{until next time humorous reflections}
Under the Money Tree
A Dad’s Humorous Tales by Rick Epstein
When I was a kid, my dad told me this joke that was more a lesson—one that was his subtle way of urging me to be frugal with his money. But I was a poor subject for such a classy approach. Fast-forward 30 years or so and I’m the one hosting the figurative luncheon, with three young guests seated at the table, eyeing the caviar. But, I’ve found one fiscal policy that sometimes works pretty well: matching funds. Last year, youngest daughter Wendy, a seventhgrader, wanted to go to camp for three weeks in the summer. That would cost $1,500. Even after feeling around under the couch cushions (at home and wherever I visit), I’m still way short. So I told her, “I’ll pay $1,000 if you pay $500.” “Where do I get $500?” she asked. “You earn it,” I said. “Well, what do you need done?” she asked. “No,” I said, opening the front door. “The whole point is: The money is not in here; it is out there!” and I gestured out beyond our threshold. “You’re a seventh-grade girl. Parents would claw The matching-funds each other’s eyes out for a reliable babysitter policy separates the idle your age!” whim from the earnest “But I don’t have any desire. customers,” she said. “Don’t any of your friends babysit? You could fill in when they’re busy.” “My friends are always busy. They’re busy having fun because their parents pay for things and they don’t have to babysit,” she said. “Listen… You go to a K–8 school,” I replied. “When school lets out and little kids are getting picked up by their parents, find kids who seem nice, hand the mom or dad a homemade business card and say, ‘I’m Wendy Epstein and I’d like to babysit your lovely children.’ Parents will throw themselves at your feet.” “I can’t do that,” she said, I’d feel like an idiot.” “Well I’d feel like an idiot if I paid $1,500 to send you to camp, while you’re sitting under a money tree but are unwilling to give it a shake,” I said with feeling.
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Holiday 2020
Since then, a couple of occasional babysitting clients have found her, and at this writing Wendy owes me $204 for last summer’s camp fun. Wendy, now 14, is thinking about getting a job busing tables at The Greasy Spoon, which is only a block away. But so far, the proprietor has not received her thought-waves and come over to hire her. Wendy is eager to go to camp again next summer, but eagerness without effort will not win me over. Wendy is a tough case. The policy worked better with her sister Sally. When Sally was 12, she wanted to go to camp, and we made the $1,000/$500 deal. Some babysitting income, plus the measly allowance I gave her, turned out to be just enough. Later, she was able to share the price of six weeks of rustic bliss. Then she became a camp counselor, and now her summer luxury is her summer job. Hooray! Years ago, my oldest daughter, Marie, said, “I wish we had a computer that could edit video.” After allowing a moment for her fairy godmother to appear and grant the wish, I offered, “Save up half the cost and I’ll give you the rest.” But it had just been an idle thought and she never mentioned it again. My wife, Betsy, also uses this policy when clothes shopping with the girls. If garments are too expensive or Betsy is afraid the girls won’t actually wear them, she’ll offer to pay half. It’s much more pleasant than a flat “no” and it’s much more affordable than a simple “yes.” Sometimes the girls accept the offer and sometimes they don’t, but there is never much of a scuffle. And that’s important to a sensitive parent in a public place. The matching-funds policy separates the idle whim from the earnest desire. It makes the child appreciate not just the desired object, but the effort involved in earning the money, which means some appreciation of Mom and Dad’s contribution, too. And, with the same amount of money, you can make more things happen for your kids. Would I be making these deals if I had tons of money? No, I’d be giving the kids every blessed thing they asked for. Luckily, I can’t do that.
Rick can be reached at rickepstein@yahoo.com.