“×™×? ×›×Ş×™×‘ ×–×ž×?â€Ź â€Ť×›×”×&#x;â€Ź â€Ť×”× ×¤×Š ×œ×?â€Ź â€Ť×ž×‘×•×˘×œ ×‘×Şâ€Ź â€Ť×“×˘×“×•×Şâ€Ź . _XRaLMYZ â€Ť× ×¤×Š ×‘×ž×œ×§×•×Ş ×“×”×?â€Ź
â€Ť×‘× ×¤×Šâ€Ź â€Ť× ×¤×Š×•×Şâ€Ź â€Ť×‘×ž×œ×§×•×Ş ×?×‘×œ ×•×œ×? ×—×Š×™×‘ ×™×›×•×œ×’×‘×™ ×”×–×ž×”â€Ź â€Ť×œ×Š×•×•×™×™×”â€Ź â€Ť×”×›×?â€Ź
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ka lo s tim to we â€Ť×? ďż˝×œâ€Ź n as in (p that tried â€ŤÖ˛×˘ďŹŞď‹×Ş ×œÖ° ďż˝×? Ö´×—â€Ź â€œYou tnesse know of wi to them, ve seen at d zomem t they ): â€Ť×™×•â€Ź a ent is ying to ha , are calle n of shmen arim 19:19 punishm puni by sa u claim ev is the so then zamah yo serve. same verse (D Thus, th n is s are not what rough ha d not de ive the r. Kohe the at a e witnesse othe th di ce th br t by s fy gh we do ive false nalty he esses re hi ce nim, is tau to do to and th tn o testi This otted.â€? to a pe emin wi d s wh hunah), are Koha er, they re testipl d. te se ot es he Zom ey testiďŹ e as he pl witn ; rath ar false for , â€œas the Ke tnesses th quire se of from t be means 20, him e wi s a ca ualiďŹ ed en if th seem to re â€Ť×œâ€Ź, Do no w, note whom all do to ďż˝ which usse sq lo ev ďż˝ â€ŤÖš×?â€Ź d â€Ť]ďŹť Ö˛×?â€Ź, g disc d thus di les that am woul â€Ť)×“ ×Ş Ö˛×˘× Öś ×” Ö°×‘ Öľ×¨ Ö˛×˘ ďż˝×šâ€Ź. See be You sh [â€ŤÖśďŹŞ×¨ ×–ďż˝ ďż˝×ž×?â€Ź ) Rulin ru (an m â€Ťâ€œ×”â€Ź shah ďż˝ â€ŤÖľ×˘×“â€Ź nah zamam ishnahâ€™s alutzah geru her za ), â€Ť ďŹŞ Öś×§×¨â€Źs 4b â€Ť×•×¨×‘× ×&#x;â€Ź ed (a she does e Mish as kaâ€™as os 20:13 fo eM a ch vorc â™ Th shah or in. Th d Tosa t. nah, hem was di h 13a). If o geru be zomem the Kehu ition of (S low, 2b, an nishmen na an wh pu from e prohib mara be d to wom hen (Mish mam ed to A za : foun lify them tri th r Ge ah g Ko ey e in (see e kaâ€™ashe alutz marry a ent th . Thes disqua for violat fellow n Ch t to nishm testiďŹ ed en th ur us and Be may no malk against yo e not giv the pu om they ving tried nrushah ar tzah) ha y ich is wh t pu they mon t, wh n about r, despite h, are no hed Ben Ge h (a chalu ason n of hmen na rso nis ve alitza catio the re punis on the pe s, howe the Kehu ey are pu ch liďŹ d se giving er squa ive moth inďŹ‚ict n witnes tim from Instead, th n against zomeâ™ Di o rece vic . henâ€™s hi), or mi e tio wh es Ko ion me eir ibi th at zo or fy th (Ras pose. d this why e proh aliďŹ c
er. ali d sban tnesse broth - disqu th disqu lating th te 20, for tried to im ey wi ious hu sbandâ€™s vio s dis ed wi t they low, no at th ev s for im th m a pr evious huhen become from ish th malku y. See be nishmen fro rn pr on pu ey cla m a ed, the Ko he was bo r and wi se testim ceive the 1. Th divorced h fro he e fal not re n fat being chalitza y is accept becaus h, Kohe min do receive testimon e Kehuna een his m ma tw eir th h. za m r tza e be If th â€™ashe ďŹ ed fro marriag or chalu e ka n quali ah th de sh ru bid receive a for ther, a ge min his mo lly, zome ua 2. Us
From the bestselling author of Rebbetzin Kanievsky
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The life and wisdom of Rabbi Aharon Yehudah Leib Shteinman
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4 Rav Chaimâ€™s personal customs and practices 4 Rav Chaimâ€™s answers to questions on the laws and customs of Selichos, Elul, Rosh Hashanah, Aseres Yemei Teshuvah, and Yom Kippur 4 Rav Chaimâ€™s comments on the meaning of the prayers and the Torah readings of the Yamim Noraâ€™im, as well as Selichos, Vidui, and the Thirteen Attributes of Mercy 4 Many personal stories, especially about Rebbetzin Kanievsky aâ€™h
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29, | The Jewish Home Feature TheOCTOBER Week In2015 News
AUGUST 23, 2018 | The Jewish Home
Things Your Principal Wishes You Knew
By Susan Schwamm
hree-ring binder? Check. Ticonderoga #2 pencils? Check. Filler paper? Check. Hole puncher? Reinforcements? Erasers? Check, check, and check. As children are readying their knapsacks for the first day of school, teachers and principals are preparing their lesson plans and class lists for the beginning of a wonderful school year. This week we spoke with Mrs. S., principal of a large girls’ high school on the East Coast, to learn more about how parents can best prepare their children for the new year. Here are the top six things your principal wishes you knew. 1. Be Your Child’s Advocate You know your child best. And, as in all situations, you are your child’s best advocate. So make sure to communicate with your child’s
teachers and principals about any challenges or needs that your child has. Is there an unusual circumstance in your family or in your child’s life? Is there a sick sibling at home? A grandparent living with you? A severe allergy or anxiety? A weekly mandatory doctor’s visit? Make sure to communicate that with your child’s principal and teacher. If the principal is aware of that challenge or situation, he or she can make sure the right people in school are aware of it as well. It’s best to get in touch with the school before school starts about these issues, but if you haven’t yet done so, you can give them a call now. They are more than happy to speak with you to help make school a better experience for their students. 2. Reach Out Your child is spending most of
his or her day in school with her teachers and friends. You’re all part of the same team! During the first few days of school reach out to your child’s teachers to introduce yourself to them with a phone call or a short email. Be positive! Thank them for a wonderful first few days and tell them you’re looking forward to a wonderful year. Keep the lines of communication open during the year. Periodically check in with an email, note or phone call to hear more about what’s going on in school. A short note with a positive message is always appreciated, but more than that you want to remind teachers that you’re interested in your child’s progress. 3. Take Our Recommendations Seriously Principals very often are in touch with parents if there is a need for
evaluations or referrals for certain therapies or disorders. Sometimes a child can benefit from tutoring in a certain subject or sessions with a therapist to learn how to deal with their peers or their workload. Principals will only make those recommendations with much deliberation and when seeing a pattern of behavior to warrant those recommendations so take them seriously. They put in a lot of thought before picking up the phone to call you. 4. It’s Their Homework Homework. There, we’ve said it. But parents shouldn’t be dreading homework every night. It’s your job to provide the time and space for your children to complete their homework assignments every night. But it’s not your work. It’s your child’s responsibility to get homework done. Make sure to commu-
Feature The Week In News
AUGUST 23, 2018 | The Jewish Home
nicate that clearly with your child – and be firm. Do not tell them the answers just to get out of their tantrums. That’s detrimental to your child in many ways. If you see that your child is really struggling with his or her homework – whether they’re not yet on the level or that it’s taking them too much time – be in touch with your child’s teacher. They want to know if your child is not keeping up with the rest of the class and can help work with you and your child to provide homework assignments that are more on their level. 5. Be a Cheerleader Get out the pom-poms. Mrs. S. advises that you become a cheerleader for your child and for his or her school. Your school will be more responsive to you if you are positive about their programs. That doesn’t mean that you can’t come to them with constructive feedback, but all in all, if you’re sending to the school it’s assumed that you are generally
happy with it, so let it show! Children also have big ears and are impressionable. If the atmosphere at home is negative when it comes to school, children will likely follow in their parents’ unenthusi-
style and compliment them in front of your children. Don’t jump to conclusions based on first impressions. Some teachers may not be the most impressive performers on parent-teacher night but
Having enthusiastic parents leads to enthusiastic, excited students, and they’re always a joy to have around. astic footsteps. And that’s a shame. This also goes for your children’s teachers. Be excited about the teachers that your children have. Point out the positives in their teaching
are a star in the classroom. Having enthusiastic parents leads to enthusiastic, excited students, and they’re always a joy to have around.
6. Speak Out If something is bothering your child, communicate. Call your child’s teacher and make sure to communicate what’s been going on. Ask questions. Find out what has been taking place in the classroom. Remember, if you called your child’s teachers early on in the year just to connect, you already have a relationship with them, which will make this conversation easier. Your child’s teacher wants the best for your child and you can work together to make that happen. If you feel that your child’s needs are not being addressed, your child’s principal is here to help. But please don’t call the principal before addressing the issue with your child’s teacher. That would only make the situation awkward and would make the teacher feel offended by the snub. Remember, parents, teachers and principals are partners in children’s success. Working together, children will shine and grow, and this year will be one of great progress.
The Week In News
Terrorist Killed Attempting to Stab Policeman An Israeli Arab was shot dead this week after trying to stab a Jewish policeman in Jerusalem’s Old City. The man was seen coming from the Temple Mount direction and then approached a group of policemen and attempted to stab at least one of them. The officers scuffled with the assailant and one of them killed him. The terrorist was Ahmed Muhammad Mahameed, a 24-year old resident of the northern Arab town of Umm al-Fahm. Police said that Mahameed was carrying an identification card at the time of the attack and was identified as an Israeli civilian. This newest stabbing incident comes on the heels of the police arresting a 26-yearold resident of the West Bank city of Hebron inside the Old City as he was planning on carrying out a stabbing attack. A body search of the suspect revealed he was holding a knife and a can of tear gas. The man was brought in for questioning
AUGUST 23, 2018 | The Jewish Home
after the suspicious objects were found. He originally said that he was only in Jerusalem to pray, however, police investigators then “carried out several interrogation actions through which they were able to expose the suspect’s real intentions,” a statement said. The suspect admitted to traveling from the West Bank without a permit in order to stab any Israeli civilian or security force member he could find. The Old City has been relatively quiet over the past year. Stabbing attacks have generally taken place in the West Bank and elsewhere. Last month, a Palestinian terrorist climbed the fence of the Adam settlement and stabbed three people. He killed Yotam Ovadia in the attack before he was shot by local responders.
PepsiCo Buys SodaStream for $3.2B This week, PepsiCo signed a deal with Israel’s SodaStream to acquire the home seltzer company for $3.2 billion in cash. The company will remain an independent unit within PepsiCo, with its own headquarters in Israel and maintaining its own brand. The deal will allow the Israeli firm to have “access to resources we may not have had until today,” the company’s CEO Daniel Birnbaum said on Monday. But
it will also ensure the company keeps its young heart. Set up in 1903 by Guy Hugh Gilby in the UK, the firm originally sold its aerating water devices to the British upper classes and royal household, gradually expanding its operations globally. It was acquired in 1998 by Israel’s Soda-Club, founded in 1991 by Peter Wiseburgh, who from the late ‘70s was the sole distributor of SodaStream products in Israel. He also patented a new brand of at-home carbonated machines, and distributed them globally. But popularity of the product waned as bottled sodas sold by international giants became cheaper. Even so, after the acquisition, SodaStream became the world’s largest home carbonation system. Financial difficulties, however, led to the sale of the firm in 2007 by Israeli private equity investment group, Fortissimo Capital Fund, which appointed Daniel Birnbaum as the CEO. In 2010 the company listed shares on the Nasdaq and in 2016 on the Tel Aviv Stock Exchange. Under Birnbaum’s leadership the company rebranded itself as a fizzy water company, a brash David providing a healthier alternative to the drinks offered by its Goliath competitors, which in addition to using massive amounts of sugar also sell their products in planet-killing plastic bottles. SodaStream makes machines that carbonate home tap water in reusable bottles. “One SodaStream reusable bottle rids the world of up to 3,000 single-use plastic
bottles,” the firm says on its website. And its bubbles make water a “fun and exciting drink” so consumers drink more water as opposed to sweetened beverages, the website says. Birnbaum sees himself as a force for change in the Israeli society by employing diverse populations in SodaStream’s manufacturing efforts, including Jews, Arab, Bedouins and Palestinians. SodaStream became a target of the pro-Palestinian campaign over the location of its factory in the West Bank, before moving to a location inside the Green Line several years ago. In October 2014, the firm announced it would close its West Bank factory in Maale Adumim and move to southern Israel, a relocation the BDS movement claimed was a result of its pressure. Some 500 Palestinian employees lost their jobs at that time. Israel gave the remaining 74 employees permission to enter the country and continue to work for SodaStream. The BDS movement asserted that SodaStream discriminated against Palestinian workers and paid some less than Israeli workers. SodaStream said the opposite — that it provided work for hundreds of Palestinians on the same terms as Israelis. For many years Pepsi Cola, as the company was then known, itself boycotted Israel, and its products could not be found locally, following pressure from the Arab world. The U.S. company finally entered the Israeli market in 1991, when the Arab boycott waned.
The Week In News
AUGUST 23, 2018 | The Jewish Home
i-Shine Thanks Los Angeles! Venue Sponsors:
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Yeshivat Yavneh SCHOLAR IN RESIDENCE
Rabbi Yissachar Frand August 31- Sep. 1, 2018
20-21 Elul 5778 Parshat Ki Tavo Friday Night D’var Torah Shabbat Morning Drasha Shabbat Afternoon Halacha Shiur 5:30 P.M. Motzei Shabbat Pre-Selichot Teshuva Drasha 9:00 P.M. Nagel Gymnasium For more information please contact Yeshivat Yavneh at (323) 931-5808
Jewish Home LA - 8-23-18