NLP and Conflict Mediation

7. NLP and Conflict Mediation What is NLP? Neuro-Linguistic Programming was developed by Richard Bandler and Dr. John Grinder in the 1970s.

NLP can help to encourage new thinking and choice making and acknowledges the positive intentions underlying all actions.

NLP can be utilised as a tool for changing paradigms or ways of thinking, understanding others and building social cohesion.

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7. NLP and Conflict Mediation

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8vlcsFJyEXQ

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7. NLP and Conflict Mediation What is NLP? NLP can be described in a variety of ways.          

The art and science of communication The key to learning The way to understand what makes you and other people tick The route to getting what you want in many aspects of life The way to influence others with integrity The manual for your brain The secret of successful people The method of creating your own future The way to help people make sense of their reality The toolkit for personal and organisational change.

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7.1 NLP Pillars NLP is primarily based on four principles or ‘pillars’:

1. Rapport: a close and harmonious relationship in which the people or groups concerned understand each other's feelings or ideas and communicate well.

Building rapport is very important when communicating with someone, as with this you are building a relationship of trust and understanding with the other person.

Building rapport will make other people more willing to listen, to help you with any issues you may have, to take you seriously‌

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7.1 NLP Pillars 2. Sensory Awareness similar to mindfulness, being more aware of what’s happening around us and using all our senses to be more aware of what other people are thinking or feeling.

Have you noticed how when you walk into someone else’s home the colours, sounds, and smells are subtly different from yours?

Or that a colleague looks worried when he talks about his job. Maybe you notice the colour of a night sky or the fresh green leaves as spring unfolds.

Like the famous fictional detective Sherlock Holmes, you begin to notice that your world is so much richer when you pay attention to all your senses.

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7.1 NLP Pillars 3. Outcome Thinking Focus on what we want to achieve or get, rather than our current problems.

Outcome Thinking relates to you beginning to think about what you want, instead of getting stuck in a negative problem mode of thinking.

The principles of an outcome approach can help you make the best decisions and choices – whether that’s about what you are going to do at the weekend, running an important project at work, or finding out the true purpose of your life.

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7.1 NLP Pillars 4. Behavioural flexibility Being able to see things from new perspectives, or approach a problem in a new way instead of being stuck in our normal patterns. Think about a child trying to do a jigsaw – they just try out all the pieces until they find one that fits.

This term means discovering how to do something different when what you are currently doing is not working.

Being flexible is key to practising NLP.

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Why is NLP important for conflict mediation?

NLP can be seen as a tool for deepening existing relationships and better understand each other’s perspectives in a conflictual situation. For example, using NLP techniques, one can learn to build better rapport with others, which is a way to find a constructive solution to conflicts together.

Learning how to effectively reflect on one’s behaviour and communication can also help form stronger professional relationships.

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EXERCISE: This exercise will help you to reflect on how you communicate with others, so that you become able to adjust your communication approach in the future.

Grab a pen and paper and draw a figure like the one to the right. Think of a time when you had a problem communicating with someone in your business or a difficult relationship and then write it at the top.

Communication problem:

RAPPORT

SENSORY AWARENESS

Did you have rapport?

How engaged were you in the conversation?

Were you aware of the other person’s feelings or distracted by something else?

OUTCOME THINKING Did you have a clear idea of what you wanted from the conversation?

BEHAVIOURAL FLEXIBILITY Were you willing to be flexible in your approach or in what you wanted to get?

Next, explore each of the questions on the four pillars, and reflect on your answers.

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7.2 NLP and Conflict Mediation How can NLP can be used to mediate conflict in Family Businesses?

• NLP is a facilitation tool to enable change of paradigms (ways of thinking).

• It can help to understand better how to build rapport with all relevant stakeholders within the business.

• It can enable learners to tap into unconscious barriers and support them to achieve their goals.

• It can enable business owners and successors to improve their communication and develop better rapport – a key aspect that is crucial for building and maintaining relationships.

• Using NLP as a tool to look at tense situations from another perspective.

You can learn more about NLP in the project’s full Portfolio of Contents.

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7.2 Using NLP to manage conflict Exercise: Triple position The Triple Position exercise aims to help participants to detach themselves from the conflict adopting a “third position” to solve the friction inside themselves. This gives out different non-verbal signals and can provoke a change in the other person.

FIRST POSITION is your personal experience and is undiluted from seeing from another’s point of view. Here, you are seeing and hearing the world through your own filters.

SECOND POSITION is where you assume the perceptual position of another person. It is as if you are seeing and hearing the world through the eyes and ears of another person.

THIRD POSITION Third position is where you step back and take an observer role. It is as if you are outside of yourself watching and listening to yourself and anyone else on the scene.

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Watch the following video to learn how to use the “Triple Position Exercise”

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The European Commission support for the production of this publication does not constitute an endorsement of the contents which reflects the views only of the authors, and the Commission cannot be held responsible for any use which may be made of the information contained therein .

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