OFFICIAL TOUR PROGRAMME
AUDIENCE INSTRUCTIONS YOUR MISSION AS AN AUDIENCE...
ONE
RONG DO NOT SIT THE W WAY ROUND.
two
REALISTIC
DO NOT HAVE UN EXPECTATIONS
THREE
IENDS TELL ALL YOUR FR . HOW GOOD IT WAS (best done before
show)
FOUR
IF YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND SOMETHING, LAUGH ANYWAY. (unless an ambulance has been called)
FIVE
AS OR DO NOT USE CAMER MENT OF RECORDING EQUIP ANY KIND.
ret saying this for
(Although I now reg
my TV special)
SIX
E, STICKS WITH IF THERE’S A FIR S ON WILL MARSHMALLOW CEILING. DROP FROM THE
SEVEN
E PLEASE BE NICE TO TH THEATRE STAFF. They are all made from
bits of volunteers.
PLEASE ENJOY THE SCALE MODEL OF YOUR HOME-TOWN the which Milton has built just outside
venue.
MILTON JONES’
SPY TRAINING
QUICK! DIFUSE THE BOMB!
Cut the correct wire and save humanity!
CATCH THE VILLAIN!
DE!
R THE CO
DECIPHE
1. Ransom taint 2. MintAir 3. Music Tore 4. Shoveling got gigs in 5. Harking plop go 6. Centers gate 7. Digs issue 8. Immobile splits on
MILTON JONES’
SPY TRAINING
The evil villain is escaping! Chase after him!
I like my codes like I like my Martinis, Shaken not stirred... Solve the anagrams!
CO
A. Golden B. red C. rogue D. alpha E. Iron F. Secret G. Hot H. Green I. The J. Wild K. Silver L. SLick M. Big
MILTON JONES’
OR
NERAT
E GE DE NAM
Every Spy needs a code name Use the first letter from your first name and the month of your birthday to get yours!
N. Deadly O. Flash P. Black Q. Cold R. Wild S. Dark T. Blue U. Stone V. Lone W. Sly X. Sterling Y. Ultimate Z. Rocket
SPY TRAINING
January: Danger February : Spider March: Lightnin April: g Ghost May: Ninja June: Wolf July: Storm August: Scorpio Septemb n er: Co b ra October: Shadow Novemb er: Ja g Decemb er: Fi uar ghter
NS! CONGRATULATIO MPLETE TRAINING CO
All thats left to do is to obtain your Spy ID Card! Log into the Spy network by scanning your finger
MILTON JONES’
SPY TRAINING
“Old ladies in wheelchairs with blankets over their legs? I don’t think so… retired mermaids.” ak my and stones could bre “I used to think sticks til I fell un – me rt hu er nev ld bones but words cou ” into a printing press. “The pollen count, now that’s a difficult job. Especially if you’ve got hay fever.”
saying: “I lost my job as a cricket commentator for ‘I don’t want to bore you with the details’.”
“As a child I had a medical condition that meant I had to eat soil three times a day in order to surviv e. Lucky my older brother told me about it really.”
?
“One of my heroes growing up was George Best. No no – I liked Zippy the best.”
l leader of Tibet, and he “So I phoned up the spiritua long neck. Turns out I a h wit t goa sent me a large phoned Dial-a-Llama.”
“I hate sitting in traffic, because I always get run
over.”
saying that in the old days “My grandfather is always doors open. Which is people could leave their back sank.” probably why his submarine “A lot of people like cats. Take the Pope, for example: I read recently that he was a catoholic.”
MILTON JONES’
A RECIPE FOR A Hawaiian Shirt APPROX. TIME NEEDED: 2 HOURS
ingredients: CHEESE Pineapple HAM (vegetarians can use beef instead of ham) Selotape Buttons Air-freshener METHOD: Place ingredients in tumble dryer and cross fingers.
Click here to try it on! CAUTION: RESULTS MAY VARY
BROKEN DREAMS. Y FOR DAMAGED TUMBLe DRYERS OR MILTON JONES ACCEPTS NO RESPONSIBILIT
MILTON’SBE WARDRO
Strength Ideal for being easily seen on a bike. Weakness Perhaps people want to knock you off your bike more.
Strength Looks like Kermit is about to sing. Weakness No one with a hangover can look at you.
Strength Reminds me of Jelly and Custard. Weakness On closer inspection: Jelly and Custard, with bits of tree.
Strength Classic Elvis late 50s look. Weakness Now more like a bloke on a Stag night.
ssed in camouflage who “To the man on crutches dre but you can’t run.” stole my wallet: you can hide “Recently I’ve been attending mee tings of Eavesdroppers Anonymous – not that they know!”
lly got into the culture. “When I was in America, I rea guy said ‘Have a nice I went into the shop and the .” him d day’ and I didn’t. So I sue
“I lived in a flat with three girls until they found out.” n ordered a book on “I’m very English really. I eve olutely Nothing to Abs e the internet: ‘How to Hav nately, I was out ortu Unf ’. urs hbo Neig r You Do with ed.” when it was deliver
spy many How ences refer spot? ou can y
WHERE’S MILTON?
Can you guess where else Milton has been?
MILTON IN THE
MOVIES it They said sible... s o p was im
...Milton Impossible
Combing soon. .. Click here to watch the full trailer!
es MiltonWCElARoEn MANY...
SHARE YOURS ON INSTAGRAM! @THEMILTONJONES
SPECIAL
THANKS
lden Cobra Amy clear / Gore. promoter extraordinai
t Fighter Giles Wakely / Ho smasher. tour manager & bollard Wolf Hadley / Deadly Nick Ranceford .
agent & best dressed man
n ninja Ed Gaughan / iro voices. director of a thousand storm Dan Evans / alpha the odd joke.
ha Scorpion Da vid Tyler / alp facts. sics phy & cts effe nd sou gue spider Carol Jones / ro oh so patient wife.
THE MERCH STORE the programme people.
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