INNER LIGHT MInistries Journal
The Flow Following Of Loving
Volume 25 Number 2
August, 2013
by Jim Gordon, President of ILM
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(from Facing Our Fears With Loving, 10/4/05)
hen I was in high school I signed up for a German class in order to fulfill the necessary language requirement. After my first day of German I went out into the hallway, looked at my schedule to see where I was supposed to go next, and suddenly realized that my next class, English, was in the same room and with the German teacher. I was horrified. I had such a fear of this woman. Her expression, confidence, and her fluidity of language made me feel so inadequate. Every day, all the German students would get up at the end of the class period and leave, and I would just sit there, trying to be invisible, and wait for the English students to come in. It was distressing to sit there by myself with her. She’d sit and work at her desk, look up at me from time to time, make a comment once in awhile. I never knew what to say. I didn’t want her talking to me. I just wanted her to pretend I wasn’t there. One day in my meditation, which was my prayer back then, as I was praying and sharing with the Lord, my German/English teacher walked in my prayer and stood right in front of me. This, of course, made me very upset. I said, “You’re not supposed to be in my prayer. You can’t be here. Go away. Go back to the school room.” Suddenly, my focus wasn’t on God anymore; it was on her. I tried to get around her, but she would move in front of me. No matter what I did, I couldn’t get past her and I couldn’t get her to go away. This went on day after day. I began to get mad at God because God wasn’t helping me no matter how much I pleaded. Finally, one day in the classroom, I realized that my teacher was reaching out to me in friendship. She was trying to participate with me, and it was up to me to reach out to her in the same manner. What I found interesting was that what I’d been giving the Lord in prayer – a reaching out, an offering of
vulnerability, of availability – I was feeling from her toward me. It felt strange when I recognized that the very same thing I was offering God in my prayer, she was offering me in friendship. It was then I knew I had to reciprocate. I wanted to reciprocate. We began talking, and I soon realized the depth that was there. In the beginning I was afraid of it. I was afraid of what I saw in her, of what I thought she represented in my life, and I allowed all those fears to stand between myself and the Lord. I began to let go of these fears and open to what she was offering, open to what Spirit was presenting to me. Over the next two years, she and I became the best of friends. We may not always be aware of what is standing between us and the Lord in our lives and in our meditation, so we have to pay attention. We can ask ourselves, “Is there a flow of loving? Is there a movement in some way that allows me to be aware that God is present right now, and I am present in God?” It may be as simple as seeing the blue or purple light in front of us, vibrating, pulsating, moving in us, through us, lifting us up; or it may be a feeling that becomes present in the moment as a sensation, or maybe a tingling. However we experience the movement of Loving, know that it is available to all of us, and it is for all of us to participate in. It’s up to each of us to move into the River of Loving, into that frequency that is moving in us and through us. If there’s something blocking you from being in the River of Loving, then ask the Lord to assist you in seeing what stands between you and the Lord, and assist you in its understanding. Regardless if you actually know what is blocking you or you are simply aware that there is a block in front of your loving the Lord, all you have to do is move into the loving with it. Love it all. Appreciate it all. Honor it all. The block will eventually be revealed to you … as well as the gift that always comes with it.