Sorrento Bowling Club Magazine Issue 55 February 2014

Number 55 February 2014

In this special edition of our newsletter we pay tribute to our many volunteers some of whom are shown above. In 2013 about 25% of our members were regular volunteers – a truly amazing statistic!

Sorrento Bowling Club Newsletter

Contents Some Notes from Your Editor – Neville Odell President’s Report Deputy President’s Report Treasurer’s Report Men’s Captain’s Report Lady Captain’s Report Greens and Grounds Report Life Membership Awarded to Ian Marshall Croquet Report Husband versus Wife...!

Men’s Match Committee Ladies Match Committee Male versus Female Logic!

Men’s Selector’s Report Ladies Selector’s Report Darts Report Some More “Hot Hints from Heardie” A Glass Too Far Some Useful (?) Comments from Skippers Umpire’s Corner – Know the Laws “I Love You Sweetheart” Fishing the Kimberley Never Eavesdrop on Other’s Conversations Don’t Hoot/toot at Other Members Our very own “Selfie” Our Volunteer Management Plan Some of our Volunteers Can you read this?

Our New Defribrillator The Drive of the Year Our Achievements Over the Last Few Years The Husband Store Art Exhibition for 2014 A Frog goes into a Bank Guess Who? Tribute to Barbara Stow Joe and Barbara Stow Heart Foundation Day A Letters from a Member The Bowlers Prayer Sorrento Masters Singles 2013 Walking with Grandma Thank you Joan!

Cafe Sorrento’s Christmas Dinner

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Some Notes from Your Editor – Neville Odell If you would like to comment or contribute to our newsletter please contact Denise or Neville on 93093108 or at nevodell@bigpond.net.au

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elcome to our first newsletter of 2014. You will see that in this edition we have focused on our many volunteers. We are indeed fortunate to have so many members who are prepared to devote many hours to our Club. Thank you!

Denise and I have been doing this newsletter since 2007. We have done 35 editions over the last seven years. We were a bit concerned, recently, as to whether we were still meeting the original objectives so we asked the Executive Committee to confirm that they were happy with the frequency, cost and tone /content of our newsletter.

The Executive have confirmed that they are happy with the annual cost, current frequency (five editions per year) and the content and tone So we will continue as in the past. We still however welcome feedback so please let us know if you disagree with any comments or have a different view. Letters to the Editor are always welcome.

Did you hear that an 84-year-old man was killed near Paris after an elephant escaped from a circus and hit him with its trunk? The two-ton elephant, named Tanya, escaped by grabbing a tarpaulin and placing it over the electric fence surrounding her enclosure. Tanya then broke through barriers and trailers and rushed towards an elderly man, striking him with her trunk, slamming him to the ground. The man who was playing lawn bowls with friends when the elephant attacked, was taken to hospital but died from his injuries Bowls can be a dangerous game!

Some more “Did you hear?”

For those of you who like anagrams here are some very clever ones: The Morse Code

Here Come Dots

Slot Machines

Cash Lost in ‘em

Mother-in-law

Woman Hitler

Snooze Alarms

Alas! No More Z’

The Morse Code

Here Come Dots

“To be or not to be: that is the question, whether tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune.”

“In one of the Bard’s best-thought-of tragedies, our insistent hero, Hamlet, queries on two fronts about how life turns rotten.”

“That’s one small step for man, one giant “Thin man ran; makes a large stride, left leap for mankind.” – Neil Armstrong. planet, pins flag on moon! On to Mars!”

Congratulations to Ray Stapledon and Margaret Staddle who won the Christmas Hamper Competitions. Ray won the “Who Owns the Bowls” Competition and Margaret won the Crossword Competition. Well done to you both. In the photo alongside we have Margaret and Jim Staddle and their granddaughters Eloise and Anais Staddle with one of the winning hampers.

Did you know Loch Ness is wide enough and deep enough to hold the world’s population?

Did you know that an empty jam tin is useful for cutting rings into foam rubber when you are fitting out your new bowls bag? Merv Spence is the expert on this invention so contact him for more advice. He tells me the sharp edge of the tin cuts through the foam rubber beautifully!

Did you know that Veronica and Graeme Whitehorn celebrated their 50th Wedding Anniversary on the 30th November 2013? It all started in 1961 when a handsome, young and virile Graeme met the sexy, vivacious and gorgeous Veronica. They were both employed in the Postmaster-General’s Department.

Veronica was a Phonogram Operator and Graeme was a Telegraphist. After making a few tentative approaches Veronica finally let Graeme take her home one night after working late!!! This gave them the opportunity to practise their morse code and keyboard skills!!! They were married at Queen of Martyrs in Maylands on 3rd November 1963 and were subsequently blessed with three lovely daughters and now have eight grandchildren who all give them lots of pleasure.

Apart from a few disagreements they have had an eventful and wonderful time together. Graeme tells me that Veronica has been “the rock of their relationship” so he had no

hesitation in purchasing a golden ring and diamond rock to celebrate her love, tolerance and understanding over all the years. Veronica bought Graeme a lovely Longine watch which he proudly displays to all and sundry Did you know that August 2014 will have five Fridays, five Saturdays and five Sundays. This phenomenon occurs only once every 823 years. Chinese people call it: ‘Pocketful of money!’ So good luck to you!!

Many thanks to all our contributors

Did you know just one milligram of Viagra can give cut flowers another week of life.

The drug originally designed to help revive your love life can have the same effect on a wilting bouquet. This handy tip comes from TV gardener David Domoney, who declares: “You only need a tiny amount of Viagra to stiffen things up nicely. “Just one milligram (there are 50 mg in a single tablet) dissolved into water with your plants will make them last a week.” He says nitric oxide, the chemical in the drug which relieves impotence by relaxing the muscles on blood vessels, causing them to dilate, also slows down the dying process in plants.

Did you know that Arthur Richards (who has recently re-joined our Club) has been bowling for 47 years? At age 91 he plays a very good game of bowls and goes to an exercise class three times a week and enjoys playing in poker tournaments Did you know that Ercelle Smith, one of our bowlers lives on her yacht at Hillarys Boat Harbour? If you ask her nicely she will take you on a cruise around the bay? Ercelle leads a very busy life and needs to find time to play bowls and bridge whilst typing up complicated medical reports for the doctors at the Princess Margaret hospital.

Did you know that cows produce more milk when listening to certain music – apparently they are quite fond of Beethoven and Simon & Garfunkel ?

Did you know that a Victorian bowler, Frank Peniguel, has hit the road on a journey around Australia in an effort to set a Guinness World Record?

The 70-year-old is attempting to set a record for the most lawn bowls clubs played at by an individual in 12 months. The trip has taken him 14 months to organise. Playing at up to three clubs a day he plans to reach a minimum of 600 clubs but would love to get to 900 by the end of the year Can you guys do better than this guy? Recently a certain male bowling member booked and paid for a trip to Sydney. It dawned on the member and his wife that whilst he

would be away a certain significant event to both would occur. Namely a 40th wedding anniversary. How he managed to get away with that needs explaining. He did try whilst in Sydney but I think it might have cost him more than he let on. On an afternoon off from play he was spotted wandering the streets of Cabramatta going from one jewellery shop to another. He seems no worse for wear today so it seems he is good or leads a charmed life. If you want to know who this was ask Geoff Murray!

Some “history” from old newsletters: Did you know that in 2002 Jimmy Welch reached the finals of the State Singles?

Did you know that in 1998 the Sorrento Bowling Club held the “Guinness Book of Records” for the highest score in a bowls match? The team of Dick Oates, Albie Felgate, Barry Godwin and Brad Stewart (the 14 year old lead) beat Innaloo 67 to 5!! They were awarded an Eight badge and a 50-badge.

Did you know that in 2003 Nelly Heard won the Osborne Park Open Novice Singles

President’s Report

– Neville Odell

(As tabled at the Half Yearly Meeting held 19 January 2014)

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uring the past six months many changes have occurred at our Club.

The introduction of two new positions – Bowls Manager (Daniel Woodrow) and full time Bar Manager (Paul Dennis) – will have a positive long term effect of our Club’s success on and off the green.

Our new till system is now operating well and I recommend the use of your member’s cards to make purchases at the bar. This will assist in improving our service and lead to cost reduction.

With the complete renovation of A Green, which will be in play shortly, we will have five quality greens at our disposal. Great work by our Greens Staff and Greens Committee.

The introduction of meals on Friday evenings has been great. This gives the Members an opportunity to use the Club more often and creates a fantastic atmosphere at the Club.

Let us all try to patronize this as often as possible to ensure it’s continued success.

The shower and toilet facilities in the Greenkeepers shed have been modernized and are available to all members.

The City of Joondalup has installed the new safety rail at the front of the building. We are looking at providing more seating and shade for this area.

Capital Expenditure has been significant on projects including the new POS System, locker powder coating, greenkeepers toilet, the completion of the barbecue area and new computers. We have also had Grants approved for lighting on C and D Greens plus Croquet.

My sincere thanks go to our Executive Committee and the numerous volunteers that work tirelessly at our Club.

– Barry Bradshaw

Deputy President’s Report

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t our half yearly meeting it was pleasing to see the healthy financial position of our Club. It was also a pleasure to see the satisfied faces of our members at this meeting. This means that we have a very happy Club.

We would like to welcome all new members who have joined the Club recently especially the Sorrento Netball Club and the Offshore Angling Club.

Once again I would like to thank all our sponsors and our many volunteers. Well done all of you!

– Greg Day

Treasurer’s Report

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t the half yearly meeting the following Treasurer’s report for the six months ended October 31 2013 was tabled:

“Net income for the six months was $78,416 compared to the same period last year of $51,511, an increase of $26,905(52.2%) on the same period last year.

During the six months $31,857 additional capital expenditure was incurred.

As at October 31 2013 total cash in bank amounted to $145,732, total creditors and other payables amounted to $39,074, leaving net cash position of $106,658. Our Club’s sound financial position is partly due to a Green’s Grant of $30,000 received in October 2013 from the City of Joondalup.

– Pat Dichiera

Men’s Captain’s Report

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ll the best for a healthy and successful 2014. Pennants has resumed and hopefully we can maintain our great form going into the second half of the season. Our

results to date have been very satisfying; all teams from Thursday and Saturdays pennants are well in contention for the end of year play-offs. The selectors are very satisfied with the results so far. It is great to see so many players turning up for Wednesday practise. Daniel is looking forward to the New Year and the continuing commitment of players practising. Congratulations to all bowlers for their commitment and effort during the first half of the season.

Club championships are in progress, check the notice board, e-mails and your events calendar for the dates of these events. Also the “Ray Green” Mixed Fours carnival is set down for the 16 February, check notice board for more details We were very fortunate to be able to host the Men’s State Pairs Finals. Thanks go out to all who were involved in the organisation of this event, The support of the green staff, the ladies in the kitchen, volunteers behind the bar and umpires was greatly appreciated. A special thank you to Ian Wittber for controlling the event.

On behalf of all the Men’s committees I would like to congratulate Ian Marshall on achieving Life membership. Ian has assisted our committees on many occasions and thoroughly deserves the award, I again thank all our Volunteers for supporting our club activities; Kevin Cook is always looking for volunteers to do the odd job around the greens and grounds. Contact Kevin if you are interested.

“Good form is winning form” – ABBA

Lady Captain’s Report

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n behalf of the Ladies Captain I wish to sincerely thank the many members who contributed, in whatever way, to the success of our Gala Day which was held on Friday 10th January. Please accept this as a collective vote of thanks for your generosity and contribution.

To the ladies and gentlemen who worked long and hard on the actual day, many thanks for all your efforts, they were greatly appreciated and did much to ensure another happy, successful and profitable day for our Club.

Whilst there are still a few expenses to be deducted our clear profit should be very close to $3500, a great outcome and a healthy donation to the Club’s finances. Again many thanks for a job well done.

– Anne Lilley

Greens and Grounds Report

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t is good to see the advancement of the two greens that have been out of use and the general overall improvement of the other three. In early January Bowls W.A. passed “E” green as suitable for the playing of Pennants. Although we may not use it too much for that purpose it gives us the ability to use it if the need really arises.

In January we will finalise the plinths on “A” green and will then be looking to repair the brickwork on the north eastern end. Any bricklayer or handyman who can assist to do this job is eagerly sought after. Light top dressing will be done in the near future and the usual grooming will be carried out. This green is a little behind our forecasted finalisation date, due to problems with the laser levelling, but as you would have noticed it is coming along nicely.

We will be looking forward to having five greens available and this will enable us to utilise these to our financial advantage during the up and coming Country Week carnivals and also to cater for our members at the same time.

I would like to take this opportunity to thank the members of our Thumbs-Up Club who attend regularly each Monday to carry out any work that is required. Also to the volunteers who come down to mow and roll greens on a regular basis a big thank you as well.

The toilet area in the greenkeepers shed is now complete. Members will be advised of any requirements e.g.

Tuesdays this will be available to Ladies only etc. We thank all those involved for doing such a great job and a special thanks to Kitchens Direct at 4/627 Wanneroo Road, Wanneroo, for kindly donating the vanity unit.

See photo alongside.

General cleanup of rubbish is always a major job for the green’s staff so it would be appreciated if members can put rubbish in the bins rather than into the rink number barrels. Return glasses to the bar, chairs to the veranda etc.

Thanks to the efforts of Wayne Gray and Brian Lucas, Sorrento has received a community funding grant to have flood lighting erected on “C” and “D” greens, and to improve the lighting of the croquet courts.

The cost of the project, estimated to be $70,000, will be funded equally by the City of Joondalup, Department of Sport and Recreation and the Sorrento Bowling Club. The 10

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project involves the erection of new lighting poles and flood lamps at the rear of “C” and “D” greens and the relocation and replacement of some of the existing “A” and “B” green light poles. The project will be completed in May 2014.

The lighting of “C” and “D” greens is important to allow for the rotation of our greens for night events such as Community Bowls. It will also enable this programme to be expanded and provide the opportunity for Club events and tournaments to be played in the evenings, particularly making use of balmy evening during the heat of the summer when our greens still retain their speed.

– Kevin Cook

Life Membership Awarded to Ian Marshall

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t the Club’s Half Yearly General Meeting held on 19th January 2014 Brian Lucas presented Ian Marshall with life membership of the Sorrento Bowling Club.

Ian joined the Club in 2003 after moving from Port Hedland. Since joining Sorrento, Ian played in the Club’s Pennant competition on Thursdays and Saturdays, primarily as a Skipper.

Upon joining the Club Ian quickly became involved with the Club and its operations. He is the longest serving President, occupying the position for six years from 2005/6 through to 2010/11. He was also Deputy President in 2011/12 before retiring to focus on his role in RSL Bowls.

Ian has been a strong contributor to community bowls and assisting Ian Wittber with the Masters Singles over a number of years. He is instrumental in arranging the Port Hedland bowls carnival.

Ian has represented the Club on Bowls WA committees since 2011 and continues to do so, on their Match Committee. He is an active member of the Darts division of the Club helping with the management of the mixed Tuesday night side. Possessing an RSA certificate, he is often seen working behind the bar or assisting in the kitchen.

In accepting the award Ian said that he was truly surprised with the nomination and thanked all those who had supported him in receiving this honour. He said that, given that he is a life member of the Port Hedland Bowling Club, this award is the icing on the cake.

– Brian Lucas 12

Croquet Report

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he Sorrento Croquet Pennants team was promoted to “B” grade this year and consisted of four players, namely – Peter Hamilton (Captain), Terry Harvey, Odette Morro and Trish Klemp. The competition was held over a four week period, with five clubs competing. We didn’t do as well this year facing strong competition and finished at the bottom of the ladder, but our team members performed well and at times beat much higher ranked players, which gives us strong encouragement for the next season.

A highlight must be our score against Nedlands who beat us by 1 hoop!

This is the time of the year when many various tournaments are held around the clubs.

We have members participating in tournaments held at Victoria Park, Bunbury and Cambridge over the next couple of months. THEY ARE ALL ON NOTICE: To e-mail the Croquet Secretary with feedback/photos on these events for inclusion in the next newsletter.

Our Croquet Christmas Function and trophy presentation was held at the club in December and was once again well catered for by Joan Whitham and her band of helpers. We were pleasantly entertained by Anne Bavin (daughter of our member Dorothy Bavin) who began her solo musical career as “Sax And The Single Girl” in 1993. Anne spends her time touring between Western Australia and North Queensland. You can check where Anne is playing next on www.saxandthesinglegirl.com THE NETHERCLIFT TROPHY for the most improved player went to Di McGivern and THE BRAYBROOK TROPHY for the Person who contributed the most to the club went to Judith Skeet. The latter trophy was presented by Kath Braybrook wife of Stan Braybrook who donated the trophy many years ago. All other Trophy winners from our club tournaments were presented on the same day and have been previously listed in the newsletter.

In the January edition of the Weight Watchers Magazine, it lists “50 Fun Fitness Activities”. No 36 - “Do as they do in Downton Abbey and have a 90-minute game of Croquet”. Bowls did not get a mention but we are sure that is one of the Top Fun Activities also.

– Judith Skeet

Husband versus Wife...!

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wife asks her husband, “Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk, and if they have avocados, get six. A short time later the husband comes back with six cartons of milk.

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The wife asks him, “Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk?” He replied, “They had avocados.” If you’re a woman, I’m sure you’re going back to read it again!

Men will get it the first time. My work is done here.

-Alan Wood

Men’s Match Committee Mixed Pairs A total of 34 teams entered for this very popular event. At the time of the draw on the Sunday preceding the start an alignment round was therefore necessary. However, after the draw I became aware of two teams withdrawing from the event (thus eliminating the need for the alignment round). I understand that withdrawals are in some cases unavoidable, but would all competition participants please keep in mind the inconvenience caused to both participants and organisers when this happens after the draw. So far as is possible replacement players should be pursued by those withdrawing, please. If you need to withdraw from an event after the draw, please contact the event organiser – NOT the club – as the organisers often have players on stand-by. Alternatively, draws might have to be done closer to the start of the event, but a later draw may in turn inconvenience greens staff who request 7 days notice of rinks required.

Then on the first day of this event one team failed to turn up! Sylvia and Neil McLaughlan therefore had no opponent for their first scheduled match and had to wait until the completion of other matches to join in. If you enter an event, it is your responsibility to ensure that you know when you are playing, and to attend in plenty of time to participate.

Despite all of this muddle, the event got under way and the first two days’ results ended up with championship semi-finalists being Coral Smith and Brian Saul pitted against Helen and Ron Kuziela in one semi-final, and Robyn and Stan Van Mosseveld playing Eleanor Adams and Brian Clausen in the other. The plate semi finalists were Jenni and Russell Lockwood versus Trish and Ross Cunningham, with Kath Harris and Trevor Orton playing Liz and Ian Marshall in the other.

Finalists were then decided: Coral and Brian to play Eleanor and Brian in the Championship final and Trish and Ross to play Liz and Ian in the Plate.

And that’s when the fun really started! Before the championship final could be played, Brain Saul decided to trans14

fer his membership to Bedford Bowling Club, so the question of his eligibility to continue in the event then arose. Several phone calls and e-mails were exchanged between the match committee, the Sorrento club and Bowls WA, before it was resolved to allow Brian to continue. In the meantime Liz and Ian Marshall were victorious in the plate final.

At last - and after losing another scheduled final to rain - Eleanor Adams and Brian Clausen emerged victorious and are the club Mixed Pairs champions for 2013-2014.

Congratulations to the winners and to all who took part.

Men’s Triples In contrast to the previous event, this one went off without a hitch. 24 teams entered, which was the largest number for many years. A number of upsets were witnessed, with Cal O’Donnell’s team’s last-bowl win over Ron Roger’s team the most spectacular.

Championship semi-finalists were Jim Ironside, Warren Elliott and Ross Cunningham to play John Godfrey, Mick Martin and Ian Linford in one Championship semi-final, and Herbie Eisenmann, Peter Blake and Cal O’Donnell to play Derek Smith, Ray Stapledon and Barry Jones in the other.

Plate semi-finalists were Colin Stainsby, Brian Self and Peter Snow against Tiger Hogan, Brad Williams and Steve Draper, with John Collishaw, Ken Giles and Tony Sabatino playing Neville Odell, John Sanders and Trevor Orton in the other.

The Championship final was won by Jim, Warren and Ross, with the Plate won by Colin, Brian and Peter. Again, congratulations to all winners and all 72 players.

Men’s Novice Singles This event which was scheduled to be played over the January 4th/5th weekend has been deferred until a later date, due to the unpopularity of these dates, and the unavailability of match committee members to organise. An alternate date will be advised.

- Trevor Orton 15

Ladies Match Committee Ladies Championship Pairs The Ladies Pairs was played on the 23rd and 30th October 2013. Day one commenced with 44 starters eager to play at 9 30 am. The support for this annual event was again very promising. Very windy conditions made bowling difficult at times causing some early upsets. It was also pleasing to see some of our newer lady bowlers playing in this event for the first time.

The Major final was contested between Denise Odell and Robyn Van Mosseveld against Pauline Bourne and Jan Cook. (2012 Plate Winners) Robyn was heard commenting that “wherever I placed my bowls on the rink, Denise just picked up the Jack and took it to my bowls.! This was a super effort from Denise and Robyn with the last end not needing to be played.

The Plate saw Annie Taylor pairing with Jean Baker against Moira Dean and Beryl Tutt.

Congratulations to Moira and Beryl for winning this event. Congratulations go to Annie and Jean for making the final of the Plate.

The Match Committee would like to thank all of the competitors who played in this event as well as the umpires that give so willingly of their time to assist with the Ladies competitions. – Helen Ironside

Male versus Female Logic!

Woman: Do you drink beer?

Man: Yes Woman: How many a day?

Man: Usually about 3 Woman: How much do you pay per beer?

Man: $3.50 (This is where it gets scary !)

Woman: And how long have you been drinking?

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Man: About 20 years, I suppose Woman: So a beer costs $3.50 and you have 3 a day which puts your spending each month at $315 In one year, it would be approximately $4000 …correct?

Man: Correct Woman: If in one year you spend $4000, not accounting for inflation, the past 20 years puts your spending has been $80000, correct?

Man: Correct Woman: Do you know that if you didn’t drink so much BEER, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for compound interest for the past 20 years, you could have now bought a Ferrari?

Man: Do you drink beer?

Woman: No Man: Where’s your Ferrari?

GIVE THAT MAN A BELLS!!!

– Author Unknown

Men’s Selector’s Report

Captains As raised at the player’s tea prior to the season the Selection Committee on recommendation from our bowls manager Daniel Woodrow have decided to initiate captains for all Saturday pennant teams. Players who we believe will predominately play in that team and who are approachable and possess good communications skills were approached to fill these rolls. His job will be to report back to the Selectors after consultation with players on weekly team performances.

The captains appointed are: 1 White – Ian Linford, 2 Gold – Brian Self, 3 Blue – Ray Stapledon, 3 Gold – Graham Heard, 4 Blue – Kevin Cook, 4 Gold – Chris Tibbits, 5 Gold – Alex Third, 6 Blue – Andre Pushong Saturday Pennants It is with great pleasure to report that all teams are doing well with only 6 Blue struggling at the moment having just fallen out of the top five having lost their last four games. Our 1 White side have won their last four games to surge up the ladder to 5th spot having been in last position half way through the 1st round. All other sides are in the top four which is a very pleasing from the selector’s point of view and also the club. We have tried to keep sides settled with minimal changes and good results have followed.

Thursday Pennants Our mid week Pennant sides are also performing well with our first four sides all in top four and 3 Blue side currently on top. 4 Blue also deserve a special mention having lost the first three games have now won 7 out the last 8 games to be now 3rd on the ladder.

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8 Badges It is pleasing to report that 3 Saturday Pennant sides have achieved an 8 badge this year.

They being 2 Gold: Brian Self, John Collishaw, Alan Partington and John Sanders. 3 Blue: Bob Mulroy, Ray Stapledon, Jem Shorland and Neville Odell. 4 Gold: Kevin Coffey, Maurice Pellerade, Colin Bangs and Peter Balcombe.

Ladies Selector’s Report

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– Rob Tozer

i Ladies, I am pleased to report that our Pennant teams are doing well, hopefully we can continue to keep up the good work.

We are doing our best to keep the teams together wherever possible; unfortunately we have had quite a few ladies unavailable lately to play for various reasons. At the beginning of the year we had several reserves, lately we haven’t had any left to fill positions.

It is difficult to please everyone, but we are doing our best to keep you all happy.

We have had some complaints about the duty team ladies not turning up to set up and then cleaning up afterwards. If you are the duty team for the week, could you please work out between yourselves who will come in early to set up and then who will clean up afterwards. If we all do a little bit each, it makes getting everything done a bit easier.

Thank You – Kath Harris

Darts Report

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he Annual Luncheon and Trophy Presentation was held on Sunday 10 November and was well attended by players and their partners . As the date of the function was brought forward due to unforeseen circumstances most of our senior Office bearers were unable to attend however their partners Shelley and Pippa readily carried out all the necessary behind the scene requirements to ensure things went well. Our thanks again Ladies. To Joan Whitham and her lady helper’s thanks for providing a great spread once again.

The individual Awards were as follows: Bluewater Association: 1st Division Highest Average 1st Division Most Pegs 1st Division Highest Peg 180’s 3rd Division Highest Average 3rd Division Most Pegs 3rd Division Highest Peg 18

Tony Kay 61.25 Tony Kay 54 Juris Lorencs 112 Tony Kay (2) Mal Gray (1) Kevin Cook 37.81 Kevin Cook 23 Ian Marshall 70

Sport’s and Bowling Association: 2nd Division Highest average 2nd Division Most Pegs 2nd Division Highest Peg 3rd Division Highest average 3rd Division Most pegs 3rd Division Highest Peg 180’s

Brad Micheal 44.96 John Hauck 13 David Maunders 81 Bruce Cross 41.92 Bruce Cross 19 Divyesh Shah 78 Eddie Tassone (2)

Don’t forget the Darts AGM in February

–Kevin Cook

Some More “Hot Hints from Heardie”

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he following are some useful points to bear in mind: 1.When you think about the coming game, practice your visualisation.

Visualisation is a BIG thing!

2. Every bowl counts. Be sure that your grip, stance and balance are correct for the shot you about to play.

3. Every game is vital. Those early games and points may count later.

4. Warming up and stretching will reduce your chance of injury and enable you to bowl better, earlier in the game. This can give you the winning edge.

5. Fluid intake is vital. Don’t wait until you are thirsty.

6. Think about your training and think during training.

7. Remember, the harder you work the better you perform.

8. Don’t fight a bad hand. Change if you have a choice.

9. If someone on your rink is performing poorly you should not say anything they know. What you do is lift your own game. It may be your turn next week.

A Glass Too Far

Graeme Heard

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aving won a crate of wine, the wife said I must pour it down the sink. Not wishing to displease her, I reluctantly drew the cork from the first bottle and poured the contents down the sink, with the exception of one glass which I drank.

I pulled the cork on the second bottle and poured it down the sink, with the exception of one glass, which I drank. I emptied the third bottle except for one glass, which I drank.

I then took the cork from the fourth sink, poured the glass down the bottle and drank that too.

I then pulled the bottle from the next glass, drank one sink out of it and emptied the rest 19

down the cork. I then pulled the sink from the next bottle and poured it down the glass and drank the cork.

Finally, I took the glass from the last bottle, emptied the cork, poured the sink down the rest and drank the pour.

When I had everything emptied, I steadied the house with one hand, counted the bottles and glasses and corks with the other hand and found there were 29. To make sure I recounted them when they came past again, this time there were 74.

As the house came around the next time I counted them again, and finally I had all the houses and sinks and glasses and corks and bottles counted, except for one house, which I drank.

– Thanks to Clive Webber for this contribution

Some Useful (?) Comments from Skippers “We’re winning on short ends but the Opposition don’t like long ends so go long!”

“Don’t change nothing!”

“You’ve pointed it well!”

“Nowt for short!”

“That’s more like the Brian we know and love” “Welcome back!”

“Good correction!”

“You’re out in the clouds out there!”

“Why didn’t you do that on Thursday?”

Umpire’s Corner – Know the Laws Placing the mat Law 19.1 requires the player playing first to place the centre line of the mat lengthwise along the centre line of the rink with the front of the mat (the mat line) at least 2 metres from the rear ditch (as marked by the ‘T’) and at least 23 metres from the front ditch (as indicated by markers on the side banks).

If, after the jack has been delivered, but before the first bowl is delivered, a player (or marker) finds the mat line has not been positioned within the 2 and 23 metre distances referred to above, the opposing player shall place the mat as described above and deliver the jack but not bowl first. After the first player to play has delivered his first bowl, no one has the right to challenge the position of the mat with respect to its distance from the rear or front ditches.

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Show your Sorrento Bowling Club membership card at Brumby’s Bakery in Darch and receive a 25% discount on in-house baked items 22

After the start of play the mat shall not be moved from it’s original position except if the mat is found to be out of line or not on the centre line, in which case it shall be straightened or moved to that line. (no penalty). If the mat is displaced during play, it should be replaced in its original position on the centre line.

Placing the jack on the T

- Jim Ironside

Many players do not correctly place the jack on the ‘T’ as required. Below is a sketch showing the correct positioning of the jack on the ‘T’. I.e.: the nearest point of the jack to the mat should be 2 metres from the ditch.

“I Love You Sweetheart”

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group of a dozen women were at a seminar on how to live in a loving relationship with their husband. The women were asked, “How many of you love your husband?” All the women raised their hands. Then they were asked, “When was the last time you told your husband you loved him?” Some women answered today, a few yesterday, and some couldn’t remember.

The women were then told to take out their cell phones and text their husband: “I love you, sweetheart.” The women were then told to exchange phones with another person, and to read aloud the text message they received, in response. Here are the twelve replies: 1. Who the hell is this?

2. Eh, mother of my children, are you sick or what?

3. Yeh, and I love you too. What’s up with you??

4. What now? Did you crash the car again?

5. I don’t understand what you mean?

6. What the f**k did you do now?

7. ?!?

8. Don’t beat about the bush, just tell me how much you need?

9. Am I dreaming?

10. If you don’t tell me who this message is actually for, someone will die.

11. I thought we agreed you wouldn’t drink during the day.

12. Your mother is coming to stay with us, isn’t she??

– Thanks to Ian Marshall for this contribution 23

Fishing the Kimberley

B

rian Lucas, Ian Linford, Peter Crow and Wayne Gray decided to be truant from Pennants for one week in November and head for the Barramundi rich waters of the Kimberley Coast, fishing in George Water and the Truscott and Sale Rivers. As Wayne explains the offer of the trip on board a luxury boat (featured below) at a much discounted rate was just too good to pass up.

One of the first rules to learn up there was that if you have a fall, make sure you fall into the boat and not out of it – for the reasons shown below: We fished in small dinghies from sun up to sundown in temperatures that hit 43 degrees” Wayne said. “Despite the heat, the spectacular scenery and tidal currents that rose and fell over 10 metres twice a day together with the prospect of catching a big Barra made the trip exhilarating” And the outcome of the fishing? The was not enough room to include Wayne’s fish.

In closing Wayne said that this is definitely a trip to include on your “bucket list”. While not cheap, it is the trip of a life time. If you are not into fishing, Kimberley Quest II also offers sightseeing trips where fishing is optional but the food and comfort continue to be exquisite; the scenery and sunsets remain spectacular; and the wildlife and fun on board continues to be very pleasurable indeed. There are even places where you can swim.

– Brian Lucas

Never Eavesdrop on Other’s Conversations

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ne of our more senior Club Members was quietly sitting in the Club Room enjoying liquid refreshment and mulling over the news that he had now heard that the requirement for people over the age of 85 years to undergo a motor vehicle driving test had now been repealed. He had found this test to be extremely stressful and although he had passed it he was not anxious to undergo it again and on a regular basis. He was also concerned that a TV programme was actively encouraging people to dob-in an older driver that they considered not able to drive properly.

He suddenly became aware that one of the members at the adjoining table had said “He 24

is too old, he shouldn’t be driving”. To which other people at the table joined in and agreed saying: “He should be reported”.

He was quite angry at this attitude and said so in no uncertain terms. He said “You people should be ashamed he will know when he is too old to drive.”

A rather red faced bowler at the adjoining table replied “Well this afternoon he drove at the shot bowl, missed it by three feet, took out our only bowl near the head and we went down an 8. He can still draw OK, so maybe if we report him, they will put him in as a lead.” It is easy to be confused in this day and age.

– Dick Currie

Don’t Hoot/toot at Other Members

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ecently on a Pennant Saturday a “safety conscious member” was driving slowly in the car park looking for a nice shady spot to park his car. The car park was a hive of activity with bowlers leaving for an away game and others parking for the home game. As he drove slowly along the aisles between cars he noticed one of our lady members loading her bowls into the rear of a four wheel drive vehicle with the rear door wide open and protruding into the aisle.

Our safety conscious member was quite concerned that this lady had placed herself in a dangerous position and was at risk of being hit by a vehicle driven by a distracted driver. So concerned was he that he drove quietly up to the open door where the lady was still chatting to the driver as she slowly loaded the bowls. To alert the lady bowler to the dangerous position she had placed herself in he SOUNDED HIS HORN. Unfortunately his car was one with a very loud horn and as well as alerting the lady to the danger, it also caused her to leap in the air and turn rather red in the face. The leap was something to be admired and would have made Nic Nat (the footballer) very jealous. She then advanced on the member’s car and he thought “Ah she is coming over to thank me for warning her she was in a dangerous position.”

Unfortunately he didn’t notice the flushed colour of her face, the bared teeth and the protruding eyes, he would have known had he noticed that – that was not the look of a grateful person. She then proceed to kick the tyres of his car, swearing and the word “bastard” was mentioned more than once. He then departed the scene as quickly as he could. Thinking to himself that it’s very hard to please people these days.

SO IF YOU DO SOMEONE A GOOD TURN IT IS NOT ALWAYS ADVISABLE TO WAIT FOR THE “THANK YOU” THAT YOU THINK YOU SHOULD GET. – Dick Currie 25

Our very own “Selfie”

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fter giving the world the Hills Hoist, dual flush toilets and cask wine, Australia can now take credit for the term “selfie” – Oxford Dictionaries’ international word of the year for 2013. It seems certain the selfie originated in Australia with a young drunk first using the word to describe a self-portrait photograph more than a decade ago.

By 2012, “selfie” was being used commonly in mainstream Brian Self - our media while former Prime Minister Kevin Rudd helped popularise the term in Australia. Selfie was added to the Oxford Gift to the World Dictionary last year, with the definition: “photograph that one has taken of oneself, typically one taken with a smart phone or web cam and up loaded to a social media web site.”

Selfie was selected as the 2013 word of the year from a short-list that included bingewatch (to watch multiple episodes of a television program in rapid succession), show rooming (the practice of visiting a shop in order to examine a product before buying it on-line) and twerk (to dance to popular music in a sexually provocative manner).

Our Volunteer Management Plan

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ne of the attributes of the Sorrento Bowling Club that sets it apart from other clubs is the high proportion of our members who freely and regularly volunteer their time and effort for the benefit of the Club and its members.

In 2013 between 130 to 150 of our members were regular volunteers, equating to one in four members – an amazing statistic that other bowling club Presidents envy. Our regular volunteers contribute more than 30 hours of their time per year, with a number contributing more than 300 hours per year and many more helping out on specific tasks or projects when asked.

Just a couple of recent examples of the tremendous spirit of our members were the Masters Singles competition where an estimated 490 volunteer hours were contributed by members and the preparation of the greens for the State Pairs when in the absence of Ron Kuziela and 26

Thank you to all our volunteers

John Dilley, Tony Pilgrim was supported by six volunteers who rolled and mowed the greens and assisted with general greens and grounds preparation.

I say that we have between 130 and 150 regular volunteers because we do not know the exact number. Volunteers operate in many disparate rolls encompassing the kitchen, club house, bar, newsletter, community bowls, greens, grounds, buildings and facilities plus the numerous formal and informal committees and sub-committees operated by our Club. Maintaining an exact register has proved to be a challenging task but we are working towards refining and making the register more accurate.

To this end we recently received a grant from the Department of Sport and Recreation to develop a Volunteer Management Plan. This grant recognises the complexity of managing a large volunteer work force and considers how we: √ recruit more volunteers? √ help manage volunteer hours so that our members don’t burn themselves out? √ ensure that our volunteers are properly trained and equipped for their rolls? √ ensure occupational safety and health standards? √ recognise and reward our volunteers? √ effectively coordinate and communicate with our volunteers? √ maintain accurate registers of our volunteers and their hours?

A Volunteer Management Plan has now been developed for the Club with the assistance of a consultant and a Club sub-committee. On 16th December this Plan was presented to a large assembly of volunteers at the Club. This function was also an opportunity for the Club’s Executive to say thank you to our volunteers. While we tried to invite all of our regular volunteers, for the reason mentioned above, some were unfortunately omitted. We tender our sincere apologies to these members who missed out.

Our Volunteer Management Plan will always be a work-in-progress given the dynamics and complexities of coordinating such a large volunteer work force but importantly it will focus our minds on important principles and work practices. Our Plan has seven goals and strategies: Goal 1 – To implement strategies that increase the volunteer numbers within the Club Goal 2 – To ensure all volunteer positions are filled with appropriate volunteers Goal 3 – To implement training and development strategies for volunteers.

Goal 4 – To implement retention, recognition and reward strategies Goal 5 – To ensure successful succession processes are implemented.

Goal 6 – To develop accurate registers of volunteers and the hours contributed Goal 7 – To regularly review the Volunteer Management Program If you would like a copy of the Plan please contact our Secretary Frank Lilley.

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Some of our Volunteers

Nola, Dell, Liz and Joan

Judy, Dick, Wendy (Wright), Roger and Ron raising funds for SBC. Some comments heard:“That makes nine hundred and ninety-nine, only one more to go”, “Are we really going to sell all those?”, “Remind me not to volunteer next year!”,“I never want to see another sausage.”

Barry,Betty, Ron,Helen,Jim and Warren

Ken, Nora, Marilyn and Lindsay

Brad, Frank and Bill

Eleanor, Pauline and Monique

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It is important that all members appreciate the work of our volunteers. Without their support we would need to employ more staff with a consequential rise in membership fees. Remember also that when we apply for Grants the application forms require details of volunteer hours. This has helped us in the past to get our Grant applications approved.

Ken Giles has the difficult job of coordinating our volunteers. If you are a volunteer and your name has been missed off the list below or if you would like to add your name to the list of members willing to offer their services, please see Ken or any other member of the Executive. Your help will be most appreciated.

Finally to our many regular volunteers and members who are always willing to lend a hand – thank you.

– Brian Lucas Current List of Volunteers: John Abercrombie, Eleanor Adams, James Baker, Jean Baker, Lindsay Baker, Marilyn Baker, Colin Bangs, Charlie Beggs, Peter Blake,Brendan Bomford, Craig Bomford, Frank Bomford, Kerry Bomford, Ron Bomford, Glenn Boston, Pauline Bourne, Tony Bourne, Fran Bracknell, Dave Bradley, Barry Bradshaw, Wilma Bradshaw, Ron Burroughs,Judy Campbell, Norm Claffey, Brian Clausen, Kevin Coffey, Pam Coles, Brian Collins, John Collishaw, Phillipa Collishaw, Jan Cook, Kevin Cook, Keith Cooper, Margaret Cooper, Del Cornwall, Mary Cressey, Greg Day, Moira Dean, Pat Dichiera, John Dilley, Steve Draper, Emily Dunn, Ray Dunn, Gavan Ebsworth, Sharon Eggers, Derry Ellis, Warren Elliott, Richard Fermoyle, Dean Foster, Tony Friedlieb, Frank Gandras, Ken Giles, Nora Giles, Lorna Glew, Mal Gooch, Danny Gordon, Wayne Gray, Peter Hamilton, Clair Hanlon, Roger Harber, Kath Harris, Terry Harvey, Graeme Heard, Nelly Heard, Bill Henley, Barbara Hill, Roland Hill, Pat Hobson, Tiger Hogan, Sue Hogan, Helen Ironside, Jim Ironside, Vonnie King, Gordon Kirkham, Trish Klemp, Monique Kopec, Helen Kuziela, Derek Lay, Thora Lay, Lee Leach, Anne Lilley, Frank Lilley, Ian Linford, Jenny Lockwood, Russell Lockwood, Bill Long, Brian Lucas, May Macliver, Pauline Marsden, Ian Marshall, Liz Marshall, Graeme May, Beth McCormack, Stan McCullagh, Ted McGrady, Neil McLaughlan, Mick Martin, Jean Middleditch, Nola Mullumby, Geoff Murray, Dick Murton, Anthony Musca, Murray Newman, Graeme O’Brien, Helen O’Brien, Denise Odell, Neville Odell, Cal O’Donnell, Trevor Orton, Jan Paniperis, Di Phillips, Ron Rogers, Alan Rolls, Mary Rolls, Brian Saul, Wendy Saul, Rayma Sermon, Jerome Shorland, George Sjepcevich, Daniel Skeet, Judith Skeet, Marie Smart, Coral Smith, Derek Smith, Ethel Smith, Terry Smith, Barbara Spence, Merv Spence, Colin Stainsby, Ray Stapledon, Barry Stewart, Betty Stern, Wendy Stobie, John Sturk, Alan Susta, Ron Taylor, Mike Thornett, Val Thornett, Chris Tibbits, Robyn van Mosseveld, Ken Vercoe, Bob Waldron, Al Walton, Spider Webb, Dennis West, Benny White, Graeme Whitehorn, Joan Whitham, Brad Williams, Ian Wittber, Alan Wood, Jim Woodward, John Wright, Wendy Wright 29

Can you read this?

I

f you can read this, you have a strange mind, too. Only 55 people out of 100 can.

I cdnuolt blveiee that I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd what I was rdanieg.

The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno’t mtaetr in what oerdr the ltteres in a word are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is that the frsit and last ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can still raed it whotuit a pboerlm. This is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the word as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! – Thanks to Ian Wittber for this contribution

Our New Defribrillator

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he Sorrento Bowling Club is pleased to inform members that our Club was one of 100, out of 600 applicants, to receive a defibrillator for use in cases of sudden cardiac arrest. It is important to know that in the instance of sudden cardiac arrest the first community responder is of paramount importance.

Judith Skeet, Captain of the Croquet Club, has been fully briefed in this critical role.

Judith will be instructing club members on the use of the defibrillator.

Todd from The Salvation Army, Peter from The Centre for Cerebral Palsy, Sally Simmonds from St John Ambulance, Deb from The Centre for Cerebral Palsy and Judith from the Sorrento Bowling Club 30

How it works: • Someone suffers a sudden cardiac arrest.

• Bystanders call 000.

• An Ambulance is dispatched by the State Operations Centre.

• Nearest “First Responder” is contacted and deployed.

• The “First Responder” carries out first aid, CPR and applied AED if necessary.

• Ambulance arrives and paramedics take over care of patient.

The single key contributing factor to improving survival rates is the time taken to administer early defibrillation i.e. within 5 minutes of an attack.

It is important to note that if a registered First Responder is not on hand anyone can use the AED (Lacrdal HST Heart Start defibrillator). This defibrillator is fully automated, giving people with very little or no training the potential to save a life. It has an excellent talk through functionality.

– Judith Skeet

The Drive of the Year

D

uring the recent Sorrento Masters Singles Championship, Daniel Trewella (a four time winner of this event) decided to have a full-blooded drive to get himself out of trouble or put the jack in the ditch. As the match was on rink B2, it was right in front of many spectators and behind them were the windows and doors of the Club bar.

His drive was a direct hit and it travelled faster than most cars on the freeway. One bowler in our Club dived towards the deck – a reflex action to what might happen if it hit him. “John Brown” is accident prone at the best of times!!!

As fate would have it his prediction failed as a bowl behind the jack took most of the impact and sent the jack skyward like a Tiger Woods bunker shot to have it land about a foot short of the peak of the club house roof some seconds later. All was silent – then the sound of the jack rolling down the corrugated iron roof until it stopped in the guttering.

It was recovered the next evening by the superbly fit James Baker after Tiger Hogan found a ladder. Tiger said he would have retrieved it himself but James wouldn’t let him. Reason being that a couple of month ago James had to go and repair the patio roof that Tiger had fallen through at his own home!!!

The good news is that we saved one jack from being stolen (for a while anyway!!)

– Thanks to Tiger Hogan for recording this unusual event

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Our Achievements Over the Last Few Years

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n an organisation such as our Club it is easy to become fixated with day to day issues and lose sight of the many improvements and achievements that have been delivered. The purpose of this article is to bring into focus many of those improvements and achievements that have occurred, in particular, over the last few years. It should be noted that whilst we owe much to The City of Joondalup the behind the scenes hard work has, in the main, been carried out by a dedicated group of club member volunteers.

The achievements outlined below have occurred in accordance with the Club’s Road Map Strategic Plan titled “20/20 Vision – Planning for the Future of the Sorrento Bowling Club” that was first developed in 2007.

The Clubhouse.

The following work has been done to our clubhouse and surrounds: • Complete renovation of the toilets.

• Renovation of lockers.

• Painting the interior walls and ceilings.

• New roof.

• New carpets.and new air conditioning.

• New sliding doors opposite “B” green.

• Bar upgrade including new display cabinets for glasses and packaged drinks.

• Total upgrade of the BBQ area including new BBQ’s and tables and chairs.

• Installation of steps down to “B” green.

• Replacement of the aging till system and the introduction of “Smart Cards” • Relaying the bricks in the brick paved area opposite “A” and “B” greens.

• Installation of safety railing along the full length of the above brick paved area.

• Installation of shade cloth sails and provision of tables and chairs for the brick paved area opposite “A” and “B” greens.

• Agreement by the City of Joondalup to replace our cool room refrigeration units.

• New Honour Boards.

The Greens and surrounds.

Over time Sorrento has prided itself on the high standard of its greens. In the recent past our greens were, to put it mildly, a disaster. Who can forget having to go for practice on other Club’s greens? As a result of an enormous effort by the our Greens staff and Volunteers “B” “C” and “D” greens are now running as well as they ever have.

Other work being carried out includes: • Upgrading “E” green”.

• A complete renovation of “A” green including laser levelling.

• Building limestone retaining walls and replanting the garden surrounds.

• New shed for Croquet and improved area with new walls and brick paving.

• Pruning big gum trees and removal of trees on western and southern boundaries.

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• Installation of brick paving between “A” and “B” and “C” and “D” greens.

• Installation of a shed to hold chemicals with a concrete trailer bay attached.

• Altering the greens lights to facilitate Community Bowls whilst “A” green is out of commission.

• In the immediate future upgrading the toilet and shower facilities in the Green Keepers shed and installation of lights on “C”, “D” and the Croquet greens.

Corporate Governance.

Our Club is a small to medium sized business with an annual turnover approaching $1 million and a total of around 600 members. The continued success of our Club depends on how well its’ affairs are managed. With this in mind successive Executives have progressively worked to embracing Best Business Practices in the running of the Club.

These have included: • Reviewing the Club’s Constitution and By Laws. This review included a reassessment of the management structure to ensure a proper focus on the Club as a business as well as the day to day running of the sporting programs. It is anticipated that the revised Constitution will be distributed in time for a vote at the 2014 Annual General Meeting in July.

• Implementation of a new Membership Management and Resource Booking systems • Production of a Volunteer Management Plan.

• Joining the Better Clubs Program.

• A review and upgrade of the Club’s computer systems to cover both Bar and Office administration. This includes providing a terminal in the Green Keepers Shed to connect into the Greens allocation system.

• Introduction of a new records management system.

Other Initiatives.

• The appointment of a Bowls Manager.

• The appointment of a full time Bar Manager.

• Providing Friday night meals in partnership with Silver Fern Caterers.

• From time to time providing evening entertainment.

• Introduction of Broadband for Seniors.

• Introduction of Foxtel Sports.

Largely as a result of the achievements and initiatives noted above our Club is in a sound financial position and in 2012 received just recognition by both Bowls W.A. and Clubs W.A. when they presented us with their Club of the Year Awards.

I believe we can be justifiably proud of our Club. However, we cannot afford to be complacent and will need to continue to run our club in a professional manner and continue to introduce new initiatives such as those noted above.

– Frank Lilly 33

The Husband Store

A

brand new store has just opened in New York City that sells husbands. When women go to choose a husband, they have to follow the following instructions at the entrance: You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are 6 floors and the value of the products increase as you ascend the flights. You may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you CANNOT go back down except to exit the building.

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.

The 1st floor sign on the door reads: Floor 1: These men have jobs.

The 2nd floor sign reads: Floor 2: These men have jobs and love kids.

The 3rd floor sign reads: Floor 3: These men have jobs, love kids and are extremely good looking.

“Wow,” she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the 4th floor and the sign reads: Floor 4: these men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead good looking and help with housework.

“Oh, mercy me!” She exclaims, “I can hardly stand it!”

Still, she goes to the 5th floor and sign reads: Floor 5: These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead gorgeous, help with housework and have a strong romantic streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the 6th floor and the sign reads: Floor 6: You are visitor number 31,456,012 to this floor.

There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

To avoid gender bias charges, the store’s owner opens a New Wives store just across the street.

The 1st first floor has wives that love sex.

The 2nd floor has wives that love sex and have money.

The 3rd, 4th, 5th and 6th floors have never been visited.

– Thanks to Sonia McGrady for this contribution

Art Exhibition for 2014

W

e are unable to hold our Annual Art Exhibition on Friday 21st February as advertised.Due to the very popular meals now being served each Friday night, we do

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not want to infringe on the area used for this purpose.We will make every effort to have another date allocated for our exhibition, and will publicise it if we are successful.

– Beth McCormack, Co-ordinator

A Frog goes into a Bank

A

frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack. “Miss Whack, I’d like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday.”

Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it’s okay, he knows the bank manager.

Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.

The frog says, “Sure. I have this,” and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Patty explains that she’ll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office. She finds the manager and says, “There’s a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral.”

She holds up the tiny pink elephant. “I mean, what in the world is this?” The bank manager looks back at her and says.

“It’s a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan, his old man’s a Rolling Stone.”

– Thanks to Derek Smith for this story

Guess Who?

T

his handsome young man was born in Europe and emigrated to Australia in 1952 at age 15 when this passport photo was taken. If you can identify this club member you will win a bottle of wine.to be donated by this kind guy!

If you know who this is please go up to him and say “Is that you in the newsletter?”

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If you are the first to identify him you will win the prize!

Tribute to Barbara Stow I first met Barbara Stow in 1997 when, as a novice, I fronted up to social bowls. Receiving a warm welcome from Barbara and her husband Joe I was introduced to the vagaries of lawn bowls.

The welcome that was always given to new members and players formed the beginnings of many and long and lasting friendships. Barbara was a warm and caring person making sure everyone was happy on and off the green. In many ways she was the Matriarch of a large family.

Bowls over, it was a happy crowd that joined Barbara and Joe for a few drinks, a chat, lots of laughter and camaraderie at ‘Fat Cats Corner’.

After Barbara lost her beloved husband Joe she continued her involvement with the Club assisting at many charity fund-raising events and the Social Bowls Christmas break up party. Whenever asked she was there to give a helping hand. Friendships lasted as evinced by the regular lunches which Barbara attended, her presence enlivening the occasion.

Barbara you will be remembered with great affection by all your friends at Sorrento Bowling Club.

– Clair Hanlon

Joe and Barbara Stow Heart Foundation Day

F

orty bowlers got together on Friday 6 December 2013 to celebrate what is now called to be called the Joe and Barbara Stow Heart Foundation Day. After some closely contested games Clive Webber (our UK visitor), Dick Currie. Ros Pittaway and Stan Wood were declared the winners. The runners-up were Doug Pittaway Sheila Sasser (our visitor from South Africa), Herbie Eisenmann and Frank Gandras Thanks to everyone who participated and to those who donated prizes for the raffle.

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David and Luke Stow, Barbara’s grandsons with Chris Tibbitts Foregoing prize money and the raffle resulted in a donation of $438 to the Heart Foundation. The Certificate of Appreciation (alongside) was received from the Heart Foundation.

They paid tribute to our members for their support over the last six years.

They consider it to be a great way to recall memories of Joe Stow while raising awareness of heart health.

David and Luke Stow, family of Joe and Barbara attended the after game drinks and were acknowledged by all.

They were pleased the trophy donor, John Forkin, has agreed that in future the trophy be called the Joe and Barbara Stow Trophy. They both look forward to being at the event in the coming years.

– Chris Tibbits 37

A Letters from a Member To the Sorrento Bowling Club I would like to thank the Sorrento Bowling Club’s Match Committee for allowing my partner, Coral Smith and I to continue playing in the Club’s Mixed Pairs Championship following my decision to play Pennants for the Bedford Bowling Club Brian Saul

The Bowlers Prayer As a Lead upon the mat Let my bowls be near the jack Guide my bowling every time With perfect Length and perfect line As a Second, keep in mind To have my bowls rest just behind And if the Lead’s not near the head Let my bowls go there instead As a Third give me the skill To do my Skippers every will Give my bowling just one thought In the head and never short As a Skipper it’s my role To be the teams heart and soul Good direction to the mat Don’t confuse with idle chat Matters not what role I score Give support to one and all Play my best the only aim Giving praise and never blame Being humble with a win Taking losses with a grin Enjoyment be our only goals When we play the game of bowls – Derek Smith

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Sorrento Masters Singles 2013

T

he above event has again proved to be a successful event for our Club, with numbers at the normal level of seventy, however the quality of the field was very good.

Good numbers of the State’s best bowlers enter, and standard of play was again very good. Because of the high standard required, quite a few do not enter, as they think they are not good enough! As this is an event that relies on your own ability, and is not a team effort, it is an event that average players, playing their best, can win on the day.

This year we also had a good number of players from our own club, and they all acquitted themselves with distinction. The players from our club on the first day were Bruce Eagles, Rick Hutchinson, Ian Linford, Tom Nasuti and Daniel Woodrow. On the second day we had Peter Crow, Ron Kuziela and Ron Rogers, with Tiger Hogan filling in as a reserve at the last moment. I thank them for their interest, and trust that they not only enjoyed the event, but had good practice playing singles, which is not very often on the calendar.

On the first day, Rick Hutchinson, Tom Nasuti, Tiger Hogan and Daniel Woodrow made it through the first game, with Tom getting into a third game, whilst Daniel made it to the last sixteen. On the second day Ron Rogers and Peter Crow made it through to the second game, but lost the next. On the first day of the finals, Daniel came up against Kyle McIlroy, and despite a valiant effort, lost that game. Overall, a very good showing from our own members.

The last sixteen players were of a high calibre, and good games were evident for all those that chose to come and see what was happening around the club. At the end of the day however, two of the state’s best young bowlers played off in the final, with Daniel Trewhella playing Thomas Mitchell, and Daniel winning his fifth title. His first win in this event was as a teenager, so he has found this tournament to his liking, and also shows his ability. He has also been runner up on one occasion.

This event is considered to be a prestigious event, and is respected by the players as being an important event, as they also qualify for points towards the BowlsWA player of the year.

Such an event cannot proceed without the assistance of quite a few club members. We require markers and umpires, and I am pleased to state, that majority of those asked, gave of their time. There is also the sandwiches and rolls made available for the players 39

to purchase, as well being provided to our markers and umpires, and I thank Joan for her, and her able assistants, in this regard. Also the greens were widely praised as being of a good standard, and no complaints were received from the players, most of whom praised the standard. I again thank all those that assisted to make this event a success.

Walking with Grandma

– Ian Wittber

I like walking with Grandma, Her steps are short like mine.

She doesn’t say “now hurry up” She always takes her time.

I like to walk with Grandma, Her eyes see things like mine do, Wee pebbles bright, a funny cloud, Half hidden drops of dew.

Most people have to hurry, They do not stop to see, I’m glad that God made Grandma Unrushed and young like me!

– Thanks to John Forkin for this lovely little poem

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Thank you Joan!

T

he old adage “if you can’t stand the heat get out of the kitchen” does not apply to Joan Witham. In fact the busier things become at the eastern end of the Sorrento Bowling Club the more Joan warms to the task. But it’s been that way for a long time now and there wouldn’t be a single bowler at the club who hasn’t at some stage enjoyed the fruits of her labour.

Despite recently turning 86, Joan still runs a tight ship and the proof of her efficiency in the kitchen is in the eating. And there has been a fair bit of eating involved since Joan first set foot in the club’s kitchen.

The rough mathematics, based on the number of plates of sandwiches served up at functions, invitation and gala days, country week and Saturday pennants, is closing in on 5000 loaves of bread alone.

Throw in the fillings, sumptuous salads, date scones and assorted goodies prepared by Joan and her ever-reliable band of helpers and you could feed an Army.

Then there’s the task she shares with three others, including the unglamorous job of peeling onions, before Tuesday night’s corporate bowls. But hard work and helping others has always been the way Joan has operated.

Born in Hamilton, New Zealand, on the 21st of January,1928, Joan was sent to 41

Our Joan in action!

Kevin, Ron, Joan, Barry, Murray and John at work for the Community bowlers

Joan and some of her helpers – Dell, Stan and “Flash” busy serving meals

live on a farm with an aunty at the age of five following the break-up of her parents’ marriage.It wasn’t long before Joan was out picking blackberries and helping to manually milk the farm’s dairy cattle.

After three year’s of secondary school Joan got a job smocking, which paid the princely sum of a shilling an inch.

Soon after Joan met Cedric, who lived on a nearby farm, and was married at the age of 20. Joan and Cedric raised three sons and two daughters, three of whom later moved to Australia and implored their parents to join them.

Joan in action on the bowling green

Joan and Cedric did travel to Perth but returned to New Zealand for three years where Joan became manager of an Intellectually Handicapped Childrens’ workshop. Cedric helped out teaching the boys how to make things. “They were wonderful years,” Joan recalled recently.

All the while Joan bowled with Rahotu – a club comprising just 20 members.

But then it was back to settle in Perth and Joan, fortunately for Sorrento, decided to join our club in the early 1990s.

Trish, Jean and Joan winning more medals and trophys

“There was always someone in the kitchen when I got here, so I used to go in there and help because I like helping – I am not a sitter,” she said. “Eventually it was down to me so I took it over. We also had a go at putting on meals on Saturday night.”

Joan also kept her hand in at bowling and in 1996-97, along with Beryl Withell, May Leyland and Mavis Gledhill, won the Sorrento ladies’ fours.

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Troy Pickard, the Mayor of Joondalup, Marie, Joan and Gavan at our Opening Day

To this day she skippers a Sorrento team in the Division Four Red competition on Tuesdays.

Over the years Joan has been assisted

by Cedric. When dishes needed to be washed or windows cleaned Cedric was always there to lend a helping hand.

Unfortunately his health has deteriorated and he is now in an aged care facility.

Prior to Saturday’s Pennants Joan will hit the shops at Whitfords and purchase and cart all the ingredients necessary to put somewhere around 38 plates of sandwiches on the table.

Cedric doing the dishes to help Joan

She prepares the curried egg mixture at home before she and three able assistants, each sticking to one ingredient, make a proverbial mountain of sandwiches.

That’s after wiping down all the tables.

And so the work goes on as it has done for years. Not that all Joan’s hard work and the associated revenue raising for our club hasn’t gone unappreciated. In 2005 Joan was made a life member of Sorrento – an honour bestowed on only 17 individuals and just five ladies since 1991.

Joan receiving a bouquet as a thank you for her work during the Police Carnival

Sadly, Joan lost one of her daughters to cancer but dotes on her 10 grandchildren and 17 great grandchildren.

We all know you get an 8-badge for a rare and outstanding achievement on the bowling green. Joan, a rare person indeed, should get a 10 out of 10 badge for her outstanding commitment just a few metres away.

– Jim Woodward 43

Joan receiving an award from the Lady Captain – Clair

The Passing of Time Another year has passed us by We sit, we think and wonder why Life’s so full of ups and downs Joy and grief, they have no bounds A few dear friends have gone on by To play their bowls up in the sky And those who play in Heaven above They’re in our thoughts, we send our love To those of us they left behind There’s just one thought to keep in mind The New Year starts in just a while So start each day, with a smile Bear your losses with a grin Be thankful when you have a win Enjoy the company on the green Friends are few and far between I hope your bowls will be just fine Good in weight and right on line And even if your judgements thin To err is human, not a sin So as we start the year anew A gift I’d like to give to you Bowls is a game and not a test Just be yourself and do your best Enjoy yourself, have lots of fun In this way you’ve always won I wish you all the best of cheer And have a very happy New Year 44

– Derek Smith

Cafe Sorrento’s Christmas Dinner 20th December 2013

Santa Claus ( aka Barry) and his Elves – Betty and Helen

Cal getting smothered with kisses

Anne and Trevor enjoying the evening 45

Santa Claus was seen to be “cuddling” some of the bowlers and croquet players!!!!

John and Mary having a cuddle

Mike Smith and his grandchildren Left: Kelly and George Right: Monique and her grandson Rueben

Mary and Alan 46

Derek and his family enjoying the evening

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