Prides Hollow Gazette Issue 5

VOL.5

AUGUST 2022

s w e n t s e t a l The t. n i r p o t t i f s that'

Buster's NEW Air B&B & Spiritual Retreat

Kelly was inducted into the NSA Speakers Hall of Fame!

THIS SATURDAY

USD3.40

Third annual corn dog festival

Where the people stay but the gossip travels.

Just remember, you didn't hear it from me...

Because newsletters don't have to be boring.

Hey ya'll...

Kelly Swanson here, official editor of the Prides Hollow Gazette, with all the latest gossip from our tiny little town about a mile and a hair past nowhere. Whether you're one of the neighbors, or just passing through, we're glad you're here. You'll quickly see that we're just a place where the simple life is revered, ordinary heroes are appreciated, and the stories are never fancy, they're just about the people. And no matter what you're going through, we hope you realize that you're not alone. We hope your visit makes you laugh, tugs on your heart, and sends you off a little better than we found you. Oh, and we'll let you know what Kelly is up to also. If there's time.

Please check out our video stories on Youtube www.PridesHollow.com - or our audio stories on the Podcast https://prideshollow.buzzsprout.com (or your favorite podcast channel). You can even get your own key to the city on www.Patreon.com/kellyswanson Until then, we'll leave the light on and keep a casserole warm.

Kelly Swanson

Sofa For Sale Antique Gently Used No Returns Serious Inquires Only Contact Fern Over at The Candle Corner

Pet Rat Goes by the name Scribbles.

She loves to hide in furniture.

We think she might be pregnant.

Contact Fern Over At The Candle Corner

Support Group Meetings Hair Extension Addiction Group Monday 4pm.

Please leave your hairpieces at home. You know it's a trigger.

Full House Addicts Wednesday 10am.

Awards given for those 30 days free from watching a Full House episode.

Family is invited.

Meme and Selfie Overposters Thursday 6pm. No phones allowed. And, no, you don't need to tell all your followers about it. We've talked about this.

Agoraphics Support Group Saturday 2pm. We'll meet online since nobody showed up last week at the park.

Custody Battle As most of you have heard by now, the Dunns are in a massive custody battle over their son Gunner. It is horrible to see what happens when a child gets caught up in the toxicity of a marriage gone sour. And as you know it has been a messy divorce between those two parents. The holidays alone were enough to stunt the poor growth of that child. All the arguing and fighting over who would get to take him to go see Santa.

Thank you for all who have stepped up to set up play dates with Gunner. It has really worked to take his mind off things. Thank God for crowd sourcing is all I have to say.

Marketing online for time with Gunner was brilliant, even despite that little mess up with the authorities. They seem to frown on placing ads for your children online.

Anyway... the Dunns seem to have settled on some sort of truce in the best interest of their boy. And have even agreed to be civil and both be there at Gunner’s birthday party this Saturday. Fingers crossed.

Apparently we are all invited to the party.

So we hope you’ll come join us out at Lizard Lake this Saturday at 11 am over by the picnic tables. Just follow the streamers and the smell of hot dogs. We’re excited to come together to celebrate a family working in unity despite divorce, to set an example for the child - and to celebrate Gunner’s birthday. It’s not every day you turn 40.

I’ll see you Saturday.

Kelly Swanson

Bringing you the latest gossip

Join us in our STORY CLUBHOUSE!

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Groupons Welcome

THIS SATURDAY

Third annual corn dog festival 10am Corn Dog Parade 11am Corn Dog Cloggers Noon Corn Dog Cooking Competition 1pm Corn Dog Interpretive Dance Recital 2pm Biggest Weiner Contest 4pm Corn Dog Queen Announced

The Corn Dog Festival Where Everybody is a Weiner

While we at Prides Hollow are excited that Kelly was honored for her career in the speaking business, it has come to our attention that she did not mention us once in her acceptance speech.

There will be fallout.

with Bucky Simms

Ways To Save Money During The Tough Times Can't afford the cover Trick your kids out of Christmas. If they are charge at the bar? Just little they will never even know it's Christmas if hang out in the parking lot. you don't take them anywhere. So skip it this At some point you will still year and save yourself the money. get to see all your friends, and maybe even get Take the used paper towels from public restrooms someone's digits. and rinse and dry them. Just don't think about it.

Rinse out cling wrap when you're done. Use it over and over. Not only will you save money, your children and grandchildren will talk about it for the rest of their lives.

Free Toiletries. Hang out in the hallways of hotels during cleaning time. Then grab your toiletries and go.

Visit neighbors at meal time.

Works every time.

Crash a support group. Fake a need for a support group and go to meetings. They often have donuts. Except for the over eaters groups.

Party Hijack. Take your kid to another kid's birthday party and tell them it's their party.

Buy a Star (ish) Instead of buying gifts, name a star after them. They won't know you really didn't do it.

Free Casseroles. Let the word out to your friends that there was a death in your family or you have a disease. They'll probably bring food for days.

Wedding Announcement Buster and Nina finally got hitched. It was a beautiful wedding. With only a few hiccups.

Nina's dress held up well, what with all the weight she gained from her new job as a taster over at the Hotdog Hut. And the ring is beautiful, even if the band got swallowed by the ring bearer on his way up the aisle.

Bless his heart. We're waiting for it to pass.

Limo got pulled over on the way to the reception for drunk driving - but the driver just had a cold. It was cough syrup. So they let him go.

Bride turned out to be allergic to one of the flowers in the centerpiece, and sneezed all over the cake. But people still ate it. So it's safe to say, a good time was had by all. Congratulations Buster and Nina!

Do you need help finding joy again?

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1-800-Call Dudley Today's Predictions: Food shortages coming. Gas prices gonna go up more.

Supply chain still kinked. People stealing stuff is making it worse.

Grab your children and pets and run for the hills. Dig a bunker. Learn to grow kale and make your own weapons. We got room at our place if you need a place to squat. But you need to know how to sew.

Thanks to YOU, another mystery has been solved!

Remember the run of break-ins we told you about last month?

Well, thanks to some serious detective work, it was discovered that the criminal was stealing, among other things, Cheetos. Which is exactly how he was caught when Erma over at the drivers license office noticed when she was taking his picture for his new license, that his teeth were covered in Cheeto dust. That's when she remembered hearing about the Cheeto bandit on the TV. Police were there in minutes and the criminal confessed when we noticed his fingers had orange stain on them. Turns out that you can get rid of any evidence except Cheeto dust. We know how that goes. Crime doesn't pay! Or eat Cheetos.

Kelly's

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Upcoming Show Dates!

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NEWBER RY SC 10.9.22 OPERA HOUSE

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2.23.23

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8.5.23

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4.20.23

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I got a new silk pillowcase.

Heard it was good for my complexion. Got into bed last night and my head slid right off the pillow.

Want more Prides Hollow stories?

Go to the youtube channel PridesHollow.com

20% off Coupon!

This coupon entitles you to 20% off of one of the following services that Kelly offers: Story Magic Retreat Private Coaching Session In Person Keynote/Workshop Email info@storyimpactacademy.com to redeem this coupon

Until next time...just remember you didn't hear it from me.

I hope you like this new format for my newsletters. I just got tired of being traditional. Needed to break out a little bit. Thanks for playing. Will be back soon with more funnies from the small town with the big heart. Where the people stay, but the gossip travels.

Kelly Swanson

MotivationalSpeakerKellySwanson.com StoryImpactAcademy.com WhoHijackedMyFairyTale.com PridesHollowTheaterShow.com https://www.facebook.com/MotivationalSpeakerKellySwanson https://www.linkedin.com/in/motivationalspeaker1/ https://www.instagram.com/kelly_swanson_speaker/ https://twitter.com/motivationspkr https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCxJ-_s6URKYlK6bOv1DCqeA