InQuire Issue 10.13

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3 April 2014

Issue 10.13

INSIDE: An interview with Dr. Stephen Lowry discussing the Rosetta mission.

See page 10

The Queen in Canterbury Lucy Splarn

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Photo by Happy and Glorious

Photo by Canterbury Cathedral

Photo by Lucy Splarn

Photo by Happy and Glorious

Tina Stavarianou, Ginny Sanderson Photo gallery of campus in spring See Page 12

UKC Athletics Canterbury to Amsterdam in 10 days See Page 23

er Majesty the Queen was joined by His Royal Highness the Duke of Edinburgh on her visit to Canterbury Cathedral on 26 March, to unveil sculptures of them both.

The Queen attended a short service in the nave before heading out of the Great West Door, where the sculptures are now situated.

The sculptures now stand beside other previous British monarchs such as Queen Victoria.

The choir then performed as the sun made a welcome appearance, just in time for the Queen to unveil the two sculptures in front of a crowd that was made up of the Cathedral community.

A second year University of Kent student, Francesca Simpson, said: “It was a very exciting day, the atmosphere was lovely and despite the weather it was a massive success, I was honoured to have had the opportunity to meet Prince Philip.”

The sculptures were carved

by Nina Bilbey, who had the pleasure of meeting the Queen along with other Cathedral staff and volunteers, after the event took place.

This visit to the Cathedral was the Queen’s first in 13 years.

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News Editor’s Note

Hello dearest friends, I write this note with a sad and heavy heart, as my time with InQuire has come to an end -cue nostalgic group photos on page 21.

This issue is a corker, with an analytical piece on wage inequality at UKC in Comment, a unique interview with Dr. Stephen Lowry and the cover letters you wish you could write, all in Features.

I hope you’ve enjoyed this year, it’s been a treat!

Emma xxx InQuireMedia

2014/2015 Editorial contacts: Natalie Tipping- Chair chairwoman Emma Shelton - Newspaper Editor newspaper.editor Emily Adams - Website Editor website.editor Newspaper: Ruby Lyle- News newspaper.news Alice Bryant - Comment newspaper.comment Katyanna Quách - Features newspaper.features Julia Mitchell - Culture newspaper.culture Meg Weal - Entertainment newspaper.entertainment Dan English- Sport newspaper.sport Website: Sarah Osborne- News website.news Dave Cocozza - Comment website.comment Cerys Thomas - Features website.features Grace Beard - Entertainment website.entertainment Natalie Turco-Williams Culture website.culture Henry Sandercock - Sport website.sport Irene Antoniou Distribution distribution LaShanda Seaman Promotions and Events events Tina Stavarianou - Design design add @inquiremedia.co.uk

Investments in fossil fuels Lora Christy

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he University of Kent has a current investment of £491,920 in fossil fuels, according to information received in response to a recent freedom of information request submitted by Dave Cocozza.

As of 30 September 2014, the University has a total market value of £21,865,387 in investment funds. From this, the University’s exposure to fossil fuels equates to 1.8%.

Schroders, with whom Kent invests, has a potential exposure to oil and gas of 9.75%.

The University of Kent’s Environment Policy states: “The University is committed to following good environmental practice.

The University seeks absolute reductions in environmental impacts, as well as relative improvements.”

Fiona Pedeboy, Kent Union’s Environment Officer, said: “Kent would benefit majorly from divesting; it would increase its green credentials and become a pioneer amongst UK universities. By joining the movement, Kent would pressure other institutions around the country to reconsider their investments, and this would have national and global impact.

“If Glasgow achieved such a positive shift, I know Kent can.

We need to bring this issue onto the political agenda. If you’d like to get involved in a campaign to get the University of Kent to divest from fossil fuel industries, please contact environment@kent.ac.uk.”

Students at the University have also shared their views.

Kate Pannell, a fourth year, said: “Ideally, Kent should move away from the use of fossil fuels and towards sustainable energy.

Due to the amount of energy used every day however, this might not yet be a viable option.

To keep in line with their own environmental policy, it may be better for the University to

Oxford accepted investments from Shell for an Earth Sciences laboratory, and BP contributes millions to support the University’s research. Students recently expressed frustration at their university’s judgement to postpone a decision regarding fossil fuel divestment, claiming there was “no excuse” for the delay. Former students also occupied a University building

Photo by Mingjia Zhou

invest elsewhere.”

An increasingly mobilised effort by UK universities to divest from coal and oil sands is gaining momentum nationwide. The University of Glasgow has already withdrawn investments, and the University of Oxford is considering the same.

In 2013, the University of

in protest.

Divestment, in the case of fossil fuels, involves removing financial support from companies who profit through industries such as coal and oil in order to promote alternative behaviour or policy.

Miriam Chapman, an Oxford student campaigner, said: “This decision could make climate

history. Oxford needs to end investment in fossil fuels.” A final decision for the University is expected in May. In October 2014, the University of Glasgow became the first academic institution in Europe to divest from the fossil fuel industry, after 12 months of campaigning by students.

Erin NicCoinnich, a student at the University, said: “It made me proud to be a Glasgow University student and it proved how important and effective student-led activism can be. I think now Glasgow’s done it, it’ll be harder for other UK institutions to tell their students it’s not viable.

“But there’s still a long way to go; the University needs to come up with a divestment plan before everyone can be confident it’s definitely going to happen. I imagine Glasgow University Climate Action Society will be keeping a very close eye on the process.”

On 23 March, at an inaugural Student Sustainability Summit delivered by the Environmental Association for Universities and Colleges in conjunction with the National Union of Students and People & Planet, divestment from fossil fuels was a prominent talking point.

In her opening keynote, anti-tar sands activist, Crystal Lameman, told students: “If there was a prize for unsustainable development, tar sands would be the clear winner. Your role as young academics is to build skills and understanding. Be the change because you are the change.”

Are you the future of cyber security?

Ruby Lyle Newspaper News Editor

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niversity students are being recruited under a new scheme by GCHQ. Cyber First has been created to help identify UK students who may show potential in becoming cyber security experts.

Following successful applications, students taking science, technology, engineering or mathematics (STEM) subjects would receive £4,000 each year in funding, a paid work placement year, and three years employment in

national security.

Talking about the scheme, Robert Hannigan, the Director of GCHQ said: “The worldleading young people we support through Cyber First will help protect the UK from the growing tide of cyber attacks and cyber crime.

“They will also play a part in GCHQ’s key role of keeping the UK at the forefront of the multibillion pound global cyber security industry.”

Furthermore, GCHQ has recognised the University of Kent as an Academic Centre of Excellence in Cyber Security

Research. Kent has now joined the ranks of 12 other British universities who hold this title.

This comes on top of news that the University has been announced as one of several universities taking part in a cyber security research venture between Britain and Israel.

Participants will work on threats relating to identity management, regulating cyber security, privacy assurance and perceptions, mobile and cloud security, the human aspects of security, and cryptography.

The British universities include the University of Bristol

and University College London, who will share £1.2 million in funding with Bar Ilan and Haifa universities through the Engineering and Physical Sciences Research Council (EPSRC).

On the venture, Francis Maude, Minister for the Cabinet Office, described the government’s intention of making Britain “one of the safest places to do business and access services online”.

He continued: “Cyber security is a shared global threat and I’m pleased that we are deepening our research relationship.”

News

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Boost for city’s economy Europe debated: Fraser Whieldon

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anterbury business leaders voted in favour of a Business Improvement District (BID) plan, to improve the local area’s economy and attract new businesses.

The BID plan means businesses will have to pay an extra tax, on top of business rates, in order to pay for street cleaning, marketing, and decoration for the business district, including Christmas lights and hanging baskets.

The vote on whether or not to

adopt the BID plan attracted some controversy. The plan had a turnout of 54%, and of those voters, 36% of local businesses voted against the plan.

The total amount which will be raised over the course of the next five years is estimated at £2.5 million, according to the BID Business Plan.

This money, as well as funding decorations, will be used to create new employment opportunities, which will benefit many students seeking work. The improvements to local infrastructure, as well

as the recruitment of BID ambassadors, are just two of the programmes which will create such opportunities for both students and graduates.

The University of Kent, as well as Canterbury Christ Church University, have both pledged voluntary contributions over the next five years to help fund and expand the BID programmes.

The partnership between UKC and BID has previously created an internship opportunity for students, however it is unclear if anymore of these openings will become available.

Security, the Euro and membership

Bad neighbours T

Irina Gneusheva

Ruby Lyle Newspaper News Editor

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anterbury City Council (CCC) has recently evicted two Canterbury Christ Church University (CCCU) students from 34 Oxford Road, following repeated anti-social behaviour.

On the matter, CCC said: “Last Friday [20 March] we shut down a house in Oxford Road that had been the source of loud noise and anti-social behaviour, causing misery for residents.

“It’s the first time we’ve served a Closure Order using new legal powers.”

Closure Orders come under the Anti-Social Behaviour, Crime and Policing Act 2014.

They require the approval of the magistrates’ court and result in prohibiting the access of unruly tenants to their homes, for no more than three months.

Closure Orders can be extended by a further three months if deemed necessary.

CCCU has taken the matter “very seriously” and is committed to “tackling antisocial behaviour in private residences”, according to CCCU Professor Helen James, Pro Vice-Chancellor (Education and Student Experience).

Furthermore, she said: “We do not condone anti-social behaviour and support the actions the council has had to take in this case.”

With CCCU and the University of Kent both residing in Canterbury, the city has a large student population. According to a freedom of information request (FOI) submitted to the Council by Tilly James, there

are 3,249 properties currently wholly occupied by students in Canterbury. In 2014, there were a total of 96 noise complaints.

PC James Gall, Anti-Social Behaviour Officer at Kent Police, said: “The level of anti-social behaviour displayed by these occupants has had a tangible impact on the community.

Working in partnership with the Council, we have been

able to tackle the anti-social behaviour displayed by the occupants of this address and send a clear message that this type of behaviour will not be tolerated.

“The action taken by the City Council, in partnership with Kent Police, has resulted in positive action by the court in order to keep Canterbury a safe and pleasant place to live.”

Photo by Canterbury City Council

he University of Kent played host to The Big Europe Debate on 21 March. It was divided into two parts: an amicable student’s debate and a heated Chancellor’s debate which involved Alex Deane, the former Chief of Staff to Prime Minister David Cameron.

The student debate began with the question: “Should the University of Kent support or oppose the EU referendum?”

The panel was chaired by Jules Landrieu, a Politics and International Relations student, with the help of moderator Karine Meunier.

The students were divided into those who favour the UK’s continued membership in the EU (Dave Cocozza and Heather Clayson) and those who do not (David Lewis and Pranav Sahni).

Notwithstanding their differences, the students managed to come to a consensus on several issues regarding the question: they all agreed that the UK should keep the pound rather than adopt the euro, and that it is possible for a British person to retain their identity as European even if the UK withdraws from the EU. The debate concluded with all participants agreeing that a referendum on EU membership is a valuable form of democracy and should therefore take place.

The Chancellor’s debate was headed by our very own Gavin Esler.

Ronald Rudd, the Chairman of Business for New Europe, opened the debate by discussing the security of the UK. He argued security would be strengthened within the EU, as it constitutes a united front against what he

Photo by Luke Ilett-Mackie

considers to be an increasing threat from Russia.

Baron Hannay of Chiswick, a British diplomat, then joined the discussion, passionately arguing that the alternatives to being inside the EU for the UK, especially regarding economic matters, simply do not stand up to scrutiny.

Mary Dejevsky, a world renowned journalist, added to the debate by arguing that Britain was not deeply embedded in the EU, favouring the adoption of the Euro and creation of EU armed forces.

She stated further that it would be “dangerous” for the UK to adopt an ‘Atlantisist political model which leans towards the US more than Europe.

These three panellists all agreed not only that a referendum on the EU is inevitable, but the earlier the referendum is held the better it will be.

Later these pro-EU stances were vigorously contested by Alex Deane, Managing Director at FTI Consulting and a former Chief of Staff to Prime Minister David Cameron.

Alex Deane took a more skeptical approach to the EU, arguing that if the EU is not reformed, the UK should vote to leave it.

He further claimed that EU bureaucrats are unable to keep British interests at heart, and countering Mary Dejevsky’s position on the US, stated that the largest bilateral relationship in the world is between the UK and US. The discussion was concluded by the Chair, Esler, asking the audience: “Does the British future lie within the EU?” to which the vast majority answered “Yes”.

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News

The Beeb says bye to Three Your News Ruby Lyle Newspaper News Editor

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BC Three, often heralded as the BBC’s most young adult-friendly channel, is to move entirely online. The channel will be removed from the television in autumn this year.

The decision has been made with cost-cutting in mind. The

Your Comment Manon Charles

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t has never been easier to watch TV online than it is these days. With companies such as Netflix making it possible to bingewatch an entire series in one night, there is pressure on established media companies to up their online content.

This is exactly what the BBC are proposing to do by moving BBC3 online. The BBC have ulterior motives, however, as moving the channel to the internet is a part of a larger, money saving scheme. It is estimated that this move would save the BBC a staggering £30m, whilst also opening up a space on TV for BBC1 +1.

BBC3 was set up as a youth-oriented channel and is responsible for successes such as Gavin and Stacey and Little Britain. By moving the channel online therefore, the BBC could be alienating a large demographic of people, the viewers who some would argue are among the most important.

Advertisers, however, are aware of the attraction of the channel, as it attracts a sizeable audience of both male, female and younger viewers. Because of this there have been many bids placed for BBC3. Yet, the BBC has categorically ruled out a sale, stating: “BBC3 is not for sale because it’s not closing. The proposal to move it online is part of a bold move to reinvent the BBC’s offer for young people.”

The BBC are justifying the

broadcasting house claims that the end of BBC Three will allow a £50 million saving each year, of which £30 million will be funnelled into BBC One dramas such as Sherlock.

Additionally, a BBC One +1 service will be introduced, and CBBC programming will be extended by an hour.

In an email to BBC staff, Tony Hall, the BBC Director-General, explained the decision by citing a lack of change in licence fees and growing demands on

the BBC while ensuring “that the quality of what [the BBC does] is not compromised”.

Furthermore, Hall argued that the move online was the natural progression of “an organisation that constantly reinvents itself” and greatly benefits “this generation” as they increasingly turn towards non-traditional platforms for watching television, “on tablets, on mobiles [and] other screens”.

BBC Three will continue

to produce shows such as Bluestone 42, but they will only be available through the new online service. Further details about this are set to emerge in the summer.

BBC Three was introduced in 2003, but has since won multiple awards, including four BAFTAs in the past two years.

The channel also currently has the largest 16-34 audience in the UK, beating competitors such as E4 and Sky One. On the change, Hall said:

“It will be an opportunity to look at new forms, formats, different durations, and more individualised and interactive content. It will play to BBC Three’s strengths, offer something distinctive and new, and will enhance the BBC’s reputation with young audiences. And I will challenge everyone in the BBC to spend much more time focusing on programming for young audiences. We will lead the way.”

moving of the only youth oriented BBC channel, by claiming that because younger viewers have more presence online, they would be better serving the youth

of Britain on the internet.

BBC3 represents one of the few channels that are directly aimed at adolescents and young adults. I am personally a big fan of the channel, as

they cover a range of genres, from cartoons, to comedies, dramas and documentaries. It could be considered one of the more versatile BBC channels.

Perhaps its biggest downfall

is its demographic: if it were aimed at an older audience, would they not be considering this change? I can hardly see the BBC implement this change with BBC4. This could explain why it feels, once again, as though it is always the younger generation who are left by the wayside when it comes to budget cuts.

I sometimes feel like the younger generations are the easy targets for bigger corporations such as the BBC. We are the generation who tend to have less of a voice in society. But I think that they have underestimated the power of today’s youth, as there has been an outcry surrounding the move from both young people and celebrities.

But what do young people really think about the proposed changes? The next few months have been set aside for research. The BBC will be gathering information from the public and other parties on their views of the move.

Ofcom has launched an assessment to see how the plans would affect the UK broadcasting market. But if a recent petition has any bearing on the results, the BBC may not like the answer.

A staggering 271,000 people signed a recent petition protesting the proposed change.

In January, the BBC claimed they wanted to give the power to the people as opposed to leaving the decisions up to a small minority of executives.

We will soon see if they live up to this promise as they make their decision in the coming months.

Photo by Mark_fleming

Photo by Alex Harries

Photo by JollyfecinRoger McCarthy

Photo by 92YTribeca

Photo by Foomandoonian

Comment

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The tyranny of the strip club shadow ladies has concluded Your News Jack Hadaway-Weller

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Gentleman’s Club in Canterbury has found itself in hot water with local residents due to its aesthetic being deemed too adult.

Residents in the area have complained that the venue’s external décor of silhouetted ladies is too raunchy for the local area and in turn, the club has removed the offending images from its walls which were easily viewed by passersby.

The Bing, which markets itself online as “Kent’s best lap dancing club”, received a formal complaint from the members of Oaten Hill and District Society, voiced by society chairman Fred Whitemore, protesting “the recent appearance of white silhouettes of naked young women in the upstairs windows at the front of The Bing”. He has stated that the introduction of these images is a “blatant violation” of the agreement drawn up between The Bing and the Council.

Ralph Noel, the co-owner of The Bing with his son Alistair Noel,

expressed his

disappointment with the complaint and argued that the club’s display was not raunchier than advertising used in shop windows for underwear retailers on Canterbury High Street.

Beth Sinclair, a third year at Kent, remarked that “both businesses are advertising their products” and went on to say that “the whole idea of strip clubs is disgusting to me, the fact that women’s bodies are their product”. She also questioned The Bing’s decision to not include “male silhouettes” as The Bing markets itself as “Canterbury’s only Adult Entertainment Venue for men & women”.

One local resident has pointed out that the building has gone through several previous incarnations as bars and used to be a popular student nightspot which was “always notorious” for upsetting people who lived in the surrounding area. She also went on to say that The Bing’s location is “largely hidden from public view”.

The Bing, which is situated on Dover Road, was opened in 2013 and has formerly drawn criticism for its residential location and proximity to Canterbury College and the Canterbury Christ Church campus.

The Bing has removed the silhouetted images in question following the complaint.

But what are our mysterious shadow ladies doing?

This lady (Lindsey) has just eaten a whole chicken at Nando’s. She hugs her stomach and feels fabulous. She admires her new Primarché brand tights.

Photo by Jack Hadaway-Weller

Your Comment Alice Bryant Newspaper Comment Editor

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hese seductive temptresses were thrust into media

A proficient huntress, Lindsey has bagged herself a dead fox in Hales Place and is proudly taking it home to cook for a family dinner.

Those student budgets tho’.

attention lately as local Canterbury residents complained that the silhouetted harlots of ‘The Bing’ gentleman’s club were far too titillating. The name ‘Bing’ already sends one delirious with arousal; we think of Chandler from Friends, hotel reception bells, and unsatisfactory search engines — it’s understandable that the residents were already in a malleable, confused state. Then, to add insult to injury, scantily clad women were erected on the billboard.

Or at least, it’s assumed that they’re scantily clad.

It has been a difficult distinction to make, on the basis that they are, as it were, cut-out shadows.

Some might argue that the council has over-reacted by having The Bing remove these images, but these scoundrels have no idea of the true extent of the

Lindsey spontaneously develops a webbed chicken-hand and experiments with the possibilities that this offers her. Her foot has turned into watercress. Today is a good day.

shadow-debauchery that goes on. The amorphous females have no eyes, rendering it impossible to tell if they are or aren’t perpetually winking at passersby. It was also said that if you walk anti-clockwise around the building four and a half times, you can hear them singing to the tune of “The Father Who Must Be Killed”

by Morrissey, which is one of his very worst songs. Many say that they were trapped souls waiting to be released by their captor and God, Matt Baker from the One Show.

The women have now been reluctantly removed, and now our streets are safe once more. No longer shall we fear death, discomfort, or unwelcome sexual invitations from the shadow ladies as we innocently amble along the streets of Canterbury. Peace and order has been resumed.

Email newspaper. comment@ inquiremedia. co.uk with your thoughts.

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Comment

Education by corporation

Are staff and students being sidelined in favour of huge management pay rises?

A ‘non-substantive’ lecturer explains his position on the matter of inequality at UKC. terms and conditions” are nothing but an illusion. As an experiment, ask students about their lecturers. In the majority of cases, the average student has two thirds of their classes taught by non-permanent, or “non-substantive” in HR terminology, members of staff.

Photo by University of Kent

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ate in March, the Vice-Chancellor of the University of Kent, Professor Dame Julia Goodfellow, has been the subject of criticism in both regional and national press after receiving an obscene 16% pay increase, taking her salary from £222,000 in 2012/13 to £265,000 in 2013/14. This pay increase has opened the debate on Higher Education (HE), especially after criminalising strike action when staff tried to secure a 2% pay rise throughout last year.

The problem, however, is not the pay rise per se but its announcement and its implications. In relation to senior management pay, spokesman Martin Herrera defended the increase as the only way “to attract and retain the very best leaders, in what is a global market for leadership talent”. This defence should be offensive even to the Vice-Chancellor herself as her professionalism and commitment are measured in money and, at the same time, defines universities as corporations. Staff at the bottom of the pyramid struggle to get a 2% rise, mirroring the median pay rise in all sectors (with a 1.9% increase in the National Minimum Wage on 1 October) while the management gets a 19% rise.

This comparison is also valid when “the academic fat cats”, as the columnist Richard Garner called them earlier this year, in a very enlightening article, bring Thatcher back to life through their continuous

attacks on Trade Unions.

Jon Pink, the Academic Registrar of the University of Kent, referred to industrial action as “regrettable” in an open email to all students, in which he blames unions for Photo by Ferguson not reaching anAllan agreement while criminalising industrial action: “We believe that

by Alan Ferguson pursuingPhoto industrial action is not the answer to dealing with the very serious challenges that the sector faces.” These emails made many students think of lecturers as greedy and overpaid workers who, on top of that, enjoy a fourmonth holiday period a year, just to add to the classic misconception.

“While the salaries of staff at the University of Kent are consistent with the salaries offered by universities all across UK, the ‘excellent terms and conditions’ are nothing but an illusion.”

“The problem, however is not the pay rise per se, but its announcement and its implications.”

Moreover, the failure to reach an agreement was based on their belief that the University of Kent “offer[s] excellent terms and conditions of employment with record numbers of staff rewarded at local level through promotions, individual and team rewards and re-grading.” Now let’s reveal the trick.

While the salaries of staff at the University of Kent are consistent with the salaries offered by universities all across UK, the “excellent

Photo by Rose Lawrence ‘Non-substantive’ members of staff are highly qualified professionals working on a part-time basis with “excellent

terms and conditions of employment” on paper, but the reality differs. Contractually, hourly paid lecturers are paid for a specified number of contact hours at an hourly rate which includes preparation, delivery, marking, etc.

Nevertheless, it also includes “any other related duties undertaken outside the contact hours specified by your school.”

This obscure clause turns the “excellent” pay rate into an outrageous amount of unpaid overtime in order to fulfil their duties. Furthermore, they “have no obligation to provide you with any work or to provide any minimum number of hours in any day or week,” perfect for someone looking for some stability. According to these figures, universities do not seem to be interested in attracting and retain “the very best teachers”.

Let’s focus now on the main victims of universities running like corporations: students. An essential part in the equation, home/EU students, paying a maximum fee chargeable of £9,000 in 2015, should be shocked by this increase, as they should be with the expenses in tangible assets that have been used in order to attract more students, rather than investing in “the very best teachers”. The corporate structure is meant to offer students a line of communication, but their ideas usually seem to fall on deaf ears when money is involved.

To show some figures, in relation to a general complaint about the very limited contacts hours offered per module, the pay rise on its own could account for over 130 contact hours, totalling 130 modules offering an extra seminar. This amount could also provide students with more social areas and more computers, which is a huge problem at the end of every term.

In ‘Education run by Corporations is Wrong’, the columnist Nancy Mounce states: “The education of children is too important to be subjected to the expediency of

politics or the profit margins of businesses”. This statement refers to schools in the US, but suits the current situation of universities all across UK. Do we really want to follow this path? Unfortunately, it might be too late. From the structure to the decision making processes, universities replicate the way corporations work due to the fact that their main objective is the same.

InQuire asks, what could £43,000 be better spent on?

• 537 new micro scooters for Peter Klappa, enabling the creation of a university-wide scooter gang.

• A LIVE music venue • The installation of a ski-lift for Eliot footpath • 6,615 meals at the Thai cuisine van opposite Essentials • A zebra crossing at the bottom of Tyler Hill (seriously though) • 24 hour multi-coloured disco lights on campus • A marginal reimbursement of Crazy Hands’ student debt • A statue commemorating our great alumni, E.L James (inc. nipple clamps and oversized dildos) •A years salary for a student who hasn’t been able to get a job after graduating from UKC •17,200 pints of cider for an all-day end of term party •4,300 kg of glitter to be delivered to George Osbourne’s house •A large, seasonal paddling pool on Tyler Hill, including water slides and inflatables •The assured destruction of Eliot/Rutherford

Comment

7

Do we have any good leaders running for Parliament?

Otto Ilveskero

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f a film were to be made about the current gang of main party leaders running the race before the General Election on 7 May, the cast would not look too appealing.

David Cameron would be played by Tom Hardy as Bane in a suit and a tie, Ed Miliband by a wet rat eating a sandwich, Nick Clegg by the snake from the Garden of Eden, and Nigel Farage by a bad set of false teeth. The female party leaders – Nicola Sturgeon of the SNP and Natalie Bennett of the Green party – would be played

by Mel Gibson as William Wallace and the Queen in a council house, respectively.

The whole farce would then be topped with approval ratings as cold as the Siberian winter, and a game of musical chairs instead of a televised political debate.

‘You have only adopted the leadership; I was born with it, moulded by it,’ implies the jawbone of the current Prime Minister, crafted by the privileged for the privileged in

Photo by European Union 2014 - European Parliament

the halls of Eton and Oxford.

Generally perceived as the only one of the party leaders with the habitus of a leader, he has been accused of lacking the conviction and vision of a leader. Add here the failure to fulfil any of the points of his 2010 pre-election “contract” and you have a man with 16 strikes, but is still in the game.

These contenders can only be better. Certainly, Ed ‘Two Kitchens’ Miliband might actually be the main reason why Labour has not been able to tear any gap between them and the Tories in polls.

Achieving the lowest approval rates of all the leaders is quite a feat, considering Nick Clegg’s disastrous U-turn on tuition

fees and the catastrophic result of the European Elections last year. There is even a chance that invertebrate of Sheffield loses his seat in Parliament.

Nigel of South Thanet is possibly the most skilled politician of the lot. He is also a power-hungry hypocrite however, as we all know.

Surely, it must be expensive for the self-titled ‘poorest man in politics’ to commute from the 1930s to the modern day every morning – which might just explain his massive expenses as an MEP. Regarding the last two leaders, Natalie Bennett’s latest radio interview with Nick Ferrari cast an oil tanker sized shadow on her credibility, while Nicola Sturgeon still remains a complete question mark as she has been the leader of her party for less than half a year.

The current political system just doesn’t leave any room for desirable leadership to function, as it rewards shortsightedness, black & white thinking, and self-interest.

None of these characteristics

are really that appealing in any human being, especially if that person is supposed to make large-scale decisions on your behalf. And even on behalf of the people yet to be born.

Ideally, my leader would have empathy and commitment, while being charismatic and honest. And obviously share a similar political perception. But finding someone who would actually possess these traits has always been the trickier question.

With this current state of affairs, it is no wonder that the public does not trust their lead candidates. Yet, we need to at the same time remember that the parties are not only the leadership that represents them. Many have gone to party politics promising to bring change, but virtually none have succeeded. In the current deadlock, I am soon willing to consider completely hypothetical leaders or even someone who honestly doesn’t represent anyone. At least then I can tick one of the requirements on the list as fulfilled.

My experience as a Kent Union employee

Working for Kent Union has its challenges, but what is it like to work for one of Canterbury’s largest employers?

Dave Cocozza

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ave I enjoyed my time working at Kent Union over the past two and a half years? It’s been nothing short of challenging, but yes, I have.

Frankly the majority of the people in the organisation are intelligent, kind and great fun to work with. In fact, that’s been something consistent throughout the varied and multiple jobs that I have had throughout Kent Union - there’s a real culture of team bonding, camaraderie, friendship, and pride in the work and in the company.

Unfortunately, I would say that Kent Union is becoming more of a business than a not-for-profit Student’s Union; our SUs are one of the last remaining critical voices of the marketised education sector that still gives the voice to say “no” to a commercial university education. I don’t want my SU to be my University’s best

friend. I want it to be the critical and fighting voice for all of us, and unfortunately I don’t think Kent Union will be in that position any time soon.

Working for Kent Union has had its challenges whilst being actively involved in the student movement; it’s hard to actively speak out against your employer when there are decisions taken that you disagree with. In the past, I have discovered information that I have been politely, and once forcibly, asked to remain quiet about because it would damage the company, and when those decisions affect students, I often feel torn about what to do.

What is it about wanting to enact change that terrifies people so much? I came to university feeling lost and without a voice – and my experience within Kent Union helped me to find it again, but at times, I do feel like it’s trying to be silenced. I’m not

comfortable leaving University with that feeling.

There has also been one thing that has stuck out throughout my employment with Kent Union: the low pay. I am paid a basic hourly wage of £6.50 - minimum wage - plus legally-obligated holiday uplift to £7.28 per hour, which I take within my pay instead of the optional bulk payment.

Those under 21 are paid significantly less, and if Kent Union wants to be the leading SU in the country, I would argue it needs to ensure its student staff are being paid above minimum wage. The constant argument is that there is no money available to do it from within the business, but as someone that worked in a senior management role before coming back to University, and is aware of the huge unnecessary expenses being shelled out by the organisation I do believe it is entirely possible to pay staff

Photo by University of Kent

£7.85 per hour across the board at minimum. Despite repeated attempts to quash my campaigns on this, I will always advocate an increased wage for staff as there are countless positive arguments for it. KTV have released a fascinating and insightful documentary on this matter – “Cash or Crash” – and you should check it out!

So, despite its grievances and pitfalls that I know can be changed, I’ve enjoyed it. I’m a much more well-rounded individual thanks to the staff development. I’ve worked with some great people – students and career staff alike - and I hope that if you get the chance to work for the company, you may feel the same way too.

8

Editorial

To InQuire’s most treasured readers...

Emma Shelton Newspaper Editor

I

know you’re out there somewhere.

A promising start, I think!

Let me attempt to redeem the situation. I know we have many readers, but I just know that some of you relish each issue of InQuire. You drool with anticipation as our most dedicated Brand Ambassadors deliver copies to each distribution point on campus, and you eagerly run forward to pick the first one up, hot off the press – if they’re delivered on time that is (ouch!).

Was that too much?

Well, tough luck, you usually only get 50 words from me; lovelies, you’re in for a treat, because here’s a whopping 600 words, so bear with.

I wanted to write some elegiac letter about how much I’ve learnt with InQuire, and how much I’ll miss it, but I haven’t quite got the tone right really. I’ve

insulted InQuire’s readers, or lack of, but any affection to overcompensate turns this into some kind of declaration of love, and quite frankly, that’s weird. I don’t know you, you don’t know me, let’s not get too personal.

181 words in, and I’ve not really accomplished anything. It’s just words, filler space, you’re still reading, perhaps hoping for that profound comment, a funny quip – maybe I’m trying too hard. Where is she going with this? Sorry, this is a lit student writing, who loves her postmodernism. You’re reading a letter, I’m writing a letter, I keep referring to this

relationship, but I’m not telling you what you want to hear, and I’m presuming I know what you want to hear, and you’re thinking ‘won’t she just get to the point of this stupid letter?’ and I’m like ‘is there even a point to this?’, and you’re thinking of moving on to the next page, but you can’t, and I’m like ‘this is so meta, it’s great’.

Right, that’s enough of that.

What am I trying to say? Oh yeah, you guys are great.

No seriously, if it weren’t for you readers – and you are treasured, because you’re still reading, perhaps politely laughing along, I don’t know – there would literally be no point to my job. I edit this paper, with a fantastic team, to make it the best it can be, so that you get maximum enjoyment from reading it.

At least, that’s the idea. There have been good and bad times.

As Newspaper Editor, I’ve had the complaints, telling me what I do wrong in my job. I’ve gone mad on a regular basis, staying in the Student Media Centre

for hours on end, filtering my frustration through singing and dancing to my heart’s content.

That was until I found out there were CCTV cameras recording every precious moment of my rendition of Robbie Williams’ “Angels”. Or I go crazy squinting at small print, searching for that missing semi-colon – yes, I love my semicolons a little too much, but I won’t dwell on that point, I don’t think you need further reason to perceive my madness.

Ultimately though, I’ve had a lot of fun.

I’ve done stuff I could not have enjoyed if it hadn’t been for you, because ultimately, what’s the point if you’re not reading and appreciating the hard work we put in to it all.

Genuinely, I still get a warm fuzzy feeling inside when I see someone I don’t know casually pick up a copy of InQuire in

Essentials, so keep doing it, it means a lot.

I need to finish. It’s been a

rollercoaster of emotions and a journey I’ll never forget – oh, there it is, the awaited cliché.

I hope this letter had just the right amount of sass, of comedy and tragedy, that necessary connection between us where we learn something about each other that we didn’t know before. Or maybe none of that, and you’ve just read this entire letter in a state of utter bewilderment.

That’s ok too, at least I’ve done something vaguely productive and written a letter – what have you done today to make you feel proud?

Student Problems: The woes of student lettings Alice Bryant Newspaper Comment Editor

A

t university, we learn about many things. At some point, usually at the beginning of our second year, we will encounter the landlady.

The landlady is often underestimated, at first appearing sweet and accommodating. She will usher you into your home-to-be with smiles and an open packet of jaffa cakes. The home will not entirely fit your vision of a traditional Canterbury townhouse that you had in mind during the University open-day

(being a Hales place shantyflat erected in the late 70s), but the rooms will be large enough to play Scrabble in and there will be evidence of recent habitation. You nod sagely at every room that you encounter.

You sign the contracts without reading them properly, because you are young, naive and twenty — and you are momentarily overwhelmed by the excitement of owning your own tumble-dryer.

Does this sound familiar?

The washing machine breaks.

It is October and your room is damp because it’s essentially made of Rizla papers glued together with the tears of former tenants. You leave your jacket on a hook in a hallway and when you go to put it on

two weeks later you realise one of the sleeves is now almost entirely composed of mould.

Soon, you will come home one weekend and realise that your hoover has been removed and given to another house and you’re not sure why. Your landlady’s replies to your emails are becoming much, much more irritable due to the sheer volume of appliances that appear to be mysteriously collapsing under the weight of your tenancy e.g. the shower/ the fridge/the oven etc.

There is a lone mushroom that is prising its way up out of the carpet in the bathroom.

When you were visiting the house, you never questioned the fact that there was carpet in the bathroom, but now that

you’re staring at the hybrid mushroom-fungi inching its way up through the soggy plush of the mauve flooring, you’re thinking that this is possibly the most acute design flaw since the inception of Rutherford college. You stare at it angrily, and the mushroom momentarily reflects everything that is wrong with the world.

You think, at least when I leave this place, I will get my deposit back. A nice, meaty £300. Scrimping on heating all year around and forming a close, and at times, inappropriate bond with your duvet and dressing gown will pay off.

YOU ARE MISTAKEN, YOUNG ONE. Despite hours

of cleaning, hoovering (you bought a new hoover) and dusting, you have a sizable chunk deducted from your deposit because you didn’t adequately clean the shower curtains and there were some skin cells behind the sofa that you missed. You will feel dejected and lost. You will feel angry.

You will rue the day that you ever signed that contract, because it’s been a year of intermittently cleaning yourself with baby wipes and washing your clothes in a tub with lye soap like a 13th century washer-woman.

What do you do?

You sign the contract again for the next year. Because you know that they’re all the same.

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10

Features

Blast off! University of Kent goes to space

Newspaper Features Editor Katyanna Quach speaks to Dr. Stephen Lowry, a Physics lecturer here at the University of Kent, who is currently working with ESA on the Rosetta mission to comet 67P to find out his thoughts on their progress so far, and the future of comet exploration.

Can you tell me a little bit about the history of the Rosetta mission and how the University of Kent got involved?

The Rosetta mission goes way back, it started over 20 years ago and was commissioned by the European Space Agency (ESA). The original target was comet 43P/Wirtanen but, due to a launch delay, the target was changed to comet 67P. A lot of planning goes into these space missions, there is only a limited amount of fuel provided so the position of the comet and spacecraft have to be perfect in order to land the probe correctly. Once you miss the right moment, the chance is gone.

The University of Kent is the only university in the country to be involved with the optical camera on board the Rosetta orbiter so that’s very exciting.

I work on deciphering the data taken from the OSIRIS imaging system on Rosetta, to try to understand the comet’s structure and how it was formed.

What’s so special about this particular comet?

Comet 67P has been known for some time now, it was discovered by two Soviet astronomers in 1969. Comets are designated a number depending on the order they were discovered and there are now over 300, so 67P was already well-known. It’s not particularly special but it was chosen because it had a low “Delta-V”, which is just a fancy way of saying that less fuel is needed to rendezvous with the comet.

Photo by DLR

bounced on the surface and is currently sitting somewhere that doesn’t receive enough sun light. Philae uses solar panels to generate energy so that’s a bit of a problem, it can’t send back any more data or operate any of its instruments. But we did retrieve some images during its landing.

Rosetta - the ‘mother spacecraft’ - is still in orbit with the comet so we are still receiving data and exploring the comet through that.

So Philae is not in contact with Earth anymore?

ESA have been trying to contact Philae but it’s not registering or resending any of those messages back.

It’s unresponsive because it has run out of energy, but all is not lost. The comet is getting closer to the Sun day by day. It will reach its closest point to the Sun this summer. It may wake up from May onwards as more light shines on its solar panels. Philae will make a comeback so watch this space! It’s not

dead, just sleeping.

What did you aim to find on Comet 67P, were there any surprises?

There was a possibility that it would give us an answer to how the oceans came to Earth. We still don’t know how so much water ended up on Earth.

Since it covers around 70% of the surface, it’s an important question to answer but it still remains a mystery.

Water is incredibly important in space exploration because we think that it is a necessary ingredient to life. But scientists have concluded that a comet like 67P couldn’t have passed water onto Earth by collision because the water composition is different from Earth. We now think that all of the water on Earth may not have been brought here by objects in the Kuiper belt, which was where comet 67P was originally from. We now think that water might have been brought by objects in the main-belt which is closer

to Earth than the Kuiper belt. It is the first comet landing so it can give us a clue to how comets form and what they are made out of.

But one of the most interesting findings is probably the small-scale structures of the comet. There are small sized crevices on the walls of the comet that are like goosebumps.

What’s surprising is that these goosebumps are regularly shaped and evenly distributed, so we think that it can’t have formed by a random process. And we don’t know why these goosebumps exist, it could be from when the comet initially formed but we don’t know. Another surprising thing is that there is a big crack in the middle of the comet. So if we imagine the comet to be shaped as a rubber duck, the big crack is on its neck. It would be very interesting if it were to split, I’d like to see that.

You want the comet to split into two?

Yeah, I think that it would be incredibly interesting to see a comet break apart. I’m really curious and it could give more information on the deeper structures inside the comet.

Spacecraft technology is advancing at an incredibly fast pace, what are the next steps in exploring comets?

Yes it is, the Rosetta mission is the first mission to ever land on a comet.

One of the next major steps in comet research would be to plant a rover on the surface and perhaps bring back a sample from the surface. Rovers would allow data to be gathered from

Photo by Reto Stöckli

Photo by ESA/Rosetta/NAVCAM

67P is an interesting comet though.

It’s very striking and recognisable as it looks like a rubber duck.

There were some difficulties with the landing of Philae, how has this affected the mission?

The probe did land successfully but unfortunately in a difficult place. It

Photo by ESA/Rosetta/NAVCAM

different regions of the comet so that we can build a better picture of it. A returned sample would give scientists a direct piece of the comet to analyse with the best labs on Earth.

What question do you hope to be answered about space in your lifetime?

Definitely the question of life existing elsewhere in space. That would be groundbreaking.

Features

11

Worldfest: Hit or miss? Common sense for students Karisma Indra

W

hen I heard the news that Worldfest was coming to UKC, I was excited to be able to try different things from many cultures across the world, as there were lots of opportunities to take part in a variety of events.

Food trucks descended upon campus and set up camp in the plaza serving different cuisines. There was the opportunity to play Chairball, a sport which originates from Thailand (essentially netball with the basket being held up by a teammate standing on a chair).

The highlight of the week was the International Student Showcase.

The big tent outside the Library was crammed full with people enjoying the celebrations of different cultures. It was a definite triumph of performances and really brought to light the diversity at the University. It is easy to forget that we are a multi-cultural society, and events like these really showcase the best of it all.

That being said, Worldfest is perhaps a misleading title for the week’s events.

It is undeniably true that the University sought to celebrate many different cultures, but their attempt seemed to fall flat.

I appreciate the fact that it may stretch finances to try and celebrate everything the world has to offer culturally, but it would have been nice to have had a bit more variety.

There was a distinct lack of credence given to Oceanic countries such as Australia and New Zealand, and as far as I could tell, very little given to Latin American tradition apart from some Salsa dancing. A way of incorporating more cultures and activities in the future could be some workshops on Aboriginal art or Latin American art.

As for the food court more variety was required there too. I understand the appeal of the American Diner with its hot dogs, but we are already exposed to so much Western food.

If we truly want to embrace diversity we have to honour a wider range of traditions from different cultures.

Do you agree? Tell us your thoughts about worldfest by emailing newspaper. features@inquiremedia.co.uk

Photos by Kent Union

Medium

Manon Charles

A

s students, we are the future of the nation. We should, by now, be fully functioning members of society (who occasionally get far too drunk and spend days on end in bed watching Netflix, avoiding responsibilities).

Although we are considered (relatively) intelligent here at University, students often lack something very important - common sense. Here are my top five pieces of common sense that every student should have.

Time management With essay deadlines looming, students are beginning to realise that they should have organised their time better, to avoid the last minute panic.

Although it might be too late for this term, by starting assignments early and managing your time, you can be more productive and avoid last minute stresses.

Knowing when to stop We’ve all been there, it’s nearing the end of the night and Venue is nothing but a blur. Your dancing resembles a drunkard on a boat and your beer goggles are well and truly on. But all of a sudden you hear the familiar war cry - ‘SHOTS!’ And everyone turns to congregate at the bar. You know you’re drunk, and you know that another drink would push you over the edge. So what do you do? Whilst most students would go for the shot without hesitation, perhaps an important part of growing up, is knowing that nothing good could come from downing

InQuire Sudoku

another tequila. Turn away from the bar and allow yourself to feel smug when your friends are still ill the next morning.

Money management This is something which often serves as a wake up call for many students.

Between rent, bills, and living, students are often juggling too much at once. We have to learn the true value of money and Tesco Everyday Value becomes our new best friend. As it comes to the end of term, what’s left of the student loan is wearing thin and we are having to make harder decisions - a night out or food for the next few days? Although your heart might scream out for the dark lights of Cuban, sometimes you have to make the hard choice and put your wellbeing ahead of one night of fun.

Dressing for the weather Yes, that dress might be super cute, but you will freeze in the queue for Jäger Rocks if you don’t wear a coat.

A top common sense tip is dressing appropriately - if it’s cold, wear layers.

If it’s going to rain, wear a coat or take an umbrella. Sometimes fashion has to suffer for the sake of your health.

Healthy choices Although it pains me to write this, it is better to reach for an apple rather than a packet of crisps or a chocolate bar.

Looking after your health should be top priority, so ensure that you make some common sense choices when it comes to your diet.

It will make you feel much better in the long run.

Hard

12

Features

The transformation on campus during spring Since British Summer Time commenced, the days grow longer and warmer. During springtime, the University of Kent’s campus is buzzing with bees pollinating flowers, ducks waddling about and cute bunnies. Here are a few images that remind us of how picturesque our campus is.

Photo by Tina Stavrianou

Photo by Ginny Sanderson

Photo by Ginny Sanderson

Photo by Ginny Sanderson

Photo by Ginny Sanderson

Photo by Ginny Sanderson

Photo by Ginny Sanderson Photo by Ginny Sanderson Photo by Ginny Sanderson

Photo by Ginny Sanderson

Photo by Tina Stavrianou

Photo by Tina Stavrianou

Photo by Tina Stavrianou

Photo by Ginny Sanderson

Photo by Ginny Sanderson

Photo by Tina Stavrianou

Features

13

The cover letters you wish you could write It’s that time of year where students are furiously churning out cover letters to each and every company hiring with minimal success.

Don’t worry, you are not alone in your frustration, here are some cover letters we wish we could send to potential employers out there.

Emily Adams

Manon Charles

Ruby Lyle

Katyanna Quach

Dear friend, Me! Me! Yes me! Over here! The one who’s sent you a gazillion emails already. You know, the ones you never reply to or even acknowledge. Yep, that’s me. Hey friend! Employ me.

I’m super awesome and you need me (you just haven’t realised it yet). How have you gone this long without me?!

Seriously, you are missing out big time my friend. If you hired me, we could be friends; I’m a hoot.

Go on. I dare you. You’re thinking about it, if only to stop the incessant emailing. You already know I’m startlingly good at writing strongly worded emails. Let me write your emails? Or make you tea? Clean your dog?! Walk your car?! ANYTHING! Your sincerely, The world’s (would be) greatest employee

Dear Sir / Madam, I saw that you recently posted a job vacancy online, what a coincidence, I myself am looking for a job!

I would be a perfect fit for the company as I see we have mutual interests. You like hiring people to work for you, and I love being hired! I see you also like paying your employees and I love being paid.

By hiring me, you would be gaining a fantastic addition to your team.

Do you need a hard worker with an average sense of humour and minimal small talk skills? Call me! I am almost guaranteed to improve the morale in the work environment. And we all know that happy workers are by far the best workers.

I eagerly await your call, because why wouldn’t you want to hire me? I’m amazing.

Hi dear, my name is Ruby and I’m a second year Politics and International Relations student at the University of Kent.…And I really need this job.

I don’t think you understand how much I need this job. My bar for what I will not do is embarrassingly low right now.

I’m under 21 so I’m cheaper than the third years. Ignore their asses. I’ll be here for a year more, too. Less time wasted on training in the long term.

Totally logical. Might as well forget the Christ Church applicants while you’re at it. No real reason, just because.

Now, don’t pay attention to whatever weird vibes my CV apparently gives off which have resulted in rebuffs up and down the high street (I’m looking at you McDonalds. I haven’t forgotten those four rejections or the two from Build a Bear).

Dear potential employers, Have you ever eaten ASDA’s Honey Nut Cornflakes? I have and they’re disgusting.

Any honey flavour seems to disappear as soon as you chew on the hard gritty texture of the cornflakes that leave your mouth dry and bitter.

If I don’t get some income soon, I’ll have to move on to ASDA’s version of Weetabix: ‘Wheat Bisks’. Although they are of better value, costing 5.2p each Bisk, they taste even worse. They suck up all the milk you put in and turn into something that looks like and tastes like wallpaper paste with bits of floating sawdust.

So please pity me and give me a job, so that I can afford some decent breakfast cereal.

I really need some Crunchy Nut in my life.

P.S We can work through that restraining order nonsense.

Yours sincerely, Your future employee

I will totally Derren Brown you into giving me a job if I have to. Please?

Yours sincerely, Katyanna Quach

Photo by London Permaculture

Photo by Thomas Hawk

Photo by Dietmar Temps

Photo by theimpulsivebuy

Brontë Larson

Rolo McYolo

Dan Polish

Natalie Tipping

Dear Sir or Madam, Look here mate, you and I both know that cover letters are just exercises in narcissistic bullshit. I can’t be bothered to gush about how much I want this.

I’m good for the job. That’s the be-all and end-all.

Quit making me jump through hoops for a job that is frankly poorly paid and poorly advertised. Who do I have to make friends with around here to get a god-damn job at your stupid company?

Should I just strap on a bushy handlebar moustache, stick some winter socks down my underpants and wear a very stiff bow-tie and stroll into the Bullingdon Club?

Is that what you want from me?!

Regards to the recruitment team who are evidently fuckwits (even I know the correct use of ‘you’re’ and ‘your’).

Hello decrepit and old employer, I’m writing to apply for this entry level position. I am the hardest worker you’ll ever meet and if it means stabbing you in the back to get to the top of the food chain - I’ll be looking forward to my just desserts (yum chocolate cake!)

Although, this would mean in five years time I would surpass you both mentally and physically (because let’s face it you aren’t getting any younger).

Your brain is starting to decay and slow down and it’s obvious that you need someone to spruce up the workplace now. I need to get in and you need to get out.

I look forward to learning how you recruit entry level position staff as I’ll be finding a replacement for myself in the very near future.

Dear Sir or Madam, Please give me a job. I have no money and I still live with my parents. I will accept anything as I was rejected from every company in Canterbury (including McDonalds and that strip club).

Most of my skills lie in illegally streaming TV and films as well as plagiarising essays. As you can see I’m quite flexible, great at problem solving and have a knowledge even more extensive than Wikipedia and Google put together.

My special skill is that I can drink 30 jagerbombs in two minutes flat, a skill I feel would be most appropriate at this job as it is so boring I won’t want to be at the office sober.

I hope you find that my application is satisfactory for you, but if I’m honest, I’m applying for this job because I really don’t want to move back in with my parents once I’m done with my degree. I was just doing my daily scroll through Guardian Jobs, and in a mad panic to start earning some money, I clicked ‘apply’ on almost every job I came across.

I mean, let’s be honest, I’m not experienced enough to do this job, nor will I ever be. You need experience before you can get experience, but then you can’t become experienced because you’re not already experienced. Well that makes loads of sense doesn’t it?

Hint - no, it doesn’t.

So basically, if you wanted to take a punt on a girl who quite frankly has no knowledge of the sector and no hope, but really doesn’t want to go back to being a waitress at her local pub, give me a shout.

YOURS, Brontë *kiss my arse* Larson

See you on Monday, Love, Your future replacement

So if you’re looking for someone who can blank their way through work and knows how to have a good time *wink wink*…holla at me.

14

Entertainment

City Sound Project is back

Songs on Repeat Jennifer Adetoro

Photos by City.Sound.Project

Megan Weal Newspaper Entertainment Editor

T

he music event of the year is back and ready to hit Canterbury again this May. City Sound Project attracts 3,000 people a year, all of whom come together during the May Bank Holiday weekend for two days of some of Britain’s best up-and-coming music.

With the event taking place at various venues around Canterbury, and the promise of a wide span of music - from garage to acoustic, to grime to hiphop and everything else inbetween there’s something for everyone in this anticipated music mash-up.

To keep things fresh, City Sound Project have thrown two new venues into the mix this year. One of them

being Canterbury’s largest event space, Westgate Hall, and the second is the outside area, The Greyfriars Garden.

Chris Hawksey, Director of Republic Events Ltd commented; “The Greyfriars Garden we are particularly excited about, as this secret and secluded space, bordered by the River Stour, is owned by the Greyfriar Monks and completely shut off to the public. We are particularly excited to be able to use the 12th Century Fraciscian Chapel where some of our biggest performers will be performing incredibly intimate and unannounced ‘secret sets’ throughout the weekend!”

With previous year’s line-ups including Bastille, George Ezra, Duke Dumont and Gorgon City, City Sound Project has proven itself to be the event

to see rising musicians before they hit the big time. This year is seemingly no different, with MNEK, Blonde, Rae Morris, Dry The River and Disciples already announced.

By the record-breaking sell-outs of the first two ticket releases, it’s obvious that Canterbury is already excited. Saturday and Sunday tickets are currently £26.50 each and full weekend tickets are £31.50. But, Hawksey confirmed that “sports teams and society members can speak to their presidents or social secretaries to get hold of a limited number of discounted £10 Day Tickets before the end of term”.

With the promise of stellar music, amazing venues and all-round good times, you’d be a fool to miss Canterbury’s largest music event.

Dates for the diary

I love you, Zayn Malik

Big Hero 6 - 4 April, The Gulbenkian

Emily Adams Website Editor

Lee Nelson: Suited and Booted - 8 April, The Marlowe Theatre Richard Herring in Conversation with Olly Double - 8 April, The Gulbenkian An Evening of Burlesque - 10 April, The Marlowe Theatre Music from the “Small Screen” to the “Silver Screen” - 11 April, The Gulbenkian Philharmonia Orchestra - 11 April, The Marlowe Theatre A Music Celebration - 18 April, Colyer-Fergusson Building Cara Dillon - 19 April, The Gulbenkian Gulbenkian Music Night - 24 April, The Gulbenkian The Marlowe Comedy Cabaret - 25 April, The Marlowe Theatre Yamato Drummers of Japan: Bakon - 3-4 May, The Marlowe Theatre Dylan Moran - 6 May, The Marlowe Theatre

Z

ayn, baby, where shall I start? *Blubbered through a cascade of tears* There is no light anymore, only darkness. The sun has eternally set and my heart will be forever broken. I will not eat, I must not sleep and I cannot go on in this world.

Don’t leave me, we can work this out.

You don’t need those other four incompetent, talentless fools (or your fiancéugh). But you need me. You’re the glue that held 1D together and right now, the glue that’s keeping my breaking heart alive, so it can beat once more.

For you.

Let’s be frank about this, you were the only talented one, with your trendsetting haircuts and distressingly good looks – oh those cheekbones, those eyes. Zayn, listen to me, you don’t know you’re beautiful.

Remember our first encounter? Over a heap of trampled wannabes, our eyes met. Yours a bewildered look of amazement, mine a deranged lustful

stare. I clambered over the fallen so called ‘fans’ and reached for your hand, a hand that fits in mine like it’s made just for me. Your right index finger grazed my left elbow… and sparks flew.

And it was then that I knew, with all my being, that I wanted to, in your very words, go crazy crazy crazy til we see the sun.

I wanted to dance all night to the best song ever. With you. And only you.

And from that one, fleeting moment, before the security guard knocked me out, our eyes locked, and I knew you wanted it too. No bouncer will ever keep us apart again, I promise.

Then there was that gig.

Photo by walls auto You, dazzling everyone with your smile on stage, and me, in seat W7, upper balcony, in the restricted view seats. Somehow you found me, you winked and you sang to me: “Midnight memories, Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, baby you and me”. I could just tell, you meant every word, every ‘oh’. Zayn, honey, you can do it, you can go it alone, because honestly…ALL TOGETHER NOW...

You’ve got that one thing!

Kanye West - “All Day” Debuting at the 2015 Brit Awards, Kanye’s song provides a raw, bouncy, hip-hop beat that allows him to take his rapping skills to another level.

He raps faster and harsher, adding to the freshness of the song.

Snoop Dogg - “Peaches N Cream” Who knew Pharrell and Snoop would make such a good comeback.

The first single off Snoop’s upcoming album, Bush, brings us back to the 80s with a funky beat and soulful vocals from R&B singer Charlie Wilson, providing a new sense of disco.

Photo by Nikos Kontovas

Kendrick Lamar - “King Kunta” Featured on Kendrick’s recent album To Pimp a Butterfly, “King Kunta” has a powerful meaning behind it. Linking it to 18th century slave Kunta Kinte, Kendrick uses King to add a sense of empowerment. This along with a funky instrumental, how can it not be on repeat?

Photo by media.digest

Jhené Aiko - “Living Room Flow” If you’re into that chilled type of ambience, then this song is for you. Jhené’s smooth soulful voice, accompanied by the relaxed instrumental with light drum crashes, is something you can listen to in any mood or at any point of the day, making it a strong favourite of mine.

Entertainment

Laughing for a good cause Rebecca Fatharly

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oys in the Attic is Canterbury’s newest comedy night that features comedians from the local area as well as London. There will be one open mic night on the last Friday of each month in the attic of the Jolly Sailor. The opening night on 27 March had a great line up and was packed to the rafters by the time the event started. It was so packed that the audience members had to line the sides of the seating area.

The comedy night cost £3 per person, but all the funds raised went to East African Playgrounds. Elise Schofield is travelling to Uganda and needs to raise the money herself in order to get there, and ‘Toys in the Attic’ are supporting her goal.

The opening night was led by resident host MC Matt Hoss, who acted as the intermediary between acts and got the crowd pumped. He then introduced the acts, starting with Stuart HosmerWright.

Hosmer-Wright plunged straight into a posh persona. He read out a hilarious letter from his Beano complaints book to Jack Wills after they sent him an email welcoming Stuart to their ‘gang.’

The second act was Scarlett Dobson.

Who introduced herself as an ‘oven permanently preheating waiting for a bun to go in.’ She brought a baby book

Photo by Toys in the Attic

with her onstage as well as a tiny sock to show her preparation for motherhood.

Adam Baker, the third act, recounted a terrifying tale of a visit to the hairdressers. Baker was trapped between a racist pensioner and an angry window shopper whilst he had to remove his glasses.

To end the first half, the show’s sub-headliner, Chantal FeduchinPate, whizzed onto the stage with her energetic set-up. Originally from New Orleans, Chantal currently resides in London. When she first arrived in the UK she was burgled three times in two weeks, to which she joked she should just befriend them since they kept coming over.

The second half began with Maddy Willis. Her self-deprecating sense of humour engaged the audience as she told us about her dysfunctional laugh, that in her words, “bears a resemblance to Jimmy Carr’s”. She then played a clip from the film Arthur Christmas, voiced

by James McAvoy, and referred to both their laughs as mating calls to one another.

Bethan Keane began her set by telling the audience that she had been banned from the belly dancing society, and how she lied about shoving a jacket potato down the drain when the sink became blocked.

Finally the headliner Jake Kemble took to the stage and recounted the lies he created at university to avoid the awkward situation of accidentally being called the wrong name.

It was a night of belly laughs and awkward stories, and all for a good cause - who’s not laughing?

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The Burning Ear Free (and legal) music from bands you’ve probably never heard of but are guaranteed to be pretty awesome. There’s very little not to like about this blog. All nestled between reviews, music videos and hand-picked mixtapes. Great for when you want something a little off the beaten track.

Dead Frog If you’re into stand-up comedy, then you need to know what Dead Frog is. Packed with material, listings, albums and podcasts - it’s an essential for anyone trying to break into the scene. Or anyone who just needs a good chuckle after a long day.

Film School Rejects When you read anything on Film School Rejects, you know it’s going to be equal parts intelligent and witty. It knows not to try and cover too much and it knows what it’s good at - reviews, interviews and features. It’s always a compelling read and the podcasts give the site a needed edge.

Lee Nelson brings Suited & Booted to Canterbury As laddish comedian, Lee Nelson, prepares to bring his new show, Suited & Booted, to the Marlowe Theatre on 8 April, Website Entertainment Editor Grace Beard caught up with him about his new ‘mature’ outlook and what fans can expect in the future.

Can fans expect to see a more mature side to Lee on your ‘Suited and Booted’ tour?

I’ve certainly upped my game. I’ve ditched the shorts, I’ve ditched the cap, I’ve ditched the Reebok Classics.

Also, I’ve recently been sacked from Sports Direct so I couldn’t get my staff discount anymore. So I took myself along to Topman, found a nice suit and ran out of the shop with it. I’ve got it with me for the rest of the tour.

What sort of topics will you be tackling during the show?

First of all, every night is different.

That’s the beauty of stand-up and especially, I hope, the beauty of my shows. Believe it or not, I’ll be talking about politics. I’ve got a few ideas of what I would do as the British Prime Minister. I’ll be talking about global warming, the royal family, and UKIP. They say there are too many foreigners

in this country. Well, I’ve done my research, and there’s actually more foreigners in other countries, so there you go. I know people are worried about this wave of remaining immigrants, coming over here and taking our Polish people’s jobs. The fact is my mates are black and Asian, my mum’s Irish, and my Mrs is Brazilian. Well, she’s got a Brazilian. Other than that, I’ll definitely be taking the mick out of the audience as much as I can.

Do you prefer being on tour or working in television?

Touring involves a lot of nights away from the family, and I’ve just had a baby, so that’s an absolute result.

They’re both good, but touring is amazing. When you’re in that room and you’re making all them people laugh in front of you, it’s a great feeling.

Is your ‘fat legend’ friend Omelette joining you on tour?

Unfortunately not. I tried and tried to make it work but he just wouldn’t fit in the tour bus.

How has your comedy evolved since you first began?

After my twelfth child I realised I had to grow up a bit. I wouldn’t say there has been a massive change, but I feel like this new show probably has a different vibe to it. Bring the whole family!

Would you say your show is appropriate for the whole family?

Of course it is. I don’t know if the older people can hear that much, but they can just read the programme over again.

Do you have any advice for budding comedians here at Kent?

Give up, I need less competition. I’m joking, just have a go. It’s a laugh, and it gives you an excuse for not studying.

Just turn up to a club, have banter with the audience, get bottled.

Photos by Russ Tierney

In a band? Making a movie? Fancy yourself as a comedian? Got a successful YouTube channel? We’re interested.

Contact newspaper.entertainment@inquirelive.co.uk for more details.

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Entertainment

InQuire Roasts: Kim Kardashian Shalyia Thasan

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feel that the sheer annoyance that Kim ignites in me is shared by many, many others. Aside from being a typical, mindless socialite, her strikingly famous moment is the release of her sex tape with Ray J in February 2007. Since then her fame has sky-rocketed, leaving her spiralling around Hollywood and the celebrity world.

Kim Kardashian wins the Oscar for the best X-rated video, not quite the award they’re looking for at the Academy Awards. Her fame doesn’t stem from any worthy or notable talent. The video resulted in the Kardashian reality show, which is simply mind-numbing and boring, and sadly involves the entire talentless family. I am all for the occasional reality TV show, but this was effectively watching a new found sexualised socialite doing nothing with her day.

I can’t fail to mention her domestic attributes. Three heavily mediafollowed marriages later and we’re still hooked. She’s not exactly been the winning ‘Wife of the Year’. One of the things which frustrates me most has to be the poor effort we see from her, one of her three marriages lasted 72 daysnot even one term at UKC. “Oh, she’s a gold digga way over town”: I think her current husband Kanye West knows what he is talking about there. Let’s just say I don’t think she picked Kanye West for his dashing good looks and humble personality. This, her most recent marriage, has lasted for an astonishingly long time. Provided she did have her child prior to the marriage which may have prolonged any sign of a divorce. Although currently going strong, I believe it can only go south from here.

Speaking of South, lets move swiftly on to her naming her daughter North West.

I feel I’ll never know the answer to the much asked question: What. Were. They. Thinking?!

What baffles me most is that Kim Kardashian has treated North as her new fashion accessory. There’s a fine line between matching cute clothes with your child and dressing her up like your twin. It is not only ridiculous, but cruel, I don’t know what child would want to be constantly dressed up in uncomfortable couture clothes and dragged to endless fashion events.

Kim’s next book: Parenting 101 by the Wests - treat your daughter like your doll.

My last but oh so necessary roast, is Kim’s need to be a trend setter.

For example Kim’s latest enrolment to Slytherin with her Malfoy-esque bleached blonde hair. Jared Leto makes it look good - Kim makes it look foolish.

It’s just all one big no-no - leave it to the real celebrities, Kim.

Photo by Herve Leger

Photo by Aska Ticket

Insurgent: confusing but predictable Froot: refelective, crafted and raw Jamie-Leigh Jansen

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nsurgent, starring Shailene Woodley as Beatrice ‘Tris’ Prior and Theo James as Tobias ‘Four’ Eaton was, in general, a good and enjoyable watch, but, rather predictable.

The film begins with a dream sequence, a perhaps slightly overused concept in this genre of films, but it does open the film with a quick and effective bit of action. The four fugitives are introduced via screens around the fictional city that the film trilogy is placed in. Tris, Four, Peter (Miles Teller) and Caleb (Ansel Elgort) are taking refuge in Amity, the peaceful faction.

Tensions are running high with Tris attempting to deal with guilt, Caleb being unsure of his role in the events, Peter’s dislike of the others and Four’s hatred of his father.

The following events are perhaps the most puzzling to viewers. With little mention of Four’s mother in the previous film, Divergent (2014), the appearance of her in this film is unexpected and leaves the viewer wondering if this is another case of ‘it was only mentioned in the book’. Yet surprisingly, the appearance of Evelyn (Naomi Watts) works well within the story and sets itself up nicely for the

next film in the trilogy.

Whilst this is happening, Jeanine (Kate Winslet) is attempting to open a box (that has been hidden by Tris’s parents), which will bring order to the faction system by giving instructions on how to be rid of divergents. Although this is a strange role to see Kate Winslet in, her performance as the villain is convincing; as a viewer I had a genuine dislike for her, the mark of a good villain.

The search for the divergent that can open the box is the driving force for the remaining events in the film. There are some impressive action scenes and visually pleasing effects, Photo by screen relish however, this is not a film that is necessary to see in 3D. Shailene Woodley gives a good performance, with sufficient character development and Theo James does well in playing a ‘dark and dangerous’ love interest. The film does assume that the viewer has seen Divergent (2014).

All in all, as a fan of the trilogy you will not be disappointed, however as a stand-alone film it falls slightly short of being ‘fantastic’.

Insurgent builds well on Divergent and is certainly an exciting second film in the trilogy with just the right ending to leave fans anticipating the release of the third film.

Maddy Dunn

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elsh singer/song writer, Marina and the Diamonds has returned three years after the demise of her alterego and album “Elektra Heart”. She’s returned to the music scene with her new, less conceptualised album “Froot”, which was released on 13 March.

Innovatively releasing five songs on a monthly basis, in her Froot of the month campaign, Marina really embraced her originality, as she built up the momentum for the album’s release. Shedding the skin of the more commercialised pop foundations of her previous album, here Diamandis explores more deeply existential thought and selfhood.

This is conveyed beautifully in “Happy”, a song about self-acceptance.

As the opening track, it acts almost as an epilogue to the rest of the album, the conclusion and final form of selfdiscovery.

One thing that dominates the album, apart from Marina’s intricate, wavering harmonies, is the lyrical proficiency.

“Can’t pin me down” is perhaps one of the most feisty features of the album, and carries powerful feminist undertones. Here Marina explores what it means to be a woman, but more significantly what her relationship is with men.

Even when her songs touch upon the ‘tried and tested’ formula of relationships, Marina applies the warped and raw perspectives that were seen in her first album, The Family Jewels and soon became her trademark.

It is perhaps one of Marina and the

Diamond’s greatest strengths, besides her lyrical prowess, to interestingly contrast her emotive and intelligent lyrics with her catchy 80’s influenced new-wave beats. It is through this ability that the album covers so many different genres and emotions; the album moves from the upbeat pop anthem “Blue” to the heart-breaking verses of “Weeds” to the classic rock of “Better than that”.

Here Marina had free reign over the production, collaborating only with David Kosten and writing all of the songs. Subsequently, this album is a more personal approach to song writing and sees Marina incorporate more of her own personal history, as she revealed in an interview with thelineofbestfit.com: “I think this new album is much more reflective.” Marina expressed outwardly that on previous albums, she “very much listened to other people, perhaps when I shouldn’t have” and so through crafting the whole album, she presents herself raw and exposed, but ultimately better than ever.

Marina and the Diamonds goes on tour with her album with “The Neon Nature Tour” on the 5-7 June.

Want to review shows?

Join us in our meetings in KLT2 on Mondays at 6:15pm.

Can’t wait until then?

Send us an email with your ideas.

Culture

Read and Avoid Julia Mitchell Newspaper Culture Editor Read The Encyclopaedia of Early Earth by Isabel Greenberg

A graphic novel set long before we even existed, this title follows a young man’s journey across a fictional ‘Early Earth’, as he swaps stories with those that he bumps into along the way. Beautifully written, and with stunning artwork, this is a book that I really love.

Whether you feel like trying something a bit different, or already like the genre, I definitely recommend that you read this book. In fact I’d happily lend you my own copy, but would probably make you wear gloves every time you touched it. So you should probably just get your own.

Avoid From Notting Hill With Love...

Actually by Ali McNamara

I don’t tend to read a lot of ‘chick-lit’, but oh my, this was probably one of the worst things that I have ever read.

From the dire storyline (which was unbelievably predictable), to the cheesy film references (and it was full of them), this book was almost physically painful to read. Now that I think about it, I genuinely can’t think of anything I actually enjoyed about reading this book.

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World Book Night returns for its twentieth year Jimmie Franklin

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orld Book Night, an annual event that is organised by the United Nations Educational, Scientific, and Cultural Organisation, returns to the UK on 23 April. In Great Britain, the night aims to promote reading amongst the 35% of us who do not read for pleasure. Now going into its twentieth year, the literary triumph looks as if it is unlikely to stop anytime soon.

This year, the occasion involves a variety of 20 different books being given away for free, such as Prime Suspect by Lydia La Plante, a novel that was adapted into the hit ITV television show, starring Oscar winning Helen Mirren as detective Jane Tennison.

As well as this, Dead Man Talking by the Booker Prize winning Irish writer, Roddy Doyle, will be up for grabs. In particular, the latter has been selected for the Quick Read category, one that is dedicated to inspiring less confident adult readers to pick up a book. The list also contains Water For Elephants by Sara Gruen, which saw a

12 week success on the New York Times Bestseller List. It was adapted into the 2011 blockbuster of the same name, starring the likes of Reese Witherspoon and Robert Pattinson.

For the first time, the organisation has selected an anthology of poetry to be part of the yearly phenomenon, in the shape of Essential Poems from the Staying Alive Trilogy, which includes works by established poets such as Carol Ann Duffy, Ted Hughes, and Sylvia Plath.

The anthology has sections dedicated to various themes, exploring concepts and ideas in ‘The Body and Soul’ as well as ‘War and Peace’ and ‘Growing Up’. Its editor, Neil Astley, commented: “This is a book for people who know they love poetry, and for people who think they don’t... You just need to read one of these poems to get drawn into the spell of poetry.”

The impact of the night is astounding, with as many as 250,000 books given away worldwide in 2014. In the UK and Ireland, a third of those books were sent out into schools, libraries,

homeless shelters and prisons.

As it begins its third decade in existence, the organisers have chosen to select a group of novels that are more modern than those previously included.

In the past, authors such as Jane Austen and Daphne Du Maurier were included.

As per, the night makes an example of an array of talented and respected writers from a diverse range of genres.

Time and location for the events running on 23 April are found at: www. worldbooknight.org/events.

The Bookseller Young Adult Prize 2015 Karisma Indra

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f the Bookseller’s Young Adult Prize doesn’t ring any bells, you can be forgiven. This is a new prize, shortlisting 10 of the best UK and Irish Young Adult books. The shortlist includes most genres from romance to dystopian tales and horror stories.

When looking at the shortlist, I barely managed to hold back a sigh.

As per normal, previous nominees of other awards such as the Cilip Carnegie Award’s Marcus Sedgewick make an appearance on this list. It’s not all predictable, however, as this award includes nominations for novice authors such as Non Pratt and Sally Green. Here are the nominees: Goose by Dawn O’Porter O’Porter’s story is a sequel to Paper Aeroplanes, following on a year and a half after the last story ended. The story once more follows the lives of Renee and Flo, who are 18 and on the brink of adulthood. But the girls are incredibly different. Flo is ambitious and determined to go to university, while Renee can sense freedom and wants to explore it. Without giving too much away, it is a typical teen story where the characters grapple with their impending adulthood and the evercloser independence they all crave.

Trouble by Non Pratt Pratt’s book grapples with the increasingly common teenage pregnancy phenomenon. Hannah is 15, smart but also pregnant, while

Aaron is the new boy who does not want to attract attention. So why is it that Aaron is willing to pretend to be the father of Hannah’s child? This is a gripping tale about teenagers growing up and the troubles that they face.

Half Bad by Sally Green We really can’t have a young adult book prize without at least one book set in a magical place. Green’s main character Nathan Bryne is someone who is half-bad. How is that possible?

His mother was a healer (a white witch) and his father is a killer (a black witch).

This is a tale of a boy who is unwanted but hunted by all. It is truly a work of

art, in showing the struggles of family life, and the cracks which appear, allowing the child to carry the sins of the father (or parents).

Other nominations included: Ghosts of Heaven by Marcus Sedgewick Lobsters by Lucy Ivison and Tom Ellen Salvage by Keren David Finding a Voice by Kim Hood Say Her Name by James Dawson A Song for Ella Grey by David Almond And the winner of the award for this year is…

Only Ever Yours by Louis O’Neill I truly admire O’Neill’s penmanship.

In her debut novel, she ticks all of the boxes for the young adult genre.

Only Ever Yours is a dystopian, feminist satire on how society judges women for their appearance. The book focuses on the lives of 16-year-olds Freida and Isabel, who are in their last year at school, and waiting to see if they are selected as wives to powerful and wealthy men.

O’Neill covers the topics of selfawareness and the constant struggle that the majority of young women have with their looks. It highlights the insecurities that the girls have with their appearances, as they compete with one another to stave off the unthinkable event of them becoming concubines, should they fail to appeal to a husband.

The book shows true grit, something that many prize winning books fail to do. I expect many great things from this author in years to come.

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Culture

Beautiful Thing arrives at the Marlowe Theatre Jimmie Franklin

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anterbury experienced the opening night of a Beautiful Thing on 23 March. It is a play that’s ridiculously nineties, the laughs only increased when East 17 were mentioned for being healthy and Madonna was considered to be the kind of music that teenage girls listen to. Comical yet emotional, this has proven to be an excellent anniversary production of the comingof-age piece.

Set to the music of 1970s pop icon Mama Cass, Beautiful Thing is a show that reminds us what it is like to fall head over heels in love for the first time. With the backdrop of a London housing estate, it tells the tale of Jamie (Sam Jackson from Skins), a bullied student who bunks off from physical education as he falls for his neighbour Ste (best known for playing Peter Beale in EastEnders), a sports-loving football fan who is suffering at the hands of an abusive father. From the outset, we see

a quite literal ‘beautiful thing’ occur as their relationship develops.

The play’s humour is predominantly led by the women. The biggest laughs were definitely gained from Charlie Brooks, who best takes the role of Sandra, Jamie’s outspoken and overbearing mother. Brook’s character possesses a personality that is worlds

away from the toxic soap villain we’ve grown to associate her with. Through Beautiful Thing, she has been able to shed the Albert Square skin and prove herself as a talented and highly comical actress.

Together with her, we have the equally loudmouthed next door neighbour, Leah (Vanessa Babirye, Our Girl) who

spends most of the play squabbling with Sandra, leading to sequences of funny insults.

Jonathan Harvey (creator of Gimme, Gimme, Gimme) wrote this play when he was just 24 years of age. It was originally performed 20 years ago and has since gone on to be adapted for the screen, as well as being part of the careers of established actors such as Rhys Ifans and Suranne Jones.

The production has become an asset to LGBT history, showing us just how much the UK has progressed in its attitude toward homosexuality.

Beautiful Thing was written in a time when gay people could not get married, could not adopt, and were excluded from the education curriculum via the implementation of Section 28.

In 2015, we can appreciate this play as a reminder of just how hard it was to identify as a gay man, even in the 1990s.

Both amusing and incredibly heartwarming, Beautiful Thing is definitely worth going to see.

Zoilogic Dance Theatre bring Safe to the Gulbenkian Banrika Gill

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he lives of five ordinary men are told through the lens of extraordinary dance and music, immersing us into story, as we piece each part together without any words exchanged. Safe, which is performed

by Zoilogic Dance Theatre, is a performance meant to pit masculinity against fragility while challenging masculinity and brotherhood, as five men work together on the construction site of the Empire State Building in the 1930s. Zoie Golding created a world in which each audience member could relate to at least one of the five characters as they dealt with love, loss and loneliness.

I sat in awe of their skill and stamina,

as the men danced for an hour straight with their shirts visibly drenched in sweat. All five performers are highly trained artists. They each brought a different attitude and facet to the performance. In a piece where the men had to work closely and in tune with one another, there was also a sense of comfort and trust as they danced in sync. Their acrobatic skills combined with ballet saw them tread as lightly as a feather. Their moves at times felt repeated and long-winded however, without an actual reason.

The story draws the audiences into a world of determination, as their lives unfold while being hundreds of feet up, exposed to the chemicals, striving for more out of life. Each man has a different story to tell, which can be

Photo by Matt Bartram

Photo by Matt Bartram

witnessed through group dynamics and their solo pieces. As the story progresses, so do the risks taken by the men, resulting in the death of one of them. Such an incident causes the men to deal with grief and confront the future. In a beautifully choreographed bar scene, we see the men angry, irrational and in denial as they fight with each other before accepting the truth.

Another aspect that played a big role in the show was the music that accompanied it. Composed by Jules Maxwell, the music sent you right back into the middle of the 1930s. It fluctuated with the characters’ mood.

Often setting the scene with something

a little light-hearted, or building up for a cinematic feel. The epic level of it was almost too epic however, and loud at times towards the end. Yet it seemed to suit the men as they competed for a higher position.

Apart from the music, the stage played an important role in setting the scene.

The synchronised movement of the planks conveyed their camaraderie, however it wasn’t always clear who to focus on since there were two different sets of movements.

The production, overall, touched on companionship, even if briefly, as it attempted to find a balance between masculinity and fragility, creating a satisfying ending.

Culture

The best of Sir Terry Pratchett Karisma Indra

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ir Terry Pratchett was one of the most well-regarded children’s fantasy authors of the last 50 years. He forms a major part of my childhood, and the likes of Rowling have been compared to him. I fondly remember the Discworld series for which he became famous. When faced with choosing his best works I struggled, however, here is what I consider to be five of his very best books.

The Colour of Magic I honestly believe that you cannot honour Sir Terry Pratchett without mentioning this. Published in 1983, this was the first of Pratchett’s forays into the Discworld series, and perhaps one of his best known.

Pratchett’s style is both endearing and comical, delving into a world of fantasy with creations that can entertain even those who are fantasy-sceptics. The main focus of the novel is a cynical young wizard named Ricewind whose journey we follow through mystery and intrigue. It truly is one of Pratchett’s most acclaimed and imaginative novels.

Mort Another of Pratchett’s forays into

the Discworld series, his fourth novel in the series, focuses on the character of Death. Pratchett brings to life the creation often referred to as the Grim Reaper. We follow the ‘life’ of Death through Pratchett’s thrilling narrative.

We see the human Mort, who is Death’s apprentice, transcend into the more stereotypical idea of death. A truly great read.

Good Omens Including this in my list is perhaps a little cheeky, as it is a collaboration between him and Neil Gaiman. Its popularity speaks for itself however, as the book is a comedy about the birth of Satan’s son. The story is set as the Apocalypse is approaching; taking biblical characters and interpreting them in a creative way. A must read for those who love comedy.

Nation Once again the imagination of this novel is extraordinary. Set in an alternate world just after Charles Darwin published The Origin of Species, it tells the story of the Nation and the many who lived there. It is based on a fantasy world where one event changes everything.

It is a truly mind-boggling universe,

Max Beckett

Live Music society

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he Live Music Society is the best group to turn to if you are looking to perform any of your own material, join a band or just share an appreciation of small-time music acts.

one that you have to read to understand.

The Amazing Maurice and his Educated Rodents I chose this book out of the Discworld series as it was the first written for children, and holds a special place in my heart. For those of us who enjoy parody, this is an interesting and hauntingly entertaining take on the Pied Piper of Hamlin. Like most of Pratchett’s work, it has a dark side as well as the childlike innocence of the tale. Once you’ve read this, you will never look at cats or mice in the same way.

Canterbury’s April theatre round-up T

here are some fantastic shows throughout April and May on campus and in the local area. Here are just a few of them.

Monkeyshine Presents: A Funny Old Morning This is an amazing show and one not to be missed on Tuesday 7 April at 10am.

Bring along a flask of coffee for some morning giggles with our very own third year Drama and Theatre Studies students for their Introduction to Stand-up Module. These people are funny, and when I say funny, I mean hilarious. Featuring fresh new talent from captivating comedians, this show features something for everyone and suits every kind of humour. You can book your tickets online via Eventbrite, just search for the event via Facebook.

Faulty Towers Dining Experience If you’re looking for high quality theatre and don’t mind spending a little extra, Faulty Towers the Dining Experience is heading to the Gulbenkian Cafe on 23 April.

This show includes a meal served by the well loved characters from the Faulty Towers television show. Feel free to ask the actors any questions you wish as they improvise around their audience, and adapt their performance to create the best (or with the help of the clumsy waiter, Manuel, worst) evening, soaked in fun, laughter and pure entertainment as the hotel from Torquay is brought straight to you.

“Only one third of this two-hour show is scripted, so anything can happen as audiences take their seats in the ‘Fawlty Towers’ restaurant. Waited upon by Basil, Sybil and Manuel, this is fully immersive, highly improvised and site-specific comedy theatre at its best.

Expect all the best gags, shambolic

Society Spotlight

Photo by Steve James

Photo by Pietro Bellini

Josh Hards

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service and a ‘70s style 3-course meal in ‘top end entertainment that will knock you for six’. Just don’t mention the war!”

Eerie Silence Eerie Silence by Berlin is an autobiographical performance which explores the topic of how expectations of gender greatly shape our lives.

The production is being performed as part of the Brighton Fringe at The Latest Music Bar from 1 - 3 May at 6pm each night and tickets are only £3 for students. Tickets can be bought online from the Brighton Fringe Website.

“Have you ever been told to man up? Or be more ladylike? Our lives are shaped by the gender we identify with. By sharing our very personal experiences, we hope to open up a conversation of how it is relatable to everyone.”

Berlin is a newly formed independent theatre company comprised of third year Drama and Theatre Studies students from Kent. If you’re able to get to the Brighton area at the start of May, this is an eye-opening performance which is well worth a watch.

You can join people in Woody’s every Friday night for an open mic event, either to share pints with fellow musiclovers or to actually perform yourself, if you want to build up the courage to gig in the future.

Within days of joining the society’s Facebook group, I had several invitations to join bands. One post in the group can lead to many replies from people looking for more members or even to start a band altogether.

All types of music are welcomed, with people sporting many genres from singersongwriter to folk, so there should be no concern about not fitting into a ‘clique’.

This is simply a place to embrace your performing itch, but if you don’t have one, it’s a pretty good opportunity just to mutually respect others’ performances. Performances are held every Friday night at Woody’s.

If you want any more information, you can contact the society using the following platforms: Facebook - www.facebook. com/groups/kentlivemusic/ Twitter - @kentlivemusic Email - ukclivemusic@gmail. com Want to see your society in this space? Contact newspaper.culture@ inquiremedia.co.uk.

n a h t s t n u o c s i d e r Mo e s l e e r e h anyw s d n a r b e t i r u o v a f on your

All for ÂŁ12 for 12 months

All details correct at time of printing August 2014

nus.org.uk

Your stud ent d is co unt ca rd

Farewell from InQuire...

Culture

...it’s been a pleasure!

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Sport

UKC Results 18/03/15 Badminton: Kent women’s 2s w/0 (walk over) SOAS women’s 1s Football: Kent women’s 1s 8-1 City women’s 3s

Men’s lacrosse suffer BUCS cup last-gasp heartbreak Max Biddlestone

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ent’s men’s lacrosse 1s went down to ‘golden goal’ disappointment in their 7-6 loss to Royal Holloway, in the BUCS Conference Cup Final.

Having obtained their first ever promotion and their fourth

Football: Kent men’s 2s 2-2 UCL men’s 2s Lacrosse: Royal Holloway men’s 1s 7-6 Kent men’s 1s Rugby Union: Queen Mary’s men’s 2s w/o Kent’s men’s 1s Squash: UCL men’s 2s 3-0 Kent’s men’s 1s Squash: Kent men’s 2s w/o SOAS men’s 1s Squash: Surrey men’s 4s w/o Kent men’s 2s

What we achieved this year UKC Cycling: “Having Varsity and taking part in the BUCS hill climb for the first time.”

UKC Women’s Hockey: “We raised £4,200 for Kent Cancer Trust by hosting the 4th Spring Ball. Our ladies 1s also did an amazing job to finish 2nd in 1A even after losing a handful of key players last year.”

UKC Karate: “This year, we increased the number of active members at the club. We also came 9th out of 62 universities at BUCS and are hosting 2 huge training seminars with nationally and internationally renowned instructors.”

Photo by Adam Webb

consecutive Varsity win, UKC men’s lacrosse 1s had high hopes as they made the journey to the BUCS Conference Cup Final against Royal Holloway.

Holloway were fierce opponents, and had a very similar season in the league, parallel to Kent’s.

Before Christmas, Holloway knocked Kent 2s out of the Cup and the 1s were both looking for revenge, and an unbeaten season, achieving the elusive ‘triple’.

Kent took a strong squad to take on a team that they knew were going to be a challenge, with one key member out with a broken thumb.

As they approached Royal Holloway’s high-quality sporting facilities, there was a buzz of excitement as other cup finals were being played and celebrated all around, making the win all the more enticing for UKC’s side.

As the whistle blew for the game to begin, it was clear that Kent were faced with their toughest match yet.

The game was tense, with both teams offering shots and great defence, keeping the game goalless for most of the first quarter.

After ten minutes, Holloway finally opened the scoring and, just moments later, Kent’s Rob Durrant equalised.

The game continued as it had begun, with both Holloway’s keeper and Kent’s own Jacob Farr making spectacular saves.

Holloway’s persistence earned them a small lead and as the third quarter came to a close, Holloway led by two goals: 5-3.

Captain Sam Perry, who had led the team through some of the greatest wins of its history, gave a rousing quarter-time speech to pick up Kent’s spirits, and the result showed.

The final quarter saw an equalising comeback from Kent, who scored three consecutive goals, with one each from David Horvatin, Rob Durrant and Sam Perry.

Kent, who had been unbeaten all season, were faced with the unfamiliar prospect of a

draw, as Holloway managed to equalise in the dying moments of regular time, leaving the score at 6-6.

As the game was a cup final there could be only one winner, so the game went to extra time.

The dying light of day meant that the officials needed to call a ‘golden goal’ finish; whoever scored next would win.

The whistle blew and ViceCaptain Ian Hopkins gave Kent the advantage, winning the final face-off and charging into attack.

Kent looked for space and took a shot, only to have Holloway’s keeper deny them the goal.

Holloway launched the counter-attack, making it Kent’s turn to defend.

Eventually, Holloway found space for a shot and scored the game-ending goal.

Kent were crushed and, although they were coming home with silverware and had already won promotion, the perfect season had heartbreakingly slipped through their fingers.

Wura wins Kent Sport award Kent sides suffer BUCS woe Percival Kleft

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Kent student is celebrating after being crowned Kent Sport’s Xercise Factor champion.

Wura Oyenekan, 21, fought off six other competitors, all from the Kent student body.

All of the contestants were mentored by a Kent Sport trainer, with Oyenekan being mentored by Ben Roberts.

Oyenekan was judged to have won because of her “tremendous

commitment to the competition and set some lifting personal bests that would put some of the mentors to shame”, in a Kent Sport statement.

After her success, Oyenekan said: “I’m overjoyed to win the Xercise Factor because my drive was able to push me through the pain of my injuries.”

The competition aimed to make long lasting changes to a member’s routine, overhauling their exercise and lifestyle for the greater good.

Photo by Wura Oyenekan

Sam Miguel

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ith BUCS heading into its cricket calendar, for the majority of UKC’s sport clubs, the sport seasons faced their final curtain on 18 March.

While men’s lacrosse earned most of the focus, there was still plenty of action for badminton, football and squash, as teams sought for one last push up the BUCS league tables.

It was a good week for UKC’s women’s badminton, who beat SOAS women, by a walkover.

Women’s football 1s were dominant in their beating of City women’s 2s, being ruthless in front of the goal as they cruised to an 8-1 victory.

Meanwhile, for the men’s 2s, the scoreline was a draw as they fought UCL’s men’s 2s to a 2-2 draw.

There was a mixed bag of results on the squash courts with the men’s 1s and 2s losing to Surrey men’s 4s and UCL men’s 2 respectively.

The men’s 2s later achieved success however over the SOAS men’s 1s.

Aside from the BUCS competitions, Kent Cheer

enjoyed a mixed set of results in a recent International Cheerleading Coalition National championhips.

Entering three teams, there was success for the Eagles squad, who placed second overall in their competition.

It was disappointing competition, however, for both the Skylarks and the Ravens, who both performed admirably.

Despite their efforts, both finished seventh overall in their competitions.

This sees the end of the winter BUCS calendar, but be sure to support the UKC Cricket Club as they start their campaign at home on 22 April, with fixtures against Greenwich 1s, Arts 1s and Chichester 1s.

Photo by Adam Webb

Sport

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“We’re always on the look out to push ourselves further.”

InQuire spoke to the UKC Athletics and Cross Country club, as they prepare for their biggest challenge ever.

Hi guys, can you explain a little bit about your run?

For the last two years, the UKC Athletics and Cross Country Club has undertaken huge summer challenges to raise money for charity.

Previously, we’ve run from the east coast to west coast of England across the TransPennine trail.

Last year, we completed a run of 200 miles from Canterbury to Paris in just eight days, raising over £6,000 for the local Kent charity, Pilgrims Hospice.

was an amazing experience for all involved, but we’re always on the look out to push ourselves further.

200 miles to Paris was incredibly tough, now we’re imagining doing 300 and starting to realise just how big these summer challenges have become.

Why did you choose Amsterdam?

Since we ran to Paris we thought we’d have to push ourselves even further this year.

The University of Kent has

“You’ll certainly see the whole team out and about on campus and in town getting the miles in.”

This year, we wanted to go even further, increasing both the distance and fundraising target.

From 15 June, we’ll be running just over 300 miles from Canterbury to Brussels, and then on to Amsterdam in just 10 days.

That’s over a marathon every day.

Just to make it that little bit tougher, we’ll be camping each night.

This year, our chosen charity is the British Heart Foundation.

Did the efforts of last year’s group inspire you to go further?

Of course. Running to Paris

partnerships with a number of universities in the area, including the University of Amsterdam.

Running to Amsterdam also allows us to run to Kent’s campus in Brussels, thereby contributing to the celebration of Kent’s 50th Anniversary.

You’ve chosen the British Heart Foundation as your charity, why?

This year, members of the team have close and personal connections to people who have been affected by cardiovascular issues.

Since our challenge is one of extreme physical (and mental) endurance, it is closely linked to

cardiovascular health.

It’s a great cause that the whole club supports and we’re just hoping we can reach our target or perhaps even more.

How much are you aiming to raise, and what will that go towards?

Our goal is to raise £10,000.

This would go towards research projects in Centres of Research Excellence across the UK. In 2013, £24 million was invested into these centres and it is here where cutting edge research is taking place, including pioneering new hospital techniques such as angioplasty.

This will go towards reducing infant mortality for those born with heart defects and the development of new drugs to prevent clots in heart attack patients.

It also invests in, and produces, national media campaigns aimed at increasing the awareness of cardiovascular issues and promotion of a healthy lifestyle.

What are the training routines like, and how are they coming along?

At the moment, many in the team are training for the Berlin half marathon, and are each doing high mileage.

As the challenge gets closer, we’ll be alternating training between longer runs of 13-16 miles and shorter multiple runs of five or six miles.

We’re also receiving lots of

Photo by Cant2Dam

Photo by Cant2Dam help and advice from the Sports Science Department in Medway, and some of their members are joining us on the challenge.

It’s tough training and you’ll certainly see the whole team out and about on campus and in town getting the miles in ahead of our feat.

Are you holding any other events to boost your total amount fundraised?

We’ve currently got a ‘Booze Barrel Raffle’ taking place, and we hope to hold several other fundraising events, both on campus and in town.

Last year, we held an event in Ballroom with live music, a raffle and various other things.

We’ll have other similar events planned soon. Also, we’ll be bucket collecting outside Essentials and in town.

We’ve also been promoting our challenge through any means possible: from local newspapers, including InQuire, Buzzfeed and even getting a mention on LadBible.

The club is inviting everyone to join us on the first day to Dover.

If anyone does want to run, they can get in contact with us via our Facebook and Twitter pages, as well as our challenge website.

Have your charity efforts seen the club’s membership benefit as a whole?

People are certainly more aware of the club and what we do as our challenges have grown.

Running to Paris certainly got people talking, membership has

benefited and we like to think we’ve inspired a few students to put on their trainers and come along for a run.

Do you have any early plans for another charity event in 2016?

Let’s get to Amsterdam first.

As for future challenges we don’t have anything planned at the moment, but you never know.

Rumours have been going around about Lands End to John O’Groats, or even the Great Wall of China, but I think we will have all earned a rest after 10 days of intense running, at least for a little while.

That’s great, thanks. Good luck for your run.

Further Information: If you want to donate, want more information about how to get involved in the side’s challenge, check out the links below: Twitter: @Cants2Dam Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ Canterbury2ParisChallenge Website: http://cants2dam.wix.com/ cants2dam Just Giving: https://www.justgiving. com/cants2dam

InQuire sport www.inquirelive.co.uk/sport

Bonney-Bhandel batters in bout

Photo by Craig Humphrey UKC Mixed Martial Arts

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KC Mixed Martial Arts (MMA) club reached new heights in a recent competition.

For only the second time in the club’s history, they competed in a competition which took place on 20 March.

The club sent two fighters, with between one and two years of experience to the Triumph Fight Series 2 event.

This recent competition was held in Guildford at the University of Surrey.

The competition was designed to give amateur fighters a taste

of what it’s like to compete inside a cage with a large audience present.

Despite fighting a heavier opponent, Kabir BonneyBhandal​(above, middle) was highly impressive for the UKC club.

Bonney-Bhandal dominated his opponent inside the cage and, to his and the club’s delight, was triumphant in the first round through TKO (technical knockout) with some nasty ground-and-pound.

Abhinav Mittal (above, right) also faced off against a heavier opponent (nearly a 10kg

difference) in his first ever competition.

The bout lasted the entire length, which is commendable on its own, and a great achievement for Mittal.

Unfortunately, despite going the distance, the bout was lost due to a judge’s decision, yet the fight gave Mittal invaluable experience.

This was a hugely successful moment for the club. It was only the second time competing in an official tournament.

Both fighters gave impressive accounts of themselves against opposition who have greater

experience, and in both cases, were much heavier.

If you are interested in the club, come along to the training sessions in Hall 2 of the Sports Centre on Thursday 6-8pm and Sundays 1-3pm. No prior experience is needed to join the club. Techniques and disciplines such as Kickboxing, Muay thai, Brazilian jiu-jitsu and No-gi submission wrestling are taught in a fun, friendly atmosphere.

For further information visit the club’s Facebook, www.facebook.com/groups/ UKCMMA/ ​.

Inside: - Athletics Interview - Xercise Winner!

- Lacrosse Cup Heartbreak - Team Kent Round-Up To contribute, email newspaper.sport@ inquiremedia.co.uk