Session 5 5.1.2
5.1 Personal values 5.1.1 Values Values are important in our lives. They form the base from which we make decisions and they guide our behaviour. They arrange: The motivation to approach or avoid certain matters. The evaluation about the things we did. Was it good, not so good, pretty or ugly, was it valuable of did it lose its worth? Values determine on what you spend your time, and how you react to experiences. They steer your behaviour both consciously and unconsciously. They define what you find important in life. They motivate you beforehand to do what you do, and afterwards they evaluate how happy you are with the result. Someone who gives the value ‘respect ‘a high priority in his value hierarchy, will notice when he is not treated with respect.
Session 5
Beliefs
Beliefs are conclusions which we take away from experiences. They are generalisations which we believe are true. They are powerful mechanisms that steer our perception of ourselves and the world and preserve our model of the world. Our believes can strengthen us, but they can also limit us. For instance, someone who has memories of moments where struggled to speak in public and has created (limiting) beliefs because of that, will most likely not be the first to report for giving a speech. Someone who remembers certain moments when he was successful in speaking in public, will find it easier to give a speech. The decisions we took some time, often do not have much to do with the actual event, but a lot more with the way we perceived that event and gave meaning to it.
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5.1.3 Examples of personal values Ability Accessibility Adventurous Appreciation Assertiveness Attention Authenticity Authority Autonomy Awareness Balance Beauty Belief Brave Caring Challenge Clarity Collaboration Collectively Collegial Comfort Commitment Communication Communion Compassion Competition Confidence Connection Continuity Convenience Creativity Customer focus
Session 5
Customer-friendliness Decisive Developing Devotion Dignity Diligence Discipline Discovering Down-to-earth Effectivity Efficiency Empathy Empowerment Energetic Enterprising Enthusiasm Equality Excellence Expertise Faithfulness Flexibility Flourish Forgiveness Freedom Friendship Fun Generosity Genuineness Giving Gratefulness Growth Happiness
Harmony Health Helpfulness Honesty Humbleness Humour Imagination Improvement Independence Individuality Innovative Insight Inspiration Integrity Intimacy Joy Justice Knowledge Leadership Liberation Love Loyalty Mastery Meaning Meet Mildness Modesty Musicality Nuanced Obedience Openness Optimism
Orderliness Originality Passion Patience Peace Peace (inner) Perfectness Performing Perseverance Personal development Pioneer Playfulness Plenty Possibilities Precision Protection Pureness Purposiveness Quality Rationality Recognition Relaxing Reliability Renewal Resilience Resourceful Respect Responsibility Result Safety Satisfaction
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Personal coaching and couples therapy
Security Self-esteem Self-knowledge Self-preservation Sensitivity Servitude Silence Simplicity Solidarity Sovereignty Spirituality Spontaneity Stability Subtlety Suppleness Sustainability Tenderness Together Tolerance Traditional Trust Truth Unconditional Unity Valuable Versatility Vitality Wealth Wisdom Zest for life
Exercise 5.
Search for eight core values from 5.1.3
Search eight core values and pick four new values in every new round. However, you can only take four values into the next round. Your job is to select the four most important ones from the first eight values. Choose the values that appeal the most to you. The selection of the four most important values you take with you to the next round, where you will be given four new ones. From these you will also select the four values that are most important to you. Keep doing this until you have reached the end selection.
Round 1 Start values
New values
Selection
New values
Selection
New values
Selection
Round 2 Start values
Round 3 Start values
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Exercise 6.
What are your values?
Tonny Robbins, American coach, speaker and writer, distinguishes six values which he believes we all need. The degree of importance differs from person to person. • • • • • •
Security, because we want to live carefree. Variety, because too much security becomes boring. High status, because we want to be seen and heard. Love and unity, because else we will feel lonely. Growth, because growth leads to satisfaction and happiness. Social contribution, because we want to be significant.
1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7.
Choose a context, work or relationship for example. Which two values are the most important to you? Which is more important to you: value 1 or 2? What does this value mean to you? What is important about this value? What would happen is this value disappears? What is most important then?
If you have a partner, it can be interesting to hear what his or her two most important values are.
Session 5
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Personalcoaching coachingand and couples couples therapy Personal therapy
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Exercise 7. like to…
If there were no obstacles, then I would
• Yes / No Spend more time alone
• Yes / No Spend more 1 on 1 time with my partner
• Yes / No Be around people more
• Yes / No Spend more time in nature
• Yes / No Read more
• Yes / No Go away for the weekend more often
• Yes / No Work out more
• Yes / No Experience more peace and quiet in my life
• Yes / No Dance more
• Yes / No Spend more time with certain friends
• Yes / No Work less
• Yes / No Spend more time on my faith/spirituality
• Yes / No Travel alone
• Yes / No Do nothing for a change
• Yes / No Eat healthier
• Yes / No Listen to music more
• Yes / No Be free of alcohol, nicotine, drugs or
• Yes / No Spend more time making music
antidepressants
• Yes / No Learn to play da (different) instrument
• Yes / No Go to the movies more often
• Yes / No Make new friends
• Yes / No Go to a concert more often
• Yes / No Strengthen the ties with my family
• Yes / No Write a book
• Yes / No Lessen the bond with my family
• Yes / No Paint more
• Yes / No Make (a certain dish) more often r
• Yes / No Move houses
• Yes / No Have a better sex life
• Yes / No Spend more time with my children
• Yes / No Totally redecorate my house
• Yes / No Get a certain degree
• Yes / No Have a better day- and night rhythm
• Yes / No Get a different job
• Yes / No Sleep better and longer
• Yes / No Change some things about my looks (if yes,
• Yes / No Cook nice food more often
what?...)
• Yes / No Buy something nice for myself
• Yes / No Pick up a certain hobby (…) • Yes / No Be in the spotlight more • Yes / No Date more or more actively look for a partner • Yes / No Go to parties more often • Yes / No Have pets (kind: …) • Yes / No Build a new wardrobe
Sessie 5
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