Vol. 5, No. 1
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The INNER LIGHT Ministries Newsletter
Letting Go A message from Jim
In talking with people recently, I’ve been struck by how many of us struggle with relationship issues, especially those that have to do with being so attached to another person or situation that it’s hard to let go and get on with our lives. These attachments can last not just days or weeks, but sometimes months and even years. There is nothing wrong with attachment. The issue is really just the letting go of that attachment when it is no longer serving us and no longer needed. When we don’t let go and move forward, we live in the past instead, and this keeps us from moving on to our new opportunities. In my counseling, my primary emphasis has been on coming into the realization that letting go is something we must choose to do, and it is an ongoing process that takes place in each moment. Although it may not always look like it, new opportunities and directions are being presented to us every day, and it is important to remain awake and responsive to them. Although it may sometimes seem that we have no choices, this isn’t really true, and we must be careful not to shut down and close ourselves off – from our feelings, from other people, and from the new directions that are being laid out for us. In our pain, disappointment, or disillusionment, shutting down is a common reaction, and yet we make it much more difficult and painful for ourselves in the long run when we choose to “go numb” as a way of coping. When we do hold on and shut down, we can’t possibly move forward; instead, we find ourselves becoming stuck and feeling denied and separate – separate from our feelings, from the moment, from other people, and from the opportunities that will come forward when we just stay focused in the moment and move into whatever is next. Often, we would prefer (and even expect)
January, 1994
things to remain as they have always been, but the world is in a state of constant change. By staying in the consciousness of movement into what’s next, what’s available, and what’s now, it becomes so much easier to accept the changes that come forward in our lives, and then “work them” to our betterment. When whatever it is that we have attached ourselves to is not going to move forward with us (a person, a career, a house, etc.), there are a number of things we can do to stay in the process of movement. The first is to simply realize that things have changed. If we don’t take this first step, then we’re holding on to something that isn’t even there to hold on to any more. This choice to accept the changes and face what is really happening can be painful at first, but once the energy starts moving, it isn’t nearly as painful as we’d thought. With time and a little distance, letting go and moving forward just become easier and easier. Another part of this waking up has to do with recognizing when we have been attached, and recognizing that this attachment is not really serving us. When we are willing to let go and move forward, one of the most helpful things we can do next is to forgive – to forgive ourselves, the other people involved, and God, whom we often subconsciously blame when our lives change and our expectations aren’t met. We can also use prayer and meditation. For example, we can ask for “a clearing” – that our attachments and any negativity be lifted from us. Along with this, however, we must also be responsible for our own clearing actions when this clearing energy comes to us. In other words, we must move with that clearing energy and not expect it to do our work for us. We must also realize that letting go is ultimately an attitude of heart. It isn’t enough to just mechanically “go through the motions” of letting go. We have to sincerely be willing to move forward. When that sincere desire is really there, our actions may sometimes look or feel mechanical at first, but they will begin to take us where we really want to go, which is forward.