HEALTH & WELLNESS
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130
A PURSER’S STORY OF MENTAL HEALTH
My own journey of self-discovery started in 2019 when a relationship broke down and I did not remember the identity of myself without him. I had been the type of person that likes to have everything planned and a very busy diary schedule. We were about to go to Bali, and I had everything organised and a timetable for our trip. He broke it off with me because he felt I looked happier without him; I had given my all to the relationship at the detriment of myself. A very special friend of mine suggested to me that I go to see a therapist and with my negative mindset I shot her down for even recommending this. Anyhow as I have a very curious mind and I could see no other way out I did exactly as she said. The first appointment I made was someone I found online, and he cancelled on me right at the very last moment, then I remembered what my friend had advised me. “Do not just take the first therapist that you come across, make sure that they are the correct compatibility for you.” I suddenly remembered that back in 2010 I worked with a wonderful lady that had her own registered business as a Life Change Therapist, qualified in EFT. I contacted her and explained my situation and asked for her immediate availability. From that moment forward she has changed my life. In April 2019, I returned onboard my vessel, where my ex was, and we rekindled the relationship. Whilst it was fresh it was very good, we started to appreciate each other again. However, there was another pressing issue. I had been experiencing a pain in the lower left side of my stomach. This had become the worry I was facing not knowing what was wrong with me. I had started to feel blocked, not being able to use the toilet and bloated and uncomfortable being sat on my chair. I had lost my appetite and regular sleep. I asked the captain to send me ashore for external advice when we were in Greece. The doctor diagnosed me with constipation and gave me medications to resolve this. This seemed to ease the problems, so I became at peace. In June we finally came to the shipyard in Trieste, I had been outside on the quayside smoking with a colleague when I felt extremely lightheaded and dragged myself back to the cabin where I had to rip my clothes off as I was
We have a history of endometriosis in the family and since I had exhausted all options with the gastroenterologist, I decided this was the next step of the investigation. I had been placed on a 10 week waitlist and by the time my appointment was allocated I was back on the yacht. My dad had managed to move the consultation to May when I would be back in the UK but of course in March 2020 the covid pandemic impacted the whole world. My contract that should have been 10 weeks turned into 7.5 months without stepping foot on dry land.
overheating, I felt like I was about to faint and didn’t know which bodily fluids would release first. I called my partner, as he was home on leave, I told him what was happening and said I will be okay I will just calm down and put myself to bed once calm. It was with his clear instruction that I contacted the captain and the medical team onboard. I was assessed onboard, and the medical officer took me to the local A&E. We were in there from 23:00 until 04:00. I had become like skin and bone, my colleagues begging me to stop losing weight. The following day Captain told me to come in by midday. When I returned to work, I was exhausted having spent all night in the hospital only to be told that all my statistics are normal and there is nothing wrong with me. The pressure at work then came straight back on because I was physically normal. However, the pain was still a strong feature in the lower left side of my stomach so everyday alongside my Purser job I took myself to the hospital and underwent a series of tests. I had a colonoscopy, endoscopy, CT scan of the colon, sigmoidoscopy. I was on a strict diet of boiled chicken, fish, and vegetables to allow me to have each procedure. My only result was a lazy colon. I could not understand this as in 31 years I had never experienced this pain. Due to the pressures of my job and the counterproductive leadership my relationship broke down for a second time and this time I did not have any fight left to resolve it, nor did I want to. When I returned home to the UK in November, the NHS took me in for further testing and again they found nothing.
My relief was unable to fly due to the South African travel restrictions and my yacht manager asked if I would stay. I did not know in my current physical state if this was possible but my parents, in particular my mother had encouraged me to stay onboard if I could both physically and mentally. Everything that I had known from my old life before did not exist anymore. Using my brother’s platform https://muvelive.com/ , my therapist and my reiki teacher I made several appointments for yoga, psychotherapy, and reiki sessions to keep me focused, positive and balanced. This is particularly important when there is no crew shore leave due to quarantine periods and keeping the vessel covid free. If I could keep myself motivated and happy, I would be stronger for my crew and despite how I sometimes felt on the inside I always left my cabin with an infectious smile. The time onboard was a steep learning curve and I have had both of my contracts extended due to the pandemic but none the less I kept the crew motivated by arranging quiz nights, master chef competitions and murder mysteries. This was our home away from home and we had to look after each other and ensure each of us were more than “okay”. I started to develop back, neck, shoulder and legs pains and found myself unable to sit down for long periods of time without wanting to lie down or ask a colleague to massage some Deepblue rub into me. I left the vessel in September 2020; I had lost all my confidence and I was scared to be mixed back into the real world and everyone wearing masks and without any social contact. I wanted to get back into my comfort zone “the boat”