8 minute read
The Power of Yes
Christina Ordonez
Article
The Power of Yes: How Saying Yes Increased My Happiness, Boundaries, Work-Life Balance, and Relationships
I wear many hats: technology and media department chair, auditorium manager, director, new educator coordinator, professional development co-chair. In those roles, I oversee many of the school’s resources. I also love taking on new adventures, be they opportunities in the school or initiatives from the district. However, when roles collide and the requests for resources become overwhelming, my first line of defense had been to say no. “No, I can’t create this spreadsheet for you. I don’t have time.”
“No, I’m not able to chaperone this event for you. It’s my dad’s birthday.” “No, there is no way you can use that space on that day. It’s the week of the play.” I tended to say no when I was having a tough day, and the negativity I felt from it was defeating. I felt like I was ruining my relationships with colleagues like I was unhelpful, and I resented being asked yet again for my time when I was always doing so much.
Then, four years ago, I changed one word and changed my professional life. Instead of saying no, I now say Yes. In a journal with a theme focused on minimalist teaching, this may seem like the antithesis. But saying Yes freed me and allowed me to set more boundaries than ever before. difference? To start, it helps both you and the person you are communicating with have greater feelings of control, making educator burnout less likely (Mielke, 2019). When you practice saying yes, the opportunity to have control and to grow and change increases exponentially. Believing in opportunities for growth is one of the main elements of professional
“Yes, I can create this spreadsheet, but not for three weeks. How does that timeline work for you?”
“Yes, I can chaperone this event, but I would need to leave at 6 pm.” “Yes, you can use that space, but there will be a set onstage, so you will only be able to use the seating area.” Saying Yes forced me to decide under what circumstances the Yes was possible. It allowed me to see situations from another point of view. It created partnerships as others worked with me to make the Yes happen. I was minimizing my negativity, my recursive work, and my conflicts with others.
Saying Yes is Important
So why does saying Yes make such a happiness (Blaschka, 2019). In a profession where most people feel they are called to a life-long service, being open to new possibilities is important to keep growing, learning, and innovating as the years go by. When educators are left on their own in an office or classroom, they can, over time, tie themselves into paths that have worked for them in the past. But this doesn’t allow growth from wonderfully new opportunities that may occur. It can be a challenge for students to feel safe about trying something new if we as their educators are not willing to take the same risk. The fear of failure often leads to the negativity of no, as does stress. Continually feeling stressed can take a toll on our professional lives. When our amygdala is hijacked,
we cannot think creatively or critically (Anchor, 2010). Instead, we react with strong emotional responses. In my case, this occurs when I am overwhelmed—I become more likely to say no to requests that I would say yes to other times of the year. To combat that amygdala hijacking, if I say no, I write the request down and then come back to the question later and reconsider my answer. This has led me to contacting colleagues after an initial no to change my answer to Yes. Colleagues have mentioned this is one of the best parts about working with me. They know that when I say no, I mean it because I will use all my creativity to try to find a way to make something happen. This increases the trust and collegiality between myself and my colleagues. I have the credibility that goes beyond what I do and into the core of who I am. Practicing this every day turned my goal of saying Yes into a habit (Clear, 2018).
The Journey to Yes
To say Yes, you must stay reflective, including reflecting on your prioritizations. In her TedTalk about time management, Laura Vanderkam explains that people have enough time to do anything they want. When they say they don’t have time for something, they really mean that it is not a priority to them (Vanderkam, 2016). When deciding how to say Yes, you must first think of your priorities. By having priorities set, you can be reflective and responsive, thoughtful and reasonable in creating your Yes. For example, if a group of students who want to film for a class ask to use the auditorium stage, but the musical was practicing in the auditorium, I might say it’s not available that day, as a group who is already in there needs to have access to theater resources, but how about an alternative day? Or what is the reason you want to use that space? Can we find an alternative space that accomplishes the project’s goals, such as the library or cafeteria?
If you really understand the purpose of the request, it is also much easier to say yes. By understanding what people really need, you are better able to say yes and fulfill those needs. This idea partners with the minimalist view of “Do Less, Better” (Musiowsky-Borneman and Arnold, 2021). By going through the Tripe-P decisionmaking process of “Prioritize, Purpose, and Pare Down” highlighted in The Minimalist Teacher, you will be able to meet more people’s needs. Asking more questions in this manner will help to inform yourself to create acceptable, positive, creative solutions. A friend of mine once asked how saying Yes with caveats is any different from saying no. The difference is in the spirit of finding a solution. A common rule in
improvisational theatre is to never say no, choosing instead to say “yes, and...”. This rule opens possibilities versus closing the discussion. When you say no, you are cutting off the conversation and the opportunities. When you say Yes with ideas to make the request happen, you are forming connections and finding ways to continue the conversation. Don’t be unreasonable with your Yeses. For example, I have said “Yes, if I’m able to be cloned.” I’ve made this joke when I’m asked to be in two meetings at once. But I quickly add to that, “Or, if we can change the meeting time to 30 minutes later.” I am offering a solution. I try to think of the following questions to decide reasonable solutions: How can I say yes?
What is keeping me from saying yes in the first place?
How does this request fit in with my priorities?
What is the specific purpose of the request? Are there any alternative ways this need can be fulfilled?
When I began trying to say yes, I placed a post-it note on my monitor that just says, “How can you say yes?” It helped remind me that I needed to consciously work towards positivity, problem-solving, and creativity. Sometimes no is a much easier answer. And so, I created my own norms. Whenever possible, I will produce a solution for what I’m being asked for. Now I include this question in meetings and on agendas. I’ve talked about it with new educators and with my students. People now come to me with more specific questions and requests, and with reasoning for those requests, all ready to think of creative solutions. My consistency with this habit helps others to be an active participant in our conversation. There are many times when I see colleagues saying no. My biggest question when people say no is why not? This isn’t to say that I never say no. Of course, I do. But I will try to go through this process first. The same works in
reverse. If you get a no as a response to your request, ask “What would it take to get a Yes?” Much of the time, people have not even thought about that or considered it. But once they do, a no can turn to a creative Yes. Finally, you must continue to reflect on this habit. Are you really saying Yes? Are you purposefully prioritizing? Are you collaborating with others, taking risks, and finding creative solutions? Are you still being true to yourself and encouraging the same in others? Are you accomplishing what you set out to do? Answer Yes.
References
Achor, S. (2010) The happiness advantage.
Crown Business. Blaschka, A. (2019, December 6). Five reasons why saying ‘yes’ is the best decision for your career.
Forbes. Retrieved June 15, 2022, from https://www.forbes.com/
sites/amyblaschka/2019/11/21/ five-reasons-why-saying-yesis-the-best-decision-for-yourcareer/?sh=47b68c342184
Clear, J. (2018). Atomic habits: tiny changes, remarkable results: an easy & proven way to build good habits & break bad ones. Avery, an imprint of
Penguin Random House. Mielke, C. (2019). The burnout cure. ASCD Musiowsky-Borneman, T. and Arnold, C.Y. (2021). The minimalist teacher. ASCD. Vanderkam, L. (2016). How to gain control of your free time [video]. Ted. com. https://www.ted.com/talks/
laura_vanderkam_how_to_gain_ control_of_your_free_time
Christina Ordonez has worked at Hoffman Estates High School since 2002, starting as an English Teacher and Reading Specialist and moving in 2011 to the role of Technology and Media Department Chair. In addition to her primary positions, she is also a theatre director and auditorium manager. As a New Educator Coordinator and one of the leads of the Teaching and Learning Team, Christina enjoys mentoring and supporting her colleagues in their continued learning and development. She holds Masters Degrees in Curriculum and Instruction, Reading Specialization, and Educational Leadership. She finds her passion in facilitating professional growth for all educators and removing barriers to educational opportunities for both students and staff.
