10 | OPINIONS
Stalking professors and other advice for getting into your dream college !"#"$%&'(")*+,"'-.. Editor-in-Chief
ollege application season is a stressful time for high school seniors, but luckily for you, I have chosen to share my extensive knowledge in this
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internet research and word of mouth. Here are some handy tips for how to craft the most successful college application.
Demonstrated Interest The most important part of the college process is going out of your way to show “demonstrated interest” to prove to colleges that you might want to go there because— as we all know— the process of actually applying to the college, writing several supplementary essays (often including one on why you want to go there) and
hear about your personality and unique passions, so tell them about the burrito you ate for lunch or your plot predictions for the new season of Outer Banks. When colleges reach out to you through mass emails, never ignore them. Show them how honored you feel through a simple response like, “Thank you so much for thinking of me and sending me this mass email: it really made my day.” If the mailing address includes the words “do-not-reply,” remember that this is simply a trap and it is all the more essential for you to respond, thus distinguishing yourself among the most dedicated applicants.
If you end up getting a couple restraining orders filed against you, you know you’ve done well.
The Essays We all know that admissions
something we do just for kicks. Start by following the colleges you’re applying to on all of your social media accounts, then tracking down and following admissions staff, all the professors in your intended major and at least half of all attending students. If you end up getting a couple reyou know you’ve done well because your demonstrated interest is now legally documented. The most direct form of demonstrated interest, however, are your emails to admissions ofas often as you like. Remember
at your disposal. Make the adsonally attacking them, or make them cringe with disgust by describing how sick you got when you ate that moldy Ritz cracker from your backpack pocket. And remember— they only have a few seconds to read your essay, so this is the time to use your years of practice in texting abbreviations, and nothing better conveys personality than properly placed emojis.
to your essay no earlier than midnight and spend no more than 10 seconds reading it, so the most important part is the hook. A single all-caps word of onomatopoeia, the craziest unrelated fun fact, or even a nice long keyboard smash should have the desired will wipe down his spectacles ure out what is wrong with you. For the rest of your essay, the goal is to evoke some strong emotion from the reader. People usually go for the obvious— making them laugh or cry— but there is a world of lesser-used emotions
matters more is describing those activities in the most overcomplicated language possible to make them sound super impressive. Wrong! You single-handedly administered and facilitated the zero-cost market distribution of your self-designed, consumer-centric advertising model. As you scroll through col-
answers like family member information or additional test scores. The word counts on these are often way more than you ac-
half of that essay you had to cut down and paste it in there. And remember, even a single extra unused word on any The Common App question sends Get the Activia clear signal ties List done as to colleges early as possithat you ble. We all don’t care know enough to y o u put forth might your best efn o t fort. After all, colbrevity is never a l e c t skill you’d need trash at post-high-school. the beach As for the rest of once a month these tips (alas, because you’re I’ve reached my this great climate word count), you advocate, and you might not tered throughharbor a out my web long-lived articles, the passion for end of my Graphic by Madeline the club you staff bio Michalowski ’22 joined two and the weeks ago, last page of and that’s my math okay. homeW h a t w o r k .
