Sorrento Bowling Club Magazine Issue 38 September 2010

Our new weather vane and wind-sock

Sorrento Bowling Club Newsletter Number 38 September 2010

The winners of Dash for Cash our new monthly competition sponsored by Barry and Paul Bradshaw from Safeway Security Screens

Phil Dobie, Rod Bellis, Craig Grisbrook, Barry Bradshaw and Wayne Olive

If you need security doors or screens speak to club member Barry Bradshaw or call Safeway Security Screens on 9314 1774

Contents

From the President’s pen From the Secretaries Desk Some Notes from your Editor Greens and Grounds Report Some more on Greens Windsock with a difference Message from the Lady Captain Ladies Selection Committee Ladies Delegate’s Report Men’s Selection Men’s Winter Undercover Bowls Ladies Winter Undercover Bowls Complaints Department Recognition for one of our members Coaches Corner –“Hot Hints from Heardie” Ladies Match Report Umpire’s Corner In Loving Memory of Pat Breakell Bowler’s Poem Thank you from Neil Breakell Cal’s Possum Watch Do You know the Laws?

Our members in action -past and present Sorrento Bowling Club Dance – 31 July Bon Voyage Les Middleditch Survey Results Croquet Report Darts Report Safeway Security Screens Dash for Cash Second “Dash For Cash” For my intelligent friends: Getting to know our members – John Forkin` A Nun Story Email addresses please There’s still hope at 72 Thank you Farmer Jacks A damn fine explanation

It’s Tough Getting Old Our new computer kiosks The Italian Secret to a Long Marriage.

Love A Message from the Men’s Captain Answers to Umpire’s Corner Quiz

4 5 5 7 7 8 9 9 9 11 11 12 12 13 13 14 14 16 16 17 17 17 23 24 28 29 29 30 31 31 32 32 35 36 36 36 37 38 38 39 39 39 42

From the President’s pen

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elcome to the 2010/2011 season. At the time of printing this edition of our newsletter I can report that the Club is in a very sound financial position, which will put us in a position of stability for many years to come with prudent management. Our membership is still strong with numbers in excess of 450 all up.

To those who are leaving the Club for various reasons, we thank you for your support over the past seasons. We also extend a warm welcome to those who have joined us as bowlers, dart players, croquet players or social members. I am sure you will enjoy the facilities and friendship at our Club.

Many members are understandably concerned at the condition of our greens and rightly so. At a meeting with the Green keeper and the Greens manager I have been assured by both Niel Adams and Dave Rankin, that we will have greens available for the start of the season. As with other Clubs we have an abundance of “greens experts” who will tell you otherwise.

The City of Joondalup attended the July Executive meeting and several points were raised with the City over what is planned for the Club. We have been advised that the City will be up-grading the kitchen in October/November this year. The City have been invited to attend our Executive meetings every three months to hear our concerns and to give us feedback on what is planned for us in particular and the reserve in general and they have agreed to this arrangement.

The various committees have been working hard over the past months to be in readiness for the coming season. I have been advised the programme has been sent to the printers and will be available shortly.

We will be conducting various State events at our Club all in the early part of 2011 season both men’s and women’s Events. A highlight of these events will be the final of the State Men’s triples. We have also advised that if required we may be able to host extra events.

I would like to thank Neville and Denise Odell for compiling our newsletter. I can imagine it to be a time consuming exercise. Also to get all sections to have their material in on time must be frustrating at times. Neville has put a proposal to the Executive to upgrade the newsletter to make it more appealing to members and importantly our sponsors. The next edition should be in the new format.

Finally I would like to remind members that they must not (under any circumstances) talk to our greenkeeper about the greens. Any complaints must be passed onto Niel Adams To all members of the Club I wish you well for the coming season.

– Ian K Marshall

From the Secretaries Desk

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here is no report this time round as our Secretary is swanning around somewhere up North while the rest of us are suffering from icy cold mornings

Some Notes from your Editor

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id you hear that Ron Kuziela won second prize in the Innaloo Twilight Open Fours( Wednesday night). He was third in a composite team skipped by Mick Murray. Damian Moore played second and Barry Whitmore was the lead. ☺☺☺☺☺ Did you hear that Jane Holland has become a grandmother for the sixth time.

Congratulations! John and Mary Sanders have also become grandparents for the sixth time. He is their first grandson! Well done to all involved! ☺☺☺☺☺ Did you hear that one of our members hit the accelerator pedal instead of the brake whilst reversing in the car park. A loud bang (sounded a bit like some one dumping a load of empty beer bottles into a wheely bin) resulted! The driver wishes to remain anonymous but those readers requiring more information should speak to Dick Currrie. ☺☺☺☺☺ Did you hear that Alan Anderson ( a one blue player) is getting a bit absent minded.

After playing one Saturday afternoon, and winning a chook he returned to Sorrento where he discovered his bowls bag was a bit light as he had left his bowl at Innaloo.

Your editor has some good contacts at Alzheimer’s Australia who may be able to assist. ☺☺☺☺☺ Did you realise that the Lord’s Prayer consists of 69 words. The Ten Commandments consists of 207 words. The American Declaration of Independence consists of 310 words. A European Union Directive on Duck Eggs consists of 28911 words (Thanks to John Taylor for this useful information) ☺☺☺☺☺

The current booklet format has been used since February 2007. Denise and I have produced 19 newsletters. We have always tried to produce our newsletter “on the cheap” by using Mal Washer’s photocopier and my home printer for the coloured cover and the centre pages which are used for photos of club members and their activities.

The current method creates some problems: • Mal Washer’s Office have unfortunately expressed concern about the number of copies we are doing on their copier.

• Grouping photos onto the centre pages means that they are not alongside the article they relate to and make the booklet layout more difficult.

• sponsor’s adverts are not always in colour.

• black and white copies of photos and adverts are not good.

It is now time to do our newsletter properly. As mentioned in Ian Marshall’s report I have therefore recommended to the Executive Committee that we have the newsletter printed professionally. The aim is to be able to publish something we can be proud of and which will encourage new sponsors to advertise their products on a regular basis.

A high quality newsletter will also help retain existing sponsors. There will be an increased cost but it is expected that this will be covered by advertising – Neville Odell

Greens and Grounds Report

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n answer to a number of queries about the removal of the shrubbery on the surrounds of E green.

1.The roots of the shrubs were encroaching into the green, depriving it of moisture and nutrient.

2.The roots were also protruding through the surface of the banks, causing a safety hazard.

3.They also caused a dense shade on a large section along the East side.

4. Last but not least, they provided cover for vandals who have been causing a lot of damage.

It is planned to install a low limestone wall to keep sand and shrubs from encroaching the bank and provide a decorative border. The low wall could also be used for seating.

The area is to be replanted with low ground cover and some low growing shrubs.

The leaves and old stumps will be removed first. The plants at the North end were a peppermint (agonis flectuosa nana) which tend to prevent other plants from growing.

It has taken some time to obtain quotes and get approval to proceed. We were also waiting for Joondalup Council to maybe help finance this project. This project at E green is the beginning of an improvement plan for all the banks and surrounds over an extended period of time.

The area in front of the Croquet building was becoming very worn and uneven, this has now been brick paved and it is a vast improvement.

A small shed has been purchased for the exclusive use of our volunteer gardeners, who do such a great job in keeping the gardens looking so good. This will be erected as soon as the council prunes the trees that overhang the fence where the sheds are situated.

Quotes have been approved to brick pave the area outside the kitchen, this will be done ASAP. I will be away for 5 weeks, (had a leave pass from the Doctor!!!) Be back when the weather is warm. I will be online for email and phone (mostly). Cheers to all, – Niel Adams

Some more on Greens

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embers will note that rinks are moved after each day of play. We also have asked players to place the mat well up the green, all this is to spread the wear.

The following letter from Graeme Whitehorn highlights the amount of wear by bowlers feet. I wonder what my front lawn would look like if I had this sort of traffic over it?

Dear Niel Some years ago, one of our States great bowlers pointed out to me in a discussion on greens, how damage can occur.

He pointed out that during a pennant game of bowls, the average bowler takes about 40 steps every time he/she moves from one end to the other. Add the steps taken at the mat, kicking the bowls back, and delivering his/her bowl, say another 20 steps. Statistically this means that on one rink with the 8 pennant players replicating the average footsteps, the surface will absorb over 10,000 mini compactions in one game of pennants.

You of course will know what this means to the surface of the green when extended across say six rinks. (This would mean 60,000 mini compactions over the whole green.) The green is under a great deal of pressure and even more so when the air is damp and the green is either damp or wet.

I did not realize this was so important until it was actually pointed out to me and since then of course I have been an advocate of looking after the green to the best of my ability and encouraging others to do like likewise.”

Windsock with a difference

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ost of you will have noticed our new ‘wind directive indicator’ located at the western end of our Club grounds. We wanted to use the pole, but make it a feature by adding a bit of character. The idea of incorporating our emblem releasing a bowl sounded a possibility.

The jack and the bowl was not a problem, the shape of the swan came from previous club shirt, and the swan cut out was provided with the generosity of Brett Dunn (Ray and Emily’s son). That was the easy part!!!

What next??? Where to from here??? Enter our very own Professor George Sjepcevich to the rescue.

George designed and assembled the high quality masterpiece, Beth McCormack painted the swan, and the result is there to behold.

Thank you to all involved in providing our Club with the ‘windsock with a difference’.

– Tony Pilgrim.

Message from the Lady Captain

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he full swing of the bowling season will soon be upon us. October sees the beginning of the Championships, starting with Ladies 100 Up and Mixed Pairs.

Pennant practice also commences, so keep your eyes on the Notice Board for all events.

For your calendar also is a Ladies quarterly meeting on Monday, 4th October, at 10 am and the Fashion Parade on Monday, 25th October.

To the ladies who played in the short season of Winter Bowls at Innaloo, thank you for putting in the time and effort to represent our Club. Well done!

Congratulations to Lee Leach and Jan Cook on passing their Umpires Course Exam.

I look forward to catching up with you all.

– Clair Hanlon

Ladies Selection Committee

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his year we have 6 divisions once again.

Premier Red, 1 White, 2 seconds and 2 fourths.

It would be appreciated if we could know who will be unavailable during the practice games as well as pennants, early as possible.

There is three weeks planned for practice, starting on Tuesday 12 October and a circuit training on Wednesday 13 October.. Have a good season.

– Vonnie King

Ladies Delegate’s Report

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ome important decisions have been made by Bowls WA/Bowls Australia since our last Club meeting. Briefly these include:

Laws of the Sport of Bowls: The current laws of the sport have not changed. Recommendations for law changes including length of end (21 versus 23 metres) and retention/giving away of mat will be discussed and voted on by members during the World Bowls Council meeting at

Sorrento Bowling Club Fashion Parade Monday 25th October 2010 10am $8 including lunch the Commonwealth Games in October 2010.

Bowls Australia Logo: The logo will be compulsory on all below waist apparel as from 2016. If a club hatband is worn on a visor or hat then the logo is not necessary. An updated version of dress policy is on the Ladies notice board.

Ladies Saturday Pennant Changes: The restrictions currently placed on club/players when nominating for the above competition have been removed .This means that a finals series and a system of promotions and relegations similar to the Tuesday pennant competition will be introduced for the 2010/2011 season. Clubs will be asked to nominate sides based on player’s ability into Divisions 1, 2 or 3. The specific details are currently being worked on by the Bowls WA match committee. Watch this space!!

Inter Region Round Robin The criteria for this competition are being reviewed. This one and a half day event will be hosted by the South Coastal Region on Saturday 16th April (pm) and all day Sunday 17th April. Hopefully the Northern Region can improve its standing as “the cellar dweller!!

Tuesday Pennants Game 8 Late breaking news is that this game which was scheduled for December 21st has been cancelled. I will follow this up with Bowls WA and advise our selectors of any details relating to the changed schedule.

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The next Regional Delegates meeting will be held on 13th September. Please let me know if you have any concerns/issues you would like raised at this meeting.

– Anne Lilley

Men’s Selection

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ennant practice will commence on Thursday 7th October for four weeks and the first pennant game will start on Thursday 4th November. If you haven’t put a pennant form in, would you do so immediately, so we have an idea how many teams to apply for?

We will probably play in Mufti, the first two weeks and Whites the last two; this is to be confirmed later on.

I have put the unavailable list on the board for pennant practice. If you cannot make it, please write your name here, but if you are available just turn up by 12.45 pm as there is no need to phone. If everyone does the right thing, we won’t be sitting in the office plugging gaps where people haven’t turned up and getting unbalanced teams.

– Ron Burroughs.

Men’s Winter Undercover Bowls

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nnaloo Sporting Club opened their new $1.3 million undercover bowling green in June. As an opening event, they invited clubs from nearby to take part in a Winter Undercover Pennant competition. Eight teams participated in the men’s’ event conducted over 7 consecutive Tuesday nights from 15th June.

There were two sides of 8 bowlers from Innaloo, two from Beaumaris and one each from Hollywood-Subiaco, Stirling, Scarborough and Sorrento. Sorrento started slowly, picking up a couple of rink wins but no aggregate results in the first two weeks.

Then Sorrento hit their straps, picking up maximum points in the next 3 weeks and enough points to be in second place overall with one week to go. Unfortunately, Scarborough picked up maximum points in their last game, so Sorrento could not catch them and finished second.

Bowlers who represented Sorrento were Ian Marshall, Peter Snow, Barry Bradshaw, Barry Stewart, Tiger Hogan, Colin Campbell, Neville Odell, Ray Stapledon, Trevor Orton, Brian Joy, John Sturk and anyone else I have forgotten. (Sorry).

– Trevor Orton

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Ladies Winter Undercover Bowls

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s for the men Innaloo Sportsman’s Club are running a Ladies Winter Pennants competition. Initially, it was intended to run a single 7-week program, but it was so popular, that it was decided to run a second 6-week extension to the original competition.

Sorrento entered a team consisting of two rinks of 4 players – Moira Dean, Judy Campbell, Betty Stern, Sharon Eggers, Anne Lilley, Beth McCormack, Helen Ironside, Lee Leach, and Coral Smith. The team did very well, coming a close second to Merriwa. It was only a loss by one point on each of the two rinks against the Innaloo 2 team that cost Sorrento first place.

Everyone enjoyed the competition immensely, particularly playing on the new, fast, carpeted surface and out of the rain on the few days when it was wet. The newer lady bowlers relished the opportunity to play with the very experienced ladies for more than just a single game.

Everyone commented on how much fun it was and gleefully put up their hands to take part in the second round of the competition. Hopefully, Sorrento can come out on top during the following six weeks – we have already got away to a flying start with a win over our first game opponents, Beaumaris, in round 2.

– Sharon Eggers

Complaints Department

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owls News Central Coast in their February 2010 edition have introduced a “ What cheeses me off?” Section. They mention a problem that we all cause or experience!

“As a third in Pennants, I am constantly frustrated by the opposition players and indeed by my own team mates, who charge off down the green before my last bowl comes to rest.

I rarely see my bowl finish due to a sea of backsides of varying proportions blocking my view of the head. These ignoramuses who don’t have any regard for green etiquette really do cheese me off.

If you have things that “cheese you off” send them in and we will publish them in the next newsletter – Neville Odell

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Recognition for one of our members

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id you hear that the City of Joondalup will be presenting Dick Currie with a commemorative plague in honour of his services to the City. There will be more information in the next newsletter – Neville Odell

Coaches Corner –“Hot Hints from Heardie”

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his time we are going to talk about grip. There are three types of grip.

Fingertip is the most used in Australia. The fingers are mostly close together with the middle finger on the centre of the running surface of the bowl, with the thumb moderately high on the bowl with the weight on the fingertips.

Make sure the little finger does not stray up the side of the bowl which will cause the bowl to wobble.

Claw grip. For players with smaller hands or who have difficulty holding the bowl.

Fingers spread slightly apart with middle finger in centre of running surface of bowl and the thumb covering the outer ring.

Cradle or palm grip is generally used on slow greens or even a drive. The bowl is placed well back in the palm of the hand with the middle finger in the centre of the running surface. The thumb should be low on one side and the fingers spread wide.

What ever grip you use make sure it is comfortable. Aim to deliver the bowl on the running surface with no wobble.

– Graeme Heard

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Ladies Match Report

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e have now finalised the Ladies Calendar for the coming year and it has gone to the publisher. My thanks to the Men’s Match Committee and to my Ladies Committee for their hard work, especially to Barbara for her computer skills.

Wednesday nominated mixed pairs is really going well and, if you aren’t already playing, do come along for some good friendship and bowls.

Club Championship events will be taking place soon and I would encourage all ladies to enter, especially new bowlers.

My thanks once again to my committee for all their hard work.

– Marie Smart

Umpire’s Corner

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ost members are probably aware that some changes to the Laws of the Sport of Bowls are being considered; in particular, relating to the minimum distance of the jack, and giving the mat away after winning the previous end.

Bowls WA have advised that these changes have not yet been approved. The proposed changes will be voted on during the World Bowls Council meeting on October 14 at the 2010 Commonwealth Games. If the proposed changes are accepted, there will be a period of time before they will come into effect. Bowls WA will advise clubs and umpires if and when the laws are changed.

The proposed law changes that are due to be voted on by the World Bowls Council are:

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Situation vacant Functions co-ordinator Duties to form, with the aid of the Executive, a committee to arrange additional events at the club.

If you are interested please contact Ian Marshall or Barry Bradshaw.

If you need a haircut visit one of our main sponsors

Joe ‘n’ co

At Shop 20, Duncraig Shopping Centre Marri Road 15

• The introduction of a domestic regulation which will allow national bodies to approve the minimum distance a jack can be rolled from 23 to 21 metres.

• The winner of the previous end will no longer have the choice to give the mat away, but will be compelled to take it.

• The reference system used to outline the Laws (Crystal Mark Second Edition) will alter from dot point to decimal • A Skip’s duties will now include marking the scorecard.

Bowls WA are holding their next series of tutorials for anyone who would like to become an accredited level 1 umpire – see notice board for details. Please let me know if you are interested. The club urgently needs additional lady umpires.

- Jim Ironside

In Loving Memory of Pat Breakell

21.4.39 – 18.6.10

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adly on the 16th June our Club lost one of our most popular lady bowlers. Pat Breakell had only been in our Club since 2004 but made many friends. She began playing bowls many years ago in the country where I first had the pleasure of playing against her during an Inter League competition at Wongan Hills. Pat had many successes at bowls. She served her time at Club, League and Zone levels.

It was always a pleasure to play with Pat. She had a keen sense of humour which our team will miss greatly when we go to Gingin this year. We had lots of laughs last year. Pat’s popularity was obvious when so many of the people she lived close to in the country and many from our Club paid tribute to her at her funeral. We will miss you Pat. – Fran Brakenell.

Bowler’s Poem The only reasons these days, That I ever get down on one knee, Is to view the world the way, That only a Bowler gets to see, Upon that velvet turf, Looking down along the level green, Studying the Kitty’ spread And where the Jack is on the scene Will my final bowl be cunning, Or just drive to win the end, I know I’ll find there’s Bowls in Heaven, So worry not my friend.

Author: Graham Cook (From the Order of Service for Pat Breakell’s funeral) 16

Thank you from Neil Breakell

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would like to sincerely thank the members of the Sorrento Bowling Club for their expressions of condolence and attendance at the funeral of my much loved wife, Pat. I appreciate all your support and good wishes.

– Neil Breakell

Cal’s Possum Watch

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hile on a holiday in Broome staying at Annies we were privy to observe Annie often hand feed a possum. One particular night after dinner we all sat up to await the possum, however, after Annie had set the possums feed of apple and banana we waited and waited but he did not appear. Annie, John and May decided to retire to bed. I was appointed to be the “Possum Spotter” for the rest of the night. This is a copy of my report.

Possum Watch Broome 13/6/10 2100: No sign of the elusive wee beastie 2110: Still no sighting, but almost saw the face of a pilot flying an unnamed aircraft either coming or going 2120: Still nought but!! Still alert 2130: Writing this report in very dark conditions, alas, no change 2140: Have to suspend this operation, beer bottle empty 2150: Just heard a phitterrrating sound, but it was only someone in the caravan breaking wind – more disappointment 2200: New development, a visitor has joined the tree bloody hell it’s got big eyes. No possum! , 2220: After much consideration, I have to concede this wee bugger is smarter than me and is having me on, but still wait in hope 2230: After very serious deliberation, concentration and medication I have decided to say “Stuff the Possum” and head for the fridge (geezus 1 really need to see someone) – Cal O’Donnell

Do You know the Laws?

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ry your knowledge of the laws on the following questions: Answers are on page 42

Q.1 – After the first lead has delivered his first bowl the second lead notices the mat and the jack are set up on the wrong line; i.e. on a line adjacent to the correct centre line. What should happen?

Q.2 – The jack is improperly delivered by each of the leads. The jack is placed on the Tee. Can the first lead reposition the mat?

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Q.3 – A bowl comes to rest near the jack and then falls over and touches the jack whilst the next bowl is on its course to the head. Is the bowl a toucher?

Q.4 – When light rain began to fall, the players of one team left the green to take shelter without seeking the consent of their opponents who wanted to continue playing. What is the position?

Q.5 – As a widely delivered bowl re-enters its own rink it contacts a bowl just outside the boundary line which had been declared dead but not removed, and as a result both bowls come to rest in their own rink. What is the position with regards to each bowl?

- Jim Ironside

Suggestion Corner In the last newsletter the following suggestions were made and we now publish the responses we have received: Suggestion 1 We should combine our Pennants Selection Board and our white board we use to record results. This is done at some clubs for example Cambridge. It makes it easy to see who was in a losing team!

Response A photograph has now been taken of the board used by the Cambridge Bowling Club and this suggestion will be considered by the Selectors.

Suggestion 2 The Match Committee should not schedule more then two Championship games on a day – one in the morning and one in the afternoon is enough for most of our “older members”. More people will enter if they know they will not have to play three games on a hot summer’s day!

Continued on page 27 18

Our new flag - unfortunately at half mask as a token of respect for two of our members who died recently

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Our beautiful gardens. Well done all those who continue to improve and maintain our gardens

Show your Sorrento Bowling Club membership card at Brumby’s Bakery Whitfords and Darch Stores and receive a 25% discount on in- house baked items

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AIR CONDITIONING

Fax: (08) 9309 9933 U7/6 Buckingham Drive, Wangara WA 6065 Email: sales@theweatherwizard.com.au Web: www.theweatherwizard.com.au

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Our members in action -past and present Guess who?

An old photo from the archives?

Names on page 42

Judy Campbell, Annie Taylor, May Leyland and Moira Dean celebrating their birth days. All these ladies were born in 1940!!!

It started off as a short “get-together� but ended up as an all day party.

Ray Stapledon, Neville Odell, Peter Snow, Tiger Hogan, Barry Bradshaw, Trevor Orton, Ken Giles and Ian Marshall some of the team that did well in the Innaloo Indoor Night-time event

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Left: Cal O’Donnell seeing things after a few Kilkennys Right: Jan Cook and Marilyn Baker

Sorrento Bowling Club Dance – 31 July

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hat a shame more members and guests weren’t able to attend the Apache Dance on the 31 July at the Club. As you can see from the photographs, everybody is having a great time. What a wonderful night it turned out to be with lots of laughter, fun and great company. Members and guests even tried line dancing!

During their breaks Apache put Betty’s CD on and everyone continued to dance along and have a great time. Let’s support our wonderful club and bring our mates and friends along to the next function so we can have another great night together. Happy Bowling, Cheers – Marilyn Bradbury.

Liz and Ian Marshall enjoying the evening 24

Beth McCormack and Kevin Schammell

The Apache Band in action

Jan Cook and Sharon Eggers boot scooting the evening away

Helen and Jim Ironside and Betty Stern and Ron Taylor enjoying the evening Having a cuddle in the corner!!

Marilyn Bradly and John Perks enjoying a drink 25

The Killkenny Boys!!!!

Bea Meakin helping Joan Napier blow out the candles on her 90th birthday Geoff Bloomfield and Kath Braybrook cutting their 90th birthday cake

1991 photo of Paul Bowers, Alan Stain, Mick Ryan, John Forkin (looking particularly smart) and Ray Penn

Above: John Sturk, Derry Ellis, Barry Bradshaw, Glenn Boston and Peter Snow raising funds for our club at Bunnings.

Left: The Division 1 Darts winners in 2000 26

Response The calendar is created around events organised by BowlsWA. Scheduling to include all club championship and other club events into our calendar is very difficult. We endeavour to allow 3 weeks for each event. The draw is scheduled in light of the number of entries for each event and if we only played two games on any given day then we could easily slip over the number of weeks allowed should the number of entries be high. The weather factor is another issue in scheduling and on any day we may have to suspend play or even cancel, as was the case on one occasion last season.

If time became a factor then it could be necessary to hold events in the evening, under lights, to ensure we complete them within the time frame set down and do not end up behind. This adds another dimension to the competition and may cause other complications for our members.

Last season all men’s events would have required 3 days of play with two exceptions; the fours competition required only 2 days and the singles which would have needed 4 days. If weather intervened in all but one event then our timetable would have been put behind creating the problem of when to fit in the extra days play.

Suggestion 3 We should change the Pairs Events from 2-2-2-2 to 3-3. This will result in less walking as the Lead will deliver their three bowls followed by the Skip. More and more clubs are doing this and it is proving to be very popular again particularly with older bowlers who find 2-2-2-2 very tiring.

Response The Men’s match committee has been considering this change particularly for the mixed pair’s events following last season’s competition. It is also considering this change for the men’s pairs however the issue there is that if the winners decide to go into the state championships then they will be playing 2-2-2-2. It was decided by the men’s match committee that the format for men’s club championships should be the same as state events; we will be reviewing our decision this year when framing the calendar and format of events.

Note: The Men’s match committee welcomes suggestions. We would prefer however that such comments or suggestions be made direct to a member of your match committee so we can deal with them and inform the individual involved of the outcome.

Suggestion 4 When we play a social game of pairs on a Wednesday afternoon and end up with an uneven number of entries we should have the last three couples who entered play triples. This will avoid having to send the last pair home (as was done recently). No one will miss out! It really does not matter if there are two game of triples (with the Skip having two bowls and the other team member three bowls). It will encourage 27

members who want to avoid the triples to enter early so that their name are not in the bottom three.

Response The Ladies Match Committee are considering this suggestion

Bon Voyage Les Middleditch

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es was born in England and spent a happy childhood part in London and part as an evacuee in Northampton with two of his brothers. On returning to London he started an apprenticeship at Odhams Press. However, this was not adventurous enough for the young fellow, so he took off to sea school, where they showered in cold water winter and summer, to become a merchant seaman and see the world. He jumped ship in New Zealand and spent the next two years there until a disillusioned young lass reported him to the authorities who promptly sent him packing back to England.

Unfortunately he was suspended from the ‘pool of London’ (Seaman’s Union) and the army “GOT HIM” and he had to do his two years National Service. No sooner discharged from the Army it was back to sea and he did see the world and I think that’s where he learnt to paint too (not art).

Les and Jean met in 1955 and were married in 1957. He left the sea to become a landlubber. And together with their two children sailed up and down the Thames on Sundays visiting museums, castles and palaces, especially if they were nautical.

They borrowed money from Jean’s parents to become shopkeepers. They didn’t make a fortune but enough for a stake to migrate to Australia.

They arrived here in 1968. Les, being a DIY man, was in his glory with their home and quarter acre at Innaloo. He built pergolas, gazebos, fences, features etc and painted everything in sight. He built furniture for the family as they married and had a wonderful time when the grandchildren arrived building doll’s houses, cubbies and race tracks.

He was a happy man and was also very knowledgeable regarding current affairs, politics and was aware of what was happening in the world as he read a great deal. He was a social bowler and bowled on a Friday.

He had a very dry humour and when things were not looking good whilst he was in Sir Charles Gairdner Hospital, remarked to Johnny Warner “I think I’ll jump ship”!

It would have been Les’ 81st birthday on Sunday 18th July 2010. On this day the family scattered his ashes in the shipping lanes off Fremantle. Bon Voyage!!!

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Survey Results Do you consider meals would be a benefit to the club on a Friday night?

What about other nights Is a paid club coach warranted?

Do we require a removable shade to front of building (i.e. paved area)?

Would you support plastering internal brickwork?

Are you aware of club sponsors?

Do you support them?

Do you think the club should put on more fun entertainment?

Would you like the club to install a synthetic green?

Would you like it covered?

Would you like to play night bowls?

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Croquet Report

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embers of the Croquet Club recently celebrated two milestone birthdays at the ‘Pines’ Restaurant, Observation City. Geoff Bloomfield and Kath Braybrook both celebrated their 90th birthday. I am sure this must be a very rare event when a Club can honour such an occasion. This was certainly a significant luncheon that was enjoyed by 30 members who attended. A photo is published in this newsletter.

Geoff is off to continue his birthday celebrations with family over east. We wish you safe journeys Geoff!

Good luck to some of our members who are entering outside tournaments at present.

We recently held a ‘Bring a Friend’ afternoon. This was enjoyed by all who participated and could lead to enticing some of the participants to join us.

Our in-house tournaments are under way and we would ask members to enter and enjoy these events over the coming months.

Our thoughts go to those members who are on the sick list at present. Jim, Joan and Kate have undergone surgery recently and we wish them a speedy recovery.

Some of our members have returned from travels overseas and we welcome them back.

We are hosting two big events in September - The Scarborough Probus Club and the Platinum Adventure group. We look forward to perhaps securing some new recruits from these events.

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The Croquet Club is delighted to have procured a light and a new shelter. Special thanks to John Sturk, Brian Collins, Warren Elliot and Tony Pilgrim Paving has been completed in front of our shed and we are grateful to all those who have been a part of ‘making this happen’.

Finally congratulations to Charlene Crute who played superbly to win our in-house golf singles event which was held as this publication was going to press!

We look forward to the warmer weather when we will now be able to enjoy late afternoon/evening play. KEEP ENJOYING CROQUET! – Liz Wood

Darts Report

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he 2009/10 season is drawing to an end with only a few games left to play before the finals.

Our Premier league has two games to go and things will need to go their way if they are to make the finals. The West Coast second division team has finished its home and away games, having a bye on the last game. They have performed very well beating Greenwood in their last outing 10 games to 1 (including pegs of 113 (Spider Webb), 120 (Juris Lorencs and 129 (Tony Kay), to once again finish on top of the league ladder. Hopefully they will go on to emulate last year’s performance and again win the grand final.

The Club’s two Bowling Club Association teams have four games left to play. The second division team unfortunately will not make the finals but have stuck to their task all year. Third division is playing well, currently sitting in third place and likely to make the finals.

At this stage of the year Howard Jones is leading the averages for the Premier Division with a season average of just over 74; followed by Paul Clark (73), Ralph Sarich (64) and Ray Downham (59). Tony Kay has once again taken out the highest average for second division with a 63.56, followed by Phil Webb with a 59. Phil has also taken out the most pegs with 37 and the highest Club peg of 158.

Ross Howlett currently leads the Bowling Club second division averages with 48, from Keith Cooper with a 46. Keith and Ross are tied on 10 pegs each at this stage.

Des Bennett leads the third division averages with 45, from Bruce Cross with a 43.

Des also leads the most pegs with 15.

The Club’s singles and doubles championships were held on 7th August. Howard Jones won the coverted singles championship, and followed up by winning the pairs 30

with partner Eddie Tassone. Ray Downham was the runner up in the singles and Tony Kay and Juris Lorencs were runners up in the pairs.

Howard has a fifteen dart game in one of his singles legs, and could have finished with 13 darts. For anyone who follows world darts on Foxtel, you will know that this represents world standard darts.

I played my part, making up the numbers for both events.

– Brian Lucas

Safeway Security Screens Dash for Cash

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fter the greens had been cleared of ice and rolled to perfection 14 teams lined up in the inaugural Dash For Cash which has been generously sponsored by Safeway Security Screens. The day may have started coldly but it turned into a day when it became necessary to apply a little sunscreen and remove a jumper or two.

The concept was Men’s nominated fours playing 4 games of nine ends, 2 games in the morning followed by lunch and then 2 afternoon games to complete the event. It needs to be said that Joan and her volunteers provided a lovely lunch well suited to the time of year and temperature, Thank you Joan and your helpers.

Winners on the day was a team lead by Wayne Olive and ably supported by Phil Dobie, Craig Grisbrook and Rod Bellis who took home $400.00 between them.

Runners up were B Straw, B Tighe, C Knowles and B Little receiving $200.00.

Winners of the morning rounds were P. Crow, A Anderson, J Welch and J Godfrey whilst the afternoon rounds went to K Grey, J Berecz, J Dilley and I Parker. Each of these teams were rewarded with $100.00 each.

From the 14 teams, i.e. 56 players there were 15 from other clubs and the committee is hopeful that this number of teams and outside players will build in the future months. The next event is on 24th July and nomination forms are available at the club. The event was well received by those who participated and 5 teams have already nominated for the next event.

– Chris Tibbits

Second “Dash For Cash” The Sorrento Bowling Club conducted its second Dash For Cash event on Saturday 24th July attracting a field of fourteen teams from clubs across Perth and its own club.

Prizes were again sponsored by Safeway Security Screens and awarded to the overall winner on the day and the runner up. There were also prizes awarded to the morning and afternoon winning teams. The club guarantees minimum first prize of $400 each 31

day with entry fees for teams set at $80 which includes lunch.

Winning team on the day went through undefeated and comprised J Berecz, J Clayton, J Dilley and I Parker. The runners up were B Saul, C Cramond, R Kuziela and S Stokes who lost only one game on the day, that being their last. Morning winners were W Elliott, J Sturk, G Banks and G Day whilst the afternoon winners were A Pryce, S Calabro, T Glendinning and P Barrow.

The day was considered a great success and the format is proving very popular with those who participate. The third event will be held on Saturday 28th August and teams can nominate by contacting the club on 9447 0696 or email sorrentobowlingclub@amnet.net.au.

The September date is Saturday 18th September the day prior to opening day for our club.

– Chris Tibbits

For my intelligent friends:

S

ee if you can figure out what these words have in common.

1. Banana 2. Dresser 3. Grammar 4. Potato 5. Revive 6. Uneven 7. Assess Look at each word carefully. You’ll kick yourself when you discover the answer.

This is so cool..... Answer on page 42

Getting to know our members – John Forkin`

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his time we would like to get to know our mate John Forkin a little better. We already know that he is a great supporter of our club. He is always prepared to volunteer and is a real charmer with the ladies! John recently received a letter from the President of the Republic of Korea thanking him on behalf of the Korean people for his selfless sacrifice and saluting his courage in enduring the unimaginable horrors of war 32

We are indeed lucky to have someone of his calibre in our club.

Your editor asked him some questions: 1. What did you do before you retired?

I was in the real estate business for twelve years and that was when I sold Bill and May Leyland’s house and was introduced to the Sorrento Bowling club in 1986.

2. What have been you main achievements in life?

I think that being a Warrant Officer in the Army and my times as President of the Sorrento Bowling Club have been worthwhile achievements.

3. What positions have you held at Sorrento?

After joining Sorrento I was Assistant Secretary for two years and was very involved in sponsorships. Appointed Vice President in 1988/89 and President from 1991 to 1993. In 1994 I was Chairman of Selectors. In 1995 was re-elected President but had to retire due to health problems. I have also been the Returning Officer for thirteen years.

4. What made you volunteer to fight in the Korean War? My father fought in WW1 and my brother in WW2 so this time it was my turn.

5. What was the worse and what was the best part of this experience?

The worst part was “Operation Blaze”. In one and a half hours three colleagues were killed and thirty four wounded in the first daylight attack in Korea. Two killed in action were close mates. The best part was coming home – I never thought I would survive 6. What are your main interests?

My main interests are playing social bowls and Pennants and have also been a member of the Marmion Angling Club for thirty seven years 7. How many children and grand children do you have?

I have four children and nine grand-children 8. What is your motto?

To “keep trying to do my level best” 9. People are always asking me…….?

“Why did you buy those bowls?”

10. My Mum always told me…….?

“You are always judged on your shoes” 33

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11. Did you invent the phrase “Every bowl pleases someone” Yes! Sadly!

12. Anything else that may be of interest to your mates at Sorrento We are blessed at Sorrento with wonderful people, both male and female. It’s like a large family with good humour and care for each other – Neville Odell

Sorrento Bowling Club Open Day Sunday 19th September 2010 Champagne Breakfast at 9am Cost $15 per head all day (Prior payment to be made at the Bar) Breakfast $10 and green fees $5 Please put your names onto the list at the Club

A Nun Story

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hree guys go to the football to watch their favourite team, the Dockers, to have a few beers at the game and to have a good day. On taking their seats they were dismayed to find that 4 nuns were seated in front of them. Understandably they had to mind their limited manners.

At the end of the game one lad says he is going to move to New Zealand as there were only 100 nuns there. Another says he will move to Burma where there are less nuns than New Zealand. The other says I am going to go to India where there are less again.

After listening to them rant and rave on, one nun turns around and says “why don’t you all go to hell there are no nuns at all there” – Ian Marshall

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Email addresses please

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lease will members make sure Karin has your current email address. The club needs these to advise members of forthcoming events at your club and also to let you know when a new club newsletter is available for you to read on the internet.

Barry Bradshaw has advised that large files of information will not be sent to members so there is no need to be concerned that your down load allowance will be exceeded

There’s still hope at 72

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eteran bowls champion Willie Wood is set for a record eighth appearance at the Commonwealth Games after being chosen to represent Scotland in Delhi.

The 72-year-old has previously won two gold medals, one silver and one bronze and will be joined in India in October by 2006 winner Paul Foster.

Wood will be the oldest member of the team and first represented Scotland at the New Zealand Games in 1974.

He missed the Edinburgh event in 1986 and the Melbourne competition in 2006.

Wood’s achievement in reaching his eighth Games is unmatched by any athlete in any sport and in recognition of his contribution to lawn bowls, he was inducted into the Scottish Sport Hall of Fame in 2007.

When interviewed Willie said “I’ve always been fit all my life, I’ve never had an illness like flu and I’ve never smoked - so I’ve been a bit lucky that way.”

The game of lawn bowls has not changed significantly since Wood made his first appearance for Scotland at the 1974 Games, although participants now play with individual coloured bowls instead of the traditional black.

“The coloured bowls has made the young ones more interested in coming in to the game,” he added.

“It’s nice to see and it’s an addition that makes the sport better.

“We have coaches in place now and there’s a national development officer trying to introduce players to clubs and raise the numbers in the game.

“Scots people always like to win at any sport and it’s the same in bowls.”

Thank you Farmer Jacks

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special thank you from all the social bowlers to Farmer Jacks Greenwood who continue to supply delicious fruit and vegetable hampers.

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Please remember when you pop in to shop you introduce yourself as a Sorrento bowler. The Fruit and Veg Manager is Rob Contarino and the Store Manager is Arron Hall – Barbara Stow

A damn fine explanation

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he wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman and she was somewhat upset. ‘You are a disrespectful pig!’ She cried. ‘How dare you do this to me -- a faithful wife, the mother of your children! I’m leaving you.. I want a divorce right away!’

And the husband replied, ‘Hang on just a minute love so at least I can tell you what happened.’ ‘Fine, go ahead,’ she sobbed,’ but they’ll be the last words you’ll say to me!’

And the husband began – ‘Well, I was getting into the car to drive home, and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out and defenceless that I took pity on her and let her into the car. I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty. She told me that she hadn’t eaten for three days.

So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night, the ones you wouldn’t eat because you’re afraid you’ll put on weight.

The poor thing devoured them in moments.

Since she needed a good clean-up, I suggested a shower, and while she was doing that, I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes, so I threw them away.

Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that you have had for a few years, but don’t wear because you say they are too tight. I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which you don’t wear because I don’t have good taste.

I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don’t wear just to annoy her, and I also donated those boots you bought at the expensive boutique and don’t wear because someone at work has a pair the same.’

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The husband took a quick breath and continued – ‘She was so grateful for my understanding and help that as I walked her to the door, she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said, ‘Please – Do you have anything else that your wife doesn’t use?

– Mike Berecry

It’s Tough Getting Old

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senior citizen goes in for his yearly physical with his wife tagging along.

When the doctor enters the examination room he says, “I will need a urine sample, a stool sample, a blood sample and a sperm sample”.

The man, being hard of hearing turns to his wife and asks, “What did he say?”

The wife yells back to him, “GIVE HIM YOUR UNDERPANTS”

– John Murphy

Our new computer kiosks

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roadband for Seniors kioks have been popping up all over the country helping older Australians get connected online.

We have been allocated two computers and these are available for members to use.

No password is required. If you need help ask Karin or Lyn – Neville Odell

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The Italian Secret to a Long Marriage.

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t St Peter’s Catholic Church in Toronto, they have weekly husband’s marriage seminars.

At the session last week, the priest asked Giuseppe, who said he was approaching his 50th wedding anniversary, to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he had managed to stay married to the same woman all these years.

Giuseppe replied to the assembled husbands, ‘Wella, I’va tried to treat her nicea, spenda DA money on her, but besta of all is, I tooka her to Italy for the 25th anniversary!’

The priest responded, ‘Giuseppe, you are an amazing inspiration to all the husbands here! Please tell us what you are planning for your wife for your 50th anniversary?’

Giuseppe proudly replied, “ I gonna go pick her up.”

– Stan Prentiss

Love

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man was sitting on the settee watching TV when he heard his wife’s voice from the kitchen.

‘What would you like for dinner, Love? Chicken, beef or lamb?’

He said, ‘Thank you, I’ll have chicken.’

‘Shut up. You’re having soup. I was talking to the cat.

– Neville Cleary

A Message from the Men’s Captain

I

t’s not too long now until the summer bowling season gets started ant that everyone has some enjoyable bowls – preferably winning ones!!

After glancing over the numbers for Pennants it seems that we will have enough available players to enter eight divisions for Saturdays(124 players) and eight divisions for Thursdays (96 players). We will still have between 10 and 12 reserves for each day.

Thanks again to the 16 volunteers who turned up for the “Busy Bee” on the greens last Monday. It was really appreciated.

– Tiger Hogan

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Farmer Jacks 130 Coolibah Drive Greenwood Open 7 days a week 7am to 9pm

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Answers to Umpire’s Corner Quiz Answers to Umpire’s Corner Quiz Q.1 – After the first player to play has delivered the first bowl, the original position of the jack cannot be challenged. (Law 22.7) – i.e. the jack is left where it was originally centred on the wrong line. If the mat is found to be off the centre line at any time during play, it should be moved to the centre line. (Law 19.2.3).

Q.2 – Yes. (Law 23.3).

Q.3 – No, (Law 24.2 dot point 1).

Q.4 – The team whose player or players left the rink during play without seeking the consent of their opponents will forfeit the game to their opponent. (Law 51.1 and 51.8).

Q.5 – The dead bowl, although it had not been removed, remains a dead bowl (Law 27.3) and is deemed to be a neutral object with regard to being struck by any subsequent bowl. Therefore the delivered bowl that struck the dead bowl, providing it was running on a bias that would have brought it back into the rink of play, should be replayed. (Law 28.3.1 3rd dot point).

Answer to “For my Intelligent Friends” In all of the words listed, if you take the first letter, place it at the end of the word, and then spell the word backwards, it will be the same word. Did you figure it out?

Answer to Guess Who Back row: P. Woods, A.Wetton, B.Dinning, K.Burns, ? Henry, S.Carter, B.Dixon, Reg.Smith, M.Kelly, Roy Smith,,Paul Smith Front row: B.Leyland, G.Heard, P.Gentile, R.Woodhouse and P.Sloan

Thanks to Dr. Mal Washer for allowing us to photocopy this newsletter 3 Boas Avenue. Joondalup.

WA 6027.

Phone: (08)9300 2244 42

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