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Influencing, Interpersonal and Leadership Skills

Compiled by Dean Amory Warning: Reading and applying the contents of this book will change your life for ever!

Title: Influencing, Interpersonal and Leadership Skills Compiled by: Dean Amory Cover Picture by: Mconnors – MorgueFile Publisher: Edgard Adriaens, Belgium ISBN: © Copyright 2014, Edgard Adriaens, Belgium, - All Rights Reserved.

This book has been compiled based on the contents of trainings, information found in other books and using the internet. It contains a number of articles indicated by TM or © or containing a reference to the original author. Whenever you cite such an article or use it in a commercial situation, please credit the source or check with the IP -owner. If you are aware of a copyright ownership that I have not identified or credited, please contact me at:

Index 1. INFLUENCE AND PERSUASION 1. Managetrainlearn’s Influencing and Negotiating Skills 1. What is Influence? 2. Why Influence Matters 3. The Wind and the Sun 4. Where Influence Works 5. Influence and Motivation 6. We Are Easily Influenced 7. Conscious Influence 8. First, Build Rapport 9. Matching Techniques 10. Key elements in successful influencing. 11. Factors in Influencing 12. Where You Start From 13. Liking 14. Their Intelligence 15. Meeting Their Needs 16. Different Needs 17. Your Credibility 18. Your Arguments 19. An Appeal From Aristotle 19. Tactical Influencing 21. Make It Acceptable 22. Your Authority 23. An Influencing Script Key Points

2. Influencing Skills 1. 2. 3. 4. 5.

Direct influencing Indirect influencing Influencing your boss The prince’s gift Indirect influencing: 7 techniques 1 what if? 2 2nd person quote 3 softeners 4 visual metaphor 5 repeated yes 6 modest diffidence 6. Don’t outshine the master

3. Linguistic Tools for Influencing 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9.

Reframe Use of name Mind reading Lost performative Cause and effect relationships Presuppositions Universal beliefs Tag questions Embedded commands

4. Powerful Persuasion Techniques 1. Appeal to identity 2. Use hierarchy of values 3. Invoke emotions 4. Motivate 5. Show the consequences 6. Ask questions 7. Reframe possible objectives 8. Use quotes 9. Employ metaphors 10. Compliment and flatter 11. Show no gray area 12. Belong to a special group 13. Have them make a commitment 14. Change their life 15. Overcome inertia 16. Add presupposition 17. Use rhetorical questions and make claims 5. Framework Theories for Applying Persuasion and Influence Techniques 1. Rank’s intensify and downplay model 2. Monroe’s motivated sequence of persuasion steps 3. The integrity principle 6. Influence and Persuasion in Sales 1. Establish a basis for persuasion 1. demonstrate understanding 2. generate a friendly, responsive environment 3. provide evidence 4. demonstrate your expertise 2. Persuasion during negotiation 1. uncover the root of objection 2. redirect prospect to focusing on product benefits 3. Possible reasons of failure to close the deal 1. failure to create desire 2. failure to be perceived as an expert 4. adopt correct attitude 5. know your ultimate conditions

7. Facilitating Change 1. Stages of Change 1. 2. 3. 4.

Defining and promoting the change Planning and implementing the change Engaging people in change Maintaining change

8. Behaviour Change 9. Cialdini’s Six Laws of Persuasion 1. introduction 2. the six law of persuasion, an overview 1. the law of reciprocity 2. the law of consistency 3. the law of liking 4. the law of scarcity 5. the law of authority 6. the law of social proof 3. Using the laws of persuasion 4. Ethical issues 5. Summary 10. Personal Influence: Preparation

2. INTERPERSONAL AND COMMUNICATION SKILLS 1. The Johari Window 2. The ladder of inference 3. Inquiry vs. Advocacy 4. Building and Rebuilding Trust 5. Reacting Skills 6. Political Savvy 7. Team Building 8. Delegation 9. Emotional Intelligence 10. Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy 10. Success Strategies

3. LEADERSHIP 1. Leadership characteristics 2. The five levels of leadership (John Maxwell) 3. The ten leadership principles (adapted from John Maxwell) 4. The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership (John Maxwell) 5. The sources of power (French and Raven) 6. Use and effectiveness of influence strategies (Kipnis, Schmidt and Wilkinson) 7. Seven habits of highly effective people (Stephen Covey) 1 Paradigms and principles 2 Seven Habits, overview 3 Habit 1: Be pro-active 4 Habit 2: Begin with the end in mind 5 Habit 3: Put first things first 6 Paradigms of interdependence 7 Habit 4: Think win / win 8 Habit 5: Seek first to understand, than to be understood 9 Habit 6: Synergize 10 Habit 7: Sharpen the saw 8. Leadership Styles 9. LMX relationships (Dulebon, Bommer, Brouer and Ferris) 10. How to incorporate leadership into your own life?

1. Influencing Skills Understanding the power of influence to get what you want

1. INFLUENCING & NEGOTIATING SKILLS Understanding the power of influence in getting what you want from others Overview It is now widely recognized that, in most situations, authoritarian ways of managing people do not work. Instead of getting people to do what we want, the authoritarian approaches of "I know best" and "I'm in charge" end up causing antagonism, anger and a job not done. In place of dictating skills, people who want to work with others use influencing skills. These skills use non-forceful techniques to work with people rather than against them. As a result, relationships improve, people feel valued and the job gets done.

Aims of this Course By the end of this course, you will be able to... -

define "influence" name 5 factors that lead to success in influencing suggest 5 influencing skills give 3 ways to increase your credibility suggest 5 ways to appear more authoritative

The Topics 1. What is Influence? 2. Why Influence Matters 3. The Wind and the Sun 4. Where Influence Works 5. Influence and Motivation 6. We Are Easily Influenced 7. Conscious Influence 8. First, Build Rapport 9. Matching Techniques 10. Key elements in successful influencing. 11. Factors in Influencing 12. Where You Start From 13. Liking

14. 15. 16. 17. 18. 19. 19. 21. 22. 23.

Their Intelligence Meeting Their Needs Different Needs Your Credibility Your Arguments An Appeal From Aristotle Tactical Influencing Make It Acceptable Your Authority An Influencing Script

Key Points

1. What is Influence? - The word "influence" comes from the Latin "in" meaning "in" and "fluere": "to flow". - Influence = the power to produce an effect, often unobtrusively (Oxford English Dictionary) - "Influence is the ability to affect others' thoughts, feelings and actions - seen only in its effects - without exertion of force or formal authority." (Elaina Zucker) - "Influence is the process by which one person modifies the attitudes and behaviour of another person. Power is the means by which he or she does it." - “Influence is getting people to do something or to think or behave in a certain way” (US Department of Homeland Security – FEMA) - Organisations are fine weaves of influencing patterns where individuals seek to get others to think or act in certain ways."

The two types of influence Positional Influence Positional influence results from a designated position that is responsible for guiding others. Positional influence is when a person is elected or appointed to a position such as a mayor, or manager. The best uses of positional influence are when there are strict rules and established procedures, when automatic compliance is required, to recognize and strengthen good performance and to deal with performance or conduct issues. The downside of positional influence is that it generally results in compliance, not commitment: people do what you want to because you’re the boss. Personal or interpersonal Influence Unlike positional influence, (inter)personal influence is based on trust, support and collaboration and has to be developed or earned. You build (inter)personal influence as you build relationships and gain knowledge and experience in your job, demonstrating your own qualities and skills, such as: - building trust and reliability through talking the walk and walking the talk, honest communication, respect one another’s knowledge, skills and abilities, maintain confidentiality. - good listening, communication and reacting skills: active listening, paraphrasing and reflecting feelings, effective balancing of inquiry and advocacy, effective speaking and interviewing skills, distinguishing between emotion and content. - attending and encouraging - a sense of humour - facilitating change: being able to communicate change effectively - exert your personal influence to achieve your goals (Inter)personal skills results in commitment to the task or purpose: people decide that they want to work with you to get the job done. The best uses of (inter)personal influence is when you have no direct authority over others, when a “buy-in” is required, when creativity and to-way information sharing is required, with professionals who expect tot be treated with respect and to work collaboratively, for team-building, for responding to change.

Core elements of personal influence Personal influence involves three core elements: “I”, “You” and “We”. Each element reflects on attitude. When you adopt these attitudes, you tend to act in a way that contributes to effective personal influence. “I” This element reflects the attitude: “I am a trustworthy ally”. It involves taking actions that demonstrate your personal reliability, competence and commitment. People learn about you from what you say and how you act. They determine whether you are trustworthy based on your actions and will notice quickly if your actions do not correspond with your words. Examples of actions that can destroy your credibility include: criticizing people behind their back, passing the buck and repeating confidential information to others. “You” This element reflects the attitude: “You are a valuable resource”. It involves showing the other person that you value a working relationship with them. Examples include asking for their opinions and ideas and showing appreciation for their contributions. “We” This element reflects the attitude: “We can accomplish this together”. The “I” and “You” elements together allow you to build an influence relationship. After you’ve done that, you can use the relationship to work together to solve problems and accomplish your goals.

2. Why Influence Matters Influencing others is a vitally important and relevant skill for our times. This is because... · people are less inclined than in the past to accept naked shows of organisational power. You may think you have succeeded when you impose your will on others but you may only have sent resentment underground. · there is a greater recognition today that to get anyone to do what we want requires more than simple threats and bribes. We need to be more subtle and responsive to others' needs. · organisations recognize that brute force and conflict are usually counter-productive and wasteful of time and energy.

3. The Wind and the Sun The following fable is told by Aesop: The North wind and the sun were having an argument as to which was the more powerful and, not being able to agree, decided to put it to the test. They spied a traveller and decided that whoever was the first to remove the traveller's coat would be the winner. The North wind tried first. He blew a strong cold blast, but the more he blew, the more the traveller held his coat tight around him. The sun's turn came. He began to shine on the traveller with all his warmth until the traveller grew faint and, unable to bear it any longer, took off his coat and retreated to the coolness of a nearby wood. Thus the sun was the winner. Moral: Influence is greater than force.

4. Where Influence Works You can choose to use influencing skills across a wide range of workplace issues... - to get something you want that is in the possession of others or controlled by them without recourse to force or threats or manipulation - to encourage people to change their habits, views, opinions, decisions, plans, actions, lifestyles - to affect the way someone feels about you or others - to help in facilitating a team of which you are either leader or member - to improve workplace relationships - to have a say in the way a person in a position of higher authority makes a decision that affects you - to have an involvement in decisions in areas where you have no direct line authority.

5. Influence and Motivation Influencing skills are of crucial importance to those who manage others because they are an alternative and more effective way to motivate people. force Force as a motivation tool invariably works when you want someone to do something but results in demotivated people who plot revenge. Persuasion Persuasion as a motivating tool can be very effective. Persuasion makes use of strong logical arguments to get someone to do something. One of the chief drawbacks to using persuasion is that, if people can be persuaded one way, they can just as easily be persuaded another way by another equally powerful argument. influence Influence works better than either force or persuasion. Unlike force, it doesn't alienate people. Unlike persuasion, it allows people the freedom to make up their own minds.

6. We Are Easily Influenced In 1979, White and Mitchell carried out an experiment to show how easily we are influenced. They put together two teams of undergraduates who were employed to do some stock work for one of their professors. In each team there was a "plant": in one team a positive plant who throughout the job was primed to make positive comments such as "this is interesting work"; and in the other team a negative plant, primed to make comments such as "this is boring work". At the end of the job, both teams were questioned. The team with the positive plant scored much higher on satisfaction ratings than the team with the negative plant, thus showing that the plants in the teams had managed to influence the way the rest of the team thought about the job.

7. Conscious Influence While the vast majority of influencing happens without influencer or influencee noticing it, influencing only becomes a practical skill when it is practised consciously. David McClelland of Harvard University discovered in his research that there are four key elements in successful influencing. These are: 1. you must know what end result you want to achieve 2. you must tune in to other people's wavelengths 3. you must have self-confidence 4. you must have a desire for authority over others. McClelland then found that given these factors an influencer can select from three strategies. He can simply tell someone what to do; he can influence others by the use of interpersonal skills; or he can work symbolically by setting an example which others then copy.

8. First, Build Rapport Establishing rapport with someone else is an important pre-condition to any attempt to influence them. If you are wanting to influence a stranger, for example someone smoking in your train compartment, it is essential. There are 3 keys to building rapport: 1. notice what is going on in the other person. You don't have to be a psychologist to do this, but you can observe from what the other person is doing what their likely mood, thoughts and emotions are. You can also listen in an empathic way 2. see things from the other person's point of view, whether you personally share this view or not. This is known as "shifting perspective". 3. match their movements, mood and thoughts to establish a pattern of liking and harmony. You are then on each others' wavelength and can begin to influence them.

9. Matching Techniques Matching is a powerful rapport-building technique. It is based on the principle that when others are like us, we like them more, find them less threatening and are prepared to trust them enough to be influenced by them. Matching is related to mimicking and mirroring but is distinctly different. Mimicking copies another person's gestures and expressions without any attempt to empathise with them. Similarly, mirroring is an artificial and obvious form of copying someone else. Matching, on the other hand, seeks to get inside the way another person feels and thinks. It is a genuine attempt to understand their frame of reference. So, if they see things in a short-term frame of reference, matching attempts to see things the same way. Matching can extend to ideas, moods, values and even belief systems.

10. Key Elements in Successful Influencing There are four key elements involved in successful influencing: 1. Set Clear Goals 2. Build Rapport :

- be empathic (know what’s going on inside of others) - put yourself in their place - match movements, moods, values and thoughts

3. Be confident 4. Choose a strategy :

- tell others what to do - set example - influence others by the use of interpersonal skills

11. Factors in Influencing There are seven different factors involved in influencing others. While you may be successful with only one or two of these factors present, the chances are greater when all these factors are present. 1. Where you start from. If the other person is diametrically opposed to your point of view, influencing them to change their view will be very difficult. 2. their intelligence level 3. whether the changes you propose meet the other person's needs 4. your credibility 5. your arguments 6. whether you create the right conditions to encourage others to be influenced 7. how authoritative you are.

12. Where You Start From Whether you succeed in influencing someone to change their view - say, to yours or someone you are lobbying for - depends on where they are at the start of your attempts to influence them. There are five key stages on the spectrum. 1. diametrically opposite your point of view 2. more against your point of view than in favour of it 3. neutral 4. more for your point of view than against it 5. in agreement with your point of view. The best you can usually hope for is to move people by two notches on the scale. So you would be succeeding if you managed to influence someone to move from diametrically opposite your point of view to a neutral position or from neutral to total agreement with you.

13. Liking The link between influencing someone and liking them is well-established: Dale Carnegie wrote a best-selling book exploring this link called "How to win friends and influence people". You can't, of course, force people to like you; but one of the surest ways to get others to like you is to make up your mind to unconditionally like them first. You will also find others start to like you if you concentrate on the things you have in common rather than the things that make you different. Liking, or sociability, was found to be a key influencing skill by Kipnis. In his research he found that the seven most important influencing skills were: -

liking, assertiveness, forming coalitions, using reason, using authority, bargaining threatening sanctions.

14. Their Intelligence Research has found that people at the higher and lower ends of the Intelligence Quotient (IQ) scale are harder to influence than those in the middle. The reason for this may be that those at the lower end of the IQ scale are less likely to understand strong arguments or be aware of the need for personal change. Equally, it may be hard to influence those at the upper end of the IQ scale because these are likely to be people who have worked things out for themselves. They may not be intellectually ready to accept that they should change their minds by someone else. If you need to influence people with closed minds, you may need to abandon the use of rational arguments and rely on another approach such as the needs approach.

15. Meeting Their Needs We all rely on others to satisfy our needs, whether they are basic physical needs, social needs, needs of recognition or love and emotional needs. If you can put your finger on what others' psychological needs are, you can help them meet those needs, and thereby influence their thinking and feeling. This is the basis of traditional approaches to motivation at work in which we supply money, security, recognition and so on to meet people's needs. It is important to recognise that meeting others' needs can work benevolently or malevolently. Malevolent influence - in which you influence others manipulatively, against their own interests or to immoral and illegal ends - does not form any part of honest ways of managing others.

16. Different Needs You can influence others by finding out how people see things and what they need from any situation. 1. If you know someone likes to be needed, (guardian), say "Can you help me with this, Elaine...?" 2. If you know someone likes to be liked, (guardian, idealist), say "You were great with those customers, Mark. I have a similar problem I'd like your help on..." 3. If you know someone likes to feel special, (idealist), say "You usually have an interesting angle, Ali. What do you think about this...?" 4. If you know someone likes to think things out, (rationalist), say "I don't understand what that means. What do you think, Maureen?" 5. If you know someone likes to be certain of things, (guardian), say "How can we make sure of this, Sheila?" 6. If you know someone likes to be doing things rather than discussing them, (artisan), say "What do we need to do?" Basically, what most people want to know is: - Do you care for me? - Can you help me? - Can I trust you? Often it will be a good idea to begin asking: How can I help? What can I do for you? Or to show admiration by asking for a favour.

17. Your Credibility Getting others to believe in you is what is meant by your credibility rating. When your credibility rating is high, you are likely to have more success in influencing others. There are seven ways to increase your credibility: · have a good track record of influencing others positively · get people to believe in what you say · put together a good case · tailor your arguments to each person · use more than one argument · convince people that you would use force if you had to · do what you promise to do. "To please people is a great step towards persuading them." (Philip Dormer Stanhope, 1694 - 1774)

18. Your Arguments Presenting a good case, tailoring it to those you want to influence and being flexible means having plenty of Push and Pull arguments. Push arguments use reason, logic and weight of argument. They are the kind of arguments inexperienced influencers use for most of the time. Pull arguments use empathy, feeling and attempts to understand what others need and want. They are used more frequently by experienced influencers. You can adapt your arguments to suit your audience. An audience of male managers only interested in the bottom line may be predominantly interested in your push arguments, while an audience of female front-line customer staff may be more interested in your pull arguments. Remember: 1. show, don’t tell 2. you don’t push rope, you pull it!

19. An Appeal From Aristotle Aristotle, one of ancient Greece’s greatest minds, identified 3 appeals which were used by speakers of his time. He called them: ethos, logos and pathos. Ethos appeals are based on ethics and reputation. This could include endorsements from key people, building credibility, or citing expert testimony. Ethos is Greek for “character”. Logos appeals are based on logic, and include statistics, facts and evidence. Pathos appeals are based on emotion. This could range from fear of something you don’t want to happen to hope for something you do want to happen. Using all three kinds of appeals together will boost your persuasive power.

20. Tactical Influencing An Influencing Strategy works best when used with six tactical conditions: 1. A raising of the awareness of the need for change. This uses the stealth approach by influencing people gradually over a period of time until they can see no alternative to your views. 2. A repetition of your arguments although not so much that you frighten people off. 3. A creating of uncertainty in people’s minds. When most people begin to have doubts, they seek some kind of authoritative opinion to restore their mental balance. 4. Suggesting action which does not commit people and allows them a way out if they don’t like it. 5. A sense of urgency that, unless people make up their minds soon, an important opportunity will be missed. 6. Show passion and enthusiasm

21. Make It Acceptable In her book, "The Change Masters", Rosabeth Moss Kanter argues that if you want others to accept a change, you must use certain tactics to make the change appear more acceptable. So, when you present an idea, make it sound... -

triable: for example, we'll run a pilot first reversible: then they can go back to the old way if they don't like it. divisible: if they don't like one aspect, we can ditch that and keep the rest. concrete: tell them how it affects the bottom line. familiar: explain the change in terms they understand. congruent: set proposals that fit in with what is already happening. sexy: make it attractive, fashionable, exciting to the powers-that-be and highprofile.

22. Your Authority An appearance of authority always aids the influencing process. Power negotiations are one example where you need to let the other side know you have authority. Another example is when a customer has a complaint and demands to see someone "in authority". To appear authoritative... 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8.

Have plenty of ideas and information to draw on. Claim territory; play at home; look relaxed and in charge. Speak slowly and deliberately. Only change your mind for your reasons and not theirs. Avoid overt threats; punishing others is a sign of fear. Be proactive not reactive. Get more information than you give. Don't take too many notes. If you need to. Do so out of sight of the other side.

23. An Influencing Script John wanted the team to accept new working arrangements. Although he knew he had the power to make them accept the changes, he wanted to take them with him so he decided on a plan of influencing. First, he listened to their views. He found to his surprise that some of the team weren't so far away from his views but there were areas they were worried about. During the meetings he introduced a note of uncertainty about the division's future. Over the next few weeks, John mentioned the new arrangements at every opportunity. He used a range of arguments in favour of the plan and emphasised how they would meet the team's needs. John avoided any direct confrontation with the team, worked on appearing calm and in control and let them know he was totally committed to the plan himself. In time, every one of them took up the scheme with enthusiasm.

Key Points - Influencing works where force and persuasion don't. - When we are in a position to influence others, we can simply tell them what to do, use our interpersonal skills or simply set them an example. - Establishing rapport with others is a necessary pre-condition to influencing them. - Where you both start from determines how likely you will be to change another person's viewpoint. - It is easier to influence those with average IQ's than those at the extremes. - Malevolent influencing does not form any part of genuine ways of managing others.

The Quizzes Fill in the Blanks Options are: malevolent, pull, mind, like, diametrically, case, facilitating. 1. If you moved someone with a ______________ opposite view to neutral, you would be successfully influencing. 2. Influencing people manipulatively is ___________. 3. To make someone's _____ up, you can point to the urgency of a decision. 4. Influencing others is a key skill in ___________ teamwork. 5. You can extend your influence over others if you get them to ____ you. 6. Using statistics, facts and ____ studies are examples of push arguments.

True or False Decide whether the following statements are true or false. 1. All real influence is non-manipulative and happens without people noticing it. (True) 2. Your credibility as an influencer depends on whether your case is right or not. (False) 3. Forcing people to change their minds about something makes them less convinced than if they changed it themselves. (True) 4. How successful you are in influencing someone depends on their starting point. (True) 5. It is much harder to influence someone with a high IQ than someone with a low IQ. (False) 6. Push arguments are always more effective than pull ones. (False) 7. The more times you repeat your case, the more convincing you become. (False)

Multiple Choice 1 Which of the following is not one of the keys to successful influencing? self-confidence an ability to tune in to others clear sight of your goal a readiness to use force Multiple Choice 2 Which of the following is least likely to influence someone to change their mind? having a good case setting an example using interpersonal skills telling them you're right Multiple Choice 3 Which of the following influencing tactics is least likely to get someone to change? giving them no way out creating urgency creating uncertainty creating a need for change Multiple Choice 4 Which of the following ways to present an idea is is least likely to succeed? Give them a way out Provide a benefit Make it fashionable Imply it is a major change

Multiple Choice 5 Which of the following is least likely to make you look in command? speaking deliberately having lots of ideas being proactive using overt threats

Review of Aims Define "influence" Influencing is the ability to affect others' thoughts, feelings and actions without the use of force. Name 5 factors that lead to success in influencing Five factors that determine the success of influencing are: the IQ of the other person, their needs, your arguments, your credibility, and your confidence. Suggest 5 influencing skills Five skills that lead to effective influencing are: the ability to like others, assertiveness, using reason, bargaining, and self-confidence. Give 3 ways to increase your credibility You can increase your credibility by: putting a good case, using more than one argument, and doing what you promised. Suggest 5 ways to appear more authoritative You appear more authoritative when you speak slowly, avoid threats, look relaxed, have plenty of ideas, and take the initiative.

Resource: “Become a better manager, trainer, and learner with free online management training materials, products and resources.” (Eric Garner) “Leadership and influence”, FEMA (Federal Emergency Management Agency), US Department of Homeland Security – Independent Study Program

2. Influencing Skills Many of the situations we tend to worry about aren’t directly under our control, however, for instance how our friends and partners treat us, whether or not we receive promotions or contracts, or how much help we get from others. Problems with situations like this can often come up in our minds as should statements, such as “I shouldn’t have to do this without help!” or “I deserved that raise!” or “It’s not fair that it’s raining the weekend we were supposed to go camping!” (A note: “should statements” don’t necessarily contain the word “should”. A should statement is any thought or declaration declaring a need for someone or something else to do or not do something.) Should statements are a common example of a broken idea, a type of thinking that creates unnecessary trouble. To regard situations where we have influence only and not control in a healthy and constructive way, it’s important to come to terms with the possibility that things may not turn out the way we want them to.

Direct influence Situations where we have influence come in two flavors: direct influence and indirect influence. Direct influence means that we can take specific steps to try to get the thing done. For instance, a person who wants a raise can usually go to his or her boss and request one, and someone who wants to be treated better by another person can confront that person.

Indirect influence Indirect influence means that we can only take actions that encourage the results we want, but can’t control them or even push for a decision. Some examples of indirect influence are practicing more in order to have a better chance of winning a talent contest or writing letters to a representative to encourage a particular vote.

Influencing the boss … One of the principles of working successfully with your boss is to make sure that you don't outshine him or her. This is simple boss-subordinate psychology: you are there to find solutions and your boss is there to take the credit. Understanding this key aspect of the relationship is the secret to both of you getting on. That means that when you want your boss to do something you care about, you must find subtle ways to put your case. One of the most important techniques of doing this is Indirect Influence and here is a story that shows you how to do it.

The Prince's Gift The Prince of Chi was at war with the Prince of Chu. He decided he needed the support of a neighbouring prince and so asked his son-in-law, Chun-Yu, to go and plead on his behalf. Chun-Yu asked what gift he was to take and his father-in-law gave him the derisory amount of a hundred pounds of silver. Chun-Yu knew that this would be insulting to the neighbour and, not wishing to insult his father-in-law, he began to chuckle. "Why are you laughing?" asked his father-in-law. "Well, this morning, I saw a farmer sacrificing a pig's foot and a single cup of wine and asking the gods for an abundant crop, a full garden and bursting barns and I couldn't help thinking that a man who asked so much should offer so little." The Prince of Chi at once saw the point and increased the value of his gift.

Indirect Influence: 7 Techniques What Chun-Yu in this story knew was that approaching his father-in-law directly would amount to disagreeing with him, criticising his choice, and setting himself up in opposition to him. When power is with the other person, none of these approaches is likely to succeed. So here are 7 other techniques to use to indirectly influence your boss. 1. What if?: a "What if...?" question is a hypothetical way of gently suggesting your solution to a problem. "What if we computerised...? 2. 2nd person quote: by talking about your solution as if it were happening to someone else, your boss will relate the story to his or her own situation. "I know Accounts had the same problem and used consultants..." 3. softeners: softeners put proposals in ways that give the boss room to think..."Do you think it might help if...? "I wonder whether...? "Maybe..." 4. visual metaphor: the visual metaphor helps the boss to see things in a different way. "This problem's like untangling spaghetti..." 5. repeated "yes": several repeated "yeses" from the boss put them in a favourable frame of mind for your solution. "We do need more business, don't we?" "We need more revenue, wouldn't you agree?" "A computer would be more efficient, wouldn't it?" 6. presupposition: a presupposition gets your boss to mentally accept your solution. "What software would we need for a computer like this?"

7. modest diffidence: modest diffidence is a way to put forward a view to your boss without arguing it with certainty, eg "If I'm not mistaken..."; "I'm fairly sure it will work...".

Don't Outshine the Master Indirect Influence is good management and good common sense. It allows you to put your ideas across in a way that is acceptable to the other person. As Baltasar Gracian said, "Avoid outshining the master. The superiority of a subject over his prince is not only stupid, it is fatal. This is a lesson that the stars in the sky teach us. They may be related to the sun and just as brilliant, but they never appear in her company." Resource:

3. Linguistic tools for influencing Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) was created in the 1970s by two US Academics – Richard Bandler & John Grinder – as a method of personal change and communication. In this chapter, we will examine a series of methods that will help you to: • Direct a conversation without dominating it • Influence how others see a situation • Persuade others to come to your point of view These techniques are subtle, but they are effective when they are used with intention and with skill. 1. Reframing Reframing is the process of making a shift in the nature of a problem. It is the process of changing a negative statement into a positive one by changing the “frame” or reference used to interpret the experience. If all meaning is context dependent, and if you change the context or content, then you will also change the meaning. All content is re-framable simply by changing the structure, the process, or the context. You can use this knowledge to help reframe how the other person sees a situation as well. By doing so, you can set the stage for persuading them to come to agreement with you. The basis of reframing is to separate intention from behavior and consequence so that you can then draw a correlation between them as part of your persuasive argument. Intention is the opposite of consequence. It is how you precede an action or behavior and consequence is what happens at the end of the action. Consequences can be either positive or negative. In order to reframe something, you have several options. You can: • Redefine the words • Change the time frame • Explore the consequences • Change the chunk size • Find a counter-example • Ask for evidence • Appeal to the positive intention behind the belief • Change the context so that the relationship doesn’t apply in the same way

Here is an example. As you read this text, imagine that you have had the following thought: “Learning Influencing and Persuasion Skills is hard” Redefine the words: • You don’t have to learn them, you only need to become familiar with them. • Learning them isn’t hard, it just takes a little more effort. Change the time frame: • The quicker you do it, the easier it will see. • You have plenty of time to practice and become more comfortable with them. Explore the consequences: • Unless you try it, you will never know how easy it can be. •If you don’t learn them, you won’t be as effective in your job as you could be. Change the chunk size: • Chunk up: “is learning hard in general?” • Chunk down: “how hard is it to learn one specific skill?” Find a counter example: • Has there ever been a time when you found learning………easy? • Have you ever had an experience where you thought something was hard at first, but you eventually got the hang of it? Ask for evidence: • How do you know that? • Why do you feel it is hard? Appeal to the positive intention behind the belief: • I can tell you want to learn these thoroughly. • I know how much you want to improve your influencing and persuasion skills. Change the context so that the relationship does not apply in the same way: • How hard it is for you to learn depends upon who is teaching • You learned to speak Japanese – now that was hard!


Using someone’s name

Addressing someone by their name is a way to establish rapport because it signals a level of connection, it can make them feel special, and it can subtly remind them that your message is directed to them. However, to use it effectively, you need to be sure of several things: Using someone’s name establishes a level of connection when it is used correctly and appropriately. Be sure you know how they want to be addressed. If a woman you are speaking to prefers Ms. Jones to Miss Jones and you use the latter, you will be irritating her rather than building rapport. Don’t move to first names until either they have called you by your first name or you ask them if it’s OK to call them by it. Once you’re on a first-name basis, be sure you use the correct version of their name. Is it Robert, Rob, or Bob? Find out so you don’t cause barriers to building rapport with this technique. Don’t overuse it. Saying someone’s name is an effective way to draw attention to a specific point. But if you use it in every other sentence, you’re going to become obvious. There is a delicate balance to how frequently you use their name, so take care not to abuse it. 3. Mind reading With this tool, you indicate with your word choice that you know what the other person is thinking. If you are accurate, you’ve strengthened your rapport and you can manage an objection to what you are proposing to them before it is voiced. You can use language to persuade someone that they really do feel the way you are suggesting. With this technique you us language to persuade someone that they feel the way you are suggesting. Examples: o

I know you believe this might be difficult, but it will be worth it.

o I understand that you are concerned about the outcome, but your careful preparation will ensure success. o Many people feel, as you do, that it’s important to demonstrate integrity in our work and product. 4. Lost Performative In this case, you are stating a value judgment that omits identifying the person who is doing the judging. This makes it a neutral, easy to agree with statement. It is called the lost performative because there is no indication of the source of the information. You are actually increasing your ability to control the conversation without taking and misinterpreting the other person’s point of view. In this technique you make a neutral, easy to agree with statement with no indication of the source of the information.

Examples: o

It’s a fact that people like people who are like themselves.


It’s good to know that the economy is getting better.

5. Cause and effect relationships This helps you put across a message when you want the other person to see the effect of what you are talking about. For example: o

Seeing you come in late makes me feel you don’t care


Coaching will help you learn many skills


Attending this meeting will create changes

6. Presuppostion A presupposition is something that you haven’t stated but that is assumed to be present or true for your statement to be understood. For example: o When we’ve finished your appraisal, you’ll feel confident about the next six months (we are presupposing that the confidence will come or that we will do something that will leave them feeling confident – all we have to do is finish the appraisal). o As the economy picks up, we will see profits improve (we are presupposing that the economy will pick up eventually). 7. Universal beliefs A statement of something as a universal belief implies that there is no exception to what you are saying. You can use universal beliefs to get the person in the habit of agreeing with you. Examples might be: o

Everyone wants to be happy at work


If you remain positive, you’ll see better results

8. Tag questions This tool gets the other person to think about what you said and then answer it in their mind. Since we can think about five times faster than we can talk, this can work well in persuasion and influencing. o

As we take more action, our market share goes up, doesn’t it?


By listening more closely, you’ve learned much more, haven’t you?

9. Embedded commands These are exactly what they sound like – a command in your language without actually commanding someone to do something. These words speak to the subconscious and form part of a larger context, like: o So, looking at your priorities makes you feel better now? (Embedded command is ‘feel better now.’) o It’s good you’ve decided to get that report finished by 2pm. (Embedded command is that you’ve decided – finish it by 2pm)

4. Powerful Persuasion Techniques “They who influence the thoughts of their times, influence all the times that follow. They have made their impression on eternity.” Influence and the psychology of persuasion. Whether you are writing an advertisement, an email to a friend, an inter-office memo, hoping to change a family member’s actions, or trying to convince a group of people to come over to your way of thinking, you need to know the methods top persuaders use to change people’s thinking and get them to take action. Here is a collection of the most persuasive techniques used by politicians, advertising copywriters, spin-doctors, propaganda writers, lawyers…anybody who has to change an individual’s mind–or groups of people’s minds–quickly. A person could use these techniques to get people to do things they wouldn’t ordinarily do, change their beliefs, get them to change their minds, get them to take action. I’ll give some short examples for each technique in an advertisement using the fictitious Special-J Dog Food. I’ve tried to sum up each technique with a sentence or two, but you could expand each one into a few sentences or paragraphs. That would make the techniques you are using much more powerful. 1. Appeal to Identity Who a person is and how they see themselves is an incredibly important influence tool, maybe the most important of them all. If you can tie in what you want with what their identity would do in a similar situation, you’d have a very good chance of getting him or her to do it. As a matter of fact, if you’re convincing enough, you would cause inner conflict that would compel them to act in the way you want. Of course people have more than one identity. They combine with their roles in life and how they see themselves. Many of these are fairly universal: being a good parent, a good friend, a good manager, being interesting, honest, etc. Another use of the Appeal to Their Identity is the use of Labels. What positive label could you put on the person(s) you are writing to? Here are some frames you can use for labelling someone: * You’re a natural _______. (“You’re a natural entrepreneur.”) * You’re not the type of person who _______. (“You’re not the type of person who would lie .” The label here? Honest.) * One thing I really like about you is _______. (“One thing I really like about you is your open-mindedness.“) * Unlike other ______, you’re ________. (“Unlike other managers, you’re generous.“)

The above frames are very useful in buttering a person up before asking them to do something for you. You would use one of the above frames and then make a request that would cause a conflict with the label you gave them. So, if I used the, “Unlike other managers, you’re generous, ” I would then, later on, ask for a raise or a loan of some sort. Here are a couple of examples I might use when selling to dog owners: • Pet parents always serve their dogs Special-J Dog Food. • Caring pet owners feed their dogs Special-J Dog Food. While you’re writing, ask yourself, “Who is this person?” Who does she think she is?” “What roles are important to him?” “What positive, complimentary label can I apply to him or her?” 2. Use Their Hierarchy of Values. This technique can tie into the one above. People place a value on practically everything. And that includes time, goods, ideas, people, etc. But they do have priorities. They will compare the characteristics of one thing to another to determine which one is more valuable to them, especially if they have to make a choice. How can you tie in what you’re offering with one or more of their highest values? Some of the fairly universal values (at least here in the west) are these: love, health, attractiveness, security, safety of family, pleasure, impressing others, happiness. Think of something fairly expensive you bought recently. Why did you buy it? What value(s) of yours made it appeal to you? What would have stopped you from buying it? What would have had to happen for you to pay twice the money for it? Whatever your answers to these questions, they show the values you applied to your purchase. An example: • What’s more important to you, saving a few bucks or your dog’s health? Questions to ask yourself while writing: “What’s important to this person?” “How can I make my offer just as valuable?” 3. Invoke Emotions. As any professional advertising copywriter knows, you sell something by getting the prospective customers’ emotions involved. Propagandists and spin-doctors know this too. Positive emotions like hope, anticipation, love, and negative emotions like anger, loneliness, disgust can spur people into action. You also need to use emotionally charged words that add impact to your writing. Try to pull out bland words and head to a thesaurus to find words that have a punch. An example: • Show the love for your dog that he or she shows you.

Ask yourself, “What emotions do I want to invoke, and how can I do it?” 4. Motivate Why should they do what you ask them? What’s in it for your reader? What do they get? What’s the incentive? What are the major benefits of doing what you are asking them to do? Make big promises. Promises you can keep if you don’t want major fallout later. A great way to get your readers motivated is to use a list of benefits, just pile on all the great benefits of what you are offering or what they will get when they do what you are asking. Here’s an example: • When you feed your dog Special-J Dog Food, you’ll notice your dog will : * Be more content and happier * Sleep better * Have a shinier, healthier coat * Be less likely to get sick * Recover from injuries faster * Have cleaner breath While writing, ask yourself, “How can I motivate my reader(s) to act now? How can I light a fire under them? What are all the benefits they will get if they act?” 5. Show the Consequences. How will your readers lose out by not doing what you suggest? Paint a word picture for them. What pain will they experience if they don’t do as you ask. This doesn’t mean make threats. That will set up resistance. Just tell them some of the negatives of not doing what you want, choosing an alternative to what you are offering…or doing nothing. An example: • Many dog foods are not nutritionally balanced, especially imported dog food. The last thing you need is for your dog to get sick, start losing his or her hair, becoming listless, just because you have been serving your dog canned food that isn’t as healthy. An important point when using this technique is to NOT dwell on the negatives for too long. People are exposed to negative news all day long. If you spend too much time on the consequences, you might lose them. Keep it short. Ask yourself, “How will they lose out if they don’t act now?” “What pain will they experience if they don’t do as I ask.?” 6. Ask Questions. When you ask lots of questions of your readers, you get them involved. And once they are involved, you can lead them where you want them to go. One old time use of questions in sales and copywriting is to ask several questions in a row that get the prospective customer to say “Yes”. This will, more often than not, get them into a positive mood and more receptive to your request.

Another good way to use questions in your writing is to make suggestions rather than orders. “Why not order now while you are still on this website,: instead of just using “Order now!!”. Questions are an ideal way to insert embedded commands. Some examples: • How do you know your dog is getting the proper nutrition he/she deserves? • Why not treat your dog to Special-J Dog Food today? When writing try to put in a few questions to get your readers involved. 7. Reframe Possible Objections. What would stop someone from doing what you want them to do? What possible anxiety could they feel about doing what you ask? Write down all they could possibly reject about your offer or request. Then take your list of possible objections and reframe them. Put a spin on them or change their perspective. Example: • Special-J Dog Food contains micro-capsules to release nutrients into your dog’s body all throughout the day, keeping her immune system running at peak levels, lessening the chance she will get sick. (THE POSSIBLE OBJECTION IS: “All dog food is the same.”) What you DON’T want to do is ignore any possible objections. By not bringing them up, you risk looking like you’re hiding something, or you are making your offer sound too good to be true by leaving those objections out. Ask yourself, “What would stop this person from doing what I want?” “How can I put a more positive spin on this objection? “”What else could this mean?” “What’s not apparent to them?” 8. Use Quotes. Authority and Social Proof are incredibly convincing ways to persuade. Just by quoting an expert or a celebrity (in the form of quotations), or satisfied customers (in the form of testimonials) you ramp up the persuasive content of your writing quite a few notches. Another benefit of using quotes in your writing is that they attract the eye when put inside quotation marks. Example: • “Nine out of ten veterinarians feed their dogs Special-J Dog Food.” • “My dogs love Special-J Dog Food. They’re healthier, happier, and look great!” ~ Marlin Perkins When writing your piece, ask yourself where you can find quotes and testimonials that will support your case.

9. Employ Metaphors. The use of metaphor (and analogies and similes) have been used to influence, persuade, educate, and convince for thousands of years. Most of the Bible and other religious books are written in metaphor. It’s another powerful technique. How is what you want them to do like something they love to do? What are the parallels between the two? If you are selling a product, how is your product like something else very desirable? The classic advertising positioning statement “ABC is the Rolls-Royce of printer inks” uses metaphor for this effect. Here are some examples: • Special-J Dog Food is like an immunity booster shot for your dog. • It’s the canine Fountain of Youth! Ask yourself, “What is my offer like?” 10. Compliment and Flatter. If you can pull it off, make your reader feel special. This technique might be a bit transparent when writing to cold audiences (people you don’t know), but if you know them or you know the type of people they are (like a certain car owner), you should compliment them, especially if you have something negative to tell them. If you can’t think of anything nice to tell your reader (C’mon!), you can always do what Joe Gerard (Guinness Book of Records’ World’s Greatest Salesman used to do: mail them cards that said “I like you!” inside. He swore that this technique worked miracles. It also ties in quite well with Technique 1 (“Appeal to Their Identity”). Ask yourself, “What do I appreciate about this person?” “What do I like about this person?” “How can I compliment them with sounding like a brown-nose?” 11. Show No Gray Area. Point out to your readers that there really isn’t any choice in what you have to offer. They have only a very positive outcome if they do as you say or a very negative one if they don’t. Which one are you going to choose? You can (or will) do/have/be (POSITIVE), or (NEGATIVE). An example of this technique: • You can give your dog nutritious, balanced meals, or you can take him to the vet every month. When you are writing your piece, ask yourself how your readers don’t have a choice. It’s only black or white.

12. Belong to a Special Group. Because of our tribal nature, we almost always seek out people who are similar to us. Veterans, collectors, artists, even people who have the same illnesses are all groups that come together in rapport. There are a few variations on this technique that you can use alone or in combination: a) people who already belong to a special, desirable group b) people who don’t belong to a special group…BUT WANT TO b) having a mutual enemy c) getting on the bandwagon or being left out Each one would require a different approach. Here are some examples using each of the variations above: a) To all you pit bull owners out there…. b) Here’s how you can become a pit bull terrier lover too… c) The State wants to take your pit bull away! d) If you own a pit bull terrier, this is your last chance to join Pit Bull Owners of America. “A sharply defined enemy is a far stronger argument for your side than all the words you could possibly put together.” ~ Robert Greene Of course this technique works well with Technique 1 (“Appeal to Their Identity”) because when you are part of a group, it’s also a party or your identity or a role you take on. When using this, ask yourself, “What groups of people does my offer appeal to? What are their interests and desires? What group of people would my target want to belong to?” “Can I start a desirable group of my own?” 13. Have Them Make a Commitment. When people make a commitment to an idea, they tend to find it very difficult to change their minds without creating conflict or anxiety (called, Cognitive Dissonance). This is a little more difficult to do in one-way writing (say an advertisement or a sales letter), but it can be done. For an advertisement, You would first ask your readers a question where they would most likely say yes. Then you’d continue with your writing. Finally, you’d remind them of what they said yes to. For example: • Do you love your dog? (THEN I’D CONTINUE WITH THE BODY COPY OF THE AD.) Earlier in this article (letter/ad), I asked you if you loved your dog. What better way to show your love for her by giving her a delicious and nutritious meal...

For a more personal correspondence, say an email, online chatting, or a letter, you could ask one of these questions: • I thought you said you were…., “I thought you said you were a Conservative. That’s not what a Conservative would say.” • Didn’t you say you…, “Didn’t you say you loved animals? Why would you eat meat…” • Don’t you think (UNDESIRABLE TRAIT or TYPE OF PERSON) is (NEGATIVE LABEL)? IF THEY AGREE…LATER FOLLOW UP. YOU: Don’t you think being a cheapskate is a horrible? HE: Yeah, sure. …LATER… YOU: Hey, can I borrow twenty bucks? When writing your piece, find out how you can get your reader to make a commitment, even a small one: donating a little money, trying something, even saying “yes” to something, etc. 14. Change their life. Most people are unhappy with their lives…or at least a some aspect of it. Many of them want change. But they don’t know how to change, or if they do, they are too afraid or lazy to do so. How can what you are offering change your target’s life for the better? Your offer must do more than change lives though, it has to change lives with the least amount of effort. What many people are looking for is the Magic Pill. Something where they wake up and their lives are magically different. • As you know, your dog’s life affects your whole family. You, your spouse, especially your kids are affected by the health of your beloved dog. Your offer can probably change your readers’ lives for the better someway, somehow. How? 15. Overcome Inertia. The first rule here is to simplify the steps they need to take. Don’t go into too much detail as to what they have to do. Narrow their choices or options down. It’s been proven that people won’t take action if they have too many choices available to them. It also helps to show them the consequences of not acting now (See Technique 5 “Show Them the Consequences”). Top persuaders often create urgency by telling their readers how scarce their offer has become. You can use a time deadline, a limited quantity, a limited supply of a freebie/bonus/premium, or a soon-to-arrive price increase to get your readers off their butts.

Some examples: • Get a 25% discount of Special-J Dog Food before November 10th. • Receive a bottle of Special-J Puppy Shampoo with every case of Special-J Dog Food. But please hurry, we only have 53 bottles left. Ask, “How can I increase the urgency of my offer?” “How can I add a deadline?” 16. Add Presuppositions. These are compelling ways to put thoughts into people’s heads without even verbalizing the thought. Here’s a quick way to incorporate presuppositions into your writing: Use questions. This requires a little more thought than Technique 6 (“Ask Questions”) presented above. Just think of what you want your readers to believe about your offer or product. Then put it into a question form. Some examples: • Do you know of any other dog food that makes your dog healthier than Special-J Dog Food? (NOTE: Whether they answer yes or no, by answering the question they imply that Special-J Dog Food will make their dog healthy.) • How are you going to handle your dog’s newfound vitality and playfulness? When writing, ask yourself how you are going to imply your claims. 17. Use Rhetorical Questions to Make Claims. This one is used a lot by the mass media. Why? Because it lets claims slip into readers’ minds without resistance. If I say, “XYZ tablets let you lose weight while you sleep,” you probably won’t really believe it; you’ve heard claims like this all the time. But if I ask, “How has XYZ tablets helped thousands of people across the USA lose weight while they sleep?“, it has a better chance of being accepted without resistance. Take a claim that you want to make, and try out different types of questions to frame it in. Example: • How does Special-J Dog Food help your dog live a longer, healthier life? When you are writing, ask yourself, “How can I put some of my claims into question form?” There you have seventeen ways to influence and persuade…. …When working on your project, keep sentences fairly short. One mistake I see quite often in ads and other forms of persuasive writing is sentences that are too long. The longer your sentences, the more difficult they are too read, and the more likely they will be ignored. You can mix and match these techniques depending on your project. The US military’s Psychological Operations (PSY-OPS) has had a lot of success with leaflet

drops over enemy territory. They are often quite small in size and need to get the job done quickly. They tend to use Technique 3 (“Invoke Emotions”), Technique 4 (“Motivate Your Reader”), and Technique 5 (“Show Them the Consequences”). For something like a billboard, demonstration placards, or bumper stickers, you could use Technique 6 (“Ask Questions”) or Technique 9 (“Employ Metaphor”). You now have a ton of power in your hands. You’ve turned your pen (or keyboard) into a formidable weapon. Please use this power ethically. I don’t know if you’ve already begun to notice how great you feel because of this power. Thanks for reading this post. Clearly, you are an incredibly intelligent person. And I like you, I really do. “It takes tremendous discipline to control the influence, the power you have over other people’s lives.” ~ Clint Eastwood

Resources: by L O U ( H T T P : / / B L O G . N L P - T E C H N I Q U E S . C O M / 2 0 1 0 / 0 6 / 1 7 - O F - T H E WORLDS-MOST-POWERFUL-WRITTEN-PERSUASION-TECHNIQUES/) Influencing and persuasion skills Sales and Selling – Training and Techniques. Rank’s Intensify / Downplay Schema. Persuasion Techniques. Communication Skills Articles, various. MTD Training Academy. Advanced Communication Skills.

5. Framework Theories for Applying Persuasion and Influence Techniques You’ve learned a great deal at this point about building rapport and have gotten some insight into how the words you choose can help to persuade someone. But how do you know how to apply those tools? To answer this question, we’ll look at some theories posed on how persuasion works. Yes, you have some tools now to help you influence and persuade others, but this information will give you a ramework for how you can apply them.

1/ Rank’s Intensify and Downplay Model In this model, Henry Rank describes a model of persuasion using two opposite strategies: intensification and downplay. This means that when you are in a situation where you are attempting to persuade someone else, you use the two strategies to highlight certain aspects of the conversation and to downplay other aspects of the conversation.

1. Intensify When you intensify something, you draw attention to it by making it more significant. You use three tools to intensify something: repetition, association and composition. You will recognize these concepts from commercials and other marketing campaigns because they are effective at getting you to hear a message and purchase their product. If you think about it, you are doing the same thing when you are attempting to persuade someone, only your product is an idea or a decision. Repetition When you repeat something multiple times, it is more likely that the other person will remember it, which can help them to be influenced by it. Plus, when you repeat something enough, the listener is more likely to accept that thought or statement as true. You see this in commercials when an advertisement repeats a word over and over again. New, improved, bargain, or other descriptors are commonly repeated in hopes that you will remember the statement. Association In this technique, you draw a connection for the listener between your concept and another idea with which they are already emotionally connected. You can use negative or positive emotions in this technique. For example, you can persuade someone to keep a job by associating the loss of a job with the loss of their home and their family’s comfort. You can persuade someone to accept a delegated task by associating it with a sense of pride in accomplishment or by letting them know you are choosing them because you associate them with intelligence and prudent thought. You see this in commercials when the ‘beautiful people’ are using the product and smiling brightly, or when the guy who uses the product gets the girl. The advertiser is trying to draw an association between their product and the emotional experience of the people being portrayed.

Composition This strategy uses the structure of your argument to compare the outcome being portrayed against an outcome that is less desirable. You are basically making your option look or sound better by contrasting it with another possible outcome. In advertisements, you can think of ‘before and after’ commercials or someone who is unhappy before a product and happy afterwards. There can be a strong emotional tug here as well.

2. Downplay On the other side of the intensify coin, you have downplaying. It is the opposite strategy from intensification. Here the goal is to distract from certain aspects of the situation. The methods you use to downplay a fact or statement are the opposite of the ones you would use to intensify them. In this situation, you would use diversion, omission, or confusion. Diversion This is a basic distraction technique. You simply divert the person’s attention to something by drawing their attention to another feature or characteristic of your argument. For example, if you are trying to convince your boss to let you work from home, he or she might zone in on the fact that they wouldn’t be able to supervise you directly. Instead of letting the conversation dwell on that issue, you could divert their attention to the fact that you would be more productive without distractions, which in the long run will save the company money and will make your boss look good when you are getting things done faster. Omission This is exactly what it sounds like; you simply do not say anything about a topic that you think might sway the other person from your point of view. However, you need to be careful when you use this tactic because in a work scenario, you may be required to use full disclosure. Or, if you omit information when you work with a customer and it is information that they discover after the fact, if they consider it important information they will not appreciate the fact that you omitted the information in the first place. However, if you can safely leave certain information out of a conversation that you think would dissuade the other party, you can choose to do so. It might be something that you can address after you have already gained agreement, at which point the item may no longer have as much importance. Confusion Although this is not the most noble of persuasion tactics, it is effective. If you can establish yourself as the expert with the complex or highly scientific information, you may override the other person’s position simply because they are not able to deliver their position with the same amount of detail. If you know the topic you are discussing inside and out and the other party does not, you will be at an advantage because you will be able to show a depth of knowledge that makes it seem as if because you know more you must also know better.

2/ Monroe’s Motivated Sequence of Persuasion Steps In the 1930s, John Monroe developed a series of steps that he believed were the keys to persuading another individual. The steps are: • Attention • Need • Satisfaction • Visualization • Action

1. Attention To get someone to listen to your argument, you need to get their attention. You have about five seconds when talking to someone to engage their attention before they will lose focus. You Can do this in several ways. • Use their name with a tone that conveys urgency or importance • Use emotion to demonstrate your position – smile, frown, be exasperated – whatever emotion conveys the strength of your position • Physically touch them if you have the level of rapport where this is appropriate. Put your hand on their forearm or shoulder to draw their attention. • Bring up a topic that you know they are passionate about and segue into your argument – but be sure there is a valid connection so you don’t seem to be changing the topic too quickly • Start with a statement that conveys the benefit of your position for the other person 2. Need Once you have the other person’s attention, work to keep it. You can lose their attention as quickly as you have it if the other person doesn’t see the need to continue listening. To keep the other person’s attention, you have to be familiar with what is important to them. What do they want? What do they value? Why should they care about your side of the argument? Once you can answer these questions, you are ready to ‘hook’ the listener by focusing on what they care about. 3. Satisfaction In this step, you describe to the listener how your position will meet the need you addressed in the previous step. Will your solution solve their problem? Will it prevent them from having to deal with additional problems? In other words, what benefits will the listener receive if they are persuaded by your argument. Or what negative consequences will they avoid? 4. Visualization Visualization means that you can create a picture for the listener of what the situation will look like once they have been persuaded to accept your position or agree to your decision. Help them do this by describing what the world will be like ‘after’ they agree with you. For example, use language like: • Imagine what it will be like when you no longer have to…

• Can you see how this would reduce your work load (solve your problem, increase your profits, etc.) • Picture yourself leaving work on time once we make this change (or some other way their life will improve once they agree with you) 5. Action Once you sense that you are approaching agreement, you need to cement it by suggesting the next step or action that will put your solution in motion. Don’t wait – act as soon as you can so that the other person is not left stewing and thinking things over more (and perhaps changing their mind).

3/ The Integrity Principle When you are persuading or influencing another, you are assuming a position of leadership. However, you won’t be perceived as a leader unless you exhibit the trait of integrity. Integrity can be defined simply as being true to your word, being authentic in your actions and speech, and demonstrating the kind of behavior that you expect others to have. In other words, don’t ask others to trust or believe in you or your solution if you haven’t demonstrated that you are trustworthy. Integrity is something that you have to practice continually. It takes effort to honor your word every time and to be the example you want from others even when you are under stress or simply have a personality conflict. But the benefits you can gain from developing integrity are enormous when compared to the damage you can do in the workplace – and to your ability to persuade others - if you lack it. Think for a moment about characteristics of people who have tried to persuade you that you didn’t like. What, specifically, were the attitudes, behaviors, or traits of that person that has you still thinking of them in a negative light? Probably you would list things like favoring certain people, not coming through on promises he or she made, gossiping, taking credit for another person’s work, or treating you disrespectfully. All of these issues can be traced to a lack of integrity.

So how do you practice integrity? There are three key areas that you can concentrate on developing. As you read each description, ask yourself how you would feel someone trying to convince you of something did not possess these key characteristics. 1. Sincerity Also called authenticity, people with this facet of integrity: • Do not put up a false front • Accept responsibility for their commitments and strive to meet them • Are honest about their own limitations • Accept responsibility for their mistakes • Tell the truth

2. Consistency You can demonstrate this facet of integrity by: • Treating people equally as much as possible • Following through on promises • Working as hard or harder than is expected • Having the same expectations or rules for yourself as you have for others 3. Substance Substance refers to integrity becoming a part of who you are being in all your work relationships by: • Keeping private information private • Not gossiping or complaining about team members to other team members • Doing what’s best for the team and not just yourself • Giving credit where credit is due • Caring about the development of your employees if you are a supervisor • Making it a priority to maintain clear communication and resolve any conflicts

If you have read this information and realized that you have not always acted with integrity in the workplace, you are certainly not alone. But going forward, you can now recognize that integrity can be built one action at a time. As you get more practiced at it, you will find that it becomes a habit. And once you start seeing the results that come from practicing integrity, you will want to keep going.

Resources: by L O U ( H T T P : / / B L O G . N L P - T E C H N I Q U E S . C O M / 2 0 1 0 / 0 6 / 1 7 - O F - T H E WORLDS-MOST-POWERFUL-WRITTEN-PERSUASION-TECHNIQUES/) Influencing and persuasion skills Sales and Selling – Training and Techniques. Rank’s Intensify / Downplay Schema. Persuasion Techniques. Communication Skills Articles, various. MTD Training Academy. Advanced Communication Skills.

6. Influence and Persuasion in Sales 1. Establishing a Basis for Persuasion in Sales Although the information shared to this point can certainly be used in sales, there are a few additional points that are specific to a sales relationship. Before you can persuade a customer to choose you or your company, you need to establish a basis for doing so. You can do this by following these steps: 1. Demonstrate Your Understanding Putting yourself in your customer’s shoes lets you look at the scenarios they are facing and helps you to concentrate on finding the best solution for their scenarios. When you work with your customer, the interaction is not about you – it’s about them. Ask questions that demonstrate you are well-informed about their business their needs, and how your organization can help them to be more successful in their own business. 2. Generate a Friendly, Responsive Environment Don’t underestimate the impact of being friendly and responsive. Your attitude in working with the customer, meeting their needs, and handling their requests says a great deal about you and your organization to the customer. Plus, your responsiveness – how quickly you respond to their objection and how well you meet their expectations – will be an important decision point for any customer in whether or not they will be persuaded to use your company. One good rule of thumb is to under-promise and over-deliver for your customers. You’ll be demonstrating an exceptional level of customer service that they will want to experience again in the future. 3. Provide Evidence and More Evidence You need to be able to demonstrate to your customer that you, your organization, and your product or service are the best choice for the customer. Be able to explain precisely how your offering will benefit the customer in ways that the competition cannot. Give the customer testimonials from other customers and show them before and after scenarios that prove how your product or service has made a difference for other customers and how it can do the same for them. No matter what you do, be sure that anything you share is fully verifiable. 4. Demonstrate Your Expertise Who would you be more apt to buy from – someone who knows the basics about your industry or someone who you see as an expert in your field? As you work with the customer, demonstrate that you understand what you are presenting to them. Share information that shows you understand their field, the upcoming trends, and the challenges people in that industry are facing. You’ll instill confidence in the customer to choose your product or service over the next provider.

2. Persuasion during negotiation 1. Uncover the root of the objection Start by asking some questions that will help uncover the root of the objection. The exact questions you use will vary depending on what the client says, but some possible examples include: • What is your main concern with this point? • Why does that particular concern worry you? • If your concern were handled, what would the result look like? • What is your main priority in considering this offer? • What information do you still need? • What would the ideal offer for your situation include? • What are the main factors you will consider in choosing your provider? Notice that these are all open-ended questions. They give the prospect the opportunity to talk so that you can learn more information as well. 2. Next, Redirect the prospect to focusing on the benefits of your product Some examples of these types of questions include: • We’ve talked about the fact that you have a challenge with ________. What would it be worth to your organization if that challenge were resolved? • How would it help you to be more competitive if you didn’t have to deal with the problems caused by _______________ anymore? • What value can you see in eliminating __________ from your daily workload? If you find that the prospect is not willing to give you more information, you might need to examine other possible reasons for their objection. 3. Possible reasons of failure to close the deal 1. Failure to Create Desire All sales require that your client has a desire to own your product or use your service. If you haven’t yet created that desire, you will face objections and not make the sale no matter how persuasive you think you are being. This idea comes from the sales method known as AIDA, an acronym which stands for: • Attention • Interest • Desire • Action This is very similar to Monroe’s Motivated Sequence Model that we discussed in Chapter Six. The point is that if you haven’t created the desire for your services, you will not persuade the customer that they need your services. Why would they buy something that they don’t want? You will need to go back and establish desire by demonstrating the benefits your offering will provide to the customer. If you do this well enough, you won’t have to do any more persuading – the customer will already want what you are offering.

2. Failure to Be Perceived as an Expert Another common reason underlying objections is that your customer doesn’t yet see you as a partner in their business. At the very least, they should see you as a source of expert information and assistance when they need it. If they don’t see you that way yet, you will need to work at reinforcing their perception of you as a benefit to their organization in order to persuade them to complete the sale. You can do this by taking some simple steps like: • Sending customers information from industry publications or other sources that are related to their business • Keeping informed about any regulatory changes to their business • Following your customers in the news so that you know what their challenges are and what they might need in the future • Creating a network of contacts so that if your customer needs something you don’t provide, you have a specific person that you can refer them to • Continuing to receive training on developments of the products that your company offers, as well as any products that your competition is offering • Attending conferences that are related to your industry and sharing what you learn with your customers Once you are perceived as an expert in the customer’s field, you will find that objections become much rarer. The customer will come to you asking for advice and suggestions rather than you having to go to the customer and ‘sell’ to them.

4. Adopt the Correct Attitude Your mind needs to be in the right place when you enter into negotiations. Otherwise, you will simply not be as persuasive as you could be. You don’t want your emotions to get in the way of your ability to interact with the other party and you want to be prepared to continue providing the best quality service you can for the customer. Here are some tips for ensuring you have the right attitude: • Be confident in yourself, your organization, and the value that your product or service provides • Remember that objections to your proposal are not objections against you personally • Remain calm in order to keep thinking clearly and responding well • Be patient because not everyone thinks at the same pace or in the same way • Remind yourself that the goal is to find a solution and agreement that provides value to both parties

5. Know Your Ultimate Conditions We know a few things about customers by now. We know that they are likely to try to get the lowest price and most favorable conditions possible. We know that they can have unrealistic expectations or unreasonable demands. But we also know that there is a point during the negotiations at which they are willing to walk away from the table and go to the competition instead. You need to know the same information about your own position.

At what point will you decide that persuasion and influence is not possible, and that you would be better served pursuing another customer? What are the requirements that an agreement must include in order for you to take it? What are the points on which you are willing to make concessions and the points on which you are not? If you don’t know this going into the negotiations, you could waste time arguing points that are not critical for you. This might take more than your own input to determine, so if you are negotiating as a team, be sure to schedule a meeting to discuss this ahead of time.

Resources: by L O U ( H T T P : / / B L O G . N L P - T E C H N I Q U E S . C O M / 2 0 1 0 / 0 6 / 1 7 - O F - T H E WORLDS-MOST-POWERFUL-WRITTEN-PERSUASION-TECHNIQUES/) Influencing and persuasion skills Sales and Selling – Training and Techniques. Rank’s Intensify / Downplay Schema. Persuasion Techniques. Communication Skills Articles, various. MTD Training Academy. Advanced Communication Skills.

7. Facilitating Change Most organizations have been facing wave after wave of significant change that will only increase in volume, speed, and intensity in the future. With all of the change going on, the cost of failed change has become high for organizations. There is an equally high “human toll” from failed change because the first casualty is loss of trust. Compound that loss with the emergency management goal of protecting life and property in the face of disasters, and the potential loss is great indeed. Of crucial importance is not what change happens, but how change happens. A study for managing change in the government singled out leadership as the most critical factor in the successful implementation of change. Clearly, organizations that are most successful are those that:  Have learned how to respond to changes that impact them.  Have leaders who know how to plan for and implement change well.  Attend to people’s reactions and feelings associated with the change. It is helpful to understand the stages of any change process and what is needed for each to make the process successful. The stages we will discuss are:    

Defining and Promoting the Change Planning and Implementing the Change Maintaining the Change Engaging People in the Change

1. The Stages of Change 1. Defining and promoting the change To successfully lead change, certain characteristics are required: 1. Being trustworthy, reliable and influential 2. Initiating change, but not micromanaging or controlling it 3. Listening to and advocating for both organizational and individual needs 4. Communicating that opportunities are available in the change 5. Maintain public visibility and accessibility during the process. Communicating Change All people involved need to understand 1. What the change is 2. Why it is necessary 3. What it means to them and the organization 4. Why the change needs to happen NOW Key questions are: 1. What problem are we addressing with this change 2. What opportunity are we trying to capitalize on 3. What will the organization look like in the future

4. Where will the individual fit in? 5. What will happen exactly? (Step by step plan, training, resources) The rule of six: Communicate new information six times in six different ways

2. Planning and implementing the change 1. 2. 3. 4.

Defining actions and tasks that need to take place to advance the change Assigning responsibilities for these actions and tasks Creating a timeline for the change process Dealing with potential problems that may arise along the way, including staff resistance 5. Defining a means of assessing progress 6. Monitoring the impact of the change on staff and the organization 7. Developing a feedback loop that can provide information to fine tune the change process as it develops Critical tools that will be needed for this include:

1. Clearly defined policies 2. Action and communication plans 3. Resources, such as staff training and communication channels.

3. Engaging the people in the process This is largely about maintaining relationships with people during the change process. This includes: 1. Including staff and those with expertise or technical capacity with key administrative and organizational authority in order to ensure successful adoption by the largest number of staff.

2. Asking for feedback during the process, accepting a wide range of responses to the change. 3. Listening to staff concerns and effectively and sincerely responding to staff feedback, needs and requests; providing staff what they need – both physical and mental, to support the change.

4. Maintaining change 1. Continually engaging those whose support of the process is critical. 2. Continued attention to communication and feedback 3. Providing what is needed

5. Change: understanding the emotional circle What do you do with what happens to you? And if you're managing, how do you bring other people through major changes productively? It always helps to have a model - especially a visual one - to make sense of what doesn't make sense at the moment. Let’s have a look at the stages of transition through which we all travel and the emotional responses associated with those. These apply to both personal and organizational changes. Why? Because organizational changes are always personal. Sometimes it's just plain comforting to know that what you are The challenge is: Understanding where you are, what you can't control, and identifying and acting on what you can control.

K端bler Ross in some more detail: 1. Organizational Stability: I'm not sure when I last saw long-term stability in large organizations. But for the sake of our learning, let's assume that things are moving along pretty well. People are content with what they are doing and how they are doing it. Life is good.

2. The Change: Something new happens that causes disequilibrium. There are two normal responses: 1. The ever-popular Denial. This comes in the form of shock, confusion and suspicion. "This isn't really happening." 2. Anger & Seeking Justice. "Let's get and punish the weasel responsible for this!" Please note: It is happening and you will not punish the weasel--assuming that there is one. Talking with friends and associates feels good and is even cathartic for a little while. Getting stuck here will give you cardiac arrest or get you arrested. So why not just let go and move to the next step?

3. Depression, Fatigue. I know, it was more fun being angry. But you will wear yourself out shadow-boxing with unseen villains. And the ones you can see have made up their minds that things are going to be different. So it's time to move on. By the way: "Depression" is often defined as "anger turned inward." So it's a natural progression to go from 2 to 3. However, it's self-defeating to stay there. 4. "Let's Make A Deal": Bargaining. When things aren't going our way, we try to make tradeoffs and salvage at least something from our sense of loss. Anything that will help get us out of the current situation. This is a coping mechanism, not a resting place.

5. Acceptance. "OK," you say, "I'm cautiously optimistic and will invest a little in the new situation and see how it goes." or Opt Out. It's perfectly normal to assess a new situation and decide "This isn't for me". 6. Mastery. If one accepts the new thing, then a new sense of optimism, patience, commitment, and productivity returns.

Remember: These phases are not a Straight-Line evolution. The path isn’t linear! We're talking people. Individuals who, with individual constitutions and make-up, move along at different rates of speed. We all bounce around trying to make sense of things. When we finally accept that things actually are the way they are (reality), then we begin to work things through in a healthy, productive way.

Management Action If we're managing people through a change, what does support really look like?

When the personal/group emotions seem to be in Denial... Restate the change goal and the reasons for changing. Be positive but not an apologist. What people really need is to see things as they are. Your job is to be clear about reality. Don't make excuses, give honest context. Excuses are an excuse in and of themselves - to disavow one's own responsibility in the effort.

When you see Anger and Justice Seeking (let's get 'em!)... Listen, then paraphrase for understanding. That is, make sure that you understand what they are really saying and feeling; and let people know that they are, in fact, heard. Listen for real. I've gotta emphasize this one. Too many of us are street-smart from too many active listening workshops. Faking empathy is easy. Being believed isn't - unless we are acting in a truthful way. Ask people what they want to do to move on. Help people get into an active mode. And help them realize that, while you are there to help, moving on is their responsibility.

When you realize people are Fatigued or even Depressed... Prevent "ain't it awful " sessions while acknowledging the validity of how they feel. Be quick to tell people when they are doing the right things. Discourage rash statements or behavior. Allow that, while it might seem a satisfying exercise, it will hurt them - and their colleagues and family. Focus on short-term, focused tasks where people can get a sense of success. And another. And another. Even if a large project is mandatory, take time to break it into chunks. Let's face it: none of us needs one more thing to make us feel overwhelmed if we're already feeling overwhelmed. If someone truly exhibits verbal or behavioral tendencies that are abnormal, don't ignore it. Name it, ask what the person is doing about it, and wait to hear a substantive answer. If you don't get one, talk with HR or your employee assistance program rep about what to do next if you don't already know. Note: In 30+ years of business and business consulting, I've never seen anyone commit a violent or hurtful act during a large-scale change. It does happen. I have, though, often discovered instances of people taking their anger and depression home and causing great turmoil in their families - a cycle which impacts the workplace and the well-being of spouses and children. When people are confronted with a description of their observed rash behavior, they often drop their head - or smile - and say, "You're right. I'm glad somebody finally said something." Healthy people understand that being confronted with the truth is an act of caring. After one "bottoms out" and moves further along the curve toward meaningful action, other things happen:

Regardless of your official organizational role, try switching viewpoints along the way; think of yourself as a manager, then as an employee. I think you'll be moved by how quickly you begin to understand the challenges of each.

When the personal/group emotions look like "Let's Make A Deal" and people are Bargaining... Express certainty and conviction, but not arrogance. "I believe in this change." And revisit a few reasons why. Visibly move to execute your share of the change. When things are tentative, people are looking for an example. Be one. Be patient but persistent. Think of major changes as times when people lapse into a bit of adolescence. And for good reason: they aren't mature at what is happening! So persistence is important. It provides a "back door boundary" that continues to help people look ahead and not avoid the growth needed to move ahead to maturity.

When you see Acceptance... Celebrate using specific achievements related to the goals. By the way: this is the one thing that is ignored most. I don't know why. I've asked, and answers range from "they're getting paid to do this" to "we don't do celebration." The same people give their dogs treats when they finally decide to stop doing their business on the carpet. Go figure. Discuss and Document lessons learned. This is not only a chance to do just what it indicates; it's an opportunity for people to gain a group sense of accomplishment and even a sense of celebration.

Probe for opportunities. Once you've all reached this stage, the "how-to" ideas will be ripe.

When some choose to Opt Out... Listen to their reasons and acknowledge that they are valid. Ask what they want to do next. Help keep them focused on the fact that there is a life outside of your organization and that they can contribute. Tell them what you see as their strengths. Offer assistance in some meaningful way. Provide some degree of outplacement assistance knowing that not everyone would stay the course. The benefit to the company: enhanced reputation as a place where everyone is valued, even when their talents no longer fit the current circumstances. At this point, people are Moving On. Keep moving...the next change is just around the corner! Please Remember This: People who are wrestling with change aren't items to be "fixed". They're people who are being people. And Change invites Leadership. In the midst of disruption, we all want two things: Understanding and Direction. This is an opportunity to offer both. 1. The change curve above summarises typical reactions when you have change thrust or forced upon you 2. However, when change is owned and initiated by you it is a different kettle of fish (e.g. you will avoid the negative red emotions shown on the change curve and enjoy the green emotions and a great sense of achievement).

Therefore, the best way to manage change is to help create it. Change: No Closure Means Extra Exposure Closure is a must when it comes to change, because if it isn't permitted or encouraged at the right time, it will come back to haunt organizations at the wrong time. Unfinished business demands completion. People require completion. So make your choice: Do it the healthy way or the disruptive way. Either way, it will happen. Here's what I mean: The models presented in this article up to now are linear and show what appears to be a beginning and an end. Nice and neat. They do a good job of helping us intellectually grasp the emotional elements of change. Yet the truth is, our lives and business lives are filled with ongoing changes. The end of one thing breeds the beginning of another. And each major change brings with it a sense of loss of what represented stability. In business, we readily talk about sales cycles, business cycles, "going full circle", and "closing the loop". None of these is linear. So here's a diagnostic question: Do we practice what we preach? Most large-scale change models talk about "cementing" or "institutionalizing" the desired change. To do that, there needs to be an event or ceremony that acknowledges or even celebrates the past in order to let it go. Without such an

acknowledgment, the cement is nothing more than silly putty. The past and its related issues will bounce back when we least expect it. I'm not suggesting a global event of mass proportions for every change. I am encouraging organizations and the change agents within them to recognize the need of the human condition to reach legitimate closure in some way before moving on. And after all, "People Are Our Most Important Asset." That's what your Annual Report says. Resources: HR, Leadership, Learning, Organizational Effectiveness | Permalink by Steve Roesler, Principal & Founder of The Steve Roesler Group “Leadership and Influence” FEMA – US Department of Homeland Security Independent Study Program

Overcoming internal resistance to change: In many ways, the hallmark of a great leader is how well he or she manages change - Marketing by Robert A. Sevier People, and the organizations they create and inhabit, seldom welcome change. For the most part, they are resistant and reluctant, believing that there is great comfort in the familiar and greater security in the status qua. As a result, they tend to resist new ideas and new ways to think about old ideas. They suffer, as one wag reminded me, from hardening of the categories. Unfortunately, our present, and certainly our future, is all about change. In fact, there is a wonderful adage that describes the issue succinctly: The only constant is change. Ultimately, both individual and organizational success may well depend not on how well we resist change, but how well we embrace it. After all, at its most basic, leadership is all about managing change. It is about anticipating it; framing it in ways the organization understands; finding a path through it In many ways, the hallmark of a great leader is how well he or she manages change. But why are people so darn change-averse?

Change And Fear What is it about change that people in general--and faculty and staff in particular-most fear? Based on the work I have done with strategic planning and organizational change, it appears that members of the campus community are often concerned about: * Loss of power and prestige * Reallocation or loss of resources * Loss of autonomy * Intrusion into personal and professional domains * Changing definitions of success * Altered reward systems * Fear of technology * Fear of having to relearn Times of change are usually seen as times of angst (True to that tendency, Lily Tomlin once quipped, "Why walk boldly when I can be driven by leaf?") Now that we have a basic understanding of the reasons behind change resistance, let's look at a handful of strategies for overcoming internal resistance to change To do that, we need to first understand the physics of change.

The Physics of Change There is a saying among Newtonians that a body at rest will remain at rest unless acted upon by a (greater) outside force. In other words, if the pressure to change is not greater than the resistance to change, little will happen. Stasis has been achieved. Understanding and sometimes applying these outside forces is critical to understanding and bringing about change, especially transformational change.

These outside forces typically involve: - A major threat or pressure from the external environment. - An unanticipated opportunity, - An internal crisis or setback. These kinds of catalysts, either singularly or in tandem, can serve as the genesis for change.

7 Strategies to overcome Resistance Now that we understand both the fear and physics of change, let's take a look at seven strategies designed to help you overcome resistance to change. 1. Clarify the change "event." First and foremost, always clarify the change event. In other words, what's the itch? If you cannot clarify the specific threat or opportunity in real, concrete a terms, you can't advance. What's more, the change event must be identifiable not only to senior administrators, but also to the faculty and staff actually in the trenches. 2. Create a sense of urgency. Next, you must create a sense of urgency. A college or university might suffer declining enrollment for a number of years with little real concern. However, showing that this decline will affect faculty salaries or might cause a loss of accreditation is more likely to generate a sense that something must be done. To create a sense of urgency, key audiences must understand in real and concrete terms how the change event will affect them. Either show them how their lives will be diminished if the threat is not dealt with, or how their lives will be improved if the opportunity is accommodated. 3. Develop a course of action. Once you have identified a threat or opportunity, you must develop a course of action that is clear and simple. If it is not dear, people won't understand how it will deal with the issue. If it is not simple, people will get bogged down. As you think about your course of action, however, keep in mind two important fundamentals: First, a good response created and acted upon quickly is much better than a perfect response that takes forever to Formulate. Second, don't get too focused on a need for consensus. Consensus sounds great, and change-management literature is chock-full of strategies for achieving it. But the fact is, total consensus almost never occurs. So, rather than consensus, seek just enough consensus. Get enough people on board, especially the right people. Don't worry about the vocal 10 percent who seem to oppose your every move. Let their peers work on them; you work with the go percent who are willing to be led.

4. Establish a guiding coalition. While the vision for a change may originate with one person, the actual change process must be accomplished through a coalition of believers who, in response to a threat or opportunity, developed a unified response. This guiding coalition must be large enough to have an impact on the organization, but small enough to act in a truly coordinated fashion. Furthermore, this coalition must include major and minor players and be as cross-functional as possible, drawing from all segments of the campus. A coalition that includes people from Admissions, Advancement, and senior faculty will likely be more credible than a team comprising people only from Advancement. 5. Communicate your course of action widely. With the key elements in place, you must communicate your course of action widely and continually. Not only must people understand in general the institutional response, but they must understand specifically their role in the change process. What is the role that the people in Parking or the Registrar's office have in the change process? If they don't understand their role, they will not be wedded to the change event. Furthermore, they might unintentionally undermine what you are trying to accomplish. 6. Generate and celebrate near-term wins. While significant change is typically a long-term undertaking, people need to know immediately that their efforts are having some impact. This is much like the overweight person who decides to lose 50 pounds over the next year. After a week of struggling with a new food plan, a dieter wants to know that she's dropped a few pounds Without that near-term win, she'll become discouraged and drop out before the long haul. So, celebrate your near-term wins. If you decide to open an offcampus center for adult students, people on the main campus need to be aware that the center is successful and that adults are enrolling. And if you are smart, you'll also tell them how the revenue from that new center is going to help them in their day-to-day activities. 7. Anchor change in the organization. Change begins with people, but it is institutionalized through artfully developed policies and procedures, realistic budgets, measures of success, and ongoing training. You simply cannot ask people to change without giving them the tools to change. This support must be real, obvious, and given freely. At the same time, people who opt not to change must be dealt with or their recalcitrance will spread. One of the quickest ways to undermine change is to ignore people who will not embrace--and even sabotage--the change initiative. IN A NUTSHELL ... Educator and philosopher Clarke Kerr once wrote, "The major test of a modern company is how wisely and how quickly it is able to adjust to important new possibilities." Bottom Line? It's all about change.

COPYRIGHT 2003 Professional Media Group LLC - COPYRIGHT 2003 Gale Group

Models of Behaviour Change

8. Steps to behavior change: 5. 4. 3. 2. 1.

Advocacy Practice Intention Approval Knowledge Behavior change is a slow process by which individual’s progress through several stages. However, these are not stages of a linear process which individuals must go through when changing their behavior. Some individuals may experience all five stages but not necessarily in the same order. At times people change their behavior because of social pressure or the desire to conform to social norms, not because they have personally been convinced that

it is the right thing to do. After a period of practicing the new behavior, they may become convinced of its advantages and sustain the behavior. This encourages them to approve of the new behavior and to continue practicing it. It is also important to note that the steps of changing behavior are not linear; they can occur rapidly or take a long time. They do not follow any pattern. The behavior can go from knowledge to practice and then regress; or they indeed go from knowledge to approval, intention, and practice. It all depends on the individuals.

The following is the Steps to Behavior Change model: 1. Knowledge: One first learns about a new behavior.  Recalls information with him/herself  Understands what information means  Can identify source of information for getting more information and can name health products/services that can be used for his/her personal needs 2. Approval: One then approves of the new behavior.  Responds favorably to information  Discusses the information with personal network (family and friends)  Thinks family, friends and community approve of the behavior/message 3. Intention: Approves of the information Intention: One then believes this behavior is beneficial to them and intends to adopt it.  Recognizes that adopting the new behavior can meet a personal need  Reads / Learns more about the new behavior  Intends to practice the behavior at some time i.e. identify the time 4. Practice: One then practices the new behavior.  Goes to a provider for information / supplies / services  Chooses a coach if necessary  Continues the new behavior 5. Advocacy: One promotes the new behavior through their social networks as a satisfied user.  Experiences and acknowledges personal benefits of the behavior

9. Cialdini’s Six Laws of Persuasion How To Use the Six Laws of Persuasion during a Negotiation (Edrie Greer, Ph.D., Global Knowledge Instructor) 1-800-COURSES 1. Introduction To get what you want in life, in work, and in play, requires constant negotiation with a variety of people. This involves basic communication skills, such as active listening and attention to non-verbal cues, and a clear understanding of your goals, as well as the objectives of your negotiating partner(s). To be truly effective, however, you need to know more. You should be able to communicate persuasively during the process of negotiation. Many situations you’ll face as managers and employees will require you to effectively negotiate to a mutually beneficial (win-win) solution, including: 1. Responding to staff members’ requests for promotions, salary increases, and other employment perks (as well as negotiating your own) 2. Negotiating with vendors for their best possible products, services, and prices 3. Convincing your team to do what you would like them to do 4.Working with external and internal clients on contracts (such as Service Level Agreements) that provide the quality services and equipment they need but in a manner that allows you to use your resources optimally 5. Persuading supervisors to buy additional equipment, accept your budget proposals, try a new idea, etc. In order to be successful in these instances, you must master the persuasion process, which will enable you to deliberately create the attitude change and subsequent actions necessary for persuading others to your way of thinking. In other words, you have to be able to “sell” your ideas in order to make changes in your favor and, in a win-win situation, provide the other side with a fair deal. This entails a process that can appeal to the intellect using logical and objective criteria, as well as a methodology that positively engages the emotions of the negotiators. The result of a successful negotiation is that all parties should believe they got a good deal.

2. The Six Laws of Persuasion: an Overview Persuasion is the ability to influence people’s thoughts and actions through specific strategies. To become adept at this skill, you must first understand some basic principles, called the Laws of Persuasion. These six laws by themselves are neither good nor bad, but describe how most people respond to certain circumstances. Psychologist Robert Cialdini wrote the seminal book on the Laws of Persuasion, titled Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion, in which he discusses the prevalent methods of marketing. Even though you may not wish to believe it, a great deal of psychological research indicates that human beings are quite predictable in terms of behavior in response to certain stimuli, such as ads. This is why marketing and advertising are highly successful enterprises—by and large, consumers respond to most ads and commercials by buying the products and services they promote. By understanding persuasion laws, you can control how much others unduly influence you, as well as how to use them to your benefit during negotiations. The laws work because they provide shortcuts to making the countless decisions people face every day as they look for information to reduce the complexity of life. If you can apply these laws in specific situations to your benefit, then your influence over others increases significantly. Some of the best masters of the art of persuasion in negotiation are highly successful salespeople who do their best not only to make the sale, but also to meet the needs of their buyers. Here are Cialdini’s Six Laws of Persuasion:

1. Law of Reciprocity Human beings, in general, try to repay in kind what another person has provided to them. If someone gives you something you want (or perhaps didn’t “realize” you wanted), then you will wish to reciprocate because you now feel obligated. Examples of this Law include the address labels you receive in the mail from various non-profits requesting charitable contributions. Even though they are a minor, unsolicited “gift,” sending them has increased contributions for non-profits manyfold, because people feel compelled to “return the favor.” Giving free samples to potential customers is another way in which this Law is used by successful salespeople.

2. Law of Commitment and Consistency People like to be (or at least appear to be) consistent in their thoughts, feelings, and actions. Once they have made a stand, they tend to stick to it and behave in ways that justify their earlier decisions, even if they are erroneous. If you make a commitment to a cause or product, however small, it then becomes easier to be convinced to increase it. This is especially true if the commitment changes your view of yourself in a favourable way. This is why salespersons attempt to get customers to agree with them multiple times. After saying “yes” so often, it is almost impossible to say “no” when it comes time for the close or direct request for the sale.

3. Law of Liking When you like someone, or believe that they are “just like you,” you are more inclined to want to please them and, therefore, purchase whatever they are selling. This is how successful salespeople operate; they establish rapport by demonstrating how similar they are to their potential buyers. For example, they note that they are from a comparable background as you, or even better, they are people you know— your friends. As for those in-home sales parties, the kicker comes when your neighbors provide the testimonials for the product. You don’t want to disappoint them by not purchasing, do you?

4. Law of Scarcity If you are not sure you want to buy something, the minute it becomes “the last one available” you tend to have second thoughts. After all, this must indicate that others are purchasing it, and you might not be able to get another one quickly, or at all, if you decide you want it later. So you take the bait to buy a popular item that others won’t be able to get. At least that’s what you think.

5. Law of Authority This is the law that uses celebrity endorsements or “expert” testimonials. When people you admire promote a product or service, if it’s good enough for them, then it’s good enough for you. And if you use it, then you might even develop similar characteristics to your heroes, such as good looks, wealth, or fame. That’s what the advertisers are counting on.

6. Law of Social Proof Why have TV sitcoms used canned laugh tracks for years? Producers wouldn’t employ them unless they actually are successful in eliciting audience laughter and, subsequently, higher ratings. Part of the reason you laugh along anyway in spite of your annoyance lies in how you decide what is socially “correct” behavior. If you don’t know exactly what to do, you rely on others around you (or the virtual TV audience) to help you find the way to properly react. You think if others are engaging in a specific behavior, it must be the proper thing to do. Hence, you laugh in spite of yourself, or if you’re told that “everyone is buying this product or service,” even without evidence, you may think you’re missing out if you don’t comply or conform and get it for yourself.

3. Using the Laws of Persuasion As mentioned, in any negotiation, all parties should arrive at a conclusion that makes them feel like they got a good deal, especially if an on-going relationship is involved. (Note: a “good deal” is not always the same for everyone; negotiators often have different criteria by which they judge the success of their bargaining outcomes.) Often when dealing with “tough” or “hard” negotiators, you encounter manipulative tactics that use the preceding Laws of Persuasion. So how do you successfully negotiate around these ploys?

First, you can discuss the rules of the game. When you recognize that the other side is using one or more of the Laws of Persuasion, you can either directly note it, or simply steer the conversation to a more objective solution. And for the ultimate in law prevention, you can set preconditions ahead of time that will preclude such strategies by using only logical principles as a standard process in the negotiation.

Negotiation strategies using the Six Laws of Persuasion include the following: 1. Law of Reciprocity Limited disclosure/confession of the real reason for a negotiation stance, such as “this is all the money we have,” can provoke a concession from the other party. (This is often seen in salary/promotion negotiations.) Concessions in general follow this “tit-for-tat” rule (the lower the “value” of the concession on your part, of course, the better). You can also use this law to appeal to fairness. For example, if the other party manipulates the physical environment by requiring that your team sits facing the sun, at the next meeting they should reciprocate. 2. Law of Commitment and Consistency An example of this tactic would be using a series of questions to conduct the stepby-step close. Dale Carnegie, in How to Win Friends and Influence People, called this, “Get the other person saying ‘yes, yes’ immediately.” This occurs when one party asks the other side to make a number of “small” decisions that lead to only one obvious conclusion: to accept the general concession. You could employ this principle by asking a potential client if she values quality in your product or service. Of course the only answer would be “yes.” Then you could follow with a question that begs the obvious: “We’d love to provide you with this product/service, but if we don’t get the resources we need from you (i. e. sufficient money) and quality suffers as a result, would you still want it?” How can the prospect say “yes” to poor quality? This tactic makes it easier for you to ask for additional funds. You might also see an example of this ploy when lowballing (intentional last-minute additions to what was originally a low price) occurs. Unscrupulous vendors might attempt to make you psychologically “invest” in a product that you initially believe costs less. 3. Law of Liking This law is often seen in the strategy of “good cop, bad cop,” where one person in the other negotiating party is clearly opposed to your objectives, but it appears that another of their team members is “on your side.” This causes you to identify with and trust the “good” team member, so you may find yourself agreeing to the other team’s concessions and goals instead of your own. You can see this in situations where a salesperson “battles” their supervisor to get you a “better” deal (of course this was the result they wanted in the first place). You might also apply this law to establish rapport up front when you are negotiating with your own superiors or teams.

4. Law of Scarcity The more time you spend with a salesperson, the more commitment he or she has to make the deal. If you are under no time pressure and the other side is, you have the upper hand.

5. Law of Authority Vendors often quote vague authorities to sell their wares, “Experts say our product is the best.“ But who are these experts? What are their qualifications to make these claims? Do they have a vested interest in selling the company’s products or services? In addition, use this Law to establish your own credentials/credibility early in the negotiation. 6. Law of Social Proof This law works when you draw on testimonials from satisfied customers or clients (unscripted ones are best) to encourage new prospects to buy your services and products. The law also can be used to convince your supervisors or staff that their counterparts in other divisions or companies are following similar suggestions to yours. People want to feel like they are part of an established community that already knows where it is going. 4. Ethical Issues Persuasion can be used for good or ill. In an environment that seeks to follow ethical rules, it should only be used to make lives better. Manipulation occurs when you exploit or deceive others solely for your own gain. This does not result in a win-win situation. 5. Summary Being adept at persuasion is often the missing key to success in the workplace and your personal life. If you give people what they want via the Six Laws of Persuasion, they’ll most likely return the favor. And when you recognize that you are being manipulated, you can call the other side on their tactics and counter with an appropriate strategy. This will lead to a more effective way of achieving the goals of all negotiating parties. Resources Carnegie, Dale. How to Win Friends and Influence People. New York: Pocket Books, 1936. Cialdini, Robert B. Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion. New York: William Morrow, 1993. Fisher, Roger and William Ury. Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In. New York: Penguin, 2003. Hogan, Kevin. The Psychology of Persuasion: How to Persuade Others to Your Way of Thinking. Gretna, LA: Pelican, 1996.

10. Influencing Techniques: Preparation The Steps in Preparation include: 1. What do you want to achieve? 2. What is the range of things the other person could offer? 3. What would you be prepared to accept? (i.e. what is your fall-back position) 4. What are the facts and figures behind the situation? • • • • •

When did it happen? How many times? Over what period of time? What is the effect on the customer/department/individual/company? What evidence can you provide?

5. Who are you influencing in terms of personality and style of working? What approaches may help influence them? For example: • • • • • • • •

Are they statistics orientated? Like examples painted for them? Are they visionaries where you describe what it would be like if they agree to your proposals? Do they respond best to information placed in graphs/pie charts? Do they prefer flowcharts and diagrams? What values are important to them? What sense of humour do they have? What pressures and challenges are they faced with at this time?

Thinking about the Influencee in this way can help us plan our communication style during the meeting. 6. How will you approach the conversation? What will tune them in? What words will you use? What tactics will you use? 7. What objections may they come up with? 8. How will you overcome these objections? 9. When is the best time to influence? 10. Where will you influence? (it can be advantageous to meet the Influencee away from interruptions at their desk)

2. INTERPERSONAL AND COMMUNICATION SKILLS 1. The Johari Window The Johari Window, shown below, is a model that gives us a visual way to think about self-knowledge.

Joe Luft and Harry Ingham

This model delineates four quadrants involved in interpersonal relationships:  The open area is what we both know about me and openly share.  The hidden area is what I hide from you about myself.  The blind area is what you know about me but what you keep from me, what you observe about me, or think or feel about me, of which I am unaware.  The unknown area is part of me, from my past, about which neither one of us yet knows, at least on a conscious level.

Expanding the Open Area The more we can increase the parts of ourselves that are known to self and others, the greater our potential for building effective relationships, both at home and in the workplace. Benefits. You’ve already considered some of the benefits of increasing the area that you know about yourself. But increasing what others know about you is one of the most important things you can do to build trust with those you lead. When leaders make their reasoning and thinking apparent to others, they build trust over time. As a result, others are then more willing to give them the benefit of the doubt during those times when the leader can’t share information. Opening Up. Becoming more open means showing people more of your thinking, more of the things that you are wrestling with, more about your objectives, and your likes and dislikes with respect to the “business” of emergency management. It means making yourself more available. (Remember, though, we’re talking about work-related issues, not personal issues.) True: being more open involves some risk. But the potential payoff is greater trust, understanding, and the benefit of the doubt when it’s needed. Ways to Increase Self-Knowledge Whether or not you consider yourself a self-aware person, there are many ways to learn more about yourself and how you lead. Three important methods include:  Self-assessment.  Self-reflection.  Soliciting authentic feedback. 1. Self-Assessment We tend to be an outward-oriented society. That tendency leads us to think that both our problems and their solutions are outside of us. Significance. The upside of this is that we become good at recognizing and analyzing the world outside ourselves. But the downside is that we tend to overlook the ways in which we ourselves are impacting the world around us. We tend to be less aware of the choices we make, our own responses to situations, and our own resources that can help us succeed. Our outward orientation can blind us to perhaps our most important and readily available resources: our own talents, preferences, and choices. If you develop selfassessment as a habit, you will be able over time to see yourself with greater honesty and accuracy.

2. Self-Reflection Self-reflection is another method for increasing self-awareness. Self-reflection is the ability to “hit the pause button” and critically assess yourself or a situation. Importance. Why is self-reflection important to leadership?  Self-reflection helps you ensure that you are taking actions that are sound and not simply running on “auto pilot,” but rather are conscious about doing what is most important in any given situation.  Self-reflection can help you learn from your experience to avoid the trap of simply repeating things that aren’t working.  Self-reflection allows you to notice your habitual ways of responding so that you have the option of approaching things differently. Methods. There are many ways to reflect, and some methods may work better for you than others. One approach is just to take a short time-out in which you simply stop and think. Other approaches include:  Journal writing.  Note taking.  Talking to others (“thinking out loud”).  Speaking into a tape.  Meditation.  Drawing pictures 3. Authentic Feedback The third technique for increasing self-knowledge is soliciting authentic feedback from others. Leaders who know themselves and let others know them are those who command respect and trust. Soliciting feedback is one of the most effective methods for increasing the open area of the Johari Window, “Known to Self and Others.” Feedback is critical to self-knowledge and thus, your ability to lead. It helps you to know if you are leading in ways that are effective for those whom you lead. Feedback can be informal. We usually think of feedback as a formal process that happens once or twice a year. But you don’t have to wait for a formal process to get feedback. In fact, the more informally and frequently you get feedback, the better. It is vital to ask for and receive feedback in a way that encourages others to tell us the truth as they see it. Feedback requires trust. People may be reluctant to give you honest feedback if they don’t trust you. That willingness to be honest is built on trust that develops over time. And to some extent, most of us have a tendency -usually unconscious to do things that inhibit others from giving us truthful feedback. Down deep, we may not really want the truth.

Tips for Encouraging Authentic Feedback  Before you ask for feedback, be clear in your own mind why you’re asking.  Ask for feedback only when you are open to hearing it.  Listen to what they have to say. Take notes.  Avoid being defensive. Don’t try to explain yourself during the feedback process.  Restate what the speaker has told you, to make sure that you understand what they’ve said.  Ask follow-up questions to gain clarity; get specifics. For example:  “Can you give me some specifics?”  “What impact is that having?”  “Can you tell me more about that?”  Thank them.  When possible, make changes as a result of the feedback.  Initially, ask infrequently until others see that you’re willing to make changes based on earlier feedback given you. Remember that you need to build trust in the fact that you really want to hear what they have to say and that you will do something to change. Remember, those acting out of the Leader paradigm are leaders of change. The best way you can model to others that change is welcome is to grow and change yourself. Soliciting feedback is one of the best ways to show symbolically the people you lead that you are open to input and willing to change. Then, take action on the feedback that you feel is valid. You are not required to adopt every bit of feedback that people give you. But try thinking about feedback as similar to the gifts you receive for your birthday. To some of them, you’ll say, “YES! GREAT!” To others, you’ll say, “Thank you,” and put them in your closet. Nevertheless, you will benefit more if you stay open to all of the feedback, consider it carefully and with an open mind, and incorporate what seems valid. How to give feedback? EEC model Example – what behaviour you have observed Effect – on the team, manager, customer/client, or company Change – what change in behaviour do you expect – tell them, or ask them


George, this spreadsheet you supplied me for the meeting had 3 mistakes.


We had to waste time manually calculating the figures.


How can we improve things for next time?

2. The ladder of Inference: understanding how you think Have you ever noticed what happens when you really listen to another person without intending to respond? Perhaps not, because most of us listen only rarely. Usually what we hear is received through many filters, including:  Assumptions and biases.  Resistances and barriers stemming from a different set of beliefs.  Preoccupation with identifying areas of agreement with our own beliefs, and the significance of such agreement.  Thinking about how we will respond. Sometimes it’s difficult to differentiate between what a person actually says and how we interpret what they said. In other words, our own beliefs affect what and how we hear. Ladder of Inference Business theorist Chris Argyris developed a model that explains our thinking process as we interact with the world. According to this model, as we move up the ladder our beliefs affect what we infer about what we observe and therefore become part of how we experience our interaction with other people.

The 7-steps model: All the information in the world - > I select DATA from what I observe. -> I add MEANINGS (cultural and personal). -> I make ASSUMPTIONS based on the meanings I added. -> I draw CONCLUSIONS. -> I adopt BELIEFS about the world. -> I take ACTIONS based on my beliefs. An obvious example of this would be only “hearing” that which supports your own argument. But the process is usually much more subtle. Your background influences the meanings that you ascribe to what you hear, which in turn leads you to make assumptions. In fact, your beliefs affect which data you select in the first place. If you take the time to “walk” down the Ladder of Inference, you can learn a great deal about how your own beliefs, assumptions, background, culture, and other influences (i.e., your own personal paradigm) affect how you interpret what others say and how you interact with them. It is also a useful tool for reaching a better understanding of those you lead. Exercise: To walk down your Ladder of Inference, try this: 1. Look at the front page of your daily newspaper, and pick a story. 2. Read the story, then answer this question:  At lunch, one of your colleagues asks, “So, what do you think about [the topic of the story you selected]?” How would you respond? (At this point, don’t overanalyze; just respond.) 3. Next, think about how you arrived at your response. Consider these questions:  What made you select that particular story? Did the headline tie in with strong opinions or past experience on your part?  What beliefs or opinions did you already hold, before you read the story?  What kinds of assumptions did you make as you read the story (For example, if people were quoted, did you believe them? Why or why not?)?  How did those assumptions affect the conclusions that you drew about the story?  Did your conclusions differ in any way from opinions that you already held? Using the Ladder of Inference to Create an Environment of Leadership As you interact with other people, try walking down the ladder to gain a better understanding of how you - and they - think.            

Listen carefully to what people actually say. Try not to interpret at first. Listen for conclusions and beliefs - yours and theirs. Do they jump to conclusions? What conclusions are you making as you listen? Listen for directly observable data. Can you form a picture in your mind of what they are saying? Ask yourself: What led them to think as they do? Suspend your certainties and conclusions. Do they act as if their conclusions are obvious? Do you? Are there other ways of seeing things? What must be the Ladder of Inference in their minds?

3. Inquiry vs. Advocacy What happens when you sit down with another person or a group of people and discuss something (an issue, a plan, a goal, a problem)? A healthy discussion will include first inquiry, then advocacy. Inquiry. Inquiry involves talking with other people and learning from them. At this stage, you are not judging, arguing, or trying to present your own viewpoint - just learning. During this phase you should strive not only to hear the other person’s words, but to learn about their mental models to understand where they are coming from and what they are really saying. This is also a time for observing your own thoughts, checking out your Ladder of Inference. Inquiry requires that you suspend assumptions. This does not mean laying them aside, but rather bringing them forward and making them explicit so that you and the others can explore their meaning and impact. Advocacy. A second aspect of communication, after the inquiry stage, is advocacy. Advocacy involves “selling” an idea or position or directing attention to certain facts you think are relevant. This is when you begin to evaluate ideas, narrow the field, and work toward consensus. In a team context, inquiry and advocacy are sometimes called dialogue and discussion. During the dialogue phase, everyone should be in an inquiry Mode sharing facts, ideas, and opinions, without evaluating or defending them. By the time you move to the discussion phase, everyone should have a common understanding of all of the facts and viewpoints. Then comes discussion, when you try to determine what you believe in. The problem in many teams is that they tend to move too quickly to discussion, without adequate inquiry. This has the effect of stifling creative thinking and undermining trust. Balancing Inquiry and Advocacy The key - both within yourself and in working with a team - is to balance inquiry and advocacy. You need both. In your efforts to develop self-knowledge, be aware of your intentions behind your inquiry and advocacy, and strive to balance the two. Then, work to enable your group to do the same. Here are some suggestions.

Tips for Balancing Inquiry and Advocacy  Become aware of the gap between what you intend and what you actually do. (Notice other people’s reactions to you: Are they what you expected? Why or why not?) Make an effort to understand and begin to close this gap.  Let go of the win/lose mindset of controlled discussion. Decide to learn from others.  Make your thinking visible, and ask others to do the same. State your assumptions, explain your reasoning, and give examples.  Avoid defensiveness when your ideas are questioned.  Be aware when you or others are jumping to conclusions.  Gently walk others down the Ladder of Inference and find out what data they are operating from. Use unaggressive language (e.g., “Can you help me understand your thinking here?”).  Listen without resistance. Hear ideas as if for the first time.  Respect differences.  Suspend role and status during dialogue; let leadership become a shared responsibility of the whole group.  Try to bring forward people who have not spoken, and prompt them to add their views.  Take risks by participating and being willing to make mistakes. Speak from your own experience.  When advocating, stay open and encourage others to give different views.  If you notice that a discussion is lopsided, let the group know what you’ve observed. Help the group to balance inquiry and advocacy by making your own contributions in a way that creates more balance.

4. Building and Rebuilding Trust What Is Trust? Trust is a relationship based on mutual confidence that we will both:     

Do what we say. Communicate honestly. Respect one another’s knowledge, skills, and abilities. Maintain confidentiality. Keep our interactions unguarded.

Trust is a state of mind. Notice that all of these things are actions. It’s not our words that generate trust, but what we do. The real message is in our actions. Trust is a combination of trusting others and being trustworthy.

What’s So Important About Trust? Trust is a fundamental building block of human relationships. In simple terms, it’s just how people treat each other. Trust is also the very core of leadership. Willing followers must trust their leaders. (Without trust, no one will follow.) But trust cannot be mandated; it must be earned. People working out of the Leader paradigm get their credibility and power “from behavioral integrity: ‘walking the talk and talking the walk.’ Leaders’ power comes from their consistent, principle-centered behavior and actions that demonstrate honesty, integrity, trust, dignity, and respect for all people.” This is why people choose to follow them.

Benefits of a High-Trust Environment A high-trust environment creates commitment and loyalty to the organization. When people get the idea, “We’re all in this boat together,” the organization is invariably better for it. In a high-trust environment, leadership tells the truth, and people are enlightened about the organization’s position and what actions they need to take to help achieve its goals. In a high-trust environment, people are more willing to accept change and to work toward successfully integrating the effects of change. Every manager in business, industry, and government has an important leadership role in building a high-trust environment with his or her employees. As a leader you have a more complex role of building trust at multiple levels. Trust is a necessary element of:  Leading your subordinates to work energetically toward meeting the organization’s goals.  Developing trusting relationships with various levels of the government hierarchy  Working with other companies and or departments or agencies.

 Developing constructive relationships with the media  Building positive relationships with the public.

In short: Your relationships with government officials, with other organizations, with the media, with your subordinates and with the public will affect your company’s / department’s success and define your personal success as a leader. Those relationships are built on a foundation of trust.

Building Trust When things are continually changing, it can become difficult to build a case for trust. It’s almost as if you were saying “Trust me … I’ve never done this either!” In these times of rapid change, more than ever before, your challenge as a leader is to build trust where it has never been and to rebuild trust where it has been lost.

1. Doing what you say may be evidenced by such behaviors as:  Managing expectations  Establishing boundaries  Delegating appropriately  Encouraging mutually serving intentions  Honoring agreements  Being consistent  Meeting expectations

2. You can demonstrate respect for other people’s knowledge, skills, and abilities by:  Acknowledging their abilities to do their jobs.  Allowing them to use their talents to accomplish goals.  Being aware of your control needs and their impact on others.  Reducing controls; not micromanaging.  Involving others and seeking their input.  Helping people learn skills.  Giving them the resources, authority, and responsibility needed to get their work done right.  Trusting your own competence to assess each situation with open eyes and determine whom you can trust with what.

3. You can demonstrate unguarded interactions by such behaviors as:  Sharing information.  Telling the truth.  Admitting mistakes.  Giving and receiving constructive feedback.  Allowing for mutual influence; clarifying mutual expectations.  Maintaining confidentiality.  Speaking with good purpose. Building and nurturing trust in the workplace requires leaders who:  Honestly describe any situation they are in, including discussing any loss of trust that has occurred.  Respect others and relationships with them during tough times as well as when things are smooth sailing.  Nurture understanding and empathy with themselves and with others.  Desire to build and maintain a cooperative organizational culture

Are You Trustworthy? Demonstrating trustworthiness is critical if you want to successfully manage change, and you should periodically gauge how worthy of trust your own behavior is. You can use the following questions as a starting point.  Is my behavior predictable or erratic? Do people know what to expect from me? Do my actions match the values I espouse? Your actions should follow your words and should stay constant regardless of the times or people you are working with.  Do I communicate clearly or carelessly? Some people speak without thinking of the impression their words leave behind and how they impact people’s lives. When you speak without considering this, people begin to think you are flippant and not worthy of trust.  Do I keep my promises? If you don’t keep your promises, then neither will those you work with. If people cannot tell what you value and will follow through on, confusion and mistrust will result.  Am I forthright or dishonest? No one trusts someone who lies. Honesty doesn’t mean that you disclose everything when it isn’t appropriate, but you need to be honest about what you can and cannot discuss.

What Is Your Capacity for Trust? Your ability to trust others reflects to some extent your ability to trust yourself. The following questions will help you begin to think about your capacity for trusting others.  Do you trust yourself?  In what types of situations can you answer “yes” and when is the answer “no”?  In what ways do you consider yourself reliable?  In what ways do you consider yourself unreliable?  Do you trust others?  When can you say “yes” to this? When do you say “no”?  What do you look for when considering whether another person is trustworthy?  Do you trust people as a habit, or do you wait for them to prove themselves?  How does this affect how you work with others? Deciding to Trust Your capacity for building trusting relationships, in general, is a function of your propensity to use trust-enhancing behaviors and the degree to which you expect others to use them. But what about specific relationships? Your decision to trust a specific person, and the degree of trust that you place in that person, are influenced by many factors, including:  History and experience with that individual.  The person’s level of competence and ability.  How much risk is involved, or the potential for negative consequences.  The person’s relative power and authority.  The organizational environment. So, you can work diligently on your general propensity to trust, but some people will still let you down. Does that mean that you shouldn’t trust? No, because although trust can be person-specific and situation-specific, you still have a general propensity to (or not to) trust. And that propensity will in turn influence the decisions that you make. Most people can stand to expand their capacity for trust.

Expanding Your Capacity for Trust First, you can simply be aware of the kinds of behaviors that help to build and maintain interpersonal trust, including those that you personally tend to (or not to) demonstrate. Then, you can identify instances, examples, and situations where you can try to use those trusting behaviors (that you might not use enough) more frequently.

Trust-Reducing Behaviors We have discussed a number of ways to build trust and fulfill the expectations of a trusting relationship: doing what we say; communicating honestly; respecting one another’s knowledge, skills, and abilities; maintaining confidentiality; and keeping our interactions unguarded. Just as consistently fulfilling expectations strengthens trust, failure to act in these ways invariably undermines and erodes trust. For example, the following types of behavior will invariably reduce trust:  Distorting, withholding, or concealing real motives.  Falsifying relevant information.  Attempting to control or dominate.  Not discussing or meeting others’ expectations of performance or behavior.  Attempting to evade responsibility for behavior.  Accepting credit for other people’s work.  Not honoring commitments.  Gossiping. Any of these behaviors can be intentional or unintentional. Remember, building trust is a slow process, and trust can be destroyed by a single event. Trust is destroyed by a win/lose mentality, and trust is strengthened by a win/win mentality. When Trust Breaks Down You’ll probably survive one unintentional breach of trust, especially if you take action to address the situation. But as unintentional breaches accumulate, other people will eventually begin to distrust you. With their distrust will come the belief that your intentions are not sincere and that you have ulterior motives. After you’ve breached trust, it is important to consider how to restore it. Here are six steps that you can take to recover from a mistake that may have unintentionally damaged trust.  Accept personal responsibility for your actions and those of your organization.  Admit: Publicly acknowledge that you have made a mistake. Often, leaders either deny or attempt to cover up any wrongdoing for fear that admitting a mistake might damage their credibility. Evidence shows that attempting to hide mistakes will be much more damaging and will actually erode trust.  Apologize: Offer an apology. This lets others know that you are concerned about the impact or problem that your actions may have created.  Act: Take action to deal with the immediate consequences of a mistake. This shows that you are willing to do something. This is a good time to get others involved by asking for suggestions and trusting their judgment.

 Amend: A leader’s error can cause undue hardship to others. The amends made should fit the problem.  Attend: Leaders need to make sure that they are attuned to the influence their actions are having on rebuilding lost trust. Pay close attention to the reactions of those who are affected, ask for feedback, and be non-defensive in listening to constructive criticism. This should also help you avoid unintentional breaches of trust in the future.

5. Reacting Skills Another important skill area in building influence relationships is reacting skills: the ability to react appropriately to another person’s point of view after you understand it. The ability to react effectively is important because influence relationships develop when both parties feel that their ideas are important to the other. Reacting effectively encourages open communication and trust. Typically, there are three gut reactions you may have to someone’s idea or suggestion:  Agree  Disagree  Think of ways to enhance the idea No matter what your gut reaction, the important thing is to react to it in a way that is both honest and maintains a positive climate for future communication. There are three skills that will allow you to do this:  Agreeing If you like the person’s idea, say so. But make sure you state both what you like and why you like it. For example, you might say, “I like your idea of – because -.” By communicating the value that the idea has for you (i.e., why you like it), you give the person additional reinforcement for offering the idea.  Constructive Disagreement When people suggest ideas, they hope that their ideas will be liked. But that isn’t always the case. Sometimes the response is disagreement. People often find it difficult to state their disagreement, however. Either they don’t want to hurt the person’s feelings, or they don’t like to say “no,” or they don’t know how to say “no” diplomatically. The result is that they sometimes take inappropriate actions, such as postponing giving an answer, going along with an unacceptable idea, or implying that the disagreement stems from someone else (e.g., “I don’t think they will let us do that”). If disagreement is not handled correctly, the person can become defensive or the possibility of future discussions may be dampened. The self-esteem of the person should be a major concern. Partial agreement If your reaction is that you see value in the idea but have some reservations (agree with parts and disagree with others), use constructive disagreement. Here’s how: 1. Identify the value. For example, you might say, “What I like about your idea is -.” If you listened carefully, you’ll understand both the idea and why the person thinks that it’s a good one. Identifying the value in the idea lets the person know that you are listening, which will help the person hear your concerns.

2. Explain your reservations. For example, you might say, “What concerns me is -,” or “These are the things that would need to be overcome.” Make sure you’re specific and clear. And avoid the tendency to jump prematurely to your reservations. Express the value first! 3. Discuss alternatives. Talk about ways to retain the value while eliminating reservations. The goal is to modify the original idea so that it is acceptable to both of you. The modifications can come from you or from the other person (i.e., either ask for or offer suggestions). If you offer a suggestion, ask the other person for his or her reaction to it. This keeps the conversation as a two-way dialogue.  Building on Ideas When your reaction to someone’s suggestion is that it stimulates your thinking about the idea and ways to enhance it, you have an opportunity to build on ideas to add value to the original idea. This does not mean just offering a new idea of your own. There are two steps in this process. 1. Acknowledge the connection. First, acknowledge the connection between the person’s idea and what you are about to say. For example, you might begin, “What you said about . . . .” This lets the person know that you were listening and gives them credit for the initial idea in the building process. 2. Add value. Modify the original idea to add value to it (e.g., suggest additional reasons why the idea is a good one or ways to make the idea even better).  Fair fighting, or How to Disagree Agreeably (By Eric Messinger) Keep the following Rules of Engagement in mind at your next impasse; they might help you avoid an unproductive argument. 1. Pick your battles. “You do not have to address every injustice or irritation that comes along,” says Harriet Lerner, author of The Dance of Anger: A Woman’s Guide to Changing the Patterns of Intimate Relationships. “But it is a mistake to stay silent when an issue matters and the cost of silence is feeling bitter, resentful, or disconnected.” 2. Understand the stakes. Even if you think that you know the other person’s issues, it can’t hurt to pose a direct question. Ask “ ‘What’s your real concern here?’” (“Why do you ask this?”, “Why is this issue important to you?”, “ What else is important here?”) says Rebecca Zucker, cofounder of Next Step Partners, an executive-coaching firm in San Francisco. “Often people are not really voicing it.”

3. Wait until you’re calm. When emotions run high, disagreements can turn personal, and that’s rarely productive. Recognize when emotions are charged, and don’t have the conversation until you have a cool head. 4. Be respectful. If someone thinks you’re listening thoughtfully, they are more likely to respond in kind. An empathetic phrase, such as “I understand how you feel,” or “I can see why this upsets you” can go a long way. 5. Speak for yourself. Rather than criticizing the other person, stick to expressing your own feelings and actions (“I felt hurt when…, because …” or “I’m concerned because…”). “It’s honest and authentic when you say how you truly view a situation,” says Jennell Evans, cofounder of the Washington, D.C.–based consulting firm Strategic Interactions. 6. Don’t interrogate. Try not to go on a lawyerlike attack with a litany of yes-or-no questions. This tack is aggressive, puts the other person on the defensive, and can belittle the other person, Zucker says. 7. State the facts. If you have them, use them. Facts give opinions and feelings a lot more credibility. It also helps that “they aren’t personal or emotional,” so they can help make your disagreement constructive, Zucker says. Just make sure you really do have the facts. At the very least, you should be able to name your source. 8. Speak to common interests. Keep the common goal and good in mind. Remember: If an argument turns nasty, nobody wins. Tell the person how much they mean to you and how much you value their opinion. 9. Aim to clear the air rather than win. In many instances, the disagreement will end in détente. Don’t try to win the argument; it’s more important to focus on understanding why the other person thinks differently than you do. 10. Consider compromise. It doesn’t get you exactly what you want, but it can be an effective way for people to overcome a disagreement and move forward. Remember: A compromise doesn’t have to be equal to be acceptable. However, it is important for you to understand what you’re both giving up and to be comfortable with that equation. “You don’t have to feel happy about a compromise, but you have to feel you can live with it,” says Robin Hoberman-Becker, a mediator and divorce lawyer in Chicago.

 Rejecting, refusing or making a complaint or bringing unpleasant news correctly Among the many skills, the one I enjoy sharing most is one of the simplest. It’s the Sandwich Technique: a tool managers use when they have to address a troubling situation. It’s easy and effective. Compliments and positive statements “sandwich” each side of the unpleasant news, thus making it easier to digest. Follow these tips for best results: 1. Begin the conversation with a genuine compliment and positive statement about the person in a non-judgmental, calm, and congenial tone of voice. 2. When moving into the meat of the matter, use transition words such as regrettably, unfortunately, or however. 3. Be specific. It’s best to state no more than two items to improve. This is not the time to air your laundry list of gripes. 4. Remain calm throughout and speak in a low and even tone of voice. State the facts and don’t get emotional. 5. Maintain an open and inviting body language. You don’t want to appear closed off, with your arms or hands folded. 6. When an apology is warranted, don’t skirt it.  Accept personal responsibility for your actions and those of your organization.  Admit: Publicly acknowledge that you have made a mistake.  Apologize: Offer an apology. Say “I’m sorry” or “I apologize” and show sincere regret  Act: Take action to deal with the immediate consequences of a mistake. Suggest specific ways to resolve the matter so the two of you can move forward. This is a good time to get others involved by asking for suggestions and trusting their judgment.  Amend: your error can cause undue hardship to others. The amends made should fit the problem.  Attend: Pay close attention to the reactions of those who are affected, ask for feedback, and be non-defensive in listening to constructive criticism. This should also help you avoid unintentional breaches of trust in the future. 7. End with positive and encouraging statements that will help renew the relationship and allow everyone involved to feel good about the conversation that just took place. 8. If the other person reacts with “and now?”, “so what am I to do now?” than you might add one or more suggestions. Don’t sell your alternative solutions however: a solution is best accepted when formulated by the other person himself. 9. Follow up a few days later to see how the person felt about the conversation and confirm all is resolved or if further discussion is needed.

Some Ways To decline a request If you are not sure how to do so, here are some ways for saying “no”. Use the method that best meets your needs in any given situation. 1. An example from Stephen Covey: “Sandra, I appreciate so much your inviting me to be part of this. I feel honoured by it. For a number of reasons, I won’t be participating myself. But I want you to know how much I appreciate your invitation.” 2. Use positive language: Don’t say: “you’re wrong”, but: “that’s an interesting point!”, “excellent idea!” “Indeed!” … followed by: “have you considered …?” 3. If you are not interested at all “No, I’m not able to” OR “no, I can’t” 4. If you are too busy: “I can’t commit to this as I have other priorities at the moment.” Or “No, I don’t have enough time right now” If it makes things easier, you can also share what you’re working on so the person can understand better. But only if you wish to do so. Do not feel obliged to explain. If you do explain: keep it simple and in no way make detailed excuses for not being able to comply. Keep in mind that providing excuses gives the people a reason to contest your decision. 5. If you are interested, but are unable to comply due to your schedule: “Now’s not a good time as I’m in the middle of something. How about we reconnect at X time?” OR “Let me think about it first and I’ll get back to you.” By suggesting another time (at yr convenience), the person doesn’t feel blown off. 6. If a proposal doesn’t meet your needs “This doesn’t meet my needs now but I’ll be sure to keep you in mind.” It helps as the person knows it’s nothing wrong about what he/she is offering, but that you are looking for something else. At the same time, by saying you’ll keep him/her in mind, it signals you are open to future opportunities. 7. If you feel you don’t have the resources to help “I’m not the best person to help on this. Why don’t you try X?” Learn to say no to requests that don’t meet your needs, and once you do that you’ll find how easy it actually is. You’ll get more time for yourself, your work and things that are most important to you. I know I do and I’m happy I started doing that.

6. Political Savvy There are times when the ability to influence others is not enough, and a good rationale may not be sufficient to sway someone to your point of view. Something is missing: political savvy. Political Savvy: A Dirty Word? Many people have strong and contradictory feelings about being political. The roots of the term political savvy indicate, however, that our attention should be on others. Political comes from the Latin word meaning “the citizens” and savvy is from the French verb meaning “to understand.” So political savvy is, at its core, the ability to know the people. Political savvy is a crucial leadership skill, and it can be employed in a positive way for positive ends. Personal Interests vs. Organizational Interests Below is a model that illustrates what political savvy is and what it is not. The Interest Grid contains four quadrants representing high and low levels of selfinterest and organizational interest. As you read about each quadrant in the model, think about a leader you have known (personally or by reputation) who exemplifies this approach.

 Dysfunctional politics: People who engage in manipulation promote their own interests at the expense of the organization.  Self-destruction: People who take actions that further neither their own interests, nor those of the organization are engaging in “career suicide.” This behavior often signals deep discouragement or burnout.  Self-sacrifice: People who take actions that further the organization’s interests but that ignore their own. They naturally think about what is right for the organization, and they also know that a reputation for putting aside personal agendas builds credibility. However, when overused, this approach can lead to burnout and martyrdom.  Political savvy: People who make decisions that balance their own interests with those of their organization. Who Benefits? Using influence well can actually be a tremendous service to the organization and to the people a leader manages. It can bring the leader’s particular unit or department visibility, stature, resources, and a voice in shaping what happens. On the other hand, lacking or misusing political skills can have very serious consequences to yourself, to your unit, and ultimately even to your ability to achieve emergency management goals in the future.

Building Blocks for Political Savvy There are three critical building blocks that will help to strengthen your own political skills:  Alliance Mindset: A mindset focused on alliance.  Understand Your Allies: The ability to understand your allies.  Be an Ally: The ability to be an ally to others. 1. The Alliance Mindset Viewing others as potential allies is easier said than done. When trying to influence others, you are most likely to see things from your own perspective and remain focused on your own needs. And the more you care about an issue, the more focused on yourself and your position you tend to become. Yet failing to see others as allies or partners is often a self-fulfilling prophecy. It increases the likelihood that you will act in ways that may actually heighten others’ resistance to your ideas. Therefore, perhaps the most crucial building block of political savvy is your mindset. Leaders who are effective are able to view and treat the people around them as partners or potential partners.

The good news is that it is possible to shift from a mindset of seeing people who resist you as adversaries to a mindset of seeing them as potential allies.

The Rules of Alliance There are four basic rules for interacting with people as your allies: 1. Assume that mutual respect exists. 2. Trust the other person, and be someone whom he or she can trust. 3. Be open; share information. 4. Look for mutual benefits. Rule 1: Assume that Mutual Respect Exists Some people will lose your respect by repeatedly taking actions that are boldlyselfserving or unethical. But these people are usually the exception, not the rule. More often, you will lose respect for others because of misunderstandings. Most people are trying to do the very best that they can in any given situation. By getting better at understanding other people’s points of view, you will have a better chance of seeing what motivates them and the context in which they act. Rule 1 simply challenges you to let yourself be surprised: to start over, suspend your judgment, and assume that respect exists between you. While it may sound idealistic, consider the alternative: when you assume a position of no respect, barriers go up and options shut down.

Rule 2: Trust the Other Person and Be Someone Whom He or She Can Trust Trusting others means taking a risk and letting your guard down in the hope that something more positive can emerge. Although sometimes it may not be worth the risk, not taking that risk virtually assures that distrust will mount. In addition to trusting others, being someone whom others can trust is one of the most powerful ways to turn around a troubled relationship. This, too, involves a “calculated leap of faith” - a willingness to take the first step in building or rebuilding a relationship. It is this kind of risk-taking that is the hallmark of a person working out of the Leader paradigm, someone who breeds commitment and trust by being committed and trustworthy. Rule 3: Be Open; Share Information Like the other rules of alliance, this can be a difficult rule to put into practice. Many of us believe that “knowledge is power.” Yet power does not necessarily equate with influence. You can have a lot of power by hoarding information, but you may not be trusted or respected. Ask yourself: Would you rather be powerful or effective? The traditionally powerful leader might “know it all,” but the person working out of the Leader paradigm who is open and who shares information is more likely to get things done in the long run because of the trust and commitment that he or she builds.

Push past your comfort zone and share more information than you think that you can. See what happens.

Rule 4: Look for Mutual Benefits You can look for mutual benefits by asking questions and trying to understand the other person’s frame of reference. Unfortunately, in typical organizational life, this type of conversation doesn’t happen as a matter of course. We often fail to take the time to find out about another person’s interests, or we fail to imagine that we might have interests in common. But these are the prerequisites for finding solutions that are of mutual benefit: taking time to find out about the other person’s interests and looking for common interests. Remember the advice “Inquiry before advocacy”. Make sure you take time to listen before you start selling your own ideas. You may find a lot of common ground on which to build. Looking for mutual benefit is one of the best ways in which to become someone’s ally, and to allow them to become yours. 2. Understanding Your Potential Allies Given the premise that we will be more effective with a mindset that others are our allies, we need to become smarter about who those allies are and what they care about. Another way of looking at the process of understanding your allies is simply this: You want to make it as easy as possible for them to say “Yes” to you. This requires answers to three questions:  Who are they?  What are their concerns, interests, and motivations?  How does my idea relate to their concerns?

First Question: Who Are Your Allies? If you are trying to get an idea accepted, your allies might include people:  Who will or might be affected by your idea.  Whose cooperation or resources you need to implement your idea.  Who could benefit and those who could lose.  Who could block the idea.  Who could help get it accepted. Allies include not only obvious supporters, but also those whose support you will need but may not have from the outset.

Second Question: What Are Your Allies’ Concerns, Interests, and Motivations? Knowing who your potential allies are is the first step in understanding them. Your next challenge is to figure out how to influence them. One of the best ways to influence others is to understand their world: their pressures, concerns, and perspectives. A good example of this, on a broad scale, is the need to understand cultural differences within your community. Cultural differences reflect internal beliefs and thought patterns that can cause people to react differently to the same situation. The same may be true of other special groups - whether defined by age, gender, language differences, special needs, or other characteristics. Their own concerns and interests may color how they interact with you. To a large extent, the misunderstandings that occur involving people from different cultures or special interest groups have nothing to do with what was said—it’s how it was said, what the speaker did while saying it, or even to whom it was said. Clearly, understanding the special needs within your community will enhance the strength of your personal influence. Whether dealing with an individual or with a group, understanding your allies’ interests and motivations is a vital component of political savvy. It is also one of the most under-practiced skills in organizational life, and the place where the process of influence often breaks down. We frequently become so intent on our own idea that we forget to present it in a way that makes it easier for the other person to accept it. Third Question: How Does My Idea Relate to Their Concern? First, you identified your potential allies in relation to your situation. Next, you focused on two of them - the approver and an enabler - and tried to understand more about what they care about. The third step is to relate your ideas to those of your allies and to position your idea in a way that makes it easy for these allies to say “Yes.” To complete this step, you need to answer two sets of questions:  In what ways could my initiative support their priorities? Are there ways in which my initiative might work against that person’s objectives?  How could I modify either my idea or my presentation of it so that it would be more attractive to these people? We have talked about the importance of having an alliance mindset and of understanding your allies. The third building block for political savvy is to be an ally.

3. Being an ally to others Principle of Reciprocity Being an ally means invoking the principle of reciprocity: As we do things for others in organizations, they become more likely to help us in return. It is important to realize that this is NOT a “scratch my back and I’ll scratch yours” approach. It is also not a tit-for-tat trade where, to get a specific idea through, you promise something in return. Rather, it means being a friend to others in the organization, because by helping others you will also be helping the organization and helping yourself. Keep thinking of the metaphor of friendship: You are more willing to support a friend who has been there for you than to support someone who has never shown any particular kindness in the past. The same holds true for organizations. Being an ally means creating a web of good will in which others will be, in turn, more inclined to help you at a time when you need it. Caution: It will be too late to start being an ally at the point when you need something from someone else. People see right through this as manipulation. Being an ally means taking a day-in and day-out stance of helpfulness, whether you need something today - or ever - from that person On the other hand, this principle of reciprocity could sound like a plea just to be a nice person. And while that’s true, the politically astute people have discovered that treating others well also turns out to be smart business. These words best sum up the idea of being an ally: Become the change you wish to see in the world. (Mahatma Ghandi)

Developing a “Win-Win” Solution Have you ever watched a cat negotiate with a mouse? The cat may allow the mouse some latitude in its actions, but always within the boundaries determined by the cat. Once in a while, the mouse will find a crack in the porch steps through which it escapes to achieve its goals. In negotiations, do you feel like the cat or the mouse? Is there another way to negotiate? There are several points to remember when striving for a “win-win” solution:  Define the conflict as a mutual problem. Be certain that the identification of the conflict includes:  A clear definition or statement of the issue.  All of the information that is needed to solve the issue.  Internal and external factors that affect the issue.  A blame-free environment for describing the issue. When people involved can see the situation objectively, they can share in the realization that everyone “owns” the problem and the solution.

 Apply active listening skills to the communication process. Ask yourself: What elements of the issues will active listening find that are important in reaching a “win-win” solution? These elements should include:  The emotions behind the issue.  External pressure factors.  Focus on the interests, rather than on positions. Sometimes, people enter negotiations with position statements rather than with interest statements.

Exercise: Your Personal Influence and Political Savvy 1. Situational Influence Identify a situation. Think about something that you would like to make happen in your professional situation (e.g., getting an idea adopted, instituting a change, implementing a program or initiative, forging an alliance with another organization or jurisdiction, or solving a problem). 2. Who are your potential allies in this situation? Identify:  Who might be affected by your idea (those who could benefit, those who could lose, and others who would be affected):

 Whose cooperation and/or resources you need:

 Who could block the idea:

 Who could help get it accepted: 3. What are your allies’ concerns, interests, and motivations? Select one person you identified in each of the ally categories. Describe what you can about their perspective. If you don’t know, how can you find out more?  The affected:

 The needed:

 The blockers:

 The enablers: 4. Select the two potentially strongest allies from those you identified earlier, then answer the following questions about each.  How could your idea support their priorities?

 How could your idea work against them?  How could your idea work against them?

7. Team Building Effective leaders build a team environment in which members pool their resources and rely on each other to achieve common goals. As people combine their energies, the cooperative action of the group creates a greater result than the individuals could accomplish working separately. A leader promotes a team environment by:  Establishing an environment of trust.  Setting up systems and structures to require teamwork.  Encouraging team communication to build team identity.  Fostering the evolution of natural leadership abilities in group members.  Establishing team goals and team rewards (i.e., reward team effort).  Celebrating group achievements, even those which are minor.

Bruce Tuckman’s 1965 Forming Storming Norming Performing Team-Development Model Dr Bruce Tuckman published his Forming Storming Norming Performing model in 1965. He added a fifth stage, Adjourning, in the 1970’s. The Forming Storming Norming Performing theory is an elegant and helpful explanation of team development and behaviour. Similarities can be seen with other models, such as Tannenbaum and Schmidt Continuum and especially with Hersey and Blanchard’s Situational Leadership® model, developed about the same time. Tuckman’s model explains that as the team develops maturity and ability, relationships establish, and the leader changes leadership style. Beginning with a directing style, moving through coaching, then participating, finishing delegating and almost detached. At this point the team may produce a successor leader and the previous leader can move on to develop a new team. This progression of team behaviour and leadership style can be seen clearly in the Tannenbaum and Schmidt Continuum – the authority and freedom extended by the leader to the team increases while the control of the leader reduces. In Tuckman’s Forming Storming Norming Performing model, Hersey’s and Blanchard’s Situational Leadership® model and in Tannenbaum and Schmidt’s Continuum, we see the same effect, represented in three ways. Tuckman’s Forming Storming Norming Performing Model – Original Model The progression is: Forming -






Features of each phase: forming – stage 1 High dependence on leader for guidance and direction. Little agreement on team aims other than received from leader. Individual roles and responsibilities are unclear. Leader must be prepared to answer lots of questions about the team’s purpose, objectives and external relationships. Processes are often ignored. Members test tolerance of system and leader. Leader directs (similar to Situational Leadership® ‘Telling’ mode).

storming – stage 2 Decisions don’t come easily within group. Team members vie for position as they attempt to establish themselves in relation to other team members and the leader, who might receive challenges from team members. Clarity of purpose increases but plenty of uncertainties persist. Cliques and factions form and there may be power struggles. The team needs to be focused on its goals to avoid becoming distracted by relationships and emotional issues. Compromises may be required to enable progress. Leader coaches (similar to Situational Leadership® ‘Selling’ mode).

norming – stage 3 Agreement and consensus is largely forms among team, who respond well to facilitation by leader. Roles and responsibilities are clear and accepted. Big decisions are made by group agreement. Smaller decisions may be delegated to individuals or small teams within group. Commitment and unity is strong. The team may engage in fun and social activities. The team discusses and develops its processes and working style. There is general respect for the leader and some of leadership is more shared by the team. Leader facilitates and enables (similar to the Situational Leadership® ‘Participating’ mode).

performing – stage 4 The team is more strategically aware; the team knows clearly why it is doing what it is doing. The team has a shared vision and is able to stand on its own feet with no interference or participation from the leader. There is a focus on over-achieving goals, and the team makes most of the decisions against criteria agreed with the leader. The team has a high degree of autonomy. Disagreements occur but now they are resolved within the team positively and necessary changes to processes and structure are made by the team. The team is able to work towards achieving the goal, and also to attend to relationship, style and process issues along the way. team members look after each other. The team requires delegated tasks and projects from the leader. The team does not need to be instructed or assisted. Team members might ask for assistance from the leader with personal and interpersonal development. Leader delegates and oversees (similar to the Situational Leadership® ‘Delegating’ mode).

Tuckman’s fifth stage – Adjourning Bruce Tuckman refined his theory around 1975 and added a fifth stage to the Forming Storming Norming Performing model – he called it Adjourning, which is also referred to as Deforming and Mourning. Adjourning is arguably more of an adjunct to the original four stage model rather than an extension – it views the group from a perspective beyond the purpose of the first four stages. The Adjourning phase is certainly very relevant to the people in the group and their well-being, but not to the main task of managing and developing a team, which is clearly central to the original four stages.

adjourning – stage 5 Tuckman’s fifth stage, Adjourning, is the break-up of the group, hopefully when the task is completed successfully, its purpose fulfilled; everyone can move on to new things, feeling good about what’s been achieved. From an organizational perspective, recognition of and sensitivity to people’s vulnerabilities in Tuckman’s fifth stage is helpful, particularly if members of the group have been closely bonded and feel a sense of insecurity or threat from this change. Feelings of insecurity would be natural for people with high ’steadiness’ attributes (as regards the ‘four temperaments’ or DISC model) and with strong routine and empathy style (as regards the Benziger thinking styles model, right and left basal brain dominance).

Hersey’s and Blanchard’s Situational Leadership® model The Classic Situational Leadership® model of management and leadership style also illustrates the ideal development of a team from immaturity (stage 1) through to maturity (stage 4) during which management an leadership style progressively develops from relatively detached task-directing (1), through the more managerially-involved stages of explanation (2) and participation (3), to the final stage of relatively detached delegation (4), at which time ideally the team is largely self-managing, and hopefully contains at least one potential management / leadership successor.

Hersey’s and Blanchard’s Situational Leadership® model

The aim of the leader or manager is therefore to develop the team through the four stages, and then to move on to another role. Ironically this outcome is feared by many managers. However, good organisations place an extremely high value on leaders and managers who can achieve this. The model also illustrates four main leadership and management styles, which a good leader is able to switch between, depending on the situation (i.e., the team’s maturity relating to a particular task, project or challenge.)

Tannenbaum and Schmidt Continuum The Tannenbaum and Schmidt Continuum also correlates in a way to the models above – essentially that management style tends to offer more freedom as the group matures. The diagonal line loosely equates to the dotted line on the other two models. As the team matures and becomes more self-sufficient and self-directing, so the manager’s style should react accordingly, ideally becoming more detached, more delegating, encouraging and enabling the group to run itself, and for a successor (or if you are a good manager or a lucky one, for more than one successor) to emerge.

Resource: Leadership Competency -

8. Delegation Do what you do best, and give away the rest to someone else. An effective leader delegates broad responsibilities to team members and expects them to handle the details. Delegating responsibilities to capable personnel has many advantages. It distributes the workload, results in higher efficiency and increased motivation, and develops the skills of the workforce. People learn more by doing than by any other means. Delegation provides opportunities for people to develop leadership skills. Effective delegation involves:  Identifying an appropriate person for the task.  Preparing the person by clearly stating desired outcomes while encouraging risktaking and innovation.  Ensuring that the person has the necessary authority to do the job properly.  Holding the person accountable for agreed-upon outcomes.  Maintaining enough contact for support and monitoring of progress without “hovering.”  Acknowledging success and giving credit where it is due

Do you struggle to keep up with all the tasks and key jobs you are in charge of? You are not alone. Letting go, or delegating, is not something that comes easily to most small business owners. However, as your business grows and you get pulled in different directions, it is important for you to delegate or else risk falling behind your goals. Learning what to delegate and how to delegate successfully can make it a win-win situation for both you and the employee picking up the workload. There are many reasons to learn to delegate. A primary motive is to decrease routine tasks to allow you to focus on other aspects of your business. Getting out from under some of the day to day items creates time for you to plan and execute business goals that improve customer service, grow your client base, and manage operations more effectively. It might even make taking time off for yourself and your family a reality. Delegation is a good way to provide career growth for your staff and develop more depth in your supervisor ranks. Having bench strength in routine operations protects against some of the risks associated with your business being dependent on you. Imagine the peace of mind you can have knowing your business will continue even if you are temporarily unable to run it yourself. Delegating allows you to tap into new resources and accomplish tasks that you put on the back burner because there’s never enough time to get them done—even though they might be critical to the success of the business. You might even find you net better results than if you manage the company on you own. Delegating not only helps you get things done, but also motivates your employees. Entrusting employees to help shows you have the confidence in their abilities and judgment to get the job done. It also encourages employees to develop and expand their skills and meet challenges. Research shows that employees are motivated by feeling capable and competent and most employees thrive in work

environments that provide challenges. Once employees feel you trust their skills and abilities, they will be more inclined to take initiative and solve problems on their own. So why don’t you delegate? It’s not just not knowing where to begin or what to delegate – giving up control is hard. There are so many reasons to postpone taking action: It takes too much time and energy to explain what needs to get done and its better to just do it yourself. No one can do it as effectively as you can. The last time you tried having someone help it was a disaster. You don’t have the confidence in your staff to take over the work. Employees might do it better than you can and you might appear less knowledgeable. But at some point you should realize that you can’t continue to do it all or you will get diminished returns for your business. There are probably many tasks you are happy to get off your desk, but which ones should you pass onto others? Start by thinking about the jobs that are routine & repetitive. Consider tasks that are time-intensive and keep you from other higher value activities. Look for tasks that you do only because nobody else has been trained on how to. Think of tasks that still have to happen even if you had to be away from the company for an extended duration. One of the most important decisions is who to choose to take on some of your work. It’s natural to give tasks to a few key employees that you rely on most. This can eventually create morale issues and frustrate your other employees who feel they are not being given a chance to prove themselves. Here are a few factors to consider when determining who to delegate to: Ask your employees about their knowledge, skills and abilities that they might not have needed or used in their current role. Don’t overload one or two people or your risk having the potential benefits to the employee backfire. Look for an ambitious employee who shows initiative. To improve the likelihood of success, do not start delegating during a crunch situation. You probably won’t have enough time to train or provide adequate support for the person taking on the new task. For junior employees, begin by delegating projects or tasks that can be segmented into parts each with clear objectives and deadlines. In order to build confidence and trust in your employees, how you go about delegating assignments is just as important as to whom. To ensure you get the results you want from delegating, there are several steps to follow.

1. Prepare: Determine which assignments to delegate and who will take them over (this may be more than one person). 2. Define the task to be completed: Give clear instructions and then ask the employee to explain what it is you asked him or her to do so you know if they clearly understood the instructions. 3. Give clear deadlines for when the task(s) must be completed: Ensure that the deadlines are realistic and that you do not create a situation where the employee is unable to succeed. 4. Determine how much authority the employee will have to carry out the assignment: Give clear instructions on how much decision making power the employee has to move to the next steps and when they need to come to you for decisions or help. 5. Determine when you will meet with the employee to review the progress and provide any guidance, if needed: Schedule regular meetings to discuss the status of the assignment. Be flexible and provide guidance without being judgmental to improve success of the assignment. 6. Conduct a debriefing session to discuss all aspects of the delegation process: This allows the employee and you to look at what went well, what can be improved, what skills need to be honed so the next assignment will go even smoother. Once the task is accomplished, and you have conducted your debriefing, it is important to recognize the employee for doing a good job. Recognition can come in many ways such as through a newsletter, at a staff meeting, or monetarily like a gift certificate or small bonus if applicable. Recognition will vary depending on the culture of your business and what is important or appropriate for the employee – the key is recognition for a job well done. Following the steps outlined above is important to successfully delegate but it can only be effective if you are committed to seeing it through and the lines of communication remain open. You need to anticipate mistakes will happen, but if you follow a set procedure for keeping abreast of the progress your employees are making with their new tasks, this will be minimal. As difficult as it is to let go and give up control, you will feel a sense of relief and satisfaction once you begin to let others handle certain aspects of your job. Your employees will be able to grow, along with you and your business. Resource: So You Think You Can Do It All? - Prepared for the PHCC Educational Foundation by TPO, Inc. This content was developed for the PHCC Educational Foundation by TPO, Inc. ( Please consult your HR professional or attorney for further advice, as laws may differ in each state. Laws continue to evolve; the information presented is as of February 2011. Any omission or inclusion of incorrect data is unintentional. The PHCC Educational Foundation, a partnership of contractors, manufacturers and wholesalers was founded in 1987 to serve the plumbing-heating-cooling industry by preparing contractors and their employees to meet the challenges of a constantly changing marketplace. If you found this article helpful, please consider supporting the Foundation by making a contribution at

9. Emotional Intelligence 1. What is Emotional Intelligence? The concepts of Emotional Intelligence are not new, with research going back to the early part of the 20th century. The term “Emotional Intelligence” was introduced by Salovey and Mayer in 1990. But it was Daniel Goleman, a Harvard-trained psychologist and writer who really brought EQ into the mainstream. He wrote about EQ in The New York Times and his 1995 book Emotional Intelligence. But it was his 1998 article in Harvard Business Review3 that sparked great interest in the business community. EQ is about how we manage our emotions in various situations involving self and others. It starts with an awareness of our own emotions and then our ability to manage our responses to those emotions. It is also about learning to recognize the emotions of others and respond by relating appropriate to the needs of the person and circumstances. Each of the four dominant emotions (Anger, Sadness, Joy and Fear) has the potential for a proactive (positive) response and a reactive (negative) response. Those with high EQ have learned to slow down their responses sufficiently to make proactive, rational based choices that are likely to bring positive outcomes. Finally, when a person overuses or overextends proactive strengths, he or she may be unaware of the negative impact on others. Thus the central theme of EQ is to gain awareness and respond appropriately. It sounds easy but it’s a challenge for all of us. The good news is that unlike IQ which is fairly fixed for each individual, EQ is about choices and can be raised through awareness and learned behaviors. How do we perceive, control and evaluate emotions? Three areas of the brain are responsible for rapidly generating emotional impulses as a result of external stimulation or internal dialogue. These chambers or sections are located at the lower part of the central section of the brain in what some refer to as the limbic system. These chambers are the thalamus, which connects bodily sensation to neurochemical reactions; the amygdala, which seems to be responsible for the rapid appraisal of threat and danger; and the hippocampus, which helps to encode emotional memories. Each of these chambers has two hemispheres which allow for even further specialization in processing emotions. When these areas are triggered, impulses are translated into feelings, and feelings are cognitively interpreted and evaluated in the rational center of the brain called the neocortex. It is at this point (all of this is happening at a very rapid rate) we decide how we are going to respond to the initial stimulus. Research has shown that the more developed our appraisal and evaluative capabilities are, the less we are prone to respond to an emotional stimulation in a reactive or negative fashion. Now let’s bring all that scientific talk down to an everyday example. Consider a typical external stimulation that might come to you as you are driving to work. A reckless speeder suddenly crosses three lanes of traffic and just misses you as he cuts in to make the next exit. Your amygdala receives this information and appraises it as a severe threat/danger. Based on your own natural wiring and your past experience your hippocampus may remember that the knee-jerk reaction to such threats is extreme Anger (adrenaline for fight or flight). Your impulse at this stage may be to have what some have termed and “amygdala hijack” – your animal

instincts take over and hostility (reactive behavior of Anger) prevails. Your initial response may be to blow your horn, scream, give a hand gesture, or possibly you may find yourself wanting to “ram the jerk.” But since you are a rational person, you allow a split second for your neocortex to process this information and decide just to let the fool go on his way and be thankful that he didn’t cause an accident. In this case, you assert discipline over yourself (hippocampus memory says slow down) to enable reason (neocortex brings a rational perspective) to override a potential negative reaction behavior. The old saying “better think twice before you do something you’ll regret” provides a practical example of the self-management associated with EQ. Of course much of our self-management comes from learned behavior. It’s very possible that your ability to respond with high EQ to the traffic situation above may be related to a time in the past when you operated a vehicle in foolish manner or perhaps just a good understanding of the dangers of road rage. Research on negative leadership behaviors offer compelling examples of how emotionally-based reactive behaviors lead to executive derailment and what one could logically term low EQ. For example, an executive who perceives a threat when someone disagrees with his logic and then reacts with hostility soon cuts himself off from any reality feedback or “bad news.” (You’ve probably heard the joke about the graveyard outside the boss’s office where they bury the messengers who bring bad news.) Derailment can also occur when a pro-active behavior response is overdone because it eventually leads to negative results. For example, assertiveness (Proactive behavior of anger) can provide energy and focus to get things done. However, when overdone, it can become controlling even without being hostile. Likewise, the proactive behavior of Discernment can be powerful but when overdone leads to “paralysis by analysis.” Perceiving Emotions: The first step in understanding emotions is to accurately perceive them. In many cases, this might involve understanding nonverbal signals such as body language and facial expressions. Reasoning With Emotions: The next step involves using emotions to promote thinking and cognitive activity. Emotions help prioritize what we pay attention and react to; we respond emotionally to things that garner our attention. Understanding Emotions: The emotions that we perceive can carry a wide variety of meanings. If someone is expressing angry emotions, the observer must interpret the cause of their anger and what it might mean. For example, if your boss is acting angry, it might mean that he is dissatisfied with your work; or it could be because he got a speeding ticket on his way to work that morning or that he's been fighting with his wife. Managing Emotions: The ability to manage emotions effectively is a key part of emotional intelligence. Regulating emotions, responding appropriately and responding to the emotions of others are all important aspect of emotional management. According to Salovey and Mayer, the four branches of their model are, "arranged from more basic psychological processes to higher, more psychologically integrated processes. For example, the lowest level branch concerns the (relatively) simple

abilities of perceiving and expressing emotion. In contrast, the highest level branch concerns the conscious, reflective regulation of emotion" (1997).

2. So, What is Emotional Intelligence to me? Emotional Intelligence is a concept focused on how effectively people work with others. These Emotional Intelligence skills are unique from a person’s technical skills and cognitive abilities. Multiple studies have shown that Emotional Intelligence competencies often account for the difference between star performers and average performers, particularly in positions of leadership. In recent years, interest in Emotional Intelligence (EQ) has grown as research has shown its impact on a variety of business measures. These include recruiting and job selection, sales results and leadership performance.

3. How to effectively work with others The key premise of Emotional Intelligence is that EQ skills relate to how effectively people work with others, specifically around: • Self-Awareness • Self-Management • Social Awareness • Relationship Management

1) Self-Awareness Self-Awareness means having a clear understanding of one’s emotions, strengths, weaknesses, drives and capabilities. On the surface there’s really nothing new about this concept – it’s been touted for thousands of years. But it’s a critical skill and it’s overlooked by many people. It’s so important because people with a high degree of self-awareness recognize how their feelings and values affect them, and this relates to how they interact with others. They tend to be very thoughtful in the sense that they take time to think about the things that are important to them, and how their work and lives relate to these things. This self reflection helps them to be aware of both their limitations and strengths, and they’re candid about this.

2) Self-Management Goleman says that Self-Management frees us from being prisoners to our emotions. Without understanding what we’re feeling, we can’t control our feelings and this leaves us at the mercy of our emotions. This is okay when it comes to positive emotions like enthusiasm or success, but it’s a problem if we’re controlled by negative emotions like frustration or anxiety. People with this mastery are usually optimistic, upbeat and enthusiastic. This is particularly important in the workplace because emotions are literally contagious.

3) Social Awareness The third component of Goleman’s EQ model, Social Awareness, is mostly about empathy. It’s the ability to read another person’s facial expressions, voice and nonverbal signals in order to understand that person’s emotions. This is especially important for leaders because by staying attuned to how people are feeling, they can say and do what is most appropriate. For example, they can try to calm people’s fears, lessen anger, or in a more positive example have a good time at the office party.

4) Relationship Management Relationship Management is where these three skills all come together. This is the most visible aspect of a person, and in particular leaders. This is where you see skills like conflict management, team building, and influencing others. Leaders with good skills in the first three areas of EQ will usually be effective at managing relationships because they’re attuned to their own emotions and this means that they’ll approach relationships from a position of authenticity. It’s not just being friendly, but it’s what Goleman calls “friendliness with a purpose”: motivating people in the direction you desire. These people are very good at developing networks, not necessarily because they’re highly sociable, but rather because they understand that nothing gets done alone and they’re skilled at being able to work with others.

These EQ skills are unique from a person’s technical skills and cognitive abilities. According to Goleman’s research: 90% of the difference between star performers and average performers was attributable to EQ competencies. This and other research show that EQ skills are directly linked to critical business measures and individual success, more so than traditional measures such as IQ. It’s not that IQ and traditional factors are not important. Clearly they are. But IQ and various job-specific skills are essentially entry requirements, particularly in leadership and managerial positions.

4. Can Emotional Intelligence Be Learned? One question that often comes up is whether people are born with high EQ, or whether it can be learned. We all know people who seem to be naturally gifted in how well they work with others. They intuitively understand how to put people at ease and, if they’re leaders, how to motivate their people and keep them actively engaged in their work. The truth is that some people will be more naturally gifted than others, but the good news is that EQ skills can be learned. There’s been some clear research on this, and our own research at TRACOM has shown good evidence that people can learn how to interact more effectively at work. But in order for this to happen people have to be personally motivated, and they need to practice what they learn back on the job and get reinforcement for their new skills. Most of us can think of people who seem to have a natural ability to work well with others.

So while EQ may be an important talent, is it something that can be developed or is it something a person is born with? Research is available that clearly shows EQ can be learned. Dr. Fabio Sala of The Hay Group found that workshop interventions are effective at improving EQ. A study at Case Western University found that EQ training not only improves performance, but such gains are retained over many years. So the good news for business is that while there may be a genetic pre-disposition towards Emotional Intelligence, these skills can be developed and they tend to be retained for the long-term. There is certainly a need for practice and reinforcement to build these skills. And finally, EQ skills won’t be improved without a sincere desire to do so.

5. EQ and Leadership While EQ is relevant in almost any work situation where people work collaboratively, the use of EQ to improve leadership and managerial performance is of great interest to the HR community. And the current challenging economy has everyone trying to achieve more productivity with fewer resources. Research indicates that effective leaders can improve the performance of their organizations. Certainly different situations necessitate different leadership techniques. And in practice a leader with good EQ skills is able to assess a situation and determine an appropriate response. Without EQ, a person with high IQ, great experience and good ideas will not become a great leader. And the higher a leader advances, the more important Emotional Intelligence becomes. But the potential for EQ problems also rises with more senior executives. Research conducted by Fabio Sala showed that higher level executives consistently rated themselves higher on EQ competencies than did their lower-level colleagues. They have an inflated view of their EQ. Sala suggested that the rating difference may be related to a lack of objective information about their own skills, saying that senior executives typically have fewer opportunities for feedback because of their position and that people are often less inclined to give constructive feedback to people in positions senior to themselves.

6. Issues with putting EQ into Practice One criticism of Emotional Intelligence that we often hear is that it sounds good in theory but it’s difficult to put into practice. And some of the proponents of EQ don’t seem to do a very good job of examining what it looks like in the day-to-day workplace, or how it can be practiced and enhanced. One of the real issues here is that Emotional Intelligence tends to be somewhat generic in its focus. It assumes that all people can display these skills in more or less the same ways. Goleman and his colleagues are clear that not all effective leaders possess all EQ skills, and that much of the value of EQ is situational – certain situations will call for some EQ skills more than others. What’s often overlooked, though, is that there’s another dimension of behavior that influences how people act and also how they interpret the behavior of others. At TRACOM we’ve been researching these behavioral Styles for nearly 50 years and we’ve found that each Style is predictably different in how they like to get work done, communicate, make decisions, and use time.

TRACOM’s SOCIAL STYLE is recognized as the premier model for interpersonal behavior. It identifies four unique Styles of behavior: Driving, Expressive, Amiable and Analytical. People of each Style have preferred ways of using their time, making decisions and interacting with others. Every person has their own comfort zone based on their SOCIAL STYLE and when we interact with others, those preferences can conflict with each other. So even though a person might learn about EQ and practice those skills, others will always perceive this behavior within the framework of that person’s SOCIAL STYLE. Consider this example of how two different Style people may behave. Driving Style people have a need for results and they try to achieve their need by taking action. They tend to be very fast paced and impatient. Amiable Style people, on the other hand, have a need for maintaining personal security in their relationships. They place a high value on maintaining friendly and harmonious relationships with their co-workers, and they tend to be slower paced and more patient than Driving Style people. When it comes to displaying EQ skills like optimism and adaptability, two of the competencies of Self-Management, these two Styles will behave differently. Driving Style individuals usually don’t show optimism through exciting speeches or a cheerful presence. Instead, their optimism comes across as confidence that things will turn out alright, and that positive outcomes will happen through taking a course of action. They’re going to show their enthusiasm by actively working on problems and showing self confidence that they and the team will succeed. In terms of adaptability, many Driving Style people tend to see change as a challenge that should be met head on. Instead of ruminating on all of the problems that the change is going to cause, a Driving Style person with a high level of adaptability will focus on how to influence the change and make it a benefit instead of a detriment. These people are so action-oriented that they may actually be faster to respond to change than is comfortable for people of other Styles. Contrast this to the Amiable Style person. When they’re feeling hopeful and ptimistic about things, they’ll be outwardly cheerful towards coworkers and show a lot of energy around work activities. They’ll be very talkative and upbeat in what they say, and this can have a big impact on workgroups because, as we pointed out earlier, emotions are contagious. These are the types of people who are very skilled at rallying the troops to a cause through their enthusiasm and optimism. When confronted with a dramatic change, these people’s personal adaptability will often show itself in terms of how the change will impact the group. They’ll be very focused on trying to ensure that there’s benefit for the team, so their adaptability in this regard is often focused on achieving benefits for the people who work for them, or ensuring that the change won’t negatively affect the cohesion of the work group. The key point of this example is that just as self awareness is important for developing Emotional Intelligence, it’s also critical to understand your own natural Style of behavior and not try to force fit EQ behavior into your own repertoire in an unnatural way. Any of the EQ skills can be applied, but they are most effective when applied in ways that are most natural for your Social Style. Trying to act in ways that aren’t comfortable for your Style will usually come across to others as contrived or insincere.

7. Putting EQ to work 1. First Things First: Know Thyself Before we can think about others, we sometimes need to first think about our own behaviors. • What is your greatest strength? This is what you should emphasize! • Think of several ways in which you can emphasize your strength. 1. For example, my strength is empathy. a) I can emphasize that by listening more effectively. • Is there anything you can do to easily improve an interaction with someone? 1. Do I have time to give this person the proper attention? 2. Am I giving this person my full attention? 3. Am I letting my own issues affect this interaction? 4. Do I understand the message this person is trying to convey?

2. Are you listening? Adults are usually distracted by other things while they listen, and therefore, hear at about 25% efficiency. • Rather than always try to listen when someone is speaking, sometimes it is necessary, and even helpful, to ask the speaker to come back at a later time when we can be more receptive. • It has been found that multi-tasking does not really work, so if someone is talking to you, put your phone down, turn away from your computer monitor, and just listen. • Listening is about more than being able to repeat what someone just said. It involves hearing the words, interpreting the entire message of the speaker, and giving helpful comments or feedback in return. • Sometimes the words do not convey the whole message. Good listeners are often analyzing what the speaker is trying to get across, why the speaker is sharing the information with us, and what type of feedback may be desired in return.

Listening: Conflict Resolution and Negotiation • When tempers flare, and frustration levels are high, active listening can have a calming effect. • If someone is angry or frustrated and not calming down, it could be partially because he or she does not feel like anyone is paying attention. • The FBI’s Critical Incident Response Group (CIRG) has developed a negotiation technique for situations such as hostage negotiations. The main steps that are recommended are minimal encouragements, paraphrasing, emotion labeling, open-ended questions, and ‘I’ statements. Just as important, however, is a wellplaced break in conversation

Active Listening Techniques 1. Let the speaker know that you are listening with well-timed and short replies, e.g. I see, or yes, or tell me more, or even by nodding. (minimal encouragements) 2. Paraphrase speaker’s messages to make sure you are understanding, and also to show an effort to understand. 3. Identify the emotion the speaker is feeling. For example, if the speaker is very angry and ranting, the listener can say, ‘it sounds like you are really hurt’, or ‘that makes you really angry, huh?’ This serves to validate the speaker’s feelings. 4. Instead of asking ‘Why?’ which may put the person on the defensive, ask openended questions. (‘tell me about that’…or ‘could you help me understand better?’) 5. Use ‘I’ statements rather than ‘You’ statements (e.g.: ‘I feel frustrated when you yell at me’, because …. And the result is …). These statements sound less accusatory. 6. Effective pauses. Sometimes not saying anything at all is more effective than even the perfect response. By leaving gaps in the conversation, it allows the speaker to share more. Also, sometimes the speaker is trying to elicit a response, and not giving one, takes some wind out of his or her sails.

3. Are you getting your point across? Are you Making Yourself Clear? • You might be pretty sure that you’re being perfectly clear, but you might not be! • Give yourself time to organize your thoughts and make sure that your main points are clear. • Give examples. • Pay attention to your listeners: – Do they seem to understand? – Are they engaged and seeming interested in what what you are saying? – Perhaps sum up your thoughts in brief statements periodically and ask listeners to say how they are interpreting what you are saying. • Pay attention to yourself: – Make sure you listened to others’ preceding comments. – Wait for correct entrance to express what you have to say.

How to give concise directions that can be understood by all learning styles? • Another big part of emotional intelligence is reading your audience and being flexible enough to work with a variety of personalities. • We may be assuming that everyone is at the same level of understanding or experience, but this might not be true. – Given that there are many different learning styles, make sure to say things in more than one way. – Double-check understanding as you go by looking, listening, and asking.

– Make your speaking style concise; there is no need for flowery language or excessive information. – KISS: Keep It Simple, Stupid!

4. Nonverbal Communication: Yes, but what do you REALLY mean? • We all know that nonverbal communication is at least as important as verbal communication, but how can this knowledge help us in everyday interactions? • Whether you are a speaker or a listener, sender or receiver, paying attention to body language can guide you to a more positive outcome. 1. Does the listener seem receptive with open body language, or defensive (if minds are open, bodies tend to be more open : not holding barriers between you and them, palms up, calm and relaxed face) 2. If you are the speaker, do you seem relaxed, knowledgeable, and open to discussion, or do you seem domineering, accusatory, and a know-it-all? – Palms up or arms at your sides rather than pointing or pounding a desk, looking people in the eyes, opening your own body language, – check the tone of your voice: is it friendly, or does it sound like you are barking? Are you speaking at a reasonable speed and volume? Important: Nonverbal communication is very contextual and individual. Never assume someone’s feelings based on one or two common behaviors. 1. Rather, use your suspicions as an opportunity to ask your audience about their reactions or to experiment with your own body language. 2. Maybe a slight change would make a big difference in effectiveness!

5. Dealing with difficult people Difficult people come in many forms: The provocateur: purposely says inflammatory, unnecessary or off-topic comments in order to get a reaction from you The withholder: does not volunteer any information, answers with very short responses that are not helpful The sarcast: does not take things seriously; puts a negative and somewhat mocking spin on your message The critic: nothing is ever good enough: nothing is enlightening; the process is supid; anywhare else would be more enjoyable The shy one: in contrast to the withholder, the shy one may want to cooperate, but is difficult to draw out, does not give helpful responses, and isnot easy to read; may seem uninterested in your subject matter due to self-conscious behavior.

Whether someone is trying to be difficult, or just has a gift, we need to have some strategies to deal with these people while keeping our cool. 1. Confront their attitude with a question (e.g. “Maybe you disagree with that statement; could you tell me your view about that?”

2. Draw difficult people into a friendly dialogue to hopefully lighten up the mood and feel more positive for everyone. 3. If all else fails, ignore the problem person, and think about all of the positive people instead. This way you will not be weighted down by one person’s negativism Sometimes the problem is not difficult people, but it is people trying too hard to please everyone. This is a losing battle in which no one is happy in the end. • This most likely comes from a lack of confidence and self-esteem, but it could also come from not knowing how to deal with difficult people. How to handle “attack criticism” in front of a group. – Draw the critic into a conversation where he or she is free to voice any concerns or doubts. – If the critic is not letting up, try to lighten up the mood with a short, positive comment, and move on. – Rather than confront the critic - which could cause embarrassment and more criticism - address possible concerns in your next few sentences and check for change in mood. How to help the “withholder” to open up and help avoid passive stalemates that waste time and aggravate? – Ask specific and open-ended questions directed toward that person (be subtle and somewhat gentle so as to not seem threatening) – Open up a little yourself; give a little more. – Do not waste too much time on someone unwilling to participate in a dialogue; try a couple of times, but then move on to others. – Empathize. What is causing this person to withhold? Is he or she shy? Having a hard time? Not understanding? Try to think of this person’s perspective and change your behavior accordingly. – Directly mention that he or she seems to be withholding, and find out if this is because he or she needs time to open up, or are you being offensive, or unclear, and so on?

How to handle the “always right person”? – It can be tricky when you are talking to someone who knows everything already, but we can get out gracefully with some patience, positive attitude, an open mind, and a willingness to listen and learn. – It may sound like a joke, but maybe we could learn something from the ‘know-itall.’ How? • Ask questions • Challenge Mr. or Ms. Know-It-All with a bit of healthy debate or asking for sources of the knowledge.

• If this stops feeling productive and starts feeling petty or fake, do not take the bait that this person is putting out for you. Stop responding and move on to others who are more receptive. How to keep people motivated even on a boring project? – If you are having trouble keeping people awake with your subject matter when speaking publicly, try asking an open-ended question that requires audience participation. – Ask for volunteers to share relevant experiences. If there is silence, share something yourself, and ask if anyone can relate to your experience. – Go back to the basics: are you speaking in a dynamic and engaging tone? Are you using eye contact? How is your body language? Can you make your material any more interesting while you are speaking? When Trying Is Not Working… 1. MOVE ON. Part of being emotionally intelligent is being able to read people and situations while knowing how we are feeling and coming across. If a person or situation is a lost cause, it’s okay to let it go. Do not waste your valuable time and energy any more than is necessary (assuming that you have made reasonable attempts.) 2. WORK ON YOU. Stay focused on what you can do better rather than change someone else’s behaviors. In the end, each person is responsible for his or her own behavior: not others’ behavior. 3. DO NOT TRY TOO HARD. Stop trying to please everyone. The person who is always trying to help everyone is the first one to get knocked down. In other words, people do not appreciate someone trying to help them, and they often will take out their frustration on the very person who is TRYING.

Sample situations: 1. Someone at work is being just impossible Think: What is the problem? What could solve the problem? 2. For some reason, we are unable to get our point across Adjust. If one thing isn’t working, try another. Rework. Gear message to better suit the listener’s style. Ask. Find out if you are making sense, or if not, why? 3. We feel sad, irritable, frustrated, stressed, unappreciated, etc. Time Out. Take a few minutes away from the situation to figure out why you are

feeling these ways Work. Focus on feeling better before tackling interactions (focus on breathing, focus on feelings, step into the other person’s shoes.) 4. Negotiation is necessary Wish list: We often can’t get exactly what we want, but knowing what we want is a good starting point. Sacrifice: What can we possibly give up for the sake of a positive outcome for both parties?

6. Stress Extra responsibility, less sleep, lower expendable income, and never-ending bills can make us more stressed than we even realize. Stress exacerbates many other conditions, such as: depression, insomnia, irritable bowel syndrome, and colds, as well as others. The good news is: • There are many simple ways to reduce our stress levels that are very effective. • By managing our stress levels on a regular basis, we are likelier to remain more relaxed, and decrease stress quicker and easier in the future. Managing Stress • Step away from the stressing situation if possible • Practice Mindfulness: Focus on the in-and-out of your breath for a few minutes, and concentrate only on that. If thoughts or feelings come up during this exercise, that’s fine, but quickly refocus on your breathing. This helps you calm down and gain perspective. • If you need to vent, find a friend, family member, or trusted colleague who you can trust to listen and maybe offer helpful suggestions. • Once you are calm, think about the stressful situation in a different way. – How can you change it? – How can you better cope with it? – Have you tried some alternative ways of dealing with the situation or person?

7. Boundaries • An important part of emotional intelligence that is often ignored is people’s boundaries. • What might be perfectly appropriate to you may be inappropriate or uncomfortable for someone else. • When someone’s boundaries are crossed, it can have negative results, such as: – Anger – Closed off to your message – Sadness

– Distrust – Lack of focus; distractibility  If you sense that you have crossed the line with someone, apologize, and proceed with caution.  Switch to a lighter subject, or put the ball in someone else’s court (i.e. stop talking; let someone else speak for a while.) Rules of Thumb • A good rule of thumb is to ask and share a little less rather than a little more. If the other person is open to sharing more, then he or she will. • Do not push people too hard or too quickly. • We can never know for sure what is okay and what is taboo for any particular person. • Just because an experience is one way for you, does not mean that the experience is the same way for others. • You don’t have to understand why someone feels a particular way necessarily, but you do need to respect that it is his or her feeling to have.

8. Research on EQ and Versatility The other key principle from the SOCIAL STYLE model is Versatility. Versatility is a measure of a person’s interpersonal effectiveness. Like Emotional Intelligence, Versatility has several sub-components: image, presentation, competence and feedback. Versatility complements EQ in important ways. The Versatility model focuses on aspects of Emotional Intelligence that are most relevant to the workplace. Researchers at Colorado State University have just completed a study that compared Versatility to two separate measures of EQ, and they found a significant relationship between Versatility and EQ. Thus the correlations Colorado State University found between Versatility and EQ are extremely high, showing a very close connection between these two measures. The main take away from this research is that by working on Versatility and an awareness of Style and how different people respond to behavior, you can also increase your EQ. The research shows that by learning about behavioral style and how it impacts Versatility, people can also improve their Emotional Intelligence. 9. Benefits and Summary: In today’s economy, organizations are looking for ways to improve their productivity. Emotional Intelligence has emerged as a resource to improve the performance of individuals and their organizations. And as research continues to document, EQ is making a difference. There are objective, measurable benefits associated with EQ including increased sales, better recruiting and retention and more effective leadership. Further, there is evidence that EQ skills can be developed through training programs. SOCIAL STYLE and Versatility training teach specific skills that increase Emotional Intelligence.

Developing this expertise in behavioral styles makes individuals and their organizations more productive and effective.

Resources: Tracomp Group - 6675 South Kenton Street, Suite 118 - Centennial, CO 80111 303-470-4900 - DePaul University – Chicago

RightPath Resources, Inc. Founder, President and CEO, Jerry Mabe

10. Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy 1. Cognitive dissonance Get insight into the balance between thinking (knowledge), feelings (emotions) and behavior (actions): Try to find out whether the thinking (knowledge), the feelings and the behavior of your partner on your proposed action are compatible with each other. A situation in which these elements do not correspond to each other is an extremely unpleasant experience, known as cognitive dissonance. This produces a feeling of discomfort leading to an alteration in one of the attitudes, beliefs or behaviors to reduce the discomfort and restore balance etc. A person who is experiencing cognitive dissonance, will always change one of the elements involved, in order to restore balance. For instance: A colleague has announced that he has been invited to an important meeting and that he looks forward to participating. Yet, he has not attended the meeting. If you then return to the subject, he may indicate that the meeting was not as important as he had thought before. Understanding of the imbalance between the elements can be useful in the approach of the other party. At times, providing the necessary information will suffice to restore the balance. In general, if one of the elements is outweighing the other elements, balance can be restored as follows: 1. 1. 2. 3.

If a person is overloaded by Internal Processes (Thinking): Get his attention Ask questions Keep silent (use the power of Silence)

2. If a person is overloaded by External Behavior (Action): 1. Reformulate the content 2. Ask a closed question 3. If a person is overloaded by emotions (Feeling): 1. Active Listening 2. Reflect the emotion (happy, angry, afraid, sad, etc‌)

2. The emotional balance Emotions are how we genuinely feel about things. We all experience both pleasant and unpleasant feelings in our lives. Emotional balance is about getting the balance of pleasant and unpleasant feelings right. When we get the balance right, we can flourish – this means feeling happy, getting the most out of our lives and giving the best that we can give. So how do we find emotional balance in our lives? How do we maintain a healthy balance of positive and negative emotions? Positive and negative emotions don’t just happen to us - they are affected by the way we think. In turn, how we think affects what we do. So, our behaviour is affected by our thoughts and emotions. In addition, the way we behave, and the outcomes of our behaviour, affects how we think and feel. There is therefore an ongoing relationship between our thoughts, feelings and behaviour. So, we can take control of our emotions by changing the way we think. We can decide how we are going to respond when bad things happen to us. And we can think positively about our lives to help encourage positive emotion. We can push negative thoughts out of our mind, by doing something to try and take our mind off them for a while, like going for a walk or a swim or phoning a friend. The physical exercise or contact with a friend can also give us a little boost of positive emotion which opens our minds to possible solutions to our problems. Also, solutions to our problems often come to us when we’re not thinking too hard about it. We can’t just magic up positive emotions – for example, we can’t just decide to be joyful. But we can decide to think about the good things in our life to help us experience joy by asking ourselves questions like, "What’s going well in my life today?" We can also argue with our negative thoughts by clearly examining the facts of the situation. Thinking things like "I’ll never get this work finished – I’m just hopeless at this" makes you feel pretty low, but may not actually be true. Effectively managing negative emotions involves identifying negative thinking and replacing it with realistic and balanced thinking. Because our thoughts have a big impact on the way we feel, changing unhelpful thoughts to realistic or helpful ones is a key to feeling better. “Realistic thinking” means looking at yourself, others, and the world in a balanced and fair way, without being overly negative or positive. For example: Know what you’re thinking or telling yourself. Most of us are not used to paying attention to the way we think, even though we are constantly affected by our thoughts. Paying attention to your thoughts (or self-talk) can help you keep track of the kind of thoughts you typically have. Once you’re more aware of your thoughts, try to identify the thoughts that make you feel bad, and determine if they’re problematic thoughts that need to be challenged. For example, if you feel sad thinking about your grandmother who’s been battling cancer, this thought doesn’t need to be challenged because it’s

absolutely normal to feel sad when thinking about a loved one suffering. But, if you feel sad after a friend cancels your lunch plans and you begin to think there’s obviously something seriously wrong with you and no one likes you, this is problematic because this thought is extreme and not based on reality. Pay attention to the shift in your emotion, no matter how small. When you notice yourself getting more upset or distressed, ask yourself, “What am I telling myself right now?” or “What is making me feel upset?”

3. The effect of thinking traps and irrational thoughts When you’re accustomed to identifying thoughts that lead to negative emotions, start to examine these thoughts to see if they’re unrealistic and unhelpful. One of the first things to do is to see if you’ve fallen into Thinking Traps (e.g., catastrophizing or overestimating danger), which are overly negative ways of seeing things. You can also ask yourself a range of questions to challenge your negative thoughts, such as “What is the evidence that this thought is true?” and “Am I confusing a possibility with a probability? It may be possible, but is it likely?” Finally, after challenging a negative thought and evaluating it more objectively, try to come up with an alternative thought that is more balanced and realistic. Doing this can help lower your distress. In addition to coming up with realistic statements, try to come up with some quick and easy-to-remember coping statements (e.g., “This has happened before and I know how to handle it”) and positive selfstatements (e.g., “It takes courage to face the things that scare me”). It can also be particularly helpful to write down your realistic thoughts or helpful coping statements on an index card or piece of paper. Then, keep this coping card with you to help remind you of these statements when you are feeling too distressed to think clearly. Cognitive Behaviour Therapy is designed to help us recognize the irrational thinking patterns and learn strategies to challenge those thoughts and thereby have a positive feedback effect on our moods. In essence we are trying to retrain our thinking patterns back into more of a rational pattern. The therapy is based on the idea that how we think (cognition), how we feel (our emotions) and how we behave (behaviour), are all interconnected. Basically the view that emotions cause our thought patterns is reversed by this therapy which maintains that irrational thoughts lead to negative emotions and moods, and thus behaviour. The classic example of where irrational thought can alter are moods is where we make a mistake and think, “I am useless – I never get things right”, then our moods tend to become depressed and then our behaviour changes to avoid other situations where we feel we will fail again and this tends to reinforce our belief in our uselessness. Soon we have a self-fulfilling prophecy feeding on itself. Sound familiar? One of the main pillars of REBT is that irrational and dysfunctional ways and patterns of thinking, feeling and behaving are contributing to much, though hardly all, human disturbance and emotional and behavioral self-defeatism and social defeatism. REBT generally teaches that when people turn flexible preferences, desires and wishes into grandiose, absolutistic and fatalistic dictates, this tends to contribute to disturbance and upsetness.

REBT commonly posits that at the core of irrational beliefs there often are explicit or implicit rigid demands and commands, and that extreme derivatives like awfulizing, frustration intolerance, people deprecation and over-generalizations are accompanied by these. According to REBT the core dysfunctional philosophies in a person's evaluative emotional and behavioral belief system, are also very likely to contribute to unrealistic, arbitrary and crooked inferences and distortions in thinking. REBT therefore first teaches that when people in an insensible and devout way overuse absolutistic, dogmatic and rigid "shoulds", "musts", and "oughts", they tend to disturb and upset themselves. The way our thoughts become irrational is based on what is often described as ’The Ten Cognitive Distortions’ and they are common in life for everyone at some point. The difference is that those of us with bipolar or depression tend to have had them become almost a way of life. Albert Ellis has suggested three core beliefs or philosophies that humans tend to disturb themselves through:

"I absolutely MUST, under practically all conditions and at all times, perform well (or outstandingly well) and win the approval (or complete love) of significant others. If I fail in these important—and sacred—respects, that is awful and I am a bad, incompetent, unworthy person, who will probably always fail and deserves to suffer."

Holding this belief when faced with adversity tends to contribute to feelings of anxiety,panic, depression, despair, and worthlessness.

"Other people with whom I relate or associate, absolutely MUST, under practically all conditions and at all times, treat me nicely, considerately and fairly. Otherwise, it is terrible and they are rotten, bad, unworthy people who will always treat me badly and do not deserve a good life and should be severely punished for acting so abominably to me."

"The conditions under which I live absolutely MUST, at practically all times, be favorable, safe, hassle-free, and quickly and easily enjoyable, and if they are not that way it's awful and horrible and I can't bear it. I can't ever enjoy myself at all. My life is impossible and hardly worth living."

Holding this belief when faced with adversity tends to contribute to feelings of anger, rage, fury, and vindictiveness.

Holding this belief when faced with adversity tends to contribute tofrustration and discomfort, intolerance, self-pity, anger, depression, and to behaviors such as procrastination, avoidance, and inaction.

Once we have become familiar with these irrational thought patterns, we then have to learn strategies to challenge and confront them so that over time we can change how we feel about ourselves and situations and thus are enabled to also change our behaviour to reinforce the positive cycle. This is often done in a four step process

so that we can see the rational versus the irrational thoughts side by side in line with the situation and then look at what steps we can take. But first a description of the Cognitive Distortions: 1.

All or nothing thinking – the tendency to think in absolute terms, like ‘always’, ‘never’ and every.


Overgeneralisation – taking isolated situations and applying them in a wide generalised way.


Mental filter – focussing exclusively on one, usually negative aspect and ignoring the larger, more positive picture.


Discounting the positive – continually ignoring positive aspects for arbitrary reasons.


Jumping to conclusions - assuming something negative where there is actually no evidence to support it. Two specific subtypes are also identified: a.

Mind reading - assuming the intentions of others


Fortune telling - guessing that things will turn out badly


Magnification – usually magnifying the negatives and minimising the positives – my psychiatrist nicknames it ‘Awfulisation’.


Emotional reasoning – making decisions on how you feel not based on objective reality.


Should statements – when you concentrate on what you feel you should do or ought to be rather than the reality of the situation. (Often called ‘wishful thinking’).


Labeling – related to overgeneralisation, where you assign labels to someone rather than specific behaviour. One example could be rather than saying – I made a mistake, you say I am a loser because of the mistake.

10. Personalization and blame – assuming yourself or others are the cause of things when that may not have been the case.

4. Techniques for Disputing Irrational Beliefs (DIBS) Albert Ellis, Ph.D If you want to increase your rationality and reduce your self-defeating irrational beliefs, you can ask yourself the following questions and carefully thinking through (not merely parroting!) the healthy answers. 1. WHAT SELF-DEFEATING IRRATIONAL BELIEF DO I WANT TO DISPUTE AND SURRENDER? Illustrative answer: I must receive love from someone for whom I really care. 2. CAN I RATIONALLY SUPPORT THIS BELIEF? Illustrative answer: No. 3. WHAT EVIDENCE EXISTS OF THE FALSENESS OF THIS BELIEF? Illustrative answer: Many indications exist that the belief that I must receive love from someone for whom I really care is false:

a) No law of the universe exists that says that someone I care for must love me (although I would find it nice if that person did!). b) If I do not receive love from one person, I can still get it from others and find happiness that way. c) If no one I care for ever cares for me, which is very unlikely, I can still find enjoyment in friendships, in work, in books, and in other things. d) If someone I deeply care for rejects me, that will be most unfortunate; but I will hardly die! e) Even though I have not had much luck in winning great love in the past, that hardly proves that I must gain it now. f) No evidence exists for any absolutistic must. Consequently, no proof exists that I must always have anything, including love. g) Many people exist in the world who never get the kind of love they crave and who still lead happy lives. h) At times during my life I know that I have remained unloved and happy; so I most probably can feel happy again under unloving conditions. i) If I get rejected by someone for whom I truly care, that may mean that I possess some poor, unlovable traits. But that hardly means that I am a rotten, worthless, totally unlovable individual. j)Even if I had such poor traits that no one could ever love me, I would still not have to down myself as a lowly, bad individual. 4. DOES ANY EVIDENCE EXIST OF THE TRUTH OF THIS BELIEF? Illustrative answer: No, not really. Considerable evidence exists that if I love someone dearly and never am loved in return that I will then find myself disadvantaged, inconvenienced, frustrated, and deprived. I certainly would prefer, therefore, not to get rejected. But no amount of inconvenience amounts to a horror. I can still stand frustration and loneliness. They hardly make the world awful. Nor does rejection make me a turd! Clearly, then, no evidence exists that I must receive love from someone for whom I really care. 5. WHAT ARE THE WORST THINGS THAT COULD ACTUALLY HAPPEN TO ME IF I DON'T GET WHAT I THINK I MUST (OR DO GET WHAT I THINK I MUST NOT GET)? Illustrative answer: If I don't get the love I think I must receive: a) I would get deprived of various possible pleasures and conveniences. b) I would feel inconvenienced by having to keep looking for love elsewhere. c) I might never gain the love I want, and thereby continue indefinitely to feel deprived and disadvantaged. d) Other people might down me and consider me pretty worthless for getting rejected-and that would be annoying and unpleasant. e) I might settle for pleasures other than and worse than those I could receive in a good love relationship; and I would find that distinctly undesirable. f) I might remain alone much of the time; which again would be unpleasant. g) Various other kinds of misfortunes and deprivations might occur in my life-none of which I need define as awful, terrible, or unbearable.

6. WHAT GOOD THINGS COULD I MAKE HAPPEN IF I DON'T GET WHAT I THINK I MUST (OR DO GET WHAT I THINK I MUST NOT GET)? a) If the person I truly care for does not return my love, I could devote more time and energy to winning someone else's love -and probably find someone better for me. b) I could devote myself to other enjoyable pursuits that have little to do with loving or relating, such as work or artistic endeavors. c) I could find it challenging and enjoyable to teach myself to live happily without love. d) I could work at achieving a philosophy of fully accepting myself even when I do not get the love I crave. You can take any one of your major irrational beliefs - your shoulds, oughts, or musts - and spend at least ten minutes every day, often for a period of several weeks, actively and vigorously disputing this belief. To help keep yourself devoting this amount of time to the DIBS method of rational disputing, you may use operant conditioning or self-management methods (originated by B.F. Skinner, David Premack, Marvin Goldfried, and other psychologists). Select some activity that you highly enjoy that you tend to do every day- such as reading, eating, television viewing, exercising, or social contact with friends. Use this activity as a reinforcer or reward by ONLY allowing yourself to engage in it AFTER you have practiced Disputing Irrational Beliefs (DIBS) for at least ten minutes that day. Otherwise, no reward! Summary of Questions to Ask Yourself in DIBS 1. WHAT SELF-DEFEATING IRRATIONAL BELIEF DO I WANT TO DISPUTE AND SURRENDER? 2. CAN I RATIONALLY SUPPORT THIS BELIEF? 3. WHAT EVIDENCE EXISTS OF THE FALSENESS OF THIS BELIEF? 4. DOES ANY EVIDENCE EXIST OF THE TRUTH OF THIS BELIEF? 5. WHAT ARE THE WORST THINGS THAT COULD ACTUALLY HAPPEN TO ME IF I DON'T GET WHAT I THINK I MUST (OR DO GET WHAT I THINK I MUST NOT GET)? 6. WHAT GOOD THINGS COULD I MAKE HAPPEN IF I DON'T GET WHAT I THINK I MUST (OR DO GET WHAT I THINK I MUST NOT GET)? Disputing (D) your dysfunctional or irrational Beliefs (iBs) is one of the most effective of REBT techniques. But it is still often ineffective, because you can easily and very strongly hold on to an iB (such as, "I absolutely must be loved by so-andso, and it's awful and I am an inadequate person when he/she does not love me!"). When you question and challenge this iB you often can come up with an Effective New Philosophy (E) that is accurate but weak: "I guess that there is no reason why so-and-so must love me, because there are other people who will love me when soand-so does not. I can therefore be reasonably happy without his/her love." Believing this almost Effective New Philosophy, and believing it lightly, you can still easily and forcefully believe, "Even though it is not awful and terrible when so-andso does not love me, it really is! No matter what, I still need his/her affection!"

Weak, or even moderately strong, Disputing will therefore often not work very well to help you truly disbelieve some of your powerful and long-held iB's; while vigorous, persistent Disputing is more likely to work

5. Challenging irrational beliefs How do we deal with these beliefs which are limiting us and have become an obstruction towards our goal achievement? We must let go of these beliefs and assumptions to become successful, have positive relationships with others, and deal with the stress in life. Following are the five questions that you can ask yourself to dispute your irrational beliefs. 1. Reality testing What is my evidence for and against my thinking? Why “should” I always be the best?, Why “must” everybody like me? Where is it written? Who said so? Am I jumping to negative conclusions? How can I find out if my thoughts are actually true? 2. Look for alternative explanations Does this belief ALWAYS hold true for me? When did it not? Are there any other ways that I could look at this situation? What else could this mean? If I were being positive, how would I perceive this situation? 3. Putting it in perspective Does this belief look at the total picture? What is the worst and what the best thing that could happen? Is there anything good about this situation? Will this matter in five years’ time? 4. Using goal-directed thinking Is this way of thinking helping me to achieve my goals? Does This belief promote my well being? What can I do that will help me solve the problem? Is there something I can learn from this situation, to help me do it better next time? 5. Did I choose this belief on my own or did I develop it from my experience of childhood? Many of our mistaken beliefs are formed due to our upbringing and the kind of messages we got during our growing up. It is important to let go of the past and focus on what can be done in the present to deal with situations versus letting these mistaken beliefs take control of you. Why “should” I always be the best?, Why “must” everybody like me? Why “can’t” I …? Where is it written? Who said so? It is important to mention here that once you have challenged the mistaken belief, it is very crucial to use an affirmation to reinforce your newly formed belief about the situation, person and event.

Following are some examples of Affirmations that you can use to challenge your mistaken beliefs: -

I am learning to be kind to myself. I am a good person. I can accept criticism and learn from it. I love and accept myself. It is okay for me to take care of my needs without feeling guilty. I have a right to express my feelings. I am learning to let go of my worries and think positive.

In this way, we see that it is possible to challenge our mistaken beliefs and change our self talk to deal with our situations. Once we have challenged the mistaken beliefs and used affirmations, it is possible to replace our mistaken beliefs with a new rational belief. You need a lot of determination to be able to uproot your mistaken beliefs because you formed them over the years. Persistence and perseverance will ultimately give desired results. Exercise: If you just know you feel bad and are not sure what you’re thinking, this exercise may help: Take a sheet of paper and divide it in 4 columns Step One In the first column, write down your answers to these exploring questions: What was going through my mind just before I started to feel this way? What does this say about me? What does it say I can/can’t do? What does this mean about me? My life? My future? What am I afraid might happen? What is the worst thing that could happen if this is true? - What does this mean about what other people might think/feel about me? - What does this mean I should/shouldn’t do? - What images or memories do I have in this situation?


Step Two In the second column, write down all the factual evidence that suggests your circled thought is true. Be as specific as possible, and only include facts, not opinions. For example, if your friend Sally said a particular dress made you look a little fat, don’t write, “I look fat” (this is just Sally’s opinion). Don’t write, “Sally says I look fat” (this is over generalising). Write something like, “Sally said I looked a little fat in the green dress.”

Step Three In the third column, write down any factual evidence that suggests your circled thought is not 100% true. To do this, you can ask yourself the following questions: - Have I had any experiences that show that this thought is not completely true all the time? - If my best friend or someone I loved had this thought, what would I tell them? - If my best friend or someone who loves me knew I was thinking this thought, what would they say to me? What evidence would they point out to me that would suggest that my thoughts were not 100% true? - When I am not feeling this way, do I think about this type of situation any differently? How? - When I have felt this way in the past, what did I think about that helped me feel better? - Have I been in this type of situation before? What happened? Is there anything different between this situation and previous ones? What have I learned from prior experiences that could help me now? - Are there any small things that contradict my thoughts that I might be discounting as not important? - Five years from now, if I look back at this situation, will I look at it any differently? Will I focus on any different part of my experience? - Are there any strengths or positives in me or the situation that I am ignoring? - Am I jumping to any conclusions that are not completely justified by the evidence? - Am I blaming myself for something over which I do not have complete control? Step Four In the final column, try to come up with some “alternative” or “balanced” thoughts that are more factually accurate than those in the first column. These should take into account all the evidence you’ve just gathered. You can ask yourself the following questions: - Based on the evidence I have listed, is there an alternative way of thinking about or understanding the situation? - Write one sentence that summarizes all the evidence that supports my thought and all the evidence that does not support my thought. - Does combining the two summary statements with the word “and” create a balanced thought that takes into account all the information I have gathered? - If someone I cared about was in this situation, had these thoughts, and had this information available, what would be my advice to them? How would I suggest that they understand the situation? - If my thought is true, what is the worst outcome? If my thought is true, what is the best outcome? If my thought is true, what is the most realistic outcome? - Can someone I trust think of any other way of understanding this situation? Resources “Overcoming Weight Problems” by Gauntlett-Gilbert and Grace “Mind Over Mood” by Greenberger and Padesky “Anxiety and Phobia Workbook” by Edmond J Bourne

6. The ABC Framework Situation 1: You've have had a bad day, feel fed up, so go out shopping. As you walk down the road, someone you know walks by and, apparently, ignores you. 1/ Irrational thought: He/she ignored me - they don't like me - Cognitive distortions : Fortune telling, Mind reading, Labelling, Overgeneralisation, Emotional Reasoning - Emotional: Feeling low, sad and rejected - Physical: Stomach cramps, low energy, feel sick - Behaviour: Go home - avoid them

2/ Rational thought: He/she looks a bit wrapped up in themselves – I wonder if there's something wrong? -

Cognitive distortions : none Emotional: Concerned for the other person Physical: None, feel comfortable Behaviour: Get in touch to make sure they're OK

Situation 2: Person 1: - A (Activating Situation) = A friend does not return your phone call - B (Beliefs/Thoughts) = “I must have done something to upset them. I am such a horrible person.” - C (Consequence/Effect) = Anxious, upset, depressed Person 2: - A (Activating Situation) = A friend does not return your phone call - B (Beliefs/Thoughts) = “They’re probably just really busy, and haven’t had time to get back to me yet.” - C (Consequence/ Effect) = Content, neutral The above examples show how two people may experience the same situation, but have very different reactions to the event based on how they interpret and evaluate the situation according to their thoughts and beliefs. The right process is basically a four step procedure: 1/ we clearly look at what actually happened not what we think happened. 2/ we identify our irrational thought and it is a good idea to see what one, or ones of the cognitive distortions is involved. 3/ we look at what a rational thought could be for the situation 4/ and then look at what action we can take do something concrete and positive about it.

It is a really great idea to write down our reasoning and not just do it mentally as if forces us to confront our irrational thoughts and actions in a much more effective way. To be perfectly honest, it requires hard work and commitment to make it work but the longer we work at it the easier it becomes. I have to remind myself that the times that I am really down and not feeling very good about myself and life in particular, these are the times when I most need to do it. REBT employs the ‘ABC framework’ — depicted in the figure below — to clarify the relationship between (A): activating events (B): our beliefs about them (C): and the cognitive, emotional or behavioural consequences of our beliefs.

The figure shows how the framework distinguishes between the effects of rational beliefs about negative events, which give rise to healthy negative emotions, and the effects of irrational beliefs about negative events, which lead to unhealthy negative emotions.

Negative events and healthy vs. unhealthy responses.

In addition to the ABC framework, REBT also employs three primary insights: While external events are of undoubted influence, psychological disturbance is largely a matter of personal choice in the sense that individuals consciously or unconsciously select both rational beliefs and irrational beliefs at (B) when negative events occur at (A) Past history and present life conditions strongly affect the person, but they do not, in and of themselves, disturb the person; rather, it is the individual’s responses which disturb them, and it is again a matter of individual choice whether to maintain the philosophies at (B) which cause disturbance. Modifying the philosophies at (B) requires persistence and hard work, but it can be done.

The Triangle emblem is an “impossible figure,” an optical illusion. The figure was designed by Fred L. Holtz more than thirty years ago and was originally created simply to be thought provoking. HPS now uses the symbol to represent the three dimensions of the mind that need to be in balance for Psychological Well Being: Rational Thoughts, Healthy Range of Emotions, and Effective Behaviors. Therapy helps you achieve all of these.

Resources: Hotz psychological service, Melville, New York - Cognitive Behavior Therapy

11. Success Strategies 1. Building a Shared Vision Effective leaders create a shared vision of great performance - a clear picture of the future of the organization, based on tomorrow’s needs. The vision makes the goal and the journey clear: where we are going, how we will know when we get there, and how we’ll know that we’re making progress. Effective leaders see the total system, understand it, and help others to understand it. And they help to build the power within the organization to achieve the vision. Effective leaders encourage employees at all levels to expand, deepen, and personalize the organizational vision by identifying how, in their own roles, they can make a significant contribution to achieving the organizational vision.

2. Empowerment An effective leader empowers employees by developing a shared vision, removing obstacles to great performance, developing ownership of the vision among the employees, and stimulating self-directed actions. The leader must be sure that the performers are responsible and accountable for great performance. People who are given a real voice are much more likely to “buy in” to the vision and the organizational goals and to make it their mission to help achieve those goals. 3. Coaching A leader who manages through coaching convinces people of their own ability to do the job. They have faith that, with the proper training and support, people will excel. Coaching involves providing training, support, and constructive feedback as an employee carries out responsibilities. The leader gives ongoing encouragement and praise for successes and helps the person build confidence in his or her own abilities.

An effective format for coaching includes these steps:  Set the stage. Give full attention, be clear, assume a “shared learning” mindset, encourage dialogue, listen actively, and foster mutual respect.  Define the problem, goal, or issue. Be specific and be clear about your assumptions.  Foster a growth atmosphere by reinforcing positive behavior, making clear that you are there to help, and encouraging the open exchange of ideas.  Provide opportunities for collaboration and problem solving on alternatives. Apply the principles of balanced inquiry and advocacy, constructive disagreement, and idea-building in exploring alternatives. Give constructive feedback to improve performance.  Agree on an action plan and set a follow-up date, then keep the door open.

4. Mentoring Effective leaders use mentoring to foster leadership skills within the organization. Mentoring happens when an experienced person provides guidance and support in a variety of ways to a developing employee, introducing that person to the workings of the organization and assisting with professional development. A mentor must be willing to share his or her expertise and not be threatened by the concept of the person’s success within the organization.

2. Leadership Inspire – motivate – energize Managers do things right – Leaders do the right things They have a clear vision and the personal power to enact on it

1. Leadership Characteristics Leadership involves providing vision, direction, coordination and motivation toward achieving management goals: A leader is someone who sets direction and influences people to follow that direction. This requires the ability to create an environment that encourages self-discovery and the testing of assumptions that may impede growth, change and the development of a shared vision. As we work to increase self knowledge, balance inquiry and advocacy, and solicit authentic feedback, we are building trust and free ourselves and our organization to embrace constructive change Santa Clara University & Tom Peeters Group defined ten leadership characteristics: 1. 2. 3. 4.

honest competent forward looking inspiring

5. 6. 7. 8.

intelligent fair-minded broad minded courageous

9. straightforward 10. imaginative

Kouzes and Posner extended the list to 20, adding: 11. 12. 13. 14.

supportive dependable cooperative determined

15. 16. 17. 18.

ambitious caring mature loyal

The US Army defined 11 leadership principles: 1. be tactically and technically proficient 2. know yourself and seek self-improvement 3. know your soldiers and look for their welfare 4. keep your soldiers informed 5. set the example 6. ensure the task is understood, supervised and accomplished 7. train your soldiers as a team 8. make sound and simple decisions 9. develop a sense of responsibility in your subordinates 10. employ your unit in accordance with its capabilities 11. seek responsibility and take responsibility for your actions.

19. 20.

self-controlled independent

Kouzes and Posner defined five abilities crucial to successful leadership (The Leadership Challenge) 1. model the way: 2. inspire a shared vision: 3. challenge the process: 4. enable others to act: 5. encourage the heart:

lead by example effectively communicate imagination-capturing vision think outside the box; dare to change procedures empower people to act on their own within their level of authority a positive, passionate attitude is infectious

John Maxwell defined 21 Indispensable Qualities of a Leader 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7.

Character Charisma Commitment Communication Competence Courage Discernment

8. Focus 9. Generosity 10.Initiative 11.Listening 12.Passion 13.Positive Attitude 14.Problem Solving

The 35 Most Important Leadership Behaviours are: 1. Being a Role Model for Integrity & Ethics 2. Demonstrating Passion for Your Work 3. Demonstrating Optimism & Positive Energy 4. Creating a sense of excitement or urgency 5. Being a Champion for Work/Life Balance 6. Motivating & Inspiring others to take action 7. Remaining up to date with emerging issues and trends 8. Driving innovation 9. Learning the Business 10. Planning for the future 11. Establishing a Vision & Mission 12. Emphasizing organizational values 13. Setting Strategy & Priorities 14. Creating a Culture of Customer Focus 15. Building High Performance Teams 16. Delegating & Empowering 17. Fostering commitment 18. Coaching & Developing Talent 19. Challenging people with new goals and aspirations 20. Listening and Communicating 21. Driving for Results 22. Managing the efficiency of operations 23. Managing & Evaluating Performance 24. Evaluating proposed projects 25. Managing Complexity & Ambiguity 26. Managing Your Time 27. Evaluating Risk 28. Integrating conflicting perspectives and needs 29. Resolving Conflict 30. Solving problems 31. Influencing Others

15.Relationships 16.Responsibility 17.Security 18.Self-Discipline 19.Servanthood 20.Teachibility 21.Vision

32. 33. 34. 35.

Influencing operational decisions Collaborating Across the Organization Keeping Things in Perspective (Humility & Gratitude) Represent the organization

2. The five levels of leadership (John C Maxwell) People follow you because 1. 2. 3. 4. 5.

Position Permission Production People Development Personhood

(rights) (relationships) (results) (reproduction) (respect)

They have to They want to What you’ve done for the company What you’ve done for them Who you are and what you represent

Here’s how it works. Influence is gained with people in five levels. Every person who leads others has to start at the bottom level with another person and work his or her way up to higher levels one at a time. Level 1—Position Position is the lowest level of leadership—the entry level. The only influence a positional leader has is that which comes with the job title. People follow because they have to. Positional leadership is based on the rights granted by the position and title. Nothing is wrong with having a leadership position. Everything is wrong with using position to get people to follow. Position is a poor substitute for influence. People who make it only to Level 1 may be bosses, but they are never leaders. They have subordinates, not team members. They rely on rules, regulations, policies and organizational charts to control their people. Their people will only follow them within the stated boundaries of their authority. And their people will usually do only what is required of them. When positional leaders ask for extra effort or time, they rarely get it. Positional leaders usually have difficulty working with volunteers, younger people and the highly educated. Why? Because positional leaders have no influence, and these types of people tend to be more independent. Position is the only level that does not require ability and effort to achieve. Anyone can be appointed to a position. Level 2—Permission Level 2 is based entirely on relationships. On the permission level, people follow because they want to. When you like people and treat them like individuals who have value, you begin to develop influence with them. You develop trust. The environment becomes much more positive—whether at home, on the job, at play or while volunteering. The agenda for leaders on Level 2 isn’t preserving their position. It’s getting to know their people and figuring out how to get along with them. Leaders find out who their people are. Followers find out who their leaders are. People build solid, lasting relationships. You can like people without leading them, but you cannot lead people well without liking them. That’s what Level 2 is about.

Level 3—Production One of the dangers of getting to the permission level is that a leader will stop there. But good leaders don’t just create a pleasant working environment. They get things done! That’s why they must move up to Level 3, which is based on results. On the production level leaders gain influence and credibility, and people begin to follow them because of what they have done for the organization. Many positive things begin happening when leaders get to Level 3. Work gets done, morale improves, profits go up, turnover goes down and goals are achieved. It is also on Level 3 that momentum kicks in. Leading and influencing others becomes fun on this level. Success and productivity have been known to solve a lot of problems. Level 4—People Development Leaders become great not because of their power, but because of their ability to empower others. That is what leaders do on Level 4. They use their position, relationships and productivity to invest in their followers and develop them until those followers become leaders in their own right. The result is reproduction; Level 4 leaders reproduce themselves. Production may win games, but people development wins championships. Two things always happen on Level 4. First, teamwork goes to a very high level. Why? Because the high investment in people deepens relationships, helps people to know one another better and strengthens loyalty. Second, performance increases. Why? Because there are more leaders on the team, and they help to improve everybody’s performance. Level 4 leaders change the lives of the people they lead. Accordingly, their people follow them because of what their leaders have done for them personally. And their relationships are often lifelong. Level 5—Pinnacle The highest and most difficult level of leadership is the pinnacle. While most people can learn to climb to Levels 1 through 4, Level 5 requires not only effort, skill and intentionality, but also a high level of talent. Only naturally gifted leaders ever make it to this highest level. What do leaders do on Level 5? They develop people to become Level 4 leaders. Developing leaders to the point where they are able and willing to develop other leaders is the most difficult leadership task of all. But here are the payoffs: Level 5 leaders develop Level 5 organizations. They create opportunities that other leaders don’t. They create legacy in what they do. People follow them because of who they are and what they represent. In other words, their leadership gains a positive reputation. As a result, Level 5 leaders often transcend their position, their organization and sometimes their industry.

3. The 10 leadership principles (adapted from John C Maxwell) 1. Create positive influence Establish a supporting reward system 2. Set the right priorities 3. Model integrity acting as a positive role model: “Do as I say AND as I do�: actions and words confirm, support and clarify each other. Target persons are more apt to follow leaders they respect. 4. Create positive change Imposing a new approach 5. Having expert knowledge on a topic of importance 6. Solve problems 7. Have the right positive attitude - Being a team player; Pitching in to help 8. Chart the vision 9. Practice self discipline 10.Develop staff sponsor new training and development

4. The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership (John Maxwell) 1. The Law of the Lid Your leadership ability creates a lid on your effectiveness. You cannot be more effective than the level of your leadership will allow. 2. The Law of Influence Leadership = Influence. It is as simple as that. The person who has the most influence in an organization is the true leader, whether his title says that or not. 3. The Law of Process Becoming a good leader is a process. It is much like investing, if you expect to get rich quick you are going to fail. If you think you can just be a great leader tomorrow because you want to, think again. You have to work at it for a long period of time. 4. The Law of Navigation The law of navigation comes down to this simple acrostic - PLAN AHEAD; Predetermine a Course of Action Lay Out Your Goals Adjust Your Priorities Notify Key Personnel Allow Time for Acceptance Head into Action Except Problems Always Point to the Successes Daily Review Your Plan 5. The Law of E.F. Hutton When the real leader speaks, people listen. The person in the leadership position has to realize that someone else may be the real leader. 6. The Law of Solid Ground No leader can break trust with his people and expect to keep influencing them. Trust is the foundation of leadership. Violate the Law of Solid Ground, and you’re through as a leader. 7. The Law of Respect Followers are attracted to better leaders than themselves. On a scale from 1-10, an 8 isn’t normally going to follow a 6. He is generally going to seek out a 9 or a 10. 8. The Law of Intuition Leaders read their situation, read trends, and read their resources. Situation - Leaders capture details that others don’t see. They know how figure out what is going on by reading their surroundings. Trends - Things happen in the context of a bigger picture. Leaders can see where they are and where they are headed. Resources - Successful individuals think in terms of what they can do. Successful leaders see things in terms of their resources and use the best tool for their job. 9. The Law of Magnetism You will only be able to attract people who are like yourself. 10. The Law of Connection You have to make a connection with a person before you can ask them for the help you need.

11. The Law of the Inner Circle Every leader’s potential is determined by the people that are closest to him. A good leader with a weak organization won’t be able to accomplish as much as he otherwise would. 12. The Law of Empowerment Leaders have to be able to give power to others so that they will be able to achieve more than they could alone. 13. The Law of Reproduction It takes a leader to make a leader. Many great leaders have gotten to where they are because they learned from the best. 14. The Law of Buy-In If your followers buy-in to you as a leader, they will buy-in to your vision as well. 15. The Law of Victory Victorious leaders have an inability to accept defeat. They put winning above personal pride and find a way to get the job done. 16. The Law of the Big Mo It takes a leader to create momentum, but after it gets going it’s much easier to steer and accomplish great things. 17. the Law of Priorities Activities aren’t always productive. Doing something just for the sake of doing won’t take you very far. Leaders are able to prioritize the most important things that need accomplished. 18. The Law of Sacrifice Responsibilities increase and rights decrease as you rise in leadership. You have to accept sacrifice if you want to become a great leader. 19. The Law of Timing Only the right action at the right time will result in success. A good leader will not only know what to do but when to do it. 20. The Law of Explosive Growth To add growth, lead followers. To multiply growth, lead leaders. If you want explosive growth you have to bring leaders into your organization that can get others to follow them. 21. The Law of Legacy Good leaders are able to have success even after they move on because of they legacy they leave. They build strong organizations and they train effective leaders that are able to take the over the reins after they leave. Right now there are not many good leaders in Washington. We are desperate for a great leader and unfortunately there aren’t many in sight. Let me know if you see anybody on the horizon with these qualities.


5. The sources of power (French and Raven, 1959) Organizational Power: 1. Legitimate or position power 2. Reward power

pay raise, bonus, promotion, favourable work assignments, more responsibility, new equipment, praise, recognition.

3. Coercive power

threat, promise

Personal Power: 1. Expert

recognized knowledge, skills and abilities, by a trustworthy, credible and relevant power holder.

2. Referent power

like, admire, recognize, respect , trust

Empowerment (Diane Tracy) 3. Giving power to others

Achieve ultimate power by giving it to the people who work for you.

10 steps to Empowerment 1. Tell people what their responsibilities are 2. Give them authority equal to the responsibility assigned 3. Set standards of excellence 4. Provide them with the needed training 5. Give them knowledge and information 6. Provide them with feedback on their performance 7. Recognize them for their achievements 8. Trust them 9. Give them permission to fail 10.Treat them with dignity and respect Empowerment involves a combination of meaningful work, high self efficacy, selfdetermination and ability to influence relevant events. Followers are more likely to be effective if they view themselves as active and independent from the leader.

6. Use and Effectiveness of Influence Strategies Kipnis, Schmidt & Wilkinson (1980) generated an instrument to measure the frequency with which specific influence strategies are used by various people within organizations (the POIS or Profile of Organizational Influence Strategies)

They identified two types of strategies 1. Hard Tactics (listed in order of frequency): 1. Legitimating:

The agent seeks to establish the legitimacy of a request or to verify that he has the authority to make it. He says that a request or proposal is consistent with a prior agreement or contract.

2. Coalitions:

The agent enlists the aid of others or uses the support of others as a way to influence the target person to do something. He gets others to explain why they support a proposed activity or change that they want you to support or help implement.

3. Pressure:

The agent uses demands, threats, frequent checking, or persistent reminders to influence the target person. He tries to pressure you to carry out a request.

2. Soft Tactics (listed in order of frequency): 1. Ingratiation

The agent uses praise and flattery before or during an attempt to influence. He praises your skill or knowledge when asking to do something.

2. Exchange

The agent offers something the target person wants, or offers to reciprocate at a later time if the target will do as requested. He offers to do something for you in exchange for carrying out a request or bargains with you.

2. Inspirational Appeals Appeals to the target person’s values and ideals or seeks to arouse the target’s emotions to gain commitment. He describes a clear, inspiring vision of what a proposed project or change could accomplish. 4. Personal Appeals

The agent asks for support out of friendship or asks for a personal favour before telling what it is. He asks you as a friend to do a favour for him.

4. Consultation

The agent asks the target person to suggest improvements or help plan a proposed activity or change for which the target person’s support is desired.

He invites you to suggest ways to improve a preliminary plan or proposal that he wants want you to support or help implement. 6. Rational Persuasion

Het explains clearly why a request or proposed change is necessary to attain a task objective. He uses logical arguments and factual evidence to show that a request or proposal is feasible and relevant or important for the task objectives.

The soft tactics are divided in two groups: a/ tactics that promote a shared vision: rational persuasion, consultation and inspirational appeals b/ tactics that promote social exchange: ingratiation, personal appeals and exchange. The most effective hard techniques are: 1. Pressure, - 2. Coalitions - 3. Legitimating The most effective soft techniques are: 1. Rational persuasion, - 2. Inspirational appeals - 3. Consultation

Other techniques are: Blatantly Unethical

1. Machiavellianism 2. “gentle manipulation” 3. Undue pressure

Slightly Unethical

4. Debasement 5. Ingratiation 6. Joking and kidding 7. Upward appeal

Possible Influence outcomes are: 1. Commitment 2. Compliance 3. Resistance

Ruthless manipulation Faking behaviour, lying “I might” e.g. using rewards as bribes in disguise, threatening (I might …) Flattery Getting someone from above to do the influencing (also known as bullying)

7. Seven Habits of Highly Effective People (Stephen Covey)

Stephen Covey’s Influencing Paradigm In Stephen Covey’s Seven Habits of Highly Effective People he writes about two circles which contain our lives, the Circle of Concern and the Circle of Influence. Circle of Concern — encompassing all the things we care about; ranges from our personal concerns (health, career, relationships, etc.) to our global concerns (global warming, war, recession, etc.) Circle of Influence — includes the things we have the power to affect; this circle is smaller than the Circle of Concern. The book goes on to show its readers how to be proactive and affect change by focusing their energies in their Circle of Influence. The problems with Covey’s Circles of Concern and Influence We undercut our power and mistakenly place things outside our Circle of Influence “The problems all of us face fall in one of three areas: direct control (problems involving our own behavior); indirect control (problems involving other people’s behavior); or no control (problems we can do nothing about, such as our past, or situational realities).” ~ Stephen R. Covey We have the tendency to underestimate our capacity to influence life, effectively placing things in our Circle of Concern rather than in our Circle of Influence. For instance, because we can’t (most likely) solve global warming individually, we may abdicate the power we do have saying, “That’s too big of a problem. I’m just one person. I can’t change it.” The truth, however, is that we can take action that does affect global warming, even if it doesn’t eliminate it. Notice where you’re unconsciously giving up your power to affect change by lumping issues into that place “out there” where you think you have no control. Then choose to take whatever actions you can to use your power as effectively as possible. We fail to focus more intentionally even within our Circle of Influence “The proactive approach is to change from the inside-out; to be different, and by being different to effect positive change in what’s out there — I can be more resourceful, I can be more diligent, I can be a more creative, I can be more cooperative.” ~ Stephen R. Covey The challenge in the Circle of Influence is to focus our energies, efforts, and power for the greatest effect. Even when we admit that we have more potential to influence life, that potential can go unfulfilled when we don’t concentrate sufficiently. Covey writes, “At the very heart of our Circle of Influence is our ability to make and keep commitments and promises.” I agree. In fact, I see a third circle that moves as your focus changes. This Circle of Commitment represents the area within your Circle of Influence where you are intentionally putting your time and energy (whether you do so for 10 minutes or the next year). This circle symbolizes the difference between the statements “I can” and “I will.” We each “can” do many things, yet only when we focus “will” we accomplish what we envision. Notice where you are not fully committing to the things you can do. Make conscious choices to follow though on your desires with action.

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People Covey, Stephen R. New York: Simon and Shuster, 1989. Book Notes by Brian Hofmeister

Part 1: Paradigms and Principles Chapter 1: Inside-Out •

Too often we focus on fixing our personality, but not our character. We figure out how we must act to accomplish what we desire yet we are neglect the fact that a changed being produces the same actions and is actually fulfilling instead of fake. “In reaping for so long where we have not sown, perhaps we have forgotten the need to sow (21).” Relying on positions, titles, fake smiles, and shallow conversations is “borrowing” power from a source that is not true, or if true, may be fleeting. Live a life that works from the insideout, not vise versa

“Our paradigms, correct or incorrect, are the sources of our attitudes and behaviors, and ultimately our relationships with others (30).” Two people can clearly see the same thing and entirely disagree due to their different paradigms (the way you see something; your frame of reference). To fix problems, try to examine you paradigm and how it influences your approach to the situation; propose an alternative paradigm you could take. See pages 41-42 for illustrations and examples. Examining the paradigms of others may also help you relate.

Integrating Inside-out and Paradigms: Examining you paradigms helps you examine self, subsequently improve self and therefore have a positive impact with others.

Quotes: Thoreau: For every thousand hacking at the leaves of evil, there is on striking at the root. (31)

Chapter 2: Seven Habits Overview •

You must have personal victories before you will have public victories

Habits involve three essentials: knowledge (what to do and why to do it), skills (ability to), and desire (want to). Like a space shuttle, habits take a lot to get off the ground, but you get a lot of easy mileage when in orbit.

Maturity Cycle: dependence to independence to interdependence

Maintain a P/PC Balance. P is production and PC is production capability. We cannot go so aggressively for production that we abuse the physical, financial, and human sources of our production capability.

Part 2: Private Victory Chapter 3: Habit 1, Be Proactive •

Correcting Pavlov’s Theory: Between every stimulus and response lies our choice. “Our behavior is a function of our decisions, not our conditions. We can subordinate feelings to values (71).”

Proactivity: Rather than moaning about what has happened to us, choose how you want it to affect you. Any time we think the problem is “out there,” that is the problem (89). We must learn that humans are responsible and are therefore response-able. I must acknowledge that I am where I am because of me.

Circle of Concern and Influence: If you focus on your circle of influence, you improve what you can, and eventually your success will increase your Circle of Influence. If you focus on the Circle of Concern, you only dwell on that which you cannot change and eventually decrease your Circle of Influence. The point is that you can always do something; therefore focus on what you can address and be at peace with you cannot.

We are free to choose actions, but not consequences. Do what you can to bring about change and do not beat yourself up over the response or lack thereof.

Chapter 4: Habit 2, Begin with the End in Mind •

Habit 1 taught us that we can write our own script, Habit 2 is writing it. This is not a step of “getting it done,” this is a step of clearly articulating what you want to end up with. If you do not right your own script, someone else will – your dependence on others, need for love or acceptance, need for a sense of worth or belonging will enable others to control the direction of your life.

Familiarize yourself with your principles and values –these will never change. o

Consider what you would want said at your funeral by family, friend, co-worker, and church member.


“People can’t live with change if there’s not a changeless core inside them. The key to the ability to change is a changeless sense of who you are, what you are about and what you value (108).”

Avoid the activity trap: we often work harder, do more, and maximize efficiency only to climb a ladder that we later realize was leaned up against the wrong wall. Our hyper activity blinded us to the things that we value most, the things that are now gone (98-99).

Write a mission statement of what you want to be and do based upon your principles/values.

Having a “center” to who you are o

Your center is your principles and values mixed with your mission.


Varying circumstances do not affect your center.


Making family, work, church, self, or money your exclusive center will result in lopsided decisions. See page 126-127 for an example, page 119-121 for an explanation of each false center, and page 124 for what it means to be centered on your principles


Your center has four parts Security: Assured of who you are •


Changing circumstances do not affect your identity

You stand confidently for your principles

Wisdom: Properly assess the world around you •


You discern what the outcome will be of surrounding trends and feel no obligation to join them.

You are continually learning.

You proactively work within your sphere of influence

Guidance: An approach to life •

Spiritual Application –SCRIPTURE

You have discerned how to get to where you are going

You stand on truth and are not intimidated by others disagreeing

You make well pondered proactive decisions rather than being tossed about by the emotions of the situation

Power: The ability to act •

Spiritual Application –HOLY SPIRIT

You do what you set out to do regardless of varying responses and circumstances

You work within an interdependent network

Apply your mission statement to your different roles in life. What does “honoring God above all else” translate into you involvements as a husband, son, brother, pastor?

Visualization and Affirmation o

Visualize your involvements before you are in them.


Affirm a positive picture of what you will do and be, especially in anticipation of difficult circumstances that tend to sway you.

Family and Organizational Application: The individual principles above can be used at a corporate level, yet always keep in mind that they must be deeply involved in the mission statement if they are to be committed.

Quotes: Warren Bennis “Management is doing things right; leadership is doing the right things.” (101)

Chapter 5: Habit 3, Put First Things First •

Habit 1 says, “You’re the programmer, Habit 2 says, “write the program,” Habit 3 says, “Run the Program.” Habit 3 is all about organizing and executing priorities.

What one thing could you do that would most improve your personal or professional life? You probably named a Quadrant II activity, thus showing the value of focusing your life on Quadrant II activities.


Not Important


Not Urgent





Setting a Quadrant II Focus. Do not attend to leaves and neglect roots. Feed opportunities and starve problems. Eliminate Quadrant III and IV activities immediately, and slowly minimize quadrant I. You are always going to have to say “no” to something; wouldn’t you rather say no to the “good” rather than the “best?”

Needs of a Quadrant II Organization Tool o

Coherence: What you do matches what you most want to be. Your mission statement is placed in your organizer so that it may be regularly referred to and lived out.


Balance: Success is pursued in all critical areas. It does you little good to achieve a successful business career while suffering a broken marriage, ruined health, shallow faith, and weak character.


Quadrant II Focus: Schedule your priorities rather than prioritizing what is on your schedule. Weekly schedule accomplish this more readily than daily schedules.


People Dimension: Most agree that people are more important than tasks and therefore this must be factored into your schedule.


Flexibility: Make the organizer work for you; do not be run by it.


Portability: Your organizer must travel well.

Quadrant II Activities o

Identify Roles (ex: father, employee, church member, etc…)


Select Goals: Each week, set 2-3 important goals for each of your roles. Make weekly goals consistent with your overall mission/longterm goals.


Scheduling: Assign each goal to a particular day or appointment.

o •

Daily Adapting: Review goals at the beginning of the day to gain prioritization.

Stewardship Delegation o

You get more done if you empower others to work with/for you.


Needed Communication for Stewardship Delegation Desired Results: Create a clear, mutual understanding of what the desired results will look like. Tell them what, not how. Guidelines •

Set parameters of unacceptable approaches

Tell them what has failed before

Remember to only tell them what not to do, not what to do.

Resources: Explain human, financial, technical, and organizational tools at their disposal. Accountability: Establish criteria from which the outcome will be evaluated and how often progress will be evaluated. Consequences: Explain the rewards and punishments that will result when evaluated. o

TRUST “Trust is the highest form of human motivation,” (178). Establishing appropriate amounts of trust •

For Immature People: Specify few desired results and more guidelines, resources, frequent accountability, and immediate consequences.

For Mature People: Specify more challenging desired results; less guidelines and frequent accountability; less measurable but more discernable consequences.

Trust is created through behavioral integrity: -

walk the talk and talk the walk: do what you say communicate honestly respect another’s knowledge, skills and abilities maintain confidentiality keep your interactions unguarded

A high trust environment creates commitment and loyalty An individual’s decision to trust a specific person, and the degree of trust that they place in that person, are influenced by many factors, including: -

history and experience with that person how much risk is involved, or the potential for negative consequences the person’s relative power and authority the organizational environment

Trust reducing behaviors are: -

distorting, concealing or withholding motives falsifying relevant information attempting to control or dominate not discussing or meeting others’ expectations of performance accepting credit for other people’s work not honoring commitment gossiping

How to restore a breach in trust? ACCEPT: Acknowledge that trust has been broken. Acknowledging that there is a problem is the first step to healing. Don’t use the “ostrich” technique of burying your head in the sand and hoping the situation will resolve itself because it won’t. The longer you wait to address the situation, the more people will perceive your weakness as wickedness. ADMIT : Admit your role in causing the breach of trust. For some leaders this may be a challenging step. It’s one thing to acknowledge that there is a problem, it’s a whole other thing to admit you caused it. Our ego and false pride are usually what prevent us from admitting our mistakes. Muster up the courage, humble yourself, and own up to your actions. This will pay huge dividends down the road as you work to rebuild trust. APOLOGIZE Apologize for what happened. A sincere apology involves admitting your mistake, accepting responsibility, asking for forgiveness, and taking steps to make amends to the offended party. Explaining the reasons why something happened is fine, but don’t make excuses by trying to shift the blame to something or someone other than yourself. ACT Assess where the breakdown in trust happened. Did you erode trust by not being Able, Believable, Connected, or Dependable? People form perceptions of our trustworthiness when we use, or don’t use, behaviors that align with these four elements of trust. Knowing the specific element of trust you violated will help you take specific actions to fix the problem. AMEND Amend the situation by taking corrective action to repair any damage that has been done, and create an action plan for how you’ll improve in the future. Your attempts at rebuilding trust will be stalled unless you take this critical step to demonstrate noticeable changes in behavior. ATTENT BEHAVIOR You can’t control the outcome of this process and there is no guarantee that following these steps will restore trust in the relationship. However, the important thing is that you have made the effort to improve yourself as a leader.

- Part 3: Public Victory Chapter 6: Paradigms of Interdependence •

The Covey concept of “Emotional Bank Accounts” teaches that you must make significant deposits in a person before you can expect significant withdrawals.

There are six ways to make deposits: o

Efforts to Understand People


Small acts of kindness and concern


Keeping commitments


Clarifying Expectations


Showing Personal Integrity –“It’s how you treat the one that reveals how you regard the ninety-nine, because everyone is ultimately a one,” (197).


Sincere Apologies

Chapter 7: Habit 4, Think Win/Win •

Six Paradigms of human interaction: o

Win/Win – Collaborate


Win/Lose = Compete


Lose/Win = Accommodate


Lose/Lose = Avoid




Win/Win or No Deal

All six may be appropriate according to varying circumstances but “Win/Win or No Deal” should be the dominant paradigm.

“Win/Win or No Deal”


Means that if we cannot find a solution that would benefit both of us, we agree to disagree agreeably.


It is built on the “Abundance Mentality” -there is plenty out there for everybody. Enough personal worth and security exists to share authority, recognition, and profits. You are comfortable with and desire to share success.

Win/Win in Management settings o

Organizations and individuals profit most when appropriate responsibility and freedom is given to individuals.


Focus is on results, not methods


Accountability comes from people evaluating themselves.


Establish consequences •

Financial (income, allowances, etc…)

Psychic (approval, respect, etc…) –usually more motivating than financial

Opportunity (training, benefits, etc…)

Responsibility (shift of authority domain)


“If you talk Win/Win but reward Win/Lose you’ve got a losing program on your hands,” (229).


Process for creating a Win/Win organization: •

Understand the problem from the other view

Identify the key issues and concerns (not positions)

Determine what results would constitute and acceptable solution

Identify options to achieve the desired results

Chapter 8: Habit 5, Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood •

“Unless you are influenced by my uniqueness, I’m not going to be influenced by your advice (239).” Too often we proscribe before gaining enough understanding to diagnose.

Effective communication o

Rephrase their content and reflect their feelings. You must show you caught their emotion and their words. Understand people emotionally!


Ethos, Pathos, Logos Sequence: Communication starts with your credibility, grasps the other’s concerns/wants, and then gives a logical response that addresses those concerns.


Effective business transactions often come down to communicating an understanding of the other’s needs and then honestly explaining to what extent you can meet those needs.

Chapter 9: Habit 6, Synergize •

1+1=3 or 4. Covey’s “synergy” philosophy teaches that two people, perspectives, or thoughts can be pooled together to create something entirely different and notably better than the summation of individuality. This is essentially the Buddhist teach on the “middle way” – middle is not the compromise, but the higher point between the two, for example the apex of a triangle.

Our ability to Synergize comes down to how we proportionately value one thought vs. another. If you are extremely confident in your ability to make proper assessments and plans, you will not sense a need for help from everyone else that is “off track” and therefore will not synergize. For Synergy to happen we must believe that another person is extremely valuable in working with us to create success in that they represent experiences and perspectives that I will never be able to take into account all on my own.

Do not press your mold on another, do not accept another’s mold for yourself; work with them to create a new mold superior to either.

Part 4: Renewal Chapter 10: Habit 7, Sharpen the Saw Previous chapters taught that we must monitor the health of that which creates our “production capability” if we want to “produce.” This chapter focuses on taking care of ourselves as the highest source of “production capability.” •

Physically: Exercise, Nutrition, Manage stress

Spiritually: Take retreats to 1) Listen carefully, 2) Try reaching back, 3) Examine your motives, 4) Write your worries on the sand. Prayer and Meditation

Mentally: Our minds were sharpest in college. We would do well to maintain mental excellence through reading, writing, planning, and visualizing.

Emotionally: Serve, Empathize, Synergize, Develop Intrinsic Security.

“Treat a man as he is and he will remain as he is. Treat a man as he can and should be and he will become as he can and should be.” – Goethe

Chapter 11: Inside-Out Again Covey closes with personal lessons of how he and his wife came together in greater unity as they conversationally exposed personal scripting and did not intimidate the other by probing.

8. Leadership Styles: 1. Situational Leadership (Hersey and Blanchard) The Situational Leadership Model developed by Hersey and Blanchard addresses four types of leadership styles, based on the follower:

Your leadership style is how you behave when you are trying to influence the performance of others. It is the way you supervise or work with someone. There are four leadership styles (but there is no one best leadership style): 1.



followers unable, unwilling, not confident. leader driven and task oriented leading Clear instructions + close follow up motivate followers




followers unable, willing, confident leader driven and task + relationship oriented Suggest instructions, explain decisions, provide opportunity for clarification + follow up listen, offer advice, suggest



PARTICIPATE followers able, unwilling, not confident follower driven; working together less task oriented, very relation focused Share ideas, some follow up




followers able, willing and confident follower driven low focus on tasks and on relationship turn over decisions, minimal follow up, observe

Directing Style is for people who lack competence but are enthusiastic and committed. They need direction and supervision to get started. Coaching Style is for people who have some competence but lack commitment. They need direction, inspiration, and supervision because they are still relatively inexperienced. They also need support and praise to build their self-esteem, and involvement in decision-making to restore their commitment. Supporting Style is for people who have competence, but lack confidence or motivation. They do not need much direction because of their skills, but support is necessary to bolster their confidence and motivation. Delegating Style is for people who have both competence and commitment. They are able and willing to work on projects. They just need inspiration from the leader. Depending on your employees' competences in their task areas and commitment to them, your leadership style may vary from one person to another. You may also lead the same person one way sometimes and another way at other times. Use a variety of leadership styles in directing and supporting the work of others and make them a second nature to you in your roles as a manager and as a parent.

2. William Reddin’s 3-d Theory of Managerial Effectiveness Research on Leadership style models are usually based on orientation between Task behavior & Human Relationship behavior. Basically, knowing these leadership styles helps us in adopting them in different situations. Though there could be one predominant leadership style as a whole for a person, he/she cannot just stick on to a particular leadership style always. Switching between the leadership styles is necessary in different project management situations to achieve success. Like Hersey & Blanchard Situational Leadership model, William Reddin introduced a model of leadership style containing four basic types, namely: 1. High relationship orientation & high task orientation, called INTEGRATED TYPE. 2. High relationship orientation & low task orientation, called RELATED TYPE. 3. Low relationship orientation & high task orientation, called DEDICATED TYPE. 4. Low relationship orientation & low task orientation, called


Further, by measuring the level of effectiveness of each style Reddin developed this basic model into eight leadership styles. The modified model is called “The 3-D Theory of Managerial Effectiveness.”

The table below shows the Less Effective & More Effective Leadership styles in each basic types. We can also apply the H&B Situational Leadership styles (Telling, Selling, Facilitating & Delegating) to Reddin 3D Theory model. Less Effective Deserter Missionary Autocratic Compromiser


More Effective Bureaucratic Developer Benevolent Autocratic Executive

SEPARATED BASIC TYPES DESERTER: LESS EFFECTIVE LEADERSHIP STYLE. This is essentially a hand-off or laisser-faire approach : avoidance of any involvement or intervention which would upset the status; assuming a neutral attitude toward what is going on during the day; looking the other way to avoid enforcing rules; keeping out of the way of both supervisors and subordinates; avoidance of change and planning. The activities undertaken (or initiated) by managers who use this approach tend to be defensive in nature. People who achieve high scores may be adverse to managerial tasks or may have begun to lose interest in such tasks. This does not necessarily mean they are bad managers; they just try to maintain the status quo and avoid “rocking the boat”. BUREUCRATIC: MORE EFFECTIVE LEADERSHIP STYLE This is a legalistic and procedural approach: adherence to rules and procedures; acceptance of hierarchy of authority; preference of formal channels of communication. High scorers tend to be systematic. They function at their best in well structured situations where policies are clear, roles are well defined and criteria of performance are objective and universally applied. Because they insist on rational systems, these managers may be seen as autocratic, rigid or fussy. Because of their dependence on rules and procedures, they are hardly distinguished from autocratic managers. RELATED BASIC TYPES MISSIONARY: LESS EFFECTIVE LEADERSHIP STYLE. This is an affective (supportive) approach. It emphasizes congeniality and positive climate in the work place. High scorers are sensitive to subordinates’ personal needs and concerns. They try to keep people happy by giving the most they can. Supportive behavior represents the positive component of this style. It has, however, a defensive counterpart. They may avoid or smooth over conflict, feel uncomfortable enforcing controls and find difficulty denying requests or making candid appraisals.

DEVELOPER: MORE EFFECTIVE LEADERSHIP STYLE This is the objective counterpart of the missionary style. Objective in a sense that concern for people is expressed professionally: subordinates are allowed to participate in decision making and are given opportunities to express their views and to develop their potential. Their contribution is recognized and attention is given to their development. High scorers are likely to have optimistic beliefs about people wanting to work and produce. Their approach to subordinates is collegial: they like to share their knowledge and expertise with their subordinates and take pride in discovering and promoting talent. DEDICATED BASIC TYPES AUTOCRATIC: LESS EFFECTIVE LEADERSHIP STYLE. This is a directive and controlling approach. Concern for production and output outweighs the concern for workers and their relationship. Managers who score high tend to be formal. They assign tasks to subordinates and watch implementation closely. Errors are not tolerated, and deviation from stated objectives or directives is forbidden. They make unilateral decisions and feel no need to explain or justify them. They minimize interaction with people, or limit communication to the essential demand of the task at hand. They believe in individual responsibility and consider group meetings a waste of time. They tend to be formal, straightforward and critical. For that reason, they are likely to be perceived as cold and arbitrary, particularly by subordinates who have strong need for support and reassurance. BENEVOLENT AUTOCRATIC: MORE EFFECTIVE LEADERSHIP STYLE This is the communicative counterpart of the autocratic style. It is still directive and interventionist. High scorers are seen as task masters who devote themselves comfortably to the accomplishment of production objectives. They enjoy tackling operational problems and may have less patience dealing with problems of human relation. They keep in touch with subordinates, instructing them, answering their questions and helping them with operational problems. They structure daily work, set objectives give orders or delegate with firm accountability. They would not hesitate to discipline or reprimand, but do that fairly and without antagonizing their subordinates. They meet group needs but ignore one-to-one personal relationship.

INTEGRATED BASIC TYPES COMPROMISER: LESS EFFECTIVE LEADERSHIP STYLE. Express appreciation of both human relations orientation and task orientation. They however admit to difficulties in integrating them. Therefore they may vacillate between task requirements and demand for human relations. In order to alleviate immediate pressures, they may resort to compromise solutions or expediency. They may be sensitive to reality considerations which stand in the way, and willing to delay action for whatever reason, internal or external. Their realistic assessment of situations may explain why they do not use freely the approach they actually prefer, that is, the Executive approach. EXECUTIVE: MORE EFFECTIVE LEADERSHIP STYLE This approach integrates task orientation and human relations orientation in response to realistic demand. It is best described as consultative, interactive, and problem solving approach. This approach is called for in managing operations which require exploration of alternative solutions, pooling different resources, and integrating opposing perspectives. They favor a team approach in problem solving, planning and decision making. They stimulate communication among subordinates, thus obtain collective ideas and suggestions. Managers who use this approach are usually perceived as good motivators who tend to deal openly with conflict and who try to obtain collective commitment. There is a time and place for all of the leadership styles. If a leader has one tactic that he or she relies on almost all the time, it is almost certain to develop into a pattern or behavior, in other words a style. The leader’s selection of a particular style in a situation will depend on: · · · · · · · ·

the individual personality of the person or persons led the frame of mind of the person or persons led the leader’s own current frame of mind the leader’s goals or objectives the relative power between the leader and those led the importance of time in the action the leader wants taken the type of commitment required to complete the desired action rules, laws, or authority of the leader in the situation

3. The Leadership Grid Description Leaders may be concerned for their people and they also must also have some concern for the work to be done. The question is, how much attention to they pay to one or the other? This is a model defined by Blake and Mouton in the early 1960s.


Concern People


Country Club management Middle of the road management



Team management

Impoverished management Low

Authoritycompliance Medium


Concern for Production (Task)

Impoverished management Minimum effort to get the work done. A basically lazy approach that avoids as much work as possible. Authority-compliance Strong focus on task, but with little concern for people. Focus on efficiency, including the elimination of people wherever possible. Country Club management Care and concern for the people, with a comfortable and friendly environment and collegial style. But a low focus on task may give questionable results. Middle of the road management A weak balance of focus on both people and the work. Doing enough to get things done, but not pushing the boundaries of what may be possible. Team management Firing on all cylinders: people are committed to task and leader is committed to people (as well as task).

Discussion This is a well-known grid that uses the Task vs. Person preference that appears in many other studies, such as the Michigan Leadership Studies and the Ohio State Leadership Studies. Many other task-people models and variants have appeared since then. They are both clearly important dimensions, but as other models point out, they are not all there is to leadership and management.

9. LMX Relationships Dulebon, Bommer, Liden, Brouer & Ferris (2011) and Scandura & Graen (1984) apply role theory and social exchange theory to leadership. In the resulting Leader Member Exchange Theory (LMX), LMX is best conceptualized as an abstract notion that is broadly defined and captures the tendency to behave in relationally supportive ways. It contains facets of AFFECT, LOYALTY, CONTRIBUTION and PROFESSIONAL RESPECT. Affect: Loyalty: Contribution: Professional Respect:

I like this individual very much as a person This person would come to my defense if I were attacked by others. I do work for this person that goes beyond what is specified in my job description. I respect this person’s knowledge of and competence on the job.

In High LMX relationships, the leader provides benefits (increased pay, better work assignment, career support, ‌) and greater negotiation latitude. The follower provides commitment, loyalty and extra effort. This kind of relationship has been shown to positively relate to organizational performance and attitude variables, particularly for followers. Studies have consistently found a relatively strong positive relationship between LMX and the more cooperative soft influence tactics. (With exception of exchange tactics.) Yet although overall hard influence tactics had a weaker relationship with LMX than soft tactics, studies failed to reveal a negative relationship between LMX and forceful hard influence techniques, with one hard tactic even having a significant positive relationship (legitimating.)

10. How to incorporate leadership into your own life 1. Set Leadership Goals

Rank in priority order the qualities you want to develop.

2. Address the Goals

Determine how you will accomplish your goals.

3. Seek inspiration

Learn about leaders: their styles and how they dealt with challenges.

4. Choose a role model

Read biographies, find videos on the lifes of leaders that fit your personality

5. Seek experience

Take a leadership role in a social group or club. Gain experience working with people on many levels.

6. Create a personal mission statement: What do you want to be remembered for? What do you want people to think of you? What kind of leader are you determined to be? Write a statement that defines who you will become.

Influencing interpersonal and leadership skills  

Practical training manual on influencing, interpersonal skills and leadership. Applying the skills set forth in this guide will enhance you...

Influencing interpersonal and leadership skills  

Practical training manual on influencing, interpersonal skills and leadership. Applying the skills set forth in this guide will enhance you...