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SEX Cross Country Coitus


FRAMED Sarah Kim





Honor Good Deeds 24 Justin Bachman believes in living loud. He shares his struggle with bullying, multiple suicide attempts, and rising into a motivational speaker with a drive to eradicate prejudice.

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Man Made 38 Move aside, ladies—this issue, we feature menswear in all its glory. Branching out from the old school suitand-tie, we change things up with a spin on men’s fashion, pitting urban wear against updated prep.


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Mass Shooters The media should focus on the mass shooting, not the mass shooter.


Kanye's New Workout Plan Going gluten free, attempting Crossfit, the list goes on. But do any of these popular fad diet and workout trends have any substance? Jerk takes the punch and breaks down your favorite health myths.


REWIND Roald Dahl

Skin Deep Not everything is black and white—especially when it comes to albinism.


ALTRUIST The Fat Jewish


AMPLIFIED Harryhausen

Into the Deep Getting these pictures will take your breath away—literally.


SYNAPSE Turn Down Month



Fuck The (Tone) Policing Watch your mouth— the tone police might hear you. Off Target Your favorite superstore is making shit-faced shopping an unfortunate reality.



DISCOVERSYR Urban Video Project


SPEAKEASY Lorne Covington




CLOSET CASE Thank your ex for the memories, but even more for the stuff they left behind.


FORM AND FUNCTION How to Dress for DJ's Happy Hour


STRIPPED Skinny is so last season

Why Donald Trump probably isn't the key to making America great again.

Louis the Child 48 Love raves, kandi, and PLUR? Jerk sits down with upand-coming EDM band Louis the Child to show you the behind the scenes world of making it big in electronic beats. Welcome to your newest obsession.


JERK THIS What you should hit up and bitch about this month.


Cover Design by Michelle Abrams Photography by Fiona Lenz

Justice Isn't Color Blind Including race in a criminal description is not racism, but excluding it could lead to it.


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Susanna Heller

Caroline Cakebread

Ensley Rivers







Michelle Abrams Talley Larkin, Janela Mendl, Jordana Rubin, Destiny Tudor DESIGN DIRECTOR DESIGNERS


Madelyn Minicozzi Bridget Williams STAFF PHOTOGRAPHERS Frankie Prijatel, Lilly Stuecklen, Fiona Lenz Michael Isenburg, Joshua Chang ILLUSTRATORS Bianca Drevensek, Ryan Polgar ILLUSTRATION DIRECTOR



Anagha Das Kennedy Patlan, Spencer Bistricer, Serena Sarch, Zainab Pixler PR DESIGNER Michelle Abrams COMMUNICATIONS DIRECTOR PR REPRESENTATIVES




Maria Ingaglio Christina Tornetta AD REPRESENTATIVE Michelle Levitch PUBLISHER


CONTRIBUTORS Renee Cherry, McKenna Moore, Taylor Dunne, Chandler Dunn, Nora



Horvath, Shaifaly Budhwani, Morgan Lyons, AbbyLeigh Charbonneau, Christy Fox, Victoria Razzi, Lantza Salazar, Nicole Engelman, Rachel Blackman, Kate Bernhardt, Julia Olteanu, Shelley Kendall, Alexandra Moreo, Rebecca Rodriguez, Taylor Hicks, Allen Chui, Cecily Thomas, Autumn Wilson, D.J. Holloway, Alex Baker, Katiana Roca, Brianna Henry, Anna Belcher, Amanda Chou

I was caught in the act of taking a selfie. And no, before your mind goes to a weird place, it was a simple, innocent selfie of my fully-clothed self. I look to my left and right—I thought the coast was clear. I lift my cracked iPhone 5 in confidence and give my best, tooth-flashing smile—the one that says “I’m cute, but not too cute.” Ladies, you know what I mean. But when I glance back up, I make eye contact with a girl who seemingly came out of nowhere, her smug half-smile full of satisfaction. At first, I was mortified. How basic of me, taking a selfie. I’m usually the one trying to contain my excitement when I catch someone in the act. So naturally, I shove my phone back into my bag and head home like nothing happened. But my mind was reeling. Why was I so ashamed for taking a photo of myself? Our society has a weird standard of what’s cool and what’s not, what’s wrong and what’s right, and of how things “should” be. In this issue of Jerk, we bring you people and topics that defy these social norms—and are proud of doing so. Meet Justin Bachman on page 24, a student living with Tourette Syndrome and who dedicates his life to spreading awareness of the condition. We hung out with Louis the Child, a band that dares to be different and has the potential to revolutionize the EDM music scene (page 48). And on page 58, learn more about the man behind the quirky novels that defined our childhoods. Here at Jerk, we give a middle finger to the haters. I’m not a size 0, my skin gets oily, and my teeth would probably benefit from a little less coffee. But I’m cool with that, and I’m going to take a selfie if I want to. Keep on Jerking,

Melissa Chessher ADVISER Through its content, Jerk is dedicated to enhancing insight through communication by providing an informal platform for the freedom of expression. The writing contained within this publication expresses the opinions of the individual writers. The ideas presented in this publication do not necessarily reflect the opinions of the Jerk Editorial Board. Furthermore, Jerk will not be held responsible for the individual opinions expressed within. Submissions, suggestions, and opinions are welcomed and may be printed without contacting the writer. Jerk reserves the right to edit or refuse submissions at the discretion of its editors. Jerk Magazine is published monthly during the Syracuse University academic year. All contents of the publication are copyright 2015 by their respective creators. No content may be reproduced without the expressed written consent of the Jerk Editorial Board.

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FEEDBACK We may not always act on your feedback, but trust us: whether you're a fan or a hater, a groupie or a newbie, we always at least read it. Keep the compliments and jibes coming. Megan Soule, @Souleful [October 8] Fantastic Story @jerkmagazine

Jerk contributors Photography by Shelley Kendall and Bridget Williams

RACHEL BLACKMAN / Sophomore / “Louis the Child” Blackman can secretly beatbox and she swears her celebrity look alike is The Fat Jewish. A student in the Bandier program, she can’t leave the house without her headphones because she’s “always bumpin” on her way to class, namely to Kid Cudi, because her “mojo so dope.” Blackman talks sick beats in her noise feature on page 48.


SHOW US SOME LOVE Jerk Magazine 126 Schine Student Center Syracuse, NY 13244 @jerkmagazine

Kenn, @KayLaNayy [October 6] Shout to that Jerk Magazine article for completely missing the point on Appropriation #theystilldontgetit Shoshana Kranish, @shoshana_ariel [October 5] @jerkmagazine when you low key match the editor

OUR BAD The photo displayed in "Exhibiting Excellence" features artwork by Brent Erickson

ABBYLEIGH CHARBONNEAU / Senior / “Fuck The (Tone) Police” Charbonneau isn’t big on change. She still has an iPhone 4 and wears the same rings every day. The anthropology and writing major’s greatest fears are wasps and Donald Trump becoming our next president. On page 18 she delves deeper into another one of her fears in her Bitch piece—being told to watch her tone. Julie Oolie, @jdawgwasaa [October 6] A lot of use of "we feel" and "we think" when it comes to cultural appropriation. Which group are you speaking for here? @jerkmagazine FOLLOW, DON’T LEAD

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NORA HORVATH / Senior / “Marathon” Horvath peaked when she was 15, but that might have more to do with her love of classic Taylor Swift than anything else. The senior magazine major’s approach to life is “the hotter the better.” She loves green tea and strawberries with spicy mustard. She walked on the steamy side of life of the with her Backdrop story on page 11.

Jerk Magazine


D.J. HOLLOWAY /Junior / “Man Made” If there’s one thing that repulses Holloway, it’s jerky. Good thing there wasn’t any provided on set at his Jerk shoot which you can check out on page 38. If the television, radio, film major could be any animal, he’d be a bear because he’s “tryna" spend a chunk of the year sleeping. You’re as likely to find Holloway out of the house without his Gucci flip-flops as you are to see him chilling with a clown. Fuck clowns. JERK

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Shit we like

HIT "The Peanuts Movie" November 6 65 years later and we are still hoping that this Thanksgiving Charlie Brown, he will hit the football

Shiffley November 1 The boys returning to their old stomping ground at The Westcott Theater fresh off their NYC debut.

Bo Burnham at the Civic Center

November 7 Get drunk off awardwinning beers and munch on some food favorites from the Syracuse area.

November 14 Burnham brings his "Make Happy" Tour to Syracuse to sing, dance, and probably offend somebody.

BITCH November 17 A tomb with a view.

"Mike Tyson Mysteries" November 1 This animated series is back for a second season of Mike Tyson solving mysteries just like Scooby-Doo and the gang.

R. Kelly's album "The Electronic Greeting Buffet" features 462 Day complete songs November 29 November 20 Celebrate by looking at No one asked for even one your phone and not talking R. Kelly song, let alone 462. to anyone. So basically treat it like any other day.

Pardoning of the Turkey

November 26 That bird should fry.

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November 1 Apparently elephants at the Rosamond Gifford Zoo enjoy pumpkin smashing as much as your average college student.

NYS Craft Brewers Festival

Shit we like to av oid

Interactive Mystery Dinner Theater

Squishing of the Squash


Syracuse's worst-kept secret.

By Nora Horvath : : Photo issued by Thomas Hayes

Everyone knows someone who's been to a Marathon party. For us, that person is Sam Henken. Henken was on his way to the crew team’s annual ugly Christmas sweater party when he decided to stop by Marathon for the first time because a musical theater house seemed like a logical place to pick up girls. “Upon arriving, we found out that the theme for the Marathon party was bright and tight,“ recalls Henken, a senior magazine student. Needless to say, as a freshman in his ugly, chunky sweater, he stuck out. Or maybe you’re the lucky one who was either invited to, or stumbled upon, Syracuse University’s worst-kept secret: a modern speakeasy and hangout for the most creative and theatrical people on campus, and their more conservative friends. Since the 1980s, the pad dubbed the “little pink house with big Orange love,” situated off Ostrom and adjacent to Thornden Park, has played host to members of the SU drama community. Back then, the Saturday before the start of classes marked the annual “Freshman Marathon,” a tradition where drama students would have a full day of classes which largely consisted of reciting monologues for their professors. At the day’s end, everyone would congregate to celebrate the new freshmen and the beginning of the

new year. Over the years, routine became tradition. Although the Freshman Marathon no longer exists, the home that it gave its name to still remains. “We want to make sure that everyone’s comfortable, and not only accepted but also celebrated,” says one of the drama seniors who lives in the house this year. “There’s a lot of LGBTQ in our community. We want to make sure that everyone has somewhere to go.” On a day-to-day basis, couches in the house become comforting crash-pads for weary off-campus students in need of sleep. In addition to the daily community use, Marathon also plays host to a number of events throughout the year. Many of them are celebrations of milestones for people in the drama community, including an endof-the-year senior potluck and a pizza party for sophomores beginning their upper-level acting requirements. But there are other events, too. Some are open, some are closed, but everyone who’s heard of them says the same things: unforgettable costumes, unstoppable energy, and an unmatched reputation. While current Marathon residents declined to comment on the rumors of open themed parties, the stories themselves are enough. *Note: All SU Drama students Jerk interviewed requested to remain


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TOTALLY UNSCIENTIFIC POLL What We’re Getting Off To On The Web This Month

JERKMAGAZINE.NET We know you have it bookmarked, but just in case.

Untitled Screenplays

Passenger Shaming

World Evolution Day We wanted to find some highly-evolved species to talk about this holiday, but the best we could do was the students at Bird Library.



It hasn’t even been one semester and you’re already tired of hearing Newhouse students talk about the screenplay they’re working on. This blog features short and hilarious screenplays that make little sense, but you can use them to irritate your TRF friends. Some of these are probably better than their work.

A lot of us have to take public transportation home for Thanksgiving break, and we all know that people can be annoying, rude, or just plain gross. This Instagram account showcases the worst passengers around. Browse at your own risk: foot hygiene leaves something to be desired. Here’s hoping you’re not the next featured flyer.

WHILE YOU’RE CLICKING AROUND... Best and Worst Dressed of Halloween 2015

Three Pumps or It Doesn’t Count: When Sex Isn’t Exactly Considered Sex

Slutty cat or Virginia Werewolf? Hawaiian frat douche or Weekend at Bernie Sanders’? Check out the good, the bad, and the even worse of Halloween 2015.

Before you start telling all your friends about your robust sex life, you should probably figure out what actually counts. That’s where we come in.

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WHAT WAS CHARLES DARWIN’S FAVORITE FOOD? a. Puma: It tastes remarkably like veal. 18% (correct answer) b. Apples: He was a big Isaac Newton fan. 26% c. Turtle: Why do you think he went to the Galapagos Islands? 32% d. Beetles: He was never good at keeping a bug collection. 24%

WHAT EVOLUTION-THEMED MOVIES IS YOUR FAVORITE? a. Jurassic Park 46% b. Rise of the Planet of the Apes 24% c. Blade Runner 10% d. Robots 20% DO YOU BELIEVE IN EVOLUTION? a. Yes, obviously. 48% b. No, I’m a creationist. 38% c. I’m not really sure. 9% d. Based on some of the people I know, no. 5%






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Illustration by Bianca Drevensek

Plan B

Titty Surprise

The Seven Day Itch

Ejaculation Evacuation

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My boyfriend and I live 2,072 miles apart. Skype is our saving grace. If he is going to be off masturbating alone for months, shouldn’t it at least be to me? It can be awkward at first, but it builds trust and sexual openness. Besides, after having to learn how to sex things up over camera, I guess I can always become a cam model if my liberal arts degree fails to get me a job. We’d been dating on and off for five years because the long distance made things challenging. Once we were snapchatting because we were horny as hell. I spent 10 minutes trying to get a good picture of my boobs to send to him, but I accidentally sent it to my best friend, who’s a Mormon. I texted her saying, “Don’t open that in front of your family.” We came back after summer break and we hadn’t seen each other for three months, so naturally we didn’t leave the bedroom for a week. By the end of the week, I itched really badly. Eventually I went to Planned Parenthood because I was convinced I was going to die. I had both a yeast infection and bacterial vaginosis. When I came to college for freshman year, I kept dating my boyfriend from high school. He came up one weekend to visit. We spent a lot of time “studying” in my dorm room. One Sunday morning, we got interrupted by the fire alarm. There was a fire drill right in the middle. We didn’t finish. But I’ll never forget the look of sheer terror and panic that we exchanged.

On the Shore of the Siene Sarah Kim Junior, Communication Design This is my rendition of On the Shore of the Siene by Renoir. It's the master's copy so the goal is to copy it exactly like it is, but I used different materials. Renoir used paints and I used watercolor pencils. I trained as a fine artist growing up, so I constantly gravitate towards drawing and painting even though I'm in communications design. But it is a skill that continuously helps me map out ideas and the design process. But what really intrigues me about my field and design in general is that we have to take a bunch of ideas, concepts, and research and simplify that into visual forms that have the same impact and ultimately captivate and engage an audience. I think that's something truly beautiful and powerful.

To showcase your work on "Framed," email JERK

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When reporting a mass shooting, the media needs to stop putting the criminal in the limelight.

By Morgan Lyons : Illustration by Taylor Hicks On Wednesday, Oct. 1, a mass shooting occurred in Roseburg, Ore. at Umpqua Community College. When the news broke, it was met with a sadness and disappointment that has now become routine. The phrase “Another one?” is all too familiar. Many parents send their children off to college with common safety warnings: Make sure you lock your doors, never walk alone at night, and always pour your own drink. Prepare yourself for a gunman on campus is not something that should have to be on that list. Today, however, it’s a terrible reality. According to Politico, 142 school shootings have occurred since the Sandy Hook tragedy in 2012. One hundred and forty-two schools across America that lost students, that had to tell parents that their children would not be coming home that afternoon. Countless lives lost or altered forever. President Obama’s reaction was valid: "The reporting is routine. My response here at this podium ends up being routine. The conversation and the aftermath of it. We’ve become numb to this.”

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How did America respond? In a way that has become the norm, by searching everywhere for answers to who the shooter was and why he or she committed the crime. Was it insanity, hatred, or a combination of the two? Once the media gets their hands on the answer the culprit’s name and face are often plastered across newspapers, television, and computer screens, keeping the public interested in the story as if they know the gunman personally. One of the most vulgar examples of this phenomenon was in 2013 when the Boston Marathon bomber stared out from the cover of Rolling Stone. The publication displayed him as if he was a model, even coining the nickname “The Bomber,” portraying him as the next big star. When the cover drew heavy criticism, Rolling Stone and some of its readers tried to argue that it drew necessary attention to and got people talking about what happened in Boston. But looking into the eyes of a glamorized murderer is not only uncomfortable and downright infuriating, it also starts the wrong conversation. If Roll-

ing Stone actually wanted to discuss what you’ll get similar results with one key differhappened that day, it should have dis- ence. After the shooting, Sheriff John Hanplayed the faces of the runners who were lin refused to name the gunman, saying: killed or injured because of the bomber’s "I will not give him the credit he probably actions. Yet again and again in the wake of sought prior to this horrific and cowardly a mass murder, we see the wrong kind of act." Hanlin and other law enforcement ofcoverage take main stage. ficers wanted to prevent copycat shooters, In June of this year, nine people were though shootings at Northern Arizonia Unimurdered during a prayer service in a versity and Texas Southern University soon church in Charleston, Va. It was confirmed followed. Yet the media still hounded them that the shooter had a hateful agenda fu- for details and viewers waited anxiously eled by racism. If you search something for an update. along the lines of “Charleston shooting” There seems to be a pattern in how we online, that’s all you’ll see. Out of the six react to these mass murders. We come top news pages on Google, only one took together and sit down in front of the teleinto account the victims’ lives. The other vision when the banner reads “Breaking five only reported on what the shooter's news: Mass shooting at *insert town here*.” family and friends had to say for him. We become obsessed with who the killer is, Additionally, the effects on the citizens how many lives he or she has taken, and of Charleston were blatantly missing from where he or she will go next. From the time every article. The families who lost a loved a shooting happens, the media takes conone, the fear a person of color now faces trol of the situation and molds the story into in their own hometown, and the sanctity of a bestseller. We wonder why these people the church being ripped away were simply commit these crimes, but never question ignored by the media until the hype started why we publicize their life story. We show to die down. others that if you kill enough people, you Now, if you search the Oregon shooting, might just make the front page. JM


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FUCK THE (TONE) POLICE It's not what you say, it's how you say it.

By AbbyLeigh Charbonneau : Illustration by Cecily Thomas

“Don’t you take that tone of voice with me, young lady.” Those words are enough to send almost any survivor of the teen angst reeling into déjà vu. Everyone remembers the feeling of being chastised by parents for your “tone of voice,” and the frustration that accompanied it. That particular quote was by King Triton to Ariel in The Little Mermaid, the patron saint of misunderstood teenagers. And while that movie is older than most super seniors, the issue it inadvertently addresses—tone policing—is something that’s just beginning to gain attention. Tone policing is the idea of disregarding a message or its validity based solely upon the speaker’s tone of voice. There’s more to the issue than telling someone to “just ask nicely”—it’s also about invalidating someone’s argument and feelings. Beyond that, the speaker’s original message is completely missed, and they’re even told that their level of anger isn’t warranted.

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Beef between queen of booty Nicki Minaj and queen of foam fingers Miley Cyrus recently made waves in the media. Nicki Minaj complained about the double standards after her video “Anaconda” didn’t get a nomination, calling out girls whose videos “celebrate women with very slim bodies.” Cyrus made the mistake of telling a reporter that she couldn’t respect Minaj’s message because it was said “with anger” and “wasn’t very polite,” the quintessential ideas behind tone policing. Minaj responded by calling her out with the nowlegendary words “Miley, what’s good,” cementing them into VMA history as firmly as Yeezy’s “Imma let you finish.” Cyrus’ response was problematic for multiple reasons. First of all, she invalidated Minaj’s legitimate anger. Secondly, she ignored Minaj’s original message entirely, and more Cyrus’ response got more attention than to Minaj’s valid frustration. Minaj’s anger was a very real part of her

message, and she wanted it to be relayed. If someone is justifiably angry, they’re not obligated to hide it. In fact, people might wonder why someone is so angry to begin with. That might lead people to listen to a message, because you realize how important it is to the speaker. Tone policing has also started coming to light with the Black Lives Matter movement with many people criticizing the movement for its disruptive protesting methods. But with peaceful protest after peaceful protest leading to no change, their anger is becoming a crucial part of the message. Just like with Nicki Minaj, fighting injustice warrants a reaction, and anger should be heard. If focus is given to how someone says something rather than what the statement actually is, then the point has been missed. Tone policing pretty much says that while you may be right, that’s not what we’re going to focus on, we’re going to focus on why you didn’t say it nicely enough. It’s about

expecting an inhuman amount of patience and composure from those who more often than not are justifiably angry. It’s absurd to tell someone whose experience you’re unable to identify with whether or not they have the right to feel what they feel. Furthermore, their sentiments aren’t immediately negated because of their emotional response. Telling them to either hide their anger in a situation that warrants anger only shows a lack of empathy or understanding. Tone policing is used again and again against those who protest in various situations. It’s easy to disregard someone because of their anger, regardless of how justifiable it may be. It’s easy to criticize when you’re not the one who is frustrated. But underneath their tone of voice, everyone has a message. The next time someone has something to say, try and separate their meaning from their attitude. Step off tone police duty, and learn to hear the real message, emotions included. JM


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Unlike his hair, Donald Trump's candidacy is no joke. By Laritza Salazar : Illustration by Ryan Polgar

Turn your next shopping trip into a booze cruise at your local target.

By Christy Fox : Illustration by Autumn Wilson In August Target announced a plan to start serving alcohol to customers while they shop, as if impulsive Target purchases don’t drain enough money from consumers’ pockets. The first tipsy Target location opened in Chicago in October. Pending the approval of a license for this store, Target plans to expand the idea nationwide. While middle-aged women everywhere may be excited about a midday pick-me-up, we still have to look at the possible repercussions of a move like this. Repercussions that reach much further than cleaning out a shopper’s wallet. With over 10,000 alcohol-related fatalities behind the wheel on record in 2013 alone, the idea of shoppers throwing back one or five too many while skimming the aisles of Target is seriously concerning. Not to mention, young children have the tendency to behave like demons when put into any public situation, which would, understandably, drive any juggling mother to top off their glass once or twice. However, there are plenty of reasons why Target is not the place to do so. Using public transportation or carpooling to get to Target is just not something people do. Shoppers typically throw the kids in the back of their minivan and are on their way. When you toss alcohol into the mix of what for most people is an insanely stressful situation, you’re really asking for trouble. The last thing America needs is tipsy stay-at-home moms getting behind 20 11.15• JERK

the wheel with their children and back-toschool supplies in tow. This begs the question: How does Target plan on limiting and monitoring this kind of behavior? Angie Thompson, a spokeswoman for Target, didn’t mention any plans to do so when she announced the potential opening of the liquor-licensed store in Chicago’s Navy Pier. Target is not the first store to introduce such “amenities” to their customers. This kind of shopping culture has already been implemented in stores like Whole Foods Market and Wegmans, and is said to provide “affordable luxuries” to the everyday shopper. If Target tries to play catch-up to this trend, they could put a lot of people in danger if the swanky service is not kept in check. Providing shoppers with the opportunity to knock the edge off while doing their weekly grocery haul is relatively harmless, but we have to wonder why stores are promoting a culture where we need booze to run errands in the first place. Grocery shopping absolutely sucks, no surprise there. But it’s one of those necessary evils we all have to do as responsible adults. Is it really too much to ask that we stay completely sober while doing so? Can’t we all just do our shopping and enjoy our drinks at home? A little day drink never hurt anyone, but let’s not allow it to transcend into the produce aisle. JM

Slapped across Donald Trump's campaign site is the slogan “Make America Great Again.” Again? It appears to be a recurring theme that privileged white men feel the need to save America from the liberal wasteland it’s turning into, and Trump is no exception. But as much as we like to roll our eyes at Trump and crack jokes about his rug, it’s time we take Donald Trump seriously. The jabs made against Trump are easy: If he can’t grow his own hair, how can he grow the middle class? I get it. His comments about immigrants, women, and the poor are met with waves of discomfort, but then we move on. However, this campaign isn’t a longrunning Jimmy Kimmel Live sketch. Trump is pulling big numbers in the polls, beating out all the other GOP candidates with a 23.7 percent approval rating as of Oct. 8. He appeared on the cover of Time and his campaign continuously dominates The New York Times and major broadcast stations. The nightmare is real. Trump has the potential to become the Republican nominee and perhaps even the president of the United States. Trump is to politics as Kanye West is to the media: You can criticize or make fun of them, but at the end of the day they still get attention and make more money than you. I can recite more Donald Trump debate quotes than Bernie Sanders and Hillary Clinton combined. We can laugh at him, but we’re still listening to what he has to

say, and so are those who are actually considering voting for him. Trump isn’t an unqualified candidate just because he constantly makes offensive comments or has never held a government office. No, Trump’s flaws start with the selfentitled reasoning behind everything he says and does. It’s the kind of childish entitlement of an “if I can’t have it, nobody can” attitude. But Trump never grew up, and it’s turned into the ultimate form of hypocrisy. When Donald Trump says “Let’s make America great again,” he’s not referencing a greatness that was great for all. What made America so great before? Our problematic past was full of laws that denied people of color property rights, removed native people in the name of manifest destiny, and forced assimilation and internment camps for the boxes checked “other.” We watch The Daily Show or Last Week Tonight, laugh, and pat ourselves on the back for being so politically aware. But when we debate the existence of Trump’s toupée, we’re not pointing out the racism, classism, and sexism in everything Trump says and his potential to ruin millions of lives. Trump’s real goal is not to make America great again, it’s to preserve our not-sogreat past. The only way to improve our country is to fight for the real American Dream: equality. Unfortunately, Trump doesn’t seem to understand that when other people gain rights you’ve always had, you don’t lose those rights yourself. JM


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JUSTICE ISN'T COLOR BLIND Leaving race out of criminal descriptions invites prejudice instead of eliminating it. By Victoria Razzi : Illustration by Taylor Hicks

“For the protection and safety of SU students, faculty, staff and neighbors, the Department of Public Safety releases the following alert.” It’s not uncommon for Syracuse students to return from a night out, check their email, and discover a message that says just this. Some students will probably skim the rest of the email and 22 11.15• JERK

delete it without a second thought. Others might become mildly concerned for their safety and discuss it with friends. Most students, however, won’t notice the small detail missing from the email: race. Syracuse University DPS stopped including race in criminal descriptions about three years ago after concerns that it

promotes stereotyping, racist thoughts, and unnecessary suspicion of innocent persons. "Very often the descriptions included race and height that could match two or three hundred students,” Syracuse University DPS officer Anthony Callisto says. It caused many who matched these very vague descriptions to feel uncomfortable because they happened to be a certain race and height. However, it is ridiculous to consider including the color of a person’s skin in a criminal description “racist”. Not including race makes an already difficult investigation even harder. On Jan. 21 of this year, the New Jersey State Police posted a picture of a suspect to social media, and yes, the suspect’s race was visible in this picture. Within a few hours, the suspect was apprehended and brought to justice with the help of the public. If that police department had not been able to reveal the race of their possible suspect, that picture would never have been posted, and that suspect may never have been caught. College police departments have policies which are meant to prohibit racial profiling, including written, physical, and psychological tests which are administered to prospective officers. In addition, DPS guidelines mandate the inclusion of “all information that would promote safety and that would aid the prevention of similar crimes." “Ethnicity is important from a witness and evidence perspective, but not necessary for public information,” Callisto says. He also emphasized that the mission of DPS is to promote student safety and peace. It's true that DPS’s peacekeeping goal is a bit different than state or county police, but it seems as though it would be difficult for students to feel safe when a criminal is on the loose and they don’t have a

complete description of what he or she looks like. Obviously it’s not a good idea for students to go chasing after criminals, but they should also have the right to all of the details of a campus crime so that they can do their best to avoid becoming a victim. Racial profiling is absolutely an issue in many police departments throughout the nation. In certain regards, it’s questionable to say whether or not this movement is effective. Taking race away from a criminal description will not stop a racist person from continuing to make assumptions and profiling anyways because many people have their own prejudices. Callisto says that there has not been a decrease in the amount of tips called into DPS after race was removed from the descriptions released to students via email. However, if peacekeeping is really DPS’s mission, students should be equipped with all of the information that DPS can provide. Regardless of racial profiling concerns, the most important person in a criminal investigation is the victim, and they should be the priority at all times. The fact that a murderer, rapist, or thief could elude capture just because some people wanted to attempt a social experiment is just as horrifying as racism. Removing race from criminal descriptions could potentially fuel preexisting racial prejudices in already racist individuals because they will fill in the blanks themselves. Hopefully this policy won’t make it past college campuses, and it’s unlikely they’re doing much to stop stereotyping here. If racist college police officers are still finding their way onto the force, then it’s obvious where change has to happen. JM


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R O N O H D O O G S D E E D Freshman Justin Bachman proves that from darkness can come light, and it only takes one person to instill change in a community. By Renee Cherry : Photography by Alexandra Moreo 24 11.15



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The first command will be “on your marks.” A referee stood on a ladder dictating the rules before the start of a middle school cross-country meet. It was the morning of Sept. 18, 2010, and roughly 30 teams were gathered in Boardman, Ohio. One of the runners was shouting while the referee was talking. The official repeatedly told him to shut up. You must stay on track. Do not cut corners. Still, the runner wasn’t silent. After consulting another referee, they wrote down his number­ —5033—and told him that his time would not count. At the finish line, run all the way through the flag. The runner continued to make noise until the referees were finally fed up, telling him he wouldn’t be running that day. The runner was Justin Bachman. Bachman, now a freshman at Syracuse University, has Tourette Syndrome, and the noises he had been making were involuntary vocal tics. When he was told he couldn’t run, he and his teammates tried to explain his condition to the referees, but they still disqualified him. Bachman ran anyway, crying the entire race. Bachman was 13 years old when he was disqualified in that cross-country meet. He looks back on that event as the catalyst for his efforts to fight prejudice. Bachman was convinced that if the referees had known what Tourette Syndrome was, they would never have disqualified him. Tourette Syndrome is a neurological disorder that usually takes shape in adolescence. According to the Tourette Association of America, the symptoms are

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involuntary movements that are frequent, repetitive and rapid. In Bachman's case, he was experiencing one of his powerful tics. “That was the biggest time I had faced an intolerance, and I never wanted it to happen again,” Bachman says. Two days after the meet, he called his parents to the kitchen table and gave them a list of 15 charities in his community he wanted to bring together for an event to be called a tolerance fair. “I said, ‘wouldn’t it be cool if I had an event where these groups came and showed people who they represented, ways that they could help you, or ways that they could get involved?',” Bachman says. On March 13, 2011, Bachman’s first tolerance fair was implemented at the local community center in Solon, Ohio. With the help of his parents, Bachman formed a nonprofit organization called Honor Good Deeds, dedicated to spreading awareness through tolerance fairs and speaker presentations at schools. He started with the list of 15 charities, and was surprised when 48 groups set up tables with over 1,000 people in attendance. Once Bachman saw all the people he had been able to bring together, he was hooked, and the organization continued to grow.

“IT CHANGED MY LIFE. BEING ON STAGE, BEING ABLE TO HELP OTHER PEOPLE, IT WAS WHEN I REALLY CLICKED AND SAID THIS IS WHO I WANT TO BE.” The cross-country meet was not the first time Bachman had experienced intolerance. While growing up in Solon, he was bullied. He had

Working with Honor Good Deeds gave Bachman a newfound confidence that he did not always have, his mom says. He faced challenges but ultimately the organization grew. “He had many meetings with high-level executives, CEOs, and marketing directors,” she says, “It was frustrating to him when they said no, but he was incredibly persistent. But the crazy thing is that the 'yeses' far outweighed the 'nos'.” Bachman had taken up a more professional demeanor since starting Honor Good Deeds, says Derek Rose, Bachman’s friend from high school. Bachman, now 18, is tall with black wavy hair, a spatter of freckles, and a laidback attitude. Part of his daily ritual is to choose a pair of sunglasses for the day; he has 13 pairs in his collection. He likes to blast *NSYNC and the Backstreet Boys in his dorm, and ”Bye Bye Bye” alerts him every time he gets a text. Bachman is majoring in broadcast and digital journalism with the hopes of one day being a Jon Stewart or Bachman lives loud while sporting one of his 13 pairs Stephen Colbert-type anchor. of sunglasses. In high school, Bachman became less involved in sports and more invested in anger management issues and the other students growing Honor Good Deeds and giving excluded him and intentionally set off his temper. motivational speeches. The majority of Bachman struggled, and didn’t feel like he had Bachman’s efforts with Honor Good Deeds friends to turn to. By his eleventh birthday, he had has been speaking at schools. Bachman has attempted suicide three times. “At that moment, it delivered his message in over 150 schools was just a flood of ‘this planet’s better without me,’” around the country. he says. There have been five tolerance fairs total, What Bachman didn’t realize then is in both the Cleveland and Washington D.C. that he could have turned to his family. areas. The most recent tolerance fair in 2015 “When he was very young,” his mother, was more interactive than the previous Lisa Bachman says, “we had no idea fairs with speakers scheduled throughout what was going on with him. He was very the day rather than just groups at tables. different and he really struggled with being In addition to the tolerance fairs, Honor different.” It took years for him to fully Good Deeds started leadership academy recover. Bachman’s parents sought help events at schools, which offered week-long for him, and found a social worker who training sessions for students to plan their was able to help him with his anger. “She own tolerance fair. “The goal is to take the best helped me become a functioning person, and the brightest students that are there and to really,” Bachman says. train them into leaders,” Bachman says.


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Bachman gives a speech called “Living Loud” urging the audience to embrace their eccentricities rather than stifle them. His message is that students should be proud of what makes them different and should show it off, a mantra he tries to live by in his daily life. “I am very confident talking about the things that make me different,” he says. He opens his speech with an account of the second time he attempted suicide. It took a while for him to be able to speak about it, but he wants to tell students who are going through something similar how he prevailed. The first time he told the story at a school, a student approached him afterwards to tell him that she had planned to commit suicide that night but after hearing his speech, she decided not to go through with it. Students have come to Bachman telling him that his speech inspired them to seek help. “My most proud accomplishment has come from speaking,” Bachman says. He gets a rush from speaking ever since the

first time he got up in front of a crowd. He spoke in front of a local rotary club for about 100 people before the first tolerance fair. “I remember like it was yesterday,” Bachman says. “It changed my life. Being on stage, being able to help other people, it was when I really clicked and said this is who I want to be." Bachman has won various awards for his work, including being named a youth ambassador for the Tourette Association of America. Bachman is currently rebranding Honor Good Deeds, starting with a new name: Different Like You. The change comes in response to feedback that tolerance alone was not enough, that the group should also foster acceptance. With the new website, Bachman wanted to create a channel for people to find a connection with others that share their differences. “For me, when I was first diagnosed with Tourette’s, my biggest confidence boost came from when I met other people who were like me,” he says.

Bachman, currently a freshman at SU, believes in embracing what makes us different.

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“So we want other people to be able to go find people who are similar so you know that you’re not alone.”


orientation every year. “That way we can have a campus atmosphere of openness, of being able to find people who are like you in the way that you’re different,” he says. Though Good Deeds isn't the name of the nonprofit anymore, Bachman still makes a point to perform them in his daily life. Recently, he accidentally went to class early and was out in the rain with two hours to burn. He spotted a girl without an umbrella getting drenched and decided to spend the time offering his umbrella to people who were on their way to class. Bachman believes that doing a good deed is beneficial to both parties involved. “Whether it’s holding the door open for someone, writing a positive note and just sticking it on a locker at a random place, donating money, or just smiling at a person you walk past, you feel good as well,” he says. He hasn’t been an active speaker since coming to SU, but Bachman is still driven to fight intolerance. His goal is to speak in all 50 states. The race against intolerance is far from over, but Bachman has always been a long distance runner. JM

The Different Like You website has a collection of 30-second videos of people talking about what makes them different paired with links to resources. “I hope that all of us continue to create environments of love and acceptance so that all of us feel empowered to live our authentic lives,” says former first openly gay NBA player Jason Collins in one video. Jessica from San Diego talks about scars in another video that is posted with a link to Operation Smile and a craniofacial center in Ohio. The Different Like You site is still in transition from Honor Good Deeds; according to a post, a “full site is on the way.” Different Like You hosts a variety of events. Some of the events are similar to the original tolerance fairs. A new type of event, a fashion show, is planned for Cleveland and will feature each model’s Different Like You video as they are walking down the runway. The group has events planned for Richmond, Baltimore, and Washington D.C. and is looking to branch out to San Francisco and Detroit. Bachman wants to bring Different Like The first time Bachman spoke to a group of people, it You to the Syracuse campus in a big way. changed his life. He wants every student to make their own video about themself during their freshman JERK

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Skin Deep Often mystified in Africa as magical or demonic, Albinism violence and discrimination comes to the forefront. By McKenna Moore : Photography by Bridget Williams

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Albinism is more than just a look. People are technically correct. “Albino” sounds who have albinism are more than just scientific, and puts the condition before “albino.” International Albinism Awareness the individual. Because of this, NOAH as an Day, declared by the United Nations, organization has made it their policy to use is aimed at spreading knowledge and “people with albinism” instead. abolishing stereotypes in order to make Within the community, there is debate people with albinism feel safer in their about how hurtful the term “albino” is or own skin worldwide. The first International is not. “Some people feel that ‘albino’ is Albinism Awareness Day took place this the ‘n-word’ of the albinism community past summer on June 13. and they will not use it at all because Other than some challenges with it has been used in such hurtful ways,” relation to eyesight and needing to apply McGowan says. sunscreen frequently, people with albinism The biggest thing that sets people in the are just like most of the population without Northern Hemisphere with albinism apart albinism. Mike McGowan, a person with is dealing with the low vision and worrying albinism and Executive Director of NOAH, about sun protection. “Sunscreen and the National Organization for Albinism protective clothing is easy but the vision is and Hypopigmentation, says that the the real issue,” McGowan says. general fear of difference drives the myths In scientific terms, albinism is a defect of and misconceptions associated with the melanin production that leads to an absence albinism community in popular culture. or lack of pigmentation in the skin, hair and In many literary texts and popular eyes. It also causes a misrouting of optic movies, people with albinism are “almost nerves in the brain. McGowan clarifies: “We always depicted as unsympathetic, see the world in low resolution. Basically, unrealistic, and/or supernatural,” McGowan we just see less detail, and we don’t see explains. People with albinism are as well in 3D. It’s not that everything is flat, underrepresented as a group and the but we just can’t judge depth perception,” only time that the vast majority of the McGowan explains. To simulate this, population sees them, they are portrayed McGowan suggests covering one eye and in a negative light. Most notably, The Da trying to catch a baseball. It’s a seemingly Vinci Code and The Princess Bride depict small issue to have, but it is one that affects people with albinism as evil and diseased everyday life. torturers and murderers. Once people with albinism are familiar What can people do to stave off this with an environment, they can get stereotype? Become aware, learn, and around easily with low-resolution vision. thus quell the fear of the unknown and the Often, students with albinism must use different, McGowan saya. assistive technology such as a tablet, or a He goes in depth about what a diagnosis monocular to zoom in on the board during of albinism means for the individual, for class. Students with albinism also learn the albinism community, and for those techniques for staving off fatigue because unaffected by the condition. their eyes work harder than most to see First of all, for most of the albinism less. community, the term “people with albinism” The vision issues associated with is preferred over “albino,” even though both albinism put people with the condition in


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a disability category. In fact, most people with albinism are legally blind, which doesn’t necessarily mean that they can’t see, but rather that surgery or lenses can only correct their vision to a specific point. Because of this, many people with albinism are unable to drive, which further separates them from the general population. However, with the American with Disabilities Act and the policy of equal access for all students, the most important things are covered, McGowan says. As he stressed several times, the main issue for people with albinism in the Northern Hemisphere is the stigma of difference and overcoming stereotypes that have stem from miseducation or complete ignorance about what albinism really is. These slight differences in the lives of those with albinism and without albinism are what lead to the “stares, smirks, and shoutouts” that many people with albinism face on a daily basis, McGowan says. The NOAH director thinks that the word discrimination is a bit of a stretch. “That’s a strong word, evoking the idea of a widespread societal response,” McGowan says. He prefers the term stigma for how the public treats him as an individual with albinism. Shaun Ross, an American male model with albinism said in a TEDx Hackney talk that his mother feared these stares, smirks, and shoutouts so much that she kept him in the house as much as possible. He felt different from a young age because the way society painted him: “I’m completely wrong. I’m not beautiful.” That is what led to him starting the “In my skin I win” campaign. The campaign, started by Ross spontaneously in an Instagram hashtag, began while he was on a flight to Miami. He said to the TEDx Hackney crowd that a

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mother sent a picture of her daughter with albinism to Ross over Instagram. She had a simple request: She wanted for Ross, a visible albino in pop culture, to tell her daughter that she could do anything even with albinism. Ross felt strongly about the little girl, so he posted the picture, and just as the plane took off for Miami, he quickly hashtagged #InMySkinIWin. While he was on the plane, the hashtag erupted, with people all over the world posting pictures with the hashtag embracing their typically unconventional appearance. CNN even picked up the story. Ross is passionate about showing the diversity in not just modeling, but in the general public. In his talk, he said that the little girl should feel beautiful “not because her parents told her but because she told herself.” Luckily, in most of the world, these bullying and self-esteem issues, along with some vision problems, are the most that people with albinism have to deal with. In parts of sub-Saharan Africa, though, they have a lot more to worry about. According to National Geographic, People with albinism in these parts of the world are considered ghost spirits and called zeru zeru, or “nothingness.” Oddly enough, these so-called ghost spirits are more common—and more feared—in sub-Saharan Africa than albinism is in North America and Europe. In Tanzania, an area with one of the highest concentrations of albinism, approximately 1 in 1,400 are born with the condition. In the Northern Hemisphere, though, the rate is about 1 in 20,000. National Geographic also reports that at least 378 people with albinism, two thirds of which were children, have been murdered or maimed in the past 15 years in sub-Saharan nations alone. Of these statistics from 25 countries, nearly half of

In Tanzania, an area with one of the highest concentrations of albinism, approximately 1 in 1,400 are born with the condition. In the Northern Hemisphere, though, the rate is about 1 in 20,000. these atrocities were committed in Tanzania alone. Often in these areas of the world, the crimes committed against people with albinism are done so in order to profit off of their pale body parts or corpses. Many witch-doctor potions either call for a body part or could be enhanced by the use of one, it is thought. Because of this, Africa is a dangerous place for people with albinism, where a coveted albino corpse could be sold for up to $75,000. On top of that fear, women and girls with albinism fear rape because many sub-Saharan communities believe that it will cure a man infected with HIV. These numbers prompted the United Nations to declare a day annually to

spread awareness for albinism throughout the world. In Africa, being a person with albinism, or ghost spirit, is a burden. People with the condition fear for their lives each day and must protect themselves at all times. McGowan notes, that in America, those with albinism do not fear for their lives. “Of all the diseases or problems you can have, albinism is honestly a pretty easy one to deal with,” he says. That is not the case everywhere, which is what makes the annual recognition necessary. Let us educate ourselves and others to relinquish the fear of difference and the stereotypes that we hold close. JM


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INTO THE DEEP By Taylor Dunne : Photography by Keegan Barker

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If you approached your parents with the idea of taking a scuba diving class as part of your $60,000 tuition, they might assume you have been spending too much time with your friend Mary Jane. Nevertheless, a scuba class is offered Tuesday nights and is a surefire way to spruce up a LinkedIn profile. With only 60 seats available per session, this course can be high in demand and the same goes for its partner in dive: underwater photography. The classes are hosted by the National Aquatic Service and take up half a semester.

Chris Ryan, a representative from NAS, explains that the scuba class focuses on the use and safety of scuba diving equipment. The only prior knowledge needed is how to swim—or doggy paddle at least. For the photography class, however, it is required to have taken the scuba diving class and received certification. This evening class on the second floor of the Women’s Building can be described in one word: dry. The atmosphere is odd for a classroom, with students coming and going as they please, but then again, this


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SMUT class is anything but normal. People wandered in at various times with the professor arriving last, sporting a National Aquatic uniform. Like most college classes, level of preparedness varied as well: from the two girls who walked in with their own gear, to the boys asking around, “Did you bring a towel? I forgot a towel.” It is clear that the class is very low stress, and it's easy to lose track of what the schedule is from week to week. Once the class gets going, half of the students go to the pool while half remain in the classroom. The pool, 5-feet deep on one side, 14-feet on the other, reeks of chlorine. There is some hesitancy to jump in, as a few students struggle with their equipment. Once in the pool, students practice buoyancy, where they must learn how to stay in one place to keep the focus on the photo in place. This sounds easier than it is in practice, especially in an ocean where currents are always pushing the photographer one direction or another. 2015 SU graduate Keegan Barker knows this well. The class has one final project, with which Barker experimented with photographing a variety of different objects. "My project was about the amount of water in each item I shot. I tookk pictures of vegetables and beer, and people too," Barker says.

Another challenging task specific to underwater photography is how close you have to get to the subject—water is much more dense than air and wide shots simply don't work unless your camera is worth more than your college degree. Getting close to the subject is difficult when most of the time that subject is a fish, shark, or merperson because they aren't going to stay in one place for long. It takes practice, patience, and a lot of clicks to get the right picture, even more so than regular photography. Sophomore Jack Blumenfeld, a native Californian who is accustomed to an ebb and flow lifestyle, took the class in the spring of 2015. He says this class ended up being quite different than what he expected, one being the extra costs to enroll. Students pay $400 for equipment and certification. Contrary to his expectations, he didn't spend six weeks in the water. Instead his time was evenly divided between the pool and the classroom, likely due to the size of the facility. Instead of signing up for the basic beer and wine appreciation, this class will make for a much more riveting conversation next time you find yourself in the basement of CVS. If nothing else, despite the fact that it is unclear where in “cold ass Syracuse” you can use it, this scuba class would be a prime fun fact. JM

Getting close to the subject is difficult when most of the time that subject is a fish, shark, or merperson because they aren't going to stay in one place for long. 36 11.15



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Man Ma d e GAWK


Boys, dressing up doesn’t have to be difficultstep outside of the norm, grow a pair and dare to be different.

ALEX Shirt: BC Surf & Sport $45 Pants: H&M $30 Shoes: Cole Haan $100 D.J. (left) Hat: Huf (Better) $40 T-Shirt: Supreme $40

Stylists: Lydia Chan, Trusha Bhatt Photographer: Allen Chiu Models: D.J. Holloway, Alex Baker For a behind-the-scenes look, check out our video at 38 11.15



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ALEX Sweater: H&M $40; Pants: Hawkings McGill $54; Shoes: H&M $40; Bag: Aldo $55

D.J. Hat: Urban Outfitters $30; Shirt: Halfwits (Better) $45; Jeans: UNIQLO $50 40 11.15



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GAWK D.J. Hat: Brixton $58; Shirt: Urban Outfitters $50; T-Shirt: Quiet Life (Better) $28; Watch: Casio $55; Pants: UNIQLO $40

ALEX Blazer: J. Crew $298; Shirt: H&M $30

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GAWK ALEX Shirt: Express $70; Sweater: Banana Republic $70; Coat: Express $278; Jeans: Levi’s $64

D.J. Beanie: Anti Hero (Better) $30; Vest: Quiet Life (Better) $68; Shirt: Qual Squad (Better) $25; Pants: Najeeb Sheikh (Better) $100 Special thanks to BETTER. skate shop 44 11.15



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boyfriend jeans Brands that do it best: J Brand, Levi’s, rag & bone How to wear it: Pair them with a T-shirt and a structured jacket for an effortless look. Who wears it best: Jessica Alba, Tumblr bitches What it says about you: “I’m one step closer to being in your boyfriend’s pants.”

no more 46 11.15• JERK

culottes Brands that do it best: Topshop, Zara, Vince How to wear it: Throw on a pair of pointed-toe heels to make your legs look 6 feet long. Who wears it best: @weworewhat, Renaissance men What it says about you: “Gauchos were my shit in middle school.”


flared jeans

Brands that do it best: Madewell, True McCartney


Brands that do it best: Stella

Free People, 7 For All Mankind, Victoria Beckham

How to wear it:

How to wear it:

Cuff the bottoms and wear a feminine shirt to mature your look.

A boxy crop top with a heeled ankle boot for the perfect hourglass figure.

Who wears it best:

Who wears it best:

Alexa Chung, your 3-year-old sister

Kendall Jenner, your hippie neighbor

What it says about you: “I hope I don’t have to pee today.”

What it says about you: “I was born in the wrong decade.”



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LOUIS THE CHILD The road to success in the EDM world involves a lot more than just a passion for music. Having worked with K. Flay, Kaskade, Zella Day and toured with Madeon, up-and-comers Louis the Child know what it’s all about to make it big in a genre full of kandi and electric beats. By Rachel Blackman : Illustration by Cecily Thomas Photos Issued by Joey Papoutsis

Electronic music is everywhere. In fact, it has been milking the spotlight for years now. Almost everything heard on the radio has some kind of electronic influence, and finding a teenager that doesn’t just, like, ugh want to go to Electric Forest would seem like a much harder task than finding one that does. The genre has become a voice for young adults, and the live shows are a right of passage. Electronic music also produces

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some of the most exciting and progressive acts in the business with daring minds and enthusiastic audiences, as well as the support of SoundCloud and music blogs. Jerk Magazine had the opportunity to speak with one of these acts: Louis the Child. High school student Freddy Kennett and USC freshman Robby Hauldren are the duo that make up Louis the Child. My fellow Chi City natives and their manager, also a Syracuse Bandier graduate, have allowed

me the opportunity to become very familiar with their music, and I’m glad I have. With endlessly clean production, complex beats and layers, as well as melodies and loops that anyone can vibe to, they are the ones to watch in the electronic game. The group got their start in the industry in 2012 and have a wide range of influences that have morphed their music into what it is today. “We both started off very into complextro and electro house. We got drawn in by artists like Madeon and Porter Robinson, but artists like Sylvan Esso, Lido, Wave Racer, and Flume have opened our ears a lot,” the duo said in an email. From their unique and unexpected remixes like Oh Wonder’s “Body Gold” to the energetic and danceable beats heard in their remix of “Broken Record,” their SoundCloud is perennially lit. Their plans for collaboration have only grown, with Goldlink, Lykke Li, James Blake, and Wild Belle on their list of future artists to work with. Barely out of adolescence, the duo is taking the industry by storm, racking up accolade after accolade. While some might think youth may be an interference to their success in a genre centered around raves and drugs, they’ve experienced little push backs. “Our age hasn’t hindered us much throughout our careers, and we’re still able to play clubs and venues we wouldn’t normally be able to get into“, the duo says. Sometimes, they do give us hard times in bars or clubs, but having this all happen is the most amazing thing in the world. We’ve dreamt of being able to get our music out to this many people for years and the hard work is paying off.” Gaining much of their success through SoundCloud, LTC deems the platform

crucial to the success of artists like them— those trying to make it big on their own. With over 10 million users, the medium provides aspiring artists a huge base of listeners willing to explore, comment, and share. It provides a fan base. “SoundCloud is a big reason why we are where we are right now. These platforms help artists find an audience. There aren’t any other platforms out there like SoundCloud right now.” The representatives of the current SoundCloud era and the future of electronic music, LTC is an exciting young act with a blindingly bright future, and the two already have an impressive resume to their name. They have opened for Flume and just recently toured with Madeon, an experience they talk about with much nostalgia. “[Madeon] is not only an incredible artist but also an incredible person and he’s

really fun to hang with. We actually spent a night watching Back to the Future and Back to the Future Part II after a show with him. It’s been really cool getting to play big


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NOISE venues in big cities with him and exploring those cities too,” they say. They have performed at the Spring Awakening Music Festival in Chicago and Taylor Swift even put their newest song on her playlist of “Songs That Will Make Your Life More Awesome.” But their most recent and notable accolade includes an awesome new song, “It’s Strange,” featuring K.Flay for the FIFA soundtrack. The song involved

an insane amount of collaboration with K. Flay, creating and recording her vocals without ever meeting LTC in person. “We got in contact with her over twitter DMs and sent her a bunch of ideas," they say. We got her vocals back, hit play, and then we were jumping around, screaming, calling friends after the first phrase. It is wild how we were able to make this song.” In the wake of its release, it’s reached 1 million plays on SoundCloud in less than 10

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days and just took over the number 2 spot on Spotify’s Viral Top 50 playlist. “The reception of the track has been incredible. You really never know what to expect when you release a song. Reaching 1 million plays on SoundCloud in less than 10 days was a really big accomplishment for us and we’re very happy with how well the song has been doing.” Young, driven, and talented, Kennett and Hauldren have all the ingredients they need to explode in the very near future. And with a rapidly growing following all over the country as well as a repertoire of fire songs, they are locked, loaded and ready to go. Their success does not come without hard work and they set a high bar for other newcomers to reach for and follow. We asked what their biggest advice would be to those trying to make it: “If you don’t get the amount of listens you want, or the shows you want, work harder and figure out how to get what you want and don’t let anything stop you. Also, send your music to blogs. You never know who might post your music and share it with a new audience.” And that’s just it. SoundCloud and blogs can get you a following. It’s possible today, and Louis the Child is evidence of that. Granted, they do make great music that sets them apart, but they have worked hard and

Louis the Child and K.Flag messing around at a show.

taken a similar route that so many are taking, and it works. There is more opportunity than ever in electronic music to get your name out, and while musical success used to be ogled at from afar, everyone browsing these websites is now playing a role in the rise of the genre. “There’s definitely been a shift lately away from the mainstream big room and EDM sound,“ they say. We feel that people are ready for something new. We think that artists have more room for experimentation in the pop world right now.” Louis the Child sees this period of experimentation as exhilarating, having launched much of their work through SoundCloud and the music blogosphere. Many other EDM artists are following suit. The interactivity of electronic nowadays is

exciting to behold and is why it has become such an important staple in music. It is also why the genre won’t fade—there is nothing that tops feeling like you discovered new music, and then to watch it grow, as in the case of Louis the Child, listeners get to rightfully feel as though they’ve been a part of it from the beginning. With an army of SoundCloud fans, a rapidly growing following all over the country, a long lineup of blogs who love sharing their music, as well as a repertoire of fire songs, Louis the Child is all set to explode in the very near future. Catch them on their “It’s Strange Tour” that will be all over the country from Oct. 17 to the end of January and see for yourselves what all the hype is about. Everyone will see it soon anyways. JM


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If you have to hear about your friend’s WOD (workout of the day) or see another “gym ready” Instapost, you’ll eat yourself to death. We tell you what Jerk thinks of these workout crazes.

KAYLA For the bitch who only wants to work out three months before summer for that #bikinibodconfidence. Wanting to help women worldwide gain thigh gaps, steel arms, and flabless stomachs, Australian native Kayla Itsines made her own workout and named it after herself.

BLOGILATES For the bitch who stays perky even after drowning in their own sweat for two hours. Cassey Ho started a YouTube channel that’s gone viral: Her online pilates workouts are intense and her smoothie recipes are better than Strong Hearts’.


Crash diets and fad workouts are all the rage amongst college students, but are you really any less bloated after that brown rice taco? Jerk takes the punch and tests out whether any of these myths are truly fact or just fiction.



HEALTH DEMYSTIFIED Is sperm actually good for your teeth? Is pouring tequila on your open wound going to save you from a flesh-eating bacterial disease? Jerk tells you fact from fiction when it comes to the college student’s health.


+ Antibiotics make your birth control less effective. False.

For the Long Island bitches. It’s a “cardio party” in a dark, candle-lit room with a full-body workout, indoor cycling, and choreographed dancing all done in unison—a typical gym spin class on Molly.

+ Male sperm can survive within the vagina for up to five days and still fertilize an egg. True.


+ You can get an STI from a toilet seat. False.

For the bitch who only eats acai bowls and wakes up everyday at 4 a.m. to workout. Those Michelle Obama arms she’s sporting came from this highly intensive workout that combines cardio, weight lifting, gymnastics, core training and more to prepare the body for the worst pains you’ve ever experienced.

YOGA For the bitches who post ass photos on Instagram in their yoga pants. Do any of them even know the origins of the practice for fuck’s sake? #wanderlust #namaste

+ Sperm can be used as invisible ink. True.


+ Handle pulls can’t get you sick because hard alcohol kills germs. False. + Marijuana kills brain cells. False. + Red wine can actually be good for you. True.

+ Coffee helps a hangover. False. 52 11.15



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Quinoa and gluten free pizza—new diet trends are all the rage, but is there substance to any of these crazes? Jerk tests out some of the craziest ones out there.


Two words: colon cleanse. Your best friend post drunchie binge.

“Block out the first four hours of your day because you won’t be leaving the bathroom. Also chugging a quart of salt water right when you wake up may be the worst to happen to me since that time I got food poisoning for three days from a splash of ranch. But hey my colon's clean!” -Caley Wildermuth, Junior, Head Noise


“As someone who eats a mostly plant-based diet, the Alkaline diet seemed like the obvious choice. However, as someone who hasn’t thought about science since high school, I found it almost embarrassingly difficult to measure the pH of my food. The only real downfall is that since this diet errs on the side of vegan, I was pretty much always hungry. 7/10 would recommend if you like salad.” -Susie Heller, Junior, Executive Editor

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Beyonce does it. What more do you need to know?

“Woke up and my stomach was growling because I had a massive dinner the night before. I skipped the salt water because I was afraid to be shitting my brains out during my CRS 325 presentation. I drank water with lemon and cayenne pepper all freakin day. Had an awful headache. Sprinted home after my 5 p.m. class and made a quesadilla. Total hours lasted: nine.” -Gigi Antonelle, Junior, Editor in Chief


A three day, calorie counting shit show that requires a lot of grapefruit and black coffee. It’s the official flavor of death.

“The three-day diet was my worst nightmare. I’m a huge snacker, and being able to only eat a certain amount of calories was not okay because I just wanted to eat all day. I kept thinking about tater tots while I ate grapefruit and black coffee. Never again.” -Chelsea Portner, Sophomore, Fact Checker

PUT ON YOUR BEST CAVEMAN ATTIRE FOR THIS ONE AND GO BACK TO YOUR EVOLUTIONARY ROOTS. ONLY FOOD THAT THE HUNTER AND GATHERERS OF THE B.C. ERA WOULD EAT IS PERMITTED. BRING ON THE LEAVES AND DIRT. “If you want to feel like you’ve been eating sticks and leaves all day, then the Paleo Diet is perfect for you. Barred from salt and carbs, my empty stomach had never had such a strong craving for pasta (and alcohol). I might’ve dropped a few pounds in three days, but I have never been happier to go back to the typical college diet of ramen and Doritos.”

- Kathryn Krawczyk, Sophomore, Assistant Bitch

The science behind this one is no joke. Bring out the pH paper and your high school chemistry book. It’s time to get basic.



- Brontë Schmidt, Sophomore, Assistant Editor Smut


THE CHICKEN SOUP DIET CHICKEN SOUP FOR THE SOUL JUST CAME OUT WITH ITS FIRST EVER DIET BOOK! JUST KIDDING. BUT IF THEY DID, THIS WOULD PROBABLY BE IT. “Eating bowl after bowl of salty chicken soup gets old after about two servings, and absolutely miserable after about four. That’s even with me cheating and eating something solid with every bowl. I ended this diet with about 10 chocolate chip cookies before the second day was even over, so I’m going to chalk that one up as a failure.” JERK

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*Studies have shown that the typical abuser of adderall is white, male, and in a fraternity. 55 percent of frat boys admit to abusing the drug.


Partying, test cramming, pulling all-nighters—the recreational use of Adderall is everywhere. With studies stating that one in five college students use and abuse the


Adderall is the “study drug.” It’s no secret that it leads to a super focus trance that allows students to stay up for hours studying. But the lack of sleep creates a vicious cycle—drug to stay up and study, drug to stay awake. Just like any amphetamine, this process can lead to addiction. Now isn’t that fun.


That rush of euphoria also causes a rush in your heart. You’ll feel your veins pulsing to the beat of Major Lazer in no time. But in extreme cases, this blood pressure spike has actually led to death by heart attack.


A 2012 study by the National Institute of Health found that one third of all college students have admitted to using Adderall to party harder and longer. Whether they are snorting or swallowing it, students at Syracuse are no exception. The drug gives a euphoric effect much like other amphetamine drugs due to its ability to trick the brain to overproduce dopamine—a neurotransmitter linked to feelings of happiness. “Yay happiness,” you may say, but this process screws up your body’s ability to monitor its dopamine levels, leading to depression.


Adderall is a stimulant and alcohol is a depressant. Mix the two inside your body and they'll duke it out to see which one will take over. Before you know it, they both will have punched you in the face. It may allow you to party longer, but you run a serious health risk.


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4. 5.

Want to shed a couple pounds? Take an Addy! Just kidding, don’t do that. But Adderall is a unique way to lose weight. Similar to cocaine, the increased dopamine levels in your body lead to a feeling of satisfaction, suppressing your appetite and giving you more energy to move about. Yes it may help you get skinny fast, but this is a horrible approach to weight loss. Once you get off the pill, your decreased dopamine levels slow your metabolism down exponentially and you’ll end up gaining more weight than before.



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By Rachel Lockhart : Illustration by Meagan Rafferty

15 years after his passing, he still has the golden ticket to our hearts. By Kate Bernhardt : Illustration by Michelle Abrams When people think of Roald Dahl, they often think of Miss Trunchbull throwing Matilda in the dreaded Chokey or Johnny Depp’s freakishly pale skin in the Charlie and the Chocolate Factory movie. With the 15th anniversary of Dahl’s death this November, kids and adults alike are turning to their dusty bookshelves to pause and reflect on this intriguing man who wrote such dark and distorted children’s books. Hailing from South Wales before becoming a writer, Dahl grew up to become a hurricane fighter pilot during World War II. After crashing his plane in Alexandria, Egypt, he retired with skull injuries, two steel hips, and six operations on his spine. In his bad-ass fighter pilot retirement, Dahl spent most of his time locked away in his garden house writing poetry and novels. His failed marriage with Hollywood actress Patricia Neal produced five children for which Dahl used for inspiration in each of his novels. Most notably, Dahl’s daughter, Olivia, who died of measles at the age of seven, inspired the heroine, Sophie, in The BFG. Dahl’s endlessly imaginative mind never ceased to amaze us young readers as we whipped through pages of talking foxes and homicidal witches. We believed in the



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good will and optimism of his cherished characters and were transported to worlds in which we too wanted to feel special and invincible, just like the BFG and James. In an over-stimulating society where we can look at our phones, while also watching television and indulging in nachos, Dahl’s eerie stories forced us to pay attention. His plot lines twisted and turned more than an episode of Game of Thrones and kept readers turning the page by keeping our interest piqued. In one of his adult novels, My Uncle Oswald, Dahl wrote, “If you are interested in something, no matter what it is, go at it at full speed ahead.” Not only did Dahl live the life he professed, he impassioned his beloved characters to be themselves, believe in the good in the world, and grab life by the balls. JM




Nov. 13

Ellie Goulding

The Incredible "Young Jesus (ft. Big Lenbo)" True Story "In The Heat of the Moment" Delirium


Riot Boi

Nov. 3


"The Body" ft. Jeremih


Release Rating Nov. 6

THE DEAL: Josh Ostrovsky, better know as “The Fat Jew,” is a plus-size male model, comedian, and self-proclaimed “Z-list Celeb.” After graduating from the State University of New York at Albany with a degree in journalism, Ostrovsky bounced around the American pop culture scene. This included a stint in the alternative rap group Team Facelift, forever immortalized on iTunes. In 2014, Ostrovsky started gaining notoriety with his joke-based Instagram account that has garnered over six million followers. He also has a website that fans can subscribe to, merchandise—including his own wine, White Girl Rosé—a radio show on Apple Music called Money Pizza Respect, and a recently released book with the same title. THE ISSUE: Ostrovsky has admitted to plagiarizing and stealing jokes on multiple occasions. This came to light in August, when comedian Davon Magwood called him out for using one of his jokes on the popular Instagram account without giving him credit. Numerous comedians have since come forward and publicly criticized him for the unoriginal humor that makes up a good portion of his account. While Ostrovsky does include some of his own antics, the humor should hardly be considered original. His brand of Internet comedy is cheap and overdone. THE (BIGGER) ISSUE: Ostrovsky is another example of a celebrity who is famous despite having no exceptional talent other than an overthe-top personality and savvy business sense, á la Kim Kardashian. He may be a talented writer and model, but that’s not what made him well known. It was an Instagram account full of shitty, stolen

jokes. And yet, people still love him. This calls attention to a trend that we’ve seen increase greatly over the last few years: Internet fame. If you want to become a household name, you no longer have to possess actual talent. All you really need is a smartphone, a variety of popular apps that appeal to teens, and enough common sense to jump on a joke’s bandwagon at the right time. THE DEFENSE: It would be hard to excuse Ostrovsky’s plagiarism, so I won’t. But he did what worked, and I have to give him props for that. He knew his audience well, did what he had to do to keep it growing, and look where he is now. There were certainly people who stopped following him after the extent of his thievery came out, but there are six million people who didn’t, and he continues to capitalize on that. As far as Internet fame on a larger scale, it actually makes the idea of fame more tangible to the average Joe. While the ideas behind these Internet sensations may not entirely original, they still have to work hard to get their name out there, which takes time and dedication. Yes, the fact that people bear the moniker “Vinefamous” eats away at the already-lowclass American pop culture, but let’s not forget who ‘liked’ these people to fame. JM


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TURN DOWN FOR WHAT? Minus the turkey, November has very little going for it. Finals approach, the flu looms, and the sun disappears into the infinite abyss of winter. To add to this pool of suckage, we gathered the shittiest of media for you to absorb, hate, and not finish. So enjoy, maybe suffer a little, and turn down for this shit.


By Julia Olteanu : Photography by Fiona Lenz

Members: Zach Schweikert (vocals, guitar, keys), Stephen Sbiroli (vocals, guitar), Justin Patricolo (guitar), Sean Dougherty (bass), & Kyle Drumheller (drums, backup vocals) | Active Since: 2014 | What they Jerk to: The Beatles, Arctic Monkeys, Animal Collective Jerk Magazine: How did you come up with the name Harryhausen? Zach Schweikert: Harryhausen refers to Ray Harryhausen, who was a director back in the 50s and 60s. He made Jason and the Argonauts and Clash of The Titans—they are dynamation movies. They are kinda bad, but also lovable, like us. He was really ahead of his time, so I just thought it was a cool name and that it would be a good band name. JM: How would you describe your guys’ sound? Stephen Sbiroli: Ever-evolving. Justin Patricolo: I feel like finding our sound isn’t hard at all. I think whatever we make is our sound. If I had to compare us to another band, I’d say Cage the Elephant. ZS: There’s a lot of guitar interplay between me and Justin. JM: Can you describe one of your most nervewracking moments onstage? SS: I think one of our most nerve-wracking moments was our first show ever when we played at a frat and Zach broke a string on his guitar. So then he used mine, and then he broke a string on that too. We had to stop the 60 11.15 • JERK

show and they made me freestyle. We did the national anthem. I broke out into it because I was like here’s a bunch of drunk, frat people, so I’ll just sing that. JM: Is there one thing you hate about having a band? JP: Carrying my fucking amp everywhere. And when the people who are putting the show on aren’t prepared. Once we did an acoustic show, it was open mic night and they didn’t have a mic... ZS: It was just an open night... SD: It was a night. JM: What’s a fun fact about yourselves? SS: Did I leave out the fact that Kyle didn’t actually play the drums when we started the band? He claimed that he did but it wasn’t until the fifth time that he told us he had just started playing. JP: He really played the snare drum and the bottom cubby that was in his dorm room freshman year. Kyle Drumheller: I would have my pencils and a kick drum hitting the plastic cubby thing. SS: We called it the shit kit. JM

Listen to Harryhausen at or

MUSIC: Little Mix’s Get Weird We are all about girl bands and female empowerment, but Little Mix sounds like Hannah Montana got into a car crash with Play. Though the British pop group produces songs that hit the Billboard Hot 100, we’re just not feeling it. Their single “Black Magic” peaked at 67 on the chart, but we can’t figure out how something so shitty did so well. Nonetheless, their basic beats drop on Nov. 6.

TV: Chrisley Knows Best The Chrisleys are the Manzos of the South. Run by self-made millionaire and highlyopinionated patriarch, Todd Chrisley, the Christian family of seven is ridiculous, fiercely religious, and spends more time insulting each other than actually talking. Watch it for too long and you’ll feel your brain begging for a textbook. The Chrisleys will be back for a fourth season on Nov. 10, but we’re not sure why.

MOVIE: Entertainment An IMDb reviewer described this movie as “boring, depressing, and completely incoherent.” Entertainment profiles a struggling comedian as he travels through the Mojave Desert to salvage his career and rekindle his relationship with his only daughter. Although it sports a solid cast with Michael Cera and John C. Reilly, the existential comedy falls flat. See it in theaters on Nov. 13—or don’t.

BOOK: Dukes Are Forever Medieval romance novels are the ugly stepsister of quality fiction—horribly written and entertaining. Indulge in the story of a handsome duke, Edward Westover, who falls madly in love with Kate Benton, the beautiful and stubborn resident of his new property. Prepare for her irresistible bosom and the fires that ignite between them as they give into one another under the moon on Nov. 24.


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DISCOVERSYR promoting exhibitions and publications. They hope to create a one-of-a-kind public forum for individuals to discuss pressing issues within Syracuse communities. The unique approach is a permanently installed outdoor projection with stereo sound at UVP’s primary venue, the Everson Museum of Art. This public setting allows artists to present a story to members of the community in a special way, through talks, online content and related exhibitions—all of which are free and open to the public. The current yearlong series of exhibitions centers on the theme “We Were Never Human,” which explores theories of post-humanism and the “shifting idea of ourselves as human.” To put that in simpler terms, program curator Anneka Herre says it explores how ever-changing technologies shift our understanding of our relationships to non-humans and to the earth. Leviathan, one of the main events of the exhibit, tells a story about the commercial fishing industry. With powerful images that depict life from the depths of the



Electronic exhibitions take over the sides of buildings, Syracuse projecting the newest art By Chandler Dunn : Photography by Rebecca Rodriguez

Outside the Everson Museum of Art, located just a few blocks from campus on Harrison Street, an image projects on a wall the size of an IMAX screen. The set up commands the attention of everyone surrounding it. Some stop and take a seat while others continue walking, keeping their eyes locked on the screen until it is out of sight. Continuing along Syracuse’s Connective Corridor, a

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sea to astounding bird’s-eye views, this film explores mankind in one of its oldest endeavors, yet urges the audience to explore the relationship of man and marine life from a different perspective. Other exhibits include Anathema, which examines what artists Anjalika Sagar and Kodwo Eshun describe as “the magical gestures of dream factory capitalism.” Although tales of fishermen and magic capitalism seem a bit out of place in a city like Syracuse, Herre believes these stories should exist here too. The themes explored by the artists and events are part of wide-scale changes, though they certainly manifest in geographically and culturally distinct ways. Herre says that these themes are also important to discover here. ”I think we’ve created a unique approach to doing that.” Herre says. Events are from dusk to 11 p.m. every Thursday through Saturday. Catch a talk and reception with the artist of Anathema at the Everson Nov. 12 at 6:30 p.m. JM

number of exhibits and art projects—films, drawings, photographs—are revealed. Their placement is not arbitrary or unrelated, but part of a multimedia public art initiative called the Urban Video Project. UVP is a collaboration between the Everson Museum of Art and Light Work, an artist-run nonprofit that supports photographers in the community by

A Syracuse woman studies one of the film series as fountains flow around her.


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How one man’s vision is changing how we interact with technology. By Shaifaly Budhwani : Photography by Lilly Stuecklen


CAUSE OF DEATH: CYBER MONDAY Lorne Covington is the mind behind the Newhouse II interactive media wall and creates interactive installations at the Museum of Science and Technology in downtown Syracuse. Jerk Magazine: Where do you find inspiration for your work? Lorne Covington: Generally, I started out just doing it purely for entertainment. But I wanted to have light as a dance partner. So, I wanted to make a big screen where the light on the screen would react to my motion. Beyond just sort of painting with it, because one of my mottos is that control is boring. So I didn’t want to just paint with light, I wanted it to react and respond to my emotions. JM: What was the inspiration behind the interactive wall in Newhouse? LC: Well that wall isn’t exactly a piece. That was designed to provide Newhouse with the ability to explore the technology that I work with. They have a playground to work with other people and see where it can take them. It’s intended to be really open ended, sort of an experimentation piece rather than a finished work. 64 11.15• JERK

JM: At what age did you realize your imagination with these projects could become a reality? LC: It happened at my 50th birthday. I was very much into this stuff a long time ago but it was really when I turned 50 and my wife insisted that I reevaluate my life and I realized she’s absolutely right. I’m tired of working on tech projects that aren’t any fun. So I thought to hell with this, I’m going to do this cool stuff that I’ve had in the back of my mind. So I cancelled all my consulting projects and decided I’m going to be an artist. JM: Which project are you the proudest of and why? LC: My dancing light pieces. For me it was very unique that the intent was to provide an environment for people to be creative and create things they had never seen before or thought they could do. And the reaction to those pieces, besides the fact that I love doing it myself—the comments I get from people are “I’ve never felt so powerful in my life before” or a person in tears comes up and hugs me and say this is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever done. JM

By Nicole Engelman : Illustration by Ryan Polgar Black Friday was born the day after his best friend, Thanksgiving, in the 1960s, but his birth was quiet and went relatively unnoticed. It was not until his teenage years that Black Friday truly burst onto the scene, marking the unofficial start of the holiday shopping season. As Black Friday continued to grow, so did the hysteria around him. Retail giants began extending their deals and their hours to compensate for Black Friday’s inflating popularity. No one was safe from his tyrannical rampage, especially retail employees. Tearing workers away from their loved ones long before the pumpkin pie had even been served, he quickly acquired his fair share of enemies. Black Friday soon plummeted into a violent downward spiral. His lavish personality attracted crowds of elbow pushers in pursuit of good deals. Since 2006, seven people have died at his hand and 98 have been injured. Deaths ranged from from stabbings to stampedes led by parents questioning exactly why they were coming out of their turkey-induced comas at 4 a.m. to fight over Wii consoles for their kids. Black Friday had to be stopped, but

no one could rise to the challenge. Then Cyber Monday was born in 2005 from the marketing team of the website She sprang from humble beginnings in a worker’s stealthy attempt to begin shopping for presents at work on the Monday after Thanksgiving. She tried to combat Black Friday’s frenzy with a more appealing, laid back approach landing a devastating blow to his heath. Cyber Monday allowed people to sit on their asses, mindlessly buying things they don’t need, but this time from the comfort of their own homes. Similar to Black Friday, Cyber Monday was quick to catch on in her early years, but her popularity skyrocketed in 2010 when she broke a billion dollars in sales, sealing Black Friday’s fate. In 2014 alone, Americans spent 2.68 billion dollars on Cyber Monday. Elastic waistband-wearing citizens kicked up their slippers and rejoiced at this online revelation. Black Friday will be missed dearly by your single aunt that gets too drunk at Thanksgiving dinner, passes out for an hour or two, and then meets up with all of her other single, drunk friends at Saks Off 5th just in time for the sun to come up. JM JERK

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How To Dress for DJ's Happy Hour Half Bun: "At least I halftried."

We dug through your keepsakes to find the ghosts of your relationships past. Photography by Shelley Kendall

Pitcher of Beer: “Drinking away my failed orgo exam.”

“ My boyfriend got me this anchor bracelet because we said we were each others’ ‘anchor’. I lost it and then at the beginning of summer, he got me a replacement charm. I went bungee jumping and realized the charm fell off again. We broke up some time after that. It could be symbolic of our breakup, or I just suck for losing stuff.”

“ My boyfriend and I broke up before I left for Syracuse. Things really didn’t end well, and he was mad that I left. I told him to go fuck himself. A week later, he sent me a dildo. The joke's on him because the dildo’s better than he ever was.” —BRIANNA HENRY

“ When I was in high school in Beijing, I dated this guy who had this lucky pencil that he used for all his tests since the third grade. He lent it to me during our finals. Fast forward to when we all finished school, I never saw him again and now I just have it. I use it for all my tests and it actually works.”

Fake ID: “July 7, 1993, I swear.”

Backpack: “I just came from class, and only have three hours to get plastered.”

Sneakers: “The floor is too damn sticky for anything else.”


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Photographer: Allen Chiu Sylists: Trusha Bhatt, Lydia Chan Model: Katiana Roca JERK

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Jerk November 2015  
Jerk November 2015