I NNER L IGHT M INISTRIES NEWSLETTER VOLUME 10 NUMBER 4
DECEMBER, 1999
E XPANSION AND CONTRACTION by Jim Gordon, President of ILM
E
xpansion. What a wonderful word. To expand: to open up, to allow oneself to become more vulnerable, to be accepting. This is a great expression, and a wonderful state to be in in your life. Expansion means that one is open to change and growth and willing to do the work it takes in order to grow, to let go of old belief systems and ideas, to try out new ideas and ways in order to find out what works. Contraction. Another wonderful word. To contract: to shrink, to close down, to draw tightly together as in protection, to withdraw, to withhold, to hide. Doesn’t sound as great as expansion, does it? When do we contract? When we are in that place inside ourselves where protection is everything. We may contract when our self-defense mechanism compels us to flee or hide; when we just want it all to go away; when the pain inside stops us from going forward. Contraction seems to stop the pain, to protect us from having to move forward, and to not have to be responsible. Contraction is a powerful action and can be an effective solution to a painful situation. I know both of these words and both of these states of being very well. I have done and continue to do contraction and expansion depending upon the moment. In any challenging situation, in that moment, I can choose an old pattern of contraction or I can choose into expansion. As I have worked with both these parts of myself over the years I have looked at what action /reaction elements in my life take place that cause me to go into one or the other. I know that one area where contraction developed early in my life was that of protection. As a child I did not feel safe out in the world. At home I felt safe and secure, but out in the world I felt that others were judging me or comparing me rather than accepting me. So one way I would protect myself from the world around me
was through contraction. The way I contracted was usually to be very quiet and just disappear in the people and events around me. If I could just make myself quiet enough, just make myself small enough, I could contract to a point that no one gave me much attention. Another way that I contracted was to hide, to not come out and make myself available to participate in activities or groups. This withdrawal from the world seemed one way I could protect myself from all those around me who I felt did not understand me. At the time both these forms of contraction helped me feel safer — and yet because I developed this pattern, I also felt alone much of the time. I eventually realized that I was hurting myself more than helping myself through this contraction. So I decided to move in another direction, to take another action, that of expansion. Actually I did not have the words that I now have for all this — I just knew I had to do something different. I began to allow people into my life by participating more with people. When I was invited to events I would go. When people gathered after school to talk, I would gather with them and listen. I said nothing at first. Then one day someone turned to me and said,” Jim, what do you think?” In that moment I had to decide whether to contract or expand. I expanded — and what a great feeling that was. I expressed my beliefs and feelings and the conversation continued. And do you know what? No one seemed to judge what I had to say. In fact I was amazed when a few minutes later someone picked up on my statement and added to it — someone was listening to me and found what I had to say meaningful. Ever since that time I have known that I have a choice. I can choose whether to expand and open myself, or to contract in order to protect myself. These days I find myself choosing expansion more often. Not always but more often. It has always been very hard for me to get up in front of people and share myself with others, but now I do it in spite of the fear. I expand and allow myself to open and Expansion continues on page 6