Insights Magazine: Number Five, 2018

NUMBER FIVE, 2018

IS TRAUMA TERMINAL? charles r. swindoll

REFRAMING LIFE: BEAUTY FROM ASHES colleen swindoll thompson

PRAYER steve johnson + more

In this issue 2

Is Trauma Terminal?

4

Reframing Life: Beauty from Ashes

8

The Art of a Listening Heart

11

Resting in Christ

charles r. swindoll Colleen Swindoll Thompson steve johnson robyn roste

Coming to Terms 12 Prayer

steve johnson

Beyond the Broadcast 15 Doing Right When You’ve Been Done Wrong

Insights is published by Insight for Living Canada, the Bibleteaching ministry of Charles (Chuck) R. Swindoll. Chuck is the senior pastor-teacher of Stonebriar Community Church in Texas. His international radio program Insight for Living has aired for more than 35 years. We hope this publication will instruct, inspire, and encourage you in your walk with Christ.

Copyright © 2018 Insight for Living Canada. All rights reserved.

No portion of this monthly publication may be reproduced in any form without prior written permission from the publisher.

Unless otherwise noted, all Scripture passages are taken from the NLT. Unless otherwise noted, photography and illustration

by Tim Schellenberg. IFLC is an autonomous ministry and certified member of the Canadian Council of Christian Charities. Printed in Canada.

T

he definition reflects devastation: Trauma: An injury (as a wound) to living tissue caused by an extrinsic agent...a disordered psychic or behavioural state resulting from mental or emotional stress.

Like potatoes in a pressure cooker, we 21st-century creatures understand the meaning of stress. A week doesn’t pass without a few skirmishes with those “extrinsic agents” that beat upon our fragile frames. They may be as mild as making lunches for our kids before 7:30 in the morning (mild?) or as severe as a collision with another car...or another person. Makes no difference. The result is “trauma”—a two-bit word for nervous.

You know, the bottom-line reason Valium remains a top seller. Our emotional wounds are often deep. They don’t hemorrhage like a stabbing victim’s, but they are just as real and just as painful... sometimes more.

Years ago, a stress test carried on by Dr. Thomas Holmes and his colleagues concluded that an accumulation of two hundred or more “life change units” in any year may mean more disruption—more trauma—than an individual can stand.

On their scale, death of a spouse equals one hundred units, divorce represents seventy-three units...and Christmas equals

by charles r. swindoll

Cover and artilce Images: Jake Melara on Unsplash

12 units! That helps explain the idea behind “something snapping” inside certain people when the final straw falls on them. Our capacity for trauma has its limits.

Joseph Bayly could certainly understand.

He and his wife lost three of their children— one at 18 days (after surgery); another at five years (leukemia); a third at 18 years (sledding accident plus hemophilia). In my wildest imagination, I cannot fathom the depth of their loss. In the backwash of such deep trauma, the Bayly couple stood sometimes strong, sometimes weak, as they watched God place a period before the end of the sentence on three of their children’s lives.

And their anguish was not relieved when well-meaning people offered shallow, simple answers amidst their grief.

Eyes that read these words might very well be near tears. You are trying to cope without hope. You are stretched dangerously close to the “200- unit” limit...and there’s no relief on the horizon. You’re bleeding and you’ve run out of bandages. You have moved from mild tension to advanced trauma.

Be careful! You are in the danger zone, emotionally. You’re a sitting duck, and the adversary is taking aim with both barrels loaded, hoping to open fire while you are vulnerable. Bam, “Run!” Boom! “Think suicide.”

Listen carefully! Jesus Christ opens the gate, gently looks at you and says:

“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.” (Matthew 11:28-30 MSG) Nothing complicated. No big fanfare, no trip to Mecca, no hypnotic trance, no fee, no special password. Just come. Meaning?

Unload. Unhook the pack and drop it in His lap...now. Allow Him to take your stress as you take His rest. Does He know what trauma is all about? Remember, He’s the One whose sweat became like drops of blood in the agony of Gethsemane. If anybody understands trauma, He does. Completely.

His provision is profound, attainable, and right. He’s a master at turning devastation into restoration.

Look again as His invitation in Matthew 11:28-30, and accept it with all your heart.

Charles R. Swindoll serves as the senior pastor-teacher of Stonebriar Community Church in Frisco, Texas.

Excerpted from Come Before Winter and Share My Hope, Copyright © 1985, 1994 by Charles R. Swindoll, Inc. All rights reserved worldwide. Used by permission.

by �olleen �windoll �hompson

Image: Markus Spiske on Unsplash

M

y world was rocked for the first time when I was four years old.

We had recently moved to Southern California. Early morning sunlight had just begun to peek through the window in the room my sister and I shared upstairs when our beds began to shake. The matching white pom-pom trim on our bedcovers bobbled and bounced against the floor.

Feeling nothing but terror, we fumbled downstairs and saw the light fixture over our kitchen table about to swing off its hook! Cupboard doors banged open and shut; coffee cups and dishes spilled out, spreading splintered glass across the hardwood floor. Then, without warning, it stopped. We stood in silence, too stunned and scared to speak.

The San Fernando earthquake was the first, and biggest, earthquake I experienced while growing up. For months, aftershocks rattled our world. We learned quickly that earthquakes were simply part of living in California but knowing the plates of the earth could shift at any moment didn’t remove our terror. I can’t forget the wildfires either. Annually, flames devoured manicured landscapes and beautiful homes. I remember the smell of burning brush, sunsets coloured by grey ash, early mornings when my dad and I would wipe white dust off our cars.

California forced us to accept nature as it was. We treasured the mild climate, nautical voyages, and adventurous mountains; we endured the earthquakes, wildfires, and nature’s unpredictable, uncontrollable fury.

Plagues, volcanoes, earthquakes, floods, and tsunamis have altered lives as far back as biblical times. Nature’s fury destroyed the earth, freed slaves, and birthed islands.

Jesus used nature as a teaching illustration, revealing how the natural world connects to our human world. He calmed the raging seas, and the earth quaked at His death.

Over and over, Scripture uses nature to teach eternal truths: • Psalm 1:2–3: Meditating on God’s Word establishes the Christian like a firm tree planted by water • Matthew 13:31–32: Faith the size of a mustard seed can move mountains!

• James 3:5–6: The tongue is like a tiny spark that sets the forest ablaze Interestingly, the girl whose memory was forever changed by earthquakes and wildfires grew up to marry a natural disaster relief specialist. My husband works with those who have endured the worst. His first contact with people who have lost loved ones and lifetime possessions is always heartbreaking. He listens to desperate, broken voices. He walks them through the process of rebuilding. They begin angry, asking the questions we all ask when life rips apart: • Why did this happen?

• Wasn’t someone supposed to tell us this was coming?

• How do we move forward...we have nothing?

The first steps are always the most difficult because EVERYTHING is different.

Survivors start out feeling mad, lost, afraid, vulnerable, unstable, and sad. As the process unfolds, sometimes the anger softens.

Grief surfaces. Fear subsides. Something incredible begins to happen: people settle in, they find a “new normal,” and they are never the same. Other times, the people never recover.

My husband has observed one difference between those who move forward

and those who don’t: perspective. Those When disaster strikes or change stirs who succeed “reframe” what’s happened. up our insecurities, most of us long for During the recovery process, they engage relief. There’s nothing wrong with that. their minds (thoughts), hearts (emotions), But Christ calls us to reframe our lives—to and daily habits (behaviour) with the goal embrace the transforming process of dying of changing their perspective. to ourselves, identifying with Him in our “Reframing” isn’t just for those who’ve suffering, and becoming more like Him by survived natural disasters. At some point, embracing His ways. it becomes essential Reframing is the I haven’t been through an for us all. It’s the key process of choosto thriving through earthquake in years, but I have ing to look at life unexpected diagnoses through the lens of hit rock bottom repeatedly. like cancer or autism...

Scripture. And let I’ve felt pain so deep I couldn’t me tell you, there undesired changes like speak, loss so grave I didn’t divorce or job loss... is nothing more unpleasant challenges think I could go on, fear so huge freeing than when like defiant teenagers we release our grip there was no light in sight. or aging. Abuse, death, on this world’s Through these end-of-the-road stuff and cling to paralysis, chronic illness, special needs, experiences, I’ve found Christ, what is of eternal financial pitfalls, and value. Writer Anne who has been my hope. disappointments and Lamott describes struggles of every kind—they all demand the freedom that can be found when we we reframe or stagnate. finally give up on trying to fix everything Reframing requires us to mentally exam- in our strength: ine our assumptions, beliefs, and values; to There is freedom in hitting bottom, in emotionally adjust our attitudes and harseeing that you won’t be able to save ness our feelings; and to cultivate new daily or rescue your daughter, her spouse, habits and routines. It isn’t an easy process. his parents, or your career, relief in It IS a life-changing process. admitting you’ve reached the place One couple who lost everything in Hurof great unknowing. This is where ricane Katrina contacted my husband not restoration can begin, because when long ago. He asked how they were, and their you’re still in the state of trying to fix the response was amazing! They said they now unfixable, everything bad is engaged: the appreciated the small things in life. They chatter of your mind, the tension of your valued their relationships. They had slowed physiology, all the trunks and wheel-ons their pace and given time to people rather [baggage] you carry from the past. It’s than things. They had become involved in exhausting, crazy-making…Where do we helping others. They were even able to say even start on the daily walk of restoration they were thankful for the experience of and awakening? We start where we are.1 losing everything, because through it, they I haven’t been through an earthquake in found meaning and purpose! years, but I have hit rock bottom repeatedly.

I’ve felt pain so deep I couldn’t speak, loss so grave I didn’t think I could go on, fear so huge there was no light in sight. Through these end-of-the-road experiences, I’ve found Christ, who has been my hope. I’ve gained scriptural insights I would have never noticed before. Through chronic pain, abuse, divorce, and the heartbreak of a failed justice system...as well as the struggles and joys of remarriage, a blended family, and parenting a child with special needs, my character has been refined. Each time Christ brings me to the end of myself, He transforms me further into His image. Transform is another word for reframe.

Ten years ago, the Lord opened the doors for me to use my experiences to walk alongside others through Insight for Living’s Special Needs Ministries. When we realized our audience included many people besides those impacted by special needs, we decided to change the name to Reframing Ministries. Our goal is simple: to bring hope, help, and humour to you as you go through life’s daily struggles, grief, disability, unexpected changes, and other experiences that present you with the opportunity to REFRAME.

Being transformed into the image of Christ isn’t something that just happens.

God works the miracle, but we must participate by aligning our lives with His Word... by allowing His grace to reframe our perspective. It’s hard, painful work! But if you want to live more fully, laugh more deeply, and love more authentically, the only pathway is the process of reframing.

I close with advice from the wisest man who ever lived: Here now is my final conclusion: Fear God and obey his commands, for this is everyone’s duty (Ecclesiastes 12:13).

If you’re wondering where God is or feeling stuck, I invite you to come along with me on this journey, on this one-step-at-atime process I call “reframing.” It isn’t a formula, an “if I do this, God will do that” kind of thing. It’s a mindset...an integration of our humanity and God’s sovereignty. It won’t be easy, but you won’t be alone. And I promise, you will never be the same!

Colleen Swindoll Thompson is the director of Reframing Ministries at Insight for Living Ministries. ¹ Anne Lamott, Help, Thanks, Wow: The Three Essential Prayers (New York: Riverbend Books, 2012), 14, 24.

When God's Gift Comes Specially Wrapped BOOKLET

IS YOUR PERSPECTIVE

BIBLICAL? For ordering information visit insightforliving.ca or view enclosed flyer.

by steve johnson

E

pictetus, an ancient Greek philosopher, observed "Nature gave us one tongue and two ears so we could hear twice as much as we speak."

You’d think listening would be twice as easy since we have two ears, but it isn’t.

In my experience, while another speaks my thoughts clamour at the same time—things like my responses, remembering something I had forgotten to do, funny stories, and noticing inaccuracies in what the person is saying. Often, I find really listening is hard work.

Because I am sensitive to my own struggle with listening I also notice when others aren’t listening to me. I see it when their eyes start dancing with eagerness for me to finish what I am saying so they can speak. I see it when they go slackjawed and glassy-eyed, like they’re mentally transported somewhere else while I am talking.

I bring this up because I believe it’s not just me—many leaders lack the art of listening, whether we’re Christians or not.

I’m not talking about hearing the sermon, I’m referring to the lack of listening in relationships and on other levels.

Listening is an important element of effective leadership. As Hans Finzel wrote, “Effective leadership has more to do with listening than talking.” 1 It shouldn’t surprise us to learn that many problems arising in churches and Chris-

tian organizations are not related to unspiritual or immature followers.

These problems can be traced back to leaders who simply fail to listen to those they profess to lead. Nothing shuts down communication faster and creates anger quicker in churches, marriages, families, or other organizations than failure to listen and people having the sense that they have not been heard. The wisdom of James is obvious, “Post this at all the intersections, dear friends: Lead with your ears, follow up with your tongue, and let anger straggle along in the rear” (James 1:19 MSG).

There is a saying, “A fish rots from the head down.” Perhaps a lack of listening at the leadership level flavours congregations because the same problem occurs there too. We are so busy and consumed with our own stuff that we don’t take time to linger after a service to listen to others.

The worship service ends and people clear out. Connections with others aren’t made, burdens aren’t shared, and isolationism is perpetuated. All in all, it’s an unhealthy situation in a church body.

Listening, or failing to listen, is an issue of integrity. Integrity means to be without pretense or hypocrisy. We lack integrity when we pretend to listen and are mentally somewhere else. We do it as leaders, as friends, in our marriage, and in our families. Someone shares their thoughts

with us and we tune out. Then we spout advice in response but they know we weren’t listening so we lose credibility.

Through my struggle I’ve realized listening is not primarily about my ears. It is about my heart and is an act of love. To open my ears to hear I need to close my mouth as well as cultivate the art of a listening heart—a heart that isn’t solely concerned with my own interests but with the interests of others.

If I am going to lead others I must connect with them. Listening is connecting.

Connecting is the key to influencing.

Influencing is leading. If I don’t listen then I don’t connect and I won’t lead.

I need to cultivate a heart that listens between the lines—a heart that listens to the pauses and hears what’s not being said as well as the words themselves. It is about hearing the other person’s heart.

It helps if I look people in the eye when they speak and listen with my eyes. When I lovingly take a genuine interest in the other person I do not find it hard to listen.

It’s when I am self-centred as opposed to other-centred that listening is difficult.

It may be no mistake that ear, hear, and heart are all connected words. Although I may have two ears and one mouth, it is only when I have a listening heart that I will have ears to hear.

Steve Johnson is the executive director at Insight for Living Canada.

Hans Finzel, The Top Ten Mistakes Leaders Make (Cook Communications Ministries, Colorado Springs, 1994, 2000), p. 121.

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Wondering what Insight for Living is all about?

Read through our Case for Support and learn why we’re passionate about ministry in Canada at insightforliving.ca/support/case-for-support

by robyn roste

W

Where is my faith? Hebrews 11:1 says hen I’m in the midst of change I often wonder if I’m following faith is the confident assurance in what God God’s guidance or just doing has revealed and what we hope for is going what I want. In truth I’m never 100 per cent to happen. The Bible says God does not certain but I forge ahead anyway. When I look change, and I must choose to believe this back I can see His guidance every step of the even when it’s not easy.

Why not feelings? way. So why do I doubt?

The Bible is filled with the Maybe resting in Christ Pulled in behind fact and faith is feeling. I’ve stories of people relying on is more about faith learned my emotions God’s direction. People like than feelings. are not always accurate Abraham, Joseph, Paul, and Moses. People who, without knowing how and sometimes lack perspective. When my the story would end, followed God’s guid- life becomes stressful I don’t feel good. But ance wherever He led them. Maybe resting what I feel at any moment doesn’t change whether or not God is present. in Christ is more about faith than feelings.

Jesus says He will reveal Himself to those As a child I learned about the Fact-FaithFeeling train. Fact is at the front—the who love Him and obey His commands engine—with faith right behind. Feelings (John 14:21), so I must not only make sure to make up the rear as the caboose. Looking at do so, but believe He will reveal Himself to the Christian life in this way clears up some me. Looking at faith this way, the best I can reason is I can find rest in God’s presence by of my confusion about faith.

What are the facts? First, I need to knowing Jesus and having faith that He will decide what I believe. My belief is based on a do what He says—regardless of whatever loving God who created me and sent His Son else is happening. to die in my place so I will have eternal life.

It is based on a Bible without error, which teaches me about the character of God and Robyn Roste is the media and marketing manager at Insight for Living Canada. how to live.

PRAYER

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Prayer assumes God’s personal control there are many types of Prayer Jesus shows us that Prayer is personal

By Steve Johnson

Photo by Hugues de BUYER-MIMEURE on Unsplash

Terms in the Bible are specialized words of particular significance. In Coming to Terms we explore the significance of these terms to deepen our understanding of biblical truth through a question and answer and fill in the blank format.

(Fill in the blanks where applicable to gain a deeper understanding of the term. I’ve used the New Living Translation for the Scripture passages.)

Unpacking the term

Putting it simply, prayer is talking with God. The many different contexts, conditions, and types of prayer found in Scripture all boil down to talking with God. Biblical prayer involves three essential and interdependent elements: our assumptions, attitudes, and actions.

What are the essential assumptions about prayer?

Prayer presupposes the belief that God is a person with mind, will, and emotions who has the ability and willingness to communicate with us (Exodus 3:14).

Prayer assumes God’s personal control of all things including all his creatures and all their actions. He makes everything work out according to His plan (Ephesians 1:11). If He’s not in control, why pray?

What should we assume about God’s relationship to man? God made man a

“living person” (Genesis 2:7). He made us for a loving relationship with Himself. In that relationship He communicates with us and we communicate with Him. God loves us and wants to hear from us. Prayer is that communication.

Jesus’ disciples said, “Lord, teach us to pray…” (Luke 11:1). Why do we have to be taught how to pray? Adam and Eve’s rebellion and that of their posterity alienated humanity from God, severing our relationship and communication with Him. God acted to restore the relationship by sending His Son to die and, upon faith in Christ’s sacrifice, take away the barrier of sin separating us from God. Prayer is based on the core truth that Jesus Christ is the only ________________ through whom we can approach God (John 14:6; 1 Timothy 2:5).

As those who have been adopted into the family of God from a state of enmity with Him we need to learn and understand how to communicate with our heavenly Father.

There are many types of communica- ________________ in the LORD, and tion between people. Regular, personal he will give you your heart’s desires” communication between people results (Psalm 37:4). in deeper relationships. Similarly, there are many types of prayer to God and regu- What are the essential actions lar, personal communication with Him involved with prayer? deepens our ________________ with Him. We are to pray according to God’s will What are the essential attitudes (1 John 5:14–15 NIV). How do we know the will of God? His revealed will is involved with prayer? found in the Bible. We need to pray in Jesus shows us that prayer is personal. line with what God has said He wants to He calls God Abba, an intimate Aramaic accomplish in the Bible (Matthew 26:41). term for Father, without diminishing When God’s Word doesn’t address our the holiness of God (Matthew 6:5–15). specific situation, we may ask anyway In prayer there is a balance between an but we have no assurance our request attitude of intimate familiarity that says will be granted. Paul asked for his thorn “Daddy” and the reverent respect that says to be removed but God didn’t take it away (2 Corinthians 12:8–9).

“Holy Father.”

We are to pray with a pure life. “If I An attitude of total need and dependence is foundational for prayer. From had not confessed the sin in my heart, this foundation other essential attitudes the Lord would not have listened” and actions arise like humble supplica- (Psalm 66:18).

We are to pray earnestly. “The earnest tion and intercession—asking God for things for ourselves and others springs prayer of a righteous person has great from a sense of need. Being dependent we power and produces wonderful results” are grateful when God answers and meets (James 5:16).

We are to pray persistently. “One day our needs (Colossians 4:2). Knowing how dependent we are compared to God’s all- Jesus told his disciples a story to show sufficiency causes us to praise Him. We that they should always pray and never are even dependent because of our igno- give up” (Luke 18:1).

Christ died so we could talk to God. Are rance. “We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes you exercising your privilege of prayer? for us through wordless groans. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes Steve Johnson is the executive director at Insight for for God’s people in accordance with the Living Canada. will of God” (Romans 8:26–27 NIV).

Another key attitude is enjoyment.

Prayer is an act of savouring God. “Take

Doing Right When You’ve Been Done Wrong

“You witness to others every time you respond graciously to an ungracious act.”

- CHARLES R. SWINDOLL to support persecuted and suffering Encouragement is often used in Christians and to pray for both local and Christian circles to describe a kindness global challenges to the church shown or a well-timed word. In cultures where Christianity is not threatened or per- • This generation is passionate about justice and compassion. They can ceived as threatening, the word may even follow the example of the prophets by lose a bit of its edge—a pity, when the crux of speaking out against those who have the word is rooted in courage. In the context “condemned and put to death the righof James 5:7–12 (NASB), “encouragement” teous” (James 5:6) and by demonstrating was exactly that: James, with his words, the compassion and mercy of God (5:11) rallied his original audience to develop the to those in need grit—specifically the “strength of heart”—to patiently persevere in righteousness despite • While cyberbullying and social media revenge are popular responses to misunjust and harsh circumstances. The questreatment, a Christian stands out as godly tion for us today is, what does it mean to be a when he or she shows restraint online courageous Christian?

When you’ve been wronged, don’t Waiting...suffering. These two topics can be challenging to teach, especially in cul- ruminate endlessly on the situation or tures that value do-it-yourself comfort, con- you’ll stay angry. Don’t focus on yourself, venience, and immediacy. People growing or you’ll be filled with self-pity. Don’t up in a right-now culture are most prone focus on someone to blame, or you’ll to instants: instant fame, instant wealth, complain. Don’t focus solely on the presinstant answers. How would you com- ent circumstances.

Instead, practice patience. Be strong municate the message of James 5:7–12 to a group of teenagers? How would you define and stay objective, as much as you’re able, suffering? What would you emphasize as by realizing that God’s purposes in prestheir biggest challenges? What encourage- ent circumstances may not be immediately clear. Insight doesn’t usually come ment could you offer this generation? until later.

Some encouragement might be: • The interconnectedness of this generation creates new opportunities “Doing Right When You’ve Been Done Wrong” is from Chuck Swindoll’s series James: Hands-On Christianity. You can stream this message online anytime at insightforliving.ca/audiolibrary.