of 2022, I sit in complete disbelief that another year has passed. As a funeral director, perhaps I should be a bit
moreintunetotheshortnessofourdaysandthefleetingnatureofouryears.I am,however,asguiltyasanyonefortakingtimeforgranted.
Webegineachyearwithsomuchpromiseandhope,layingoutagreatvision inourmindsofwhatthenexttwelvemonthswilllooklike.Howoftenisitthat wereflectduringthistimeofyearandrealizeourdreamsdidn’tmatchupto ourreality?
Withanotheryearapproaching,perhapsthesimplestandmostattainable resolutionistobemindful. Mindfulthattomorrowisnotpromised,that peoplearenotpromisedandthatallwehaveisthepresentmoment. Perhaps beingmindfulwillallowustomendrelationshipsthathavebeenfractured,to seizeanopportunitywhenit’spresented,totakeariskwe’vebeenhesitantto take,totrysomethingnew….ortojustbepresentinthemoment;andbe
happy.Whateveryouresolution,Ihopethe closeof2023findsitfulfilled.
Onbehalfofmyfamily,wewishallofyouthe verybestinthecomingyear.Peace,health, happiness,allthethingsthatmakeyour heartsmile.Wearegratefulforsomany friendshipsforgedovertheyearsandallof youremaininourthoughtsandprayersthis holidayseason.
Withlove,
2 ½ ounces Plain or Citrus Vodka
1 ounce Cointreau or Triple Sec Liqueur
½ ounce Sparkling Wine or Prosecco
¼ cup Pomegranate Juice
1 TBS Fresh Lemon 6-8 ice cubes
Rosemary Sprig
Few fresh Pomegranate Seeds or Cranberries
Chill a martini or special glass you would like to use. Place all ingredients in a cocktail shaker except the sparkling wine, rosemary sprig and pomegranate seeds. Shake well. Strain into glass. Top with sparkling wine, rosemary sprig, fresh cranberries, and pomegranate seeds.
½ cup Pomegranate Juice
½ cup Cranberry Juice
½ ounce Agave or Simple Syrup
1 TBS Fresh orange juice
½ ounce Sparkling Water or Seltzer Citrus Flavored 6-8 ice cubes
Rosemary Sprig
Few fresh Pomegranate Seeds or Cranberries
Chill a martini or special glass you would like to use Place all ingredients in a cocktail shaker except the sparkling water or seltzer, rosemary sprig and pomegranate seeds Shake well Strain into glass Top with sparkling water or seltzer, rosemary sprig, fresh cranberries and pomegranate seeds
Halloween has come and gone The ghosts and witches have been taken down and are being replaced by horns of plenty, snowmen, and Nativity scenes,yousaytoyourself–ENOUGH!!!Youhavehadit!!!
Yourheartisbroken,butthe rest of the world goes on theirmerryway Theydonot know that you are suffering because someone you love will not be sitting at your tablethisyear
Four years ago, Jennifer Graziano, asked me to write a similar article to this one, onlythenthecircumstances were different, my dad had diedthatApril Imanagedto write the article from my head, giving all kinds of tips on coping through the holidays However,Ilefta
verysignificantaspectoutof that article because it was too hard at that time, I left my heart out of that article So, when Jen, asked me to write an article this year I decided that the article would be written from two aspects: the heart and the head, the personal and the professional I share my personal experience with youasanattempttoletyou thereaderknowthatyouare not alone This article will also contain some professional suggestions made by a well- known and well- respected grief counselorthatmyassistyou in your journey through grief as the holiday season approaches
Four years ago, at this time I wasmovingslowlythrough
my journey of grief as I was attempting to help others throughtheirownjourneys It was a very difficult time My dad was a man of faith, strength, and wisdom He was my go-to guy He was thereformenomatterwhat the situation may have been Hediedverysuddenly, he was alive one night and gonethenext Itwasdifficult tomovebeyondthethought of continuing my life without him I felt I had been robbed of saying good-bye, of saying all of the things that wereleftunsaid,howhappyI was that he was my dad, how grateful I was for the gentle care he gave my mom in the last years of her lifewhenhewasherprimary caregiver,howthankfulIwas for everything he did for me bybeingthereformeand
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never judging me, but supporting me 100% How proud I was to be his daughter- always and forever HowhappyIwasfor him that he found someone aftermomdiedandthathe could laugh again, love again, and smile again I missedhimtremendouslyin the beginning With the approaching holidays, also came his birthday, which is November 22nd. I knew in my head that the road of grief was going to be difficult. What made matters worse that first Thanksgivingwasthatdad’s birthday and Thanksgiving were the same day. I was anxious and fearful of what willhappenandhowIwould get through it. The anxiety and anticipation built up throughout the month of November. As each day passed the dread of what was coming grew inside of me.Ikepttellingmyself,you willgetthroughthis,youwill get through this. But somehow, I continued to doubt my own inner strength. I didn’t want to go through this, I wanted him back, just one more birthday, one more Thanksgiving, one more Christmas. I knew in my head, that dad was dead, but in my heart, I was struggling to accept it. Fortunately, my step-sister reached out and invited me tobewithhermomandher familyforThanksgiving.
Iacceptedtheinvitation,but thenhadmisgivings,second guessingmydecision Would itbetoodifficultwithoutdad there? Would I start crying andupsetJoan?Whatabout Joan, how would she feel seeing me without my dad? Was I being selfish by wanting to be with this family instead of with my brother and sister-in-law? I decided that I needed to do what would bring me the most comfort. I was in great emotional pain and wanted to be in a place where I could just be. If I needed to cry, I could cry, if I need a hug, one was there for the taking. I went to Karen’s that first Thanksgiving without dad, and I must say that the anticipation was worse than the day itself. At dinner, I made a toast to my dad, who was referred to by this family as “Party Pete”, then everyone shared something special that they were thankful for in regards to him. Yes, there were tears, buttherewaslaughterthat’s whatmadeitsogreat!!!Dad loved to laugh, to toast, to have a good time, thus the nickname, “Party Pete”. That’s how I got through Thanksgiving. We all felt his presence,hisspiritwasthere even though his physical being was not at the dinner table. And as dad would always say ”A good time washadbyall.“
Christmas Day was very similar to Thanksgiving I spent it the same way I spent Thanksgiving The anticipation was worse than the day but I got through it So that is a bit of my personal story My hope in telling my story is that there are parts of it that you can relate to if you are in the beginning of your journey of grief. The first holidays are the most difficult to go through, please keep reminding yourself that the anticipation of the event is actual worse than the event itself. Now that you have heard from my personal experience and I have shared a piece of my heart withyou,Iwouldliketoshare what one expert suggests you do to cope with grief during the holiday season. Dr. Alan Wolfelt, a respected author and educator on the topic of healing in grief. He serves as Director of the Center for Loss and Life Transition and is on the faculty at the University of Colorado Medical School’s Department of Family Medicine.
Dr. Wolfelt has written many compassionate, bestselling books designed to help people through the grieving process: Understanding Your Grief, The Mourner’s Book of Hope, and Healing Your Holiday Grief: 100 Practical Ideas for Blending Mourning and CelebrationDuringtheHolidaySeason.Pleasevisitthefollowingwebsitetolearnmore aboutDr Wolfeltandgrief www.centerforloss.com
Dr Wolfeltmakesthefollowingobservationsaboutcopingwithgriefthroughthe holidays:
Holidaysareoftendifficultforanyonewhohasexperiencedthedeathofsomeoneloved. Ratherthanbeingtimesoffamilytogetherness,sharing,andthanksgiving,holidayscan bringfeelingsofsadness,loss,andemptiness.
Sincelovedoesnotendwithdeath,holidaysmayresultinarenewedsenseofpersonal grief afeelingoflossunlikethatexperiencedintheroutineofdailyliving.Society encouragesyoutojoinintheholidayspirit,butallaroundyouthesounds,sights,and smellstriggermemoriesoftheoneyoulovewhohasdied.Nosimpleguidelinesexistthat willtakeawaythehurtyouarefeeling.Wehope,however,thefollowingsuggestionswill helpyoubettercopewithyourgriefduringthisjoyful,yetpainful,timeoftheyear Rememberthatbybeingtolerantandcompassionatewithyourself,youwillcontinueto heal
Duringtheholidayseason,don’tbeafraidtoexpressyourfeelingsofgrief.Ignoringyour griefwon’tmakethepaingoawayandtalkingaboutitopenlyoftenmakesyoufeel better.Findcaringfriendsandrelativeswhowilllisten withoutjudgingyou.Theywillhelp makeyoufeelunderstood.
BeTolerantofYourPhysicalandPsychologicalLimits
Feelingsoflosswillprobablyleaveyoufatigued.Yourlowenergylevelmaynaturallyslow
Include the person’s name in your holiday conversation. If you are able to talk candidly, other people are more likely to recognize your need to rememberthatspecialpersonwhowasanimportant partofyourlife.
Well-meaning friends and family often try to prescribe what is good for you during the holidays. Insteadofgoingalongwiththeirplans,focusonwhat you want to do Discuss your wishes with a caring, trusted friend Talking about these wishes will help you clarify what it is you want to do during the holidays As you become aware of your needs, share themwithyourfriendsandfamily
Decide which family traditions you want to continue andwhichnewonesyouwouldliketobegin.Structure your holiday time. This will help you anticipate activities, rather than just reacting to whatever happens. Getting caught off guard can create feelings of panic, fear, and anxiety during the time of the year when your feelings of grief are already heightened. As you make your plans, however, leave roomtochangethemifyoufeelitisappropriate.
Memoriesareoneofthebestlegaciesthatexistafter the death of someone loved. And holidays always make you think about times past. Instead of ignoring these memories, share them with your family and friends Keep in mind that memories are tinged with both happiness and sadness If your memories bring laughter, smile If your memories bring sadness, then it’s all right to cry Memories made in love can never betakenawayfromyou
Spendtimethinkingaboutthemeaningandpurpose of your life. The death of someone loved created opportunities for taking inventory of your life past, presentandfuture.Thecombinationofaholidayand a loss naturally results in looking inward and assessingyourindividualsituation.Makethebestuse of this time to define the positive things in life that surroundyou.(continueonpage14)
Duringtheholidays,youmayfindarenewedsenseoffaithordiscoveranewsetofbeliefs. Associatewithpeoplewhounderstandandrespectyourneedtotalkaboutthesebeliefs.If your faith is important, you may want to attend a holiday service or special religious ceremony As you approach the holidays, remember: grief is both a necessity and a privilege.Itcomesasaresultofgivingandreceivinglove.Don’tletanyonetakeyourgrief away.Loveyourself.Bepatientwithyourself.Andallowyourselftobesurroundedbyloving, caringpeople.
So,thereyouhaveit Ihopethatthepersonalreflectionoftheauthorofthisarticleandthe observations of one of the most renowned experts in the area of understanding grief, Dr. AlanWolfelthaveprovidedyouwiththetoolstohelpyouthroughthisholidayseason.Itwill never be easy, but neither is loving I wish you and yours a blessed holiday season May 2023bringyouhealth,healing,andhope.
Theaboveobservationsandrecommendationsweretakenfromthefollowingwebsite: https://publicnfdaorg/grief/understanding-grief/grief-and-the-holidays
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real estate taxes, insurance, etc. – and houses take time to sell.
Because the investment account had beneficiaries designated, the assets in that account are then owned by the children – with no obligation to use the funds for anything concerning the house. What, then, is the source of funds to pay for the administrative expenses of the estate and carrying costs of the house, including costs necessary to ready the house for sale? The situation can be further complicated if the beneficiaries of the investment account are different than the beneficiaries of the house.
Why do I need a Will or Trust if all my accounts have designated beneficiaries?
Beneficiary designations are extremely important and one of the most overlooked tools in an estate plan. For certain assets, such as retirement accounts, the lack of a designated beneficiary can cause adverse tax consequences. One of the tangential benefits of beneficiary designations is that upon the death of the account owner, the asset will automatically pass to the designated beneficiaries and avoid the hassle of probate or administration of the estate. Surprisingly, however, in certain circumstances, designated beneficiaries can lead to unintended consequences
For instance, assume someone dies owning only a house (solely in the decedent’s name) and an investment account (with the decedent’s multiple children designated as beneficiaries). Let’s further assume that the decedent’s children intend to sell the house. Houses come with carrying costs –
To solve the above problem, there needs to be estate liquidity – i.e., funds accessible during estate administration. In our fact pattern, it would be advisable to not have designated beneficiaries on the investment account so that the executor of the estate can have access to funds. If avoiding probate is also advisable, as is often the case, both the house and the investment account could be transferred to a revocable living trust After death, the trustee of the trust would retain access to the funds during final administration of the trust.
Salvatore M. Di Costanzo is a partner with the firm of Maker, Fragale & Di Costanzo, LLP located in Rye and Yorktown Heights Mr Di Costanzo is an attorney and accountant whose main area of practice is elder law and estate planning. He can be reached at (914) 245-2440 (Yorktown Heights) or (914) 925-1010 (Rye) or via e-mail at smd@mfd-law.com. This article and answers to other key questions can be found by visiting the website www.PlanTodayForTomorrow.com.
As I sat in Dr. Jeffrey Puglisi’s office chair, two questions came to mind. The first was where the chair had been bought because it was unbelievably comfortable.
The second was how only four physicians (with a fifth being added since my time at the office) are able to provide such highquality and individualized care to each patient?
While the chair’s origins remain a mystery, the answer to my second question became crystal clear during my week at Glenville Medical Concierge Care. I learned that the key was the commitment of the staff, from the physicians to the receptionists. I arrived at the practice to shadow Dr. Puglisi for a high school project. By the end of my time there I developed a deeper and more nuanced understanding of concierge medicine and the level of work and patience needed to keep this type of practice running soundly and efficiently
Each member of the team plays an instrumental part in providing quality service to each patient that walks through the doors. Observing the practice from behind the receptionists’ desks as well as inside the physicians’ offices taught me that the patient experience involves more than
simply a small team of physicians Nurses, receptionists and other staff form the foundation of the practice
The moment that became clear to me was during a home visit when I accompanied Dr. Puglisi to the home of an 89-year-old patient. There, Dr. Puglisi had a dialogue about not only her health, but asked her about seemingly unrelated things like the Mets and her Sunday dinners When we returned to the office, it struck me that every person in the office knew this patient by name and asked how she was doing
All were actively invested in her well-being, not just Dr Puglisi It made me realize that the practice was, first and foremost, built upon human connections that went beyond a typical doctor-patient relationship.
That human connection is an aspect of the practice that really fascinated me
I imagined that my visit would consist of a tour of the office, a rundown of the daily routine and the uses of various medical equipment What I did not expect was the display of deep care and connection that I witnessed between the staff and the patients.
As an incoming theater major at Northwestern University, I am particularly attuned to the importance of this kind of connection It is something that is required of me when I embody a character and establish relationships between scene partners Although relatively young, I feel that I have a pretty firm grip on recognizing these kinds of personal connections in life and believe without a doubt that this connection is the backbone, and the heart, of Glenville Medical Concierge Care.
By Oliver Tam Pelham Memorial High School Class of 2022
Eat slowly and enjoy all the flavors of the season Reach for the veggies first and always include protein Replace creamy dips and cheeses with hummus, olives, and a handful of raw almonds.
Drink plenty of water, adding citrus and herbs Be mindful o intake.
Stay active Try to take a brisk walk after a meal Morning walks are beneficial for a boost of Vitamin D from the sunshine.
up on colorful fruits and vegetables Skip or reduce ry treats Sugar can zap your immune system for at 4 hours.
Holidays can be super stressful Embrace a positive mindset. Take time to meditate and learn deep breathing to create calm. Sleep at least 7-9 hours a night.
