COMING OF AGE: Issue X - HOLIDAY 2022

Issue 10| Holiday 2022

Holiday Issue RECIPIES

CELEBRATING OUR 10TH ISSUE

for the Holiday

Concierge Medicine A perspective of a day spent in a concierge practice

Wisdom to navigate through Holiday grief

tips for a Happy and Healthy Holiday LIFESTYLE

LEARNING

LIVING WELL

As I prepare this final issue...

of 2022, I sit in complete disbelief that another year has passed. As a funeral director, perhaps I should be a bit

more in tune to the shortness of our days and the fleeting nature of our years. I am, however, as guilty as anyone for taking time for granted.

We begin each year with so much promise and hope, laying out a great vision in our minds of what the next twelve months will look like. How often is it that we reflect during this time of year and realize our dreams didn’t match up to our reality?

With another year approaching, perhaps the simplest and most attainable resolution is to be mindful. Mindful that tomorrow is not promised, that people are not promised and that all we have is the present moment. Perhaps being mindful will allow us to mend relationships that have been fractured, to seize an opportunity when it’s presented, to take a risk we’ve been hesitant to take, to try something new….or to just be present in the moment; and be happy. Whatever your esolution, I hope the close of 2023 finds it fulfilled.

On behalf of my family, we wish all of you the very best in the coming year. Peace, health, happiness, all the things that make your heart smile. We are grateful for so many friendships forged over the years and all of you remain in our thoughts and prayers this holiday season.

With love,

Jen

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TABLE OF CONTENTS

Editor's Note

The Heart and Head of Coping with the Holidays: When Someone you Love Has Died

Dear Mr. Di Costanzo,

01

06

17

Holiday Cocktails

05

Sitting In: My Week at a Concierge Medical Practice

18

5 Tips for a Happy & Healthy Holiday

20

Editor: Jennifer Graziano Contributing Authors: Terri Agliardo Salvatore Di Costanzo, Esq. Chris Ann Sepkowsk Oliver Tam Publisher: Jennifer Lanser JL Harbrook

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Copyright © 2022 All rights reserved. No part of this publication including, but not limited to text and photographs, may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher. For permission requests write to the publisher addressed.

Time to Talk with Jen Graziano

Conversations that matter.

WVOX 92.3 FM OR 1460AM & Facebook Live "Time to Talk with Jen Graziano"

Poinsettia Cocktail

Cheers!

2 ½ ounces Plain or Citrus Vodka 1 ounce Cointreau or Triple Sec Liqueur ½ ounce Sparkling Wine or Prosecco ¼ cup Pomegranate Juice 1 TBS Fresh Lemon 6-8 ice cubes Rosemary Sprig Few fresh Pomegranate Seeds or Cranberries

Chill a martini or special glass you would like to use. Place all ingredients in a cocktail shaker except the sparkling wine, rosemary sprig and pomegranate seeds. Shake well. Strain into glass.

Top with sparkling wine, rosemary sprig, fresh cranberries, and pomegranate seeds.

Poinsettia Mocktail

½ cup Pomegranate Juice ½ cup Cranberry Juice ½ ounce Agave or Simple Syrup 1 TBS Fresh orange juice ½ ounce Sparkling Water or Seltzer Citrus Flavored 6-8 ice cubes Rosemary Sprig Few fresh Pomegranate Seeds or Cranberries

Chris Ann Sepkowski Board Certified Holistic Health & Wellness Coach linktr.ee/bewellwithchrisann bewellwithchrisann@gmail.com 914-715-8576

Chill a martini or special glass you would like to use. Place all ingredients in a cocktail shaker except the sparkling water or seltzer, rosemary sprig and pomegranate seeds. Shake well. Strain into glass. Top with sparkling water or seltzer, rosemary sprig, fresh cranberries and pomegranate seeds.

Be happy, be healthy, be empowered, be well ~Chris Ann xo

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THE HEART AND HEAD OF COPING WITH THE HOLIDAYS: When Someone you Love Has Died

By Ms. Terri Agliardo

In-House Bereavement Counselor at Coxe and Graziano Funeral Home Halloween has come and gone. The ghosts and witches have been taken down and are being replaced by horns of plenty, snowmen, and Nativity scenes, you say to yourself – ENOUGH!!! You have had it!!!

Your heart is broken, but the rest of the world goes on their merry way. They do not know that you are suffering because someone you love will not be sitting at your table this year.

Four years ago, Jennifer Graziano, asked me to write a similar article to this one, only then the circumstances were different, my dad had died that April. I managed to write the article from my head, giving all kinds of tips on coping through the holidays. However, I left a COMING OF AGE | 06

very significant aspect out of that article because it was too hard at that time, I left my heart out of that article.

So, when Jen, asked me to write an article this year I decided that the article would be written from two aspects: the heart and the head, the personal and the professional. I share my personal experience with you as an attempt to let you the reader know that you are not alone. This article will also contain some professional suggestions made by a well- known and wellrespected grief counselor that my assist you in your journey through grief as the holiday season approaches.

Four years ago, at this time I was moving slowly through

my journey of grief as I was attempting to help others through their own journeys. It was a very difficult time. My dad was a man of faith, strength, and wisdom. He was my go-to guy. He was there for me no matter what the situation may have been. He died very suddenly, he was alive one night and gone the next. It was difficult to move beyond the thought of continuing my life without him. I felt I had been robbed of saying good-bye, of saying all of the things that were left unsaid, how happy I was that he was my dad, how grateful I was for the gentle care he gave my mom in the last years of her life when he was her primary caregiver, how thankful I was for everything he did for me by being there for me and (continue on page 8)

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never judging me, but supporting me 100%. How proud I was to be his daughteralways and forever. How happy I was for him that he found someone after mom died and that he could laugh again, love again, and smile again. I missed him tremendously in the beginning. With the approaching holidays, also came his birthday, which is November 22nd. I knew in my head that the road of grief was going to be difficult.

What made matters worse that first Thanksgiving was that dad’s birthday and Thanksgiving were the same day. I was anxious and fearful of what will happen and how I would get through it. The anxiety and anticipation built up throughout the month of November. As each day passed the dread of what was coming grew inside of me. I kept telling myself, you will get through this, you will get through this.

But somehow, I continued to doubt my own inner strength. I didn’t want to go through this, I wanted him back, just one more birthday, one more Thanksgiving, one more Christmas. I knew in my head, that dad was dead, but in my heart, I was struggling to accept it.

Fortunately, my step-sister reached out and invited me to be with her mom and her family for Thanksgiving.

I accepted the invitation, but then had misgivings, second guessing my decision. Would it be too difficult without dad there? Would I start crying and upset Joan? What about Joan, how would she feel seeing me without my dad?

Was I being selfish by wanting to be with this family instead of with my brother and sister-in-law? I decided that I needed to do what would bring me the most comfort. I was in great emotional pain and wanted to be in a place where I could just be. If I needed to cry, I could cry, if I need a hug, one was there for the taking. I went to Karen’s that first Thanksgiving without dad, and I must say that the anticipation was worse than the day itself. At dinner, I made a toast to my dad, who was referred to by this family as “Party Pete”, then everyone shared something special that they were thankful for in regards to him. Yes, there were tears, but there was laughter that’s what made it so great!!! Dad loved to laugh, to toast, to have a good time, thus the nickname, “Party Pete”.

That’s how I got through Thanksgiving. We all felt his presence, his spirit was there even though his physical being was not at the dinner table. And as dad would always say ”A good time was had by all. “

Christmas Day was very similar to Thanksgiving. I spent it the same way I spent Thanksgiving.

The anticipation was worse than the day but I got through it.

So that is a bit of my personal story. My hope in telling my story is that there are parts of it that you can relate to if you are in the beginning of your journey of grief. The first holidays are the most difficult to go through, please keep reminding yourself that the anticipation of the event is actual worse than the event itself. Now that you have heard from my personal experience and I have shared a piece of my heart with you, I would like to share what one expert suggests you do to cope with grief during the holiday season.

Dr. Alan Wolfelt, a respected author and educator on the topic of healing in grief. He serves as Director of the Center for Loss and Life Transition and is on the faculty at the University of Colorado Medical School’s Department of Family Medicine.

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Dr. Wolfelt has written many compassionate, bestselling books designed to help people through the grieving process: Understanding Your Grief, The Mourner’s Book of Hope, and Healing Your Holiday Grief: 100 Practical Ideas for Blending Mourning and Celebration During the Holiday Season. Please visit the following website to learn more about Dr. Wolfelt and grief. www.centerforloss.com.

Dr. Wolfelt makes the following observations about coping with grief through the holidays: You Are Not Alone Holidays are often difficult for anyone who has experienced the death of someone loved.

Rather than being times of family togetherness, sharing, and thanksgiving, holidays can bring feelings of sadness, loss, and emptiness.

Love Does Not End with Death Since love does not end with death, holidays may result in a renewed sense of personal grief—a feeling of loss unlike that experienced in the routine of daily living. Society encourages you to join in the holiday spirit, but all around you the sounds, sights, and smells trigger memories of the one you love who has died. No simple guidelines exist that will take away the hurt you are feeling. We hope, however, the following suggestions will help you better cope with your grief during this joyful, yet painful, time of the year.

Remember that by being tolerant and compassionate with yourself, you will continue to heal.

Talk About Your Grief During the holiday season, don’t be afraid to express your feelings of grief. Ignoring your grief won’t make the pain go away and talking about it openly often makes you feel better. Find caring friends and relatives who will listen—without judging you. They will help make you feel understood.

Be Tolerant of Your Physical and Psychological Limits Feelings of loss will probably leave you fatigued. Your low energy level may naturally slow you down. Respect what your body and mind are telling you. And lower your own expectations about being at your peak during the holiday season.

Eliminate Unnecessary Stress You may already feel stressed, so don’t overextend yourself. Avoid isolating yourself but be sure to recognize the need to have special time for yourself. Realize also that merely “keeping busy” won’t distract you from your grief but may actually increase stress and postpone the need to talk out thoughts and feelings related to your grief. ( continue on page 12)

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Talk About the Person Who Has Died Include the person’s name in your holiday conversation. If you are able to talk candidly, other people are more likely to recognize your need to remember that special person who was an important part of your life.

Do What Is Right for You During the Holidays Well-meaning friends and family often try to prescribe what is good for you during the holidays.

Instead of going along with their plans, focus on what you want to do. Discuss your wishes with a caring, trusted friend. Talking about these wishes will help you clarify what it is you want to do during the holidays. As you become aware of your needs, share them with your friends and family.

Plan Ahead for Family Gatherings Decide which family traditions you want to continue and which new ones you would like to begin. Structure your holiday time. This will help you anticipate activities, rather than just reacting to whatever happens. Getting caught off guard can create feelings of panic, fear, and anxiety during the time of the year when your feelings of grief are already heightened. As you make your plans, however, leave room to change them if you feel it is appropriate.

Embrace Your Treasure of Memories Memories are one of the best legacies that exist after the death of someone loved. And holidays always make you think about times past. Instead of ignoring these memories, share them with your family and friends. Keep in mind that memories are tinged with both happiness and sadness. If your memories bring laughter, smile. If your memories bring sadness, then it’s all right to cry. Memories made in love can never be taken away from you.

Renew Your Resources for Living Spend time thinking about the meaning and purpose of your life. The death of someone loved created opportunities for taking inventory of your life—past, present and future. The combination of a holiday and a loss naturally results in looking inward and assessing your individual situation. Make the best use of this time to define the positive things in life that surround you. (continue on page 14)

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Express Your Faith During the holidays, you may find a renewed sense of faith or discover a new set of beliefs.

Associate with people who understand and respect your need to talk about these beliefs. If your faith is important, you may want to attend a holiday service or special religious ceremony. As you approach the holidays, remember: grief is both a necessity and a privilege. It comes as a result of giving and receiving love. Don’t let anyone take your grief away. Love yourself. Be patient with yourself. And allow yourself to be surrounded by loving, caring people.

So, there you have it. I hope that the personal reflection of the author of this article and the observations of one of the most renowned experts in the area of understanding grief, Dr. Alan Wolfelt have provided you with the tools to help you through this holiday season. It will never be easy, but neither is loving. I wish you and yours a blessed holiday season. May 2023 bring you health, healing, and hope.

The above observations and recommendations were taken from the following website: https://public.nfda.org/grief/understanding-grief/grief-and-the-holidays

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1995

2022

Westchester's Jewish Funeral Home

Dear Mr. Di Costanzo, real estate taxes, insurance, etc.

– and houses take time to sell.

Because the investment account had beneficiaries designated, the assets in that account are then owned by the children – with no obligation to use the funds for anything concerning the house. What, then, is the source of funds to pay for the administrative expenses of the estate and carrying costs of the house, including costs necessary to ready the house for sale?

The situation can be further complicated if the beneficiaries of the investment account are different than the beneficiaries of the house.

Why do I need a Will or Trust if all my accounts have designated beneficiaries?

Beneficiary designations are extremely important and one of the most overlooked tools in an estate plan. For certain assets, such as retirement accounts, the lack of a designated beneficiary can cause adverse tax consequences. One of the tangential benefits of beneficiary designations is that upon the death of the account owner, the asset will automatically pass to the designated beneficiaries and avoid the hassle of probate or administration of the estate.

Surprisingly, however, in certain circumstances, designated beneficiaries can lead to unintended consequences.

For instance, assume someone dies owning only a house (solely in the decedent’s name) and an investment account (with the decedent’s multiple children designated as beneficiaries). Let’s further assume that the decedent’s children intend to sell the house.

Houses come with carrying costs –

To solve the above problem, there needs to be estate liquidity – i.e., funds accessible during estate administration. In our fact pattern, it would be advisable to not have designated beneficiaries on the investment account so that the executor of the estate can have access to funds. If avoiding probate is also advisable, as is often the case, both the house and the investment account could be transferred to a revocable living trust. After death, the trustee of the trust would retain access to the funds during final administration of the trust.

Salvatore M. Di Costanzo is a partner with the firm of Maker, Fragale & Di Costanzo, LLP located in Rye and Yorktown Heights. Mr. Di Costanzo is an attorney and accountant whose main area of practice is elder law and estate planning. He can be reached at (914) 245-2440 (Yorktown Heights) or (914) 925-1010 (Rye) or via e-mail at smd@mfd-law.com. This article and answers to other key questions can be found by visiting the website www.PlanTodayForTomorrow.com.

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SPECIAL REPORT

A

s I sat in Dr. Jeffrey Puglisi’s office chair, two questions came to mind. The first was where the chair had been bought because it was unbelievably comfortable.

The second was how only four physicians (with a fifth being added since my time at the office) are able to provide such highquality and individualized care to each patient?

While the chair’s origins remain a mystery, the answer to my second question became crystal clear during my week at Glenville Medical Concierge Care. I learned that the key was the commitment of the staff, from the physicians to the receptionists. I arrived at the practice to shadow Dr. Puglisi for a high school project. By the end of my time there I developed a deeper and more nuanced understanding of concierge medicine and the level of work and patience needed to keep this type of practice running soundly and efficiently.

Each member of the team plays an instrumental part in providing quality service to each patient that walks through the doors.

Observing the practice from behind the receptionists’ desks as well as inside the physicians’ offices taught me that the patient experience involves more than

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SITTING IN: MY WEEK AT A CONCIERGE MEDICAL PRACTICE simply a small team of physicians.

Nurses, receptionists and other staff form the foundation of the practice.

The moment that became clear to me was during a home visit when I accompanied Dr. Puglisi to the home of an 89-year-old patient.

There, Dr. Puglisi had a dialogue about not only her health, but asked her about seemingly unrelated things like the Mets and her Sunday dinners. When we returned to the office, it struck me that every person in the office knew this patient by name and asked how she was doing.

All were actively invested in her well-being, not just Dr. Puglisi. It made me realize that the practice was, first and foremost, built upon human connections that went beyond a typical doctor-patient relationship.

That human connection is an aspect of the practice that really fascinated me.

I imagined that my visit would consist of a tour of the office, a rundown of the daily routine and the uses of various medical equipment. What I did not expect was the display of deep care and connection that I witnessed between the staff and the patients.

As an incoming theater major at Northwestern University, I am particularly attuned to the importance of this kind of connection. It is something that is required of me when I embody a character and establish relationships between scene partners.

Although relatively young, I feel that I have a pretty firm grip on recognizing these kinds of personal connections in life and believe without a doubt that this connection is the backbone, and the heart, of Glenville Medical Concierge Care.

By Oliver Tam Pelham Memorial High School Class of 2022

For more information: Glenville Medical Concierge Care (203) 531-1808 7 Riversville Road, Greenwich, CT

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5

y and Healthy H p p a H a r o f o s liday p i T

01

Eat Mindfully

Eat slowly and enjoy all the flavors of the season. Reach for the veggies first and always include protein. Replace creamy dips and cheeses with hummus, olives, and a handful of raw almonds.

Stay Hydrated

02

Drink plenty of water, adding citrus and herbs. Be mindful of alcohol intake.

03

Holiday Workouts

Stay active. Try to take a brisk walk after a meal. Morning walks are beneficial for a boost of Vitamin D from the sunshine.

Boost Your Immune System

Load up on colorful fruits and vegetables. Skip or reduce sugary treats. Sugar can zap your immune system for at least 4 hours.

04

Manage Stress & Practice Self Care Holidays can be super stressful. Embrace a positive mindset. Take time to meditate and learn deep breathing to create calm. Sleep at least 7-9 hours a night.

Chris Ann Sepkowski Board Certified Holistic Health & Wellness Coach linktr.ee/bewellwithchrisann bewellwithchrisann@gmail.com (914) 715-8576 COMING OF AGE | 20

05

THE FAMILY AND THE FACILITY THAT

WESTCHESTER HAS TRUSTED FOR MORE

THAN 40 YEARS WHEN IT COMES TIME TO FACE LIFE’S MOST DIFFICULT MOMENTS.

FAMILIES HAVE TRAVELED THE EXTRA MILE TO CALL UPON US, KNOWING FULL WELL WE WILL DO THE SAME FOR THEM.

767 E. Boston Post Road Mamaroneck, NY 1054

(914) 698-5968 info@coxeandgraziano.com