In Recovery Magazine fall 2015

I N R E C OV E RY M AG A Z I N E

Volume 13 Fall 2015

FA L L 2 0 1 5

Tommy Rosen

A Great Transformation

Families Face Addiction A Ray of Sunshine Kathy Tavenner Mitchell

US/CAN $5.99

Finally Free!

Kenyada Bond

Display Until Nov. 31, 2015

OUR INDIVIDUALIZED PURPOSE Learning the importance of responsibility while in our program, we teach young men how to resolve their most problematic challenges in a positive way through those times, communication and healthy relationships. We teach our clients a different way of being, a healthy way out of conflict and turmoil through making new alternative decisions. We specialize in: • Entitlement Deactivation • Affluenza Dissolution • Humility Practice • Goal Accomplishment • Self-Reliance • 5 Year Goal Planning • Recovery Support • Leadership Guidance • Social Justice Immersion • Independent Living Skills

• Practical Life Skills • Financial Competence • Problem Solving • Vocational Training • Work Ethics • Coping Skills • Spiritual Expansion • Self Esteem • Peer Relationships • Urban Wilderness Therapy

After working several years in drug and alcohol addiction treatment, I couldn’t help but realize that the majority of our clients were suffering with severe entitlement issues. These issues were often times more harmful than the addiction itself. I feel that leaving this issue unresolved will result in chronic drug addiction or an insufficient quality of life.

Clint Richards

1965 Commerce Center Circle, Suite C, Prescott, AZ 86301

928-237-9378 • www.practicaldevelopment.net

A place of Hope. A place of Healing. A place of Love.

You can begin to heal today… The SkyHouse Way. Our approach to treating addiction and trauma includes: • Somatic Experiencing

• Nutrition, Mindful Eating & Cooking Workshops

• DBT Skills Training

• Spirituality & Meditation

• Neurofeedback

• Financial Security & Living Gently Workshops

• Group & Individual Therapy

• Equine & Art Therapy • Yoga, Yoga Nidra and TRE

• Family Program And so much more...

The SkyHouse for Women Program Includes both evidence based and holistic approaches to healing: Daily Process groups Daily Yoga or Fitness Activities Weekly therapy sessions with Masters Level therapists Weekly Somatic Experiencing Sessions Weekly Neurofeedback Sessions Weekly Twelve Step Meetings Medical and Psychiatric Assessments on admission and as needed

www.skyhouseaz.com

Contact us at toll free at (844) 865-4056

Solutions in Recovery 2015 EDITION

Start Fresh Program

See below for clinic locations PHONE: See below for clinic numbers, WEBSITE: StartFreshProgram.com Distinction: With our breakthrough 20-minute naltrexone implant procedure and follow-up support, patients receive effective and confidential treatment.

Beds: Outpatient Gender: Both Age: Adults 18+ Detox: Yes Sliding Scale: Yes Insurance: Yes Hospital Affiliated: No Average Stay: Outpatient Price: Call for more information Treatment Focus: Treatment of alcohol, prescription drug, and opiate addiction

Program at a glance:

The Start Fresh Program is a unique outpatient program. It includes a new procedure that places a long-lasting naltrexone implant under the skin. Combined with behavioral support, the program can virtually eliminate physical cravings for alcohol, prescription drugs, or opioids. As reported by patients, many experience relief from cravings for up to a year after undergoing this minimally invasive procedure. With this new treatment, patients are relieved to find that they have the ability to continue their lives without lengthy time away from work or home. Start Fresh Program believes in treating the whole person, so patients also work with certified addiction specialists who provide support in identifying and managing “triggers” to ensure long-term sobriety.

Many patients who have been unsuccessful in traditional treatment programs have found success with the Start Fresh Program.

This comprehensive approach is defining the Start Fresh Program as a leader in the future of treating addiction.

WHAT IS START FRESH?

With our breakthrough 20-minute naltrexone implant procedure and follow-up support, patients receive effective and confidential treatment.

Current Office Locations: Midwest: Chicago (847) 410-9777 The START FRESH PROGRAM is a unique outpatient program. It includes a new procedure that places a longOklahoma City (855) 219-3681 lasting naltrexone implant under the skin.

As884-1221 reported by patients, many experience relief from cravings for up Omaha (402) Northeast: Connecticut (855) 242-0330 to a year after undergoing this minimally invasive procedure. With this new treatment, patients are relieved to (800)their 533-4040 Northern find California: that theyFresno have the ability to continue lives without lengthy time away from work or home. START San Francisco (800) 614-0123 FRESH PROGRAM believes in treating(770) the whole person, and provides support in identifying and managing Southeast: Atlanta 515-9500 “triggers” to ensure long-term sobriety.

Many patients who have been unsuccessful in traditional treatment Southern California: Los Angeles/Orange County (800) 916-1099 Southwest: Phoenix (855) 393-4673 programs have found success with the START FRESH PROGRAM. This comprehensive approach is defining the

START FRESH PROGRAM as a leader in the future of treating addiction.

“A Start Fresh Success Story

”

We are leaders in the future of treating addiction.

My name is STORY Jeremy Miller, and I struggled with alcoholism for over 15 years. Before I SUCCESS found theDown START PROGRAM, I had tried almost every program out there and Getting toFRESH Business I couldn’t make them work. That overpowering craving always seemed to win out. I My name Jeremy Miller, and I struggled Program my life.

Within hoursThe of my felt weakisand worthless.

I had truly lost hope thatsaved I would ever recover.

START with alcoholism for over 15 years. Before procedure, the cravings were nonexistent. I FRESH PROGRAM saved my life. Within hours of my procedure, the cravings were I found the Start Fresh Program, I had was no longer being bombarded with that nonexistent.

I was no longer with tried almost every program out therebeing and I bombarded overpowering need I had fought for so long. that overpowering need I had fought forI so wasto get down to the business couldn’t make them work.

That overpowerwaslong. finallyI able finally ablealways to getseemed downtotowin theout. business mylife for the better with a ing craving I felt ofofchanging changing my weakfor and worthless.

I had atruly losthead. hope For me, clear For me, the Start Fresh Program life the better with clear thehead.

START that I would ever recover.

The Fresh miracle. was an absolute miracle.

FRESH PROGRAM was anStart absolute

Contact Start Fresh today!

38 Psychology Today SOLUTIONS IN RECOVERY January/February 2015

SCOTTSDALE/PHOENIX, ARIZONA 855-393-4673(HOPE) www.StartFreshAddictionRecovery.com 86-139 REVISED 120214.indd 80

PT139 SIR PT139 SIR 86-139 REVISED 120214.indd 112

CHICAGO, ILLINOIS 847-410-9777 www.StartFreshRecovery.com

SANTA ANA/LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA 800-916-1099 www.StartFreshRecovery.com

OMAHA, NEBRASKA 402-884-1221 www.StartFreshRecoveryToday.com

NORWALK, CONNECTICUT 855-242-0330 www.StartFreshRecovery.com

LAS VEGAS, NEVADA 702-919-0000 www.StartFreshRecovery.com

WEST HARTFORD, CONNECTICUT 860-521-5252 www.StartFreshRecovery.com

OKLAHOMA CITY, OKLAHOMA 405-608-8806 www.StartFreshRecoveryToday.com

ATLANTA, GEORGIA 770-515-9500 www.StartFreshRecovery.com

DALLAS, TEXAS 972-943-0757 www.StartFreshRecovery.com

12/15/14 11:02 AM 12/3/14 10:35 AM

TREATMENT PROGRAMS

RESIDENTIAL TREATMENT Intensive Outpatient Program Outpatient Program Aftercare with Structured Residential Sober Living Transitional Sober Living

www.Chapter5Recovery.com Fall 2015

In Recovery Magazine

5

Intensive Outpatient Program

559 S. Palm Canyon Dr., Suite B-101 Palm Springs, CA 92264

tel: 760-778-6120

•

web: ats-iop.com

Addiction Therapeutic Services is a CARF accredited Intensive Outpatient Program located in the heart of Palm Springs, CA. At ATS-IOP we strive to meet our clients where they are and help them sustain lifelong recovery. We require complete abstinence from mind or mood altering medications and substances. We will assess and support each client individually if non-addictive medications are needed for dual diagnosis or chronic pain.

Our weekly curriculum is Hazelden’s Living in Balance while integrating Mindfulness DBT and Spiritual Care groups.

Our core philosophy is 12-step recovery and require families attend our family program. Our Clinical Team include a PhD Clinical Psychologist, LCSW, MD, PA-C, and Certified Chemical Dependency Counselors.

The Clinical and Executive team have well over 100 years of combined experience in the fields of Addiction Treatment and Behavioral Health.

We accept most insurance and offer affordable private pay rates.

Table of Contents

Cover Story

14 | A Great Transformation By Tommy Rosen

A great transformation and liberation had taken place. But, unbeknownst to me, there was more important work to be done.

Features 18 | Things Were Starting to Slide By Andy Sullivan

I Live on the Other Side By Payton Schrum On January 14, 2014, my whole life changed – everything I had ever feared became a reality.

It was a nightmare from which I could not awaken.

20 |

Cinderella: A Recovery Story By Tammy Beller Cindy thought about her prince every day. Her thoughts drove her nuts. True, she didn’t like his behavior at the party; but with a little love, she could fix that.

22 | A Ray of Sunshine By Kathy Tavenner Mitchell

Down By Tim Lineaweaver While no one was home, he smashed most of the furniture in the living room, including the television and the stereo.

Patience isn’t a character trait of addicts. I could escape from myself with a sniff, a bottle or a joint and, hey presto, be fixed. Everything in recovery is the opposite.

Finally Free! By Kenyada Bond I am one of the beautiful women on the Freehab counseling staff of mommies. We rescue homeless girls from the streets and jails, and love them until they can love themselves.

The day Karli was diagnosed with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS), I knew that my life had changed forever. I sat there drowning in waves of grief, disbelief and remorse.

Theme: Family 36 | The Band-Aid By April Pfrogner

I was being a human Band-Aid, covering the obvious while trying to protect my son from pain. In order for him to heal, I would have to get out of the way and allow him to face his own truth.

38 | A Newcomer Looks Back By Jana Greene

Sitting in her car in the furthest parking space from the building, a problem drinker tries to summon the courage to walk into a Twelve Step meeting. She is raw and hurting, ashamed and embarrassed.

42 | My Spiritual Family By Christine Campbell

I am a stubborn, slow study – but today I get it. Thank you, my spiritual family, for telling me often that I was so worth saving.

24 | 28 |

30 |

32 |

An Extraordinary Challenge: Answering a Call By Deb Dettor In his role as Executive Director of CCAR, Phil Valentine, is hiking the Appalachian Trail to promote the work of this pioneering advocacy organization.

58 | The Final Impact By Denise Leckerman

That fateful evening, Leigh and a few others were out partying at a local establishment near Worcester, Pennsylvania, when Leigh made an impaired decision to drive home.

70 | A Parents’ Journey Out of Hell By Denise Leckerman

Up until a few years ago, my wife and I had led a charmed life. Then one day we received a phone call that would change the course of our lives forever.

72 | I Surrendered All By Deborah Ann Scott

During the time Chelsea was away, our family had time to rebuild. It was difficult, but I knew God was with us. He always was. I just needed to accept His plan.

74 |

44 |

Codependency Revisited By Beth Wilson Taking care of ourselves and not feeling selfish about it, and learning to care for others in a healthy way are the shifts that needed to happen.

50 | Squash the Secret By Gregg Wolfe

Finding Peace through Mediation By Alona Gottfried Family law mediation is a positive alternative to litigation. Both parties sit down with a mediator, a neutral third party skilled in conflict resolution, and resolve their disputes together.

This Little Light of Mine By Dalene S. To love those in recovery is a delicate dance involving grace, discipline and firm boundaries.

To love those in addiction is a heart-wrenching line to draw in the sand.

My son, Justin Matthew Wolfe, should have turned 24 years old in June of this year. However, on December 19, 2012, Justin’s life ended as a result of a heroin overdose.

52 | How Sweet It Is! By Alexandris Townsend

76 |

78 | Imagine Me and You, I Do By Rose McKinney

If anything could have rocked our relationship, it was our son’s addiction. Yet this difficult journey has not divided us – it has, in fact, strengthened us.

No one but God could have prepared me for the storm of alcoholism that afflicted and affected my family for more than a decade.

Articles 80 | Am I Responsible for Your Happiness? By Regina Cates 86 | Prayer, Meditation and Yoga By Molly Basler 88 | Addicted to Sex By Elisabeth Davies 90 | In The Rooms By Nicola O’Hanlon 92 | Paying it Forward By Robert Renteria 94 | My Passion for Mental Health By Alejandro Foung 96 | The Tanya Formula By Tanya Brown 98 | Ernie Kurtz: Remembering a Twelve Step Legend By Joe C. Fall 2015

102 | Shatterproof: Florida-style By Jacob Sharff 104 | Tug of War Wellness By Holli Kenley 106 | Marijuana: The Science and the Experiment By Merilee Fowler 108 | In Memoriam: Merlin Quiles

Recovering Artist 111 | To the End By April Hill

April Hill is the fourth born in a family of eight children and the mother of six children. She has been in recovery since May 22, 2013.

In Recovery Magazine

7

Columns 27 |

Meditation: It’s a Miracle By Michael Lyding Do you see a spark in their eye when you walk into the room? Are they glad to see you, at least sometimes? Is their concept of love evolving from tolerating to enjoying you?

34 | The BookStand

Recovery is the subject of countless books. Here are some titles worth a look.

40 | Book Review By Lena H.

34

Resilience: Two Sisters and a Story of Mental Illness Jessie Close, sister of actress Glenn Close, tells her story like it is: a racy, tumultuous, no-stone-unturned quest to vanquish the relentless demons of her mind.

46 | Rest for Your Soul: The Family By Rev. Michael Japenga

Step One of Alcoholics Anonymous asks us to admit powerlessness and unmanageability. It is one thing to admit being an addict and yet another to come to some level of acceptance. One seems to be a matter of the head, the other a matter of the heart.

54 |

Everyday Miracle: The Party Girl Died By O.L. I was a high school dropout, an alcoholic, an addict and a criminal.

I was a young, naive girl originally from a small town, who wound up working in nightclubs in the big city, living a fast and dangerous life.

46

56 |

From Peer to Peer: Should I or Shouldn’t I? By Bill W. The Journal of the American Medical Association estimates approximately 37 percent of alcoholics and 53 percent of drug addicts also have at least one serious mental illness such as schizophrenia, psychotic disorder, bipolar disorder, major depression, post-traumatic stress disorder or others.

60 |

BodyTalk: Tricked by Marketing? By Victoria Abel Many foods labeled “healthy” are really processed foods loaded with hidden sugars and fats. What we all need is some simple, truthful information about the foods we eat.

62 |

Chaos and Clutter Free By Danielle Worth Transforming families with hands-on organizing sessions.

66 | Recovery Tech: The Family By Ashley Loeb

Incorporating technology into family healing solves some of the difficulties treatment professionals face when working with family members.

68 | Kay’s Kitchen: The Gift of Receiving By Kay Luckett

Receiving assistance and kindness was a lesson I learned when I moved to my little cabin almost two years ago. I was at the receiving end of a dynamic demonstration of love.

62

82 |

CrossTalk By Mollé CrossTalk is based on the premise that recovery life is polytely: frequently, complex problem-solving situations characterized by the presence of not one, but several endings.

84 | Cluttered Lives, Empty Souls By Terrence Shulman

For a time, my codependency served me well. It occupied my mind so I didn’t have to feel anything or look at myself.

82

At Scottsdale Recovery Center we specialize in Relapse Prevention. Our substance abuse programs are designed to help the still–suffering alcoholic and drug addict Get sober and Stay sober… for life. Discover yourself once again!

Services Offered: • • • • • • • • • • •

State Licensed Treatment Facility Intensive Outpatient Program Group Therapy Sessions One-on-One Counseling Sessions EMDR (Trauma Therapy) Family Therapy and Process Groups Life / Recovery Coaching Ethics and Anger Management Classes Daily Relapse Prevention Workshops Domestic Violence Guided Meditation Classes

• • • •

All Private Insurance Excepted Recovery Based Yoga Classes Equine Therapy Upscale Living Quarters / Recovery Homes / Treatment Facilities • Separate Male and Female Programs • Daily trips to the gym/Healthy meals • Weekly Recreational Outings (Trips to Sedona, Prescott, Flagstaff, Bowling, Boating, Movies, Etc..)

• Confidentiality and anonymity are essential to our program

8706 East Manzanita Dr. Suite #100 • Scottsdale, AZ 85258 888-309-3385 • Info@ScottsdaleRecovery.com • www.ScottsdaleRecovery.com

The 28th Annual

The 3rd Annual

Cape Cod Symposium on Addictive Disorders

addiction eXecutives industry summit

September 10 - 13, 2015

Jan. 31 - Feb. 3, 2016

Resort & Conference Center, Hyannis, MA

Naples Grande Beach Resort, FL

Register now at www.CCSAD.com

Earn up to choose from

Registration opens Nov. 2015

of continuing education and challenging workshops.

Join us for the 28th anniversary of the premier addiction conference — the Cape Cod Symposium on Addictive Disorders (CCSAD). In collaboration with the New England Chapters of ASAM, Rosewood Centers for Eating Disorders, and the International Association of Family Addiction Professionals, CCSAD is one of the oldest and largest annual meetings dedicated to continuing education and networking in the field of addiction. In 2014, CCSAD hosted a record 1,217 attendees from 46 states and 9 countries.

Intensive Executive Team Training for the Behavioral Health Professional Join us for the 3rd annual addiction eXecutives industry summit (aXis). aXis is a working conference for Board Members, Senior Executives, Medical Directors, Clinical Supervisors, Consultants, and Mid-Level Management to plan for and implement strategies to meet timely challenges facing the behavioral health industry. The summit also provides critical infrastructure assessment and consultation.

In 2015, aXis hosted 450 addiction industry leaders and executives.

www.ccsad.com

www.axissummit.com

The 7th Annual

The 4th Annual

West Coast Symposium on Addictive Disorders

Clinical Overview of the Recovery Experience

June 2 - 5, 2016

July 10 - 13, 2016

La Quinta Resort & Club, La Quinta, CA

Onmi Amelia Island Plantation Resort, FL

Registration opens March 2016

Registration opens May 2016

Earn up to of continuing education and choose from more than challenging workshops.

Earn up to of continuing education and choose from more than challenging workshops.

Join us for the 7th annual West Coast Symposium on Addictive Disorders (WCSAD). WCSAD is a rapidly growing national addiction conference held in collaboration with the Rosewood Centers for Eating Disorders and the International Association of Family Addiction Professionals, this premier addiction conference is dedicated to continuing education and networking. In 2015, WCSAD hosted a RECORD 1,014 attendees from 45 states and 7 countries.

Join us for the 4th annual Clinical Overview of the Recovery Experience (C.O.R.E.). Each year, C.O.R.E. hosts hundreds of addiction professionals from various states who want to advance their understanding of the principles behind abstinencebased recovery practices. The conference is structured as a forum to increase the collective understanding of recovery processes. The goal is to improve outcomes by better integrating abstinencebased practices and Twelve-Step principles into therapeutic initiatives.

www.wcsad.com 10

www.core-conference.com

In Recovery Magazine

Fall 2015

From the Publisher Kim Welsh

P.O. Box 11176, Prescott, AZ 86304 inrecoverymagazione.com CEO/Publisher

Kim Welsh

Editor in Chief

Janet A. Hopkins

Operations Manager Senior Copy/Proof Editor Copyeditors

Valerie Lambert Rebecca (Becca) Fields Barbara Schuderer Mary Locke Peggi Bird Colyn G. Newton

Subscriptions

John Schuderer

Advertising Sales

Seth Born Jaye Lene Long

Layout/Design Graphic Artist/Ad Design Cover Photo Kay’s Kitchen CrossTalk Book Review Meditation Rest for Your Soul Peer to Peer Travelin’ Sober Man BodyTalk Recovery Tech Chaos and Clutter Free

publisher@inrecoverymagazine.com

A

s the leaves turn and nature prepares for the harshness of winter, I am reflecting over the last three years since the beginning of my journey with In Recovery Magazine. IRM has evolved, and so have I. So many great articles, so many lives touched by the work of so many hands and hearts.

I can’t help but feel that I’m a better person for simply being part of it all.

To celebrate our lives in recovery, we are gearing up for the 2nd Annual IRM Gratitude Gala this November at the Prescott Resort. Mark Lundholm, the funniest man in recovery, will be back for an encore performance.

Our 1st Annual Gratitude Expo the following day will feature Jeremy Miller, the child star of the hit show Growing Pains. Rick Baney, co-owner and CEO of Premier Recovery Options in Phoenix, Arizona, and Dr. George Baxter-Holder, author of Drugs, Food, Sex and God, will round out the program. See page 112 for more details.

Three weeks later, we embark on our first recovery conference at sea – a seven-day cruise through the Western Caribbean – seven days of networking, CEUs, Twelve Step meetings, fellowship and, of course, plenty of fun in the sun.

It’s been an epic year – our Barnes & Noble launch and our new digital app through iTunes and Pocketmags have helped us reach recovering people all around the world. Addiction kills so many every day of every year. It takes our global community working together to beat it. Are you with me?

Kim Welsh

Kim Welsh Patricia Mastrobuoni Sarah Orbanic Kay Luckett Stephanie Moles Lena H. Michael Lyding Michael Japenga Bill W. Bob Kocher Victoria Able Ashley Loeb Danielle Wurth

In Recovery Magazine reserves the right to editorial control of all articles, stories and Letters to the Editor. In Recovery Magazine assumes no responsibility for errors within its publication. The opinions expressed are those of the authors and do not necessarily represent the policies of In Recovery Magazine and should not be construed as endorsements. Furthermore, In Recovery Magazine will not be responsible for any claims, losses or damages (whether direct or indirect) arising out of or relating to the use of or reliance on the contents of this magazine.

From the Editor Janet A. Hopkins

editor@inrecoverymagazine.com

T

his issue is brimming with insights and stories from families in recovery to families who have experienced tragic losses to families finding their way through the devastation of addiction. It’s a subject close to my heart. Two of my former husbands died of this disease. Other loved ones have come close to death before finding their way to this recovery life. I am grateful to have found a new design for living almost 36 years ago – without it, my life would have been quite different (and much shorter).

Instead, I am able to watch my grandchildren attain their dreams and see my son and his dear wife living happy, rewarding lives. My sobriety helped me and also had a positive impact on those around me. It’s the gift that keeps on giving.

I’ve been fortunate to have had a number of astounding mentors along the way. My first sponsor, Ella M. of Maryland, so lovingly helped me through my not-quite-sober-yet escapades and guided my baby steps in new recovery. I still remember her old phone number and sometimes wake up with it on my mind. My second sponsor, another beautiful woman in recovery, Charlene E. of California and Arizona, died two years ago – I miss her every day. She saw me through the middle and later years, walked me through my “grown-up” issues – jobs, parenting, relationships – and the “daily ups and downs” of mature recovery.

What a life this is! I’ve had the pleasure of working in the recovery field since 1981. Addiction treatment has come a long way, baby! Though I have a back seat now, it brings me pleasure to still be part of this amazing adventure. I celebrate each of you as we share this “road of happy destiny.”

No part of this magazine or any of its contents may be reproduced, copied, modified or adapted without the prior written consent of the author and/or publisher, unless otherwise indicated for stand-alone materials.

Materials contained in this magazine are subject to copyright and other proprietary rights.

The publication of any advertisement is not to be construed as an endorsement of the product or service offered unless it is specifically stated in the ad that there is such approval or endorsement. © In Recovery Magazine 2012. All Rights Reserved. The magazine is a nonpartisan publication published quarterly by founder and publisher, Kim Welsh. In Recovery Magazine is distributed by Disticor.

Fall 2015

Editor’s Note: Sometimes you make a mistake you wish you could take back – the next best thing is an apology. In the Summer 2015 issue, we inadvertently massacred Arnold McCuller’s name, for which we are profoundly sorry! It’s not Rufus Arnold McCuller or Arnold Rufus McCuller; it’s just ARNOLD MCCULLER. Many thanks to Arnold for his very gracious response. He’s not only what music is about; he’s what recovery is about.

In Recovery Magazine

11

Letters to the Editor

CONTEST

Show Us Where You Found In Recovery Magazine!

Family Recovery in Australia

I follow as many recovery internet sites as I can and was around for the first edition of In Recovery Magazine. I was so very excited!

I bought a subscription for my sponsor who has 57 years sober – a gentleman who has shadowed my recovery for 23 years.

I am 23 years sober. I married my husband as the “drunk he was.” Today, he is 22 years clean and sober. So they could experience Al-Anon recovery, I brought along my three children. They are now adults and share seven grandchildren with us.

My husband and I are the founders of The Australian Council on Alcoholism and Drug Dependence, Inc. Australia has little to NO family recovery. We developed the only family rehabilitation center in Australia, which holds 40 beds – The Canton Beach Family Addictions Recovery Centre.

Long story short, we promote In Recovery Magazine wherever we go; we just can’t get enough!

Christa Bidgood Canton Beach, NSW Australia

I found it!

I was in a Barnes & Noble in Time Square in New York City and discovered In Recovery Magazine!

The In Recovery Magazine Barnes & Noble Photo Contest is accepting entries. Show us which Barnes & Noble or newsstand store carries your In Recovery Magazine. Send us a picture of you with a copy of magazine in front of the store where it was purchased.

Visit our website to see a photo gallery of the entries. Magazines must be purchased and photos taken before November 1st.

Think you have the winning picture? Submit your photo including your name, date of purchase and the location of the store no later than Nov. 1, 2015 to win!

DJ Victory-Franceschelli New York, New York

Seniors in Sobriety

We’d like to thank you for providing our Atlanta hospitality room with copies of In Recovery Magazine. They were all gone by the second day. They went like hot cakes.

Many of our senior-age visitors came in and just sat for a bit, enjoying the view from our room in the Omni Hotel and took a copy of IRM with them. I hope this helps grow your subscription demand. It’s a great recovery magazine.

Thank you again for being a part of our 80year celebration of Alcoholics Anonymous.

Grand memories of this event will be cascaded to other members of our recovery community for years to come.

Mickey W. Phoenix, Arizona

We welcome your comments.

Send them to In Recovery Magazine, P.O. Box 11176, Prescott, Arizona 86304, or email editor@inrecoverymagazine.com. Tweet us at @InRecovery_Mag. Submissions may be edited.

Check out our new digital app!

In Recovery Magazine for iPhone, iPad or iPod touch and other mobile devices is here! Enjoy the stories you love in a convenient and readable way. The app is available for download from the App Store.

Other mobile devices including Android, Kindle Fire, Windows 8, Facebook and Blackberry Playbook devices may be downloaded at pocketmags.com.

Official Prizes

1ST PRIZE: $100 and a year’s subscription to In Recovery Magazine.

2ND PRIZE: $50 and a year’s subscription to In Recovery Magazine.

3RD PRIZE: $25 and a year’s subscription to In Recovery Magazine.

Winners will be determined by a drawing on November 10, 2015.

Go to inrecoverymagazine.com to enter

12

In Recovery Magazine

Fall 2015

Oasis Behavioral Health offers a full psychiatric continuum of care including Acute Psychiatric Hospital, Residential Treatment Center, and Outpatient Services to meet the needs of adults and adolescents. Oasis hospital provides a safe, stable, and secure environment for clients to heal in times of crisis so that they may move forward with the recovery process. Oasis residential programs promote recovery using evidence based therapeutic interventions. Oasis outpatient programs provide intensive therapeutic interventions while exercising real world applications as the person maintains routine activity. Oasis staff members strive to offer hope to clients who are often suffering from depression, emotional pain, or trauma. Hope is the recognition that the future can be different and is the fuel for recovery. Oasis works with clients to define their purpose outside of addiction and mental illness and develop discharge plans that emphasize client strengths, goals, and desired purpose. At Oasis we approach each client with optimism about their future and recovery, addressing each roadblock independently and using setbacks as growth opportunities.

Programs ACUTE PSYCHIATRIC HOSPITALIZATION

Oasis Behavioral Health Hospital serves the inpatient crisis and stabilization treatment needs of children and adolescents 11-17 and adults 18 and over who are experiencing psychiatric or substance abuse problems. We provide a safe, stable, and secure environment for the promotion of

stabilization and recovery.

RESIDENTIAL TREATMENT CENTER

Oasis Behavioral Health Residential programs are Level 1 RTC/ BHIF providing services for adolescents ages 11 -17 experiencing emotional/behavioral and substance abuse difficulties. OBH provides a nurturing environment for adolescents to address psychiatric, chemical, trauma, and family issues while working with our highly qualified staff to achieve academic goals and prepare for a successful life in the community.

OUTPATIENT SERVICES

Oasis Behavioral Health Outpatient Services address a variety of psychiatric and substance needs including Intensive Outpatient Programs that address mental health, substance, trauma, and other co-occurring disorders.

SUICIDE PREVENTION

Oasis Behavioral Health is partnered with The Jason Foundation, Inc. to provide free suicide prevention education to teachers, clinicians, and community members. OBH is committed to the education, prevention, and support of community members affected by suicide.

Therapeutic Support Services

Evidence Based Practices

RECREATION, ART, AND MUSIC THERAPY

OBH is dedicated to the development of our clinical programs and practices. We pride ourselves on staff education programs and using current, evidence based practices. All of our programs are based on a person centered approach that includes harm reduction and self-directed recovery practices. Some of our evidence based interventions include Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), Crisis Prevention Intervention (CPI), Living in Balance (LIB), Trauma Informed Care, Trauma Specific Care, and 12 Steps.

Oasis Behavioral Health uses recreation therapy to support the clinical services in our programs.

Art expression, yoga, music, team sports, and aquatic recreation are among some of the activities used to promote healing, social and cognitive functioning, build confidence, develop coping skills, and integrate leisure skills into treatment.

OASIS RECOVERY SCHOOL

Oasis boasts an onsite world class learning institution that is proud to graduate many high school seniors and help children in treatment recover credits that they have missed due to legal and health complications. The Oasis Recovery School addresses the special learning needs of our students through individualized curriculum and alternative teaching methods and accommodations.

2190 N. Grace Boulevard CHANDLER, AZ 85225 • Acute Psychiatric Hospitalization • Residential Treatment • Suicide Prevention

1120 E. 6th Street CASA GRANDE, AZ 85122

1-800-844-6435 • OBHHospital.com Fall 2015

TWO LOCATIONS

In Recovery Magazine

• Residential Treatment • Suicide Prevention

13

Cover Story

14

In Recovery Magazine

Fall 2015 FluidFrame

A Great Transformation I

By Tommy Rosen

n the summer of 1989, I reached a point where I could no longer continue to live the way I had been living.

My mind and body were enslaved to cocaine and heroin among many other addictive behaviors. My relationships with my family and friends had been lost behind a thousand lies. The energy of disconnection and fear ran through my entire being. My exploration of life had led me to single-pointed despair.

To reach a bottom simply means one is ready to tell the truth. So, for the first time perhaps in my entire life, I told the truth. “I do not know how to live my life. I don’t have this. I am overwhelmed by addiction and cannot escape its death grip. Can someone please help me?”

This was true humility.

Everyone in recovery from addiction comes to this place.

I decided to try Twelve Step meetings again. I went to the same meeting three days in a row; each time I announced that I had only one day sober. A guy named Neil came up to me and said, “Hey man, what’s your problem?” I stuttered, no words coming out of my mouth.

“That’s right,” he said. “You don’t realize that you’re walking around the planet with untreated addiction. That’s your problem.” His statement pierced through my heart.

I had a condition; it was called addiction. There is a treatment for it, and I was not applying the treatment. I had hit my second bottom.

I went to treatment at Hazelden in Minnesota. It was a blessing. I received love and education, and began to understand how things had gotten so off track. When I left treatment, my counselors told me I was going to need something in order to make it out there. They suggested the Twelve Steps.

Throughout my first year of sobriety, my entire recovery consisted of mechanically attending Twelve Step meetings. As the months went by, the number of meetings I attended diminished.

I would hit a meeting, check that off my to-do list and head back to my life. There was no interaction or connection between me and the people at the meetings. I did not let anyone get to know me because I felt “their world” and “my world” were separate.

For me, there was nothing compelling about recovery.

I became increasingly bored and started to float without a sense of purpose or structure. I had no real plan for my life or for my recovery. Today I know if you don’t have a plan in early recovery, then you definitely do have a plan; that plan is to leave recovery early.

By the time I had one year sober, I had stopped going to meetings altogether. Shortly thereafter, I relapsed.

Over the next year, I used off and on. At times, I was having great fun. I thought, Hey, this is not so bad. Maybe I can use drugs and be more successful than I was last time. As I saw it, Fall 2015

there were two problems. First, although I had not been as extreme in my drug use as before, I did not seem to be able to stop using when I wanted to. Second, there was a very painful message coming from inside me that was getting louder. The message was, Tommy, you are living half a life.

You will never find out what you could be. You will never realize your potential because you are unable to get beyond the use of drugs and alcohol. That thought was the sobering thought of my life.

It’s the same mistake I have observed tens of thousands of people make in Twelve Step meetings around the world.

The Twelve Steps only work if you actually work the Twelve Steps. I had not done that. I had barely engaged in the fellowship aspect of the Twelve Steps, let alone done the work to change my thinking and my life. Of course, I was suffering. Of course, it was difficult to stop using drugs.

But, I was still stuck thinking that using drugs seemed to be my best option.

I had previously sobered up out of physical necessity. The circumstances of my life were so grave that if I had continued using, I would not have survived. I now wanted to get sober because I could not live with the thought of a mediocre existence. I never wanted to merely survive my life; I wanted to thrive. If you are reading this, I’m betting you feel the same way.

I started attending meetings every day. I found a sponsor.

I worked through the Steps and finally dedicated myself to the Twelve Step process. It became central to my existence because I wanted it. A year or two later, I remember waking up and realizing that I could not remember the last time I had thought about using drugs or alcohol. A great trans-

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formation and liberation had taken place. But, unbeknownst to me, there was more important work to be done.

pain went away. I didn’t relieve the pain with drugs; I didn’t have surgery. I have never looked back.

Putting down drugs and alcohol were a first critical step in a long process of overcoming addiction. Unfortunately, I stayed mired in addiction in the form of codependency, gambling and smoking cigarettes. I carried all my stress in my body. The Twelve Steps had lifted me out of drug addiction, I was free from that – but I was far from free. My methods may have shifted, but I was still “looking away” from my life and the present moment by using destructive means to de-stress. This approach was unsustainable.

Addiction is a dis-ease. When caught in its grasp, we are disconnected from ease in the mind-body system. We look outside ourselves for things we think will bring ease. Unfortunately, we mostly seek out substances and behaviors that lead to more dis-ease, rather than healing. Guruprem showed me another way. With him, Recovery 2.0 was born.

I dedicated my book, Recovery 2.0: Move Beyond Addiction and Upgrade Your Life, to him.

The anxiety of my continued addictive behavior took its effect on my body; one evening in 2003, my back went out.

I was essentially crippled for months, but had no idea why.

A neurological tension pattern had developed in my body and wreaked havoc. Western doctors would later diagnose severe degenerative disk disease and two herniated disks revealed by an MRI. The doctors told me that I would have to manage the pain for the rest of my life, and that they would eventually consider surgery. This was the third bottom of my life.

Through an extraordinary series of “coincidences,” I was led to the door of a man named Guruprem. He is an expert regarding back pain; I was told he would be able to help me.

It turned out that he is an expert about much more than just backs. With his guidance over the next five years, he taught me how to breathe, taught me Kundalini yoga and then presented me with an upgraded design for living beyond addiction.

Ninety days after he started working with me, my back

I married my beloved Kia in 2003. Guruprem told me, “Tommy, any monkey can have a wedding. You may just need some help to have a successful marriage.” He was right. I was facing what I believe all recovering addicts face.

It’s called codependency, and I had a whopping case of it.

My dear friend, Yoga of Twelve Step Recovery pioneer, Nikki Myers, calls codependency “the disease of the lost self.” Indeed! I will not cover this topic in detail here. Suffice it to say, codependency seems to be present for most of us drug addicts and alcoholics – even before we turned to substances in the first place. So, it makes sense when we finally put the substances down, guess what is waiting for us?

This is why I believe so many people relapse after years of recovery. They come up against their codependency, and it is too much to bear without a great deal of support and love. The unsuspecting addict who is sideswiped by this dynamic may think, This should not be happening to me. I’m miserable and five years sober. If this is how it’s going to be, I might as well use drugs again. Once that thought takes hold of an addict, trouble is likely to follow unless that person can quickly get help.

Photo by Theo and Juliette Photography 16

In Recovery Magazine

Fall 2015

Photo by Theo and Juliette Photography

Today, Kia and I are in an amazing marriage that has grown in joy and power over the past twelve years. Each day, we work to stay current and connected with each other. As with all things, it turns out that marriage, too, is a one-dayat-a-time process.

As yogis, Kia and I travel around the world, teaching and leading workshops and trainings. Kia coaches teachers through her Radiant Body Yoga Teacher Training Program (Yoga Alliance Certified), and I teach Recovery 2.0 yoga in rehabs and yoga studios. I also produce two Recovery 2.0 online conferences and lead two online coaching programs annually.

Today, I understand that addiction is like a force field on a frequency all its own. The addiction frequency is like a magnet drawing in addictive thinking, people and circumstances. While it takes skill, focus and vigilance, anyone can switch from the addiction frequency and to the frequency of recovery or, if you prefer, the frequency of the Divine.

With love and gratitude, Tommy Rosen Tommy Rosen is a yoga teacher and addiction recovery expert with 24 years of continuous recovery from drug addiction. He is the author of Recovery 2.0: Move Beyond Addiction and Upgrade Your Life (Hay House 2014). You may visit him at www.TommyRosen.com.

Fall 2015

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By Andy Sullivan

I

had an incredibly difficult time of it during my recovery.

I was five months sober and taking the first baby steps on this lifelong journey. While in treatment, they told me about a magical “pink cloud” that many recovering addicts experience. It was the exciting introduction to a potentially new and fulfilling life away from alcohol and drugs. I found hope again after years of having misplaced it in active addiction, and I felt different, as if a switch had been turned on in my usually subdued and depressed mind.

All of a sudden, I could see a future with possibilities.

But like anything you love in life – a car, a house, a job – the novelty wears off. The initial excitement gradually fades into a calmer emotion like gratitude or contentment. I started noticing that the excitement of recovery was being replaced with a sense of reality, and reality scared the hell out of me.

Things had starting to slide. A few of the old self-doubts started to creep into my daily activities, especially around my writing; and frustration set in. In early recovery, I decided to combine enhancing my writing skills with building a new career in a job I love. At the same time, I was learning more about this disease and sharing those insights with others in a similar predicament. Win, win!

The response from family and friends was incredible and gave me the encouragement to write more about my journey. I started to equate this new career to financial remuneration, and things weren’t happening quickly enough for me. I felt overwhelming worthlessness. I have two kids and was financially dependent on others; this was destroying my soul. I wanted to start supporting myself and my girls, and writing wasn’t accomplishing that as quickly as I would have liked.

My logical brain told me, Be calm. Your progress is great, and positive things are starting to happen. Keep doing what you are doing. Unfortunately, I was giving my addict brain more time on the microphone. That brain was saying, You’re not good enough. You’re wasting your time. People are being nice to humor you because they feel any negative comments could lead to a breakdown or relapse. Nobody wants that on their conscience. Your ex-wife is raising your kids on her own, and you contribute nothing to them. You are worthless, selfish and talentless. After a few days of this uncontrolled self-sabotage, I started using some of my old tricks to avoid these emotions. I didn’t have the strength or courage to face them.

Without a substance to numb the pain, I reverted to the next best thing – disconnection. If I could just get paid for my 18

detachment skills, I would be a millionaire! I severed some of the emotional ties I had just started building.

The first separation was with me – I took a pair of scissors to the fragile link I had begun developing between the real world and my feelings.

I found myself isolating more. I kept myself to myself and didn’t speak up about my feelings of despair. My cottage was my isolation cell. I left only to fulfill previously agreed-upon minor commitments. The very thought of even seeing my own daughters filled me with shame and guilt, so I began withdrawing from them, as well. A crushing fear of my emotions developed. I was gradually falling back into my hole where I had spent so many unhappy years. My self-pity became overwhelming. I couldn’t “just pull yourself together!”

As I withdrew more, my eating increased – once again, old addict behavior. My addict brain figured, You love that food.

If you’re not planning on seeing people, then why should you care if you put on a few kilos? You’ve lost loads in the last few years, and you’re in early recovery. You can deal with weight loss in the future. But today you can feel guilt free about pigging out on whatever food you want. Of course, this didn’t come guilt free. In fact, the more my weight increased, the worse I felt, the less I cared and the more I ate.

The simplest responsibilities were once again filling me with terrifying and debilitating fear. It felt like everything was crashing down on me. I cried a lot, like a desperate, lost little child which, I suppose, is exactly what I was.

The promises of recovery felt empty and that also frightened me. I had started this journey with the knowledge that it would take time, even years. I would get there if I kept working the Steps, going to meetings and talking with people. I had slackened considerably on all three. I had even stopped building a relationship with my Higher Power.

What made my life 100 times worse was the chronic insomnia I was experiencing; in a week’s time, I had only

In Recovery Magazine

Fall 2015

slept about four hours. I tried everything – meditation, reading, breathing exercises – but without fail, as soon as I turned the lights off and tried to sleep, my inner child awoke full of incredible energy, wanting to play. I became fearful of bedtime, yet another fear to add to my everexpanding list.

Patience isn’t a character trait with which addicts are generally blessed. In active addiction, I could escape from myself with a sniff of a line, a bottle of vodka or a joint and, hey presto, be fixed. Everything in recovery is the opposite, including not taking short cuts and getting a quick-fix solution.

Although my behavior had similarities to the old Active Addiction Andy, there was one fundamental difference. . . awareness. This awareness gave me the courage to finally speak up at group a session in front of my peers; everything came out. I knew this current dark path would lead to only one destination, and I was not going back there . . . no way!

Everyone agreed that I had more work to do; I had to stop hitting myself with my emotional crowbar. I went into an aftercare program. I got back onto the recovery horse, got back to talking, being helped and getting back on the right track.

I learned that falling off the pink cloud is all part of the process. Painful days can be growth days. In order to make sense of my feelings and to find the courage to face them, I take what I have learned and share it with my counselors and my recovery community.

Pain is inevitable; suffering is optional.

Patience isn’t a character trait with which addicts are generally blessed. In active addiction, I could escape from myself with a sniff of a line, a bottle of vodka or a joint and, hey, presto, be fixed. Everything in recovery is the opposite of that old quick fix, including not taking short cuts. This is a crucial time for me, a crossroads; and I am listening, sharing, being patient and learning my way through it. Just writing this and acknowledging my vulnerability helps.

Speaking up demonstrates far more courage than keeping quiet and pretending everything is fine – this is starting to sink in. Believe it or not, people do care and can help.

Reach out today. It could save your life.

Andrew Sullivan is a recovering addict and freelance writer dedicated to raising global awareness of the disease of addiction. A divorced father of two, Andrew is an Englishman living in South Africa. He writes for numerous recovery-based media platforms across the world, including his own blog, conversationswithtrev.com.

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By Kenyada Bond

My name is Kenyada Bond. When I was born, my mom was

13 years old. Five years later, she was pregnant with my little brother. My mom had no means to support us, so she resorted to doing things with men to keep food on our table. At an early age, I realized people used each other to get their needs met – a very tough lesson for someone so young, but one that always stuck with me.

B

y the time I was twelve years old, my mom had decided to settle down and marry my brother’s dad, although he was extremely violent. She had to choose between our safety or food and shelter, and decided it was better for us to be beaten than to be homeless. Over the next few years, four more children were born into our family. Two were my mom’s, and two were from her husband’s girlfriend. This insanity was my “normal.”

By this time, I decided my best option was to run away. I quickly lost my virginity. I learned that if I went home with men from the casino, they would give me positive attention and money. My early lesson, that we need to use others to get our needs met, became true for me. For the first time in my life, I thought I was receiving positive attention from men.

As my life accelerated out of control, so did my anger. I started getting arrested and jailed for domestic violence. Then I met a man who would change my life forever. He was the first good young man I had ever met. He made me feel like I was somebody. By age 20, I was pregnant with my daughter.

The pregnancy triggered extreme anxiety in me. With no insight into addiction, I began smoking weed again and spiraled further downward. In 2013, I was arrested for armed robbery. I served ten months of a three-year sentence, and then something unexpected happened.

While in a monitor program, I was offered an early release to a free drug rehab for homeless and incarcerated young women between the ages of 18 and 24. Located in Sun Valley, California, Freehab Life Transformation Center is run by an organization called The Teen Project. I was nervous because I didn’t know what to expect; but I definitely wanted to get out of jail, so I went.

When I entered the Freehab doors, the place was buzzing with excitement. The rooms were decorated beautifully; and in the kitchen, a chef was surrounded by young residents learning how to

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Fall 2015

cook. The halls were filled with laughter and happiness, and the girls clung together like reunited long-lost sisters.

Although I would have preferred to hang back, I was immediately initiated into a small crew of women who were working with a choreographer on an upcoming flash mob in Venice Beach, California. Because my ankle monitor had me confined to the center, I didn’t plan to go.

The women on staff were like mothers to us all. They were full of wisdom, love and advice. Although it was difficult to express everything I had been through, the other girls had no trouble sharing their stories. Because we were all about the same age, we started growing up together.

I learned structure, stability and respect for myself and others. Most importantly, I began to have hope again.

In September, the sheriff ’s department agreed to let me dance in the flash mob; and we hit the streets of Venice with an outreach to help other young women. Much to my surprise, the newspaper featured me leading the dance that day. I will always remember the sun shining, the ocean roaring and knowing that everything was going to be okay.

I spent six months at Freehab. Upon graduation, the women on staff obtained safe housing for my daughter and me, so we could be reunited.

While I was searching for a job, I continued to go to Freehab to see my new family. One day while I was sitting in the lobby filling out paperwork for a nearby entry-level position, The Teen Project’s founder walked in the door and saw me. She asked me what I was up to. I said, “Oh, just filling out a job application.”

She said, “Oh, my goodness. It would be awesome if you joined our team!” Although I was confused at first, I knew God had just delivered a clear message to me.

Today I am 25 years old and living a life I never would have imagined. Less than a year ago, I wore an ankle monitor and was destined for destruction. I am blessed to say that today I am now one of the beautiful women on the Freehab counseling staff of mommies.

Together we work to rescue homeless girls from the streets and jails, and love them until they can love themselves.

Although I love my new life, the best part for me is the mom I am to my daughter. Because of the women who educated me at Freehab, I am the kind of mom a daughter can be proud to have.

Because of Freehab, not only was my life saved, but also my daughter’s life was saved. We are finally free.

The Teen Project was founded by Lauri Burns, who left foster care on her 18th birthday and, in that moment, became homeless.

Lacking education and job experience, her attempts to stabilize her life proved futile. By the age of 20, she was drugContinued on page 26

By Kathleen Mitchell

T

he day Karli was diagnosed with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS), I knew my life had changed forever. Although I suspected FAS, hearing the physician say, “Your daughter has full-blown FAS,” hit me like a tsunami. I sat there drowning in waves of grief, disbelief and remorse.

For 15 years, I sought to understand why Karli was not learning and growing like my other two children.

Doctors suggested that she would “grow out of it.” They assured me that her milestones were delayed because of her chronic ear infections. The message I heard again and again was, “Give it some time. Children are very resilient to these types of delays. She’ll be fine.” Today, Karli is 42 years old. She never did grow out of it; she is developmentally about six years old.

Who knew back in 1972 that drinking a little wine while I was pregnant would cause my daughter to have lifelong brain damage? Certainly not me. I grew up in a large Irish Catholic household. There were seven of us kids. My dad was a charismatic, life-of-the-party kinda guy. In direct contrast to Dad, my mom was a sweet religious woman who followed the rules. It didn’t matter whose rules – a priest, a doctor, an older sister, her mother or father. In her mind, life was all quite simple; black and white – just do as you are told and don’t ask questions. My siblings were pretty much like my mom. Then I came along; I was number five. By then, my dad’s alcoholism was becoming quite apparent. We didn’t know what was happening to him – we just thought he was a jerk.

I reacted to our household insanity as any good alcoholic adolescent would. I skipped school (often) and snuck out of the house in the middle of the night to meet my friends.

My life in 1969 was all about the cheap wine, cigarettes and making out. As I transitioned to my teens, I became more daring and tried a wide variety of drugs, ingesting them in every way imaginable. At 15, my only interests were getting high, rock ‘n’ roll concerts and boys with long hair. I ate white crosses (speed) and 714s (Quaaludes), smoked dope, drank beer; on special occasions, I dropped acid, smoked angel dust and even shot heroin.

Soon after my 16th birthday, I discovered I was pregnant.

I was both scared to death and super excited. I was going to be the best mommy ever! I immediately ceased shooting, snorting, smoking and eating drugs. I’d never considered alcohol a drug or something you shouldn’t drink while

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pregnant. My diet consisted of pizza, Spaghetti Os, Twinkies, soda and weekend binges of cheap Chablis wine (the kind in the big green bottle). No one yet understood that alcohol could cause cell death and result in permanent birth defects. The first US publication describing Fetal Alcohol Syndrome wasn’t published until 1973.

Within weeks I was married. I moved out of my parents’ home, dropped out of high school and went to my first prenatal care appointment at a free clinic for welfare teen moms. I gave birth to a baby boy. He was beautiful and perfect, except his right foot curved in – they called it a clubbed foot. The doctor told me it was a genetic disorder. “You must have some Indian blood,” he said. “It was first documented in a tribe in North Carolina.”

Nine months after the birth of my son, I became pregnant again. By now our teen marriage was in turmoil, and my husband was facing drug charges. Just weeks before he was shipped off to a therapeutic community and while his lawyers worked to get his charges dropped, I gave birth to a tiny baby girl. I was a homeless 18-year-old mother of two, with a husband in jail. When he returned home a year later, I became pregnant again. I gave birth to my third child; and we moved from Washington, DC, to a cute little town in Connecticut, where there clearly weren’t any drugs.

It wasn’t long before my husband had returned to his old patterns. “Can’t you just smoke weed and drink like a normal person” I would plead (believing that was acceptable drug use). I gave up and returned to Washington, DC, and lived the next few years of my life in a delusional state of mind. I was a victim, and life had done me wrong. Poor me, pour me a drink. I then found a new alcoholic to fix. I ended up pregnant again. But now I was on methadone, Valium, nicotine and alcohol. I went into early labor and gave birth to a baby boy who never lived to see his first day. I treated my grief with more booze and more drugs.

A year later, I was pregnant yet again – still on methadone.

My life was a chaotic mess. I was not caring for my three beautiful children; I would forget to feed and bathe them. I wanted to have this baby because I thought she would fix my life. I gave birth to my beautiful baby girl and immediately stopped my methadone. I was finally sick and tired of being sick and tired.

My baby was a ray of sunshine, and my other three children

In Recovery Magazine

Fall 2015

were giggling again. That baby girl saved our lives, but in a way I could not have imagined. One tragic afternoon, she simply stopped breathing. They said the cause of her death was Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS). What I know today is that alcohol is a leading factor in both fetal and infant death, including SIDS. My addiction robbed me and my children of everything.

I lost my health, my mind and my dignity. Two of my babies had died. I lost custody of my children. I lost God. But the most painful loss of all was the horror of losing my babies and facing all that my children had suffered and endured during those painful years.

I ended up in treatment for nearly a year and finally surrendered to a life of abstinence and Twelve Step recovery.

I managed to complete my GED and find a job at a local detox center. I moved in with my parents and had my children back.

When I first read about Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, I instantly realized that Karli, then age 16, had been born with FAS. She had been incorrectly diagnosed with cerebral palsy.

I could not afford to have Karli seen at a genetics clinic, but convinced the clinic to see her in exchange for working off the fee. I signed a contract to give lectures and presentations about addiction to medical students and physicians.

A divine intervention occurred shortly after Karli’s diagnosis. The hospital hosted an international perinatal conference, and I was asked to be a keynote speaker. In the audience was the founder of the National Organization on Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (NOFAS) and one of Senator Daschle’s (D-SD) staffers. The senator invited me to testify at a hearing on behalf of his bill on FAS, and I soon became active with NOFAS. Once I understood that Karli’s disabilities were directly caused by my drinking during pregnancy, I was immediately catapulted into advocacy. It was a deeply spiritual experience, a knowing of my life’s purpose. I shared our story with anyone who would listen. If I could prevent one alcohol-exposed birth, then my time was well spent. This was my destiny.

Little miracles blossomed in my life. I was offered a job marketing addiction treatment centers, and my salary suddenly tripled. I obtained a master’s degree and became a licensed therapist. I became the executive director of several programs, including a long-term treatment center for women, pregnant women and women with children.

I met a wonderful man in recovery. Thirty years later, he continues to be the love of my life and my best friend. But the real miracle is that today, I am a good mother. I have been blessed to welcome five little grandchildren into my life. Gratefully, not one of our little ones was exposed to one drop of alcohol. A true blessing of recovery!

Today I have over 31 years of continuous sobriety. I am the Vice President and International Spokesperson for NOFAS. In these roles, I have been blessed to travel all over North America and parts of Europe telling my story and educating healthcare professionals and communities about Fetal Fall 2015

A Few Facts about Alcohol, Pregnancy and FASD • Alcohol is a teratogen that causes more damage to the developing fetus than any of the other recreational drugs, including cocaine, heroin and marijuana.

• The effects of FASD are lifelong. Children with FASD become adults with FASD. • Effects to the fetus may occur even before women know they are pregnant.

• The majority of people with FASD do not have intellectual disability. They typically have a combination of negative effects, including attention deficits, behavioral issues, learning disabilities, mental health issues, and problems with memory, judgment and reason.

For more information about the National Organization on Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (NOFAS), visit nofas.org.

Alcohol Spectrum Disorders (FASD), which it is called today. I have good friends in recovery all over the world.

I founded an international mentoring program for birth mothers of children with FASD known as Circle of Hope.

I continue to work the Twelve Steps, and my Higher Power just keeps surprising me. A few years back, I served as an expert and advisor to the writers of Law & Order: Special Victims Unit in creating a show about FASD. For two decades, I taught a selective on FASD in medical school programs at both Georgetown and Northwestern Universities. I recently participated on a World Health Organization (WHO) committee to develop guidelines for pregnant women diagnosed with Substance Use Disorders (SUD). These are just a few of the miracles of my recovery.

Today I know that if I made it, anyone can make it. Karli still lives at home with us. Her world is her baby dolls and sticker books. She is loved and accepted just the way she is.

Never doubt the power and love of God. God managed to take a very tragic story and spin it around and upsidedown. I know my story has helped save lives. I believe sharing my story helps decrease the stigma associated with addiction and FASD. No woman drinks to harm her own baby. Women either don’t have the facts on drinking and pregnancy, or they are women that suffer with addiction and can’t stop on their own. Women need treatment services and support.

During pregnancy, there is no safe amount of alcohol, no safe time to drink alcohol and no safe type of alcohol. If you don’t believe me, just ask Karli.

In Recovery Magazine

Kathleen Tavenner Mitchell, LCADC, is the V.P. and International Spokesperson for the NOFAS and a noted speaker and author. She has served on many expert panels and special committees. She has written several chapters and articles on FASD and the Fetal Alcohol Syndrome: A Guidebook for Parents and Caregivers. She served as an FASD expert and advisor to the writers of NBC’s Law & Order: Special Victims Unit to create an episode about FASD.

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Fall 2015

I Live on the Other Side

By Payton Schrum

O

n January 14, 2014, my whole life changed – everything I had ever feared became a reality. It was a nightmare from which I could not awaken. My mom died from multi-system failure caused by infection from dirty needles and a life of drug abuse. I held her hand as she took her last breath. Losing my mom only a few weeks after my 20th birthday was unimaginable.

When I was very young, my father walked out on us; from then on he and his family never played a role in my life. I lived with my mother and was quite close with my maternal grandparents and aunt.

From about the age of seven, I knew deep down in my heart that something was not right with my mother. Mom was my idol and best friend, but she was also someone I feared. As a six-year-old, it was not unusual for me to call 911 because my mom was high, passed out in the kitchen or the bathtub.

I spent many nights mediating between Mom and her various boyfriends; they would fight and often become violent.

I constantly saw her get high and have sex with men. I’d stay up all night to make sure she was alive and safe.

With drugs and harm around every corner, I suffered in my extremely abusive household. Our house was a mess, piled high with garbage and covered in animal feces. Most kids were not allowed to play or hangout with me because their parents knew about my home life.

Staying up all night left no time for going to school, but I didn’t mind because I hated school. I was so behind academically that I was constantly picked on by the other kids.

Kids made fun of me for being slow, not being able to read, for my mom forgetting to pick me up from school and for smelling like cigarette smoke and cat feces.

My mom would frequently go on vacations with her boyfriends, dropping me off at my aunt’s house at the last minute. What was supposed to be a weekend would turn into months. Luckily, my aunt always dropped everything and would take me in, feed me, clothe me and help me get caught up in school. My friends could come over for sleepovers, and I could have fun like a normal kid.

On December 1, 2003, my aunt was finally given legal guardianship of me. After this, my life changed drastically.

I got on track in school. My teachers were amazed because I managed to catch up to all the other kids in my class and avoided being held back a grade. With my aunt and good friends, my life stabilized. Although I did not live with my

Fall 2015

mom, we remained as close as we could be considering the circumstances; and I never stopped loving her.

In 2005, my mom’s boyfriend overdosed on heroin, which caused my mom to become homeless. With the condition that she seek help for her addiction problem, my grandparents took her in. Unfortunately, Mom then realized that getting prescription drugs was a lot easier than getting street drugs. She found doctors who would write her prescriptions for anything she wanted, in whatever quantity she wanted. When swallowing the pills didn’t get her high enough, she would crush the pills, cook and inject them.

In October of 2013, my mom was again hospitalized. The doctors told her that because of using dirty needles, she had ruined the valves in her heart; and they needed to be replaced. She was not a good candidate for valve replacement due to her drug addiction, so she manipulated everyone into believing she had hit rock bottom and would turn her life around.

She had a successful valve replacement surgery; it was a new beginning. After her surgery, she and I began to have a much closer relationship. I hoped maybe this time things would finally be different. But in December my grandparents found my mom passed out in her bathroom with her prescription drugs, bloody syringes, burnt spoons and a lighter beside her. She was rushed to the hospital. The doctors discovered she had ruined all of her newly replaced heart valves and had suffered some brain damage from the drugs. My mom no longer remembered phone numbers and even forgot my birthday.

On January 12, 2014, I visited my mom. I was so sick and tired of painfully watching her kill herself. I was heartbroken and frustrated. Once again I begged her to stop using.

I told her if she didn’t stop using, she was dead to me; I would no longer play a role in her life – words I spoke out of anger and desperation. I had no idea this would be one of the last conversations I was ever to have with her. The following day we received a call that Mom was not doing well and was caught shooting up in the hospital. It felt normal to get even more bad news about her condition; I assumed this was going to be just another day.

My aunt and I went to see Mom. She was pale and cold; her eyes were bright yellow; her was stomach bloated; and she was groaning in pain. As her body gave in to the infection caused by her use of dirty needles, all of her organs were shutting down. We stayed the night, never leaving her side.

In Recovery Magazine

25

In the morning, my aunt and I were talking about happy memories we had shared with my mom. Mom was on life support and unable to respond; but while we shared these stories, tears streamed from her eyes. In the middle of sharing, I looked at my mom and said to my aunt, “My mom is dying right now.” Within a few moments, she passed. I never could have imagined the pain I felt when this day, which I had dreaded for so much of my life, finally came.

Four months after my mother’s death, I knew I wanted to take action and help others avoid living my nightmare. It was at this point that I remembered two amazing women, Jodi Barber and Christine Brant. They had come to my high school and had shown a documentary they had produced to help keep teens off drugs. Their documentary, Overtaken, had had a very personal impact on me.

Although I had never touched a drug, I understood the effects of drugs and felt the need to reach out to Jodi and Christine; I wanted to get involved. At that time, Christine was working on her second documentary called The Other Side. This documentary shed light on teenagers who have never touched a drug and are choosing to follow their dreams while living a drug-free life. I feel extremely fortunate to be part of this film. My mom had started experimenting with drugs as a teenager and could never break that pattern. I want to help prevent kids from ever starting.

Growing up, many people expected me to fail because of my parents. But my parents made their choices, and I made mine. My choices are leading me down a very positive and different path. Luckily, as early as seven years old, I decided and chose to live on “the other side.”

Payton Schrum lives in Ladera Ranch, California. She notes that facing obstacles in life are inevitable, but through them people are given an opportunity to use their experiences for good. She speaks on behalf of both documentaries, Overtaken, coproduced by Jodi Barber and Christine Brant, and The Other Side coproduced by Dr. Daniel Headrick and Christine Brant. Both films are making an impact on people of all ages.

Finally Free! Continued from page 21

addicted and working the streets as a prostitute. Fortunately, Lauri’s life was saved by a stranger.

She was offered a scholarship bed at a women’s treatment center and a six-month grant to attend a technical school.

Lauri went on to a thriving career in technology, published her life story and raised 32 foster children. She founded The Teen Project to provide the same opportunities she was given: treatment, training and a new chance at life.

Freehab is just that. It combines free treatment and training to homeless and incarcerated young girls, many of whom have been victims of sex traffickers. The combined 24,000 feet of buildings create a life transformation center for LA’s most vulnerable young women. The place was decorated by people who care about kids: corporations, families and even the band, Maroon 5. Designer Cynthia Vincent and Access Hollywood also pitched in.

Although the primary educational component of the project is technology, the program supports many different career paths including culinary, machining, web design and development, Microsoft IT Academy (ITA), medical billing, office administration, drug and alcohol counseling and others. Since opening the doors in April 2014, the center has helped over 180 young women.

If you ever have the opportunity to tour Freehab, it is well worth the trip. Whether you are talking with the receptionist, a cook or a counselor, you never quite know if she is a staff member or a resident-in-training. Staff members say they wouldn’t have it any other way. This may be the first time these young women realize how valued and loved they truly are.

Danny Trejo, a well-known actor and one of our advisory board members, says it best, “Everything good that happened in my life was a direct result of helping someone else.”

Today, I am 25 years old and

living a life I would never have imagined. I am now one of the beautiful women on the Freehab counseling staff of mommies. Together we work to rescue homeless girls from the streets and jails and love them until they can love themselves.

26

In Recovery Magazine

Fall 2015

Meditation: It’s a Miracle

By Michael Lyding

I joined Al-Anon because I wanted what my dad had. – Karen What an example of a miracle in process! Really, the quote is an example of two miracles – one in Karen’s recovering dad and one in Karen. Without diminishing the miracle happening in Karen’s life, let’s look at that other miracle.

To many people who knew us when we were drinking or drugging, it may have seemed that our sole role as parents was that of just being gene donors. Even if we weren’t monsters, we were not emotionally available parents. We did not give our children the emotional support they needed and deserved. Before you object, look at how much better you are now and ask yourself, “What if I could have always been this way?” Our new parenting gifts highlight how lacking we used to be.

Our family members reacted negatively to us, each in their own way. Some even resented our gene donation. At best they tolerated us, and thought this amounted to love. But, look at the now. Maybe your family members have not yet experienced something as dramatic as Karen’s miracle. However, are they moving beyond just tolerating you? Do you see a spark in their eye when you walk into the room? Are they glad to see you, at least sometimes? Is their concept of love evolving from tolerating to enjoying you?

Reflect on how many other signs you see.

The changes in their reactions will demonstrate both our former inabilities and our new growth.

Something is happening in you. Something miraculous. Be grateful.

It’s a miracle, not an achievement.

Mike Lyding was born in 1945 in Phoenix, Arizona. Since becoming sober in December 1993, he has been drawn to prayer and meditation. At age 58, while meditating, he discovered he had a desire to write. So far, the result has been two daily meditation books primarily for the recovering communities, Grateful Not Smug (2006) and Gratitude a Verb (2009).

Fall 2015

In Recovery Magazine

27

By Tammy Beller

28

T

his particular Cinderella story is only to be shared with those who have an open mind and a sparkle of hope.

Cinderella, Cindy as she was known, was the only child in her dysfunctional home. Her mom spent her time in bed ill, and her dad lived at the office or the bar. When her mom unexpectedly passed away, the doctors ruled a rare virus caused her death. Cindy knew that her mom’s death wasn’t caused by a virus, but was caused by a broken heart coupled with guilt and shame.

In no time, her dad remarried. Her house became home to her new stepmother and three daughters. Her stepmother joined in her father’s drinking, which became progressively worse and was often accompanied by blackouts. Her stepsisters were just as sick. The eldest was a rageaholic; the middle sister was a pot-smoking shopaholic; and the baby sister was a narcissistic kleptomaniac.

Cindy’s chores grew by the hour. Her phone and computer were confiscated by baby klepto. “It’s too crowded” became the family mantra. Consequently, the unfinished basement became Cindy’s bedroom. She kept her personal items close by in a burlap bag with the hope of someday having the courage to leave. What little free time she had was spent alone – except for three small mice who quickly became her new BFFs. One evening she met someone who claimed to be her Higher Power. They spent a lot of time together, and Cindy shared how sad and lonely her life had become. She also shared her dream of going to the Annual City Party the following night.

The next morning, Cindy began her chores by cleaning the basement closet.

She noticed a box she’d never seen before. Opening it, she saw her mother’s beautiful pink Vera Wang gown and matching Jimmy Choo crystal shoes.

Just for fun, she slipped into the dress and put on the shoes. She pinned up her hair and pinched her cheeks for color. Her transformation was amazing!

Before she could think, the three mice rushed her out of the basement and into a beautiful silver convertible BMW, which sped towards the Annual City Party. It all happened so quickly that she didn’t even notice the book, How Al-Anon Works, which had been left for her by her Higher Power.

At the party, she saw Him. His smile lit up the room, and he glowed with confidence. Maybe he was the Prince Charming who would rescue her from her sad life and fill her with love.

It took five minutes for them to fall in lust, and he loved the way he felt with her. This was the girl who would take care of him and turn his life around.

He had found his princess. As he whispered sweet nothings into her ear, they danced the night away.

As the night progressed, however, his behavior changed. In no time, Cindy’s prince was a mess. His hair was disheveled, he couldn’t stand up; his sweet nothings were now slurred obscenities. What had her Prince Charming turned into? She was devastated.

At midnight, her pager buzzed. Relieved, she ran as fast as she could, jumped in the Beemer and sped off. She had run so fast that she ran right out of one of the crystal Jimmy Choo shoes!

Months went by, and Cindy thought about her prince every day. Her thoughts In Recovery Magazine

Fall 2015

drove her nuts. Did he get home safely? Was he angry? Did he meet someone? True, she didn’t like his behavior at the party; but with a little love, she could fix that.

Cindy spent free time reading her new book, How Al-Anon Works. Miraculously, she herself began to change. She began to develop an amazing spiritual relationship with her Higher Power and started to like herself. She was learning that she wasn’t responsible for anyone else’s behavior or happiness, and that she had choices. She became excited about the possibilities in her life.

One afternoon while polishing the floor, she heard a commotion coming from the foyer. Peering from behind a wall, she saw her prince clutching her cracked (but still wearable) Jimmy Choo shoe. She listened as he told his story of the princess he had met at the City Party. He explained that his driver’s license had been revoked due to his third DUI and that he had been wandering around on foot, jumping over fences into gated communities and peering through windows to find the girl whose fragile foot fit the crystal shoe.

control it and she couldn’t cure it. She felt safe and knew she would never feel alone again.

Cindy found lifelong friendships while attending Al-Anon meetings. Through sharing and service work, she found a sense of belonging and gratitude she had never before felt.

Today Cindy attends weekly Al-Anon meetings, prays and meditates daily, practices the Al-Anon principles in all her affairs and shares her experience, strength and hope at Al-Anon National Conventions. She’s happily single and delights in the miracles her Higher Power reveals to her every day. She hopes someday to meet her partner, but has no expectations that he will be a prince. She lives a peaceful life, happily providing for her mice friends; and she smiles to herself as she polishes her own floors wearing both crystal Jimmy Choo shoes. ©March 2014 Tammy Beller

Tammy Beller is an Arizona native, an entrepreneur and mother of two. She is the owner of the Scottsdale Jazzercise Center in Scottsdale, Arizona, where she teaches as well.

Additionally, she manages social media marketing for several Arizona small businesses.

Cindy thought about her prince every day. Her thoughts drove her nuts. Did he get home safely?

Was he angry? Did he meet someone? True, she didn’t like his behavior at the party; but with a little love, she could fix that.

Cindy watched as her stepsisters groveled at the chance to squeeze their fat, swollen feet into the tiny delicate shoe. As much as they pushed and twisted, their feet wouldn’t fit. Even her stepmother tried squeezing her stinky foot into the shoe.

She pushed so hard that some of the tiny crystals popped off the shoe and rolled right by Cindy.

Just as her prince was about to give up, he noticed Cindy chasing after the crystals. He sheepishly asked her to try on the shoe. She didn’t care if her stepsisters snickered – she wanted her shoe back. What good is one Jimmy Choo shoe? To everyone’s surprise, the crystal shoe slipped right on. Mouths dropped; for the first time, her stepmother was speechless. The prince had found his princess, and they would live happily ever after! Well, that was his plan.

But Cindy had changed. She dropped her mop, held her chin high and slipped her foot back into her old Converse tennis shoe. She was powerless, but not helpless. She grabbed the Jimmy Choo shoe with the loose crystals in one hand, snatched her burlap bag in the other and walked out the front door. She never looked back.

That night Cindy found an Al-Anon meeting.

She listened as members shared their stories of experience, strength and hope. She was relieved to learn that she didn’t cause the disease of alcoholism, she couldn’t

The End

Here at Triple Point, peers help peers understand the three points of life;

The Past, The Present, and The Future.

Through working a strong Twelve Step program we work together to understand the conflicts of our past and present situation.

Then we begin to plan for our future, one day at a time.

Two Locations Specializing in:

PRESCOTT

Structured and Transitional Sober Living

COTTONWOOD Structured Sober Living

For information contact:

BILL ORICK at 928-899-2699 bill.triplepointhomes@gmail.com

If you are willing to be honest, open minded and want to change your life, we can help.

Fall 2015

In Recovery Magazine

29

M

By Tim Lineaweaver

y father was given to long drunken binges that coincided with his depression. Even as a young boy, I knew something was wrong with him.

When I was seven years old, I remember approaching his slightly ajar bedroom door. He was sitting on the edge of the bed with his silver-black-haired head in his hands and a cigarette protruding from his fingers, the fading blue snake tattoo on his bicep and the smoke trailing into the slants of light coming through the shuttered window. There was a half-gallon of rotgut whiskey by his side. He didn’t notice me. I left as noiselessly as possible so he wouldn’t.

In the euphemistic parlance of our family, my father was “down.” Down was bad; down was drunk; and down was dangerous. From “down” would come verbal abuse and sometimes violent rages, also euphemistically referred to as “tsunamis.”

In one tsunami while no one was home, he smashed most of the furniture in the living room, including the television and the stereo. I walked in with a friend and found my dad sitting on the floor flinging wedding dishes against the wall like Frisbees.

For 17 years, my mother did the best she could with him. In the beginning, Dad was able to function. He was a writer, good enough to be the outdoor editor at Sports Illustrated back in the late ‘50s. He went on to do freelance work and even wrote a book about sharks, first published in the early ‘70s. He was well-loved by the community, generous, gregarious and drop-dead funny when the mood struck him.

Dad saved all his worst behavior for his family. As his alcoholism, depression and anxiety worsened, his ability to function diminished. Work dried up and my mother had to pick up the financial slack by opening a printing business.

She eventually left my father and found another man.

His drinking continued mostly unabated. At age 56 while on his second honeymoon in Ireland, he caught a cold that developed into pneumonia. His liver failed; he went into respiratory failure due to his three-pack-a-day cigarette habit and died. On hearing of his death, the large hole within me widened still further.

I was very much my father’s son. I started smoking cigarettes when I was twelve, and began drinking and smoking weed at thirteen. I tried cocaine in my middle teens and fell in love. I was self-destructive like my father, full of anger and prone to long bouts of debilitating depression. I also started to drink just like he had. By the time I was in my late teens, I was drinking to the point of blacking out. My moods were unpredictable, and I had no means by which to talk about my feelings. My grief, shame and low self-esteem roiled within me.

During my early 20s, someone showed me how to smoke cocaine. It scared and attracted me all at the same time.

The rush was unlike anything I had ever felt before. When I took a hit, I felt no pain – no sadness, no grief, no anxiety.

As soon as I took one hit, all I could think about was the next one. Everything became meaningless – money, time and the people I loved. The only thing that mattered was my next hit.

While no one was home, he smashed most of the furniture in the living room, including the television and the stereo. I walked in with a friend and found my dad sitting on the floor flinging wedding dishes against the wall like Frisbees.

30

In Recovery Magazine

Fall 2015

I started going on extended binges. I wouldn’t eat, work or interact with people. I drank, smoked cocaine and cigarettes around the clock for days on end, until I ran out. I would crash, sleep for ten or twelve hours, wake up and eat something, then head out the door to do it again. By the time I was 28, my life was in tatters. My wife left me, taking my beautiful baby daughter with her. I was broke and full of even more anguish. Cocaine had denuded me.

Then I received a serendipitous break. In the middle of the turmoil surrounding the breakup of my marriage, my father-in-law handed me a slip of paper.

On it were the names of three therapists. The idea of therapy – share your feelings, admit your problems – was an anathema to me. However, I was desperate; and so I chose the middle name on the list for no particular reason. It turned out to be one of the best choices of my life.

Elaine was a deeply spiritual woman with a thorough understanding of alcoholic family systems and the addictive personality. She radiated warmth and, more importantly to me, a nonjudgmental acceptance that slowly allowed me to open up to her. Week by week I began to unburden my soul. Elaine persuaded me to attend Twelve Step meetings where I found acceptance and support. After a wrenching relapse when I lost faith in myself, she encouraged me to go into treatment. She never lost faith in me. One day at a time, I got better.

Today I am 30 years sober. During that time I remarried, reunited with my daughter and had another child. I also went back to college, ultimately earning a master’s degree in counseling psychology.

My passion was to help others fight their addictions.

Recovery has been a long, steep climb; but I can say beyond reservation that I am happy.

Elaine passed away years ago, much too soon, taken after a long battle with breast cancer. I imagine another therapist could have helped me, but I feel Elaine was just the right person at just the right time.

All these years later, I think of her often; her wisdom continues to resonate within me, guiding me like a benevolent angel. When I’m struggling and losing faith, I think of what she would say or have me do in that situation. Before long I feel the strength to carry on. I thank my Higher Power for Elaine. Because of my recovery, I am sober, happy and grateful today.

A Journey of Mind, Body & Spirit Transforming Early Sobriety into Life Long Recovery p 90 Day Extended Care p Relapse Prevention p 12-Step Based p Co-Occurring Disorders p Trauma/PTSD p CBT/DBT/MI p Evidence Based Therapeutic Interventions p Physical Fitness and Outdoor Activities

CARBONDALE, COLORADO

970-445-0320

www.aspire-recovery.com

Tim Lineaweaver runs a counseling practice in Woods Hole, Massachusetts, devoted to helping people with addictions, trauma and mental illness. He writes about these issues in his spare time. You may read other examples of his writing at the Good Men Project, goodmenproject.com/author/tim-lineaweaver/. He is a family man with three children and four grandchildren.

Fall 2015

In Recovery Magazine

31

E

By Deb Dettor

xactly five years from when I received the official people throughout Connecticut. Through its emphasis on diagnosis of stage 4 oropharyngeal cancer – cancer of volunteerism, CCAR accomplishes much with relatively the tongue – I will step off the southern terminus of few paid staff. the Appalachian Trail and make my way north 2,185 miles. The phrase “transformed people transform people” is often It should take approximately 5,000,000 steps up and down heard in our programs as we go about our daily work. mountains for just under six months. I will be walking to Staff focuses on training and supporting volunteers – the put a face on recovery, to carry the recovery torch through vast majority of whom are people in recovery who want to the wilderness (if you like those kind of corny metaphors). give back to others what was freely given to them. These As a grateful member of the recovery community, I’ll also volunteers provide peer support in a myriad of ways at be walking to prove I can do both our CCAR centers something extraordinary. and our community events.

In his role as Connecticut Community for In fact, people in recovery Everyone grows through do extraordinary things Addiction Recovery (CCAR) Executive Director, the education, experiences every day, but receive little Phil Valentine, is hiking the Appalachian Trail and relationships we share attention.” as a community focused on These are the words of to promote the work of this pioneering recovery recovery.

55-year-old Phillip Valentine, advocacy organization and to encourage other But I digress . . . Phil was Connecticut Community for already a well-known nacommunities to promote recovery.

Addiction Recovery (CCAR) tional recovery advocate Executive Director, as he when, just five years ago, he announced to CCAR staff received a stage 4 cancer diagnosis. He had been married 20 and board members his intention to hike the Appalachian years to Sandy and was the father of five children. When we Trail. He did, in fact, begin this extraordinary journey on learned what he was facing, many of us were concerned that March 19, 2015, to demonstrate that recovery is a reality he might not survive; but he did. both for millions who struggle with alcohol and drug Many people walked alongside Phil, sharing his addiction and for those who survive cancer. struggles and achievements and witnessing his faith and CCAR was founded in 1998 to put a face on perseverance. As a leader with a gregarious presence recovery by staff and members who were willing and a keen vision about what could be accomplished to use their recovery stories to demonstrate through the power of recovery, he already had a that recovery is a reality. CCAR has grown following. He was also a mentor to leaders building into an organization that also provides recovery organizations in other states. Phil remarks, extensive peer recovery support services to “Faith got me through. My wife, Sandy, got me

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In Recovery Magazine

Fall 2015

through. My family, my coworkers, the CCAR Board, the Valentine Battalion and many, many prayers got me through.

My recovery program got me through.”

The Valentine Battalion was a Facebook and local support group. People who loved and knew Phil joined and rallied to support him in many ways: cooking and bringing meals to the family, mowing his lawn, doing his gardening, driving his four kids to sports practices.

Someone provided Reiki, and others helped Sandy and Phil in various ways. There was a big community around him and lots of prayers and prayer circles through his Twelve Step connections and his church. Phil blogged his progress online, and his friends and supporters posted encouraging comments.

When the cancer appeared, Phil had already dedicated himself to living one day at a time in his recovery from alcohol and drug addiction. He had been doing so since October 1987. He was a leader in his church and a sports coach for his kids. He frequently spoke in public as a presenter, agency director, group leader and coach. But, then the cancer and the aggressive treatment he endured impaired his ability to speak.

Healing occurs through community, and recovery is about building a community and healing within it. When Phil decided to embark on a hike up the Appalachian Trail in 2015, Sandy revived the Valentine Battalion to carry him through this adventure and to support his family during his absence.

Phil is hiking the Appalachian Trail in his role as CCAR Executive Director to promote the work of this pioneering recovery advocacy organization and to encourage other communities to promote recovery. When the inner directive to begin walking the almost 2,200 miles of the Trail hit him, Phil really hadn’t been an avid hiker. Despite that, he is thriving as he makes his way along the Appalachian Trail over hill, stream and dale. As he hikes, Phil blogs about his adventures on his website, on Facebook and via Instagram.

He is booked to come off the trail and speak at stops all along the way. To aid many others living in recovery, he will share his own journey and the importance of peer recovery support. Along the way, he is making many new friends and meeting other hikers in recovery. He even met a fellow who graduated from high school the same year he did.

Phil has often said that so many of us in recovery lead remarkable lives; and our stories are frequently filled with wonder, miraculous experiences, unexpected opportunities and gifts. People may look at us and cluck, “That poor person, suffering from addiction.” Yet we find ourselves undergoing amazing transformations despite times of intense pain, grief and fear. Phil’s life and writings are reflective of this renewal.

Fall 2015

On his blog, you can find these words from his friend Bill White, a notable researcher and author who chronicles the recovery advocacy movement: Phil Valentine’s call to walk the Appalachian Trail is a vivid example of moving beyond recovery FROM life-threatening illnesses as a means of recovering TO a life of extraordinary possibilities. Thousands of us who have shared the challenges and unexpected gifts from such recovery journeys will be walking in spirit with him.

Phil’s story is really our story.

He may be demonstrating his courage and strength, but his journey is not entirely about him. His Appalachian Trail hike is a reminder to all of us that extraordinary opportunities await us when we embark on our own recovery. We may not be called to walk the Appalachian Trail, but we will be urged to say yes to new challenges we could not have imagined prior to recovery.

I urge you to follow Phil’s story online at AT4recovery.org and find some inspiration. Then look at your own life and ask yourself, What extraordinary challenge can I accept today? I encourage you to let yourself be filled with your own courage and hope. New and wonderful experiences will surely await you.

In Recovery Magazine

Deb Dettor is the Managing Director for CCAR and a person in long-term recovery since June 1985. Throughout the past eleven years, Deb has been a leader in Maine and Connecticut recovery community organizations. She has a MS in counseling and had worked as a counselor, program administrator and presenter for nearly 20 years before switching to a career in the world of recovery advocacy and peer recovery support services. Visit CCAR at ccar.us.

33

The Bookstand

Recovery is the subject of countless books. Below are some titles worth a look. If you are an author and would like us to include your book, contact me. — Editor, editor@inrecoverymagazine.com

From the Barrio to the Boardroom (Robert Renteria, Writers of the Round Table, 2012).

This poignant memoir traces the author’s life from a childhood of poverty and abuse in one of the poorest areas of East Los Angeles to his proud emergence as a successful business owner and nationally acclaimed civic leader. A must read for those trying to find a way back to a productive and meaningful life.

Mi Barrio (Robert Renteria, Writers of the Round Table, 2010). This inspirational graphic novel/comic book adapts businessman Renteria’s memoir about his hard-knock life into a punchy, easy-to-digest story. Illustrator Shane Clester’s art is more highly accomplished than is usually seen in true-life graphic adaptations.

Lead With Your Heart (Regina Cates, Hierophant, 2014). Marianne Williamson says, “This book is like a note from a close friend, reporting on her spiritual journey from lovelessness to love. By walking you through her experiences, she casts light on your own. And not just her life, but yours too, begins to change.”

Edgewise: Plunging off of the brink of drink and into the love of God (Jana Greene, self-published, 2014). Can a believer in Christ also be an addict or alcoholic? On the edge of active disease and surrender, Jana Greene shares her recovery journey in a collection of raw and honest essays. Somewhere during the process, she let God get a word in edgewise and plunged into a spiritual awakening she could not have experienced any other way.

Many Faces, One Voice: Secrets from The Anonymous People (Bud Mikhitarian, Central Recovery Press, May 2015). A compendium of insights that chronicle the intimate and inspiring stories of people in recovery who have exposed their secrets to light and are fighting to erase stigma and discrimination. Essential reading for anyone who wants to understand the history of recovery in America.

The Power of Surrender (Judith Orloff, MD, Harmony, 2014). This national bestseller reveals everything you need to know about when to let go and when to assert control – the secret formula to leading a happy, joyous and free sober life. The author, a UCLA psychiatrist and Twelve Step member, has created a powerful, results-oriented book that shows readers how to practice the spiritual art of surrender in everyday life. www.drjudithorloff.com.

TONY BEVACQUA is an accomplished

PSYCHOLOGY | ADDICTION

educator, corporate coach, social

advocate, and lecturer. He teaches

college psychology courses, leads corporate wellness seminars,

and has a private practice in Los

Angeles coaching people who have a desire to better understand their self-determining nature. He has

contributed articles to the Journal

of Humanistic Psychology and

Addiction Professional Magazine.

“Tony Bevacqua, a successful life coach and therapist, has

added his voice to the growing chorus of those discontented

with traditional twelve-step and disease treatment in his

book, Rethinking Excessive Habits and Addictive Behaviors.

Bevacqua brings to this task an engaging writing style, a

wide knowledge of psychology and of modern treatment

practices, and a grasp of the human condition steeped in

his own long career working with people with relationship, addictive, and substance problems.”

— STANTON PEELE , PhD, pioneer of non-twelve-step approaches to addictive problems, author (with Ilse Thomas) of Recover!

Stop Thinking like an Addict

“Tony Bevacqua’s highly readable book blasts through the

fog of confused and rigid thinking about addiction to present a humane, informed, and commonsense approach to

understanding and taming uncontrolled behavior.”

— SALLY SATEL , MD, practicing psychiatrist and lecturer at the Yale University School of Medicine

BEVACQUA RE THINKING EXCESSIVE HABITS & ADDICTIVE BEHAVIORS

May I Be Frank (Frank Ferrante, North Atlantic Books, 2015). At 54 years old, former addict Frank Ferrante’s host of medical issues was rivaled only by his long list of failed relationships.

His new memoir May I Be Frank recounts his humbling, inspiring and often hilariously told journey from obesity and drug addiction to vibrant health. Frank calls it “a blue-collar, working-class male version of Eat, Pray, Love.”

T ON Y BE VACQUA

Cover design by Sally Rinehar t

34

the most popular ways of treating addiction, but are they the best?

RETHINKING EXCESSIVE HABITS & ADDICTIVE BEHAVIORS

800 -462-6420 www.rowman.com

Drugs, Food, Sex and God (George Baxter-Holder, Influence Publishing, 2015).

Living on the street, Dr. George ran a prostitution and drug dealing business that helped support his addiction to sex and drugs. His life spiraled out of control, leading him to a prison cell. Dr. George guides the reader through his personal story and how he used the power of intention to change his life.

REHAB: Rethinking Excessive Habits and Addictive Behaviors (Tony Bevacqua, Rowman & Littlefield, 2015). Twelve Step programs are the foundation of conventional thinking and treatment for people with addictive behaviors. But are they truly the best? The author explains why a one-size-fits-all approach is not appropriate for everyone, since each person is a unique human being.

TWELVE-STEP PROGRAMS ARE ONE OF

In Recovery Magazine

Here, Tony Bevacqua questions the efficacy of these approaches and

offers a different way of looking at addiction that takes into account

his work with clients in his private

practice and other studies done on

the notion of addiction as a disease.

Breaking new ground in the area of

addiction, his work will offer clients and practitioners an alternative route forward.

Just Right: The Road from Addiction to Redemption (Barbara Bice, Xulon Press, 2013).

This book is a testimony of faith and hope written from a wife’s perspective about her husband’s descent into cocaine addiction. You will laugh and cry as you journey through her husband’s struggle to overcome drug addiction and her battle to save him, their marriage and their family. You will learn that no one can “fix” someone else, and there is always hope.

Fall 2015

Wounds of the Father (Elizabeth Garrison, Blueprint Press, 2015). Behind the closed doors of a picture-perfect Christian family is a hidden world of child abuse, domestic violence and chilling family secrets. With smack-you-inthe-face honesty, this eye-opening memoir tells the powerful story of a fractured childhood, descent into addiction and the dark realities of teenage drug abuse, living on the streets, foster homes and treatment centers.

Experiencing the Greatness of God in the Spiritual Realm (Alexandris Townsend, Advantage Books, 2014). The lives of many families feel the daily impact of the devastating effects of alcoholism. Townsend offers an inspiring story of unconditional love, faith and the power of prayer in breaking the cycle of addiction that afflicted her youngest son for over a decade and his magnificent deliverance in 2012.

In Pursuit of Joy (Gary Green, Strategic Book Publishing, 2014). This is the inspiring story of the author’s recovery from depression and alcoholism. Much to his surprise, the hard work of recovery changed from moving away from misery to a pursuit of joy.

Changing What I Can (Betty DellaCorte, bettydellacorte.net, 2010). The author has written a compelling account of how she surfaced from the depths of despair as a victim of spousal abuse to pioneering the first shelter for abused women in the country. She hopes others will be inspired to change the things they can.

With Vigilance: A Woman in Long-Term Recovery (Christine Campbell, Smashwords, 2014) is a raw, honest story of addiction, insanity and life in the fast lane of the music industry. A spiritual, not biological, family was the key to this addict’s sober life. She was able to find love of self and of others through writing the truth. “Who will stand up and take a risk to be rid of the stigma? I will!”

Fall 2015

In Recovery Magazine

35

By April Pfrogner

T

his is a story about a human Band-Aid – me.

Kids think Band-Aids heal wounds. They rest easy when one is applied to their wound. I am the mother of six children, ranging from three to 19 years of age. My children lived with their grandmother for ten years while I destroyed myself in addiction, while I failed to call, while I failed to show up for visits, while I sat in jail and rehabs. They did all the things the other kids did: played sports, went to school, went to church and hung out with their friends. At night, though, they went to bed minus a mother and father. I hate to imagine the thoughts that plagued them – always wondering, Are my parents okay?

The government removed Benny (not his real name) and my other children from me when he was six years old. From that day until he was 16, I had no real relationship with him.

I was sure there would be no Band-Aid big enough to cover the wounds I had caused him.

At three years clean and sober, I received the biggest reward of my recovery. A judge gave my children back to me.

Finally we were all under the same roof again, and we lived happily ever after. Well, that is what I would like to write; but fortunately, it is the truth that sets me free. The truth is that Benny was not happy. I apologized. I spoiled him and I made him as comfortable as possible, but he resented and avoided me. Being a mother, I looked past his avoidance and resentment, and wallowed in the guilt of my past. I put a Band-Aid on it, so to speak.

I tried to protect him, but he was getting wasted. I caught him drinking a couple of times and put my foot down. I told him, “If you come home like that again, you are going to have to move out!”

He continued to drink behind my back. Evidently, mere recreational drinking and using did not work for him. One night when I returned home from a Twelve Step meeting, he was nodding off on the couch. This was the last straw.

The Band-Aid was off!

There were many issues under that Band-Aid, issues that were his, not mine. He had every reason not to use; his childhood had been terrible because of it. Yet there he was right in front of me – my son, the budding addict. That night 36

I realized that all my spoiling, helping and apologizing had been futile. He was a man now; a man not manning up.

That night I tossed and turned. I tried to think of how I could help Benny. His father eventually popped into my head. His dad had multiple years clean and lived about 45 minutes away. Although I didn’t particularly like the idea of his father helping out, I knew I had to ask.

The next morning, I told Benny he would have to go to rehab or go stay with his dad for awhile. On the surface I played tough; but inside, yet again, I felt like a failure. Had I made his life worse by bringing him under my roof?

Thank God for my Twelve Step program where I learned about setting boundaries. I had drawn a line for Benny and he had stepped over it. If I allowed him to continue on that path under my roof, his wounds would only deepen; and he would never change. Neither would I. I was being a human Band-Aid, covering the obvious while trying to protect my son from pain. In order for him to heal, I would have to get out of the way and allow him to face his own truth. So, after choking down my pride, I called his father, who was more than willing to help.

Benny packed all of his stuff. We put his bags in the trunk and headed for his father’s house. Before leaving, he pulled the last guilt trip on me by saying, “You left me when I was little, and now you’re gonna leave me again.” Ouch. That hurt. I told him I wanted him to be the best man he could be; and if he stayed with me, he would never be anybody. He just rolled his eyes.

I was being a human Band-Aid, covering the obvious while trying to protect my son from pain. In order for him to heal, I would have to get out of the way and allow him to face his own truth.

After Benny left, I cleaned his room. In general, kids don’t clean their rooms; but this room looked like no one had lived in it, ever. A thick layer of dust coated everything.

I don’t know how he could even watch the TV. It looked as if

In Recovery Magazine

Fall 2015

he must have sat in his room like a statue, vegetating, letting life pass him by.

A couple of weeks went by without him answering my calls or texts. That really hurt, but his safety and well-being were paramount. I rested easy knowing I had done the right thing.

When I went to see him a couple weeks later, he met me outside. I got a hug. His eyes were bright – brighter than ever before. We had a conversation, a real one! He said he was an alcoholic, was attending meetings and working a program. I hated to think of my Benny calling himself an alcoholic; but if the shoe fit, he should wear it.

Benny celebrated two years clean and sober this past March.

I still miss him every day, but I am grateful for having seen my own character defects in action – being a human BandAid is one of them. My new mantra is “live and let live.”

I am allowing my son to live out in the open air of life. How he lives today is his choice, not mine.

April P. is a mom, wife, writer and a recovering addict since June 20, 2007. Her favorite way of giving back what was so freely given to her is to write about how recovery works in her life. You may find her at Backfromtheledg.com and at backfromtheledge@facebook.com.

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A Newcomer Looks Back

By Jana Greene

S

itting in her car in the furthest parking space from the building, a problem drinker tries to summon the courage to walk into a Twelve Step meeting.

She is raw and hurting, ashamed and embarrassed.

What if she doesn’t know anyone? Or even more frightening, what if she does? She knows that if she walks into the room, there is no going back. The secret that is causing her and her family so much agony will be known. She will, to some degree, lose the option of denial. That frightens her most of all.

She can’t control her drinking or her other compulsive behaviors. Maybe she can learn from others who struggle with the same addiction; knowledge can be power.

That newcomer was me just over 14 years ago, and I was just simply terrified. When I finally did walk, knees shaking, into the meeting and take a seat, the first old-timer I met said to me, “Welcome! We have a lot to learn from each other!”

“I must not be who you think I am,” I think I muttered.

“This is my first day sober.”

He sat in the chair next to me and said, “No mistake at all. I’m Jim, and I’ve been clean 20 years. I still learn from every person who walks through that door.”

What I misunderstood that day was that Jim did not consider my story a cautionary tale, although it certainly had elements of the destruction that active alcoholism can wreak. He came to meetings because the Steps work if you work them. Working them means listening and absorbing the testimony of each individual in the room and offering acceptance, guidance and love to the people who have given their demons refuge for so long. It means keeping an open mind in order to maintain one’s own sobriety, yes, but also providing an exchange of ideas so the process stays alive and growing. It means “paying it forward.”

Engaging in a Twelve Step program is akin to attending an institution of higher learning. Because of the life or death nature of addiction, it may be an Institution of the Highest Learning. However, in lieu of the standard academic hierarchy, here everyone is a professor; everyone is a student. The learning never stops.

It’s scary to be the newcomer and not know what to expect. Hoping it might be better than the status quo – raw, hurting, ashamed and embarrassed – it just has to be. What will people think of me? I now know the answer to that long-ago question . . . They will think she is very brave.

Be brave, Newcomer!

If you can’t control your drinking or other compulsive behaviors, think of this – you can have the benefit of

Fall 2015

a thousand or more combined years of successful recovery at your disposal at a meeting right down the street from where you live or work. You can attend an Institution of the Highest Learning to gain denialcrushing knowledge that will combat your disease.

You will major in life itself.

Every old-timer was once a newcomer. Every newcomer has the opportunity to become an oldtimer.

And for this re-covering alcoholic?

Despite years into this incredible journey of recovery, I still have much to learn. I have done the Twelve Steps multiple times. When fresh issues rear up and threaten to buck me off of my sobriety, I still feel like a newbie.

Life keeps happening, but so does living. I just keep coming back. My Twelve Step group acknowledges Jesus Christ as their Highest Power, and I stay hungry for Him and His unconditional love.

I learn from old-timers and newbies alike. It’s okay to look back on your old life to safeguard your sobriety – just not to go back – and it’s especially okay to look forward.

So, welcome!

The secret causing you and your family so much agony will finally be known. To some degree you will lose the option of denial; and when it is lost, internal demons are denied the nooks and crannies in your spirit where they like to hide.

Welcome!

No one is a stranger here.

We have a lot to learn from each other.

In Recovery Magazine

Jana Greene is a Jesus freak, wife, mother, recovering alcoholic, author and blogger at thebeggarsbakery.com. In 2001, she surrendered her will to Jesus and continues to surrender on a daily basis. She writes to let others know where to find the Bread of Life. She lives with her husband, daughters and kitty cats in North Carolina.

39

BOOK REVIEW

By Lena H.

J

essie Close, sister of actress Glenn Close, tells her story like it is: a racy, tumultuous, no-stone-unturned quest to vanquish the relentless demons of her mind. Never mind that unneeded words and phrases cling here and there like excess pounds, the bones of Jessie’s tale are strong.

The prominent, well-to-do Close family wouldn’t have thought it possible for mental illness to strike one of their own. They knew Jessie simply as moody and unpredictable.

When she began a quick turnover of jobs, houses and husbands, they called her irresponsible. With her illness undiagnosed for decades, Jessie grappled for peace through one harmful behavior after another.

Throughout her youth, Jessie’s parents, Bill and Bettine, were members of a religious cult, causing her siblings and her to feel completely abandoned. While leaving the kids in the care of nannies or family members, their parents went off on months-long training and mission trips.

Jessie had trouble coping with family moves from the US to Switzerland to Africa and then back to the US. (In Africa, she attended The American School of Kinshasa at which, decades later, this reviewer taught!) During her childhood, she began rubbing her hand to make it bleed; and during her early teens, she started drinking, smoking and having sex. As a sophomore, she flunked out of a private high school. Alcohol use led to pot, then to reds, speed and morphine.

When 16 years old, Jessie refused to give up a charismatic 40

California boyfriend who shared her drugging habit. In a desperate attempt to help their daughter find stability and with the knowledge that her bottomless trust fund would support her, Bettine and Bill coaxed her into marrying the guy. The newlyweds soon launched a popular LA radio station. Jessie’s husband was physically abusive, so she coped by increasing her use of uppers and downers. She became ill, was rescued by her sister Glenn and their mother, and was divorced at the age of 21.

During her 20s and 30s, Jessie experienced other failed marriages, abortion, and the births of two boys and a girl. She had migraine headaches and continued periodic rubbing of the “worry spot” on her hand to bleed away her pain. Her suicide attempts prompted her doctor-father to prescribe antidepressants that – along with alcohol – “helped,” but not for long. Fears and nightmares gripped her.

“In our ignorance,” her sister Glenn writes, “the family consensus was that she either had to get an education or get a job.” Jessie had tried college and had done well, but then dropped out. She’d found success at one job after another, using her creativity and managerial skills at the LA radio station, a newspaper, a coffee shop and a dude guest ranch.

But she didn’t stick with anything for long. She quit jobs impulsively and then would regret it.

To rescue Jessie’s two teenage sons from the chaos, her parents whisked them away to boarding schools. Jessie, then 42, moved with her preschool daughter to a secluded house

In Recovery Magazine

Fall 2015

RESILIENCE:

Two Sisters and a Story of Mental Illness

in rural Montana. But after a short period of contentment, Jessie began having migraines again, along with more pronounced mood swings and paranoid delusions. Rarely leaving the house, she self-medicated with alcohol and told her daughter that her hangovers were “the flu.”

Bill Close finally scheduled Jessie for tests with a neurosurgeon, and then psychiatrists diagnosed her bipolar disorder.

They prescribed drugs that didn’t work well. Meanwhile, at boarding school, her older son Calen threatened suicide and was sent home. Jessie was now rapid cycling – bouncing quickly from depressed to manic as she tried to tend to her son, who had begun hearing voices. At age 18, Calen was diagnosed as bipolar and schizophrenic, and was taken to a hospital mental ward.

Suicidal thoughts plagued Jessie. She and her latest drinking-buddy husband found sobriety in AA, but when Jessie realized that being sober could not stabilize her moods, she and Mark fell off the wagon. Divorce ensued.

After two years in the hospital, Calen came home, then began hallucinating and having visions of a “vampire.” He turned to booze and pot, but ultimately, with medical and emotional support, he recovered.

At sister Glenn’s urging, Jessie committed herself to the same hospital that had helped Calen. It was then that she, too, with the help of better diagnoses and medications, found a sober, worthwhile life. Blood tests ultimately revealed that only Calen and she had the gene mutation which causes their illnesses.

Jessie’s growing health and awareness led her to ask her famous sister Glenn to help her work to end the stigma surrounding mental illness. Glenn founded Bring Change 2 Mind. Jessie and Glenn spoke on CBS News and Good Morning America. Jessie and her children publicly shared their story. They have all remained ardent advocates.

In her book, the rambling picture of Jessie’s episodic struggle with, and ultimate triumph over, her illness plays like a miniseries with a happy ending. It opened this reader’s eyes to the destructive, confounding nature of mental illness and the need for therapy and proper drugs, which not all people are as fortunate as the Closes to be able to afford. Bless their family for furthering the awareness that people afflicted with mental illness need treatment and compassion.

Jessie herself began imagining a “creature” with red eyes who regularly told her, “Kill yourself.” She came close to obeying, but put the gun down to keep from inflicting the pain of her death on her children.

Fall 2015

In Recovery Magazine

41

I

will admit I am hesitant and leery of all social media. However, there are so many recovery sites, Twitter accounts and blogs with great, hopeful messages. They do not replace face-to-face meetings; but when snowed in or just throughout the day, logging on to congratulate friends with anniversaries or offer some suggestion is a good thing – it keeps me green.

A question that expressed much frustration recently appeared on a sober site. “Okay, I have 14 years sober.

When and how long must I put up with family skewering me, constantly reminding me of what I used to be like?”

It was a scenario so familiar to me. I felt a disturbingly recognizable chill go up my spine; and a good codependent desire to hug him.

Yeah, yeah – I know when they point a finger at you, there are three pointing back at them and all; but I mentally returned to many a holiday dinner after ten or so years sober when the spotlight was on me. I sat quietly in shame and fear at the long and beautifully set dinner table with all the holiday fixin’s, watching my five-year-old’s eyebrows furl as some in the family jumped on her Momma with stories of what Momma used to be like.

I could hear my sponsor’s voice in my head, Bite your tongue if that’s what you have to do. I could also hear my fellow friends of Bill asking, So Chris, are you going [back home] again to seek some more approval?

Early in sobriety, I made amends to mentally ill and drunk people and was confused why it didn’t go well. My mother, the pill-popper, was the harshest. She would buy me liquor-filled Christmas candy and watch me open “my gift” as she sneered at me and huffed in disgust. As a result of drugs and alcohol, most of the people at that long-ago fancy dinner table are now the walking dead or actually dead – organs shutting down as they shouted and blamed others for their miserable lives.

I cried all the way up I-75 N while we drove back home to the quiet of up north. I attempted to keep it together for my sweet daughter, but often failed. My daughter would say, “It’s okay, Momma. I love you.”

42

By Christine Campbell

Last fall as I drove to the Traverse City Roundup to be on The Family Afterward speaker panel, I was grinning and thanking many old-timers in my head. What a hoot! I was humbled and I now know I am not alone, as I often thought I was when I would hear things like this in meetings: “I have keys to my mother’s house and I robbed her some years ago” or “My brother is sober and so is my dad; and we have all kinds of loving holidays now.”

These days, I often host a Gypsy Thanksgiving. Whoever wants to join us is invited. And, if you insist on going to the family brouhaha, stop by for pie and we’ll talk. It has become a popular tradition, if I don’t say so myself. My house is the safe place to go. Imagine that!

I have had great teachers and role models. I give thanks to “Buzz-with-41-years” who told me time and again, “You are never going to get what you want from those people.”

In one of my many times in treatment, Buzz put two empty folding chairs on either side of me every week for family week. When I told Leslie, my therapist of many years, that people were saying their parents did the best they could with what they had, she responded, “Yeah, and you got robbed.”

I mistakenly thought one should have hope and keep

In Recovery Magazine

Fall 2015

praying. My loving Emma, sponsor for years, would say, “I pace the floor when you are there.” When I read her yet another one of my mother’s ten page hate letters, there would be a cold silence on the other end of the phone. Then Emma would say, “Next letter that arrives, it goes in the trash – unopened.”

It took many 24 hours before I understood I didn’t have associate with my abusive family of origin. Thank you, God, for helping me to know that. I cannot thank my sponsors, counselors and peers enough for explaining to me what I deserve and what I don’t deserve.

My final surrender to all that hate and nonsense brought me peace, laughter and a freedom that I didn’t know could exist. I never got what I wanted from those people – my family. How did all these AA people know this 25 years ago? They were right on. These loving peers, who stepped up to the plate for me, are now grinning from ear-to-ear when I tell them I have 23 years of recovery.

We had a tradition we called Sacred Sunday; we would attend Our Lady of the Living Room. We’d have a big breakfast and then would retreat to my bed. We snacked, watched movies and napped, pets and all curled together.

During her high school years, she’d often asked me, “Mom, are you crying happy tears again?”

With much encouragement from others, I wrote and shared my journey in my self-published book, With Vigilance – A Woman in Long Term Recovery. The title was graciously given to me by my sponsor, Emma. I am a stubborn, slow study; but today I get it. Thank you, my spiritual family, for telling me often that I was so worth saving.

Christine Campbell lives in Northern Michigan and is a recently retired mental health practitioner who worked the mean streets of Minneapolis and St. Paul, Minnesota, for years. She has come a long way from her days as rock ‘n’ roll royalty, then the wife of 15 years to a member of the Bob Seger and the Silver Bullet Band, as they toured the world with an “access to excess that nearly destroyed us.” Her book is available through smashwords.com and barnesandnoble. com.

I am a stubborn, slow study – but today I get it.

Thank you, my spiritual family, for telling me often that I was so worth saving.

I have real friends today. I care very much for others (not all, mind you) and know that by today’s standards my parents would probably have been put in jail. I no longer carry the guilt and shame they handed me. In a conversation with my younger brother, who is now 60 and chronically homeless by his choice, we talked about how hard it is for us when we hear “Family comes first” or “Family is everything.” Well, not necessarily.

Today, I know it is a brave and sometimes necessary decision to disconnect from family, even though I still occasionally meet with shunning, judgmental responses.

My destructive guilt trips are long gone; some of those wounds cut too deeply. I said goodbye to abusive family members, and I have a right to persevere with integrity.

I graduated from college at age 40 and am now one semester shy of my master’s degree. My life started changing when I rolled (and I mean rolled) out of a cab at 92 pounds with my left leg in a cast and into my tenth treatment center with my then four-year-old daughter in tow. My sponsor had told me, “Long-term treatment, where [you] stay for a year.” But here’s the best part – one day an angel lady counselor said these magic words to me, “Be the mother to your daughter you always wanted to have.”

As Bill Wilson, cofounder of AA, said, “I began to see everything through a new pair of glasses.” I became the mother I always wanted to have; I played more games of Candyland than I wish to recall. We lived near Anaheim, California, so we went to Disneyland often. I rode every ride with my little girl at least a dozen times – I hate rides, but for her, okay! We shopped and danced. I rocked her, smooched her, sang to her and comforted her.

Fall 2015

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In Recovery Magazine

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43

N

By Dalene S.

44

othing is more exhausting than watching my siblings repeat the same mistakes. Time and time again I see them survive by some fragile miracle of grace and wonder when the cycle will end.

As I think of how fleeting a day is and how quickly the minutes are spent, I wonder, How much time is really left? If it gets any worse – one more relapse, one more self-destructive binge, one more utterance of defeat – my heart might not recover.

I have become a victim of another sort, one being transported by a wild and dangerous driver who lacks concern for anyone’s survival. Knowing this driver can’t see clearly, I first offer guidance, then later begin to shout directions. When this fails, I reach for the wheel and try to steer – my final act of desperation. Despite all these efforts, it ends in a terrible wreck; and I think, I saw that coming.

But I survive. I walk away with a heavy heart and my life goes on.

As my thoughts return to what I have built of my own life, I find the comfort I have obtained haunts me like a ghost. Why should I have all of this? Why am I able to find comfort, sanity and security while those in my family are not?

I begin to despise my own freedom and happiness.

Survivor’s guilt sinks into my bones and robs me of the joy that grace would allow. How does one celebrate personal victories, laugh with childlike ease throughout the day and trudge along in life’s work, while a person with whom I shared the family nest and with whom I grew into adulthood is sleeping in the metaphorical – or perhaps literal – gutter, yet again?

I replay experiences from the past, and I try to decipher when the change occurred. When did we actually veer off onto different paths? I remember a forgotten birthday, high school break-ups, experimenting with drugs while a friend’s parents were out of town. I try to understand how my siblings’ experiences were so different from my own.

Why do they continue to struggle, while I have escaped almost unscathed?

I see the people I love the most in the world struggle; and for some reason, I decide to give into selfloathing. This makes no sense. It’s important for me to see this phenomenon for what it is, an extension of the destruction going on in the lives of those I love.

Allowing my self-loathing to continue only feeds the destructive beasts we call addiction, mental illness and codependency. Pointing to these afflictions in the lives of others is easy, but seeing how they have invaded my own life is more difficult.

Do I leave my sister in the streets of San Francisco to

In Recovery Magazine

Fall 2015

figure it out when she has chosen to run away again?

What do I do with the news that my brother can “have a couple of beers every once in awhile” despite his repeated drug relapses?

To love and support those in recovery is a delicate dance involving grace, discipline and firm boundaries.

To love those who struggle with addiction is a heartwrenching line to draw in the sand.

I can’t cross into their world, nor can I allow their world to blur the line and leach into my life. Sometimes I wonder if what the lost need most is not a firm hand, but a beacon of light. In this I find some resolve and reprieve. Do not be ashamed of your light.

As children, my siblings were my first friends; they are the type of friends that don’t ever go away. Don’t get me wrong; I have experienced times when my siblings were my worst enemies. However, despite the broken toys, thrown punches and tears of frustration, at the end of the day all was forgiven.

To love and support those in recovery is a delicate dance involving grace, discipline and firm boundaries. To love those who struggle with addiction is a heart-wrenching line to draw in the sand.

My sister was my protector, a household law enforcer and an invaluable teacher. To watch this icon fall – with all of the positive reciprocal interaction that occurred during our childhood – is no doubt one of my greatest heartbreaks. And there is nothing I can do to change it.

Even so, I choose to believe there is always hope. I have faith that people can illuminate the way for others, and so I must not be ashamed of my light. I choose to love unconditionally and set boundaries for myself.

Those who are struggling need to see strength as a possibility and an option for themselves, so I am conditioning myself to be stronger. I shine on, not only because I can, but because there are people I know and love who need a little light.

Dalene S., raised in the San Francisco Bay Area, has found Boise, Idaho, to be her home.

She is relentless in her pursuit of adventure, unique encounters and the opportunity to tell the stories of folks she meets along the way.

Believing that to love fully is the greatest adventure, she works hard to build community, connect with others and create avenues for the collaboration of various talents.

Rest for Your Soul The Family

By Rev. Michael R. Japenga

M

any of us have worked with people who come to us with a strong condemnation of themselves for being an addict or alcoholic. They often say, “How did I end up this way?” or “Why can’t I just stop like my uncle did?” or “I should have known better.”

Step One of Alcoholics Anonymous asks us to admit powerlessness and unmanageability. It is one thing to admit being an addict and quite another to come to some level of acceptance. One seems to be a matter of the head, the other a matter of the heart.

Admitting a substance abuse problem is tough enough.

Acceptance is yet a deeper spiritual act and may take years.

When rigorously applied, both the Twelve Steps and quality substance abuse treatment certainly have the power to loosen or even break the hold of shame and anger people have about being afflicted with this truly cunning disease – a disease that some still consider a “choice.” Sometimes family members see drug addiction and alcoholism as a character flaw or personal moral failure. This belief may lead non-addicted family members to a level of shame and anger equal to that of the addict’s.

As a licensed counselor, I have worked with addicts and their families for 14 years and have ministered to them as a pastor ministers to his church members. I often see the same hurt, confusion, guilt and shame in family members of addicts as I see in many of the addicts themselves. Truly, this is a family disease.

I find it interesting that the DSM-IV-TR addiction diagnosis criteria can be applied to family members, as well as the addict. I often review these criteria with family members and loved ones in early treatment, as it sometimes helps them grasp the disease concept. Unfortunately, some still voice the opinion that their loved one simply needs to “suck it up” and make a choice to stop drinking or using . . . and, voila! Problem solved. The family member could then be happy and breathe easily again.

From time to time, I share the story of a former parishioner named Bob. Bob was a good man with a beautiful singing voice that rang out on Sunday mornings. He had been married to his wife for about 50 years; and from what I knew of him, he was a faithful man. However, I once observed Bob running his hand up another woman’s skirt. The look on his face did not suggest he was just being helpful or friendly.

And this was right in the middle of participating in the Sacrament of Communion. Oh my!

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After sharing this, I ask family members what they think of Bob’s behavior and of Bob himself. Inevitably, they respond with disgust at his hypocrisy and unfaithfulness. I listen to their judgments for a while, then “apologize” for failing to mention that Bob was afflicted with a chronic, progressive disease called Alzheimer’s. I frequently hear the air being sucked out of the room as they react to my statement.

When they voice regret over their judgment before knowing the story behind Bob’s behavior, several have cried.

Some are irritated with me for sharing the story and “setting them up.” Fair enough! Regardless, that story always leads to a productive talk about the disease of addiction and the related behaviors that are so hurtful and destructive.

When listeners realize Bob was the victim of a disease, no one has ever condemned Bob for his behavior.

I have never met an addict whose fondest dream was to one day become enslaved by a chemical, to betray closely held values, to spend a lot of money on treatment and to have a deep sense of self-loathing.

When family members are able to embrace a solution to their problematic responses to the disease of addiction, power and positive purpose reenter their lives. They no longer wait in anxious agony for their beloved addict to get “fixed” so that they can enjoy peace and serenity again. They stop blaming. Many reclaim responsibility for their own happiness, peace and contentment. They go to Al-Anon meetings, obtain a sponsor and work the Twelve Steps for themselves. They no longer hold their addicted loved one responsible for how they themselves feel. It is called “freedom,” and it is a beautiful thing.

The gift of the Twelve Steps is not just for the addict; it’s also for family members. Recovery is best done together, though always being mindful that no one can choose recovery for another. There is a certain beauty and rhythm when people who love each other are working parallel paths to their own recovery. This is a time when a parallel path can paradoxically bring us closer to one another.

God works in amazing ways. Perhaps as a family member, you will move forward with an attitude of trust and surrender, and then come to accept the fact you love someone with the disease of addiction. Your spiritual journey is perfect; it is not an accident or a blunder. “Nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in God’s world by mistake” (AA Big Book, Fourth Edition, pg 417). Brothers and sisters, don’t judge the journey. Just live it.

Rev. Mike Japanga, BA, MDiv, LSAT, is a recovering alcoholic. For nine years, he was a senior counselor with Valley Hope in Chandler and Tempe, Arizona, before leaving to start Rest for Your Soul. This organization helps people better understand the disease of addiction. Mike has been an ordained Presbyterian minister for almost 20 years and a licensed addictions counselor for 14 years. You may find out more at RestForYourSoulAZ.com.

In Recovery Magazine

Fall 2015

Travelin’ Sober Man

By Bob Kocher

H

ave you ever considered taking a cruise? For a variety of reasons, many people in recovery have been reluctant to try this. Several years ago, one cruise line’s television ads focused almost entirely on trays full of cocktails – that would be enough to put off anyone in recovery! However, beginning about five years ago, most cruise lines have taken an about face when it comes to alcohol. These shipping lines are anxious not to have liability issues. In addition, they are promoting family cruises that include programs for adolescents and children in hopes of building family-friendly business for their future.

The fact is, today you rarely see anyone inebriated on cruise ships – that is unless you are cruising on spring break or choosing a three- to four-day cruise with a majority of people between the ages of 18 and 35 who have partying as their primary focus. Even on these cruises, the companies are very particular about exercising tight security if any nonsense is brewing.

Most ships now have Friends of Bill (Alcoholics Anonymous) meetings almost every day. Over the years, attendance at these meetings has increased. Someone invariably pokes their head in the door and utters, “Who is this Bill guy, anyway?”

The most pleasurable way for someone in recovery to cruise is to take a Sober Conference at Sea. The programs for these recovery-oriented conferences include: regular Twelve Step meetings, speaker meetings and other activities for the group. Groups of sober friends often travel together, and everyone makes new friends during the trip.

There is sobriety safety in traveling together. In addition, on sober trips people seem to share more deeply with each other – perhaps some do because they imagine they will never see their fellow travelers again. However, many return to these “traveling meetings away from home” groups on later trips.

In addition to the Twelve Step meetings, every night there are a variety of fun activities – dancing, entertainment, comedy performances and Las Vegas-style shows. If you

Fall 2015

want to stay in shape as you enjoy all the great food on board, full exercise equipment is available in the fitness centers, along with state-of-the-art spas.

Sound interesting? You won’t be disappointed. In Recovery Magazine is sponsoring a Western Caribbean sober cruise out of Houston, Texas, December 5 through 12, 2015.

The cruise ship sails to Cozumel, Belize and Honduras.

Special tours exclusive to our sober group and a pre-cruise stay near the Houston Space Center are also available.

This Sober Conference at Sea will feature Mark Lundholm from San Jose, California. Mark is a hilarious comedian in long-term sobriety with a great message. He has toured 50 states and ten foreign countries. His “worked-thereruined-that” style of humor is so much more than a comedy show. It is a storytelling experience that explores the human journey into darkness with honesty, heartwarming moments and a strong message of hope. Arizona therapist Gigi Veasey, Executive Director of Alcohol Recovery Solutions, Inc. and a private practitioner specializing in grief and loss, will offer CEUs for attendance at her interesting workshops. In addition, Kim Welsh, the publisher of In Recovery Magazine, will share her moving recovery story.

Shore tours include swimming with stingrays, dolphins and sharks, plus great snorkeling. Other surprises during the trip will make this a fun and inspiring journey for all who attend.

Come alone or with a friend or spouse. Put a group together, join the fun and support the important work of In Recovery Magazine. This promises to be a terrific cruise – don’t miss it! For more information, check out the TravelSober website at travelsober.com, call 805.927.6910 or email us at inthislife@aol.com. And remember, travel safe and TravelSober.

Bob Kocher has spent over 22 years in the travel industry as an agency owner, group planner, guide and salesman. He has led more than 125 groups worldwide – in Russia, South America, the Caribbean, Alaska, Greece and the Mediterranean. For information about all aspects of sober travel, visit his website at travelsober.com.

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Low cost air and optional pre-cruise hotel at Spring Hill Suites w/transfers available. Great Upgrades and Latitude member, retired military & AARP benefits may be available. Deposit plus conference registration fee required to hold your space.

Deposit of $500 pp required to hold your space. Conference registration Fee $95 not included.

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In Recovery Magazine

Fall 2015

PRESENTERS WILL INCLUDE: GIGI VEASEY, LCSW, LISAC, CCBT, is the owner and Executive

Director of Alcohol Recovery Solutions, Inc. an outpatient clinic in Phoenix, Arizona that assists adults struggling with alcohol and substance abuse and dependency.

Ms. Veasey received her Masters degree in Social Work from Arizona State University and is a Licensed Independent Substance Abuse Counselor, Licensed Clinical Social Worker and holds a national certification as a Cognitive Behavioral Therapist.

Gigi will be presenting on the following topics:

1. Stress Management and Laughter Therapy 2. The Four Gifts of Grief 3. Balance/Time Management

6 CEUs

Fall 2015

LIBBY TIMMONS, CEAP is currently the Clinical Outreach Specialist for Life Healing Center of Santa Fe. Self- Regulation and Relapse Prevention Tools • Participants will learn 3 techniques to identify their clients’ barriers to recovery.

• Attendees will be able to assist their clients to embrace their recovery goals and deal with resistance to accountability related to their inner circle triggers.

• There will be at least 4 Symptoms of emotional relapse and physical relapse presented during this presentation Self- Regulation and Barriers to recovery will be a lively interactive presentation. Attendees will leave with tool and activities to utilize with the clients that will enhance their selfregulation process.

ANDI ABAD LPC,NCC,BCPC will be presenting on

WORTHY OF LOVE To love and be loved is one of human beings’ primary needs: Connection, it’s in our DNA. How can it be so illusive and painful?

Shame is the villain, that emotion all too familiar to those of us in recovery. In this workshop, gain clarity about how shame blocks the ability to feel worthy of love and prevents our making the connections so vital to fulfilling relationships, and living an authentic life. Learn adaptations to the skills recovery has already brought you to move from fear to courage; blame to compassion; and disconnection to connection.

2 CEUs

This presentation will be spirited and interactive.

2 CEUs

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M

By Gregg Wolfe

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y son, Justin Matthew Wolfe, should have turned 24 years old in June of this year. However, on December 19, 2012, Justin’s young life ended as a result of a heroin overdose. He was only 21 years old and a student at Temple University in Philadelphia at the time of his death.

Justin began experimenting with alcohol at the age of 15, at which time I became an advocate in our township for the prevention of underage drinking. Unbeknownst to me, during his senior year in high school, Justin started smoking marijuana and experimenting with various drugs. He graduated to Percocet, OxyContin and then heroin during his college years.

Although I knew of his Percocet usage and consequently put him into an outpatient rehab, I did not learn of his Oxy and heroin addiction until after his death. Justin informed his doctors of his heroin usage, but the doctors could not apprise me of this fact due to the HIPAA laws.

For this reason, I testified before a 2013 Congressional Subcommittee, advocating for parents of drugaddicted children across the country regarding changing the HIPAA laws for mental disorders and addiction in hopes of raising greater public awareness. I am a strong proponent for parents obtaining a Power of Attorney for their young adult son or daughter so they can be told of their child’s medical condition – information that would otherwise be withheld due to HIPAA and medical regulations. It is another line of defense in the fight to save our children from a devastating epidemic that distorts an individual’s rational mental faculties.

I was not aware of the signs and symptoms of opiate usage, so I formed a group called Squash the Secret to increase awareness among parents to the dangers of heroin/opiate abuse. Parents and loved ones are educated about the visual and subtle signs of drug addiction in hope that they can prevent more tragedies, and so their children will be able to live fulfilling lives and the disease of addiction will be contained to the fullest extent possible.

In response to this growing epidemic, I also joined with the Samost Jewish Family and Children’s Service of Southern New Jersey to form Right in Our Backyard, a community awareness program focusing on the prevention of opiate addiction. The program was developed to increase awareness of the problem in the community in order to prevent addiction and addictionrelated deaths. Our aim is to keep our youth healthy and our parents armed with the knowledge to make smarter decisions.

Our two-hour panel presentation is structured for teens and their parents. The five panelists include an addiction specialist, a member of law enforcement, a young adult in recovery, a parent who lost her child to addiction and me. Parents and teens are educated about the signs and effects of addiction, ways to seek help, and tools to get out of uncomfortable situations. Disposal methods for prescription narcotics are discussed. Suggestions are also made on how to begin the discussion with someone who might be taking drugs.

In Recovery Magazine

Fall 2015

Chief of Police J. Scott Thomson, Camden County Police Department, Camden, New Jersey, shared his thoughts on the efforts of this program: Thank you for remaining committed to battling this epidemic. The resolve of folks like you . . . and scores more of loved ones who have endured similar anguish are inspiring to law enforcement and government. It ensures we remain focused on addressing this non-discriminating, rapidly spreading disease. Through these efforts, we have quickly become aware that arrest is not the cure and are committed to partnerships for viable solutions. Like most societal issues, there isn’t a silver bullet; but through education and awareness, we can begin to ensure the proper placement of this modern day plague on the conscience of the people.

Action will achieve results.

Since Justin died, I have forged ahead to educate and bring awareness of this problem to other families, so they are not caught off-guard as I was. Though I was involved with Justin and knew most of his friends and his activities; though I disciplined him, grounded him and provided him with the necessary psychological and medical support; though I constantly stressed abstinence from alcohol and drugs, it was all to no avail. As a parent, I thought that discipline would prevent the usage of any substances. I imposed punishments and sanctions, but that never had any effect on Justin’s silent internal addiction.

It is my hope that at some vulnerable point in the future, one or more of the attendees of Right in Our Backyard will think about what they have learned and make a choice that will save their child’s life.

Important Facts about Opiate Addiction • Never think drug addiction can’t happen to your son or daughter. It is a disease just like any other disease and should never be disregarded. Neither you nor your child should feel ashamed by their drug use; speak openly about it so you can get them the proper assistance.

• Pay attention to their physical, emotional, behavioral and social changes – changing friends, trouble in school, staying out past their curfew, loss of interest in their regular activities or sports. Behavioral signs precede the physical ones.

• Watch for bouts of nodding out, exhibiting euphoria or becoming reclusive.

• Do not dismiss changes in behavior that could be warning signs of drug addiction. These could be early points of intervention.

• Heroin and pills such as OxyContin and Percocet can be smoked, injected or crushed and then snorted. Those in my generation are mostly aware of heroin use via injection. Even though there are no visible signs of needle marks, your loved one may be taking a drug in other forms.

• Heroin is five to ten dollars per bag – much less expensive than pills – but in the New Jersey area, it is currently 60 to 70 percent potent versus 20 to 30 percent throughout the rest of the country.

• Keep alcohol and prescription drugs locked away or discarded.

The cravings of addiction may result in the person searching medicine cabinets and other places within the home for other addictive substances.

• Be aware of “pharm parties” – parties where pharmaceuticals of both prescription and over-the-counter varieties are heedlessly consumed.

• Consider your family history. Addiction does run in families, even second- and third-removed relatives who have or had a problem count.

• Teach your children about the dangers and outcomes of drug abuse, including techniques for avoiding use when peer pressure is a factor.

• If you suspect drug abuse, have a recovering addict speak to your child, or conduct an intervention with a professional including appropriate family members.

• Remember to treat addiction as a disease, not a moral issue.

• Be aware of items missing from your home, the selling or pawning of personal items, stealing, lying, manipulating or deceitfulness. These actions may mean your child is addicted and are often part of addictive behaviors.

• Keep an open dialogue with your children; instill a relationship of trust so they feel confident that they can confide in you when they or their peers are involved in drug use.

Gregg Wolfe is a resident of Camden, New Jersey, and is the president and owner of Kaplan, Leaman & Wolfe Court Reporting and Litigation.

Gregg has testified before a Congressional Subcommittee in order to modify the HIPAA laws that prevent disclosure to parents. He has made it his goal to bring awareness, education and prevention of opiate/ heroin abuse. You may contact Gregg on the Squash the Secret website, squashthesecret.net.

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• Be involved in your children’s lives and activities. Notice lethargic behavior, little or no motivation and poor work habits at work or at school.

• When drug use is suspected, demand urine testing in your presence or at a qualified laboratory. Be aware there are several ways to prevent the detection of drugs in a urine sample.

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By Alexandris Townsend

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o one but God could have prepared me for the storm of alcoholism that afflicted and affected my family for more than a decade. After high school, my youngest son, Dale, was seduced by the wiles of “the party life.” Underage drinking was at the core of his having a good time with friends. He so fervently desired to gain the acceptance of his friends that he put aside his moral standards and upbringing without much resistance. Dale was introduced to alcohol; but at the time, he could not begin to comprehend how this introduction would drastically change his life.

Dale’s drinking was initially restricted to weekends.

Unfortunately, this pattern escalated. The more he engaged in underage drinking, the more he was drawn into the gripping lifestyle of addiction. Everything about his life changed; manipulation, deception, lying and stealing consumed him. My dear son was unrecognizable to me. It was profoundly painful to watch Dale descend into the bondage of alcoholism. His behavior and habits continued for more than a decade. There were many painful and unpleasant consequences due to his addiction.

To make matters worse, I became codependent as I unsuccessfully tried to convince Dale to stop drinking. At the time, our family did not fully understand that alcoholism is a disease. My son was sick and needed help, but we were ill-equipped to provide that help. Then God moved in our circumstances. The death of singer Whitney Houston became the pivotal turning point in Dale’s life. Even though I enabled my son, I never stop praying to God for His divine intervention; and He moved in a powerful way.

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Daily confessing my faith in God eventually led Dale to make the most important decision of his life. Many relapses and life failures finally brought him to his knees. He surrendered and declared, “I need help because I am powerless over this disease.”

On February 21, 2012, Dale entered treatment at the Rebound Men’s Program at the Charlotte Rescue Mission in North Carolina. This residential treatment program required 100 days for completion. He successfully completed the program and today is flourishing in sobriety, even sponsoring other young men in recovery. In this season of my life, it is amazing to have seen my son overcome alcoholism and to witness God using him to impact the lives of others.

No one but God could have prepared me for the storm of alcoholism that afflicted and affected my family for more than a decade.

I began my own personal recovery and started attending Al-Anon meetings. What a blessing this fellowship has been in my life. In these rooms my own healing began. I slowly began the process of living my life, now detached from the insanity of alcoholism.

I neglected myself while I was engulfed in the drama of my son’s drinking. The pain was indescribable. As a result, my recovery has taken much time and effort. Profound spiritual healing administered by God has restored soundness to my emotions – emotions that had become unbalanced due to the suffering alcoholism caused both my son and me. One day at a time, I am learning to take care of myself.

I have paid a dear price to experience the joy of recovery.

In April 2014, I published my first book, Experiencing the Greatness of God in the Spiritual Realm. The book details Dale’s journey through alcoholism and his subsequent freedom from this disease. Over time, Dale discovered that he was destined for great things; God is transforming him into a great man. In March 2015, Dale celebrated three years of sobriety. He is now a peer coach in Charlotte.

Nothing worthwhile is ever free; there are costs for each of us. However, I believe God empowered me to go through this difficult journey so that I might encourage other families – to show them that recovery is not just an elusive dream, but can truly be a reality. God helped my family overcome so much; we are “destined for greatness.” Your family is destined too; just believe it!

I am hopeful that many other families will experience joyful recovery in the coming year, and I thank God for the riches of recovery. How sweet it is!

Fall 2015

In Recovery Magazine

Alexandris Townsend is the Minister of Ministerial Alliance Training and Evangelism at Praise & Worship Christian Center, Columbia, South Carolina. She holds a Bachelor of Science in Bible from Columbia International University, Columbia, South Carolina. Alexandris is married to Milbert Townsend; they have two sons and four grandchildren.

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EVERYDAY MIRACLE

THE PARTY GIRL DIED

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ere I am in my third year of a PhD program at one of the best schools in the country for my field of study. If you had seen my life ten years ago, you would have never believed this would be my future.

I was a high school dropout, an alcoholic, an addict and a criminal. I was a young, naive girl originally from a small town, who wound up working in nightclubs in the big city, living a fast and dangerous life. My nights were filled with bright lights, loud music, afterhours clubs, concerts and raves. My days were spent sleeping – shades drawn, head and body usually aching. I often cursed those things that prevented me from getting much needed rest – bright sunshine that crept in behind the shades, the birds that chirped loudly outside my window and the neighbor’s noisy lawnmower. My only task for each day was to recuperate before the next night’s festivities. My life was an endless repeat of chaos, drama, risk taking and danger.

By the age of 22, I was hopelessly addicted to several substances and was fairly certain that I wouldn’t survive much longer. Countless times I carelessly placed my life in jeopardy by frequenting establishments that were not safe, especially for a young woman. Because I had long since come to

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the realization that I would probably die by the time I was 25, I was not afraid. I simply accepted this. Morbid, yes – but it was my reality.

I was completely out of control, held firmly in the grip of my addiction and lifestyle. I had accrued five felonies and four drunk driving charges. I spent a few years tangled in a web of legal trouble that seemed to go on with no end. I had made a horrible mess of my life and faced very serious consequences. My lawyer told me I was dangerously close to spending many years in prison. What he didn’t know was that it had been a long time since I had felt freedom of any kind. At that point in my life, I had spent years locked inside a self-constructed prison – the key to my freedom lost, nowhere to be found.

During the year I was incarcerated, I earned my GED. I spent much of my time helping other inmates prepare for the same test; and I felt useful for the first time in . . . well, actually for the first time going as far back as I could remember. I was released to a treatment facility and started my journey in recovery from addiction.

Looking back, I don’t know why I thought I would probably

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Fall 2015

die by the time I was 25. As it turns out, that’s how old I was when I got sober. There was a bit of truth in my dismal vision of the future after all. The hopelessly addicted party girl did die that year, 2005; and she hasn’t been seen since.

Soon after attaining sobriety, I became restless and wanted more out of life. I was frustrated by low-paying, dead-end jobs, and knew that education was the key to a better future and my independence. I enrolled in a community college and excelled in all my courses. I started to set and meet higher goals for myself than I had ever thought possible.

In my second year of college, I responded to a help-wanted ad for a childcare position. My plan was to work as a nanny for the summer and save money for the next school year. I wrote a detailed essay about my younger babysitting experiences, along with my academic goals. I included my ambitious plan to transfer to a private women’s college after earning my associate degree.

To my amazement, the ad had been placed by a professor at the school I had referred to in the essay. I interviewed for the job and was hired as a research assistant rather than a childcare provider. In addition to this (not so) coincidental outcome, the lab in which I was to work was conducting a study on women like me who begin their education at community college and continue on to four-year universities.

I learned everything I needed in order to make my ambitious plans for my future come to fruition. A year later, I was granted admission into an Ivy League college, fully paid for by generous grants and scholarships.

Dalai Lama – and attended Twelve Step meetings while there.

Last year I wrote and submitted a grant application to a government agency and was awarded funding that covers my tuition and living expenses for the next three years.

This is me: a high school dropout, an addict, a girl who was hopelessly lost for many years with no thought of trying to find my way back. The same government that at one time deemed me a danger to society and incarcerated me is now paying me to earn my doctorate degree.

I agreed to tell my story not to impress you, but to impress upon you one thing – people can change with the help of a Higher Power, the Twelve Steps, and the support of a sponsor, a home group and friends. I owe my life to God, and to the men and women in the Fellowship. I understand that I must pay it forward – my life depends on it. Thank you for always reaching your hand out to me and for being there when I’ve needed you.

In gratitude, O.L.

I spent the next several years taking classes and gaining experience in different laboratories, some of which were places I would never have dreamed I would work, including Harvard Medical School. During the application process and interview for each position, I was honest and forthright about my past and was given a chance despite mistakes I had made.

After attending a research presentation about gratitude, I knew I had found my passion. Gratitude has long been a personal interest of mine, and I actively practice this by regularly listing all who help me along the way. In addition to my own experience, I continuously see the power of gratitude working in the lives of the women I sponsor. I witness firsthand the change in attitude and perception that occurs, regardless of the current circumstances. Making a gratitude list – especially while dealing with challenging situations – forces me to consider the good in life, rather than dwell on the bad.

Over the years, I have continued to place my recovery first and to work hard, which has led to the accomplishment of many of my goals and dreams. I published research and presented findings at national conferences. I traveled to India to lead a workshop at a university and studied Tibetan Buddhism at a five-day conference led by His Holiness the Fall 2015

In Recovery Magazine

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From Peer to Peer:

Successful Recovery Treatment for Co-Occurring Disorders

By Bill W.

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he Journal of the American Medical Association estimates approximately 37 percent of alcoholics and 53 percent of drug addicts also have at least one serious mental illness such as schizophrenia, psychotic disorder, bipolar disorder, major depression, post-traumatic stress disorder or others. On average, about five of every ten people with severe mental illness are also affected by addictive substance abuse in one form or another.

In the not-too-distant past, it was not general practice to treat both mental health and substance abuse issues together. Treatment providers would care separately for these co-occurring disorders. As a result, many people with dual diagnoses struggled mightily to enter recovery.

My story is a classic example of this flawed system. I started partying in the late 1970s, about the same time I developed a bipolar disorder. What started out as a real fun time drinking and smoking a little pot quickly turned into a really bad roller coaster ride.

It wasn’t long before I couldn’t tell the difference between when I was drinking and drugging for fun and when I was self-medicating my bipolar symptoms. I couldn’t tell the difference; and for many years, no one else could either.

Looking back and knowing what I know now, the difference is apparent.

When I was in a manic phase, I would drink and use cocaine or amphetamines to fuel feeling on top of the world.

If I couldn’t sleep, a half bottle of tequila would knock me out for a few hours. When I was in a depressive phase, I used to think that marijuana was the world’s greatest antidepressant medication. I started lighting up joints regularly to kick the blues.

As if that wasn’t bad enough, then the psychotic episodes kicked in. One long, terrible night, I was absolutely convinced that it was the end of the world. I could smell noxious gas filling the room. Somewhere in my head, my mom loudly called out, “Billy!” and I felt as though I was in a downward spiral.

During my first psychiatric hospitalization, the treating psychiatrist told me to go to AA and to quit drinking and drugging. I was very scared, so I did what he said. I became involved with Twelve Step programs and started feeling better. Unfortunately, because there was another area of my brain that needed help, I felt only a little bit better. I still had persistent untreated depression. After about a year of this distress, I broke down and had a couple of hits of weed.

This made me feel happier, but ultimately led to a few beers, followed by a full-blown relapse into substance abuse and a decline in my mental health.

Some years later, I was treated with psychotropic med56

ications after a serious suicide attempt. I hadn’t gotten the message that mixing partying with mental illness just doesn’t work. Since I still chose to drink and drug, my bipolar symptoms were even worse. Pot smoking would increase the paranoia and hallucinations. The hangover, guilt and regret after a drinking binge only deepened my depression.

It is no wonder that none of the combinations of psychotropic medications I tried seemed to help. It wasn’t until the 1990s when I hit rock bottom that I finally became involved in a program that addressed both issues at the same time.

Yahoo! Before I knew it, I was on the road to a healthy, sustained recovery.

Today, the importance of having an integrated approach to treating co-occurring disorders is well understood by healthcare providers. According to the online Intervention America Facility Locator, there are currently hundreds of US dual diagnoses treatment centers. For example, there are 41 in Wyoming, 106 in Arizona, 201 in Colorado and a whopping 436 in New York.

Things are definitely headed in the right direction; however, a big problem still exists. From my years of being a consumer, a peer and a mentor in dual-diagnoses recovery, I have noticed that individuals with these issues are not always aware of or don’t want to admit that they need help with one, let alone both, conditions – each one requiring a specialized treatment. Combine that with the stigma associated with having a mental illness and the denial of substance addiction symptoms, and you have double trouble.

Statistics show that co-occurring disorders are prevalent among those in substance addiction recovery. These individuals have unique difficulties that need to be treated concurrently, not separately. As family members and friends of those affected, let’s try to generate more awareness of this topic. If you know of someone with mental health issues or substance abuse problems, start having this discussion.

Encourage them to share fully during their therapy sessions and explore the possibility that they may need treatment for a dual diagnosis.

You can tell them the story of my years-long struggle as I attempted to treat one disorder separate from the other.

Suggest that they talk to their healthcare providers. Help them research treatment alternatives. This could save everyone time, suffering and money.

Bill W. brings his life experience to print in a series of articles dealing with the many aspects of recovery. In a sequence of personal reflections, interviews and round table discussions, he shares with the reader, peer-to-peer, his effective and helpful insights into the world of addiction and mental illness recovery. Send your comments and questions to Bill at peer2peer@inrecoverymagazine.com.

In Recovery Magazine

Fall 2015

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By Denise Leckerman

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o family should have to endure the pain of losing a child. Leigh Leckerman was our beautiful 21-year-old daughter. She had her whole life ahead of her until the evening of April 25, 2003. She was outgoing, full of life and a senior at Penn State, who liked to party and have fun. As is normal for this age, Leigh lived her life without the thought of consequences.

That fateful evening, Leigh and a few others were out partying at a local establishment near Worcester, Pennsylvania. It was getting late, and Leigh made an impaired decision to drive home. On a dark stretch of Skippack Pike, she ran her car off the road causing some damage to the front of the car.

It was the next impaired decision that cut her life short. Leigh was less than a mile from home, so she decided to walk the rest of the way. As she crossed the dark and desolate road, a car clipped her into oncoming traffic. The impact of a second car killed her. Not only was Leigh impaired by alcohol, but so was the driver of the car that caused the fatality.

For over 30 years, members of the Leckerman family have been involved with recovery-oriented programs. These include mentoring programs for men and women in correctional facilities, as well as board members for local drug and alcohol treatment facilities. There are ever-growing problems with alcohol, prescription painkiller abuse and heroin use among the young adult community in lower Bucks and other surrounding Pennsylvania counties.

The loss of a human life need not be a waste.

Steven Leckerman, my husband and Leigh’s father, decided to turn our tragedy into a gift. When thinking in terms of scholarships, most people think of education. When we think scholarship, we also think of another 58

In Recovery Magazine

chance at life. No family should have to suffer the loss of a loved one due to drugs or alcohol. We decided to raise money to aid those suffering from alcoholism and drug addiction, and who have no financial means of getting detox or inpatient treatment.

The Leigh Leckerman Scholarship Fund was created and is in its second year of existence.

Steve Leckerman is an active board member of the Livengrin Foundation, a Bucks County-based drug and alcohol addictions treatment organization. The Foundation provides many community programs for the treatment of all aspects of addiction. Once we put the

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Leckerman scholarship fund idea on paper, we took it to the Livengrin Foundation. The idea was met with tremendous OSEHOUSECOLORADO.COM O N T A C T support T H E R Ofrom S E H board O U S E members andR staff.

Since its inception, the scholarship program has received Located in over $70,000 in donations and continues to grow rapidly.

B o u l d e r The C o u nsuccess t y C o l o r rate a d o of those receiving treatment scholarships has been overwhelming.

The Foundation is a 501(c)(3) 720.352.1623 organization. One-hundred percent of all donations go 617.308.8683 directly to patient treatment; there are no hidden costs.

F a x 3Click 0 3 . 4 9 4the . 1 7 8donate 3 link on the website to find information P. O . about B o x 2 7the 0 4 1scholarship.

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59

l i f e t h e y w a n t f o r t h e tmh se

BodyTalk: Tricked by Marketing?

By Victoria Abel

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s more is revealed about our health and our present food systems, the more I feel tricked by deceptive marketing. Many foods labeled “healthy” are really processed foods loaded with hidden sugars and fats. What we all need is some simple, truthful information about the foods we eat.

to create a tasty, healthier salad. Try the environmentally-friendly, pole-caught tuna or use canned wild salmon for just as much protein and more Omega 3.

Below are some typical foods whose labeling can be confusing and some easy ways to ensure your food choices are healthy ones. Keep in mind, our daily goal is about 60 grams of protein and 30 grams of fiber.

Artificial Sweeteners Artificial sweeteners used in sugar-free foods can be dangerous for the body. The body takes the ingredients found in aspartame and makes formaldehyde. Many people experience migraines, mood swings and increased sugar cravings from artificial sweeteners. Some studies link artificial sweeteners to cancer and other diseases.

Granola Though typically paired with words such as “organic,” “harvest” or “natural,” almost all granolas are fattening. One small serving can have 420 calories, 10 grams of fat and 26 grams of sugar.

Try instead: Use honey and maple syrup – you don’t need to use much. Local honey is particularly good, especially if you struggle with seasonal allergies. Stevia without added sugar alcohol is another alternative.

Try instead: Oatmeal or mixed nuts and oats. You can make your own granola with honey, nuts and coconut or stick to a morning routine of oatmeal with almonds, berries and almond milk. Make overnight oats in the crock pot; it’s easy to prepare and great for you. Adding nuts or nut butters to your oatmeal will add protein and help keep you full throughout the day.

Reduced-Fat Peanut Butter Reduced fat is not the same as low fat. Have you ever heard the saying, “Robbing Peter to pay Paul?” Most reduce some of the fat, but add more sugar. Most commercial peanut butters contain the same type sugar used in cake frosting.

Couscous Couscous is not a grain. It is made from non-enriched angel hair pasta and is less nutritious than white pasta. Though it is quick and easy to make, couscous turns into sugar in the body and may cause a blood sugar spike and crash.

Try instead: Quinoa has a comparable taste, but is truly a superfood. Just one cup contains 24 grams of protein and 12 grams of fiber. Quinoa cooks in about 15 minutes and can last up to four days refrigerated. Make it in advance and use it instead of rice, cold in a salad or warm it up in the morning for breakfast.

Try instead: Choose almond butter or cashew butter.

Almond butter contains anti-inflammatory Omega 3 fatty acids and often has less sugar than peanut butter. Cashew butter can be more expensive, but is high in magnesium, making it a perfect snack to aid metabolism and bone health as it helps us relax.

Fruit-Flavored Yogurts With more than 30 grams(eight teaspoons) of added sugar and 80 calories of fat per serving in many yogurt desserts, you may as well be eating a chocolate bar.

Adding in high-sugar granola and fruit will spike your blood sugar, making you cranky and hungry in no time.

Tuna Salad Most tuna salads are not very healthy. Smothered in mayonnaise and made from albacore tuna, four ounces of this classic sandwich filler is filled with 10 grams fat and can be sky-high in mercury.

Try instead: Try non-fat Greek yogurt with some fresh berries or sugarless berry syrup – take wild frozen blueberries, add a splash of water and cook down into a sweet and healthy syrup. You can also try goat yogurt, which has less sugar and contains enzymes that break down lactose.

Try instead: Light (not white) tuna is usually lower in mercury. Combine with herbs, lemon juice and plain yogurt

Turkey Bacon and Turkey Sausage Bacon and sausage are loaded with fat and sodium. Turkey

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“Healing relationships with food.”

Develop and present nutritional programs and educational lectures at treatment centers.

bacon isn’t necessarily any healthier. Most bacon is preserved with nitrates, which have been shown to cause cancer. Some sausages are made with the lowest quality and leftover pork.

One on one nutritional consultation, meal planning, weight management, and assessment for disordered eating.

Try instead: Though still not a health food, nitrate-free bacon can be added to recipes in small amounts as a great flavor enhancer. Most grocery stores now carry nitrate-free bacon and high-quality chicken sausages. Organic chicken sausages can be used for breakfast, lunch or dinner.

Flavored Water with Vitamins or Electrolyte Waters Most of these drinks are loaded with sugars, artificial colors and flavors. Some vitamin waters have 32 grams of sugar – as much as three-and-a-half donuts.

Try instead: Plain water – nothing beats it. Divide your body weight by two; drink this number of ounces daily. If you live in a dry climate or are working out, aim for 75 percent of your body weight in ounces daily. Add fresh lemon or fruit for flavor, or try low-sugar coconut water to help with hydration. Electrolytes are just sodium that helps keep your body hydrated. Make sure to eat a good quality salt (1,200 mg a day) and drink fluids every day.

Pay attention to what you eat. Read food labels and eat whole foods, meaning foods that have the fewest steps between their natural source and your plate. Simple, isn’t it?

Victoria Abel, MA, MNT, is the founder and owner of Center for Addiction Nutrition in Prescott, Arizona.

She has worked as a family, primary and trauma therapist in the addiction counseling field for 20 years.

She is also a nutrition and eating disorders therapist working with people healing from addiction, mood disorders, cancer and other chronic illnesses. She teaches at Prescott College and lectures nationally on addiction nutrition.

Fall 2015

Nutrition and supplementation to ease detox, stabilize mood and reduce cravings.

Instruction on budgeting, shopping and cooking.

TESTIMONIAL

“Victoria helped me to manage the daily struggles of meal planning and grocery shopping - the mundane tasks we all must do. I am grateful for those things but am mostly grateful for the caring way in which she operates. I have lived in so much shame for as long as I can remember regarding anything to do with food. Victoria let me cry and was always genuinely interested in what was going on with me. We would talk about the things that seemed to have nothing to do with food but in fact were leading me to binge, purge, or starve myself.

Victoria has been an incredible light in my life - she was always so accepting of me - no matter if I had a good or bad food week.”

See the last February, 2014 issue of the New York Times and the Summer, 2014 issue of In Recovery Magazine for more informaton on CAN Nutrition and Recovery.

Victoria Abel MA, MNT, CAN

vabel@cannutrition.com www.centerforaddictionnutrition.com

In Recovery Magazine

61

Chaos and Clutter Free

By Danielle Wurth

As fall approaches, so can stress: kids back to school, treatment schedules, family visits and holiday celebrations galore.

Every glorious event can yield a not so glorious aftermath in your life and in your home. Here are solutions to keep your “clean house” in order, your word accountable and life in harmony – all while being clutter free.

CALENDAR CHOAS Having a full understanding of your daily schedule and responsibilities to others is non-negotiable. Communication is equally important.

Manage only one calendar for documenting your life’s daily events. Decide whether you prefer to maintain a paper calendar or digital calendar. A paper calendar must be on-the-go friendly and a size that fits in your purse or satchel. If going digital, consider using a free iCloud calendar which may be color-coded and shared with other family members. For example, my private calendar is coded green; only I have viewing access. My family calendar is coded yellow and shared with my husband; so he can add, edit and view family-related activities.

This simple system keeps us both in the loop with dates, times, locations and the field numbers of our boys’ soccer games. In the notes, mark who is responsible for pickup or drop off.

Begin by entering all repeatable events, such as recovery meetings and their locations. Set two reminder alerts, one for a day before and one for an hour before the event. Make a note of what paperwork needs to be completed, so you can arrive in a prepared, timely manner.

For ongoing events such as Step work, take the “layer-cake” approach and slice the event into task layers by setting an appointment for follow-up calls or your Step Eight amends calls. Look ahead at legal paperwork deadlines, and then backtrack by setting “prep work” reminders in the weeks before to reliably meet your obligations.

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FROM CLUTTERED TO CLEAN CAR Find a sturdy, file-sized box and place it on the front seat of your car. Here you can store your papers and personal belongings, so they don’t slide off the seat when making quick turns. Place another small box or pop-up trash container on the passenger floor for waste. Repeat the same concept for children traveling in the back. Place a second box or rigid tote between the back passenger seats for housing healthy on-the-go snacks and a package of baby wipes for sticky hands. Use binder clips to attach a second, smaller box or pop-up trash to the tote to avoid spillage.

Drink cups and food wrappers must be promptly disposed of daily. Trash is trash – period. No further discussion required. Discarding trash in a timely manner forces you to practice the art of decision-making. Quick decision-making is a core concept to master sooner rather than later. Check your local thrift store for a small, handheld vacuum to make car cleaning speedy and fun for all family members.

THE PAPERWORK VIRUS The paperwork virus seems to lurk and multiply in the middle of the night. To prevent your paperwork virus from spreading in your home and car, you must immunize. Protect important documents from food or coffee spills as you dart out the door. Instead, purchase a set of the top budget-friendly organizing gotta-haves. These nifty three-hole, protective jacket sleeves are colorful and clever with a slash sleeve in the front for easy accessibility. Check your local thrift store for notebooks and organize your paper work confusion.

PAPERWORK Master the “Two Minute and Under Rule.” If you can make a decision on the item in two minutes or less, then do it immediately. Many tasks can be done in this two-minute window of time: unsubscribe from catalogs that might tempt your sober lifestyle, toss unrelated coupons, RSVP for an event or write a note thanking someone who has been supportive in your life. If your action will take longer than two minutes, simply place projects that need to be addressed at a later date in a specific area. You can address them when you have more time to focus and finish them.

SURFACE CLUTTER The more we own, the more we have the responsibility to maintain.

Take a picture of a zone (bedroom, kitchen, bathroom) where you currently live. How do you feel as you look at the image? You have the power to live a new life using a new code of clutter-busting behavior. What items can be thrown out or donated? Pencil cup items can be placed in a drawer, and keys can be hung on a traditional key holder by an exit door. The number of decorative knickknacks can be reduced. Personal receipts can be clipped together using a binder clip, and spare change can be contained in a bowl. Corral these daily personal items on a cookie sheet or decorative tray to make weekly dusting a breeze.

Continued on next page Fall 2015

In Recovery Magazine

63

LAUNDRY LOADS You have better things to do with your precious time than sorting laundry.

Purchase a set of zippered, mesh laundry bags for each family member.

Identify each family member’s bag by knotting different colorful ribbons thru the zipper hole. Use binder clips to hang the bags to the side of your dirty clothes hamper. These bags are for socks and underwear. Zip, wash, dry and place clean mesh bag and clothing into that family member’s clean laundry basket. Children will learn responsibility as they match their socks and return any single misfits to the mesh bag attached to the dirty hamper, so they can be rejoined with their partner in the next wash load round-up.

SELF-CARE Pencil in one day every month to unplug and recharge your own personal battery. Pick an activity that refreshes your spirit and fills your soul. Be intentional: fellowship with a new friend for lunch after a recovery meeting or meet your sponsor for coffee. Volunteer for service work or join others to cultivate new friendships and activities. These newfound friendships will help keep you accountable and aid your recovery as you help others who are also getting back on their feet. Pencil these activities into your calendar and value them as much as a doctor’s appointment. They truly are good for your health. You will have something to look forward to each month; and you will feel a sense of accomplishment as you keep these appointments to yourself, for yourself.

KIDS’ ARTWORK Fill a two-inch, heavy-duty binder with roomy, durable plastic sleeves. The sleeves are sturdy enough to handle birthday cards and projects with glitter or macaroni. As kids return home from school, have them (not the parents) select their favorites to keep and let them (again, not the parents) recycle the rest. Slide artwork inside the sleeves. This process helps children decide on their absolute favorite pieces, rather than keeping them all. Although this is a memory-keeping process, it is equally as important to have both parents and children master decision-making skills. For larger projects, simply take a picture of your child holding the project, print it and place that image in a sleeve. Store their binder on a bookshelf in their room, so they can reflect back on that school year.

PET GEAR

Do you have a dog, cat or other pet? Pick a low drawer or cupboard in the kitchen and store toys in clear plastic bins beside your pet’s food and treats. If you prefer to keep toys more accessible and shabby chic, use a rattan basket with a washable liner. For a more modern approach, try an easy-to-wipe-clean enamel tub meant for drinks. For two-level homes, keep a toy container on each floor.

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CREATIVE GIFT GIVING

The recovery process can be costly to both your emotions and your wallet. However, you may still need to show your gratitude with a gift. Focus on the thought, not the price.

Do you have a parent, family member or friend who enjoys going to the movies? Purchase tasty kettle corn, their favorite candy and a gift card. Wrap them together for a creative presentation. Your personal touch will be appreciated as you show them how much you care.

As a child, when I received a fresh, green ten dollar bill from my grandparents, the money seemed so impressive. My imagination explored all the things I could buy. This is an ideal gift for elementary school children. Find out the child’s favorite gum, candy or dessert treat. Use their gift money bills to gently wrap these items and place them in a clear cellophane bag filled with shredded paper. Watch their faces light up when you present them with a “sack full of cash.” Their joyful expression will be a gift in itself.

VISITING GUESTS Structured, quality time with loved ones generates healing in fractured relationships. If you are in a treatment facility and if they are participating in family week, take the initiative and advise them by phone or email of their daily itinerary, beginning with their airport arrival time, and on through the scheduled activities during the week. You will feel more confident and less flustered having this communication prior to their arrival. Write an enduring card to each family member sharing your gratitude for their involvement during your recovery. Save a stamp by secretly placing the card in their bag to be opened on their return trip home. When it comes to planning ahead, it is all about being proactive vs. reactive.

HOLIDAY BUDGETING Want to expend less energy and money this holiday season? Shop early, shop smart and have a budget. Our free, nifty Holiday Budget will prevent you from turning into a bobblehead. Hop over to www.wurthorganizing.com for the printable download. Place your budget and a pencil in a protective sleeve. Stash a set in the gift-giving area of your home. Don’t have such an area? There’s your neon sign to create one. Find a spare closet with a high shelf, purge unwanted items and store items by themes for adults, kids or others in a lidded banker box. Solid-colored plastic tubs with secure lids in the garage will work just as well. Take a tour of your home and begin gathering future gifts; use a sharpie on masking tape to name the recipient.

Take a stellar selfie of your finished work to post and be proud of your amazing stewardship. This can inspire others to do the same. As you enjoy the healthy high that only a clutter-free lifestyle can bring, go treat yourself to a frothy latte because your fall season is off to a fresh start.

Danielle Wurth is a professional organizer, speaker and owner of Wurth Organizing, LLC, a professional organizing company that has transformed families with hands-on organizing sessions. Since 2007, she has conducted speaking events in Scottsdale, Arizona. Wurth has been a contributor to: Real Simple Magazine, Fox 10 News, Channel 3 Good Morning Arizona, 1360 KPXQ Faith Talk Radio and The Arizona Republic. You may contact her at www.wurthorganizing.com, by phone at 602.579.5274 or by email at Danielle@WurthOrganizing.com

Fall 2015

Simplify your life! Create budget-friendly organizational systems by: maximizing any space within your business, home or garage. transitioning with success vs. stress in your recovery process utilizing your own psyche for better long-term organizational results. simplifying papers and possessions to bring joy, not sorrow.

Accessing our hands-on organizing, Skype sessions or interactive speaking events.

THESE ORGANIZING SERVICES MAY BE A TAX-DEDUCTIBLE CONSULTING EXPENSE

In Recovery Magazine

Connect with Danielle to get started!

65

By Ashley Loeb

Recovery Tech:

Technology and the Family

By Ashley Loeb

I

encourage family members of substance abusers toward their own recovery. We have all heard the old adage, “We always hurt the ones we love.” It’s true. Families are often the victims of the substance abuser’s worst behaviors. The addiction treatment industry would benefit from a greater focus on family healing. I find that incorporating technology into family healing solves some of the difficulties treatment professionals face when working with family members.

For day-to-day connection with loved ones, I am seeing a trend in short video messaging. A client in her 20s recently showed me how she records brief video updates of her new recovery life, and then sends them to her family. The family loves getting her videos, and even her grandparents are learning to record messages.

I continue to search for new ways for technology to enhance recovery. I believe we have barely scratched the surface. More helpful tools are developed every One of the blessings of today’s technology is its capac- day. As people become increasingly comfortable inteity to connect people to one another at any given time. I know of grandmothers, aunts, uncles and even distant cousins who become engaged in the family recovery process, even though they may be widely separated geographically. They can use videoconferencing or the telephone to patch into treatment sessions. The entire family is able to attend webinars, online meetings and conference calls that keep everyone on the same page.

Recently, I performed my first intergrating technology into their recovery, I am sure more vention via video conference. I am trained in the healing is in store for both the families of addiction ARISE Invitational Intervention Model which begins and the addicts themselves. with a “First Meeting” with the whole family (also known as the “Intervention Network”) participating.

Ashley Loeb grew up in Silicon Valley during the This family could not afford to fly me to their home, dot-com boom. She is cofounder of a tech startand their son was desperate for help. I set up our First up called Lionrock Recovery, a Joint Commission Meeting in their living room with me leading the accredited online substance abuse treatment center. In recovery herself, Loeb is passionate meeting via video connection. While it is certainly about sharing her experience, strength and more difficult to do an intervention this way, it turned hope with others. While she enjoys what she describes as “a life beyond her wildest dreams,” out to be effective. Both the client and his family are in Loeb lives in Southern California with her hustreatment. band and two large dogs.

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Call for Stories We fill up fast! While writing, art and photography submissions must be received by the following deadlines, we must assign your work to a specific issue at least one month before the deadline.

Spring Issue (published March 1st) Summer Issue (published June 1st) Fall Issue (published September 1st) Winter Issue (published December 1st)

Deadline: November 1st Deadline: February 1st Deadline: May 1st Deadline: August 1st

Submission guidelines at inrecoverymagazine.net/go/magazine/submission-guidelines. Email queries to editor@inrecoverymagazine.com.

Spring 2016 - International Edition

Fall 2016 – Collegiate Programs; Youth in Recovery

Summer 2016 – Athletes in Recovery

Winter 2016 – Holiday Tips; Winter Weddings; Winter Recovery Getaways

So what does recovery look like in other countries? What are Twelve Step meetings like? What are public opinions and attitudes towards recovery? What treatment opportunities exist in those countries?

Do you have an interesting story about recovery in another country?

Share your story or information in a 900 to 1,200 word narrative.

Deadline: November 1, 2015.

Are you an athlete in recovery? Tell us how you found recovery and what you do to stay healthy, happy and clean. Have you had a sports or exercise addiction from which you have recovered? Did you become addicted because of a sports injury? Are you a professional treating addicted athletes? Share your story or information in a 900 to 1,200 word narrative.

Deadline: February 1, 2016

Are you involved in a collegiate or high school recovery program as a student or professional? Have you had personal experience with a treatment program tailored for either collegiate or teens? Are you involved in a Twelve Step youth program? Send us your 900 to 1,200 word narrative.

Deadline: May 1, 2016

Are you planning a winter 2015 wedding? We’d love to follow and feature a sober wedding celebration. Do you have tips on how to plan a successful wedding without alcohol? Tells us about your winter recovery-oriented or recovery-friendly vacations? Do you have techniques and tricks for dealing with the winter blues? Send us your 900 to 1,200 word narrative.

Deadline August 1, 2016.

Did you know that . . .

AA was in its seventh year when a pioneering warden at San Quentin Prison asked nearby AA members to carry their message to alcoholics in the prison. The year was 1942; and the warden, Clinton Duffy, was heard to say, “If the AA program will help just one man, I want to start it.”

Leo F. of the Los Angeles Group was particularly instrumental in bringing AA to San Quentin, together with other devoted AA members of the San Francisco Group. Ricardo, an inmate, was especially helpful from the beginning.

Clinton Duffy died in 1982. In July 2005, at the AA International Convention in Toronto, Canada, the 25th million copy of the Alcoholics Anonymous: The Big Book was presented to Jill Brown, a warden at San Quentin Prison.

One great man, a non-alcoholic, started one AA meeting in a prison; and today we have thousands of meetings not just here in the US, but also in many other countries. I am never thirsty after taking an AA meeting to a prison or jail. – New York Jimmy

Fall 2015

In Recovery Magazine

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By Kay Luckett Until we can receive with an open heart, we’re never really giving with an open heart.

Brene Brown

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his past April, Linne, a friend in recovery, drove me the 100 miles south to St. Joseph’s Hospital in Phoenix, Arizona, where I checked myself into the emergency room at Barrow Neurological Institute, hoping to get an earlier date for a much-needed cervical spine operation.

Linne volunteered to stay with me until I was admitted, but I eventually convinced her it was not necessary. When she left town a day later, I still had no idea how long I would be in the hospital or how I would get home. I also had no idea how serious this surgery was going to be. I had assumed it would be a slam dunk, and I’d be back at work in two weeks.

I was mistaken. The surgeon cut open the back of my neck and fused several cervical and thoracic disks. After a week, I was told I was to be discharged, complete with a cervical collar and instructions to go home and do absolutely nothing but rest and recuperate – no driving, no activity whatsoever.

That same afternoon I received a call from two other recovering friends who mentioned they would coincidentally be nearby and could pick me up and take me home. “Nothing, absolutely nothing happens in God’s world by mistake.”

(Alcoholics Anonymous, Third Edition) My friends arrived with pillows in hand. While one drove, the other had me rest my head on a pillow in her lap. I slept all the way home to my little log cabin in the pines.

I live alone with my cat Bubbles, and I knew she would be of no help. I had not had time to make any plans for home care after my return. Technically, I would have been a candidate for a few weeks’ stay in a physical rehab, but it was too late for that. I soon wondered, Who’s going to feed me and Bubbles? When I returned home, I found I really could do only two things – get up to use the restroom and lay down to rest.

As it turned out, my amazing friends in the local recovery community once again arrived with the support I needed.

My cat sitter, Jeremy, stayed with me for the first week 68

because I certainly wasn’t fit to be home alone. Jeremy has five years of recovery, which began when he was in his 20s.

He hangs out with an amazing group of young peeps who all have some quality sober time. They are active in recovery and service. No coincidence here!

The willingness to receive assistance and kindness was a lesson I had to learn two years ago when I moved to my little cabin. I was at the receiving end of a dynamic demonstration of love. My five-year relationship ended abruptly, and I suddenly found myself without a place to live. There were no rentals available. Then my friend, Jenny, left town with a millionaire. She offered her cabin with two months’ rent paid in advance. She even continued to pay the utilities.

I moved into this lovely space with only a bed and a dresser to my name, plus various boxes of personal items. The place was already a home, fully furnished and cozy – complete with dishes and food. When my partner and I separated, I said a sad goodbye to our two cats. One day later, my chiropractor said she had a cat that needed a home. Bubbles and I were in love at first sight. So now, with absolutely no effort on my part, I had a home to live in and a cat to love.

Three months later, I was given a job I love; I am so very grateful. Despite the fears and uncertainties that life brings, these miracles and demonstrations of love were impossible to put aside.

Back home after surgery, everything about my daily survival included questions that I knew would somehow be answered. In my cervical collar and without the ability to drive, I slept for almost 16 hours a day while my recovery community held me in their hearts.

Without asking, gifts were brought to me: friends with soup and pasta, friends running errands for me, friends calling and coming to visit me. All the while, Jeremy was coming

In Recovery Magazine

Fall 2015

in twice a day to give Bubbles her meds and to cheer me up with his smiling face. He and I became fast friends and had many great conversations about recovery. A small group of friends even brought a Twelve Step meeting to my home.

I am now able to do some light cooking and a few things around the house. However, I am still unable to drive or to bathe myself without help, and help keeps coming. This period of potential isolation has instead blossomed into a parade of loving and generous friends who make being of service a priority.

When I am tempted to get on my pity pot and ask myself why this surgery had to happen to me, the answer comes loudly and clearly. It happened so my heart could be filled with love, acceptance, gratitude and humility. It happened so I could better learn how to receive and how to give. As St. Francis once wrote, “For it is in giving that we receive.”

While I await my chance to pay it forward, this celebration of loving life calls for food. Today, I offer you my recipe for Mountain Granola, a perfect fall breakfast.

Mountain Granola ½ cup walnuts ½ cup almonds ½ cup almond meal (Trader Joe’s) 1¼ cup rolled oats ⅔ cup dried cranberries and apricots, mixed ½ cup raw sunflower seeds ½ cup shelled pumpkin seeds (pepitas) ½ cup unsweetened coconut, shredded 2 tsp ground cinnamon ¼ tsp sea salt 6 Tbs pure maple syrup or agave syrup ¼ cup melted coconut oil 2 tsp vanilla extract

Verde Valley Arizona

Preheat oven to 275 degrees.

Cover a baking sheet with parchment paper. Pulse walnuts and almonds in food processor until finely chopped. Add walnuts and almonds to almond meal in a bowl. Add oats, dried fruit, all seeds, coconut, cinnamon and salt, and combine. Add liquids (syrup, oil, vanilla) and toss until well mixed. Spread mixture onto baking sheet and press down lightly to compact.

Bake for 20 minutes, then rotate pan and bake for 20 more minutes or until golden and firm to the touch. Store in fridge or freeze.

Enjoy!

Kay Luckett has been in recovery since 1997. She writes about her personal experiences in recovery and shares a recipe from her previous life as the owner of Memorable Occasions in Los Angeles. She produced and catered events for over 20 years. Kay is becoming certified as a life coach and may be reached for coaching appointments at 928.499.5027 or at kayskitchen@inrecoverymagazine.com.

Fall 2015

Our Mission is to provide a safe environment, free from any illicit drugs or alcohol, for people with substance abuse issues. We focus on behavior modifications and are dedicated to consistency, structure, and direction in our homes.

Call Anne at 928.821.3526 or Damien at 928.592.2603 stepstorecoveryhomes@gmail.com www.stepstorecoveryhomes.com

In Recovery Magazine

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Anonymous

p until a few years ago, my wife and I led a charmed life. We had an amazing marriage, great jobs, a beautiful home, good health and were blessed with two beautiful sons. Our oldest son, John, is 28; and our younger son, David, is 23. As they grew up, we went through typical struggles with their behaviors, but nothing out of the ordinary. Both of them were involved in their youth group at church and had great friends who seemed to be positive influences.

Then one day when John was 17 years old and in his senior year of high school, we received a phone call from the mom of one his friends that would change the course of our lives forever. She informed us that her daughter had told her John was using prescription pills and many of his friends were concerned he would accidentally overdose. By then, we both knew something was amiss with John; but we were knee deep in denial.

Surely, between the two of us, we would recognize a serious drug problem, right?

that opiates were in his system. He denied this and continued to lie, manipulate and insist there was something wrong with the test kit and with us.

We were ill-prepared to deal with the situation. For the next several years, we were in and out of addiction doctors’ offices. We insisted he be evaluated by a psychologist. We would later learn that he had been using numerous drugs at the same time: heroin, meth, spice, bath salts and others.

Like most parents in the early days of their child’s addiction, we thought we could help John overcome his addiction. We worked tirelessly on his recovery “for” him. We became mentally and physically exhausted.

Though our marriage was strong, we had no idea of the depths of despair we would find ourselves.

Through all of this, we maintained the hope that our younger son was on the right track. He had completed high school and had gone on to college. Unfortunately, After the phone call, we immediately confronted John due to our preoccupation with our older son, we failed and demanded a drug screening. The test confirmed to notice the obvious signs that our younger son was

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Fall 2015

headed down the same path. He dropped out of college and lost his job. What we feared most became a reality – both of our sons were addicts.

All of our efforts to fix our sons had not only failed, but John’s addiction had worsened. He had become an intravenous heroin user. David informed us that he thought smoking marijuana was perfectly acceptable. We later learned that he, too, was deeply involved in meth, heroin and other drugs.

We had to remove John from our home after he destroyed it in a psychotic meltdown. In this moment of complete desperation, we finally reached out for help for us. We searched the Internet and found a support group and a counselor.

The support group was called PAL, Parents of Addicted Loved-ones. By attending their meetings, we started to see a light at the end of the tunnel. We learned practical steps we could utilize to improve our helping style. We were able to accept that while we could not fix our sons, we could work on ourselves. That effort could bring healing and hope to our family and, in time, might save our sons’ lives.

Our history of enabling and rescuing had not only delayed their growth, but had likely kept all of us stuck.

During the past few years our sons had trips to detox centers, emergency rooms, recovery centers, halfway houses and even jail. They lived in parks, cars and friends’ couches. They had to lose everything they owned. However, today John has 18 months of sobriety and is working full time at a recovery center in the Phoenix, Arizona, area. John and his fiancé recently had a baby girl, our first granddaughter – they are wonderful parents. Our younger son just celebrated 10 months of sobriety. They both have embraced this change in their lives and seem truly humbled by their experiences.

Today we facilitate a PAL meeting and love working with parents wherever they are in their journey. We can now confidently say that we are happy for our journey and the lessons we have learned. By working together, our marriage is stronger than ever; and our faith in God has grown as we learned to trust Him under all circumstances. There is no judgment, no condemnation – just acceptance, surrender, empathy and compassion.

PAL – a free, educational, support group facilitated by and for parents – was founded in 2006 by Mike Speakman, a licensed Arizona Substance Abuse Counselor and author of The Four Seasons of Recovery for Parents of Alcoholics and Addicts.

Recently, a committed group of parents formed PAL into a non-profit corporation in Arizona. As of this date, PAL has expanded to 18 weekly meetings in Arizona, Kentucky and Indiana. Our mission is to provide hope to parents of addicts through education and support. Our vision is to make our meetings available to all parents who have an addicted child. You can find more information about PAL at www.palgroup.org and on Facebook at Parents of Addicted Loved Ones.

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By Deborah Ann Scott

he day my 16-year-old daughter’s best friend died of a heroin overdose was a day that changed many lives. Though we didn’t realize it at the time, we were headed into a downward spiral of unthinkable hell.

Our children, biological siblings Chelsea and Alex, were ages two and three when we adopted them in 1997. We knew our lives were blessed from the moment they entered our home and our hearts. Chelsea started ice skating when she was four and competed for over ten years. She was also very creative; her poems and articles were published in national magazines. At the age of eleven, she became a delegate of the Junior National Young Leaders Conference in Washington, DC. Chelsea was privileged to be invited to attend President Obama’s inauguration in 2009.

Then things began to change. Chelsea started experimenting with drugs. She injured her knee, which put an end to her competitive ice skating. Her private school tuition became more than we could afford, so Chelsea had to change schools. Her choice of friends slowly became more and more questionable.

Our once exceptional student began failing classes; she didn’t pass her freshman year of high school. Because she was artistic, we enrolled her in an art academy, only to discover rampant drug use at the school. Next, we enrolled her in an online school; but that, too, was not the right place for her. Nothing seemed to be right for her; our daughter had become a drug addict.

During Chelsea’s sophomore year, we admitted her to an intensive outpatient treatment center.

During this time, she told us she was better and was done with the drugs. That lasted about a month after her treatment ended. Chelsea continued her downward spiral.

We barred her from hanging out with certain “friends.” We always met her friends’ parents. When Chelsea did hang out with friends, often they would be at our home. But it made no difference. On July 4, 2011, her best friend in the world, one who was on the forbidden list, asked if she could come by for a minute. The friend was in the area and just wanted to say hi. I said yes. When she arrived, she told me she was sorry for her behavior and was trying to stop using drugs.

She said she missed us and loved being part of our family.

That night she went home, shot up and died.

Two months later, Chelsea asked us for help; she wanted to go to detox. This began my quest to do whatever I could to save my daughter’s life. Making phone call after phone call, I misdialed a number and found I had reached the director

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of inpatient rehab for Banner Behavioral Health Center in Arizona. He told me exactly what to do. Within a few days, we were checking our daughter into Banner.

Chelsea was in detox for five days. Then she was admitted to an inpatient center for 28 days. Soon after, our insurance company called to say they would no longer pay for treatment, and we needed to pick her up that day – even though it was against her doctor’s orders. I began to see the difficulties young people and their families can experience when fighting addiction.

While Chelsea was in treatment, I became ill after scrubbing the drug residue and soot in her room. As I was recuperating in bed at home, I checked my emails and came across a notice about a new television show that was casting kids who were in trouble. I wrote a brief email stating that my daughter was an addict; and although in treatment at the moment, I knew she would need further help. As I turned off my

In Recovery Magazine

During the time Chelsea was away, our family had time to rebuild. It was difficult, but I knew God was with us. He always was. I just needed to accept His plan.

Fall 2015

laptop, my cell phone rang. It was the casting director of the television show; they were interested in our story. I spoke to Chelsea about it; she thought it was cool, “I could be on TV.” This was exactly what I wanted to hear.

For a short time after she returned from rehab, life was okay; but then things became worse than we could have imagined. I started noticing items around the house were missing. Maybe I put it somewhere else . . . wait, I thought I had more money than that. Chelsea would go on extremely long walks. There were times she would be gone for many hours; then she went missing overnight. We contacted the police; they listed her as a runaway.

Chelsea eventually stole and pawned computers, TVs, gaming consoles and all of my jewelry – everything except my wedding ring, which I never took off my finger. She got into our wallets while we were asleep, stole our debit cards and wiped out our bank accounts. To prevent her from stealing more items, we started hiding things so well we forgot where we hid them.

Our lives were falling apart. My husband and I no longer spoke; we only fought. Our son, Alex, locked himself in his room. He was fearful that if he even went to the bathroom, his sister would have enough time to steal everything in his room. We incurred debts with no way to pay. Anytime we received extra money, we would try to make up for what she had stolen.

Night after night, I would drive around looking for Chelsea anywhere and everywhere, even in fields and ditches. She no longer hid her drug use. Every morning, I checked on her before I left for work – just to make sure she was still breathing. There she would be, syringes lying on her bed.

She would be dead before I knew it if I didn’t do something.

I prayed, asking for God’s help. I reached out to my church and choir family, and immediately had more support, prayers and love than I could have thought possible.

One morning after checking on Chelsea and collecting the drug paraphernalia off her bed, I drove to work. Sobbing uncontrollably, I could not see where I was driving. I pulled the car over and prayed. I told God I could no longer do this by myself. I surrendered everything to Him. My life would no longer be controlled by my will, but His. On my drive home that evening, I received a phone call from the casting director of the TV show. Chelsea had been chosen to participate and help was on the way. It had taken six months, but the show would be here in two weeks. I prayed we had that much time.

Chelsea’s story was eventually shown on Teen Trouble with Josh Shipp on the Lifetime Network. At the end of the shooting, Josh gave Chelsea the greatest gift ever. At no cost to us, she was put into a therapeutic boarding school for troubled girls in Sedona, Arizona, only two hours from our home. She was in treatment for a year.

During the time Chelsea was away, our family had time to rebuild. It was difficult, but I knew God was with us – He always had been. I just had to accept His plan for our lives.

Though circumstances became much better for our family, Fall 2015

my worries began to return. I knew we could not bring our daughter back into the same environment and expect difference results.

I remember going to bed one night, praying once again for answers. The next morning, I told my husband we needed to move. That night in a dream, God told me we needed to move to Washington. I don’t know why; we knew no one in Washington. We had lived in Arizona most of our adult lives. Nevertheless, I asked my husband to trust what God had told me.

We left everything behind, including family, and moved to Olympia, Washington. I quit my job of nearly eleven years and was unemployed for a year. During our time of despair, my husband suffered numerous medical problems. He was no longer able to work and went on disability.

After a year of treatment, Chelsea returned home – to a home she never knew in Washington. She relapsed once while still in the program and again after her release, but these relapses actually gave her the strength and desire to recover. She is healthy and happy; she no longer looks at her past, but at what is possible for her future. She is an amazing young woman with endless opportunities in front of her.

After a year of being away from our Arizona home and our family, we decided to return; it’s where we belong. Chelsea is now 20 and living in Colorado. She is strong, ready to stand on her own two feet and face the world. She is living and loving her sober life.

And me? It is now my time to reach out and help others facing the frightening world of young adult addiction. To spread the word of God’s amazing grace, I have shared our story in treatment facilities with young addicts as well as in churches in both Washington and Arizona.

I have met people along the way, such as Mike Speakman from the Parents for Addicted Loved-ones, who have helped me in my personal recovery. I find strength and comfort with online support groups such as The Addict’s Mom. I use our family’s journey to reach out to parents who have no idea that this disease can touch the lives of anyone. I share the message that with hope, love and support, they can survive, too; they just need to surrender all.

In Recovery Magazine

Deborah Scott lives in Phoenix, Arizona. Always believing that God’s plan was unfolding, it was her faith in Christ that gave her hope for a better future.

Today she celebrates not only her daughter’s sobriety, but also the new opportunities that God has blessed her with.

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By Beth Wilson

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he history of the word “codependency” dates back to the 1950s when Lois Wilson and Anne Bingham founded Al-Anon, the Twelve Step recovery group for family members and others in relationships with alcoholics. Back then, the word described exactly what it was – an unhealthy drive to fix or alter the conditions that had created so much turmoil in their unhappy homes.

In the mid-1980s, the concept of codependency rocketed into the fourth dimension with Melody Beattie’s book, Codependent No More. She writes, “Codependency is about crossing lines. How can we tell if what we’re doing is codependent? When we cross the line into the Codependent Zone, we’ve usually got an ulterior motive for what we do, and what we’re doing hurts.”

According to Ross Rosenberg’s blog post, “The History of the Word Codependency,” 1970s treatment centers began to recognize that alcoholism didn’t just affect the alcoholic; so they labeled family members “co-alcoholics.” The rising drug crisis of the 1980s saw treatment providers expanding their programs to include treatment for people who were chemically dependent. Rosenberg goes on to say that since “co-chemically dependent” was a mouthful, the family members’ de-signation was shortened to “codependent.”

In 2009, she wrote a follow-up book called The New Codependency: Help and Guidance for the New Generation.

Beattie acknowledges that the world has changed drastically in the 30 years or so since she wrote her first book. She writes, “Teenagers know about boundaries and limits; five-year-old children talk about feelings.” She believes we have had a shift in the self-care paradigm.

Since the 1980s, the term codependency has jumped out of therapeutic settings and into mainstream no-menclature, but with a meaning that is not very favorable. Today, it’s com-mon to overhear a cell phone conversation, “I know, right? She’s so codependent.” Variations of this conversation happen in daily settings everywhere.

“Have you heard about Dorothy? She totally lets Toto dictate her every move. OMG, that girl is super-codependent!”

While the dialogue may seem silly, relinquishing one’s own wants and needs for the sake of another person’s is not. In his way of redefining codependency, Rosenberg says these are people “. . . who habitually and reflexively give more love, respect and care to others while not receiving the same in return.”

The concept of codependency even sparked the book, Codependency for Dummies, written by Darlene Lancer.

Lancer’s definition of codependency – because it seems everyone has their own definition – is, “Someone who can’t function from their innate self, but instead organizes their thinking and behavior around another person(s), a process, or substance.”

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Taking care of ourselves and not feeling selfish about it, and learning to care for others in a healthy way are the shifts that needed to happen. Perhaps this is why bookstores today are filled with books on codependency and how to recover from it.

Codependency has evolved from its beginnings. Some say the concept is bastardizing itself out of existence. In fact, Dr. Sue Johnson, a respected couples therapist, said, “There is no such thing as codependency; there is only effective and ineffective dependency.” Using Dr. Johnson’s definition, it is more likely that a person simply has a problem with communication.

She explains that ineffective dependency is the result of reaching out to others in ways that don’t work. Needy and clingy people tend to evoke frustration and even anger from others – the very opposite of the response they desire.

Instead, if they choose to state their needs directly, the exchange will be more satisfying for both people. The communication becomes effective, and unhealthy dependency is no longer an issue. Self-contentment goes a long way toward easing both ineffective dependency and communication.

In truth, we are all dependent on others. It seems safe to assume that we are all codependents at one time or another.

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Fall 2015

It is human nature to be interdependent with others for certain things; and, because we are human, that dependency isn’t always healthy.

In her blog post “The Myth of Codependency,” New York psychologist Jenev Caddell notes that, “We are not wired to be alone. We do need each other, and that is not codependency. It is an innate, wired-in, biological need. Simply stated, we would die without each other.”

Caddell’s solution to codependency begins with a moratorium on using the word. Instead, she recommends people heed the call to be with others and do their best to make these relationships healthy. She writes, “Stop questioning yourself when you start to feel attached to someone.” While you’re at it, don’t bend to the current codependency descriptions blowing through our culture. Be your own beautiful self, and let that be enough.

Jones’ description could sum up the lives of just about all of those entering recovery from addictions. Looking for outside comfort is what recovering people do as they search for something to fill the interior sense of emptiness. Many continue the search long after the addiction is set aside.

Jones suggests that the general public would do well to leave the word “codependency” to therapists, counselors and psychologists, and instead to focus on developing more effective interdependent relationships.

The only benchmark needed to determine if a relationship is symbiotic is to answer the question, “Is the way I’m showing up in this relationship making me more of who I want to be?” If the answer is no, you need to address why not. If the answer is yes, go forth and enjoy your relationships – and your life!

Sarah Jones writes on The Good Men Project website that today’s pop-culture definition of codependency seems to “. . . center around the idea that codependents have little-to-no core sense of self and are therefore compulsively looking to outside sources for comfort.”

Beth Wilson is a writer in long-term recovery from addiction. She blogs about recovery and mindfulness at bheretoday.com and is also the director of digital content at facingaddiction.org.

Infinite Recovery provides an unparalleled level of therapeutic support. Our mission is to empower clients to heal, learn, and discover. The primary goal is to help people stay sober and enjoy life in recovery, while integrating into independent living. We provide a variety of continuing care services designed to help those in recovery manage their spiritual, emotional, and social aspects of a sober lifestyle.

• INTENSIVE OUTPATIENT PROGRAM • SOBER LIVING

• AFTERCARE PROGRAM • TRANSITIONAL LIVING

844-206-9063 Toll Free Admissions

www.infiniterecovery.com Fall 2015

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By Alona M. Gottfried

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s a family law mediator, I have helped families addressing addiction or recovery move more easily through a legal matter with grace and respect.

Family law mediation is most often used as a positive alternative to litigation. It is a process in which both parties sit down with a neutral third person skilled in conflict resolution, and resolve their disputes themselves.

Mediators help create an environment that fosters listening, compromise and resolution. If necessary, they also help the parties involved create binding documents.

Participants almost always reach a peaceful resolution – mediation has an over 90 percent success rate. Those involved in this process are able to move forward with their lives and relationships in a more positive fashion. Such negotiations are confidential, which is an attractive feature for people addressing private issues such as addiction.

Participants are encouraged to formulate creative solutions; and because the participants decide the outcome, there is little risk of a bad result.

By contrast, litigation is often a stressful, time-consuming and expensive manner of addressing legal issues. It is also a public process that often creates more conflict and animosity for the parties. Conflict and animosity are difficult for everyone, but especially for children caught in the middle or individuals addressing addiction issues. It is not unusual for someone’s past or ongoing addiction to be used against them in court, especially when children are involved. At the end of a case, the parties’ fates are in the hands of a judge, who has limited options on how to resolve issues, and who may create orders that are damaging to one or all of those involved.

Almost any type of family issue can be mediated, including divorce, legal separation, paternity actions and post-decree matters. Different states offer more or fewer remedies. The following is a list of potential ways mediation can be used to address addiction issues:

• After a divorce or similar action is completed, parents can return to mediation to address a request for increased time with a child. Similarly, if a parent is going through a difficult time, the participants can temporarily modify orders to address the situation.

• Couples can become legally separated until one party achieves a certain level of sobriety. By legally separating, the parties can divide their assets and debts, then make arrangements for support issues and parenting time during this transition period.

• Parties can also use a legal separation mediation to help prevent one party from being legally responsible for the other party’s future debts. This type of action is especially useful when the addiction involves gambling, or otherwise results in financial waste or heightened financial liability. People may address concerns that their partner could drive under the influence or face other criminal charges that can have financial repercussions.

• Couples can create agreements that allow them to stay married. They can agree to stay in treatment or forego

• In a mediated divorce, legal separation or paternity action, parents can create parenting plans which address addiction concerns and the potential impact on children. Some plans may forbid alcohol use partially or completely before and during access periods with the child. Parents may also devise other safeguards, such as random drug testing and mandatory counseling.

Such provisions help a parent in recovery demonstrate trustworthiness while allowing the other parent to feel some sense of security that the children will not suffer because of an addiction issue.

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Fall 2015

illicit drugs as part of a mediated agreement.

Contracts between married people (sometimes called postnuptial agreements) are often considered binding, as long as they do not violate public policy.

Family law mediation is most often used as a positive alternative to litigation. It is a process in which both parties sit down with a mediator, a neutral third party skilled in conflict resolution, and resolve their disputes together.

• People can also use mediation to reconcile with partners or other family members. This provides a forum to communicate in a positive manner and to resolve ongoing conflicts or resentments. These types of mediations generally do not result in a binding agreement, unlike those involving legal actions. Instead, in a facilitated conversation to help make it as productive and comfortable as possible, those taking part in the process air their concerns, feel heard and understood, then create a road map for moving forward in relationships.

If one party is the victim of domestic violence, mediation may not be appropriate. However, if the individual is able to self-advocate, steps can be taken to proceed while protecting the victim. For example, the two parties can remain in different rooms or buildings utilizing video or telephone conferencing. In all such situations, individuals can choose to be represented by an attorney.

I have chosen this profession because I am able to help

Fall 2015

people who may otherwise face traumatic legal action or who may not have the strength or resources to address their legal and other needs. I see parents who are able to remain friendly after a divorce and children who are spared the aftermath of a nasty legal action. In addition, I have the privilege of helping couples take the first steps toward putting their lives back together in a positive and loving manner.

Alona M. Gottfried is a family law mediator and attorney in Arizona. She may be reached at 480.998.1500, alona@sglawaz.com or Simmons & Gottfried, PLLC, 8160 E. Butherus Dr., Suite #7, Scottsdale, Arizona 85260. Her website is azmediator.com.

NOTE: This is a general interest article only and is not intended as legal advice. See a legal professional before making legal decisions.

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By Rose McKinney

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or a couple who met in the 1980s, it’s somewhat surprising that our song is the 1960s hit, So Happy Together by The Turtles. Yet this simple tune remains the chorus for our marriage that is nearing 30 years of committed togetherness.

Young love never considers the inevitable ups and downs, let alone the unexpected twists and turns, that life brings.

Wedding vows, whether traditional or ones written ourselves, often speak of the possibilities and even the extremes. However, it’s not until the unthinkable happens that we are reminded of “for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, ‘til death do us part.” Indeed, these are the times that bring forth our truest feelings.

When children come along – my husband and I have been blessed with three of them – we start to realize the fragility, vulnerability and responsibility that parenthood brings.

Sleepless nights test us; but with hindsight, they are perhaps a foreshadowing of the teen and young adult years.

Until 2008, my husband and I were feeling pretty confident about our parenting. I’ve learned there is no such thing as perfect parenting; but we didn’t anticipate any major disruptions, and certainly not addiction.

Our oldest was in college and had survived some significant partying by learning a few important, impactful life lessons.

She was starting to get her life together. Our youngest was

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thriving in elementary school and enjoying sports.

Our middle kid – who knows if that middle child thing is even pertinent – was popular, getting good grades, lettering in tennis and was team captain. Colleges were already recruiting him. He had a car, a part-time job and plenty of friends. But something wasn’t right. This kid had developed an attitude. He seemed to have lost his zest for life. He was breaking rules, staying up late on the computer and pushing curfew. He didn’t want to participate in family activities and was oversleeping to the point of not being able to wake up for school.

My husband, who had a close relationship with our son through sports and camping trips, was the first to recognize these changes. He made a doctor’s appointment for our son to see what was going on – something physical, something mental, perhaps?

“No matter how they tossed the dice, it had to be.”

We certainly wondered if he was using drugs. Of course, he denied it. At first we found no evidence. Soon, though, he advanced from casual use to addiction – getting high five times a day, every day. It was this progression that first tested our marriage. His chaotic behavior drove us to our own crazy behavior patterns, not to mention a whole new round of sleepless nights.

I became a detective watching my son’s every move – looking at phone records, checking the mileage on his car, searching his bedroom and going through his backpack. Sometimes I found evidence. Other times, I was tortured by my hunches, which later would turn out to be true. I started to call it my “mom radar;” and to this day, it has never failed me.

My husband would drive through the neighborhood looking for our son’s car. He’d call and text our son, then catch him in lies about where he was. Calm, rational discussions rapidly went sideways; and our son would stomp off. Once, late on a rainy night in 40-degree weather, he even ran off in his underwear without shoes, wallet or phone. Crazy, right?

Things were getting scary. We were definitely watching our lives become unmanageable; yet even as things became increasingly worse, we managed.

There were situations too numerous to recount by the time we faced another critical point in our son’s addiction. He had passed out in sub-zero temperatures the first weekend at college; he was kicked out of college housing; he ran away from treatment; he was homeless and living in a storage closet at a local university; he sold his plasma; he snuck out of a halfway house and didn’t let any of us know; he relapsed; and the list goes on.

In Recovery Magazine

Fall 2015

“Imagine how the world could be.”

The experts assured us we were doing all the right things, but nothing was working. Instead of falling apart, my husband I fell even more deeply in love. Both of us were learning and sharing, although from different sources, in different ways and at different paces. We came to appreciate each other’s strengths and to take our less-flattering characteristics in stride despite frustration and friction. The constant was that we had the same goals – treatment, sobriety and recovery for our son, and peace for our family.

As you can imagine, this prompted many late-night, sometimes all-night, conversations. We were trying to hold it together for our other kids and for our jobs. We were trying to hold each other together.

I started going to Al-Anon, but my husband’s not a meetings kinda guy. He would read the Al-Anon literature and always ask about the meetings. He experienced Al-Anon vicariously, fully supporting my involvement.

From there, I started blogging, writing a newspaper column and eventually using social media to tell our story and relay a message of experience, strength and hope for other families. Sharing our story and helpful resources with other families was my goal. It was and is part of my recovery. It has become my calling to build a community of parents and professionals who care and are concerned about the growing number of young people becoming addicted to alcohol and drugs.

Addiction confronted us with crisis scenarios and triage activities, as well as philosophical and spiritual conversations. Addiction has brought out the best and worst in us throughout our emotional peaks and valleys.

Addiction has transformed our parenting and has humbled us. It has connected us with family and friends in deeper and more meaningful ways that have renewed our faith.

Addiction has brought us even closer as husband and wife, as best friends. It has underscored the importance of strength that comes from unity in a quest for sobriety. Addiction is a mystery with many clues, but few solutions. The good news is that there is an abundance of advice and approaches that can and do save lives.

If anything could have rocked our relationship, it was our son’s addiction. Yet neither of us can think of an event on this difficult journey that has come close to dividing us; it has, in fact, strengthened us.

Unity has been our saving grace. There were times we saw our son’s situation from different perspectives and believed that a specific approach was best, but we’ve always paused to consider the other person’s point of view. We have then worked together to make joint decisions, expressing them as best we could to the rest of the family with a unified voice.

We knew the pure, strong love from which we created our three children would be the foundation for our son’s sobriety and recovery. Today, our son is nine months sober and embracing recovery.

Fall 2015

“The only one for me is you and you for me.”

(Suggestions for couples facing a child’s addiction)

A lifetime commitment: Addiction and recovery are longterm life hikes, so put on your hiking boots and be prepared to go the distance together.

Feel your feelings: Parenting an addict brings a broad spectrum of intense emotions along every step of the journey.

There is little to gain by holding these emotions in, and there is much to gain by processing these emotions as individuals and as a couple.

Weigh your options: The early stages of a child’s addiction often have parents in a constant state of triage and crisis management. Emotions cloud your thinking and influence your judgment. This is the time to think before you act and think before you speak, even when you must quickly respond to a situation.

Time out: Time and space provide breathing room. This allows clarity and brings serenity.

Share: There’s more than enough for each of you, so divide and conquer rather than being a lone ranger.

Trust: Remember that each of you is approaching life from a loving perspective with only the best intentions. When decisions come down to facts and opinions with no one answer being perfectly right or wrong, trust your partner’s gut feelings.

Show your love: Hold hands. Write love notes. Snuggle at night. Embrace in the morning. Nurture your love for each other. Love is the most healing of all feelings.

Share the path: As husband and wife, you’re walking on the same parenting path; but it’s okay, even expected, that you might go at different paces. From time to time, it’s also helpful to engage a guide who can offer insights and suggestions to keep the relationship strong when the stress of a loved one’s addiction is bound to create challenging dynamics.

Embrace: Consider willingness, open-mindedness and acceptance the secret ingredients of marital longevity and happiness. Addiction has a way of taking us in circles and backtracking. You may perceive things differently at different times. Be willing to re-think or respond differently as circumstances change. Embrace each day as a new opportunity.

In Recovery Magazine

Rose McKinney created Our Young Addicts, a community of parents and professionals who share their experiences, resources and hopes for the young addicts in their lives on the continuum of addiction, treatment, and recovery. To be an active participant in online chats, follow her blog, Midwestern Mama, at ouryoungaddicts. wordpress.com and on Twitter @OurYoungAddicts.

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By Regina Victoria Cates

e’ve all heard that happiness comes from within.

Someone else can’t make us happy; we have to create our own happiness. We aren’t responsible for another person’s behavior, only for how we behave in response.

I agree. Yes, I’m in charge of choosing to be happy, of seeing my glass as half full rather than half empty, of concentrating on the light at the end of the tunnel, of not depending on others for my overall peace and joy, and of opting not to ego-box with people who behave rudely.

Yet the longer I live and the more I observe daily interactions, the more I’m convinced there is a flipside to the personal happiness coin; and it needs more press. The realization is that you aren’t the only one responsible for your happiness.

I, too, play a role because my behavior creates a wake that sends energy outward, just like a boat creates waves on the water.

When I was young, I often went fishing with my dad on our boat. I adored the chill of the early morning air and the sunlight dancing on the water’s surface. I was in awe of my dad’s skill as a fisherman; he would take aim and then cast the lure between the branches of a long-dead tree partly submerged near shore.

To reach my favorite fishing spot, we first had to cross a big lake. Once my father made certain my lifejacket was on correctly, he would push the boat away from the dock. When we were clear, he put the motor in high gear; and then we were off, speeding toward our destination.

Holding on tightly, I would look backward. As we raced over the surface of the lake, I didn’t enjoy facing into the strong wind that our high speed created. Water shot up over the bow, spraying us. As we sped by, buoys bobbed up and down.

A flock of ducks quickly took flight, their tranquil floating disturbed by our waves. When we were close to land, our boat’s wake crashed against the shore.

After what seemed an eternity, we arrived. My dad reduced the speed and turned the noisy, smelly, water-churning engine off. He moved up front to the electric motor that silently propelled us the rest of the way, leaving only a small ripple as evidence of our passing.

When we were moving slowly, not upsetting the wildlife, I was delighted by the dragonflies that landed on the boat. Fish swam close by, undisturbed by our presence. Once, a bird sat for a brief moment on the steering wheel.

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When it came time to head back, I was always disappointed.

Too soon we were off again, zooming across the lake, our wake disturbing the water and everything on it as we passed by.

Many years later, during an especially hard period, it dawned on me, I am like that boat. I, too, leave a wake as I travel through life. Although I have not always selected the right speed – in the form of responsible behavior – to represent myself well to the world, today I choose to move at a slower, more purposeful pace.

When I wrote a check that bounced, my embarrassment caused me to take out my frustration on the people at the mean ole bank. When I had loud parties, I ignored the impact on my neighbors. When I carelessly threw a plastic cup, bag or take-out container in the gutter, I wasn’t conscious of the fact that it became part of a swirling mass of trash in the Pacific Ocean.

As a smoker, I rarely considered the negative impact my cigarette smoke had on others or my pets. I never thought about who was responsible for cleaning up the cigarette butts I threw on the street. Nor did I care about leaving my shopping cart behind a car or in the middle of the parking lot; I rationalized that someone was paid to put it away. When I was financially irresponsible, I expected my family, my friends, the government or strangers to bail me out.

There was a time when I behaved like a fast boat, churning up waves of drama and chaos that crashed over others and me.

Looking back, I realize my careless behavior was the result of not thinking about anyone but myself. Finally it dawned

In Recovery Magazine

Fall 2015

on me that I could not possibly be the only person who was impacted by my behavior. That open-hearted aha! moment was what it took for me to stop seeing myself as separate and alone, and start seeing myself as part of our Earth family.

The key that opened the door to my heart happened when I asked myself, “How will my action feel to that person?”

Taking time to put myself in another’s shoes before I act allows me to be aware of how uncomfortable, frustrated or lonely it feels to be on the receiving end of rude and thoughtless behavior. It does not feel good to be tossed up and down like a buoy on the waves. It is not enjoyable to be sprayed with or battered by the wake of another person’s unconscious behavior.

Yes, our overall contentment with life is absolutely our responsibility. The other half of that truth is that no matter how much you take responsibility for creating your own happiness – congratulations, by the way! – my actions do, however briefly, have some impact on your happiness factor.

You are not going to be happy, no matter how much deep breathing you do, if I have a cell phone conversation while your child is onstage, during a movie or at the symphony.

You can focus all your energy on remaining peaceful, but happiness may elude you if I ignore traffic signs and make an illegal U-turn causing a traffic jam. Your calm and balance may go out the window if the ripple effect of my thoughtless behavior washes negatively over you.

Although I may live in a free country, I am not entitled to behave as I please. I am not free to do what I want without regard to the consequences of my actions toward others.

Action without accountability is not free. There are always consequences.

Our satisfaction and fulfillment in life come from actively creating and nurturing positive relationships with everyone, not just our family and friends. I’ve learned that good relationships are impossible if I speed carelessly through life, behaving as if I have a special pass to do whatever I want.

Today I realize that when I care about the effect of my actions, I feel fantastic about myself. I now accept that there is nothing naïve, submissive or weak about slowing down and paying attention to my actions. Real courage means pausing enough to keep my heart open to care about you, too. That is the responsibility I have for your happiness.

Regina Cates, author, personal empowerment coach and positivity junkie, inspires thousands of people every day to live lives of limitless possibility. Through her LA–based company, Romancing Your Soul, she guides people to lead with their hearts. With her bestselling book, Lead with Your Heart: Creating a Life of Love, Compassion and Purpose, Regina is touching the hearts of a worldwide audience. Visit her website at ReginaCates.com, follow her on Facebook at facebook.com/romancingyoursoul or listen on iTunes at bit.ly/RYS-iTunes-Podcast.

Cross Talk CrossTalk is based on the premise that recovery life is polytely: frequently, complex problem-solving situations characterized by the presence of not one, but several endings. This writing represents decades of recovery and its application to life and how to get over it, into it or through it with spunk, levity and a good dose of reality. What? You want more than happy, joyous and free? Get over it. Just sayin’. – Mollé

Dear Mollé, Okay, here’s the short story . . . my sponsor just gave me a 30-day chip today – hopefully my last. I’ve relapsed many times. This is the first time I’ve worked the Steps, and it really is different. I’m going to early morning meetings, where there are business people like me. I couldn’t afford residential treatment again, so I go to outpatient every day. My ex has me in court trying to get full custody of our son. I hate opening my mail and my bills are piling up.

My problem is that my work only approved a 45-day leave of absence. I am due to return to work in two weeks, and I’m overwhelmed and scared. I have a high-paying job and really need the money. But the job is also very stressful. I think I’ll be okay, but I don’t want to take the chance because I really like sobriety this time and don’t want to drink. I can’t sort this out. What should I do? – 7:00 am Regular in Denver Dear Ms. Denver, I am not going to tell you what you should do. The fact that you are going to meetings, attending treatment and doing the Steps with a sponsor will significantly increase the odds that you can and will stay sober no matter what happens.

I’m serious.

Going back to work can be challenging, even when it’s a low-stress job. The fear (false evidence appearing real) of going back to work can actually be worse than doing it. Fear can paralyze us and make any situation worse. So try not to waste your sober brain cells worrying.

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Get the facts. Call your work’s human resources department and find out if you can extend your leave. If the answer is yes and you can afford it, great. If they won’t or you can’t afford it, then that settles it. Use your sober support team and get ready. You are not alone, most everyone has to work. This is where the saying, “Suit up (shut up) and show up,” comes into play. You don’t have to like it; you just have to do it.

Sobriety gives purpose to life. Stay close to your Higher Power, your sponsor and to the Steps. You can do this.

Okay, Mollé, You won’t like this, because I barely do. It doesn’t make sense, but it is what it is. I’ve fallen in love with a newcomer – me, 22 years sober; her, 90 days sober. We are both in our 50s and both widowed after many years of marriage. I know, what I was thinking!?

Now don’t spit in your coffee, but this truly is a case of love at first sight. We both knew it from the beginning. We don’t want to be apart, ever. We’ve been discrete, but I can’t live a secret for too long. Waiting until she has the nonexistent rule of “one year before a relationship” is nonsense. She’ll then be one year sober, and I’ll be 23 years – not all that different in the eyes of others.

I can handle the social ridicule, but I don’t want to hurt her by staying or by going. What do you think?

In Recovery Magazine

Fall 2015

Dearest, I DID just spit in my coffee!

As a famous person recently said, “Who am I to judge?”

Either way, people in AA will talk about you mercilessly – we’re just people – so quit worrying about what other people think.

Let her develop her own recovery program without your input. Don’t go to every meeting together, and don’t hide.

What the two of you do in your non-AA time (or ever) is no one’s business. If people want to talk, well, let the person with no fault cast the first stone.

The point is, the difference between 90 days and one year is it’s likely she will have had a greater opportunity to practice trusting in a power greater than herself – which is not you.

She’ll have completed Steps Four and Five, applied Steps Six and Seven in her life and have made significant progress with Steps Eight and Nine, and working on Steps Ten to Twelve.

My sponsor’s no-argument “dating in recovery” guideline was a minimum of four meetings a week including a woman’s meeting, a Big Book study, a topic/discussion meeting and a speaker meeting. If I wanted to go to a meeting with my boyfriend, I was to use the speaker meeting as part of date night. All other meetings were for my recovery and not for holding hands.

I will assume you understand the AA social norm of “don’t hit on newcomers.” Please, check and recheck your motives – with a sponsor. “It is only where ‘boy meets girl on AA campus,’ and love follows at first sight, that difficulties may develop.” But, and here’s the rub, “The prospective partners need to be solid AA’s and long enough acquainted to know that their compatibility at spiritual, mental and emotional levels is a fact and not wishful thinking.” (Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 119).

Keep your head out of the sand, be honest, and be willing to pay the price for your actions or inactions. Stay sober no matter what, even if your hearts get broken.

The viewpoints shared or any implied actions suggested by Mollé are the opinions and ideas of the author only and do not represent those of In Recovery Magazine. The implied action is offered openly and is never intended to replace the advice of a health care professional. You may send your dilemmas to Mollé at crosstalk@inrecoverymagazine.com.

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eric.johnston@mybrainsolutions.com and steve.blum@mybrainsolutions.com Fall 2015

In Recovery Magazine

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Cluttered Lives, Empty Souls

By Terrence Shulman

I

don’t remember the first time I heard the term “codependency,” but it probably was in the mid-1980s. I must have been about 20. I’m not even sure in what context I heard the word, though it likely was in a psychology class or perhaps in one of my first visits to Al-Anon. The term originated in the 1980s, but the concept dates to the founding of Al-Anon by Lois Wilson in 1951. Whenever, wherever, however, I eventually became a codependency poster boy.

We have an overdeveloped sense of responsibility and it is easier for us to be concerned with others rather than ourselves; this enables us not to look too closely at our own faults, etc. – Adult Children of Alcoholic’s (ACOA) 14 Traits of an Adult Child of an Alcoholic

dened, unable to say no and unable to ask for help.

Eventually, I hit a bottom. At age 25 while in law school, I was arrested for shoplifting. My father had suffered a stroke and was wheelchair-bound. I tried to set some boundaries, but my guilt was excruciating. I felt like Michael Corleone from The Godfather – Part 3. “Just when I thought I was out, they keep pulling me back in!” I went into therapy and began peeling the onion layers of my life. I learned codependency was at its core.

It’s one thing to know your habits but quite another to change them. – David W. Earle

My story is not unique, though I grew up feeling it was.

My dad became an alcoholic when I was young. He and my mom divorced when I was around eleven. That was when I took on the role of man of the house. I watched my younger brother, cleaned, cooked and was a confidant for my mom.

I developed the persona of the good son –hero, helper, rescuer, rock. I nearly lost all sense of my authentic self.

I read many books on codependency and soon noticed a pattern in my intimate relationships with women. My idea of love was caring about and helping others. I was always putting everyone’s needs ahead of my own. I deluded myself into thinking I didn’t have any needs . . . except maybe for sex. I had to keep giving more to get “a few scraps from the table of love,” which led to resentments as well as crazy fears. I felt if I was no longer needed, I’d no longer be loved.

There’s always something in it for the person who is allowing himself or herself to be taken advantage of. – P. A. Speers, Type 1 Sociopath: When Difficult People Are More Than Just Difficult People

We confuse love and pity, and tend to love people we can pity and rescue . . . We get guilt feelings when we stand up for ourselves instead of giving in to others. – ACOA’s 14 Traits of an Adult Child of an Alcoholic

I was embarrassed to be the son of an alcoholic, a child of divorce and a member of a financially-struggling family. I was envious of friends and relatives whose families seemed perfect. I felt perpetually frustrated, and wondered if my dad really loved me and why he chose the bottle over me. I assumed most men were like my dad – weak, selfish, unreliable and angry. I decided that to receive love, I had to be the opposite of my dad – strong, selfless, reliable and kind.

I had begun distancing myself from my father when my worst fear came true; he died. I first felt relief, then guilt that I felt relief, then anger and finally rage. Finally, I felt immense sorrow. I filled the void left by his death with another codependent relationship. Within three months, I was dating an older divorced woman with three young children. The four years with this woman were very tumultuous. We must have broken up at least a dozen times.

I even traveled out West for two months to keep from going back to her; that only lasted a week.

For a time, my codependency served me well. It occupied my mind so I didn’t have to feel anything or look at myself.

I learned home-life skills. I felt special, superior, even like an adult. But I also became a martyr – always sacrificing something for someone else.

The truth is we tend to train people how we want to be treated. If others know you have wishy-washy boundaries then they are free to walk all over you; the result . . . you become a doormat. – David W. Earle Even though I was talented in sports, arts and particularly music, my core self-esteem was in the toilet. What few feelings of inherent value or worth I had came from what I did, not who I was. I was a giver, not a receiver. I felt overbur84

I used to spend so much time reacting and responding to everyone else that my life had no direction. Other people’s lives, problems, and wants set the course for my life. Once I realized it was okay for me to think about and identify what I wanted, remarkable things began to take place. – Melody Beattie, The Language of Letting Go: Daily Meditations on Codependency.

After breaking off our relationship for good, I went back to school to become a social worker. Codependents often work in the helping professions, and I was certainly guilty as charged. My first two years as a therapist at a substance abuse clinic were challenging, but not as difficult as the next

In Recovery Magazine

Fall 2015

two years, when I took on a familiar man-in-charge role as director of the clinic. I overestimated my ability to do the job as a non-codependent. I soon burned out and quit.

There were tough times to follow, but I continued my personal growth work. I eventually met a healthy partner who is now my wife. I bought my first home and finally started living my own life!

Today, my recovery from codependency continues. It is a one-day-at-a-time journey.

Terrence Shulman ©2015

Terrence Shulman is an attorney, therapist and consultant in Detroit, Michigan. He is the founder and director of The Shulman Center for Compulsive Theft, Spending and Hoarding.

Shulman has authored four books including Cluttered Lives, Empty Souls: Compulsive Stealing, Spending and Hoarding (Infinity, 2011). For further information, he may be contacted at theshulmancenter.com.

Fall 2015

JORY WISOCKI 928-899-8076

JAY WISOCKI 928-899-3882

WILDERNESS FIRST RECOVERY, LLC • SOBER LIVING FACILITY

2215 East Calvery Lane, Prescott, AZ 86301 Wilderness1st@yahoo.com • WildernessFirstRecovery.com

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By Molly Basler

would not be surprised to learn that Bill W., the cofounder of Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), was aware of the spiritual and physical benefits of the ancient, meditative art of yoga. He might well have listed it in the AA Big Book as a vital tool for deepening a relationship with a Higher Power. He might even have included it in Step Eleven, “Sought through prayer, mediation and yoga to improve our conscious contact with God.” As in the Twelve Steps of AA, the practice of yoga can be all about making a conscious contact with a Higher Power and deepening our connection with our Creator. The synergistic relationship between the two practices is mind-blowing, to say the least – with the emphasis on mind.

• A yoga practice promotes the concept of mind first and the body will follow as these two aspects strengthen and align themselves accordingly.

• AA emphasizes the disease lives in both the body and the mind – alcohol is but a symptom. In sobriety, the mind and the body are allowed to heal without the toxic contamination of alcohol.

• Both AA and yoga are based in a sense of mindfulness and living in the present moment. Surrender of self and powerlessness pave the way to spiritual enlightenment.

Yoga and AA are both about connection – connection to our bodies, connection to our minds and connection to our breathing. As we connect more deeply to ourselves, a deeper connection occurs with our fellows. All of this subsequently deepens our spiritual connection to a Higher Power.

While I was teaching a fitness class at a small studio in West Hollywood in 2006, I began to understand this association.

They offered yoga classes, including a special workshop on Kundalini yoga and meditation called The Yoga of Awareness. Clueless as to what that meant, I signed up and met my first guru/ teacher, Siri Sat Nam, under whom I continue studying to this day.

I was amazed and shocked at how quickly I took to the yoga practice and how it slowly, but steadily put the brakes on my addiction and my accompanying out-of-control lifestyle. I was an alcoholic, drug addict, speed-driven cocaine freak – not a mantra-chanting, lotus-sitting, downward dog kinda girl. I had been entrapped by my need for instant gratification. I couldn’t sit still for two seconds, let alone meditate and practice yoga for five minutes. I lived life fast and furiously, not on life’s term at all!

A few months later, as I continued my yoga and meditation practice, I was introduced to AA and began my recovery journey. In working the Twelve Steps, particularly Step Eleven, I applied the deep breathing, stress-reducing exercises I had learned in yoga. With the practice of Step Eleven’s suggested prayer and meditation, I achieved a sense of serenity and calm as I connected with my Higher Power.

I was amazed and shocked at how quickly I took to the yoga practice. I was an alcoholic, drug addict, speed-driven cocaine freak – not a mantra-chanting, lotus-sitting, downward dog kinda girl.

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Fall 2015

While sitting crossed-legged on the mat in quiet contemplation of the One that is Infinite, my body and mind opened to receive the power that is greater than I am. I held my spine straight and erect – shoulders drawn back, deeply inhaling and exhaling through my nose repeatedly in a balanced rhythm. I noticed how the long, deep breathing lowered my blood pressure and alleviated my stress, increasing my spiritual awareness. With eyes closed and blocking out all distraction, a point of stillness was reached, where I met God and became connected to the very fabric of my being.

Needless to say, I was hooked on yoga and AA. I was somewhat mystified by how these two disciplines worked together to enable positive change in my life. As I progressed, I could feel a slow transformation taking place. It changed me from the crazed maniac I had been to a person of sanity and serenity.

My yoga practice and AA became driving forces in my life for the days and years to come. I began to teach yoga to fellow AA members, helping them make a conscious contact with their Creator. Although AA and yoga practice are different approaches, they work in a symbiotic way to enhance sobriety. For this, I am ever so grateful.

Molly Basler is a wellness advocate teaching yoga, meditation and healthy living to as many people as she can. Her goal is to create a global wellness company to bring wellness to the world. She is currently writing a vegan cookbook that she will incorporate in her wellness program.

With God, all things are possible.

A structured, faith-based, 12-step program for men Affordably priced between $475 and $600/Mo. Free cable Laundry facility Case management In house groups No deposit Free phone service 34 beds available 928.925.3455 Structure and support Great central location www.prescottsoberliving.net

PSL

Fall 2015

In Recovery Magazine

87

By Elisabeth Davies

I

remember driving to Rocky Point, Mexico, with seven women in my SUV to celebrate our friend’s 30th birthday. We were discussing how many men we’d had sex with. One of the women said, “Six.” Another one said, “Fifteen.” Then one woman shouted out, “One-hundred-thirty!”

“Wow! Really?” I responded.

At the time I remember thinking, Well, she’s just single and indiscriminately sexually active. Now, after researching the topic and reading many books and articles on love and sex addiction, I realize she was addicted to sex.

According to Christopher Kennedy Lawford, author of Recover to Live: Kick Any Habit, Manage Any Addiction, more than 16 million Americans are addicted to sex. About one-third of them are women. Sex and love addiction are both intimacy disorders. The person who has the addiction is unable to be present, vulnerable or genuinely authentic with a partner who is available for a relationship.

An addiction to sex may be indicated by a persistent preoccupation or engagement with sexual thoughts and behaviors. Some of the behaviors include: excessive masturbation, numerous sexual encounters or repeated affairs, long hours in sex chat rooms, preoccupation with pornography, and voyeurism or exhibitionism.

Individuals who are addicted to sex use people or experiences to soothe themselves, get relief or escape the discomforts of their life. When it comes to how their sexual behavior affects their partners, they are often detached and aloof. They avoid commitment and are often unable to be monogamous in their relationships.

For sexual behavior to be classified as an addiction, sexual thoughts and behaviors must lack control and must be compulsive, causing negative consequences both physically and mentally. These behaviors may also adversely affect finances, relationships, vocations or personal goals.

Sex is a healthy human act. If you are in a healthy sexual relationship, the sex will deepen the intimacy between your partner and you. There is a mutual respect for one another’s bodies and needs. Both partners have the ability to make choices that enhance the relationship.

Although I have never been addicted to sex, I have been addicted to love. An addiction to love does not mean having 88

a preoccupation with sexual acts. It means being dependent on the romantic experience or having a fantasy of creating the ideal, passionate relationship. Once the passion and romance fade, a loveaddicted relationship is unable to sustain itself.

When I was addicted to love, it sparked passion I had not felt in many years. I was married; and although I was sexually monogamous to my husband, I would fantasize romantic scenarios involving a man I had met. My preoccupation continued for several months before I went into therapy.

The emotional withdrawal from love addiction was very painful.

It is estimated that almost twelve million Americans are addicted to love. Women tend to have this addiction more often than men. Fantasy is a top-selling genre in the movie world and romance is a top-selling category in the book industry. According to Nielsen Books & Consumer Tracker, romance novel sales are estimated to exceed $1.08 billion annually, with about 84 percent of women between the ages of 30 and 54 being the top buyers.

Healthy sex, bonding and romance activate the brain’s dopamine reward system. Love addiction forms by a pattern of romantic obsession that repeatedly activates this function of the brain. The brain remembers this reward or pleasurable feeling and continually desires more. Someone who is addicted to the idea of an “ideal love relationship” is typically unable to be present through the ups and downs of a healthy relationship.

According to Love Addicts Anonymous, listed are some typical thoughts and behaviors of someone who is addicted to love: • continuing to see or fantasize about a particular person, even though the love is not reciprocal; • falling in love too quickly or feeling lonely when you are not in love; • feeling high or euphoric from romance, fantasy and intrigue; • sacrificing who you are in order to be who your partner wants you to be; • using relationships to escape or deal with life’s problems.

In Recovery Magazine

Fall 2015

Shared love is a necessary component of a healthy relationship and a basic human emotional need. In a healthy love relationship, each partner is able to be monogamous and maintain the relationship long after the initial passion and romance diminish. They exhibit a commitment to work through difficulties and contribute to enhance the relationship.

Sex and love addiction are both intimacy disorders. The person who has the addiction is unable to be present, vulnerable or authentic with a partner who is available for a relationship.

More than 75 percent of people meeting the criteria for sex or love addiction have a history of childhood abuse, trauma or neglect. When parents or caretakers are not available to nurture, soothe or comfort children during emotional distress, children often grow up have difficulty calming themselves emotionally. If they do not learn ways to soothe and calm themselves during stress, loss or disappointment, they become vulnerable to relying on outside distractions that relieve their emotional or physical discomfort. As adults, some may use relationships or sex to make themselves feel better. Others may use food, alcohol, drugs, shopping, gambling, sports or video games to find relief from distressing thoughts and feelings.

If you or someone you love struggles with an addiction to sex or love, several effective treatments can condition one to experience a healthy, loving, sexual relationship. One such treatment is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). CBT helps the addicted person change their unhealthy thoughts, which may in turn lead to healthier feelings and life choices.

There are many healthy ways to feel pleasure without causing negative consequences for you or others. Think back to a time when you were enjoying yourself. Were you playing?

Riding your bike? Enjoying time with friends? Camping or enjoying nature? Listening to music? Creating or building something?

It is important to give yourself something to look forward to each day, something healthy and rewarding. Healing from any addiction is a daily commitment for the rest of your life. Millions of people do recover from sex or love addiction and go on to live productive, happy lives. A life that is rewarding and balanced makes long-term recovery a wonderful adventure and journey.

Healing Options for Sex or Love Addiction • Work with a qualified professional to heal past abuse or unresolved trauma.

• Join a recovery group, such as Sex Addicts Anonymous or Love Addicts Anonymous.

• Work with a sex therapist to learn how to have healthy sex in a relationship.

• Engage in healthy relationships to learn how to be connected, authentic and vulnerable.

• Respect your mind and body, so you can make choices that value your being.

• Exercise for a minimum of 30 minutes a day to burn off stress and release endorphins that help regulate emotions.

• Practice positive self-talk daily to reassure your worth as a person.

• Keep your thoughts in the present moment to decrease anxiety.

• Meditate a minimum of 15 minutes each day to decrease your reactivity to impulsive thoughts.

Elisabeth Davies is a counselor with over 24 years of experience helping people manage addiction, anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, trauma, abuse and relationship problems. She is the author of Good Things Emotional Healing Journal: Addiction. Davies may be reached at 602.867.6988, her email at Elisabeth@ GoodThingsEmotionalHealing.com or on her website, GoodThingsEmotionalHealing.com.

Fall 2015

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By Nicola O’Hanlon

t is safe to assume that if you have a song composed in your honor by none other than Richie Supa, best known for his work with Aerosmith and with Bon Jovi’s Richie Sambora, there is probably a very noteworthy reason behind it. Before turning his attention to writing a song, a songwriter of Mr. Supa’s calibre must find inspiration from something that ignites passion and touches the heart in a profound way.

Indeed, that is exactly what InTheRooms.com, the largest free online social network for the global recovery community, has done for more than six years for Richie Supa and for over 349,000 people in recovery from addiction.

If you are in recovery from addiction yourself, in search of help or have a family member or friend seeking support, then InTheRooms.com is the place for you. This site is one of the most revolutionary and forward-thinking tools available to the recovery community in the world. Its founders, Ron Tannebaum and Kenny Pomerance, otherwise known as RT and Mr. Clean, have themselves each been in recovery for over 31 years. You won’t find anyone more passionate, proactive and open regarding recovery and their experiences.

Ron and Kenny first met at the University of Florida in Gainesville around 1971 and have been close friends ever since. The idea for InTheRooms.com came about when Kenny asked what Ron thought about a Facebook-type site for the recovery community. Ron thought it was a fantastic idea. They immediately began developing the project. InTheRooms.com was launched on October 6, 2008.

It was Bill Wilson, cofounder of Alcoholics Anonymous, who predicted that technology would play a major role in the future of recovering people. In a November 1960 Grapevine article, Bill wrote, “Nothing matters more to AA’s future welfare than the manner in which we use the colossus of modern communication. Used unselfishly and well, it can produce results surpassing our present imagination.” I doubt if even Bill could have foreseen that hundreds of thousands of people around the globe could one day find recovery with the click of a button.

Most people Ron and Kenny spoke with believed they would never surpass 10,000 members. By all accounts, their friends said it was a bad idea – or at best, a well-meaning, passionate project that would never get off the ground. However, they thought differently. They remained focused and driven despite the naysayers.

As recovering people themselves, Ron and Kenny believed that if they were excited about such a website being available, then other recovering people might be, too. They did, indeed, surpass the 10,000 members mark; and people kept coming.

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Fall 2015

The site now has a worldwide audience with a membership exceeding 349,000 people from 136 countries.

Since its launch in 2008, InTheRooms.com has become the most trafficked recovery online social network in the world.

With a total collective recovery time of 1,503,679 years, it would be rare to find elsewhere such abundance of recovery experience, strength and hope in one place, 24 hours a day, 365 days a year.

At the 15th Annual Prism Awards in 2011, the Entertainment Industries Council (EIC), in collaboration with the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) and the FX Network, presented InTheRooms. com with the coveted President’s Award for “outstanding accomplishment in accurate depiction of substance abuse and mental health disorders, prevention, treatment and recovery in film, television, interactive, comic book, music and DVD entertainment.”

So, why is this free online social network for the global recovery community such a big deal? InTheRooms.com offers over 100 live, online recovery meetings each week, covering everything from alcoholism, drug addiction, eating disorders and family support meetings. Ron and Kenny have also developed free iPhone and android apps, both of which have direct access to these online meetings.

In addition, there is a global geo-locatable meeting finder, a free Afternoon Affirmations iPhone app sent out to members daily at 1:00 pm EST. There is an extensive recorded speaker library with thousands of speakers to choose from and a free newsletter sent out every Wednesday to every member.

If that is not impressive enough, you can choose to have a daily e-meditation delivered to your inbox every morning at 5:00 am EST. To further enhance your recovery, you can attend Philly T.’s (Ron’s wife) wonderful live, online group meditation at 9:00 pm EST every Wednesday. Tommy Rosen’s 2.0 Power Hour meets every Tuesday at 10:00 pm EST. Each week, Tommy has inspirational guest speakers, such as Chris Grosso, otherwise known as the Indie Spiritualist, and Nikki Myers, founder of Yoga of 12 Step Recovery (Y12SR). Others share their extensive experience, knowledge and experience in the recovery, spiritual and yogic fields.

The InTheRooms.com mantra is Help, Inform, Touch, Connect, Heal (HITCH); and that is exactly what it provides for many recovering people. It is not a replacement for

face-to-face Twelve Step meetings and the fellowship we find in actual recovery rooms. As Ron said, “Our vision was to socially transcend the boundaries of all Twelve Step fellowships, while maintaining the integrity of each by having 29 different [Twelve Step] fellowships represented on [InTheRooms.com].”

The website has indisputably provided a lifeline to many people when they had nowhere else to turn. For those who have no other access to meetings, fellowship or any other addiction recovery due to illness, being homebound or not

If you are in recovery from addiction yourself, in search of help or have a family member or friend seeking support, then InTheRooms.com is the place for you. having a group in their area, it has truly been a lifesaving project.

The overall positive feedback from members has been astounding, and the virtual fellowship experience is incredible. The sense of connection has made the world of recovery a much smaller place; it has made the fellowship of addicts much wider and more available.

Those who have not tried it may be dubious, but it is clear that the response to InTheRooms.com is very different than the negative press often generated about other social networking sites. As the site promotes and encourages a successful life in recovery, the message is a positive one.

The InTheRooms.com documentary, Love, Recovery, created by Rehab Productions in conjunction with ReachOutRecovery.com, gives a touching behind-thescenes look at the vision, development, launch and ongoing nurturing of the site; and how it has transcended into a groundbreaker in the world of recovery. Experience for yourself why hundreds of thousands of people log on every day.

Nicola O’Hanlon is a writer who has been in recovery for over five years. She has written for InTheRooms.com and After Party Magazine. Her work has also been published in Psychology Today and psyweb.com. Based in Ireland, Nicola is currently working on her own recovery website-based e-magazine aimed at Irish readers to help break the stigma and shame surrounding addiction and mental health issues.

Did you know that . . .

By New York Jimmy

Dr. Silkworth was a prodigious and relentless worker. It was still a shock to discover that during his lifetime of work with those who struggle with alcoholism and drug addiction, he had talked with 51,000 alcoholics – 45,000 at Towns Hospital and 6,000 at Knickerbocker Hospital.

After incurring substantial losses in the stock market crash of 1929, Dr. Silkworth accepted the medical directorship at Charles B. Towns Hospital in New York, which specialized in the treatment of alcoholism and drug addiction.

Dr. Silkworth had his professional reputation to lose and nothing whatsoever to gain by permitting and encouraging the unheard of procedure of one God-bitten drunk trying to pass on his strange story of a light and a vision to other alcoholics – most of whom received the message with lively hostility or magnificent indifference. He was a humble man and did not put his name on the chapter, The Doctor’s Opinion, in the first edition of Alcoholics Anonymous: The Big Book for just this reason.

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By Robert Renteria

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y father, cousins and uncles were all either heroin addicts, alcoholics or drug dealers.

As a child growing up in a dysfunctional and abusive environment, this was my reality, my normal, my world.

I grew up in an impoverished East LA barrio. My family was abandoned by my drug- and alcohol-addicted father. At the age of six, I was involved in a carnival accident that resulted in a serious head trauma and three years of rehabilitation to recover my motor skills.

By the time I was in junior high school, I was already drinking and smoking pot. After my sophomore year in high school, I dropped out and started both using and selling cocaine, as well as drinking myself to sleep at night. I thought I would somehow find the answer to my pain and fear at the bottom of a whisky bottle.

I went from one dead-end job to another. I was stabbed, and someone tried to shoot me. I started looking for love in all the wrong places and soon found myself involved with an even more dysfunctional family – a gang. By this time, I was living on the streets, selling drugs, robbing houses and stealing women’s purses just to feed my habits. I was on a path to 25 years to life behind cold metal bars, living in a six-by-nine cell in a federal penitentiary or, worse yet, being buried six feet under.

My biological father died in a halfway house on skid row when I was 17 years old. He died a hobo, a bum. He died a heroin addict and an alcoholic with nothing to his name but a pile of bills and a bunch of empty bottles of booze in the trash.

I was about 20 years old when I had made a drug deal that went bad. I told myself that if God let me live, I would sin no more. You see, what I learned from experience was many people believe you can control drugs and control alcohol; but in reality, they will take control of you – no matter what. My father’s death and my own bad decisions and choices also taught me that if you decide to play with the devil, you’re going to get burned. And I was burning.

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I decided to join the military. It was the best decision of my life because it not only changed my life, but it saved my life.

The military made me a man – a better man. I am proud to say I honorably served in the US Army as a noncommissioned officer for over seven years.

After discharge from the military, I searched for a job where I could prove myself. I talked my way into a position with a commercial laundry management and sales company and eventually became a corporate vice president of a publiclytraded company listed on the New York Stock Exchange.

I later opened my own successful business, only to realize that the two greatest days in life are the day you are born and the day you realize why you were born.

With this realization, I decided it was time for me to pay it forward. I wanted to do something that would help make a difference – a contribution to mankind. We have money for wars, but can’t feed the poor. We have children, teenagers and adults wandering around, lost in a culture of darkness.

I wanted to do something about it.

I decided to write a book that would provide teaching tools to help others avoid the detours I had made in my life, a road map of sorts that would help children and adults make better life choices.

In April 2006, I partnered with writer and publisher, Corey Michael Blake. I am proud to say that today our books, From the Barrio to the Board Room, Mi Barrio and Little Barrio are now being used across America and in 24 countries around the world. We are forming our leaders of tomorrow by helping them help others discover their true identities, establish core values, set goals, prioritize education and strive to reach their full potential.

In Recovery Magazine

Fall 2015

Our books are about hopes and dreams. In them, I share with readers there is always a way and they are not alone.

Your pain, my pain, our pain is not in vain – the greater the struggle, the greater the victory.

The books are not just about my story. What I mean by that is they are your story, they are our story; they are the stories of people who have come from a difficult place, made many sacrifices and did whatever was necessary to come out clean on the other side.

My advice to anyone reading this article is, “Don’t let where you came from dictate who you are. Rather, let it be a part of who you become.” I am just an ordinary man who decided to do something extraordinary, and I am here to tell you there is something extraordinary inside each of you.

The fact of the matter is this moment is proof that dreams do come true and dreams are alive and well right here and right now!

Robert Renteria has dedicated his life to helping teens and adults recover from the same substance abuse, pain, distress and negative influences he lived with as a young adult. His books, written with Corey Michael Blake, From the Barrio to the Board Room, Mi Barrio and Little Barrio, are being used around the world to help people of all ages, races, religions and economic backgrounds. For more information, visit his website at fromthebarrio.com.

Fall 2015

At Compass Recovery Centers you will find...

• Skilled and experienced counselors dedicated to helping others through the process of recovery.

• 12 step process combined with our Intensive Outpatient Program focuses on education of addiction, recovery and relapse prevention, group processes, and

holistic wellness.

• Gain long term sobriety. Our Intensive

Outpatient Program (IOP) works well with our gender specific, structured sober living in Prescott, AZ

• Great alternative to costly residential treatment.

More information can be found at

(800) 216-1840 or CompassRecoveryCenters.com

In Recovery Magazine

Arizona State Licensed Outpatient clinic with structured sober living.

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By Alejandro Foung

y the time my cousin was finally diagnosed with schizophrenia, his symptoms were so severe that he was in residential treatment centers for long stretches of time. I was already interested in mental health and had studied psychology in college, but this personal experience made me realize I wanted to address the key barriers that prevent people from getting the help they need.

According to the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI), every year one in four Americans – over 61 million people – suffer from a mental illness. Sadly, a majority of those people don’t ever obtain help. Despite effective treatments, there are shockingly long delays between the first appearance of symptoms and when people get help.

This is exactly what I saw in my cousin’s case.

I met Nick LeTourneau when we worked together for the same startup technology company. I learned he had lost his brother to depression and suicide. Two years ago and many discussions later, we quit our technology jobs and set off to start our own company, which we believed could have given Nick’s brother a chance at recovery.

We saw three main barriers to accessing traditional therapy: lack of easy access, cost and the stigma around mental illness.

Lantern, the online emotional wellness company Nick and I founded, not only assists people in overcoming their emotional challenges, but also helps them build resilience against anxiety, depression and stress.

It is our desire to reduce the stigma around receiving mental health care so that people will more readily seek the help they need when they need it. Ideally, this should occur soon after they first experience an abnormal change in mood or other symptoms. We believe immediate action will prevent a more disruptive degree of mental disturbance from taking hold.

In the case of anxiety, we have noted that being super-stressed has becoming a badge of honor in some circles. College students collectively

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complain or brag about being overwhelmed by final exams and pulling all-nighters. Adults use the word “busy.”

Some even brag about how little sleep they need to keep up their overly active lifestyle. But stress, anxiety, feeling overwhelmed and not getting enough sleep may seriously impact your physical and mental health. There continues to be a societal stigma around mental illness that prevents people from seeking the help they need, despite a somewhat nonchalant attitude towards stress, anxiety and depression.

Because Lantern is private and easily accessible anywhere, it offers a convenient way for people who are stressed at work, dealing with social anxiety or struggling with depression or body image to improve their emotional strength for as little as 25 dollars a month. We employ the principles of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), a proven method for effectively treating several mental illnesses. We adapted CBT techniques to online and daily mobile 15-minute sessions. These sessions make improving mental health more accessible and less expensive than traditional therapy.

A daily session might be anything from information on the principles of CBT – the thoughts, behaviors and feelings cycle – to an audio lesson on mindfulness to a guided deepbreathing technique. There are also interactive tools that identify anxiety triggers and reframe automatic thoughts and worries. By regularly practicing these skills, clients continue to improve their emotional resilience and keep their minds in shape for whatever life throws at them.

In Recovery Magazine

I have seen the destruction and the daunting recovery process of a mental illness that wasn’t addressed in its early stages. My cousin’s mental illness went from treatable to severe due in large part to the challenges and stigma associated with obtaining mental health care.

Fall 2015

Each session builds on the last, helping clients form healthy emotional habits as they improve their ability to cope with anxiety and stress. Because sessions are only 15 minutes long, clients can easily find time to access them on their morning commute, at lunch or before bed.

It can be difficult to stay on track with any new program.

It’s also challenging to make extensive changes in the way you handle emotions, but it’s definitely feasible. As clients begin the program, we pair them with a professional coach.

Clients may exchange an unlimited number of messages with coaches for day-to-day advice, motivation or guidance.

We are already seeing positive results from clients who have significantly decreased their symptoms with our

online support. We have found that Lantern’s results are comparable to in-person CBT therapeutic outcomes. We’re not focused on quick fixes. We help people build emotional resilience – one day at a time.

Alejandro Foung is the cofounder and CEO of Lantern, an online and mobile emotional health company offering personalized programs based on Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). He is committed to creating products that make strengthening emotional health more affordable, accessible and engaging. He held early and founding roles at e-commerce companies, NexTag, Trulia and Huddler. The Lantern program may be accessed at golantern.com.

Practicing in Prescott Since 2003 Accepting court-ordered, self referrals and, in most cases,major insurances.

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comprehensive outpatient treatment program, consisting of three phases of treatment, each of which are tailored to suit the individual’s needs and goals, rather than tailoring the individual to meet the program. At Taylor Counseling Services, we are committed to treating the whole person.

Contact us at

(928) 445-0744 Fall 2015

1660 Willow Creek Road, Suite A Prescott, AZ 86305

In Recovery Magazine

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By Tanya Brown Went over all of my notes from inpatient and reworked all of the points. I also made my schedule for the week. That felt good, because now I have goals and stuff I need to do. I know I am lucky to be here, and I want to use my time productively and efficiently, so time management is going to be big with me. – October 25, 2004 his journal entry was made during my inpatient treatment “stay-cation.” I look back at my hospitalization as a staycation for several reasons: 1) I didn’t need to worry about what to wear; my blue pajamas were just fine. 2) I had no contact with the outside world, unless someone came to visit me. 3) I did nothing but learn, self-reflect and journal to gain mental wellness and clarity. 4) I had a room with ocean views that made me pause, be still and give gratitude for nature’s beauty. Life in treatment was really good.

I share my journal entry with you; I did the work. If you are struggling with your recovery, it’s okay – it’s even normal. Just don’t stay in the struggle. Reach out to your support system and do the work necessary to stay alive and healthy.

I want to tell you about a couple of my twelve tips and strategies for self-care and recovery, The Tanya Formula, which I wrote about in my book, Finding Peace Amid the Chaos: My Escape from Depression and Suicide. Sticking to a schedule takes discipline and focus. We all have busy lives, and there are always other things we could be doing. However, there comes a point – oftentimes more than once – in each day when we are at a crossroads, where we need to choose what to do next. How do we make that choice without becoming overwhelmed and stressed? By having an organized life.

Time management is life management. Our time is our life. Yet time gets away from us all, sometimes starting barely a couple hours into our day. We wake up, go to work or school, tend to our children, make meals, run errands, go to meetings or other activities, do household chores and get ready for the next day. By the end of each day, most of us haven’t finished all the tasks we wanted to complete, and we rattle off the old clichés such as, “Where did the day go?” or “There are only so many hours in a day.”

I eliminated anxiety and gained control of my days by creating a time management tool which I call “Schedule It!” Unfortunately, while caring for my dad this past year and amidst constant family chaos, I fell off track. I fell off track for a good while. I am human, and I never pretend to be perfect. More often than not, my structure and schedule went out the window; my life was a mess. Not having structure in a day can drive anyone in recovery nearly insane, as it did me.

Do you remember when you were in treatment, or maybe you still are? The structure in many treatment programs is detailed and precise. That is the kind of structure I am talking about – not just a general to-do list of the major things that should be accomplished each day. I’m talking about creating a weekly and daily calendar that budgets every moment of time down to the nitty-gritty details.

T

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It’s not something you need to do for the rest of your life, but do it until you know how to prioritize and know the importance of every minute.

Begin by creating a list of everything you need to do.

Create a template with four quadrants and label them Calls, Important, Emails and Projects. Then list every item you can think of in each section. Get everything out of your head and onto the paper. Writing tasks down will help you identify responsibilities you can complete, delete or delegate. This approach will remove the pressure these tasks cause you and ease potential frustration. It may sound crazy because this to-do list adds one more thing to your day; however, the more organization and structure you apply to your schedule, the more success and abundance flows into your life.

Next, take the large tasks and break them down into small, manageable steps. For example, don’t write “Get ready for work in the morning.” Instead, list everything involved in getting ready: making your bed, showering, brushing your teeth, curling your hair, eating breakfast and don’t forget your driving time to work or school. I did this while I was in the outpatient program at South Coast, even though I was only five minutes away. Even if it’s just two or three minutes, note how long each task should take. Pad each by a few minutes to give yourself some breathing room. Check each item off as you complete it. Doing this not only keeps you on schedule, but also gives you a feeling of accomplishment.

“Wow, it’s 7:00 am, and I’ve already done six things!” Even if these tasks don’t seem like much, they still have to be done.

You did them, so feel good about it.

While making your schedule, identify potential obstacles that may result with each task. Then identify ways those issues can be resolved. For example, if you run into unexpected traffic, are there detours you can take? Also identify coping skills or tools that can help you emotionally get through those roadblocks. If there are no detours and you have to wait in traffic, using my recovery strategies “Accept and Surrender!” or “Break Free!” may help you arrive at your destination relaxed and happy.

I know many people who live carefree lives may think this time management tool is too complex. However, I have found that this actually gives me more freedom. If I create and stick to a schedule each day, I am more efficient and have more free time to be spontaneous and do the things I really want to do. There aren’t any last minute worries, Oh, I forgot to do that! or I still have three more things to do. Most importantly, pressure from those situations won’t exist.

I frequently speak on college campuses. “My Schedule It!” tool is one I put at the top of the list for students. Attending college was a life-changing experience for me, as going away to college normally is for new students. At the time, I was not the most organized person. I was used to living at home and having the things I needed around me or done for me by my parents. High school and my home life were more structured. At home, I always had a backup. In college, I quickly learned I was on my own and felt overwhelmed from the very first day.

Fall 2015

That morning I woke up later than I should have and had to scurry to get ready for my first day. I found my class in a huge lecture hall with about 400 students – more than ten times larger than any of my high school classes. The front row was the only place left to sit. With no other option, I sat down, but was instantly overwhelmed – the number of students, the size of the room and being 90 minutes from home. The truth was that I was having doubts about whether I belonged there. Did I have the right books for class? What was I forgetting? Did I bring a pen? Where was my next class?

What if I don’t understand something in the lecture? Was I really supposed to raise my hand in front of hundreds of other students I didn’t know? In a matter of seconds, I talked myself into a panic attack. Just as the professor came into the hall, I jumped from my chair and ran out of the room.

Breathing heavily and turning pale, I leaned against a brick wall for support.

Before entering the lecture hall, a couple of girls stopped and asked, “Are you okay?” I remember saying, “No.” That’s all I remember because then I fainted. When I regained consciousness, I was lying on the floor and staring up at those same two girls. They were on their knees asking me again if I was alright. I sat up, got to my feet and made a mad dash to the bathroom before I threw up. Distressed and dehydrated, I ended up spending my first day at the university in the health clinic. What a great start to my college career.

What was frustrating about that attack was that I had inflicted it upon myself. I had some structure in my life before heading to college, but it was all created by others – my school and parents – not by me. I was suddenly a small fish in a big pond. I had never lived away from home or faced a brand new experience in a huge city. I know my college experience would have been vastly different had I known how to structure my time and had I learned how to disengage from stress with breathing techniques and other tools.

If you are about to leave home for the first time, start a new job or make some other major change in your life, don’t assume you will be able to ease into it. Sure, physically you can probably get where you need to go; but mentally, it may be an entirely different matter. Using my coping tools and other skills, you can not only manage, but survive and thrive in your new experiences; but most of all, you can thoroughly enjoy them.

In Recovery Magazine

Tanya Brown is the youngest sister of the late Nicole Brown Simpson. She has been featured in People Magazine (USA and Australia) and seen on The Katie Couric Show, Dr. Drew, Larry King Live, Anderson Cooper’s AC360, CNN with Don Lemon, The Early Show, The Insider and Inside Edition. Brown is the author of Finding Peace Amid the Chaos: My Escape from Depression and Suicide. For information about her speaking and coaching services, book, webinars, teleclasses, visit Tanya at www.tanyabrown.net or via email at tanya@ tanyabrown.net.

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By Joe C.

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He fostered his own spirituality of imperfection from far and wide.

aster than we can say 2015, fall will fade to winter and we will once again be looking at the year in review – the defining moments and the who’s who list of those who have fallen. In January of this year, Ernie Kurtz died (1935 – 2015). Kurtz was a modern day Twelve Stepper – one of those who came after both the Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) cofounders had died. To Twelve Step historians, both academic and hobbyists, Kurtz’s 1979 Not-God: A History of Alcoholics Anonymous was our Saturday Evening Post. In the same way that Jack Alexander’s 1941 Saturday Evening Post article made AA a household word, Not-God gifted this first Twelve Step fellowship and modality with a greater credibility in both academic and professional circles.

This book may not have been a must-read in early recovery in our particular mutual-aid society of choice or in treatment, but your counselor may have read it. And if she didn’t read it, you can bet the executive director of your treatment center or whoever designed your treatment program more than likely has Ernie’s book in her or his bookshelf.

Born Ernest Kurzejewski in Rochester, New York – the same year Bill W. and Dr. Bob met – Ernie became an ordained priest in 1961. After five years in a parish, a restlessness or perhaps a calling, led Kurtz to Harvard for post-graduate studies in philosophy and later, in the history of American civilization.

What we know today as the book, Not-God, was Kurtz’s PhD dissertation.

If you hold dear the role of Divine Providence in our recovery from addiction, Not-God: A History of Alcoholics Anonymous might be easily dismissed as irreverent sarcasm.

I assure you that, much like the thoughtful wording of the late Ernie Kurtz, there is more meaning in the title than meets the eye. Kurtz reminds me of Joseph Campbell, the erudite author of The Hero with a Thousand Faces (2008) and The Power of Myth (1991). Campbell could disseminate literary, social or religious constructs down to their flaws and finitudes, yet still be in awe at the magnificence of it all.

In “Part One: The History, Introduction” of Not-God we see what Kurt meant by his title: The term Not-God is the term around which this history of Alcoholics Anonymous is recounted and its interpretations offered . . . ‘Not-God’ means first ‘You are not God,’ the message of the AA program . . . [and] that AA, as fellowship lives out and enables. The fulfilling of the implications of being not-God, the living out of the connectedness with others . . .

So, while this St. Bernard’s Seminary and College graduate’s belief in the supernatural need not be challenged, the effectiveness of what Dr. Bob and Bill W. offered each other, which has been repeated millions of times over the past 80 Fall 2015

years, did need challenging. Individually, we had to get off our high-horse to understand our limitations; and any two of us flawed individuals can achieve what thousands of us alone could never muster – lasting sobriety.

Kurtz used the double meanings of “not God” and “NotGod” to describe both the phenomena of alcoholism and AA recovery in the fewest possible words. This use of the double meanings is so much more than just a disciplined account of history; it is poetry.

Again, while Alcoholics Anonymous Comes of Age (1957) and Pass It On (1984) are meaning-packed trips down memory lane for AA members, Not-God offers an academic validation. AA is so much more than what happened then – AA is here, and AA is now.

The living legacy of what started as AA and is now a tapestry of mutual aid modalities woven into our social norm remained a keen interest to Ernie. He was sought after as a collaborator by those who could stomach his journalistic standards. Bill White and Ernie Kurtz were a dynamic duo of commentary on policy and priorities of the addiction and recovery infrastructure.

Together, these two produced studies and journal articles that have helped shape the addiction and treatment complex of today.

In Bill White’s tribute to Ernie, we get a taste of what it might have been like to work closely with Dr. Kurtz: Mentoring under Ernie’s guidance was not for the faint of heart. I ended many a session with a piece of work bruised or battered, but always believing I could and would do better.

Faint praise was not Ernie’s style. Those seeking a warm and fuzzy father figure and blind adoration of their capabilities were quickly dismissed of any such expectations. He had very high expectations, and he didn’t brook fools. His feedback was extremely pointed, lacking any attempt at sugarcoating, but, when he saw potential, his challenges to elevate the quality of one’s research, thinking, and writing were quite inspiring.

Writer Katherine Ketcham was one who endured Ernie’s unabashed editorial critique. She teamed up with him, not once, but twice. Where the history of AA had so beautifully been recorded by Not-God, Twelve Step members found much to identify with in The Spirituality of Imperfection (1993) and the follow up and Ernie’s last published book, Experiencing Spirituality (2014). Imperfection and spirituality – who would have thought to team up these two words? But the words express so astutely how AA isn’t something that happened just back in the day. It is an ongoing history happening in our lives and home groups right now.

Ernie met his wife, Linda, while teaching history at the University of Georgia. For their last 25 years together, they

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lived in Ann Arbor, where both taught at Michigan State University. In September of 2013, Ernie was diagnosed with early-stage pancreatic cancer. Linda and Ernie’s sister, Mary Ann, were at his side when he died in January.

Ernie was working on the final touches of a foreword that Bill White and he were drafting for my friend Bob K.’s first book, Key Players in AA History (2015).

Ernie loved alcoholics and addicts more than he loved alcoholism and addiction. He was mode and modality neutral, standing up for harm reduction as much as abstinence, atheists as much as fellow Catholics and a wider gateway versus an exclusive membership. He fostered his own spirituality of imperfection from far and wide.

A memorial was held at Dawn Farm treatment center in Ypsilanti, Michigan, where Ernie was no stranger. Father Terry Dumas shared in his homily about his last meeting with Ernie Kurtz and how Ernie referred to a “Contingency God.” Father Dumas had struggled to understand exactly what that meant. I just smiled over another turn of phrase, just another of what we called “Ernie-isms.” A God of contingency is another poetic offering – imaginatively rich beyond reason – which I will savor for the rest of my years.

Bill White remembered Ernie, “My heart weighs heavy in the face of Ernie’s absence, but I draw great comfort from the memories of our work together and the many gifts he left us all.”

Many others spoke, including his wife and sister. Some talked about a fond peer-to-peer relationship that would be missed. His sister, Mary Ann, told us of her big brother riding her to school in the basket of his bike, and she read from one of his favorite inspirations, The Velveteen Rabbit.

That passage was as moving a moment for me as anything I’ve ever seen written on addiction or recovery.

While I am privileged to have known Ernie – he wrote the foreword to my daily reflection book, Beyond Belief – I didn’t (couldn’t) treat him as a peer. Having been moved by his works for so many years before actually meeting him, hero worship had already set it. He would ask me to call him, “Ernie,” but I preferred “Dr. Kurtz.”

As we do with our heroes, I felt nothing too terrible could happen in a world with Ernie Kurtz in it. His love, reason and dedication seemed infinite. We’ve all got some slack to make up for now. His body of work is still with us. Thank “Not-God” for that, whatever that may mean to each of us.

Joe C. is a radio host and writers of financial, music and recovery lifestyle feature articles. Sober since 1976, Joe wrote the first daily reflection book for nonbelievers, freethinkers and everyone – Beyond Belief: Agnostic Musings for 12 Step Life (2013), to which Dr. Ernest Kurtz wrote the foreword. To contact Joe C., visit www.RebellionDogsPublishing.com.

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By Jacob Sharff

I

was born February 4, 1982, in West Palm Beach, Florida.

Even as a young child, I had the heart of a competitor when I played baseball and soccer. One day at the age of ten, I picked up my first hockey stick. From that day forward on into my teens, baseball and soccer took a back seat; my true passion was hockey. Life was good. I was soon at the top of my sport and had a girlfriend who loved me very much. I was following my dreams without a worry in the world.

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Then on January 26, 1999, on a lazy Tuesday morning, my dreams were abruptly dashed. While driving to high school with my best friend, we were involved in a horrifying car accident. I was in the front passenger seat. We slammed into a stopped community transit bus at almost 60 miles an hour. In an instant, my life was forever changed.

I was taken to the hospital by helicopter. During that commute, my heart flat-lined; fortunately, they resuscitated me using a defibrillator. Once at the hospital, the doctors determined that the blunt trauma from the car accident

had torn my descending aorta. I awoke three days later to learn that this random car accident would result in ischemic paralysis. Basically, I was paralyzed and would be confined to a wheelchair for the rest of my life.

I spent the next month in physical therapy at Jackson Memorial Hospital in Miami, Florida. Late at night when the rest of the world was asleep, I’d lie in bed envisioning the radical changes that had been forced upon me. I’d like to tell you there was a moment of clarity during those dark and silent nights – a moment when I realized a greater purpose and meaning for my life – but that couldn’t have been further from the truth. On the contrary, I was angry, cursing God for doing this to me, constantly crying myself to sleep just like a baby.

Fast forward fifteen years – I realized through experience that words such as struggle, pain and loss are all relative; there is always someone worse off than I am. I made a decision to persevere despite my affliction. I realized that, even now, I’m more fortunate than many others in this world.

Today, I still have the same passion and the heart of a competitor. I need to compete as I did as a child. To that end, I train diligently and compete in paratriathlons on an elite international level. I hope to compete in the 2016 Paralympic Games in Brazil.

The world is good . . . my life is a walk in the park.

This year, I participated in the national Shatterproof Challenge. The Shatterproof Challenge is a non-profit organization committed to protecting our children from Fall 2015

alcohol and other drug addictions, and to ending the stigma and suffering of those affected by this disease. The organization issues a challenge to people around the country to rappel down the side of a building in honor or memory of someone with an addiction. My rappel was done in memory of my best friend, Stuart, who three years ago lost his life to drug addiction.

Stu was an amazing person and had the most giving heart of anyone I’d ever known. His death rocked me to the core and put words like “pain” and “struggle” into perspective. I don’t cry because I’m in a wheelchair, I cry because I miss my best friend. Because of him, I’ve become an advocate for bringing awareness to the negative stigmas associated with addiction.

Believe it or not, the most difficult struggles in my life do not involve being paralyzed and in a wheelchair. My most difficult pains and struggles are factors that people cannot see. These are pains on the inside. It is the same for someone struggling with addiction. Though they may appear just fine, on the inside they are struggling with inner demons.

My heart goes out to these people; because they may not be able to be an advocate for themselves, I choose to be an advocate for them every day.

With the help of my good friends at AION Recovery, I started Jacob’s Cause (www.JacobsCause.org) to shed light on the negative stigmas associated with drug addiction. Stu helped me get through the toughest, darkest years of my life and never once judged me for being in a wheelchair, even though I negatively judged myself. I’ll always love him for that, and I miss him every day.

I plan to participate in the Shatterproof Challenge every time the organization visits my hometown, West Palm Beach, Florida. Yes, it was scary; yes, it was difficult. But not nearly as frightening and challenging as what Stu went through on a daily basis and what others continue to experience in their struggle with addiction.

Please help me spread the word. We are rappelling as part of a national movement to honor our loved ones in recovery, to remember those we have lost and to draw attention to the national epidemic of drug and alcohol addiction.

On October 8, 2015, in Orlando, Florida, Shatterproof is staging one of their 27 annual Shatterproof Challenge rappelling events. Over 50 individuals will rappel 28 stories down the Hyatt Regency Orlando to raise vital funds for the prevention, treatment and recovery of this disease and to reduce the negative stigma associated with addiction. For more information and to register, please visit www.rappelorlando.org. §

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By Holli Kenley

e are blessed to be living in the Information Age; however, sometimes it can be crazy-making. As I attempt to implement a recovery program or strengthen the one I am working, I sometimes feel confused by the mixed messages thrown my way every day. Does this ring a bell?

Read this article on relapse. It outlines seven important underlying factors. Wait, Read this blog. It explains more about triggers.

The experts say exercise every day for at least 30 minutes. No, three times a week for 45 minutes is perfect. Walk, dance, ride a bike, do SOMETHING – whatever you can – just move!

Go to as many meetings a day as you can. But, I just met with my sponsor, and we worked out a schedule. Then I read, The number of meetings you attend doesn’t necessarily matter, as long as you are working your Steps. I don’t know what to do!

Wanting to stay informed about the latest trends, I listen to medical experts and read blogs and articles. I want to be proactive about the information I acquire. However, I usually find I am free from “tug-of-war wellness” when I stay focused on three basic recovery lifelines.

Recovery Lifeline One: I write down and implement my non-negotiables.

What are non-negotiables? These are the practices or programs I know work for me and are absolutely essential to sustaining my wellness. For example, they might be anything from working a Twelve Step program, attending meetings and talking with my sponsor to participating in various kinds of exercise or therapy. My non-negotiables include avoiding certain foods that trigger allergies or weaken my immune system and distancing or detaching myself from unhealthy people, places and things that trigger me. I also find it important to get plenty of rest. My nonnegotiables are paramount to my recovery and are a high

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priority in my life. Without them, I place myself in harm’s way or put myself at risk for relapse. It is important to write down these non-negotiables, especially in the early stages of recovery. As I grow in my recovery, I continue adding to or amending the list.

Recovery Lifeline Two: I respect my routine.

No one else knows me better than I do. In order to stay strong in my recovery, I always plan my days ahead of time. I know what I can take in and take on. I know my limits. When I think about changing something or adding something new to my routine, I try to be realistic. For instance, if I want to add more meetings, I check my work schedule to see what adjustments can be made. If I decide to increase my exercising, I examine my routine to see where it would fit. I also keep in mind how these changes might affect my other recovery non-negotiables. I must be honest and do what works for me.

When I first began working a recovery program, I had to make huge lifestyle changes. To avoid feeling overwhelmed, I created a weekly chart with daily and hourly subsections.

I planned out meetings, exercise times, therapy sessions and even meals. Because rest was very important, I did not over-schedule evening commitments. Although I had an electronic copy, I also made a hard copy of my weekly calendar and posted it on the fridge, where I could review it every morning and evening, making changes as necessary.

By respecting myself and my routine, I don’t try to live up to the expectations of others or set myself up for failure.

I know what works for me.

Recovery Lifeline Three: I maintain a mindset of moderation.

I often hear about finding balance in life, and I agree that balance is very important. If I maintain a mindset of moderation, I don’t experience the tension, anxiety and

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frustration of tug-of-war wellness and balance comes naturally. Over the years, this lifeline has served me well.

Wanting to stay informed about the latest trends, I listen to medical experts and read blogs and articles. I want to be proactive about the information I acquire. However, I usually find when I stay focused on three basic recovery lifelines, I am free from the “tug-of-war wellness.”

But how did I achieve this? First, by implementing Recovery Lifeline One; writing down and working my non-negotiables is non-negotiable. Second, by maintaining Recovery Lifeline Two; respecting routine is always a priority. With these two lifelines solidly in place, I make day-to-day or minute-byminute decisions about whom or what I want to invite into my life. I practice implementing these decisions without excesses or extremes. I make decisions with a mindset of moderation.

Whether trying a new sport, entering into a new friendship or relationship, or adding responsibilities to my workload, I rely on my internal compass of moderation to provide me with direction, a sense of timing and degree of involvement.

Of course, there have been times when I have pushed the envelope and risked relapse. I’ve learned from those times, too – sometimes painfully. Moderation has been the hardest for me to maintain. As I have become more experienced in my recovery, I have found it works best to be patient and apply this concept to one aspect of my life at a time. In other words, I implement this process in moderation as well.

I stay informed. I try to keep abreast of the latest insights, discoveries and practices that might enhance my wellness.

At the same time, if I feel pulled in too many directions, I stop, take a deep breath and return to my three Recovery Lifelines. When I do this, I eliminate the tug-of-war wellness and enjoy a happy, balanced recovery.

Holli Kenley is a Master’s-level California Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. She has authored numerous articles and five books, including Breaking Through Betrayal: And Recovering the Peace Within; Cyber Bullying No More: Parenting a High Tech Generation; and Mountain Air: Relapsing and Finding the Way Back . . . One Breath at a Time. Visit Holli at hollikenley.com, Facebook.com/ AuthorHolliKenley or contact her at holli@ hollikenley.com.

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By Merilee Fowler

O

n November 18, 2014, The Science and the Experiment Conference on marijuana use brought 370 Arizona leaders, educators, law enforcement, and prevention specialists together to learn the scientific facts about how marijuana affects the brain and what is happening with the Colorado legalization experiment.

The event was hosted by the Marijuana Harmless? Think Again! Program developed by MATFORCE, a Yavapai County, Arizona, coalition committed to working in partnership to build healthier communities by eliminating substance abuse and its effects.

Among youth, marijuana use is on the rise. The conference addressed the need to educate Arizona communities on the true harm of marijuana. National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA) studies show that marijuana is an addictive substance that affects the brain – especially in children – in ways that may impair intelligence, reasoning, judgment and clarity of thought.

Sheila Polk, the Yavapai County Attorney in Prescott, Arizona, opened the conference. Polk, citing a recent Arizona Youth Survey sponsored by the Arizona Criminal Justice Commission, noted: We can see that one out of five Arizona twelfth grade students is a regular marijuana user. Also, the survey shows that eighth, tenth and twelfth grade students are using marijuana more often than cigarettes. Science proves that marijuana is harmful, especially to young people. Yet many people falsely think that marijuana is safe. We need to change that thinking for the good of our state and the future of our children.

With the effort underway to legalize marijuana in Arizona, many are standing on the side of decreasing drug use and are taking action against legalization. These include state leaders, parents, educators, healthcare professionals, behavioral health professionals, prevention specialists and law enforcement who are standing on the side of decreasing drug use and are taking action against legalization.

The morning session featured keynote speakers including Tom Gorman, Executive Director of the Rocky Mountain

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High Intensity Drug Trafficking Area. Gorman described details of the experiment and discussed the problems occurring in Colorado due to the legalization of marijuana.

Neuroscientist Dr. Stephen Dewey explained the science behind addiction and that the brain may be permanently changed by the use of marijuana.

Another speaker during the morning session was Sally Schindel, whose presentation was called “Helping Andy Help Others.” Schindel told the story of her son Andy’s marijuana addiction. To raise awareness about the risks of marijuana addiction, Sally described Andy’s struggle to recover. Andy died by suicide in 2014, leaving a note saying, “Marijuana killed my soul and ruined my brain.”

Six afternoon breakout sessions gave participants the opportunity to learn about the impact of deregulation, as well as to learn more about the medical, legal, youth, crime, drug cartel and big money aspects of marijuana use.

Bill Montgomery, the Maricopa County Attorney in Phoenix, Arizona, delivered the closing statements.

Montgomery called on all who are concerned about the future of Arizona and our children to take action. He said, “I know that when people know the true facts, they will do the right thing. Legalization of marijuana, which is a harmful and addictive drug, will cause great harm to our future generations.” Attorney Montgomery added, “When people openly talk about the real harms of marijuana, they are standing up for what is right and best for our children.”

Sheila Polk added, “We believe that every child can succeed, and we want to make every effort to make that possible.

Marijuana puts yet one more obstacle in the lives of our children.” Polk encouraged all to take an active role in the Marijuana Harmless? Think Again! movement.

The standing-room-only conference brought people together from throughout the state. The event was sponsored by the Arizona Chapter of The American Academy of Pediatrics, Mercy Maricopa Integrated Care, Arizona Association of Chiefs of Police, Northern Arizona Regional Behavioral Health Authority, Arizonans for Prevention, Arizona High Intensity Drug Trafficking Area,

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Arizona Smart Approaches to Marijuana, Prevention Works, Students Against Destructive Decisions and MATFORCE. The second annual Marijuana: The Science and the Experiment conference will be held on Tuesday, September 22, 2015. Register today at www. marijuanaharmlessthinkagain.org. Keynote speakers include addiction psychiatrist Christian Thurstone, MD; Madeline Meier, Assistant Professor at Arizona State University and Christine Miller, PhD in pharmacology.

The conference is an excellent opportunity to learn more about the drug marijuana.

If your state is facing similar issues, consult marijuanaharmlessthinkagain.org and the MATFORCE website, matforce.org for further information.

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S

taff Sergeant Merlin Alexander Quiles was a United States Army combat veteran, serving honorably from March 2003 through October 2011. While serving as a Ranger Sapper, he completed three tours of duty in Afghanistan in support of Operation Enduring Freedom. Following his service, he began his collegiate career at Lone Star College then transferred to the University of Houston at University Park in pursuit of a Bachelor of Business Administration in Entrepreneurship from the Cyvia and Melvyn Wolff Center for Entrepreneurship. Recently, he along with two other UH student veterans, had participated in the annual Wolffest, where they broke records.

Merlin understood that although his active service had ended, his duty to help his veteran brothers and sisters did not.

Merlin was an active and enthusiastic member of several service organizations, always giving back to help others. He was a member of the Student Veterans of America, UH chapter. Additionally, he was a member of the Wounded Warrior Project, and participated in outreach community with the Mission Continues and the Combat Veterans Motorcycle Association.

He was a loving son, brother, uncle, nephew, boyfriend, and comrade.

What many will remember most is his unwavering devotion to serving not only his brothers and sisters-in-arms, but all and any in need. Merlin brought joy and richness to the lives of all who knew him. He made his life a gift to others through to his last day and after.

His legacy will live on through us all.

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Fall 2015

By April Hill

In my recovery I have mostly good days, for I am gaining in so many ways.

Not fortune or fame, I don’t need that.

Family and friends are where it’s at.

The God-given Promises are coming true for me.

This life is better than I thought it could be.

So one day at a time, I am doing the steps, clearing my past of its deep dark depths.

The wreckage I created is so profound.

But this new life I am living, I thought never could be found.

Struggle and fail, many years I’ve done so.

But He still loves me, this much I do know.

So if you’re fighting, but not winning the war, just pray to your God, that’s what He’s there for.

Don’t give up, if life hurts like a knife, ‘cause what God wants for you is a successful long life.

Don’t give up – you can make it my friend.

We’re here to support you and shall to the end.

April Hill is the fourth born in a family of eight children and the mother of six children. She has been in recovery since May 22, 2013.

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s

Present

2015

Gratitude Gala and Expo

Prescott Resort and Casino November 13th and 14th Comedian Mark Lundholm returns for an encore performance!

Friday, November 13

Celebrate recovery with us – masquerade style! Make your own mask for the Best Mask Contest at the end of the evening or enjoy wearing one of ours. Whichever way you choose, join us for a funfilled evening of gourmet food, great raffle prizes and an inspiring reason to get dressed up.

• Help us honor members of our recovery community who go above and beyond the call of duty.

• Lend a hand as we cheer on the efforts of non-profit organizations that work hard to provide services to those in the throes of addictions as we share a portion of the proceeds with deserving programs.

• Encourage our hardworking IRM staff and talented writers as we recognize some of the outstanding people that have helped make it all happen. It really does take a village!

Saturday, November 14

• • • •

Whether a veteran or new to this industry, join us for our First Annual Gratitude Expo located in the Grand Ballroom Room from 10:00 am to 5:00 pm.

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