Christina Cislak, My Dilemma

Christina Cislak

My Dilemma

Education. Separation. I am faced with a dilemma, to be with you or to part. To spread my wings as your leader, your world, your mother. Guilt. Shame. Distance. Thriving. Learning. Putting myself first. Guilt. Separation. Anxiety. I miss you.

My arms ache to wrap around you. Decisions. Do I stay with you or do I part. My education is just the start. I love my life, I love myself. I miss you I am faced with this dilemma, it lingers in my mind. Years of suffering from depression. To miss out on so much.

Fast forward, now. I am a social butterfly. My wings no longer wrap around you day to night. My wings have spread more than ever before. My guilt.

I need you. I want you with me. I want an education. To provide To set an example. To bring my life to where it calls to be.

I am used to being with you. Caring for you day and night. Me, just me, your mom. Now I face my dilemma. Trusting. The life I created, in the hands of another. Uncertainty.

Guilt. Happiness. Growth. I am too, a butterfly parting from my cocoon, Just like my child has parted from my womb. Parting from my comfort, life as I knew.

Change. Light. My garden of flowers continues to bloom. I still face this dilemma. As beautiful as it can be, it’s difficult. I miss you. It’s indescribable.

Violet Rose is the most beautiful seed I’ve grown, cared for, and loved. Violet Rose is my garden. My garden of love. My garden of strength.

My outlet of better, better everything. You inspire me.