A compilation of sayings – sometimes wise, sometimes inscrutable, sometimes humorous

My words may be worthy, even though they come from me.

Think about the future, Ranga, but do not live in it.

Ah, Ranga, the question for today: should you do something because you can do it?

Today it is a puzzle. Is it possible to subtract one, or even three, from nothing?

Being a batter or bowler is like being a world oyster.

If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, and looks like a duck, it is a very unfortunate situation for the batting team. On the other side of the hill, although being definitely unfortunatable for the batting team, it is most definitely a glorious silver lining for the bowling team.

Thou ask, puttar, the purpose of life.

This is a very large question indeed from one so young. It is a very quick question to answer, however, and this you will understand one day, or even sooner. Love and be loved, and do a little bit of good. That is the purpose of life, even though tennis is not cricket.

Too simple? An idea cannot be too simple. Simple is sometimes great, indeed. The Mahatma had a simple idea, although the British did not like it very much and put him in jail. Simple is good.

Some people are like drums, Ranga.

They are only heard when you strike them. Do not be like a drum, Ranga, be heard when thou has something to say, and let the world decide.

A boy, Ranga, is tomorrow’s world the day after tomorrow.

Some people are like dogs, Ranga, with wagging tails. Whilst thou are happily watching their wagging tails they are happily biting thou with their sharp teeth. Beware of wagging tails, Ranga.

Especially in cricket.

Always remember, Ranga, that your mother was once a girl, as were your grandmothers.

A boy, Ranga, is the light in his father’s eye and the love in his mother’s heart.

Do not worry about growing up, Ranga, it is growing down that may cause discomfort.

Some people, Ranga, try to make things too complicated. One thing is not complicated. Two things are complicated, but not very complicated.

Three things are very complicated. We are very fortunate that cricket is not three things, but two things.

A boy, Ranga, is a man in waiting.

Remember, Ranga, it is called the Holy Ganges because someone called it the Holy Ganges.

Those English always say, "Look before you leap". But, as is customary with the English, that is looking the wrong way. I say, Ranga, to look before thou look. Then, when thou actually looks before thou leaps, thou will have already done the leaping up here [in the brain], and the leaping will be much easier, if thou does it at all.

Two heads are better than one, Ranga, except in the case of snakes.

After lots of falling downs, and many nearly falling downs, you learned to walk, Ranga. It is the same with cricket. Or anything else.

Some people are like the bags those foreign soldiers who wear dresses sometimes play as they march around and up and down. Up puff the bags and inflate and make strange noises that nobody can comprehend when they are squeezed, and are useless when on their own.

There are many paths to the top, Ranga, all of them up hill, even for those who are already there.

Some English, Ranga, are English, and some English are not English, just as some Indians are Indians and some Indians are English.

If thou does not love and respect your mother and your sister, how can you love and respect yourself ?

Yes, Ranga, as with any empire, some people become like their rulers. Some Indians keep out of the sun all their lives, hoping to turn their brown into white, like the English. But we Indians, from anywhere, were great even when the English were German.

Can thou see the moon and the wondrous stars if thou are forever looking down?

Is the flower of a weed any less beautiful because it is the flower of a weed?

All great men were once ungreat boys, Ranga. This Bradman of yours was also such, no doubting it at all.

Some people are hummers, Ranga, and they are quietly happy. Others are hahars, and they are joyously happy.

Yet others are humhars, they hum and har, and they are neither quietly happy nor joyously happy. Do not be a humhar person, Ranga.

There are, and there will always be, greater and lesser, Ranga. It is The Way. Thou, Ranga, will be both, of course‌

Thou cannot begin a match, Ranga, until thou has tossed the coin‌and, indeed, does thou have a coin to toss‌?

One more thing, Ranga. Let thy heart listen to the music.

Go, thou, Ranga, into sleep, which is a place of another land, and there let thy dream mind address the question.

If thou knows thyself, Ranga, thou knows others. And if thou know others thou knows thyself.

Remember, Ranga, if the Australians do not understand thee, speak louder.

Moving backwards is not necessarily not moving forward. Unless the eyes are closed.

One more thing, which thou has not yet asked me about.

Some people think that an end is the end. This is not so.

An end is a beginning. An end is always a beginning.

Look out for ends, Ranga, because there thou have beginnings. This is true of cricket, also.

It is right, Ranga, that if thou must be disagreeable, to be disagreeable as agreeably as is possible in the circumstances.

Half measures are not good, Ranga, unless perhaps they are pursued for eight quarters.

Those Amazons, Ranga, were very important ladies, mainly because they were also women.

The crocodile cries for no-one: be not like the crocodile.

It is written that the lamb shall lie down with the lion, but it is also written elsewhere that the lamb makes a very good curry.

Australians are like Indians, Ranga, though sometimes a little strange, like the people of Kerala and further south.

It is said that an elephant never forgets, Ranga, but even an elephant cannot remember what will happen tomorrow.

If thou scratch an itch before it becomes an itch then it will by golly very quickly become an itch.

The world is a very strange place, Ranga, but India is even stranger, inside and out.

What is an umbrella for? Thou answer, for keeping the head dry. But is it not also useful if upside down or, indeed, furlish?

Remember the water buffalo, Ranga, and that mud is not always dirt.

It is easy to spot a leopard, Ranga, because it is already spotted; but what if it is not?

If thou must stir up a hornet’s nest, do it for a very good reason.

Is not rain wet, and the desert dry?

Then why does thou think that perhaps a pig might sing?

Can a wrong’un be right? And is it sometimes right to be left?

If push comes to shove it is best to ask push not to come.

A mouse is only a little chap, Ranga, but he can turn out all the lights in a very big city quick smart, even though only once.

They say that it is any port in a storm, but is it not also true that too many ports can leave one very much all at sea?

It is cousins thou should be thinking about, Ranga, and their cousins and their cousins and so on and so forth, because very quickly thou will be thinking of the whole world.

Ranga, the sun will rise tomorrow without thou, but with thee it will be brighter.

If thou puts one foot in front of the other, puttar, thou will surely get somewhere.

Does thou know when thou becomes asleep? No. It is the same with love.

Prepare for the dry well of drought as the monsoon unthirsts the fields.

That whole place up there, Ranga, filled with stars and wonders, is as a grain of rice compared to the heart of a child.

Select for your team, Ranga, those who can bowl to a batter, and those who can bat to a bowler, and indeed also select those who can do other things.

Thou should read Mr Kipling’s books, Ranga. He is English, but I still enjoyed every one of them, though Kim is most definitely not Huckleberry Finn.

If something is easy for thou to do, Ranga, do not expect to be respected for doing it.

Some things, Ranga, are even behind memory.

Everyone has a mother and a father, but not everyone knows their mother and father: this is sometimes a good thing.

Maybe it doesn’t matter.

Ah, love or trust, trust or love‌?

Pachyderms listen with their ears and their feet; how does thou listen?

Black is brown, brown is yellow, yellow is white, white is black…and so forth indeed.

Sometimes something is better than nothing, but nothing should never be dismissed out of hand, even though it may not have been there in the first place.

Can a whale stand on one leg, Ranga?

Of course not; nor can thou truly see into my heart.

Do not do or not do what is right for fear, Ranga. Do what is right because it is right. However, if thou do do wrong for right, this is then assuredly like having a dicky knee, or even two.

Is it truth because it is written? Or that it is said by thy father, or teacher?

Or even thy coach?

Without smallnesses there would be no bignesses.

What thou does after a downfalling is who thou are.

Thou will be who thou will be, in the circumstances.

Getting steam up is good, if thou intend to go somewhere.

Do not forget, Ranga, that when thou cannot see me I may see thee. It is the same for everybody, especially with regard to spins bowlers.

If thou wishes to grow rice, Ranga, thou must first get thy feet wet, and, preferably, also muddy indeed.

Do the hands of a clock care what time it is?

Does the bat hate the ball? Does the ball hate the bat? What would one do without the other?

Everything has its sound, Ranga, but thou must listen.

A child is a gift of two people, and of all those back to the First Beings.

There is little to be gained from questioning them, because we all know that sleeping dogs lie.

Writing is a most wonderful thing, but not if thou cannot read.

A shallow lake is not shallow because it is a lake, but because it is shallow, and for several other reasons.

Speak kindly to your father’s rice workers, Ranga, it is they who let you play cricket in Australia.

Be alert to lawyers, because they may say things that you want to hear. This also applies to other people.

Remember, Ranga, your enemy on the field may become your best friend off it.

Judge not, unless thou art a jurist.

What is all this about horsepower, Ranga? Horses are all very well, for polo and prancing and losing one’s turban. But India is bullock power and buffalo power. And what is between one’s ears power.

A river flows into the sea, where it becomes the sea. Though, as we have not seen the sea, this may not be so.

There will always be tomorrow, Ranga, but for no one.

There is always a way.

Family and friends. I need say no more, for the time being.

Your mother brought you into this world, Ranga, but will she take you out of it?

Think, Ranga, about the beginning of a thought, and all its splendid or not so splendid children.

Which is better, Ranga, the hen that finds a tasty morsel and eats it, or the rooster that finds one and gives it to the hen?

Expecting is more powerful than hopefulling.

A tree, Ranga, has a trunk, and arms, and hands, and fingers, just like you, and it has even more things that cannot be seen without destroying it, just like you also.

Understand cricket, understand life.

Whatever you do, Ranga, will be helpful for whatever you do.

A long innings, Ranga, is made up of many short innings.

Mr Churchill did not pay his Bangalore Club bill, but the English robbing the English is not a bad thing, and there is no change.

Does the bullock pull the cart, or the cart push the bullock?

We have more gods than thou can poke a stick at, and that very stick might even be a god indeed.

If thou has only one plan, what does thou do if that plan does not work?

Tomorrow is tomorrow, Ranga, yesterday is yesterday, and today is the day after yesterday and the day before tomorrow, which is to say that it is now or, indeed, then.

Some say that the greatest invention is the wheel – and it is on our flag – but I ask where would that proud wheel go without a modest axle?

Think about tomorrow, Ranga, because there will always be tomorrows, except once.

I play cricket in my head, Ranga, and so should you, but also on the field.

People are confused, Ranga, when they say that wisdom should be on every bookshelf: they mean Wisden.

If youngsters only know hockey, how will they learn to play with a straight bat?!

Not all the fish in the ocean can feed you, Ranga, if thou does not know about oceans.

A peacock has many eyes, a peahen two: which sees more clearly?

There is a beginning, Ranga, and an end, but it is more important what is happening in the middle. It is the same with cricket.

When thou art little it is the lowhanging fruit only, but the stars are there also.

There is an infinity of words, Ranga, but a finity of time: choose carefully which words you use and which time you use them, and remember that even when thou forgets them others will remember.

Beware of holy books, Ranga, because they may not be wholly truthful.

No, Ranga, the most powerful thing cannot be seen.

An old ball can still take wickets.

It is very wise to marry the woman who loves you, Ranga, providing only that you love her also.

If a puzzle becomes a conundrum it can surely be beaten.

Did Nathuram Godse also kill the Mahatma’s dream?

Sometimes thoughts can kill, even great ones…when greater thoughts must be thought.

A fast bowler can be slow, but this is not the case for slow bowlers.

The expected is expected, but the unexpected is more interesting.

English squirrels, they say, gather nuts in May, but what if there are no calendars?

Is it the best to be the jewel in someone else’s crown?

Can cricket be cricket with only three bails? Of course not. It is the same with life: thou must search for the Fourth Bail.

If thou thinks the past is better than the future thou must not be standing under a flying elephant when it unburdens its bowels.

Yes, Ranga, Myna birds can talk, but who listens?

Who does thou believe: the bowler who shouts “LB!� or the batter who suddenly finds a distant but fascinating bird in the sky?

Is it wrong to also benefit when one helps someone else?

We all know about monkey business, but is it really our business or theirs?

The umpire who is also a surgeon is most definitely a man of the most graciously infallible nature.

Lighten thy journey with laughter, and a little amazement, and wonder why a pitch is so long for the bowler and so short and so long for the batter and just about right for the fielder.

There is no doubt Only yesterday, or The year before, that I was young.

Yes, Ranga, thou can say something without saying something: thou art doing so now.

What is a friend? A friend gives before being asked, but there are other things also.

It depends

Yin and yang is good, but positive and negative and negative and positive is better. Inside a positive may be a negative and inside a negative may be a positive. Thou must think on this.

Thou may be a big fish one day, Ranga, but then thou will be a little fish again.

I heard it from my great-uncle’s wife’s older sister’s cousin’s yoga teacher that Australia is full of chooks. When you go to Australia, Ranga, you must find out what these are.

The bat thinks it is better than the ball; the ball thinks it is better than the bat; the bails atop the stumps know the truth.

My face says old, my heart says young; it will be thus with you one day.

Ah, Ranga, now that thou art no longer my young puttar, I return to the Punjab, where being old is not noticeable.

By Ian Burns For children Scratcher Lissie Pendle The Search for Quong Possum and Python The Day and Night Machine Ranga Plays Australia Twevven and the big bigger biggest baby burp Twevven in a very dangerous situation The Package on the Tram For adults Ranga Plays Australia The Alone Man Thomas Bulford’s English Companion Thomas Bulford’s Essays on Life, Language & Love The Wisdom of Harkishen Singh Four Hander (in preparation) All of these are available at http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/ianburns