InMind Magazine by InMind Magazine

ISSUE #4

This Year...Will You Commit? How To Catch A Dream Aikido: The Path to Completeness The Most Annoying Form of Flattery: Imitation

InMind Magazine

ISSUE FOUR

Table of Contents Editorâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Note - 4 How To Catch A Dream - 6

Explore the world of dreams and what they can mean for you. Our dreams can tell us a lot about ourselves.

InMind Magazine

Aikido: The Path to Completeness - 12

Aikido is more than martial arts or a self-defense strategy. It can bring you a sense of peace and harmony.

Our featured poem for this issue.

ISSUE FOUR

The Poetry Block: Our Featured Poem - 14

The Most Annoying Form of Flattery: Imitation - 16 A brief discussion on cultural appropiation and the things you did not know or consider before.

This New Year....Will you Commit? 22 Relationships are great and all but our generation may have some commitment issues.

Table of Contents InMind Magazine

Editorâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Note

elcome to InMind Magazine! The art and culture magazine focused on exploring what people define as art in their own minds and worlds. It is a brand new year and everyone is looking for a brand new start. We thought it would be a great idea to start this year off with some thought provoking articles that will get you thinking differently about your dreams, martial arts, love, and how we view ourselves in society. Sounds like some great stuff right?!? I hope you enjoy it because our staff only looks for the topics that we know people would have never thought of as being artistic or something that we should be culturally aware of. That is why we are here! We want to get you thinking outside of your box and seeing things from a different perspective. We hope you enjoy this issue to start off the new year and thank you all for your loving support of InMind Magazine!

InMind Magazine

Meet Our Team Tanisha Harrelson

Editor-in-Chief / Creative Director

Tree Herndon

Assistant Editor-in-Chief

Lauren Coffey Staff Writer

Maria White Staff Writer

Marica Fairweather Magazine Cover Artist

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How To Catch A Dream By Maria White

Mornings you wake up forgetting what

you have dreamt are equally as unsettling as recalling an odd sequence of events from a hazy night prior. Both of these scenarios leave us wondering how active the brain is as we enter and leave dreamland. Chet Raymos, Professor Emeritus at Stonehill College, shares this statistic on his blog entitled ‘Science Musings’: ‘Researchers tell us that we spend about six years of our lives dreaming.’ Even with the advancements of modern science, such as MRI’s (Magnetic Resonance Imaging) and CAT scans, the age-old question ‘Why Do We Dream?’ has been left unresolved. Defining a behavior that appears instinctual at the surface has been at the forefront of disciplines such as neurobiology and psychiatry. Michael Breus of Psychology Today lists’ multiple answers to show that each perspective has something to offer.

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The Stages of Sleep

Understanding how we fall ‘in and

out of sleep’ is integral when interpreting, an individuals’ sleep cycle. Dreams can be seen as the ‘byproduct’ of sleep or, better put by Breus, ‘The brain responding to biochemical changes and electrical impulses that occur during sleep.’ This perspective, although accurate, could be misinterpreted to mean that there is no particular rhythm to our slumber cycle. The National Institute of Neurological Disorders has graciously attributed an identifying characteristic to each stage of sleep. Stage 1, also known as ‘light sleep,’ is accented by bouts of ‘muscular contractions called ‘hypnic

myoclonia.’ We are all familiar with how this

the means of basic art elements, to establish

startling sensation feels, yet what could it

associations between us and intangible

physically manifest into?

concepts. You might be wondering: ‘What does this mean for our own dreams?’ At times, it

Sarah Cain, a Contemporary Los Angeles-based

seems as if the imagery we collect while asleep

painter, may have the answer. Cain visually

is an exaggeration of the truth. It is up to you,

defines this Stage of Sleep in a piece entitled

the dreamer, to find your own ‘language’ that

‘Hypnic Jerk.’ R.C Baker of Village Voice notes

describes what you encounter.

that the multiple compositions found within

During Stage 2, our brain waves become

this installation ‘recall the interconnected facets

slower, with occasional bursts of rapid waves

of the brain.’ Perhaps the window situated

called ‘sleep spindles.’ (National Institute of

above the installation could symbolize an

Neurological Disorders). The function of a

outsider looking into the ‘mind’ of the artist?

thread spindle could be seen as a metaphor for

It seems Cain is creating a language, through

how this brain wave is shaped. Research shows

Sarah Cain, Hypnic Jerk, 2014. Photo Courtesy of Galerie LeLong

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that sleep spindles indicate the brains way of retaining and storing information. Perhaps this means that naps could be beneficial when taking a study break? Delta waves, interspersed with smaller, shorter waves, compose Stage 3 of the dream cycle (Brain Waves Blog). The Delta symbol, simplified to a triangle, gives us an idea as to how our brain is getting closer to a deep sleep. Characterized by high amplitude,

This is your brain...This is your brain on REM. Photo Courtesy of Reachers Inc.

the activity that creates this wave aids in

are only beginning to develop, brought insight

the stimulation of certain growth hormones.

to this stage of sleep? One possible answer is

(National Institute of Neurological Disorders).

that they require more sleep than adults, thus

With a variety of wave lengths, it seems that

allowing time for thorough research. Whatever

the brain is not entirely in a deep sleep at this

the reason, it is certain from the image

point, but close. Stage 4, purely Delta Waves,

provided that this stage is important for certain

is associated with no eye movement or muscle

brain activity. REM sleep stimulates the regions

activity (National Institute of Neurological

of the brain used for learning and is associated

Disorders). From the graphic below, It is

with an increased production of proteins

remarkable to see how very different brain

(National Institute of Neurological Disorders).

activity is between the the first few stages and

This is the stage where dreams are the most

the last stage.

vivid. Allowing yourself to gradually fall into a

It was not until the 1950’s, when researchers

deep sleep will help your chances of recalling

first observed REM sleep (Rapid Eye

what you experience in dreamland.

Movement) in infants, that scientists began to understand the dynamics of sleep (National

Personal Interpretation

Institute of Neurological Disorders). The image

provided illustrates just how active the brain is

finding meaning in ones’ dreams involves

during REM sleep, despite that its the deepest

looking at the ‘text of the perception of your

The ‘Guide to Psychology,’ asserts that

stage of sleep. How is that infants, whose brains

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dream.’ Rather than look at the content, it is best

physical repercussions can be seen as a form of

to find themes that link the imagery together.

‘free therapy.’

You have probably heard this advice many-a-

time, but my hope is that reading it will make

you are in luck! Dr. Stephen LaBerge, one of

it stick: keep a notepad by your bed and, the

the scientists who researched Lucid Dreams,

moment you wake up, write down all that you

discovered that “wakefulness interjected during

can remember from your dreams. This will allow

sleep increases the likelihood of lucidity.”

you to better ‘connect the dots’ between your

(Lucidity Institute) Consciously Interrupting the

dreams, as well as improve upon your daily

sleep cycle allows you the chance to return to

observation skills in the real word. Another

your dream with a more alert perspective. Set

reason why we dream, according to Breus of

your morning alarm two hours early to allow

Psychology Today, is to ‘unite the past, present,

yourself 30 to 60 minutes before going back

and future...to prepare for the third.’ There is no

to sleep. This ‘reality test’ allows yourself the

other instance where one can physically envision

chance to consciously return to your dreams.

or act out all these ‘tenses’ in one place. Make it

your mission to see how the recurring symbols

whom we associate with the image of the

and messages of your dreams could foretell your

melting clocks, was known for Lucid Dreaming

future path.

before the concept was tested in a lab

Early risers and frequent nappers,

The Surrealist painter Salvador Dali,

environment (World-of-Lucid-Dreaming.com). Conquering the unconscious

His works, though irrational in subject matter,

had a lot to say about the unconscious mind.

There is much to explore when it comes

to taking charge of our dreams. Lucid Dreaming,

For instance, this piece appears to be a dream

the ability to realize that the experience is not

sequence that could also be happening outside

happening in physical reality, can be achieved

of the mind of the laying figure in ordinary

at varying degrees (Lucidity Institute). Gaining

time. This sense of duality recalls a thought

absolute awareness while dreaming is a feat of

posed by Sigmund Freud: ‘the effect an external

another caliber that should not intimidate one

stimulus, perceived while asleep, can have on

from attempting this phenomena. In most dream

our dreams.’ (World-of-Lucid-Dreaming.com)

scenarios, being able to conquer a fear without

For example, the sound of your alarm could

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your bed. Fill the room with solid colored objects and move any heavily patterned items to other rooms. This will keep your mind from wandering as you are falling asleep. If you decide to have an accent piece or a work of art, hang it across from your bed or within view. Choose objects or art that depict things that manifest what you want for your present life. Have a small plant somewhere within your bedroom to promote good breathing and air circulation. Essential oils are a good alternative if you do not have much of a green thumb. These simple rules will contribute to creating an environment centered around the act of sleeping. All of these approaches, though different in perspective, allow us to further theorize about the question with no answer. Your dreams, Salvador Dali, Dream Caused by the Flight of a Bee around a Pomegranate a Second Before Awakening, 1944,

become a blaring trumpet in dreamland. Due to the realistic nature of the landscape, we are left to ponder the question: Are our dreams that much of an escape from physical reality?

Here a few tips to keep â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;in mindâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;, as you

ponder this question and prepare your room for fulfilling dreams. Be sure your room is the least cluttered room in your home, especially on the furniture and wall space that surrounds

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although odd at times, have much insight into your unconscious and should not remain ignored!

Sources: http://www.ninds.nih.gov/disorders/brain_ basics/understanding_sleep.htm http://www.guidetopsychology.com/dreams. htm#notes http://www.brainwavesblog.com/delta-brainwaves-information/ http://www.lucidity.com/LucidDreamingFAQ2. html#learnable

Digital Film

Vi d e o P r o d u c t i o n

Photography

The Big Screen Is Waiting. B o o k Yo u r N e x t S e s s i o n S o o n .

eMail: n d o f i l m z @ g m a i l . c o m

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Aikido: The Path to Completeness By Tanisha Harrelson

hat comes to mind when you think of martial arts? Most likely you are thinking of a method of

fighting or a defense technique that you have

here is the reason why. What is Aikido? Aikido is a modern Japanese martial art created by Morihei Ueshiba based off of his martial

either practiced or witnessed on television or in

studies, philosophy, and religious beliefs. It is

movies. How a form of martial arts that is more

a form of self-defense that uses locks, holds,

than just way of fighting and inflicting pain but

throws, and the opponentâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s own movement.

one that involves being in harmony with the mind? This brings us to the interesting form

Much of this martial art form puts emphasis on defense through joint manipulation and throws. It is more than just martial arts.

of martial arts called Aikido. This form of self-

Aikidoâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s techniques are rooted in elements

defense is so much more than you think it is and

of philosophy, psychology, and dynamics. It

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unifies life energy and is a way of being in

The Aikido Association of America and Aikido

harmony with oneâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s environment and centered

Association International describes Aikido as

within oneself. It is the best discipline for the

shugyo which is an intense physical and spiritual

development, integration, and utilization of all

training to perfect human character and develop

of oneâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s powers.

true wisdom (AAA & AAI, 2015). Aikido is known to be non-competitive and only strives

As one of the most complicated of Japanese

to use effective techniques against opponents

martial arts, Aikido requires a steady and

by blending with the attack and redirecting

vigorous training. Someone who practices this

its energy back to the opponent. While some

form performs by blending with motion of the

concepts are simple, Aikido has embodies very

attacker and redirecting the force of the attack

complex concepts as well. At the end of the

rather than opposing the force head-on. Aikido

day, this martial art form can be very rewarding

has roots in several styles of Jujitsu as well as

and bring you into harmony with yourself, the

the sword and spear fighting arts. With proper

world, and can help you feel more complete and

training and practice, violent aggression can

integrated human beings.

be neutralized swiftly and cleanly so that selfdefense is possible without inflicting minor or

The principles that make up Aikido are

no injury.

something to definitely consider when thinking of your next activity to try out. Everyone wants

The History

a little peace and harmony in their life and also

Founded by Morihei Ueshiba in the early

wants to feel safe. Why not learn self-defense

twentieth century, this form of martial arts

that not only protects you but protects the

was to take on a whole new meaning and be

attacker as well? In its own way is promoting

something more than just a method of fighting.

peace and harmony with yourself and world.

It represents centuries of Japanese martial

Aikido takes martial arts to a whole another

knowledge and it influenced by internal and

level of knowing and connecting to your inner

meditative disciplines from parts of India and

being. If this is something you are looking for,

China. The focus of Aikido is the development

I say look no further and try Aikido at a dojo

of internal, as well as physical, integrity. For

(place to train) near you.

many this art form has become a path to selfdevelopment and continues to be for many who decide to take on this journey of mental and physical enlightenment. The Elements of Aikido

Sources: http://aikido.stanford.edu/index.shtml?what_ is_aikido http://www.aaa-aikido.com/about-aikido/ http://www.jishukanaikido.com/Aikido.html

InMind Magazine

The Poetry Block Our Featured Poem

Silence By NeRee Please say hello, Please say good-bye. Please tell me all truths, Or forever tell me lies. Tell me that you love me, Tell me that you don’t. Let me know you will stay, Let me know that you won’t. Can’t you see my pain? Please don’t go away. I am humiliating myself, I am begging you to stay. I have lost my sanity, Please don’t make me cry. But you don’t even notice me, You don’t even look into my eyes. My heart is crushed and broken, I can’t go on any further. I hope you’re proud of yourself, For your silence has committed murder. Keep up with each issue’s featured poetry. Do you have a poem you want to share? Send it in! Submit your poetry to info@inmindmagazine.com. It could be your poem one day!

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The Most Annoying Form of Flattery: Imitation A Brief Discussion on Cultural Appropriation By Lauren Coffey

ultural appropriation, or cultural

As you can gather from the link, people of color

misappropriation is a sociological

are poorly represented in the film industry, not

concept which views the adoption or

use of elements of one culture by members

only on the screen but behind the screen as well. Not to mention their modest presence on sitcoms and T.V dramas, magazines. Thankfully,

of a different culture as a largely negative

with the advent of the internet, we now have

phenomenon via https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/

gained easier access to a variety of writers,

Cultural_appropriation

artists and actors of all shades, shapes and sizes.

As we begin our journey into concept of cultural

Those with power and economic clout in the

appropriation, I would like us to keep in mind a few statistics: http://i1.wp.com/blog.leeandlow. com/wp-content/uploads/2015/02/Academy_ Awards_Infographic-2015-lg.jpg

T.V and Film industry have been resistant to change. Many actors, producers and directors who are not white or who want to tell a story about people who are not white admit that they are met with scrutiny and are discouraged from telling their stories. White men are the norm in

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Hollywood. They aren’t commonly told, “no one

for White people can at times be disheartening

would ever watch a show with three white guys.

as a person of color. People of color have been

Then it becomes a white a show!” or “there are

and still are expected to modify and round their

too many men in this show, women will not want

edges to fit into White America. In addition

to watch men?!” This mindset, deep rooted in

to being repeatedly asked to play stereotypes

Hollywood, perpetuates the lack of diversity in

and old tropes on T.V and film, we are still hard

T.V, film and elsewhere.

pressed to find people of color being portrayed realistically and complexly in a majority of T.V

Considering the lack of people of color exposed

and film until recently. Thank you Shondaland!

on the big screen, we will circle back to cultural appropriation and the sensitivity surrounding

Put another way, cultural appropriation can

the topic, especially when it comes to African

be viewed as the dominant culture adorning,

Americans. Let’s examine hip hop culture, which

or imitating culture that a marginalized and

in particular, has been cultivated and innovated

normally excluded group has created, celebrated

mainly by Black people in the U.S. Hip hop was

or identifies with.

created to feel a void and express the poor black experience in the United States. Even before

This applies to when a Japanese person

hip hop originated, black people were creating

immigrates to the states and sees someone in

their own spaces to express their ideals, art and

kimonos, white faced makeup and chopsticks in

music, which was largely ignored or deemed

their hair. Although this is a traditional geisha

“less than” by the larger mainstream American

costume in Japan, and there aren’t many geisha’s

culture. Conversely, the economically and socially

running around anymore, the problem is not in

powerful’ s art, ideas and performances were

the costume itself, it is both the overuse of the

revered, respected and incidentally, handsomely

stereotype as negative, two dimensional, but

compensated, unlike those of artists of color and

when used by the other group is viewed as chic,

indeed these trends seem to continue in a time

cool or creative.

of a “color blind” America. To reiterate it isn’t just the assumption that all So when magazines, use white models to

Asian people are Chinese, work in IT, are hard-

display Bantu knots or afros, people begin to

tireless, submissive workers, it’s that the real,

feel indignant. It feels too many as though there

messed up, complex, brave and temperamental,

is a double standard. When Black people are

sucks at math Asians out there aren’t portrayed

deemed ugly for their big lips, and kinky hair,

enough! This is where much of the indignation

the same features are portrayed as beautiful

over cultural appropriation stems from.

on White women or chic. Navigating through a world where 90% of everything is made by and

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Cultural appropriation has become a buzzword

“We all should examine these issues as thoroughly as possible and understand more about the world that was created by our ancestors and continues through us and our choices.”

through the advent of social media and the

dons a southern dialect considered “lower-class”,

internetz. Recently, cultural appropriation has

“Black” and “uneducated” by mainstream culture

been used to describe the antics of celebrities

to express her uninspiring lyrics.

like Iggy Azalea, Kylie Jenner, Miley Cyrus and others.

One could assert that Iggy is unauthentic, as she

To be honest, when I first began considering

was not raised to speak that way, it is not her

the term I was skeptical and barely emotionally

natural dialect. However, aren’t all entertainers

affected. It seemed like such a small thing in

in a way disingenuous? Don’t they all put on a

comparison to other forms of injustice, racial

show or face when exposed to the public eye?

or otherwise. I could see how Iggy, Miley and

Aren’t they all sort of acting? Eh, in a way, but

Kylie looked as though they were using gimmicks

despite their lack of expertise, they also have

to rouse attention from audiences. In their

been known to use their burden of fame as a

routines, videos and integral they mimic dialect,

soapbox to express how Americans feel about

dance and hair styles derived from subject and

politics, race and sexism.

underground African American culture. For

Iggy’s act is primarily used to entertain an

example, Iggy Azalea, who is a native Aussie,

audience and promote herself and make money.

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She does not say anything about the larger world

through their music or otherwise, they must

around her. In the eyes of many, and especially

realize that many Black people will not be accept

those on black twitter, believe her to be a

them or their style choices with open arms.

spectacle and not an artist.

The opposite applies to African Americans, even in the confines of their own genre and

See: https://atlantablackstar.com/2015/03/09/7-

community, outsiders and talking heads deem

reasons-black-twitter-love-see-iggy-azalea-log-

black women and men in hip hop lacking

off-good/

respectability. For example, presidential hopeful Mike Huckabee shames Beyoncé for her style

The fact is she is not trying to point out anything

choices:

about African American culture, connect with

See: http://www.cnsnews.com/commentary/l-

African American culture or make any statements

brent-bozell-iii/mike-huckabee-vs-beyonce

about being a woman, being black, being an outsider or poverty in the larger world makes

But Huckabee fails to hold half naked country

her use of “cultural appropriation” indigestible

music stars to the same standard. Luckily for

for many fans of hip hop. That is why she and

Iggy, or any other white person who can take off

sometimes Miley Cyrus do not gain respect for

their “urban” hat, unbraid their cornrows, cut off

their hip-hop, or urban imitations and Eminem

their dreads and assume their perfectly normal

does. In the underground, revered Hip-Hop

whiteness. People of color, unfortunately, have

music is either innovating lyrics and style,

no such choice and must take their skin color and

celebrating something that was at first seen as

ethnic features with them wherever they go.

not beautiful, like dark skin, large booties and braided hair or it may comment on life unnoticed

Wait! You say! Don’t black people appropriate

and ignored by popular culture. Iggy seems

White culture?! Black women perm their hair to

only interested in profiting off a genre without

make it straight, sometimes dying it blonde and

seemingly putting any thought into the history

other “unnatural” colors.

that genre was based in and what it stood for.

True, but there are a few key differences.

Yes, there are some Black artists who perpetuate

Slowly African Americans’ natural hair, the

stereotypes, focus on shallow and superficial

hair that naturally grows out of their head, is

gains, and it is unfortunate that they are not

slowly becoming accepted by the mainstream.

always held to the same scrutiny in the hip hop

Not too long ago, and in some current cases,

community. They however possess something

African American women, men and children

Iggy, Miley and Kylie never will: the African

were berated for wearing their natural hair

American experience. So when these white

textures. In the 1960s and 1970s wearing one’s

artists copy-cat the dialect and style of African

hair natural was a political non-conformist

American’s without standing up for Black people

statement. To this day, tight curly hair is still seen

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as unprofessional or exotic. White culture is

fashion and style in general.

much harder to negatively appropriate as it is the

One day, I hope we rid ourselves of the whole,

expectation that black people conform to White

“my skin color does this and yours does that”

American culture. “Wear your pants like we do,

mentality. Hopefully, one day it will, but until

talk and act like we do, if we don’t like what you

that day we will continue the discussion of

have to offer, then the onerous is on the black

culture and appropriation and race. So, people

community to change to appease the majority

who are not of color, don’t scurry to the hills

culture. Other cries of assimilation by Americans

when a conversation that intersects history

include: Mexicans needing to learn English, even

or race arises. We all should examine these

though many of them do, Islam is dangerous, but

issues as thoroughly as possible and understand

Christianity is pure. Governors of several states

more about the world that was created by our

have declared that Syrians refugees fleeing the

ancestors and continues through us and our

terrorism we wish to eliminate are not welcome

choices. As we take on these nuanced issues, we

in their states. Therefore, it is hard to do harm

should strive to be receptive and respectful of

to a culture you appropriate as it is forced

each other, even as we disagree.

down your throat by the use of hateful rhetoric, advertising, exclusion and in extreme cases,

Note: Here at InMind, we aim to redefine the

violence.

meaning of art. Sometimes that means we look for art in spaces and places that are not

But what is so inherently wrong about white

traditionally acknowledged as such. My opinions

people wearing Native American headdresses to

do not reflect all of those at InMind, but to

festivals, braiding their hair in cornrows, twerking

me, art expresses sentiment, it is a statement,

or using urban slang? Nothing, really.

it is a new way to view and move about space

I don’t believe that many Whites ornate

and time, it is a new perspective and uncovers

themselves in doo rags, dreads, and use Ebonics

something that was previously ignored, forgotten

because they want to be malicious. I dare say,

or unexamined. Art can be mental, physical and

that sometimes, this appropriation is adoration.

emotional exertion, it is repulsive, it is pain, relief, beauty and challenge, it is all that the

I personally take more offense of someone

human experience encompasses. Art can be raw

disrespecting someone’s culture or excluding

or refined but is always salient, if not always

someone based on their ethnic origin or

flamboyant. Carbon copy, mass produced music

background. I would rather we change the

with no purpose or point other than to make

Redskins name then bar all white people from

exorbitant profit is not art, that actually is the

tanning and cornrows. Actually, it would be grand

antithesis of good art, but it sure does create a

if mainstream culture would loosen up on how

lot of material for good art. So with all that, keep

people choose to express themselves through

it InMind peeps!

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This New Year...Will You Commit? By Tree Herndon “Married men live longer than single men. But married men are a lot more willing to die.” -Johnny Carson “Love is a temporary insanity curable by marriage.” -Ambrose Bierce

o doubt you have heard these or similar sentiments, from both women and men.

All it takes is a single scroll down your Facebook news feed to feel the struggle of your friends desiring to have - and sustain - a healthy relationship. Studies reveal

reasons include that they haven’t found the right

that we, indeed, desire to be in committed

person, that they themselves aren’t financial stable,

relationships, but fewer of us are settling

or that they are too young /not ready to settle

down.

So, what seems to be the problem? Why are

If we are all looking for that “right person”, why

we becoming increasingly numb to the idea

does finding this perfect person feel like a game of

of love leading to a committed relationship

“Where’s Waldo”?

and marriage?

It boils down to our newfound perspective of

TIME magazine stated the three main factors

dating and long term commitments. Many people

that people give to explain singleness. The

would agree that the importance of marriage

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Photo Credit: Nikee Bayunga and a committed relationship has changed. In

lifetime commitment or having a child. Times have

past times, marriage was seen as a necessity

changed. The roles of women and men in society

to survive. It upheld social, legal, religious,

have changed, and Millennials see committed

sexual, and financial purposes for both men

relationships as being tied down without the

and women. Here in 2016, the importance of

benefits society once relied on.

marriage has shifted. In a Gallup study held in June 2013, less than two-thirds of Americans

James M. Sama from goodmenproject.com

“consider it ‘very’ or ‘somewhat important’

brought out, “I think we (Millennial generation)

for a couple to marry if the two want to spend

are losing the value of commitment. We see this

the rest of their lives together or when they

in the job market, we see it with technology, and

want to have a child together.” On top of that,

we are seeing it with significant others. Everything

younger Americans are significantly less likely

just seems to be a placeholder to keep us busy

to believe people should marry when making a

until something better comes along. And – this

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is happening with ‘relationships’ too. What

divorce rate in America reaching 40-50%, many

happened to the honor of keeping your word?

feel as if marriage just doesn’t work. There are

The dignity of standing by someone when

many reasons why they could resort to that

things get difficult? The integrity of upholding

thinking. In a time where social rights are being

the promises you made long after the mood

challenged and changed more than ever, it’s

that you made them in, has past?” Simply put,

no doubt this social progression is affecting our

our general idea of commitment has changed.

views and thoughts on long term commitment

Now more than ever, with the touch of the

and marriage.

button, we are exposed to a superabundance of

“Women’s rights have changed, and women

information. With so much of that information

are more sexually liberated. Marriage could be

at our fingertips and so much to be desired, we

limiting to these desires,” Kameron Neal, a fellow

can’t even commit to one dream, or make up

Millennial brought out. Where marriage used to

our minds on what we actually want.

be security for women, with the rise of feminism, women are more focused on their careers and

Many people have come to the conclusion that

securing their own futures than settling down.

marriage is an antiquated institution. With the

This backs up what James Sama says, “getting

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married is a matter of timing and convenience

or, “At your age, you couldn’t possibly understand

rather than a necessity.”

how to make a real relationship work,” undermine a young person’s view of a potential committed

Another factor for putting off marriage that was

relationship in the future?

mentioned in the Gallup study was job security which showed that 14% of the participants

Marriage especially is a very selfless act. It requires

had this primary concern. No doubt, a quality

both parties to give of themselves to the other

that most women look for in a mate is financial

with the idea of becoming one person. At times,

stability. This affects Millennials especially

it involves sacrificing a life once dreamed of for

because they are dealing with excessive student

the sake of the relationship. Living in the me-

debts and surviving with less money to live on

first society that we are, it’s possible that our

than past generations. This generational struggle

selfishness has queued the idea of a committed

has left many young adults worried about being

relationship.

able to take care of themselves, let alone a significant other or a family.

That being said, nothing is wrong with a measure of selfishness. There is no fault with wanting

Twenty-two percent of people that “want to

to pursue our own endeavors in life. But, with

be married but aren’t” mentioned that they

selfishness being so pervasive in our society, that

were “too young or weren’t ready to commit

quality could be a major factor in why we aren’t in

long-term.” Keep in mind, this is a fairly new

lasting committed, long term relationships.

thought. Throughout history, people sometimes got married at an uncomfortably young age. But

You might ask yourself, in the future, will people

In present times, the thought of marrying too

completely do away with marriage or long term

“young” is negatively perceived. Where is this

commitments? Probably not.

opinion coming from? The media and powerful influencers such as

The amount of married Americans 50+ hasn’t

parents are giving young people the idea that

budged over time. The odds are that even the

casual, fleeting relationships at a young age are somewhat a rite of passage and more important than settling down to long term relationships. Could well-meaning statements such as, “You are too young to settle down, enjoy your life!”

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ones who choose to remain single earlier in life will eventually settle down once they get older. It could even be that as we near the end of our life, we place more value on stable companionships.

Although many people opt out of committing to long term relationships because they aren’t financially stable or they feel they are too young/ not ready or simply because they haven’t found the right person, don’t be discouraged. With the amount of people using online dating sites reaching 40,075,000, there is proof that there are indeed people out there ready to give up themselves and settle down with another person. And when they do, they can experience what Ann Landers believed when she said, “Sensual pleasures have the fleeting brilliance of a comet; a happy marriage has the tranquility of a lovely sunset.”

“There is proof that there are indeed people out there ready to give up themselves and settle down with another person.” Edited by Ashley Sue Buller Sources: Newport, Frank, and Joy Wilke. “Most in U.S Want Marriage, but Its Importance Has Dropped.” Gallup. August 2, 2013. Accessed December 11, 2015. Sama, James Micheal. “Dating Decline: Why Nobody Knows What the Heck They’re Doing Anymore.” Good Man Project. October 26, 2015. Accessed December 10, 2015. http:// goodmenproject.com/uncategorized/datingdecline-why-nobody-knows-what-the-hecktheyre-doing-anymore-hesaid/. Saad, Lydia. “Fewer Young People Say I Doto Any Relationship.” Gallup. June 8, 2015. Accessed December 4, 2015. http://www. gallup.com/poll/183515/fewer-young-peoplesay-relationship.aspx Mehta, Vinita. “Have We Become Less Capable of Forming Relationships?” Psychologytoday. September 2, 2015. Accessed December 4, 2015. https://www.psychologytoday.com/ blog/head-games/201409/have-we-becomeless-capable-forming-relationships. Luscombe, Belinda. “Why 25% of Millenials Will Never Get Married.” Time. September 24, 2014. Accessed December 6, 2015. http://time. com/3422624/report-millennials-marriage/.

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