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JUNE 4, 2020 | The Jewish Home OCTOBER 29, 2015 | The Jewish Home
Think, Feel, Grow
The Three Keys to Happiness By Shmuel Reichman
I
f you ask the average person what they want in life, they will likely answer with one word: happiness. Many people’s lives are centered around this goal. The big decisions, such as who we marry, where we live, the jobs we take, the people we interact with, as well as the smaller decisions, such as what we eat, how we dress, how much sleep we get, are often made with the goal of attaining a greater level of joy and happiness. However, we often find people who appear set up for happiness living a life stuck in misery and people who seem destined for a life of anguish living lives of great happiness. We all know that person – let’s call him, Yoni – who is good-looking, comes from a very wealthy family, and always has the best of everything in life. He is skilled, capable, funny, and extremely popular amongst his peers. Nevertheless, Yoni spends his entire adult life in and out of drug rehab centers, dealing with non-ending cycles of depression and addiction. How did this happen? Then there is Eli, a boy whose father passed away when he was just three years old. His mother constantly struggled to make ends meet – luxuries were out of the question. At the age of six, Eli’s doctor discovered a heart defect that left Eli in and out of hospitals his entire childhood. After living a life of extreme poverty with very limited opportunity, Eli was able to create an extraordinary life for himself and is the happiest person you will ever meet. What is the difference between Yoni and Eli? What is the source of happiness, and how can we achieve this elusive state? But more fundamentally, is happiness even a Jew-
Growth: Self-Expansion
ish value? We live in a world which defines success in life as achieving happiness. Is happiness the ultimate Jewish goal? Or is it simply a Western value that has been imposed on our view of Judaism? What exactly is the Jewish approach to happiness? In several places, the Torah lists the many curses that will befall Klal Yisrael if they do not observe Hashem’s commandments. When describing these terrible curses, Hashem informs us that we will receive these punishments because we did not serve Him with happiness (Devarim 28:47). Additionally, the pasuk in Tehillim states, “Ivdu es Hashem b’simcha” (100:2) – serve Hashem with happiness. It seems, therefore, that happiness is, in fact, a Jewish value. What then is the deep nature of happiness, and how does a lack of happiness warrant these terrible curses?
Pleasure vs. Happiness Happiness should not be confused with pleasure. Pleasure is instant gratification, a fleeting sensation that is gone as quickly as it
comes. Unhealthy food, meaningless entertainment, and other quick fixes all fit into the category of pleasure. The moment you’ve finished enjoying pleasure, it fades away. Happiness is of a fundamentally different nature. True happiness is what you experience when you are working towards becoming the person you are meant to be. When you use your challenges as a means to grow, when you expand as a person and achieve constant internal growth, that is happiness. You needn’t be smiling every step of the way, for genuine growth usually involves significant pain and hardship. However, as long as you know that you are heading towards where you need to go, that you are building the person you are meant to become, even the pain is accompanied by a feeling of happiness. External displays of success pale in comparison to the joy of true internal progress and growth. Let us expand our understanding of this topic by developing three keys to happiness.
As we have stated, growth is the underlying root of deep existential happiness. This is because the deepest human desire is to express our unique purpose in this world. We therefore experience incredible happiness when we are growing and maximizing our potential, fulfilling our purpose. The Ba’alei Machshava explain that all happiness stems from self-expansion. This is because Hashem is the all-encompassing creator of this world, and each of us, as a tzelem Elokim, has an infinite root as well. As we expand ourselves, we tap into our root oneness, resulting in a feeling of existential happiness. We experience this truth in our everyday lives. When you expand your mind by understanding a new Torah concept or perceiving something new about the universe, human psychology, or about yourself, you experience a deep state of joy. The same is true when expanding your inner awareness of self, or when pushing past boundaries and becoming a greater version of yourself. The greatest paradigm of self-expansion is when you expand your sense of self to include others. Marriage is the ultimate opportunity for this, and having children allows for both you and your spouse to collectively expand outwards into the world even further. However, all forms of giving to others, whether it’s giving time, love, money, or anything else, is a form of self-expansion that allows you to expand your sense of self to include others.
Gratitude: Mindset While happiness results from the
