IN Magazine: August 2015

celebrating canada’s lgbt LIFESTYLE | August 2015

TRAVEL EUROPE BY TRAIN A DOCTOR’S HEALTH ALERT

GROOMING KEEPING COOL IN THE DOG DAYS LOVE ACROSS CULTURAL LINES

RURAL ROMANCE Fashion Inspired by the Countryside

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Meet the newest member of our big Italian family.

The all-new Fiat 500X is here, with four doors, seating for five and available all-wheel drive.

*FIAT, ABARTH and the scorpion design are registered trademarks used under license by FCA US LLC.

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MAGAZINE inmagazine.ca PUBLISHER Patricia Salib EDITOR Jim Brosseau Art director Nicolรกs Tallarico FASHION DIRECTOR Adam Webster CONTRIBUTORs Paul Gallant, Ruth Hanley, Dr. Malcolm Hedgcock, Tracy Howard, Adrienne Jordan, John Narvali, Michael Pihach, Al Ramsay, Adam Segal, Riley Stewart, Casey Williams ON the cover Photography by Adam Webster; styled by Kenisha Paranso & Nagham Cararah; Tyshia Morris, assistant stylist; Megan Victoria, grooming.

Photographed on location at the Robley farm, Horseshoe Valley Senior Account Director Woodrow Monteiro sponsorship co-ordinator Matthew Fuller DIRECTOR OF OPERATIONS Reggie Lanuza Controller Miki Ogiri OUR MISSION Inspire gay men and lesbians to live life to the fullest. Expand the gay and lesbian community by valuing diversity and individual choice.

Celebrate Canada. Provide readers with compelling news, information and entertainment.

ADVERTISING & OTHER INQUIRIES 416-800-4449, ext. 100 info@intorontomag.com EDITORIAL INQUIRIES 416-800-4449, ext. 201 editorial@intorontomag.com PRODUCTION ads@intorontomag.com TALK BACK Feel free to share your comments on IN or articles in the magazine by emailing us at editor@inmagazine.ca.

IN Magazine is published 12 times per year by The Mint Media Group. All rights reserved.

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Contents INFRONT

travel

06 | FITNESS PROFILE Finding his voice through sports

16 | ALL ABOARD Rediscovering some European charmers by train

08 | ON RELATIONSHIPS An emotional balancing act 09 | MONEY$TYLE Tips to help you go big for a cause 11 | WHEELS Land Rover’s crossover goes the distance 12 | THE DOCTOR IS IN Are we worrying about the wrong things?

august 2015

FEATURES 22 | I CHOOSE YOU Finding love with the proper “stranger”

Fashion 26 | COUNTRY CHIC Style setters down on the farm

13 | ON THE TOWN Scenes from the party circuit

Art & Culture

14 | LOOKING GOOD Grooming tips for a cooler summer

34 | FLASHBACK Who’s the jock now?

15 | iNSIGHT Biking for a better world

issue 63

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Fitness Profile

SASCHA Hass Profession Co-founder and creative partner of Boltz & Hase, Design Studio, www.boltzhase.de Role Models My entire family, especially my sister—the person I admire and look up to Ways You Overcame Any Anti-Gay Prejudices Coming out was not very difficult for me.

My parents, family and friends haven been very supportive and welcoming of my partner into the family. I am so grateful to be living in a place that is so open and supportive of LGBTA rights.

Advice to Young People on Overcoming Biases in Sports Stay true to yourself, focus on your goals and don’t let anybody destroy your passion.

Personal Fitness Goals To bring my best to every sport activity in which I participate. If I reach my goal, I push myself to achieve that little bit more. Never stand still!

Fitness Strategy I focus on a healthy lifestyle, am active in a variety of sports activities, and I work out regularly to maintain a good physique, so that I can be as good as I can at my sport.

Hobbies Beach volleyball, snowboarding, running and gymnastics. I am also interested in the art and design scenes.

Inspiration Source The people around me and their personal success. To see my family, friends and colleagues achieving their goals makes me proud and inspires me to do as well as they do or even better.

Best Life Lesson So Far I try to learn from my failings, acknowledge my limitations and set realistic goals for myself.

Photography by Riley Stewart

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INfront

collective wisdom for living well

inmagazine.ca

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INFRONT

O n Re l at i o n s h i ps

It’s Not Just You → Depression’s sad toll on a partner’s well-being

By Adam Segal

I’m writing with what feels like a complicated question. My partner of four years really struggles with depression. I’ve known about this since early on in our dating. I felt compelled to write you now because over the past few months, he’s not really leaving the house or speaking with friends or family. We spend all of our time together at home, because that’s where he’s comfortable. I’m beginning to feel cut off from people and activities that are really important to me. I’m pretty worried about him, and I’m also feeling quite stuck in this rut alongside him. I have made suggestions for how he might be able to get better—exercising, making social plans, therapy (to name a few), but he shoots them all down. So I’m left adapting to his lifestyle. How can I shake him up and get him to see that he’s giving up and pulling us both down?

Roger

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Dear Roger: Depression is a particularly agonizing state, and it is easy to feel compassion for your guy. For people who don’t have experience with depression, it can be hard to understand how someone can seem so utterly paralyzed by it. Your attempts at yanking your fellow out of his state are well-intentioned. But asking a depressed person to snap out of it is like asking a personality like Kanye West to show more humility; it’s just not going to happen.

Most important, your partner needs to feel that you empathize with his struggle and are there to support him. But having compassion doesn’t mean being muzzled.

His depression is not really your problem to solve and can’t ultimately be your responsibility to resolve. However, you do have a responsibility to be transparent about the impact of his low mood on you and your satisfaction level in the relationship. The more frank you can be about your concern, the clearer the message can be received.

Longstanding depression can be a harrowing experience and usually demands a combination of outside supports. Tell your

guy that you are there to cheerlead as he works toward healing, but make sure that you aren’t working harder than he is. What role is he willing to play in finding his way to a better emotional state? Does he recognize how his depression affects you and your connection to each other? Sustained change will be up to him, and you can’t compensate for the self-care that he is neglecting.

The worst thing you can do is match his depression and mimic his sedentary existence. Taking care that you are getting fulfilled is essential, so that you don’t also get pulled under the wave of his blues. It takes energy to live alongside a person who is facing depression.

If you limit your world to the size of his shrinking one, you will be setting yourself up for resentment and a flat-lined relationship. By making sure you are filling your energy tank with meaningful activities and relationships, you’ll be there to see this through.

Adam Segal, writer and therapist, works in private practice in downtown Toronto.

Ask him your relationship or mentalhealth question at relationship@inmagazine.ca.

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INFRONT

MONEY$tyle

Grasping Philanthropy → When generosity becomes much more ambitious than writing a cheque

By Al Ramsay here are so many heart-

T

Although tax savings may not

wrenching problems that

be your primary motivation, it

are depicted in the media.

makes sense to maximize that

In reality, you aren’t expected

savings. If you choose to donate

to help every cause you come

directly to a registered charity,

across. But some of the most

you’ll receive a tax credit when

effective donors develop a phil-

filing your annual return.

anthropic plan, and devote their

It should be noted that you

money and energy to a few spe-

don’t “make money” on chari­

cific causes important to them.

table giving. For example, for

Historically,

“philanthropy”

every dollar donated beyond $200,

has been the domain of the

an individual in Ontario receives a

wealthy. It’s important to distin-

federal and provincial tax credit

guish it from charitable giving,

equal to 46 cents. Further tax

which can be as simple as writing

breaks are available if you donate

an annual cheque. Philanthropy

stocks, bonds or mutual funds

is an exchange of values that

that have increased in value as

results in a donation. It’s an

the capital gains from the deemed

investment in a cause and giv-

disposition of the securities elimi-

ing to a solution, and often represents a longer-term commitment.

The charities one selects benefit from a steady, engaged donor, and the donor benefits from a

→ GOOD WORK The LGBT Giving Network honours TD’s Community Relations VP Scott Mullin. TD colleagues (back row, from left) Theresa Tosh, Amy Hanen, Nik Tumanovs, Vitaly Soldatenko and Andre Lucas; (front row, from left) Lysa Lapointe, Rupert Hon, honouree Mullin and Al Ramsay.

identified address your values.

nated. Donations during your lifetime may be claimed up to 75 percent of your net income, and any excess may be carried forward for

donations. What percentage of

five subsequent years. Regardless

greater sense of involvement and

STEP 3 Decide whether you

its funding goes to administra-

of who made the donation, either

satisfaction. You need to under-

want to support local, provincial,

tive expenses and what percent-

spouse or common-law partner

stand your goals and objectives

national or global causes.

age to the end user of its services?

may claim it.

and then research your options

STEP 4 Do your research.

Bear in mind that administrative

Thinking strategically about

to determine what’s right for you.

Fortunately, the Internet can

costs are a necessary burden for

your giving is the point, not the

And, like a financial plan, the

cover a lot of ground, with many

the provision of services. Ask if

size of your gift. Indeed, many

charitable plan will change with

terrific websites. One is www.

the charity is keeping those costs

wealthy

life’s events, meaning it should

charityvillage.com. You can input

under control. For help research-

Bill Gates and David Geffen, have

be reviewed and updated period-

causes and geographic regions,

ing a charity’s financial strength,

applied their business acumen to

ically. For those who don’t know

and it will provide a list of char-

visit www.charityfocus.ca.

philanthropy. But you don’t have

where to start, here is a simple

ities in those areas addressing

STEP 6 The final step: Talk to

to be a celebrity tycoon to be suc-

six-step process:

those causes. Of course, most

the charity. Most have gift-plan-

cessful at giving back. In fact, you

charities today will have their

ning professionals on staff who

may establish your own founda-

own sites.

can be instrumental in the plan-

tion with as little as $10,000 (for

ning process.

more information, visit www.

STEP 1 Identify the values important to you in everyday life.

What are the causes you care

STEP 5 Do your due diligence

about most or that have most

just as you would when consider-

affected

Examples

tdwealth.ca/privategiving). Feel free

ing an investment. Request cop-

brings together organizations in

to contact Jo-Anne Ryan, vice presi­

could include such things as fam-

ies of annual, audited financial

cultivating and engaging donors

dent, Philanthropy, TD Wealth, at

ily, justice, dignity, etc.

statements. Find out who’s on

to secure leadership gifts and

joanne.ryan@tdwealth.com.

STEP 2 What causes engage

the board of directors. Examine

long-term support for building

you: issues related to children,

how much support the char-

stronger Canadian LGBT commu-

the environment, animals? Ask

ity receives from government

nities (visit www.lgbtgivingnet-

yourself if the causes you have

and how reliant it is on personal

work.org for more information).

life?

LGBT

Giving

including

Network

your

The

individuals,

Al Ramsay is TD Bank Group’s regional manager, LGBTA Business Development.

Follow him on Twitter, @AlRamsay_TD. inmagazine.ca

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21/07/2015 11:22:42 AM

INFRONT Wh e e l s

Affordable Pedigree → Driving made memorable in a sporty Land Rover crossover

By Casey Williams

M

y husband slid into the Discovery Sport and said, “So, which Range Rover is this?” A long conversation ensued wherein I explained it’s not a Range Rover (that’s a model), and the Discovery Sport is Land Rover’s mid-size crossover. He’s still confused, but there’s nothing confusing about why drivers will find splendour with this sportier choice.

Discovery Sport fits between the Range Rover Evoque and Range Rover Sport, taking a shape that separates it from both. There’s an obvious family connection with the high grille, “DISCOVERY” lettering across the hood, 19-inch alloys and LED signature lighting. But the sleek body with forward-canted C-pillar is distinctive. Styling is bang-on, prepping owners for a life of up-front parking privileges and sidewalk envy.

I’d ride inside to the four corners of the earth, sniffing

orgasmic leather and soaking sunlight from the full-length sunroof. I suspect that the airconditioning would freeze your wits even in the Sahara. Front and rear heated seats, heated steering wheel and the 250watt stereo with subwoofer soothe souls.

The infotainment system with touch screen looks nice, but it’s not easy to use. There is no tuning knob, so you browse stations by typing them or stumbling with the “seek” button. Still, there are multiple USB and power ports, so connecting iThings is simple.

You might think that a mid-size crossover—2.0-litre, four cylinders—would barely climb a steep driveway. Yet the little turbo engine delivers 177kW/240 horsepower— routed through a 9-speed automatic transmission with Normal, Sport and Manual modes. The throttle delivers, as only knee-jerk reactions keep

2015 Land Rover Discovery Sport Five-passenger, AWD Crossover Powertrain: 177kW/240hp 2.0-litre Turbo-4, 9-spd auto trans Suspension f/r: Ind/Ind Wheels: 19”/19” alloy f/r Brakes: disc/disc fr/rr with ABS Must-have features: Performance, Pedigree Fuel economy: 11.9/9 litres/100km city/hwy Assembly: Halewood, U.K. Base price: $41,490

passengers from having neckjerk reactions. Articulate knees gently to see 11.9/9 litres/100km city/hwy.

It is also capable of ditching pavement as it offers Land Rover’s Terrain Response System, which adjusts the powertrain for General driving, Snow, Mud and Sand. The system adjusts all-wheel drive, traction control and rear differential to keep this wagon hauling.

The Land Rover Discovery enters a segment crowded by the Acura MDX, Mercedes GLK,

GMC Terrain, BMW X3 and Audi Q5, but it offers luxury and pedigree beyond compare. With a base price of just $41,490, I suspect they’ll sell heaps.

A contributing writer for Gaywheels.com, Casey Williams is a frequent business traveler to Montreal. He contributes to the New York-based LGBT magazine Metrosource and the Chicago Tribune. He and his husband live in Indianapolis, where Williams contributes videos and reviews to wfyi.org, the area’s PBS/NPR station.

TALK BACK Feel free to share your comments on IN or articles in the magazine by emailing us at editor@inmagazine.ca. in m a g a z in e . c a

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IN front

the doctor is in

Good Fear, Bad Fear → Exploring medical concerns that needlessly scare us, and a few that should

By Dr. Malcolm Hedgcock

I

t’s fascinating how the things we often worry about can be so out of proportion to the actual danger they represent.

Take Ebola. The hysteria here in North America about an out­ break that was concentrated in West Africa was a tad excessive.

So I decided I’d share two of the things that I feel my patients worry too much about—and then pres­ ent two things that actually deserve their concern.

Let’s begin with toxins. Info­ mercials have done a fabulous job at training us to believe that our blood and bowels are full of vicious critters, determined to make our lives miserable. The

not warranted. It has clearly been

ics leads to resistance, meaning

illness. Be honest with your doc­

truth is that our bodies are incred­

established that vaccines do not

people are getting sick with bac­

tor about taking medication. There

ibly efficient at processing and

cause autism, to take one. We can

teria that are no longer killed by

are ways we can help make it eas­

eliminating unnecessary chem­

safely put that one to rest.

our current drugs. The frighten­

ier for you to stick to your regimen.

icals and environmental expo­

While some vaccines do con­

ing thing is that there aren’t any

It also provides an opportunity to

sures. Things like cleanses and

tain preservatives such as form­

great drugs on the horizon to fall

review your medication and make

herbal detoxifiers are unlikely to

aldehyde, the concentrations are

back on. This is a major world­

sure that what you’re taking is still

improve on this system and may

so incredibly low that even after

wide issue, but we can all do

the best choice.

in fact cause harm.

70 years and millions of doses,

our part by questioning whether

So there we have it—a few

I’m not denying the existence

there is no indication that they

every antibiotic prescription is

small things that in my opin­

of toxic chemicals: Lead, mer­

cause disease. Even as adults we

really necessary. I promise you:

ion deserve a shift in priority. It’s

cury and radon are well defined

can benefit from routine vaccina­

Doctors are not evil gatekeepers

interesting to hear about the dis­

and measurable. But spending

tion, and I encourage you to make

taking pleasure in denying you a

eases people fear most: rabies,

time and money trying to rid your

sure yours are up to date.

cure for your most irritating cough!

dementia, cancer. Often my job

body of nebulous, hidden “toxins”

My suggestion is that we

On the flip side, if you do get

involves reassuring patients that

is pointless and won’t reverse the

turn our attention away from

a prescription for an antibiotic,

these scary things aren’t actually

damage done during your last

the above problems to focus on

it’s incredibly important to take

the problem. I think it’s impor­

party weekend.

some important emerging issues.

it properly. This brings me to my

tant that we objectively inves­

Vaccine-related toxin terror

The first is antibiotic resistance.

final concern: medication adher­

tigate those things that we fear

has been in the news for a while

I understand how frustrating it

ence. Studies suggest that peo­

and question the validity of the

now and brings me to my next

is to be sick. As a doctor, there’s

ple take only 50 percent of their

information we receive, whether

point. Vaccines are safe, reliable

nothing that I’d like to do more

medication correctly. This can

it’s from a friend, the Internet or

and exceptionally effective. While

than to cure bronchitis or a per­

be because of side effects, com­

even your doctor!

I completely agree with question­

sistent sinus infection. But the

plicated medication schedules or

ing the quality and safety of any­

fact is that many infections we

people who simply do not under­

thing someone injects into their

encounter are viral in nature and

stand why their medication is

body, I can quite comfortably say

just don’t respond to antibiotics.

important. All of that can lead to

that worry over vaccine safety is

The improper use of antibiot­

a massive amount of preventable

Dr. Malcolm Hedgcock is a Torontotrained family doctor living and working in Vancouver. He has a special interest in gay men’s health issues, including the primary care of those living with HIV and AIDS.

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21/07/2015 11:42:45 AM

INFront

on the town by Michael Pihach

4

The Massive Party at the AGO

1

2

3

5

7

6

Photography by John Narvali

Starry Night at Barbara Hall Park

87

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21/07/2015 11:44:09 AM

INFRONT

Looking Good

Cool It! → Uncovering products that help you stay fresh is no sweat

By Tracy Howard

W

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21/07/2015 11:45:18 AM

INFRONT

insight

Well Spoken

qlix Studioz

→ PWA’s annual bike rallies keep on pedalling a winning form of fundraising

W

ho says the fun of

This summer’s race—with its

raiser first-hand. “It was very lei­

its rewards aren’t limited only to

riding a bike can’t

400 riders covering 600 kilo­

surely in the early years,” con­

those who have superior physical

also be an opportu­

metres in six days—was sched­

tends Zehr. “We stopped for every

prowess.

nity to raise money for an impor­

uled to have run from Toronto to

Popsicle stand. A lot of guys rode

Just ask veterans of the race.

tant cause? Certainly not the

Montreal. Over its storied history,

with their shirts off. But people

“From the training rides, to fund­

thousands of cyclists who have

the rally has attracted numer­

got more into cycling, having the

raising, to the conversations with

been a part of Canada’s Friends

ous repeat cyclists, including its

right bike and wearing the right

dedicated riders, crew, family and

for Life rally at various points

2015 chair, Allan Hooey, now in

jerseys. You’d never see anyone

friends, every interaction makes

since it began in 1999.

his ninth year with the event.

now with his or her shirt off!”

me proud to be involved in such

The rally serves as the pivotal

“As the years passed, I quickly

What you would see—among

fundraising event for The Toronto

learned how important PWA is to

both the cyclists and those who

an

Hooey. “Over the years, I have

incredible

journey,”

says

People With AIDS Foundation

the community at large,” Hooey

cheer them on along the route—

had the opportunity to volun­

(PWA). Over the years, it has

says. “Understanding what a dif­

is the sort of enthusiasm that

teer, work and ride with some of

helped raise more than $12 mil­

ference PWA makes in the lives of

attends any unifying cause. Put

the most devoted people I have

lion. Its coffers supply the life­

PHA’s and their friends and fam­

more poetically, the rally’s co-

ever met, and I look forward to

blood for a host of services for

ilies is why year after year my

lead, Billy Axelrod, calls it “the

an amazing year ahead. Together

people living with HIV and AIDS.

involvement grows.”

magic of the event.”

we can make dreams come true—

In 2014, the group was able to

He’s not alone. Some have par­

Indeed, magic might be what

provide upwards of 63,000 indi­

ticipated for as many as 15 years,

it would take for even a hardy

one kilometre at a time!”

vidual services to those affected

including Darrel Zehr. They have

cyclist to get into shape for the

(For more information, visit www.bike

by HIV and AIDS.

observed changes in the fund­

demanding, multi-day rally. But

rally.org or www.pwatoronto.org.) inmagazine.ca

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21/07/2015 11:45:38 AM

16 17 18 19 20 Europe.indd 16

21/07/2015 11:46:10 AM

All

Aboard

Taking the train lends new harmony to a venerable European trio

By Adrienne Jordan

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21/07/2015 11:46:39 AM

A

s seasoned travellers will tell

Start your journey in liberal Amsterdam, where

in the house where the Frank family was captured,

you, Europe in the summertime—

the multitudinous Omafiet and Bakfiet bikes

and you’ll likely see a lineup wrapped around the

or at any other time of the year—

outnumber the people. If the mayor and local

corner for this poignant landmark.

can best be explored by train. The

celebrities choose this eco-friendly way of getting

One simply cannot leave Amsterdam without

undulating countryside, the farms

around, why shouldn’t you? Rent some wheels

experiencing the diverse nightlife for the gay

and historic towns press up against your window

with MacBike, and explore the landscaped parks,

traveller. Take De Trut, an underground LGBT-

as you make your comfortable way from one

the infamous Red Light District and the coffee

friendly hipster party; Cafe t’Mangje, a historic gay

terminal to the next.

shops that sell legal marijuana.

bar filled with quirky memorabilia; or Serraine, a

Major cities can be conquered by train without

The lovely canals that push out lazy boat

night spot popular in the transgender community.

going through the hassle of airport customs. The

rides are bordered by picturesque 17th-century

For women, one of the most trendy bars is

Eurail Pass allows travellers a smooth transition

row homes and “dancing houses.” Shopaholics

Vivelavie, where lesbians from 18 to 80 flock

from city to city, providing a potential of unlimited

will drool at Amsterdam’s exclusive designer

to enjoy its air of intimacy. After a long night of

travel routes, business-class amenities, Wi-Fi

boutiques such as Denham the Jeanmaker and

partying, rest your head at the Hotel L’Europe, set

connections and access to 28 countries. And

Dominio. Some unforgettable attractions to visit

in the historic Rondeel building in Amsterdam’s

LGBT travellers will find much of the continent

using the “I Amsterdam City Card” include the

centre. The hotel’s breakfast buffet is worth

just as hospitable as a favourite neighbourhood

Jewish Cultural Quarter, Houseboat Museum and

getting up for: signature cereals and fresh-pressed

restaurant back home.

Van Gogh Museum. The Anne Frank Museum is set

juices will jump-start your day.

1 8 I N M a g a z in e A u g u s t 2 0 1 5

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U

sing your Eurail Pass, hop on the Thalys

down the fashionable Rue des Francs-Bourgeois.

train and get from Amsterdam to Paris

No matter how many times you visit Paris,

→ ON TRACK A high-speed train on the Eurail system races through the Italian countryside (opening page). Amsterdam by night (opposite); the Place Dauphine in Paris (above).

in just three hours. To help make the

you’ll always find restaurants yet to be discovered.

most of your stay in The City of Light, book a

For first-timers, an excellent introduction into

room at the Relais Christine, built on the ruins

Paris’s culinary scene is L’Assaggio, located

an unlimited metro ticket. For newbies to this

of the 11th-century Austin Friars monastery. The

at the Hotel Castille. Elegant and quaint, it

romantic city, your checklist should include the

hotel is conveniently located in the romantic

represents the best of Italian dining in Paris,

Louvre, Centre Pompidou and Musee D’Orsay. New

Saint Germain-des-Pres neighbourhood, which

with such savoury dinner plates as braised beef

and veteran visitors should explore the hidden

provides a beautiful walk over to the Marais, the

pappardelle and barbeque mackerel. Francophiles

gems of Paris, such as Les Egouts des Paris (the

city’s gay-bourhood.

should opt for a blend of French and Asian fare

underground museum of the Paris sewer systems)

Sign up for a guided walking tour of the Marais

at La Bauhinia under a striking glass cupola, or

and the Museum of the Middle Ages, which takes

with David Downie (davidddownie.com), a friendly

lobster ravioli and sea bream dishes at Mandarin

you on a journey through the ancient Roman

American expat. Postcard-worthy scenes unfold

Oriental’s Camelia.

gardens and baths.

as Downie takes you to the Pont des Arts (the

Your best bet for hopping from one tourist

To conclude a busy day in Paris, try a massage

so-called “love-lock” bridge over the Seine); the

landmark to the next would be the Paris Pass.

at Le Royal Monceau’s spa, followed by a signature

footbridge to the downstream tip of Ile St Louis;

It allows you to enter countless museums and

cocktail at the hotel’s swanky Philippe Starck-

through the Marais’ gay and Jewish districts; and

other attractions for free, skip lines and obtain

designed Le Bar Long. inmagazine.ca

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19

21/07/2015 1:43:23 PM

Adrienne Jordan

B

ubbling mozzarella, crispy dough and

assassination). Perhaps the most extraordinary

fragrant tomatoes: Italy is calling your

part of his “Ancient Rome” tour is the chance

name. The next destination on your

to walk beneath the San Clemente basilica, an

European rail tour is Rome. Take the TGV high-

11th-century church that was built over two Roman

speed train from Paris and transfer to the La

buildings dating from the year 1 AD. Break up your day with lunch near the Spanish

Frecce in Milan.

One of the many intriguing aspects of Rome is how you could be walking along modern streets brimming with commerce and unexpectedly come across an ancient archeological site or thousand-year-old

basilica.

To

digest all of these exciting scenes unfolding before you, sign up for a tour with Brit-guide Stuart Harvey (www.romepersonaltours.com), who transports you back in time

→ poised for rome Travelling to Rome from other European capitals by train can set the mood for exploring dramatic scenes like this view of the Vatican.

to sleep in view of the architectural phenom, the Colosseum, at the five-star Palazzo Manfredi. The

LGBT travellers find much of the continent as hospitable as a favourite neighbourhood restaurant back home.

hotel is optimally located across the street from the gay-bar-hopping Via San Giovanni in Laterano. Rainbow flags wave proudly above such LGBT-welcoming establishments as Coming Out, Bar Colosseo and L’800.

Before a night on the town, reserve a table at the Manfredi’s Michelin-star restaurant, Aroma.

Dining at the rooftop restaurant can lend a touch of magic to a Roman evening with its view of the sun

with his vivid imagery. Harvey’s “Squares and

Steps, where a meal at the Hotel Eden will get you

setting over the Colosseum and the lush Oppian

Fountains Walking Tour” will take you past the

panoramic views of Rome thanks to the floor-to-

Hill. You’ll be grateful for the train that brought

Spanish Steps, Trevi Fountain, Pantheon, Piazza

ceiling windows.

you here.

Navona and Largo Argentina (site of Julius Caesar’s

When in Rome, LGBT travellers would do well

As the locals might say, Che bello!

2 0 I N M a g a z in e A u g u s t 2 0 1 5

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21/07/2015 1:43:57 PM

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2 2 I N M a g a z in e A u g u s t 2 0 1 5

22 23 24 25 Cultural.indd 22

21/07/2015 12:08:32 PM

I Choose You Navigating the challenges, savouring the rewards of a cross-cultural relationship

By Paul Gallant

B

orn in Venezuela, Douglas Peretz moved to Quebec in his teens, attended a French high school and met his

“French people can be dramatic in their own way,” Peretz contends.

“Julian always has something to say about everything.”

partner, Julian Liurette, at Montreal Pride more than a

Cross-cultural connections are hardly rare. Same-sex couples in

decade ago. Liurette was born and raised in France to

Canada are twice as likely as opposite-sex couples to include people of

a Canadian mother and moved to Canada as an adult.

different ethno-cultural backgrounds. While 4.5 percent of opposite-

Now living together in Toronto, the border-straddling couple conform

sex couples are in “mixed unions,” according to Statistics Canada,

to at least a few well-worn cultural stereotypes: Peretz the Latino

that percentage jumps to 10.8 for same-sex couples.

is more spontaneous and jealous, Liurette the Frenchman is more rational and frugal. But the couple also transcend stereotypes.

22 23 24 25 Cultural.indd 23

But what little has been documented about same-sex mixed unions tends to focus on society’s supposedly negative attitudes

21/07/2015 12:08:48 PM

toward them (couples can report feeling that

sexual and romantic inclinations. But people who

communication—can often be overlooked, except

they are unsafe, judged or invisible) or in jaw-

connect across disparate backgrounds can tap into

by those who are in such relationships.

droppingly racist stereotypes. “Black males

something special. The enriching aspects of mixed

choosing white males as lovers tend to prefer the Middle European type (somewhat darker than the Nordic, with dark hair), and the southern European type (tending toward Italian and Greek features),” the academic J.E. Bush wrote in a 1981 paper called Color and Mate Selection. “White males tend to choose black males because of the cultural belief

“I never wanted to be with someone like me,” says Peretz, who was interested in French

People who connect across disparate backgrounds can tap into something special.

that black males are sexually more ‘lusty,’

cooking and culture even before Liurette came along; the excuse to visit family in Paris was more than welcome. Though both men speak English for work, they speak mostly French at home. Liurette, whose Spanish isn’t as strong as Peretz’s French, wasn’t too familiar with Venezuela before they met. Now he’s a fan, despite the political and economic problems the

that they are endowed with large genitalia, and

unions—the broadening of perspectives, non-

country is now facing. As Liurette puts it: “You go

that they tend to be more nurturing and caring.”

touristy travel opportunities, family bonds that

there and you feel a little more alive.”

Cultural stereotypes can play a part in our

may be a relief from one’s own, more conscientious

“In Venezuela,” adds Peretz with a laugh, “we’re

2 4 I N M a g a z in e A u g u s t 2 0 1 5

22 23 24 25 Cultural.indd 24

21/07/2015 12:08:59 PM

like Bolivia, Spain and Sanchez’s home country

says Miljanic, “but I found him good-looking. He’s

of Colombia. The couple enjoyed their time in

very sweet and generous and accommodating.”

Medellín so much that Leong talks about buying retirement property there.

Miljanic’s blunt conversational style and dry sense of humour took some getting used to

Leong is the sort of Canadian who mixes easily

for Carvalho at first. “There’s a certain Eastern

with many cultures and backgrounds; a previous

European mindset that’s not so diplomatic,” he

partner was Turkish. But his family is much

maintains. Pretty much Canadianized, Carvalho

more traditional than Sanchez’s. Leong calls his

makes an effort to draw on his own culture; his

siblings not by their names but by their formal

cooking is spicy if not entirely Indian. He’s also

family terms—goh-go for older brother, jeh-je for

tried to embrace Miljanic’s. Certainly he’s more

older sister. Sanchez, well, Sanchez just calls his

excited about an upcoming trip to Serbia and

family a lot. “They’re so tight,” says Leong. “How

Croatia than Miljanic is.

do you talk to your mom three times a week? Your sister, your brother, your nieces, your nephew, the

“When the World Cup was on, I was all set to watch the Serbian team play,” says Carvalho.

baby who can’t even talk?”

Neither of them is an enthusiastic cook, so no one cuisine

dominates

their household. But Sanchez has grown to appreciate dim sum, just as Leong has

gotten

used

to Sanchez’s taste for rice and beans.

“I always thought rice and beans is something you eat in jail,” he jokes.

Miljanic,

The clarity and directness with which we had to speak to each other eliminated the passiveaggressiveness that can be toxic to relationships.

“The plantain, the

not

so much: “I didn’t really care.”

Sometimes the obstacles in a

cross-cultural

relationship can

turn

into

rewards, as I have learned own

in

my

experience.

Years ago, when I

began

dating

a Mexican man living in Canada, I

worried

that

his weak English would drive me

plantain’s fine.”

crazy—and would

“My mother is a bit concerned that Wes did not

eventually drive us apart. Instead, the clarity and

believe in God,” says Sanchez, growing serious. “I

directness with which we had to speak to each other

didn’t say I didn’t believe in God,” Leong counters.

eliminated the passive-aggressiveness that can be

“My parents were anti-religious. That’s probably a

toxic to relationships. We could never fall back on,

Chinese thing. They were like, ‘Don’t get involved,

“You should have known what I meant.”

keep studying.’ ”

Research bears this out: Though couples in

For their part, Nelson Carvalho and Zak Miljanic

intercultural relationships are more likely to

met a decade ago, first at a party; then the next

report conflict, these couples, concludes a 2008

day when Carvalho was covered in silver glitter as a

study by Michael J. Reiter and Christina B. Gee,

backup dancer for a Pride show; and again at a gay

“were also more likely to indicate that discussion

always using words like ‘sweetie’ and ‘honey,’ and

club a few weeks later. “I was like, ‘Him again! He’s

of these differences facilitated relationship

I think Julian likes that.”

ignored me twice!’ ” Carvalho says with a laugh. His

maintenance. [Additionally,] results showed that

Wes Leong met Luiz Sanchez when friends

family, of Catholic Goan Indian origin, moved from

in intercultural relationships, higher levels of open

hosted a dinner to mourn the passing of Leong’s

Kenya to “the People’s Republic of Etobicoke,”

communication about culture and higher levels

pet cat. Born and raised in Calgary to first-

known to the rest of the country as “Rob Ford

of cultural support were related to lower levels of

generation Malaysian-Canadians, Leong spoke

Nation,” when Carvalho was a boy.

relationship distress.”

Cantonese growing up but had been learning

“The first time, I didn’t see anybody,” says a

Though some mixed couples are eager to

Spanish for fun when they met. “I said, ‘Whenever

shrugging Miljanic, who is noticeably taller than

enlarge their world through their relationships,

you want to practise your Spanish, let me know,’”

Carvalho. Born in the former Yugoslavia to mixed

others are not so globally minded. They see their

says Sanchez, who was born and raised in Bogota,

Catholic-Orthodox Serbo-Croatian parents, he

partners as simply their partners: men and women

Colombia. “Then he invited me for dim sum the

moved to Canada as an adult with his ex-wife and

whose upbringing, cultural habits and personal

next Sunday.”

daughter.

quirks are all indistinguishable from each other.

The practice that kick-started their relationship

“I do have a thing about Eastern Europeans,”

“I never think about the advantages of being with

has only gone so far; the couple mostly speak in

says Carvalho. “I like their looks, but I’m also

Douglas because he’s Venezuelan,” says Julian

English to each other, even when they travelled

interested in the history and the politics.”

Liurette. “He’s the main relationship I’ve had in

in the past year to Spanish-speaking countries

“I never thought that I was into Indian guys,”

my life, so what I see is him.” inmagazine.ca

22 23 24 25 Cultural.indd 25

25

23/07/2015 3:59:49 PM

26 27 28 29 30 31 32 Fashion.indd 26

23/07/2015 5:02:07 PM

COUNTRY CHIC

Fashion from the gentlemanly looks of the farm PHOTOGRAPHY BY ADAM WEBSTER Styled by Kenisha Paranso & Nagham Cararah Assistant Stylist: Tyshia Morris Grooming: Megan Victoria Models: Alex King, Dylon Chandler (Ciotti Models) & Cameron Geddes (Velocci) Photographed on location at the Robley farm, Horseshoe Valley

26 27 28 29 30 31 32 Fashion.indd 27

21/07/2015 12:10:27 PM

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FLASHBACK AUGUST 1990 IN LGBT HISTORY

the jocks have it

W

hen the first Gay Games were held in 1982 in San Francisco, the world got to see what the LGBT community had always known: that athletic prowess was hardly the exclusive domain of heterosexual males. Not everyone was ready for such an out-and-proud event. In 1990—25 years ago this month—when Vancouver became Canada’s first host of the games, religious zealots and political conservatives loudly condemned them. Fortunately, cheers from those who came to support the more than 7,000 competitors were heard far above the cynics’ voices.

3 4 I N M a g a z in e a u g u s t 2 0 1 5

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