Changing Lanes-Empowering women to transform their lives from the inside out

Brown Training Group JBTG

Jackie

ANOTEFROM THEAUTHOR

WELCOME, MY BEAUTIFUL FRIENDS.

Myname isJackieBrownandIcreatedJBTG(JackieBrownTrainingGroup)Ilivein Omokoroa(Tauranga)andhaveapostgraduateintertiaryteachingandadegreeinadult education,withadditionalpapersincounsellingandapostgraduatecertificateincoaching andmentoringandtikangaMäori.

IhavebeenteachingadultsatToiOhomaifor22years,fromlevel3throughtolevel7,andI believeIhavecreatedsomeofthebestlessonsoverthoseyearsandtothisdaypast graduateskeepintouchandtellmehowmycoursehavechangedtheirlives.

InmydistantpastIworkedinthementalhealthsectorandalsohaveformanyyears workedinthetravelindustryandownedtravelagenciesbothhereinNewZealandandin London,thecityofmybirth.AsaqualifiedtourguideIhaveoperatedtoursthroughout Europe,Russia,ScandinaviaandNorthAfrica.

TothisdayIoperatetourstoAsia,takinggroupstoThailandfordentalandcosmetic surgery,bookingtheflights,hotelsandtheproceduresandthentakesthegroupsoverseas.

IammarriedtoStevewhoisNewZealand’stopweddingphotographer,betweenuswe have4boys(agedbetween27-33)anEnglishstaffiecalled“Diamond”andaChocolate Labradorcalled“Chaka”.Iamawaterbabyandwhennottravelling,Ilovekayakingand diving.

This programmeaimstoimpact well-beingbysupportingwomentofindtheirpurpose, becomemoreengagedintheirdailyactivities,createpathways,developoptimismand becomeconfidentandcompetentintheirchosenactivities.Theprogrammeaimsto supportsustainedchangeovertimebyhelpingwomenputtheirskillsandstrategiesinto dailypractice.Theprogrammeempowerswomensotheyareabletomakepositivechoices forthemselvesandtheirfamilies

JBTG

Jackie Brown

JACKIE BROWN TRAINING GROUP

COURSEOUTLINE

1. 2. 3. 4. 5.

TRAINING STYLE: Your session will be activity-based learning. You receive some background theory, and then spend most of the time working together and with the trainer to apply the concepts to work and home place situations that are applicable to your specific situation.

SCHEDULE AND TIMES: Classes run from 9:00 am – 2 pm each day (with short breaks in-between) Monday to Thursday for three weeks (Friday is your day to reflect and fill in workbook)

PRACTICAL AND REAL ACTIVITIES. Training is much more effective and enjoyable if you can apply the concepts you learn directly to your own circumstances. So the trainer will change activities to be relevant to you.

OUR APPROACH: Our relaxed and practical approach with an experienced trainer that likes to 'have a laugh' will ensure you enjoy the experience of learning as much as you enjoy acquiring new skills that help you perform better.

WHAT TO EXPECT AT THIS WORKSHOP?

My expectations of this programme:

The workshops are not like lectures, there are group discussions but I would never expect you to speak out in front of the group

There are eight workshops in total each lasting five hours

This workbook will cover each workshop with some exercises

There will be time during the workshop to consider the exercises; however, it may be that you find it more useful to complete the exercises when you get home and have time to really think about your answers. I strongly suggest, to get the most from these workshops, that you do read the workbooks when you get home and spend your Friday doing some self directed learning.

I may invite you to give an example of the subject matter in discussion but you don’t need to speak out if you don’t want to; it’s a general invitation to the whole group not to any individual

Monitoring information we gather cannot identify you and is simply for us to ensure we are reaching you and you are always growing.

If you have any questions please either write this down on a post-it (provided) and stick it on the board for me to read, or you can approach one me directly

To start though, it would be good to have a look at how life is for you just now, the following exercise may be useful to help you do that.

JBTG

JBTG | © 2021 JACKIE BROWN

workbook

JBTG | © 2021 JACKIE BROWN

REFLECTION

AM I USING MY TIME WISELY?

MY THOUGHTS, INTUITIONS, REALISATIONS...

AM I TAKING ANYTHING FOR GRANTED?

MY THOUGHTS, INTUITIONS, REALISATIONS...

AM I WAKING UP IN THE MORNING READY TO TAKE ON THE DAY?

MY THOUGHTS, INTUITIONS, REALISATIONS...

AM I THINKING NEGATIVE THOUGHTS BEFORE I FALL ASLEEP?

MY THOUGHTS, INTUITIONS, REALISATIONS...

AM I LETTING MATTERS THAT ARE OUT OF MY CONTROL STRESS ME OUT?

MY THOUGHTS, INTUITIONS, REALISATIONS...

AM I TAKING CARE OF MYSELF PHYSICALLY AND EMOTIONALLY?

MY THOUGHTS, INTUITIONS, REALISATIONS...

Hi, I'm.......

WORKSHEET

WHO AM I?

and I'm.........(this could be your role i.e Mum, or it could be an emotion, sad, happy etc)

what would I like to reinvent in my life?

How will it make me feel once I have done it?

If money was not an issue, would my answer to the questions above be the same or different?

If I reinvent myself, what impact will it have on me?

How will it affect my loved ones?

What in life would truly make me happy?

WORKSHEET 2

HOW IS LIFE JUST NOW?

QUESTION #1: On the scale below where would you rate your quality of life this week?

0 Being as bad as it could possibly be up to 10 as good as it could possibly be

QUESTION #2: What is happening in your life that might be contributing to you feeling this way?

Record the positive as well as the negative as it may be that you feel okay just now:

I am ready to change and I embrace the unknown

Take a piece of paper, draw a circle in the middle and write in the circle "Me now". then draw out from the circle as many lines as you need and write on them exactly how you feel, such as uninspired, lost, stuck, not good enough, tired, bored, scared and so on. Write down all the words that come to mind.

Look at the words and consider whether this is the first time you have felt like this. If there were other times in your life you felt exactly the same, write them down too. As you look at what you have written down, you will probably realise that those emotions are not supporting you in moving towards reinventing yourself. Neither are those feeling defining who you truly are.

Now, hold that piece of paper in your hand and as your read the words again notice how you are feeling. Consider for a moment that you have a choice-you can hold onto that way of seeing yourself or feeling, because really that is all it is, a belief you have created about yourself, or you can diced to let it it go completely. If you are ready , then go ahead now and rip us the piece of paper. Now that you have let of that old way of perceiving yourself, notice how much lighter you feel.

Now it's time for you to design a new way forward- a new way for you, where you support yourself, and feel confident and motivated to do the things your really want to do. Let's reframe this patter and get started on recognising what your reinvention could look feel and sound like.

Take a new piece of paper and this time write in the middle "Me after my reinvention". Then again draw lines from the circle and write how you would ideally like to feel once you have successfully reinvented yourself. Imagine it in as many details as you can. Use positive words such as "inspired", "motivated", "excited", "proud", "confident", "selfbelief". This is your chance to design your ideal situation as if nothing stood in your way, not even fear.

Place this paper in the front of your book.

Doing this exercise will raise your awareness of where you are right now and where you would like to go. It will make it easier for you to look at yourself in a new way and make positive changes.

7

DAY1—RESULTS WORKSHOP

KEYS TO CHANGINGANYTHING IN YOUR LIFE— TODAY

01

They are out of practice

Raise your standards—The difference in people’s lives is the difference in their standards.

Turn your “shoulds” into “musts”—When something is a must, you follow through.

Get unreasonable—Unreasonable people (like Nelson Mandela, Mother Teresa, and Oprah Winfrey) rule the world. They do things others believe are impossible.

02

They rationalise, tell themselves stories, use softeners, and lie to themselves.

Develop self-honesty—Drop the story and tell yourself the truth. General Schwarzkopf teaches that nothing gets better until you admit something is wrong.

Understand the power of now—Tap into the power of momentum and do something immediately.

Develop the habit of chunking—Start by tackling one manageable piece of a project: write one paragraph, make one phone call, walk for 10 minutes.

Stop using softeners—Making yourself feel better without actually changing anything trains you to accept mediocrity.

All Blacks coach taught his team that winning comes from telling yourself the truth and doing your own personal best.

03

They’ve had an ineffective strategy.

Develop a strategy that works—You won’t produce an extraordinary body by changing your diet alone. Oprah Winfrey tried several strategies before she found the one that worked for her.

"The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man.”

—George Bernard Shaw

Happy,vibrant,successfulpeoplethinkandbehaveincertainways,asdomiserableand unfulfilledpeople.Inotherwords,therearepatternsofsuccessandpatternsoffailure.Thegood newsis:successleavesclues!

JBTG| © 2021 JACKIE BROWN

THE PRESSURE COOKER

ADPATED FROM "THE EDGE" ANTHONY ROBBINS

There’s one more reason people don’t change: they get into a “pressure cooker.”

THE 7 STEPS OF CONSCIOUS CHANGE

Step 1: Get Disturbed

Be honest with yourself. Don’t use softeners or rationalised; don’t compare yourself with others to make yourself feel better. Get associated to the problem. If necessary, make it worse than it is to get yourself to take action. If you’re not disturbed, you’re not going to change. Surround your self with people who have what you want. Seeing them will disturb you, and you’ll either run back to your old friends to make yourself feel better or you’ll join a new peer group. If you want to be good at squash, play with somebody better than yourself.

What are the most common reasons you fail to do things? What stories do you tell yourself?

List at least five rationalisations (excuses) you use for not following through:

Examples: Examples:

I don’t have time. I don’t have time. I’ll do it tomorrow. I’ll do it tomorrow.

I’m tired. I’m tired.

It’ll take too long. It’ll take too long.

It’ll cost too much. It’ll cost too much.

It’s too far away It’s too far away

People climb into the pressure cooker again and again! How can you avoid it?

STEP 2: MAKE A REAL DECISION ADPATED FROM "THE EDGE" ANTHONY ROBBINS

What do successful people have in common?

Successful people have an RPM plan for their lives.

Those who succeed in life have the answer to three questions:

what do you really want?

This is the "R" - the result you are after

Why do you want to do this? What’s your purpose?

This is the “P”—the purpose. Once you decide on a purpose, knowing it—the “why”—will get you to follow through. Reasons come first; answers come second.

What do you need to do to make it happen?

What big and little things can you do immediately to produce the result you want? This is the “M”—the massive action plan!

Exercise: Let’ s Get Honest What are you unhappy about in your career, your family, yourself, your rationalised? Write down some things that disturb you right now.

I'm disturbed about

1.What are you committed to doing instead? Decide what new result you want; then write why (your purpose) you are committed to obtaining this result.

1.RESULT: I am now committed to doing

2.PURPOSE: I am committed to this because .

To make sure you follow through, come up with a list of actions that will absolutely produce results.

Exercise: Draw the MAP

1.Choose one new result you are committed to achieving and list all the things you could do to achieve it. Don’t worry about making your list “perfect.” Just brainstorm whatever comes to mind.

Now asterisk (*) the three to five “must items” (those items you can and must do to achieve your goal).

2. Using language that excites you, refine the wording of your result ,list a few reasons why you want to take this action(your purpose), and then commit to the actions by giving each one a deadline

Step 4: Change Your Limiting Beliefs

JK Rowlings who said about herself “I had failed on an epic scale. An exceptionally short-lived marriage had imploded, and I was jobless, a lone parent, and as poor as it is possible to be in modern Britain, without being homeless. The fears that my parents had had for me, and that I had had for myself, had both come to pass, and by every usual standard, I was the biggest failure I knew.”

Beliefs

A belief is nothing more than a feeling of absolute certainty about what something means. Beliefs control our behaviour.

They can be unconscious or conscious, and they often stem from things we’ve heard or seen, felt a lot of emotion about, and then repeated to ourselves again and again until we felt certain.

5,126 is the number of failed prototypes Sir James Dyson went through over the course of 15 years before creating the s best-selling bagless vacuum cleaner that led to a net worth of $4.5billion.

“You ain’t goin’ nowhere, son. You ought to go back to drivin’ a truck.” These are the words that greeted Elvis Presley after his first performance at the Grand Ole Opry, after which he was promptly fired. Disposing of the keys to the truck, Presley went on to become the world’s biggest star with a legacy that endures.

Walt Disney was told he ‘lacked imagination and had no good ideas’. Undeterred, Walt went on to create the cultural icon that bears his name.

My old beliefs that “I would put on weight when giving up smoking” caused me to gain 20 kgs; however after finding my “why” my new beliefs helps me lose the weight by making exercise and eating well part of my daily routine. (A goal in progress)

Exercise: Old Beliefs, New Beliefs

Write down all the old beliefs that have kept you from following through on your goal in the past.

Write down the new beliefs that will empower you from this point forward.

Colonel Sanders KFC empowering belief in himself changed him from a man ready to commit suicide to a household name

Step 5: Set Yourself Up to Win

Reward yourself . When learning something new, most

people don’t do it perfectly the first time. To win the game of life, you’ve got to reward yourself for doing things approximately right in the beginning.

Score the experience. Do things that add emotional

intensity making the process more enjoyable along the way. If you’re working out, you can listen to music, work out with a buddy, visualise while you exercise, etc. choose things that meet all of your Six Human Needs.

All human beings are driven by six needs. No matterwhat task is at hand, you’ll enjoy the process and accelerate your results by making your actions meet your needs for

Take advantage of NET time. Increase the value of your time by doing several things at once. It takes NET . . . No Extra Time!

·Measure your progress. You’ll be excited about your results if you measure your progress. Set yourself up to win by measuring results in more than one way. For example, if you only measure the pounds you lose, there may be days when you don’t see results. Measure anything that can show your results.

Exercise: Enhance the Experience

Come up with two or three ideas that can help you look forward to doing the things that will get your result. What can you focus on, pay attention to, notice, appreciate, or enjoy that will enhance the experience?

Step 6: Take Massive Action

There’s no time like the present! Never leave the site of setting a goal without doing something toward its attainment. Do something while you’re inspired, while you’re “in state.” The more massive the action, the more committed you will be to achieving the result.

Incantations are powerful! You can’t just get rid of a negative belief; you have to replace it. Try incanting your new beliefs, saying them again and again, changing the emphasis and changing your state. By changing the emotion, you change the impact you feel and you begin to condition yourself for even more action.

Massive action creates momentum. You don’t have to do a thousand things; you just have to do something.

Exercise: Big Action, Little Action

What are two actions you can take immediately to get yourself going?

Little action (e.g., make a phone call, send an email)

Big action (something that takes time, energy, money, or effort)

Step 7: Tap into the Seventh Power

When you care how people feel about you, you make them your peers and you give them power to influence the way you think. Tap into the Seventh Power—the power of environment. Choose a peer group with a high standard, utilise a coach, and immerse yourself in an environment that reinforces you for your wins and challenges you to reach greater heights.

Mostpeople’slivesareadirect

Do the little action and big action you wrote down. Do them right away, and be sure to acknowledge yourself when you get them done!

WORKSHEET

NOW IS THE TIME

WRITE DOWN THE 3 WORST THINGS THAT COULD HAPPEN IF YOUR PLAN DID NOT WORK OUT?

WRITE DOWN THE PROS AND CONS OF MAKING CHANGES NOW

PROS

CONS

HOW I WANT TO FEEL: Successful Grateful Balanced Relaxed

Loved Happy Other:

WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF I STARTED TAKING ACTION TODAY?

WHAT WOULD I FEEL IF I SUCCEED WITH MY PLAN?

WHAT WOULD I FEEL IF IDON'T SUCCEED WITH MY PLAN?

StartingYourRPMPlan

Step1–Capturing

Keeping everything in your head is a source of stress. You’ve got to have a simple system where you always put down the things you want or need to accomplish. Keep in mind that human beings are able to focus on a limited number of things or tasks at once. Usually anywhere from five to nine items can be handled at a time.

When people don’t reach their goals, it’s often not because of ability. It’s because of the way they’re focusing on the number of items, or rather, the way they are “chunking” things. Chunking is how to turn a lot into a little. It’s taking all that is coming at you and putting it into ideal-sized groups your mind can handle. Chunking fits the things you are committed to into a few categories, and lets you know the order you’re going to accomplish them because you’ve already decided in advance what’s most important.

Begin the practice of chunking by using the space below to capture the things that are a must for you to accomplish, whether it’s the things you really want or situations that demand your attention. Write down all the things you have to do this week. Consider this a dumping ground for your thoughts.

SOMETHING I MUST DO THIS WEEK

SOMETHING I MUST DO THIS WEEK

SOMETHING I MUST DO THIS WEEK

SOMETHING I MUST DO THIS WEEK

SOMETHING I MUST DO THIS WEEK

SOMETHING I MUST DO THIS WEEK

SOMETHING I MUST DO THIS WEEK

SOMETHING I MUST DO THIS WEEK

Step 2 – Start the chunking process:

Now that you’ve captured the things that are a must for you to accomplish within a week, begin looking for commonalities. What items relate to finances, or relationships, or career, etc.? For example, you might have a problem with a romantic partner, might have neglected to get in touch with a friend you’ve been thinking about, or might have an upcoming family function to get ready for, among a litany of other things “to do.” These items could fall under the general area of “Relationships.”

Chunk those items on your capture list that correspond to the most common areas of life mastery: health, meaning & emotions, relationships, time, work/career/mission, finances, and spirituality. Feel free to create or label your own areas in the lettered spaces. Use additional sheets of paper if necessary.

HEALTH RELATIONSHIP

EMOTIONAL

CAREER

Creating RPM blocks

Now let’s take the example of a woman who wants to lose weight. Can’t you just hear the groans about how hard it’s going to be, the things she’d need to do? Give up the foods that taste good and bring her comfort but pack on kilos, exercise, shop wisely for groceries, count calories everyday, find the right fitness programme, buy workout clothes…

All perfectly reasonable ways to approach weight loss. But if she doesn’t know what her specific measurable result is, and have enough emotion behind the purpose of why she wants to lose weight, she may experience some initial success, or she may even reach her goal, but is that weight going to stay off?

Let’s say her goal is to lose 10kgs in the next 90 days. Her reasons? Because she’s tired of being short of breath when exerting herself, she’s tired of going to the beach and feeling insecure about taking her tee shirt off, and she wants to once again feel like that headturner she was before he packed on the pounds.

She knows the specific goal she’s after, she knows why she’s after it, now it’s a matter of creating a MAP to get to that goal.

Here’s what his RPM block might look like:

A new habit of eating will require an adjustment period, and getting into an exercise regime may be tough after some time of inactivity. Remember: the same momentum that propelled her toward where she is now will take time to swing in the other direction, but she has compelling reasons to make the necessary shifts in her behaviour: to feel better physically and emotionally, and to regain a lost sense of confidence.

The focus on the activities shifts from non-enjoyable things he has to do to opportunities to recapture his sense of confidence, attraction and feeling good. She has changed the emotional quality behind the activities by focusing on what she’s really after and knowing her reasons.

Step 3 – Create your own RPM blocks

Now refer back to the areas of concern you chunked on the earlier pages, the things that are a must for you to accomplish within a week. Pick an area that is of most concern to you and create an RPM Block for that area:

1) Write the results you’re after in that life area into the target circle.

Below the target circle, write down your purpose, your compelling reasons why you want to accomplish the result in the target circle. Be sure to highlight any trigger words that can change the emotional quality of the tasks to be performed.

2) Lastly, develop a sequence of priority actions.

Massive action plan Result Purpose

TWO& THREE

DAY COMMUNICATION

JBTG | © 2021 JACKIE BROWN

WORKSHEET

WHEEL OF LIFE

INSTRUCTIONS:DescriptionsforeachareaoftheWheelofLife

What’salevel10?That’sdifferentforeveryone.Avoidtheegocomparingtoothersor thinkingyou’llonlybeatawhenyou’rekingoftheplanetandeveryhumanlovesyou.Aten issimplyshorthandfor“IloveitandI’mhappytooifitincreases.”Forexample,youmaybe singleandloveit.You’redating,meetingwonderfulpeople,havingfun,andassoonasit’s notfun,youendasfriends.ThatcouldbeaLevel10in“SignificantOther”.

COMMUNICATION

In this session, participants will:

Gain insight into their personality type

Learn to adjust your own communication approach

Understand barriers to effective communication and how to overcome them

Learn how to effectively utilise tone

Master the S.T.A.R. method for speaking on the spot

Learn to use body language appropriately

Learn to listen actively and effectively

Gain insight into asking open questions

Become a more effective communicator

The exercise above illustrates an important aspect of communication: it is usually the little things that matter. It is not about changing one thing by 100%, it is about changing a lot of things through small steps. Often we spend a huge amounts of time and effort on creating a vision for our family, but often it is the way we execute and communicate these to our families that needs to improve. Its looking and the small things that we seem to miss. Whilst looking at the bigger picture we miss the little things that are important.

INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATIONSKILLS

The following seven essential communication skills increase cooperation and help to reduce conflict:

Asking good questions helps other people to talk about what they are feeling, thinking, wanting, and planning.

The listening skill is one of the most important aspects of communication process. It helps to understand and read the other person's message

This is an opportunity to get things out in the open so that issues can be resolved and they can find ways to work together better.

Howyouprefertocommunicateand beingabletorecogniseothers' communicationstylescanhelpbuildthe bridgesofunderstanding

getting your message across. This involves capturing attention, ensuring that person understands the idea you are trying to convey

Making a vulnerable request is not judging the other person or his way of doing things as wrong

ASK BETTER QUESTIONS LISTEN CAREFULLY AND RESPONSIVELY GIVE EFFECTIVE FEEDBACK RECOGNISE AGREEMENT AND EXPLORE THE CAUSES OF DIFFERENCES COMMUNICATE YOUR MESSAGE EFFECTIVELY MAKE REQUESTS (INSTEAD OF COMPLAIN AND CRITISE!) EXPRESS APPRECIATON, GRATITUDE AND ENCOURAGEMENT WHICH OF THESE ARE YOU STRONGEST AT?

Your appreciation for something that someone does for you is your gratitude for it.

WORKSHEET

HOW TO TURN YOUR NEGATIVE THOUGHTS INTO POSITIVE ACTIONS

INSTRUCTIONS:

“Youatewaymoredessertthaneveryoneelse,don’tyouhaveanycontrol?!” "Iwillneverbeabletofindajob"

Wouldyoutellyourfriendanyofthesethings?Wouldyoubefriendswithsomeonewho saidanyofthesethingstoyou?Ihopenot!But,howmanystatementslikethesedoyou saytoyourself?

Whenyouconstantlytalkdowntoyourself,beatyourselfupandtellyourself“Ican’t”,you starttobelieveit.Andwhenyoubelieveyoucan’t/youneverwill/youaren’tcapable,why wouldyoueventry?

Thinkofsomeofyournegativethoughtsandfocusonwhatyou are doing andwhatyou can do inthepresentmomenttobringyouclosertotheresultyouwant.

NEGATIVE THOUGHT: POSITIVE AFFIRMATION:

NEGATIVE THOUGHT: POSITIVE AFFIRMATION:

NEGATIVE THOUGHT: POSITIVE AFFIRMATION:

NEGATIVE THOUGHT: POSITIVE AFFIRMATION:

Effective listening skills

Effective listening is actively absorbing the information given to you by a speaker, showing that you are listening and interested and providing feedback to the speaker so that he or she knows the message was received.

This fun and interactive Active Listening Skills Training Programme will provide practical skills and knowledge that you will transform your personal and professional interactions and lead to more rewarding and meaningful communication.

Outcomes:

In this session participants will: Engage more effectively through actively listening Understand the difference between ‘hearing’ and ‘listening’ Learn the techniques to listen actively Increase their awareness of communication behaviours Understand how emotions effect their ability to listen Learn to paraphrase and restate for clarification

Be able to manage and encourage constructive collaboration

Tips for Listening More Carefully and Responsively

Choose a quiet, neutral place and a time when you and the other person are not busy or rushed and can listen to each other without interruption.

Stay calm by breathing slowly and deeply.

Wait to speak until the person has completely finished. Don’t interrupt!

Focus on and be open to what the person is communicating (rather than on what you will reply as soon as s/he stops talking!).

Encourage the speaker to express him/herself with your:

Body language by nodding, sitting forward, making appropriate eye contact, uncrossing your arms and legs.

Verbal cues by saying ―Can you tell me more about it?―What happened next?

―Uh-huh.

Help the speaker clarify what s/he is saying. Ask questions such as: ―When did this happen? ―Can you give me a specific example? ―Can you help me picture the situation?

Acknowledge what the person has told you so that s/he knows you understand what s/he has said and recognise how s/he feels.

Mindfulness is a mental state achieved by focusing one's awareness on the present moment, while calmly acknowledging and accepting one's feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations, used as a therapeutic technique.

PARAPHRASING AND SUMMARISING

Learn to paraphrase

Parroting is simply repeating word for word exactly what the person has said. Paraphrasing is saying in your own words what the person has told you.

When you parrot and paraphrase, acknowledge the person's feelings or empathize with him/her. Be sure that your tone of voice and body language do not indicate that you disapprove or disagree with what the person has said and be very careful that you do not change the person's meaning.

For example:

―

Summarise what the speaker has said. This is another way to acknowledge the speaker and demonstrate that you understand what s/he is trying to communicate.

For example:

―

Let me see if I understand what you are

saying…

Let me try to summarise what I understand you to be saying…

You’re stressed because of your work load right now. When you asked for a loan, I became angry and you don’t think that was fair. Do you feel that is a fair summary of what you’ve said so far?

So the way you see it, I was being unfair when I gave you that task to do.

I understand that you are feeling upset because you think that I have refused you a new set of trainers because they are not a priority right now

Catch people doing something right and praise them for it!

Clarity -- Be clear about what you want to say.

Emphasise the positive; remember that if there is a mix of positive and negative comments, most people will screen out the positive, so it may need re-emphasising.

Be specific -- Avoid general comments and clarify pronouns such as “it,” “that,” etc.

Be descriptive rather than evaluative (eg “ Did you know you tapped your pen on the table all the time she spoke?” rather than “It was really irritating to hear you tapping on the table! “)

Focus on behaviour rather than the person. (eg “On a number of occasions you started speaking before she had finished” rather than “You are clearly a bully who is totally uninterested in other people’s points of view” !)

Acknowledge that all behaviour can be changed.

Own the feedback -- Use ‘I’ statements . (eg “I noticed” “I saw” “I heard”)

Use positive language that suggests that any problems are time-limited, situation specific, and capable of solution. (eg Just at the moment you don’t………; in this instance you seemed; you haven’t yet worked out a way of……..; next time you might want to…..)

Be very careful with advice -- People rarely struggle with an issue because of the lack of some specific piece of information; often, the best help is helping the person to come to a better understanding of their issue, how it developed, and how they can identify actions to address the issue more effectively.

Body language

The ability to interpret body language is a skill that will enhance your capability. This Body Language training session from JBTG will enable you to recognise the body language of others while being aware of what your own body is communicating.

This afternoon’s aim:

The ability to interpret body language is a skill that will enhance anyone’s career. Body language is a form of communication, and it needs to be practiced like any other form of communication. Whether in sales or management, it is essential to understand the body language of others and exactly what your own body is communicating.

Outcomes:

In this session participants will:

Understand the difference between open & closed body language

Learn how to avoid common body language mistakes

Gain insight into the differences in body language between genders

Understand the signals you're sending to others

Learn the role facial expressions play in body language

Learn how to use body language to strengthen your negotiations

Understand how body language can expose deception

Learn how to match words with movement to instill trust

What Is Emotional Intelligence?

Emotional Intelligence is the measure of an individual’s abilities to recognise and manage their emotions, and the emotions of other people, both individually and in groups.

Benefits of Higher Emotional Intelligence

People with higher emotional intelligence find it easier to form and maintain interpersonal relationships and to ‘fit in’ to group situations.

People with higher emotional intelligence are also better at understanding their own psychological state, which can include managing stress effectively and being less likely to suffer from depression.

It’s important to reflect at the end of the day to better understand what transpired and how you could have handled it better. Look for the meaning in people’s reactions. It will tell you a lot about what they’re thinking. Sometimes it’s hard to determine that in the moment, but you may find the answer if you reflect on it later.

BodyLanguageand EmotionalIntelligence

Part 1

a)What is body language? Do you think it’s important?

b)Do you pay attention to other people’s body language when you talk to them? Why?

c) How can our body language affect the first impression we make?

d)What gestures are considered offensive in your culture?

e)Have you ever misinterpreted somebody’s gestures/ body language?

List as many gesture sand forms of non verbal communication as possible Do's

Don'ts

FOUR DAY

Dealing with difficult people & Anger Management

Dealing with difficult people/situations

Success in dealing with conflicts comes from the understanding of behaviour, its causes and how it impacts us and others. Approaching difficult people with understanding helps to overcome negativity through positivity. This training session in Dealing with Difficult People provides tools, techniques, and an understanding that empower you with the ability to deal with difficult people.

The aim of today’s session:

During today’s training session, participants learn how to approach difficult people, understand and influence them so that a successful resolution can be achieved without negativity and damage.

The session includes training in recognising attitudes and actions that impact others, using effective techniques to deal with difficult people, using tools to deal with anger, developing coping strategies, understanding motives and behaviours, and more.

Outcomes:

After completing this session, participants will understand:

Conflict as communication

Benefit from a confrontation

Prevent problems

Get focused

Deal with theirs and others’ anger

Deal with problems

Understand and use the three step conflict resolution model

Change yourself depending o the situation

Understand people’s behaviours and motives

De-stress when things get ugly

Identify causes of difficult behaviour

Counter negativity with positivity

Discuss problems in groups

Plan and practice to handle difficult situations successfully

DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE

This worksheet will help you find creative new ways to deal with ‘difficult’ people, increasing your chances of getting the outcome you want, and reducing friction with those around you.

1. 2. 3. 4.

Stop thinking of them as ‘difficult’.

Ask yourself ‘What do I want them to do differently?’

Ask yourself ‘What’s in it for them (to do what I want)?’

Tell them exactly what you want them to do differently, including what’s in it for them.

1. Stop thinking of them as ‘difficult’.

We often label people without even realizing it. So when you’re feeling stuck in communicating with somebody, start by taking a ‘mental inventory’ of the labels you’re applying to them:

i. Write down all the words you can think of that describe this person – e.g. ‘lazy’, ‘selfish’, ‘disruptive’, ‘inconsiderate’.

ii. Now cross them all out. And never use them again about this person.

iii.If you ever catch yourself using these words about the other person, stop and mentally cross them out again.

Tips for recognising agreements and disagreements:

Listen to the person as if for the first time. Work at being open to new ideas.

Consider the other person’s frame of reference (Each individual views the world from a a view that is unique and personal.)

Look at the issue from his/her perspective. Ask yourself and the other person, ―What do we need to do to move forward?

Three Steps to Resolving Conflicts

1.IDENTIFY THE CONFLICT

What do you want to have happen instead of what is happening?

Who is involved?

Is the problem a personal or personnel problem?

Are you being specific and emotionally neutral?

What will this outcome do for you, for the other person(s), for your family ?

What are the interests – not just the positions- of the parties?

What is the cost of change for the other(s)? What is the benefit for them?

What attempts have been made at “resolution”?

What are the consequences of the conflict?

2.IDENTIFY SOLUTIONS

Develop a positive attitude

Establish ground rules.

Brainstorm and involve other(s)

Develop alternatives

Weigh pros and cons of alternatives

How will you restore rapport with the person?

Do you need to stop talking about the person to others?

Do you need to change your day-to-day behaviour with them?

What details of your behavior do you have to change?

3.IMPLEMENT SOLUTIONS

Develop a plan of action (Who, what, when, where?)

Develop a plan to track and measure success?

How will you restore rapport with the person?

Do you need to stop talking about the peers onto others?

Do you need to change your day-to-day behavior with them?

What details of your behavior do you have to change?

Determine how to handle conflict in the future.

MAKE REQUESTS (INSTEAD OF COMPLAIN AND CRITICISE!)

and the risk of disappointment and loss of face is hard to bear. If we complain, on the other hand, we stand on the emotional high ground and our listener is usually on the defensive.

However, in order to manage and resolve conflict and improve our chances of getting cooperation from another person or group, we need to ask for what we want and risk being turned down.

Why criticisms don’t get the positive result we want: Whenever we place people on the defensive, their capacity to listen goes down. Their attention and energy will often go into some combination of defending their position, saving face, and counter-attacking. Only when people feel safe are they likely to listen and consider how they might meet our needs.

The truth of the complaint is not the issue. Because mutual imitation or emotional "echoing" is so much a part of ordinary conversation, a criticism from one person in the conversation, no matter how justified, tends to evoke a criticism from the other, bogging the pair down in a spiral of accusations.

To avoid this trap, approach the other person not as a problem-maker and adversary in a debate but as a problem-solving partner. By translating your complaint into a request, you "transform" the role you are asking the other person to play and create a safe space for more cooperation and less conflict.

Be specific about the actions you want to take and/or the action you want the other person to take in the present and the future. For example, use verbs and adverbs, such as "meet our deadlines regularly." Avoid proposing changes in a person's supposed character traits (nouns and adjectives, such as "slow worker" or "bad team player"). "How can we solve this problem quickly?" will generally produce much better results than "Why are you so slow?

Explain why you are making the request. Research in social psychology has revealed that many people respond more positively to explained requests than to unexplained requests, even when the supposed explanation is obvious or doesn't actually explain much of anything. Notice the difference between the following two ways of expressing requests:

EXPRESS APPRECIATION, GRATITUDE AND ENCOURAGEMENT

Because life continually requires us to attend to problems and breakdowns, it gets very easy to see in life only what is broken and needs fixing. However, cooperative relationships (and a happy life) require us to notice and respond to what is good, positive, and working well. It is appreciation that makes a relationship strong enough to accommodate differences and disagreements.

Couples who stay together tend to have five times more positive interactions than negative ones. Couples who stay together often have real disagreements, but a strong pattern of appreciative and affirming interaction appears to give them the positive momentum they need to work through their problems.

Children who are the most intelligent, self-confident and flexible experienced five times more positive than negative interchanges with their parents.

Recognition and appreciation are the most powerful motivators of improved performance. Building a successful business means most of all bringing out the best in people.

Appreciation nurtures relationships and encourages qualities and behaviors. It is never too late to begin listening and appreciating, and paying attention to the qualities and behaviors you want to encourage in others.

Gratitude is a way of seeing the world. Gratefulness has two sides. Expressing gratitude is partly a conscious action, like opening a door or telling a story. It is also a result of deep attitudes: the way we look at our lives and the way we turn the events of our lives into meaningful stories. Thank you equals yes to life. One way to cultivate a grateful heart is to look for as many ways to say thank you as possible.

IN EXPLORING THE PERSONAL SIDE OF GRATEFULNESS

Writedownthefivethingsinyourlifethatyouarethemostgratefulfor—thiscaninclude thehappiesteventsinyourlife,specificpeople,orotherthings.Howandtowhomcanyou expressgratitudeforthesefivethings?Attheend,noticeyourmoodandwritethatdown, too.

I AM MOST GRATEFUL FOR… I WILL EXPRESS MY GRATITUDE BY…

Howdiddoingthisexercisemakemefeel?

WORKSHEET

EXPRESSING APPRECIATION IN THREE PARTS

Use the first three of the five messages to strengthen the way that you express appreciation.

Think of something you would like to say to your friend/partner/child

When I saw…that your group had joined the coalition…

…I felt …so happy…

…because…I think we can do some really good work together.

WHEN I SAW/HEARD… ...I FELT…

..BECAUSE 1,...(NEED, WANT, ETC)

Anger

Anger Management

Anger is a normal, healthy emotion but can quickly become unhealthy and detrimental if not understood and controlled. Manage your anger, reduce your stress and improve your personal and work relationships with this Anger Management session

This afternoon’s aim:

Benjamin Franklin once said, "In this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes." We would add a third item to his list: anger. Anger can be an incredibly damaging force, costing people their jobs, personal relationships, and even their lives when it gets out of hand. However, since everyone experiences anger, it is important to have constructive approaches to manage it effectively.

This Anger Management will help teach participants how to identify their anger triggers and what to do when they get angry.

Outcomes:

In this session participants will:

Gain a better understanding of anger and the natural anger cycle

Gain insight into the "fight or flight" response that triggers anger

Understand the realities of anger

Learn about helpful and unhelpful ways of dealing with anger

Master strategies for gaining control of anger in all situations

Discover some productive ways of "blowing off steam”

ANGERMANAGEMENT

1.Identify Triggers - Identifying factors that trigger feelings of anger is an important step in learning how to control reactions. This worksheet can help pinpoint those triggers. Read this list of triggers and check off the ones that make you angry. At the bottom, write in some of your own triggers if they are not know here.

Someone says you did something wrong

Someone tells you privately that you did something wrong. Your boss/partner/friend belittles you

You partner says that you haven't been doing enough at home. You get stuck in traffic are overwhelmed but your boss/family gives you more work. You want something you can't have now You hear that someone has been spreading rumours about you Your friend tells you that you are wuss for not doing something. You are accused of doing something you didn't do. You get caught doing something you shouldn't be doing

Someone tries to tell you how to run your life. An friend doesn't respect your word on something You are told that you can't do something.

You are pushed aside when you are asking for help

Someone doesn't agree with you.

Someone doesn't do what you tell him/her to do Your boss/partner/family member takes over (over rides you)

Someone threatens you. Your child spills a glass of milk on the carpet Your child doesn't listen to you.

Someone unexpected happens that messes up your schedule L

What other things make you angry?:

UNDERSTANDING YOUR TRIGGERS FOR ANGER

2. Understanding Your Triggers

While recognising anger triggers is important, it's also important to explore the causes of those triggers. This worksheet helps you reflect on why certain situations lead to responses of anger.

Being able to identify triggers for anger will help you avoid becoming angry in situations.

Why are these triggers for you?

How do these triggers make you feel?

How can you deal with these triggers?

Being able to spot triggers, recognising why they are triggers and how they make you feel, will help you recognize when you should implement your anger management techniques.

LIST OF ANGER MANAGEMENT TECHNIQUES

It's important to develop - and use - a variety of different approaches to learn how to manage anger effectively. This worksheet offers a central place to brainstorm ideas for handling emotions.

As participants in this course discuss the anger management techniques that work for you, write the ones you haven't tried. As you try each one, check it off. Then, write down the techniques that worked best for you and why.

Anger Management Techniques

Note: If you have tried all of the one’s your classmates have discussed, feel free to open discussion about alternative techniques that were not discussed.

"Anger is only one letter short of danger"

EXPRESS YOUR ANGER

Everyone gets angry sometimes. While you may not be able to avoid anger all the time, you can express your anger in positive ways. One way to release tension from an aggravating situation is to write out your feelings and brainstorm ways to solve the problem. Use this anger worksheet the next time you feel distressed.

What has caused you to be angry?

What are some of the feelings and thoughts you are having because of the situation?

Why does the situation make you angry?

Could there be any other reasons besides the obvious?

Think about your relationship with the person and past experiences.

What are some ways you can make this situation better and avoid this in the future?

"Anger makes you smaller, while forgiveness forces you to grow beyond what you were" - Cherie Carter-Scott

WHAT WOULD YOU DO?

Scenario Worksheet

It's also helpful to look at hypothetical situations and come up with appropriate reactions. Practicing scenarios can help you keep healthy responses in mind in real life.

These scenarios are highly stressful for most people, how would you handle these situations and which stress management techniques would you use?

1.

Your alarm doesn't go off and you are late getting out of the house. You hit traffic and end up 15 minutes late to work, which your boss notices. You get to your area and it's covered in a task that is due in two hours.

2. Your friend is upset that you cancelled plans with him. You had a good reason but he will not stop begrudging you about it. You find out that he has told everyone you know something very private you told him to get back at you.

3. You just paid all of your bills and you end up with only $20 left in your account to last you two weeks. Your credit cards have high balances, you've already asked all of your friends, and family for loans, which you still have to pay back. You have no money for food or other necessities.

4. You call the Vodafone because you have unknown charges on your bill. You have to go through the automated menu three times and still can't get to a real live person. After 15 minutes, you finally get placed on hold to speak to someone. Your call is answered but then it's dropped. You have to call back.

TimeOutAngerWorksheet Time-OutExercise

During times of high emotion, it can be beneficial to take a time out and reflect on what took place. This worksheet helps you take a moment to decide what should happen next, rather than simply reacting with anger.

During times of great stress when you start to become angry, a way that you can manage your rage is by taking a time out to assess your situation. Keep this worksheet handy so you can pull it out the next time you face an anger-provoking situation. Afteryou do the following exercises here, you will find that you won't need the worksheet any longer and can followthe steps without it.

Note: You may not always be able to separate yourself from a situation to do this worksheet. However, for the times you can, take advantage of this exercise. It will teach you what to do in circumstances where you can't break away.

Why are you angry?

What is your first reaction to the situation?

Is your first reaction the best way to handle it - why or why not?

What is a better way to handle what happened?

If that does not work,what is your alternateplan?

Anger is often rooted in something else

When experiencing anger, we need to dive deeper to see what lies beneath. Anger is a reaction to a deeper fear or threat. Think of anger as an iceberg--only a very small part of the iceberg is visible above the water. The majority of its body is hidden below the surface. The emotion and expression of anger is often that visible “tip of the iceberg” part that everyone sees.

For some people, the discovery of what lies beneath anger begins by completing this simple sentence:

I am feeling anger. I am also feeling ____________, ____________, ____________ (use feeling words such as fear, pain, betrayal, shame, guilt, frustration, insulted, grief, etc.).

Discoveringwhatliesbeneath

Uncovering other emotions in addition to anger allows you to see more fully all that you are dealing with. You can deal with only what you know. We react in anger and out of anger because we are not aware of all the contributing factors, including other feelings.

Impact of Anger on Health

Knowing how anger can impact health can be a powerful motivator. This worksheet helps you examine the effect of your emotions on your body.

Anger causes high levels of stress that puts a strain on your physical health over time. To

understand how anger affects your body, take a step back and identify what you are going through physically. Answer these questions about your physiological responses when you are angry. Do you have any physical pain? If so, what hurts?

Look in the mirror. Do you notice any differences in your face? Are your eyes dilated and is your face red? Are there any other differences?

Pay attention to your muscles. Are they tense? Are you clenching your fists? Are your shoulders down and relaxed or raised and stiff? Write down all tension in your body.

Pay attention to your breathing and your heart. Are you having a hard time catching your breath? Is your heart beating faster than usual? Do you feel a sudden burst of energy?

Are you having gastrointestinal problems such as constipation or diarrhea? Do you notice any other differences from when you are not angry?

FIVE DAY

Assertiveness and self confidence

ASSERTIVENESSANDSELF CONFIDENCETRAININGSESSION

Today’s aim:

Assertiveness and Self-Confidence are two skills that are crucial for success in life. If you don't feel worthy and/or you don't know how to express your self-worth when communicating with others, life can be very unfulfilling.

In this Assertiveness and Self-Confidence Training Session, people learn how to become more willing and able to communicate, share their opinions and get more proactive in shaping their life and interactions with others.

Whether it is learning how to say ‘I believe’, telling yourself ‘it’s ok to give it a go’ or getting better at saying ‘No’, this session will empower you and help you in many aspects of your life.

Outcomes:

In this session participants will:

Understand what it means to be assertive and self-confident

Learn that it's okay to speak up and to stand up for what they believe Gain techniques to confidently express opinions and needs

Learn to say 'no' without being rude or seeming disinterested Recognise that you are important and that your opinions are valid and worthy of consideration

Learn to identify and eliminate negative thinking and self-talk

Become a more effective communicator

Learn to set achievable goals in-line with personal values

Discover how to "feel the part", "look the part", "sound the part" and "become the part" Be able to recognise and deal with difficult behaviours in other people

“WHEN YOU HAVE CONFIDENCE, YOU CAN DO ANYTHING.”

Let's be assertive

If you have difficulty with assertiveness, you might have a history of being invalidated, criticised, bullied, or abused?

Maybe when you did stand up for yourself in the past, you were attacked. So it felt safer to go with the flow.

There are some situations, however, when you need to take a stand. And if you’re ready to do that, these are the worksheets for you!

Here’s how to cultivate assertiveness in 4 steps.

Step 1. Establish Your Why

Being more assertive is hard. Figuring out how assertiveness will benefit you will help you stay motivated - even when it gets tough.

Here are just a few reasons why assertiveness is a good thing. Tick the reasons that speak to you. Elaborate on them and note anything else you can think of in the box below.

Assertiveness will help me get my wants and needs met.

By being more assertive, people will know what my wants and needs are.

Them knowing increases the likelihood that they will help me or change behaviours that are unhelpful.

Assertiveness will bring me closer to the people in my life.

If they know my wants and needs, they’ll know me better, too.

Sharing more about myself will help them feel comfortable sharing more about themselves, therefore bringing them closer.

Assertiveness will help me clarify who is worthy of my energy and time.

People who don’t care about my wants and needs don’t care about me, either.

If I repeatedly ask for my wants and needs to be met and the other person doesn’t honour those wishes, it may be in my best interest to reduce their role in my life.

Assertiveness will increase my self-esteem.

Standing up for myself will help me be myself.

When I am more myself, I will feel like I am living in better alignment with my values.

Assertiveness will help me advance my career.

Like everyone else, my boss cannot read my mind. If I don’t ask, I won’t get.

By asking, I increase my chances of a getting a raise, a promotion, etc.

Step 2. Practice Assertiveness Tip 1. Develop a Script

Sometimes, in the moment, it can be hard to think of what to say. So, decide on some go-to lines.

“No, thank you.”

“Please stop.”

“I’m not comfortable with that.”

“That won’t work for me, but this is what would…”

“When you [name a specific behavior], I feel [emotion], because [reason].”

Add one of your own:

Tip . Practice Scripts in the Mirror, With a Friend, or With a Mentor

It may feel silly, but role playing really does help! It shows that you are capable of being assertive and increases your confidence.

Role play with situations you’re currently facing, even if you don’t actually plan to be assertive in those situations in real life.

How and when will you practice your scripts? Plan below

Tip . When in Doubt, Delay

In the moment when you're presented with an opportunity to be assertive, you may freeze and forget your scripts.

When this happens, delay giving a firm answer so you can buy yourself more time to think. Here are some ways to do that:

“I need some time to think about it.”

“Let me get back to you on that.”

“I need to get some more information before I decide.”

Step 3. Make and Rank a List of Situations / People Where You

Want to Be More Assertive

Here’s an example list. Tick the boxes that apply and add more as appropriate. At work With my co-workers With my boss At my children’s school/polytechnic/uni With my neighbour With my peers With my parents With my brothers / sisters With my friends With my bestie On social media In public With acquaintances

Some people find it easier to be assertive at work than at home, some with a partner rather than a friend. For others, it’s just the opposite. So, rank each item in your list, beginning with the easiest situation to be assertive in (starting with #1), and ending with the hardest.

If 2 or more items are about the same, go by your personal preference. Where would you rather start practicing?

Ranked List 5: With my boss - this is the hardest one that I'll practice last

With my mum

: With my friends

: With my co-workers

: With my partner - I'll start practicing here! My list:

Step 4. Go Time!

Now comes the hardest part - putting your assertiveness skills into practice! Starting with your easiest ranked situation, begin looking for opportunities to be assertive. Notice whether or not you’re able to implement your assertiveness skills. If not, ask yourself what got in the way.

Use the space below to note down your experiences and insights.

Share these experiences - no matter how they turned out - with a good friend or your mentor. This person can cheer you on and offer specific feedback to help you.

Step 5. Coping With Missed Opportunities and Pushback

You know when you agree to something in the moment, and then look back and think, “Man, I wish I hadn’t done that”?

Or when someone crosses one of your boundaries, you knew you should've spoken up, but for whatever reason, you didn’t?

Here are some options for how to cope.

Show yourself grace. Assertiveness is hard. Of course, you're going to screw up now and then! Mistakes are part of the learning process. And hey, maybe there’s a good reason you let this one slide.

Change your mind. Short of signing a contract, nothing is set in stone. It's totally within your rights to say any of the following:

“I changed my mind.”

“After looking at my schedule, I don’t actually have time to commit to this.”

“Remember the other day when you [did a specific behaviour]? I didn’t know how to bring it up at the time, but that really bothered me.”

Remind yourself that there will always be opportunities for practice. Missing one chance to be assertive is okay, because there will be more chances!

Show them grace. It’s hard to cope with change. With time, people may get used to your increased assertiveness. And if they don’t…

Adjust accordingly. If people aren't willing to make accommodations for reasonable requests, it may be time to re-consider the relationship. That doesn’t necessarily mean you need to cut the person out entirely. You may want to reduce the time and energy you put into the relationship, knowing that you can and will find people who are able to meet your needs.

Remember that getting your wants and needs met is not selfish - no matter what the people in your life tell you! In fact, just the opposite. When your wants and needs are met, you are better able to be there for the people in your life when they need you.

STRESSANDTIMEMANAGEMENT

peers at work and family at home.

Today’s aim: Creating a balance between work and life can be challenging, whereas both demand your attention and energy. When properly balancing a career and personal life, you become healthier, mentally and physically, with an enhanced lifestyle. With a work-life balance, you will be able to manage your time better, which will impact various aspects of your life positively. This workshop will provide you training in focusing on relevant life and work matters, setting practical goals, and communicating and managing better.

Outcomes: After completing this session, participants will understand:

The benefits of a work-life balance

Recognise the signs of an unbalanced life

Consider their own time management

Work at a home office productively

Manage time

Find the most effective work methods for you Improve life at home by spending time alone

Create a balance at work and at home

Learn to manage stress

“WHEN YOU HAVE CONFIDENCE, YOU CAN DO ANYTHING.”

In this session we will look at:

•What stress is

•What causes stress

•How stress affects you

•What keeps stress going

•About life style changes that can help, and

•First steps to dealing with stress

What is Stress? Facts

Stress is something we all experience

It is a normal reaction

It happens to us all in situations we find stressful- at times of threat and uncertainty, or when we have taken on too much

Stress can be useful and can improve our performance e.g. a footballer before a match; going for a job interview or speaking in public

Fiction - common misunderstandings about

Stress and anxiety are signs of mental illness

If you’re stressed you should know what’s causing it

Stress only affects weak people

stress

When we view what is happening to us as a threat or if we find it difficult to cope with uncertainty, then stress can be a normal response.

Think of someone who is afraid of flying:

They think that the flight will be awful or even catastrophic

They have threatening images running through their head and begin to feel stressed as a result

They sometimes begin to feel sick, shaky and tense

The combination of how they think, how they feel and their body’s response can feel uncomfortable or overwhelming and very often, they find it easier to avoid flying

This reaction is unhelpful

Nevertheless other stress reactions can be helpful

You have a deadline

You feel your body react with tension but this drives you to get the job done rather than avoid it

This response is helpful

Most often when feeling stressed we are unaware of what is happening and can feel more stressed because we don’t understand the strange sensations we feel in our bodies. We can quickly feel overwhelmed.

By taking a step back and becoming more curious about what is happening both in our bodies and in our minds, we can begin to recognise the signs of stress sooner and learn ways of reversing the feeling of being overwhelmed.

When we are experiencing stress sometimes we are able to notice where we feel it in our bodies. Most often people describe a sensation of butterflies in their stomach, shortness of breath, a tingling feeling in their fingers, a need to go to the loo and tension in their head and neck areas.

These are normal responses and are only a few ways in which our bodies respond to stress

“Doing something that is productive is a great way to alleviate emotional stress. Get your mind doing something that is productive.”

—Ziggy Marley

The Fight or Flight response

This is a completely normal stress response which you may recognise when feeling stressed. It is also known as the FLIGHT OR FIGHT RESPONSE. The freeze response commonly occurs when in shock or experiencing extreme stress. These reactions are also known as the adrenaline response.

The fight or flight response can also arise from a psychological threat. The way we look at and understand what is happening around us influences how we react to it. We may be sitting at home worrying about our gas bill or the argument we had earlier in the day. Sitting at home we are under no threat but our body will still respond owing to the way we are thinking. We would describe this as unhelpful as, sitting in your chair at home, there is no physical threat in that moment.

Stress is a normal reaction and you can learn ways of controlling it.

INTERNAL STRESSORS EXTERNAL STRESSORS

LIFESTYLE CHOICE (Intake of caffeine, tobacco, and other drugs, lack of sleep, overloading schedule.)

NEGATIVE SELF TALK MIND TRAPS (Unrealistic expectations, taking things personally)

STRESSFUL PERSONALITY (perfectionist, workaholic) SELF CRITICAL

PHYSICAL ENVIRONMENT (noise, heat, confinement) SOCIAL (interactions with others, eg when someone is rude to you, or conflict with family)

RULES OF ORGANISATION (work rules)

MAJOR LIFE EVENTS DAILY HASSLES REDUNDANCY NOISY NEIGHBOURS LOSS OF JOB

Use this space to take a moment to reflect about anything in your life –now or in the past – that might have caused you stress.

Using the boxes below record were these stressors internal or external?

INTERNAL STRESSOR

EXTERNAL STRESSOR

Now think back to one life event that you have experienced in the past that you were able to manage well (watch out for your negative self-talk when doing this exercise as it may blind you to your many successes):

What did you do that allowed you to manage the situation?

What would others see you doing that told them you were managing it?

What physical symptoms do you experience when under stress?

What behaviours are you aware of when you feel stressed?

What thoughts go through your mind when you are feeling stressed?

What other emotions do you recognise in yourself when stressed?

Thoughts

This cycle illustrates the relationship between our thinking, our feelings, our body’s responses and our behaviour in a particular situation. Repeated experiences of stress in similar situations maintains our stress and the cycle is further maintained by our thoughts, our feelings, our physical responses and our behaviour. Throughout these workshops we will learn ways of breaking this cycle and reducing our stress as a result

WORKSHEET

DEALING WITH STRESS

Think about the last time you were feeling a little bit stressed.

NOT THE MOST EXTREMELY STRESSFUL SITUATION YOU HAVE EXPERIENCED JUST ONE WHERE YOU FELT A LITTLE STRESSED

SITUATION – what was going on around you?

THOUGHTS – what was going through your head at that time?

FEELINGS – how were you feeling?

BEHAVIOUR – what did you do in response?

BODY Response – did you notice any tension, shakiness, sickness etc?

whatstopsmefrom takingtimeout?

HowdoI relax?

Who is around you?

Who can you talk to?

Who can you get emotional around?

Who else could you look to for support?

YOUR SUPPORT NETWORK

INSTRUCTIONS:Makeanoteofthepeoplewhoarearoundyouandthinkaboutwhat supportisavailabletoyou.

1.What do you spend most of your time doing and why?

2.What times of day do you find yourself feeling most energetic and why?

3.What adjustments can you make to better manage your time?

4.What resources are available to you to assist in this process?

Examples include: GoogleCalendar, Agenda/Planner, To-do lists, Organisational apps).

SIX & SEVEN DAYS

YOUR MISSION IS TO FILL THIS IN THIS WEEK

Something I did well today…

MON

Today I had fun when…..

I felt proud when…….

Today I accomplished……

TUES

I had a positive experience with…….. Something I did for someone...

I felt good about myself when…

I was proud of someone else..

I felt good about myself when…

WED

I was proud of someone else..

Today was interesting because…….

I felt proud when…..

THU

A positive thing I witnessed... Today I accomplished…

Something I did well today…

FRI SAT SUN

I had a positive experience with (a person, a place or thing)……

I was proud of someone when..

Today I had fun when……

I felt good about myself when…

Something I did for someone…

A positive thing I witnessed….

Today was interesting because…

Today I found magic in……

Coat of Arms / Family Crest

draw, paint, or use any other medium to represent something about yourself in each of the shield's quadrants. The banner beneath the shield can be filled with a name that summarises your personal coat of arms.

YOURWEBSITE.COM | © 2020 NAME

People who know their strengths and use them frequently tend to have higher selfesteem, better moods, and less stress. Learning to use strengths is something anyone can achieve. In this activity, you will create a plan to use your strengths every day, for one week. You may use your strengths in either new or familiar ways.

The key is to use your strengths intentionally and purposefully, rather than as part of habit or routine

Core beliefs

Everyone looks at the world differently. Two people can have the same experience, yet have a very different interpretation of what happened. Core beliefs are the deeply held beliefs that influence how we interpret our experiences.

Think of core beliefs like a pare of sunglasses. Everyone has a different “shade” that causes them to see things differently

Many people have negative core beliefs that cause harmful consequences. To begin challenging your negative core belief, you first need to identify what they are. Here are some common examples:

JBTG | © 2021 JACKIE BROWN

INTERVIEWMETHOD

STAR

Situation:

Thinkofasituationsimilartowhattheinterviewerisaskingyouabout thathadasuccessfuloutcome.Itdoesn’tnecessarilyhavetobework relatedaslongasit’srelevant.Remembertoincludethewho,what ,where,whenandhow.

Task:

Describethetaskyouwereresponsibleforinthatsituation.Keepit specificbutconcise.Makesuretohighlightanyspecificchallengesyou faced.

Action:

Thisisthepartwhereyoudescribeexactlywhatyoudid.Howdidyou completethetaskyouwereassigned?Remembertofocusonwhatyou didandhighlighttraits(qualities)thatahiringmanagerwillfinddesirable (initiative,teamwork,leadership,dedication,etc.)

Result:

Thisiswhereyougettobereflective.Sharewhattheoutcomeofthe situationwasandhowyouspecificallycontributedtothatoutcome.What didyouaccomplish?Whatdidyoulearn?Whatweretheresultsofyour actions?

Job Interview Anticipation Guide Strategies for Successful Interviewing

You’ve just landed an interview for a seemingly wonderful job! Now what? Successful interviewing will be essential in order for you to lock in an offer. Here are some tips and strategies for effective interviewing from preparation through follow up.

Research should always be your first step. Gathering background information on employers is a crucial element in successful interview preparation. You will need to be prepared to answer the questions "What do your know about our company"? and "Why do you want to work here?" Knowing as much as possible about the company's past performance and future plans can make your interview more interactive and could be just the leg up you need in a competitive job market. Before the interview review the company’s, web site and don't be afraid to contact your prospective employer to request details on the position you are interviewing for or to ask for company literature.

Practice makes perfect (or at least leads to improvement).

Practice with a friend and record or videotape your responses so you can replay the interview and see how well you did. Prepare answers to commonly asked interview questions. Doing so will help you analyze your background and qualifications for the position.

STAR The best way to prepare is to think of examples where you have successfully used the skills you've acquired. Take the time to compile a list of responses to both types of questions and to itemize your skills, values and interests as well as your strengths and weaknesses. Emphasize what you can do to benefit the company rather than just what you are interested in. Also prepare a list of questions you want to ask the interviewer. Remember, you aren't simply trying to get the job - you are also interviewing the employer to assess whether this company and the position are a good fit for you.

It is very important to be on time for the interview. On time means ten to fifteen minutes early. If need be, take some time to drive to the office ahead of time so you know exactly where you are going. Know the interviewer's name and use it during the interview. If your not sure of the name, call and ask prior to the interview. Remember to bring an extra copy of your resume. During the interview, try to remain as calm as possible. Ask for clarification if you're not sure what's been asked and remember that it is perfectly acceptable to take a moment or two to frame your responses so you can be sure too fully answer the question.

End the interview with a thank you to the interviewer and reiterate your interest in the position. Then, follow-up with a personal Thank you note restating your interest.

Anita

(founder of

Body Shop)

Whatever you do, be different. If you're different, you will stand out.

Roddick

the

PRACTICE INTERVIEW QUESTIONS:

What can you tell me about yourself?

Why do you want to work for this company? Why have you chosen this field as your career? Why did you leave your last job?

What salary do you expect?

SUBTITLE GOES HERE

What are your career objectives five years from now? Ten years from now? What do you feel your strong points are? Your weak points?

Which courses did you enjoy most in school?

Have you had trouble with any courses in school? Why? How would you describe yourself?

How has your education prepared you for this position? How do you define success?

In what way do you think you can make a contribution to this company?

What type of relationship do you feel should exist between a supervisor and subordinates? What was your most rewarding experience during school/last job?

Do you have plans to continue your education?

Are you more comfortable working in a large group or with just a few people? How do you think you work under pressure?

What do you know about this company/job?

What do you feel is the most important aspect of a job? Are you willing to relocate? Travel? Work overtime?

How do you spend your spare time?

How well do you get along with other people? Why should I hire you?

Have you ever had a conflict at work? How did you handle this conflict? What do you think about your previous manager?

How do you feel about supervision?

Job objective worksheet WORKSHEET

The questions below can help you determine what your job objectives should state: what type of employment you are are seeking: what you can offer the company, where you want to go with this position

Answer these questions, write a job objective based on your answers

What kind of job would I like to have? three choices would be

Job 1. Job 2. Job 3. What qualifications do I have for the jobs I listed above?

Job 1. Job 2. Job 3. What can I do to be better qualified for these jobs?

Job 1. Job 2. Job 3. Where are my future goals in these positions?

Job 1. Job 2. Job 3.

WORKSHEET REFLECTION

This is the last week of the course and I would like you to think about the following questions, maybe trying to compare yourself to day one.

List three (3) things that you are:

List three (3) things that you are not:

What do you like best about yourself?

What do you like least about yourself?

What are three things you believe you need in order to have a great life?

One of the most important things I learned in the past 3 weeks was...

WORKSHEET

Why is reflection so important?

Reflection gives the brain an opportunity to pause amidst the chaos, untangle and sort through observations and experiences, consider multiple possible interpretations, and create meaning

Think about the past 3 weeks.....

I missed a great opportunity when...

One of my favorite memories is…

What do you like best about yourself?

My toughest decisions involve...

Being myself is hard because…

Who are two people you most admire? (and why?)

Think about the past 3 weeks.....

What matters to you most in my life?

What makes you happy?

How do you want to impact the lives of others?

I am courageous when...

Life should be about...................

I am going to make my life about…

THE FUTURE BELONGS TO THOSE WHO BELIEVE IN THE BEAUTY OF THEIR DREAMS.

ELEANOR ROOSEVELT

JBTG | © 2021 JACKIE BROWN