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The Three Keys to Happiness by Shmuel Reichman
Feel, GrowThink,
The Three Keys to Happiness
By Shmuel Reichman
If you ask the average person what they want in life, they will likely answer with one word: happiness.
Many people’s lives are centered around this goal. The big decisions, such as who we marry, where we live, the jobs we take, the people we interact with, as well as the smaller decisions, such as what we eat, how we dress, how much sleep we get, are often made with the goal of attaining a greater level of joy and happiness. However, we often find people who appear set up for happiness living a life stuck in misery and people who seem destined for a life of anguish living lives of great happiness.
We all know that person – let’s call him, Yoni – who is good-looking, comes from a very wealthy family, and always has the best of everything in life. He is skilled, capable, funny, and extremely popular amongst his peers. Nevertheless, Yoni spends his entire adult life in and out of drug rehab centers, dealing with non-ending cycles of depression and addiction. How did this happen?
Then there is Eli, a boy whose father passed away when he was just three years old. His mother constantly struggled to make ends meet – luxuries were out of the question. At the age of six, Eli’s doctor discovered a heart defect that left Eli in and out of hospitals his entire childhood. After living a life of extreme poverty with very limited opportunity, Eli was able to create an extraordinary life for himself and is the happiest person you will ever meet.
What is the difference between Yoni and Eli? What is the source of happiness, and how can we achieve this elusive state? But more fundamentally, is happiness even a Jew
ish value? We live in a world which defines success in life as achieving happiness. Is happiness the ultimate Jewish goal? Or is it simply a Western value that has been imposed on our view of Judaism? What exactly is the Jewish approach to happiness?
In several places, the Torah lists the many curses that will befall Klal Yisrael if they do not observe Hashem’s commandments. When describing these terrible curses, Hashem informs us that we will receive these punishments because we did not serve Him with happiness (Devarim 28:47). Additionally, the pasuk in Tehillim states, “Ivdu es Hashem b’simcha” (100:2) – serve Hashem with happiness. It seems, therefore, that happiness is, in fact, a Jewish value. What then is the deep nature of happiness, and how does a lack of happiness warrant these terrible curses?
Pleasure vs. Happiness
Happiness should not be confused with pleasure. Pleasure is instant gratification, a fleeting sensation that is gone as quickly as it comes. Unhealthy food, meaningless entertainment, and other quick fixes all fit into the category of pleasure. The moment you’ve finished enjoying pleasure, it fades away.
Happiness is of a fundamentally different nature. True happiness is what you experience when you are working towards becoming the person you are meant to be. When you use your challenges as a means to grow, when you expand as a person and achieve constant internal growth, that is happiness. You needn’t be smiling every step of the way, for genuine growth usually involves significant pain and hardship. However, as long as you know that you are heading towards where you need to go, that you are building the person you are meant to become, even the pain is accompanied by a feeling of happiness. External displays of success pale in comparison to the joy of true internal progress and growth.
Let us expand our understanding of this topic by developing three keys to happiness.
Growth: Self-Expansion
As we have stated, growth is the underlying root of deep existential happiness. This is because the deepest human desire is to express our unique purpose in this world. We therefore experience incredible happiness when we are growing and maximizing our potential, fulfilling our purpose.
The Ba’alei Machshava explain that all happiness stems from self-expansion. This is because Hashem is the all-encompassing creator of this world, and each of us, as a tzelem Elokim, has an infinite root as well. As we expand ourselves, we tap into our root oneness, resulting in a feeling of existential happiness.
We experience this truth in our everyday lives. When you expand your mind by understanding a new Torah concept or perceiving something new about the universe, human psychology, or about yourself, you experience a deep state of joy. The same is true when expanding your inner awareness of self, or when pushing past boundaries and becoming a greater version of yourself.
The greatest paradigm of self-expansion is when you expand your sense of self to include others. Marriage is the ultimate opportunity for this, and having children allows for both you and your spouse to collectively expand outwards into the world even further. However, all forms of giving to others, whether it’s giving time, love, money, or anything else, is a form of self-expansion that allows you to expand your sense of self to include others.
expansion of self as we actualize our potential, there are a few keys that are necessary to fully experience the happiness we generate when fulfilling our mission. One of those keys is mindset. The same letters that make up the word b’simcha, with happiness, form the word machshava, thought. This is because your thoughts, mindset, and attitude have a tremendous impact on your internal state of being. No matter how much you are growing and achieving, without the right attitude and mindset, you will not be happy. As simple as it sounds, making the decision to be happy is one of the greatest strategies for achieving happiness. We all know people who wait around for something great to “happen” to them, claiming that only when “such and such” happens will they be happy. Proactively deciding to be happy can fundamentally change the way you perceive happiness. Don’t wait for an external reason; just decide.
There is, of course, a deeper layer to this. When you apply the principle of hakaras ha’tov, gratitude and recognition of all the good in your life, it fundamentally changes your perspective and allows you to see things as they truly are. In truth, we don’t deserve to be alive in the first place. We never earned the right to exist. There was no guarantee that we would wake up today, and there is no guarantee that we will wake up tomorrow. Our life is a gift, a constant gift from Hashem.
We look at a kidney donor as a hero, and are we so moved, so touched by their heroic deed. This is because we are able to imagine what the recipient felt like. He didn’t have a kidney, he was lost, abandoned, destined to die. Only because this generous and loving man donated his kidney is this recipient still alive. We feel the beauty of this gift, the gift of life, the fact that this person now has the rest of his life in front of him. We thank this man for giving this recipient hope, a reason to believe, another chance at life.
However, what if each and every one of us could have this feeling of complete and absolute love towards someone who gave us a lifesaving organ? What if each and every one of us was in dire need of an organ transplant? What if we thought that we were on death’s door, and then miraculously received a donation from a loving hero? Wouldn’t we live differently, experience life in a whole new way?
Well, what if I told you that we do? We each think of our lives as our own, our bodies as our own, our existence as our own. But they’re not; we have no right to live, to exist. We never earned it; it is a constant gift from Hashem! Each day, each moment, each second in this world is a gift. Every morning, we are in dire need of an organ transplant. Which organ? All our life to Hashem – is our purpose in life and should be the focus of all our self-development. We can only be miserable while serving Hashem if we view it as a burden, when we do it robotically, out of habit, just going through the motions. It is only when we realize that the only way to fulfill our purpose and actualize our
of them! And every single morning, Hashem gives each one of us a complete life donation, which includes all your organs, your emotional health, a working mind, a sense of identity, and the ability to choose greatness and grow. Each and every morning, when we say Modeh Ani, we should feel as if we are meeting our hero, the One Who saved our life. If we could genuinely feel the joy, gratitude, and bliss that comes from this realization, our lives would never be the same.
Giving: Greater than Yourself
The last key to happiness is recognizing that the goal of life is not only self-perfection but devoting all of your self-development into something greater than yourself, contributing it to Klal Yisrael. When you are able to move outside of your own limited self and focus on becoming part of the klal, part of the collective community, you automatically feel an inner sense of happiness. This is why happiness is connected to the chagim in which the Jewish people were oleh regel – when they joined together as a collective whole in Eretz Yisrael. When we expand beyond our own personal struggles and problems and devote ourselves to others, our worries fade away and a rich sense of inner peace is left in its place.
Serving Hashem With Happiness
We now understand what it means to serve Hashem with happiness. This is accomplished when we realize that being a true eved Hashem – devoting
cumstances. We don’t get to control our circumstances – we choose only how to respond to our circumstances.
Happiness is not the goal of life; living a life of truth is. But happiness is still important; it is the gift Hashem gives you when you are heading on the right path towards your higher goals in life. It is there to help you continue down the right path. Happiness comes from growth, from enjoying the process, from the right mindset, and from devoting our life towards something greater than ourselves.
May we be inspired to serve Hashem with genuine happiness and enjoy the process of becoming the very best that we can be.
potential is by completely devoting ourselves to Hashem, to our root, to our source, that we can truly be happy. Happiness is neither a means nor an ends; it is what manifests when you are becoming the person you are destined to become. In essence, happiness is a revelation that you are on the right track.
Yoni and Eli are two different people with two different sets of life cir
Shmuel Reichman is an inspirational speaker, writer, and coach who has lectured internationally at shuls, conferences, and Jewish communities on topics of Jewish thought and Jewish medical ethics. He is the founder and CEO of Self-Mastery Academy (ShmuelReichman.com), the transformative online course that is revolutionizing how we engage in self-development. You can find more inspirational lectures, videos, and articles from Shmuel on his website, ShmuelReichman.com.
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