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SEPTEMBER 15, 2016 | The Jewish Home OCTOBER 29, 2015 | The Jewish Home

TJH You gotta be

kidding

Bernie went to the doctor for his yearly checkup. “Everything is fine,” said the doctor. “You’re doing OK for your age.” “For my age?” questioned Bernie. “I’m only 85. Do you think I’ll make it to 90?” “Well,” said the doctor, “do you drink or smoke?” “No,” Bernie replied. “Do you eat fatty meat?” “No,” said Bernie. “I am very careful about what I eat.” “How about your activities? Do you engage in thrilling behaviors like speeding or skiing?” “No,” said Bernie taken aback. “I would never engage in dangerous activities.” “Well,” said the doctor, “then why in the world would you want to live to be 90?”

Riddle me this? When they take out an appendix, it’s an appendectomy; when they remove your tonsils, it’s a tonsillectomy. What is it when they remove a growth from your head? See answer on next page

Centerfold Non-Medical Medical Terminology            

Artery - The study of paintings Cauterize - Made eye contact with her Nitrates - Cheaper than day rates Pelvis - Second cousin to Elvis Dilate - To live long Benign - What you be after you be eight Node - I knew it Morbid - A higher offer than I bid Enema - Not a friend Tablet - A small table Medical Staff - A doctor’s cane Hangnail - What you hang your coat on

 Varicose - Nearby/close by  Fibula - A small lie  Colic - A sheep dog  Labor Pain - Getting hurt at work  Outpatient - A person who has fainted

Post Operative - Letter carrier

Seizure - Roman emperor

Profile for Yitzy Halpern

Five Towns Jewish Home - 9-15-16  

Five Towns Jewish Home - 9-15-16

Five Towns Jewish Home - 9-15-16  

Five Towns Jewish Home - 9-15-16